kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 14: King of the 909
It’s good to be King. Now being King of just the 909? I don’t know. From reading the limited entries in his blog it doesn’t appear that royalty in a state filled with illegal aliens would be all that appealing. Then again, if you were really King you’d be able to kill these leeches and then put a few in the heads of the Amnesty International and ACLU faggots that object. Funny enough, when he signed up for kkk Bowl years ago I thought for some reason he was black. But then he starts an ice hockey thread. Well so long to ethnic speculation. But back to “King’s Shit.” If you read the tagline to this cyber-diary it says:
Really? Well let’s see what has bugged Mr. 909 since December of 2005.
College Bowl games.
The weekend of December 12 in the sports world.
Smush Parker.
The media not letting the Suns/Lakers go.
MLB teams and their trading tactics.
Uncontentness.
His workplace.
Towel-head Thanksgivings.
Blog entries getting deleted when he writes a bunch of stuff.
This year’s March Madness tournament.
George Karl.
The Lakers.
The Lakers some more.
THAT’S IT? N*gga I have more things annoy me during a trip to the grocery store. But you can count me in as one of those people that don’t think soccer is “gay.” However, please don’t start talking about Europe Cups, Manchester United or whatever the hell is going on in that continent below us.
9:15 p.m.
• Well, we've been to London and we've been to L.A. Spain, New Zealand, and the U.S.A.
Europe, Japan, and Pango-Pango Canada, Siam, Oz and Kamoto
The kids all come from miles around
The party gets started when the sun goes down
A Holiday Inn's the only home I know
Rock-n-roll's alive 'cause we got the power baby
Crusing down the highway at 500 miles an hour baby
We got a fuel-injected tour bus, man it really flies
With a video tape deck inside
Let's go, rock-n-roll, everybody c'mon
Let's go, rock-n-roll, everybody c'mon now
Touring, touring, is never boring Touring, touring, is never boring Touring, touring, is never boring Touring, touring, oh baby, touring
Especially with your favorite girl Touring, touring, all around the world
Well we've been around this great big world
And we've met all kinds of guys and girls
From Kamoto Islands to Rockaway Beach
No, it's not hard, not far to reach
American girls knock me out, ya know
Fast cars, cold beer, and rock-n-roll
America is the only home I know
Let's go Let's go Let's go Let's go 500 miles to Mexico
Let's go Let's go Let's go Let's go 200 miles to Tokyo
Let's go Let's go Let's go Let's go
Drive, drive, drive the night away
Straight on through to the break of day
Drive, drive, drive the night away
Well, it's in your blood, it's in your blood
Touring, touring, is never boring Touring, touring, is never boring
Touring, touring, is never boring Touring, touring, oh baby, touring
Especially with your favorite girl now
Touring touring, all around the world Touring touring, all around the world
Touring touring, all around the world
...
Wait a second, I had "Rock and Roll High School" playing instead. Oh well, I'm sure I'm not the first to make that mistake.
6:15 p.m.
• So there was some crazy-ass weather to hit the region right as I was leaving the office.
My co-worker advised me to stay in until it cleared up, but my theory was to go now because the traffic would only get worse. Now there was some shitty conditions: heavy rain, high winds, some tornados spotted. However, there are parts of the country that deal with this shit all the time, so even though I was much more alert than I usually am on the drive home from work I wasn’t going OMG I’M SO FRIGHTENED like some callers on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO show were screaming.
Why am I talking about this? Because I’m leading up to my road rage story. OK people, when traffic lights are out and there isn’t anyone directing traffic, TREAT IT LIKE A FOUR-WAY STOP SIGN AND DON’T JUST FUCKING DRIVE THROUGH THE INTERSECTION. There was a three way stop that I just knew was going to be trouble, and this blue-hair just went on through. Had I not prepared for this encounter I would have been t-boned. As I laid my horn on her for the next two blocks, at least I got her to stop at the next down traffic light. Jesus I hate people.
Actually, I was a little concerned because I kept seeing downed trees during my commute. Especially since there are some big trees near my property. However, the storm lost steam when it got to the surrounding counties, which is where I live. Yet another reason why the suburbs rock.
• How funny is this? I live in the Shittburgh area and I ESPN alerts me to local stories. First it was “Jim Rome is Burning” telling me the Pirates got Matt Morris. Now I learned from “Around the Horn” that the Steelers have a mascot.
Steely McMotherfuckingBeam.
Que?
You know, one of the things I liked about the Steelers throughout my life is that they didn’t bother with mascots or cheerleaders. I guess I need something to laugh at after the Pirates stop playing in September and I don’t see the team’s “We Will” slogan for six months. At least the Succo's "Pirate Parrot" is tolerable.
Ha. I forgot about this. Thanks Wikipedia.
3 p.m.
• I heard about this when the story first broke. Sickening.
It's not even worth making some "boy, I hope this child doesn't do hard time but instead gets lots of hugs for killing several members of our society who would have probably gone on to do something useful" remark.
12:30 p.m.
• Ugh. Some asshole called the house at 2:45 a.m., waking up the kkk household. When the answering maching got activiated, my first thought was "who died?" But I'm guessing it was a wrong number because there was no messge and the Caller ID had it listed as a "private call." Bastards. I'm now crashing with two-and-a-half hours to go in my workday. If this would have been at 4:30 a.m., at least I would have been woken up 30 minutes before my alarm goes off anyway. But noooooo, it has to be two-plus hours hours.
11:45 a.m.
• You know, everybody loves the term "Limousine Liberal," but it just doesn't seem to pack the punch it once did. After all, the Left-Wing Elite seems to be wasting more resources now than they ever did, what with their fancy houses and overseas trips. I think a more appropriate term should be "Private Plane Progressive." If Rush uses this line in the future, at least I'll know he reads my blog.
8:45 a.m.
• LOL, on Boortz's local morning show, he just called former senator's Max Cleland's "chief of staff" a "little asshole." Awesome.
8:30 a.m.
• This was the highlight of Boortz's show yesterday, and I knew there would be someone complaining about this segment. I was right. Hilarious.
6:45 p.m.
• Oh no, RACISM~!
Oh fuck, now the invasion is headed to my neck of the woods.
Oh well, at least Al Keiper will be happy, especially when these hard-working invaders take his job of stat-keeping local minor league games for less pay, or at least less hot dogs/nachos/whatever the Scranton Mud Hens pay out. Yes, I know that's not a real team. I already whiffed in my 3 p.m. entry, so why not make up teams while I'm at it?
• Get a job hippies ... and then you can own your holy mecca or whatever.
Oh please let a developer turn this land into a Wal-Mart.
3 p.m.
• So the better half’s boss isn’t that bad a person for an academic idiot. If I had to work with someone with a Ph.D., it would be her boss. However, there are times when I just shake my head and go WTF. Peep these two stories from yesterday.
1) This woman is paying some guy $400 to shop for a Honda Prius. I told Mrs. kkk to let her boss know I’d do it for $375. Hell, for a steady paycheck I’d shop at the hippie organic store for her, too.
2) The better half works for some research project that doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. It’s some funded study that analyzes if sexual behaviors of crackheads are more risky than those that inject heroin, or something equally stupid. Anyway, the boss was freaking out because the amount of crazy people applying for interviews has faded a bit. There’s only so much you can do by posting flyers around town. Now, what would be the obvious solution? To advertise. Personally, I think putting an ad or three in the local city paper (you know, those publications free to the public that have newsstands at the grocery store/theater/street corner/etc. However, when the Mrs. suggested advertising in newspapers and the like her boss said no because then there would be “too many responses.” Well alrighty then.
7:15 a.m.
• So Barry B*nds is now the HOME RUN CHAMP OF THE WORLD~! Whatever. Did he take roids? Yeah. Did other people? Yeah. Is the homer total legit? Sure. I just don't like him. At least he lost in that World Series to the Angles a few years back. Wow, him losing and Racist Dusty in one swoop. That was a good night indeed.
8:45 p.m.
• So today was spent away from work because I had eight vacation days to use up by year’s end, and now that number is seven. One thing the better half and I decided to do (since she took off work as well) was to take our second car in for its annual emission/inspection. Now this piece of shit is an ’88 Corsica and my niece and nephew in-laws affectionately call it “crappy the white car.” Seriously, this thing looks like it’s on its last leg (or wheel, as the case may be), but it still moves around with no problem whenever we have to take it out of the garage. Well, we got a call from the auto place that said Crappy needs a lot of work to it. When I heard the estimate I said, “we’ll pick it up.”
