kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 5: Cancer Marney
When you think about it, there are some scary-ass things in life. For example, remember the construction zone you drive through every day on the way to work/school? You know, the one with all the big machines that can crush your vehicle in an instant? There’s a good chance the guy operating that crane is the drunk cousin of a crew foreman. When you need an operation, how would you feel knowing that your surgeon was the one who cheated on his tests in order to pass them? And let’s not even talk about where the meat portion of your dinner came from and who helped put that dead flesh on your plate.
However, not everything in this world is negative. There are good people out there. Remember when those towel heads flew two airplanes into the World Trade Center? Well you probably don’t because there’s enough sheeple out there ready to elect Hitlery, but I digress. Remember when those towers were ready to crumble and New York’s finest were running into the burning buildings to rescue as many people as they could? There are people out there going after the bad guys, and this poster is one such freedom fighter. And who is Ms. Marney going after -- Arabs? Russians? Chinamen? The French? I don’t exactly know. From what I’ve read over the years, this person reads a bunch of government reports or something. But that’s not why she’s on this list. She’s on this list because she’s an evil
bitch.
And that’s why she’s my goddess, not to mention protector -- if not from Abdul flying in coach with that fuse hanging out from his shoe, then from posters from across the pond.
8 p.m.
• So that trick-or-treat thing went on last night and we had the biggest turnout EVER~! Or at least for us. Mrs. kkk got through all 27 of her gi-normous candy bags (she puts like 10 pounds of shit in these tiny candy bags – it’s quite impressive, actually), finished off the “emergency stash” and she even had to give away a 100 calorie Nutter Butter bar because we had one brat late. Bitch, those Nutter Butters are hella good.
It’s amusing to be at the kkk house on Halloween. Our “official” trick-or-treat time is from 6-8 p.m. First the better half bitches when we don’t get anyone from 6-6:10. She also looks out the front window the whole time looking for people dressed as Spiderman and monsters. Then when we finally get a group of kids she gives them their candy and kicks them out. No, “awww, look, you’re a ladybug” small talk. Just “Get yo’ mothafuckin’ food, leave it in the car, n*gga get out.” (Three points for anyone that catches that reference without the help of Google.) It’s hilarious to watch this obsession, and when I made a comment about her lack of small talk she started bitching about how kids just want to go house to house and get candy. I agree, but the smaller kids like being gushed over while dressed up as Batman. Damn, I’m speaking for the children. Subject change. Now.
During this time we had Bravo’s 100 SCARIEST MOVIE MOMENTS. Good God was this retarded. But we kept it on because there was nothing else Halloweeny on except for the Michael Myers-fest on AMC. Then, after these 100 SCARY MOMENTS there were 30 EXTRA ONES that I DVR’d so I could goof on them today. Army of Darkness was included in this one. ARMY OF DARKNESS? Look, I have this movie. I like this movie. BUT IT’S NOT SCARY! You don’t watch this film to be scared. You watch this film for stuff like “I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.”
9:30 p.m.
• So we went grocery shopping tonight, and we were by the meat section. I was eyeing up some 92 percent lean ground beef on sale when some old broad starting bitching about the price of pig's bone, or whatever the hell that shit was. She then started bitching to me and the better half about how you have to be a "millionaire" in order to feed your family. It took every fiber of my being to hold back, and Mrs. kkk took the brunt of this "back in my day" shit because she knew I was about to piss someone off big time. You know, if you're trying to feed your family, I don't think you'd be buying a BONE.
2:15 p.m.
• Call me John Kerry on this issue, but I really don’t fault either Trent Green or Travis Johnson for their actions in Sunday’s game. Here’s the story.
From what I have heard, and according to the article above, Green threw a legal block, but a player getting cut like that could suffer a season-ending injury. So when the defensive player starts yelling at the downed quarterback right after the play, I don’t blame him one bit for doing so. And that “scarecrow” quote is my line of the week.
If the NFL really wants to do something to better the league, then they should do something about cut-blocking, or whatever it’s called, instead of teams calling “time out” right before the other team’s kicker boots a pigskin through the uprights.
On and regarding Keith Olberman, would he have called Green THE WORST PERSON IN THE NFL if Johnson would have been carted off and the Dolphins quarterback got up without a scratch?
11:45 a.m.
• Long story short: So the idiot boss is the head of some publicity/marketing committee that is putting some event together outside of work. Now my co-worker and I know this guy who is part of planning for this event (which is doomed for failure), and our “deep throat” told us that our boss volunteered to head up this committee because he “has connections” within the media. Guess what I got 20 minutes ago? An e-mail from said idiot. What was the e-mail about? Him asking for my list of local media contacts. Yeah, he’s got connections alright. Oh, and speaking of publicity, he hasn’t given me any information about this event for publication in our mailing material, and the next mailing will be going out after this event’s RSVP deadline. God I love this place.
Before I even begin, the paternity test reference in today's entry title does NOT involve me (yet... ).
• A few entries ago I made my insta-predictions for this year’s MLB playoffs. Why has Al kkkeiper reprinted his predictions only for the division series match-ups? You’ll see.
You know, there’s a certain satisfaction with being so off target that you end up striking nearby spectators instead.
• While listening to RIGHT-WING RADIO today, there was a man-on-the-street type of deal during a top-of-the-hour newscast. A New Yorker was asked what he thought of North Korea’s alleged nuclear weapons test that took place this past weekend. And what was this genius’ comment? “It’s very disturbing. There should be treaties to stop this sort of thing.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I think what pisses me off the most about idiots like this is that their vote counts just the same as mine. Then again, I'm sure clueless commies think the same about me and my voting power.
• I have no idea who this chick is, but I like her. Apparently she achieved fame because she's hot and her boyfriend/husband (or whatever the hell he was) Jude Law was banging their ugly nanny or something. Nevertheless, I’m now her newest fan.
• While looking for the above article, I stumbled across this one that fired me up. Sure the kid’s not yours, but you still gotta pay. And who says that red diaper doper baby judges don’t have too much power?
• You know it’s Monopoly time at McDonalds. How? Because rednecks from nearby counties and their out-of-state friends are thinking up ways to win the grand prize without having to gain 100 lbs from eating all those greasy burgers and sugar-laden soft drinks.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This lady has a sister who wants the two of them to go into business together. The caller's sister wants to start up an ice cream parlor business, but the caller has some reservations about doing so. Why? Because the sister has been caught in the past stealing from a church she used to work at. How much money did she swipe? $116,000 during a two-year period. What did the sister use the money for? Gambling.
8:30 p.m.
• Saturday night when Mrs. kkk came home from work at 11:15 p.m. Max got out and hasn’t returned. Little bastard. He’s shown up a few times on the porch looking for food but bolted when we opened the front door. I really don’t care if he comes back, but the better half is in hysterics. I just find it funny that the laziest cat I have ever seen decided to live outside (during the summer he was out on the porch for 10-15 minutes, came in and slept in front of an AC vent for several hours). Of course, Mrs. kkk has seen him twice since Saturday because we are putting out food for him in the hopes that we can snag this little fucker. Of course, like all welfare programs, this is attracting the other strays in the neighborhood, which is a bit of a surprise because I didn’t realize how many outside cats there were in this place. The house across from us has been abandoned for years, and I guess stray kitties have squatted there for year. Wonderful. I’ll say this, though. Our female Dessa hasn’t been this happy in YEARS.
