• So a day or so ago I was chatting with one of my AIM peeps, and he mentioned that IWC writer Rick Scaia (is he still around?) has his own Wikipedia entry. For reasons unbeknownst to me I decided to head over and check this out for myself. I wonder who wrote this entry?
Curious to see if any other Internet Wrestling Reporters have their own little slice of Wikipedia, I decided to see who hit the big-time.
Dave Scheer. Nothing.
Bob Ryder. Nothing. (That "Ryder Report" ain't what you think.)
Scott Keith. Something.
Wade Keller. Something.
Dave Meltzer. Something.
Wrestlecrap. Something.
The Shooters. Nothing.
That’s about all I remember from my rasslin’ days. Oh, there was also Mark Madden. He had his own entry, too, but I was more interested in other parts of his Wikipedia references.
Hmm, I detect a pattern. Actually, I cut out the rest of the WTAE part of this entry, which went on to say he is a guest on "Action Sports Sunday" on WTAE-TV, a half-hour sports discussion show. What I really found funny was that the Shittsburgh City Paper dropped him for "questionable taste," considering this publication is one of those urban papers that you have give away for free. And what does being an Internet Wrestling Celebrity and having your own Wikipedia entry mean? I have no clue.
• Sure animal-rights people will bitch about a pig having to die just so some psycho can hold and cut it up all in the name of “art” instead of putting the carcass to good use – like say, making some hickory-smoked bacon out of it. However, what’s even more appalling to me is that this exhibit was taxpayer funded. Oh well, at least it’s the Brits getting screwed over this time and not Americans. And at least the “artist” will be showing her tits. That's got to count for something, right?
• My new hero. Remember, this guy is a so-called CIVIL RIGHTS leader:
Now lets see if Mr. Young gets made fun of by some comedians posing as Bo-Sox radio announcers.
6 p.m.
• Good for you, Bob Ryan. He's on Around the Horn's face time ripping apart Patti LaBelle's rendition of the National Anthem. Wow. I thought I was the only one that thought it was godawful.
I can't stand it when people try to put their own "spin" on the Anthem. Most times it fizzles.
• I did it. I did it. I did it. I found the ONE BLACK GUY who isn't voting for Osama!
It gets even better. Check out what Troy Polamalu said about what's important to him in a candidate.
• Oh, and I LOVE MIKE SINGLETARY! From his press conference after the 49ers lost to Seattle and his tight end committed a dumb personal foul, which caused Mike to send him to the showers early.
Here's what I love even more about him. Years ago some team (I can't remember which -- Dallas or San Diego) had its new head coach all but lined up. However, the team had to interview a minority candidate, which is required by the league. Problem was, a number of candidates refused to be interviewed for a job that was already filled. When Mike was asked to be interviewed, he took the opportunity. He didn't get the job, but he said afterward that you don't pass up an opportunity like that because even though you may not get the job today you might get a head coaching job somewhere down the line as a result of this inverview.
• Back to my Larry Foote article: The Trib had a list of athletes donating money to candidates. Oh how my heart sank when I saw that Mario Lemieux gave a few thousand to Hitlery.
It's OK, Mario. I forgive you.
Oh, and Jim Kelly gave $250 to McCain. Don't know why that made me laugh but it did.
• Hmmm, if this is fair game, I guess I could have a mannequin of Osama hanging from a tree in my yard.
So I was listening to some sports-talk radio yesterday when I heard a commercial featuring a sound clip from Toby Keith's new album and the following voice-over: “White Trash With Money is now at Wal-Mart.” Sounds like somebody got their tax refund check. It’s funny to hear all this Wal-Mart hate, because if this corporation was really despised that much, they wouldn’t make so much money. Unlike an EVIL~ corporation like, say Exxon, there are a lot more businesses in the retail industry than the fuel industry. Also, how much of a schmoe do you have to be to despise Wal-Mart and the way they do business but shop there in order to save 4 cents off a bottle of shampoo?
I’m not a Wal-Mart hater, but I’m trying to think back to the last time I did any shopping at one of these stores. After much thought and reflection, I’m pretty sure the last time I bought something from Wal-Mart was this pseudo-vacuum in November of 2005 for the basement. Why the reason for my “defiance” of this company that will soon take over the world? Location might have something to do with it, but an even bigger reason is that I don’t want to be around all the white and ghetto trash that populate these stores. Have you seen the people that shop there? Of course you have; it’s Wal-Mart, after all. I think the highlight for me was one time when this kid, who was a few fries short of a happy meal, was throwing a fit over something stupid (all kids do) and his redneck parents proceeded to scream at him louder than he was yelling at them. I love it when the kids win in these parents vs. children fights; always pull for the up-and-comer hick rather than the established white trash.
How could I forget this encounter? Years back I was in a Wal-Mart electronics department when this angry customer caught my attention. Because I love hearing what other people get pissed off about I lingered in the DVD section to hear his complaint. Was he upset because the store wouldn’t return a defective DVD even though he had a receipt? No. Did an employee tell him to “fuck off” when he asked the customer service representative to open the locked video game case? Don’t think so. Here is what the problem was: This guy recently bought a regular television set – wasn’t flat screen, High-Def, Plasma or anything like that; just a regular TV. Well, apparently he wanted to return the television because he wasn’t satisfied with it; he gave no specific reason. However, instead of getting another television of equal or lesser value, he wanted one that was about $200 more expensive. No, he didn’t want to exchange his old television for the new one and pay the difference, he wanted the more expensive set for FREE. Of course, the poor teen-age clerk didn’t know what to say. Many people hear stories of stupid customers and think they can prepare themselves for the encounter, but when they actually experience this stupidity, many times they are like a deer in headlights. Well, after 2-3 managers were called in, nothing was resolved. The guy was getting more and more pissed and the employees had no idea what to do about the situation. That’s when the customer said something that got him into my Stupid Customer Hall of Fame on the first ballot: “Wal-Mart guarantees customer satisfaction!” I burst out laughing and had to walk away because I couldn’t take any more. I’m not sure how this incident got resolved, but if the guy did get new television, hopefully he was standing in a bucket of water while trying to figure out the best outlet to plug in his new prize.
I guess I shouldn't be too hard on the people that frequent Wal-Mart. After all, going there and seeing the dregs of society can really boost your spirits if you're feeling a bit down on yourself. Seeing how I haven’t had to get my fix in some time, I guess I’m doing pretty well with myself.
• Yeah, you heard me, Smitty. I’m tired of your fucking power trip. Make fun of me because I have a liking for soccer. Goof on the fact that I contribute nothing in terms of intellectual discourse to this place. However, all your “queer” jokes got thrown out the window after I read this little gem.
Napoleon Dynamite? I bought this movie for $5 last year because I heard good things about this film. And then I actually watched this piece of shit. What was the fucking point of this movie? The whole time I’m waiting for some payoff that will make the 90 minutes I spent viewing this unfunny crap worthwhile, and what do I get? Some white boy who makes me look like finalist to the show “Breakdancing with the Stars.” One reason I do not trade in movies, CDs or video games that I purchase is because I always say to myself there will that time in the future when I’ll feel like watching/listening/playing this forgettable purchase. Napoleon Dynamite is really making me take a long, hard look at this policy. And this is coming from someone who has purchased (and still has!) Shaq Fu: The Return.
• OK, I feel for people who fall onto hard times, but there’s a difference between “hard times” and “being an idiot.” I was reading Sunday’s local newspaper, and there was this article about how more people are getting their homes foreclosed (damn you George W. Bush and your tax cuts for the rich). The reasons? Well, there are layoffs. I’ll buy that one. Cost of utilities? OK, now you’re starting to lose me. If you can’t afford a rise in your electric bill or afford gas that’s a dollar or two more per gallon than it was a few years ago, then you certainly can’t afford, and shouldn't have purchased, a $100,000+ house. However, what made me outright yell at this article was the following:
Well no fucking shit. Anyone that gets an adjustable rate mortgage has no reason to bitch when interest rates go up and you have to pay more for your mortgage payments. That’s the whole point of an adjustable-rate mortgage; to fuck you over when interest rates increase. If I ever was put in the situation of having an adjustable rate, I’d sure as fuck be aware of when my rate would increase. It’s bad enough property and school taxes constantly get increased; you don’t need the biggest purchase of your life to drastically fluctuate in cost due to a tweak of a percentage point or two.
