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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

Entries in this blog

How To Vibrate
 

Random mussings.

Well first off, I take it back: I don't like the spirit squad anymore. Granted, I liked it at first, but the novelty has worn off pretty quick. I guess it's because it's now expected, and not so weird anymore.   Second, the season finale of Masters of Horror last Friday, called "Haeckle's Tale", was disappointing. It started out great, but as it progressed, it became just another zombie story, and really fell apart with it's "Tales from the Crypt" style ending. Oh well, at least there's next season. Anyways, here's my ratings for episodes, 1 being best, and 12 being worst.   1.) Cigarette Burns (directed by John Carpenter) 2.) Fair Haired Child (directed by William Malone) 3.) The Deer Woman (directed by John Landis) 4.) Homecoming (directed by Joe Dante) 5.) Incident on and off a Mountain Road (directed by Don Coscarelli) 6.) Jennifer (directed by Dario Argento) 7.) Dance of the Dead (directed by Tobe Hooper) 8.) Sick Girl (directed by Lucky McKee) 9.) Pick Me Up (directed by Larry Cohen) 10.) Chocolate (directed by Mick Garris) 11.) Haeckel's Tale (directed by John McNaughton) 12.) Dreams in the Witch House (directed by Stuart Gordon)   Anyone else but me watch the series, because I'm the only person here who seemed to talk about it.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Quilombo!

-In good new, it quit snowing over here, and it's warming up some. It's supposed to be somewhere in the 50's later on this week, which puts a smile on my face.   -Ghostrider is the top movie in the box office. I remember seeing the trailer for it when I saw Borat, and for the first time in my life, I found myself hoping a Tyler Perry movie would do better.   Oh well, at least The Abandoned is in theatres Friday.   -Here's Libertarian Stan Jones being a paranoid doof. Read the Youtube comments, because they are a riot. Oh, and LOL Communism.   -It seems like Mick Romney, who's a Republican presidential candidate, is getting heckled because he's Mormon. Look folks, if you are going to heckle someone, make it be because of their Political background instead of their religious one. I'm no Bible Thumper myself, but I have no problem with someone if they have any sort of religion (except Scientology), and when you do shit like this, you just look like a jackass.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Put that thing back in your pants

-Well, things are alright in my world. I'm thinking of finally breaking down and buying an iPod or MP3 player of some sorts, because I'm tired of buying CR-R's   -My brother called me a conservative today because I don't see the draft coming back in the future. Oh, and Newt Gingrich, who as you remember, tried to get Clinton out of office for adultry when he himself was having an affair, says that World War III is inevetible.   -Also, I fucking pisses me off that Bush will veto a bill that allows stem cell research, because of his fucking convictions. Dude, you are the president: forget your religious convictions for a second and just let the bill pass.   -I'm still reading "The Bighead", and it is still sick. So far, there's been more cannibalism, more rape, vomit consumption, necrophillia, breast amputation, a piss enema, a doulbe urinary catherization, a baby having it's brains sucked out, and more. Also, I must have a stomach of cast Iron, because I haven't puked yet.   -I know it's against the law amongst hipsters, but the new Killers single is really catchy.   Well, that's all for now. Next time: a list of overrated horror movies
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Psychic Warfare

I have no idea why this entry is called "psychic warfare" either folks.   -Well, it's back to the old grind for me tomorrow, because that's when classes start. I'm ready though, though I'll most likely be pretty busy. Also, I have roomate named Cameron, who's a pretty nice guy, which is good, since I was worried I'd get a complete asshole as a roomate.   -Happy Arbour day.   -Steve Irwin died. You know, I always thought that he'd die in a non-animal related accident, though the fact that he was killed by an animal doesn't suprise me in the least. The guy was an idiot, but he was a lovable one, and I always strangely admired how he straddled the line between bravery and stupidity with his antics. So RIP Steve.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Post Thanksgiving Day Entry