Here we go for my Week 5 pickkks:
Buffalo at Chicago (7.5)
After their thrashing of the Seahawks, many have now labeled the Bears as the NFL’s team to beat. With that distinction now given to the Monsters of the Midway, I’m taking Buffalo.
Cleveland at Carolina (8.5)
I’m trying to decide which Cleveland Browns team will show up. Will it be the one that snatched victory from the jaws of defeat at Oakland, or the one that snatched defeat from the jaws of victory versus Baltimore? Well, they lose by a touchdown or less in this contest, so I’ll side with snatching defeat from the jaws of a really bad defeat.
Detroit at Minnesota (6.5)
Minnesota will probably win, but can Detroit keep it close? I didn’t hear any Roy Williams guarantee anything this week, so I’ll hope for a close Vikings win or Detroit upset. I also want to see if my theory of “even bad teams have to win sometime” gets proven true in this case.
Miami at New England (10.5)
That’s an awfully big spread, but if I was on the Patriots team, I’d want to beat down the Dolphins as bad as I could, considering many predicted them to be AFC East champs this year.
(3.5) St. Louis at Green Bay
Oh what the hey, I’ll take the Rams in this one.
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (6.5)
I think the Saints will win this game, but will it by six-and-a-half points? The Bucs’ starting quarterback is out, and Gruden does have a complicated offense. I’ll take the Saints on this one.
Tennessee at Indianapolis (18.5)
Eighteen-and-a-half points? Christ. I don’t know what’s funnier: that a point spread is that high for an NFL game, or that I’m still considering taking Indianapolis? I don’t this will be an “upset special,” but I’ll take the Titans. Actually, I’m taking that point spread; I have no faith in Tennessee to win.
Washington at N.Y. Giants (4.5)
I don’t know which way to go in this one – take the team with an extra week to prepare, or go with the team who is coming off an emotional victory? Although there may be a “letdown” effect, I’ll take the Redskins because the Giants are favored.
(3.5) Kansas City at Arizona
The last time the Chiefs played a crappy NFC West team, I thought the 49ers would make a game out of it. They didn’t. I don’t have that same faith in the Cardinals, even though they’re playing in that ultra-fancy new stadium.
N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville (7.5)
I don’t know which way to go in this game. Normally I’d go with Jacksonville, but that point spread has me thinking J-E-T-S. Well, the Jets lost by three at home to Indianapolis last week, I’ll go with them this week to lose by less than a touchdown. But wait a second. Coles is hurt, and Pennington will probably get hurt. I'm calling an audible on this one.
Oakland at San Francisco (3.5)
A real Game of the Week contender if ever there was one. I’ll take the Raiders just because the 49ers are favored.
Dallas at Philadelphia (2.5)
Did you all know T.O. is coming back to Philly this week? If anything, it’ll be amusing to see the Eagles fans react to Owens. I’ll take the Cowboys in this one, if only to see what Owens does after he scores a touchdown or two.
Pittsburgh at San Diego (3.5)
I’m curious to see how the Steelers rebound after losing two consecutive games. I don’t think they’ll win, but they could. Plus the Chargers are giving up three-and-a-half points.
Baltimore at Denver (4.5)
If this were a straight-up pick ‘em contest I’d take Denver. Because of the point spread, I’ll side with Baltimore, even though I think this is the week where they get one in the loss column.
7:30 p.m.
• So sfaJack is having to do some painting or whatever because the Cubs lost. It's amazing what our better halves want to do with the places they live at. Like I said the other day in my entry about those people buying houses just to tear half of it down, why bother? I remember when house-shopping with Mrs. kkk I wanted to do the least amount of renovating possible due to being a lazy bastard. Well, when we settled on our house I was quite glad the amount of refurbishing was minimal. We got new carpeting for the upstairs, but that shit needed a face-lift. Otherwise, I've done jack shit. Mrs. kkk on the other hand...
The highlight of her meddling came regarding our first-floor bathroom. I've mentioned before that she repainted this room from a pleasing brisk blue to a shit brown, and she did this when I was out of state for a few days on business. Of course she didn't get the project complete, so imagine my pleasant surprise when, after driving 5+ hours and having to take a monster poop, I ventured in the house and saw plastic all over the place and a ladder in the middle of the bathroom's walkway. Thank God for upstairs toilets. Oh, and here's said bathroom.
Now why would some do such a thing? One reason was so it would match our towels~! The second was so she could stencil this shit on the wall.
I may have talked about this before, but the search function is busted. If you heard this story already, blame Mole.
Why do I have no desire to make home improvements? I said above that I’m lazy, but there’s some probably some childhood trauma I have to consider, too. When I was a kid, my parents bought some big-ass three story house that my dad said they couldn’t afford. My mom busted out the tears and they got the house. I was a kid at the time, but this house needed a shitload of work, and boy did my old man work on this residence. I remember him remodeling the third floor and doing a bunch of stuff with paint, wires and other stuff that’s found inside of walls. What was his reward for all this? A divorce that saw my mom sell the house. Ouch.
11:45 p.m.
• Some of this stuff made me chuckle. That's all I got. Just Google the headline if you want a source.
8:30 p.m.
• So this weekend I saw some MSNBC pseudo-“To Catch a Predator” thing that dealt with child sex shops in Asia. Holy Christ was that messed up. Eight-year-olds promising blowjobs you’d like or your money back. Funny thing was they busted some guy from Oklahoma. He was giving the undercover guy there some “tips” on how to get away with banging kids, and when he was confronted on this back in the States (actually, it was Guam but whatever) you could see his face turn pale once he found out he was busted. Anyway, after this show was some “American Runaways” show, where these idiot teens were homeless, despite having ample opportunity to get housing. My favorite was some trans-sexual/gender who got booted out of her government-funded apartment because he/she couldn’t follow the rules. You know, oppressive things like get a job interview, visit a food pantry and not bringing Johns back to the pad for prostitution. And I’m supposed to feel bad for these people?
12:30 p.m.
• So we went to see Ron White last night. Eh. Why the hell were people laughing at material he has already sold on millions upon millions of DVDs? Oh well, if it makes them go home happy, then so be it. Actually, there were several events that happened earlier in the day that made me laugh even more than the two hours I sat at the Benedum Center.
Before leaving for this event, Mrs. kkk and I were watching some house show where several people buy houses and the former owners talk about what they liked about their houses and the new owners talk about all the wholesale changes they are going to do to said living residences. This episode centered around several people from New Jersey. Enough said. Jesus were these people annoying. But what got me laughing was that some of these families were getting their houses and making serious changes to it. I’m not talking about a new carpet here and a new paint job there. This one family totally flattened the second floor to the two-story house they purchased. My question is if you’re going to do this kind of remodeling, wouldn’t it have been easier to just find a different house? This couple bought the house for $500,000 and they had a $150,000 budget to remodel. You know what I would do with a $150,000 budget to make remodeling adjustments? I’d buy a big television, PAY OFF my house and put the rest of the money in the bank. Oh well, it’s not my money.
