Here is not how to make nice with the mother of who you are are banging. You need to read the 2/4 entry to get some backstory. And "Angie" is the "name" of the crack-whore niece-in-law. The following took place during a phone conversation. You can figure out who is who.
"Angie wants Princess (one of the female cats) and Buddy (one of the male cats) back when she gets her apartment."
"Angie is NOT getting Buddy because he's the most adoptable cat out of the lot. She will get Princess back, and if there's another cat left over it will be Stripe (the other female cat) because she's the least-adoptable of the group. The two males are probably going to be taken first and I'm not going to stop that. And when is Angie going to get her welfare pad?"
"I don't know. Probably sometime in May?"
"What?"
"Probably sometime in May."
***This is when I start getting pissed and the Hulkkk transformation takes place***
"I thought it was going to be March. Well then ALL FOUR cats are up for adoption. Unlike other people I'm not her servant."
"Who are talking about ... 'her servant'?"
...
F U C K
Needless to say it went downhill from there. Sad thing is I wasn't targeting the mother-in-law with that remark, because it's not just her that caters to every whim of the crack-whore niece-in-law. However, upon further review I realized that the father-in-law and better half pretty much bend over to the crack-whore niece-in-law at the request of the mother-in-law. When Mrs. kkk heard about this exchange, she said I needed to apologize. Apologize for what? I'm not sorry about what I said because it's the truth. And you know what: If the mother-in-law is more pissed about me saying this than she is about the crack-whore niece-in-law dropping out of school, going on welfare, having a bastard child with another person who needs sterilized and taking NO responsibility for her actions then too bad. In fact, I think that's the problem right there.
The crack-whore niece-in-law has pretty much been allowed to do whatever she wants, and everyone caters to her demands. Except me. Back in 2003, the crack-whore niece-in-law had some mid-term/term paper due. Even though she had months to work on this, she waited until the last minute. And the paper, due on the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday, needed sources and all that other good stuff, meaning the crack-whore niece-in-law needed Internet access. And guess who was the only one that had such a technological marvel? Yep. Just hours before the Super Bowl, I was asked if the crack-whore niece-in-law could come over and use the computer. My response: No. And here's why.
-- A few weeks prior, the crack-whore niece-in-law was arrested at Wal-Mart for shoplifting. I was going to watch the Super Bowl and I didn't trust a thief alone in my residence. Besides, the crack-whore niece-in-law wouldn't know what to do half the time, and she would be calling me in for help every 5 minutes.
-- The better half offered to "watch" her, but Mrs. kkk had already made plans to go out with one of her friends. I wasn't going to have the better half cancel her plans with someone she infrequently sees; keep in mind these plans were made WEEKS in advance and the crack-whore niece-in-law's request was made the afternoon of Super Bowl Sunday.
-- As I said above, this research paper was due THE NEXT DAY. And I was asked about this SUNDAY AFTERNOON. Now if I had been given just a FEW DAYS NOTICE about this, I would not have had a problem. But I was not about to turn my life around for this irresponsible brat.
Now before you say, "Boy, kkk, you don't care about anyone else but yourself," I want to point out that ... well, you're probably right. Actually, whenever a genuine need to alter life's schedule arises I have no problems. A few months back I was at the dentist's office when the better half learned that the mother-in-law fell and hurt her knee. I told Mrs. kkk to take her to the emergency room and pick me up afterward. After my appointment I was roaming around the local shopping complex for 4-5 hours while waiting to hear of an update. Sure my afternoon/evening was shot, but big f'n deal. An emergency took place and needed dealt with. Where the hell am I going with this? ... shit ... Oh well, might as well finish with the usual quality send-off...
7:45 p.m.
• So today we got hit with our first “big” snow/ice storm of the season. Eh. I left work early because we were going to getting ice mid-morning. Wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but the commute was twice as long as normal because of slow traffic. Most times, the weather isn’t the problem – it’s the other drivers on the road.
• This past weekend was mostly spent with Mrs. kkk hanging out and watching movies to help her cope with our recent “family” situation. As the days went on, it seemed to be working. Now I’m expecting this to linger for some time, and that’s OK. I’m not going to put a timetable on this sort of thing; she can feel however she wants. On Sunday night, we were going to watch one more movie before going to bed. I decided to get something from our “new” stack that we haven’t seen yet: “High Crimes.” I remember watching this with her years ago and it’s a typical “Kiss the Girls/Along Came a Spider” film with Morgan Freeman. Even though I remember the ending, I don’t recall much more than that. And of course guess what happens at the start of the film? Ashley Judd’s character finding out she’s preggers.
Fuck.
9 p.m.
• We're sorry. Our bad.
• Don't you know that flaunting the color red is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
• Take a guess as to where this story is from. The answer is in the spoiler text.
Well yesterday was a joy. As I was finishing up the weeklong task of cleaning up the house, I went into the last carpeted room that wasn’t vacuumed yet. After I sprinkled some carpet deodorizer onto the floor, I noticed that the vacuum cleaner wasn’t picking up any debris. We bought this thing a few months ago and now it’s on the fritz, yippie. After spending 20 minutes trying to figure out how to open it up, I noticed some band was busted/burnt off, which is probably the reason for the machine’s malfunction. Fortunately, I have an extra vacuum cleaner I use for the basement. It’s designed for hardwood floors, so it didn’t work all too that well but it sucked up the carpet cleaning stuff, so now I at least don’t have to worry about the cats rolling around in this shit.
After vacuuming (or at least attempting to vacuum), I went to use the digital camera and that didn’t work. My guess is it needs new batteries, but I don’t recall seeing the “battery low” being displayed the last time I used it. Hopefully, I just need to put in a new set of batteries and don’t have to replace it altogether. Of course there were no batteries in the house, so I had to drive to the Kmart down the street and buy some. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. When I got into my car, the damn thing wouldn’t start; hopefully this vehicle just needs a new battery as well, but who knows? When it rains it pours.
After breaking these three appliances/electronic devices, I watched for the first time “Million Dollar Baby.” I remember when this film came out there was some controversy about its supposedly “pro euthanasia” theme. I didn’t really get that vibe from watching the movie.
I consider myself a “pro-euthanasia” person, but only if that is the final wish of the person dying. In this movie dying was clearly the wish of Maggie Fitzgerald; it’s not like she had an ex-husband who was telling us 10 years ago she told him that she never wanted to live like she was in that hospital. The only two things I got “offended” at in this movie were Maggie’s white-trash family and that boxer who put her in the hospital bed with a cheap shot. It would have been nice to know what happened to her boxing career after committing that sucker punch, but at that point in the movie it really didn’t matter.
I’m not sure if it deserved to win “Best Picture,” because I haven’t seen any of the other nominees for that year, but I don’t think it was filmed to have all of us go to nursing homes and start yanking away life support plugs
After watching “Million Dollar Baby” I did some channel surfing and came across yet another hippie Vh1 Top 40 List. This time it was about the Top 40 Zany Concert Moments Of All Time. Seeing how I don’t go to music concerts, I stayed with this show just to find out what I have been missing all these years. Iggy Pop rubbed peanut butter on himself – wow. U2 got stuck in some huge stage prop – next. Someone dressed up as a frog, played a saxophone and fell in a moat – extreme. However, one entry got my attention, but it wasn’t for what happened at the event. Rather it was for what one person said about the fallout.