Now I know dick when it comes to automobiles, and I make no bones about my lack of knowledge on the subject. When I told Mrs. kkk what they said needed replaced, she was flipping out because she claims Crappy doesn’t have any of those problems. Whatever. We’re going to get her brother, a mechanic, to look Crappy over and take the car to another place for inspection where the standards are so high as the place we took the car prior. (The father-in-law said that the guy who looked over Crappy is new and extremely anal-retentive.) What was pissing the better half off was that she things the mechanic was trying to rip us off because most of the things wrong with Crappy deal with emissions, which this car is exempt from because it was driven less than 5,000 miles in the last year. Now I don’t mind getting ripped off by the mechanic. Sure, charge me an extra $50 for this or replace a widget that didn’t need fixing for $75. I don’t now the difference. I will say this however – I better not have to come back to your business to re-fix the problem. That’s when the trouble will begin and I become an asshole. Otherwise, my theory on this matter is don’t fuck with someone who has easy access to your car’s brake line.
I finally got Mrs. kkk settled down when I told her that at least now we know this mechanic is a likely swindler and that it’s better to know this now than when any big-time work was to be done on the Crappy or the other car in the kkk household (a 2003 Cavalier) and we could have really been taken to the cleaners. Speaking of money, we went out shopping today and while at the mall the better half went into some over-priced shampoo/soap store where she buys that kind of stuff chicks like to get. Problem was nothing was on sale and she left empty-handed. As we were walking she muttered to me, “I can’t believe I went in there and didn’t buy anything because nothing was on sale. See your influence on me?” I couldn’t be more proud. Interesting, I’m a Jew when it comes to 99 percent of financial matters but more than willing to get ripped off at the mechanic’s shop. Call me a hypocrite if you want, but my reasoning for this is while I can shop around for a multitude of items and sales, when it comes to auto trouble I want a place I can trust to get the job done. If that means I pay a few dollars more because they want to replace lug nuts or something, then so be it. I guess I’ve seen too many assholes at car repair shops flipping out over the price of brakes or mufflers. Dude, if you don’t like the price, then do it yourself or take your business elsewhere and let me read my in-store magazine in peace.
While I’m on this subject, I’ve had more than once mechanic compliment me on my manners over the years regarding my patience and understanding with car maintenance. One time my car needed some work done to it (a couple hundred dollars) and the mechanic was literally bracing himself for my sure-to-be angry reaction. I just said, “OK, just do whatever.” He was shocked that I didn’t go, “YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IT’LL COST THAT MUCH!?!? RAWWWWWWWWWR!” Did I get ripped off? I have no idea. But I’ve never had to take the car in to get it fixed since regarding that problem.
8:15 p.m.
• There’s nothing like writing a cover letter while playing Body Count’s “Mama’s Gotta Die Tonight.” I’m a bit pissed with myself because several years ago I composed a kick-ass cover letter that I forgot to save and now can’t find the damn thing. Then again, the best that cover letter could do was land me where I am no, so why am I thinking it was any good? To make matters worse, I can’t really remember what I wrote and haven’t felt motivated to compose a new piece of literary excellence. Then I remember that in a little more than a year from now my one idiot boss will become my workplace’s idiot top guy in charge. Time to start typing.
No.
Nah.
Fuck no.
Oh hell yeah. Time to let the words flow.
6:30 p.m.
• So on Jim Rome's TV show today he was goofing on the Pirates for taking Matt Morris in a trade. We did? OK. Rome pretty much goofed on the Bucs for taking someone who gets paid a shitload of money. Just how much does he make?
Wow, that's sure a lot of money, especially for the Pirates. But I bet this Morris guy is really good.
Uh...
• And the Pirates were also a topic on "Around the Horn." Some player threw his bat 30 rows into the stands, or something like that. Daily double, baby.
• While I'm on the subject of ESPN, if anyone else watched yesterday's NFL Live, did Bonnie Bernstein really say Jerry Jones has just two Super Bowl wins during his Cowboys ownership tenure?
2 p.m.
• And now it's time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Erica is getting married to a guy who has already been married three times. After Dr. Laura yells at her for picking someone who already has three strikes, she asks the 33-year-old Erica if she has her tubes tied. Erica says that the lesser half is fixed, adding that she wouldn't want any kids because this guy is physically abusive. I have no idea what Erica is blubbering about now; something about how she can't find anyone better. God it must be great to have a spouse you can just beat on and control.
1 p.m.
• Since in the last few days we got to see what a commie Al Keiper is, I figured he would be in attendance for this night at the ballpark.
How insensitive. A team actually WON the game? I hope everyone at least got trophies when the teams went out for ice cream afterward.
10:45 a.m.
• A day or so ago I talked about this caller to Boortz who always relates everything to pot. I didn't know his name. He's on the air now: Dave from Montana. Right now he's talking about Boortz visiting the President yesterday and how it's not fair he doesn't get to visit the POTUS. Now he's talking about the border agents who are in jail that shot the Mexican drug dealer. Here it is ... if pot was legal, they officers wouldn't be in jail. Gotta love Dave.
7 a.m.
• So there is this mama deer and two fawns that hang out by the hillside next to where I work. I oftentimes see the fawns romping around, grazing and not bothering anyone, and it gives me a chance to zone out for a few minutes (not like I would anyway even without the outside entertainment). This morning I parked my car and saw the two fawns close to the road. A little too close. I tried shooing them away because, unlike many of my conservative brethren, I don’t get the whole killing animals for sport thing. I mean, that’s why we have black people, right? Anyway, I was also scanning around looking for the mama deer because I’ve heard stories of these animals freaking out whenever they think their babies are in danger. Considering I was carrying a lunch cooler, my briefcase/portfolio thingy and a gallon of green tea, I would be in some serious trouble if Mrs. Deer decided to give me a few hooves to the head. As I watched these two innocent animals graze, they looked up at me from time to time, and then I saw mama deer at the top of the hill. She would look at me every now and then but it seemed she was leaving her babies alone. As I started walking to my office, one of the fawns began following me. Across the street. Ugh. GET OFF THE STREET YOU STUPID ANIMAL! Fortunately, a car came by and spooked the fawns up the hill. However, for a brief second, from my line of sight, it looked like the car was gong to hit the fawn head-on. It wasn’t until after the car passed that I realized the fawn had gotten back on the grass. Jesus, how hard can it be to survive when your only necessity is to STAY ON THE GRASS?
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 15: Slayer
This poster really kills me. Get it? Kills me. Slayer. And who says I’ve given up on this countdown? Anyway, I’d have to say that Slayer is probably one of the truest libertarians at this place. He’s got enough common sense to stay away from liberal craziness, but at the same time he shakes his head whenever his red state of Kansas acts like … well, a red state. Actually, Slayer frequents this place much in the same way I do – get in a thread, say your one-liner, queer up the place and get out. He, naturally, does this much better than I do, which is why I guess he always goes way deeper than me in those poster tournaments. Then again, maybe he just steals vote counts like the Bush War Machine did in 2000 and 2004. Oh INXS, how I’ve missed your lunacy.
7 p.m.
• So Shittsburgh has a little mini-crisis of its own due to the Michael Vick case. No, Willie Parker doesn't have any cockfighting rings in his house, unlike Kordell Stewart ... ba-da-bing! Anyway, I could tell you the story, but why bother when I can get someone else to do it for me.
It's a really sad day when a person gets invited onto an OPINION show, tells the actual truth of the situation and gets hounded by two media outlets, one of which is him employer. Is it any surprise that the Post-Gazette is a steaming pile of liberal PC shit? Paul Zeise can post a comment on KK' Korner any time he wants. I mean, it's not like he's nl-asshole or anything.
• You know, every time I watch Star Wars, I get more questions than answers. For example, how does Lando run a mining business when he's up there in the clouds? I think the fact I don't know this makes me glad because it shows what level of Star Wars geekdom I'm at.
• Normally I'd say something like "OMG ur tAx dollarz @ wurk!" over something like this.
But then I got to the next paragraph.
8:30 p.m.
• So the better half returned the call of the matriarch of the test-tube welfare family and guess what Mrs. kkk was asked? If that abandoned house across the street from us was on the market.
Oh hell no.
Long story short. Many moons ago, the people who lived in that house died. The family of the deceased never wanted to sell it; however, they never bothered to keep up with maintenance. From what I heard, the furniture and shit is still in there. I’m sure it wouldn’t be a bad little house, but it’s going to need a good deal of work. That being said, there’s not fucking way I want those people living across the street from me. Mrs. Test Tube told the better half that she wants to move from the shithole of a house they bought two years ago and live somewhere in our school district, which is better than the one she’s at now. OK, if you wanted to live in a certain school district, when you already had two kids popped out from your snatch, WHY DID YOU PEOPLE BUY A HOUSE IN A DIFFERENT SCHOOL DISTRICT?!?! Jesus tap dancing Christ are these people pathetic. What’s funny is that if any houses are selling on my street they will be going for at least twice the amount of the house the test-tube welfare family currently live in – and these people can’t even keep up with their $300/month mortgage as-is. Not only that, but they will now have to sell the piece-of-shit house they are currently living in, and I bet they’ll be lucky to find a buyer, let alone try to break even on the sale. I swear to Christ I can’t stay around these people for more than five minutes without the urge to take a brick to the side of their collective heads.