It got even better. Just below this article was one by columnist Jeff Brown of the Philadelphia Inquirer talking about the risks of adjustable rate mortgages. In his second paragraph, he says that more people than ever are applying for adjustable-rate mortgages. I guess this means that in another year or two, we’ll hear about how the wretched economy is kicking people out of their homes when in fact these people did it to themselves. I also bet these people bought SUVs, only to bitch when the cost of gasoline rises.
• Because I wake up at the BUTT crack of dawn for work, I normally don’t get to watch sporting events that take place past 10 p.m. However, several times this NBA season I got to watch the Finals on replay early in the morning. But this I don’t get: ESPN cuts the running time of the previous night’s Finals game because of time constraints. Understandable. But what don’t they cut? The 20 minutes spent taking time-outs at the end of a close game. Can’t we skip the sideline huddles and watch more on-the-court action; even it wasn’t taking place during the last minute of a game?
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 25: Flyboy
I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way. It’s been a while since I chatted with the tyke, but the one thing I will always remember was the time he asked me for help on an assignment. He had to do some weekly hippie “current events” assignment, where, if memory serves, he had to take a current event and compare it to something that happened a while before that. Asking me for schoolwork help – you know a person doesn’t give a shit about his grade when this transpires. After a quick search of the news wires, I told him why not compare the Berlin Wall to the wall that the Jews were building at the time to keep out those pesky Muslims. He liked the idea and went with it – too bad he wasn’t doing an assignment about the U.S. building a wall to keep out Mexicans. Oh, and he likes them white, err, non-black girls, too. Well, except for one, anyway.
3 p.m.
• Swift Terror stole a bit of my thunder regarding some of the media’s comments about LeBron James and his late-game decisions on whether to take the final shot or pass it off to an open teammate. I didn’t watch last night’s Cavs/Pistons game. Well, actually, I turned on the game at halftime, saw the stats, noticed the Cavs were ahead in some key categories like offensive rebounds and points off turnovers and thought “are they in the lead?” I then saw that Cleveland was up by six points. I then watched Detroit score the next seven points at the start of the third quarter and turned off the television.
This morning I had on ESPN’s Mike and Mike on, and the show's skinny Jew was ragging on James for passing it off to other teammates in the game’s final seconds. The first thought that came into my head was Game 6 of the ’93 NBA finals when Jordan dished it off to a wide-open John Paxon for the series-clinching three-pointer (I forgot about Kerr's shot). I haven’t seen the game footage yet from James’ “moment of truth,” but at this time I’m siding with LeBron. If he had taken the shot and missed, or got to the free-throw line and didn’t make both shots, he’d be criticized for A) choking, or B) not passing it to an open teammate. You can make an argument about James not playing better when the game is on the line, but I’m not going to fault him for passing off to teammates who are set and ready to make an open shot.
Even though I listen to Jim Rome’s show and watch his television show (though not on an everyday basis), I had to tune into his third hour and laugh when I heard him defend his take on this subject and include that “well Michael wouldn’t have passed it to Paxon from 23 feet away” and that “Steve Kerr isn’t Donell Marshall.”
• Time for more PETA fun.
You know, I actually agree with PETA on this one. Forget that fact that the article said “Mike (the now deceased tiger) was moved last year into a $3 million home, complete with a bathing pool and waterfall, that offered 15,000 square feet of living space.” I say let the next Mike roam free. Let’s drop him off, at, say, 501 Front Street in Norfolk, Va. Also, let's not feed him before being released, thus allowing Mikey II to experience the thrill of hunting for his food. Then again, exactly how much sustenance can a big kitty get by munching on hippie vegans? Guess that means he’ll have to kill a few more. That’s a shame.
9 a.m.
• Boortz just had a great line regarding Michael Vick and his dog-fighting troubles.
I wonder if the Georgia Dome will be playing "Who Let The Dogs Out" at Falcon home games this year. I'm sure this will be a popular tune on the road. Here's the story if you're not up-to-date on this, or if you don't read Teke's "Vick Updates" at the other place.
8:30 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 29: Spaceman Spiff
He likes to talk about the Miami Dolphins, so it’s only appropriate he is this franchise in the kkk Bowl league, of which he’s a longtime member. He’s yet to make a postseason appearance, but he’s in a division where each of his opponents has made it to a kkk Bowl (Gert T in I, Barron in II and nl-asshole in III; oh man was that a dark day – I contemplated folding the league after that one). With all the parity in the NFL these days, perhaps Season V will be his year. I’ll also give Spiff credit for this: Over at the other place he came out defending the Supreme Communists of the United States and those five red diaper doper babies who said it was OK for the government to take property from private citizen A and give it to private citizen B, all so citizen B can generate more tax revenue for the local government, hence a “greater good” reason for the land-seizing. For Spiff to do this is the equivalent of swimming into the middle of a feeding frenzy and slicing your palms open.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From lovecraft:
From Cancer Marney:
8:30 p.m.
• Bloody hell?
When I heard this earlier this morning I figured it was either a misinterpreted joke or Mirabelli is a big-time hater. I hope Gary Thorne comes out of this OK – I used to love listening to him on ESPN announce NHL games.
3 p.m.
• Well I had a fun sight this morning on the way to work. Rather than take the interstate, the better half and I go through this dilapidated shit hole of a community called Wilkinsburg. It’s rather depressing to drive past all these vacant, boarded-up buildings where small businesses used to be. I’m hoping this ghetto plague doesn’t reach my neck of the woods until long after my current residence is sold twice-over. Thankfully, there’s about 10-15 miles between the outer reaches of Shittsburgh and Westmoreland County. Anyway, while driving through Wilkinsburg, I had the misfortune to be driving behind a big rig. Now granted I don’t like driving 20 mph through a predominately black neighborhood when I’m trying to get to work, but what are you going to do? My line in these kinds of situations is, “if I’m in such a big hurry, then I should have left five minutes earlier; that way I’d be in front of this vehicle rather than behind it.” I also had no choice but to mosey behind this truck for a few miles because this vehicle was taking up both lanes going in my direction. As for speeding up in the other two lanes on the other side of the yellow double-striped strip, that was a no-go. First off, I don’t like to do that. Secondly, there was too much traffic to even attempt such a stunt. After a while, this chick in a white car sped up to me in the other lane when I saw the bigrig put on his right turn signal. OK, now time to give him some space as he makes his turn. Of course, this was when the chick in the other lane began to SPEED UP right as the truck was making it’s turn. Another few seconds and she would have went splat right up against whatever this truck was hauling. Thankfully, she had enough space to allow the truck to complete the turn. No, I’m not thankful she didn’t get into an accident because it would have injured this blonde. I’m thankful because my commute would have been even longer considering I would have been a witness. No, I wouldn’t have left the scene, because that guy driving the truck would have needed someone sticking up for him because I can guarantee this chick would have probably tried to pin the accident on him.
8 a.m.
• Why do I agree with the better half every time she insists on having "Taco/Nacho Night" at our house? I know, because every now and then you get the urge to feel like you're going to throw up the morning after and have fire blow out of your hole on the other end.
9 p.m.
• OK, here is why I stay married.
Mrs. kkk isn’t much into baseball. In fact, she can’t stand the sport. Too boring, she says. However, this postseason had her hop on the Rays bandwagon. Well, not really. But when the World Series began she starting cheering for the former Satan Fish. Why? Because they were playing a team from Philadelphia.
