8:30 a.m.
• Public service announcement. If you posted at the Other Place and wondered why you can't access the site, wonder no more. It died (again). For those keeping score at home, Frigid Soul had nothing to do with this one.
Here's the new address.
9 a.m.
• Fuck blaming the cats for this fire.
You don't light candles and leave in a house with pets. The closest the kkk household has come to this sort of thing was when Dessa, as a kitten, knocked over a glass of water the better half had on the night stand. When she went to get the glass she got shocked by a power outlet. Then there was the time that Dessa, still a kitten, knocked out my plugged-in clock radio the night before my first day of work at a job. That's when I learned to invest in a battery-powered clock. Of course, years later I was late for work one day when the battery died. That's when we started regulating the kids' feedings. Now no matter what if Dessa, JJ and Max aren't fed by 5:30 a.m. one of us will be woken up. If getting into Mrs. kkk's face loudly meowing doesn't do the trick then the better half hitting me and saying, "go feed your cats" will.
10 a.m.
• Dude, you haven't posted anything in a while. What's up with that? Oh, yeah. I haven't had the time/desire to do so. Bummer, because I have yet to run down all the shit I bought during Black Friday.
Might as well Jew this one out. Here's a recent AIM conversation I had that has a couple good ideas in it -- or at least I think they're not all that bad. At least not as bad as my spelling. Holy Christ.
Fww76 (11:10:11 AM): remember the person i told you yesterday -- oil companies?
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:10:19 AM): yep
Fww76 (11:10:25 AM): surprise -- he has no job
Fww76 (11:10:27 AM): i told him
Fww76 (11:10:33 AM): start your own business
Fww76 (11:10:39 AM): lend yourself a shitload of $
Fww76 (11:10:42 AM): then ask for a bailout
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:10:46 AM): hahaha
Fww76 (11:10:47 AM): think it'll work?
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:10:49 AM): win
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:10:49 AM): yes
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:10:51 AM): god yes
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:10:51 AM): haha
Fww76 (11:10:59 AM): i just typed it not thinking
Fww76 (11:11:03 AM): then i looked at it
Fww76 (11:11:08 AM): thought, "damn, this might work"
Fww76 (11:11:26 AM): Uh, yeah, Barney Frank, I'm the founder of the KK Korporation
Fww76 (11:11:32 AM): my debtors aren't paying me
Fww76 (11:11:42 AM): who owes me? This deadbeat named *ME*
Fww76 (11:11:48 AM): he owes me like $2 million
Fww76 (11:12:11 AM): im sure someone's doing this already sadly enough
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER(11:12:16 AM): ford
Fww76 (11:12:35 AM): i'll accept them getting baiiled out
Fww76 (11:12:40 AM): only if they give the lions away
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:12:52 AM): to the government?
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:12:54 AM): LOL
Fww76 (11:12:59 AM): no
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:13:00 AM): let's see the government run a football team
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:13:02 AM): i like it
Fww76 (11:13:02 AM): but that would be funny
Fww76 (11:13:13 AM): be like $400 million over the salary cap
Fww76 (11:13:16 AM): nobody would get cut
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:13:43 AM): if the republicans run the team, they'll build a huge stadium on their players' pensions
Fww76 (11:13:54 AM): hmmm
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:13:55 AM): players playing until they're in their 50's
Fww76 (11:14:08 AM): that sounds more like the dems
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:14:13 AM): hahaha
Fww76 (11:14:13 AM): here's what i think the reps would do
Fww76 (11:15:01 AM): they would have everyone invest their $ back into the lions
Fww76 (11:15:10 AM): then take the $ and leave
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:15:14 AM): lol
Fww76 (11:15:16 AM): "oops -- FREE MARKET"
Fww76 (11:15:32 AM): wait 20 years, you always have to in order to see your investment gains
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:15:36 AM): they'd outsource the players
Fww76 (11:15:39 AM): lol
Fww76 (11:15:43 AM): NFL does that anyway
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:15:47 AM): true!
Fww76 (11:16:01 AM): Democrats would keep them until the 50
Fww76 (11:16:03 AM): 50s
Fww76 (11:16:07 AM): can't get rid of anyone
Fww76 (11:16:09 AM): jobs banks
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:16:37 AM): haha
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:16:45 AM): they'd lobby to expand the roster size
Fww76 (11:16:52 AM): lobby?
Fww76 (11:16:55 AM): they'd just do it
Fww76 (11:18:29 AM): sports talk radio will get the fairness doctring
Fww76 (11:18:40 AM): half-hour talking about how bad teh lions suck
Fww76 (11:18:46 AM): half-hour talking about how great they are
Fww76 (11:18:58 AM): "uhhh, they were winning 10-0 in the first quarter!"
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:19:15 AM): hahaha
UNNAMED MYSTERY AIM'ER (11:19:22 AM): now that i think about it, this needs to happen
It was early 2004, and the better half and I were living in sin at our third residence. This place was a duplex that had more things going wrong with it than going right. Among some problems included an insect infestation, no central air and drains that refused to do their job; we weren't enjoying our stay at this place. The final straw came when the spring rains arrived and we heard a dripping noise above us as we went to bed one night. We soon discovered that the roof had several leaks. Realizing our landlord wouldn't get around to dealing with this problem until the roof resembled Texas Stadium, both of us agreed it was time to look for a house of our own to buy.
We had talked about getting a house for a while, but we had always put it off until "later." That dripping noise, among the other hassles we endured while being tenants in this duplex, told us that "later" was "now." Before we began our search we decided on what we wanted out of our new home. We weren't that picky in what we deemed "necessary." We wanted a house with several bedrooms -- not because we were going to pop out a litter of kids, but rather we heard/read from several sources that houses with at least three bedrooms have a higher resale value than those that don’t. Central air was also a necessity for us, having stayed in several places that didn't have this feature, we realized its value when we lived in a townhouse that had it running during the summer months. The third requirement was that we didn't want to move into a different county. We live in Westmoreland County, which is in southwest Pennsylvania and next to Allegheny County, home to Shittsburgh and a horrendous property assessment system.