After watching this show, we left for downtown Shittsburgh for dinner. Mrs. kkk took me to the Hard Rock Cafe – the first time I’ve ever been in one of these. Overpriced food, but whatever. This was her plan. What was funny is that she made reservations so when we got there we only had a 5-10 minute wait. While waiting, there were a handful of groups, ranging from 2-8 that tried to get seated only to be told there was an approximate 30-minute wait. Uh, people, this is a SATURDAY EVENING in one of the more happening parts of an urban center. Do you expect to get immediate seating? The best moment came with the family of 8 learning that there would be a considerable wait and the husband/dad threw his arms up in the air. Yeah, that’ll do something. Jackass. There was another group of young people who must have been doing something homecoming-related that went in and out in a matter of minutes. Seriously, RESERVATIONS. They are your friend.
One of the things that really sucks about being an adult is your “days off” and “vacations” aren’t quite the same as they were when you were a kid. I had Thursday and Friday of this week off from work, and what did I do? On Thursday, I spent the afternoon doing yard work, and on Friday I spent most of the day cleaning the house. No goofing around; no playing video games (much); no going over to a friend’s house (provided I had any) to goof around and play video games. Nothing. And it only got worse today because for our neighborhood had a garage sale and the better half decided we needed to unload some of our junk onto willing buyers. My experiences with these kinds of sales are limited; back in the day I went to this local flea market a few times to buy sports cards and crappy baseball hats, and that’s about the extent of my flea market/garage sale expertise. Mrs. kkk had agreed to take part of this event and spent all week pricing our junk. Most of the stuff we that were going to pimp were leftover wedding materials (centerpieces, candles, etc.) from our wedding, but she also rummaged through some other trinkets that have been tossed aside. Still sore from two days’ worth of work around the house, I was woken up at 7 this morning and told to get ready for six hours’ of selling. Yippie. After getting a shower, I trudged out to our driveway, where the better half already had our several tables of crap on display. As I stood out there in the brisk autumn air, I thought to myself who seriously stops by these places to engage in this sort of commerce?
As it turned out, quite a bit more people than I had initially thought.
After 10 minutes, people started arriving on our street looking at all the stuff we had deemed worthy for purchase. All in all, it was a successful day – the better half got more than $105 for our crap, but the transaction I will forever remember revolved around a $1 sale involving a VHS tape. We had about a dozen or so VHS tapes out on display; because we had each of these movies on DVD, we figured this might be a good opportunity to unload these tapes. This old guy stopped by and was looking through our titles. And what did he eventually select? Did he select the awesomeness that is one of the three Indiana Jones films? No. Was it "Enemy of the State," a movie I was so-so about, but I’ve heard good reviews from other people I know? Nope. Was it "G.I. Jane," a film that I thought would be a feminazi piece of shit but actually turned out way better than I had expected? Na-ah. What movie did this guy, after reading the back cover of its box, finally decide upon?
(keep scrolling)
Remember how I said our VHS collection had been upgraded to DVD? Well, I lied. One movie didn’t make the cut, and this was it. Years ago I bought "I Got the Hook Up" because I wanted to see how awful a Master P-produced film could be, and not awful in the “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” awful where “awful” is actually “good.” I’m talking “awful” in “how the fuck did this ever get created?” I think the worst thing about the old guy purchasing this from us is that he’s soon going to watch this piece of shit, remember where it was that he bought it and try to get even by setting our house on fire. I’m praying he got this VHS as a gag or as a gift to his wigger grandson who is kicking it g-style in the heart of suburbia. Another sad facet of this story is that shortly after this old guy left with his prize, these kids came by and bought all of our VHS taps; one of them even pointed out to his one friend that “Don’t be a Menace to South Central while Drinking your Juice in the Hood” was a great movie. At least with this customer I would have known that “I got the Hook up” would have gone to a loving home not to be thrown into the trash after just 10 minutes of viewing.
10 a.m.
• So about a week ago we bought a new comforter at Targert on clearance. I was a little skeptical about this keeping the better half warm, especially it wasn’t as “thick” as our current comforter, which is on is last legs. However, I must say this mo fo’ is doing the job. Several times already I’ve woken up in a sweat due to this thing. The real test will come in January, but for now it’s coming through with flying colors. When we were at Target, I suggested getting two or three of these comforters because they were on clearance. Mrs. kkk said “Why would we need more than one?” Well this morning JJ threw up on this dry-clean only comforter. Guess where we are going later today? Yep.
• Well yesterday was a bit of a bummer. I spent more than four hours mowing a lawn I had slacked off on for some time, and the grass was too thick to be picked up by my hippie mower. In order not to have huge clumps of foliage scattered throughout my property I had to rake these clippings and manually bag them. Four-plus hours and seven trash bags later, I was finally done. As I was finishing up, my neighbor’s son was doing some yard work for his parents. (You might remember me talking about my neighbor and his policy toward groundhogs.) I asked him how his father was doing because I hadn’t seen him out for a while and I was wondering if he was OK. Turns out he passed away two weeks ago. Ouch. He had been suffering from anemia and it turned into full-blown leukemia; he was taken to the hospital on a Sunday and passed away on a Thursday. This got me the thinking on how I would like to go out – is it better to just get hit with death all of a sudden, or take that extra time and suffer? Would enduring the extra pain be worth it for reflecting one final time on your life? I don’t know the answer to this one, although I’d probably opt for Decision A. When I told the better half what happened to our neighbor later that day, she began to freak out because we didn’t attend his funeral or offer our condolences – I reasoned that as they were rushing him off to the hospital I doubted that “informing the neighbors” was on that family’s list of things to do. Either way, it’s a shame he died. The last time I spoke with him was the previous time I mowed the lawn. I was using a wheelbarrow to haul some stuff out of our shed to the curb for garbage pick-up and we chatted for a few minutes. I don’t remember exactly what we talked about (I do recall making fun of the Pirates though), but I remember him saying something about how if you get a group of women together they’ll gossip about an anthill until it turns into a mountain. RIP Steve – once your wife passes on and your son sells the house, I shudder to think who will be moving in next to us. On the bright side, his son lives next to his parents' house, so the chances of getting somewhat normal neighbors would be good.
• The Penguins kicked off their NHL season last night with a 4-0 victory over the Philadelphia Flyers. What made the evening interesting was a press conference in-between the first two periods with the Pens new owner, Jim Balsillie. I know nothing of this guy, and according to the Penguins Web site he is co-CEO of a company that makes those Blackberry things. While witnessing his press conference, it was amusing to note the number of times he mentioned that the Mellon Arena, which is where the Pens call home, is nearly 50 years old (I counted about a half-dozen references). He also noted that the NHL has stressed, not him, that it is imperative that the Penguins get a new arena; I’m not sure if he’s going to move the team, but if Shittsburgh drags its feet any longer on this arena issue, I wouldn’t blame Balsillie for heading out to Kansas City, Portland, Seattle, or any other city that will give him a better deal. It’s a shame in a way because this town bent over backwards (and the taxpayers bent over forwards) to give new stadiums to the Pirates and Steelers back in the late 1990s. A new arena would make more business sense, in my opinion, because it would be used much more than a football stadium, and unlike PNC Park, since it’s an enclosed structure, an arena is more suitable for year-round use (there are currently 28 events scheduled from October 6 through the end of the year and 51 events scheduled through April 7 of 2007). But then again the Penguins have always been the red-haired stepchild of this region, so why should I be surprised there isn't the same public/media outcry about the need for building a new arena as there was when the Pirates threatened to take their ball and leave?