The year was 2004 and Linda Ronstadt was doing a Las Vegas show. After going off on a political spiel, which included praising Mikey Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11” some people in the audience started booing while others got up and left. Some even, allegedly, started throwing things at Ronstadt. When this was brought up on Vh1, we got to hear the expert testimony of Cindy Lauper compare these actions to a fascist state. *Sigh* Good one, Cindy. And these public figures wonder why many people don’t take them seriously when they try to go off from a script.
I only caught the first 20 of this list of wacky concert moments, but I’m willing to bet that Alice Cooper throwing a chicken out to an audience to be dismembered or Ozzie biting the head off of something-or-other up near the top on this list. I’m sure this list will be televised at least 1,000 before the end of the year, so it’s a good bet I’ll see the Top 20 Zany Concert Moments of all time in the near future.
• What's do we have here?
Oh? Do go on.
How can this NOT fail? They negotiated for 16 WHOLE HOURS! But then again, I don't think Jimmy Carter was involved, so there will be no Nobel Prizes to gain.
Uh, didn't they already agree to scrap its nuclear program, like 10 years ago? Oh, yeah, it did.
This is my favorite part. Using the football analogy.
Yeah, and what's going to happen when North Korea decides to go for the long bomb?
• Wow, that didn't last long.
Then again, Arrington was hurt for much of the season. Hope he liked becoming a free agent while he was a disgruntled Redskin.
7 a.m.
• So the Dixie Terrorists won some Grammy Awards.
Big shock there. I forgot they even had an album out. Great. Now this will probably be all over cable news for the next day or so, giving me just another reason to tune out.
Well, the Powerball jackpot has reached the $250 million mark, which of course means now that businesses across America are now engaged in office pools in hopes of getting the ultimate workplace bonus. Naturally my place of employment engages in this behavior whenever a lottery reaches the $150+ million mark, and I participate in my office lottery pool. Do I think I’ll win a share of this prize? Not at all. But I do know that if I don’t chip in my $5 it’s assured that my co-workers will win, and lord knows I don’t want that to happen.
A few jobs I worked at over the years have done these lottery pools, and I have always suggested the following in hopes of getting an easy win: Always have one person that regularly partakes in the office lottery not put in any money. The reason I say this is because nearly every office pool that wins these mega-lottery winnings always has some disgruntled employee suing because they weren’t offered a chance to put in a few dollars. Of course, this idea always gets shot down, but if I won part of a $100 million jackpot, I’d gladly skim a few million off the top to the person who didn’t put money in because the karma that helped us get this money was worth much more than any monetary contribution the “stiffed” person would have given.
Anyway, I know playing the lottery is like flushing your money down the toilet, but there’s no way I want to be left out of an office pool. Would you want to be that one schmoe the day after the winning numbers are called watching everyone else turn in their resignations because they each won several million? Of course you wouldn’t. And believe it or not, but the main reason I’d want to win the lottery is so when the several co-workers at my job who never participate in these pools ask to get a cut of the proceeds (and believe me they will), I can tell them to kiss my ass. Also, it would feel so great to tell any family members who I haven’t seen in at least a decade approach me with their hands out so I can say “fuck off.” The seven-digit bank account is a mere afterthought when compared to the glory of telling people you hate to jump off a bridge.
Even though I don’t regularly play the lottery, there have been two instances where I came close to winning. The first time took place years ago. I was no older than seven or eight, and I was in downtown Shittsburgh with my dad for some reason. We walked by a store that had a lottery machine, and he told me to pick three numbers for the Pennsylvania Daily Number. Not really wanting to do this, I just blurted out “804.” The old man bought the $1 ticket and gave it to me for safekeeping.
When 7 p.m. came around, it was time for the Daily Numbers to be drawn. The first number was “8.” The second was “0.” I was now up on my feet in my grandma’s living room shouting, “Come on 4! Come on 4!”
It was “5.” Sure the jackpot wouldn’t have been that big with the drawing being only three numbers between 0 and 9, but that wasn’t the point. I had aunts and uncles play this stupid game every night, and the looks of disgust I would have gotten for picking three correct numbers one night would have caused a rift in the family that probably would still go on to this very day.
The second time I came close to winning a lottery was a few years ago when I lived in the Cincinnati area. Some lottery called Mega Millions was up to an extraordinary high amount, and I became the person in charge of getting lottery entries together. (Swift Terror may remember this, seeing how we were employed there at the same time.) I didn’t mind coordinating this office pool, because that meant not having to do any real work for a day or two.
After a few days of getting the word out to the several hundred people in our building, I got entries from 57 people who chipped in $5 each. I walked down to the local Quickie-Mart and got 285 tickets. I came back, made copies of each ticket and passed them out to everyone. The Friday drawing was that night, and I didn’t stay up for it because I knew we had no chance of winning.
Or did we?
The next day I woke up and began to compare all the tickets with the winning numbers. I remember the drawn numbers had a funky order to them, like “1, 5, 6, 32 and 49” with some special colored ball being a different “25.” This unique order of numbers made it easy for me to go through the tickets, because the first several numbers were close to each other. Oops, this ticket’s low number is 24 -- loser. This one starts out with 12 -- next. Going through the tickets was smooth sailing until I stumbled across one ticket that read, “1, 5, 6, 32.” For an instant my heart stopped beating, and I think I was just seconds away from peeing myself. Naturally, the next number was off, as well as that hippie colored ball. The rest of my tickets weren’t even close to matching the winning numbers. When I looked to see what I had won for picking four correct numbers, it was $150. What really made my heart sink was that if there was one more number correct, we would have gotten a $175,000 prize, which when split up would have been a few grand per person. (If you are getting a sense of déjà vu over this story, I made a thread about this subject when it actually happened.)
Anyway, those are the two times I have come close to winning the lottery. Will tonight’s drawing be any different? The odds are 1-in-God-Knows-How-Many that it won’t be, but you never know. Somebody has to win this tax on the stupid.
9:30 a.m.
• So yesterday I was debating on whether or not to come into work today. My work is ahead of schedule, but I'm a freak when it comes to getting work done early. I know if I didn't come in today, my idiot boss will have some time-consuming project waiting for me Monday, and I would spend half the day kicking myself for not taking advantage of working during the weekend. Well, I found out that our area should be getting at least 4-8 inches Tuesday, so now it's time to come in and call off Tuesday. I'm envisioning the traffic nightmares right now. I know my friends north of the border are used to 4-8 inches in the summertime, but this ain't Canada. This is Shittsburgh. There's a big difference. Trust me on this one.
7 p.m.
• So the better half and I got our taxes done by the H&R Block chick that Mrs. kkk has gone to for years. This year we overpaid $2500. Wait, did I say “overpay”? I meant WE’RE GETTING $2500 BABY~! Sadly, the better half does that thing where they take more out of your paycheck; I’ve just let this issue be one of those things we just have to agree to disagree on. Oh well, at least this lady is funny. Last year I made some right-wing remarks while sitting there and this year was no exception. I really don’t remember what I said because I came in toward the end of our appointment (was held up at work), but I think it had something to do what that “stimulus” package Congress is passing/just passed. Our tax lady was talking about it and I asked if illegals will be sucking on this government teet. (I heard some rumblings that they could.) She said “no,” and I replied “at least not until that bitch gets elected.” Our pseudo-accountant began laughing out loud and said if Hitlery gets elected she’s moving to Canada. Uh, why? They already have their government health care. Then again, our friends north of the border don’t have 300 million people to deal with.