Once we established these parameters, we found out how much money we would be pre-approved for when applying for a mortgage. When we got this figure, we began looking at local houses for sale on several Internet sites. After about a week of looking at a variety of homes, we called our realtor and arranged a tour of about a half-dozen houses that matched our criteria. In a few days, we set out on our house-hunting excursion.
If you're house shopping for the first time, it's important not to set yourself up for a deadline. Just keep looking until you find something that interests you. As we went from house-to-house, nothing was really doing much for us. One house had a backyard that required you to go up several flights of stairs access; the better half also thought the place was haunted. Another house hadn't been kept up for a while and had that white-trash odor of pee mixed with spoiled food. Visiting this house actually angered me because it was a fairly large structure and in a nice neighborhood. The rest of the homes we toured were nice, but they just didn't have everything we were looking for. If one looked good on the outside, it was too small for our liking. If another had several bedrooms, it was located in a bad area, such as a busy intersection with no driveway. However, instead of getting frustrated, I was enjoying myself. With every passing "For Sale" sign, I began getting a better picture of what I wanted in my eventual home.
The better half and I didn't find anything that really interested us in our first two tours with the realtor, and we were batting 0-for-4 on our third trip. Then we went to this one house we originally weren't planning on looking at because its ad said it was 50+ years old and didn't have central air. But since it was on the way from one house we were looking at to another we were heading toward, we figured what the heck. After all, if it really tickled our fancy, we could always get the central air installed. However, the other thing that worried us was the house’s age: it was at least 30 years older than every other one we had seen. As we pulled up to this house, the first thing that caught my eye was a central air unit planted to the right of the house. I thought to myself this could be interesting.
Even though this house was the oldest we had looked at, it was by far one of the sturdiest and nicely kept out of the dozen-plus we had previously viewed. As we went from room-to-room in this four-bedroom colonial, we said to each other that this was the one for us. After looking at the rest of the houses on our list for the day, we ultimately decided to pursue this one.
A few months later, after a credit check, some minor home improvements and a LOT of paperwork, the house was ours. It's definitely more expensive to own a home than it is to rent, but so far the investment is worth every penny. Even though there are more expenses, including property taxes and insurance, the fact that you are spending your money on a mortgage instead of a landlord gives you a greater feeling of independence, even though this "freedom" means that you will be living in the same place for 15-30 years. Thinking of the approximately $700 in rent we paid every month for five years, I cringe when I calculate how much money was flushed down the toilet instead of being put into equity.
Home ownership is another sign you are maturing, at least in society's eyes if not your own. You are no longer living in a room or basement while your parents pay for everything from food to utilities. And instead of renting, where you pass off problems to a landlord or maintenance crew, with your own home you're responsible for all repairs. Heater on the fritz? That's your problem. Leaky roof? Too bad. Basement flooded? Get a bucket and start scooping.
But even with these added responsibilities, I wouldn't trade my little piece of Americana for anything. Owning a home really makes you feel like you've "made" it, and that feeling will continue until you sell it or your local government takes your property for some public works project or hands the deed over to some private developer for the "greater good."
And for those wondering, here is the result of my house search.
• Oh how the mighty have fallen. At one time the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders were the envy of the league. Now Al Davis can't even find a head coach to take the helm of his built-for-offense team. It looks like former coach Art Shell is now the front-runner, after Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt and Louisville head coach Bobby Petrino both pulled out of consideration.
• After giving their starting quarterback a contract extension, it looks like the Houston Texans will stick with David Carr rather than go with Vince Young or Matt Leinhart in the upcoming NFL Draft. Now the stage is set for the Texans to take running back Reggie Bush with the first overall pick, but I’m not sold on Houston making Bush their top choice. Of course Bush has all the tools to be a NFL star, but Houston already has a solid halfback in Dominack Davis. There might not be any offensive linemen in this year’s draft with superstar potential (I don’t pay much attention to college football or draft prospects), but if there were I’d trade this top pick and draft down a few spots to get a top offensive lineman or three, which would help Carr out much more than another running back. Look at what having a good offensive line did for Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who has progressed from wide-eyed rookie to Super Bowl champion in just two years. Hines Ward may catch Ben’s passes, but Alan Faneca and his fellow line mates are the ones who allow Ben to toss the ball to his receivers.
• Even if the Texans pull off a draft-day trade, the most interesting swap this year in the NFL has just taken place. Oddly enough, it didn’t involve any active players. NBC sent “Oswald the Lucky Rabbit” to ABC for broadcaster Al Michaels, so he can announce next season's Sunday Night Football games. For those that weren’t around at the time, Oswald was created in the 1920s by Walt Disney in the days before Mickey Mouse. So an award-winning 30-year broadcasting career is worth a few dozen silent cartoons? Think about that the next time you feel undervalued at your job. Actually, there were some other transactions in this deal. From the article: “As part of the deal, NBC sold ESPN cable rights to Friday coverage of the next four Ryder Cups through 2014. NBC also granted ESPN increased usage of Olympic highlights through 2012 and other NBC properties through 2011. NBC, in turn, gets expanded highlight rights to ABC and ESPN events.”
So who got the better of this deal? I'd say ABC, unless Michaels stays in the booth through 2014. And even then Oswald will still outlast Al if properly preserved.
• Speaking of being undervalued, how would it feel to lose your request for a pay increase but still get a raise worth more than $2 million? Alfonso Soriano knows. I still don’t get baseball arbitration. You signed a contract for $7.5 million/year – that’s the amount of money you get. Case closed. It’s not like you’re going to get cut by a baseball team and lose all that money. Just wait until your contract expires and seek your value on the open market.
• I don’t know much of this case, but I’m not going to cast judgment on Busta Rhymes for missing the wake of his slain bodyguard. While some might think he’s being inconsiderate, it’s possible Mr. Rhymes just doesn’t want to attract media attention to the bodyguard's family in this time of mourning. If he would have been in attendance during this somber occasion, the place would have been overrun by photographers and reporters. However, if Mr. Rhymes isn’t cooperating with police regarding this shooting, then he truly is a busta.