• I normally don’t remember my dreams, and the ones that I do recall I don’t dare to mention for fear of the better half ever finding out about them. However, since I’m typing this in the early morning, I still have the events of last night freshly lodged in my memory. Every Thursday we change the litter boxes for our three cats – Dessa, JJ and Max. We have four of them scattered throughout the house. One is in the basement, two are in “their” room on the first floor and one is in the upstairs computer room. The two in “their” room are the ones that get the most use, so they get changed every Thursday; the other two get changed every few weeks. This week is my turn to change the litter boxes, and this is what I was doing in my dream. The problem was that the kid from those Grudge and Ju-On movies was running around me as I was trying to complete this task. When I was getting the litter ready to be taken out to the outside curb, I finally yelled to this kid, “Will you get the fuck out of my way?!” He did, and I was waiting for that crawling chick to come down the steps and make that goofy noise she does while sucking the life force out of a person. To my benefit she didn’t show up, but then I woke up with a parched throat and realized that I still had to change the litter boxes in the real world before the garbage truck makes its rounds. Sonofabitch.
9:30 p.m.
• I don't know if this guy was any good at his job, but not a "cultural fit." What, was he a Republican?
9:30 p.m.
• The hell?
I always thought he was Mormon, not Jewish.
Back to reality.
• It’s funny how your opinion about an album can change over the years. Take for example the first disc of 2Pac’s “All Eyes On Me.” Oh, I’m sorry, “All Eyez On Me.” When I first got this album back in 1996, my favorite tracks were “All About U,” “Life Goes On” and “No More Pain.” However, whenever I put this disc in I’ve found myself leaning more toward “2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted” and “Heartz of Men.” Man, I remember back when this album first came out “Life Goes On” was blasting in just about every car/jeep in my corner of suburbia. Thuggin’ ain’t easy. If you ain’t home in time from playing gangsta you’d get grounded. Odd thing is I can’t remember the last time I’ve listened to the second disc of this album. Same goes for the “Remember Me” double-LP that came out after Pac died. Now that I think about it, I can’t recall the last time I’ve listened to a second disc of multi-LP. Let me scan through my CDs.
…
There’s that Ramones compliation and the ACDC Live album, but I forgot all about Rush’s three-disc Chronicles concert album. Damn that was one good purchase.
8:15 p.m.
• Week 5, look alive.
(3.5) Arizona @ St. Louis
I have no reason other than that the Cards had a big win last week, and the Rams have to win sometime – or at least lose by three.
Atlanta @ Tennessee (8.5)
Do I think the Falcons will win? No. I just think the Titans won’t win by a lot.
Carolina @ New Orleans (3.5)
OK, what do I do here? Both teams have fucked me over so far this year. I guess I’ll go with the Saints because the Panthers have boned me more, so now I have to give the Saints a chance to play catch up.
Cleveland @ New England (16.5)
The Pats have to slip up one of these weeks, but I might as well ride this horse until it breaks a leg or two.
Detroit @ Washington (3.5)
Hmm, the red people screwed me over against the Giants, but this should be the time of the season when the Lions start showing us why they get so many high first-round picks.
(2.5) Jacksonville @ Kansas City
For some reason I think this is a steal. Someone from Jacksonville must be hurt or something.
Miami @ Houston (5.5)
Wow. I was about to go with Miami under the “they must win sometime” rule, but why bother. I kinda feel for Joey Porter playing on a shit team like this, but he’s got his ring and he’s got his money. I just hope he doesn’t suffer some terrible injury while finishing out his career.
N.Y. Jets @ N.Y. Giants (3.5)
I wonder how much of a home-field advantage the Giants have this game?
Seattle @ Pittsburgh (5.5)
Hines Ward is out, as is a few other starters. Maybe now Seattle will stop bitching about the Super Bowl. Yeah, the officials hosed you, but you guys lost. Game over. Steelers will score 21.
Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis (10.5)
My first hunch was to go with the Bucs. I decided against it. Let’s see if I should have went with my first instinct.
(3.5) Baltimore @ San Francisco
Bummer. And I thought the 49ers were going to take things to the next level. Oh well.
San Diego @ Denver (1.5)
OK, I’m tired of waiting for the Chargers to turn things around.
Chicago @ Green Bay (3.5)
I am really tempted to go with the Bears on this one. The Packers are coming off a big week, and this is a divisional game. However, I heard a few people are out on the Bears defense.
(10.5) Dallas @ Buffalo
LOL – this is the MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL game? Boy did ESPN get dicked over this “Monday Night” agreement. The only two things I can think of in a positive light regarding this abortion that takes place every Monday night is Ron Jaworski – I like him. Plus the game is on at an earlier time.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 52: The Max
This guy had a fling with another poster at this place, and from what I remember she was going to move to his region of the country and live happily ever after. Well, I don’t know what happened to happily ever after, but I’m sure that relationship wasn’t as messy as the aftermath of Hurricane Chuck. Also, he’s more than accommodating when you’re asking questions about NHL ’06.
• I heard on the radio the other day that with the NHL regular season starting up, the Penguins will have three teenagers on the ice for the first time in franchise history. In other news, former congressman Mark Foley is seeing if he's got any shot at a political office in Allegheny County. While I’m on this subject, now Foley says a clergyman molested him as a teen. Uh-huh. Oh, by the way...
OMG FAUX NEWS LOL2006!
• It’s not just congressmen who are using the “I was molested as a kid” excuse. Now this guy who killed those Amish kids said he was molested 20 years ago and that he was feeling the urge to fondle children again. I guess that’s why you brought sex toys with you into the school. Asshole. Why pick on the Amish? They are probably the most harmless people on the face of this earth. You can make fun of them, and how are they going to know? It’s not like they’re going to find out by television, radio or the Internet, and even if word should get out to them they’ll just forgive you anyway. If you want to kill Catholics because Father John touched your privates 30 years ago, or if you want to pick off some Jews because, well, they’re Jews, I’m sure there's a more-than-capable defense lawyer out there who would be able to spin your rough childhood to at least 2-3 members of a jury educated through a government school, but this is the freakin’ Amish. They ride around in horse-drawn buggies. How can you hate that? (Unless of course you are late for work and they are in front of you on a one-lane road.)
• So the U.S. is saying there is “no future” for a nuclear North Korea. Like there’s any kind of future for a non-nuclear North Korea.
• I didn't watch the Tigers/Yankees Game 2, but this is all I needed to know. Ugh.
• Man, if we ever did this in the United States, the National Debt could get wiped out in less than a year.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 8: Ripper
Wha-? Rippers #8? That’s right n*ggaros and n*ggahoes. Actually, he was first pegged in the teens, but thanks to a few bonus points for diversity concerns he moved up, knocking a few crackers down in the process (figuratively and literally). Ripper and I didn't exactly get off to the best of starts, but over time he realized that I was nothing more than some dopey white guy that, like him, didn’t care too much for stick figures. Now even though there are still a number of important issues we don’t agree on, I can deal with most of them. (If he wants to be daddy to some kid that’s not his then who am I to stop him?) Besides, there are so many other things we can find common ground on – like saving kitties and keeping bathroom habits out of the bedroom. However, for the last time, black people don't tip. That's a fact. And pork chops dipped into applesauce is hella good.