-Well, yesterday was Thanksgiving. Really, that's it for me. Nothing bad happened. Relatives came by, nobody got into any arguments, and things were fine. I ate too many peanuts though, and I'm paying for it today, if you catch my drift.   -I got Edward Lee's Coven in the mail today. I'll start reading it tonight, and give you updates as it goes on, and a review once I'm done.   -In the music front, I've been listening to Unquestionable Precence by Athiest lately. While Death Metal normally isn't me kind of thing, I'm liking this, especially the jazz inspired chord progressions.   -Saw Borat Wednesday, making it the second time I've seen it. It's still hilarious. Not the funniest movie ever, but it still rules regardless, and is the funniest movie I've seen this year, though most of this years comedies have sucked.   -Finally, it seems like Coffey was banned for being an asshole. I haven't been in the Wrestling folders much lately, so I really just can't bring myself to care.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Post Super Bowl Extravagenza, or Prince Kicks Ass

-Well, the Super Bowl was on last night, and the Colts won. The game itself was lackluster, IMO. The highlight of course, was Motherfucking Prince. After a series of shitty halftime shows, his Majesty shows the Stones and McCarthy how it's done. The second he dropped the mic and played guitar, I marked out bigtime.   The commercials were largely dissapointing, for the most part. The Futuristic Coke commercial was ass, and the commecial with Federline was suprisingly amusing, but still lame. The best one though, was Letterman with Oprah. Next to Prince, it was the highlight of the night, because no one saw coming.   -In other news, I took a midterm today, and I'm feeling alright about it. I hopefully did good, or at least passed. Now, off to do a bunch of essay papers...   -Season 2 of "Masters of Horror" is over, and it ended in a disappointing way. A shame that what could have been a good season finale was ruined by poor acting and a series of Japanese horror cliches.   -Joe Biden is the next to throw his hat in the Presidential race. The good news for him: He stands a better chance than Kucinich the Munchkin. The bad news: He sucks as a candidate, and stands no chance in hell.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Post Christmas, and RIP James Brown

-James Brown is gone. Here's a guy who was a real innovator, and one of Music's most important figures. You wouldn't have a lot of the music you listen to if it weren't for him, just remember that. RIP Godfather of Soul.   -In lighter news, I had a decent Christmas. Got an IPod, a CD, and a T-Shirt. I wasn't feeling too festive, since I've had some problems sleeping. I'm currently wondering why I never got an IPod earlier, because this thing rules.   -"The Descent" is out on DVD today. If you haven't seen it, be sure to see it, because it's the best damn horror movie you are going to see all year.   -Religious Groups got their panties in a bunch over the remake of "Black Christmas" that's out right now. That reminds me, did anyone see it? I would, but I usually hate the idea of remaking a classic. Granted, there's some good remakes out there, but still...   I'm sure it's better than "Turistas"    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Popular and unpopular opinions

Here's some opinions some will agree with, and some won't. Remember, these are only opinions.   -I hate it when I hear white guys talk about how hard they have it, and how they think black people are holding them down. To those guys: you will never know what real oppression is.   -Also, to those who complain about black people not getting over the racism of the past and the present: 400 years is a long time.   -Everyone on Late night TV is watchable except for Leno. What does everybody see in this guy?   -When I saw the previews for the moivie "Little Man", I thought "Wow, Hollywood really doesn't know anything about Black People"   -I feel bad for Jon Stewart, because most of his audience is now made up of Che Guvera t-shirt wearing, college fucks who don't know anything about the real world except for whatever bullshit Michael Moore has to say. Oh, and Nader fanboys.   -I'm sick of hearing "Conservative Media" and "Liberal Media". The media is the media. Enough of your persecution complex.   -Kathie Griffin may be one of the most annoying women on Earth.   -Most athiest on the internet are idiots. I'm talking about some of the ones you find on Fark, who seem to think that because they are an athiest, that it gives them the right to be an asshole, and the whole Pastafarian thing. You know what: I don't give a flying fuck that you don't believe in God, ok? Just because you don't doesn't mean that you need to be a jackass to anyone who isn't. Then again, most of the athiests on the internet are high school NOFX fans who are mad that their parents made them go to church. What I'm trying to say is that I feel the same way about athiests that I do about most Christians: If you realize that what you do (or don't) believe does not mean you have to be an asshole, then you on my cool book. ell, I'm friends with several athiests, and they all kick ass.   Oh, and yes, I think that the whole Patafarian thing is stupid. Again it's my opinion. I mean really, it's just a lamer version of the Church of Sub-Genius.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

People I have on ignore-and why.

