So you retired from coaching to focus on ministry stuff. Best of luck to you, bro. I have always been a huge fan of yours. How much of a fan am I? If Tony was ever to find KK's Korner and read some most all of the stuff I post here, I might actually feel ashamed of myself. ... I said "might."
For as much as a Dungy fan I am, I will say this: He should have been fired from Tampa Bay. I remember when the Bucs got rid of him all the ESPN talking heads, among others in the sports reporting biz, were shouting OMG RACSIM BLAHBLAHBLAH~! Fuck that. It was the right move. Did Tony turn a joke of a franchise into a contender? Yes. Was he able to get this team over that hump to advance in the playoffs? No. Bringing in the asshole-ish Gruden got the Bucs a Super Bowl win in his first year. Of course, that's all he's done, but would you rather have one Super Bowl win or none? And when Dungy was fired, I said to those who would listen (all three of them, and they had no choice because we were all at the same bus stop) that he'd get hired again and all would be right with the world. Turns out I was correct. And now both Dungy and Gruden are unemployed.
Now before you think I just point out my correct predictions, I'll provide equal time for something I was way off base on this past NFL season: I thought Matt Ryan was a poor draft selection for the Falcons. Happy now?
10 p.m.
• So I was flipping through channels today and noticed that CNN is having nine hours of coverage on the "Osama Express;" his choo-choo ride from wherever to D.C. And then I saw some promo for cBS television on "Yes We Can Monday" that featured the cast of "Two-and-a-Half Men" getting that Soviet-style red/blue portrait President Hussein's followers plastered all over the country. Just for shits and giggles, I wonder if I can find this anywhere. Well that only took one Google search, and half a cyber-kettle of tea brewed.
Good Christ. I think I'm going to be playing DVDs and video games Monday.
On a side note, at what age does that kid have to be in order for the show to no longer be called "Two-and-a-Half Men"?
• And here I thought shooting for "Notorious" wrapped up months ago.
8 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 42: Rob E. Dangerously
I lik Rob, even though he threatened to extort me once because I posted something good about John Kerry a long time ago that said I might consider voting for him. Yes, I did say that once upon a time. Believe it or not, years ago I didn’t mind Kerry. I watched him on a number of talk shows and there were a few instances when he actually made sense. I remember one time back in 1999-2000 when Bill Clinton was talking about releasing oil from that so-called strategic reserve to try and lower gas prices. You know, that “reserve” we keep on hand so we’ll have enough gas for a week or two just in case terrorists blow up our energy infrastructure. Well Kerry said at the time Clinton’s idea was dumb and wouldn’t work. The problem, Kerry said, wasn’t that we were running low on oil but rather we didn’t have enough refineries to keep up with demand. Even if Clinton released this extra oil, there would be no place to refine it. Wow. A Democrat who actually made sense. Maybe this Kerry isn’t such a bad guy after all. Of course, during the ’04 election Kerry was saying that Bush should be doing the SAME THING CLINTON WAS ADVOCATING all those years ago in an attempt to lower gas prices. Et tu, Kerry? Where was I? Oh, Rob. Well, he also had a sense of humor about being a God-hating commie fag, and that’s always good, too.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
7:30 p.m.
• These bears got married -- is it any surprise to these zoo people why they don't want to have sex? And "Panda porn." Awesome.
You go, playa.
7:15 p.m.
• Oh, NBA. What am I going to do with you? From the headline of an article titled: "Pacers, Warriors Make Blockbuster Trade."
Who? What? This is blockbuster? Actually, it might be. I don't follow the NBA much these days during the regular season. I remember back in the early 1990s I used to follow this kind of thing day in and day out. Oh well. Now the younger generation can keep up with PPG stats and other meaningless crap while I do more important grown-up things like ... post here.
FUCK.
Well, I might as well peep the NBA standings now and see what's going on. I see Toronto is in first place in the Atlantic Division -- with a record of 18-21. And New York isn't in last place? Wow. Cleveland is in first in the Central. Yay. Actually, good for the Cavs -- I'm a LeBron fan although those ads with him as 20 different people are retarded. But if he likes doing them then more power to him. Orlando dropped from first and Washington is taking the top spot in the Southeast. Mimai is only three games under .500 -- they'll be fine come playoff time. Over in the Northwest Division Utah is in first with the A.I. Nuggets in third place. Phoenix is kicking ass in the Pacific, followed by the Lakers. Clippers don't seem to be doing as well as they did last year. Damn, Dallas, San Antonio and Houston are above .600 -- I almost feel bad for New Orleans and Memphis. That's it until the next time I feel motivated to see what the heck is going on in the NBA.
7:45 a.m.
• Well I had one of those weird moments on the way to work. As I was driving along Rt. 30, I noticed an accident in the lane next to me. Now I try not to gawk at accident scenes while driving. The only times I do are if I’m a passenger in a vehicle or if I was stuck in traffic for a long time because of some motorist’s negligence. I figure if they are making me burn unnecessary fuel, add more wear-and-tear to my car and delaying my trip from Point A to Point B, the least I should be allowed to do is look at what caused my delay. Anyway, from my split-second glimpse of the scene, and the deer laying at the side of the road, I’m guessing a car tried to avoid hitting a deer, failed and the car behind the first motorist rear-ended him. This got me the thinking how someone’s life can change in just a few seconds. What if I had gotten up after the third time my snooze alarm went off instead of the fourth? What if I had sped through a yellow light a few miles prior to this accident scene rather than stopping at it? What if I had packed my lunch for work the night before instead of taking a few minutes this morning to put soup, some yogurt and granola/cereal bars in my lunch cooler? Could I have been the person trying to avoid the deer? Could I have been the one to get struck by another motorist? Thankfully, I'll never know. Then again, I'm sure something sucky will happen to me in the next week or so to have me questioning why didn't I leave several minutes before/after I actually did.
8:30 p.m.
• I forgot about this. On the drive to work this morning I noticed a truck with a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker stuck on its rear bumper and a Bush/Cheney decal on its back window. Cool, I guess. I see so many damn Kerry/Union bumper stickers around Shittsburgh it's not even funny. Well, it is but I digress. Anyway, this guy also had some label hung up on his truck. I don't think it was a sticker, but who knows -- it was 6:15 a.m. What did this sticker-thingy say? Tool. I'm pretty sure it was unintentional, but it still got a laugh out of me.
• So Mrs. kkk's boss at the pizza shop gave her a b-day card. It was a picture of a gorilla and on the inside he wrote "Happy MLK Day." This also got a laugh out of me.
• And I thought the Canadian health care system was supposed to be ideal. That's what the commies in my country always tell me.
