7:45 p.m.
• Of course, I haven’t talked about the most important thing regarding this year’s Super Bowl: How were the ads? Not good, I’m afraid. Below are my opinions regarding this year's batch.
“Reception” by Bud. Whatever.
“Class Mencia” by Bud. I knew where this was going five seconds into this ad, and I like Carlos Mencia so I’m probably a bit biased with this one. One of my preferred ads, but that’s not saying much with this year's crop.
“Live the Flavor” by Doritos. Was this the homemade ad that aired? If so, it wasn’t half bad. Hell, if that chick would have been on all fours for the entire 30 seconds, this would be my favorite commercial of the night.
“Snickers Super Bowl Ad.” Retarded. And no, it’s not because I’m a homophobe. I’m all about making fun of rednecks, those with mullets or other semblances of white trash, but it just wasn’t all that humorous.
“Rock Paper Scissors” by Bud. Eh.
“But He has Bud Light.” This one was so-so up until the end when the Ax guy comments on Chainsaw Man. That got a laugh out of me.
“Fist Bump” by Bud. Fist bump in the face the people that came up with this one.
“Coca-Cola Videogame.” I thought the ad was dumb, but I did like the animation, if that makes any sense.
“RollinVIP” by Nationwide. Fuck the fast-food haters, I liked this one. A lot. And until this ad I had never heard the former Mr. Spears talk.
“Comb-Over” by Sierra Mist. And that Ian Black guy goofs on other people from decades past?
“We’re Obsessed with Quality” by GM. The only thing that made me laugh is knowing that union workers are “obsessed with quality.” Otherwise, awful.
“Dalmation” by Bud. I’m sure a lot of people liked this one, but not me. Nothing wrong with having dogs in your ads, though.
“Boogeyman” by Emerald Nuts. “Robert Goulet appears and messes with your stuff.” What the hell? I’m saying “what the hell” in a good way, mind you.
“Check Out Girl” by Doritos. I guess this won that hippie contest, too. I liked the first one better. Much better. Get this chick down on all fours and you can put a saddle on her. ... After getting that image into my head, I think I might have to amend my previous sentence.
“New Steak Grilled Taquitos” by Taco Bell. Similar to the Dalmatian ad, I’m sure people liked this one; I just didn’t.
“Promotion Pit” By Career Builder. I don’t really care for this ad, but having gone through the experiences I have in the past three years at my place of employment, I think I like these kinds of ads more than I normally would if I were working at some place not headed up by fucking idiots. The “delivery guy” earned a chuckle.
“Generic Ad Name” by Garmin. Was over-the-top and dumb, but that’s a good thing. I approve.
“King Crab” by Bud. Didn’t care for it. Then again, I’m not a beer drinker so my opinion on these Bud ads may be tainted.
“Not What it Seems” by FedEx. There have been some funny FedEx ads like this in the past, but this ain’t one of them.
“Happiness Factory" By Coca-Cola. The fuck? People spent money making this shit?
“Darts & Jungle” by Career Builder. Not as well-liked as the above Career Builder. The “lemming shot” was good, though.
“Great Apes” by Bud. Stupid.
“Moon Office” by FedEx. Ugh. Stick to the “office-type” ads.
“Finger” by E-Trade. Wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great. I was waiting for the "middle finger" reference.
“Go Daddy.” I’ve never liked these Go Daddy ads. Hey, let’s put a chick with big tits in front of a camera wearing one of our shirts! See, with the Doritos ad I mentioned above dealing with the chick on all fours, that image was only on for a second, leaving much to the imagination. If you’re going to exploit big-chested women with nothing in-between their ears and an inferno in-between their legs, at least make it somewhat amusing.
“Hard to Say Goodbye” by the NFL. The Radier scenes were cute.
“Car Wash” by Chevy. Dreadful.
“Connectile Dysfunction” by Sprint. This is one of my favorite ads of the lot, if only because it’s goofing on all those four-hour boner ads. Or at least that’s my opinion of what they were trying to get across.
“Performance Evaluation” by Career Builder. I didn’t see this one during the game; I think this is my favorite Career Builder ad so far.
“Tundra Ramp” by Toyota. Those ads didn’t do it for me. Then again, I don’t beat off to vehicles that have oodles of horsepower and all that other shit.
“Karate” by Sierra Mist. They thought it was a good idea to make more than one Ian Black ad? I'm going to pretend that guy who makes fun of Hot Pockets weren't in these ads, too.
“Black History Timeline” by Coca-Cola. Do I really need to comment on this one?
“Autograph” by Foot Locker. No.
“JayZ vs. Shula” by Bud. Didn’t see this one during the game. Eh.
“Wild Hogs Movie.” The “But all I could think of was black jokes” line was amusing, but otherwise, ugh.
“Bank Robbery” by E-Trade. I feel for what they were trying to do, so I’m not going to hate on it…
“Meet the Robinsons Movie.” … But I WILL hate on this. What the fuck?!
“Green Tea” by Snapple. “It’s on the back of the bottle.” I knew it was coming, but the Jap's delivery was solid.
“See Saw” by Toyota. See my previous Toyota comment.
“Ain’t We Got Love” by Chevy. I really liked this one. Way, way more better than “This is Our Country.” I marked out when I heard LL.
“Orange County Choppers” by HP. So Orange County Choppers is a motorcycle business? I always wondered what those clothing items were pimping.
“Beat Your Heart Risk” by some hippie organization. Who made this shit?
“A Man’s Walk” by Van Heusen. The old “re-wind the ad” trick. Sorry, but I liked it better when alcohol companies did it with ads showing who the designated driver would be in a group of friends.
“Pride Movie.” First there was the football movie “Remember the Titans” that showed us the evils of RACISM. Then there was “Glory Road,” taking us through the struggles of black people playing college basketball. Now there’s a SWIMMING movie about this subject?
“Fuel Efficient Cars are the Shizzle,” by Honda. Oh boy, another ad showing a bunch of cars driving across barren land in pretty patterns. Click.
“Hannibal Rising.” I’m not a huge Hannibal fan, but I’ll watch these movies. I won’t watch them in a theater though. This will be a DVD’er.
“Men of the Year” by the United Way. Fuck this commie organization and their sexist hiring practices.
“Sales Genie.” Retarded. Simply retarded.
“Sheryl Crow Ad” by Revlon. I hate Sheryl Crow. Really, really, really hate her. Almost as much as I hate nl-asshole. That’s all I’m going to say about this one.
“Honda CR-V.” At least it had that “Hunka Burning Love” song. That’s about all I can say about this one.
“Flomax Ad.” Oh for Christ’s sake. Another one of these “Here’s to men” ads with them doing gay things like biking and boating. And they’re drinking WATER! I hate these ads. You know when the cameras stop rolling they’re all BUTT-fucking each other. “Real men” go out in the woods drinking bear, hunting defenseless animals and don’t care about having to go to the bathroom because they just piss in the bushes. Then again, I really wouldn’t know because I don’t hunt. But I bet that's what they do. And BUTT-fuck each other, of course.
OK, now let me scan through this list and come up with my insta-top five ads.
5) “Boogeyman,” by Emerald Nuts.
4) “Green Tea,” by Snapple.
3) “RollinVIP” by Nationwide.
2) “Connectile Dysfunction,” by Sprint.
1) “Ain’t We Got Love,” by Chevy.
9 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 36: Vitamin X
This may seem like an odd one to some, especially considering how much he queered up this year’s TSM Poster Tournament. Sorry, but I did not dig this hippie bracketing/seeding shit; that was part of the beauty with Chave’s previous efforts. Each round you didn’t know who was matching up against whom. Which poster would you vote for – the one who posts a bunch regarding sports, or that other member who always was good for a laugh in the LSD folder? This season it just seemed, eh. However, like I said earlier, it’s his contest so it’s his rules. He has complained about the postseason process in my NFL pick ‘em league before, and there’s no way I’m changing the way my contest going to be done, so in the end we’re all even-steven. But I guess I’m supposed to say nice things about V-X; well, many of his people value freedom and opportunity. This is evident by them trying to get away from their shit hole of a country some 90 miles off the coast of Florida in the most imaginative ways possible. Ironically though, V-X would rather live in an America that resembles the commie commune many of his people risk their lives trying to flee. But I have a soft spot in my heart for Cubans. I’d take “those people” coming over on homemade rafts made out of kitchen tubs and wooden boards than those African chicks seeking asylum just because their “culture” gave them circumcisions. Oh boo-hoo, someone took out my clit -- just walk it off and get back in the kitchen. Besides, women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex anyway, and if they want to then they just become lesbians. What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah. V-X. Wait, did I say anything positive about him? Well, I’m sure someone from my panel will. At least I hope they do or else this selection would seem rather silly.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Carnival:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
8:30 p.m.