She hates ANYTHING from Philadelphia. Why? Because that is the town that used to be run by former mayor, and current governor, Ed Rendell. It’s actually amusing to hear her yell “Fatass!” every time Fast Eddie appears on television. And it’s equally amusing to hear her ask questions about baseball. Last night I was upstairs messing around on the computer figuring out bills, and when I came downstairs there she was watching the last half-inning of the World Series. It was odd to share the following conversation with her:
“What does ‘pinch-run’ mean?”
“Huh?”
“Tampa. They said they brought in a pinch runner.”
“That means they replaced the current person on base with someone else.”
“Why?”
“Because that person is probably a faster runner and can steal a base or reach third base on the next hit.”
“Isn’t that cheating?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
Hopefully this will mean whenever I have a baseball game playing on the television next year she won’t be so quick to bitch. Probably not.
• If he actually did take food without paying then congrats on the buffet’s management for having the balls to do something about it. Now if the spineless upper management bitches don’t wilt under the pressure to play nice everything will be gravy.
I know time are rough in this DREADED BUSH ECONOMY, but pay the seven goddamn dollars. Even I’m not that cheap.
• While many remember Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" album for its "No Vaseline" diss track aimed at NWA, others took offense to the less-than-a-minute interludey "Black Korea" (with the "Oriental one-penny-counting motherfuckers"). However, my favorite song out of all them was "A Bird In The Hand."
Honorable mention goes to "My Summer Vacation."
• Since I'm in an early 1990s Ice Cube kick, here's a song from a while back that I couldn't find the first time around for whatever reason. And I still don't want that piece of shit Bryant Gumbel.
• This was odd. I watched ESPN’s “Around the Horn” today and Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige or Bill Plaschke were on the program. The lineup featured Michael Smith, Jim Armstrong, Jackie MacMullan and Gene Wojciechowski. Wasn’t a bad show. I’ll say this about Gene Woj-something-or-other, he’s not on the show much, but he’s pretty good. I remember the last time Jay was away for a while and Gene stepped in; he won a few Showdowns but could never fill out his face-time and with five seconds life he’d just go “That’s it. I’m done.”
• So the Olympics are getting trounced in the ratings to Fox’s American Idol. Good. I don’t care about the Olympics, no matter what season it is. If other countries give a shit about their athletes winning in curling or some skiing competition, more power to them. For me, I don’t care if Bodie what’s-his-name finishes first or tenth in a race, nor do I care if Michelle Kwan dresses up and does a triple axle. It’s not like I’m a fan of American Idol either, although I might watch bits of the first few episodes of a new season if only to watch the freaks that think they can sing. However, in this case, I’m glad Simon Cowell is trouncing this year’s Winter Games.
Hey Olympic honchos, don’t feel like you’re getting whipped in the ratings. Think of it as taking the Silver.
• This incident reminded me of a funny story that took place when I lived in Ohio. The better half was applying to a few dozen schools for Ph.D. studies and of course she got rejected by all of them. One of them was the University of Miami of Ohio. Now these people had been assholes to Mrs. kkk because she actually had the nerve to follow up with a phone call confirming her materials were successfully received. Well, when she got the customary “You are impressive but you suck” rejection letter, there was something odd about it.
It was addressed to some chick in Toledo.
Not wanting to pass up a good chance to zing some faceless bureaucrat at an academic institution, I called the contact number that was on the letter and said “Hi, my name is Frank Winters, and I’m calling because there’s something that’s disturbing me. You see, my fiancée *Mrs. kkk* applied to your Ph.D. program, and I received a rejection letter for *I forget the name* from Toledo, Ohio. I’m worried because now I’m wondering if the woman I go to bed with every night is some sort of secret agent who goes by a variety of aliases. Either that or you people are so goddamn stupid that you can’t even stuff an envelope correctly. She paid *I forget the amount of money* to apply to your piece-of-shit school and you can’t even give her a proper rejection letter. How the fuck do you people keep your jobs? Call me at *home number* when you are able to figure this out, you incompetent pieces of shit.”
This is great stress-relief technique, by the way. And I sent the rejection letter to the Toledo chick. Never heard back from her.
• However, for as much as I loathe the university system, I have to give some basketball fans at Gonzaga props for doing a “Brokeback Mountain” chant during some recent basketball games. Naturally, this will qualify as “hate speech” or violate some hippie speech code. It’ll only be a matter of time before the free-speech Nazis ship these hoodlums off to the Concentration Camp of Tolerance for their misdeeds. From the article: “President Robert Spitzer has asked for a task force to investigate the campus climate.” Bah. Keep up the good work, I say. That’s definitely more creative than those stupid, “ooooooooooo” chants I hear more and more crowds performing nowadays.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 85: Ant 7000
In honor of Bill Lester, who will be mentioned later on in this entry, I’d like to say that Ant700 is THE FIRST BLACK POSTER TO MAKE IT IN KKK’S TOP 103 POSTERS LIST SINCE WILLIY T. RIBBS 20 YEARS AGO. I normally don’t agree with Ant on race-related issues, but he speaks so well. Besides, he knows his rap music. I may not know who today’s young rappers are, but I’m with Ant in saying peace out to Ol' Dirty Bastard. Also, he tries his hardest to answer that age-old question: "Why do black men go after fat white girls?"
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Carnival:
From EricMM:
• Someone from the Associated Press is reading my blog. How else could you explain the lead in this article? (Look here for the orgins of where this stupid joke came from.)
• While watching Ghana stun the Czech Republic 2-0 earlier today, I couldn’t help but think back to when I laced up the cleats and participated in this regional soccer tournament back during my school days. Every year this college about an hour or so from where I lived hosted this tournament, and its rules were pretty much the same as the World Cup’s; we played three games from our group (although each group had more than just four teams) and then the winner of our group played the winner of the other group in our division. In our first two games we won by scores of 1-0. Even though we didn’t lose and allow a goal, we were still in danger of not advancing because there was another team that was 2-0 in group play and had scored more goals than us, which was the first tie-breaker. We won our third game 3-0 and managed to advance to the final game. Funny enough, we were playing against another team that was also from our area/township. In 90+ degree heat we played to a scoreless tie. We then played four overtime periods, which also went scoreless. The game ended in a 0-0 tie, and even though we didn’t “win,” this tournament was a great experience for me because during my soccer days I played the position of defenseman. My team may not have won the whole thing, but when you play good defense you can be assured that you won’t lose, either. Well, at least you won't lose before tie-breakers are factored in.
Anyway, the reason I got a flashback to this tournament years ago was because in the Ghana/Czech game there was a penalty kick which was whistled off and had to be re-done. The same thing happened in my championship game. Our team got awarded a penalty kick, which would have sealed the deal for us. When the players got lined up, our forward kicked the ball into the net. However, the referee called the goal off because about 20 seconds before the kick someone FROM THE OTHER TEAM walked across the space between the kicker and the goalie (our player missed on the second attempt). To this day I still don’t understand the reasoning for the call back, especially considering that once the penalty kick was taken, play got stopped and the defending team got the ball back in the form of a goal kick. But in the end I got my medal, so it's all good.
• I'll say this about the referee in the U.S./Italy game. If he called a game in South America like the way he called tonight's match, I don’t think he’d be leaving the field alive. Oh, and earlier in this game I could have sworn I heard a “bull…shit” chant. Other countries sing, dance and play musical instruments at the World Cup; we yell “bullshit” over a bad call. Then again, I’m sure the other countries are saying equally obscene phrases, along with probably other chants like “Death to Israel” and “Jihad Jihad Jiahad” it’s just that I can’t understand what they’re saying. Finally, as I type the U.S. still hasn’t scored a goal yet in a game-and-a-half. The only goal they registered was from an Italian player putting it into his own net. I know we Americans have to import just about everything we use, but has it gotten so bad that we need to start importing soccer goals, too?
• You may remember me saying that I’m no fan of Christopher Shays. He’s a typical RINO whose only use is taking up space in the “R” section of the Congressional aisle. However, I have to give him props for saying the following, which got a laugh out of me.