Blog Plugs
Since we’re all a happy community here, I figure why not plug my fellow bloggers?
• Bored fells like an old-timer when it comes to observing sports, and he opens up the vault to reminisce about his first baseball game. But like I said there, what depresses me is when I see players I remember watching retire and become managers, or, worse yet, advance up the corporate ladder from coach to general manager to president of a sports franchise.
• Alfdogg was pretty much spot-on in his guessing of the 2006 NBA All-Stars. While I can’t comment much on the NBA during the regular season, I don’t like having an All-Star game take place during the regular season. Say what you want about the Pro Bowl, but at least when that game is played, the athletes there put in a full season to deserve being called an All-Star, not half of a season.
SfaJack unknowingly opened up a can of worms with his comment in yesterday’s entry when he asked if I ever visited or plan to visit PNC Park. My answers? No, and fuck no. I bitched a bit about the way PNC Park was built a while back in my entry concerning local newspapers, but too bad; I’m now going to bitch some more.
The time was the early- to mid-1990s, and the Steelers and Pirates were playing at Three Rivers Stadium, a structure that when originally built in the 1970s was supposed to be the future of how stadiums were to be constructed, what with that futuristic-looking field turf and the ability for baseball AND football games to be played at the same site. Now I never had any problems with Three Rivers Stadium, but then again I didn’t have to play on that crappy Astroturf. In fact, I have quite a few memories from that place which I’ll probably share in an upcoming entry, and none of them dealt with how pretty the stadium looked.
The early- to mid-1990s was around the time when major-league franchises began extorting, err, telling their home cities that if they didn’t build them a new, state-of-the-art stadium or arena that the team would pack up and move to another city; Shittsburgh was experiencing this craze with both the Pirates and Steelers demanding new fields. These threats brought about a hippie referendum that went on the ballot in seven counties in and around the Shittsburgh area in 1997. The referendum was whether or not you approved of a one-half-of-one-percent tax to fund regional projects, which included of course new stadiums for the Pirates and Steelers (never mind the fact that a few years prior the region had implemented a tax for, [shock!] regional development, which included the area of sports facilities).
I’ve mentioned in the past that the liberal Shittsburgh Post-Gazette was all up on the nuts of the proposed tax increase, and for months this publication told us yokels how great this new tax would be, adding that if this measure wasn’t approved, the Pirates would move to a city like Raleigh, N.C., with the Steelers soon to follow. My favorite piece of media hysteria came a week or so before this vote when the Gazette ran an editorial that was supposed to be “the day after the Pirates moved to North Carolina,” where we got to learn of what a huge mistake all “no” voters were making. It was great fun to watch the voter backlash when this referendum crashed and burned in every county it was voted on. In the months leading up to this vote, we were constantly told how there was no “Plan B;” that this vote was “all or nothing” and would “deicide the future of (S)hittsburgh for years to come.” Oddly enough, after this vote, the local government found other ways of funding these stadiums. What was this measure called? Why, it was called “Plan B!”
Besides the pro-tax media acting like Chicken Little, the Pirates were also whining about the condition of Three Rivers Stadium, saying that with a sub par stadium they couldn’t financially compete with Major League Baseball’s bigger-market teams. The Pirates said that with a lack of luxury boxes, among other cash streams not available to them thanks to a crappy stadium, they couldn’t keep players like Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla, who at the time had both recently left for greener pastures. Why, if a new stadium was built, then the Pirates could be competitive again!
So against the will of the voters, the Pirates and Steelers got their new stadiums. And to this day I have refused to set foot in PNC Park or Heinz Field. Now considering people will their waiting list number for season tickets to their next of kin, I think my self-imposed boycott of Heinz Field games won’t be much of a problem. The Pirates are another matter. It’s been almost 10 years since the Pirates moved into PNC Park, and where are they now? For this team a good season is not losing 95 games. For this team a high payroll is more than $50 million. In fact, the Pirates are making a big deal because they increased their payroll this year, which makes them the fourth-lowest payroll in the big leagues. Sorry, but I refuse to pay major-league prices for a minor-league product. It’s like buying a leather recliner, a big-screen television with surround sound and watching a movie on a 30 year-old VHS tape. I must admit though that one time I almost caved into going to this den of evil, but that’s because my one friend from out of town was coming for a visit and expressed interested in attending a Pirate game. Fortunately, they were on the road for that week. The things I do for my friends.
Ironically, there is now talk of building a new arena for the Penguins, and the mood is quite different from back in the mid-‘90s. It’s funny because out of the three new structures: Heinz Field, PNC Park and a new arena, the arena would probably get the most use year-round. Yet politicians are dragging their feet regarding this issue. There’s currently some debate going on about having soon-to-be casino slots revenue go to pay for some costs of building a new arena, but that’s a whole other topic for a whole other blog entry. And despite the Penguins seriously contemplating moving to another city, there is a blip of the same media panic-mongering, if any at all.
Thanks, Sfa, for getting me inspired enough to bitch about the most expensive minor-league baseball stadium in America.
• Now this is rich. Mexico is threatening to take the U.S. in front of the United Nations if we decide to build a wall between our southern and their northern border. Talk about a threat; I’m about ready to shit my pants in fear. Why, I’m sure America will get at least four warnings by the U.N. before getting a really mean letter sent to the White House by the Secretary-General. Hey, Mexico, you don’t like us building a wall between our border with you? I have an idea – let’s implement the same immigration policies our friends to the south have for those who aren't Mexican-born that live in their country. Some highlights to what I linked above.
Seems only fair to me that we follow Mexico's lead on this issue.
• So it seems Randy Moss didn’t take to kindly to what Howie Long recently said about him.