• Well, Pitt won. BOY THEY SURE SHOWED A LOT OF HEART! <{ <{ <{ <{
I'll laugh if they play UCLA in the next round, considering that guy coaching the Bruins used to be the Panthers' head coach.
8:15 p.m.
• Pitt basketball -- lol. They are playing VCU in overtime, so I don't know how this game will end, but watching the Panthers collapse in the second half (I think they were up by 19 points at one point) made me laugh. I loved how the announcers just said some guy from Pitt just made a three-pointer and commented on his "heart." This is the same player who missed two free-throws with just seconds left in regulation. Yeah. It also annoys me when sportscasters oftentimes say this about the smallest player on the court/field. "Oh, that so-and-so has got the BIGGEST HEART out there." Oh fuck that shit. So a big person can't have any "heart"? Kiss my ass. Just because God made me taller than my opponent that doesn't mean I slouch in my on-the-court efforts. OK, well maybe I did, but I'm sure there are big people out there that tired harder than their smaller opponents. That sports broadcasting line is almost as annoying as the "Oh, I sure wouldn't want to be facing THAT TEAM in the playoffs." Gag, that line makes me want to stab a person's eyes out.
4:45 p.m.
• Mrs. kkk is dealing with a cold, and I had to scoot off to the store for Dayquil and a McDonald’s two cheeseburger value meal (whenever she gets sick, some transfatty fries seem to be just the cure). As I walked into the store I saw a sight that shook me down to my very core while employed in the food-service industry.
Several tables filled with children.
Unless you served up value meals for an extended period of time, you don’t know what it’s like. Trust me. Waiting on families with young children is the worst fucking thing in this world. Not only are kid’s meals a pain in the ass to prepare but most of the time the parents have no control over their heathen spawn so you have to stand there and try to get their complete order while the soccer mom is trying to round up these little demons. I just thank my lucky stars I was out of this line of work before all those Beanie Baby promotions. Good Christ, I would have killed someone. But I digress.
So as I went to the counter I noticed that one line had no customers behind these two guys. I’m pretty good at spotting the quickest line, and I figured that I was fortunate that I entered right when one customer was leaving and I was on the tail end of a line moving up. There were no signs that there were any special orders going down, and there was only one tray by them at the counter. Then I saw two other trays being prepared with about a dozen happy meals being loaded. FUCK.
Sometimes you beat the line game. Sometimes the line game makes you its bitch. Oh well, what doesn’t kill me only makes me wiser. And besides, this extended time I spent at the Golden Arches getting the better half’s lunch was well worth it because while I was gone she got a phone call from her mother that made for some interesting meal-time conversation, which I will sum up below.
It was bound to happen. The out-of-control niece-in-law had yet another fight with her on/off boyfriend, and to “get back at him” she broke into her crackwhore mother’s Xanax supply, swallowed the stash, smoked some crack (according to her story), drove to her part-time beau’s parent’s house (which is where he was staying for spring break) and caused a ruckus. After my laughter died down from hearing this, I was told that she was eventually rushed to the emergency room due to her overdose and will be headed to the psycho ward for a mandatory 72-hour lockup, or whatever it’s called, after she comes off her high. As the better half was telling me this story, she said something I never thought I would hear in a million years from her.
“Boy am I glad I now have your family’s name.”
You got to be kidding me. The same kkk family name that I avoid like the plague? The same family that feels a night is wasted if a bar fight isn’t involved? The same family that gave me shit for not wearing a trenchcoat to my grandmother’s recent funeral? This is the family Mrs. kkk is glad to be named after? Then again, when the niece-in-law was cuffed to her hospital bed the police officers in the room took note of the niece’s last name and said that they knew her crackwhore mother. And I guess the new job she was just hired for – hostess at one of those fancy smacny chain restaurants – will be over before it even starts (she was put on this week’s schedule). Such a shame. Truly.
As I'm typing this, I got "Night of the Living Baseheads" playing. Awesome.
7 p.m.
• So during the summer months Mrs. kkk helps out at her church’s fund-raising events, such as grilling get-togethers and Bingo events. Yesterday was another such “burger bash.” Hey, don’t knock these seemingly insignificant community events. These three-hour activities produce well over 3,000 burgers, not including beverages and other snacks -- all of which are donated. (I know, we always have to get Pepsi when it’s on sale for these events.) Why am I talking about this? Well Steve O'Donnell, the Democrat running against my Republican congressman, Tim Murphy, made an appearance at this event yesterday and did the usual schmoozing all politician-hopefuls do at these events. He even went back where the grilling was taking place, which PISSED OFF just about everyone there, according to Mrs. kkk. Keep up the good work O’Donnell – people don’t want to be reminded about politics when they’re at places like this.
Speaking of Murphy, I don’t know whether to say “atta boy” or worry that he’s just another RINO. From June 11:
Actually, the guy is a bit of a RINO, but this is southwestern Pennsylvania. I’ll take any Republican when I can get ‘em. I remember back in 2006 Murphy’s television ads involved him talking about health care and other stuff the old people around these parts bitch about.
• Now this was odd. Last year I got some uber-deal with a bunch of digital channels for not much more than my basic package. A few weeks ago I went to downgrade my cable package because even though the extra channels are nice they aren’t worth the extra money. I was instead going to go to the basic bundle package – standard digital cable, Internet and phone service. When I spoke with the Comcast rep he said that there were no bundles to downgrade to and that I should wait until August 3 because that’s when my current bundle deal expired. OK then.
Today I called to downgrade and the lady I spoke with said I could just keep my current bundle deal for another year. Well almighty then. What surprised me was that in January I got a letter notifying me of upcoming rate hikes, and the bundle package I had back then (and now) was jacked up almost $50. You know what – I’m not going to ask. At least I get to watch NFL Network for at least another year.
• Speaking of the NFL Network, I watched some of the recent Hall of Fame inductions this weekend. With Art Monk’s speech, in which a drinking game could be made on all the times he make Jesus references, it got me thinking: Would we be so quick to applaud a Muslim inductee? “Praise be Allah for allowing me this great honor.” Yeah, that’ll go over well.
Then again, the Muslim inductee wouldn’t need the aid of the Hall of Fame setting off fireworks – I’m sure he’d supply his own explosives.
By the way, I always liked Art Monk and don’t care one bit about the “thanks to God” remarks. However, whenever I hear athletes talk about their love for Jesus I can’t help but think about the only Onion article I ever found funny, which had the headline “Athlete Blames God For Team’s Loss.”
Speaking of thinking about a different subject, whenever I saw TSM’s Bennigan’s thread, here was the first thing that popped into my mind.
Oh, yeah. Here was my second thought. (If someone can find a video clip of this that I can put in this post, please let me know. I gave up looking after a few searches.)
7 p.m.
• So this week I finally said goodbye to an old friend from my college days. And good fucking riddance. For those that experienced the ol’ university system, or for those that are currently going through this ordeal, you undoubtedly had a buddy or two that would freeload off of you and your other pals.
Well I finally said “No, Mooch” to my very own version. Every month or so this bastard would pop up and ask for some money. Sure giving him some cash every now and then didn’t break my budget, but Jesus Christ – get a job!
Who was this friend?
My school loan.
After paying off the better half’s credit card debt we spent the next year or so building up a decent rainy day fund. The next step was to put away enough money to pay off the car and my school loan. At the time there were about six payments left on the car, and by the time the final payment would be made there would also be enough cash saved up to pay off the school loan. Of course, the car was ONE PAYMENT away from being paid off when all hell broke loose (another entry for another time), so a car payment is back on the slate. However, I was hell-bent on getting rid of this goddamn school loan by the end of this year. I guess it makes matters worse considering I loathe my alma mater. I went to a community college for two years post-high school while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. After two years I took my credits and transferred to a local school that I thought would provide a good education.
Boy was I wrong.
After about a year I realized what a terrible decision I made. Now was time to make a choice: Stick it out for another year-and-a-half or transfer to some other cesspool and spend even more money getting a piece of paper that’s tucked away somewhere in my house, either in a storage closet or the fruit cellar. (Yeah, I keep a bunch of queers in my basement.)
Once I graduated it was time to make those monthly payments. I never paid them any mind; I simply made the monthly payment. After I while when my degree was proving worthless in my search for gainful employment I began to get pissed at having to pay $109.47 each month to a place that I loathed to attend.
Not any more. Thanks to a one-time $5,100 payment.