I’m sure he’ll buckle and apologize for these remarks, but fuck that. And fuck Ted Kennedy.
• The Chicago White Sox got a sponsor for their weeknight game times for the 2007 season. Next year, all home contests will be at and sponsored by … 7-Eleven.
Call it corny. Call it a shameless way to make more money. Call it whatever. I call it brilliant. If I was getting paid seven figures (or whatever the deal is) to show up for work at a certain time, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
• I have mentioned before this program a local supermarket is doing in the Shittsburgh region. This store, Giant Eagle, is giving all shoppers with one of those “advantage cards” that many of these places have nowadays 10 cents off per gallon of gasoline for every $50 in groceries purchased. This program has been such a hit with consumers that another grocery store chain, Shop 'n Save, is copying this business plan and partnering up with Sunoco. That’s when you know you have a successful marketing idea; when your competitors don’t even attempt to hide the fact that they’re ripping off your promotion. Well anyway, when someone decides to “cash in” on this discounted fuel purchase they are allowed to pump up to 30 gallons of fuel. This apparently doesn’t suit one customer all that well because yesterday on a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show she was complaining that her car only holds 15 gallons of fuel and that other motorists who drive SUVs can fill up more with the discounted price. She then said it wasn't fair and that she should be allowed to fill up twice with her discounted price. Christ almighty I hate the human race.
• To complete my Quickie-Mart trifecta, I heard this local story about a convenience store employee who had shots fired into his place of employment the other night. Here’s the story. It was 2 a.m. in a not-so-nice part of Shittsburgh (yes, some areas are indeed worse than others) when these three guys entered and began complaining about the price of goods in this establishment. When the cashier told them that there’s nothing he can do, the customers began stealing stuff. This was when the clerk hit a device that locked the store’s doors, effectively trapping him in with two of the hoodlums. After some heated words the cashier unlocked the doors only after the customers put the stolen goods back. Shortly thereafter one of these upstanding citizens comes back into the store and fires off some shots – all caught on videotape. My question is why in the hell did the cashier lock these two thugs in the same building with him to begin with? Fuck that. If you don’t want people stealing from your store at 2 a.m. then don’t make your store open 24/7. There’s not way in hell I would even think about doing this sort of thing back when I was a cashier. If this shit happened to me, I’d just call the cops, who are usually nearby Quickie Marts anyway in the middle of the night – how many other places offer coffee and doughnuts at that time of night? With what cashiers make, there’s no way you should risk your safety because a bunch of idiots are lifting potato chips and soft drinks. The only time those doors should be locked like that is if one cashier is on duty and he or she has to be in the back room unloading and stocking recently arrived merchandise. Otherwise, leave that lock alone.
6 p.m.
• So I saw this list, looked through the first few questions, and figured it would be worth doing to waste time. All these answers were the first things that came to mind.
Questions for those of us who live in Pittsburgh, PA
1. Primanti's or Pierogies?:
Primanti's by far. For those that don’t know, it’s a sandwich place. Some people treat this eatery as god-like, but I’m not nearly going to go that far. Been to one of these shops about a half-dozen times in my life. Liked the kielbasa.
2. Favorite ride at Kennywood?:
The line isn’t bad and the ride is solid. However, as a kid the Logjammer was my favorite. No, I’m not Catholic
3. Favorite mall?:
Now – Westmoreland Mall. Monroeville Mall has too many black people and Ross Park Mall turned too upscale during my Shittsburgh hiatus.
4. What school district did you go to?:
Hampton. Home of the Talbots. Even though I went there, this government school generally produced good students.
5. Which grocery store:
Giant Eagle. Long live the personal scanner.
6. Kennywood or Sandcastle?:
Kennywood, although Sandcastle water park is where I first met the better half. Then again, Kennywood in a landslide of Reagan/Mondale proportions.
7. Penguins, Pirates or Steelers?:
Hmmm. Pirates last. I like football over hockey, but the Steeler fans here are batshit. Give me the Pens, I guess.
8. Favorite event:
When I drive through the city every weekday on my way home to the cozy suburbs. Second thought: Opening Day for the Pirates; it’s always fun to watch them get blown out and crush the pennant dreams of the remaining delusional fans who think they have a chance at winning.
9. The Strip, South Side or Station Square?:
None. If forced to pick – the South Side. My last job had me go there for a vendor. That’s all.
10. Favorite place to see live music [indoor and outdoor]?
None. I don’t go to concerts. If I want to hear a song, I’ll get a CD.
11. Favorite Dave and Andy's ice cream flavor?
Who?
12. Favorite thing to eat at Eat N Park?
Chicken Parmesan in meat sauce with the soup and salad bar, even though the salad bar chili is shit.
13. Favorite movie theater?
Don’t go to the theater that often (as regular readers would know). If I do, my favorite is the Destinta that’s only 5 minutes from my house. Location, location, locations.
14. Which part of Pittsburgh do you currently live in?
I don’t. You think I’m stupid?
15. What's the worst area to be in late at night?
The areas where you only see eyes and teeth: Homewood, Wilkensburg, et al.
16. Favorite museum?
N*gga plz. OK, I’ll answer. Carnegie Museum of Natural History because they have dinosaurs.
18. Yinz or pop?
Pop.
19. Have you seen the view of the city from Mount Washington?
Yes.
20. Do you ever ride with Port Authority?
Ugh. Don’t remind me of my college days.
21. Have you ever eatin "O" fries?
Huh?
22. Do you like the Southside works complex or do you think it was waste of money?
With this being Shittsburgh, I’m sure they wasted a buttload of money. I don’t go there. I don’t care. I think that’s the place whose theater had a shooting during 50 Cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” movie release.
23. Should we have kept 3 Rivers Stadium or are you happy with Heinz field and PNC park?
I’ll never willingly go into either. I’ve talked about this subject before.
24. Do you ever wear black and gold?
I’m sure I have once or twice. I don’t the day before a Steeler game.
25. Have you ever stuck your feet in the Fountain at Point State Park?
Probably when I was a kid.
36. have you ever ridden the "T"?
See number …. How the hell did this go from “25” to “36”?
37. How do you pronounce a gyro?
”J-eye-row.”
38. Do you like Donny Iris?
When I don’t have to hear him (or is it her)?
39. Do you like The Clarks?
I don’t listen to them so I’m indifferent.
40. Do you like Michael Keaton?
After what he said about the Pirates last year, hell yeah.
41. Favorite River name?
Allegheny, I guess. Although I love the name of the HOT MEATAL BRIDGE.
42. What do you think of UPMC?
Mrs. kkk worked there for a spell. That paid the bills. Every medical organization is a clusterfuck. Good thing the Democrats will give us FREE government health care.
43. Terry Bradshaw or Ben Roethlisberger?
Big Ben. I never had a problem with Bradshaw until I heard him talking politics a few times on Fox. Katherine Harris was Florida’s Attorney General -- lol.
44. Do you think the Pens deserve a new arena?
I’ve talked about this before.
45. Despite all the polls/reports that Pittsburgh is the dirtiest city in America, do you agree?
I never heard of this before. How can it be dirty when everybody’s leaving?
46. How much do you love Pittsburgh?
Do I really need to comment?
47. Do you think they should allow casinos in Pittsburgh?
Already happened. I can’t wait until this isn’t the be-all solution region “leaders” are making this out to be. And that’s why I live in Westmoreland County.
48.Do you like PNH?
Who? What?
49.Have you ever attended a Pittsburgh Sports event(Steeler Game, etc.)?:
Yep.
50. Which do you like more--Panthers or Nittany Lions?
Neither, but if I have to answer it would be the Panthers. Then again, that’s like asking me who I like more: Hillary Clinton or nl-asshole.
51. If your parent worked for University of Pittsburgh and you could attend it for free would you go?
All academia institutions are the same. Go where you can get the best deal. I’d mooch.