I have posters on ignore, and for obvious reasons. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Here's who and why:   Deon-Every post he makes is horrible. He annoys me in every way. In a way, he is the worst poster on TSM who has never been banned. C-Bacon-"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff"-Frank Zappa. Think about that Bacon. cabbageboy-I've known of his badness for a while, and just recently put him on ignore. He's a pretty bad poster, especially in the movie and WWE folders-which are known for having bad posters. razazteca-He seems to have disappeared. Maybe I should put him off ignore. VanHalen-Also M.I.A. Should have been named VanCherone. Banky-Hard to enjoy the music folder without him on ignore. The Truthiness-Put him on ignore last night. I am fully convinced he is a gimmick. Here's people I should have on ignore, and probably will someday.  CheesalaisGood-I am absolutely certain this man is a truther. Narcoleptic Jumper-He is a truther. Enigma-Would make going to the WWE folder more enjoyable. EHME-Do I really need to explain? Marvinisalunatic-Ditto, though he's a little less annoying lately.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Pay Your Respects to the Vultures, For They are Your Future

-Czech, NYU, Danny Dubya, and CWM are now running things here. I like that. Pay your respects.   -I've been doing more reviews on IMDB lately, mostly of weird, obscure horror movies, though I also did one recently of "Leonard Part 6."   -Marvin will be suspended soon. Honestly, I'm suprised the guy hasn't been banned yet. He managed to become the 2nd worst poster on this board (worst is still Deon), though for a while, Marvin was the worst.   Also: Come on Deon, Will Farrell as an avatar? Oh wait, this is Deon...   -Now that the list of best moments in music, I'll most likely do a list of underrated/underappreciated albums.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Paul is (Not) Dead

-Well, Paul was banned, then unbanned. For those who don't know what the hell I'm talking about, check out The Chocolate Socket. Also, I hate the title of that board.   Anyways, it's weird. He was banned for being a PBP, I still don't know which one, and now he's back. My contruibution: Pictures and random quotes. I'm going to move up to song lyrics next.   Also, I never really have paid too much attention to Paul. Don't Hate him, not a huge fan of him, he's just kind of there to me.   -That out of the way, the current best thread right now is the "Best Albums of 2006" thread. Check out my picks, and honerable mentions.   -Well, it seems like right-wing pundits are already trying to smear Obama. While I like the guy, I doubt he's perfect. That out of the way, leave him alone already.   -Oh yea, "The Descent" comes out on Tuesday. If you haven't seen it yet, go check it out. I promise, you won't regret it.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Part two of the worst feuds in wrestling history

DDP vs. Evad-You see, Paige cheated to win some cash, or whatever (it's been a long time, so i don't really remember everything), and Kevin Sullivan's lovable (re. annoying) brother falls for Kimberly. Or something like that. All in all, a bad imitation of the Savage vs. Steele feud.   HHH vs. Kane -aka "Kane fucked Katie". One of the most tasteless moments in wrestling history, and not in a fun trashy way. I mean the kind of tasteless that makes you hate yourself for watching it.   Ed Ferrera vs. Medusa-You know, people may complain that the current cruiserweight division in WWE is a joke, but compared to WCW during the Russo years, it's the Super J Cup . Add to the fact that it all had a non-wrestler who's also a booker putting himself over and winning a belt that once gave us some awesome matches, and you get this shitstain in the history of wrestling.   Stone Cold vs. Vince for Jim Ross's job-Pointless bullshit that at least gave us the return of Joey Styles. The feud itself, though short, gave us moments (particularly "Vince pull's things out of "J.R.'s ass") that were almost Katie Vick levels of bad. In the end though, Ross is back, and I'm still hoping for the day when Lawler is caught fucking a 14 year old girl, causing him to be fired.   Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel-Included thanks to the suggestion from Culloden Hastings.   And that's all the feuds. Next time: unpopualr and popular opinions.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