1:45 p.m.
• And now it's time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This mom was pissed off because her adult son always talks about himself when they chat on the phone. The mom said that she's sick of hearing him talk about his truck, so if he can't converse (or something) then she should just say "bye." He took the latter and now she's upset. Speaking from personal experience, guys, the best way to piss a woman off isn't to disagree with them during a fight but rather agree with them.
Her: "THAT'S IT! I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!"
You: "OK."
Her: "THESE PLATES ARE STILL DIRTY!! YOU ARE NEVER WASHING DISHES AGAIN!!"
You: "OK."
Her: "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD FUCK MY BEST FRIEND!!! I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!"
You: "OK."
Detect a pattern here? And no, the pattern isn't that I'm a shitty husband. I know that already.
12:15 p.m.
• Barak Osama just took the first step to announce his presidential bid.
HE SPEAKS SO WELL!!!! Whatever. I know next-to-nothing about him, but it's obvious he's a pile of liberal dogshit wrapped up in a pretty bow. I just hope for his sake he doesn't make a campaign stop at Fort Marcy Park. Well, Hitlery probably won't off him just yet. He's so going to be her running mate. Man if that ticket wins, '08 is going to suck.
I'll tell you guys what -- you're sure on the ball. During last week's Steelers/Chargers game, the signal was lost with my Comcast Digital cable service. After a few minutes the signal didn't return. "Eh," I thought, and went upstairs to the television set which has Comcast cable but not Digital cable. So this morning I'm listening to RIGHT-WING RADIO and there's a Direct TV ad that is goofing on Comcast for not being able to broadcast the third quarter of Sunday's game. Great effort, guys. Seriously. I can't imagine the thousands of calls the poor Comcast people received when the game was off the air. I'm positive there were a few service cancellations as a result of this.
8:30 p.m.
• So today the boss was out as was two other full-timers. The new chick who was hired a few weeks ago was going over something with me and made a remark that we were having a three-day weekend. The following conversation took place.
"Huh?"
"We have Monday off."
"No we don't."
"Yes we do. It's in the employee manual."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is." *Shows me her manual that she received upon being hired that says we get MLK day off.*
"The hell?" *Shows her my manual that I received upon being hired that says we don't get MLK day off.*
"Weird."
Ah, office communication. And you want to know the sad thing? I was looking forward to working Monday because the contractor I deal with will be closed, thus giving me a free "catch up" day. But it's all good. It now gives me a chance to get the best view in the house at President Hussein's inauguration.
Brrrr.
Weird. My nipples are hard and I'm really not all that cold.
9:45 p.m.
• Uhhhhhh...
Did I previously post...
What I meant to post was...
Because our new president is going to sink the battleship of economic ruin and emerge from the oceanic depths with welfare stimulus checks for us all. Up periscope, President Hussein!
That ought to cover me for a while. Like maybe four or five seconds...
...I know, I'll just post some of my favorite Offspring songs.
Aw, fuck.
9 p.m.
• So I gave my notice to my genius employers on January 4. Guess when they finally decided to put a classified ad in the paper? Today.
• I was at the grocery store today and I went to the chicken section of the store. I noticed that there was a sale on cock. However, it wasn’t the buy-one-get-one-free but rather some XX-cents-off nonsense which is still a rip-off. However, what had me laughing was the handwritten addition made to the “sale” sign. Because there are several varieties of chicken in the chicken freezer bin and only one brand on sale, there are oftentimes handwritten FYIs on these sale posters. Anyway, the handwritten addition to this sign read “Black lable only.” Sigh.
• Speaking of food, Swift Terror brought up some of his never-buy-generic brands. For as cheap as I am, I don’t typically buy generic-brand material. If something is on sale and I have a coupon then I get it. The only brand name I “have” to buy is Miracle Whip. Oh, and Heinz ketchup – Hunts is disgusting. Generic pasta is blech, although I don’t really buy Chef-Boy-R-D. Oh, my beef stew has to be Dinty Moore. Generic Cola is awful, although I’m not much of a pop drinker anyway. Oh, yeah. Crystal Light iced tea >>>> generic or that 4C shit. I steer clear from the generic Kix equivalent. And when it comes to bbq sauce, I’m only Bull’s Eye, Jack Daniels or KC Masterpiece. I tried some watery Kraft shit once and that was it. (Or was it Open Pit?) Well the aforementioned chicken I buy is grocery-store brand. I also eat grocery-store brand bread and milk. That’s about all I got for now.
9:15 p.m.
• I’ve seen a few headlines about this being the 10-year anniversary of Lewinsky-gate. You know, I really didn’t care much about this scandal. I guess the best thing to come out of this (other than Bill’s jizz on a blue dress) was having Congress preoccupied with impeachment rather than meddling with the economy and my day-to-day life. Good job, Monica.
• I just heard some top-of-the-news story on RIGHT-WING RADIO about how with this “recession” people are having a harder time than ever dealing with credit card debt, mortgage and car payments. Uh, am I supposed to feel bad for someone that racked up unnecessary expenses on plastic and now can’t afford his standard of living because gas is $3+/gallon and milk is a similar price? Hey dumbfuck, who do you think you are – Congress?
Speaking of these people, I sure can't wait until there's a Democrat president to go along with a Democrat Congress.
Yeah, because nothing says "helping out the middle class" better than food stamps.
10 p.m.
• Ha. I was flipping channels and came across the last 20 minutes of "Death Wish 3." These “Death Wish” movies are so laughably bad – especially after Part II – that they’re awesome. However, when the final commercial break took place, I soon discovered that there were FIVE of these films. Now I always counted “Murphy’s Law” as a “Death Wish-lite” movie, but they actually made another one after Charles Bronson blew some guy up with a rocket launcher after his girlfriend gets offed? Wait a minute, I could be talking about more than one “Death Wish” movie.
9:15 p.m.
• The Golden Globes are currently on. Don't care.
• Hey, there's actual progress going on in the Middle East. We've got outrage over someone getting his head chopped off.
5:15
• Great. I was watching ESPN and just heard Tom Jackson talk about Martin Luther King and I just learned that T.J. and I are born on the same day, which happens to be on the month/day that MLK got shot.
• LOL at the Chargers whining about the Patriots being sore winners
Here's some advice. You don't want the other team dissing your logo on the 50-yard line? Don't let them win. Either that or chop block the haters next season.
• Steelers Offensive Coordinator Ken Whisenhunt signed a four-year deal to coach the Arizona Cardinals Wow, he must like suffering. Actually, it'll be interesting to see what he can do with that offense. Looks like Russ Grimm is the likely choice to coach the Steelers. Eh, don't really care. Actually, I hope they hire the token black guy who got interviewed -- some guy from Minnesota -- just to piss off all the racists in my region. And, no, I'm not referring to myself.
