Here is not how to make nice with the mother of who you are are banging. You need to read the 2/4 entry to get some backstory. And "Angie" is the "name" of the crack-whore niece-in-law. The following took place during a phone conversation. You can figure out who is who.
"Angie wants Princess (one of the female cats) and Buddy (one of the male cats) back when she gets her apartment."
"Angie is NOT getting Buddy because he's the most adoptable cat out of the lot. She will get Princess back, and if there's another cat left over it will be Stripe (the other female cat) because she's the least-adoptable of the group. The two males are probably going to be taken first and I'm not going to stop that. And when is Angie going to get her welfare pad?"
"I don't know. Probably sometime in May?"
"What?"
"Probably sometime in May."
***This is when I start getting pissed and the Hulkkk transformation takes place***
"I thought it was going to be March. Well then ALL FOUR cats are up for adoption. Unlike other people I'm not her servant."
"Who are talking about ... 'her servant'?"
...
F U C K
Needless to say it went downhill from there. Sad thing is I wasn't targeting the mother-in-law with that remark, because it's not just her that caters to every whim of the crack-whore niece-in-law. However, upon further review I realized that the father-in-law and better half pretty much bend over to the crack-whore niece-in-law at the request of the mother-in-law. When Mrs. kkk heard about this exchange, she said I needed to apologize. Apologize for what? I'm not sorry about what I said because it's the truth. And you know what: If the mother-in-law is more pissed about me saying this than she is about the crack-whore niece-in-law dropping out of school, going on welfare, having a bastard child with another person who needs sterilized and taking NO responsibility for her actions then too bad. In fact, I think that's the problem right there.
The crack-whore niece-in-law has pretty much been allowed to do whatever she wants, and everyone caters to her demands. Except me. Back in 2003, the crack-whore niece-in-law had some mid-term/term paper due. Even though she had months to work on this, she waited until the last minute. And the paper, due on the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday, needed sources and all that other good stuff, meaning the crack-whore niece-in-law needed Internet access. And guess who was the only one that had such a technological marvel? Yep. Just hours before the Super Bowl, I was asked if the crack-whore niece-in-law could come over and use the computer. My response: No. And here's why.
-- A few weeks prior, the crack-whore niece-in-law was arrested at Wal-Mart for shoplifting. I was going to watch the Super Bowl and I didn't trust a thief alone in my residence. Besides, the crack-whore niece-in-law wouldn't know what to do half the time, and she would be calling me in for help every 5 minutes.
-- The better half offered to "watch" her, but Mrs. kkk had already made plans to go out with one of her friends. I wasn't going to have the better half cancel her plans with someone she infrequently sees; keep in mind these plans were made WEEKS in advance and the crack-whore niece-in-law's request was made the afternoon of Super Bowl Sunday.
-- As I said above, this research paper was due THE NEXT DAY. And I was asked about this SUNDAY AFTERNOON. Now if I had been given just a FEW DAYS NOTICE about this, I would not have had a problem. But I was not about to turn my life around for this irresponsible brat.
Now before you say, "Boy, kkk, you don't care about anyone else but yourself," I want to point out that ... well, you're probably right. Actually, whenever a genuine need to alter life's schedule arises I have no problems. A few months back I was at the dentist's office when the better half learned that the mother-in-law fell and hurt her knee. I told Mrs. kkk to take her to the emergency room and pick me up afterward. After my appointment I was roaming around the local shopping complex for 4-5 hours while waiting to hear of an update. Sure my afternoon/evening was shot, but big f'n deal. An emergency took place and needed dealt with. Where the hell am I going with this? ... shit ... Oh well, might as well finish with the usual quality send-off...
Did you at least remove the price stickers from the DVDs before giving them to one of our country's top allies? For all the spending you're doing, shitdick, I at least hope these movies are the super-special editions with commentary and other features.
8:30 p.m.
• So the toothless Mexican family has had quite the eventful month or so. The matriarch of the group quit her job. Why? Because of the PRESIDENT HUSSEIN RECESSION~!
…
Well, not quite.
You see, this person got paid $10+ per hour by the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania to clean half of the house where her aunt/mother lives. Who cleans the other half? Why, another person. They have two people getting $20+ per hour to CLEAN A FUCKING HOUSE FULL-TIME. Oh, and there’s a third person who is supposed to drive said aunt around for grocery shopping, etc. But there’s one problem here. This chauffer refuses to drive along the only stretch of state highway in which all these necessary stores are located. Not sure how much this person makes, but whatever. Your government in action.
Now why is this person quitting her job?
To HOME-SCHOOL her two kids.
Why is this significant? Peep this previous entry.
Now read the following.
This was WRITTEN BY THE SAME PERSON TAKING HER KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL TO HOME-SCHOOL THEM.
Oh, but the plot thickens. I knew there was more to this groovy mystery. You see, this lazy piece of human trash would have to have other reasons to get out of sitting on her fat ass watching television all day and getting paid $10+ per hour. With her household reduction in income, it turns out this family is now eligible for more welfare. Did I say “welfare”? I meant to say “benefits.” Or at least that’s what the welfare matriarch is calling this gift to the underclass. And when I say "more welfare" I mean "more than what she was making 'cleaning' her aunt's house at $10+ per hour."
But I’m not done with the updates. It’s time for a kkk Twin Spin~!
Remember this gem from a while back?
Well earlier this week we got an update. This happy couple has been divorced for quote some time now. And now the “Aussie Prince,” is suing his former better half for HALF THE PLANE/HOTEL BILL he rang up for his little intercontinental booty call. Oh, and he’s also suing for defamation of character.
How can I follow this? Goodnight, tip your waitresses and try the tortured baby cow.
Thank Christ you people have resources that America doesn't care about (at least not any more -- damn you Civil War). Dealing with Middle Eastern culture is bad enough.
And speaking of HATE CRIMES~!
Gee, I thought flag burning was PROTECTED SPEECH? Didn't we go through this already back in the 1990s with Tommy Lasorda?
When you're good enough to get 63 pages in your "ask" feature, the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.
Man, am I stretching for material now or what? Guess I can comment on President Hussein again. Then again, nothing STRIKES me as worth commenting about this terrorist fucktard. I could make some jokes about his kids, but that would be going in the GUTTER. Perhaps a sex joke about him and Michelle wreslting in the sack -- I bet there's some good PIN ACTION there. Oh look at the time: It's 7:10. I gotta split.
9 p.m.
• Those bitches. How dare they think the Octo-Mom is an unfit parent?
Now here's the big shocker. That feminazi bitch Gloria Allred is finally on the right side of the law.
• So Barney Fwank thinks Scalia is a homophobe.
I swear to Christ you could just burn sound clips of this guy to a CD and it would outsell at least half the comedy albums out there.
• So I was flipping through the classifieds (gotta see what's out there in the free market) and I noticed about a dozen ads announcing their job vacancies (mostly crappy administrative positions) next to a picture of a football followed by the phrase "Go Steelers." Why in the blue hell would I want to work for a place just because they have a "Go Steelers" line in their classified ad? Sure the hours are long and the pay is terrible, but we're "Stiller" fans, come work for us. This is almost as bad as the ad I saw one time which had a picture of Mr. Peanut and the caption “We’re going nuts trying to find the right candidates.”
• Those wacky "God Hates Fags" people. Now I can understand them picketing the funeral of someone like Matthew Shepard -- after all he was gay and was causing quite a stir by laying in that casket all gay-like. But I'm still trying to figure out what the problem is with miners from West Virginia. After reading this flyer I can only conclude that fag = Baptists or people from West Virginia. Maybe these “God Hates Fags” people heard that these miners went deep into black holes for a living.
• Bad news for Medium-Large Media: The N.Y. Times reported profits were down 41 percent in quarterly net earnings from this time last year. The reason for the dip in profits, we are told, was due to having to pay-off a bunch of people time Times laid off in the quest to make more money for their fat-cat executives. Since I have no reason to question the "Paper of Record," I'll take them at their word. But please, try to stay Medium-Large for the time being. I haven't used the term "Big Media" for some time now because, well, Big Media (N.Y. Times/Washington Post/Network News/etc.) aren't that Big nowadays. I hope I don't have to downsize them any more in the near future.
And while Medium-Large Media is shrinking, what exactly is the proper term for Big Oil now? I mean, they made record profits thanks to Cheney, Halliburton and friends, so should they now be called Mega Oil? Ultra Oil? Super-Sized Oil?
• I can't stand reality shows, and I loathe "Survivor." However, I do admit to watching Season 1's finale because I heard Rudy, the old guy, was a grumpy old man, and I have a soft spot in my heart for that type of senior citizen, seeing how I'll probably end up like that if cancer or road rage don't claim me first. Anyway, the winner of that first "Survivor" was a bearded fellow named Richard Hatch, who is best known for walking around the set naked and being a overall bastard in order to win the show's $1 million prize. Apparently, Hatch didn't realize that winning a million dollars doesn't mean you actually win a million dollars. You have to give Uncle Sam his cut, which Hatch didn't. Now he's got to pay the piper. With the possibility of facing jail time, I might be tempted to watch a reality show of Hatch living in the big house -- well, except for the shower scenes because 1) I've already watched enough episodes of "Oz" to know what happens when you drop the soap in a place like that, and 2) If I want to watch sex on TV, I'll just tune into MTV's "The Real World."