Now I won’t have to see that monthly bill any more, reminding me of those two-and-a-half years of shit I went through. Boo-hoo. (Those nights leaving the Quickie-Mart at 2 a.m. only to get on a bus five hours later to attend an 8 a.m. class were especially fun.) But now the only reminders I have of that shit hole of an institution are when they send me alumni updates asking me for more money. I’m still waiting for the day when some poor student calls me during an alumni donation drive.
11 p.m.
• So I was listening to an archived Dennis Miller radio show from earlier this week, and he had a few callers talk about their days working at a GM/Chrysler/etc. plant, where the unions don’t care what goes on as long as you pay your dues. Were these callers really ex-Big Labor workers? Who knows. But my favorite was this chick who said, “I was the first manager at Chrysler, err, I mean a major automotive plant.” Oh, that was smooth. She said “Big plant” once more, then Miller said, “Was it Chrysler.” Great delivery – made me laugh out loud.
Later on in the afternoon I was listening to a local RIGHT-WING RADIO host who was taking calls from some PISSED OFF people because their government schools were going to be invaded by some city folk. Here’s the story in more detail.
Part of me feels for these people who are about to have more students go to their school. Duquesne is a shit hole, and I’m sure these students will drag down the quality of the other two schools they populate, even though I’m not sure how good West Mifflin and East Allegheny are regarding academics. I'm sure people who call these detractors "RACISTS" would do the same thing if a similar event would take place in their township. However, this is what happens when your child is enrolled in a government school. The show's highlight was some kid who was reading from a piece of paper about something-or-other about this issue to the host. The host asked, “are you reading off a piece of paper?” The caller said no, which prompted the host to say, “it sounds like you’re reading something to me.” The caller responded, “It’s all from the brain,” then made that “Ptttth" noise you make with your tongue before hanging up the phone. It’s times like this when I love local radio.
Speaking of talk radio, the other day some caller to Mark Madden’s show suggested that the Pens top draft pick (some center) should be the starting center while Sidney Crosby, the league MVP, moves over to a wing position. Did I mention that sometimes there is nothing funnier than local talk radio? And what’s on the horizon – Steelers training camp. Time to over-analyze every training camp drill and keep track of which players drink the most Gatorade.
10:30 p.m.
• Shit. This is the sort of thing that gives local governments more money from Uncle Sam.
Speaking of managing money, I just found out today that the "miscellaneous" part of my department's budget includes the ink cartridges I order for my office printer. What's odd about this? Every other ink cartridge in our organization gets paid for out of the general office supply budget. I don't think my "So am I going to be billed for the paper, pens and paper clips I use?" didn't help matters much. Then again, I'm not allowed to spend any money in my budget anyway, and neither is my poor co-worker, who got the third degree for a recent business trip when he dared to put down hotel and fuel costs on an expense report.
10 p.m.
• So the better half was arguing with me over the meaning of “hot” when it comes to describing someone’s attractiveness. She contended that “hot” meant, in guy speak, “I sure want to fuck that chick,” adding that words like “pretty,” “attractive,” and “good-looking” mean that the male doesn’t want to stick his thingy in the stink box as much. After pondering this for a few seconds, I had to disagree. I always considered “hot” to be a general slang term. Now if a guy says any of the other terms, I would contend that person wants to have sex even more because he actually took the time to think of these more descriptive words. You can say that anyone is “hot,” but to take the time and tell a woman that they are “pretty” or “attractive” seemed to get the panties wetter faster. Then again, you can just get them drunk and wait until they pass out and not have to worry about any of this.
• The fact this guy is a University of Cincy student doesn't surprise me in the slightest.
I remember applying for a number of UC jobs during my time in Ohio, and each time I was given an Authoritve Blacktion card to let them know what race I was. After sending in a few of these, I decided to just start filling in other races other than the mighty whitey category. I wonder if they HR people actually believed an Eskimo was applying for work at their institution.
3:30 p.m.
• So a while back I applied for this one job that I never heard back from except for when I got the “Your resume is impressive but you suck” letter. In fact, it came so long after I applied, it took me a while to remember when I first sent my resume out. A few months later (my rejection letter came around late February/early March), I noticed in the newspaper that the same job was advertised again (this was sometime in April). I chuckled to myself figuring the “ideal candidate” they picked didn’t work out. I looked through the classifieds last night and guess what I read? Yep. The same place looking for the same position. Now either this place is expanding at such a rapid rate they need to triple the staff for this position or they are such a clusterfuck to work for that the turnover rate is just as bad as the Houston Texans (or whoever led the league in this category last year). Sometimes the job you get passed over for is the best thing that could ever happen.
8 p.m.
• So it was 5:30 p.m. and “Around the Horn” was finishing up. Then I see it on the bottom part of my television screen.
OMG BARRY BONDS INDICTED STAY TUNED FOR THE LATEST
That was my cue to change the channel.
I went about my life for several house and without thinking about it I turn on ESPN for some reason or another at 7:30 p.m.
They were still talking about Barry f’n Bonds.
Come on people – he got INDICTED! I could indicted for ‘roids. You could get indicted for ‘roids. I find it funny it took this long and cost God knows how much money. And this is coming from Barry Hater #1.
• You know, I always wondered what would happen in a situation like this. Now I do. Score one for California this time. Well, at least the part of the state that the blacks and Hispanics haven't invaded ... yet.
Uh oh, here comes the R word...
Here's some more good stuff.
• I didn’t read any farther than the headline.
I don’t want to. I’m sure whatever the plan will cost $1 million and end up with a $5 billion tab after six months.
11:45 p.m.
• If Smues can have his shitty entries, then so can I.
8:45 p.m.
• I heard a day or so ago on local radio that the Pirates were talking with the Cleveland Indians about trading Jason Bay. The talks have since died down. Why oh why does anyone buy a ticket to PNC Park?
• Got a second interview at another place tomorrow. Not sure if I feel like writing about this shit yet. After all, if I don’t get either job, what’s the point of talking about it. I think what sucks the most when job-hunting is that you research the company, you customize a resume/cover letter, if you’re lucky, you schedule the first interview, you prepare for the first interview, if you’re luckier you schedule and prepare the second interview. After all that and you don’t get hired, then it’s back to Square One. !@#%&*
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Dodie calls in and starts talking. Sorry, I was doing work and wasn’t paying much attention. Something about getting a house with her fiancée. Now Dr. Laura wasn’t yelling at this person, so I’m assuming she wasn’t living in sin. Well, when they went to the bank for a mortgage it was revealed that the fiancée had a considerable amount of debt. When asked about this – the lesser half said that he “forgot all about it.”
• So I was listening to some RIGHT-WING RADIO today, and I heard this gem from Nancy Pelosi, “We have two oil men in the White House … The logical follow up from that is $3/gallon gasoline. It is no accident. It is a cause and effect.” How the fuck did this bitch ever get elected. Oh, yeah. California.
• Swift Terror recently talked about getting some kid to mow his lawn (dude, your yard isn’t that big, you lazy piece of shit), and I would strongly advice against it. When the better half and I moved into our house in July of 2004, the old couple we bought the house from kept it in very good shape. Well, the upstairs bathroom looks like it is a relic from the 1970s, but that’s no big deal; those people had trouble going up stairs and didn't care much about that part of the house. Anyway, one thing they didn’t do anything about for a month or so was their yard, and frankly I don’t blame them. Anyway, when we moved in one of the things we had to get was a lawn mover – we had always rented and never had to deal with cutting grass. Our thinking was instead of buying a mower and weed whacker then having to move it along with our other furniture and belongings, we would just buy these products once everything else gets settled in.
Well, a day or so after everything was moved into the new house, and we were in the process of unpacking, this kid came up to our house and asked if we wanted our lawn mowed. I had to laugh because God only knows what the neighbors thought of our neglectful ways regarding lawn care. I said “oh what the heck,” and agreed to have the kid cut our lawn. After all, it would just be one thing out of the way and I could focus on settling in. The kid came over a day or so later on one of those mowers you drive instead of push. A short time later he was done and I paid him. Then I went outside and took a gander at what he did. Ugh. Uneven patches of grass were everywhere, the edges of the lawn weren’t trimmed and there was no consistent mowing pattern. I appreciate the entrepreneurship of this kid, but damn he did a shitty job. I will say however that something good came out of this – he motivated me to soon thereafter purchase some landscaping equipment of my own.
• A while back I gave my opinion of Talker Magazine's best of RIGHT-WING RADO list and one of the people I didn't (and couldn't) comment on was some guy named Dave Ramsey. Well, since I recently discovered WPIT in Shittsburgh, which carries his show in the afternoons, I now give him my seal of approval. Basically, he's a money-management guy. Nothing too exciting, but after listening to politics and sports discussion all day, this is a nice change of pace; he's like a younger Bruce Williams -- MUCH younger.