2:30 p.m.
• So Drudge had the following link headline to an article about Chief Justice John Roberts' fall:
Now is the foam from his fall or because the High Court is going to be taking up some more affirmative action/gay marriage/abortion cases?
• So I've been hearing about this for a while now and just had to post this hilarity. You may have seen these ads pimping some government health-care program for "the children" called SCHIP (pronounced "chip" whenever I hear it).
Oh, no. And this from the state of DICK CHENEY~! How could anybody be against giving "the children" health-care coverage?
So does this mean if a 22-year old SCHIP recipient kills someone they could be tried as a youth?
1 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Well, it’s not really the call per se, but rather the flashback I got when hearing this guy ask if he did the right thing. Long story short: His aunt is a mega-bitch and neither he nor his soon-to-be better half talk to her. There was some other history, too, but I wasn’t paying that close attention. They decided not to invite the aunt. This pissed off the guy’s mom, who said she no longer wants to be part of the wedding party and does not want to be introduced as his mother. The guy said “OK.” He wanted to know if he was in the right. Both Dr. Laura and I agree that he was. However, what inspired me to write this couple of hundred words was that when it came time for my wedding RSVP guest cards to come trickling in two years ago, I was hoping for quite a few people to say they couldn’t make my special day where the chain around my ankle gets clamped down for good. This way, I had an reason never to deal with them again for the rest of my life. That’s why I don’t visit the test-tube welfare family that I’ve talked about in the past here. However, I still have to attend that Memorial Day outing because that aunt showed up. Sonofabitch. Oh well, at least I have an excuse to ignore my two cousins from my idiot mother’s side for my remaining days. Woo-hoo!
10 a.m.
• Just heard on the radio that Robin Roberts has breast cancer. I remember watching her and Bob Ley on ESPN's Sunday SportsCenter back in the early 1990s. She's moved onto a network morning anchoring gig, and, although she's a commie and part of the mainstreamliberalpress, I always had a soft spot for her when thinking back to my formative years and remembering her talk about the day's sports headlines. Thank God she doesn't have to talk about "Who's Now" or any of that other shit going on now at that place. The first thing that comes to mind when hearing Roberts' name is this annual report ESPN does every year about some college football player crippling some other player in the South and how the one athlete visits the other's grave each year. At the end of this report, Roberts was trying to hold back her tears, and was doing a poor job at it. Nothing to be ashamed over. The radio update said the cancer was detected early, so you go, girlfriend.
8:15 a.m.
• So I'm listening to Monday's Dennis Miller radio show, and at the end of the first hour this caller Bob from New York is calling Dennis a puppet for the RIGHT-WING and that he's getting paid by the usual suspects, etc. Dennis asks him why he's so angry, and Bob just starts bitching with the usual you-get-paid-by-Bush talking points. Bob calls again during the second hour and says Dennis can't tell how anyone can be "angry" by just a phone call, or something like that.
"I'm going to suggest, Dennis, that you do not have the abilty to infer how angry I or anybody is from the words they say..."
"Bob, bye-bye. You're the first caller I cut off in four months. You know why? You're an idiot. Don't call back."
Funny stuff.
8 p.m.
• So the baseball HOF ceremonies were this weekend, and one of my all-time favorite players, Tony Gwynn, got inducted. As a kid, there were a handful of baseball “heroes” I had during the 1980s. They were Gwynn, George Brett, Carlton Fisk and Fernando Valenzuela. That's all I got. Tony's the man.
• Oh I can’t wait to see how this shit gets enforced.
This part made me laugh.
• And speaking of enforcing laws, this shit blew my mind earlier this week.
So local governments aren’t allowed to take measures to stop the invasion and have to rely on the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT? God help us all. Also, I have no clue what political party Hazleton's mayor is, but if he would run for governor I'd vote for him.
• It’s bad enough parents don’t have time for their kids, but now they don’t have time for dogs?
Actually, this isn’t such a bad idea. I’d rather have someone rent-a-pooch for a few hours each week than have them buy a dog only to take it to the pound a few months later when the owner discovers that canines like to do things like walk and poop outside. And, unlike children, I'm sure the dogs don't care where they end up each day as long as they associate "home" with the business' kennel.
• I’m sure you can make a variety of cock jokes with this one.
If only they had choked their chickens, those guys wouldn't be dressed like one.
6 p.m.
• So I was playing around on IMDB and found this post in a thread titled "Things you learnt from watching this movie?" for the "Wolf Creek" message board. Well, it made me laugh. Oh, yeah. Spoilers and stuff.
10 a.m.
• Finally got around to seeing Peter Jackson’s “King Kong.” That’s why you get for messing around with them white girls.
• Here is the conclusion to my 3 p.m. entry yesterday about that poem I wrote which got me in a heap of trouble in 11th grade. The class had to write a “senses” poem in a “question and answer” format. Basically, you had to write a line in the form of a question that dealt with one of the five senses – taste, touch, smell, sight and hearing. After each line you had to have a “yes” or “no” answer. After 10 lines of this shit you had to do a line in the form of a question and then the other in the form of an answer. Sounds stupid? You bet. I also found it funny that in a class called “creative writing” you had these draconian rules to follow whenever you wrote something, but I digress. Anyway, my hippie poem was about a couple walking on the beach, and I had stupid lines like,
“Will you look deep into my eyes while the moon reflects off the crashing waves?”
“Yes.”
…or some hippie shit like that. When I got to my last “sense” it dealt with the chick asking the guy if he’d hold her hand or something similar. Here’s how my last four lines went that got me in trouble. Remember, after this question and answer, I need to follow that up with another Q&A line.
“Will you hold my hand *blahblahblahhippieshit*.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I have no arms.”
There you have it. When my classmate, who was as big a slacker as I was, asked to read my poem (I wasn’t allowed to read this in class), the teacher stormed over to him, grabbed the sheet of paper, crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. Where’s the ACLU when you really need them?
I also had this woman for a public speaking class the year before, and that was some fun right there. There was one project where I was in a group of five and the assignment was this 20-minute panel debate over a topic of our choice. You needed two people on one side of the argument, two people on the other side and a moderator. Our group, which was made up of slackers just like me, picked “censorship.” My role was to be moderator. We had several class periods to work on this project, and all we did was sit there and bullshit. After a few days, we realized that we had nothing done so we worked on an “intro.” By “intro” I’m not talking about opening remarks. No. We were going to pretend this was a late-night talk show and we were thinking up ways to introduce the program. We were the last group to do our presentation, and the four-five groups before were made up of actual students who cared about their academic achievement. After the first day when the first two groups did their presentations, we suddenly realized we were in a world of shit. The day before our presentation, I frantically tried to make an outline of who was going to say what about our topic, which was about Free Speech Rights. On the morning of the big debate, we got ready for our intro, which we spent all of our class time preparing. And just what did we do?
*Person 1 turns off the lights to the room*
“Person 2 plays tape recorder with a voice saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Late Night with KKK.’ Suddenly the Looney Tunes theme comes on.”
*Persons 3 and 4 are across the room from each other and swirling flashlights around while theme plays.*
*Person 4 (me) moves up to the front. When the theme stops playing, Person 1 turns the lights back on and Person 2 plays the tape of crickets chirping.*
Judging from the look on our teacher’s face, this didn’t go over as well as we had hoped.
As bad as this was, our actual presentation was even worse. Instead of following the script of Person 1 on the pro-free speech side giving their spiel with Person 1 on the anti-free speech side retorting, it just a free-for-all. And with me as the moderator, I had no clue what the hell everybody was going to say next. Ironically, I had put the most work into this thing (which isn’t saying much mind you) and I got the worst grade out of the five of us. But that was nothing when compared to the next project. The same five of us had to do a “interrogation-type” project where each of us had to be a “prosecutor” and a “defendant” regarding another topic. This project’s topic was obscenity laws. The only thing I remember about this was one person grilling the other and the following ensued.
“Person A, you claim some cartoons today are ‘obscene.’”
“Yes.”
“What about the cartoons of generations before? Were they as bad?”
“No.”
“How about Walt Disney? Were they ‘obscene.’”
“No.”
“How about Donald Duck?”
“No.”
“Even though he has no pants?”
