9:30 p.m.
• I forgot all about Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame voting results being today. Oops. I was going to do a candidate-by-candidate review of their respective careers, awards, win-shares and all that other stuff, but who really reads all that shit anyway? Instead, here is Al kkkeiper's voting ballot for this year's Hall of Fame wanna-bes.
1) Harold Baines -- No.
2) Albert Belle -- No.
3) Dante Bichette -- No.
4) Bert Blyleven -- No.
5) Bobby Bonilla -- Fuck No.
5) Scott Brosius -- No.
6) Jay Buhner -- No.
7) Ken Caminiti -- No. This guy was one of my favorite players when he was still in the game. I remember him breaking down on Jim Rome's show. It's a shame he died, but he brought it on himself, so fuck him.
8) Jose Canseco -- No. For some reason I've been liking this guy more and more. When he wrote that book a bunch of people dissed him for being a rat, but as it turns out, it looks like he was more spot on than first thought. Why shouldn't he make a quick buck naming names? The roided up players did much worse for their paychecks.
9) Dave Concepcion -- Hmm, no. This is an interesting candidate because being from Shittsburgh this guy gets compared a lot to Bill Mazerowski, who recently got in the Hall. Both were great fielders, but weren't anything special at the plate, unless it was Game 7 of the 1960 World Series.
10) Eric Davis -- No.
11) Andre Dawson -- Had to think about this one for a second. Err, no.
12) Tony Fernandez -- No.
13) Steve Garvey -- I'm leaning toward yes, but I think that's just because of the name recognition. I'm sure his stats will say otherwise.
14) Rich Gossage -- No.
15) Tony Gwynn -- Yes. One of my favorite all-time players. I like him even more now that I heard a clip on ESPN this evening in which he said that he's "sweating like a slave" while talking about his recent induction. Uh oh.
I never saw Tony Gwynn sweating as a slave, ever ... ever.
Is it OK for me to go out in the hot sun and perspirate while waiting for a baseball to get hit to me in the outfield?
Why yes it is -- that's why we were brought over to this country. We could pick cotton and hit baseballs out in the sun better than all those crackas.
16) Orel Hershiser -- No.
17) Tommy John -- No.
18) Wally Joyner -- No. I remember when he came into the big leagues he was some can't-miss Hall of Famer. I guess he'll just have to settle for being a millionaire.
19) Don Mattingly -- Like Garvey, I'm leaning toward yes, because I remember those years he had in the '80s. I'm sure other people who pay attention to stats and all that shit will outvote me on this one.
20) Mark McGwire -- Fuck all the haters, I'll vote him in. Does he deserve to go? I don't know. But Major League Baseball turned a blind eye toward players roiding up in the 1990s, so deal with it. I heard on Mike and Mike this morning that some sportswriter from Illinois turned in a blank ballot because he can't vote on any players from the "steroid age" or something like that. Get off your high horse. If you don't want to make a statement, give your ballot to someone else. Asshole.
21) Jack Morris -- Hmm, another one that gave me pause. He's probably not deserving, but I'll put him ahead of Garvey and Mattingly.
22) Dale Murphy -- I remember him from the Braves back in the 1980s. If he didn't get in by now he never will.
23) Paul O'Neill -- No, although I liked him as a player.
24) Dave Parker -- No.
25) Jim Rice -- No.
26) Cal Ripken Jr. -- What am I going to say here? Of course. I remember during his final years he wasn't all that productive, but whatever.
27) Bret Saberhagen -- No.
28) Lee Smith -- I dunno. I have no idea. Might as well ask that pseudo-baseball expert who stole my when-I'm-talking-about-baseball name via AIM.
Nice answer Al kerry. I'll say yes out of spite.
29) Alan Trammell -- No, although I remember him and Lou Whitaker being a long-time tandem in Detroit..
30) Devon White -- No.
31) Bobby Witt -- I thought he was still playing.
Regarding my Concepcion comment above, here is what I said about Bill Mazeroski's induction back in March of 2001.
11:30 a.m.
• Wow, what an incredible BcS game last night. Congratulations are in order to Boise State for being the only undefeated team in Division 1 College football. Wait a second, Boise State is not the top team in college football? But I thought all the non-playoff talking heads on television said the NCAA regular season is like one big playoff! Boise State is the only undefeated team in college’s top division. So then it’s only natural that they should be ranked first overall. And people wonder why I don’t give a shit about college football.
• I was driving home from work yesterday when a van in front of me had the following bumper sticker: “This vehicle was paid for by Union wages!” Uh, ok. So my scab money won’t be accepted by the local car dealership the next time I need to purchase a vehicle? Alrighty then. I wonder if the bumper sticker was also paid for by Union wages? Now that I think about it, was the bumper sticker itself created by Union labor?
• Remember my out-of-control niece’s suicide note I talked about Sunday that got in the way of my “Roadhouse” viewing? All lies. And the other times she has said that she tried to off herself? Lies. Like there was any doubt.
• This was odd. I watched ESPN’s “Around the Horn” today and Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige or Bill Plaschke were on the program. The lineup featured Michael Smith, Jim Armstrong, Jackie MacMullan and Gene Wojciechowski. Wasn’t a bad show. I’ll say this about Gene Woj-something-or-other, he’s not on the show much, but he’s pretty good. I remember the last time Jay was away for a while and Gene stepped in; he won a few Showdowns but could never fill out his face-time and with five seconds life he’d just go “That’s it. I’m done.”
• So the Olympics are getting trounced in the ratings to Fox’s American Idol. Good. I don’t care about the Olympics, no matter what season it is. If other countries give a shit about their athletes winning in curling or some skiing competition, more power to them. For me, I don’t care if Bodie what’s-his-name finishes first or tenth in a race, nor do I care if Michelle Kwan dresses up and does a triple axle. It’s not like I’m a fan of American Idol either, although I might watch bits of the first few episodes of a new season if only to watch the freaks that think they can sing. However, in this case, I’m glad Simon Cowell is trouncing this year’s Winter Games.
Hey Olympic honchos, don’t feel like you’re getting whipped in the ratings. Think of it as taking the Silver.
• This incident reminded me of a funny story that took place when I lived in Ohio. The better half was applying to a few dozen schools for Ph.D. studies and of course she got rejected by all of them. One of them was the University of Miami of Ohio. Now these people had been assholes to Mrs. kkk because she actually had the nerve to follow up with a phone call confirming her materials were successfully received. Well, when she got the customary “You are impressive but you suck” rejection letter, there was something odd about it.
It was addressed to some chick in Toledo.
Not wanting to pass up a good chance to zing some faceless bureaucrat at an academic institution, I called the contact number that was on the letter and said “Hi, my name is Frank Winters, and I’m calling because there’s something that’s disturbing me. You see, my fiancée *Mrs. kkk* applied to your Ph.D. program, and I received a rejection letter for *I forget the name* from Toledo, Ohio. I’m worried because now I’m wondering if the woman I go to bed with every night is some sort of secret agent who goes by a variety of aliases. Either that or you people are so goddamn stupid that you can’t even stuff an envelope correctly. She paid *I forget the amount of money* to apply to your piece-of-shit school and you can’t even give her a proper rejection letter. How the fuck do you people keep your jobs? Call me at *home number* when you are able to figure this out, you incompetent pieces of shit.”
This is great stress-relief technique, by the way. And I sent the rejection letter to the Toledo chick. Never heard back from her.
• However, for as much as I loathe the university system, I have to give some basketball fans at Gonzaga props for doing a “Brokeback Mountain” chant during some recent basketball games. Naturally, this will qualify as “hate speech” or violate some hippie speech code. It’ll only be a matter of time before the free-speech Nazis ship these hoodlums off to the Concentration Camp of Tolerance for their misdeeds. From the article: “President Robert Spitzer has asked for a task force to investigate the campus climate.” Bah. Keep up the good work, I say. That’s definitely more creative than those stupid, “ooooooooooo” chants I hear more and more crowds performing nowadays.
