With all the shit that is going down in the world – Arabs at the ports, Cheney shooting friends, Bush showing he doesn’t care about black people by, well, doing anything – it’s nice to read a feel-good story of some commie high school teacher helping his students learn by comparing Bush to HITLER and getting recorded by a student. Having listened to a number of clips of this idiot on RIGHT-WING RADIO, it makes me regret not having any pinkos trying to indoctrinate me when I was a teen. Well, there might have been but I was too busy either trying to snooze or stare at the chick in front of me. (I always preferred to oogle a chick that was in front and to the left of me. That way not only could you look at her leg/thigh region, but also you would get a nice side view of the rack.)
I hope I don’t sound like a terrorist, but not all of this teacher’s ranting seemed unhinged. For example, there was something about terrorists seeing the World Trade Center as a military target. OK, I’ll go with this. After all, we’re talking about 40-virgin-afterlife-loving psychos; why not try to see things from their perspective? However, the problem with this nimrod in the classroom was that there was no self-counterbalance to his loony assertions. Oh, yeah. IT WAS ALSO A GEOGRAPHY CLASS. I at least hope he was pointing to the proper country when telling these kids why it would be OK for China to bomb us since we were shipping cigarettes to that country.
If this sort of thing goes on in this school’s geography class, I’d love to see the math curriculum. “OK class, if Bush kills 100,400 innocent Iraqis, and Halliburton’s stock rises 4 points because of it, how many civilians had to be murdered so the stock price could jump 2.5 points?”
I can’t wait to hear this guy’s defenders say that now there is a “chill wind in the air,” and educators are more fearful than ever about having the academic freedom to teach our youth. If it hasn’t happened already, I’m sure it will by early next week.
When I think back to my high school days, I’m pretty sure a number of my teachers were liberal. There was one in particular named Mrs. Dickensheets (yes, that was her real name) who I’m all but sure was a lefty. She told us how Oliver North’s false testimony at the Iran-Contra hearings was exposed because of basic math, or something like that. I don’t remember the specifics because I didn’t pay that much attention to this woman; not because I was a RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST, but rather because I was a teen-ager.
The highlight of my interaction with Mrs. Dickensheets was when I was a junior in high school. I had a math class with her, and one morning all 11th graders had to have an assembly to go over how to pay for our senior prom. It had always been the tradition of every senior class to pass on the debt to the class after them, but now the administration was getting tough with this, which meant our class needed to come up with a way of paying for our prom. Well, we were supposed to sell these retarded Pizza Hut coupon cards; it went something like if a person bought five pizzas and showed this card, then their next pizza was free. Also, whoever sold the most cards won some gay prize; I can’t remember what it was.
After the assembly ended I hung out with a few of my friends in the cafeteria and didn’t get back to class until about 20 minutes after every other junior in my math class returned. This of course gave Mrs. Dickensheets the perfect opportunity to harass me for my . She began asking me what the assembly was about, and said something about having to sell these stupid cards because we couldn’t freeload our prom costs onto the grade below us. She then said something that I didn’t take too kindly to and made a smart-ass remark – probably something like “I don’t care about this stupid contest.” When she asked why I didn’t want to be the person who sold the most cards and win the gay prize being offered, I responded, “Why bother when someone’s dad will force everyone in the building he works at to buy 20 cards each? Besides, I’m not even going to this stupid prom, so why should I give a crap about how it gets paid off.” After a rather extended pause from Mrs. Dickensheets, she went back to the blackboard and left me alone.
There were a few other liberal teachers, but I never got the “time to brainwash the students” vibe from them, although a few didn’t like me for other reasons, which I’m sure I’ll explain why in due time.
• Gotta love the Europeans. I guess their fans at soccer games can get a bit unruly and FIFA has issued reminders that RACISM will not be tolerated. Of course, you could always punish the FANS who are being racist shitheads, but that would require individual responsibility, and this is Europe we’re taking about after all. I don’t know much about European society, but I do know that some of their soccer enthusiasts put U.S. idiot fans to shame.
• So the city of Houston took in the evacuees of Hurricane Katrina and what do they have to show for it? A rise in crime. Thank God nobody wants to come to my city; we have enough derelicts as it is.
• Will someone please put General Motors out of my misery? It’s hard to feel bad for a company that set itself up for a huge fall when instead of cutting back and streamlining, they agreed with unions to let laid-off workers sit in these jobs banks, collecting a fat paycheck and receiving health benefits.
• So how much is it worth to find true love? Apparently $12,000 if you’re some schmoe suing eHarmony.com for not being allowed to sign up for this dating service. The reason he was turned down? He’s still married, which is a no-no, according to eHarmony. On a side note, I don’t understand why anyone would join that place. It’s not that finding love on the Internet is necessarily a bad thing (it can’t be any worse than the local bar scene), but rather because the Web site’s founder is one of the most annoying commercial spokespeople in recent memory. Also, I so want to see these testimonials from those couples they show on television a few years down the road when the shine of wedded bliss has long faded.
• I mentioned in Carnival’s blog that I have been regulating the feeding of my three cats. By giving each a quarter-cup of food in the morning and at night, I’m hoping this will prevent any health-related problems with them such as diabetes. The problem with this though is that now it’s nearly impossible to cook anything because you get overrun by felines on the hunt for food. This evening I was cooking a Lean Pocket in the oven (I can’t stand eating those things straight out of the microwave; it takes longer to bake a Pocket, but it’s worth it in the end.) and was getting a turkey sandwich prepared for a brief baking. The Lean Pocket was ready to be taken out, so I partially opened the oven door and turned back to finish putting the condiments on the sandwich. It was at this time when JJ trotted into the kitchen and began sniffing around; my guess is that he was smelling the Chicken Quesadilla Lean Pocket. I kept an eye on him and noticed that his backside began wiggling, which is always followed by a lunge/leap/charge. When I realized that he was about to jump in an oven that’s been at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, I reached for him, but I was too late. He jumped INTO THE OVEN. Fortunately, he’s not very coordinated and he only managed to get his front end onto the oven’s opening. His weight made the door fall all the way down, and I was able to get him to jump off the door completely.
When I turned around back to my sandwich, I saw Dessa (who jumped up onto the island counter -- where my sandwich was -- while I was dealing with JJ) sniffing the turkey meat that was out. As I picked her up off the island, the little bitch snagged a slice of turkey in her mouth while in mid-air and took off with it under the living room coffee table. Thank God Max was too busy looking out an opened window and didn’t get in on this action.
7:15 p.m.
• For the last few weeks, I’ve been on a “Cops” kick. I guess because the white-trash tales regarding the crackwhore sister-in-law and her out-of-control daughter have recently come to a halt, I need to go elsewhere for my fix. I remember years ago this comedian had a bit about someone he knew that watched this show and tried to guess the race of the perp before he or she showed up on television. Sadly, that’s what I’m doing now, and I’m pretty good at it. In fact, I now have to add another twist to this game: if the perp is white, will he (or she!) be wearing a shirt? And if the perp is black, I try to understand at least half of what the crack head/car thief/druggie says during his 15 minutes of fame on television. And just why am I watching this show? About 45 minutes ago I got done viewing an episode where two girls in a trailer park got into a fight. According to the witnesses, one parent watched the scuffle. But when the other kid’s parent came out to see what was going on, Parent 1 (allegedly) threw a beer at Parent 2. As the po-pos were trying to figure out what was going on, they spoke with Parent 2, who admitted to letting her kid punch the other kid, saying, “This is a trailer park. It’s what they do.”