Oh, and on Ramsey's show today, he mentioned that 550 WKRC in Cincinnati, which carries his show from 10 p.m. - midnight is having an on-line poll asking who should take over the 9 a.m. - noon timeslot now open since Tony Snow left his radio show for other career opportunities. Even though I no longer live in the southwest Ohio region, I'm sure you all know who I voted for.
• This made me laugh. A New York City Councilman wants to prevent fast-food restaurants from sprouting up in “obesity hotspots.” Here is my favorite passage from the editorial:
Of course, this “For-your-own-good” Big Brother mentality is perfect for Rivera’s Democrat constituency of the fat, lazy and stupid.
• So Shannon Doherty is doing a “how to break up” show on that Oxygen channel. Like she wasn’t able to show us how to call it quits to something when it came to her acting career by leaving early from shows she starred in. I actually like Shannon; you can just see the bitchiness ooze out of her, and while I’ve learned over the years to stay away from psycho bitches that get all crazy and shit, Shannon and her psychotic rages strangely do it for me.
• A while back I asked who will be blamed for a government shut-down when a Democrat Governor and a Democrat Legislature are the ones closing down casinos and the ocean? Apparently, you blame the Congress, although I’d be more partial to blaming the voters for electing Democrats, but that’s just me.
• Speaking of surveys, it doesn’t look good for the Republicans this upcoming election season. I must admit that I normally don’t pay much attention to polls because they are nothing more than just welfare/jobs programs for political-science majors and ex-politicians on cable television news channels. I sure as hell wouldn't want Democrats in power, although I probably wouldn’t mind having them with a slim majority in one of the Congress branches. In fact, this might be a good thing. That way both parties will fight, bitch and get nothing done, which is fine by me; the danger comes when politicians actually think a problem needs solving and they end up fucking us over even more. The problem for me is this, however: do I really want to hear “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi”? Fuck no. I guess I’d have to go with a Slight Democrat majority in the Senate. After all, with all the RINOS up there now it’s like the Dems are in control anyway. Then again, it would be funny to see the Democrats' reaction the day after Election Night should they not pick up any seats. Yeah, W. is a moron/Hitler/sucks/etc., but what does that make the Party which can't take advantage of all this voter discontent?
• I just got done playing year one of my NHL 2006 Dynasty, and I ended up being the third seed in the Eastern Conference with the Pens. I traded a bunch of people, kept Mario and cut a bunch of scrubs. I have to say that the intro into the postseason play was a pleasant surprise. Loved the “We want the Cup” chants. I don’t know the difficulty got automatically increased, but this game was much harder to play than I many contests I had during the regular season with similarly talented opponents. Oh, I’m also up 1 game to none against the Boston Bruins thanks to a 4-2 win (one goal was an empty-netter, so the game was much closer than the score would indicate).
• Might as well continue this thing. For those that haven’t been following, catch your hippie ass up.
Disagree.
Get your ass to school. If you hate going there so much, just wait. You’ll have the rest of your life to hang out on the curb and not do shit with yourself.
Agree.
If by “different sorts” you mean drug users and shit. Sure, let them hang out together. I sure as hell don’t want them living next to me.
Agree.
Bad parents can do this too. Hell, my old man used to have this wooden plank with a nail through it and whenever it was time for me to get an ass-whooping (like the one time I didn't want to wear the ugly, scratchy socks he picked out for me for my kindergarten class), he’d make me think the nail was going to strike me. He’d flip his write and I’d get the other side, but I never knew this as a kid. Look how great I turned out.
Agree.
I did. Now I’m hoping these secrets are along the line of “When I was 6 I showed Suzy from down the street my winky and she showed me her boobies,” rather than, “Why did Fr. Jim stuff himself into my poop-hole?”
Disagree.
I don’t really care one way or the other, but if you want to fuck yourself up there are plenty of other, more legal, ways to do so. Right now this shit is illegal now so all you potheads quit bitching if you can’t pay the price when you get busted by the po-pos.
Agree.
I also include in the whole “finding jobs” category a well-rounded education. However, I remember in college being pissed off when I had to waste money on classes that I wouldn’t have been in had they not be required elective, so I’d be disingenuous now if I answered “disagree.”
Agree.
Call me Adolph.
Disagree.
The fuck if I know. I’ll say no with this because I think preventing yourself from getting in positions to accept discipline would be better.
Developing...
• I talked yesterday about one thing that I didn’t care for regarding professional football, and today it is Major League Baseball’s turn. The trading deadline expired a little while ago, and this is the time of year when contending teams try to find that one extra pitcher or slugger to put them over the top. On the flip side of this coin are losing teams looking to unload soon-to-be free agents they can’t afford to retain in hopes of getting some worthwhile prospects. I get how this game is played. If you’re the Yankees, you don’t want to give up whatever good young players your minor league system still has. If you’re the Phillies, you want to ship off someone you won’t be able to re-sign in the off-season and get the best deal possible in return. Trying to get something for nothing is the American way. However, can we please lay off the theatrics of teams absolutely refusing to hand away a particular prospect? For weeks I’ve heard the Yankees say proclaim they will ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY REFUSE to give up some can’t-miss minor-leaguer they have in their system. I don’t know who this guy is, nor do I care. All I know is that the guy’s a pitcher and the Yankees won’t part with him no matter what the circumstances. Well, it looks like they got Bobby Abreu in return for some minor-leaguers that were not on their “untouchable” list. I’m sure Al Keiper or Bored knows who these people are and can give you some win-share figures of each player’s time in A, AA and AAA ball. Quit the public theatrics and get the deal done in private.
• Speaking of trades, I heard this morning that the Pirates have shipped off Sean Casey to the Tigers earlier today. What’s hilarious about this is that when Casey, a hometown boy, signed with the Pirates this past off-season, it was being billed as a sign of things to come with this losing franchise. Oh it was a sign all right. A sign that the tradition of finishing in last place is still going strong. God I love this team. On the bright side, Casey is now going to a former Shittsburgh manager that was at least able to get his team into the postseason. Oh, and speaking of the Tigers, I had been expecting them to fold sometime this season, but after their recent performances against White Sox and Twins I now think they’re a legit playoff team. Of course, having said this I’m sure they will proceed to lose their next 20 games.
The local media has reported over the past few days that the Pirates were going to make some trades. They weren’t kidding. As I was watching ESPN this afternoon I was reading the bottom-screen headlines and it seemed Shittsburgh deserved its own little section. First I saw they traded Oliver Perez and Roberto Hernandez to the Mets. Then they traded infielder/outfielder Craig Wilson to the Yankees. Then they traded pitcher Kip Wells to the Rangers (yeah, that'll improve the Texas rotation). Now my question is if these teams are all in the postseason chase, then why in the hell do they want players from this franchise? It’s not like a team gets to be 40-66 overnight. It takes persistence and effort, baby.
• So Mel Gibson has "allegedly" shown (or should I say bellowed?) his true colors as being an anti-Semite. Now I like this guy even more. With the media criticism of his “Passion of the Christ,” how can you not blame Gibson for thinking there’s a Jew conspiracy out to get him? I bet his bartender’s name ended in “-stein” and phoned his buddy (collect of course) at the Los Angeles Times once he saw Mel’s state of intoxication after last call was announced. OK, now this made me laugh.
9 p.m.
• Remember back during the football season I said that I liked NBC's "Football Night in America"? Well, that may be put to the test this year.
Then again, I shouldn't let my right-wing bias taint this; I liked Keith when he was on SportsCenter. Actually, when he was on ESPN I always wondered what he would be like if he talked about things other than sports. Boy did I ever get my wish. Looks like Sterling's a no-go. He was one of my favorite players before he got hurt. What that has to do with his broadcasting ability I have no idea.
• OK, so the second paragraph made me laugh. And I'm a believer in the Madden curse. If I was a Charger fan and saw LT on the cover, I'd be scared. Very scared.
6:15 p.m.
• So this got me laughing today on my “Around the Horn/PTI” background-noise-during-dinner-hour spectacular. I guess Steve Spurrier doesn’t like the stars and bars on the South Carolina state flag.
Of course there was a near circle-jerk about what a great guy Steve is and all that, but I was thinking what if Spurrier came out and said he thought the flag should stay as is. Boy would today’s reactions be a different. As for me, I don’t care what Spurrier says about this issue; actually I don’t really care what anybody says about the confederate flag. I’m a hated Yankee.
• Regarding the whole Virginia Tech thing: From an AIM chat earlier today with everybody’s favorite SNL recapper.