Well today I turn the big 3-0. I normally don’t care about birthdays, but this one has affected me somewhat – it has for a few months now. When 2006 came around, I realized that I would be turning over a new digit on the left side of the age figure. This thought scared me, and not because I was closer to collecting a Social Security check that probably won’t be there for me anyway when I become eligible for it. I also wasn’t in crisis mode, wondering what happened to my life; I’m actually content in that aspect of my life for the most part. One thing that has been bugging me though is the fact I don’t have anything saved in the bank. When I graduated college I was 22 years old and started an unsuccessful attempt to get full-time employment in Sappy Valley. When I was 24 I was in Ohio doing the same thing all over again like I was in central Pennsylvania. I eventually found work, but it wasn’t full-time. Also, whenever I was able to save some money I had to bail the better half out of some financial trouble she got herself in while attending grad school. When we moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003 I was 27 years of age, and after several months of looking for a job that had something to do with my college education, I began saving money for the first time in my life.
Then came the new house, which I had to pay out several thousand dollars in closing costs and other fees. Then came the new computer that had to be purchased because the old one died. Then came the vet bills for our one cat that got sick. Then came the wedding, of which I had to subsidize several thousand dollars to the better half because she didn’t realize how expensive the reception hall would be. She also didn’t realize that all the things I had mentioned above (including a few others not listed) I solely paid for because she didn’t have the money to pay off half of each of these costs and had put her half of these expenses on a “tab” she will never pay me back for.
My 20s came and went, and I realized that this past January. What hit me was I had always heard while growing up that if you put away a small amount of money each year while in your 20s you’d end up with $10,000,000 (or some other similar figure) by the time you turned 65. Well I can say goodbye to that. I spent the last 10 years moving from place to place, not being able to save a dime, and now a decade has passed with nothing to show for it but a few gray hairs and some accumulated wisdom. My debt load isn’t too bad – I owe $6,800 on a school loan I thought I would have already paid off when I graduated college back in ’98. When 2006 got under way, I wrote down a list of things I wanted to accomplish, and topping this list was paying off my debt and starting to save for the long term. If everything goes as planned, I’ll have the debt paid off sometime this summer, and then I’ll focus on saving.
But financial matters aren’t the only things concerning me. I tend to ache more when doing activities that wouldn’t have bothered me 5-10 years ago. When I see kids playing basketball, I think to myself, “Why would I waste energy shooting hoops when I’ve got a lawn to mow?” I’m listening to music that was around during my childhood-early 20s because newer material just doesn’t appeal to me. I would rather look at an attractive 40-year old than a 20-year old. I’m listening to rhetoric by political parties and able to remember years back when they had the opposite stance that same issue. I don’t mean to do these things; they are just coming natural to me. However, I must say that I’m fighting this getting old thing, or at least I’m picking the battles I know I can win. For example, I haven’t started bitching (much) about the cost of things now as opposed to 10-15 years ago (not even the cost of gasoline – taxes are another matter, however). I don’t say times today are worse off now than they ever have been (at least not until Democrats are in charge). And I don’t wear my pants up to my belly button (yet).
Rather than feeling the effects of aging another decade, I think this was a wake-up call letting me know that I’m an adult, and as an adult I better get my ass in gear with some areas of my life that I haven’t focused on as much as I should have over the years.
Then again, maybe turning 30 is the best thing to have happened to me since I turning, well, 20.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 25: Flyboy
I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way. It’s been a while since I chatted with the tyke, but the one thing I will always remember was the time he asked me for help on an assignment. He had to do some weekly hippie “current events” assignment, where, if memory serves, he had to take a current event and compare it to something that happened a while before that. Asking me for schoolwork help – you know a person doesn’t give a shit about his grade when this transpires. After a quick search of the news wires, I told him why not compare the Berlin Wall to the wall that the Jews were building at the time to keep out those pesky Muslims. He liked the idea and went with it – too bad he wasn’t doing an assignment about the U.S. building a wall to keep out Mexicans. Oh, and he likes them white, err, non-black girls, too. Well, except for one, anyway.
3 p.m.
• Swift Terror stole a bit of my thunder regarding some of the media’s comments about LeBron James and his late-game decisions on whether to take the final shot or pass it off to an open teammate. I didn’t watch last night’s Cavs/Pistons game. Well, actually, I turned on the game at halftime, saw the stats, noticed the Cavs were ahead in some key categories like offensive rebounds and points off turnovers and thought “are they in the lead?” I then saw that Cleveland was up by six points. I then watched Detroit score the next seven points at the start of the third quarter and turned off the television.
This morning I had on ESPN’s Mike and Mike on, and the show's skinny Jew was ragging on James for passing it off to other teammates in the game’s final seconds. The first thought that came into my head was Game 6 of the ’93 NBA finals when Jordan dished it off to a wide-open John Paxon for the series-clinching three-pointer (I forgot about Kerr's shot). I haven’t seen the game footage yet from James’ “moment of truth,” but at this time I’m siding with LeBron. If he had taken the shot and missed, or got to the free-throw line and didn’t make both shots, he’d be criticized for A) choking, or B) not passing it to an open teammate. You can make an argument about James not playing better when the game is on the line, but I’m not going to fault him for passing off to teammates who are set and ready to make an open shot.
Even though I listen to Jim Rome’s show and watch his television show (though not on an everyday basis), I had to tune into his third hour and laugh when I heard him defend his take on this subject and include that “well Michael wouldn’t have passed it to Paxon from 23 feet away” and that “Steve Kerr isn’t Donell Marshall.”
• Time for more PETA fun.
You know, I actually agree with PETA on this one. Forget that fact that the article said “Mike (the now deceased tiger) was moved last year into a $3 million home, complete with a bathing pool and waterfall, that offered 15,000 square feet of living space.” I say let the next Mike roam free. Let’s drop him off, at, say, 501 Front Street in Norfolk, Va. Also, let's not feed him before being released, thus allowing Mikey II to experience the thrill of hunting for his food. Then again, exactly how much sustenance can a big kitty get by munching on hippie vegans? Guess that means he’ll have to kill a few more. That’s a shame.
9 a.m.
• Boortz just had a great line regarding Michael Vick and his dog-fighting troubles.
I wonder if the Georgia Dome will be playing "Who Let The Dogs Out" at Falcon home games this year. I'm sure this will be a popular tune on the road. Here's the story if you're not up-to-date on this, or if you don't read Teke's "Vick Updates" at the other place.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 19
It was dark times for the Conservative Brigade. Even though there was strength in numbers, it lacked one thing all groups need. A lawyer. Not only are these bottom-feeders necessary to fend off lawsuits, but they can also find out when we were wronged, thus turning the legal tables on the unsuspecting. But who can be trusted to head such an important duty? Vyce? Hell no. He likes those queers too much. That’s when it all became clear. It’s hard to go wrong with someone that starts a thread titled: “ Mikey was at my school...” followed by “No word on if the gym collapsed.....”
You’re hired. And I don't even know if you're Jewish.
What was the point of all this? I don’t know. I just like the guy. And he was listing why ESPN sucks before it became popular. Well, at least before it got some really big threads devoted to the subject. I guess I might as well do the dramatic introduction like I did with yesterday’s entry, providing people didn’t click on the links above, thus running any kind of surprise element.
Number 19 is…
…The Real World’s Champion.
8:30 p.m.
• LOL. Enough said.
7:45 p.m.
• Don't you know that rationing fuel is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
7:30 p.m.
• Aww, poor baby. Watch his temper tantrum in court here. Caution: I had a crappy time with the video.
And just what was this teen convicted of?
And I bet he was such a good boy, too, eh Ms. Johnson? Why the fuck to parents cry when their little monsters get convicted for shit like this? Rather than wail into a Kleenex, they ought to be wailing on the back of their kid's head, saying, "What the hell is the matter with you?"
5:15 p.m.
• So Neal Cavuto had Tommy Chong on for a segment today talking about immigration. Oh my God.
• And I'm stealing this from the other place because it pretty much sums up my thoughts on today's events in Washington.
1:45 p.m.
• Chyna is on Jim Rome's radio show and caller just asked her if there was any truth that Vince McMahon wanted Owen Hart dead as payback for the way Bret left the company.
9 a.m.
• Aw, this is a shame.
Yeah, Tony Snow, this is going to end up being on "tough" bill (see the 8 a.m. entry).