Yes, that was the HIGHLIGHT. After we were done, our teacher blasted us for at least 5 minutes about how we didn’t follow any of the rules of the assignment among other things. I don’t remember much of what she said because I was too busy trying to hold in my laughter. But this incidents weren’t as memorable as the public speaking class I told while I was in college. Developing...
11:45 a.m.
• Wonder if this was featured in Mikey Moore's latest film?
Boy, it's a good thing those new moms got all this at no charge thanks to Canada's FREE health care. Perhaps Mikey didn't mention this because these people were nothing but plants by the corporations.
9:15 a.m.
• Whenever I wake up in the morning, there's always at least one of our three milling around, or on, the bed.
Animals may not be as "smart" as humans, but I'd take their instincts over what's printed in textbooks during many of life's instances.
7:15 a.m.
• So I finally got around to watching “Batman Begins” last night (like I’ve said before, I don’t watch movies in the theaters all that often, so I normally wait until they come out on DVD). All I can say is … wow. Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Katie Holmes ... Morgan Freeman. Awesome stuff. I actually liked the first part of the film when more of a “backstory” was presented than when all the action took place. I’m not a big comic book guy, but Batman was one of my favorites. This of course means I had at one time a dozen or so of his comics. I didn’t see “Batman” coming out of Christian Bale (who I never heard of up to this point), but that’s not a knock on him. It’s just whenever I hear “Batman” the first image that pops into my head is Michael Keaton –– similar to how I think of Roger Moore whenever I hear the words “James Bond,” even though I always liked the Sean Connery movies better. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way when the Joker is featured in the next movie, which is what I’ve read about in the TSM Movie folder. That white-and-green bad guy will always be Jack to me.
• While I'm on the subject of movies –– que?
5:45 p.m.
• Ohs Nos.
Here's my question. Why would Home Depot take any MoveOn protest seriously? That would be like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse buckling under PETA pressure because its members threaten not to go there for dinner because Sean Hannity pimps the eatery on his radio show. Yeah, Home Depot, cave in to the group that wants to live in grass huts.
• An update on dead neighbors. That guy who I thought was dead a while back is still kicking. I recently saw his television on at 6 a.m. while getting into the car for my morning work commute. However, my next-door neighbor's (the wife of the deceased groundhog killer, for those keeping score at home) cat died. Hey, that kitty was 16 years old and had more energy than my three combined. No complaints about its time on this earth.
• When this story first broke I put my head in the sand. Now hear my warning. Any more articles that begin with...
...will result in me hunting down the so-called journalist that would write this and kill them. That's all.
3 p.m.
• OK, now this is depressing. Late last year I spoke with my former high school teacher after 13 years since my graduation. Turns out some of her students were working on this publication and I assisted her with some things. I just received the book today, and goddamn was this an impressive effort. After a first look-thorough I saw a few faux pas, but nothing serious –– mostly just little inconsistencies that only I would notice. Overall, this was an excellent product, and it made me think back to when I was in high school and my academic achievement –– or lack thereof. Hell, this is the same teacher who once called a work of mine in my 11th grade creative writing contest the most “bigoted thing she’s ever read” and “garbage.” What is this poem you ask? Well, if you remember TSM’s “Get Your Learn On” Folder, you’ll probably remember the poem in question. But it’s now 3 p.m. and time to go home. Developing…
7:30 a.m.
• So the last few years whenever I mowed the lawn I’d bag the clippings and store them in the backyard shed until garbage day, when I’d transport them to the curb. The problem with this is that many times I forgot about them and they would stay in the shed for weeks at a time, depending on the next time I mowed the lawn, opened the shed, and said “shit.” This year I’m trying something different. Instead of the shed, I’m putting the bags in the garage. This way I see them almost every day and I won’t forget about them. There’s only one downside to this: the grass aroma can leave a bit of a stink. However, the minuses outweigh the pluses, in my opinion. Of course, Mrs. kkk doesn’t agree with this and has bitched since the start of the mowing season this year. To shut her up, I went back to putting them in the shed. With all that said, here’s a conversation of our trip to work today.
“Did you take the grass bags from the shed for the garbage?”
“Shit. I forgot.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Because I mowed the lawn last Saturday and forgot.”
“When did you start putting them back in the shed?”
“Because you kept bitching about the bags being in the garage.”
Wedded bliss.
8:30 p.m.
So I was flipping through channels the other day and came across this.
Do I really need to say anything else?
2:30 p.m.
• Please let there be footage of this and have it end up on one of those "Wildest Chases/Stupid Criminals" shows.
Ha, I don't need to wait that long. Here's the video.
7 a.m.
• So Ward Churchill finally got the boot from his cushy academic job.
Now I get to hear about this shit for the next few years while he sues over his free speech rights. Hey, Colorado, you hired him. You gave him tenure. You reap what you sow.
• So whenever you pour some chili on your hot dogs, remember that it was made in the ghetto. Oh well, can't be any worse than the imported shit we get from China and Mexico.
This part made me laugh, but I always get a chuckle from the word "crack house."
11 p.m.
• So I was listening to an archived Dennis Miller radio show from earlier this week, and he had a few callers talk about their days working at a GM/Chrysler/etc. plant, where the unions don’t care what goes on as long as you pay your dues. Were these callers really ex-Big Labor workers? Who knows. But my favorite was this chick who said, “I was the first manager at Chrysler, err, I mean a major automotive plant.” Oh, that was smooth. She said “Big plant” once more, then Miller said, “Was it Chrysler.” Great delivery – made me laugh out loud.
Later on in the afternoon I was listening to a local RIGHT-WING RADIO host who was taking calls from some PISSED OFF people because their government schools were going to be invaded by some city folk. Here’s the story in more detail.
Part of me feels for these people who are about to have more students go to their school. Duquesne is a shit hole, and I’m sure these students will drag down the quality of the other two schools they populate, even though I’m not sure how good West Mifflin and East Allegheny are regarding academics. I'm sure people who call these detractors "RACISTS" would do the same thing if a similar event would take place in their township. However, this is what happens when your child is enrolled in a government school. The show's highlight was some kid who was reading from a piece of paper about something-or-other about this issue to the host. The host asked, “are you reading off a piece of paper?” The caller said no, which prompted the host to say, “it sounds like you’re reading something to me.” The caller responded, “It’s all from the brain,” then made that “Ptttth" noise you make with your tongue before hanging up the phone. It’s times like this when I love local radio.
Speaking of talk radio, the other day some caller to Mark Madden’s show suggested that the Pens top draft pick (some center) should be the starting center while Sidney Crosby, the league MVP, moves over to a wing position. Did I mention that sometimes there is nothing funnier than local talk radio? And what’s on the horizon – Steelers training camp. Time to over-analyze every training camp drill and keep track of which players drink the most Gatorade.
10:30 p.m.
• Shit. This is the sort of thing that gives local governments more money from Uncle Sam.
Speaking of managing money, I just found out today that the "miscellaneous" part of my department's budget includes the ink cartridges I order for my office printer. What's odd about this? Every other ink cartridge in our organization gets paid for out of the general office supply budget. I don't think my "So am I going to be billed for the paper, pens and paper clips I use?" didn't help matters much. Then again, I'm not allowed to spend any money in my budget anyway, and neither is my poor co-worker, who got the third degree for a recent business trip when he dared to put down hotel and fuel costs on an expense report.
10 p.m.
• So the better half was arguing with me over the meaning of “hot” when it comes to describing someone’s attractiveness. She contended that “hot” meant, in guy speak, “I sure want to fuck that chick,” adding that words like “pretty,” “attractive,” and “good-looking” mean that the male doesn’t want to stick his thingy in the stink box as much. After pondering this for a few seconds, I had to disagree. I always considered “hot” to be a general slang term. Now if a guy says any of the other terms, I would contend that person wants to have sex even more because he actually took the time to think of these more descriptive words. You can say that anyone is “hot,” but to take the time and tell a woman that they are “pretty” or “attractive” seemed to get the panties wetter faster. Then again, you can just get them drunk and wait until they pass out and not have to worry about any of this.
• The fact this guy is a University of Cincy student doesn't surprise me in the slightest.
I remember applying for a number of UC jobs during my time in Ohio, and each time I was given an Authoritve Blacktion card to let them know what race I was. After sending in a few of these, I decided to just start filling in other races other than the mighty whitey category. I wonder if they HR people actually believed an Eskimo was applying for work at their institution.
3:30 p.m.