Great. Now I get to hear libs go “OMG GUNS R EVIL~!” for the next few weeks. Too bad there weren’t any thuggish Miami Hurricane players there; they would have put two in that Jap’s head.
• The hell?
I don’t think the better half and I were with our H&R Block chick for even an hour this year.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 9: Mr. Rant
Rant and I go back like receding hairlines. Well, maybe not that far back. But far back enough to remember classic moments like this. Rant can be a bit of a mystery. The same person who posts material like this will recoil and show the claws at the slightest mention of his crumb-snatcher. Oh, yeah, when he’s not posting god-knows-what (I know better than to click on any link in a thread titled, "This completely ruins a good cum bath, NSFW"), he’s helping our computers stay virus-free so we can see just what completely ruins a good cum batch. While I'm on this subject, is it really necessary to put a "NSFW" warning to a thread titled "THIS COMPLETELY RUINS A GOOD CUM BATH?" Did I mention he also has a soft spot for a certain kind of household pet and doesn't care for a certain sect of our society?
6:30 p.m.
• Had the interview this morning. Will I get invited back? No idea. Like I’ve said before, when you already have a job going to interview at another place is much easier. When you’re unemployed or trying to get something that is somewhat related to the 4+ years of post-high school study to took the wait to get a call back is nerve-racking. When you already have a 9 to 5 and you’re waiting for a response there’s actually somewhat of an annoyance to get a response because now you have to dip into vacation time (although I didn’t this time because of the 13 hours I put in the other weekend). I think this was one of my better interviews – much better than my first outing. My time was cut short because they had another interview scheduled – some twenty-something chick. Oh well.
You know what I am jealous of in regards to chicks? When dressing up, they can go a number of routes – pants, dress, blouse, sweater, etc. For guys it’s a coat, tie and pants. Then again, it’s good to be simple. So far I have been treated relatively well by this place. It’s amazing how unprofessional some places can be in the job-hiring process. Yeah I know I’m the job seeker and the company is the job holder, but sometimes I wonder if the hiring people have any idea how awful it makes their organization look when they don’t return calls or drop correspondence after giving their word to contact someone with the results of a hiring. But what do I know. I don’t have a human resources degree.
Best-case scenario: I get a job I’ll probably bitch about a year or so from now. Worst-case scenario: I got some new dress clothes on clearance and updated my portfolio. Either way, I also have Monday off. Yay and stuff. And always remember: There's always someone out there who can do your job better and cheaper than you. The trick is to get hired before the interviewer finds them. That way, you can at least collect unemployment if you get canned.
• You know what I’ve thought about doing? Making a profile on eharmony.com. No, I’m not thinking about cheating on Mrs. kkk. My reason for this is because I’m curious to know what a “match” would be for me. I know I’m going to regret finding the estrogen version of me, but it’s one of those things that you can’t get out of your head. That is until you see the opposite gender of you. I’m sure after that it’ll be one of those things I wouldn’t be able to get out of my head even though I’ll make every attempt to do so.
• So there has been road construction in my neighborhood for the last two weeks, and the better half has been bitching nonstop about them not putting a “ramp” thing by our driveway, which they stripped before the repaving process. I’ve been telling her for the last 10 days they’re probably going to “re-ramp” everybody’s driveways when everything else is done, but instead of hearing “you may have a point,” I’ve been getting, “I better not be driving over that bump in front of our driveway/this is bullshit.” Well guess what the construction people did about 10 minutes ago? Yep.
• John Edwards, if you can make good on this promise, I just might vote for you. But I want results first.
"What he can do about inner-city kids partaking in violence." Good God.
10 p.m.
• So Fred Thompson dropped out of the presidential race -- was he ever in?
• Heath Ledger's dead. Whatever.
No obvious indication? I'm not saying he OD'd or anything, but when you're 28, dead and with prescriptoin sleeping pills nearby, can't there be SOME indication? Then again, most of us (present company included) thought there was something fishy about Sean Taylor's death and it turns out there wasn't. But that was because we were all RACISTS~! I guess thinking that there is a chance this Australian-born actor might have died from something other than natural causes would make us xenophobes.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 98: MD2020
Nothing really special to say about MD2020; he seemed like a nice enough chap when he was here. He took part in my hippie football pick ‘em contest a year or so ago, he hated Mumia and Commies, and he liked kittens. At least he better like our four-legged friends.
• The Cleveland Cavaliers may be out of the postseason, and I don’t know what the local reaction is to the team’s near-upset of the Detroit Pistons. However I hope it’s not one of “Good job, guys.” It’s true that the Cavaliers weren’t expected to do anything beyond the first round of the playoffs, but when you are the underdog and have the opportunity to eliminate your opponent with a home game, you better take advantage of it. It’s great that Lebron James took his team to the brink of the Eastern Conference Finals, but you’re in the playoffs to win it all. Even if you are an eighth seed, you have to go into the playoffs with the mindset that you can win it all. Sure most high-seeded NBA teams beat their opening-round opponent, but these teams still need to enter these match-ups with the mindset of they can pull off the impossible. When these teams do get eliminated in the first round, then they can say, “Well, it was a nice run.” But once you get past that first round, it’s anybody’s game as far as I’m concerned. I remember back during the 1994-’95 NBA playoffs, the Denver Nuggets shocked the top-seeded Seattle Supersonics in the first round. The Nuggets then went on to take the heavily favored Utah Jazz to seven games before eventually losing. The head coach at the time, Dan Issel, stressed to his players that even though they overachieved, they should still feel the hurt of losing a second round playoff match-up in seven games. He was right, because the next year the Nuggets, once again an eighth seed, got swept by the San Antonio Spurs in the first round; the year after that they failed to even reach the postseason.
• John McCain got heckled during some hippie commencement address last weekend. I think what really caught him off-guard is that the hecklers didn’t do the heckling 60 days before his speech. Also, when I think of media figures who are "fueling the problem" of illegal immigrants, grouping Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage and Lou Dobbs(?) seems like an odd trio. Well, McCain silenced opposing voices 60 days before an election, so I guess that the fairness doctrine v 2.0 could be on the horizon, even with Republicans in power.
• A while back I ragged on some judge from Vermont who gave a light sentence for someone that repeatedly raped a kid for years. Just to show I’m not biased against liberal New Englanders, here’s a red diaper doper baby from a red state:
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 65: Starvenger
Uh. Hmm. Well, he’s part of my football contest and had a tough year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last season thanks to a few close losses. Other than that I don’t know much about him. Why in the hell did I put him on this list? Well, I’m sure there’s a good reason; I just don’t know it. I certainly hope my expert panel can come through for me on this one. (Just one comment? Y2Jerk had seven of them!)
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• Well today Connecticut U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman is in the fight for his political life against some schmoe who is more left-wing than the incumbent who sides with his Party 90-some percent of the time. Poor Joe. A career of supporting liberal causes and he’s coming under fire because he doesn’t want Abdul to set off a nuke in New Haven or Bridgeport. I’ve liked Joe for years. Yeah, I know he’s not one of the more popular public officials in these here parts, what with him being one of those moral types that doesn’t like pro wrestling and naughty song lyrics, but I don’t care. He’s always been one of those Democrats I’ve liked, even when I didn’t agree with him, which was most, if not all, of the time. Besides, he’s representing the state of Connecticut; it’s not like the Republicans will be electing their next Speaker of the House from that state. Shit, the biggest Republican from that place is Christopher Shays, and he’s a douche.
I’m not sure if Lieberman is going to pull this one out – polls say he’s not going to win, but I’ve been a bit suspicious of the surveys regarding this race for a while now. It’ll actually be funny if he loses because I wonder if Medium-Large Media will circle-jerk Lieberman should he decide to run as an Independent in the November general election, which he would have a good chance of winning. After all, I thought Medium-Large Media liked candidates that bucked the system and declared their independence. That’s how they acted when Jim Jeffords, that little bitch boy from Vermont, jumped ship in ’01 from the Republican Party to that hippie “Independent” label, giving Democrats a Senate majority that has since been erased.
• Recently I’ve been reading threads about this hippie storyline Marvel Comics has been engaged in regarding a divide between its superhero universe. (In case you have been wondering about those “Civil War” banners in some posters’ sigs, this is what they’re talking about.) However, if this fag-crew from across the Pond ever decides to come on over to America, I think even Captain America and Iron Man will put aside their differences to engage in a royal beat down of these Euro-Weenies.
• Introducing the newest KK Korner feature: The Dr. Laura caller of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). God these people are fucked up. Today’s winner is some woman whose husband used to be a Jehovah’s Witness but gave up the "faith" when he got married to the caller. This caused the guy's parents to disown him and his family. Well, this woman (the caller) still brings her 10-month old and three-year old kids to these people every weekend for unsupervised visitations. The caller wanted to know if she should be doing this, considering the grandparents said they have disowned the caller and her family.