8 a.m.
• So I’m listening to Dennis Miller’s show yesterday and he’s talking with Tony Snow about this amnesty program. Tony, I feel you, and I’m sure there are measures to “protect the border” in the pages upon pages of this abortion, but if you actually think this bill is going to actually do any of these “lockdown” measures then you’re on drugs. All this stuff about “there’s no line jumping,” “they have to pay fines,” “you don’t have access to the welfare system,” and “you have to learn English” that I’m hearing you say, Tony, as I’ve heard you say on other shows as well, is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. You actually think Ted Kennedy will go along with this shit? Once this invasion bill gets approved, then the focus will shift as follows.
There’s no line jumping.
Uncle Ted: Come on, guys, Jose is away from his wife and 10 kids that have to wait in front of 2 million others people. Let them pass –– Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
They have to pay fines.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t afford to pay this fine. You’re taking away food off his family’s table. Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
You don’t have access to the welfare system.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t afford the medical insurance to pay for all those kids. Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
You have to learn English.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t immediately learn English right away. We need to cater to his needs or else we’d be a RACIST country. While we’re at it, we also have to make sure his 10 kids that are taking up space in our fine government schools get the same treatment.
So please forgive me if I don’t seem all that confident in this bill’s ability to enforce laws that aren’t already being enforced and view this pro-invasion legislation as just that.
8:30 p.m.
• Oh
Lenny Dykstra
David Segui
Larry Bigbie
Brian Roberts
Jack Cust
Tim Laker
Josias Manzanillo
Todd Hundley
Mark Carreon
Hal Morris
Matt Franco
Rondell White
Andy Pettitte
Roger Clemens
Chuck Knoblauch
Jason Grimsley
Gregg Zaun
David Justice
F.P. Santangelo
Glenallen Hill
Mo Vaughn
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Ryan Franklin
Chris Donnels
Todd Williams
Phil Hiatt
Todd Pratt
Kevin Young
Mike Lansing
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Adam Piatt
Miguel Tejada
Jason Christiansen
Mike Stanton
Stephen Randolph
Jerry Hairston
Paul Lo Duca
Adam Riggs
Bart Miadich
Fernando Vina
Kevin Brown
Eric Gagne
Mike Bell
Matt Herges
Gary Bennett
Jim Parque
Brendan Donnelly
Chad Allen
Jeff Williams
Exavier "Nook" Logan
Howie Clark
Paxton Crawford
Ken Caminiti
Rafael Palmeiro
Luis Perez
Derrick Turnbow
Ricky Bones
Ricky Stone
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Paul Byrd
Jose Canseco
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Darren Holmes
Gary Matthews Jr.
John Rocker
Scott Schoeneweis
Ismael Valdez
Matt Williams
Steve Woodard
Benito Santiago
Gary Sheffield
Randy Velarde
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Bobby Estalella
Barry Bonds
Marvin Benard
How could you do it – CHEATING!?!?!? My national pastime is RUINED~!
8:15 p.m.
• Denver will beat Houston. I was filling in my kkk Bowl scores so I get a break.
• You may remember me saying that I’m no fan of Christopher Shays. He’s a typical RINO whose only use is taking up space in the “R” section of the Congressional aisle. However, I have to give him props for saying the following, which got a laugh out of me.
I’m sure he’ll buckle and apologize for these remarks, but fuck that. And fuck Ted Kennedy.
• The Chicago White Sox got a sponsor for their weeknight game times for the 2007 season. Next year, all home contests will be at and sponsored by … 7-Eleven.
Call it corny. Call it a shameless way to make more money. Call it whatever. I call it brilliant. If I was getting paid seven figures (or whatever the deal is) to show up for work at a certain time, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
• I have mentioned before this program a local supermarket is doing in the Shittsburgh region. This store, Giant Eagle, is giving all shoppers with one of those “advantage cards” that many of these places have nowadays 10 cents off per gallon of gasoline for every $50 in groceries purchased. This program has been such a hit with consumers that another grocery store chain, Shop 'n Save, is copying this business plan and partnering up with Sunoco. That’s when you know you have a successful marketing idea; when your competitors don’t even attempt to hide the fact that they’re ripping off your promotion. Well anyway, when someone decides to “cash in” on this discounted fuel purchase they are allowed to pump up to 30 gallons of fuel. This apparently doesn’t suit one customer all that well because yesterday on a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show she was complaining that her car only holds 15 gallons of fuel and that other motorists who drive SUVs can fill up more with the discounted price. She then said it wasn't fair and that she should be allowed to fill up twice with her discounted price. Christ almighty I hate the human race.
• To complete my Quickie-Mart trifecta, I heard this local story about a convenience store employee who had shots fired into his place of employment the other night. Here’s the story. It was 2 a.m. in a not-so-nice part of Shittsburgh (yes, some areas are indeed worse than others) when these three guys entered and began complaining about the price of goods in this establishment. When the cashier told them that there’s nothing he can do, the customers began stealing stuff. This was when the clerk hit a device that locked the store’s doors, effectively trapping him in with two of the hoodlums. After some heated words the cashier unlocked the doors only after the customers put the stolen goods back. Shortly thereafter one of these upstanding citizens comes back into the store and fires off some shots – all caught on videotape. My question is why in the hell did the cashier lock these two thugs in the same building with him to begin with? Fuck that. If you don’t want people stealing from your store at 2 a.m. then don’t make your store open 24/7. There’s not way in hell I would even think about doing this sort of thing back when I was a cashier. If this shit happened to me, I’d just call the cops, who are usually nearby Quickie Marts anyway in the middle of the night – how many other places offer coffee and doughnuts at that time of night? With what cashiers make, there’s no way you should risk your safety because a bunch of idiots are lifting potato chips and soft drinks. The only time those doors should be locked like that is if one cashier is on duty and he or she has to be in the back room unloading and stocking recently arrived merchandise. Otherwise, leave that lock alone.
1 p.m.
• So I got back from my near week-long trip. 66 hours of work in four days. What fun. And my workload has doubled (at least). But you know what? When your boss isn’t a dim-witted, lying piece of shit, you actually like to work as hard as you can for that person. What a shocking concept! Anyway, here are the highlights.
1) On Thursday I had all but checked out from my room. I’m actually a good tenant. I always have my “do not disturb” door sign on because I just want to be left alone. I do not use 1000 towels after taking a shower and I don’t care if my bed is made every night. When I leave I also leave everything in pretty good shape. Because check-out time on Thursday was at noon I took all my stuff down to the conference room and was just going to turn in my room keys during a mid-morning break (or whenever I had an excuse to leave the room). However, something came up when packing conference supplies that I realized one of the plastic shopping bags I recently put in my room’s garbage can would come in handy. I went up to my otherwise cleaned-out room to grab a few bags.
When I went up I noticed that the cleaning lady’s cart was by my room and the door was open. I stepped in the room and knocked on the door, alerting the cleaning lady to my presence. Suddenly I heard a shout from the bathroom, which was half-open. She was in there going number one! The hell?!
2) I generally try to be on my best behavior when at these events. However, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during this off-session chat between me and two people, one of whom I couldn’t take any longer. Here’s the conversation. You can figure out who is who.
“I don’t understand how we (America) can’t just stop people from using plastic grocery bags that pollute our environment. Rwanda banned bags. Why can’t we?”
“Do you really want to live in Rwanda?”
“…”
3) Smues wrote about his airline luggage escapades a while back, and now I finally have one of my own to share. On flights I bring on board a portfolio bag that usually fits comfortably under the seat in front of me. However, on my initial flight yesterday I was on a plane that didn’t feature much wiggle room. (None of my flights did, but this one was particularly bad). Being the good citizen I am I decided to take a book out of my bag and put the bag in the overhead compartment. Then, a few minutes later this asshole tries to fit his oversized luggage into the same overhead. He proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of my poor bag to make room for his. Uhhh, fuckface, I have a cell phone, digital camera, eye glasses and a few other things stored, up there. So I got up, spit a sizeable loogie into my right hand, molested his bag with that hand while the left hand took my crushed bag out from the overhead compartment and placed it under the seat in front of me. And of course when the plane finally landed guess who was several rows away from his oversized luggage and asked someone to get it for him? Yep. Guess who was then asked to retrieve said bag? Yep. I was asked to get the bag of the asshole who showed ZERO consideration for my luggage. But being the good citizen I am I grabbed the one bottom wheel to his bag and its back side, which I didn’t spit upon. I then went to the row in front of him and just dropped it on the floor. When he gave me a scowl I said, “Don’t like other people mishandling your property? Well maybe you shouldn’t do it to others.” Oh, yeah. All this was in front of my boss. Great move. But you know what? I don’t care. When assholes do assholish things, you can either fuck ‘em or get shit upon. And as we all know through Team America, I prefer to be known as a dick. I just hope I don’t ever encounter Lorena Bobbit.