52. Do you hate the Cleveland Browns?
No. But it’s sad when there’s a city out there that Pittsburghers can goof on. Other than Cleveland and Detroit, the pickings are slim.
8 p.m.
• I heard this trailer was out. Ugh.
• Guys in long-term relationships will appreciate this one. So yesterday the better half and I were driving around to a few stores. We stopped in this place close to our house that recently opened up a Sam’s Club. The former highlight of this shopping plaza used to be a Wal-Mart, but it got moved down the road a bit and now a Sam’s Club was taking up the place. Don’t ask why they just didn’t build a Sam’s where the newer Wal-Mart was constructed; I’m not.
As we pulled in the plaza parking lot, I looked around to see if any new stores were being added to this place. One of them was a dollar store – I can’t remember its name. I mentioned this to Mrs. kkk, who then scolded me and said that store has always been there. I then pointed to the big banner on the building’s exterior that read, “Grand Opening” and was told “that didn’t matter because there has always been a dollar store there.” Yes dear.
Later on that day we went into Kohl’s because her one friend is about to pop out another kid. This of course means the better half is going to spend 30 minutes looking at every baby outfit in stock. I never understood getting new clothes for babies because they will be growing out of them soon enough, or they are going to throw up/crap/pee all over these over-priced outfits. As I stood there listening to some brat playing this “sing along” device, I knew it was time to head over to another part of the store. I said I was going over to the cooking section and high-tailed it out of there.
Although I bought some vacuum bags for food storage (25 percent off, baby) I was a bit disappointed that they were out of those space-saving storage containers. They’ve been pimped on TV as saving cabinet space and come in three different sizes. I bought some for the holiday season because they were on sale, and they were a pretty good buy. Before I had a plethora of food storage containers scattered throughout the place and I could never find the right lid or cover to fit the container I wanted to use. Fuck I’m getting old when I think this sort of thing is worthy of being typed up. Well, at least I’m not talking about my fiber intake and outtake … yet.
• I’m thinking of adding a new feature that will appear every now and then (re: when I get bored of writing my usual stupid shit). If you want my take on a topic/issue just shoot me off a PM. And, no, I don’t know if the doctor dropped me on my head when I was born, so that one is out of the way.
Blog Plugs
• When he’s not rewriting history, Bored gave his opinion on NCAAs conference tournaments: He doesn't like them. I don’t follow college sports, but I watch the NCAA March Madness tournament. If conferences want to have some hippie post-regular season tournament, then let them. If anything, these tournaments seem to be a nice tune-up for the big tournament, and plus if some bubble team underachieved a bit in the regular season, they have the opportunity to make up for it by winning their conference tournament. Regarding “home court” advantages some teams have, eh, I really don’t care. Rotate the settings, but let them play.
Oh, and I don’t care about this hippie World Baseball Tournament, so your lineup looks fine to me.
• Lovecraft321 may not agree with me on politics, but we can agree on making fun of college hippies. When I used to live at Sappy Valley, these types were always in the middle of any demonstration, from legalizing drugs to lifting the Cuba embargo, and often made for great entertainment. However, instead of calling them “hippies” I prefer the term “pseudo hippie.” Basically, a pseudo-hippie is someone who protests the policies of a certain country (think sweatshops in some third-world country) but then isn’t able to pick out that country on a map. Another sign of pseudo-hippiness is when one of these cretins drive their parent’s SUV to some “Save the Planet” concert, or, better yet, their denouncement of talk radio while encouraging others to listen to “Rage Against the Machine” for the latest insight on how we’re being screwed over by The Man. The next time you come across one of their stupid rallys/protests/etc., look for the “Free Mumia” group that always populates these endeavors; it’s like playing a real-life game of “Where’s Waldo?” My personal highlight of interacting with these people came when some ugly skank (Or was it a really thing, long-haired guy? Who knows.) handed me a flyer telling me why Mumia should be freed. I took it, shoved it down my pants, did a few wipes (my briefs served as an effective barrier between the paper and the nether regions) and gave it back to her/him/it.
And the reason there are only white hippies is because all the black ones got thrown in jail after getting busted for smoking a joint.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 99: Jessie Ewiak
I have stopped going into the CE folder (or whatever it’s being called nowadays) for quite a while, which is a shame because for the longest time it was by far the most entertaining place for discussion and debate. Did I just say “discussion and debate”? What I meant to say was that for the longest time the CE folder was by far the most entertaining place for name-calling, flame-baiting and overall juvenile behavior. While there were many people (like me) who limited most of their posts to a smart-ass (and often unfunny) remark or two per post, there were some who tried to do more. One of these people was Jessie Ewiak, and surprisingly he was a favorite of mine. When he wasn’t explaining to members of the Conservative Brigade why the polls favored Kerry over Bush in ’04, he was wanking to one of the few elections Democrats did manage win that year. Also, when it came to talking about the Swift Boat Vets and the *coughallegedcough* cBS forged memos about Bush’s National Guard Service, Jessie was blog-tastic. In fact, the one thing I don’t like about Jessie is that he didn’t post more, because I really did enjoy reading his take on a variety of issues, even if I didn’t agree with them. So in the spirit of bipartisanship, even though I wish that all of the people Jessie votes for in the ’06 elections lose, I want them to lose by really small vote margins. Sadly, with the two of us living in Pennsylvania (him up in Erie, me down in Shittsburgh), I’m afraid that there will be quite a few people on his ballot taking congratulatory phone calls from political opponents later this year.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• So last night I was watching the Hurricanes/Sabers game and they just ended the first period. With the Suns/Mavericks game yet to begin I decided to do some channel surfing, which is what any guy would do given the circumstances. So there I was flipping away when I came across MTV and this “Sweet 16” show. Wondering what the hell this was I put the remote down, which was my first mistake. I’ve never heard of this show before, but apparently it’s about spoiled brats and what they do for their 16th birthday. This episode focused on a chick named Alexa and her getting ready for the big day. The show started out with her giving away invitations right outside her house with a staff of security guards trying to keep the crowd of (she estimated) 400 in order. Once the invitations were given out, tragedy struck. Her boyfriend, Manny, broke up with her. It only got worse from there. To celebrate her becoming a woman, the family was going to rent out a hotel reception hall and decorate it in a Arabian motif, complete with belly dancers and snake charmers. However, there was a problem: Her mother didn’t like the centerpieces Alexa picked out. Then later on when she went out by the beach to take some glamour shots, the wind picked up, discombobulating the angel wings that were set up on her back. This hardship was so trying that she began crying over this. But all this paled to what happened later, when it was time for her to go car shopping with her dad. She picked this automobile and wanted it right then and there. Daddy, though, didn’t oblige because he was playing the negotiating game with the salesman over the $41,000 price tag. This brought on another wave of tears.
When it came time for the big day, Alexa was in for a rude awakening. Her mother purchased the centerpieces that she liked, not the ones Alexa preferred. To add insult to injury, Louis the Event Planner didn’t have time to replace them, so Alexa had to deal with these monstrosities that cost $3,000 less than the centerpieces she wanted. Note I didn’t say they cost $3,000 – they cost $3,000 LESS. All throughout the preparation process, Alexa kept saying how she wanted to impress her ex-boyfriend, who was in attendance, and on her big day everything was going wrong, leaving Manny unimpressed. But then it all turned around for our little Alexa. Dressed as a belly dancer, she gyrated in front of a packed audience, showing Manny what he was missing. When it was all said and done, Manny had a change of heart and said to her, “I wouldn’t mind getting back with you.” Oh but the laugh was on him, because Alexa said that she no longer wanted to be with him. You go girl. Then her father took Alexa outside to show her the car he bought – the same vehicle that she cried about not getting earlier in the episode. As if that wasn’t enough, her dad also got her a diamond-encrusted Rolex watch, to which she said, as her dad gave it to her, “Fuck the car, dude, check out my watch.” Manny, still heartbroken after being rejected by Alexa just minutes ago, said on camera, “”I could have been driving that car.”