9 p.m.
• Christ. I heard on the radio tonight that cub scout badges are now being recalled due to lead from ... China. Forget about forming a better army, all these people have to do is fuck with our consumer goods.
5 p.m.
• Normally I don’t remember my dreams, but last night’s was a doozy. Well, not really – but I remembered it. I was in this classroom with a few other people I had never seen before. Then Michael Savage comes in and says we have to read our homework assignments to the class. Seeing how I wasn’t around when the homework assignments were given out, I was a little perturbed. After all, I don’t want him to get mad and tell me to die of the AIDS. A few people were to go before me, and from what I heard it seemed that this assignment was to take a person we liked and a person we didn’t like and explain our feelings toward both. When it was my turn I took a blank sheet of paper and pretended like I was reading from that. I began ad-libbing, hoping to make this shit up as I went along. Because I didn’t have time to pick a person I liked and a person I didn’t like, I went with a SWERVE~! And said I was going to take one person and explain what I liked and didn’t like about this subject. My person: Bud Selig.
I started with “Good Bud.” I liked the wild card, which made the baseball playoffs more exciting. Also, it allowed more cities to catch the pennant fever in September and gave teams with good seasons the chance to play onward through October. Savage chuckled. I added that attendance has gone up and revenues have been solid, especially considering the state of America’s National Pastime back in the mid-1990s. Then I talked about “Bad Bud,” which got yet another chuckle out of Savage. I didn’t like inter-league play and the Commissioner’s office treating Barry Bonds like he was the only player who roided up during the past decade. The fact Bud turned a blind eye to when home runs were shooting out of ballparks in the late 1990s only made him look worse when he acted like the end-all solution to baseball’s steroid problem was with Bonds.
It was about this time that my alarm clock went off, and instead of hitting the snooze button 20 times like I normally do I decided to get the hell out of this unconscious state. Sadly, I’ll never know what my grade ended up being. He seemed interested in the topic, although I think he also knew I was making this shit up as I went along. When compared to the other students that read their reports, I deserved the top grade – at least a B+ if I was to be penalized for, you know, not actually doing the assignment.
• In other news, I think I caught a chick checking me out today at a red light. Her windows must have been tinted from the inside.
1 p.m.
• Yeah, because no gal EVER wants her dad to give her away at her wedding.
Christ, when I started dating the future Mrs. kkk 10+ years ago I saw this book with a list of her future flower girls, ring bearers and all that other shit that people do at weddings.
Well, since today is the big “H” day, I figured it might as well be appropriate to look back at my childhood and remember how I dealt with this special time. I always liked Halloween, and it was for the same reason ninety-nine percent of kids across America did – for the free candy. Well, it isn’t exactly free; you have to sport a costume and walk from house to house demanding sweets. I tried to remember some of my old costumes, and here is what I came up with, in no particular order:
Early-to-mid-1980s: My mom sewed a badass Star Wars X-Wing Pilot outfit. I think I remember her getting some how-to kit and making it herself, but in the end I didn’t care because I got to pimp around in an orange-and-white outfit with a blaster at my side. Throughout the original Star Wars trilogy, I was always more partial to Han Solo than to Luke Skywalker (what heterosexual kid isn’t?), but on this night it didn’t matter because for a few hours I was a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
Early-to-mid-1980s: I can’t remember whose idea this was, but one my old man took a huge box, shaped it up and covered it in yellow duct tape. Who was I? Pac Man. Again, this was one of those costumes I remember from my childhood simply because it was unique. There was one problem: the eye slit that was cut for me so I would see when I walked really limited my point of view (and forget about any peripheral vision). In addition, the box had a narrow opening at its bottom, and because of this it didn’t let me walk at my normal stride; I also remembered being sore as hell the next morning. If Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde (or whatever the names of those ghosts were) came looking for me, I would have been s.o.l. But who cares? For a few hours I was friggin’ Pac-Man.
There are two more costumes I remember sporting, and both dealt with movie characters from movies I loved back as a kid and still enjoy today. One was Eliot Ness. This get-up was easy. I wore a suit and those gangsta hats, along with a pellet shotgun and pistol – and neither one had that gay-ass orange barrel that toy guns today have on them. Another year I was dressed up as one of those marines from the “Aliens” movie. For those that have seen this film, I fancied myself as being the Hudson character, which, in the moments before his death, went batshit and began cussing at all the creepy crawlers before he was eventually done in. Now that’s a role model for the youth.
Sadly, what I associate most with Halloween now are the Christmas displays a number of stores now put out this time of the year. As a kid, the fall/winter holiday season broke up into three different sections for me: Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s a bit depressing to see these three events snowball into one because when I was a kid, each one had significance for me. Halloween was for candy. Thanksgiving was for turkey. Christmas was for presents. Now these lines have been blurred to the point where anything after Labor Day is like one huge holiday where people dressed up in witches’ outfits with drumstick in their mouths are opening gift-wrapped boxes. Then again, maybe it has always been this way and I just don’t remember. Either way, I really don’t care.
Because for a few minutes I got to remember that for a few hours I was once a friggin’ X-Wing Pilot.
5:45 p.m.
• So the better half asked me the question of all questions today. “How many Halloween movies did they make?” Hoo-boy. Here’s how that conversation went. You can figure out who said what. I also don’t care if I got any facts wrong.
“Well, there was the first Halloween and Halloween 2, which takes place right after the events of Halloween 1. Then there’s Halloween 3”
“*Says something about Michael Myers.*”
“No. Halloween 3 has nothing to do with Michael Myers. It deals with this place that makes these masks which turn people into killers or something.”
“That’s retarded.”
“Michael Myers comes back in Halloween 4.”
“Why is he after that little girl.”
“That’s Jamie Lee Curtis character’s kid.”
“What happened to Jamie Lee Curtis.”
“I don’t know. Probably died or something.”
“OK.”
“Then there’s Halloween 5 when Michael is still after the girl.”
“Does he get her?”
“No. He gets caught and some dude with a machine gun breaks him out of jail at the end.”
”What?
“Yeah, then there’s Halloween 6, where we learn Michael is part of some cult, or is the God of some cult, or something or other. I think he finally kills that girl, but I'm pretty sure that the girl squirted out a kid. I have no clue as to the ending.”
“Then why is Jamie Lee Curtis in that H2O one?”
“Oh, well you have to pretend Halloweens 3-6 never happened and H2O takes place some time after Halloween 2. Then after that there’s the one with Busta Rhymes and Jamie Lee Curtis getting killed.”
“Is that all of them?”
“Well, sorta. They just came out with another Halloween movie directed by Rob Zombie. I’m not sure if it’s a remake or what, but if you want to include that one we’re up to nine.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well you asked.”
And the sad thing is I really like Halloween’s theme music. Actually, when I saw Halloween 6 for the first time I was with a girl friend at Slippery Rock University in a trailer she rented for the semester. I said “girl friend” not “girlfriend.” Anyway, it was the middle of the night and as she started up the movie her Pittsburgh Penguins framed poster fell in her bedroom and made a loud “CRASH,” causing both of us to jump. After she cleaned up that mess there was this thumping sound from outside, probably from a tree branch. As she went to open the door to see what it was I yelled out “DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR!” Boy did that freak her out. Boy did she get pissed. Boy did I laugh out loud. Sad thing was, after seeing Halloween 6: The Bowel Movement of Michael Myers, that crashing poster was scarier.