On this flight I also sat next to some guy who smelled like b.o. and tacos. How bad was it? I was leaning toward an Indian sitting in the aisle seat across from me (red dot Indian, not wigwam Indian) for fresh air. And on my last flight I had some Muslims board. Oh the faces on many of the passengers on this flight were hilarious. I knew there wasn't going to be any trouble because I knew this couple was modern. How did I know? Because you could see the woman's fingers, which isn't quite the worst thing you could do to a Muslim male, but some of the more old-school towel-heads wouldn't stand for such blasphemy -- even if it meant blowing up a plane full of infidels.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 85: Ant 7000
In honor of Bill Lester, who will be mentioned later on in this entry, I’d like to say that Ant700 is THE FIRST BLACK POSTER TO MAKE IT IN KKK’S TOP 103 POSTERS LIST SINCE WILLIY T. RIBBS 20 YEARS AGO. I normally don’t agree with Ant on race-related issues, but he speaks so well. Besides, he knows his rap music. I may not know who today’s young rappers are, but I’m with Ant in saying peace out to Ol' Dirty Bastard. Also, he tries his hardest to answer that age-old question: "Why do black men go after fat white girls?"
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Carnival:
From EricMM:
• Someone from the Associated Press is reading my blog. How else could you explain the lead in this article? (Look here for the orgins of where this stupid joke came from.)
• While watching Ghana stun the Czech Republic 2-0 earlier today, I couldn’t help but think back to when I laced up the cleats and participated in this regional soccer tournament back during my school days. Every year this college about an hour or so from where I lived hosted this tournament, and its rules were pretty much the same as the World Cup’s; we played three games from our group (although each group had more than just four teams) and then the winner of our group played the winner of the other group in our division. In our first two games we won by scores of 1-0. Even though we didn’t lose and allow a goal, we were still in danger of not advancing because there was another team that was 2-0 in group play and had scored more goals than us, which was the first tie-breaker. We won our third game 3-0 and managed to advance to the final game. Funny enough, we were playing against another team that was also from our area/township. In 90+ degree heat we played to a scoreless tie. We then played four overtime periods, which also went scoreless. The game ended in a 0-0 tie, and even though we didn’t “win,” this tournament was a great experience for me because during my soccer days I played the position of defenseman. My team may not have won the whole thing, but when you play good defense you can be assured that you won’t lose, either. Well, at least you won't lose before tie-breakers are factored in.
Anyway, the reason I got a flashback to this tournament years ago was because in the Ghana/Czech game there was a penalty kick which was whistled off and had to be re-done. The same thing happened in my championship game. Our team got awarded a penalty kick, which would have sealed the deal for us. When the players got lined up, our forward kicked the ball into the net. However, the referee called the goal off because about 20 seconds before the kick someone FROM THE OTHER TEAM walked across the space between the kicker and the goalie (our player missed on the second attempt). To this day I still don’t understand the reasoning for the call back, especially considering that once the penalty kick was taken, play got stopped and the defending team got the ball back in the form of a goal kick. But in the end I got my medal, so it's all good.
• I'll say this about the referee in the U.S./Italy game. If he called a game in South America like the way he called tonight's match, I don’t think he’d be leaving the field alive. Oh, and earlier in this game I could have sworn I heard a “bull…shit” chant. Other countries sing, dance and play musical instruments at the World Cup; we yell “bullshit” over a bad call. Then again, I’m sure the other countries are saying equally obscene phrases, along with probably other chants like “Death to Israel” and “Jihad Jihad Jiahad” it’s just that I can’t understand what they’re saying. Finally, as I type the U.S. still hasn’t scored a goal yet in a game-and-a-half. The only goal they registered was from an Italian player putting it into his own net. I know we Americans have to import just about everything we use, but has it gotten so bad that we need to start importing soccer goals, too?
6 p.m.
• Good for you, Bob Ryan. He's on Around the Horn's face time ripping apart Patti LaBelle's rendition of the National Anthem. Wow. I thought I was the only one that thought it was godawful.
I can't stand it when people try to put their own "spin" on the Anthem. Most times it fizzles.
• I did it. I did it. I did it. I found the ONE BLACK GUY who isn't voting for Osama!
It gets even better. Check out what Troy Polamalu said about what's important to him in a candidate.
• Oh, and I LOVE MIKE SINGLETARY! From his press conference after the 49ers lost to Seattle and his tight end committed a dumb personal foul, which caused Mike to send him to the showers early.
Here's what I love even more about him. Years ago some team (I can't remember which -- Dallas or San Diego) had its new head coach all but lined up. However, the team had to interview a minority candidate, which is required by the league. Problem was, a number of candidates refused to be interviewed for a job that was already filled. When Mike was asked to be interviewed, he took the opportunity. He didn't get the job, but he said afterward that you don't pass up an opportunity like that because even though you may not get the job today you might get a head coaching job somewhere down the line as a result of this inverview.
• Back to my Larry Foote article: The Trib had a list of athletes donating money to candidates. Oh how my heart sank when I saw that Mario Lemieux gave a few thousand to Hitlery.
It's OK, Mario. I forgive you.
Oh, and Jim Kelly gave $250 to McCain. Don't know why that made me laugh but it did.
• Hmmm, if this is fair game, I guess I could have a mannequin of Osama hanging from a tree in my yard.
8:30 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 29: Spaceman Spiff
He likes to talk about the Miami Dolphins, so it’s only appropriate he is this franchise in the kkk Bowl league, of which he’s a longtime member. He’s yet to make a postseason appearance, but he’s in a division where each of his opponents has made it to a kkk Bowl (Gert T in I, Barron in II and nl-asshole in III; oh man was that a dark day – I contemplated folding the league after that one). With all the parity in the NFL these days, perhaps Season V will be his year. I’ll also give Spiff credit for this: Over at the other place he came out defending the Supreme Communists of the United States and those five red diaper doper babies who said it was OK for the government to take property from private citizen A and give it to private citizen B, all so citizen B can generate more tax revenue for the local government, hence a “greater good” reason for the land-seizing. For Spiff to do this is the equivalent of swimming into the middle of a feeding frenzy and slicing your palms open.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From lovecraft:
From Cancer Marney:
8:30 p.m.
• Bloody hell?
When I heard this earlier this morning I figured it was either a misinterpreted joke or Mirabelli is a big-time hater. I hope Gary Thorne comes out of this OK – I used to love listening to him on ESPN announce NHL games.
3 p.m.
• Well I had a fun sight this morning on the way to work. Rather than take the interstate, the better half and I go through this dilapidated shit hole of a community called Wilkinsburg. It’s rather depressing to drive past all these vacant, boarded-up buildings where small businesses used to be. I’m hoping this ghetto plague doesn’t reach my neck of the woods until long after my current residence is sold twice-over. Thankfully, there’s about 10-15 miles between the outer reaches of Shittsburgh and Westmoreland County. Anyway, while driving through Wilkinsburg, I had the misfortune to be driving behind a big rig. Now granted I don’t like driving 20 mph through a predominately black neighborhood when I’m trying to get to work, but what are you going to do? My line in these kinds of situations is, “if I’m in such a big hurry, then I should have left five minutes earlier; that way I’d be in front of this vehicle rather than behind it.” I also had no choice but to mosey behind this truck for a few miles because this vehicle was taking up both lanes going in my direction. As for speeding up in the other two lanes on the other side of the yellow double-striped strip, that was a no-go. First off, I don’t like to do that. Secondly, there was too much traffic to even attempt such a stunt. After a while, this chick in a white car sped up to me in the other lane when I saw the bigrig put on his right turn signal. OK, now time to give him some space as he makes his turn. Of course, this was when the chick in the other lane began to SPEED UP right as the truck was making it’s turn. Another few seconds and she would have went splat right up against whatever this truck was hauling. Thankfully, she had enough space to allow the truck to complete the turn. No, I’m not thankful she didn’t get into an accident because it would have injured this blonde. I’m thankful because my commute would have been even longer considering I would have been a witness. No, I wouldn’t have left the scene, because that guy driving the truck would have needed someone sticking up for him because I can guarantee this chick would have probably tried to pin the accident on him.