9:15 p.m.
• Woo-hoo, I'm sticking it to the European nations by getting Mrs. kkk preggers.
But how many of these births are from Mexicans?
Wow. I thought that number would be more.
Huh -- Poor education? And LOL regarding the poverty and abortion reasons.
9:30 p.m.
• A nearby town made the big-time. In a bad way.
This is one media story I believe. Aliquippa is a shit hole.
• As if gas prices weren't high enough.
You know, when don't we have a "looming crisis"? Well, there's one good thing to all this. If the federal gas tax would happen, the media and Democrats would lay off talking about high gas prices. After all, these increase are for the greater good. And I'm sure all this extra money wouldn't be wasted. No siree.
So with all the issues facing Shittsburgh...
* The RECESSION~!
* The fact that the city had no money before said RECESSION~!
* Toledo having more residents, thus showing how all those with a shred of common sense have left this shit hole. Oh, and Mud hens > Pirates. No, seriously. The Hens would beat the Bucs. In a best of seven.
* An increasing homicide rate, which may not be a bad thing because at least the welfare rolls are getting thinned out.
What is the number one topic on the news this week?
...
In other news, Pizza Hut is now going to be known as Pasta Hut.
OMGAPRILFOOLZROTFLMAOTERRIBLETOWEL2009~!
For those of you who wonder why the location in my user profiles reads "Just outside the county line that encompasses Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania," now you know. Truth be told, I really don't care. Cities do this dumb shit all the time. What is more pathetic than the "name change" is the local media coverage this received. Good Christ, this was in the LEAD STORY segment of the local news that Mrs. kkk was watching earlier this week.
Upon further review, I never really noticed the "Ravens" in the boy mayor's last name. I am now genuinely surprised that he was able to win the Democrat primary with that last name. Then again, the primary season doesn't take place during football season. The November general election is just a gimmie to Democrats anyway, so the real action takes place during the primaries.
And these are just some of the reasons why I love Westmoreland County.
9:15 p.m.
Well today was when we celebrated the better half's birthday. It's not until tomorrow, but seeing how it's a workday (for me anyway and for her regarding the second job) we generally give presents for a b-day on the weekend before. When it's my birthday we go to Red Lobster (she hates watching me eat crab legs and lobster tail, and frankly I don't blame her). For her day it's usually Chinese takeout. Of course I went in to work in the early morning and came back with a bitch of a flu. And I have to go in tomorrow. Yippie. I got her Season 1 of the Ghost Whisperer. I'm pretty sure the black chick from Talk Soup is on this show, and I seem to remember a few actors/actresses appear in guest spots on this series that were on other shows she used to watch. (Providence and Charmed to name a few.) Well, I guess she'll be watching this nonstop until the next season of Charmed comes out on DVD. It could be worse. I heard Carolyn Manheim is on Season 2 of this show. Well, that's going to take away any impure thoughts I'll have with Jennifer Love Hewitt. I also got her Season 7 of Seinfeld and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet CD. But it's not just any CD it's some hippie DUAL CD/DVD/CAR ALARM THAT ALSO ACTS AS A REMOTE CONTROL DEVICE FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR'S MICROWAVE! I have a few of these "special" CDs, but I never bother to play around with them. A while back I bought a ton of these "remastered" ACDC albums that supposedly have unlockable stuff in them, but I'm never in the mood to fiddle with them. When I want to listen to ACDC I'll play ACDC. Whenever I want to insert one of these things in my computer I ... well, I never really want to. Oh well. I guess it's nice to have all these neat-o features on something that I'll never use than to never have them at all. This is sort of the same way with DVD special features. I can't remember the last time I watched a special feature of anything, but yet you just "have" to have all that extra footage and behind-the-scenes stuff that is about as exciting as watching paint dry (or reading this blog.) But, once again, 'tis better to have it than to not.
I decided to try this Alka-Seltzer liquid cold medicine to battle this most recent bout with the flu. I'm less than impressed. Then again, I've only had one treatment. I'm a bit disappointed this hasn't knocked me out on my ass already. That's the whole purpose of that "nighttime" medicine. I want to take it and then go, "Damn, this ... is .... some good shit," fall asleep and wake up the next day not remembering how I made it to bed. I figure it never hurts to try out new medicine, especially when it's on sale. That way, if you get jewed out of your value, it's nice to know you didn't pay full retail price for it. Well, I'm about to take a second dosage. Out.
kkk’s Top 103 Posters
Number 4: MikeSC
Well it was only a matter of time before Mike showed up, and for those of you that ventured into the Current Events folder in its heyday you will probably never look at a Michael from South Carolina the same way ever again. Honestly, there’s really no way I can convey to a n00b what Mike was like. But let me try nevertheless. If you had anything negative to say about Republicans, then Mike would counter your take. If you tried to counter Mike’s response, he’d counter your counter. Try to counter the counter to the counter? Yep, he’d counter. Want my advice? Don’t try to get the last word on Mike. Yet so many people fell into this trap. If I could sum up Mike’s tenure here, my first thought: Pope smoke. My second thought? CE Hall of Morons. Then there was the phone incident. Oh, the phone incident.
Here is the common template for a MikeSC thread. Start out by giving a vague thread title. Have it involve an easy target. Then let the flaming begin. Man were those some good times. Ever since his banning, I’ve stopped going into CE threads that were created after his forced exodus. Of course, what resulted from this debautury was a new message board that’s been in place for more than two years. Of course, Mike rarely ventures over there, but that’s besides the point.
Mike, you’ll always be my n*gga, and piss on the whiny bitches who bitched about his Current Events (and other folder) tomfoolery.
And just think, I didn't even bring up Mike's exchanges with Ripper -- TSM's own ebony and ivory.
9:15 p.m.
• Well I just had a “God damnit, why couldn’t I think of this 10 minutes prior?” moment. Years ago, the idiot boss declared that me and my co-worker who live two floors away from the rest of the office were REQUIRED to call our receptionist (I’ll call her Jane) whenever we leave the building. Well, today the idiot was trying to call my co-worker but he had left the office a few minutes before. After several attempts he then calls me and asks if my co-worker is there. I said I don’t think so and that I’m pretty sure he walked out a few minutes ago. He then asked, “Well did he leave the building?” N*gga I don’t know. Am I his secretary now? My co-worker then returned and told him the idiot is looking for him. A few minutes later I thought why didn’t I respond by saying “I don’t know if he left the building – why don’t you ask Jane if he left because that’s what we were told to do by you.” Oh, yeah, well I had sex with your wife~!