• I do have to give the Palestinians credit for one thing. Besides blowing themselves up real good, they also go out and vote in their elections. A 77 percent turnout for a bunch of unemployed, oppressed refugees; that’s got to be every Democrat politician’s wet dream. I haven’t been keeping track of what candidates were supposed to win, but it appears that Hamas representatives did better than expected. It must have been because their “No Jew Left Behind” plan was a hit with the voters.
• In our household we have three kids: Dessa, JJ, and Max. You were expecting actual children?
We used to have dry kibble available for them to eat at any time, but JJ would always overeat and throw up about half of what he consumed. We’ve had JJ since March of 2001, and every day when we got home from work there would always be piles of vomit on the floor. For years I told the better half we needed to regulate how much they ate, but she never wanted to because Dessa is a “grazer,” meaning she would eat a small amount of food several times throughout the day. Well a few months ago I managed to convince the better half to regulate their feedings. Actually, I think JJ did most of the convincing by throwing up on our bed, which had on it a comforter fresh out of the washing machine.
After a two-week period of limiting what all three of them could eat, there were zero vomit spots on the carpet, and ever since then we’ve been regulating their feeding times. What we do is give them food three times a day: when we wake up at 5:30 a.m., when we get home from work at around 4 p.m. and when we go to bed, which is usually around 9 p.m.
Although there is the occasional vomit pile, these incidents have been greatly reduced. However, this creates another problem. When we are asleep, sometimes JJ wants to be fed and begins scratching a nearby closet, which can get annoying at 3-4 a.m. I keep a squirt bottle on my nightstand and usually a few shots in the direction of the noise solves the problem. But this isn’t always the case, such as what happened last night. When the better half moves my squirt bottle, or if I’m just not in the mood, I’ll get up and trudge over to their feeding area. This brings JJ to the scene, and I’ll scoop him up, take him to the basement stairs, put him down, and lock the door. Sure he cries and scratches that door trying to get out, but the noise isn’t as loud and I can go back to sleep.
The funny thing about last night’s episode is that their current stash of dry food is running low, and I bought an 18-pound back of Meow Mix earlier this week. That bag is lying in the middle of the basement floor. If JJ had any sense he would have went down the steps, opened the bag with his claws and eaten as much as he desired. But sadly he’s not the brightest bulb in the socket.
• When it comes to politics, there are a lot of things that annoy me. One is when the losing side of an election or referendum tells the other side what they should do in regards to policy. This happens quite a bit in regards to newspaper editorial boards. A newspaper publication that has ragged on a particular candidate during an election season suddenly decides it’s important to give this same person “advice” on what they should do in office. Let’s see, the candidate doesn’t agree with anything your editorial board champions and didn’t have your endorsement during the campaign season – now he or she is supposed to take anything you say or recommend seriously? Ha.
But it’s not just newspapers where this sort of thing happens. This afternoon, I was channel surfing and came across a cable news show that had a Democrat and a Republican strategist on talking about whether or not Senate Democrats should try and filibuster the upcoming Alito vote. After the Democrat said his bit, the Republican began suggesting what he thinks Democrats should do, which largely consisted of not going through with the filibuster attempt.
What are you thinking, douche? Don’t tell these people that they are being extreme and look like a bunch of unhinged kooks. Keep your mouth shut and let Ted Kennedy and pals continue to make asses of themselves. This isn’t the 1980s where a “Robert Bork’s America” speech will go unchallenged by an alternative media. Sit back, let the libs try to block Alito’s vote, have RIGHT-WING RADIO and company mock them and reap the rewards at the ’06 ballot box. Believe me, you guys will need all the help you can get for this next election.
• A few weeks ago I bought some uber-special DVD edition of “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and last night I finally got around to watching it. I read the book in high school and don’t remember much of what happened (it was a school assignment after all), but I watched the movie a few years later and absolutely loved it. I haven’t seen the film again since 1995, but when I was at Best Buy in early January of this year I saw this DVD marked down from $29.99 to $9.99 and felt an impulse. I think there was a clerical error regarding its price because I didn’t see this special advertised in Best Buy’s weekly circular, and when I had the movie scanned the retail price of $29.99 remained the same. However, after showing a clerk that this was indeed the advertised price (and the price was for this edition and not some crappy bare-bones DVD; I make sure to check these things out before going to the register), they marked it down for me.
As I watched this film again last night, I was still impressed with it after 10 years from my previous viewing. I can’t explain why I like this movie so much: there’s no CGI, no real profanity besides the “n” word being said a few times (which was necessary because I doubt those rednecks saying “African-American” would have been all that believable), there was no T&A outside of Scout wearing a dress that revealed her knees, and, worst of all, it was shot in black and white. I guess when you’re watching a good movie you don’t need all of those additional features, which is why I’m sure a lot of movies nowadays have to have these “enhancements.”
After watching this movie, I remembered that hippie list the American Film Institute released a few years ago rating the greatest heroes and villains of the silver screen. Since Atticus Finch was the top person for the hero list (it figures Hollywood would consider a lawyer a hero), I decided to check out that list one more time.
Whenever a list like this comes out, it’s pointless to do any real debate. Oh my God, James Bond is below Indiana Jones! Why is Charlton Heston’s Moses ranked so low? – Damn you liberal media! I will say though that’s it’s funny Han Solo cracked the 14 spot and Luke Skywalker didn’t make the Top 50 (I can’t remember if he was in the 51-100 group).
However, over in the villains section, there is something that I question: I still don’t get how the shark from “Jaws” is a villain. He was a just a fish swimming around looking for food. If anything the real villains of this film are the executives who gave the green light for those godawful sequels: I don’t think there is such a drop-off in quality for a series from the first film to the most recent sequel than the "Jaws" franchise. To make matters worse, I remember as a kid watching “Jaws: The Revenge” in the theater and wondering how the shark knew to swim down the Eastern Seaboard and find Ellen Brody after she left her New England home and went to the Bahamas.
• Cindy Sheehan is threatening to run against Diane Feinstein for her Senate seat if Feinstein doesn’t come out more strongly against the war in Iraq. Man, if this happens it will sure make her look like a moderate to the voters. Wait a second, who would look more like the moderate in California– Sheehan or Feinstein?
• So now the first year of college is the "riskiest." Riskiest? Give me a break. The first year of serving in Iraq is “risky.” The first year of fighting cancer is “risky.” The first year of going to a college isn’t. Yeah, that keg party just jumped out of nowhere and that steady stream of alcohol just happened to pour down Johnny’s throat while he were sleeping. Now there is a risk of catching bacterial meningitis or some other condition due to living in close quarters with many people, which is a part of dorm life, but most of the problems college students have that involve "risky behavior" are self-inflicted. Save me the sob story for someone who deserves pity. Not some 18-year-old idiot who got drunk and jumped off a roof.
• Well, it turns out former independent prosecutor Ken Starr might now get invited to a few cocktail parties around California's social scene. Starr has contacted Arnold Schwarzenegger regarding the upcoming execution of Michael Morales, who raped and murdered a 17-year-old girl back in 1981. Starr wants Morales to receive clemency. Now you may be asking yourself why would Starr want to grant mercy to this confessed murderer: Was there a last-minute eyewitness to refute the prosecution’s side of the story? Was there some new DNA evidence that puts some doubt as to Morales’ guilt? Of course not. Morales said he's sorry.
But that's not all. Another person trying to spare Morales' life is Judge Charles McGrath, who first sentenced Morales to death row. The judge now says he doesn't believe the testimony of jailhouse informant Bruce Samuelson, who said that Morales boasted of his assault and made obscene and derogatory references toward his victim. Says the judge, "New information has emerged to show the evidence upon which I relied in sentencing Mr. Morales to death - Mr. Samuelson's testimony - is false."
So Morales saying mean things about his victim was your deciding factor in whether or not he deserved the death penalty? I think that says more about you, judge, than it does about the so-called unreliable testimony.
• Judge Samuel Alito was just confirmed as the newest Supreme Court Justice. Elsewhere, Wal-Mart is running a special on rusty coat hangers and signs that read “Whites Only.” What makes me laugh about this whole event is that if Alito really was as awful as Ted Kennedy and Chuck Schumer made him out to be, then how in the world did he ever get to become a federal judge in the first place? Better yet, how did he manage to graduate from law school?
I guess it’s only fitting since civil rights, for all intents and purposes, died with the Alito confirmation that Coretta Scott King, widow of Martin Luther King Jr., passed away on the very same day. Could this be an omen of things to come? Well, as someone who loves dirty air and water, tax cuts for the rich, and seeing old people survive on cat food and dumpster scraps, I certainly hope so.