• I’ll tell you what – for a Republican to be this close in the polls is actually surprising for me.
Then again, it’s McCain. I lifted this from the other place.
• Even though Obama is a bigger dumbfuck than Hitlery, it'd be nice to see him get the nomination because that would mean the Hildabeast would probably never run for President again. After all, if anyone is willing to make her a running mate, I hope to God that person has a phat life insurance policy signed.
8 a.m.
• And what is Hitlery going to do when some Muslim country rags on her for being the White Devil/Great Satan/a general bitch in nature?
Wow. She won't appear on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2008 and may not appear on MSNBC-sponsored debates. I thought the purpose of the primary season was to get on lots of media outlets only to run and hide once elected to office?
You know, I remember when Rush Limbaugh did some dog-fades-to-Chelsea image on his television back in the early 1990s, and he got rightfully blasted for it. However, if Hitlery is going to use her adult daughter to hawk for votes, then using the “p” word is seemingly appropriate. Besides, “pimp” has gained more of a meaning than its original intent. Say, what better time to take a trip down memory lane?
Well, now I feel like it.
When I was at the test-scoring facility in Ohio, we scored some state-assessment projects via computers and others by hand. The latter consisted of the students’ actual test papers and were delivered to us by mail. These papers were grouped in booklets, and there were a bunch of them to keep organized. To aid us in properly sorting out these hundreds (maybe even thousands – I can’t remember) of packets, we hired clerks. Basically, these were high-school students doing the summer job thing.
Well there was this one particular project in which we had a really good clerk, or at least that’s what I was told by my boss. Shrug. I didn’t mind getting up and taking my test-scoring group’s completed packets and putting them back in their initial boxes – it gave me a chance to get up from my chair. Then again, I’m sure the big bosses wanted someone who made less money to do this basic function, so I don’t blame them for getting us these assistants. Anyway, our clerk (I’ll call her Jen) was going to be out for a few days due to some operation and I wanted to know if we would be given another clerk or if our project was going to be clerk-less for a time. No big deal either way. I went to Jen’s boss Joe and asked him about this. Joe was a very soft-spoken guy and was great to work with. He was one of those guys who would hardly say a word, but then when he did it would be a great one-liner. When I asked him this question, he thought about it for a second and then said he was going to get this one clerk from this one project to help us out on one day. He then said that he would get this other clerk from this other project to aid us on another day. As he was mulling his options, I made the following remark, “Doesn’t this kind of make you like a ‘clerk pimp’?” He gave his usual laugh and that was that.
Or so I thought.
The next day my boss came up to me and was freaking out because two other people in this project who were also at my same management level were freaking out. When I asked why, my boss said that Jen wrote a letter to the clerks who were going to be help us out. This letter was just a basic “here’s where you put these completed packets/etc.” guide. However, there was one passage that brought on my co-worker’s ire.
Jen used the phrase “clerk pimp” to describe her boss Joe. The sentence read something like “Depending on which day the clerk pimp decides to send you over to our project…” and our two older co-workers read this and were enraged. I then responded to my boss that I was the one to came up with the “clerk pimp” term. He then laughed and said something like “Why am I not surprised? Well they are PISSED at Jen.”
Too fucking bad.
The only time I said “clerk pimp” was to Joe, so logic told me that Joe had to have said this phrase to his clerks. If Joe doesn’t care and Jen was writing a note that was intended for her fellow clerks, then my fellow test-scoring supervisors needed to take the sticks out of their respective asses. If not, then they need to get pissed at me because I’m the one who made this oh-so-wretched description.
As I went to my desk, I could tell these two older women were pissed. I can’t remember how this started, but they mentioned this offensive letter and I went right at them and said I was the one who came up with the term in a conversation with Joe and anyone had a problem with the choice of words then they should deal with me rather than Jen, who probably heard “clerk pimp” from her boss. The one lady then said the following:
“Do you know what a pimp does?”
I laughed. I laughed quite a bit, actually.
After a few days of pseudo-drama, the “clerk pimp” saga ended, although Jen was a little jittery once she heard of the OUTRAGE her letter caused. This was before I told her to let me know if anyone gave her grief about the phrase because I was the “clerk pimp” originator. Of course, nothing ever came of it, which didn’t surprise me. It’s a wonder how we got any work done there at times.
• Oh how the mighty have fallen. At one time the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders were the envy of the league. Now Al Davis can't even find a head coach to take the helm of his built-for-offense team. It looks like former coach Art Shell is now the front-runner, after Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt and Louisville head coach Bobby Petrino both pulled out of consideration.
• After giving their starting quarterback a contract extension, it looks like the Houston Texans will stick with David Carr rather than go with Vince Young or Matt Leinhart in the upcoming NFL Draft. Now the stage is set for the Texans to take running back Reggie Bush with the first overall pick, but I’m not sold on Houston making Bush their top choice. Of course Bush has all the tools to be a NFL star, but Houston already has a solid halfback in Dominack Davis. There might not be any offensive linemen in this year’s draft with superstar potential (I don’t pay much attention to college football or draft prospects), but if there were I’d trade this top pick and draft down a few spots to get a top offensive lineman or three, which would help Carr out much more than another running back. Look at what having a good offensive line did for Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who has progressed from wide-eyed rookie to Super Bowl champion in just two years. Hines Ward may catch Ben’s passes, but Alan Faneca and his fellow line mates are the ones who allow Ben to toss the ball to his receivers.
• Even if the Texans pull off a draft-day trade, the most interesting swap this year in the NFL has just taken place. Oddly enough, it didn’t involve any active players. NBC sent “Oswald the Lucky Rabbit” to ABC for broadcaster Al Michaels, so he can announce next season's Sunday Night Football games. For those that weren’t around at the time, Oswald was created in the 1920s by Walt Disney in the days before Mickey Mouse. So an award-winning 30-year broadcasting career is worth a few dozen silent cartoons? Think about that the next time you feel undervalued at your job. Actually, there were some other transactions in this deal. From the article: “As part of the deal, NBC sold ESPN cable rights to Friday coverage of the next four Ryder Cups through 2014. NBC also granted ESPN increased usage of Olympic highlights through 2012 and other NBC properties through 2011. NBC, in turn, gets expanded highlight rights to ABC and ESPN events.”
So who got the better of this deal? I'd say ABC, unless Michaels stays in the booth through 2014. And even then Oswald will still outlast Al if properly preserved.
• Speaking of being undervalued, how would it feel to lose your request for a pay increase but still get a raise worth more than $2 million? Alfonso Soriano knows. I still don’t get baseball arbitration. You signed a contract for $7.5 million/year – that’s the amount of money you get. Case closed. It’s not like you’re going to get cut by a baseball team and lose all that money. Just wait until your contract expires and seek your value on the open market.
• I don’t know much of this case, but I’m not going to cast judgment on Busta Rhymes for missing the wake of his slain bodyguard. While some might think he’s being inconsiderate, it’s possible Mr. Rhymes just doesn’t want to attract media attention to the bodyguard's family in this time of mourning. If he would have been in attendance during this somber occasion, the place would have been overrun by photographers and reporters. However, if Mr. Rhymes isn’t cooperating with police regarding this shooting, then he truly is a busta.
Blog Plugs
Since we’re all a happy community here, I figure why not plug my fellow bloggers?
