8:30 p.m.
• So Favre’s done.
I was never a huge Favre fan, but he did have one hell of a career. I’m not sure if it’s my Mid-Atlantic bias or whatnot, but I’ve never really considered him one of the NFL’s all-time greats. If people consider him to be, then so be it. I’m not sure what’s more surprising: That he wants to call it a career after throwing that interception in the NFC Conference Championship or deciding on whether or not he’s going to play the next season so early into an off-season.
• Guess nobody in his party had a resurrection spell.
Peace out. I’m not sure if I was a true D&D gamer. When I was a kid, I loved going through this stuff, but I never had the patience (or the friends) to actually get a game going. I remember one time I actually tried putting an adventure together and one of the people in the party was being a smart ass about 5 minutes in – he wanted to walk past the CAVE OF ADVENTURE and move somewhere off the OFFICIAL MAP. I got pissed, said a lightning bolt struck his character and he died. I think I got up, walked over and punched him in the arm. A few minutes later we all were doing something else.
Even now I like going through D&D books just for the artwork. I always get a laugh at how in the Monster Manuals many of the illustrations show the bad guys pwning their opponents. And while I grew up with the Basic manual that showed the fighter and chick wizard fighting some water lizard.
Then there was the EXPERT rules, which showed a Dick Cheney-like wizard behind the scenes pulling all the strings.
And I always stayed away from that Advanced shit. I mean look at this bad-ass coming at you here.
I don’t care how good that chick’s poon is – bitch, you’re on your own.
And don’t even get me started on the rule changes that have taken place with the newer versions with those +5 initiatives and other micro shit that would make someone like me recoil in horror; I want to kill bad guys with my sword, not try to get a stealth bonus with my bugbear ranger. Give me an elf that can wear metal armor AND cast spells and put him with a fighter, cleric, magic-user, thief and I’m set.
Memories:
5:15 p.m.
• So if you know a couple who went through a miscarriage, and you actually care about these people, DON’T do the following:
1) Say “Well that means the baby was probably deformed or something.”
2) Mail a Jesus booklet with a headline on the cover that says “You baby is dead.”
Did I tell you who did both things? My mom. And the sad thing is she’s trying to be supportive. I’m not offended or anything, but it’s bad enough when the “baby” or “new parent” free magazines show up in the mail.
Speaking of my mom and the mail, when that dead baby booklet showed up in the mail, there was a letter from the mailman that said I owed 32 cents. My guess is that the dead baby book wasn’t accurately weighed. So I went into the ol’ piggy bank, put in 32 pennies and placed the “IOU” envelope back in the mailbox. But hey, at least the post office figured out the right address this time.
Uh oh.
• I finally got around to watching the “My Big Redneck Wedding” show in which my region was featured. Let’s run down the checklist of what I saw on the program that made me feel right at home:
Pickup truck that’s cleaner than their house? Check.
Steeler jersey? Check.
Lemieux jersey? Check.
Reception held at fire hall? Check.
OK, now here’s what scared me. The groom’s wedding band was purchased at the same place I bought mine. Additionally, Mrs. kkk’s wedding dress and the show’s bride-to-be got both of their garments from the identical location. Hilarious.
5:15 p.m.
• Snow snow I hate snow. Actually, the drive wasn’t that bad home from work today. It took twice as long, but traffic was slow. Eh, whatever. At least we were moving. Funny thing was some jangala Oryctolagus cuniculus coming home from school hit our car with a snowball. It would have been funny to put it in reverse and plow into the herd, but then I’d be charged with a hate crime.
8:15 p.m.
• Wow. This dreadful economy has hit EVERYONE.
• Yesterday I was watching PTI and they had this bit about Greg Oden being a Barack Osama fan and Wilbon practically had an orgasm over the whole thing. Good God. So the guy likes a politician who spoke with him. Big deal. However, Wilbon then said that it was soooooo great to see and hear an athlete talk about politics/race/etc. Here’s what Oden wrote.
OK, so…
…was a funny line. But back to Wilbon. I wouldn’t be comparing Oden with Jim Brown just yet. In fact, the discussion turned for a bit to athletes like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods that didn’t take the time to turn their spotlight in the public eye to talk about issues. Hell, one of the reasons I like Woods is that he just show up, does his thing and wins. In fact, the only person that doesn’t seem to make a big deal about Tiger’s skin color is Tiger himself. And while I wouldn’t consider Jordan outspoken when it comes to politics, he did campaign for Bill Bradley in the 2000 Democrat primary. (I’m also fairly certain he didn’t attend a White House ceremony with Bush I after the Bulls won a title, but I could be wrong on this one.)
8:45 p.m.
• Hmmm, I don’t recall these signs anywhere near me.
Of course, my first thought upon reading the above article was this post made back in ’06. Time for a trip to the ar-kkk-ives.
5:30 p.m.
• Oh, this is brilliant.
If anything these taxes will just be passed on to us, and one big reason prices are "high" is because the rest of the world is catching up with us, such as China and India. Here's a thought: If the demand is much higher, then we should increase the supply. Don't want to drill in America? Well then you must pay higher prices. If you want to tax Big Oil just to suck more money out of them, that's fine -- just be honest about it. And what the hell has that got to do with helping the little guy when it will only make matters worse?
• Yeah, boo-hoo and all that.
Now here's the part where I wish the snake would have eaten one of the parents instead.
Then again, when Max had problems peeing, we didn't notice it until it was almost too late. Then again, there wasn't a predator in his litter box.
7:30 p.m.
• I don't know how Smues can do it -- I'm already sick of the snow and it hasn't really been all that bad a season (so far).
• Bad break for the Rockets. I've always liked Yao and T-Mac -- even though neither can get out of the first round of the playoffs.