Oh, but it got better. The next segment had two cops pull up to a house where a 7-year-old locked his mom out of their residence. To make matters better, this brat was making faces by the window when the officers were telling him to let his mom back in the house. The cops eventually broke the front door and the kid hid under a bed. Once he was dragged out to the living, he began screaming and crying. He was also in nothing but his underwear.
• For as much as I hate mowing the lawn, there is one thing I despise more. Raking leaves. There is a tree in my backyard that dumps its load every November/December and I have to rake this shit up. Last year I was waiting for this annual ritual to begin, and of course the day in which all the leaves end up on the ground the better half and I were in the midst of a flu bout. Once I got over this sickness, I slept on my back in an odd way and woke up one morning with so much pain I couldn’t bend over. After a week or two when this condition went away it began to constantly rain or snow. I figured I’ll just rake this shit up come spring. It couldn’t be that bad, right? Wrong. Over the last last two days I’ve done four full leaf bags of these dried-up pieces of shit and I got a few good bags left scattered on my property. God only knows what the neighbors think because I’m sure some of my mess went onto their yard. Then again, they really don’t do much in the realm of lawn preservation, so I’m sure any “outrage” directed at me would be just for show. However, it’s the principle of it all, and I do feel like a schmuck about this mishap. Let’s just say lesson learned. I could have cancer with tubes sticking out of every body part and I’ll still rake these leaves once they fall from that damn tree.
• The MLB season hasn't even started yet and I have to listen to this shit already.
OK, time to play “Who is more diverse?” Is it the league with
60 percent of one race
29 percent of another race
8.5 percent of another race, and
2.5 percent of another;
Or is it the league with
77 percent of one race
21 percent of another race, and
2 percent of other races;
Or is it the league with
69 percent of one race, and
31 percent of another race, plus probably a percentage or two of other races.
If you guessed the first sport, you would be selecting Major League Baseball. Sport number two is the NBA, and sport number three is the NFL. So while the PC bitches at ESPN and other national sports media figureheads gnaw on their fingernails trying to figure out how to bring more black people into America’s National Pastime, I’m doing my best to get more of “my people” those valued starting NFL cornerback slots. But I’ll throw MLB a bone on this one. You want more blacks in your game? Promote the fact being able to steal in your contests is a good thing.
• And Hollywood wonders why Red State America finds them out of touch. Take Sharon Stone (please) and her reason why she thinks Hitlery shouldn’t run for President just yet. “This may sound odd, but a woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don't think people will accept that. It’s too threatening.”
There are a lot of things I think about when the subject of Hitlery sprouts up, and anything dealing with the word “sexual” isn’t on this list. Then again, if by “sexual power” Stone means grabbing your hubby by the balls and twisting until you get your way, then she may be on to something.
Speaking of this stupid bitch (Stone, not Hitlery), here’s more evidence of why I can’t stand her. From another interview: “I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen. Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’”
Liberals like her are the same people who bitch about the Religious Right wanting to get into your wombs and Uncle Sam trying to set up shop in your bedrooms, yet she wants to engage in on-the-spot conversations about sex with kids that aren’t her own? Hopefully she’ll take her own advice and end up getting herpes one day around her yapper. Oh, and then there’s this quote, “If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them.”
To any young girls out there, Uncle kkk offers this advice. If you’re in a situation where you "cannot get out of sex," knee the wanna-be rapist in the balls. If you can’t do that and are forced to give a blow job – bite down. Hard. Oh, and if you're hot, a/s/l plz.
• Here we go again with Big Brother invading our privacy. Some hired goon pretended to be a political opponent in order to view that person's credit report. I bet this poor victim's telephones were also wire-tapped. Oh, wait. The person who pleaded guilty was a former staff member of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, and the victim was a Republican running for governor of Maryland? Never mind.
• OK, now this is the real deal. The evil Bush administration just got slammed by an appeals court for making public an illegally taped telephone conversation of a political rival. Ha. Now the truth is coming out. Wait, the person who got slammed was Washington state Democrat Jim McDermott, who 10 years ago turned over to New York Slimes reporters a cell phone call involving former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and other GOP leaders? Never mind.
• I just heard on the radio that, for the next election in my great state of Pennsylvania, our government is spending tens of millions of dollars to replace our perfectly adequate voting machines with used voting electronic voting machines that probably won't be ready in time. To make matters better, some of these machines are from Illinois, home of Cook County and voters that rise from the dead every few years to vote for Democrats. Oh, this will be a fun upcoming election season.
• So a bunch of illegals took to the streets this weekend to bitch about being treated like a foreigners. Okie Dokie. I’m getting sick of hearing about this subject, because what’s the point of debating? For every study that claims these unregistered residents of the United States of America, there’s one that shows how much of a burden these people are. Nothing will get done about this problem. Why, these undocumented workers do the jobs no American would do and we’d all be paying $10 for a head of lettuce. Whatever. Guess I have to get used to the taste of salsa because these illegal aliens aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
11:30 p.m.
• So I read this hippie op-ed column in the local paper earlier this week and it’s still on my mind. It’s some commie who used to work at CNN and he’s talking about how “liberalism” really doesn’t exist anymore and blah blah blah. The part that made me laugh (the most) was the following:
Sony silence? I guess your “conservative friends” aren’t that quick on the ball to respond by saying, “Sure, but only if I get my money back from the years I put into these Ponzi schemes.” I mean that “Well then don’t collect Social Security” attempt at shutting up Big Government dissenters is almost as easy to diffuse as when some idiot says, “If you’re against abortion how come you’re for capital punishment?” Then there’s the oldie but goldie “WHO WOULD JESUS BOMB?!” (Uh, I don’t know about ol’ Jesus, but his old man was one heck of a hell raiser. Noah didn’t build that boat for nothing.)
11:59 p.m.
• This story has irked me for some time. Long story short: Back in ’04 my state Senator, some liberal faggot by the name of Alan Kukovich, lost to a Republican named Bob Regola. Now Regola really wasn’t a Republican – he had been a conservative Democrat but switched to the GOP ticket in hopes of beating this left-wing bitch in a general election rather than a primary. Shortly after this upset, some little shit named Louis Farrell, Regola’s 14-year old next door neighbor was found dead with Regola’s gun. Here’s the story for those that care:
Now I’ve said before I’m not a gun owner (although many a day goes by when I wonder why), but if you have a gun in your house for protection, wouldn’t it be pointless to lock it up? If it’s 3 a.m. and you hear someone breaking through your living room window, I don’t think you’d have enough time to wake up, get the key to your gun box, open the box, remove the trigger lock, put in the bullets and then go hunting for the person breaking into your house. To me this whole thing smells like a witch hunt and I will gladly vote for Regola should he run again. And this whole perjury thing isn’t jiving with me. OMG he first said the gun was under his kid’s bed then later under his bed. N*gga plz. I’m not defending him because of his party affiliation – I’m defending him because I think it’s bullshit that you can get in trouble for daring to have a weapon to protect your property easily accessible (it’s not like the gun was kept out on the living room coffee table next to the TV Guide). My only regret in this whole story is that that little bastard didn’t just lay down in front of a moving train. (That line went over REAL well a year or two ago when I was in a local doctor’s office with the better half, and some old guy, who made it obvious he didn’t care for Regola, was giving us his opinion on this matter.)