Even though I’m giddy with how the Supreme Court is shaping up, there is something that annoyed me regarding RIGHT-WING RADIO during recent Supreme Court confirmation processes. Just about every national talk-show host I listened to said Alito and John Roberts before him “ran rings around the liberals questioning him.” Well I should sure hope so. If you can’t outwit Ted Kennedy or outsmart Diane Feinstein, then you have no business being a civil servant, let alone a Supreme Court Justice. I would hope that even a liberal like Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be able to hold her own in an argument with these same people, and I’m sure she could; that is if she actually answered any questions posed to her.
Justice Alito, enjoy the perks of your new lifetime appointment. And remember when the next time a bunch of far-sighted Jews claim they were disenfranchised in the voting booth, think back to who got you this cushy gig. Seriously, is there any better job than to be a Supreme Court Justice? You’re paid to sit down and write opinions all day that nobody can overrule except for five of your eight colleagues. Future courts could also override what you deemed constitutional or unconstitutional, but by the time this actually happens you’ll be long dead and nobody will care.
• In California, an an ex-postal worker recently killed six former co-workers before committing suicide. What is up with postal workers hating their jobs? From the want ads I’ve seen regarding vacant post office positions, the pay is more than fair. In addition, it’s a government job, so there has to be good benefits along with some other perks. Why do these people go nuts? Earlier this month I was at a local post office near my workplace to purchase some of those hippie 2-cent stamps, and the cashier whose register I approached to make the transaction was flipping out to his supervisor about how a co-worker expected him to weigh letters for her while he was still waiting on his customers. In hindsight, I don’t think it was a good idea for me to say in front of his supervisor, “give me $50 and I’ll slash her tires,” but at least it shut him up for the rest of the time I was there.
One thing I really hate about the post office is that when you go in there to have a letter weighed and sent out they always ask you if you want to buy stamps. No I don’t want to buy any goddamn stamps; I just don’t want to play a guessing game of how many stamps I have to put on my parcel if it’s not in the conventional first-class 39-cent envelope. However, one thing I hate even more than this is when you’re in line and the customer in front of you answers yes to the same question I mentioned above. These people then take at least 20 minutes trying to decide between the stamps with the American Flag pictured on them or the stamps with the Stature of Liberty prominently featured. What’s the difference? Just order your stamps, pay for them and leave. Oh, and if you get run over by a car in the lot, that would be great, too.
Then again, maybe it is customers like this that make these government workers go postal, which if that is the case then I totally sympathize with their plight. Just one request should you go on a shooting spree: Before offing yourself, make sure to take out a few customers, too.
So the President gave his annual report to Congress last night, and like usual I didn’t pay much attention. No matter who is in office I normally skip these speeches. For some reason listening to new programs being suggested, and even more ways to waste money Uncle Sam doesn’t have, isn’t high on my list of things to do during the course of an evening. For the record, I also don’t tune into political conventions. I hear enough of this crap throughout the year; watching these staged weeklong celebrations would be enough to send me over the edge.
Despite my dislike of State of the Union speeches, I did catch a few minutes of this year’s edition. While flipping channels I noticed that MSNBC and CNN had a slight delay in-between their broadcasts, so if I went from CNN to MSNBC I could catch the same three-second sound bite, which made whatever it was Bush said sound much more important than it probably was. And even though I loathe the beast, I had to laugh when Hitlery and friends stood up and applauded after Bush said his Social Security reform plans were killed last year.
The only reason I watched any part of the State of the Union speech was because I was waiting for my favorite show to start – "The Shield." I’ve been a viewer of this program since it first aired in 2002, and ever since “NYPD Blue” ended, “The Shield” is the only show I regularly watch when it is a first-run broadcast.
This past Christmas I bought seasons 1-3 of the “The Shield” (retail priced reduced by more than $30 each of course) and watched them again from start to finish. It was interesting because not having to wait a week (and sometimes a year in-between seasons) to watch new episodes I saw a number of the characters in a different light. For example, my opinion of Vic Mackey diminished while I felt more sympathy for Claudette after she lost her shot at being named captain of the Barn. However, some things remained the same: I still can’t stand Shane’s wife, and Dutch, despite being one of my favorite characters, is still on my shit list for killing that kitty a few seasons ago. (If you haven’t seen this show chances are you have no idea what I’m talking about. Too bad.)
Some other thoughts I have regarding characters on The Shield:
Detective Vic Mackey: The main character, he tries to have a love/hate relationship with the viewer. When he’s not busting bad guys, he’s making deals with them and taking a little drug money off the top. Vic is the face of the show, and although he’s not my favorite character he is what makes many viewers tune in every week.
Detective Shane Vendrell: Everybody’s favorite redneck cop in Los Angeles. Like Vic it’s hard to feel sympathy for him, especially since he married that bitch he calls a wife. What I find amusing about Walton Goggins, who plays Shane, is that I can’t stop thinking of his role in the 1997 movie “The Apostle.” In that film Goggins plays a wholesome, god-fearing man named “Sam,” who is the pretty much the opposite of his Vendrell role.
Detective Curtis “Lemonhead“ Lemansky: Lem was one of those characters who I didn’t really think too much about when I was watching first-run episodes, but when seeing him on DVD I started to take more of a liking to the “surfer” of the Strike Team.
Detective Ronnie Gardocki: Eh, he’s there. He got skin from his BUTT and had it put on his face after being burned by that guy in season 2. However, I think he’s the father of Danny’s baby. If a member of Vic’s team is going to be taken out, it’ll probably be Ronnie.
Officer Julien Lowe: Ah, gay Julian. He was featured prominently in season 1 with his “I-not-a-homo-but-I-love-the-cock” dilemma. It’s a shame Gay Julian hasn’t resurfaced, because he was one bad mo’ fo. I do like the fact that the rookie officer he’s now in charge of training is prissy little bitch because as of right now there is absolutely no sexual tension between the two, which makes it funny to watch her screw up and unable to rely on her looks to find an easy way out.
Officer Dannyelle “Danny” Sofer: Next to Dutch, Danny is probably my favorite character on the show. I laughed out loud at last nights episode when Gay Julian’s partner was trying to say that Danny was no longer the “Queen B” around the office and then made a remark about her pregger looks. After seeing all the dues Danny has paid in the first several seasons, it was funny listening to her rip into this rookie who had no idea what she was getting herself into.
Detective Claudette Wyms: I really dug her character in the first season, but after she got screwed out of being David Aceveda’s replacement as captain, she has seemed to be without a purpose. Sadly, it looks like they might be writing her out this season with the medical problem she’s coping with.
Detective Holland “Dutch’ Wagenbach: My favorite character on the show. Quirky and brilliant, he’s made me laugh a number of times with his off-color remarks. But like I said earlier, even with all these positives, there’s a special place in hell for those that kill cats. Him and Claudette had some great interaction early in the series, but it seems to have tailed off.
Captain/Councilman David Aceveda: The Captain turned City Councilman. I think of him as Vic Mackey with a suit. In some ways, I feel more pity toward Aceveda, especially since he was raped a few seasons ago and couldn’t really tell anyone about it (look at how his power-hungry wife flipped out over hearing that news).
There are other characters to comment on, to be sure, but some have been written out (like Glenn Close’s Captain Monica Rawling character) or have yet to really make an impact (such as Forest Whitaker’s Lt. Tom Kavanaugh character this year). And while this is my favorite show on television, I only hope that this series ends the way it started: with a bang.
• So I was listening to some commentaries from season one of “The Shield” last night, and in the episode dealing with the migrant workers someone (I think it was series creator Shawn Ryan) was talking about how they managed to get all points of view regarding the illegal immigration issue expressed in that broadcast. Interesting to me was when he said the “right-wing” perspective on illegal immigration was that they (illegal aliens) provide cheap labor to businesses. Being a proud member of the right-wing conspiracy, I had always thought the “right-wing” take on illegal immigrants was that they shouldn’t be in America doing anything, whether it is construction labor or collecting welfare. I always considered the whole “cheap labor” argument to be the businessman’s perspective, and although Democrats are the party of the poor and illiterate, there are still many in this group who contribute to the public coffers, rather than take from them.
Another thing I learned from the commentaries I listened to last night was when Ryan said that his wife plays the role of Vic Mackey’s wife. Interesting. I can’t wait to hear the commentary (if there is one) of the episode where she is filmed walking around in her panties.
• The 2006 NFL Hall of Fame inductee class includes quarterbacks Troy Aikman and Warren Moon, along with the now-deceased defensive end Reggie White. One quote I found funny regarding this story was from White’s wife, Sara, who said, “Every city embraced Reggie as a player and as a person.” I’m not so sure San Francisco took Reggie in with open arms, but who am I to question a grieving widow?