9:30 p.m.
• Looks like someone violated a speech code.
• Speaking of !@#$%$!%!$^%&^ers in the whitehouse, look what has happened since Election Day. Stock market free-falls, Russia sends boom booms to Poland's border, Putin is waving his albino pee-pee around. Now because questioning our leaders is the most PATRIOTIC THING a person can do, I want to know what Osama's plan is. Oh, and isn't there something better we can do with the money spent on this upcoming inauguration day?
We're in a RECESSION and children are starving somewhere.
Wow, being PATRIOTIC is the bee's knees.
• Last night I caught the end of a Hannity & Colems segment where Sean was yelling at some hippie bowtie-wearing politician from Oregon. Although I normally skip past these exchanges because they are nothing more than “Why do you hate our country and not support our troops?” sound bites, this liberal putz actually said something that made me keep this channel on for longer than a few seconds. He was complaining about how it was time for U.S. troops to leave Iraqand that this country's people need to be more self-reliant. Woah, I think this is the first time I’ve heard a lib say that some person/group needs to stop being coddled and pull themselves up from their bootstraps. Now all I need to hear is how Republicans are for small government and fiscal responsibility.
• Some guy in South Carolina who recently kidnapped and raped two teen-age girls in a ready-made “dungeon” (all allegedly, of course) was finally caught. And what a surprise, he has been convicted of sexual assault before (this victim was 12 years old) and only spent nine years in jail for the crime. I guess it could have been worse; he could have been in Vermont and only needed to spend a weekend in counseling. I was watching cable news this morning and heard that the judge who issued this “harsh” sentence blamed prosecutors for not building a better case the first time he was caught raping – nice spin, asshole. I wonder if Bill O’Reilly is going to go after the red diaper doper baby judge who locked this guy up with a light the first time? I certainly hope so; it’s fun to watch these bitches get called on their bullshit judgments.
• Today was movie day for me, considering I am in the midst of battling a cold given to me a few days ago by the better half. Now laying around doing nothing is usually par for the course on a Saturday, but because I am sick I now have an excuse. The first movie I popped in was one of my favorite “spoof” movies of all time. Now many people will associate Shawn and Marlon Waynes with “Scary Movie,” but before they hit it big with that, they did a similar feature that was, in my opinion, much better. Titled, “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood,” this 1996 gem goofed on a number of “life in the ghetto” movies. If you’re a fan of “ghetto” movies, or you thought “Scary Movie” was funny, see “Don’t Be A Menace” now.
The second part of this double feature was another comedy, “As Good As It Gets.” This is one of my favorite comedies, although it is a bit on the long side for me. However, this movie has some of my favorite movie lines, such as “People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch,” “I got JEWS at my table” and the following exchange:
“How do you write women so well?”
“I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
• So the Dallas Cowboys are going to take a chance on T.O. – man is this going to be a fun year. Also, the Miami Dolphins gave up a second-round pick to acquire Daunte Culpepper from the Minnesota Vikings. Personally, I think it was a good move on the Dolphins part. Even though Culpepper has been inconsistent at times and suffered a season-ending injury last year, a second-round pick seems like a reasonable gamble for a quarterback that has shown to be of MVP-caliber in the past.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 50 and 51: Darrylxlf/AndrewTS
Now I know what you’re thinking – why are these two grouped together? Let me explain. I’m pretty sure one of them lives Down Under while the other resides not too far from my residence. At least one of them is a rather conservative fellow, and at least one of them is a video game enthusiast. There’s just one problem. I can never remember which one is which, and I stopped trying to remember because it's a chore enough not to forget other things in life like "first pants then your shoes."
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
• Wow. For all those years I was The Man, unaware or indifferent to the plight of minorities everywhere. While I sat with my fellow fat cats griping about the horrors of affirmative action and racial quotas, we all reveled in sticking it to the poor and downtrodden – and if they were dark-colored or had an unpronounceable name, bonus points were awarded. Well now the tables are turning. The United States is expected to welcome its 300 millionth citizen any day now, and the data suggest that this person will most likely be an immigrant. Probably a Mexican. It's only a matter of time before my people are eradicated from the landscape and my lily-white neighborhood will be overrun by Pedros and Rodriguezes. Why couldn’t things go back to the way they were when the tired/poor/hungry masses trying to get in were Jews?
• If being overrun by darkies wasn’t bad enough, now when I’ve finally gotten into God’s good graces by no longer living in sin, I’m in the minority of households thanks to this ring on my left hand. Well maybe if all those people wouldn’t be getting divorces we married folk wouldn’t be in the minority. And the worst thing about this is that when I tried to explain to the better half that we’d be social oddballs by getting hitched, she didn’t share my sentiments.
• In case you missed it this weekend, the University of Miami kept true to their thug image by brawling with some hippie team I’ve never heard of before. And the smack wasn’t just on the field.
Yeah. WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE. From Florida International. If you let Florida International to walk all over you, who’s next – Temple? Damn, I don’t follow college football and even I know the Owls are lousy. And for the record, I heard those comment by Thomas and was thoroughly entertained. Good job.
• Speaking of college football, the BcS standings just came out. Don’t care. College football is a fucking joke. One of the largest sports industries in this country and they don’t even bother with a playoff. You people don’t want a playoff system? That’s cool. But don’t turn around and then have these endless, stupid debates over who really is number one and who should really be ranked number two. Win your conference. Win your gay bowl game against someone from another conference and let it end there. And whenever you want to determine a true national champion, give me a call.
• I was fiddling around with Wikipedia last night and stumbled upon Coolio because I had “It Takes a Thief” playing at the time. Why, Coolio, WHY!?
In addition to owning “It Takes a Thief,” I also have “Gangsta’s Paradise” and “My Soul.” While “Thief” is by far my favorite of the three; I never really liked “Paradise,” the album or the song. “My Soul” was much better than I thought it would be. And even though he appeared on the “Comeback Show,” I’m sure it couldn’t have been as awful as that abortion of a made-for-TNT-movie dealing with sharks. Holy fuck was that a terrible piece of programming. I must do a mea culpa though because whenever I read that he was a Lazarus Demon in “Charmed” I actually remembered that episode. And then for some reason unbeknownst to me, I recalled him being in the “Daredevil” DIRECTOR’S CUT DVD playing an oppressed black man. (But, then again, aren’t they all?) Not sure if he was in the original theatrical version; I didn't see it but I vaguely remember hearing that he wasn't during some special feature on the DVD.
• I began playing Diablo II again after a long, long hiatus. I returned to my barbarian character and am killing lots of baddies. I just started Act V, and if I’m still interested in this game after passing the normal difficulty level I might give another character a whirl. That’s all I got.
8:45 p.m.
• So a day or so again, Mark Madden was commenting on Gary Sheffield’s words that Michael Wilbon pops wood over. He pretty much goofed on Gary, and this prompted some black callers to phone in and call him a RACIST. It was a nice switch from the Steeler fanboys that normally a call with their stupid thoughts. However, one guy was a notch above the rest. He bitched that Mark said Gary got away with what he said because he was black (or some similar complaint – all the callers sounded alike) and that if a white person would say something similar they wouldn’t get in trouble either. Madden started goofing on him, and the caller backed up his point by using DON IMUS and JOHN ROCKER as examples of whites that “didn’t get in trouble.”
And I watched a recent “Outside the Lines” episode on ESPN about sports talk radio, which mentioned that the average listener is more educated than one would think.
8:15 p.m.
• Let’s see how I did with my NHL playoff picks. I’m using my selections from the playoff tree after I discovered the league re-seeds its picks every round.
(1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders. Buffalo in 5.
Result: Sabers in 5.
(2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay. Devils in 5.
Result: Devils in 6.
(3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers. Rangers in 6.
Result: Rangers in 4.
(4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh. Senators in 7.
Result: Senators in 5.
(1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary. Detroit in 5.
Result: Wings in 6.
(2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota. Ducks in 6.
Result: Ducks in 5.
(3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas. Stars in 6.
Result: Canucks in 7
(4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose. Predators in 7.
Result: Sharks in 5.
First Round: 6 for 8. Hey, seems like I somewhat know what I’m doing, especially if you ignore that 4/5 matchup in the West.
Second Round:
(1) Buffalo beats (6) Rangers in 5.
Result: Sabers in 6.
(4) Ottawa beats (2) Jersey in 6.
Result: Senators in 6.
(1) Detroit beats (6) Dallas in 5.