9:30 p.m.
• Great. So the better half and I did something today that I knew was going to be trouble. With her being knocked up it was time to go to the pregger store for maternity clothes. Three shirts, two pants and two bras. Ugh. Oh well, at least they were on sale. And I finally got to find Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book” and some “100,000+ Baby Name” publication at the local book store for her b-day tomorrow. Maybe now she’ll finally find a name she likes that’s not from “Lord of the Rings.”
11:30 a.m.
• So last Friday I gave my notice. Now I really didn’t know what to expect. Oddly enough, with my social retardation and lackluster people skills, the last time I left one job for another job in the same area was May of 1995. Well, I got fired in 1996, so if you want to count that, I have no problem. Other than that, every job up until this most recent one I left because of relocation. So when I gave my letter, which basically said, "I’m going to be no longer working here,” I wasn’t sure if they would say, “Good. Get out,” or if the exchange would be more amicable. To my surprise, the whole thing went rather well. While I was ready to leave that day, I was more than content to stay two more weeks and finish up my work. Then again, had I left right then and there, those people would have been up poop creek without a paddle or nose plugs.
So for the last week I’ve been working full-time and my soon-to-be former place of employment while working part-time at my soon-to-be-current place of employment. Basically, I’m doing stuff at home during the evenings for the latter place and I’ve put in 60+ hours between the two this past week. Man, I remember back during my college days I used to do this shit all the time. Not only was I a full-time student but I also worked full-time and participated in a few school activities that took up about 20 hours a week. Man were those days a bear. Then after I graduated and moved to Sappy Valley I worked two jobs, seven days a week and 60+ hours a week – all for shit pay. That was another fun 14 months of my life. Now I make decent money and work 40 hours. Christ did I turn into a lazy bastard, especially since my jobs now are white-collar and involve much sitting. My college jobs dealt with customer service and moving around.
This brings back a memory to my Ohio employment, which Swift Terror can attest to. I worked at a test-scoring facility, and while the work was seasonal, it was very jam-packed, which meant plenty of overtime. It always baffled me that people who worked at this place on a seasonal basis would not take full advantage of the wage benefits. For example, if you put in a 40-hour workweek you got an extra $50. If you worked overtime you got time-and-a-half. Many times I’d wonder why people I supervised opted just to work 35 hours per week and no overtime. Me – I was a money-grubbing bastard. After all, on those days that you worked late or worked on weekends, you didn’t really work as hard as you did during the course of a normal workday. Why? Because you were going ABOVE and BEYOND what you were asked to do, so there wasn’t nearly as much scrutiny. The work was going to get done regardless, so what was the point of working harder just because you were getting paid more? Besides, on most of these “panic Saturdays” the bosses above me would bring in bagels or doughnuts and we’d take longer breaks.
Now while I jumped at every chance to make more money, I mentioned there were some people that didn’t. I didn’t agree with their rationale, but there were some instances when I could see why they didn’t care. I had rent, bills and other expenses to pay. Some employees were college students and didn’t have to worry about any of that. Fair enough. But there were also people with the same responsibilities I had that didn’t have the financial means in place to be able to “afford” not getting a few extra dollars. After all, once a project was over, you could have all the time in the world to “relax” when you’re unemployed. But the best part of all this is that these same people that needed the money and didn’t take full advantage of the work available to them would bitch and moan at the end of a project because it ended early. There was one time a person got pissed off because a project ended early and she was only a few hours away from being eligible to collect unemployment. This was the same person that took several weeks off that past season to go on VACATION and didn’t take advantage of the available week or two offered to her before several projects to do prepwork. Man, I used to LOVE doing that. Want me to set up tables and chairs? Want me to sharpen pencils? Make copies? Shit. I’m there. And I was.
And here I wanted to talk about my last Saturday at my place of employment and how this would be the last time I'd do my job with it being a winter month and the air conditioner turned on. (Well, maybe not the AC, but something blows out of those vents during the weekend when the building's owners are there and it's not heat.) Boy, did I go off the beaten path on this one. While I’m on my former job in Ohio, I almost want to bust out the “clerk pimp” story, but I just don’t feel like it at this time. Perhaps in the future, along with the conclusion of my Top 103 Posters list.
8:45 p.m.
• So I'm flipping channels during commercials of the Eagles/Saints game and what do I come across? Vh1's white rapper show.
Oh my God. So the fat chick is saying the 'n' word. LOL. Wow is this so bad. PUT YOUR HATS ON STRAIGHT! Now the fat chick is crying because she said "nigga," had to wear a big necklace that said "N-Word" and is now crying because she said that word? I think I found my new favorite train wreck.
8 p.m.
• Well, nobody farted at the funeral today, but I got the thinking. Even though I'm old for TSM message board standards, I'm still young out there in the real world and don't really think of death. I do more than I used to, but it's still not very much. In fact, except for a freak accident while driving or something like that, I can't imagine dying right now. However, would I feel the same should I make it to age 70+? I mean, would I be opening my arms to the reaper at this time, or would I want to whittle away at some nursing home because I can't walk up stairs and always pooping my pants? Actually, I wonder what nursing homes would be like when I'm old. By that time, Internet-experienced people like myself would probably demand Internet access in every room. Christ, that would be something. Logging onto this place in 2027 and still hearing about how the McMahons are screwing up their company. I'm not sure if I'd be looking forward to death, even if I get to be of that age. Probably because I'd always want to know who wins the next championship in professional sports. "Yeah, I made it to see the Nashville Rockies win the '31 World Series, but the Stanley Cup is only six months away, and I want to see if the Kansas City Penguins can win Lord Stanley's Cup."
"
8 a.m.
• Indianapolis at Baltimore (4.5)
This game would favor Baltimore, but I seem to remember the Colts having the Ravens’ number over the past few years. Hey, I was right.
Nevertheless, with Baltimore having McNair at quarterback and playing at home, I think this will be the time the Ravens pull one out. Baltimore 20, Indianapolis 10.
Philadelphia at New Orleans (5.5)
The season after Katrina hit and now the Saints are hosting a playoff game. If it wasn’t for this, I would be going with the Eagles. New Orleans 24, Philadelphia 17.
Seattle at Chicago (8.5)
The Bears still have a question mark at the quarterback spot, but because they’re playing the Seahawks, I don’t think it will matter – not even with that point spread. If Chicago pummeled Seattle in the regular season like they did (37-6), I don’t see much of a change now. Chicago 26, Seattle 13.