Uh, Randy, this former Raider is a Super Bowl champion, multi-time Pro Bowler and member of the NFL Hall of Fame. Pick your battles more wisely.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This guy who has several young kids from a previous marriage got hitched with this chick. His wife said to him before the wedding that she had been molested as a kid but it was only until after they got married that she told him the molester was a family member. Seeing how the caller is bringing several small kids into her family, he asked her who was the pervert. She refuses to say who violated her childhood but she insists that “he’s gotten over it,” adding that he only molested two family members.
• I was listening to Fox Sports Radio the other day and the hosts were talking about Jerry Porter now being suspended from the Oakland Raiders. One thing they said Porter was unhappy about dealt with the length of practices -- I think too much practice is the least of the Silver and Black’s problems. But this isn't just a week to rip on the Raiders when you have the Arizona Cardinals imploding in the fourth quarter of last night's game. I do feel bad for Neil Rackers though. He was the Bengals kicker when I lived in southwest Ohio. While going through a tough season, he had to put up with constant crap from idiot fans; I remember there was an incident at some restaurant when he was there with his wife/girlfriend and some dolts were bitching about the Bengals. Go ahead and boo all you want when an athlete is out on the field, but for Christ's sake leave them alone when they're trying to enjoy a meal or share an outing with their family out in public.
• I don’t hold humans in high regard, but kitties are another matter. This asshole needs a bullet in his head.
Uh, how about taking the kittens in, getting them checked out and putting them up for adoption, you faggot-ass piece of shit? Yeah, that would have been real hard; OMG you would have had to put the animals in a carrier and taken them to a vet. Sure it would have cost a few dollars, but he’s the principal of a government school – I’m sure he could have footed the bill. Hell, get the local media involved and this could have turned into a nice, heart-warming story of two kittens getting a second chance on life. Instead, this bastard unloaded two bullets and now he has me wishing for his slow and painful death.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this): This couple went camping for a few days and left the 17-year old daughter at home unattended. They asked her when they got back if she stayed home the entire time and she said no. She said she spent two nights at her boyfriend’s house. There is a disagreement with how to punish her, and the father says that he wants to be less harsh on her than his wife because the daughter “prides herself in being a virgin,” goes to church and plays sports.
While not the call of the day, this one call that got me saying, “I don’t think so, ho.” The chick had a kid with some guy who bolted the moment she announced that she was preggers. She married this other guy, and they also had a kid. The first baby’s daddy contacted this woman and said that he is more than willing to relinquish parental custody of the kid who he has never seen. When the caller asked her current husband if he would adopt the lovechild, he said no because he feared that if something ever happened to their relationship that he’d get saddled with paying child support for the kid that isn’t his. Hell, I don’t blame him one bit – although I’m sure he’ll end up paying support for the one kid that’s not his even if he doesn’t adopt.
7 p.m.
• If you haven’t read today’s comment section, it looks like one of Vern’s cats will probably be passing away soon. It’s always a sad feeling when one of your pets dies, especially if he/she/it has been part of your life for a long time. Even though my three aren’t quite ready for the old feline's home, they are starting to get up there in age. Dessa is 8, JJ is 7. And while Max is probably only 4 or 5 years old, he has a few conditions that will probably shorten his life. As I’ve said before, back in 2004 our household had one kitty by the name of Shadow who died after we took him in as a stray just three years prior. While he was just with us for only a short time, he more than made his fair share of memories in our household, including this one I talked about last year.
And yes, the guy Shadow clawed up is the same “Mr. Sterile” that’s in line for a promotion to full-time janitor.
With all that being said, here are some pics of Shadow, which were taken when we lived in Ohio.
The last image when Shadow is telling JJ to step off is probably my favorite one of him, and it brings to mind a funny story. When we first moved back to Pennsylvania, we rented a duplex from my hero who employs his daughter at a shit wage and charges her rent for living in his basement apartment. Our duplex had a pretty large unfinished basement, and this was a popular hangout for Dessa, JJ and Shadow. JJ would always go down there and cry, which meant he wanted some company from his little brother. Sure enough, within seconds, Shadow would head on down to their clubhouse. Of course, many times they would end up wrestling down there, and let's just say JJ is more a lover than a fighter, which is funny because he is quite powerful (especially when he's trying to get away during his bathtime). Pretty soon the better half and I would hear JJ shrieking and screaming from the basement, and when we’d make our way downstairs JJ and Shadow would be in a stand-off with both tails puffed out and mounds of gray (read: JJ’s) fur on the floor. Dessa, of course, would have to see what was going on, and this always resulted in more growling/hissing (Dessa has never cared much for her brothers, no matter who they were). After a few squirts of a water bottle, everyone would scatter like roaches from light. Of course, minutes later JJ would go back down in the basement and start crying once again. And sure enough, we’d then see Shadow scamper across the living room on his way back to their very own Fight Club.
Hope this helps, Vern.
11 a.m.
• Well I hope they bring this asshole to justice.
The GOVERNOR was probably not wearing his seat belt?! I certainly hope he has to pay the fine associated with this intentional law-breaking. Click-it or Ticket, buddy. It's bad enough the esteemed governor of my state takes my nickname of "Fast Eddie" to a whole new level...
... and now we have another official wanting us to do as they say and not as they do.
1 p.m.
• OK, I got one of these what-were-you-doing-during-the-1980s and decided to give it a go. These answers will be the first thing that comes to mind. I noticed while copying and pasting the questions that there are some “favorites” listed. My first thought will be my “favorite” during the time. So if I'm asked about my “favorite 1980s athlete,” it would be my thought during the 1980s, not my “current-day” favorite athlete from the 1980s.
remember when.....
1.How old were you in 1980?
4-5
2. How old were you in 1989?
13-14
3. Were you a Toys R' Us kid?
Not until the local Children's Palace went under
4. Did you watch Transformers?
Not really
5. Did you see E.T. on the big screen?
I think so
6. Did you own a Lite Bright?
I think so
7. Who is your Favorite Golden Girl?
Sofia
8. When someone says " Who you gonna call? " You think?
Ghosbusters
9. What was your favorite toy?
Star Wars action figures or dinosaur figures. I got a few miles out of my Bigwheel, too. That was all before video games, of course.