• So a while back I applied for this one job that I never heard back from except for when I got the “Your resume is impressive but you suck” letter. In fact, it came so long after I applied, it took me a while to remember when I first sent my resume out. A few months later (my rejection letter came around late February/early March), I noticed in the newspaper that the same job was advertised again (this was sometime in April). I chuckled to myself figuring the “ideal candidate” they picked didn’t work out. I looked through the classifieds last night and guess what I read? Yep. The same place looking for the same position. Now either this place is expanding at such a rapid rate they need to triple the staff for this position or they are such a clusterfuck to work for that the turnover rate is just as bad as the Houston Texans (or whoever led the league in this category last year). Sometimes the job you get passed over for is the best thing that could ever happen.
7:30 p.m.
• Christ, like I don’t stay home enough already – just got off the phone with the Comcast guy for this package deal. For the past year I’ve had this $100/month deal (fuck this $99.99 shit) where I got Digital Cable, Internet and phone service all under the Comcast umbrella. This deal expires tomorrow and I was eligible for a Digital Premier Bundle for $160/month. I will now be getting all the HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, TMC, Encore and Starz channels, along with an upgraded tier of digital channels and a DVR. Now I really don’t care that much about getting premium channels – when Mrs. kkk and I moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003, we took this special offer from Comcast where we got Digital Cable and some premium channels for a cheap price for six months. Once this expired we cancelled the digital service and went on with life. What made me take this service is that the aforementioned $100/month deal is ending and the normal cost for this stuff is somewhere around $120/month – why not do an extra $40 and get all this other stuff. Remember, it’s not so much being a Jew with your money but rather the kind of value you get.
4:15 p.m.
• So with this being third full season where I’ve been mowing the yard, I’m actually surprised to learn that I don’t mind doing this shit during the summer months. I thought the spring/fall seasons would be more acceptable to me because I hate humidity. However, the summer months also features a dry lawn, which makes cutting so much more easier than when my grass-killing contraption clogs up with damp grass every 10 feet of mowing.
• I read this in the paper today and just had to share the best parts
5 p.m.
So the better half just called and told me I got a cell phone. Like anyone calls me on the landline. Now she'll be bitching about me never having it on, losing it or having it fall apart. Joy.
4:30 p.m.
• Just a note for all kkk Bowl participants: I should be making an announcement in the Sports thread late this month/early August. If you had a team last year, you’ll get first dibs at it again. I’m about halfway done with the score sheets and I might get motivated enough to finish it off today.
• Pity, really. I wish they would have paid an extra $6 million for covering up the action of perv priests.
Makes me wonder how many of these lawsuits are legit and how many are bullshit. Also makes me wonder why I didn't jump on the cash-wagon when I had the chance. That's right, Mrs. kkk is a Catholic. I'm a confirmed Lutheran. Drat.
• Saw the original Rollerball for the first time last night. Eh. I didn’t really like the whole “corporations take over the world” bit because I think a one-world government would have been a better fit. After all, I thought Big Corporation wanted wars, poverty and all that other good stuff. But despite my nit-pickery, it’s still a better movie than that crap which came out a few years ago under the same name.
9 p.m.
• So I had O'Reilly on and he was talking about some hot ghetto mess Web site, and he said that this voyeuristic Web site is exploiting the inner city. He then made a side comment about how the ghetto really isn’t a mess and this is making the people of the inner city look bad. Uh, Bill.
8 p.m.
• Let's complete the humans-are-scum trifectia with this gem.
And what is this "alternative theory"?
Riiiiight. Here's the rest of the story. And LOL at the attorney firings. Just think, the one he kept offers the "alternative theory." Perhaps the other fired legal eagles had souls. Then again, probably not.
7:45 p.m.
• What the fuck is wrong with this world?
Christ only knows what happened to the other kittens. And perhaps those who compain about the teenage death not getting as much "attention" should have shown their outrage when it happened. Sad thing is the cat's probably going to die anyway and those little monsters will get counseling when they should be getting a special delivery from the Cancer Fairy.
4:30 p.m.
• As I'm typing JJ is taking a pee in the computer room litterbox. Sometimes I wonder if cats get annoyed if they're trying to do their business when someone else is in the room. I know I like to use stalls when in a public facility. God is that ever a gamble, hoping to find a toilet that's not clogged up with shit.
You know, as much as I think cigarettes are nothing more than a tax on the stupid, when will it end?
The reason I say this is because once there's not enough smokers to pay out these taxes, Big Government will come after some of the stuff I like, such as burgers, fries and soft drinks. Then again, they're already doing this, but the process will be sped up more.
1:30 p.m.
• So the better half and I had ESPN’s Mike and Mike on this morning, and they were talking about the Michael Vick case and how he’s been indicted for dog fighting. Now Mrs. kkk has a real soft spot for animals (you’d figure that out with the three cats we have), and when she heard that dogs in the Vick Manor were (allegedly) electrocuted, hung and shot, among other things, she turned the radio off. I turned it back on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO guy whose co-hosts she HATES, I then said something to her and turned my head and saw her in pre-cry mode, where her lower lip covers up her upper lip and the chin dimples start to show. Believe me, I know this look, seeing how she’s married to me. Anyway, just to be my usual asshole self, I said to her, “Now dear, this is part of their culture.” She shot back with the following remark, “Well it was part of our society’s culture to hang these niggers from a tree like they did those dogs and beat them to death. Maybe we should do that with these fucking assholes!”
Wow.
I couldn’t think of anything else to say but, “Baby, I love you.”
By the way, couldn’t Vick just own a meat processing plant and get his jollies from livestock getting killed? He could still bet money on how long it would take a cow to bleed to death or something.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 17: Wildbomb 4:20
Some of you may not remember this guy, but I sure do. When Mr. Bomb first came on the scene, he actually tried to make valid, thought-out arguments. Peep this post regarding media bias.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, here’s another post of his in the SAME THREAD talking about the economy.
Please note he’s not copying and pasting material someone else already wrote. This is all original thought. And you expect me to actually read all this? And what was my response to him after skimming through the latter post?
When another poster questioned why I just “refer to the very end of (the post), ignoring the meat of the information,” I had to remind him that I generally don’t read anything longer than two sentences (or three syllables) at this place. Besides, if I spent the time actually reading long, thought-out posts, you wouldn’t get such hilarity like what I posted at thread's end.
Sadly, poor Wildbomb still gave it that old $120,000 college try by attempting to generate serious discussion, but he would usually came up short. However, because we were both in the communications field, we shot the shit quite a bit via PMs, and there were actually a few threads where there was somewhat decent banter. And what did many of these threads have in common? Wildbomb wasn’t going on 500+ word posts about how much he owes in school loans. Let this be a lesson to all aspiring TSM posters – nobody wants to read all that shit. Nobody cares. If you’re going to post something long, make it be from someone else and just bold selected text to make it appear like you actually read the whole thing while hoping there’s nothing contradictory that could shoot your premise down. Wildbomb finally caught on and realized that nobody at this place is going to significantly change his or her opinions because some faceless message board poster said something smart. I have no idea what he’s been up to in the last few years, but for his sake I hope he’s paying down that $60+k in school loans. The fact he doesn’t post much, if at all, anymore is certainly a good sign.
Ha. I just goofed on Wildbomb for making long posts and I’m already at the 1400+ word mark with this entry. Well, most of this text is from, surprise, other people’s posts. Besides, this is a blog, not some hippie thread. You EXPECT this kind of deep thought in these personal journals. Well, what you expect and what you get are two different things. And I got some bad news…
…HERE COMES THE HIT SQUAD!
It's PMD up in the sector
I wreck the microphonin
I'm quick to pull a Tek
and snap that neck
and leave ya moanin
Kid I'm zoning
it's on
and I'm back up on the block
(Aiyo, we represent the sewer!)
Son, I represent the dock
(dock)
Plus I knock
(what?)
niggas out the box quickly
Kid I'm strictly motherfuckin business
so get wit me
Yo Scratch hit me
so I can do my thing and blow the spot
Here’s some more bad news – this entry ain’t getting much better.
9 p.m.
• So when cats sleep, you can tell if they’re dreaming by their paws twitching. Once in a while one of our three might give a little chirp when snoozing; God knows what they’re thinking about. However, last night when Max was sleeping on the recliner he began meowing – loudly. At first I thought I was on his tail or something, but I wasn’t. He let out a few more meows and continued his slumber. Guess it was a nightmare or something. I know it couldn’t have been an imaginary girlfriend because he’s fixed. Then again, maybe he was pissed that nothing was going on down there in dreamland.