Another person elected to this year's hall of fame class was John Madden. Among his accomplishments include an extremely short-lived NFL career (he got hurt in his first pre-season as a Philadelphia Eagle and never laced up for another game), a successful coaching career with the Oakland Raiders that saw him as the winningest coach of the 1970s, a broadcasting stint that never seems to end, and a dominant video game franchise to his name. Madden is one of those people you either love or hate, and while his best days in the broadcasting booth are long behind him, I’m still a fan. It’s true his insights aren’t that, well, insightful, but let the man do his thing until he decides to call it quits.
• For all you New Hampshire bitches that voted against taking Supreme Court Justice David Souter’s house in order to build a hotel that would bring in more revenue for “the greater good” of your area, don’t start whining when the State confiscates your land to give to some developer wanting to build condos or a strip mall. Maybe Souter could rent you out a room at his place.
• Castro is going after the “new rich” in his communist utopia. In other words, those who can afford microwave popcorn and peanut butter. That's some crazy stuff; I didn't even know they had microwaves in Havanna.
• Well, it’s nice to know Bush is no longer being compared to Hitler. According to Hugo Chavez, he’s now worse than old Adolf.
• Oh, and speaking of Hitler, not only did he want to kill those people in New Orleans affected by Hurricane Katrinia, he also wants them to stay in jail.
• Two of Britain’s candy makers are now putting warning labels on their products that tell consumers these products should be part of a balanced diet. This of course means these warning labels will be appearing soon across the Pond in the United States. That is if lawsuits by 500-lb. plantiffs who didn't know eating a dozen Hershey bars per day was bad for them don't sprout up first.
• I’ve had steaks languish in the freezer for a few months before; I’d shudder to think what this 20-year old meat would have looked like. Also, how exactly was this meat discovered after 20 years anyway?
• And finally, on Super Bowl Sunday, here’s another example of why Steeler fans are different from me and you.
• A follow-up thought on the Dick Cheney shooting from yesterday. At least he got his victim to a hospital and didn’t drive into a river, leaving his unconscious passenger to die. I wonder if that would be a criminal offense in Texas?
• I didn’t realize people up in Wyoming cared enough about the Super Bowl to bet on it. At least this guy had the gumption to plan his escape just in case his $40k bet didn’t turn out as planned.
• So Paul Hackett, a Democrat Iraq vet who almost won a Congressional seat in a conservative district, has decided not to run for an Ohio Senate seat and retire from politics altogether? I thought the Democrat Leadership told us that even though he lost the election, the Party as a whole won because this showed how the voting public hated Bush’s policies. You would figure he could easily coast to a victory in a moderate swing state, especially when pitted against a weenie like Mike Dewine.
• Looks like we finally found Andrea Yates a cellmate. If these psycho moms are so depressed, why don’t they just kill themselves instead of their children? Can’t wait to see the feminazis circle the wagons on this one; maybe Katie Couric will start a fund for her.
• “Better than three in 10 New York students in recent classes failed to graduate from high school in four years, according to a study tracking students who entered the ninth grade in 2000 and 2001.” That’s the lead to an article titled “High School Graduation Rates ‘Disturbing.'” They’re disturbing all right. Disturbing in the sense that if you can’t graduate high school you deserve whatever shithole you end up in, especially since most of these dropouts weren’t taking AP classes.
• I don’t want to sound like an evil conservative (oh who the hell am I kidding?) but just how long should we be housing Hurricane Katrinia evacuees in hotels with the taxpayer footing the bill? It’s been around six months since these people were evacuated and put up in these accommodations. Personally, I’m curious to know what these evacuees have been doing since the time they left New Orleans. If they were looking for a more permanent place to re-locate, or searching for employment, I would be sympathetic. However, if they stayed in and watched television, expecting to stay where they were rent-free, then check-out time is at noon.
• Just in case you haven’t heard enough about the U.S. military torturing Arabs from Medium-Large Media, the overseas entertainment industry is getting in on the action.
While "The Road to Guantanamo" is based on the true story of three friends who set off from Britain for a wedding overseas and end up as terrorist suspects in Guantanamo Bay for more than two years and ended up not being charged with anything might make for a good tear-jerker, I am not one for these hippie films. I want a movie with action, you know, something I can check my brain out at the door to watch. I think I found the perfect fit for the next summer blockbuster.
Titled "Valley of the Wolves" this is the biggest-budget movie ever made in Turkey, and it stars American actors Billy Zane and Gary Busey. Here are some highlights from the article.
Of course, because you know handcuffing and putting hood on a Turkish male is one of the worst things you can do to them. And here's my early vote for the Jihad Academy Award in the "Best Infidel" Category:
I can’t wait to hear the commentary on this DVD when it comes out. Maybe there will be an Easter Egg giving us a list on what makes Allah mad.
• Whenever I wake up early on Saturday mornings, I usually turn on those hippie financial shows on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lolz) and listen to a bunch of people tell me how I should invest my money. This morning I got to see pro wrestler Bradshaw (or whatever he calls himself these days) give some investment tips, and he wasn’t that bad. In fact, out of the several people on this show he was the most professional one there, aside from his “Brokeback Mountain” reference to some company called “Bronco Drilling.” The other people on this show were too busy making wrestling remarks and came across as idiots. “OMG Bradshaw, the other guy sure BODYSLAMMED your stock tip.” “He doesn’t agree with your take on off-shore investments, don’t put him in a HEADLOCK?” Yeah, we get it, he’s a wrestler; we went through all these clichés when Jesse Ventura became governor.
• Finalists eligible for the NBA Hall of Fame came out, which is interesting because I didn’t realize this even existed. I also have no idea who is currently in this Hall, nor do I know what the process is in order to get inducted. It’s odd that a league which has been known for its stellar marketing and promotion of it’s players hardly registers a blip on the public relations screen for this event, which is always a front-page story whenever the NFL or MLB announce their annual inductees.
• There are some things that the better half and I disagree on. For example, whenever I have the remote control and channel surf, I zoom from station to station; she always complains because she never knows what’s on any of the channels I click right past. However, when she gets control of the remote, she stays on every goddamn station for 5-10 minutes, even the ones that you know are stinkers, like the 20 home shopping networks, the dozen Jesus channels that are hitting you up for money so Africans can learn about God or those public access stations that play oldies music while giving you the current temperature. Of course the only exception to her lengthily examination of each television program on the air is when there’s a sporting event on; she’ll click right through that, not even giving me time to see what the score was.
Anyway, I just discovered another thing that we disagree upon: the dishwasher. I never use nor trust these things, and I didn’t know why for the longest time. Maybe it’s the stupid guy thing about having a machine do something that I’m perfectly capable of performing (I’ll cut the “A real guy wouldn’t be doing dishes” line off at the pass and say it already so you don’t have to, ditto any “vibrator” references). Perhaps it’s because the first time I ever used a dishwasher I didn’t close it all the way and spent have the night cleaning up the soapy mess on the floor.
Earlier this month I think I may have discovered what the real reason is; while making myself dinner I went looking for a dish to put my food upon. The problem was there were no dishes in the cupboard. I asked the better half where the dishes were and she said, “In the dishwasher, stupid.” I went to get one out and she said that they weren’t clean yet; we needed to fill up the dishwasher before running the machine. Of course, in the meantime, while we fill up that cup section of the dishwashing machine I guess we’ll just have to eat our main entrees on the living room carpet, next to the cat chew toy shaped like a butterfly.
After I cleaned off a plate and ate dinner I went to put the plate back in the dishwasher. It was at this she yelled to me, “What are you doing?”
“I’m putting the dish in the dishwasher.”
”But you have to rinse it off first.”
“Huh?”
So in order to wash anything in the dishwasher you have to rinse it off first in the sink? Well with a little more effort you can clean the goddamn thing entirely. When I brought this up to the better half, I never really got an answer, which of course means I was wrong for asking the question in the first place.
In yesterday’s blog entry, Swift Terror mentioned his experience as a Blockbuster Customer Service Representative and commented on the chain’s hard-on with late fees (I heard they have shifted their “two-days-and-it’s-late policy, but I’m not sure on this). Personally, I had no problem with a store’s late fee policy as long as I was told when the movies were due back. Look, if you think it’s lame to rent a video with an inconvenient return date, then don’t rent from that place. So you put the DVD in the drop-off bin at five after midnight when it was due at exactly midnight – too bad. Pay the fine and learn from it.
The only time I was ever late on a Blockbuster rental was when I lived in Ohio a few years ago. We were given a Sunday noontime deadline, and the better half and I finished watching the movies we rented late on a Saturday night. I said that since I was still relatively awake that I would make the 10-minute drive to Blockbuster and drop off the rentals. Mrs. kkk said not to bother with them, that she’d drop them off after she got back from church Sunday morning. With that said, she went off to bed and I went off to doing God knows what.