10. Did you have a Pogo Ball?
No
11. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
No
12. What New Kid did you have a crush on?
None
13. Did you play M.A.S.H.?
You could “play” it?
14. Did you watch The Care Bears?
No
15. Did you have Jelly bracelets?
The hell are these questions?
16. Did you have a charm necklace and/or bracelet?
Fuck no
17. Did you own a glo-worm?
No
18. Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
No
19. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
Neither -- if forced to choose, The Breakfast Club
20. Did you have a crazy hair style?
No (only when I woke up in the morning before taking a shower)
21. What was your first bike?
A shitty used bike with faggy handlebars I got for $20. Years later I got a Huffy BMX.
22. Name one thing you still own from your childhood?
Oh Christ. My video games, sports cards, many of my action figures and cars. All are boxed up. I am meaning to one day re-organize my card collection, and I’m probably just going to have kkk Jr. play with my old stuff.
23. Did you have a Cabbage Patch Kid?
No
24. Did you dress like Madonna?
No
25. Rainbow Brite or Strawberry Shortcake?
Strawberry shortcake, if only for the food factor
26. Did you watch Miami Vice?
No, but I had the soundtrack
27. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes?
No
28. Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Yes
29. Atari or Nintendo?
Atari, then Sega
30. Did you play Pac-Man?
Hell yeah
31. Which was better: Jem and The Holograms or Barbie and The Rockers!?
Jem. There was a kid in school named “James” and we goofed on him with the help of said cartoon.
32. He-Man or She-Ra?
He-Man.
33. What movie scared you the most?
Wow. I can’t think of one. I know I always used to watch this weekly “Saturday Nightmares” movie-of-the-week thing and just about every one of those freaked me out in some way. Can’t remember any of the names though.
34. Did you try to dance like Michael Jackson?
(Sigh) Yes.
35. G.I. Joe cartoon or comics?
Cartoon, although I was never a big G.I. Joe fan.
36. Favorite 80's movie?
Ghostbusters, although Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade popped into my head later.
37. Most nostalgic 80's movie?
Hmmm, I’d have to say “Ghostbusters” again. Just the memories of where I used to watch that film. Then again, I remember watching “Hunt for Red October” in the theater with people SMOKING around me. Oh, how could I have been so stupid? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Wait, were they in the 1980? Shit. Off by one year.
38. 3-2-1 Contact or Reading Rainbow?
Huh? I remember Picture Pages -- does that count?
39. Muppet Movie of the 80's:
Not a Muppets fan.
40. Favorite 80's sports dynasty?
You probably can’t call the Pistons of the late 1980s-early 1990s a “dynasty,” so I’d have to go with the Boston Celtics (if you could call them such a thing, too). Didn’t like the 49ers because they were getting up there with the beloved “Stillers” of the 1970s in Super Bowl wins. Didn’t really follow basketball but I knew who Larry Bird was, so yay.
41. Best Sitcom?
The Cosby show with the “new” Mamma’s Family a close second.
42. Favorite WWF Wrestler of the 80's?
Sgt. Slaughter, with that KoKo B-Ware/Owen Hart tag team an afterthought.
12:15 p.m.
• I need to check the last few weeks of my kkk Bowl matchups to see if I'm winning any of these contests.
(3.5) Cleveland @ Cincinnati. Won't be as high-scoring as the last affair, but I'm hoping the Browns play like the playoffs are at stake.
(9.5) Green Bay @ Chicago. I wasn't sure about this one. I'm hoping the Bears defense is so pissed off by the offensive unit that they mail this one in.
Houston @ Indianapolis (7.5). Oakland lost by a touchdown last week. I'm hoping the Texans can do the same.
Kansas City @ Detroit (4.5). Sure they are in a free-fall, but the Lions can win this one, can't they?
Miami @ New England (100) (22.5). You're on a roll, Miami. Lose by just three touchdowns.
(3.5) N.Y. Giants @ Buffalo. I don't think Buffalo will mail this one in, even though they are out of the playoff race.
Oakland @ Jacksonville (13.5). Jacksonville will win by 13. I hope.
Philadelphia @ New Orleans (3.5). I heard the Saints are sill in the wild-card hunt. No shit.
Washington @ Minnesota (6.5). Here's hoping the Vikings win by 4. Also, I guess they are now the NFC team analysts are saying, "Boy I sure wouldn't want to meet them in the playoffs." Christ I hate that line. I feel the need to bitch about this cliche again, but maybe some other time.
Atlanta @ Arizona (10.5). Hmm, I'm getting second thoughts about this one. No. Keep it as is.
Baltimore @ Seattle (10.5). Seattle will win, but not in double digits.
N.Y. Jets @ Tennessee (8.5). That spread seems too big for me.
(6.5) Tampa Bay @ San Francisco. I'm gettng second thoughts about this one, too. Shit.
Denver @ San Diego (8.5). I'm curious to see how the Chargers play in the postseason.
10 p.m.
• Well, I knew it was going to happen someday. Remember this from 2+ years ago?
Well guess who's going to see a Pirates game tomorrow because his one out-of-state friend and her husband are visiting and want to see a game PNC Park? Yep. Well, it's the Cubs so the Bucs will probably get pounded 10-0. Oh well, at least I got $5 off each ticket because of some Comcast deal.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 53: Banky/The Winter of my Discontent/A Catholic/Memoirs of an Invisible Chevy/Etc.