8 a.m.
• Why do I agree with the better half every time she insists on having "Taco/Nacho Night" at our house? I know, because every now and then you get the urge to feel like you're going to throw up the morning after and have fire blow out of your hole on the other end.
• Poor Kobe Bryant. First he didn’t like sharing the ball with a future hall of famer, and now he wants a better supporting cast.
I used to be a Kobe fan (well maybe not a fan, but I had no problem with him) back when he played alongside Shaq, but when this duo split up the line was drawn in the sand: you were either with O’Neal or Bryant. I chose the former. Don’t know why. Maybe it’s because Shaqueille has made several thuggish ruggish rap albums. Yeah, that’s got to be it. In honor of this, I got Shaq Diesel playing now.
I’ll treat you like Spielberg/you get Jur-ass kicked in the park.
Yes, it’s going to be one of these entries.
I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be able to work with a teammate that could win championship ring after championship ring. Then again, I’m not a pro athlete so what do I know about the pressures of making millions of dollars for playing basketball? If I had to share a locker shower room with O’Neal, I’d probably be pissed off, too. And for the record, I don't think Kobe raped that Colorado chick. But it serves him right for fucking around with those white girls.
My Ford Explorer boomin' with the clumped-up funk,
all you jealous punks can't stop my dunks,
they're brand new like Heavy,
built like Chevy, Impala,
but Shaq's a smooth balla,
(yeah, but what about rhymin?)
I can hold my own,
knick-knack shaq-attack, give a dog a bone.
Not even...
About to get busy like Gomer Pyle
...can compete with that one.
• Hey, W. might use the ol’ veto pen again.
I said it before and I’ll say it again. Fuck hate crimes. If some black guy calls me a no-good cracker while jacking me for my scrillia scratch, I want him to get the same punishment as he wouldn’t have said anything. Of course, I’d want the person to be hung from a tree. Wait a second, that might appear RACIST. How about hanging from a telephone pole? Yeah, that’ll work.
• Woah woah woah.
Five years. $40 million. Don Imus would have made EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR?!
• Why in the bloody hell is this even a story?
OK, the last part here is worth the newsprint/bandwidth.
• So a day or so ago I was chatting with one of my AIM peeps, and he mentioned that IWC writer Rick Scaia (is he still around?) has his own Wikipedia entry. For reasons unbeknownst to me I decided to head over and check this out for myself. I wonder who wrote this entry?
Curious to see if any other Internet Wrestling Reporters have their own little slice of Wikipedia, I decided to see who hit the big-time.
Dave Scheer. Nothing.
Bob Ryder. Nothing. (That "Ryder Report" ain't what you think.)
Scott Keith. Something.
Wade Keller. Something.
Dave Meltzer. Something.
Wrestlecrap. Something.
The Shooters. Nothing.
That’s about all I remember from my rasslin’ days. Oh, there was also Mark Madden. He had his own entry, too, but I was more interested in other parts of his Wikipedia references.
Hmm, I detect a pattern. Actually, I cut out the rest of the WTAE part of this entry, which went on to say he is a guest on "Action Sports Sunday" on WTAE-TV, a half-hour sports discussion show. What I really found funny was that the Shittsburgh City Paper dropped him for "questionable taste," considering this publication is one of those urban papers that you have give away for free. And what does being an Internet Wrestling Celebrity and having your own Wikipedia entry mean? I have no clue.
• Sure animal-rights people will bitch about a pig having to die just so some psycho can hold and cut it up all in the name of “art” instead of putting the carcass to good use – like say, making some hickory-smoked bacon out of it. However, what’s even more appalling to me is that this exhibit was taxpayer funded. Oh well, at least it’s the Brits getting screwed over this time and not Americans. And at least the “artist” will be showing her tits. That's got to count for something, right?
• My new hero. Remember, this guy is a so-called CIVIL RIGHTS leader:
Now lets see if Mr. Young gets made fun of by some comedians posing as Bo-Sox radio announcers.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 56: Canadian Guitarist
A returning participant in my pick ‘em contest, he’s hoping to challenge C Dubya 04 and Vern Gagne for the NFC West Division title this year. Other than that I don’t know much about him. I do know that he works at Wal-Mart, and because he’s a self-professed hippie I can’t imagine he takes much joy in helping his employer take over the world. At least he checks out more than just the low-priced merchandise made in China while on the clock, and it doesn't matter what side of the register his chick of the day is standing at. Unfortunately he also thinks of other TSM posters while having sex, but hey, I don't care what he does to get his jollies as long as he submits his picks on time.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• It appears some big bad Democrats are getting their panties in a knot over this ABC "9/11" movie, or whatever the hell it’s going to be called. “Waaaah. It’s not fair. There’s stuff in this special that wasn’t true.” I’m surprised that former National Security Advisor Sandy Burglar didn’t just swipe the video of this production, stuff it down his pants and walk out of the editing room. Actually, I don’t really care about this “9/11” movie, and I’m not going to watch it. I wonder if the same people bitching about this special also had the same passion about that hippie “The Reagans” movie made a few years ago? I thought that abortion would have made for a great sitcom. You could have started this program in the same way as the “Dick Van Dyke” show where Mr. Van Dyke walks into his living room, only to trip over a stool. When Ronnie does the same, he can be shown accidentally pushing on The Button, triggering a nuclear explosion. I can hear the music now.
Daaaaa da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da da
BOOM!
I’d watch that. For about 10 seconds. But that’s better than my usual attention span when it comes to network television.
• Paris Hilton got busted for driving under the influence (allegedly, of course). Outside of her driving while drunk, I don’t see the big deal. Considering her body weight, I’m sure it doesn’t take much to get her tipsy. Hell, it’s not like she’s all that rational when she’s sober to begin with. I think you’re a shithead if you drive while drunk, but if you don’t injure anybody other than yourself then I won't wish death upon you.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this): This chick had been in a relationship with this guy for 20+ months. The guy couldn’t find steady work in California and thus moved back to him hometown in Colorado where he got a job with his cousin. The caller said she is trying to “make this work” but just gets laughed at by the boyfriend. I’m not sure if she actually asked a question, but I did hear her cry on one occasion during this call.
Runner up: This guy lived with this chick for three years, and she popped out a kid. They split up and he has said that ever since then she has gone downhill. And I quote: “She lost her job, she lost her car, she lost her Section 8 Housing…” I didn’t hear what he said next because I was laughing too loud to hear.
• As if I don't have enough retarded features, here's one more: My NFL Pickkks of the Week. What I will do is predict which NFL teams will win or cover the spread this week. I'll be using the same spreads as I use for my kkk Bowl contest; the spreads are posted early in the week, so some games (like the Dolphins/Steelers) may seem a bit off. Too bad. I need all the help I can get. All my picks take about five seconds to determine and my commentary under each game is my first thought upon seeing each match-up and the point spread given for that game.
Miami at Shittsburgh (3.5)
I'm not buying Miami being a Super Bowl contender just yet (the season hasn't even started yet), but with Big Ben out and a number of Steelers with nagging injuries I'm taking the Dolphins.
Atlanta at Carolina (5.5)
Is Carolina one of those teams that plays well against Vick, or was that Tampa Bay (or both)? Shit. Just in case I'll side with Atlanta.
Baltimore at Tampa Bay (3.5)
It'll take a week or two for McNair to get adjusted to being a Raven.
Buffalo at New England (8.5)
High point spread, and will New England experience a drop-off this year? It's Week 1 so I'll go with the Pats offense over the Bills defense.