• Bored fells like an old-timer when it comes to observing sports, and he opens up the vault to reminisce about his first baseball game. But like I said there, what depresses me is when I see players I remember watching retire and become managers, or, worse yet, advance up the corporate ladder from coach to general manager to president of a sports franchise.
• Alfdogg was pretty much spot-on in his guessing of the 2006 NBA All-Stars. While I can’t comment much on the NBA during the regular season, I don’t like having an All-Star game take place during the regular season. Say what you want about the Pro Bowl, but at least when that game is played, the athletes there put in a full season to deserve being called an All-Star, not half of a season.
8 p.m.
• So I reserved a room for a March out-of-town excursion, and the hotel chick gave me the price, which was of course “before taxes.” For those that don’t leave their parent’s house, hotels are like cigarettes when it comes to taxing. Local governments don’t want to tax their constituents, so they jack up taxes for out-of-town visitors, and if someone is going on a business trip to that area, it’s not like they are going to sleep in their rent-a-car before the big presentation the next day. For a laugh, I like asking how much a room is “after taxes,” which often results in the hotel employee answering in a nervous tone. What the hell am I going to do? OMG WHY ARE THERE SO MANY TAXES GWAAAR! Well, actually, I’m sure there are people out there who probably do such things. I guess hotel executives figure if they quote a customer a price “before taxes,” that will make their establishment more appealing due to the “lower” rate and by the time the weary traveler arrives, they would be too exhausted to bitch about the taxes added on to their room.
12:30 p.m.
• Well this was an odd way to start out the day. First off, I woke up at 7 a.m. because the cats were walking all over the bed trying to get one of us up to feed them. They get fed twice a day – once when we wake up, once before we go to bed. During the workweek they get their food at around 5:45 a.m. and then at around 9:30 p.m. However, when it’s the weekend, we tend to wake up later, but Dessa, JJ and Max have none of that. Well, maybe not so much JJ, because all he does is mill around in the room where they get fed; Dessa and Max do the dirty work. They have pretty much learned to not even try with me because I generally don’t wake up for anything, so they focus their efforts toward the better half. Dessa either wakes her up with the old “sniffing the nose” trick, and if that doesn’t work she’ll chew on her hair. Max is less creative; all he does is go up to her face and meow, although I think he’s discovered a way to get me up. What he does is walk over on my nightstand and start knocking shit down to the floor. Now the actual knocking of objects (usually just my contact lens case and deodorant) don’t actually wake me up, but rather the long fur from his tail that is hitting my face does the trick (I sleep on my side facing my nightstand). I vaguely remember this morning. I felt Dessa and Max walking all over us, and while Dessa was doing her thing, Max was knocking my contact lens case over. All I remember is hearing Mrs. kkk say, “Alright I’ll get your food; Jesus Christ,” and me reaching for the squirt bottle to spray Max. I looked at the clock to see that it was 7 a.m. and went back to bed.
I don’t know what the hell happened to me or what I was dreaming, but I woke up at 11:30 a.m. Normally I don’t get up so late (although I used to; good times), but when I did I was sore all over. I was also dreaming, but I can’t remember what it was about. All I remembered was that I was back in high school as a senior and our one class had split into groups, and this one girl, Wendy Welsh, began reading/singing this story about one of those Chronoicles of Narnia books. She was reading this from a fill-in-the-blank test score sheets where you fill in answers to multiple-choice or true/false questions. I didn’t have one of these sheets and had no idea what the hell was going on. And the song/story she was singing? I have no clue. I’ve never read any of those hippie books, except for the “Lion, Witch and Wardrobe,” and that was when I was a kid in a Christian grade school. So this story could not even have been related to the whole Narnia thing, although that lion was involved, along with those beavers. That’s all I remember from this dream, and when I woke up, that made-up song Wendy was singing was still in my head! When I got up, I looked at the clock and it read 11:30. I went to the bathroom to do my thing, when suddenly the doorbell rang. The cats scattered, and I finished wiping. I threw on my sweatpants and shirt, both lying on the floor by my bed, and trudged toward the door, not knowing what adventures were in store for me.
I opened the door, and there it was – two Jehovah’s Witnesses. Good Lord. I could barely keep my eyes open from the bright lights and cold, biting wind going through my screen door. They asked me if I would like this literature about how “Religion is dying,” and I said … shit, I can’t remember what I said. I’ve never dealt with these people before, but I’ve heard stories. I wasn’t in the mood, or in the form, to say, “Get the fuck off my property you wackos,” either. So, due to the fact I had just minutes ago gotten up from bed and had most of my hair sticking up and that funky crap in my eyes, I had an ideal get-out-of-Jesus-Freaks-line. “I’m battling a cold and took a bunch of medication last night.” I then coughed toward their direction. They made a remark about how cold it was, gave me their pamphlets and left, but not after I shook the one’s hand. The hand I wiped my crack with just minutes ago and forgot to wash.
What has this got to do with anything? Haven’t got the slightest clue. Sorry. I’ve washed my hands since then … or at least I think I did. If not, I guess I’m typing in my own filth.
So the President gave his annual report to Congress last night, and like usual I didn’t pay much attention. No matter who is in office I normally skip these speeches. For some reason listening to new programs being suggested, and even more ways to waste money Uncle Sam doesn’t have, isn’t high on my list of things to do during the course of an evening. For the record, I also don’t tune into political conventions. I hear enough of this crap throughout the year; watching these staged weeklong celebrations would be enough to send me over the edge.
Despite my dislike of State of the Union speeches, I did catch a few minutes of this year’s edition. While flipping channels I noticed that MSNBC and CNN had a slight delay in-between their broadcasts, so if I went from CNN to MSNBC I could catch the same three-second sound bite, which made whatever it was Bush said sound much more important than it probably was. And even though I loathe the beast, I had to laugh when Hitlery and friends stood up and applauded after Bush said his Social Security reform plans were killed last year.
The only reason I watched any part of the State of the Union speech was because I was waiting for my favorite show to start – "The Shield." I’ve been a viewer of this program since it first aired in 2002, and ever since “NYPD Blue” ended, “The Shield” is the only show I regularly watch when it is a first-run broadcast.
This past Christmas I bought seasons 1-3 of the “The Shield” (retail priced reduced by more than $30 each of course) and watched them again from start to finish. It was interesting because not having to wait a week (and sometimes a year in-between seasons) to watch new episodes I saw a number of the characters in a different light. For example, my opinion of Vic Mackey diminished while I felt more sympathy for Claudette after she lost her shot at being named captain of the Barn. However, some things remained the same: I still can’t stand Shane’s wife, and Dutch, despite being one of my favorite characters, is still on my shit list for killing that kitty a few seasons ago. (If you haven’t seen this show chances are you have no idea what I’m talking about. Too bad.)
Some other thoughts I have regarding characters on The Shield:
Detective Vic Mackey: The main character, he tries to have a love/hate relationship with the viewer. When he’s not busting bad guys, he’s making deals with them and taking a little drug money off the top. Vic is the face of the show, and although he’s not my favorite character he is what makes many viewers tune in every week.
Detective Shane Vendrell: Everybody’s favorite redneck cop in Los Angeles. Like Vic it’s hard to feel sympathy for him, especially since he married that bitch he calls a wife. What I find amusing about Walton Goggins, who plays Shane, is that I can’t stop thinking of his role in the 1997 movie “The Apostle.” In that film Goggins plays a wholesome, god-fearing man named “Sam,” who is the pretty much the opposite of his Vendrell role.