• So I was driving home through the hood today, and what was in front of me? This hippie van-thingy in front of me that was spewing so much exhaust I had to wind up the windows and turn on the air conditioner. And what kind of bumper sticker was on it? The kind that said, “Act Green” then something about how the earth appreciates it. Oh if Mrs. kkk only got me a camera phone. Oh who am I kidding? No way in hell I’d be able to figure it out. Damn kids and their fancy text messages. Actually, I think the whole point of texting is stupid because all people seem to say is…
“how r u”
“good u”
“good lol”
“where r u”
“work ”
" "
“lol”
“lol”
“cu l8r”
“cu”
And there’s $50 right there.
kkk’s Top 103 Posters
Number 18: Bravesfan
There’s not much to say about Bravesfan. Hell, I didn’t even bother doing some fancy intro or anything. I’ve known him for a while at this place. Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad. He’s lived in Hawaii, moved to the Northwest to attend college, and that’s when I stopped keeping score. He still posts under some hippie name, but he’ll always be Bravesfan to me. God, this was a lame entry. Oh well, I still put more effort into it than he did with his most recent foray into the kkk Bowl postseason.
8:30 p.m.
• Well no shit.
Come on, illegals, invade this country. And bring a few towelheads with you. All I ask is that you blow shit up in San Fran, Berkley and Greenwich Village. Oh, and State College, too. Fuck that place.
• And this goddamn chat link at the top of the page is already getting on my nerves. I've mistakenly clicked on in four times today already.
• I might vote for Mike Huckabee in the Republican primary for thisquote alone.
Sadly, with the way Republicans have been acting, voting for someone because they made a Mikey Moore fat joke actually does seem like a good reason.
6 p.m.
• So I just took 20 minutes off of my life by going to Burger King. Hell, it's no worse than the two hours I lost due to some fagtard getting into an accident on the Parkway East this afternoon. Anyway, I tried one of their new Oreo shake things. It was there, but what gave me a hard-on was the straw it came with. Yes, the straw. Seriously, this thing is f'n HUGE. You don't have to worry about sucking on some plastic hole for 20 minutes in the hopes of getting some dairy delight. This bitch will suck up Oreo chunks like it's no problem. That's all I got.
7 a.m.
• A while back I mentioned the 1997 Pirates team that captured the heart of the city by hanging out at the top of the NL Central for most of the summer. Problem was, this was a sub-.500 team that got knocked off by a much better Astros team that decided to show up late in the season. I always found it funny that this "freak show," as it was dubbed by the Shittsburgh faithful was the most exciting time for baseball in the region since 1992. How sad is that?
Well, here's what's even sadder. The local media is doing a four-part series on this magical summer of '97. I linked the last in this series, and I'm not posting any of this shit. Go find it and read it yourself.
• Oh, no. My state's climate could be more like Alabama's if we don't get our emissions under control.
So says the UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS. Who comes up these names? I want to hear the report from the Right-to-Work State of Don't-Give-a-Fuck Scientists.
• Speaking of commie institutions, here's another one.
Bilked? Here's a wild thought. Maybe if the customers had the money in their accounts they wouldn't be subject to overdraft fees and all that other shit. Jesus Christ, what is so hard about having a little cash cushion in your bank account?
If you don't have enough money to cover a 50-cent candy bar, then you shouldn't be using your debit card in the first place. Actually, I have a funny story regarding this subject. When I was 16, I was at the mall and bought the Geto Boys' "Til' Death Do Us Part." After buying this album, I wanted a Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger from the food court. I needed to take some money out of the ATM. I couldn't. There wasn't enough in my account to make the minimum $10 cash withdrawl. It was right then that I said to myself, "WTF, I don't even have enough for a 99-cent cheeseburger?!" (Actually, I had $8-9, but you get the point.) From that moment I've been the kkk-stein you've all know and love. Of course, if I had a debit card and used that, my 99-cent cheeseburger could have costed $30 with the draft fees, but let's just say I still would have learned my lesson. And besides, I was 16 at the time, and that is the best time to learn these financial survival skills –– not when you're an adult living on your own or trying to raise a family.
I still have that Geto Boys tape, and "Bring it On" still ownz all ur azzes.
10 p.m.
• So lovecraft is talking about hippie songs he likes and shit over at his blog. For some reason this gave me the urge to pop in an oldie but goldie -- Body Count's first album. You know, the one with "Cop Killer." Actually, I never really cared for that song when there's much better content on this album. Take for example the genius of these lyrics.
Not quite the same as listening to the actual album, but it's more than what I was expecting from You Tube. I think. OK, I just heard the break between the first and second verses. Forget what I said in the first sentence. My ears, bitch! Now I'm actually watching the video. The hell?
9:45 p.m.
• Forget declining memory and reasoning abilities -- how about old people just get grumpier as time goes along? I should know.
Say, that reminds me. Why don't blacks want their kids marrying Mexicans? Because they don't want their grandchildren too lazy to steal. Who says I don't understand humor comprehension?
5:15 p.m.
• So I just saw my first movie trailer for that Underdog movie. And the sad thing is this will probably make money.
3 p.m.
• Yeah, I know I’m a loser. I don’t care.
So I made some notable changes to my teams in MVP 2005. Well, I didn’t do much with the Pirates, because, well, how can you tweak utter perfection? My A, AA and AAA teams did get some face-lifts. Single-A position players with much better stats than their AAA counterparts moved up while others moved down, and over the last few days I had some interesting contests.
MLB: Edged the Rockies 1-0 thanks to a solo home run. Thank God Colorado can’t hit left-handers in this game.
AA: Was down 7-0 by the second inning, even though I had one of my best starters pitching. To make matters worse, those bastards then switched from a southpaw to a right-handed pitcher, thus screwing up my lineup, which had a few players who couldn’t hit worth shit against righties. Thanks to a five-run ninth, I rallied and won 9-8. Because I called up several players, I needed a right fielder and signed one via free agency. This guy went 3-4 in this game with 4 RBI.
A: This team was a regular mash-fest, which is why I called up several players to AA and AAA teams. I had some trouble scoring early on, but I managed to tie this contest and we went into extra innings – eight of them to be exact. And the funny thing is, my worst relief pitcher threw five scoreless innings.
I’ll probably play my AAA team sometime this week. God only knows what’s going to happen with this bunch.
• I sure can’t wait to see how I got fucked over with this new budget deal.
Crap. That's never a good sign whenever both sides claim victory.
So Fast Eddie is probably going to spend more on stupid shit, and he’s not raising taxes … yet. That’s not a victory you Republican shitheads. You know what this reminds me of? Years ago a group of us were trick-or-treating, and these kids came up to one in our group and surrounded him demanding candy. Much like animals in the wild, we cut our losses with the weak link and moved on. A few houses later, we were approached by the kid we abandoned, and he said to us, “I showed them. They each wanted five candy from me and I only gave them three.” Yeah, you showed them.
Good job Republicans. You state pols are just as bad as the Democrats. Then again, fuck the constituents. They deserve to get screwed. Oh, and listen to this furloughed worker.
You were off for a DAY! And I read in the local paper about someone bitching about this because many state workers live paycheck to paycheck. Well whose fucking fault is that?
8 p.m.
• LOL Mikey Moore.
That joke writes itself. And he wants media outlets to tell the truth? While we’re on this subject, how exactly is universal health care “free”?
Wait a second, Mikey just said at the end that he doesn’t do taped interviews that can be edited. Oh that’s funny.
• So today I heard on several ESPN shows that one of the big stories of this All-Star Weekend, err, day or two, is Barry Bonds not participating in tonight’s home-run contest. “OMG he owes it to the people in San Francisco fans for their years of blind loyalty,” “OMG he is finally getting into the good graces of the world and he’s ruining it,” “OMG he’s turned his back on the fans yet again.”
Look, I can’t stand Bonds, but he can do whatever the hell he wants – and many times he does just that. Besides, I thought Major League Baseball wanted to distance itself from the roid age? Wouldn’t have The Forehead taking his cuts at Pac Bell Whatever it’s Called Ball Park do just that. Listening to the national sports media tell Bonds what he should do to enhance his image is like having a N.Y. Times columnist give advice to the GOP on what Republicans should do in order to win the next election.
• While on the subject of baseball, for those that like this sort of thing:
• OMG FAUX NEWS LOL20… uh, ah screw it. I’m too lazy right now to think up a nickname for the BBC.
• Damn you global warming.
Of course, this is now why we’re referring to this as “climate change.” That way, they don’t have to worry about the earth getting hot or cold.
• N*gga plz.
If they really wanted to make an impact, they would have hung this mean word from a tree or put it on a burning, wodden, lower-case "t" indicating that it's time for this word to leave.
6:15 p.m.
• So how was my Fourth of July? From Monday:
Better Half: “Let’s do something for the Fourth.”
Me: “Let’s not.”
“I want to go to the zoo.”
“Why? You’re going to the zoo next week with the niece and nephew.”
“I want to see the baby tiger cubs.”
“We have three cats.”
“We’re going.”