Cincinnati at Kansas City (3.5)
Two good offenses. The Bengals have a linebacker suspended for the first few games, so I'll give the ball the the Chiefs running game, which will be a better defense against Carson Palmer then the Kansas City starting eleven on that particular side of the ball.
(3.5) Denver at St. Louis
The AFC West is tough enough. Denver needs to relish out-of-division games against last year's non-playoff teams.
New Orleans at Cleveland (3.5)
Reggie Bush will make a big run or two and Chris Berman will spooge all over his notes.
N.Y. Jets at Tennessee (3.5)
I have no idea about this one.
(4.5) Philadelphia at Houston
I'm pulling for Houston in this one, but McNabb will make a big throw or two and Tom Jackson will spooge all over his notes.
(6.5) Seattle at Detroit
Seattle is going to take its Super Bowl loss out on the Lions. Poor kitties.
(3.5) Chicago at Green Bay
For some reason I'm smelling upset, but I've also been smelling how Favre has been playing for the last year or two.
Dallas at Jacksonville (2.5)
This is going to be a fun game. I'm taking Dallas just because of the points. If the Cowboys lose then ESPN's jihad on T.O. will reach epidemic proportions.
San Francisco at Arizona (7.5)
I think the Cards will win, but not by a touchdown.
(3.5) Indianapolis at N.Y. Giants
MATCHUP OF THE MANNINGS! MATCHUP OF THE MANNINGS!! OMG IT'S THE MATCHUP OF THE MANNINGS!!! Just when will they play against each other -- on special teams? I'm hoping Payton gets the best of his little sister.
Minnesota at Washington (4.5)
I'm sensing upset here.
(3.5) San Diego at Oakland
If Rivers plays bad against the Raiders, then the Bolts are in a world of trouble.
7:30 p.m.
• So just under two weeks ago Max bolted from our happy home into the wild. On Monday night we set out a cage trap that was loaned from one of Mrs. kkk’s friends. Basically, an animal walks into the cage and it shuts, trapping it. These devices are used at the friend’s workplace, so we began putting food in this contraption in hopes Max would not notice the chain links and hanging wall waiting to block any chance of escape one would have from entering this narrow corridor. Well Monday night came and went with NOBODY caught. Hell, I was expecting a stray to enter in the cage of no return. This of course had the better half convinced Max was dead. I, once again, was indifferent. If the little bastard wants his freedom then he’ll have to forgo his security -- four walls, a roof, three meals, water, etc.
We set the cage out again last night. When I awoke this morning I trudged on over to the front door to see if we had any takers. I noticed that the cage’s front door had shut, meaning we snagged something. I then turned on the porch light and what did I see?
I am Max and I wish to negotiate.
You little shit.
I woke up the better half and we took him down into the basement where he ate for 5-10 minutes and began rubbing up on both of us like he wanted to come home all along. Of course, he was covered in hair knots, jaggers and had a tick coming out of his left ear. Before taking him to the vet today we treated him just like the U.S. did the former dictator of Iraq.
The prognosis is this: He has a slight fever and lost a pound. Otherwise he’s in good shape. The vet was amazed he was in as good shape as he was for being out almost a fortnight. Of course, we then came to the conclusion that he probably took up residence in the abandoned house or its backyard shed for most of his time away. Fitting, since this is without a doubt the laziest cat I have ever seen. Nonetheless he’s back home and when he comes out of "quarantine" in another 40 hours I’m sure Dessa and JJ will be TRHILLED once again. (Actually, Max has gotten out of the spare bedroom twice already and made a break for downstairs, much to the chagrin of his feline housemates. You see, cats recognize each other by scent, and since Max has been funked up JJ and Dessa are going to act like he’s a new resident, which will result in hissing, growling and screaming. For JJ it will take a week or two to get over this. Dessa just doesn’t like anyone, so in that regard nothing will have changed.
11:15 p.m.
• So a few days ago I was talking about the “Death Wish” movies, and I discovered there was a Part V. And like a sap I just had to watch it. Good God. An exploding remote controlled soccer ball? At least in “The Dead Pool” the RC Car of Doom was funny to watch. This … gah. However, it’s not like I was going into this one expecting much. But still. Jesus, Charles, did you really have to make one more? I guess maybe because “Death Wish IV” ended on such a downer – you know, your woman getting killed and all. Well, anyway, I had parts “II” and “III” on today as background noise, and I must say that my two favorite scenes from “II” are as follows:
And then there’s the black guy with the funky sunglasses trying to get away in that park shoot-out by holding up a ghetto blaster to his head while trying to back away. L to the O to the L.
Speaking of funny, here is a post on the IMDB message board about “DWII”:
Woo-hoo!
11:45 p.m.
• Yeah, Roger, because we can't have people walking around with guns.
What gives someone the right to do that? Pesky Constitution.
8 p.m.
• For those that don’t know, I’m taking part in Bored’s college football contest over in the sports thread. Seeing how I know jack shit about college football, I just read over his weekly list of games to pick from and just shoot off the first school that comes to my head from each match-up. This week in my batch of PM’d picks, I had the following:
Commissioning an Internet pick ‘em contest ain’t easy, folks.
• Gee, and here I thought that’s what sick days are for.
Actually, the EAN spokesperson has a point. It’s funny how white-collar jobs oftentimes have sick days, vacation days and holidays-with-pay, but some poor big-box retail clerk or fast-food worker will get shit on for calling off sick. I remember during my Burger King days I was getting ready to relax and watch an afternoon of NBA games when my one manager called and asked me to come into work. Now seeing how I closed Friday and Saturday nights, leaving at around 2 a.m. each time, I didn’t feel like coming in. Besides, that’s what happens when you people hire undependable people and they (gasp!) don’t bother to show up. Well, after I said “no thank you” I heard through the grapevine that the manager bitched about my refusal to come in afterward. Fun times.
While I’m sorta on this subject, the better half’s ex-boss bitched at her for calling off work the day after the Steelers won Super Bowl XL. She stayed up to watch the game with me and decided to use one of her numerous sick/vacation days, especially since there was no work for her planned that particular Monday anyway. Of course, this is the same boss who only worked an hour or two the day of the Steelers victory parade and left to attend that event. Then again, this bitch made Mrs. kkk’s life a living hell, but I guess in the end it all worked out because although the better half now has another crazy boss her situation is not nearly as bad as the previous workplace. (Oh but there are stories.)
9:30 p.m.
• Generally, whenever spring/summer sprouts its sunny head the bad drivers come out and cause havoc with those like me that would like nothing better to do than get to work in one piece. However, the last few days the job commute has just been crazy. Peep this:
Wednesday. Multi-car accident on the Parkway East. The overflow from motorists not wanting to engage in interstate gridlock made my commute 20 minutes longer.
Thursday. On the way along a state highway, we phoned in an accident that just took place.
Friday. Mrs. kkk told me of some BUTT-fucker that cut her off and almost ran into her.
Saturday. Some guy backed into the better half’s car. See my Saturday entry for more information.
The best was saved for last, though. We were doing some errands in this shopping center and we came to a shitty three-way intersection. The car across from us went. OK, they were first and they should go first. The car to our left then cut in. OK, a prickish move but whatever. Now it was our turn. However, the Jeep that took the place of the first car suddenly shot out in front of us and tried to turn in front of us was another story. The best part was the asshole who then yelled out to Mrs. kkk “Bitch.”
Wrong move.
I blared on the horn, got out of the car and was seconds away from getting into a full-fledged fistfight. For all the talk I do, I’m nothing more than a giant vagina. However, this pushed me over the edge. If Mrs. kkk had been in the wrong we would have taken the verbal abuse and moved on. But don’t you almost get us into an accident that was 100 percent your fault, and don’t you dare then call my wife a “bitch.” You fucking cock-sucker. I haven’t gotten into a fight in almost 20 years, and even then that scrap made South Park’s cripple fight look like the Rumble in the Jungle. I’m not sure if I would have gotten my ass kicked or even shot, but for some reason a rage just game over me and afterward Mrs. kkk said the following.
“In our ten-plus years together, I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Well, are you chalking this up to another of my ‘road rage’ fits?”