9:30 p.m.
• Generally, whenever spring/summer sprouts its sunny head the bad drivers come out and cause havoc with those like me that would like nothing better to do than get to work in one piece. However, the last few days the job commute has just been crazy. Peep this:
Wednesday. Multi-car accident on the Parkway East. The overflow from motorists not wanting to engage in interstate gridlock made my commute 20 minutes longer.
Thursday. On the way along a state highway, we phoned in an accident that just took place.
Friday. Mrs. kkk told me of some BUTT-fucker that cut her off and almost ran into her.
Saturday. Some guy backed into the better half’s car. See my Saturday entry for more information.
The best was saved for last, though. We were doing some errands in this shopping center and we came to a shitty three-way intersection. The car across from us went. OK, they were first and they should go first. The car to our left then cut in. OK, a prickish move but whatever. Now it was our turn. However, the Jeep that took the place of the first car suddenly shot out in front of us and tried to turn in front of us was another story. The best part was the asshole who then yelled out to Mrs. kkk “Bitch.”
Wrong move.
I blared on the horn, got out of the car and was seconds away from getting into a full-fledged fistfight. For all the talk I do, I’m nothing more than a giant vagina. However, this pushed me over the edge. If Mrs. kkk had been in the wrong we would have taken the verbal abuse and moved on. But don’t you almost get us into an accident that was 100 percent your fault, and don’t you dare then call my wife a “bitch.” You fucking cock-sucker. I haven’t gotten into a fight in almost 20 years, and even then that scrap made South Park’s cripple fight look like the Rumble in the Jungle. I’m not sure if I would have gotten my ass kicked or even shot, but for some reason a rage just game over me and afterward Mrs. kkk said the following.
“In our ten-plus years together, I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Well, are you chalking this up to another of my ‘road rage’ fits?”
“I don’t know what to call it, although I’m rather impressed you’d act this way for me.”
After this was all said and done, the first thought I had was that I really need to get a concealed firearm because if not I have a feeling this is the way I’m going to check out. Oh, and whatever testosterone rush I displayed out in the parking lot I sapped away when our grocery bill had $62 in store and coupon savings. Hey, not only were Air Wick oil scent warmers on sale, but you also got a free holder with coupon(s).
9 p.m.
• OK, here is why I stay married.
Mrs. kkk isn’t much into baseball. In fact, she can’t stand the sport. Too boring, she says. However, this postseason had her hop on the Rays bandwagon. Well, not really. But when the World Series began she starting cheering for the former Satan Fish. Why? Because they were playing a team from Philadelphia.
She hates ANYTHING from Philadelphia. Why? Because that is the town that used to be run by former mayor, and current governor, Ed Rendell. It’s actually amusing to hear her yell “Fatass!” every time Fast Eddie appears on television. And it’s equally amusing to hear her ask questions about baseball. Last night I was upstairs messing around on the computer figuring out bills, and when I came downstairs there she was watching the last half-inning of the World Series. It was odd to share the following conversation with her:
“What does ‘pinch-run’ mean?”
“Huh?”
“Tampa. They said they brought in a pinch runner.”
“That means they replaced the current person on base with someone else.”
“Why?”
“Because that person is probably a faster runner and can steal a base or reach third base on the next hit.”
“Isn’t that cheating?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
Hopefully this will mean whenever I have a baseball game playing on the television next year she won’t be so quick to bitch. Probably not.
• If he actually did take food without paying then congrats on the buffet’s management for having the balls to do something about it. Now if the spineless upper management bitches don’t wilt under the pressure to play nice everything will be gravy.
I know time are rough in this DREADED BUSH ECONOMY, but pay the seven goddamn dollars. Even I’m not that cheap.
• While many remember Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" album for its "No Vaseline" diss track aimed at NWA, others took offense to the less-than-a-minute interludey "Black Korea" (with the "Oriental one-penny-counting motherfuckers"). However, my favorite song out of all them was "A Bird In The Hand."
Honorable mention goes to "My Summer Vacation."
• Since I'm in an early 1990s Ice Cube kick, here's a song from a while back that I couldn't find the first time around for whatever reason. And I still don't want that piece of shit Bryant Gumbel.
Well it is that time of the year again. For the third or fourth year now I’ve been watching those horror movies AMC plays nonstop for a week plus. I don’t know why I watch these movies, which are edited and watered down, but it’s just one of those things. It’s on. I watch it or have it as background noise. I noticed this year there weren’t as many Friday the 13th movies, and it seemed like the Halloween films weren’t played as much, although it looks like Parts I-V and VIII will be on all day Tuesday. Thanks to this AMC marathon, I finally got around to seeing the first two Hellraiser movies this year. I’m not going to rate these films because I’m sure they are better unedited. Two movies I will comment on though are the Exorcist sequels. I saw the first film a bunch of times, both the theatrical and super-anniversary-deluxe edition with the chick walking down the steps backward on all fours. This past weekend I finally saw the Exorcist II and III on AMC. All my life I kept hearing how the Exorcist II was one of the worst films ever to be created, but I figured what the heck I’ll go watch it anyway. It wasn’t as bad as I’ve heard it was. Granted it wasn’t great, but I wouldn’t say the movie was one of the worst films ever produced. I will say though that the Exorcist III was a nice surprise; I thought this would be the worst of the two, but surprisingly I actually put down the newspaper I was reading at the time and paid closer attention to the two-plus hours this movie lasted. The ending was a bit on the “eh” side, but otherwise I was satisfied with the film.
Now I need the help of, you, the loyal reader. There was another film I watched this weekend “Wolfen,” which was about a bunch of hippie Indian wolves that ate people from the ghetto, but due to urban renewal projects these public housing neighborhoods were being demolished, thus taking away the food supply of these animals. Because I had nothing better to do I decided to watch this. Two-plus hours later, I was all ready for the ending, which was when the dogs were surrounding the main characters. It was at this time that the goddamn phone rang and I missed the last few minutes of this film. When I returned to watching television, I saw the wolves running around with the credits following shortly thereafter. So help me out here – did the wolves eat these people? Did they look at the pesky humans, realize they were white and took off? Were the surrounded protagonists morphed into these animals? There’s no way I’m watching this movie again, so any help on this one would be greatly appreciated.
While I’m on this subject, there was an incident years ago that makes me laugh today. For years I was good friends with this one chick (haven’t heard from her in eight years), and she lived in a trailer minutes away from the college she was attending. No, that wasn’t where she lived full-time; just whenever classes were in session – it was cheaper than an apartment and more comfortable than a dorm. Anyway, for some reason that night we decided to rent Halloween VI, which to this day I still didn’t understand what the hell happened at the end of this movie. After watching the first 10 minutes or so, a picture frame fell in her bedroom, which actually got a jump out of both of us. However, the best part was shortly thereafter when something began thumping up against her trailer’s one side. When we both agreed that this noise was nothing more than a branch, she went to open up her front door to go outside and push aside this obstruction. Right as she turned the doorknob, I screamed at the top of my lungs, “DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!” Her face turned white, and I began laughing hysterically.