The next morning I woke up at around 10 a.m. and went downstairs for breakfast. The better half had left for church, and with my car in the shop I was stranded in our townhouse. Then my eyes picked up the four DVDs from Blockbuster still on our living room entertainment stand. Yep. I figured as much. And of course she didn’t get back home until 11:55 a.m. When I reminded her of what she said the night before, she replied, “Well you take them back and I’ll pay you back the fine,” which I did (and oddly enough, I’m still waiting for this reimbursement, among the other IOU’s she has put on her tab). Despite being 10 minutes late on the rental I still had to pay more than $10 in late fees.
There are two good things that came out of this experience. The first one was that I learned it was a better investment to just own any movie I was interested in seeing. If you get a film when it first comes out, it’s not a bad deal (although if you wait a while longer you can usually get it at a better price). If you watch the movie 2-3 times over the course of owning the title (including viewing the special features), then I’d say you came out ahead in the end. If you absolutely hate the movie after viewing it, just sell it at a used CD/Movie store for a few dollars. Either way, it’s a better value than just renting it and feeling rushed to turn it back.
The second good thing that came out of this experience was that I had one of the greatest conversations ever with a CSR. I entered the store at about 12:10 p.m. and told this teen-age puke that I knew I was late with the movies. I guess the kid thought I was trying to weasel out of paying the fines, which I wasn’t, although I did mention why they were late. (I don’t know why I did this; I usually don’t engage in small talk with cashiers, but I guess I needed to vent or something.) The cashier was just zoning out saying “yeah, uh-huh,” and typing away on the keyboard in front of him (which is what I would do in that situation, too, so I didn’t hold this against the kid). Figuring I might as well see if he’s actually paying attention, I then said, “And somebody’s going to get a beating when I get back home.” He looked up at me and said, “Dude, you don’t have to beat her; just have her pay for the next movie rental.” I said, “Why, when hitting her is so much more fun?” I got no response back, but I did see him looking at me as I drove off.
Oh, and I’m suddenly reminded of another “incident” that took place in Ohio just to show that the better half isn’t a pure as the wind-driven snow. (There are many stories, including the time I told a bagboy to get cancer, but for some reason this one just came to my mind.) We were leaving a restaurant called O’Charley’s, which is kinda like an Applebee’s or a Friday’s, but a few notches above them, in my opinion (It’s a shame they’re not in the Shittsburgh area). Well, we were walking out to the car and I was carrying the better half’s doggy bag. I was being an idiot and either not giving her the car keys or the Styrofoam container; I can’t remember which. But I do remember what happened next.
As we were on opposite ends of our car, a van with a couple and their young daughter had just pulled into the spot next to where the better half was standing. Right when the van door opened and the little kid was getting helped out of her car seat, the better half shouted, “Give me that now, asshole!” Like a parrot, the girl behind her said, “Yeah, asshole!” My jaw dropped, although the better half didn’t hear her say it. The kid’s parents did though. In Mrs. kkk’s defense I don’t think she knew there were people behind her, but so what? It was still funny as hell.
• So George W. Hitler now wants terrorists to have a free pass into the U.S. via ports. Nice. It’s funny to hear people like Hitlery and Schmuck Jewmer sound like they are all about national security. Actually, I’m in a bit of a bind. Do I side with Hitlery or do I side with Jimmy Carter, who supports the President on this one? God help me.
About the United Arab Emirates: I don’t know much about them. I remember some soccer tournament (I think it was the World Cup) and saw their team running around in those cute little turbans. I’m sure they hate us, but only two of the 9/11 hijackers were from this place, so I guess that’s not too bad on the Let’s-Kill-The-Infidels-For-Allah scale.
Oh, and W., you haven’t vetoed a goddamn thing in your term-and-a-half and you threaten to whip out the ol’ Veto Pen over this? Didn’t do it with so-called campaign-finance reform. Didn’t do it with that Medicare Drug Prescription Plan. Didn’t do it with one of the several bloated budgets we’ve had since 2000. But you threaten to do it over THIS? Oy.
But of course we’re missing the biggest point of all regarding this story: Forbidding the sale of a port is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male.
• I wonder if these hippies that don’t believe in offing a convicted rapist/murderer share similar views with those pharmacists who refuse to sell the morning-after pill? For the record, I think if a pharmacist is working for a company they should have to abide by company policy. If that means giving out the baby-killing pill, then make the transaction. If the pharmacist owns the store, then he or she can sell what they want.
Instead of getting the State to off a criminal, and waste millions of dollars in appeals and retarded “protests” like this, can’t we just let the private sector take care of this? Give Bubbba a carton of smokes and leave him alone with the condemned in the shower room for 15 minutes. Case resolved.
• I hate these kinds of articles: Since when do health-care costs go down? Christ, these are just as bad as when the local media do stories about the increase in cable costs or the annual rise in university tuitions. The real story would be if these costs went down.
• Detroit is, surprise, having money troubles, and this means that the city is being forced to sign over its zoo to a third party. No, I’m not talking about Section 8 housing. I’m talking about lions and tigers. Er, wait a minute. I’m not talking about the city’s sports teams either. I’m referring to that community that fences in all those wild animals. There I go again talking about Section 8 again. Damn.
Well, anyway, one of the council members, Martha Reeves, is thinking that some RACISM might be involved, saying, "The symbolism is that Detroit is a black city and that we’re unable to govern ourselves. So we need an overseer, the state legislature, or what have you, to step in and tell us what we must do and how to do it."
Uh, Martha, have you ever been to Shittsburgh? They’re not much better than Detroit. Actually, Detroit is one of the few cities Shittsburgh can still make fun of. Anyway, over here in PA my area has had to have a state oversight board because this place still lives and spends like it’s 1970 and the mills are humming along. Hell, on the other side of Pennsylvania, the Philadelphia school system got taken over by the State due to their incompetence.
So before you go using the RACISM card, take a trip to Shittsburgh and see for yourself that whites can ruin a city just as good as your people up in Motown. Oh, wait. I said "your people," which was intended to talk about Detroit's city council, not black people in general. Oh dear, I hope that doesn't make me a RACIST.
It’s odd. I like buying DVD’s, but I really don’t frolic in the Special Features sections of these purchases, especially the commentary areas. I don’t know why I do this, but whenever I put in a movie, even when I intend to access its special features, I then just feel like watching the movie instead. Well, I’m trying to get the most out of this medium, and I think I discovered a way to listen to commentaries without having to sit there, listen to off-stage voices and watch a movie/television show that is essentially on mute.
For the last few weeks I have been having commentaries on a variety of programs while doing other things around the house, such as reading a newspaper, doing the dishes or paying off bills. It’s kinda like listening to the radio in this respect, although I try to pay more attention to this dialogue than when I have some RIGHT-WING RADIO guy going off about how liberals suck.
I recently finished the commentaries of the first season of The Shield, and I liked how Shawn Ryan tried to get a variety of actors and other workers to accompany him on the episodes. It was also impressive to have a commentary for each episode. Imagine my disappointment when I realized that there were only several commentaries for The Shield’s second season. Even though there were only four tracks in this DVD, two of them were really enjoyable. One of them was the final track for the season, and it involved Ryan talking with some FX network people. It was funny to hear them talk about how hyped reruns of The Practice, Alley McBeal and Buffy the Vampire Slayer were on FX, but then after a week when the ratings tanked they blew up this not-ready-for-prime-time lineup. I remember back when this happened FX pimped these shows for months only to notice that a shortly after their premiere the shows were scattered about in various timeslots.
The other commentary I enjoyed was the first one for the season, which featured Michael Chiklis. Odds are the guy is a liberal, (I have no proof of this; I’m just banking on this considering the Hollywood Democrat-to-Republican ratio), but in this commentary he said that he doesn’t want to give any personal opinions regarding current events because he doesn’t want it to seem like he wants to tell the audience what to think. Now as surprising as this may sound, I really don’t have much of a problem with celebrities spewing left-wing garbage. My only two “problems” with this practice is when 1) they get pissy when people that don’t agree with their opinions make fun of them, or 2) when they espouse these viewpoints during what I consider to be inappropriate times. One example of this was when Kellen Winslow, during his induction speech into the NFL Hall of Fame, started saying how Affirmative Action shouldn’t be abolished. Anther instance was when Cameron Manheim dedicated some hippie award to every Senator that voted against convicting Bill Clinton during his impeachment scandal.
Are these people free to voice their opinions on these subjects? Sure. But I’m allowed to voice my opinion in telling that bitch to take that trophy she’s holding and stick it up her fat ass. Freedom of speech is a two-way street.
Anyway, another commentary on The Shield annoyed me a bit, and that was the one featuring the show’s only female writer. In season one, a number of commentaries talked about how the writing team was an all-male lineup, so of course when season two came around I’m sure hiring a female writer was on the list of things for The Shield to do. Well they hired one, Kim Clements, and Christ almighty was she annoying on this track. It seemed that every other minute she was laughing in this annoying high pitch. You may be a good writer, but damn, stay away from the microphone. Then again, I don’t keep my distance from a keyboard, so maybe those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
• Uh oh. Looks like I’m the newest member of the Commie Club. I was listening to RIGHT-WING RADIO today and there was a top-of-the-hour news story that said only 13 of every 1,000 people know the five freedoms that are in the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution. After this was announced, I frantically tried to guess them all before the reporter said the answer. There was that freedom of speech thing and the religion one. So far so good. The right to assemble. Come on, I’m almost there. Oh, there’s that pesky freedom of the press, but what’s the fifth one? What is it? God damnit.