6:45 p.m.
• Oh you got to be kidding me. ESPN has Racist Dusty as a commentator? I just saw him on SportsCenter talking about the NL East. Oddly enough, Racist Dusty didn’t mention which teams will start out the season fast but finish slow in those chilly September nights due to a plethora of black players on their roster.
• I can't wait to hear Circuit City bitch a year from now about how they can't find any good workers.
If you’ve read my blog or posts for any length of time, chances are you know my opinion toward unions, "worker's rights" and all that other hippie shit, but whenever I read stuff like this, I get irked. Then again, in a free market, you always have to be on the go and ready to change jobs; staying at a place for 30 years is a thing of the past. Kind of a shame, really, but it’s a fact of life. Great, now I’m sounding like a commie. I need to change the subject … stat.
• Much better.
9 a.m.
• I'm a cat person, but I got to admit that there's no way any of my three would be able to pull this off.
7 a.m.
• So I just heard on the news that Fast Eddie's attempt to jack up the state cigarette tax an extra dime is approved by voters in a poll by a count of 54 to 46 percent. Now I don’t smoke and I don’t care about those that do. However, I do have a soft spot for smokers if only because I treat them like disposable front-line infantrymen (and women) in the war on the State taxing its constituents. If smoking ever gets banned, or taxed to the point where not enough people won't purchase the product, then Big Brother will go and tax up the wazoo something else – perhaps something I like. Well anyway, I heard in this news blurb that the dime increase will make PA’s tax on a pack of smokes $1.45. And we bitch about BIG OIL for price gouging? Yikes.
• I’ve been rooting for the Penguins and their mid-season surge to the NHL playoffs, if only because I hope it reminds people that Fast Eddie and Shittsburgh did jack shit to keep them here (yet our local leaders bent over backwards for the Pirates when they were in "danger" of leaving town). Last night they clinched a postseason spot. Uh, yay and stuff. I normally don’t watch the Penguins on television for a full game. If I’m putting away groceries or channel surfing and a game is being televised, I’ll keep it on depending on my mood. Well last night I had the start of the game on against the Washington Capitals while I got back from the grocery store. Every time I have a Penguins game on at the start of the contest they stink up the arena, and last night was no exception as Washington got off to a 2-0 lead. I changed channels for a few hours and came back to the game. What was the score when I returned to the game? 4-2 Pens.
Where did everybody go?
8:30 p.m.
• So here's some local stuff that's going on in my redneck of the woods.
Now there's a bunch of blahblahblah to this article, but the last two paragraphs caught my attention.
"Fairness." Interesting. You see, in this same county there is some road construction going on due to some hippie EPA order. This construction is going on along a patch of road that's home to a bunch of local businesses, who are understandably pissed off about the whole thing. "No need to worry," the politicians said, "this construction won't affect any of the businesses."
Oh no?
Less than two months into construction a corner store shut its doors. The reason? The road construction turned away many of the customers. The amount of businesses went down so much that this store lost its lottery machine, and the owner decided to call it a day.
Now in the interest of "fairness," I think the State should allow this store owner, who from what I was told had been in business for decades, to keep his lottery machine and stay in business. But wait, this store is in the PRIVATE sector.
Maybe the store owner should have asked for a bailout.
One of my rules to maintaining a happy existence is not to get involved in matchmaking. Heed these words of wisdom. The reason I bring this up now is because the better half is trying to play Chuck Woolery (only without the penis) with one of her friends. I talked about this chick a while back, and to make a long story short she’s approaching the ripe old age of 27 and is moaning that she’s going to be an unwedded, childless spinster for the rest of her life.
A few years ago she was slated to get married, but her groom-to-be bailed with two months to go before the big day. Ever since then she’s been trying desperately to find Mr. Right, or even Mr. He’s Not That Bad. Let me do a quick rundown of some of the guys she’s bedded since the jilting. There was this one guy with webbed feet who told her he just wanted to be friends; friends that fuck, that is. Oh, and from what I heard, this guy is under a court order never to be near his child from a previous marriage. There was that guy who was her date at my wedding, got shit-faced and talked about suicide after she broke up with him. He wasn’t that bad a guy, but she had decided she couldn’t be with him because she was in love with the webbed foot person. The most recent guy called it quits Sunday with her because, according to him, she didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Of course, his definition of “going out” involved her attending his weekly pool and bowling league competitions (the final blow for him came when she didn't attend one of these leagues Saturday night). Oh, and this guy also refers to himself in the third person.
I should mention that her taste in men has been less-than-stellar even before the “wedding, or lack thereof” incident. Before this, she dated some guy in high school who used to beat the shit out of her (oddly enough, I found out later that this guy was the grandson of the elderly family the better half and I bought our house from). She also dated some guy who was sentenced for several months in jail for two charges of corruption of a minor (prosecutors tried to get him on rape, but to no avail). Also, the guy she was supposed to marry wasn’t all up there either; one time when Mrs. kkk and her were having a “girls’ night out” at a local restaurant, I was told this guy called her on the cell phone a dozen times in a two-hour period. He thought she was cheating on him; as it turns out, he dumped her to be with some gal he was boning on the side, not to mention in the missionary position, doggy-style, etc.
Anyway, after Mr. Talks In The Third Person dumped her last night, she called the better half crying hysterically because this guy was going to be "the one," or at least "the next one." When this phone call ended, my beloved said that she wanted to set her friend up with this guy who was the brother of the ex-boyfriend of her niece. Now I have nothing against my niece’s ex; in fact, I’d rather have him as a nephew than the out-of-control teen that is my niece-in-law. When Mrs. kkk asked me what I thought of setting her friend up, I looked up from watching an all-day James Bond marathon and said it was a bad idea. A very bad idea.
I can understand if you’re a chick and want to help your friend find Mr. Right. I can understand if you’re a guy and want to hook up your buddy with some quick poon. But you just don’t do it. If I know someone and another of my acquaintances inquires as to the availability of said friend, I’ll let them know if they’re in a relationship or on the open market. I might even give a personality overview like “Yeah, she’s nice,” or “He’s a good guy.” Hell, if I get annoyed by my friend constantly talking him or her, I might even say something like “Well then ask her out dip shit.” But under no circumstances will I go any further than that.
And besides, I can’t wait until the better half’s friend hooks up with some slime ball just because he stayed around her longer than three weeks. Hopefully some children will be involved, which will only add to the fun stories that are sure to come from this match made in heaven.
4:30 p.m.
• And he was about to get the chair, too -- in just 0143892 more years...
• Go, Texas. We need all the red state electoral votes we can muster.
And in a SHOCKING development.
3 p.m.
• That Karl Rove is a genius. What’s the best way to get your administration’s accusations of firing judges, or whatever that stupid “scandal” is about? Give your press spokesman cancer.
I didn't care too much for Tony when he sub-hosted for Rush all those years ago, but I didn't want him to get cancer for it.
8:15 a.m.
• OK, so I get oodles of male (and female) enhancement ads through my personal and work e-mail, along with letters from exiled African princes who offer me millions of dollars worth of inheritance loot for just a $5,000 loan. Anyway, I got this in my e-mail this morning, and, well …
8:30 p.m.