Oh by the way, this wasn’t really Alexa’s 16th birthday; it was her 15th. God only knows what’s going to happen when she turns 21. And I will never watch this show again, partly because I don’t want to know if Alexa is one of the more or less extreme cases of this show.
7:30 p.m.
• So just under two weeks ago Max bolted from our happy home into the wild. On Monday night we set out a cage trap that was loaned from one of Mrs. kkk’s friends. Basically, an animal walks into the cage and it shuts, trapping it. These devices are used at the friend’s workplace, so we began putting food in this contraption in hopes Max would not notice the chain links and hanging wall waiting to block any chance of escape one would have from entering this narrow corridor. Well Monday night came and went with NOBODY caught. Hell, I was expecting a stray to enter in the cage of no return. This of course had the better half convinced Max was dead. I, once again, was indifferent. If the little bastard wants his freedom then he’ll have to forgo his security -- four walls, a roof, three meals, water, etc.
We set the cage out again last night. When I awoke this morning I trudged on over to the front door to see if we had any takers. I noticed that the cage’s front door had shut, meaning we snagged something. I then turned on the porch light and what did I see?
I am Max and I wish to negotiate.
You little shit.
I woke up the better half and we took him down into the basement where he ate for 5-10 minutes and began rubbing up on both of us like he wanted to come home all along. Of course, he was covered in hair knots, jaggers and had a tick coming out of his left ear. Before taking him to the vet today we treated him just like the U.S. did the former dictator of Iraq.
The prognosis is this: He has a slight fever and lost a pound. Otherwise he’s in good shape. The vet was amazed he was in as good shape as he was for being out almost a fortnight. Of course, we then came to the conclusion that he probably took up residence in the abandoned house or its backyard shed for most of his time away. Fitting, since this is without a doubt the laziest cat I have ever seen. Nonetheless he’s back home and when he comes out of "quarantine" in another 40 hours I’m sure Dessa and JJ will be TRHILLED once again. (Actually, Max has gotten out of the spare bedroom twice already and made a break for downstairs, much to the chagrin of his feline housemates. You see, cats recognize each other by scent, and since Max has been funked up JJ and Dessa are going to act like he’s a new resident, which will result in hissing, growling and screaming. For JJ it will take a week or two to get over this. Dessa just doesn’t like anyone, so in that regard nothing will have changed.
9:30 p.m.
• Generally, whenever spring/summer sprouts its sunny head the bad drivers come out and cause havoc with those like me that would like nothing better to do than get to work in one piece. However, the last few days the job commute has just been crazy. Peep this:
Wednesday. Multi-car accident on the Parkway East. The overflow from motorists not wanting to engage in interstate gridlock made my commute 20 minutes longer.
Thursday. On the way along a state highway, we phoned in an accident that just took place.
Friday. Mrs. kkk told me of some BUTT-fucker that cut her off and almost ran into her.
Saturday. Some guy backed into the better half’s car. See my Saturday entry for more information.
The best was saved for last, though. We were doing some errands in this shopping center and we came to a shitty three-way intersection. The car across from us went. OK, they were first and they should go first. The car to our left then cut in. OK, a prickish move but whatever. Now it was our turn. However, the Jeep that took the place of the first car suddenly shot out in front of us and tried to turn in front of us was another story. The best part was the asshole who then yelled out to Mrs. kkk “Bitch.”
Wrong move.
I blared on the horn, got out of the car and was seconds away from getting into a full-fledged fistfight. For all the talk I do, I’m nothing more than a giant vagina. However, this pushed me over the edge. If Mrs. kkk had been in the wrong we would have taken the verbal abuse and moved on. But don’t you almost get us into an accident that was 100 percent your fault, and don’t you dare then call my wife a “bitch.” You fucking cock-sucker. I haven’t gotten into a fight in almost 20 years, and even then that scrap made South Park’s cripple fight look like the Rumble in the Jungle. I’m not sure if I would have gotten my ass kicked or even shot, but for some reason a rage just game over me and afterward Mrs. kkk said the following.
“In our ten-plus years together, I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Well, are you chalking this up to another of my ‘road rage’ fits?”
“I don’t know what to call it, although I’m rather impressed you’d act this way for me.”
After this was all said and done, the first thought I had was that I really need to get a concealed firearm because if not I have a feeling this is the way I’m going to check out. Oh, and whatever testosterone rush I displayed out in the parking lot I sapped away when our grocery bill had $62 in store and coupon savings. Hey, not only were Air Wick oil scent warmers on sale, but you also got a free holder with coupon(s).
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 19
It was dark times for the Conservative Brigade. Even though there was strength in numbers, it lacked one thing all groups need. A lawyer. Not only are these bottom-feeders necessary to fend off lawsuits, but they can also find out when we were wronged, thus turning the legal tables on the unsuspecting. But who can be trusted to head such an important duty? Vyce? Hell no. He likes those queers too much. That’s when it all became clear. It’s hard to go wrong with someone that starts a thread titled: “ Mikey was at my school...” followed by “No word on if the gym collapsed.....”
You’re hired. And I don't even know if you're Jewish.
What was the point of all this? I don’t know. I just like the guy. And he was listing why ESPN sucks before it became popular. Well, at least before it got some really big threads devoted to the subject. I guess I might as well do the dramatic introduction like I did with yesterday’s entry, providing people didn’t click on the links above, thus running any kind of surprise element.
Number 19 is…
…The Real World’s Champion.
8:30 p.m.
• LOL. Enough said.
7:45 p.m.
• Don't you know that rationing fuel is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
7:30 p.m.
• Aww, poor baby. Watch his temper tantrum in court here. Caution: I had a crappy time with the video.
And just what was this teen convicted of?
And I bet he was such a good boy, too, eh Ms. Johnson? Why the fuck to parents cry when their little monsters get convicted for shit like this? Rather than wail into a Kleenex, they ought to be wailing on the back of their kid's head, saying, "What the hell is the matter with you?"
5:15 p.m.
• So Neal Cavuto had Tommy Chong on for a segment today talking about immigration. Oh my God.
• And I'm stealing this from the other place because it pretty much sums up my thoughts on today's events in Washington.
1:45 p.m.
• Chyna is on Jim Rome's radio show and caller just asked her if there was any truth that Vince McMahon wanted Owen Hart dead as payback for the way Bret left the company.
9 a.m.
• Aw, this is a shame.
Yeah, Tony Snow, this is going to end up being on "tough" bill (see the 8 a.m. entry).
8 a.m.
• So I’m listening to Dennis Miller’s show yesterday and he’s talking with Tony Snow about this amnesty program. Tony, I feel you, and I’m sure there are measures to “protect the border” in the pages upon pages of this abortion, but if you actually think this bill is going to actually do any of these “lockdown” measures then you’re on drugs. All this stuff about “there’s no line jumping,” “they have to pay fines,” “you don’t have access to the welfare system,” and “you have to learn English” that I’m hearing you say, Tony, as I’ve heard you say on other shows as well, is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. You actually think Ted Kennedy will go along with this shit? Once this invasion bill gets approved, then the focus will shift as follows.
There’s no line jumping.
Uncle Ted: Come on, guys, Jose is away from his wife and 10 kids that have to wait in front of 2 million others people. Let them pass –– Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
They have to pay fines.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t afford to pay this fine. You’re taking away food off his family’s table. Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
You don’t have access to the welfare system.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t afford the medical insurance to pay for all those kids. Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
You have to learn English.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t immediately learn English right away. We need to cater to his needs or else we’d be a RACIST country. While we’re at it, we also have to make sure his 10 kids that are taking up space in our fine government schools get the same treatment.
So please forgive me if I don’t seem all that confident in this bill’s ability to enforce laws that aren’t already being enforced and view this pro-invasion legislation as just that.
4:30 p.m.