• I have no clue who any of these people are, but Mark Madden said on his radio show today that he didn't like the trades. He follows this stuff much more than I do. All I have to say is that it feels weird for a Pittsburgh team to be active at the trade deadline trying to get talent for the here and now rather than dumping payroll and snagging "prospects."
• Now I really don't care for the Black Crowes, but shouldn't you at least listen to a band's entire album before giving a review?
I remember years ago a local film critic panned Halloween H2O but gave an inaccurate body count because he showed up to the film late. SPOILERZ~! Myers offed a couple kids in the early minutes and the critic made some remark about how so few people died and counted two less dead than there actually was (or whatever the miscount turned out to be). SPOILERZ~! That's all I got for this.
8 p.m.
• So I talked about this show a while back, but tonight I actually got around to watching a few episodes. Oh. My. God.
But the best part was the eHarmony ads during the commercial break of a program which featured a bride with dentures and a groom who spells his beloved's name while peeing on the street.
• I found this in the "odd" story section, but I don't find it strange at all. In fact, I think it's a good idea.
I remember seeing a TV show that talked about this girl raising funds for the local police dogs to wear bullet-proof vests. Hey, these animals are many times the first to run into a skirmish so they should get protection. And if you think I'm being an animal-rights wacko, remember all the money spent training these K-9 cops and that some simple protection could mean the difference between several more years on the job and a quick trip to the big doghouse in the sky. Besides, many police dogs contribute more to society than the trash they're often urged to take down.
1:15 p.m.
• Well I guess I should be somewhat proud of myself for doing this database shit now rather than waiting until Sunday to hurry up and do this crap. It'd be even better if I knew what I was doing.
2:30 p.m.
• For those of you living single, read onward. For those married, you’ll feel my pain.
So when the better half had her second part-time job, she donated to her local church. No problem with that. That money was hers to do with it what she wanted. Then she got preggers and stopped working the second job. I have told her all along that I don’t want to donate to her church until we get our financial house in order, and for as far as we have come, there is still much work to be done. Of course, with the biggest blights – the credit card bills she racked up over the years – out of the picture there have been times I had to remind her of the other debts such as our school loans, car payment and mortgage. Well today she asked if she could do the giving-to-Jesus thing again, and once again my response was “I don’t want to do this until my school loan and the car get paid off.” The following exchange then took place. You can figure out who is who.
“Well, I really won’t be donating our money.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll be using my mom’s money for when she pays for her half of the cell phone bill.” (We’re on some family plan with her parents and we pay the actual bill while her parents give us half in cash.)
“But then who’s paying for their half of the cell phone bill.”
*silence*
Damn you, Jesus.
1:30 p.m.
• So I didn’t go into work today. Yeah, the weather was a bit on the shitty side, but I’ve driven in MUCH worse conditions. I think a bigger factor was the fact I needed a break. It’s only been a month, but there’s a SHITLOAD of work to do, and with news of Mrs. kkk’s miscarriage earlier this month, I’ve been going batshit. I generally take “mental health days” when I have nothing to do at work for a day or two, but I’m not sure how that sort of thing will play out here since the deadlines are much more varied than my previous job. Well, this wasn’t exactly going to be a “mental health” day because I was going to do some database work at home, but of course it’s 1 p.m. and I haven’t even started on it. This is NOT a surprising development for me. What did I do this morning? Watch the last hour of Mike and Mike while doing the dishes and vegging out watching ESPN’s first take show. Real productive there, genius.
Why am I typing this? Because while watching “First Take” I heard one of the biggest whoppers from the four-letter network in quite some time. There was an interview with some guy named Scoop Jackson dealing with the latest Air Jordan shoes or something. I never owned a pair of Jordans because I HATED the Bulls growing up. Well, the issue of kids beating up (even killing, if memory serves) others for Jordans back in the 1990s, and ol’ Scoop said that was because the shoes were hard to find – not because they cost too much.
…
The topper came moments later when Scoop said that Jordans were very popular among urban youth. Yeah, the same urban youth that regularly shell out $100+ for a pair of shoes.
Then they talked about the recent NBA trades and which teams got what they needed. Uh, New Orleans is the TOP TEAM … in the WEST?! Just goes to show how much I pay attention to the league. Well, I might as well do my in-depth reviews of the recent big NBA transactions because I know that’s what you expect from me.
Milwaukee recalls Ramon Sessions from Tulsa of the D-League.
Who?
San Antonio assigns Ian Mahinmi to Austin of the D-League.
What?
L.A. Lakers acquire Pau Gasol and a 2010 second-round draft pick from Memphis in exchange for Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittenton, Aaron McKie, the draft rights to Marc Gasol and first round picks in 2008 and 2010; Lakers sign D.J. Mbenga to second 10-day contract.
I heard about this one. The Spurs coach got pissed over this trade, so I’ll say it helps the Lakers. And what’s this I hear about them being tops in their division?
San Antonio signs Damon Stoudamire.
Uh, this is the guard that won a March Madness title in Arizona and then got busted for pot, right?
Portland recalls Josh McRoberts from Idaho of the D-League.
OK, new rule. I’m not posting transactions dealing with this “D-League” thing. I’ve actually watched a few games on NBATV this year. There’s some local team here – I have no idea what league it is, though.
Phoenix acquires Shaquille O'Neal from Miami in exchange for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks.
I’ve been pulling for Phoenix for the last few years because I’m hoping that if the Suns win it all more teams will want to copy their style of play, which is more entertaining that the 1990s Knicks/Heat crap I was exposed to. I don’t see O’Neal as a fit, but I like him so I hope I’m wrong.
Sacramento waives Justin Williams and Dahntay Jones.
Those names sound familiar. Was Justin Williams the white guy who started shit with a reporter years ago over something stupid? Seeing how there are so few players named Williams in the NBA I’m sure this has to be the one.