• Time to see if I’m a true-blue Juggalo or a Poser. Before I begin, I have a funny/sad story related to the Insane Clown Posse that I would like to share. While working as a team leader for a test-scoring facility in Ohio, I came across this essay answer that was nothing more than the lyrics to ICP’s “Under the Moon” (I can’t remember what the test question was). Oddly enough, that wasn’t the only “rap song” answer I encountered while working this job. In an essay question asking the student to tell a story of how he or she overcame a challenge, I got the lyrics to the Notorious B.I.G. “Warning.” However, at the end of the essay, instead of talking about busting a cap in the home invaders, he wrote something like “Hold on, I hear somebody coming. Hey, it’s Bob and Steve. You two want to go and get something to eat?” But now I’m getting off-track. I have to test my Juggalo cred.
1.) How many members are in ICP?
a) 2
b) 4
c) 1
d) Unknown.
Answer: Two
2.) The members of ICP all have tha same first name , whut is it?
a) Steve
b) Mike
c) illig
d) Joseph
Answer: Fuck, I don’t know. They both look like “Mikes.”
3) Whut are the band-names tha members go by?
a) Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope
b) AnyBody killa(ABK), Jumpsteady
c) Esham, Jumpsteady
d) Dont hav NE
Answer: Easy. J and Shaggy.
4) Whut waz the previous name used by tha members of ICP?(whut waz there street/gang name?)
a) Hatchet Family
b) Tha Dark Carnival
c) Insane Jester Gang
d) Inner City Posse
Answer: Inner City Posse – how the hell do I know that?
5) Whut was tha Story they were trying to tell through music?
a) Story of tha Dark Carnival
b) Hatchet warrior story
c) Tha story of tha jesters/jokers
d) There isnt a story
e) …
Answer: …
6) Did all tha members hav dreads?
a) No
b)Yes
c) Only one did
d) They didnt evere have dreads, they had braids
e) .....
Answer: I’m going with the “braids” answer because I smell a swerve with this one.
7) Well weather they were dreads or braids, why did one of them have to shave them off?
a) Never did
b) No reason
c) A new look
d) For a Movie
Answer: Got to be a movie. LL Cool J showed us his bald head in "Halloween: H2O." Nothing wrong with holding out for the right price.
8) Well if they made a movie whut waz it called?
a) Never made a movie
b) no names, they were music videos
c) Big money hustlas
d) Tha history of Insane Clown Posse
Answer: OK, well it looks like I got #7 right. I’ll go with Hustlas because I doubt they would have went with “Tha history…” title.
9) There were origanaly thought that there was supossed to be 7 joker cards but in tha end how many are there?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 4
d) 10
Answer: Unless there was some change to the joker cards after the Great Milenko, I'm pretty sure the answer is 6.
10) Whut joker card was tha master of Necromancy?
a) Tha Great Milenko
b) Tha Amazing Jeckle brothers
c) Carnival Carnag
d) Tha Wraith
e) Tha Ring Master
f) Tha Riddlebox
Answer: Oh hell, I think I actually know this one. Milenko.
OK, now time to see if I’m Juggalo-worthy. *Clicks submit.*
Juggalo
Your a True Juggalo, Born With a hatchet and a juggalo face, Cruisin with A trunk full of faygo and a car full of fat chix, and haunted by a Dark Carnival, your hmies are family too, and you believe Santa Clause is a fat bitch. Hallowen is prolly ur favorite Holiday. if this is tru and ur a juggalette you should im me on Aim: IndependentJ0ker (with tha number zero) Much Clown love!
I have no idea how many I got wrong on this quiz, and I don’t want to know. Actually, I'm more afraid of how many I got right. Oh hell, I'll admit it. I own Riddlebox, Tunnel of Love and Milenko (all of them are bought used -- even I have my standards). It's all in good campy fun. Plus they make fun of rednecks. OK, final story for tonight. During the late ‘90s, the better half’s mother watched a bit of pro wrestling, which was odd for me when she’d ask me questions about why the Undertaker wasn’t on television (injury) or why did Bret Hart go from the WWF to the “other place” (OMG VINCE SCREWED BRET). But the strangest encounter came when ICP was with the WWF in that “Oddities” group, and my future mother-in-law said that these two performers were “funny” and that she wanted to know if they were “real” musicians (I’m sure I can put quote marks around the word musicians, too). A short while later I gave her a copy of “Riddlebox” because I knew it would offend her beyond belief (almost as bad as the time I informed her of the “Piss Christ”), and I was right. Why she allowed me to eventually marry her daughter I have no idea.
7 p.m.
• Yesterday I talked about how much I like this time of year. However, there was one little thing I forgot to mention that I absolutely fucking hate. For some reason, when the sun starts shining, and people roll down the windows to their vehicles, many people get the urge to drive like assholes – or at least bigger assholes than they usually drive. I get it. You like to drive fast on a highway. Fine. But then people start weaving in and out of lanes during rush hour traffic just to get an extra car length or two. I witnessed several examples of this today, but the best by far was when one car was on its hood with the wheels still spinning. The funny thing was that there were no other cars hit or property damaged. My guess is that the driver was speeding and took a turn or hit the brakes, resulting in his car taking flight or flipping. Good.
• Whatever.
I really don’t care. Last year’s Monday Night crew was “eh,” and I’m sure this trio won’t be much better, or worse. But if this means more J.A. Adande “Jaws” impressions, then I throw my support behind this move.
9:30 a.m.
• Get the hell out of here.
HOWEVER
If there was "good parenting," the kids wouldn't be in daycare in one of these institutions. Yeah, I know, OMG what should SINGLE MOMS and WORKING FAMILIES do~?! and all that shit. How about this: don't have kids before you can afford them.
6 p.m.
• So I heard my first Barack Osama radio ad today.
*Blahblahblah We pay high gas prices and Exxon makes $30 billion Blahblahblah*
PA’s primary can’t come quick enough. Then again, I'm sure it will be just as bad in the general election.
• You know, I don’t get the Sarah Jessica Parker hate.
Maybe it’s because “Sex in the City” was terrible or something – not that I would know because I never watched it. She looks different. Big deal. I don’t fantasize about her while stroking my wiener, but I don’t find her repulsive. But I have to ask this: Why bring it up now when this was first published last fall? Don't say the upcoming "Sex in the City" movie, because this doesn't really do much to make someone want to go out, put down $10 for a ticket and watch the UNSEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE~!
• I’m sure there are places in the “progressive” part of towns that would charge $8 per serving for this.
If you don’t read Bored’s blog, which deals mostly with sports stuff, especially when it comes to nostalgia-related matters, then get your hippie ass over there now. While I’m not one for debating who was more deserving of seventh place for the 1991 Cy Young award (I don't even know who won it -- Jack Morris?), he recently said something that struck a chord with me. When debating which multi-millionaire deserved the 2003 AL MVP award, he remarked, “And god damn do baseball cards suck now or what?”
Yes they do. And thanks for the idea.
As a kid, I loved collecting sports cards, particularly those dealing with baseball and football. In the 1980s and early 1990s I actively took part in this hobby. However, after around 1993 I stopped collecting, mostly because it seemed that the industry went from collecting for fun to collecting for money. Packs of cards that used to cost 50 cents for a pack of 15 (and that gum – blech) went up to several dollars for a pack of less than 10 cards. No thanks.