New England at San Diego (4.5)
OK, I’ve heard all week from sports pundits that this is the year Marty Schottenheimer wins the big game. I can’t do that just yet. I still have memories of that Chiefs’ upset back in the mid-90s when Marty had his team at a 13-3 record. I remember all those Browns teams who couldn’t get it done in the playoffs. I remember that 12-4 record back during the 2004-05 season that resulted in a wild-card loss to the Jet. Could the Chargers win it all? Sure. But Marty has to show he can take the necessary steps to get to the big game. The Patriots have done that in spades. New England 17, San Diego 14. (With that said, watch the Chargers win 30-0)
7:30 a.m.
• Pickkks for everyone.
Seattle @ Green Bay (8.5)
I think Green Bay will win the game, but not by eight points. Seattle 27, Green Bay 24.
Jacksonville @ New England (13.5)
As much as I want the Jags to win, I have a feeling all the talk about them being an "ideal winter opponent" will probably backfire. New England 31, Jacksonville 17.
San Diego @ Indianapolis (8.5)
I don't think Manning will have another bad game against the Chargers. I also heard Gates is listed as doubtful. Indianapolis 27, San Diego 10.
N.Y. Giants @ Dallas (7.5)
Instead of placing blame on Jessica Simpson, I think the Cowboys have other problems that deal with stuff on the field. But the real question for me in all this Jessica-gate nonsense is why did Romo bring a teammate with him on a vacation in which I probably wouldn't have left the luxury suite for three days? Then again, Simpson brings her parents with her everywhere she goes, so I guess that's worse. Oh, yeah. New York 27, Dallas 17.
9 p.m.
• So I was at a wake/body viewing/whatever-it's-called-before-you-bury-someone just now. The better half's one uncle who I have never seen before just died. I showed up, sat there and kept my mouth shut. Whenever I'm at one of these events I just keep my head down, shut my mouth and close me eyes. However, as the Serbian priest was doing his thing someone suddenly ripped one while the priest was in a pause (I don't know who it was because my eyes were closed). Why oh why does the Lord push me to such extremes?
• How in the hell do these lottery winners go broke? If I ever took home $100+ million, the last place I'd go to is a casino. Should this ever happen to me, the story would probably go, "kkk was bouncing checks at the local Best Buy trying to purchase DVDs."
• Speaking of winners, here's a local story I've been following since it recently broke.
2:30 p.m.
• I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Nancy Pelosi would exclude from the upcoming federal minimum wage hike a tuna company in her district.
Guess ol' Nancy doesn't care about the children of Samoa. Regarding the federal minimum wage. I don't care. This is because the faggot Democrats (and Republicans) in my state already jacked up our state rate. At least over in Ohio the dumbasses there voted in a minimum wage hike. I'm just having it done for me. I have had two minimum wage jobs in my life. Know what I did? I got another job. Tough stuff there. I remember the Morgan Spurlock hippie did one of his "30 Days" shows about living on $5.15/hour. I watched about 5 minutes of it before having to take a poop.
7 a.m.
• I've said for a while now how the out-of-control niece-in-law has pissed away 2+ years of money that was to be used for her college education. Well, she also had an inheritance from years ago that was stashed away from her. With that money she bought a good used car about 2-3 months ago. It was a nice car. Too bad I knew what was going to be in store for the poor thing. Within a week there was already a dent in it. There have been a few scratches and the like over the last month or so, including one time the niece drove it over a hill (don't ask). But yesterday, as she was bending over to grab a cigarette, the niece swerved into an oncoming lane and hit another car. The other driver wasn't hurt, and the niece's care got the brunt of the damage, including a smashed driver's side window. Thank Christ I was able to convince my mother-in-law to take her name off that title no more than two weeks ago. If my crack-whore sister-in-law is the equivalent of a real-life sitcom like "Friends," then the niece-in-law is "Joey."
12 a.m.
• So earlier this week the better half and I were driving home from work when she pulled out a piece of paper and asked for my opinion on a dozen possible names for girls should kkk jr. be a she. Good lord. Well, I tried my best to be good while she was announcing the names that made her “final cut,” and for the most part I was. Look, I know I’m going to get zero say in what this kid’s going to be named. I know this is all a dog and pony show. I know that, and I’m fine with it. However, the best part of this came after the names were read and I gave my answer. There was a pause and following exchange of words was made.
“Are you sure that’s your favorite name?”
“Yes.”
“You picked the same name as my mom.”
Wow. Imagine that. Mrs. kkk’s mom and I both picked the same name out of a dozen possibilities. What the are the chances of that happening – one in 12? Well you would think is the end of the great what-to-call-our-kid-if-she-sprouts-tits debate. I mean, that’s what I thought. After all, she had her list and two out of the three judges selected the same entry. Cased closed, right?
This evening during dinner, she pulled out another sheet of paper. Do I really need to say any more at this point? She's already got the name for a boy. Like this gender is going to be any different. In the end I really don't care. However, my only condition is that kkk jr. isn’t named after A TELEVISION OR MOVIE CHARACTER!
7:15 p.m.
Barry Bonds, lol.
Barry Bonds, lol.
Barry Bonds, lol.
I know he's one of the greatest players of all time. I know he'll probably be the new home-run champ. I know he has a bunch of money. But ... Barry Bonds, lol. Too bad your kid is in school -- who are you going use now to shield yourself from the media?
5:45 p.m.
• So David Beckham is going to play soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy.
Wha- wha- what? Let me read that again.
You got to be kidding me. And all you people bitch about A-FRAUD (LOL2207) and his contract. I didn't know professional soccer in the States had $250 million to spend. I have nothing against Beckham. I kinda felt bad for him and the way he exited the last World Cup. Then again, I know nothing about soccer so who knows -- maybe he's some Satan-worshipping heathen who pimps Posh Spice out. If that's the case then I like him even more.
A quarter of a billion dollars? For five years?!
12:15 p.m.
• The commies are coming to the Mile-High City in '08.
I wonder if the person who recently shot and killed Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams will have a full clip by next year? I guess it's a good call for the Dems. Colorado has been a slightly Republican state that has slowly been turning commie. Hooray for them, I guess.
I am holding my own worst poster tournament. Read that description again. Worst. Poster. This is the poster I hate the most. Each will be judged on … well, whatever I say they will be judged on. That’s right, far too long I have held back letting the TSM community know what posters have irked me for years and have become the bane of my existence. Now it’s time to name names and nobody is safe. The eight seeds are listed below in their quarter-final match-ups.