Atlanta acquires Mike Bibby from Sacramento in exchange for Shelden Williams, Lorenzen Wright, Anthony Johnson, Tyronn Lue and a 2008 second round draft pick.
I liked Bibby when the Kings were a good team. That’s all I got.
Dallas signs Keith Van Horn and trades Van Horn, Devin Harris, Trenton Hassell, Maurice Ager, DeSagana Diop, first-round draft choices in 2008 and 2010, and cash considerations to New Jersey for Jason Kidd, Malik Allen and Antoine Wright; waives Nick Fazekas.
I’m curious about Kidd going to Dallas. I think they might struggle a bit in the regular season, but look at what being a number-one seed did for them last year. Then again, I remember when the Rockets got Barkley and Pippen and kept saying “wait until the PLAYOFFS.” However, I think the big acquisition is Van Horn and his shooting ability, which will be just what the Nets need to make a playoff run.
...
San Antonio acquires Kurt Thomas from Seattle in exchange for Francisco Elson, Brent Barry and a 2009 first round draft pick.
Did the white guy win the dunk contest one year?
Detroit acquires Juan Dixon and cash considerations from Toronto in exchange for Primoz Brezec...
...Houston acquires Gerald Green from Minnesota in exchange for Kirk Snyder, a second-round pick in 2010 and cash considerations.
I lumped these two together because I have no idea who these players are – I just think it’s funny that “cash considerations” were mentioned.
Denver acquires Taurean Green from Portland in exchange for Von Wafer.
Even though I have no idea who these players are, either, I couldn’t group this transaction with the one above due to inconsiderate cash.
In a three-team trade, New Orleans acquires Bonzi Wells and Mike James from Houston, Houston acquires Bobby Jackson, Adam Haluska and a 2008 second-round pick from New Orleans as well as the rights to Sergei Lishouk from Memphis and Memphis acquires Marcus Vinicius from New Orleans and the draft rights to Malick Badiane from Houston.
Doesn’t matter because I’ve given up on Houston ever getting out of the first round.
In a three-team trade, Cleveland acquires Ben Wallace, Joe Smith and a 2009 second-round pick from Cleveland plus Wally Szczerbiak and Delonte West from Seattle; Chicago acquires Drew Gooden, Larry Hughes, Shannon Brown and Cedric Simmons from Cleveland; Seattle acquires Donyell Marshall and Ira Newble from Cleveland and Adrian Griffin from Chicago.
Here we go. I have to say, when I first heard of this deal I thought it was bad for Cleveland. Don’t ask me why: You know how when you hear of a player trade and you get that initial feeling of “why did they do that?” or “wow, they got that person for THAT price?” Well, my initial feeling toward Cleveland was the former. Doesn’t mean it was a bad trade – I had the same feeling as a kid when the Pens traded for Ron Francis and Ulf Samuelsson. Then again, the only player I knew was Mario and Tom Barrasso, and the only reason I knew Barasso’s name so much is that other teams would get off a barrage of shots at him and the announcers would constantly keep repeating “save by Barrasso.”
And there you have my NBA TRADE DEADLINE ANALYSIS not-so-SPECTACULAR. I guess I should at least take a look at the standings for the first time this season.
ATLANTIC: You know, for all the shit the Knicks get, there are worse teams out there.
CENTRAL: Holy crap is this an awful division. The third-place Bulls have a .396 winning percentage. I’m sure they’re still in the playoff hunt, though.
SOUTHEAST: Orland seems to be doing well. ATLANTA is the eighth seed? Oh, wait, I missed the 76ers, with a .436 winning percentage.
NORTHWEST: Utah’s in first. Whatever. It’s funny how Denver would be the third-best team in terms of winning percentage in the East.
PACIFIC: Lakers and Phoenix are tied.
SOUTHWEST: The hell – four teams are playing .600+ ball? Lemme see the top eight teams in terms of winning percentage in the West:
New Orleans (.712)
L.A. Lakers (.685)
Phoenix (.685)
San Antonia (.679)
Utah (.648)
Dallas (.648)
Houston (.630)
Denver (.623)
Now the East:
Boston (.788)
Detroit (.722)
Orlando (607)
Toronto (.558)
Cleveland (.556)
Washington (.472)
New Jersey (.444)
Philadelphia (.436)
Now let’s see what West teams won’t make the playoffs
Golden State (.611)
Portland (.537)
Well, at least Portland wouldn’t have home-court in the first-round if they were in the East.
4 p.m.
• Now who didn't see THIS coming?
I guess it's a good thing for McCain's said he got the nomination locked up so early. If the GOP race had been several months longer, the Slimes would probably have waitied until closer to Election Day to publish this. Did he or didn't he? I don't know, and I don't care.
• Interesting. Well, not really, but it did give me something to type about below.
At my former place of employment, they had a system that accepted the ' -- however, if a name ended in, say, "LaMonde," it would appear as "La Monde" with the extra space. However, there were names in which the "M" would be lower-cased instead, and there were other instances in which it would look like "Lamonde." Oh it made editing names a real joy.
4:45 p.m.
• So I’m typing this during a conference call. I could get used to this, although I’m sure there’s stuff I should be writing down right now that I will forget five minutes from now.
You know, for as crazy as my job is now, it’s nowhere NEAR the same level as craziness as my former place of employment was. From my contact at my former place of employment, he said the powers-that-be still haven’t found a replacement for me. This is hilarious – when I announced my resignation on January 4…
Oh, here’s something on the conference call I need to write down. One second.
…I said that if they placed an ad that next week, they could probably find someone in a week or two and I could help the n00b out ASAP. That was January 4. So far I haven’t heard anything about a new hire. And people wonder why I left? Well, they probably don’t, but it’s rhetorical.
8 p.m.
• And I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people?