Detective Curtis “Lemonhead“ Lemansky: Lem was one of those characters who I didn’t really think too much about when I was watching first-run episodes, but when seeing him on DVD I started to take more of a liking to the “surfer” of the Strike Team.
Detective Ronnie Gardocki: Eh, he’s there. He got skin from his BUTT and had it put on his face after being burned by that guy in season 2. However, I think he’s the father of Danny’s baby. If a member of Vic’s team is going to be taken out, it’ll probably be Ronnie.
Officer Julien Lowe: Ah, gay Julian. He was featured prominently in season 1 with his “I-not-a-homo-but-I-love-the-cock” dilemma. It’s a shame Gay Julian hasn’t resurfaced, because he was one bad mo’ fo. I do like the fact that the rookie officer he’s now in charge of training is prissy little bitch because as of right now there is absolutely no sexual tension between the two, which makes it funny to watch her screw up and unable to rely on her looks to find an easy way out.
Officer Dannyelle “Danny” Sofer: Next to Dutch, Danny is probably my favorite character on the show. I laughed out loud at last nights episode when Gay Julian’s partner was trying to say that Danny was no longer the “Queen B” around the office and then made a remark about her pregger looks. After seeing all the dues Danny has paid in the first several seasons, it was funny listening to her rip into this rookie who had no idea what she was getting herself into.
Detective Claudette Wyms: I really dug her character in the first season, but after she got screwed out of being David Aceveda’s replacement as captain, she has seemed to be without a purpose. Sadly, it looks like they might be writing her out this season with the medical problem she’s coping with.
Detective Holland “Dutch’ Wagenbach: My favorite character on the show. Quirky and brilliant, he’s made me laugh a number of times with his off-color remarks. But like I said earlier, even with all these positives, there’s a special place in hell for those that kill cats. Him and Claudette had some great interaction early in the series, but it seems to have tailed off.
Captain/Councilman David Aceveda: The Captain turned City Councilman. I think of him as Vic Mackey with a suit. In some ways, I feel more pity toward Aceveda, especially since he was raped a few seasons ago and couldn’t really tell anyone about it (look at how his power-hungry wife flipped out over hearing that news).
There are other characters to comment on, to be sure, but some have been written out (like Glenn Close’s Captain Monica Rawling character) or have yet to really make an impact (such as Forest Whitaker’s Lt. Tom Kavanaugh character this year). And while this is my favorite show on television, I only hope that this series ends the way it started: with a bang.
7 p.m.
• I have been staying away from cable news shows, even the ones that make us LOL in 2007. However, last night I figured what the heck and turned on Hannity/Colmes because I wasn’t I the mood to watch basketball. The topic being batted around dealt with the whole “clean black” remark by Senator Joe Biden. Oh Christ. They had two chick pollsters/consultants/whatever: one for the Dems, one for the Reps. The Republican chick began bitching about how NOBODY’S talking about Biden and instead saying John McCain is too old to become president. The fuck? Then the other chick began talking about her Party has a black, a Mexican and a chick gunning for the Democrat nomination and how this WAS THE MOST DIVERSE PRESIDENTIAL FIELD EVER!!!!
I went back to watching basketball.
10:15 a.m.
• OMG THE CULTURE OF CORRUPTION ISN'T LOOKING OUT FOR OUR CHILDREN! found it interesting in which paragraph the Associated Press decided to reveal the accused's political party affiliation. Here's a hint on where to look: there's a reason I had to copy and paste the entire article.
9:30 a.m.
• First Democrats wanted to bring back the military draft. Now one from Ohio wants to draft poll workers for elections.
So "occasionally working the polls would be a mandatory part of a registered voter's life." Yeah, that'll encourage people to register to vote. Then again, more Democrats would probably object to doing this -- this idea might not be so bad after all, but I digress. Here's the best part.
So you are going to force people who don't want to work at a polling station to do all this complex shit? Yeah, there will be no mistakes made. No voters disenfranchised.
Honestly, I don't know what's dumber: drafting poll workers or having a Poll Worker Appreciation Day. We already have a Poll Worker Appreciation Day every month when Social Security checks get mailed out.
8:45 a.m.
• I just heard on an Atlanta-based RIGHT-WING RADIO station that the Atlanta Hawks just had their first winning month in nearly three years. Damn.
10:45 p.m.
• My county makes me so proud sometimes.
I noticed when posting this image that its link reads:
www.pittsburghlive.com/photos/2007-12-08/1209-redneck1-a.jpg
• So I mentioned a while back about my recent job interviews. Let me recap.
Had two job interviews on November 27. Both went well. Had the second interview to Job A on December 6. Now what was funny about this one is that the first interview with this place dealt with the Human Resource person, who was doing everything in her power to convince me that her place was a great place to work at. She also said that she wanted me back for a second meeting. After thinking about this for a day (this job wouldn't be the same thing as I'm doing now), I agreed and met up with my would-be boss on 12/6. Everything that this poor HR person did to build this job up was torn down by my new interviewer. First off, he was 20 minutes late. OK. That’s understandable. Secondly, he hadn’t even bothered to look over my resume until the actual interview. Look, if this was a big corporation I could understand. However, there aren’t that many people in his department to oversee. Sorry, but I found that very unprofessional. However, what made it even worse was that he was trying to go down the “overqualified” route, which made me laugh because when he brought up workplace scenarios that he was hoping the ideal candidate would be able to excel in I gave real-life ordeals I’ve gone through that dealt with the exact same topic. As I left this place I thought, “I’d probably choose this place over the shit hole I work at now, but Job B just got the inside track.” I had the second interview to Job B on Friday, and I completely brought down the house. Later that afternoon I got the offer. There’s a few things that need to be ironed out, but nothing that would make me stay where I am now. (“Ironed out” isn’t the right term. Wanting some specifics answered due to the sodomy I’ve experienced at my current place of employment would be more accurate.)
Due to some paperwork that needs to be filed and approved, I’ll be starting January 2 or 3. Of course, there’s always the chance everything will fall through. However, this is unlikely, and this is coming from one paranoid mo’ fo’. All I have to say is that this will probably be the best three weeks of work I’ve had in quite some time.
Well the better half gave me one of my Christmas presents last night, and it sure was a surprise. We went to Heinz Hall last night for that evening's performance. For those that don’t know, Heinz Hall is a hoity toity place where NPR listeners and PBS viewers go to partake in all that artsy fartsy crap. So what was on the itinerary for that evening? The symphony? A choir performance? Ballet? Uh-uh.
Carlos f'n Mencia.
Even if you aren’t a fan of Mencia, to sit in a place like Heinz Hall and look around at a crowd that would normally be cleaning the establishment after hours than actually being paying customers was worth the price of admission alone, especially seeing all the senior citizen ushers who had to endure the three hours of foul language, raunchy humor and racial epithets being tossed about like candy. While some may not like Mencia’s humor or Comedy Central “Mind of Mencia” program, I enjoy much of his work, mainly because I’ve thought/voiced similar opinions many times in the past. I remember back in the mid-1990s I was watching a HBO stand-up act with some Mexican comedian, and to this day it was one of my favorite comedy specials of all-time. I never knew the guy’s name, and when I first saw “Mind of Mencia” a while back I began to wonder if this was the guy I saw a decade ago. Sure enough, a couple of months ago I saw this HBO special on Comedy Central and it was indeed Mencia.