“I don’t know what to call it, although I’m rather impressed you’d act this way for me.”
After this was all said and done, the first thought I had was that I really need to get a concealed firearm because if not I have a feeling this is the way I’m going to check out. Oh, and whatever testosterone rush I displayed out in the parking lot I sapped away when our grocery bill had $62 in store and coupon savings. Hey, not only were Air Wick oil scent warmers on sale, but you also got a free holder with coupon(s).
8 p.m.
• Wow. Xavier Nady traded to the Yankees earlier this month, now Jason Bay traded to the Sox. Pirate fans are getting the best of both worlds with the YANKS/SOX rivalry. I’m sure Al knows the stats of every new player the Pirates got today, but I don’t care: they’ll still lose now and in the future.
• McCain-ites, I don’t get this ad.
You’re ripping on a guy who is attracting loads of people to hear him bullshit? I don’t care if Osama is talking to Europeans. I don’t care if Bar-ACK’s crowds were helped drawn in by music concerts. This ad makes me want to vote for Hussein more than the candidate who endorsed this message.
Oh, and by “Heussein,” I mean Saddam. Not the other terrorist.
9 p.m.
• Now the biggest attention-getter to this story is probably a person winning a $5 million jackpot and still working as a doorman, but my "WTF?" moment is when I found out how much he made at this profession. I know it's NYC and all, but still. And he's UNIONIZED?
9 p.m.
• OK, here is why I stay married.
Mrs. kkk isn’t much into baseball. In fact, she can’t stand the sport. Too boring, she says. However, this postseason had her hop on the Rays bandwagon. Well, not really. But when the World Series began she starting cheering for the former Satan Fish. Why? Because they were playing a team from Philadelphia.
She hates ANYTHING from Philadelphia. Why? Because that is the town that used to be run by former mayor, and current governor, Ed Rendell. It’s actually amusing to hear her yell “Fatass!” every time Fast Eddie appears on television. And it’s equally amusing to hear her ask questions about baseball. Last night I was upstairs messing around on the computer figuring out bills, and when I came downstairs there she was watching the last half-inning of the World Series. It was odd to share the following conversation with her:
“What does ‘pinch-run’ mean?”
“Huh?”
“Tampa. They said they brought in a pinch runner.”
“That means they replaced the current person on base with someone else.”
“Why?”
“Because that person is probably a faster runner and can steal a base or reach third base on the next hit.”
“Isn’t that cheating?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
Hopefully this will mean whenever I have a baseball game playing on the television next year she won’t be so quick to bitch. Probably not.
• If he actually did take food without paying then congrats on the buffet’s management for having the balls to do something about it. Now if the spineless upper management bitches don’t wilt under the pressure to play nice everything will be gravy.
I know time are rough in this DREADED BUSH ECONOMY, but pay the seven goddamn dollars. Even I’m not that cheap.
• While many remember Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" album for its "No Vaseline" diss track aimed at NWA, others took offense to the less-than-a-minute interludey "Black Korea" (with the "Oriental one-penny-counting motherfuckers"). However, my favorite song out of all them was "A Bird In The Hand."
Honorable mention goes to "My Summer Vacation."
• Since I'm in an early 1990s Ice Cube kick, here's a song from a while back that I couldn't find the first time around for whatever reason. And I still don't want that piece of shit Bryant Gumbel.
8:15 p.m.
• The whistleblowing part I don't care about; it's the collective bargaining. And you people thought the airport lines were long before.
• Judging by the ratings,it looks like ABC has "lost" its viewers -- lol lol lol lol. Yeah, I'm a retard.
I got Season 1 a while back and thought it was great, although I still don't have the urge to get Season 2. Especially since most of what I hear is that it is shit. I'll probably get it one of these days when it's retailing for $9.99 or something. Like I said in an entry last year, I love the right-wing redneck guy. (I already forget his name -- Sawyer?) Otherwise, I have moved on. If the drop-off in quality is that bad, then maybe wrapping this whole thing up sooner than later will be a good thing. No sense in dragging this out; give me a good show with a short lifespan rather than enduring a slow, painful death.
• With "Sex Packets," "Sons of the P" and "Future Rhythm" in my collection, I'm a semi-fan of the Digital Underground. If I'm in the mood, I'll give "Packets" or "Sons of the P" a spin. "Future Rhythm" is ... eh. Anyway, each album has its high points and low points. However, I cannot hate on "Good Thing We're Rappin'" How can you go wrong with lyrics like:
The song drags after five minutes or so when they start saying...
...but that's why you have the "skip" funtion on CD players.
8:15 a.m.
• Awesome, I never knew Tim Hardaway was a fellow Republican. I got your back, brother.
Can't wait to see what ESPN does with this, if they haven't already.
4:30 p.m.
• So last night the better half and I went to my mom’s pastor ordination. Yes, she’s now a preacher. Oh the things I could say. Hell, there was a tale I was ready to tell about that Taco Bell commercial with the knocked up chick getting her man to go out and get her something to eat. I was going to then compare that ad with what happens in the real world, but today we learned that Mrs. kkk more than likely miscarried, so I’m just not in the mood.
6 p.m.
• So I saw this list, looked through the first few questions, and figured it would be worth doing to waste time. All these answers were the first things that came to mind.
Questions for those of us who live in Pittsburgh, PA
1. Primanti's or Pierogies?:
Primanti's by far. For those that don’t know, it’s a sandwich place. Some people treat this eatery as god-like, but I’m not nearly going to go that far. Been to one of these shops about a half-dozen times in my life. Liked the kielbasa.
2. Favorite ride at Kennywood?:
The line isn’t bad and the ride is solid. However, as a kid the Logjammer was my favorite. No, I’m not Catholic
3. Favorite mall?:
Now – Westmoreland Mall. Monroeville Mall has too many black people and Ross Park Mall turned too upscale during my Shittsburgh hiatus.
4. What school district did you go to?:
Hampton. Home of the Talbots. Even though I went there, this government school generally produced good students.
5. Which grocery store:
Giant Eagle. Long live the personal scanner.
6. Kennywood or Sandcastle?:
Kennywood, although Sandcastle water park is where I first met the better half. Then again, Kennywood in a landslide of Reagan/Mondale proportions.
7. Penguins, Pirates or Steelers?:
Hmmm. Pirates last. I like football over hockey, but the Steeler fans here are batshit. Give me the Pens, I guess.
8. Favorite event:
When I drive through the city every weekday on my way home to the cozy suburbs. Second thought: Opening Day for the Pirates; it’s always fun to watch them get blown out and crush the pennant dreams of the remaining delusional fans who think they have a chance at winning.
9. The Strip, South Side or Station Square?:
None. If forced to pick – the South Side. My last job had me go there for a vendor. That’s all.
10. Favorite place to see live music [indoor and outdoor]?
None. I don’t go to concerts. If I want to hear a song, I’ll get a CD.
11. Favorite Dave and Andy's ice cream flavor?
Who?
12. Favorite thing to eat at Eat N Park?
Chicken Parmesan in meat sauce with the soup and salad bar, even though the salad bar chili is shit.
13. Favorite movie theater?
Don’t go to the theater that often (as regular readers would know). If I do, my favorite is the Destinta that’s only 5 minutes from my house. Location, location, locations.
14. Which part of Pittsburgh do you currently live in?
I don’t. You think I’m stupid?
15. What's the worst area to be in late at night?
The areas where you only see eyes and teeth: Homewood, Wilkensburg, et al.
16. Favorite museum?
N*gga plz. OK, I’ll answer. Carnegie Museum of Natural History because they have dinosaurs.
18. Yinz or pop?
Pop.
19. Have you seen the view of the city from Mount Washington?
Yes.
20. Do you ever ride with Port Authority?
Ugh. Don’t remind me of my college days.
21. Have you ever eatin "O" fries?
Huh?
22. Do you like the Southside works complex or do you think it was waste of money?
With this being Shittsburgh, I’m sure they wasted a buttload of money. I don’t go there. I don’t care. I think that’s the place whose theater had a shooting during 50 Cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” movie release.
23. Should we have kept 3 Rivers Stadium or are you happy with Heinz field and PNC park?
I’ll never willingly go into either. I’ve talked about this subject before.