So on the way to the zoo, we find out that the main road to get to said animal hangout is shut off, probably for some hippie parade. We took a side road and hoped we could end up somewhere near the zoo. Did I mention the Shittsburgh zoo is located next to fucking ghettos and shit? Well, after a few turns we weren’t in Kansas anymore. I wished we were in Kansas. There would have been much less black people giving us thug looks and eying up our phat rims. We decided to turn around and backtrack, hoping we could get one of the fine city’s public servants to let us know what the hell to do. Well, when we got back to where the zoo road was shut off, we realized that now even MORE of the road was closed, and the officers were less than helpful. We took a road that we knew and go on during our daily commute home from work. As we were driving this road we noticed there was quite a bit of smoke a few blocks down from us. Mrs. kkk then said…
“Are they having a barbeque?”
No. They’re having an accident. A really bad one. I have no idea what happened, but some car was plastered against a telephone pole, and some young white guy was lying on the street. There was a crowd, lots of screaming and an old, white cop trying to direct traffic. Oh, and the totaled car was on fire. The cop asked if we had a fire extinguisher. We didn’t. Then we came to a familiar sight. A few weeks ago, this house was hanging a banner, accusing some guy named George Hall of stalking. Well, the banner was taken down a little while ago, but now it was back up.
Apparently, the guy is back to stalking.
Mrs. kkk was still hell-bent on going to the zoo, so we took the Parkway and tried getting to said zoo in this direction. Well, guess where we ended up? Yep, right back to that shut down road, except this time even MORE of the road was closed. Pissed off, we retreated back to suburbia and decided to see a movie. What was the movie? The fourth Die Hard film.
Now I’ve made some comments in the Die Hard thread about my concern for the PG-13 rating. After all, the suckitude that was “Alien v. Predator” achieved a similar rating when it should have been made to appeal to an R-rated audience, but whatever. I went with Die Hard because that was the longest-running of the available films and I wanted to get my money’s worth (a Jew to the end, I know). I’ll tell you what, how the hell did this get a PG-13 rating? Now I could talk about the actual movie and my thoughts on the fourth installment in the Die Hard series, but it’s so much more entertaining to talk about the animals I had to share the same building with for these few hours.
Let’s start with the fellow Die Hard movie-goers. Now this cinema was packed, which isn’t surprising considering the Fourth of July. However, what makes this aggravating is that all the sheeple just stand around the one or two ushers who rip tickets waiting for their movie to start seating. This of course prevents anyone from getting through to see their movie, which is already seating. And of course, there is an ELECTRIC MARQUEE on the wall TELLING people which movies/times are currently being seated and which others aren’t quite ready for seating yet. NOBODY LOOKS AT THIS BOARD! It’s not that hard. Oh, there’s “Die Hard.” Oh, there’s 4 p.m.. Oh, there’s “Now Seating.” Get the fuck out of my way people. Actually, I didn’t bowl over these old people in my way because I gave them a warning when I said out loud to Mrs. kkk, “So do you want to lead in the plowing efforts to get to our movie or should I do it this time?” The old people in front of me wandering around in small circles got the hint and parted to the side. The usher ripped our tickets and said, “Down this hallway. Fourth door to your left. It’s the one without a marquee on because it’s broken.” As we started walking down the hall, I heard the usher say the same thing to the people behind us. Mrs. kkk decided to go to the bathroom and I stood by the Die Hard auditorium door waiting for her. While waiting, several groups of people strolled by with a look of confusion. Yep. They didn’t pay attention when the usher said the Die Hard marquee was down. The better half re-emerged and two separate groups of people asked us where the 4 p.m. Die Hard feature was. Mrs. kkk pointed to the auditorium and said the usher told us it was the one with the broken marquee. Each time the people replied, “Well he didn’t tell US that.”
Oh bullshit. If there’s one thing I know it’s that movie patrons are among some of the dumbest people out there. Once an usher rips their ticket the customers zone out and pay no attention whatsoever to whatever the employee says after that. The better half said to me that when she was in the ladies room, someone was complaining to her about not being told where the Die Hard feature was being played. Yeah. Oh, and when we got our seats I went back out to get a drink and Junior Mints. When I passed this poor usher to and from the snack stand, guess what I heard him say each time to customers.
“Down this hallway. Fourth door to your left. It’s the one without a marquee on because it’s broken.”
So the movie started after 30 minutes of commercials and previews. Look, I don’t really mind wading through previews and shit because that just gives people who showed up late the chance to find a seat before the film starts, but come on – don’t play the same commercials I see on TV on the silver screen. Can’t we be somewhat creative? Oh, and there were two previews to films dealing with the WAR ON TERROR. Christ, people go to the movies to escape this shit. The only saving moment came during some commie “Lions and Lambs” piece of shit that Robert Redford made where Tom Cruise, who I guess is playing some warmonger, says some line like, “If you *do something* the TERRORISTS HAVE WON.” This prompted me to say, “If you don’t come out of the closet, the TERRORISTS HAVE ALREADY WON,” prompting a snicker from Mrs. kkk.
The other highlight of the movie-going experience came afterward when I went to take a number one in the men’s room. After I was done, I returned out to the lobby hall and said the following to the two ushers who were just finished cleaning up the Die Hard auditorium.
“Someone just pooped on the floor in the cripple stool.”
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? And no, it wasn't me that did it.
3 p.m.
• So this sucker client asked my co-worker on Monday to transfer from her account $6,000 because she was having medical work done to her and needed the money by today. My co-worker placed the necessary form/parperwork on my idiot boss’ desk Monday morning at 10 a.m. because he has to see and approve EVERY transaction we make. He finally got around to reading this request … at 11 a.m. today. Bwahahahahaha.
• Would you believe this shit?
Al Gore Jr. was going 100 mph in a PRIUS! And just how much gas was wasted by him going vroom-vroom? The terrorists won this round for sure.
10 a.m.
• Wha-?
Perhaps the upset Frenchies aren't used to seeing one of their own jogging in Paris rather than away from Paris when the Germans come to pay them a visit.
9:45 a.m.
• Well, I guess I really can celebrate Independence Day today since just minutes ago I made the final payment to that $22k credit card debt the better half accumulated over the years. I really should have just spread it out over July and August, but I’m so sick of seeing that shit on my statement I wanted it gone. Took about 13 months to pay this bitch off. Uh, yay and stuff. Part of me is pissed when I think what could have been done with that money instead of feeding it into a black hole, but now the black hole has been fed and I don’t have to worry about it anymore – or at least until Mrs. kkk decides she can be trusted with finances again.
11 p.m.
• So Warrior was on Hannity and Colmes tonight. Do I need to say anything more? And good job Alan for defending the fans' right to boo during high school games against those two commies that you had on an earlier segment of the show. I can understand not wanting fans to swear and throw shit onto the field, but to not let people go "booo" during a free throw or a fourth-and-goal situation? Get out of here.
• I'm sure there's a Bill Clinton joke to be made here, but it's late and the KFC I had earlier tonight has me wanting to go on the disabled list. Why oh why do I think eating this shit is a good idea? And to make matters worse, I think I chipped a tooth way in the back. Eh, I don't use those ones anyway.
• So ESPN is doing these hippie "Day in the Life of" segments with athletes and I just saw one today featuring Jeff Garcia. Got married, eh? To a playmate no less. N*gga plz. I don't care if you like to toss the pigskin without a glove, but dude you're not fooling ANYONE with that performance.
10:30 p.m.
• Yeah, and then when the price of flags triple, these same people that want Old Glories made in the USA will bitch about the cost.
Yep. My state can't get so-called property tax reform in gear (which won't do anything for homeowners anyway), but we can work on this type of shit. Uh oh, I hope this doesn't make me a terrorist.
4 p.m.
• So I just got home from work and turned on ESPN, which just started an "Outside the Lines" story. What what it? Oh Christ, I missed the lead-in, but they're talking pardons, probably because of the Scooter Libby story mentioned below. Tim to hear about Willie Mays Aikens again.
For those that don't know, peep the Wik. For those too lazy, here's a rundown. Get it? Baseball, rundown? LOL2007.
Gag, I really hate this puff piece, which I have seen at least three times already. So you and Cal Ripken Jr. feel you served enough time? That's nice. Hey, don't want to be locked up until 2012? Here's hint. You ready? OK, here it is...
Don't sell crack to an undercover officer!
12:30 p.m.
• So W. just gave Scooter Libby a pseudo-pardon.
Whatever. Like I’ve said before when commenting on this situation, I don’t care. Of course I’m sure Democrats will say this is an OUTRAGE, but unless Libby is shares a cell with to Sandy “is that a classified document in your pants or are you just happy to see me” Burglar, I’m not paying attention. I previously commented that this is like the Republicans' Lewinsky-gate, but after seeing a few of Valerie Plame’s pics...