I’m not one to go to concerts or events like these because, frankly, I’m a cheap bastard. What’s the point of paying money to see a band play one time when I can buy a CD and listen to the same song numerous times? Now granted there are people who like the concert experience, and if that’s your thing, then good for you. Me, I would rather listen to a song in the comfort of my home while typing on the computer. (I’ve got ACDC’s “If You Want Blood” concert CD playing as I’m currently typing.)
After dinner we were waiting for Heinz Hall’s auditorium doors to open, and let me tell you it was an … interesting … crowd we were standing alongside. It was weird being one of the older people at this place; most ticket holders looked to be college students, although there were a few old-timers scattered throughout. My favorite person was some guy with a hoodie whose back featured a picture of W. and read “Not my President.” Wonderful. Another type of patron that caught my eye were families attending this event with pre-teens. The hell? Oh well, it’s not my problem. However, I have to wonder if these parents knew what they were getting themselves into. Three hours worth of racial and sex humor is deemed quality family time? I can’t believe every family unit was aware of what was going to be presented on stage. In fact, there were a few people in my section who got up and left during the show – I guess the 59th time the word “nigger” or 97th time “fuck” was uttered was too much for them. Prudes.
Although I still know there are several Christmas gifts coming my way (the most recent South Park DVD, for example), this concert was a surprise. Hell, I didn’t even know this comedy tour was coming to Shittsburgh; it’s not like this area has been overrun by Mexicans … yet.
• If you have read KK’s Korner for any period of time, chances are you’ve learned of my fondness for my current batch of fellow co-workers, or lack thereof. After hearing my constant griping regarding many of these zany characters I deal with in the workplace, you may be surprised to learn that I actually prefer having a cohesive work environment. Seriously, who doesn’t want to enjoy the time where they spend one-third of their workweek? The problem with an office environment is that many times you have no say in who your co-workers are: if you get along with them, that’s great; if you don’t, well, too bad. I thank my lucky stars my office is two floors away from ninety-nine percent of my peers and that my job doesn’t interfere with what they do so my interaction with them is limited. Why do I say all this? Well, just yesterday I learned what one of my co-workers did at last years’ Christmas “grab bag” event.
For those that don’t know a grab bag’s purpose, it is for people who want to be involved with some faux form of workplace unity. If someone wants to be involved in a grab bag extravaganza, all they do is put their name in a hat and someone who organizes the activity selects which co-worker will buy $20 worth of gifts for another co-worker. For everyone participating, they have to write their name on a piece a paper and include a list of three to four items that they would like. (I must mention here that ever since I began working at this place I have never taken part in one of these grab bags. This is because I think the whole idea is stupid and also because there’s no way in hell I’m spending money on someone I loathe, and there are quite a few people at my job that fill this bill.) Well anyway, I found out that one of my co-workers, I’ll call her Sue, was supposed to get something for … let’s call this other person Beth. Now keep in mind Sue is a compulsive gambler, or so I’ve been told, and she ended up buying $20 worth of scratch-and-win instant lottery tickets. I’m assuming Beth wanted lottery tickets for this grab bag thing, but I digress. If Beth did indeed want lottery tickets, then I guess $20 in instant win games seems like a good gift, right? Well, in happy world it would be, but this is kkk’s world. In kkk’s world, Sue scratched off all the tickets before giving them to Beth. The reason? Sue wanted to make sure she gave at least one winning ticket to Beth. Uh-huh. Right. So in effect, Sue’s gift to Beth was 17 or 18 scratch-off tickets that were already played and had no value and two or three tickets that had a $1 or $2 payout. And people say I’m a Jew bastard. I’m surprised Sue didn’t throw in a few losing Powerball tickets from the previous week’s drawing.
I do find it odd that Sue is a person who, when we have an office pool for a $100+ million Powerball drawing, she never joins the rest of us sheep and instead plays on her own. I would assume if she was a degenerative gambler that she would want to be in an office pool where the odds of winning a jackpot would be only one-in-two-hundred-million, rather than playing the lottery by herself where the odds increase to one-in-infinity-plus-one. Then again, what the hell do I know? The only reason I participate in an office lottery pool is that I know if I don’t then my co-workers would win the mega-ultra jackpot, and there’s no way in hell I’m about to let that happen. Not on my watch.
8:45 p.m.
• Nuts. I almost forgot about my Heisman prediction. Have no clue who did what. I’m guessing Tebow will win, but I’d vote for McFadden. I’m sure Tebow got a bunch of those touchdowns by Jew 1-yard runs. That’s all I got.
• Pickkk time.
Chicago @ Washington (3.5)
Shit.
Carolina @ Jacksonville (10.5)
The Panthers win last week was due. I just hope Jacksonville doesn’t play down to their competition.
(10.5) Dallas @ Detroit
The Lion free-fall continues.
Miami @ Buffalo (7.5)
Why in the hell do I bother with this? Oh yeah, because this week will be the WEEK.
N.Y. Giants @ Philadelphia (2.5)
I still think the Giants will flounder and all, but why not pick them?
Oakland @ Green Bay (10.5)
Here’s hoping Charles Woodson returns an interception for a touchdown so I look smart. Here’s hoping Charles Woodson is actually playing this game.
Pittsburgh @ New England (11.5)
Let’s see. Who did the Steelers lose to on the road this year: Cardinals, Broncos, Jets. Couple that with the guy who ran his mouth this week about guaranteeing a win and I’ll take the Pats. Steelers will score 17.
(1.5) San Diego @ Tennessee
Tennessee finished strong last year. They’ll stumble this year. I have no proof to back this up.
St. Louis @ Cincinnati (6.5)
I think somebody important is hurt for the Rams. Or was it the Bengals? Uh oh.
(3.5) Tampa Bay @ Houston
Somebody’s got to win the NFC South.
Arizona @ Seattle (7.5)
Sure. I’ll take the Cardinals. No idea why because they’ll probably fall like a house of cards.
(8.5) Minnesota @ San Francisco
Time for the Vikings to make a playoff run where they will lose in the first round.
(3.5) Cleveland @ N.Y. Jets
Ew. Only 3.5 points? Somebody’s hurt.
Kansas City @ Denver (6.5)
Somebody’s got to win this game: But 6.5?
(9.5) Indianapolis @ Baltimore
Will the Ravens be drained from their game with the Pats? I sure hope so.
(4.5)New Orleans @ Atlanta
You know, for as bad as the Falcons have been this year, from the predictions I heard before the season began they don’t seem to be that terrible. Then again, the Dolphins are 0-16. So remember, if you finish first in the Special Olympics, you still finished first in the Special Olympics.
And down the final stretch I come:
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (7.5)
The Browns are riding high after an upset win against the Chiefs last week. Now they come to Shittsburgh to take on a divisional foe who they should have beaten a few weeks ago. Will they emerge victorious this week? I don't know, but I'll take them with that point spread the way it is.
(3.5) Atlanta at Tampa Bay
I'm helping out the Falcons in their attempt to reach the postseason. I know if I would have picked them, the Bucs would have defeated them, thus prompting me to say the following week, "Atlanta's late-season collapse is still alive and well, and I fell into the trap of thinking they'd win two in a row." This is why I'm picking Tampa Bay, so that way I don't have to say the above sentence in next week's entry.
Baltimore at Kansas City (2.5)
Kansas City is a tough place to play at, but the Ravens defense is a tough unit to run against. I guess I could look up the stats and see if this is actually true, but that would requre effort.