While this guy has ruffled more than a few feathers at this place, I’ve grown to like Banky (or whatever he’s calling himself this week). When I first started reading his posts, I was asking myself who was this silly goose. I soon then began to enjoy his sense of humor, even though he doesn't care too much for kitties. And here's yet another reason why my three are kept indoors.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• The big story yesterday was Terrell Owens (allegedly) overdosing on pills in a suicide attempt. Or did he? I have no clue, nor do I care. I am not an Owens-hater, and I have said before that many of theatrics amuse me. He may be a cancer in his team’s locker room, but I’m not part of that team, so I don’t care what he does. The only thing I had a problem with regarding his behavior was when he threw a fit one year into being a Philadelphia Eagle. I sympathize with NFL players and their desire to be paid what they think they’re worth. After all, unlike other sports such as basketball and baseball, NFL players don’t have guaranteed contracts. Sure there’s that signing bonus thing, but if an owner can cut a player because they’re due the money agreed to in a contract, then a player can hold out for more cash if they out-perform that same piece of paper. My problem with Owens and what he did while with the Eagles was that he agreed on a hefty contract the YEAR BEFORE acting like a diva. This wasn’t some Pro-Bowl caliber, fourth-year player making a few hundred grand and wanting to set himself up for life; Owens had agreed on a seven-year, $49 million contract with a $10 million signing bonus when he went to the Eagles; couldn't he have at least waited until year three of his contract, or when the Eagles won the Super Bowl, to ask for more money?
• Well, I stand corrected. You know how whenever some hippie whines about how America sucks, the typical right-wing response is, “If you don’t like it here, then git’ out.” Well, someone finally did. And to Cuba, no less. Now the balance of people coming to the U.S. and those leaving for Cuba is starting to level out, what with hundreds of thousands (probably millions) coming over and one exiting. And even this one who left the States wasn't doing so for Castro's free health care or rice cookers – it was for poon.
• This is odd.
I thought being a sniveling, spineless piece of shit was one of the job requirements to being U.N. Secretary-General.
• The Republican Party is going to hold its 2008 Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul – the only state that voted for Mondale in ’84. Well, I guess that’s still better than having your convention in Cleveland.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This is one of those instances when a couple in peril calls into the show – why oh why do these people agree to this sort of thing? The woman is 41, the man is 43. They have been dating for a few months or a year, depending on which person you ask. Both have been in previous abusive relationships, and both are afraid of what happens to each of them when they get into a fight; these people feel that whenever they get into an argument they act like they did when they were with their previous significant others. When asked to give an example of what happens to one of these "abused" people, the guy says the following. “Whenever we get into a fight while driving, I push her out of the car, drive away and leave her there to walk home.”
11 p.m.
• Let’s see: Get into work at 10:30 a.m., leave at 9:15 p.m. Why the hell do I do this? Oh, yeah. Because whenever I’m here on the weekends, I won’t be there sometime during the week. That’s why. Besides, the drive home was great. No traffic, clear night, had the NLCS on ESPN radio. Only regret was missing my football games today and I didn’t get to go through my Sunday papers/coupons/etc. Oh well, that’s what tomorrow is for.
But the real fun began when I got home. No, Mrs. kkk wasn’t bitching at me for being at work all day – she was already asleep. The fun came about 30 minutes later when I realized my wedding ring wasn’t on my finger. The fuck? When did this happen? Good thing the better half is asleep. Time to backtrack. Did the ring fall in the sink’s drain when I washed my hands in the bathroom? I can’t remember if I still had it on at that time. I normally take it off and put it on the spice rack when doing the dishes. Problem was it wasn’t on the rack when I cleaned the dishes. Well the cats aren’t playing with anything shiny on the floor, so that’s a plus – but did the already bat it under a couch or major appliance? Yikes. Could it have fallen outside when I was on my way inside the house? No clue. Fuck. It’s been 30 minutes and I can’t find this goddamn thing. I’ve looked everywhere I’ve been so far tonight. The car, the walkway, the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, the bedroom. I’ve sifted through the garbage can, looked in several cabinets, peered down into the bathroom sink’s drain, and peered into a bunch of crevices. No luck. Wait a minute. What about my drawer in which I keep a bunch of useless shit, including my cell phone’s AC adapter, which I took into work with me today. When I opened the drawer I heard a “clink.” Oh thank God.
Now it’s time for bed.
10:45 p.m.
• My county makes me so proud sometimes.
I noticed when posting this image that its link reads:
www.pittsburghlive.com/photos/2007-12-08/1209-redneck1-a.jpg
• So I mentioned a while back about my recent job interviews. Let me recap.
Had two job interviews on November 27. Both went well. Had the second interview to Job A on December 6. Now what was funny about this one is that the first interview with this place dealt with the Human Resource person, who was doing everything in her power to convince me that her place was a great place to work at. She also said that she wanted me back for a second meeting. After thinking about this for a day (this job wouldn't be the same thing as I'm doing now), I agreed and met up with my would-be boss on 12/6. Everything that this poor HR person did to build this job up was torn down by my new interviewer. First off, he was 20 minutes late. OK. That’s understandable. Secondly, he hadn’t even bothered to look over my resume until the actual interview. Look, if this was a big corporation I could understand. However, there aren’t that many people in his department to oversee. Sorry, but I found that very unprofessional. However, what made it even worse was that he was trying to go down the “overqualified” route, which made me laugh because when he brought up workplace scenarios that he was hoping the ideal candidate would be able to excel in I gave real-life ordeals I’ve gone through that dealt with the exact same topic. As I left this place I thought, “I’d probably choose this place over the shit hole I work at now, but Job B just got the inside track.” I had the second interview to Job B on Friday, and I completely brought down the house. Later that afternoon I got the offer. There’s a few things that need to be ironed out, but nothing that would make me stay where I am now. (“Ironed out” isn’t the right term. Wanting some specifics answered due to the sodomy I’ve experienced at my current place of employment would be more accurate.)
Due to some paperwork that needs to be filed and approved, I’ll be starting January 2 or 3. Of course, there’s always the chance everything will fall through. However, this is unlikely, and this is coming from one paranoid mo’ fo’. All I have to say is that this will probably be the best three weeks of work I’ve had in quite some time.
8:30 p.m.
• Time to see if I’m a true-blue Juggalo or a Poser. Before I begin, I have a funny/sad story related to the Insane Clown Posse that I would like to share. While working as a team leader for a test-scoring facility in Ohio, I came across this essay answer that was nothing more than the lyrics to ICP’s “Under the Moon” (I can’t remember what the test question was). Oddly enough, that wasn’t the only “rap song” answer I encountered while working this job. In an essay question asking the student to tell a story of how he or she overcame a challenge, I got the lyrics to the Notorious B.I.G. “Warning.” However, at the end of the essay, instead of talking about busting a cap in the home invaders, he wrote something like “Hold on, I hear somebody coming. Hey, it’s Bob and Steve. You two want to go and get something to eat?” But now I’m getting off-track. I have to test my Juggalo cred.