It gets better…
So let I get this straight. This guy leased a BMW, purchased jewelry and other luxury items (some of which he still owes money on) and has out-of-control credit-card debt. But the GAS and GROCERIES are what’s really taking a wallop on his bottom line.
Great. I’m contributing to all this gloom and doom because I forgot to make two monthly payments on time this month (the car payment and my school loan). I guess I could blame the fact my wife had a miscarriage and went in for surgery and that I had other things on my mind and forgot about these two bills (both were about a week late to get paid – I generally pay off bills at the start of the month and check about mid-month to see everything was paid in full; this time during the middle of the month, I noticed I forgot to make these two transactions). Nah. I'll just blame gas prices and expensive groceries (even though I saved $47 on this week’s bill, which totaled $83 after my coupons/Jewness kicked in).
8:30 p.m.
• Don't you know that making Abdul eat crocodile meat is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Oh, wait. It's not anymore?
Well, I guess allowing women to vote now tops the list. For now.
Then again, considering women tend to vote Democrat, maybe the Muslims are on to something here.
5:30 p.m.
• So there’s this one bowling alley I drive by to and from work. Oh who am I kidding? It’s the ONLY bowling alley I drive by to and from work. Anyway, they just put a new message up on its marquee: “We have the NFL Network.” Uh, it might have been better to get this station DURING the season. Then again, I’m sure when one isn’t knocking pins down or swilling brews the next best thing is to watch some guy run 40 yards really really fast.
• Looks like HD DVDs are the next Beta. Whatever. I’m not interested in next-gen DVDs yet, although I’m sure these things will be the new standard-bearer (no, I don’t frequent TSM threads of a similar nature).
When DVDs took over VHS tapes as the home-movie medium, the better half’s mom, who is afraid of any kind of change, declared this to be “communism” because she wasn’t getting a choice to keep buying movies for her VCR. Of course, shortly after she discover those things called “special features,” she fell in love with this format. She’s even stopped bitching about those “black bars.” Now that genuinely surprised even me.
• Quit fooling around, scientists. Let's get it started.
Sorry.
For what it's worth, I actually like the "started" version of that song than the "retarded" one.
8 a.m.
• Now who didn't see this coming?
Guess what word was used next? Yep.
• This kind of story usually sprouts up around election time.
Here's another example of "song misuse" from this year that was noted in the article.
Maybe to the surprise of some, I side with the hippie artists on this one. I feel it’s the musician’s work and they should be allowed to give their permission for a candidate’s use. Now I’m sure there are rules about who actually owns a song’s rights, and if that’s the case then that’s a whole other conversation. But for any Republican to use a John Mellencamp (or some other politically active artist) song and not think there will be repercussions makes me question that candidate’s judgment even more.
Now there is a bit of a twist to Huckabee’s situation seeing how one member of the Band is supporting him, but for most of these situations Republicans just have to deal with playing Toby Keith songs on the campaign trail.
8:15 p.m.
• So the better half and I had a bit of a disagreement today. Of course it was serious. Was it over money or family planning? Of course not. We were at Kohl’s going through the clearance racks, and after picking out a pair of pants for 80 percent off retail price and several “spa” things that chicks like that were marked 90 percent off (early Christmas presents – good job, honey), we went to a register to check out. The first casher told us that she was closed, even though she was waiting on another customer. Oh shit, did I miss the “closed” sign. Well, where the hell is it? There? You can’t even see the damn thing. Oh well, not a big deal. I just pride myself in seeing if a register is open before walking up to it. Hell, in baseball you’re an All-Star if you only get out seven of nine plate appearances.
Then we went to the second register. Oh Christ, this guy has about 20 kiddie outfits and the casher doesn’t know how to ring the discounts up. Oh well, there’s no other cashier around so I just have to bide my time. At least when this happens at the grocery store I have the tabloids to keep me occupied. In fact, this past week while waiting for someone to figure out how to self-checkout, I picked up “Star” (I think) and read about how Paris Hilton got kicked off a stage by 50 Cent during some Super Bowl party. The photo alone more than made up for my time waiting. I’ll tell you what though, I’m now realizing how much the Weekly World News meant to me because now most of the magazines by the grocery store registers are aimed at either cooking enthusiasts or teenyboppers. (God only knows what will happen to me if I pick up the latter magazine whose cover teases us with 10 ways to get that cute guy to notice you in math class.) Yeah, there’s the Enquirer or Star, but I hate thumbing through those issues because people might actually think I take that shit seriously. At least when you had Batboy or a public figure next to a UFO landing, it was presumed that this checkout read-through was not meant to be taken seriously.
…
What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Kohl’s.
So I was zoning out at this register when someone said the common, “I can help whoever is next in line over here.” Now my policy when it comes to this situation is that if I’m next in the current I just bide my time. I already invested a small chunk of my life standing in this aisle so I might as well follow it through much like someone endures a shitty book or movie. Then there’s the other speed factor: by the time you get your stuff and move over, that “open” register will be occupied. Of course, the people standing behind me in line were telling me to go there and Mrs. kkk grabbed her spa shit and walked over. There was no going back now. What a surprise, there was someone already at the register and she had even MORE shit to scan than the person I was originally standing behind. Well at least the people who encouraged me to change lanes followed and were stuck, too. Fuckers. It’s just like those motorists who give you the “wave” to go ahead at an intersection even though they have the right of way. JUST GO ALREADY! It’s situations like this when an accident occurs. You may have all the best intentions in the world, but you are not controlling the flow of traffic in other lanes. I have the Stop sign, you have the right of way: I’ll wait an extra minute because I know if I pull out in front of you there will be a vehicle speeding in the lane next to you not knowing of my presence because you’re blocking his view.
…
What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Kohl’s.