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets (4.5)
I never thought this game could have playoff implications this late in the season, but it does. Good for everyone involved. I'm taking the Bills due to the spread.
(1.5) Indianapolis at Jacksonville
The Jags have been off-and-on this year while the Colts have been a bit more consistent. With me taking Indy, perhaps this is the game in which Jacksonville gets over the hump.
Minnesota at Detroit (2.5)
The Vikings have been struggling as of late, although I wouldn't consider their woes to be that dire where the Lions are the favored team in this matchup.
(3.5) New England at Miami
Hmm, the Pats were nearly upset last week at home against Detroit. The Dolphins were defeated by the Jags at home. I'll go with New England to rebound against a divisional opponent.
New Orleans at Dallas (6.5)
I'm sure Dallas will win, but that spread. Well, the Cowboys have that defense. Plus they're at home. OK then.
N.Y. Giants at Carolina (3.5)
Each team has been inconsistent as of late, so it's a case of pick your poison. I'll take Carolina.
Oakland at Cincinnati (10.5)
I don't like that point spread, but Cincinnati is a lot different than Oakland weather-wise this time of the year.
(1.5) Philadelphia at Washington
I'll take my chances with Jeff Garcia, who I forgot was with the Eagles this year. I feel bad for the guy. Back in his San Francisco days, Terrell Owens made some homophobic remarks toward him and the national sports media didn't show a fraction of the outrage it had over T.O. and his feud with Donovan McNabb.
Tennessee at Houston (1.5)
Riding high off an upset win against the Colts, I'm sure the Titans will crash and burn here, but I'm a sucker for teams that score big wins the week before.
Green Bay at San Francisco (5.5)
I think the 49ers have a great shot at winning ... oh who am I kidding, I have no clue. I'm taking the Packers because of that point spread.
(3.5) Seattle at Arizona
I remember when Joe Bugel used to coach the Cardinals, Arizona would start out bad but come on strong late in the season and the "should Joe get fired?" talk would commence. This usually resulted in, "let's give him one more year because his players like him and they're playing hard to keep his job." Well Dennis Green ain't Joe Bugel. Not sure if that's an insult or compliment.
Denver at San Diego (7.5)
San Diego will probably win, but with that point spread I'll take divisional foe Denver.
(6.5) Chicago at St. Louis
I'll go with the Rams at home to make this competitive. I'm still getting flashbacks to the Bears/Cardinals Monday Night game earlier this year.
10:30 p.m.
• Big ups to Al k, who directed me to this.
Don't you know that having Pork Chop mascots is one of the worst things you can do to a Musl... err, Puerto Rican male. Wait a second. What? When the hell did that become offensive? I have a lot of rap records and don't recall that term being used. Although there was a Short Chop on Ice Cube's one album. Wait a second, I stand corrected. It's
My bad yo.
• Big ups to me, who found this.
Don't you also know that advertising ham for Hanukkah consumption is one of the worst things you can do... oh who am I kidding? All a Jew will do is sue you. I guess they could also hire a hit man to get you, but this mercenary will be the lowest bidder so I'll take my chances.
• You two wanted each other. Enjoy.
Also, if two lesbians get a divorce, does the butch of the couple have to give everything over to the other one and live out of her car?
8 a.m.
• So I had on the Thursday night football game between the Bears and Redskins. Now I’m not one of those people going OMG NFL NETWORK ISN’T ON BASIC CABLE. Look, if you want this channel, then pay a few extra dollars and get it. I don’t watch Lifetime, but there are plenty of people out there who do. Plenty of battered women whose husbands left them and their five kids to be with the office secretary. Not everyone watches sports, which is why if you want more of a certain kind of programming then spend the extra money and knock yourself out. But that’s neither here nor there. I guess I’m getting ready for all the bitching that will take place if/when the Patriots finish their (possible) undefeated regular season on the NFL Network, much like with the Cowboys/Packers game earlier this year.
The reason I brought up the Thursday night game is that maybe it’s best for the NFL Network to be seen by a limited amount of people right now. Holy fuck is Bryant Gumbel awful. I get that not everybody likes Chris Collinsworth; he’s an acquired taste. He’s not my favorite announcer, but I can live with him. Gumbel is just horrible. When I watch something that is supposed to be apolitical, I try to give otherwise political people a chance. Hey, I think Keith Olberman should be strung up for that MSNBC show, but he’s still an excellent sports guy (in my opinion). Gumbel just pisses me off. What did it for me last night was when the Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell got hurt and was taken off the field. Later in the game it was reported he suffered a dislocated kneecap. It was also said that Redskins running back Clinton Portis had told Campbell’s father that he son was going to be OK. Gumbel then snidely makes a remark about Portis and his “medical license.” Fuck you, Bryant. Maybe he was just trying to make Campbell’s dad feel better. Ever think of that you piece of shit? I guess he should have said, "Boy, Mr. Campbell, your son sure is fucked."
What the-? The one line I’m looking for isn’t there.
Bring that beat back.
Bring the beat back.
Bring the beat back.
*wickywickywicky or whatever that DJ record-scratching sound is*
Much better. But the moment has pretty much passed. I tried looking on YouTube for a video to this musical masterpiece, but I had to settle for this other classic. It's sorta relevant to this topic. Yeah, I edited out the opening. Just another case of the white man's oppression.
And W…T…F….?
From the comments section:
True dat, omarkhalid, true dat.
As most all of you know I'm not a big college football fan. However, for the past year or so I've tried getting into the sport more. And if I accept the fact that these are nothing more than meaningless exhibition games post-conference championships, I'm mostly OK with it all. However, this means I've missed the past 100 or so years of this sport, so there are some things that I need explained to me. Here's one. I'm looking at all the divisions out there, and notice there are some "independents," such as Notre Dame, Army and Navy. I knew there were some of these teams out there. (Notre Dame for one; I also know Penn State used to be one before joining the Big 11 10. Army and Navy all by themselves? Sure, I get that. (It's a little odd Air Force is in a conference but whatever.) But why is Western Kentucky all by its lonesome? Did they pee in the punchbowl one year or what?
On another subject, I have a question about teams becoming "bowel eligible." Does that mean they automatically go to a bowel game or does that mean they have the chance to do so but still risk not playing in one of these meaningless exhibitions if nobody wants them?
• Imagine you're a happily married woman who wanted to watch the sun set while sitting on your back porch. Now imagine opening your back door to this.
OK, now I don't know what would creep me out more: The fact your husband has chosen to have sex with the family dog, or the fact he chose to do this OUTSIDE ON YOUR BACK PORCH (allegedly, of course). Photos were taken by your wife of you having sex with the family dog. How, if you're the guy in this situation, can you possibly have a defense for this? You were drunk? The bitch was asking for it? I'm actually interested to see what the defense has to say with this one.
• Wow. Another story about how the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer, and this time it's on a global scale.
Still don’t care. Although I liked this part.
Assuming property and other things of worth are covered under "assets," my household is well in the top 10 percentile of the world’s richest adults. That means I’m oppressing the other 90 percent of this world. Awesome. Now if I can only get a Mexican to mow my lawn.
• Eh, I still prefer Affirmative Action bake sales.
• Boy did Neal Boortz had a field day with this story on his show today. That's all I can say about this one.
11:45 p.m.
• If Smues can have his shitty entries, then so can I.
8:45 p.m.