1.) How many members are in ICP?
a) 2
b) 4
c) 1
d) Unknown.
Answer: Two
2.) The members of ICP all have tha same first name , whut is it?
a) Steve
b) Mike
c) illig
d) Joseph
Answer: Fuck, I don’t know. They both look like “Mikes.”
3) Whut are the band-names tha members go by?
a) Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope
b) AnyBody killa(ABK), Jumpsteady
c) Esham, Jumpsteady
d) Dont hav NE
Answer: Easy. J and Shaggy.
4) Whut waz the previous name used by tha members of ICP?(whut waz there street/gang name?)
a) Hatchet Family
b) Tha Dark Carnival
c) Insane Jester Gang
d) Inner City Posse
Answer: Inner City Posse – how the hell do I know that?
5) Whut was tha Story they were trying to tell through music?
a) Story of tha Dark Carnival
b) Hatchet warrior story
c) Tha story of tha jesters/jokers
d) There isnt a story
e) …
Answer: …
6) Did all tha members hav dreads?
a) No
b)Yes
c) Only one did
d) They didnt evere have dreads, they had braids
e) .....
Answer: I’m going with the “braids” answer because I smell a swerve with this one.
7) Well weather they were dreads or braids, why did one of them have to shave them off?
a) Never did
b) No reason
c) A new look
d) For a Movie
Answer: Got to be a movie. LL Cool J showed us his bald head in "Halloween: H2O." Nothing wrong with holding out for the right price.
8) Well if they made a movie whut waz it called?
a) Never made a movie
b) no names, they were music videos
c) Big money hustlas
d) Tha history of Insane Clown Posse
Answer: OK, well it looks like I got #7 right. I’ll go with Hustlas because I doubt they would have went with “Tha history…” title.
9) There were origanaly thought that there was supossed to be 7 joker cards but in tha end how many are there?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 4
d) 10
Answer: Unless there was some change to the joker cards after the Great Milenko, I'm pretty sure the answer is 6.
10) Whut joker card was tha master of Necromancy?
a) Tha Great Milenko
b) Tha Amazing Jeckle brothers
c) Carnival Carnag
d) Tha Wraith
e) Tha Ring Master
f) Tha Riddlebox
Answer: Oh hell, I think I actually know this one. Milenko.
OK, now time to see if I’m Juggalo-worthy. *Clicks submit.*
Juggalo
Your a True Juggalo, Born With a hatchet and a juggalo face, Cruisin with A trunk full of faygo and a car full of fat chix, and haunted by a Dark Carnival, your hmies are family too, and you believe Santa Clause is a fat bitch. Hallowen is prolly ur favorite Holiday. if this is tru and ur a juggalette you should im me on Aim: IndependentJ0ker (with tha number zero) Much Clown love!
I have no idea how many I got wrong on this quiz, and I don’t want to know. Actually, I'm more afraid of how many I got right. Oh hell, I'll admit it. I own Riddlebox, Tunnel of Love and Milenko (all of them are bought used -- even I have my standards). It's all in good campy fun. Plus they make fun of rednecks. OK, final story for tonight. During the late ‘90s, the better half’s mother watched a bit of pro wrestling, which was odd for me when she’d ask me questions about why the Undertaker wasn’t on television (injury) or why did Bret Hart go from the WWF to the “other place” (OMG VINCE SCREWED BRET). But the strangest encounter came when ICP was with the WWF in that “Oddities” group, and my future mother-in-law said that these two performers were “funny” and that she wanted to know if they were “real” musicians (I’m sure I can put quote marks around the word musicians, too). A short while later I gave her a copy of “Riddlebox” because I knew it would offend her beyond belief (almost as bad as the time I informed her of the “Piss Christ”), and I was right. Why she allowed me to eventually marry her daughter I have no idea.
7 p.m.
• Yesterday I talked about how much I like this time of year. However, there was one little thing I forgot to mention that I absolutely fucking hate. For some reason, when the sun starts shining, and people roll down the windows to their vehicles, many people get the urge to drive like assholes – or at least bigger assholes than they usually drive. I get it. You like to drive fast on a highway. Fine. But then people start weaving in and out of lanes during rush hour traffic just to get an extra car length or two. I witnessed several examples of this today, but the best by far was when one car was on its hood with the wheels still spinning. The funny thing was that there were no other cars hit or property damaged. My guess is that the driver was speeding and took a turn or hit the brakes, resulting in his car taking flight or flipping. Good.
• Whatever.
I really don’t care. Last year’s Monday Night crew was “eh,” and I’m sure this trio won’t be much better, or worse. But if this means more J.A. Adande “Jaws” impressions, then I throw my support behind this move.
9:30 a.m.
• Get the hell out of here.
HOWEVER
If there was "good parenting," the kids wouldn't be in daycare in one of these institutions. Yeah, I know, OMG what should SINGLE MOMS and WORKING FAMILIES do~?! and all that shit. How about this: don't have kids before you can afford them.
9 p.m.
• So I had O'Reilly on and he was talking about some hot ghetto mess Web site, and he said that this voyeuristic Web site is exploiting the inner city. He then made a side comment about how the ghetto really isn’t a mess and this is making the people of the inner city look bad. Uh, Bill.
8 p.m.
• Let's complete the humans-are-scum trifectia with this gem.
And what is this "alternative theory"?
Riiiiight. Here's the rest of the story. And LOL at the attorney firings. Just think, the one he kept offers the "alternative theory." Perhaps the other fired legal eagles had souls. Then again, probably not.
7:45 p.m.
• What the fuck is wrong with this world?