I never collected cards for the money; I collected out of nostalgia. Now that I’m older, I’m grateful that I’ve managed to hold onto these little pieces of memorabilia. A few months ago I opened up my collection and went through some boxes, just to see how the cards are holding up, and I couldn’t get myself away from shuffling through thousands upon thousands of these cards. The last time I did any sort of “inventory” on my cards was in the late 1990s, and one of these days I need to go back and re-organize these bad boys.
Like I said, most of my collecting was done during the 1980s and early 1990s, but I also have a few cards from the 1970s and 1960s that I picked up at various shows and hobby stores over the years. However, for me the 1980s and early 1990s were a great time for collecting baseball cards, and below is a list of my favorite designs of this era. Keep in mind I do just about everything in life half-assed, so I have no real criteria or rhyme or reason for some of the years I prefer. The only rule I set was to make each of my “Top 5” from a different company. The reason for this is there are a few designs I like with similar layouts, so that’s kind of like double-dipping to me (see the 1986 and 1991 Donruss brands below).
Without further ado, here is my Top 5. Keep in mind the rankings are determined by an extremely complicated win-share formula that if I showed you I'd have to kill you.
Number 5:
1988 Score
I didn’t collect a lot of this brand, which came out toward the end of my collecting days, but I always liked the 1988 year, mostly because of bright color schemes on the front. Plus I liked that little triangle at the bottom where the player’s name and position is, and there was that white frame around the player's image; those were some nice touches. I give this a 20 win-share.
Number 4:
1990 Donruss
I was never a fan of Donruss cards, although like I said above, they had a design scheme in 1986 that I liked, which was used again (sorta) in their 1991 set. However, I also dug their 1990 design, which seemed to be a drastic change from how they usually produced their cards. Donruss went with a base red color and an artsy font for names. In addition, the “speckles” used as an enhancer effectively broke up the solid background. I give this a 35 win-share.
Number 3:
1990 Upper Deck
I have a love-hate relationship with Upper Deck. When these cards came out on the market, it was an omen that my days of being involved with this hobby were numbered. These cards were pricier than what I had been used to collecting, and there weren’t as many cards per pack, but damn there some nice-looking designs. The 1989-1991 sets all pretty much looked the same, so I went with the 1990 brand because it had a simpler design than the other two years, and when you dealt with cards that looked this good, sometimes it’s best to keep it simple. I give this a 75 win-share.
Number 2:
1987 Topps
Topps was the big dog of card companies during this time, but I never really got into their designs; most of the time they just seemed stale. However, 1987 was an exception. That wooden background brought out the colorful box where the player’s name was printed. Also, it was a near-perfect complement to the team logo, which was at the top left corner of the card. I give this a 76 win-share. (Originally I had the Topps brand at number 3 and Upper Deck at number 2, but upon further review I couldn’t let the brand that helped bring about my disinterest in the industry lounge in the second slot.)
Number 1: 1984 Fleer:
By far my favorite baseball card design, and I really can’t explain why. There was no real color coordination for teams, like the 1987 Topps or 1988 Score cards. There wasn’t a fancy background, like the 1990 Donruss brand, and it certainly wasn’t made of the same quality as the 1991 Upper Deck set. However, the white background meshes perfectly with the blue bars, and the white and black text is a great combination, as is the placement of the team’s logo on the lower right corner. This gets a 10,000 win-share for me.
Like I said before, there were a few other cards that I liked which didn’t make the cut. They include, in no particular order:
1986 Donruss
1991 Donruss (note the resemblance in design, or at least there is one for me)
1989 Fleer
1982 Topps
1990 Topps.
In addition, there was a 1988 Classic Card series that for some reason I’ve always liked, and it dealt with Phil Nieko’s final year in the major leagues. There’s one card featuring him on the Indians, another card of him pitching for the Blue Jays and a final card of him finishing off his career where it started, with the Braves.
But baseball cards weren’t the only things I collected. There was also football, a topic I’ll cover in a future entry.
7:30 p.m.
• So on Easter Sunday it was off to the in-laws for lunch/dinner/whatever the hell they did this year. The brother-in-law and his family made their usual trip and it’s funny to observe their kids as they are getting older. However, they (or at least the niece) are still kids in some respects – especially when my mother-in-law made some crack about her cat and how he started getting fat years ago after the vet “chopped his balls off.” The niece then asks, “what’s balls?” OK, I’ll be remembering that one for a while.
• Opening Day was just played?
Well, with that little reminder, it’s time to go up TSM’s resident baseball guru for another round of who knows more about the current state of America’s National Pastime.
Here’s that other person’s selections.
Time for Al kkk-eiper to do his thing:
Baltimore Orioles 66.0 – Over
Florida Marlins 69.0 – Under
Pittsburgh Pirates 70.0 – Over(!)
Kansas City Royals 71.0 – Over
Washington Nationals 72.0 – Over
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 73.0 – Over
San Francisco Giants 73.0 – Under
Oakland Athletics 74.0 – Under
Texas Rangers 75.5 – Under
Minnesota Twins 75.5 – Under
Houston Astros 76.0 – Under
Chicago White Sox 77.0 – Under
Cincinnati Reds 79.0 – Under
St. Louis Cardinals 80.0 – Under
Colorado Rockies 83.0 – Over
San Diego Padres 84.5 – Under
Seattle Mariners 85.0 – Over
Milwaukee Brewers 85.0 – Under
Toronto Blue Jays 85.5 – Over
Arizona Diamondbacks 86.0 – Over
Los Angeles Dodgers 86.5 – Under
Philadelphia Phillies 86.5 – Under
Atlanta Braves 87.0 – Under
Chicago Cubs 89.0 – Under
Cleveland Indians 89.5 – Over
Los Angeles Angels 92.5 – Under
Detroit Tigers 93.0 – Under
New York Yankees 93.5 – Under
New York Mets 94.0 – Under
Boston Red Sox 94.5 – Under
OK, now it’s time to see how the standings will look like:
NL EAST
New York Mets 94.0 – Under
Atlanta Braves 87.0 – Under
Philadelphia Phillies 86.5 – Under
Washington Nationals 72.0 – Over
Florida Marlins 69.0 – Under
NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs 89.0 – Under
Milwaukee Brewers 85.0 – Under
St. Louis Cardinals 80.0 – Under
Cincinnati Reds 79.0 – Under
Houston Astros 76.0 – Under
Pittsburgh Pirates 70.0 – Over
NL WEST
Arizona Diamondbacks 86.0 – Over
Los Angeles Dodgers 86.5 – Under
Colorado Rockies 83.0 – Over
San Diego Padres 84.5 – Under
San Francisco Giants 73.0 – Under
AL EAST
Boston Red Sox 94.5 – Under
New York Yankees 93.5 – Under
Toronto Blue Jays 85.5 – Over
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 73.0 – Over
Baltimore Orioles 66.0 – Over
AL CENTRAL
Cleveland Indians 89.5 – Over
Detroit Tigers 93.0 – Under
Chicago White Sox 77.0 – Under
Minnesota Twins 75.5 – Under
Kansas City Royals 71.0 – Over
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels 92.5 – Under
Seattle Mariners 85.0 – Over
Texas Rangers 75.5 – Under
Oakland Athletics 74.0 – Under
O’righty then. And wtf is up with those “.5” over/under spreads? Only an asshole would do something like that.