Well, there’s not much more to say. The person who I was originally behind was out the door while I was waiting for the new person in front of me in the new aisle to get her shit and go. I really wasn’t all that annoyed, but one thing that does get me a bit is that when you are in front of someone that takes 5-10 minutes to get a transaction processed it only takes your purchase about 20 seconds. It’s like chipping in for a prostitute, waiting an hour for the guy in front of you to finish his thing and then blowing your load after four thrusts. (Not like that’s ever happened to me before … ohhhh no. Four strokes? Not me.)
…
What the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Kohl’s.
As we were walking to the car, Mrs. kkk was pissed because that lady we were in front of at the newly opened register went ahead of us because we were “next in line.” I disagreed because when it comes to open registers it’s survival of the fittest. We then drove home.
…
I just typed 860+ words on my wait at a checkout aisle and I didn’t get into a fight with a customer, cashier or Mrs. kkk. The hell? Oh well, at least it wasn’t me who had to read through all this. Well I want to leave my adoring readers happy. Hey Ho! Here we go.
Yeah, I know it’s not the “Blitzkrieg Bop,” but I always liked “Judy is a Punk” better, and it’s from 1974. Guess there wasn’t enough in the petty cash account for everyone to have leather jackets (or shirts for that matter).
6:30 p.m.
• So a while back I talked about my fun trip to the airport. Might as well put the finishing touches to this epic adventure.
I was at the Albany airport for a flight to my buddy Ed Rendell’s former stomping ground: Philly. The flight itself wasn’t too bad. However, our “flight attendant” was this fat early twenty-something with greasy hair. Good God, Larry the Cable Guy was right: The Oakridge Boys with titties. Anyway, I didn’t really care because I just read my copy of U.S. Snooze and World Distort. Oh, and every time the flight attendant would go on that intercom thingy he’d be laughing. OK. Now the flight itself was rather uneventful. However, the landing… well…
It’s around 7:15 p.m. when we land. I have a connecting flight at 8:30. No problem. We head over to the dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave. The pilot tells us that another plane is already there. Uh, OK. I don’t fly enough to know if this is a common practice; I’m sure Smues will set me straight. We then drive over to another dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave. It’s now 7:40 and the pilot tells us that there’s a plane in front of us and it’s BROKEN DOWN. We now drive back to the first dock/terminal/whatever that place is called where we all leave and the original plane is still there. When we finally got out it was 8.
Well so much for checking out the Philly airport.
The chick sitting next to me on this flight was antsy as hell. Not only did she have to sit next to ME, but also she had a flight to Toronto departing at 8:30. While we each shared our tales of how this nearly hour-long delay might mess with our hopes of further air travel, I did something I normally don’t do. When it was time to leave, I immediately got up to leave. Whether it’s a sporting event, movie or some other social function, I generally just sit and let everybody else leave first. What’s the point of getting up just to wait in line. I’d rather just sit back and relax while everyone else elbows each other in hopes of exiting and being stuck in gridlock. Well not tonight. I got up and dug in my heels, especially when some dumbfuck in front of me went past me to get some overhead luggage and then tried to cut back in front of me. Not tonight.
After we were all herded into the Philly airport, I thought I was in pretty good shape. I had about 20 minutes to go from Gate B to Gate A; with those moving walkways it’s be a walk in the park.
Ten minutes later and NO SIGN OF GATE A I was beginning to doubt my confidence. Thankfully I saw signs of Gate A shortly thereafter and managed to get into my seat at 8:30 sharp. I was never in any real danger of missing my flight because the thing didn’t actually take off until 15-20 minutes later anyway thanks to all the dumbfucks with too-large-for-overhead luggage and other products of the under-class gumming up the works. However, the thought of spending the night in Fast Eddie’s crib downright scares me. I must say though that from what I saw the Philly airport was rather nice. And I’m not even going to make my predictable “But then again I didn’t see any black people” joke – probably because there were a bunch. Oh well. When I travel I always make sure my wallet is properly secured.
The flight to Shittsburgh wasn’t bad, but when I went to get my luggage the question on my mind while waiting on the Philly runway during my Albany jet joyride was answered. There wasn’t enough time to get the baggage from the Albany flight onto the Shittsburgh flight. My favorite part of this came when in the “lost baggage” section with the other poor sods who made the Albany-Shittsburgh connection. We actually developed somewhat of a camaraderie with each other – either that or they were too tired and frustrated to actively avoid me.
I wish I could end this story with some huge payoff, but my bags were delivered to my door the next afternoon. Alas, and I wanted to bitch even more. I just hope that chick who was sitting next to me over the Albany skies had her luggage boarded on time; Toronto is much farther from Philly than my hood.
6 p.m.
• So I saw this list, looked through the first few questions, and figured it would be worth doing to waste time. All these answers were the first things that came to mind.
Questions for those of us who live in Pittsburgh, PA
1. Primanti's or Pierogies?:
Primanti's by far. For those that don’t know, it’s a sandwich place. Some people treat this eatery as god-like, but I’m not nearly going to go that far. Been to one of these shops about a half-dozen times in my life. Liked the kielbasa.
2. Favorite ride at Kennywood?:
The line isn’t bad and the ride is solid. However, as a kid the Logjammer was my favorite. No, I’m not Catholic
3. Favorite mall?:
Now – Westmoreland Mall. Monroeville Mall has too many black people and Ross Park Mall turned too upscale during my Shittsburgh hiatus.
4. What school district did you go to?:
Hampton. Home of the Talbots. Even though I went there, this government school generally produced good students.
5. Which grocery store:
Giant Eagle. Long live the personal scanner.
6. Kennywood or Sandcastle?:
Kennywood, although Sandcastle water park is where I first met the better half. Then again, Kennywood in a landslide of Reagan/Mondale proportions.
7. Penguins, Pirates or Steelers?:
Hmmm. Pirates last. I like football over hockey, but the Steeler fans here are batshit. Give me the Pens, I guess.