Sorta-Result: Wings beat Sharks in 6.
(4) Nashville beats (2) Anaheim in 7.
Sorta-Result: Not even close.
Third Round.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Ottawa in 5.
Result: Sabers Senators in 5.
(
4) Nashville beats (1) Detroit in 7.
Sorta-Result: Ducks beat Wings in 6.
Stanley Cup.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Nashville in 6.
Not-even-close Result: Man, that’s some good shit I’m smoking.
3 p.m.
• Well the Ducks won the Stanley Cup –– quack quack. From what I little I know of the NHL, it appeared from the start that the Ducks were the better team, and by winning in five games it appeared that way. I’m a little surprised Ottawa didn’t win another game or two, considering how well they seemed to play in the other playoff rounds. At least the final game was a blow-out. I’d feel bad for that Senator player who put the puck into his own net; if the Sens would have lost by just one goal, that player would have had to endure a long summer. I watched last night’s game and the one thing that always pains me is seeing the losing team just sit there on the ice while their opponents rejoice. Imagine going through as many as 28 postseason games only to fall short of getting to smooch Lord Stanley. On the other end of the spectrum, I also feel bad for baseball players who grind through 162 games in six months only to get eliminated in a best-of-five series in a wild-card round. At least with football you only play 16 games, so dropping a stinker in the playoffs would seem more tolerable. Then again, I don’t strap on the pads and beat the hell out of myself all year going against 300-lb linemen or psycho linebackers, so what do I know.
Last year I made a remark that it was nice to see Glenn Wesley finally get to lift the Stanley Cup, and this year it was Teemu Selanne’s turn. I don’t know much about the guy, but I remember him with the Winnipeg Jets. Uh, yay and stuff. I hope the NHL can get back on the radar when it comes to the sporting world –– this sport is too fun to watch to be brushed aside. Like I said above, I don’t religiously follow the NHL as much as I did when I was younger, but if a game is on I’ll have it on, even if I don’t recognize the players’ names.
3 p.m.
• Exactly 10 years to the day this racist/fascist/xenophobic/sexist/right-wing/left-handed bastard was manning a booth at a local water park on behalf of a nonprofit. As he sat there, a number of voluptuous females walked by him in their skimpy bathing suits that showcased their goods. These stuck-up twats with their tan skin, c-cupped breasts and round backsides wouldn’t even give him the time of day. Eventually, one approached and wasn’t repulsed by this booth-sitter’s looks and personality. She actually thought this idiot was funny. That chick then left because her boyfriend returned from the nearby snack stand and the person I ended up marrying on June 25, 2005, showed up.
Baby, you’re the greatest. Or at least the best I could get with what little I have going.
7:30 am.
• This showed up in my work e-mail this morning. How could this NOT be legit? They even included a link to a story talking about the plane crash this German guy died in!
Is there any doubt why Africa has no money? All these people die, leave their accounts frozen and don't give the Dark Continent a chance to make this cash grow.
7:15 a.m.
• While looking at the story below, which I first read on Drudge, I saw this headline, too.
Now THAT'S some funny shit right there, NYT.
• See, this is what's wrong with California. Requiring pets to be sterile? Unwanted pets cost $300 million per year? How about neutering welfare recipients, felons and illegals -- I'm sure that'll save you guys a nice chunk of change.
10: 30 p.m.
• Global warming blahblahblah.
You know, can you guy worry about genocide and stuff before trying to tackle this sort of stuff?
10 p.m.
• I saw the opening to this article without the dateline in view.
Time to guess where the story took place -- Alabama, West Virginia, Mississippi?
Try Washington.
9 p.m.
• So the better half and I went to the local Chinese buffet today, and they (thankfully) hired some chick who spoke English to make customer transactions. Now I don’t know if this chick was naturally well-endowed or if it was the low-cut shirt doing most of the talking; however, this was a prime example of a “cleavage trap.” I’m sorry, but I’m a believer in “less is more.” If a woman has to showcase her goods in such a blatant manner, chances are one of several things:
1) They have no brain or personality and have to rely on their fun bags for self-satisfaction.
2) It’s a “trap,” which they will more than happily spring on some guy they don’t want staring at their chest, going “OMG U PERVERT~!”
3) Ample ventilation is needed to prevent overheating “down there.”
Not sure what the reason was for our customer service representative. All I cared about was that I didn’t have to say, “excuse me?” or “huh?” 20 times when trying to understand what the cashier was saying. God I’m getting old.
7 a.m.
• So I got an e-mail from some place that asked "Don't know where to meet the local bar slut?" Well it made me laugh. Then again, perhaps it being 7 a.m. on a Monday morning might have something to do with it, too.
• Yesterday I goofed on a few radio commercials, and today I need to vent about some television ads that are pushing me toward the edge. Now I personally think jewelry is a colossal waste of money and that anyone who buys this over-priced crap is a fool. However, I purchase my share of stupid things, so who am I to judge? Anyway, disagree with me about buying jewelry – that’s fine. But don’t argue with me over how annoying some of the ads promoting this product are. The brand that annoys me the worst is Jared. First off, I had no idea until a year or so ago that there was a jewelry store named after a guy who lost weight eating Veggie Delights. And to make matters worse, Jared’s ads are awful. All they consist of is some chick running around saying, “He went to Jared!” with parents, siblings and jealous friends repeating the line in different tones. The worst of the worst has to be that commercial with the chick at some hippie party getting her panties wet over every ring/earring/necklace she sees, with the other women point to their men and saying, “He went to Jared.” At the end of the commercial this bitch walks up to her husband, who has no clue what’s going on, and drops something in his drink. I hope he beats the ever-loving shit out of her when they get home because she needs it; the only rock she should get is one from the backyard right to her dome.
But the people at Jared look like a marketing geniuses next to Kay Jewelers. I don’t care too much of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day because, well, I don’t give two shits about my family. However, I can’t wait for Mother’s Day to arrive because I’m getting ready to turn violent over Kay’s one Mother’s Day-themed ad. It starts out with this guy taking his wife to the garage, where their brats are playing music and singing, “You’re the most awesome mom in the world, happy Mother’s Day.” Christ I haven’t heard a more annoying sound in quite sometime, and what kind of fucked up family would do something like this? The gang that lives a house or two down from me symbolizes more what a typical family is like. It was around midnight earlier this week when I got to hear that family talk about how the mother found a stash of drugs in the one son’s room. I wish Kay would make a song from the lyrics I heard that night: “I fucking hate you you fucking twat and I can’t wait until I leave this fucking place!” Oh, yeah. All together now: “Happy Mother’s Day!”
• Speaking of Mother’s Day, tomorrow I get to partake in a tradition the better half’s family had engaged in for years. Every Mother’s Day the in-laws gather up the family and we go to some restaurant. I’m not complaining. After all, it’s a free meal, and the entertainment will be provided courtesy of the crack-whore sister-in-law. Hopefully she won’t be totally doped up and start a fight with someone there. I also think that this will be the first time she will be near the better half since our wedding last June; a wedding where she stormed out of the church and caused one of those magical family moments that you just treasure for the rest of your life. Oh, and for the record, the person who stormed out was the crack-whore, not Mrs. kkk, although you couldn’t blame her since she was marrying me. Hopefully there will be some action tomorrow and I’ll be able to have tomorrow’s entry write itself with minimal effort.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 73: Dr. Venkman
I don’t talk to him that much, if at all, because he seems to be one of those wrasslin’ fans and frequents folders I normally don’t, but from what I read of him he seems sensible enough. Besides, he has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character. So here’s a tip of the hat to the V-man.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• I thought I was done with this topic, but the kicks just keep on coming. Apparently, the reason Zidaine head-butted that Italian player was because he was calling the Frenchie a “dirty terrorist” and said some mean things about his mom. A "dirty terrorist" – them’s some fighting words, which says quite a bit for a Frenchman. I also heard Zidaine’s mom has gotten into the fray, but what I find hilarious is that the Iran also applauds Zidaine’s actions; and he didn’t even have to blow himself up. According to this article “The head of Iran’s external relations committee has sent a letter to Zidane congratulating him for his ‘logical’ reaction and "timely" defense against an alleged insult to his ‘human and Islamic’ identity.’” With the Iranians in your corner how can one not feel encouraged?
• Another topic I’ve talked about the last few days is the 2006 All-Star Game. Now there’s talk about Latino groups wanting Major League Baseball to retire Roberto Clemente’s jersey for every team, just like the case with Jackie Robinson’s #42. Personally, I don’t like the idea of either number getting league-wide treatment. Yeah, I know OMG RACISM~! I’m not going to grumble about Robinson’s jersey being retired by every team; but I would rather just have the team who faced the bigotry get the notoriety . But that’s just me, though.