8 p.m.
• Looks like the winter season is over in my part of the country. This weekend was the first this year when the windows were opened throughout the house. I like the seasonal transition from winter to spring because it’s not too hot where the AC needs turned on and it’s not too cold so that the better half will bitch about being cold – well at least not bitch all that much. Too bad in a few months it’ll be hotter than shit. Then again, it beats snow so I’m not complaining. However, this weather means that pretty soon I’ll have to start mowing the lawn again. In addition, I’m going to have to rake the leaves in the backyard, too. The last two years I raked the leaves in the autumn right before the snow, but this past season I was sick and didn’t get around to doing so. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
• Payback is a bitch, mother fucker.
Wait a second.
Sonofabitch. It wasn’t Mike Nifong. Wow. Never thought I’d live to see the day where I feel sympathy for a defense lawyer. Then again, if I should ever get dragged into court I’ll probably be showering my Jew lawyer with praise.
• Awesome.
Why do I think this is funny? Because Middletown, Ohio, my former residence, is located in Butler County. Oddly enough, there is a Butler county in the southwestern Pennsylvania area, too. It's the county just above Allegheny county (which is where Shittsburgh is located). For those that don't know by now, my county is to the east of Allegheny. While I’m on the subject of Middletown, I remember this story from two years ago, and I don’t think I've mentioned it here before.
During my limited time living in Middletown, I never had a problem with the local tax people. Actually, I’ve never had a problem with any local tax people anywhere I have lived. Well, last year my local tax man didn’t cash my April check until the end of May, but whatever. It's local government.
• I talked about Larry the Cable Guy a few days ago, and I’m going to do so again. I was flipping through channels last night and saw two interviews featuring him. The first one was on CMT; no surprise there. I had this on as background noise while cooking dinner, and the most interesting part was when I heard him say that he was a Reagan conservative. I guess that’s better than him not being one. But what really threw me for a loop was later on that evening when he was on Hannity & Colmes. Well, I’d rather listen to his jokes than most of the guests they have on that show. The highlight of that interview was when he talked to Alan. He said that when Colmes had his radio show in Orlando, that Larry was the guy who would call into his show, say “nobody cares what you think” and hang up. The sad thing is I believe this story. Oh, and he also called Bill O'Reilly a communist.
• Since I’m a retard when it comes to social etiquette and other hippies stuff like that, I’m not sure if I’m in the right or wrong when it comes to this very important issue. Long story short: The mother-in-law received a tin of cookies for Christmas from her one niece, who lives with her father’s family. About a week ago the niece who gave the cookies told the mother-in-law that her uncle who gave her the cookie tin wants it back. (I’m not even going to attempt to explain this family tree because it’s one of broken families that would take about 1,000 words for me to set up.) Now when you make cookies or some other baking concoction and present it in a tin, I’m always under the assumption that you give the tin away as well as what’s inside this container. Now if the person who does the giving asks for the tin back at the start of the transaction, that’s different, but what’s the point of giving someone a tin container if you are going to want it back later? Why not just give away the baked goods in some crappy throw-away Tupperware? Truly, this is one incident that will rock the very foundation of our society.
• This has been a bad week for pets. First a British stray cat that became a mainstay of the Prime Minister’s place died at 18 years of age, and now some turtle that was supposedly the pet of an officer in colonial India around the middle of the 18th century also passed away. Dang. 18 years for a cat and 250 for a tortoise? Can’t say they didn’t get their money’s worth on this planet.
• Man, if we ran elections like they do over in the Ukraine, which will have a voting ballot over two-feet long, well, let’s just say there will be a bunch of far-sighted Jews in Florida that will get disenfranchised. At least the good thing is that with all the names to choose from, they probably would have plenty of candidates to mistakenly pick from than just Pat Buchanan.
• Great, the Dixie Terrorists are coming out with another album. Much like their previous albums, I won’t care (I’m not a country music fan). However, I can’t wait to hear all the media hoopla about if their more conservative listeners will “forgive” them for the stuff they said back a few years ago about our Commander in Chief. You have the freedom to say whatever you want, but other people are also free to say “fuck you three bitches.”
I haven't really paid attention to your new solo show weeknights on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2009~! However, when I heard back in February that Gilbert Gottfried was going to be one of your GREAT AMERICAN PANELISTS, I couldn't resist. Finally got around to looking up a clip on YouTube of this segment to replay one of the highlights.
What also made me laugh was George Allen (to the left) then trying to make a serious douchey statement about roids in baseball. You're not running for office anymore. Lighten up for God's sake.
Here's another clip. The first 0:54 pretty much sums up why I don't bother watching these shows on a regular basis. The rest of the clip is why I watched this particular episode.
11:45 p.m.
• So I was flipping channels earlier today and came across some hippie Vh1 show that showed mini-videos. Eh. Oh well, this one got a laugh out of me. While I'm sorta on this subject, I actually like that Gene Simmons show on A&E. I don't watch this program on a regular basis, but if there is nothing else playing I'll put the remote down. I'm not a huge fan of Kiss, but the fact Gene is so obsessed with money makes him one of my heroes.
7:30 p.m.
• I’ve bitched about this before, but I don’t care.
Boo-fucking hoo. If you can’t afford a home, then don’t get a subprime loan you stupid fucks. I know owning a home is the “American Dream” and all that shit, but go at it the right way. Make sound choices in your life. Don’t live beyond your means. And for the love of Christ, don’t get an adjustable mortgage rate. Unlike the family mentioned above in this pseudo-sob story, don’t worry about the foosball table and hot tub until after you get financial matters in order. Oh this shit pisses me off. Sometimes life can throw you a curveball, but if you are prepared for it you have a better chance at properly reacting to whatever comes your way. It pays to hold out for the best possible deal rather than instantly gratify yourself and have it come back to bite you in the ass later.
• If we don’t help out citrus farmers, the terrorists win.
Actually, this type of shit goes on all the time in politics – attaching some pork, err, orange, to a bill that has nothing to do with the added spending. But since Democrats are now in charge I’m OUTRAGED!
• I’m sure this guy, if convicted, can get the East Valley Tribune for free in the prison’s library.
• There are a lot of things in this world that piss me off, but in the grand scheme of things most of these things are nothing I lose sleep over. However, there are a few things that truly get me mad. One of them is when a police officer is involved in a shooting, and some shitbag lawyer or ACLU-type bitch complains that the cop had to shoot and kill the suspect. Usually, their reasoning is, “Well couldn’t the officer have shot the person in the arm or leg?” Another thing that just angers me to no end are these high-speed police chases. On Wednesday the FAUX NEWS REPORT (lol2006) spent half of the program broadcasting one of these pursuits taking place in California. Not only was this asshole suspected of Grand Theft Auto, but also he was going 80-90 mph in residential areas. I’m sure this asshole eventually got caught; I don’t care how great a person he was before this chase, but he should never see the light of day after trying to avoid the law and putting the lives of innocent motorists and pedestrians around him in danger. The said thing is if he would have gotten into an accident and killed someone, some people would blame the cops for chasing him. Anyone that starts one of these pursuits should be charged with attempted vehicular homicide or something for every car or pedestrian he or she passes. These people should never breath the sweet air of freedom for the rest of their miserable existence.