8. Favorite event:
When I drive through the city every weekday on my way home to the cozy suburbs. Second thought: Opening Day for the Pirates; it’s always fun to watch them get blown out and crush the pennant dreams of the remaining delusional fans who think they have a chance at winning.
9. The Strip, South Side or Station Square?:
None. If forced to pick – the South Side. My last job had me go there for a vendor. That’s all.
10. Favorite place to see live music [indoor and outdoor]?
None. I don’t go to concerts. If I want to hear a song, I’ll get a CD.
11. Favorite Dave and Andy's ice cream flavor?
Who?
12. Favorite thing to eat at Eat N Park?
Chicken Parmesan in meat sauce with the soup and salad bar, even though the salad bar chili is shit.
13. Favorite movie theater?
Don’t go to the theater that often (as regular readers would know). If I do, my favorite is the Destinta that’s only 5 minutes from my house. Location, location, locations.
14. Which part of Pittsburgh do you currently live in?
I don’t. You think I’m stupid?
15. What's the worst area to be in late at night?
The areas where you only see eyes and teeth: Homewood, Wilkensburg, et al.
16. Favorite museum?
N*gga plz. OK, I’ll answer. Carnegie Museum of Natural History because they have dinosaurs.
18. Yinz or pop?
Pop.
19. Have you seen the view of the city from Mount Washington?
Yes.
20. Do you ever ride with Port Authority?
Ugh. Don’t remind me of my college days.
21. Have you ever eatin "O" fries?
Huh?
22. Do you like the Southside works complex or do you think it was waste of money?
With this being Shittsburgh, I’m sure they wasted a buttload of money. I don’t go there. I don’t care. I think that’s the place whose theater had a shooting during 50 Cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” movie release.
23. Should we have kept 3 Rivers Stadium or are you happy with Heinz field and PNC park?
I’ll never willingly go into either. I’ve talked about this subject before.
24. Do you ever wear black and gold?
I’m sure I have once or twice. I don’t the day before a Steeler game.
25. Have you ever stuck your feet in the Fountain at Point State Park?
Probably when I was a kid.
36. have you ever ridden the "T"?
See number …. How the hell did this go from “25” to “36”?
37. How do you pronounce a gyro?
”J-eye-row.”
38. Do you like Donny Iris?
When I don’t have to hear him (or is it her)?
39. Do you like The Clarks?
I don’t listen to them so I’m indifferent.
40. Do you like Michael Keaton?
After what he said about the Pirates last year, hell yeah.
41. Favorite River name?
Allegheny, I guess. Although I love the name of the HOT MEATAL BRIDGE.
42. What do you think of UPMC?
Mrs. kkk worked there for a spell. That paid the bills. Every medical organization is a clusterfuck. Good thing the Democrats will give us FREE government health care.
43. Terry Bradshaw or Ben Roethlisberger?
Big Ben. I never had a problem with Bradshaw until I heard him talking politics a few times on Fox. Katherine Harris was Florida’s Attorney General -- lol.
44. Do you think the Pens deserve a new arena?
I’ve talked about this before.
45. Despite all the polls/reports that Pittsburgh is the dirtiest city in America, do you agree?
I never heard of this before. How can it be dirty when everybody’s leaving?
46. How much do you love Pittsburgh?
Do I really need to comment?
47. Do you think they should allow casinos in Pittsburgh?
Already happened. I can’t wait until this isn’t the be-all solution region “leaders” are making this out to be. And that’s why I live in Westmoreland County.
48.Do you like PNH?
Who? What?
49.Have you ever attended a Pittsburgh Sports event(Steeler Game, etc.)?:
Yep.
50. Which do you like more--Panthers or Nittany Lions?
Neither, but if I have to answer it would be the Panthers. Then again, that’s like asking me who I like more: Hillary Clinton or nl-asshole.
51. If your parent worked for University of Pittsburgh and you could attend it for free would you go?
All academia institutions are the same. Go where you can get the best deal. I’d mooch.
52. Do you hate the Cleveland Browns?
No. But it’s sad when there’s a city out there that Pittsburghers can goof on. Other than Cleveland and Detroit, the pickings are slim.
8 p.m.
• I heard this trailer was out. Ugh.
8:15 p.m.
• With smokes costing an arm and leg over here, one might wonder how Big Tobacco stays in business. Here's how.
Damn. And those people stink enough as it is already. Too bad when I get my eventual heart attack/stroke one of them will be towering over me on the operating table. Oh, back to this link. Does any of this sound familiar?
• Good God, this took place (allegedly) on New Year's Day. Say, the Browns got rid of Jeff Garcia after one season -- maybe that, too, was a HATE CRIME. Jeff, you're not fooling anybody with that "wife" of yours.
• Uh-oh.
I love the quote at the end. If these newspapers are going to counter the towel-head wackos pissed off over a cartoon, what else are they supposed to do other than re-print it -- write a mean editorial? I bet many of the rioters probably can't even read.
Might as well join in this solidarity movement.
Oops, wrong Photobucket image. There we go.
7:45 p.m.
• So today we got hit with our first “big” snow/ice storm of the season. Eh. I left work early because we were going to getting ice mid-morning. Wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but the commute was twice as long as normal because of slow traffic. Most times, the weather isn’t the problem – it’s the other drivers on the road.
• This past weekend was mostly spent with Mrs. kkk hanging out and watching movies to help her cope with our recent “family” situation. As the days went on, it seemed to be working. Now I’m expecting this to linger for some time, and that’s OK. I’m not going to put a timetable on this sort of thing; she can feel however she wants. On Sunday night, we were going to watch one more movie before going to bed. I decided to get something from our “new” stack that we haven’t seen yet: “High Crimes.” I remember watching this with her years ago and it’s a typical “Kiss the Girls/Along Came a Spider” film with Morgan Freeman. Even though I remember the ending, I don’t recall much more than that. And of course guess what happens at the start of the film? Ashley Judd’s character finding out she’s preggers.