I’m almost afraid to see what teams I picked this week after seeing some scores that came out of my kkk Bowl IV contest, but nevertheless on with the show.
Arizona at Atlanta. Correct.
I was sweating a bit when that Cardinals defender returned an interception 99 yards for a touchdown, but then Atlanta scored a whole bunch of points to put me at ease.
Dallas at Tennessee. Correct.
I had hoped Dallas would cover the spread, but I didn’t expect this to be a BUTT-kicking. And regarding Albert Haynesworth, that guy who kicked the Cowboys lineman in the head, I’m still not sure how I feel about his punishment. I think one reason I’m not ready to ban him for life is that there were no permanent injuries resulting from his stupid actions. In addition, the guy did seem repentant afterward. If this had happened in Major League Baseball, the suspension wouldn’t take place until after his 20th appeal was exhausted. As long as Haynesworth admits his mistake, takes his punishment with his mouth shut and stays on the straight-and-narrow, I’m sure many fans will forgive him. (Whether or not the guy who saw his cleats close-up will is another story, and who can blame him if he never forgives Haynesworth?) I heard on the radio today that Haynesworth has had previous anger management issues, and if that’s the case I hope for his sake this is the wake-up call that straightens himself out.
Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets. Incorrect.
Even though I don’t agree with that fourth-down play to try and score a touchdown instead of kicking a field goal to take a three-point lead on the Colts, I have to give the Jets props – they’re playing a lot better than I thought they would this year.
Miami at Houston. Correct.
I felt this could be a close game/upset, and I was right. Even teams like the Texans have to win one or two games every season.
Minnesota at Buffalo. Incorrect.
I also felt this could be a close game/upset, and I was wrong. Bummer. At least the game was close.
New Orleans at Carolina. Correct.
The Saints may have lost the battle, but they won the point-spread war. And in the end that’s all that really matters to me.
San Diego at Baltimore. Correct.
I’m going to be interested to see how the Steelers play against the Chargers this week. It’s still weird seeing Steve McNair in a Ravens uniform.
San Francisco at Kansas City. Incorrect.
Boy was I off the mark on this one. At least the 49ers kept within the 10-point spread until the opening kickoff.
Detroit at St. Louis. Correct.
Four weeks in and I still have no read on the Rams. On the other hand, even a high-school aged Mike Singletary can get a read on what kind of team the Lions are going to be this year.
Cleveland at Oakland. Incorrect.
Missed this prediction by half-a-stinking point. God do the Raiders suck. At least Cleveland has this lovable “yeah we lose but we try … sometimes” aura to them. The Raiders have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Jacksonville at Washington. Incorrect.
The hell? I think the Jaguars gave up more points in this game than they have all year. Well, OK, so I’m off by 2 – they still should have won that game, along with covering the spread.
New England at Cincinnati. Incorrect.
Whoops. I’m not sure if New England is that good or if Cincinnati stunk up the joint that much. Say what you will about New England’s business practices, but they win more times than they lose.
Seattle at Chicago. Incorrect.
I was correct in assuming this would be a lopsided game. I was incorrect in predicting which team would show up to play and which one didn’t.
Green Bay at Philadelphia. Correct.
I thought this would be another wrong selection when I went to bed at halftime. The next morning I did a double-take when I saw the final score of this 31-9 contest.
Record this week: 7-7. Cumulative Record: 31-29.
Well, at least I’m not sub-.500 … yet.
10 p.m.
• This is why I didn't major in math.
9 p.m.
• The hell's wrong with people.
• So I guess the lesson here is if you bust black people breaking the law, you're a RACIST.
4:30 p.m.
• Gee, you can’t tell this dipshit used to be a high-ranking politician.
Jimmy Carter flexing his muscles. Weird.
• So I was listening to Mike and Mike this morning, and the skinny Jew was bitching about the MLB playoff games being on TBS because that means some kid whose family didn’t have cable couldn’t watch the games on television. That’s what a radio is for. Besides, I remember a few years ago there was bitching about the games being on too many stations – FX, some family channel, TBS (I think). So shut the fuck up already. Having today’s games on TBS is fine. And if some poor family can’t afford cable, they should be working more anyway. Poor people piss me off.
• Woo-hoo! Due to the rain, and brief appearance of snow, that hippie hayride thing I talked about in yesterday’s entry was cancelled. Instead I got to watch some animated movie called “Open Season” that we took the nephew to. Eh, it could have been worse – we could have went to see “Flicka.”
• Well the World Series came and went and I nearly forgot it was on. I saw parts of a few games, but otherwise I have no idea what happened, other than that it rained a bunch. I really had no bandwagon team this year. I mean, it would have been nice for Jim Leyland to win another championship, and some of the coaches on his team were ex-Pirates back from a time when I actually used to care about Shittsburgh baseball. However, I always had this thing about the Cardinals. They don’t have the biggest market and they don’t spend the most money, but they always seem to field a competitive team. So I say good for them. It’s weird that another wild-card team won the World Series, especially considering the Cards were barely above .500. But you know what? With all the talk about how the World Series would be decided in the ALCS, and that the New York Mets were the only hope the National League had at even having a shot at winning the title, I say hooray for St. Louis.
One topic brought up during this cold, wet World Series was the subject of having the Series played on a neutral field in a warm weather climate. Fuck that. If the Series had been Oakland against Los Angeles, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Want to make the Series a free from the threat of snow? Then start the regular season earlier or shave some games off the 161 Major League Baseball plays every year. I’m not in favor of either one of these options, but I’d take that over playing the World Series at a neutral site. And if we drive enough SUV’s, maybe global warming will take of this problem for us sometime down the road.
• Hey one-world commies, I got news for you. Even if a Democrat wins the White House in ’08 (or even John McCain), your precious Kyoto Treaty won’t be going anywhere in America. That is unless there is some catastrophe where liberals also overrun Congress, and I don’t think that would happen. Even if libs get a slim majority, they won’t blow their wad on passing this bullshit and then getting voted out of office in the next election.
• You know, with all the things government and health nazis are doing in order to try to keep us from getting fat, someone comes along and decides that Coca-Cola isn’t bad enough for us and tries this piece of Americana fried. Not only does this bring a tear to my eye as to what we Americans are capable of, but it also churns my stomach a bit. Blech.
8:30 p.m.
• Well I just had last Friday and today off, and the weird things is I don’t actually like the actual “day off.” I like the fact when I go into work tomorrow I’m facing a four-day workweek. Of course when I get to stay up late on Sunday night there isn’t a Sunday night game on. Bastards.
• Finally got around to seeing the Grudge sequel last night. I know these two movies get blasted, but I like them. It’s a shame none of the victims tried punching the ghost chick in the face or something.
• This is the third consecutive time I’ve been typing something in the computer room and JJ has taken a crap in the room’s litterbox. Goddamnit. It’s funny because this room is his “domain,” although I don’t know what he’d do if someone else tried to take it over. Each of our three have certain territories around the house. JJ’s is the computer room. Max tends to rule the spare bedroom that is also on our second floor, although the other two also hang out there every now and then – although he has claimed the bed. Dessa really doesn’t “claim” a room, but the one heating vent in the kitchen is hers.