• This is why I hate picking games/tournament brackets/etc. I loathe the Duke Blue Devils, but I was hoping they’d win last night because I had them losing to Boston College in the Championship Game several rounds down the road in my bracket. Bastards.
• Last night I got to catch up on my video game playing. First I put in NHL ’06, where I was riding a humble one-game winning streak after losing six in a row (I’m in my first season in franchise mode, or whatever the hell it’s called). I can deal with losing, but each game I lost during this streak was by one goal, and several of them were lost in the last 20 seconds of the third period. I’m about seven points out of the playoff hunt. I’m only 20 or so games in the season, so I’m still trying to get used to the game play. However, last night I was dreading going up against the Florida Panthers, who are in first place in their division and had a 98-rated goaltender. To my surprise I won 5-3, although I almost blew a three-goal lead. (For the record, I play 5-minute periods at the hard, but not impossible, level with the penalty bar maxed out.) I’m not sure what to do with the Pens; I’m planning on dumping Sergei Gonchar before the trading deadline. He’s my best defenseman, but he’s also eating up a $5 million/year salary, and I’ll need that money to sign some of my younger players in the next year or so. I’m also torn on whether or not to trade Lemieux – I know he’s going to retire after this season, but damnit, he’s MARIO LEMIEUX! Besides, he’s the only center I have that’s any good, although Kraft does OK on the second line, especially when playing a Behind the Net offense scene. And, damnit, I’d be trading away MARIO LEMIEUX!
• After NHL ’06, I popped in Madden ’05 and lost against the Bengals for the second time this season. My running game was stuffed, although Maddox did have 370 yards passing, his best of the season so far. It was one of the more exciting games I had in recent memory, and if I have to lose a game this is the way I want to go out – 20-26 in OT. I had two chances to win in OT, but I couldn’t convert a 4th and 1 at their 38-yard line, and on my next drive I came up just short on a 53-yard FG attempt. (I recently started over with my franchise and have it at all-star setting with the penalties maxed out and 13-minute quarters.)
And down the final stretch I come. For those that don't know I'm commenting on people I know from this hippie list. If you want to read parts I-III then go to 3/11, 3/10, and 3/8.
I saw number 51 Doug McIntyre on Dennis Miller's short-lived CNBC show, and I liked him whenever he was on that Varsity panel.
52-53: Never heard of 'em.
Never listened to number 54's Mitch Album's radio show, but I see/hear him from time-to-time. That's enough for me.
55-60: Now I'm cruising – most of the rest of this list will probably be local people that aren't local in my market.
The only exposure I have received from the occupiers of the 61 spot (Bob & Tom) is from their television commercials. That is enough for me.
I don't hate Thom Hartmann, who is at 62, because he's a commie. I hate him because he was one of the people that were part of the "new" WPTT, which as a result bumped Boortz. Bastards. I listened to him once for about 5 minutes, laughed and switched back to Rush.
63-76: It says Tom Sullivan fills in for Rush, but with the exception of Walter Williams, I change the channel when there are fill-in hosts.
Now we're getting somewhere. Number 77 Fred Honsberger is a guy I have listened to on KDKA since 1994. When I was away from Shittsburgh from '99-'03, one of the few things I missed from that place was his radio show. "Honzman" is a perfect example of how local radio can compete with the evil CLEAR CHANNELS of the world. It's simple. Have an entertaining show. Fred's program goes up against Hannity in my market, and if Honsberger is taking calls from stupid union workers who loathe the Wal-Marts of the world, there is nothing more entertaining for my ears. Ever since WPGB started up, Fred's show has become a bit more "newsy," which means a lot more boring interviews. When this happens, I usually turn on Mark Madden's local sports show (Yes, that Mark Madden) or, if I'm feeling lucky, turn on Hannity and pray he's worth listening to for the next 20 minutes or so.
The second Shittsburgher on this list is number 78, Jim Quinn (with part-time sidekick Rose). I remember listening to this guy as a kid when he was a Top 40 DJ on some pop radio station called B-94 with a guy named Banana Don. Then Quinn got canned over some sexual harassment lawsuit by this chick that used to read the news. He then got on the RIGHT-WING RADIO bandwagon in the early '90s, when the market wasn't as saturated. Since then he has carved out a nice little niche for himself in the morning, and when he moved to WPGB after being on another station for a decade, he got a few more stations to broadcast his morning show from in Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia. The show itself isn't that great because most of what he does is read articles that other people wrote, but what else am I going to listen to early in the morning? Besides, he has this sound clip that he treats like Rush's old "caller abortions." It's the sound of someone ululating followed by an explosion; this sound clip was packaged as a key chain last year that was called the "Mobile Martyr," and yes, I bought one. The funny thing is this thing goes off whenever it wants, and there have been a few times I blew up a Palestinian youth when I didn’t mean to, much to the chagrin of some strangers around me.
Oh, and Quinn's old partner, Banana Don? He got canned a few years ago when Howard Stern moved to 93.7 FM.
79: Steve who? Next.
When I lived near Cincinnati, I didn't listen to number 80 Bill Cunningham, who was on WLW, a station I didn’t frequent (WKRC was my RIGHT-WING RADIO station of choice in Cincy), but I've heard him on Hannity's show as a guest, and I'd rather listen to Bill from 3-6 p.m. than Sean.
81-91: Dunno.
Like Cunningham, number 92 Mike McConnell was on WLW I didn't listen to him while living in Cincinnati. However, he also has this syndicated weekend show, and whenever I'm doing errands in the car, I make sure to tune him in. Good stuff.
93-95: Let’s skip Chip and friends.
The last person I know on this list is Bruce Williams (96), and I used to listen to him all the time while living in Sappy Valley. Basically, he's an old guy who gave all kinds of advice. My one former co-worker thought this would be an intellectual show, but in fact it was just the opposite. It was like Dr. Laura for people too cheap to get legitimate legal/financial assistance. There are two calls that I still remember after all these years. One dealt with a guy who wanted to buy a business from someone else (I think it was a pizza shop, but I’m not sure). He said that the seller claimed the business made a certain amount of money "on the books," which wasn't an impressive sum, but "off the books" it made a killing. He then asked Bruce if this was a good investment. Bruce responded with “So you’re going to take somebody’s word that his business, which is a failure on paper, makes money illegally?” Can’t remember what the caller said, but I don’t think he went with this investment opportunity. The other caller was some lady that got a $10,000 deposit in her bank account. She spent it all, and about a week later some bank from Canada told her the deposit was a mistake and that they wanted the money back. Bruce said to the lady, "Do you always spend money that's in your account which you didn't put there?" Her answer? "Yes."
97-100: The End.
Now there were a bunch of names off this list that were mentioned, but I don't feel like talking about any of them. Although I have to note that Lynn Cullen, a local Shittsburgh personality, isn't on this list -- so, WPTT, you took off Boortz, who's ranked NUMBER NINE on this list for someone who isn’t even featured? Go to hell, you joke of a radio station. Hell yeah I'm still bitter about this.
And also, why isn't Paul Harvey on this list?! The guy's more than 80 years old and is still pimping.
10:30 a.m.
• So it looks like courtneywasmurdered is taking his act on the road. (The video clip can be found via the link.)
Well, if it keeps the kids off the streets and out of trouble, then what's the problem? Besides, I'm sure this is all on the up and up.
• There is some sanity -- in Philadelphia of all places.