...I’d rather the roles were reversed and we were instead talking about Val giving oral pleasures. Yeah, I know she’s a whackjob, but it’s hard for her to bitch about “OMG MY TOP-SECRET COVER WAS EXPOSED” when her mouth is already full (or in my case, somewhat occupied).
8:45 a.m.
• So after mowing the lawn yesterday afternoon I noticed that there was still time to catch my niece-in-law’s championship softball game. I figured what the hell and went. Even though they lost by a score of 16-7, it was no worse than being in attendance at a Pirates game. And, oddly enough, her team was actually in the game –– except for that one inning where the other team scored 5 runs. And those other two innings where the other team scored 4 runs. Oh, and the parents weren't that bad. In fact, they were rather supportive –– even when someone on the other team made a good play.
Got home from work. Mowed the lawn. Attended some pee-wee sporting event. Makes me actually feel like an adult. Blech.
8:30 p.m.
• Holy crap. I'm glad I don't work drive-thru anymore. I'd probably be killed. And Penn Hills is not that far from where I live.
It’s kinda funny because the reason young chicks work cashier jobs is to put a pretty face out there so men won’t be as likely to bitch about their order. And forget about saying “thank you,” just get my order right and I’m good.
10 a.m.
• So last night there was supposed to be some big “walk out” at the Pirates game to protest the fact that this team is bad. And what happened?
You want to send a real message to management? DON’T GO TO THE FUCKING GAMES! Hell, I bet a number of these protestors probably bought snacks from the refreshment stands. I feel for you people because putting your heart into a team with 14 consecutive years of losing must feel pretty bad, but the funny thing is despite all this suck the Pirates still make a profit. In a way, you got to respect that.
Pirates management. It’s a lot like Hitler.
Remember, the Steelers pretty much did jack shit for 40 years before winning four Super Bowls during the 1970s. Only 26 more years to go, Bucco fans.
9:45 a.m.
• A final update on Mohammad Mouse. Now this is how a series finale should be done.
Here's the video.
• You know, I actually think this isn’t such a bad idea.
When I worked at the Quickie Mart, it was about that time when we had to really start carding people or else the Anti-Tobacco Gestapo would be hitting us well-to-do cashiers with fines and shit. We were told that we had to card anyone that looked younger than 27. But you have to be only 18 to purchase tobacco? Didn’t matter. Our magic number was 27. And you can imagine how great this went over with our customers. My usual answer to the responses below were something like, “Because I was told to card anyone that didn’t look 27 because Joe Camel is making our kids smoke.”
“OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
“DO I LOOK 18?”
“THIS IS SO STUPID!”
“WHY DO I HAVE TO SHOW YOU MY ID?!”
Now seriously, I ask you: What is so difficult about pulling out your driver’s license? I’ve done it before with no problem. Hell, whenever I go to purchase alcohol, I have my ID out by the time I get to the register, and I’m older than the big 2-7. If it’s the LAW that EVERYONE has to whip out ID in order to purchase booze, and it makes the lives of the many cashiers in the great state of Tennessee easier, then I say why not.
9:30 a.m.
• Remember that shit a while back about OMG Captian America is dead? Peep the final paragraph.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 19
It was dark times for the Conservative Brigade. Even though there was strength in numbers, it lacked one thing all groups need. A lawyer. Not only are these bottom-feeders necessary to fend off lawsuits, but they can also find out when we were wronged, thus turning the legal tables on the unsuspecting. But who can be trusted to head such an important duty? Vyce? Hell no. He likes those queers too much. That’s when it all became clear. It’s hard to go wrong with someone that starts a thread titled: “ Mikey was at my school...” followed by “No word on if the gym collapsed.....”
You’re hired. And I don't even know if you're Jewish.
What was the point of all this? I don’t know. I just like the guy. And he was listing why ESPN sucks before it became popular. Well, at least before it got some really big threads devoted to the subject. I guess I might as well do the dramatic introduction like I did with yesterday’s entry, providing people didn’t click on the links above, thus running any kind of surprise element.
Number 19 is…
…The Real World’s Champion.
8:30 p.m.
• LOL. Enough said.
7:45 p.m.
• Don't you know that rationing fuel is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
7:30 p.m.
• Aww, poor baby. Watch his temper tantrum in court here. Caution: I had a crappy time with the video.
And just what was this teen convicted of?
And I bet he was such a good boy, too, eh Ms. Johnson? Why the fuck to parents cry when their little monsters get convicted for shit like this? Rather than wail into a Kleenex, they ought to be wailing on the back of their kid's head, saying, "What the hell is the matter with you?"
5:15 p.m.
• So Neal Cavuto had Tommy Chong on for a segment today talking about immigration. Oh my God.
• And I'm stealing this from the other place because it pretty much sums up my thoughts on today's events in Washington.
1:45 p.m.
• Chyna is on Jim Rome's radio show and caller just asked her if there was any truth that Vince McMahon wanted Owen Hart dead as payback for the way Bret left the company.
9 a.m.
• Aw, this is a shame.
Yeah, Tony Snow, this is going to end up being on "tough" bill (see the 8 a.m. entry).
8 a.m.
• So I’m listening to Dennis Miller’s show yesterday and he’s talking with Tony Snow about this amnesty program. Tony, I feel you, and I’m sure there are measures to “protect the border” in the pages upon pages of this abortion, but if you actually think this bill is going to actually do any of these “lockdown” measures then you’re on drugs. All this stuff about “there’s no line jumping,” “they have to pay fines,” “you don’t have access to the welfare system,” and “you have to learn English” that I’m hearing you say, Tony, as I’ve heard you say on other shows as well, is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. You actually think Ted Kennedy will go along with this shit? Once this invasion bill gets approved, then the focus will shift as follows.
There’s no line jumping.
Uncle Ted: Come on, guys, Jose is away from his wife and 10 kids that have to wait in front of 2 million others people. Let them pass –– Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
They have to pay fines.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t afford to pay this fine. You’re taking away food off his family’s table. Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
You don’t have access to the welfare system.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t afford the medical insurance to pay for all those kids. Joes’s not a TERRORIST. What are you, a RACIST?!
You have to learn English.
Uncle Ted: Come on guys, Jose is picking lettuce 12 hours a day, seven days a week. He can’t immediately learn English right away. We need to cater to his needs or else we’d be a RACIST country. While we’re at it, we also have to make sure his 10 kids that are taking up space in our fine government schools get the same treatment.
So please forgive me if I don’t seem all that confident in this bill’s ability to enforce laws that aren’t already being enforced and view this pro-invasion legislation as just that.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 20
OK, now the competition is getting fast and fierce; 83 have been listed, 20 remain. The swerves, the pageantry, the… oh let’s get this fucking thing over with.
This poster has been a mod for some time, and unlike other TSM’ers in leadership positions, this guy is actually pretty well respected for his modding and knowledge of the folder’s contents in which he patrols with a big stick. That’s wooden. And made in Louisville. Well, maybe not Lousville – I have no idea what with globalization and all. Anyway, even though the guy’s a commie, much like another Pennsylvanian on this list he’s from the eastern part of the state, so it’s only natural he would fear self-reliance. Nevertheless, he puts up with my retarded jokes and AIM questions regarding America’s National Pastime – all while having the power to ban me in the blink of an eye.
I’m talking of course about…
...Al Keiper.
3 p.m.
• Yesterday I talked a bit about my pro wrestling viewing habits. Someone asked me what turned me off from the product. I guess the best answer is I got bored. Sometime in late 2001-early 2002 I was sitting on the couch watching Raw and thought to myself, “Why am I watching this?” I changed the channel and didn’t look back. Every now and then I’ll flip on Raw just to see if I can recognize today’s “Superstars.” It’s a hit-or-miss affair. Did the consolidation of the major American wrestling companies have something to do with this? I would have to say probably. In the late 1990s I remember watching WWF, WCW and ECW programming. When Vince McMahon swallowed up the competition the product seemed stale, especially after the whole “Invasion” angle. Oh well, it’s not like I can’t find anything else to waste my time on. I have no clue as to the financial state of the WWE, nor do I care. I have no idea what happened in the last few Wrestlemania, nor do I care. Most of my wrestling info comes from glancing at the WWE folder here and looking at the latest thread. If it’s any good I might click on it. And sadly, like I said yesterday, most of these threads involve someone dying. Who knows, maybe one day I'll tune into pro wrestling on a regular basis. Not sure when that day will come, though.
7 a.m.
• So I haven't gotten any interesting "enlarge your penis" ads in my e-mail bin as of late. I get them, but many of the ads aren't all that creative or funny. However, this one below pimping some "penis patch" to enlarge my member the "natural" way makes the cut. Peep the freak on the right.