• Speaking of MLB, Bud Selig is now talking about keeping pitchers slated for the All-Star game from pitching the Sunday before this exhibition game “that counts.” If Bud wants the MLB’s best arms for this game, then let teams take a week off before and after this stupid game.
• While typing this I’m listening on the radio to the CEO of the Pennsylvania Turnpike defending turnpike toll-collectors, saying it’s a “hard job.” N*gga plz. Oh, this is a great quote. “We trained them to say ‘thank you’ and ‘good morning.’" For $18/hour plus benefits just to collect change you need special training to say “have a nice day”? God I love this state. And the kicker is that a year or so ago these people went on STRIKE.
• Why is it that if a young black male gets busted giving crack to hookers in exchange for sexual favors we want to lock him up, but if some 80-year-old does it our first thought is “’atta boy”? This is of course after the initial gagging of picturing a senior citizen with a hard-on. Oh, and guess where this took place? God I love this town.
• UPDATE: This can't wait until tomorrow. LOL.
She's probably going after Cheney because he's rich and stuff. He used to work at Halliburton, you know.
8 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 42: Rob E. Dangerously
I lik Rob, even though he threatened to extort me once because I posted something good about John Kerry a long time ago that said I might consider voting for him. Yes, I did say that once upon a time. Believe it or not, years ago I didn’t mind Kerry. I watched him on a number of talk shows and there were a few instances when he actually made sense. I remember one time back in 1999-2000 when Bill Clinton was talking about releasing oil from that so-called strategic reserve to try and lower gas prices. You know, that “reserve” we keep on hand so we’ll have enough gas for a week or two just in case terrorists blow up our energy infrastructure. Well Kerry said at the time Clinton’s idea was dumb and wouldn’t work. The problem, Kerry said, wasn’t that we were running low on oil but rather we didn’t have enough refineries to keep up with demand. Even if Clinton released this extra oil, there would be no place to refine it. Wow. A Democrat who actually made sense. Maybe this Kerry isn’t such a bad guy after all. Of course, during the ’04 election Kerry was saying that Bush should be doing the SAME THING CLINTON WAS ADVOCATING all those years ago in an attempt to lower gas prices. Et tu, Kerry? Where was I? Oh, Rob. Well, he also had a sense of humor about being a God-hating commie fag, and that’s always good, too.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
7:30 p.m.
• These bears got married -- is it any surprise to these zoo people why they don't want to have sex? And "Panda porn." Awesome.
You go, playa.
7:15 p.m.
• Oh, NBA. What am I going to do with you? From the headline of an article titled: "Pacers, Warriors Make Blockbuster Trade."
Who? What? This is blockbuster? Actually, it might be. I don't follow the NBA much these days during the regular season. I remember back in the early 1990s I used to follow this kind of thing day in and day out. Oh well. Now the younger generation can keep up with PPG stats and other meaningless crap while I do more important grown-up things like ... post here.
FUCK.
Well, I might as well peep the NBA standings now and see what's going on. I see Toronto is in first place in the Atlantic Division -- with a record of 18-21. And New York isn't in last place? Wow. Cleveland is in first in the Central. Yay. Actually, good for the Cavs -- I'm a LeBron fan although those ads with him as 20 different people are retarded. But if he likes doing them then more power to him. Orlando dropped from first and Washington is taking the top spot in the Southeast. Mimai is only three games under .500 -- they'll be fine come playoff time. Over in the Northwest Division Utah is in first with the A.I. Nuggets in third place. Phoenix is kicking ass in the Pacific, followed by the Lakers. Clippers don't seem to be doing as well as they did last year. Damn, Dallas, San Antonio and Houston are above .600 -- I almost feel bad for New Orleans and Memphis. That's it until the next time I feel motivated to see what the heck is going on in the NBA.
7:45 a.m.
• Well I had one of those weird moments on the way to work. As I was driving along Rt. 30, I noticed an accident in the lane next to me. Now I try not to gawk at accident scenes while driving. The only times I do are if I’m a passenger in a vehicle or if I was stuck in traffic for a long time because of some motorist’s negligence. I figure if they are making me burn unnecessary fuel, add more wear-and-tear to my car and delaying my trip from Point A to Point B, the least I should be allowed to do is look at what caused my delay. Anyway, from my split-second glimpse of the scene, and the deer laying at the side of the road, I’m guessing a car tried to avoid hitting a deer, failed and the car behind the first motorist rear-ended him. This got me the thinking how someone’s life can change in just a few seconds. What if I had gotten up after the third time my snooze alarm went off instead of the fourth? What if I had sped through a yellow light a few miles prior to this accident scene rather than stopping at it? What if I had packed my lunch for work the night before instead of taking a few minutes this morning to put soup, some yogurt and granola/cereal bars in my lunch cooler? Could I have been the person trying to avoid the deer? Could I have been the one to get struck by another motorist? Thankfully, I'll never know. Then again, I'm sure something sucky will happen to me in the next week or so to have me questioning why didn't I leave several minutes before/after I actually did.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 17: Wildbomb 4:20
Some of you may not remember this guy, but I sure do. When Mr. Bomb first came on the scene, he actually tried to make valid, thought-out arguments. Peep this post regarding media bias.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, here’s another post of his in the SAME THREAD talking about the economy.
Please note he’s not copying and pasting material someone else already wrote. This is all original thought. And you expect me to actually read all this? And what was my response to him after skimming through the latter post?
When another poster questioned why I just “refer to the very end of (the post), ignoring the meat of the information,” I had to remind him that I generally don’t read anything longer than two sentences (or three syllables) at this place. Besides, if I spent the time actually reading long, thought-out posts, you wouldn’t get such hilarity like what I posted at thread's end.
Sadly, poor Wildbomb still gave it that old $120,000 college try by attempting to generate serious discussion, but he would usually came up short. However, because we were both in the communications field, we shot the shit quite a bit via PMs, and there were actually a few threads where there was somewhat decent banter. And what did many of these threads have in common? Wildbomb wasn’t going on 500+ word posts about how much he owes in school loans. Let this be a lesson to all aspiring TSM posters – nobody wants to read all that shit. Nobody cares. If you’re going to post something long, make it be from someone else and just bold selected text to make it appear like you actually read the whole thing while hoping there’s nothing contradictory that could shoot your premise down. Wildbomb finally caught on and realized that nobody at this place is going to significantly change his or her opinions because some faceless message board poster said something smart. I have no idea what he’s been up to in the last few years, but for his sake I hope he’s paying down that $60+k in school loans. The fact he doesn’t post much, if at all, anymore is certainly a good sign.
Ha. I just goofed on Wildbomb for making long posts and I’m already at the 1400+ word mark with this entry. Well, most of this text is from, surprise, other people’s posts. Besides, this is a blog, not some hippie thread. You EXPECT this kind of deep thought in these personal journals. Well, what you expect and what you get are two different things. And I got some bad news…
…HERE COMES THE HIT SQUAD!
It's PMD up in the sector
I wreck the microphonin
I'm quick to pull a Tek
and snap that neck
and leave ya moanin
Kid I'm zoning
it's on
and I'm back up on the block
(Aiyo, we represent the sewer!)
Son, I represent the dock
(dock)
Plus I knock
(what?)
niggas out the box quickly
Kid I'm strictly motherfuckin business
so get wit me
Yo Scratch hit me
so I can do my thing and blow the spot
Here’s some more bad news – this entry ain’t getting much better.
9 p.m.
• So when cats sleep, you can tell if they’re dreaming by their paws twitching. Once in a while one of our three might give a little chirp when snoozing; God knows what they’re thinking about. However, last night when Max was sleeping on the recliner he began meowing – loudly. At first I thought I was on his tail or something, but I wasn’t. He let out a few more meows and continued his slumber. Guess it was a nightmare or something. I know it couldn’t have been an imaginary girlfriend because he’s fixed. Then again, maybe he was pissed that nothing was going on down there in dreamland.
• So I was driving home through the hood today, and what was in front of me? This hippie van-thingy in front of me that was spewing so much exhaust I had to wind up the windows and turn on the air conditioner. And what kind of bumper sticker was on it? The kind that said, “Act Green” then something about how the earth appreciates it. Oh if Mrs. kkk only got me a camera phone. Oh who am I kidding? No way in hell I’d be able to figure it out. Damn kids and their fancy text messages. Actually, I think the whole point of texting is stupid because all people seem to say is…
“how r u”
“good u”
“good lol”
“where r u”
“work ”
" "
“lol”
“lol”
“cu l8r”
“cu”
And there’s $50 right there.