This isn't like the "White/Coloreds Only" signs that were plasted in this country a generation or two ago. And, if this article is correct, with the ever-increasing immigrant population sprouting up around this business, if the masses are offended they can go to the other cheesesteak place and drive Geno's Steaks out of business.
7:45 p.m.
• What's this?
Please let it be a Jew bitching about the “Passion.”
Oh well. Maybe next time.
Good for Mel. Too bad he wasn’t drunk. It would have been more entertaining.
Oh shut up you fucking bitch. “Your people” did some crazy shit – all cultures do. Deal with it.
Here’s my favorite part.
For the last fucking time – THIS PART OF THE WORLD WAS FUCKED UP BEFORE WHITEY CAME ALONG AND TOOK ALL YOUR GOLD! Say, this reminds me of my Quickie Mart days. There was this hippie chick that I used to work with. Well, actually, “hippie,” doesn’t do her justice. She was one of those wiccan moonbats who really believed all that shit, and this was before “Charmed” made wicca cool: or at least showed some practitioners with nice tits. Our magic moment came when I told her Indians weren’t these holier-than-thou pacifists and that they could tear shit up with the best of them. I also mentioned the Aztecs would sacrifice and eat their babies to appease the Sun God, or one of those things they worshipped. Did the Aztecs actually do this? I don’t remember, but I probably heard that they did, so it must be true. This chick then said that she followed this one tribe which roamed the Great Plains and lived off what the land provided for them. She then commented that one day they mysteriously disappeared, to which I replied, “That’s because the baby-eating Indians came up and kicked their asses.”
Boy did that sure piss her off. Hey, a quick Google search shows that my baby-eating remark may have legs (and arms, too, depending on Chief I-Sold-New-York-For-A-Bag-Of-Beads-From-The-Dollar-Store's appetite).
And this is from Informationliberation.com – THE NEWS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW! :o :o :o
• So Eminem, who has bitched in the past about CENSORSHIP, is trying to silence his ex-wife. (They're now divorced? That's right. Today's Friday.)
Oh you got to be shitting me. This can’t be serious.
Hey, what is this? Why, it’s the lyrics to one of Eminem’s songs.
How DARE that bitch say Em is "slacking very much when it comes to the kids." That would make any baby daddy mad enough to kill ... or at least write a song about it.
When you're good enough to get 63 pages in your "ask" feature, the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.
Man, am I stretching for material now or what? Guess I can comment on President Hussein again. Then again, nothing STRIKES me as worth commenting about this terrorist fucktard. I could make some jokes about his kids, but that would be going in the GUTTER. Perhaps a sex joke about him and Michelle wreslting in the sack -- I bet there's some good PIN ACTION there. Oh look at the time: It's 7:10. I gotta split.
9 p.m.
• Those bitches. How dare they think the Octo-Mom is an unfit parent?
Now here's the big shocker. That feminazi bitch Gloria Allred is finally on the right side of the law.
• So Barney Fwank thinks Scalia is a homophobe.
I swear to Christ you could just burn sound clips of this guy to a CD and it would outsell at least half the comedy albums out there.
9:30 p.m.
• So I was taking a shower earlier this evening when the better half said, “I’ll join you.” Oh boy. Now in the movies you see those steamy shower scenes where the people involved are passionately embraced and doing a number of things that would, in the real world, result in one (or both) of them saying, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”
And just what happened this time around? The same thing that always takes place. When I take a shower, I move all her shampoo/body wash/etc. off the shelve thingys and onto the bathroom sink. I then take my few toiletry items and put them on those shelf thingys. (Keep in mind that we also have a holder thing around the shower head that – surprise – holds even more of her shit.)
Well I was just about done doing my thing when she says “I’m coming in.” She enters with all those shower items in hand and tries to put them on the shelf thingys, where my stuff was. There was one problem. She was at the wrong end of the bathtub and I was blocking her way. Then she starts complaining that I’m taking up all the water. Look, our bath station is just a regular hub. There’s no room. Then when she was exposed to some H2O, there was the ever-predictable “OMG how can you stand it so hot?”
How long have we lived together? And how many times have you seen me come out of the shower with just the reddish of hues on my chest?
Fortunately, I was finishing up my shower time, and after another minute or so I got the hell out of there. Look, I have nothing against co-showering, but this ain’t the movies. This is real life. Speaking of real life, here was a post of mine at the other place that is sorta related to today's subject material. Keep in mind this post was in the Sex folder in a thread titled "Okay PIT, what is your favorite, way to..." You've been warned.
• So I was heading out from work today when I heard about a potential sniper in some building in downtown Shittsburgh, effectively paralyzing the city. Great. And I had to go downtown to pick up the better half from her job. I pulled into a gas station and filled up the tank, expecting to be in gridlock for some time while trying to get around the Fort Pitt tunnels, which had been shut off, according to news reports. Then when I got back in the car, I heard that all was resolved. Apparently, some guy had been shooting pigeons with a pellet gun. I can’t wait until this makes its way around the wires, if it hasn’t already. Instead of making some smart-ass remark, I’m going to defend the city/county police. According to local news reports, the police handled this situation well, so I’ll tip my cap to my favorite city to rag on. Actually, I’ll take it a step further and say that the newly elected mayor, Bob O’Connor, seems like a decent guy, and I hope he can turn the financial woes of Shittsburgh around. Sure he’s a Democrat, but when you’re dealing with urban areas, you pretty much have to take what you can get.
Truth be told, not only am I hopeful that O’Connor will do a good job, but I also like the Democrat Allegheny County Executive Dan Onorato. Ever since he got elected a few years ago, he’s seemed like a stand up guy and hasn’t been afraid to appear on local talk shows and debate/discuss regional issues; he's even managed to piss off some of the local Democrat machine by trying to streamline county government, a promise he made on the campaign trail. If he would run for governor, I might consider switching my registration so I could vote for him in a primary against that asshole Ed Rendell. Onorato won’t make me want to buy a house in Allegheny County, but he’s a great start.
• On the other side of police efficiency, the Florida Corrections Department put a former minor league baseball player on the payroll in a no-show job so that he could help prison guards win a softball tournament, according to investigators. If this were one of those guards/inmate contests, wouldn’t it have been easier to take away the prisoners’ weights for a month or so prior to the game?
• A bus maintenance worker in Los Angeles is calling it quits at his job – at 100 years of age. According to the article, this guy worked at this place in 1924-1928, left and returned in 1934, and has been there ever since. The scary part? No, it’s not that he was a bus driver (he wasn’t); during all this time he has missed only one day of work.
• Now this was … interesting.
If the guy cut off his member and was still going strong, I’m surprised a Taser was able to slow him down. Goddamn. Apparently the reason he sliced off his johnson was because of trouble with his girlfriend. I don’t think things got any better after that, unless wanting to be a eunuch was his original intent.
• I don’t know what to think of this chick that banged her 14-year old student. I guess what leaves a sour taste in my mouth is that if it was a male teacher who did this to a female student, we wouldn’t be hearing about how the guy has a bipolar disorder and wants to start a journalism career so “he can express himself in writing." This guy accused would be beating the feminazis back with a stick, and I wouldn’t blame these ravenous harpies for wanting his hide. The person I really feel for is this crazy chick’s husband; not only do we now know that he wasn't able to get the job done in the bedroom, but also that she preferred some kid who isn’t old enough to drive a car over him.