Round Uno
Christian Okoye
I remember this growing up and I HATED looking at it every time I thumbed through a group of posters at a store. I had nothing against the Nigerian Nightmare, even though I called him a different nickname because I thought ethnic/name-changing insults were oh so clever. Good thing I’m through with that phase. I will give this poster credit for one thing: I like how the terrified players in the background have uniforms from Okoye’s divisional opponents.
Vs.
Alfalfa's He Man Woman Haters Club
I couldn’t find the actual poster that was in my room (it shows Alfalfa flexing his pseudo-muscles with the name of his club at the bottom of the page), but why I hate this poster is because it burned me – big time. You see, when I was a kid, I had a shitload of posters/pictures pinned up in my room. When I got this edition to add to my collection, there was no room to pin it up anywhere. As a kid who wasn’t yet hip to the whole sexual education thing, I pinned this image of Alfalfa on the only place in my room that still had available real estate.
Right above my bed.
Ah, childhood innocence. How was I to know other people could see this as somewhat queer? I sleep on my side, so it’s not like I would wake up looking into Alfie’s eyes. And I wasn’t even masturbating yet, so I wasn’t pulling a "Randy Marsh in the hot tub" at a Meteor Shower parties.
This poster was up for some time before a friend of mine asked why I had a picture of Alfalfa hanging above my bed. I responded because that was the only place for it in my room. He asked the same question again, and that was when something clicked in my head. After he left I quickly took this image down, never to be seen again. Strangely enough, my friend never told anyone about this and I wasn’t the object of ridicule among my youth compatriots (well, at least I was not the object of ridicule for this particular subject). I guess Jason didn’t find anything homo-erotic with it, either; he just found it … strange.
Winner: Okoye. Alfalfa was innocent of any wrongdoing; just guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Jerry Rice
I was never a fan of the San Francisco 49ers growing up. After all, I was in STEELER COUNTRY, and those queermos from the Bay were going to equal my black and gold in Super Bowl wins with FOUR~! After they clobbered Denver, my old man was PISSED. Why? Because he’s out of his mind. Anyway, after that blowout, the 49ers were zeroed in on another Super Bowl title in the early 1990s, and this poster of Jerry Rice was pretty much used as the object of my scorn. It’s hard to see the type at the top of this poster, but it says something like “Rice be nimble. Rice be quick.” The image is of him jumping over Candlestick Park. Get it? LOLOLOL. Now that I think about this, even though I hated this poster, I never had a problem with the Joe Montana Football video game franchise, which was also out at around this time. It wasn’t my favorite video game, but I played it from time to time. I wonder why, considering I hated Montana more than Rice. Nah, the “Joe’s white” excuse doesn’t feel right here. I think it was because at least in the video game you could defeat San Francisco – they had a team in the game, right?
Oh, and you may now be thinking, “kkk, but the 49ers won a fifth Super Bowl. How did the Steeler nation react to that?” Surprisingly, the Shittsburgh region took it better than I thought. Then again, everyone was still in shock about the Steelers losing to the Chargers in the Conference Championship. While many here won’t admit it, losing to the Chargers was the better option than getting blown out by the 49ers that year in the Super Bowl. And, yes, they would have lost.
Vs.
Whatever You Want To Call This
Why the hell did I put this on the list -- it's a great photo. Even though it’s not really a poster, I still had it pinned to my wall. I won this prize at some fair, and it was in a plastic 8x11 frame. I posted this in my room because of the naughty word. I guess it was to show my mom I wasn’t taking any more of her fascist rules like “study” and “get good grades.”
Winner: Rice be nimble. Rice be quick. Rice is going to the second round.
Fatheads (as a whole)
Do I have a fat head? Well, I have no problem fitting it through my shirts. Get it? “Fat head”? LOLOLOL. I don’t own these things, and I have no problem with people who do. (Well, I might have a problem with someone that has one, but it's not because they own a Fathead.) I guess what I don’t like about these things is that you don’t pin/tape them to a wall. In my day we used tape and tacks that ruined our room’s walls, thus deducting from our parent’s security deposit if the residence was a rental property. And if you lived in a house your parents were paying a mortgage on, those holes you making marked your territory, in a passive aggressive sort of way. Damn you technology.
Vs.
Pennants (as a whole)
Once again, I have nothing against pennants. In fact, I used to own a buttload of these things. That’s why pennants make the list. I used to own a buttload of these things. I have commented on my old man a few times here, and he does have his fair share of faults. Who the hell am I kidding, he has more than his fair share. But one “father/son” activity we used to partake in was to go to Steeler games during the early 1980s. Actually, I don’t think we went to that many regular season-games; I pretty sure these were pre-season games. Why? Probably because they were cheaper. Nothing wrong with that – I was a kid and had no idea what was going on anyway. Most of the time I just wandered around Three Rivers Stadium picking up discarded tickets and other litter. Anyway, whenever we would go to these games (or my old man went with some friends to those fancy smancy regular-season games), I would always get a pennant. After a while I had quite the collection on my wall. I can’t quite remember what I had – I know there were several Steeler ones, an old Bengals helmet, the Browns, the Houston Oilers, the N.Y. Giants, the Atlanta Falcons, the Minnesota Vikings, the Detroit Lions and the Green Bay Packers. Hmm, dad had a thing for the NFC Central. Oh well, there were probably about a dozen or so more in addition to those I named. And what happened to these pennants? When my folks got a divorce in the mid-1980s, the house that my old man worked on for almost 10 years was sold and my old lady threw away this cherished pennant collection. Nice going, bitch. Just because they remind you of the psycho you married doesn’t mean they had the same anti-sentimental value for me. Then again, I don’t really remember putting up that much of a fight back then for these pennants. I was probably still in shell-shock with the fact that my parents were splitting up and wondering if it had anything to do with me…
“kkk, your time on the couch is done for the day. Come back next week, and bring your $150. And NO CHECKS!”
Winner: Pennants. Fatheads were never in my old house’s trash can.
Team Photos (as a whole)
For some reason I was never a fan of these generic “team” photos. I mean, all the athletes are just sitting there, and their images are so tiny. Why did I have a few of these pinned up? No clue. I think I pinned a few up one afternoon and forgot they were there until moving day years later.
Vs.
Chicago Bulls Team Poster
Remember what I said about the San Francisco 49ers? Well, the Chicago Bulls were even worse. I didn’t start following basketball until the late 1980s/early 1990s, and because Shittsburgh did not have a NBA team I had to pick a team from another city to throw my support behind. Several of my friends were already NBA fans, and they were glad to see I finally caught onto the sensation that was the Association. They told me to watch a few games and let them know what teams I liked. Keep in mind this was when Air Jordans were the thing and Bulls Merchandise was right up there with the Los Angeles Raiders gear.