24. Do you ever wear black and gold?
I’m sure I have once or twice. I don’t the day before a Steeler game.
25. Have you ever stuck your feet in the Fountain at Point State Park?
Probably when I was a kid.
36. have you ever ridden the "T"?
See number …. How the hell did this go from “25” to “36”?
37. How do you pronounce a gyro?
”J-eye-row.”
38. Do you like Donny Iris?
When I don’t have to hear him (or is it her)?
39. Do you like The Clarks?
I don’t listen to them so I’m indifferent.
40. Do you like Michael Keaton?
After what he said about the Pirates last year, hell yeah.
41. Favorite River name?
Allegheny, I guess. Although I love the name of the HOT MEATAL BRIDGE.
42. What do you think of UPMC?
Mrs. kkk worked there for a spell. That paid the bills. Every medical organization is a clusterfuck. Good thing the Democrats will give us FREE government health care.
43. Terry Bradshaw or Ben Roethlisberger?
Big Ben. I never had a problem with Bradshaw until I heard him talking politics a few times on Fox. Katherine Harris was Florida’s Attorney General -- lol.
44. Do you think the Pens deserve a new arena?
I’ve talked about this before.
45. Despite all the polls/reports that Pittsburgh is the dirtiest city in America, do you agree?
I never heard of this before. How can it be dirty when everybody’s leaving?
46. How much do you love Pittsburgh?
Do I really need to comment?
47. Do you think they should allow casinos in Pittsburgh?
Already happened. I can’t wait until this isn’t the be-all solution region “leaders” are making this out to be. And that’s why I live in Westmoreland County.
48.Do you like PNH?
Who? What?
49.Have you ever attended a Pittsburgh Sports event(Steeler Game, etc.)?:
Yep.
50. Which do you like more--Panthers or Nittany Lions?
Neither, but if I have to answer it would be the Panthers. Then again, that’s like asking me who I like more: Hillary Clinton or nl-asshole.
51. If your parent worked for University of Pittsburgh and you could attend it for free would you go?
All academia institutions are the same. Go where you can get the best deal. I’d mooch.
52. Do you hate the Cleveland Browns?
No. But it’s sad when there’s a city out there that Pittsburghers can goof on. Other than Cleveland and Detroit, the pickings are slim.
8 p.m.
• I heard this trailer was out. Ugh.
All good things must come to an end, and around this time every year a little piece of me dies inside because the NBA and NHL playoffs conclude. This year had both leagues experience exciting match-ups, even in their respective final rounds. Normally, after the first two rounds of each league's playoffs, I tend to tune in and out for the rest of their seasons. This year, however, was different.
NHL: Like I said in a previous entry, this was one contest where I didn't know who to cheer for when it came to the Stanley Cup Finals. There were a number of Hurricane players that I remember from my childhood, but how can you not cheer for the low seed that scratched and clawed its way to a Finals berth? I think in the end I was pulling for the Hurricanes to take this one. Edmonton did themselves in by having their goalie Dwayne Roloson hurt during Game 1. For all those that want to put the blame on the backup goalie who made that puck-handling blunder late in Game 1, I say leave him alone. God knows when he saw any real ice time before that, and they expected him to take a close Game 1 in stride? If blame is to be laid anywhere, it's that Oilers player that knocked an opponent into Roloson, knocking him out for the rest of the Finals. After that "gimmie" win, the Oilers gave Game 2 away as well. However, you have to hand it to Edmonton -- most teams would have just packed their things and went home. To dig out of a 0-2 deficit and take the series to seven games says a lot about the character of that team. However, like I said before, in the end it was nice to know that Rod Brind’Amour and Glen Wesley finally got to lift the Stanley Cup up, especially Wesley. Back in the '90s I was a Bruins fan and felt bad seeing him and Ray Bourque always come up short. When Bourque finally won with Colorado, all that was left was for Wesley to get the chance to give Lord Stanley a smooch.
NBA: I'm not sure what was more remarkable -- the Heat winning three on their home court and going on to best Dallas in Game 6, or the Mavericks coming two and three-quarters games away from taking a commanding 3-0 series lead only to crash and burn. I wasn't sure which team was going to win Game 6 at first. Dallas had the upper hand midway through the second quarter, but then I got up to scoop some litter boxes. When I returned the Heat were leading by a point. It was then, with a plastic bag filled with soiled clumpable litter that I knew the Heat were going to win their first championship later that night. However, the real highlight of this series came when Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was answering questions from the media after a loss. One reporter asked him if this is the worst loss he ever experienced and Cuban responded by saying something like, "No, one time in my Pee-Wee league we lost a game with two seconds left." Like Cuban or not, that's a great answer. I'm not sure what to make of this guy; some people like him because he's different from just about every pro sports owner out there -- others think he's full of shit and needs to check himself before he wrecks himself. While I'm sure he's a phony in some aspects of his public image, I'd rather have him signing paychecks to a team than Bill Bidwell of the Arizona Cardinals or Donald Sterling of the Clippers.
See both of you leagues next year.
• I had Glenn Beck’s radio show on for a few minutes today, and he was talking about the book O.J. Simpson wrote that talked about how he would have killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend if he indeed was the real killer. Beck was then asking callers where they were the moment the O.J. verdict was read. Hey, good question. Here’s my story.
I was attending the Community College of Allegheny County at the time, and to tell you the truth I didn’t really give a shit about the O.J. case. Of course this guy off’d his wife and that Jew. Anyone with half-a-brain, or, even worse, a registered Democrat, could figured this out. Of course O.J. had a jury trial and a plethora of expensive lawyers, so naturally he was going to be acquitted. If memory serves it was late in the morning, and a few friends and I were talking in the student lounge/cafeteria when one of us overheard that the verdict was about to be read. I pulled out my Walkman and these crappy portable speakers from my book bag and we began listening for the “not guilties” to be read. Of course, we all were young and still had a smidgen of home that justice would be served on this day. Or maybe it was because we liked being loud and obnoxious. Either way, we all started chanting “Guilty, Guilty” in the student lounge. Of course, when the verdicts were actually read we responded with faux outrage, and one of my friends said, “He’s not guilty? I wanna riot!” to which I responded, “Why? We’re the ones who own everything.” Whitey represent. Of course now that I’m older, I’ve come to learn this is so not true. It’s the Jew who own everything.
Actually, I have to thank O.J. because during the trial I was taking a public speaking class and one of the projects was to come up with an ad and act it out in class. Well my friend and I (that same one who wanted to riot) came up with a 60-second ad sketch pimping the “Slice-o-toner” gloves, which featured several “get away with killing your wife” jokes, as well as an endorsement by Mr. Simpson himself. When you can be offensive and get an A for your efforts, you know you accomplished something.
Speaking of this, I just got a flashback to another time when being an asshole paid off. I mentioned this story before at TSM, but it bears repeating. I was in 11th grade and was pissed off because my English teacher gave me a B for the first grading period. Because of this B I missed out on being on the honor roll. Why I cared, I don’t know. I think I was more pissed that I didn’t get all but one B in that class (the rest of my grades were A’s) and I didn’t end up with an A for that nine-week period. Well, for some reason I decided that if I wrote a racially insensitive paper about the ever-so-popular literary topic of “Was Mark Twain a RACIST for saying bad things about black people in his stories?” I’d get my revenges (we had just read Huckleberry Finn in this class). I don’t remember much about this paper, but I recall saying something like, “Twain wasn’t a racist because back then blacks were seen as nothing but dumb niggers who went out in the field and picked cotton all day for their white masters.” I showed this paper to my friend before turning it in, and he couldn’t believe I was going through with this act of “vengeance.” When I got my paper back, I was surprised to see that I got an A (or a check-plus or whatever grading system Mrs. Thomson used) while my friend got a C/average grade for his paper that he spent time actually thinking preparing.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick calls in and says that her son (late teens/early 20s, I think) recently served several weeks of jail time for pulling a gun on her. I don’t really know what the lady’s reason for calling was, but she did say that she doesn’t feel threatened around her oldest son (she had three or four more younger kids pop out of her snatch). Why does she think this way? “I feel he’s changed.” Plus he said he’s sorry.