One Dark Night (Day 8)

08.) One Dark Night (1983)

Plot: A sorority initiation goes horribly wrong when the body of Russian Occultist Karl "Raymar" Rhamarevich returns-as do some corpses that he controls.

Review: "One Dark Night" is a movie that is so 80's, you're surprised those annoying "I Love The 80's" shows didn't tell bad jokes about it. It's got an 80's look, everyone dresses like it's the 80's, it has a fun cast (Meg Tilly! Elizabeth G. Daily! Adam West-yes, that Adam West), and a plot that could only come out of the 80's.

The movie does have it's share of flaws. Well for starters, the fact that Raymar can cause corpses to awaken, float, and do his general bidding via telekineses is original. Thing is, it ends up being floating corpse dolls/models "attacking" their victims. While it's hilarious at first, it loses it's charm the 3rd or 4th time around. Also, Raymar isn't that frightening or interesting, though the dated optical effects accompanying him are amusing.

That's not to say that it's a disaster. In fact, I ended up enjoying it some. The direction by Tom (Friday the 13th Part 6) McLoughlin is solid lively, and the dead themselves are appropriately drippy and gross. The acting is also pretty good (again, a really fun cast), and the final scare works pretty well.

"One Dark Night" is pure 80's cheese. It might not be perfect, but it's fun, and would make a great triple feature with The Dead Pit and the underrated Sole Survivor.

Rating: Either 6.5 or 7/10. A flawed but watchable piece of 80's fluff.


Tomorrow: Das Komabrutale Duell
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

On Lieberman, and other things

-In case you've been living under a rock for the past week and a half, Joe "I look just like Max Wright from Alf" Lieberman got his ass handed to him by Lamont. While some in the media talked about his pro-war stance, let's not forget that   -He loves censorship. Really, he's one of the reasons we have ratings on video games now. -He's not a big fan of Clinton -He looks like Droopy Dog   While I have no sympathy for the guy, I find it funny that it seems like the only position the Democrats can seem to agree on any more is Anti-War. We have yet to see most of them make a stand or stance on just about anything at this point.   Also, Ted Kennedy recently attacked Cheney for his comments on Lamont. While I'm all for ripping on Gargoyle, I don't think that Kennedy is the best choice to criticize.   -No, I'm not going to remind folks to see "The Descent", because I'm sure that some of you folks have already seen it. For those who did: I told you that it's great.   -It seems like there is an upcoming settlement between Isreal and Hezbollah. Well folks, it isn't going to last long. Hezbollah will just attack again in the future, and the U.N. and the governments of the world will continue to wonder why there is so much conflict. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's just common sense, but there has always been conflict in the Middle East, and there will always be. Me, I have no idea how to fix things. Hell, I don't think things ever will be fixed. Some might call that negative thinking, I call it the truth.   That's all for now. Next time: A look at the movies of Dario Argento.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