Then the radio report gave the answer: Freedom to petition the Government. Oh come on now, we never hear of that one! I guess now what’s next for me is to get on Jay Leno’s show and have him humiliate me by asking, “Who’s the President?” with me giving a dumbfounded look and going, “derp.”
Speaking of those stupid “Man on the street quizzes,” if you’ve ever seen that show “Street Smarts,” you might be interested to know that I went to school with a cousin of that show’s host. Well, you probably aren’t interested, but I’m reminded of a story involving me and Frank Nicotero’s one cousin. I was hanging out with her and a few other people (I’ll call her “Jane” for this story.) when I got pulled over for making an illegal U-Turn. I did it, I paid my fine, and I moved on with my life.
Of course my college pals didn’t let me forget this mistake, which took place late at night and I didn’t see the police car that was in front of me who witnessed the violation. My nickname for the rest of the semester was “U-Turn.” Fine. I’ll be a man and take the abuse. However, during that next semester I had pulled into a gas station to fill up my car when I heard someone call my name. It was Jane, who was with her boyfriend in her parent’s car. I asked them what was going on, and Jane told me she hit the side of another car and they were exchanging information, etc. If memory serves, their car didn’t get dinged up that bad, but the other vehicle had a huge dent in its side.
Oddly enough, when I started calling Jane “Sideswipe,” my days of being “U-Turn” came to a grinding halt.
• cBS is now suing Howard Stern over breach of contract, fraud and other claims. I haven’t listen to Stern in years, although I used to be a fan of the radio show. While I switched stations whenever he’d interview lesbian porn star cousins who used to be men, I did enjoy listening to his social/political commentary; he often made some good points even if I didn’t agree with him. However, when he started his “Bush and the FCC are against me,” pseudo-jihad I tuned him out, especially when he said Michael Savage, who at the time got a short-lived show on MSBC, was a “Bush supporter.” Say what you will about Savage, but to call him another RIGHT-WING RADIO GOP PUPPET showed me Stern didn’t know what he was talking about.
Anyway, another thing I liked about Stern’s show would be when he goes off on his idiot co-workers/management. While I’m sure many thought this whining got old after a while, I enjoyed it, because I could sympathize with him and how people would fuck up even the most simple of tasks you would ask them to perform. I’m sure Stern bitched about cBS on his old show and talked about how great his move to satellite radio was going to be. If this is what cBS is suing over, get a life you bitches. You could have always just taken him off the air if he was being so offensive.
Now if Stern did other things that were in clear violation of his cBS contract, that’s another matter. But I don’t want to hear cBS cry foul because Stern said some mean things on his radio show. I think cBS ought to be more concerned what they’re going to do to make ratings since Stern’s departure.
For those that ever wondered what it is like to live the life of kkk, here’s a glimpse. (Don’t stare for too long or else you’ll probably go blind. Either that or feel the urge to put a bullet in your brain.)
When the better half isn’t putting her six-plus years of higher education to use at her one job, she works at a pizza shop that she has been a part of for more than a dozen years. Part of it is because she likes it down there (and away from me), and another part is because she has amassed so much debt it makes Congress look frugal in comparison. Well, this is a local pizza shop, and they actually produce a good product, so many times we have ordered from there. When we first moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003, we were well within this place’s range of delivery, so there were no problems. However, when we moved in 2004 to our current place of residence, the better half told me that this place normally doesn’t deliver out to where we relocated. Bummer.
A few days ago I got the urge for pizza (more like I didn’t have the urge to cook) and suggested we order from some place. Now whenever I ask Mrs. kkk where she wants to order from, she usually likes to place an order to “I Don’t Know.” Hey, don’t diss I Don’t Know – they have some kick-ass wings, although the breadsticks are a bit on the pricey side. Well after getting the “I don’t knows” out of the way, we settled on pizza. I wanted to order from her workplace, but remembered that we were too far out. Also, the better half has always told me never to order from there on Sundays because that is when all the stupid high school kids work there and the food is horrible. I then had an idea. Lets order from the newly opened shop that carried the same franchise name as Mrs. kkk’s shop?
I wish I could have closed that Pandora’s Box, but it was too late.
This new store had opened about a week or so ago, and it was closer to our residence, so I figured what could it hurt? Well from the phone call to place our order it was like the better half was in mystery shopper mode. The person who received our call, according to the better half, didn’t know anything about the current specials or coupons available for transactions. Then she had to ask us for our address TWO TIMES. Oh, and it took her a minute to figure out how much the total bill would be. Oh, and she sounded miserable, too. After the call, Mrs. kkk began bitching about all the things this poor girl did wrong. When our order came to the door, the pizza was slightly burnt (still good enough for me) and instead of leaving onions off the hoagie we ordered, it had the onions included, which meant I wasn’t going to eat my half of the sandwich.
The better half then began going off on how the order was screwed up and that this new place had no idea what it was doing. When I tried to interject on behalf of this newly opened business and suggest that maybe after one week in operation there were still some kinks to work out, she shot me the usual “don’t question me” look I normally get when trying to infuse common sense into one of her rants.
Mrs. kkk enjoys working at this pizza shop because she hates her other job, which is in a white-collar setting with her doing clinical research. Thankfully, she’s in the process of getting another job lined up and will be switching over to that study in September. However, no matter where she works during the day, in her heart she will always be that pizza maker. She could be CEO of a Fortune 500 company and will still work several nights a week at some shithole with no air conditioning and come home smelling like a mix of dough, peppers and sweat.
Oh, and this botched delivery wasn't all bad; the people that cashed out our driver must not have known how to include the tip line to the final total of my credit card transaction.
• Well the Oscars are over and done with. I didn’t see any of these movies nominated for Best Picture, and I don’t really care. The only thing that surprised me was the movie about the gay cowboys didn’t win. I wonder if that constitutes a hate crime? I have to admit though that the gay cowboy movie’s commercials cracked me up considering they never told you what the film was supposed to be about; we were just told how great it was. Sadly, I know there are people who went to see this film without having any idea what it dealt with, and I hope they got offended because they’re stupid enough to see a movie they know nothing about.
When I worked at the theater there were so many people that didn’t know what “Boogie Nights” was about, although they figured it out toward the end. My favorite customer during this time was some middle-age woman with her friend who thought the movie was about disco. You should have seen the look on her face when, after asking me what the movie was about, I replied, “It’s about the porn industry.” Now that was a money shot.
But besides “Boogie Nights,” which many people did not know what it was about. (There was one memorable line by a guy at the end of the film when he said to his friend “You are never picking another movie again.”) When I had to sell tickets, it pissed me off when people would ask me what a film was about and if I had seen it. No, bitch. I was a full-time student, worked full time and devoted about 20-30 hours per week on various school activities; sorry if I didn’t have any time to personally review the half-dozen or so new movies our place got every week. And the movie studios can kiss my ass if they think I’m going to do the job that their marketing department failed to do, which was to let the public know what their product (the film) was about. I’m sure those PR people got paid more than my $5/hour wage, so why should I do their work for them?
I don’t hate movies, but I’m not going to spent $10 to see it one time on the big screen. Yeah I know there are cheaper showings in the afternoon, but I can’t stand seeing a film in the afternoon. I don’t want to go some place, sit in a dark room for a few hours, then be blinded by the sunlight when leaving. Also, I always have to have popcorn, so my dinner schedule gets thrown out of whack whenever I see an afternoon show.
RIGHT-WING RADIO guy Glenn Beck ran down a list of movies that made more money than “Crash.” Now of course the best movie doesn’t always make the most money at the box office (it rarely does), but there’s something about learning “Are We There Yet?” “The Dukes of Hazzard” “Herbie: Fully Loaded” and “Bewitched” brought in more money than did the so-called best film of that year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m sure these movies above cost more to produce, had more marketing and a bunch of other costs than did “Crash,” but I’m too lazy and indifferent to look this stuff up. At least that godawful “Honeymooners” movie came in at #133, so I do have some faith in humanity.
• This is disturbing: Half of all malfunctioning products returned to stores by consumers are in full working order, but customers can't figure out how to operate the devices, according to one scientist, who added, “The average consumer in the United States will struggle for 20 minutes to get a device working, before giving up, the study found.” Christ, who are these people? I get a woody if I can hook up the surround sound in a half-hour. I remember when the better half and I got our first surround sound system, it took us an entire weekend to hook up! My favorite part of this ordeal were the several calls to customer support and being told that there were directions that were left out of our instruction manual.