• So last night the better half and I went to my mom’s pastor ordination. Yes, she’s now a preacher. Oh the things I could say. Hell, there was a tale I was ready to tell about that Taco Bell commercial with the knocked up chick getting her man to go out and get her something to eat. I was going to then compare that ad with what happens in the real world, but today we learned that Mrs. kkk more than likely miscarried, so I’m just not in the mood.
8:15 p.m.
• The whistleblowing part I don't care about; it's the collective bargaining. And you people thought the airport lines were long before.
• Judging by the ratings,it looks like ABC has "lost" its viewers -- lol lol lol lol. Yeah, I'm a retard.
I got Season 1 a while back and thought it was great, although I still don't have the urge to get Season 2. Especially since most of what I hear is that it is shit. I'll probably get it one of these days when it's retailing for $9.99 or something. Like I said in an entry last year, I love the right-wing redneck guy. (I already forget his name -- Sawyer?) Otherwise, I have moved on. If the drop-off in quality is that bad, then maybe wrapping this whole thing up sooner than later will be a good thing. No sense in dragging this out; give me a good show with a short lifespan rather than enduring a slow, painful death.
• With "Sex Packets," "Sons of the P" and "Future Rhythm" in my collection, I'm a semi-fan of the Digital Underground. If I'm in the mood, I'll give "Packets" or "Sons of the P" a spin. "Future Rhythm" is ... eh. Anyway, each album has its high points and low points. However, I cannot hate on "Good Thing We're Rappin'" How can you go wrong with lyrics like:
The song drags after five minutes or so when they start saying...
...but that's why you have the "skip" funtion on CD players.
8:15 a.m.
• Awesome, I never knew Tim Hardaway was a fellow Republican. I got your back, brother.
Can't wait to see what ESPN does with this, if they haven't already.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 58: King PK
He’s a mod that likes fiddling with the folders, much to the chagrin of some posters. He’s also an ass when it comes to NFL teams being in the correct division. But goddamn do I love that Avatar.
• Well it’s been one year since Hurricane Katrina hit and we got to see the Great Society in all of its glory. And while journalists are commemorating the occasion with reflections of how heroic they were during this time last year in their reporting of mass rapes and cannibalism at the Superdome, it’s made me reflect and think of how lucky I am to be living near the Shittsburgh area.
Yeah, you heard me.
It’s hard for hurricanes to move in this far inland, and if Shittsburgh gets slammed, then I’m sure Philadelphia would be taken out first, which is a sacrifice I can deal with (wiping out Harrisburg when the state legislature is in session would be a bonus, too). I don’t think there are any nearby active volcanoes, and although we see a tornado every now and then we aren’t in Tornado Alley. The area doesn't face water shortages like the Desert Southwest, and it’s never too hot or too cold, at least when compared to Alaska and Florida. I guess nothing, not even bad weather, wants to stop by this neck of the woods. In fact, the only disasters I have to deal with around here are Democrats. Sure they may take my house via eminent domain (as probably would most Republicans), but at least I'd get "fair market" value and not be BUTT-fucked by my insurance company should a tornado touch down on my property line.
• So it looks like that guy who claimed to witness JonBenet Ramey’s death probably lied about his involvement with this case. Don’t care. Whenever there is a media storm like this I run for cover by watching DVDs and playing video games until it is safe to turn back on cable news. My only question in this whole fiasco is what the hell is up with those pants?
• This is why I hate it when "children" are mentioned in a story.
Who gives a shit? The man died. Would it have been better if this happened during rehearsal or something when nobody was around? Damn this acrobat. Why did you have to die in front of the CHILDREN?
• If this is indeed true, I’m surprised Amnesty International isn’t all up in a tizzy over this. After all, one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male is have him watch an animation of himself having gay sex with Satan.
• Now this is funny. However I’m a bit suspicious over the authenticity of this bathroom banter.
Bitch you knew your mic was on the whole time. No married woman says such things about her lesser half.
11:15 p.m.
• So a few days ago I was talking about the “Death Wish” movies, and I discovered there was a Part V. And like a sap I just had to watch it. Good God. An exploding remote controlled soccer ball? At least in “The Dead Pool” the RC Car of Doom was funny to watch. This … gah. However, it’s not like I was going into this one expecting much. But still. Jesus, Charles, did you really have to make one more? I guess maybe because “Death Wish IV” ended on such a downer – you know, your woman getting killed and all. Well, anyway, I had parts “II” and “III” on today as background noise, and I must say that my two favorite scenes from “II” are as follows:
And then there’s the black guy with the funky sunglasses trying to get away in that park shoot-out by holding up a ghetto blaster to his head while trying to back away. L to the O to the L.
Speaking of funny, here is a post on the IMDB message board about “DWII”:
Woo-hoo!
11:45 p.m.
• Yeah, Roger, because we can't have people walking around with guns.
What gives someone the right to do that? Pesky Constitution.
8 p.m.
• Wow. Xavier Nady traded to the Yankees earlier this month, now Jason Bay traded to the Sox. Pirate fans are getting the best of both worlds with the YANKS/SOX rivalry. I’m sure Al knows the stats of every new player the Pirates got today, but I don’t care: they’ll still lose now and in the future.
• McCain-ites, I don’t get this ad.
You’re ripping on a guy who is attracting loads of people to hear him bullshit? I don’t care if Osama is talking to Europeans. I don’t care if Bar-ACK’s crowds were helped drawn in by music concerts. This ad makes me want to vote for Hussein more than the candidate who endorsed this message.
Oh, and by “Heussein,” I mean Saddam. Not the other terrorist.
9 p.m.
• Now the biggest attention-getter to this story is probably a person winning a $5 million jackpot and still working as a doorman, but my "WTF?" moment is when I found out how much he made at this profession. I know it's NYC and all, but still. And he's UNIONIZED?
• Before this gets too outdated, what the hell was up with that psycho bitch on the Tonight Show? She claims Colin Farrell was harassing her and she walks onto the stage in the middle of a taping? Bitches be trippin'. From the article:
So that's what happened to Rolanda. I wondered where she went after that talk show.
• The Penguins just signed (again) winger Mark Recchi after trading him to the Carolina Hurricanes last year, where he won another Stanley Cup. I just find this funny for some reason. Couple this with the N.Y. Islanders now having its back-up goalie as the team's new General Manager and I have to ask how can anyone not like the NHL?
• First soccer players are head-butting opponents. Now jockeys are head-butting their horses. Nice.
• Here we go with Part VI. If you don't know what this is, then too bad.
Disagree.
What if you are at the top or bottom of this society? Who do you obey/command then? Besides, there are quite a few people I know who can’t command themselves, let alone other people.
Disagree.
I don’t care about this one. I’m sure you can fling pooh against a wall and someone will find a picture of two horses fucking or see the Mona Lisa; whether or not she's banging farm animals is up to the person looking at this "art."
Agree.
Should rehabilitation be factored into a convict’s sentence? Sure. But why rehab someone who’s getting the needle? You can make a case that this goes against my “accept discipline” answer from earlier, but obviously if you’re in jail you don’t know how to prevent from being disciplined, so too bad.
Agree.
See my answer above.
Agree.
Artists are starving enough. If you didn’t have the person creating the goods for these creative types, they wouldn’t survive long enough to get to the second act or chapter of their masterpiece.
Disagree.
Not if they are childless or unmarried; their first duty is not to be a burden to society. In Happy World it would be best if a couple that popped out some kids had one adult in the house; it doesn't matter if it was either mom or dad bringing home the bacon.
Agree
Hooray exploitation. I’m sure the company heads are smarter than the “leaders” of these pissant countries, so I’m certain Big Company is getting a sweet deal. More power to them.
Disagree.
I don’t think it’s an “aspect” moreso than a “result” of maturity. It also often means that you finally got your hippie ass a job and some investments.
Disagree.
Next.
Developing...
• I had Glenn Beck’s radio show on for a few minutes today, and he was talking about the book O.J. Simpson wrote that talked about how he would have killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend if he indeed was the real killer. Beck was then asking callers where they were the moment the O.J. verdict was read. Hey, good question. Here’s my story.