Fuck.
9 p.m.
• We're sorry. Our bad.
• Don't you know that flaunting the color red is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
• Take a guess as to where this story is from. The answer is in the spoiler text.
7 p.m.
• So the better half and I got our taxes done by the H&R Block chick that Mrs. kkk has gone to for years. This year we overpaid $2500. Wait, did I say “overpay”? I meant WE’RE GETTING $2500 BABY~! Sadly, the better half does that thing where they take more out of your paycheck; I’ve just let this issue be one of those things we just have to agree to disagree on. Oh well, at least this lady is funny. Last year I made some right-wing remarks while sitting there and this year was no exception. I really don’t remember what I said because I came in toward the end of our appointment (was held up at work), but I think it had something to do what that “stimulus” package Congress is passing/just passed. Our tax lady was talking about it and I asked if illegals will be sucking on this government teet. (I heard some rumblings that they could.) She said “no,” and I replied “at least not until that bitch gets elected.” Our pseudo-accountant began laughing out loud and said if Hitlery gets elected she’s moving to Canada. Uh, why? They already have their government health care. Then again, our friends north of the border don’t have 300 million people to deal with.
• I’ll tell you what – for a Republican to be this close in the polls is actually surprising for me.
Then again, it’s McCain. I lifted this from the other place.
• Even though Obama is a bigger dumbfuck than Hitlery, it'd be nice to see him get the nomination because that would mean the Hildabeast would probably never run for President again. After all, if anyone is willing to make her a running mate, I hope to God that person has a phat life insurance policy signed.
8 a.m.
• And what is Hitlery going to do when some Muslim country rags on her for being the White Devil/Great Satan/a general bitch in nature?
Wow. She won't appear on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2008 and may not appear on MSNBC-sponsored debates. I thought the purpose of the primary season was to get on lots of media outlets only to run and hide once elected to office?
You know, I remember when Rush Limbaugh did some dog-fades-to-Chelsea image on his television back in the early 1990s, and he got rightfully blasted for it. However, if Hitlery is going to use her adult daughter to hawk for votes, then using the “p” word is seemingly appropriate. Besides, “pimp” has gained more of a meaning than its original intent. Say, what better time to take a trip down memory lane?
Well, now I feel like it.
When I was at the test-scoring facility in Ohio, we scored some state-assessment projects via computers and others by hand. The latter consisted of the students’ actual test papers and were delivered to us by mail. These papers were grouped in booklets, and there were a bunch of them to keep organized. To aid us in properly sorting out these hundreds (maybe even thousands – I can’t remember) of packets, we hired clerks. Basically, these were high-school students doing the summer job thing.
Well there was this one particular project in which we had a really good clerk, or at least that’s what I was told by my boss. Shrug. I didn’t mind getting up and taking my test-scoring group’s completed packets and putting them back in their initial boxes – it gave me a chance to get up from my chair. Then again, I’m sure the big bosses wanted someone who made less money to do this basic function, so I don’t blame them for getting us these assistants. Anyway, our clerk (I’ll call her Jen) was going to be out for a few days due to some operation and I wanted to know if we would be given another clerk or if our project was going to be clerk-less for a time. No big deal either way. I went to Jen’s boss Joe and asked him about this. Joe was a very soft-spoken guy and was great to work with. He was one of those guys who would hardly say a word, but then when he did it would be a great one-liner. When I asked him this question, he thought about it for a second and then said he was going to get this one clerk from this one project to help us out on one day. He then said that he would get this other clerk from this other project to aid us on another day. As he was mulling his options, I made the following remark, “Doesn’t this kind of make you like a ‘clerk pimp’?” He gave his usual laugh and that was that.
Or so I thought.
The next day my boss came up to me and was freaking out because two other people in this project who were also at my same management level were freaking out. When I asked why, my boss said that Jen wrote a letter to the clerks who were going to be help us out. This letter was just a basic “here’s where you put these completed packets/etc.” guide. However, there was one passage that brought on my co-worker’s ire.
Jen used the phrase “clerk pimp” to describe her boss Joe. The sentence read something like “Depending on which day the clerk pimp decides to send you over to our project…” and our two older co-workers read this and were enraged. I then responded to my boss that I was the one to came up with the “clerk pimp” term. He then laughed and said something like “Why am I not surprised? Well they are PISSED at Jen.”
Too fucking bad.
The only time I said “clerk pimp” was to Joe, so logic told me that Joe had to have said this phrase to his clerks. If Joe doesn’t care and Jen was writing a note that was intended for her fellow clerks, then my fellow test-scoring supervisors needed to take the sticks out of their respective asses. If not, then they need to get pissed at me because I’m the one who made this oh-so-wretched description.
As I went to my desk, I could tell these two older women were pissed. I can’t remember how this started, but they mentioned this offensive letter and I went right at them and said I was the one who came up with the term in a conversation with Joe and anyone had a problem with the choice of words then they should deal with me rather than Jen, who probably heard “clerk pimp” from her boss. The one lady then said the following:
“Do you know what a pimp does?”
I laughed. I laughed quite a bit, actually.
After a few days of pseudo-drama, the “clerk pimp” saga ended, although Jen was a little jittery once she heard of the OUTRAGE her letter caused. This was before I told her to let me know if anyone gave her grief about the phrase because I was the “clerk pimp” originator. Of course, nothing ever came of it, which didn’t surprise me. It’s a wonder how we got any work done there at times.
5:30 p.m.