• I heard a day or so ago on local radio that the Pirates were talking with the Cleveland Indians about trading Jason Bay. The talks have since died down. Why oh why does anyone buy a ticket to PNC Park?
• Got a second interview at another place tomorrow. Not sure if I feel like writing about this shit yet. After all, if I don’t get either job, what’s the point of talking about it. I think what sucks the most when job-hunting is that you research the company, you customize a resume/cover letter, if you’re lucky, you schedule the first interview, you prepare for the first interview, if you’re luckier you schedule and prepare the second interview. After all that and you don’t get hired, then it’s back to Square One. !@#%&*
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Dodie calls in and starts talking. Sorry, I was doing work and wasn’t paying much attention. Something about getting a house with her fiancée. Now Dr. Laura wasn’t yelling at this person, so I’m assuming she wasn’t living in sin. Well, when they went to the bank for a mortgage it was revealed that the fiancée had a considerable amount of debt. When asked about this – the lesser half said that he “forgot all about it.”
Utah/Boise State isn't my dream matchup for the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP, but when you play a REGULAR SEASON TOURNAMENT you never know what can happen each week. Great system there.
7 a.m.
• So I was doing some YouTube research for my "Askkking You" thread at the other place, and I took a trip down memory lane with the remix of Craig Mack's "Flava in Your Ear."
Then I saw one of the comments to this video.
This was released in '94-'95. It's not OLD SKOOL! I was in COLLEGE at the time!
Then again, when I was 8 years old, Run DMC's Rock Box came out and I consider that OLD SKOOL. And at the time I'm sure someone who grew up listening to Parliament-Funkadelic wondered what this shit was that those three rappers from Queens were doing. Looks like I may have edit my response to "Name an event which made you think, 'Fuck, I'm getting older.'"
• It must be budget time at NASA, because now they’re talking about colonizing the moon or something. Don’t care. I’m sure space travel was a big deal 50 years ago, and I am also aware that many products we enjoy today came indirectly from space and military research, but this is 2006. Nobody cares about this anymore, and even if some did they are finding ways to get into space without government spending. (Remember that contest a year or so ago that offered a cash prize for the first private flight into space, or goofy “sphere” that’s above us?) But NASA will get everything it wants and more because, hey, it’s the government. What else have they got to do with money besides spend it?
• Gwyneth Paltrow recently took some flack for saying that she likes Brits better than Yanks at her dinner table. Here's what she said:
Now I could jump on the “If you hate America so much then giiiit out” bandwagon, but it seems that she’s already done that by living in England with trips to the United States to squirt out an Apple, Plum, Orange or Grape Nut. To the surprise of some, I’m going to come to her defense somewhat on this one. She thinks the dinner conversation from across the Pond is more thoughtful than here in the States. Who’s to say she’s wrong? As much as I love my brothers from anotha motha in anotha country, you guys are a bit too socialist for my liking, so it wouldn’t surprise me that less people over there discuss work-related matters while eating their meals. Besides, I’m sure meal-time conversation is important to Paltrow. What else is she going to do at the dinner table, eat? I normally don’t spend much time talking during this time, but that’s because I have food in my mouth.
• In lovecraft’s blog he recently talked about Rachael Ray, and I expressed my hatred toward this bitch in the kitch … en. (Wow was that bad.) Why do I hate her? I don’t really know. I just get the same vibe from her as I did from those uber-preppy girls in high school who would whine and bitch about getting only a 102 percent on a test while I was lucky to fill in my name in the correct blank. You know who I’m talking about, the same kind of girls who would pout because their daddy bought them the black Corvette when they wanted the red. Last December the better half had one of Ray's “Survive on $20 in this expensive part of town” shows on the Food Network. As I sat there watching this garbage, that half-hoarse/half-annoying voice of hers began grating against my soul, or what little of it I have left. Not only was I being annoyed by her, I began to seethe with hate about having to watch this. Did I go upstairs and surf the Internet? No. Did I leave and watch something from the spare bedroom television? Of course not. Did I read a book? N*gga plz. All I could do is sit there and watch as my rage boiled over into a deep hatred. I don’t care if Joe’s Café on 5th Avenue offers $2 coffees from 2-5 p.m. I don’t care if there’s some back-alley Asian eatery that serves up fresh dog every morning. My hatred for Rachael Ray knows no bounds.
It only got worse from there. Last week as I was doing the weekly trip to the grocery store I noticed that Ms. Ray has defiled my store’s Triscuit boxes, among other Nabisco products. Why Nabisco, why? Now every time I reach for a box of this wheaty goodness I get to see her on the box with that look of “Hey, I’m a millionaire just for telling people how to cook a bunch of crappy stuff.” I’m sure if I ever see nl-asshole in real life I’d probably get the same feeling as I now do every time I walk down the cracker aisle of my neighborhood supermarket.
8 p.m.
• This one writes itself.
• Don't you know that not letting hospital beds face Mecca is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Actually, this one doesn't sound too bad -- at least when compared to the other instances Muslims have been mad. I guess the only jihad these people can wage is with their bedpans in this case. Even during my high school years, I often questioned the Bible-thumpers that wanted prayer in schools. My question always was, "Don't Muslims pray five times a day -- what would you do for them?" Looks like I'll be getting the answer to this question soon enough.
Perhaps the "real killers" are already in jail, making your quest to find them all the easier.
9 p.m.
• So the home furnace went bye-bye last night. Awesome. DAMN YOU BUSH ECONOMY~!
Yeah, the financial hit sucks, but you know what? That's why there's something called a RAINY DAY FUND. This way, when something like this happens you go, "Oh shit. Well, now it'll take a bit of time to work my checking account back up to the amount I want it to be at a minimum." Rather than "OMG I CAN'T AFFORD IT FORECLOSURE FOR ME DAMN YOU GEORGE W. BUSH~!~!"
But here's the best part of the whole ordeal.
While I was at work, the better half told the furnace guy was over and told her we had one of two options. One was a patchwork deal that would last a few years before something else on the furnace goes on the fritz. The whole contraption has about 4 years left. The other option is to replace the thing. Now Mrs. kkk is having a fucking MELTDOWN over all this, although to be fair most of it was because of her layoff. So I'm trying to be the rational one and telling her what are the plusses and minuses of getting a new furnace and doing a stopgap.
My preliminary decision was this: I wanted the new furnace. However, I did not want to spend the money for it right now. We had more than enough in the bank, but because Mrs. kkk hasn't gotten gainful employment, I didn't want to chance making a purchase like this, especially when the initial "estimate" had a $2,000 margin of error. Until we got a more accurate estimate/price quote, I was leaning to the stopgap measure. That way we'd be fine this winter and we could go an save for a new furnace over the next year or two.
Mrs. kkk's reaction? "GWWARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR." And I didn't even know she was a fan of the group.
After talking with her in this state of mind, I said I wanted to think about this. We had time because the "more accurate quote" would be done later that day. I wanted my boss' opinion on the situation, so we talked for a few minutes. It wasn't a "woe is me" type conversation. I just wanted to get her insight on the whole thing. She then tells me that I was going to get a $1500 Christmas bonus this year, and after hearing that my mind was made up on getting the furnace.
So after our chat I told the better half of this development. And what were her first words upon hearing this?
"Why are you getting such a large amount?"
"Why are you getting such a large amount?"
The fuck? Because I don't work for a bunch of dickheads anymore, I bust my ass and I'm actually APPRECIATED for what I do. Good Christ.