on conspiracy theories

Well, there's a thread in the Current Events folder that deals with a new "documentary" movie called "loose Change", which says Bush caused 9/11.   You know, I've never believed in conspriracy theories (except for JFK), and for many reasons. Here's a few reasons why:   1.) They lack logic. Sure, people will tell you that they think the Bush administration bombed the WTC on 9/11. Thing is, there are three things that prove this to be bullshit, Actually, there are others, but here are the three reasons that come to my head right now.   -The fact that we saw fucking planes hit the WTC. Come on, the impact itself would make any building, no matter how large it is, collapse. Look up the facts. Scientists themselves have proven all of these theoris wrong. -The fact that the Government wouldn't attack something that is helpful to the economy, or it's own Country. Come on, I may hate Bush, but he's not that stupid, and he's not that evil. Oh, and another thing conspiracy theorists: Prove that there was missle that attacked the Pentagon. You can't, and that's because there was FUCKING PLANE WRECKAGE THERE, YOU PARANOID SHIT EATING FUCKING ASSHOLES. DO YOU FUCKERS EVEN CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES ON THAT DAY? DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU LOONEY CONSPIRACIES UNDERMINE THE DEATHS OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE? -The fact that Al-Qaeda pretty much said that they were the ones responsible.   2.) Many of them are Anti-Semetic. That's right, one of the most popular 9/11 conspiracy theories right now is that the Jews caused it. If history has proven has taught me anything, it's that no matter what horrible event happens in history, then their are people who will blame the Jews. They'll blame them on Pearl Harbor, Katrina, The crash of the Hindenburg, the assassinations of JFK and Lincoln-pretty much just about anything bad you can think of, there are people who will blame it on the jews.   3.) The fact that you can't cover something up for a long time. Let's face it, most people can't keep a secret or a lie for a long time, and nobody can keep a secret of a conspiracy level magnitude for very long. It's just the truth.   In the end, I have this to say: Conspiracy Theories are bullshit. The government didn't cause 9/11. The Holocaust did happen, no matter what it's deniers tell you. We did land on the moon. Extraterrestrials are not abducting rednecks in cornfields. Conspiracy Theories are bullshit, and every one who thinks that they are the stone cold truth is a nutcase who should be locked up in a looney bin.   Oh, and one more thing to the 9/11 conspiracy theorists: Even Oliver Stone thinks that your theories are bullshit. Let that sink in for a while.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

Oh Baby I like it Raaaawwww

Well, it looks like RVD will face whoever's champ on ONS. So far, it look's like we have 3 choices. Let's take a look at them, and how well they fit on ONS.   1.) HHH-Let's it folks, this one has a good chance of happening. Right now, I'm actually digging Trips as a cocky, arrogant heel, and he hasn't done any overdone mic time lately. He'll go over fine with the fans as a heel, though I don't see him losing to RVD unfortunately. That out of the way, RVD has kind of soured out on me since his return.   2.) Cena-This would be interesting, though I don't see it happening. In spite of what rumors say, I don't see him turning heel. Kind of a shame though, as he hasn't really been over 100% as a face lately, and would probably make a decent heel, as a heel turn would most likely rejuvinate his career. Plus, imagine the heat he would get at ONS. He's basically everything representing the WWE like it or not, so imagine him in front of rabid ECW fans, especially against RVD. That would be awesome.   3.) Edge-This is the best choice, IMO. The guy's the best heel on Raw, is excellent on the mic, and even has hardcore cred thanks to his hardcore match with Foley. Plua, Lita used to work for ECW, so she could put down the ECE fans along with Edge, and bring up the old days (no, not her old lockeroom activities). Unfortunately, this porobably won't happen, as HHH keeps putting him down, and seems a bit threatened by him to me.   Well, that's it for now.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Obama is President

Yep, he's president. Deal with it. I don't want to hear any dumb "Osama" jokes kkktookmybabyaway, or any others. I do want to know how The Pit is taking it though, so let me know that.   This is pretty big news. If you don't realize this, then you are an idiot. If you don't like it, then tough shit. I'm happy at the moment. I will say though: McCain went out with grace, and Palin (Leena looks up to her BTW-bitch please) looked pissed. Free Republic is having a meltdown. I'm amazed Marvin hasn't killed himself or that Marney isn't plotting assasination (yet.) The Campaign 08 thread is where it belongs. Cynthia McKinney is still a joke, anyone who really thinks Bob Barr had changed is a sucker, Nader-it's like beating a dead horse. Czech, after months of bitching about Obama, voted for Obama. Marney probably muttered "fucking niggers." I almost feel bad for McCain. MikeSC is probably more paranoid than usual. Al Franken didn't win after all (I guess voters remembered "Stuart Saves His Family"), and I'm eally busy at the moment. And happy.   So congrats Obama.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

8
How To Vibrate
 

Night of the Sorcerers (Day 16)

16.) Night of the Sorcerers (1973)

Plot: A team of researchers go to Africa end up running into Leopard Vampire Goddesses and their zombie minions.