I was watching the early rounds of the NBA playoffs, and the Phoenix Suns with Kevin Johnson got my attention quick. I was about to pledge my eternal loyalty to Phoenix when another team caught my eye: the Detroit Pistons. The next day I was in fourth-period Home Economics. (No jokes -- we were REQUIRED to take a semester of this and a semester of Metal Shop.) I told my basketball-loving peers of my recent observations. I started out talking about the Suns. My one friend’s eyes lit up. He was a huge Suns fan because he grew up in Phoenix and attended a few summer camps featuring Suns players (little did I know it was around the time of that big drug scandal in the '80s; oh the Larry Nance after-party jokes I could have thrown at him).
I then told the group about my next team. The following conversation took place. You can figure out who is who.
“Yeah, I liked Phoenix, but there was another team I saw which I liked better.”
“Who?”
“They wore blue … I think they were the…”
“Oh no.”
“Detroit Pistons?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? They’re a bunch of assholes!”
“I liked the way they played defense.”
“You’re fucking kidding me! The PISTONS?”
“There was this big white guy who I liked.”
“Oh God… Laimbeer?”
“I don’t know. He had black hair.”
“Bill Laimbeer is a fucking asshole. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Now we all have had experience with peer pressure. And while the herd can oftentimes break a person’s will of self-expression, there are times when you just want to stand out from the crowd by being an asshole. This was one of the (many) times for me. So my friends are Bulls fans? Fuck that – go Pistons. The pinnacle of my Pistons scorn came a few years later when I got a Bill Laimbeer jersey, and the first time I wore it was to my friend’s house (the one from Phoenix) when he had a long-distance friend who was supposedly some big-shit on his school’s basketball team. My other friend and I played them in several games and we handedly won each contest. I also had one of the best outdoor games of my life playing against this “super friend” from another school. I’m not sure if my game was actually any good, or if this “super friend” actually played on his school’s team, but either way the power of Bill was with me that day – and I didn’t even take any cheap shots.
…
Wait, what the hell was I talking about?
Oh, yeah. The Bulls. Fuck them. Look, I know Jordan’s good. Hell, he’s great. Oh “H” “e” “double hockey sticks,” he’s the best player of my generation and may be the best of all time. I get that. I just routed against him. But you know who I genuinely hated? Scottie Pippen. Wahhhh, I have a headache in Game 7 of the 1990 NBA Conference Finals. Wahhhh. If I don’t get the ball in the final 1.8 seconds of a playoff game I’m going to sit down. You're a whiny fuckhead and I personally hate you. Well, not anymore because I’m indifferent. But back then I sure did.
Winner: Bulls. I can’t even remember who they were up against, much like their other first-round NBA opponents from back in the day.
Round Dos:
Christian Okoye v. Jerry Rice.
Winner: Rice. By a leap.
Pennants v. Bulls.
Winner: Bulls. Not even close.
Round Tres:
Jerry Rice v. Chicago Bulls
Winner:
7:30 p.m.
• Time to bring yet another NFL prediction game to closure. Back in September I guessed which games on the NFL’s new flex schedule would make it to the prime-time slot. Let’s see how I fared. Below was my prediction for each week followed by that game’s score. If another game was called by Al Michaels and John Madden that week, I put it in parentheses below.
Week 10. Chicago at New York: 38-20. Correct.
Week 11. Indianapolis at Dallas: 21-14. Incorrect.
(San Diego at Denver: 35-27)
Week 12. Carolina at Washington: 13-17. Incorrect.
(Philadelphia at Indianapolis: 21-45)
Week 13. Seattle at Denver: 23-20. Correct.
Week 14. Indianapolis at Jacksonville: 44-17. Incorrect.
(New Orleans at Dallas: 42-17)
Week 15. Kansas City at San Diego: 9-20. Correct.
Week 16. Cincinnati at Denver: 23-24. Incorrect.
(San Diego at Seattle: 20-17)
Week 17. Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: 23-17. Incorrect.
(Green Bay at Chicago: 26-7)
Well, I went 3-8. Uh, yay and stuff.
While I’m on the subject of football, I might as well give my opinion of how each pre-game show did. ESPN – yeah, right. Fox? Simply dreadful. I never knew how much I liked James Brown until after he went to CBS. Historically I had always tuned in to the Fox pregame show more than anywhere else, and when I heard their Week 1 telecast, I couldn’t believe my ears. I gave the benefit of the doubt to that new token black guy; after all, it would take a while for that crew to develop chemistry. However, whenever I tuned in to Fox as the season progressed, I still didn’t care for them. CBS, on the other hand, got even better with Brown acting as the non-jock moderator. I must though that my favorite group was NBC’s “Football Night in America.” It started out “eh” for me, but as the season went on I felt that quartet meshed better with each passing week. Besides, I’m a Bob Costas fanboy, so I know I’m being a bit biased here. And I’ll even step up and defend that Pink opening song. It’s not great or anything, but it was certainly passable, especially if you had it playing in a nearby room and didn’t have to see the campy video that accompanied this jingle.
6:45 p.m.
• Well this day started out innocently enough. Then I found out that I know a person who knows the person that was the subject of the following story.
Minutes after learning of this, I get a call from the better half telling me her one uncle died. We didn’t know the person that well – I don’t think I’ve ever seen him before, but it was odd to have those two things hit me at once. Not that either one affect me in the slightest, but oh well.
6:30 p.m.
• So I had “Around the Horn” on and they were talking about some golf chick saying something mean about Tiger Woods. Oh? This ought to be good. Time to make that bitch pay because no matter what she would have said/done a white man doing the same thing would be worse off 100-fold. So after the commercial break I found out what she did.
You got to be fucking kidding me. THAT? Of course, on “PTI” Wilbon was talking about this and said that he would like to watch that “Great Debaters” movie with this chick, get to the scene where there’s a lynching and then “talk about it” afterwards “over coffee.”
For fuck’s sake people, no wonder Hitlery won the primary after crying. My God are we a bunch of pussies. If certain words are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo terrible, and soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hurtful, why don’t we just ban them outright and give prison terms to people that dare say such mean things? If she would have said Tiger's wife loved his colored dong on live TV, then I could understand her getting into a bit of trouble. But lynching? Even I felt bad for this woman, and I have no idea who she is.
It could have been worse, though. She could have said that the liberal sports media gushes over Tiger because they want to see a golfer of color succeed in the PGA.