• So the Red Sox won it all. Don’t care. I actually think it’s funny A-Rod took his share of the spotlight by saying he’s opting to become a free agent during the Sox’s time in the spotlight. I’m an A-Rod defender, even though he does some bush-league things every now and then. However, I don’t blame him for wanting to leave. You’re set for life. Go to a place that you will be happy playing for during the summer. Then again, he’ll probably go for the biggest payday. Whatever. It’s not my life. Speaking of “bush-league,” I laughed when I heard some Redskins players got pissed when the Patriots “ran up the score” by going for it on 4th down while up by 30+ points. You know the best way to counter this “disrespect”? Go after Tom Brady’s knees.
• Oh for fuck’s sake.
You know, if you can’t graduate from frickin’ HIGH SCHOOL, you’re a loser. The only exception to this is if you have 10 siblings, your parents died and you’re working five jobs to keep food on the table and the lights on. And even then you should be working toward a GED in your spare time.
1 p.m.
• Week 8's pickkks.
(3.5) Cleveland @ St. Louis
Yeah the Rams are terrible, but they have to win SOMETIME, and playing Cleveland is usually one of "those times."
Detroit @ Chicago (5.5)
I think I picked the Lions to win earlier this year, and I was right. Now it's the Bears turn with their brand-spanking new QB.
(7.5) Indianapolis @ Carolina
I dunno. Indy is good. That's all.
(10.5) N.Y. Giants @ Miami
Here's is my reasoning. When I saw some ESPN report earlier this week, the Giants talked about practicing right away. Jason Taylor of the Dolphins talked about the blow-up doll the league was using to promote this game in England. Yeah, that's my scouting report.
Oakland @ Tennessee (7.5)
Tennessee beats bad teams. Oakland isn't a good team.
(1.5) Philadelphia @ Minnesota
I dunno. The Eagles seem to be struggling, but the Vikings QB looked dismal last week. Then again, that QB isn't playing this week. Shit.
(3.5) Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
This is an odd one. The away team wins more than naught, but I have a feeling this could change in '08. Nevertheless, I'm going with the Steelers.
Buffalo @ N.Y. Jets (2.5)
The Jets? Favored? Nah.
Houston @ San Diego (3.5)
This game was off the books when I posted the spread, so I'll gladly take it.
Jacksonville @ Tampa Bay (4.5)
The AFC is a better conference. Great logic there.
(3.5) New Orleans @ San Francisco
The Saints upward march continues.
Washington @ New England (16.5)
I think the Redskins defense could keep this somewhat close, but you have to ride the Pats until they are unable to beat an opponent by 20 points. I learned my lesson earlier this season.
Green Bay @ Denver (3.5)
The AFC is a better conference. Great logic there.
• Well, I have for all intents and purposes gotten over this bug in me for the last week or so. And where am I going tonight? Why, to some hippie event dealing with an historical battle that took place around this region (either the Revolutionary or Civil War). On top of that, the better half and I will be taking our one niece and nephew. Oh, and I have I mentioned that the weather is absolutely shitty and it will probably be raining? You have no idea how difficult it is in controlling the erection I'm having over going to this.
• I watched this weeks’ South Park, and saw the Steve Irwin joke, which made its way to the Drudge Report via a British newspaper article citing the poor taste Trey Parker and Matt Stone displayed by including the Crocodile Hunter in Satan’s big Halloween Spectacular. It’s South Park – what do you expect? Besides, the joke wasn’t all that offensive; in fact, I thought it was rather tame. (I’m sure longtime fans of the show will remember Irwin getting chopped to bits in a previous episode dealing with sending a “primate” back to his time of 1996.) All in all, this episode was there and wasn’t as good as the last few episodes of this season. Then again, an “eh” episode of South Park is still better than just about anything else I watch, so I’m not complaining.
• Here are my NFL Week 8 pickkks:
Arizona at Green Bay (3.5)
After last week’s debacle, I’m surprised that the point spread is only three-and-a-half points.
Atlanta at Cincinnati (4.5)
I’m not sure which way to go on this one. Atlanta runs the ball and one of Cincinnati’s weak points is run defense. However, I’m sure the Bengals won’t have problems passing the ball. Shoot. I’ll go with the Falcons.
Baltimore at New Orleans (2.5)
Every time I have doubted the Saints they proved me wrong. Now it’s time to ruin their Cinderella story by picking them to win a game.
Houston at Tennessee (3.5)
I have no clue. Um, I’ve heard David Carr is having a good year, so I’ll take his team.
Jacksonville at Philadelphia (6.5)
Which Jaguar team will show up -- the one that beat the Redskins in overtime and shut down the Steelers offense, or the one that lost to the Texans last week? I’ll go with the Eagles.
Seattle at Kansas City (6.5)
Both teams will be starting their backup quarterbacks. I’ll go with Kansas City because they’re at home and plus their starting running back is playing.
San Francisco at Chicago (16.5)
Give me the Bears and the spread. The 49ers burned me against Kansas City a few weeks back when I thought they would manage to keep that game somewhat competitive.
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants (9.5)
I think the Giants will win, but Tampa Bay has been playing teams close the last few weeks.
St. Louis at San Diego (9.5)
Like the game above, I think the Chargers will win, but I’m hoping the Rams keep the game close.
Indianapolis at Denver (2.5)
I’m interested to see how the Colts play this game. This may also be a game to determine who gets home field advantage throughout the playoffs.
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland (1.5)
I can’t think of a reason why the Jets will win.
(9.5) Pittsburgh at Oakland
For the Steelers’ sake I hope they win, but I’m not sure if they will do it by 9-plus points.
Dallas at Carolina (5.5)
The Cowboys have been feasting on bad teams, but whenever they match up against a good franchise their weaknesses show. I don’t think Romo will have a fun day, either.
(2.5) New England at Minnesota
Finally, a Monday Night Football game I’m interested in watching. I think the Patriots’ defense will stifle the Viking offense just enough for New England to win by more than a field goal.
6 p.m.
• Good for you, Bob Ryan. He's on Around the Horn's face time ripping apart Patti LaBelle's rendition of the National Anthem. Wow. I thought I was the only one that thought it was godawful.
I can't stand it when people try to put their own "spin" on the Anthem. Most times it fizzles.
• I did it. I did it. I did it. I found the ONE BLACK GUY who isn't voting for Osama!
It gets even better. Check out what Troy Polamalu said about what's important to him in a candidate.
• Oh, and I LOVE MIKE SINGLETARY! From his press conference after the 49ers lost to Seattle and his tight end committed a dumb personal foul, which caused Mike to send him to the showers early.
Here's what I love even more about him. Years ago some team (I can't remember which -- Dallas or San Diego) had its new head coach all but lined up. However, the team had to interview a minority candidate, which is required by the league. Problem was, a number of candidates refused to be interviewed for a job that was already filled. When Mike was asked to be interviewed, he took the opportunity. He didn't get the job, but he said afterward that you don't pass up an opportunity like that because even though you may not get the job today you might get a head coaching job somewhere down the line as a result of this inverview.
• Back to my Larry Foote article: The Trib had a list of athletes donating money to candidates. Oh how my heart sank when I saw that Mario Lemieux gave a few thousand to Hitlery.
It's OK, Mario. I forgive you.
Oh, and Jim Kelly gave $250 to McCain. Don't know why that made me laugh but it did.
• Hmmm, if this is fair game, I guess I could have a mannequin of Osama hanging from a tree in my yard.