Review: From the man who gave us the "Blind Dead" series comes "Night of the Sorcerers", a wonderfully tacky exploitation mini-masterpiece.

First things first: this movie will offend some people. The African natives are portrayed stereotypically (you expect somebody to say "where all the white women at?" at any point"), with grass skirts, masks, voodoo rituals, and kidnapping white women, among other things. Those sensitive to such things should avoid this.

Those who fully embrace exploitation movies though, may have a blast. Yes, it's gleefully politically incorrect, but it's an exploitation movie. What do you expect? While there may not be a huge amount of zombie action, the movie fulfills it's exploitation elements: whippings, rape, zombies, vampirism, orgiastic voodoo ceremonies, gory beheadings, a face melted by acid, gratuitous nudity, melodramatic overacting, a fun score, hot chicks in leopard skin bikinis-what's not to love?

"Night of the Sorcerers" is not for everyone, but those who love exploitation at it's cheesiest will be in heaven.

Rating: 8/10 A real blast for fans of Eurotrash cinema.

Come back tomorrow for: The Dead Hate The Living.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Night of the Creeps (Day 1)

31 Days of the Dead starts...now.     01.) Night of the Creeps (1986)  Plot: Alien space worms enter people through their mouths (insert penis joke here), turning them into malicious zombies. Can Det. Ray Cameron (Tom Atkins) save the day?   Review: If you love 80's horror, you've most likely seen this. It's not on DVD yet (legal problems apparently) , which is a shame, as it's a 80's horror classic.   So, what makes it work? Well, for one thing, the one liners (especially the "The good news" quote seen in the tagline. The acting is good for the large part, especially Atkins, who has a ball with the character he plays. The movie also has some (rather obvious) references to older B-Movies ("Plan 9 From Outer Space" for example) and noted directors, but it never hurts the movie.   Director Fred Dekker went on to make The Monster Squad, which is on DVD. While that's great, it would be even better if this one was as well.   Final Verdict: 9/10. A nearly perfect B-Movie classic that every horror fan should see.   Tomorrows movie: Resident Evil: Extinction.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Night of the Comet (Day 30)

30.) Night of the Comet (1984)

Plot: After a Comet destroys much of the population, two valley girls must fend for their lives against the living dead.

Review Remember when I said "One Dark Knight" was the most 80's movie to be reviewed here? I was wrong. That award goes to Thom ("Sole Survivor") Eberhardt's Sci-Fi Horror/Comedy cult classic "Night of the Comet", with its 80's soundtrack, dialogue, hair, clothes, etc.

The movie itself really isn't a horror movie. Sure, there's zombies, but at the end of the day, this is more of a comedy if anything. That out of the way, the dead aren't treated like a joke, and thankfully avoid being reduced to pratfalls and bad slapstick humor. The dead are pretty smart themselves, as they can fire guns, talk, and much more. Well, a few can, such as Willy and his gang. Willy by the way, gets away with great one liners ("I'm not crazy. I just don't give a fuck!" "Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.") Shame he kicks the bucket-again.

The movie is largely light hearted, and the cast have a ball with it, while fortunately not overselling or mugging for the camera. Also, there' a scene in a shopping mall, but unlike Romero, director Eberhardt is not interested in biting social commentary. He just wants to entertain you.

"Night of the Comet" may lack the eerie atmosphere of Eberhardt's previous entry in zombie movies "Sole Survivor", but it makes up for it with campy fun.

Rating: 8/10 "Daddy would have gotten us Uzis."

Tomorow, the final movie is: You'll see.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
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