• Speaking of Hitlery, I heard a few stories after her New Hampshire win that a bunch of soccer moms decided to vote for her after she cried. Uh, lemme get this straight. The same people that were totally off on the polling results now want us to believe them when it comes to this? Next thing you know, there will be news publications out there telling us that global warming will kill us when a generation ago these same media sources told us global cooling would do us in. Boy, it’s good thing that hasn’t happened.
11:45 a.m.
• So I have the Outback Bowl on as background noise and I think I recently heard the ESPN announcer say some guy from Tennessee just ran into the end zone for the first down. Yeah, I know it's a live broadcast and you often mix up your words (that's why I don't think many politician flubs are that funny -- a person might have been campaigning for 12 straight hours and then slip up on a word or phrase), but this got a chuck out of me.
5 p.m.
• New year, new change to KK's Korner. I'm going to start putting more recent updates below the older ones. A few times I noted that I was continuing a story and spoiled a few tales by having the startling conclusions at the top of the page.
• Was flipping channels this afternoon and noted the following:
1) It’s nice to hear Pat Summerall still announcing every now and then. I think the reason for my feelings on this matter is that he’s not going to be around forever.
2) I saw parts of that “winter classic” where the NHL held a hockey game outdoors in Buffalo. I like the idea, and having such a game every year would help the league in terms of publicity and the like. However, who thought it’d be a good idea to have this game take place during college football’s biggest day, outside of the BcS title game?
10:30 p.m.
• I generally don't like their ads, and I've heard bad things about Allstate from some people I know. However, this ad made me laugh out loud the first time I watched it, even though I figured out what was going on early on in the ad.
• Speaking of football, this Sugar Bowl -- ugh. There better be one heck of a second-half rally or we won't have a champion in this year's REGULAR SEASON TOURNAMENT.
For the new year, I'm going to be trying something different. Instead of waiting until the end of the day to post an entry, I'm gong to post whenever I feel like it throughout the day. When I "finalize" an entry, I will give it a title.
11 p.m.
• Well, I guess Michigan can stop bitching about how they were Jewed out of playing for the BcS "National Title Game."
• Dennis Green and Jim Mora Jr. got canned from their respective NFL head coaching gigs. You know, when I first heard a few years back that Green would be taking over the helm at Arizona I actually thought he would have have a chance at turning around that time. Then after five seconds my thoughts turned to something more plausible -- like establishing colonies on Mars. Regarding Mora, eh.
• Years ago I bought these four-player checker and chess boards, and the few times I used them the games got REALLY confusing. I can't imagine a three-way with ping-pong balls would be much less chaotic.
5 p.m.
Just heard Bobby Knight finally passed Dean Smith for most wins by a Division One college basketball coach. Good. I like Knight. Sure he's an asshole, but that's why I like him.
3 p.m.
For those that follow my kkk Bowl IV contest, here are the regular-season standings.
Final Standings
AFC EAST
* Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 9-7 < PF: 119, PA: 111, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 5-1 >
New York Jets (Gert T) 8-8 < PF: 113, PA: 112, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-4 >
New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 7-8-1 < PF: 116, PA: 106, AFC: 3-8-1, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 1-5 >
Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 5-11 < PF: 117, PA: 122, AFC: 4-8, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 4-2 >
AFC NORTH
* Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 12-4 < PF: 113, PA: 103, AFC: 10-2, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 5-1 >
Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 8-7-1 < PF: 110, PA: 108, AFC: 6-5-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-3-1 >
Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 7-8-1 < PF: 112, PA: 114, AFC: 5-6-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-4-1 >
Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 6-9-1 < PF: 109, PA: 127, AFC: 5-6-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-3 >
AFC SOUTH
* Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-6 < PF: 111, PA: 110, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-2 >
* Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 9-7 < PF: 123, PA: 113, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-3 >
* Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 9-7 < PF: 118, PA: 123, AFC: 5-7, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 3-3 >
Houston Texans (Bored) 7-9 < PF: 115, PA: 116, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 2-4 >
AFC WEST
* Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 9-6-1 < PF: 118, PA: 111, AFC: 6-5-1 NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-2-1 >
Oakland Raiders (Smues) 8-8 < PF: 127, PA: 120, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-2 >
Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 8-8 < PF: 112, PA: 115, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-4 >
San Diego Chargers (Porter) 7-8-1 < PF: 118, PA: 126, AFC: 5-6-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-3-1 >
NFC EAST
* Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 9-6-1 < PF: 123, PA: 116, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-3-1, DIV: 5-1 >
New York Giants (Cartman) 7-9 < PF: 113, PA: 121, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 3-3 >
Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 7-9 < PF: 103, PA: 113, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 2-4 >
Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 5-11 < PF: 107, PA: 123, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-9, DIV: 3-3 >
NFC NORTH
* Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 11-5 < PF: 123, PA: 107, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 9-3, DIV: 3-3 >
* Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 9-7 < PF: 97, PA: 103, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-4, DIV: 5-1 >
* Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 9-7 < PF: 123, PA: 112, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-4, DIV: 4-2 >
Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 5-11 < PF: 103, PA: 120, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 2-10, DIV: 1-5 >
NFC SOUTH
* Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 12-4 < PF: 134, PA: 113, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 9-3, DIV: 6-0 >
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 9-7 < PF: 125, PA: 119, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 3-3 >
New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 6-9-1 < PF: 118, PA: 110, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 4-7-1, DIV: 2-4 >
Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 5-11 < PF: 113, PA: 122 AFC: 2-2, NFC: 3-9, DIV: 1-5 >
NFC WEST
* Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 8-8 < PF: 121, PA: 111, AFC: 1-3 NFC: 7-5, DIV: 5-1 >
Seattle Seahawks (Chazz 1998) 8-8 < PF: 119, PA: 110, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 4-2 >
St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 7-9 < PF: 125, PA: 119, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 4-8, DIV: 0-6 >
San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 6-10 < PF: 106, PA: 122, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 5-7, DIV: 3-3 >
PLAYOFF SEEDINGS:
AFC:
1) Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 12-4
2) Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-6
3) Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 9-6-1
4) Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 9-7
5) Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 9-7
6) Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 9-7
Notes:
IND and TEN split their regular-season series and have the same DIV record. IND gets the higher seed due to a better Conference record.
Wild Card Weekend:
Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 9-7 @ Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 9-6-1
Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 9-7 @ Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 9-7
NFC:
1) Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 12-4
2) Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 11-5
3) Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 9-6-1
4) Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 8-8
5) Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 9-7
6) Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 9-7
Notes:
1) GB and MIN split their regular-season series (I first thought MIN swept the series). GB has the better divisional record.
2) GB and MIN both have a better Conference record than TB.
3) AZ and SEA split their regular-season series. AZ has the better divisional record.
Wild Card Weekend:
Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 9-7 @ Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 9-6-1
Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 9-7 @ Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 8-8