• So while the better half was in surgery this week, it gave me the chance to read the first chapter of Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book.” The first chapter is devoted to goofing on enviro-wackos. Nothing really surprising. However, one thing I love to do (well, maybe not love) is read mainstream media accounts of issues back in the day. Take for example this gem from Newsweek published 4/28/1975, which was featured in Beck’s Book.
This was, of course, to combat global cooling. It’s a shame I wasn’t born a few years earlier than I was because I just missed the cooling craze. All I remember from my early years of schooling was some film that featured the “last clean place on earth.” It was some hippie greenhouse run by some … well, hippie. I guess the local people, who were dressed in HAZMAT gear, got tired of him and his animals breathing all that clear air and started knocking it down. For shame.
Oh, and here are some crazy quotes that are in Beck's book. I love reading stuff like this:
From enviro-wacko/EricMM's idol Paul Ehrlich in 1969:
In 1970:
Well, he was sorta right on this one. Although you have to substitute "dead fish" with "Mexicans."
8 p.m.
• So today I went to the bank to get another debit card. For years my former place of employment had direct deposit, so I had no need to go to the ATM machine. Now I will so it was time to get a card. This meant having to go in and talk to some bank person. Yay. To make matters better, I was in my jeans and unshaved-for-two-days face. I love it when this happens because these bank people think I’m some scrub looking to start a $50 super-saver account. Now the guy I dealt with gave the usual “Oh, you have THIS much money with us?” as he pulled up the kkk account, but it was nowhere near the extreme reaction I saw with this lady a few years back.
It was 2003 and the better half and I had just moved back to Pennsylvania. I needed to take my casher’s check that was taken from the Ohio-centered bank and deposit in a more venue-friendly locale. I decided on this one bank for its location. I had just done a few days worth of moving in the dog days of August and once again hadn’t shaved for a few days. As I walked into the bank after a few hours of moving heavy stuff in a duplex that had no air conditioning, I wasn’t at my prettiest. I said to one of the tellers that I wanted to open an account, and I was directed to one of the account managers in those fancy cubicles. I was seated with some middle-aged woman who had a few other things to do. This gave me the chance to listen to the guy sitting in the cubicle next to me, who was pleading his case to that account manager due to a number of checks that he bounced. He kept bitching that the fees charged to him for each bounced check just made his other checks go bad. Uh, that’s why you DON’T BOUNCE CHECKS. He then started this pseudo-sob story about how he doesn’t have a job and all that shit – damn Bush economy. I felt sorrier for the bank employee than I did this douche. Anyway, my account lady came back and began treating me like I was just like that guy sitting in the cubicle next to me. Then she took a look at my cashier’s check and did the following.
She perked up her head.
She opened up her eyes.
She said, “Oh.”
It took everything in me to refrain from laughing out loud. I get that these people deal with a lot of scuzzballs with $100 to their name, but don’t always judge a book by its cover. Of course, all that money eventually went to a house, wedding and credit-card debt relief for the better half. However, with all this taken care of, it’s time to get back to surprising bank people.
9:45 p.m.
• Shoot. I just heard on the local radio station that Boortz is on will replace him with two local schmoes whose short-lived stay on an FM talk channel whose format only lasted six months. And I can't listen to Neal at work anymore on-line. Bastards.
8 a.m.
• So SUPER TUESDAY has come and went. Whatever. No matter who gets the nomination for my side or the other I’ll probably be ill. Sad thing is, I started thinking about who in my Party could be a viable candidate. I can’t think of anyone. Christ, and my commie neighbors will probably have Hitlery or Obama signs on their lawns this year. I might just get a McCain sign just to piss them off. I still have yet to make my mark on the primary season. Thanks, PA.
• I need to pay attention to the NBA more often than just before playoff time.
You know, I'd like to see this go down just to see Shaq Daddy run up and down the court like a fiend.
6:30 p.m.
• Well today we had to go to the hospital to get kkk jr. out of the better half. The procedure is known as a D&C. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes, but the waiting/prep/etc. lasted the entire day. Even though the experience was godawful, I’ll say this: After walking by some of the “cancer centers” it could have been MUCH worse.
• I thought about this earlier today while watching footage of the Giants ticker-tape parade. You know who has got to have a shitty job? The people that plan for those kinds of events only to have the hometown team lose. I can’t imagine how much planning would be involved in arranging the security/travel/etc., and then to have nothing to show for it. Ugh.
7:15 p.m.
• So I watched a bit of the Super Bowl last night – didn’t see the end, though. This was a weird game for me because I really didn’t care for either team. I don’t like Emily, but knowing that Randy Moss could get a ring was way too much for me to bear. I wasn’t a big Plaxico Burress fan when he was a Steeler, even though I never doubted his talent. However, he won me over this year by playing with that bad ankle (not like winning over some miserable bastard is something to put on the old resume). Even though there were players on both teams I didn’t like, there were some that I did. I never had anything bad to say about Junior Seau, and I always liked the way Michael Strahan presented himself to the media. Hopefully, he’s learned to stop messing around with those white girls.
Even though I didn’t make a prediction before the game, I thought the Patriots would win. I was guessing it would either be a blowout by New England or a low-scoring affair (Real genius there; what else would it have been – a Giants blowout?)
• Oh, and another big story during this Super Bowl time was my U.S. Senator crazy Arlen dredging up “spy-gate” right before the Big Game. (Can I still say that without being sued by the NFL?)
Look, for those that don’t live in the commonwealth, Arlen does this stuff all the time. For those who still remember (or care), when it was time to convict Bill Clinton back in ’98, Alren invoked some “Scottish law” thing and didn’t vote. Then, shortly after Bill’s meat was off the hook, Spector began talking about this other thing that Clinton should be impeached for doing and that the whole process should start back up again. That’s our Alren. (Do I even need to mention the single bullet theory?)
For the record, I voted for Arlen in the last election and in a primary against a much more conservative Pat Toomey. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