I was attending the Community College of Allegheny County at the time, and to tell you the truth I didn’t really give a shit about the O.J. case. Of course this guy off’d his wife and that Jew. Anyone with half-a-brain, or, even worse, a registered Democrat, could figured this out. Of course O.J. had a jury trial and a plethora of expensive lawyers, so naturally he was going to be acquitted. If memory serves it was late in the morning, and a few friends and I were talking in the student lounge/cafeteria when one of us overheard that the verdict was about to be read. I pulled out my Walkman and these crappy portable speakers from my book bag and we began listening for the “not guilties” to be read. Of course, we all were young and still had a smidgen of home that justice would be served on this day. Or maybe it was because we liked being loud and obnoxious. Either way, we all started chanting “Guilty, Guilty” in the student lounge. Of course, when the verdicts were actually read we responded with faux outrage, and one of my friends said, “He’s not guilty? I wanna riot!” to which I responded, “Why? We’re the ones who own everything.” Whitey represent. Of course now that I’m older, I’ve come to learn this is so not true. It’s the Jew who own everything.
Actually, I have to thank O.J. because during the trial I was taking a public speaking class and one of the projects was to come up with an ad and act it out in class. Well my friend and I (that same one who wanted to riot) came up with a 60-second ad sketch pimping the “Slice-o-toner” gloves, which featured several “get away with killing your wife” jokes, as well as an endorsement by Mr. Simpson himself. When you can be offensive and get an A for your efforts, you know you accomplished something.
Speaking of this, I just got a flashback to another time when being an asshole paid off. I mentioned this story before at TSM, but it bears repeating. I was in 11th grade and was pissed off because my English teacher gave me a B for the first grading period. Because of this B I missed out on being on the honor roll. Why I cared, I don’t know. I think I was more pissed that I didn’t get all but one B in that class (the rest of my grades were A’s) and I didn’t end up with an A for that nine-week period. Well, for some reason I decided that if I wrote a racially insensitive paper about the ever-so-popular literary topic of “Was Mark Twain a RACIST for saying bad things about black people in his stories?” I’d get my revenges (we had just read Huckleberry Finn in this class). I don’t remember much about this paper, but I recall saying something like, “Twain wasn’t a racist because back then blacks were seen as nothing but dumb niggers who went out in the field and picked cotton all day for their white masters.” I showed this paper to my friend before turning it in, and he couldn’t believe I was going through with this act of “vengeance.” When I got my paper back, I was surprised to see that I got an A (or a check-plus or whatever grading system Mrs. Thomson used) while my friend got a C/average grade for his paper that he spent time actually thinking preparing.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick calls in and says that her son (late teens/early 20s, I think) recently served several weeks of jail time for pulling a gun on her. I don’t really know what the lady’s reason for calling was, but she did say that she doesn’t feel threatened around her oldest son (she had three or four more younger kids pop out of her snatch). Why does she think this way? “I feel he’s changed.” Plus he said he’s sorry.
6 p.m.
• Wow, Fast Eddie talking about media bias? That's funny.
Don't worry, after Osama does his thing this week you'll be back on the "what media bias?" bandwagon.
• I'm sure there's a blogger WHOSE NAME WILL NOT BE UTTERED UNTIL THE END OF TIME that probably already scouted this kid inside and out.
"Frighteneing"? Oh well, I'm the last person to goof on another person's speling, but damnit someone got paid not to run a spell-check. I'm doing this blog for free.
Not sure how relevant this is to the above story, but as a kid I was in this bowling league. We didn’t use regular balls but rather this was a duckpin bowling league. What does that mean? The balls were smaller and there is no pinacton. Anyway, there was this kid was excellent but I hated the fuck. His dad was one of the bigwigs of the league, but his kid’s team never won a league championship in the several years I was there. This kid was so good he was always a team’s captain; each team had a really good bowler, a pretty good bowler and a few scrubs (like me). Well, this one year this kid was magically placed on a team with two other boys that had been team captains in previous years. Strangely enough, after a month or two this team amassed something like a 14-1 record. Here’s a coincidence: this kid’s dad put the teams together. What did I do about it? I took my ball and went home. Do I regret it? Shit, I forgot about this experience until reading the above article.
• Huh?
Too fat? Oh this should be a good one.
Then fry him. Of course, then the poor cops zapping this porker will be smelling bacon...
Oh Christ, the I-was-abused excuse. Sadly, below is the part of the article that pisses me off the most.
Oh boo-fucking-hoo.
Wow. That must have been one strong homemade ladder to hold that fattie up. Guess those magazines were phonebooks or something.
9 p.m.
• So I found out today that my former place of employment is now making its employees pay for part of their health insurance. But kkk, you might ask, don’t many employers do this to help curb the cost of premiums? Sure they do. However, this place doesn’t pay its workers jack shit to begin with. In fact, I remember when the job offer was made to me I was told REPEATED times that the big benefit to working here is that the health insurance was paid for. Guess that’s not the case anymore. So now do my former co-workers have the lowest wages in the industry (this is a fact – our actuary did a report on this a few years ago) but now they have to pay for the one reason many of them stay there. Well they stay for that and their inability to actually go out and get a different job. While I’m on this subject, my ex-coworker got all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed and will be starting his new job shortly. Well after he gets his June commission check because he wrote several hundred thousand dollars worth of business and doesn’t want to get cheated out of his money.
Oh, and while everyone at the office has to pay for part of their health insurance, the person who replaced me at my job is starting out at a much higher wage than my starting figure (once again, more power to her) and getting thousands of dollars of new equipment that isn’t necessary because the current office equipment is more than satisfactory (it’s only three years old; I had to go through hoops in late 2004 to get a new computer to replace the 1998 model I was working on at the time). Oh, and the idiot boss has also hired a third-party contractor to work on the web site, which is what I used to do. Of course, the web site hasn’t been updated in almost FIVE MONTHS and this person has been on the job for almost two months. Then there’s going to be the full-time assistant my successor is supposed to get as well. And my ex-coworkers, the same ex-coworkers who have been picking up additional responsibilities since my resignation, now have to chip to control workplace expenses. I swear to Christ this is soooooo entertaining to observe when you aren’t directly affected by this stupidity. Then again, there comes a time when you have to realize the shithole you are spending one-third of your day isn’t worth it anymore and that the time to look for another way to pay the mortgage is now. Sadly, there are some people I used to work with that will never get this. Fortunately, my one co-worker who worked next to me isn’t one of those sad sacks.
• You know, I actually wouldn’t mind this idea – if you got a discount/banked space for not going over your allotment. Then again, what’s the point of offering incentives? Then again … again … I know I don’t download that much porn so I don’t have to worry about this extra billing. I hope.
9:30 p.m.
• Reason #5479834 why karma is going to kick me. Hard.
Last night the better half got a call from her co-worker. Turns out her boyfriend (who was married but on the outs with his wife -- whatever) killed himself and she was the first to find the body. My first response? “Does this mean we’re not going out with them to Kennywood later this month?” Sue me for trying to incorporate some much-needed humor into this otherwise gloomy situation.
However, in some good news, several years ago I talked about the happy times the kkk household had when I found out just how much credit card debt Mrs. kkk accumulated over the years. Well, a while back this debt was vanquished and Phase II of this master plan went into effect. After the credit cards were paid off I wanted to put a sizable amount of money in the checking and savings accounts. I go over the finances at the end of each month, and I was waiting for the day when, after all the bills were paid for the month, we got to a certain balance in both accounts. June 1 had us at $68 above this targeted minimum. What did Mrs. kkk do to celebrate? Go out and buy two shirts at Kohl’s (at least it was a BOGO) along with buying a hose container for the newly purchased “kink-less” hose she purchased a week or so ago. Sigh.
Now it's onto Phase III -- pay off the car (only 5 more installments until it breaks down) and my school loan. This should be completed by October/November -- just in time for Black Friday.