• God I love the Shittsburgh area. Some 75-year old lady got busted for robbing a bank. However, this is my favorite part of the story:
• This made me laugh. Under the story with the headline Sun's next 11-year cycle could be 50 pct stronger was Global warming evidence grows - U.N. expert.
• So today’s red-lettered-headline from Drudge is about NASA and a HUGE ANNOUNCEMET about life on other planets. From the “developing” story: “NASA's Cassini spacecraft may have found evidence of liquid water reservoirs that erupt in Yellowstone-like geysers on Saturn's moon Enceladus. The rare occurrence of liquid water so near the surface raises many new questions about the mysterious moon.”
So this is what NASA is pitching in hopes of getting more funding?
I may be ignorant (wait until you get to my take on Ann Richards farther down), but I’m not ignorant enough to think we are the only planet in this universe to have life forms. However, until aliens drop in from the sky, I really don’t care. I will care if/when they arrive in their flying saucers, because I don’t think they would have flown trillions of light years just to mow my lawn or pick my lettuce.
• Looks like the NFL reached a deal with the player’s union. You guys have the most successful league in the country, if not the world. Pay your players and shaddup.
• Oh, and I just had this kid ask me if it was OK for him to park his bike in a handicap parking space.
• Well I guess the bright side of this story is that the Bishop allegedly abused a woman and not some 10-year old boy. You know, this really pisses me off. No, not pedophile priests (well, they do, but not in this instance), but rather people who wait 30+ years to make these rape claims. If someone assaults you, report it to the authorities; don’t wait several generations and go “Father Bob raped me when I was 9.” And just to show that I am consistent on this issue, whenever those Juanita Broderick rape allegations hit the air waves (or at least on FAUX NEWS [lol2006], considering Medium-Large Media avoided this topic) I didn’t care. I’m sure it may be hard for someone to come forth and claim to have been raped, but what makes it any easier 50 years later, other than that there’s a chance the people you’re accusing can’t defend themselves because they are either dead or senile?
• Poor Ann Richards. It’s not her fault she wasn’t born with a silver esophagus in her body. (Sorry, but I couldn't pass that one up.)
• Now here’s a shocker, cigarette sales have dropped to its lowest level since 1951. No shit. I’m surprised it took this long. The only thing that concerns me is once Big Tobacco gets plundered for all their worth, what will the health Nazis focus on next in order to get more money out of us through tax revenue, etc?
• Hahahahahahaha. Fuck you, Barry. Too bad your kid is in school; who are you going to shield yourself with now? There has been some talk that Bonds is being targeted because he’s black, while other athletes who probably roided up in the 1990s, like Mark McGwire, got virtually a free pass. Maybe Bonds was “unfairly” targeted, but it wasn’t because he was black. It was because people outside of San Francisco don’t like him.
• A parent busted a 15-year old babysitter for forcing two eight-year olds to perform oral pleasures on him. Now, if the parent set up a video camera, he or she had to have suspected something was up with the babysitter (in more ways then one). If you were in the parent’s position, would you have done the camera set-up, or would you have fired the babysitter with no physical proof of sexual abuse? And this quote from the county sheriff about this issue is kind of creepy, too: "These type of cases require us to be very meticulous in collecting evidence.” It’s on VIDEO TAPE. Just how many times are you going to watch some teen getting forced hummers from 8-year olds?
And let’s not forget who the real victim is here: the accused, Brandon Jaffe. You know how hard it’s going to be for him to get a date for the next Homecoming dance? Even if he takes a date a few grades below him (like 4th or 5th), that kid’s bedtime will probably be before the dance even starts.
• I tried watching some of this World Baseball Classic yesterday; it wasn’t half bad. I’ll probably watch a few more innings of this tournament, but one thing that I found interesting was how the fans from other countries acted. That’s also one of the reasons I tune into the World Cup every four years. I have no idea who any of the soccer players will be on the field, but it’s entertaining to see the fans do their thing, including their various chants and noise-makers.
• Wow, all this time I thought Issac Hayes was a cool cat; turns out he’s little bitch. Apparently, after almost 10 years of playing a character voice to one of the most offensive shows out there, he has had it with the program's bigoted stance on religion.
N*gga plz.
Now South Park has goofed on just about everything under the sun, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone have had a field day with every religion out there, from Catholics to Jews to Buddists. This let's-make-fun-of-everybody mentality is what has made this show great. I find it hard to believe that an episode last year that goofed on Scientology would offend Hayes to the point he would quit. This was around the time I learned Issac was followed this goofy religion/practice/whatever the hell it is. Waaaaaah. Cry me a river. Stone said it best when responding to Hayes’ tantrum that the singer “Wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin.”
I think it’d be great if they still used Chef’s voice but instead voiced him with some dopey white guy, or change the voice every episode to include other races.
• Well, the March Madness brackets have been devised, and now it’s time to bitch about all the teams that didn’t make it into the field of 65. I don’t follow college basketball, so I have no idea who got hosed and who did not, however, the one team that made me go “wha-?” was Air Force; how’d they make it in?
This brings up an interesting argument about which teams should be allowed in. Do teams from conferences like the Big East and ACC that have mediocre records get the last few spots, or should teams from the Never-Heard-Of-It Conference get a bid for going 29-5 against universities that you didn’t know existed? I can see the argument from both sides. After all, take the fighting Colonials of Widget State Tech University, put them in the Big 10 and watch them get slaughtered. However, I say let these 15- and 16-seeded teams play. After all, schools like Maryland will surely make it back to the NCAA Tournament in a year or so, but how often will many of these school get the chance to be considered for the greatest tournament in all the land?
If Maryland made the postseason and lost in the first round, the fans and players would just go “eh” and move on. But a school like Southern U, who will undoubtedly get crushed by Duke in the first round, will look back at their tournament experience and revel in it. Players will talk about when they kept Duke’s lead to single digits, or if they held JJ Redick to under 40 points. If some of the bigger schools whine about not getting in the tournament, then they should have won a few more games. This isn’t Division One Football, where one loss puts a team out of so-called “National Championship” contention.
• This story made me laugh. No, it’s not due to some media conglomerate conspiracy I have. It’s just that Kevin McClatchy owns the Shittsburgh Pirates, and you would think that after buying $4.5 billion for a dying media, he would at least try to boost his baseball team’s payroll by a smidgen in hopes of making the franchise somewhat competitive (and around here that means getting near the .500 mark).
Below are my picks for the 2006 NCAA Tourney. My method? There was none. I don't follow college athletics. My only sources were a few conference tournament games I watched and sports talk radio that mostly bitched about how Shitt guard Carl Krauser is going to go 4-for-30 in the second round.
ATLANTA BRACKET
First Round
Duke/Southern = Duke
George Washington/N.C. Wilmington = George Washington
Syracuse/Texas A&M = Syracuse
LSU/Iona = LSU
West Virginia/Southern Illinois = Southern Illinois
Iowa/Northwestern State = Iowa
California/N.C. State = California
Texas/Pennsylvania = Texas
Second Round
Duke/George Washingon = Duke
Syracuse/LSU = Syracuse
Southern Illinois/Iowa = Iowa
California/Texas = Texas
Third Round
Duke/Syracuse = Duke
Iowa/Texas = Texas
Fourth Round
Duke/Texas = Duke
OAKLAND BRACKET
First Round
Memphis/Oral Roberts = Memphis
Arkansas/Bucknell = Bucknell
Shittsburgh/Kent State = Shittsburgh
Kansas/Bradley = Kansas
Indiana/San Diego State = Indiana
Gonzaga/Xavier = Gonzaga
Marquette/Alabama = Alabama
UCLA/Belmont = UCLA
Second Round
Memphis/Bucknell = Memphis
Shittsburgh/Kansas = Kansas
Indiana/Gonzaga = Gonzaga
Alabama/UCLA = UCLA
Third Round
Memphis/Kansas = Kansas
Gonzaga/UCLA = UCLA
Fourth Round
Kansas/UCLA = UCLA
WASHINGTON DC BRACKET
First Round
Connecticut/Albany = Connecticut
Kentucky/UAB = Kentucky
Washington/Utah State = Washington State
Illinois/Air Force = Illinois
Michigan State/George Mason = Michigan State
North Carolina/Murray State = North Carolina
Wichita State/Seton Hall = Seton Hall
Tennessee/Winthrop = Tennessee
Second Round
Connecticut/Kentucky = Connecticut
Washington/Illinois = Illinois
Michigan State/North Carolina = North Carolina
Seton Hall/Tennessee = Seton Hall
Third Round
Connecticut/Illinois = Connecticut
North Carolina/Seton Hall = North Carolina
Fourth Round
Connecticut/North Carolina = Connecticut
MINNEAPOLIS BRACKET
First Round
Villanova/Monmouth = Villanova
Arizona/Wisconsin = Wisconsin
Nevada/Montana = Nevada
Boston College/Pacific = Boston College
Oklahoma/Wisconsin-Milwaukee = Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Florida/South Alabama = Florida
Georgetown/Northern Iowa = Georgetown
Ohio State/Davidson = Ohio State
Second Round
Villanova/Wisconsin = Villanova
Nevada/Boston College = Boston College
Wisconsin-Milwaukee/Florida = Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Georgetown/Ohio State = Georgetown
Third Round
Villanova/Boston College = Boston College
Wisconsin Milwaukee/Georgetown = Georgetown
Fourth Round
Boston College/Georgetown = Boston College
FINAL FOUR
Duke/UCLA = Duke
Connecticut/Boston College = Boston College
NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Duke/Boston College = Boston College
• Last night I had the NCAA tournament playing, and while it was mostly on for background noise, I was somewhat following the Xavier/Gonzaga game. With a few minutes left, I noticed Xavier was up by six points. One of my old friends from Ohio had went to Xavier and blindly followed his beloved Musketeers. Since the better half got me sick with her cold, along with the fact I wake up at 4:45 a.m. to get ready for work, I decided to go to bed early and I called my friend up to congratulate Xavier on pulling off a first-round upset. Even though I thought Gonzaga would win the game, I had a feeling this match up could result in an upset scare.
After looking up his number from my hotmail account, I called and left a message on his answering machine. When I hung up the phone, I replaced some garbage liners and took out the trash for Friday’s weekly pick up. When I came back inside I walked by the living room television that had the Xavier on; Gonzaga was now up by one.
Oops.
I think subliminally I wanted Xavier to lose and by giving a premature congratulation I cemented the underdog’s fate as being another close-but-no-cigar story.
• I normally don't have a problem with pop stars that seem fashionable to hate if you’re not a teenybopper. The Backstreet Boys never cut me off in traffic. Justin Timberlake doesn’t hold up a line at the store by counting change in the express lane. Hanson didn’t cause me to stab my mother 100 times and leave her in a car that had a one-way trip to the bottom of Lake Erie. So whenever the better half complains about how someone can like Jessica Simpson, I just bite my tongue. I’ll never listen to her music, nor have I ever seen an episode of that show her and the ex were on, but I have no reason to hate her, unlike so many other people in this world. And after what she did at a recent fundraising event (or should I say, didn't do), I think I like her even more. After recently declining a seat at a Republican fundraising event, she said her reason was because she wanted to lobby for her nonprofit foundation that offers free plastic surgery to disadvantaged kids with facial deformities. Attending this GOP fundraiser would have injected politics into her nonprofit, and I can respect that.
• And while in a loving mood, I must say that even though Russ Feingold does not believe in the First Amendment (campaign-finance reform), made an ass out of himself with that recent hippie call for censuring George W. Bush, and would make me go on medication if he was ever elected president, there is something I will always give him props for. Even though he voted against the Iraq war, when it came time to fund the war, he voted for that $80 billion that John Kerry famously voted for, too, before voting against it. Although I will probably never agree with Feingold on anything, I’d rather have him as a political opponent than some piece of shit like Ted Kennedy, Patrick Leahy or Charles Rangel.
• I talked about Larry the Cable Guy a few days ago, and I’m going to do so again. I was flipping through channels last night and saw two interviews featuring him. The first one was on CMT; no surprise there. I had this on as background noise while cooking dinner, and the most interesting part was when I heard him say that he was a Reagan conservative. I guess that’s better than him not being one. But what really threw me for a loop was later on that evening when he was on Hannity & Colmes. Well, I’d rather listen to his jokes than most of the guests they have on that show. The highlight of that interview was when he talked to Alan. He said that when Colmes had his radio show in Orlando, that Larry was the guy who would call into his show, say “nobody cares what you think” and hang up. The sad thing is I believe this story. Oh, and he also called Bill O'Reilly a communist.
• Since I’m a retard when it comes to social etiquette and other hippies stuff like that, I’m not sure if I’m in the right or wrong when it comes to this very important issue. Long story short: The mother-in-law received a tin of cookies for Christmas from her one niece, who lives with her father’s family. About a week ago the niece who gave the cookies told the mother-in-law that her uncle who gave her the cookie tin wants it back. (I’m not even going to attempt to explain this family tree because it’s one of broken families that would take about 1,000 words for me to set up.) Now when you make cookies or some other baking concoction and present it in a tin, I’m always under the assumption that you give the tin away as well as what’s inside this container. Now if the person who does the giving asks for the tin back at the start of the transaction, that’s different, but what’s the point of giving someone a tin container if you are going to want it back later? Why not just give away the baked goods in some crappy throw-away Tupperware? Truly, this is one incident that will rock the very foundation of our society.
• This has been a bad week for pets. First a British stray cat that became a mainstay of the Prime Minister’s place died at 18 years of age, and now some turtle that was supposedly the pet of an officer in colonial India around the middle of the 18th century also passed away. Dang. 18 years for a cat and 250 for a tortoise? Can’t say they didn’t get their money’s worth on this planet.
• Man, if we ran elections like they do over in the Ukraine, which will have a voting ballot over two-feet long, well, let’s just say there will be a bunch of far-sighted Jews in Florida that will get disenfranchised. At least the good thing is that with all the names to choose from, they probably would have plenty of candidates to mistakenly pick from than just Pat Buchanan.
• Great, the Dixie Terrorists are coming out with another album. Much like their previous albums, I won’t care (I’m not a country music fan). However, I can’t wait to hear all the media hoopla about if their more conservative listeners will “forgive” them for the stuff they said back a few years ago about our Commander in Chief. You have the freedom to say whatever you want, but other people are also free to say “fuck you three bitches.”
• Shoot me now. Before typing up this masterpiece of an entry you are currently reading, I popped in my Best-of Steppenwolf CD and realized that while “Born to be Wild” played I was scanning through a shopping receipt seeing how much money I saved during today's trip to the store. And for those scoring at home, I saved $11 off a $23 bill, thanks to weekly specials and coupons.
• Whenever the NIT is under way, there’s always jokesters who say things like, “time to see which team is the 66th best in the country lol.” And while it is odd, albeit funny, that this tournament has a back-to-back champ, five consecutive wins in tournament play is five consecutive wins. So to NC State I say congrats. Maybe next year you can get into the big dance and get blown out in the first round.
• Ten years ago I would have given a shit that two Republican senators are pooh-poohing a plan to limit their state’s ability to waste money, but I’ve since stopped caring. However, I have to give Ohio’s Secretary of State Ken Blackwell props for at least trying. If I still lived in this state, I’d vote for you in the Republican primary, bro. In my state of Pennsylvania, it looks like Bob Casey Jr. is going to defeat Rick Santorum in the next election. I’m not sure which pair of senators I’d want representing me: Casey and Crazy Arlen Specter, or my old senators Mike Duh-Whine and George Voino-bitch from Ohio. I guess at the end of the day having two RINOs is better than a liberal Republican and so-called conservative Democrat.
While on the subject of balanced budget talk, I remember back in the mid-90s Republicans tried to pass a Balanced Budget Amendment, which failed by a few votes. I think back to those good ol’ days when Republicans at least seemed to care about fiscal responsibility and laugh.
• Hawk 34 brought up an interesting point in his most recent entry regarding people and interruptions. One thing that really used to get on my nerves at a few former jobs was when co-workers would approach me on my break while I was listening to a CD via portable player and headphones. The following conversation would then ensue:
Them: “hey … Hey … HEY!”
Me: “What?”
“Whatcha listening to?”
“Ramones/EPMD/Offspring/etc.”
“Any good?”
For the rest of my break I’d be talking with this schmuck when all I wanted to do was listen to some goddamn music for 10-15 minutes. Oh that used to piss me off. And if these people weren’t talking about your taste in music during a short break they commented on your food during a lunch break. My favorite memory was when this retard came up to me while I was enjoying some animal crackers and milk and asked, “Whatcha eating?” What the fuck does it look like, dipshit? The bag on the table in front of me says "Animal Crackers" and there's a bunch of circus/zoo animals on the packaging. Nevertheless I humored this dolt and responded with “animal crackers.” I swear to God at this point he was sprouting wood. He started going “Ooooh ANIMAL CRACKERS. That sounds good.” Jesus Christ. If you had 99 cents in your pocket you could probably get some of your own and jerk off to their crunchy, but not-too-sweet, goodness instead of bothering me with this pisspoor attempt at small talk, or whatever you cretins try to bother me with.
While I’m on this subject, here’s another thing that gets on my nerves. You go to a retail store and buy something, anything. When you go to the register, the cashier makes some gay-ass comment about what a great purchase you made. OK, I can deal with this, after all they're just trying to be friendly. However, what sometimes comes next from these people makes me want to kill; they remark about how they wished they had whatever it was you were buying. For fuck’s sake, I bought this in the STORE YOU WORK IN. I doubt Wal-Mart or Target has a policy forbidding its employees from buying in-house merchandise. Go on your break and buy one of whatever it was that I brought to your work sta -- that is if you aren't planning on popping in a CD in the break room, only to have Doug from Electronics ask you what you're listening to.