Christ only knows what happened to the other kittens. And perhaps those who compain about the teenage death not getting as much "attention" should have shown their outrage when it happened. Sad thing is the cat's probably going to die anyway and those little monsters will get counseling when they should be getting a special delivery from the Cancer Fairy.
4:30 p.m.
• As I'm typing JJ is taking a pee in the computer room litterbox. Sometimes I wonder if cats get annoyed if they're trying to do their business when someone else is in the room. I know I like to use stalls when in a public facility. God is that ever a gamble, hoping to find a toilet that's not clogged up with shit.
You know, as much as I think cigarettes are nothing more than a tax on the stupid, when will it end?
The reason I say this is because once there's not enough smokers to pay out these taxes, Big Government will come after some of the stuff I like, such as burgers, fries and soft drinks. Then again, they're already doing this, but the process will be sped up more.
1:30 p.m.
• So the better half and I had ESPN’s Mike and Mike on this morning, and they were talking about the Michael Vick case and how he’s been indicted for dog fighting. Now Mrs. kkk has a real soft spot for animals (you’d figure that out with the three cats we have), and when she heard that dogs in the Vick Manor were (allegedly) electrocuted, hung and shot, among other things, she turned the radio off. I turned it back on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO guy whose co-hosts she HATES, I then said something to her and turned my head and saw her in pre-cry mode, where her lower lip covers up her upper lip and the chin dimples start to show. Believe me, I know this look, seeing how she’s married to me. Anyway, just to be my usual asshole self, I said to her, “Now dear, this is part of their culture.” She shot back with the following remark, “Well it was part of our society’s culture to hang these niggers from a tree like they did those dogs and beat them to death. Maybe we should do that with these fucking assholes!”
Wow.
I couldn’t think of anything else to say but, “Baby, I love you.”
By the way, couldn’t Vick just own a meat processing plant and get his jollies from livestock getting killed? He could still bet money on how long it would take a cow to bleed to death or something.
8:45 p.m.
• I was never really a Britney Spears "hater," and it's pitiful to see what she has done to herself over the last few years. I also don't get this joke by Sarah Silverman at some award show she did.
Mistakes? If memory serves she squirted both out while married. Now granted the "mistake" was getting married and not getting ready to take on the challenges of parenthood. However, to call these two kids "mistakes" is just not funny. And this is ME who's saying this!
8:30 p.m.
• So I was reading one of my favorite threads -- 1000 Reasons Why ESPN Sucks -- and found this gem from a few days ago.
Well, Ol' Mikey sure can't call Vince a RACIST~! I was already a Vince Young fan. This only solidifies it even more.
2:45 p.m.
• Figures. The one job interview I actually wouldn’t have minded a “don’t call us we’ll call you” response from called me for a second round. Do I really want to do this? Sure I hate the assholes I work with, but I love what I do. How do I know that the work I do at another place will feel just as rewarding? How do I know this place’s management won’t be as bad or worse? Jesus, this is what Stockholm Syndrome must feel like to those abducted by the Mohammads of the world. Perhaps I can make my current situation work out. Perhaps there is a light to the end of this tunnel. Perhaps…
Hmm, what’s this? A CD-Rom full of stuff that I have to work on from the idiot boss is my mail slot. It wasn't there when I left work yesterday but was in there when I got in this morning. Oh, what’s this? The creation date for these files is dated more than 10 days ago. Oh, what’s this? An e-mail from a co-worker telling me the idiot wants to know when these will be finalized because they should have been done yesterday.
...
So my second interview is for Friday at 8:30 a.m.
11:45 p.m.
• Every month or so I'll browse my OnDemand free movies just to see what's going on. For some reason the "Movieplex" selections don't always appear in the general "free movies" area, and oftentimes I'll forget it's even there. Today I remembered to check it, and lo' and behold what's on the plate for this month? The first five James Bond films. Tis' going to be a good month, tater.
• Uh, guys...
...you might want to think twice about striking. The space program doesn't have that same "oooh, ahhh" effect on the public as it did 40 years ago. Then again, this is the government we're talking about. Five-hundred percent raises for all.
3:45 p.m.
• Oh Karl Rove, why couldn't you have sped this up a bit? We might still be in charge of Congress otherwise.
I don’t get the big whoop terrorists have with airplanes. Why not strike an electrical grid or mess with out food supply? Believe me, you’d frighten many more people if they can’t use their air conditioner or go out for a Big Mac.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 54: Cobain was Murdered
I like the guy, even though I didn’t actually speak to CWM until several years into my TSM posting. He's had an interesting selection of jobs, from his stint as a rugged lumberjack to being able to go to town with a store's slurpee machine (and don't forget about the other perks of working third-shift at a Quickie-Mart). Then there's the gnomes. Lots of gnomes. Oodles and oodles of gnomes. With the recent tensions between Mrs. kkk and our next-door neighbors, I wonder if CWM wouldn't mind taking his show on the road.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
• OK, time to see if my Week 3 pickkks were the charm.
Carolina at Tampa Bay. Incorrect.
Goddamn point spreads. Who’s the asshole who comes up with this shit? Oh, nevermind.
Chicago at Minnesota. Incorrect.
See my above post. I thought the Vikings would make this a close game, but not this close. Purple faggots.
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh. Correct.
Nothing really much to say about this game other than that Shittsburgh fans are about to go into panic mode because the Steelers lost two close games to two teams that posted better regular-season records than they did last year. And it’s not going to get any easier with a game at San Diego after a Week 4 bye. To be fair, the Steelers had every chance to win this game against the Bengals, but that muffed punt return really hurt them. After hearing this play on the radio, my first thought was, “I wonder if Cowher misses Antwaan Randle El right about now." Sure he botched a few punts during his time with the Steelers, but he also broke a few for big plays.
Green Bay at Detroit. Correct.
OK, this exercise in futility isn’t funny anymore. I don’t know who will feel worse: Detroit at season’s end or the one or two teams who will probably get upset by the Lions this year.
Jacksonville at Indianapolis. Correct.
Remember what I said about the point spreads in the Carolina/Tampa Bay contest? I take that all back. Jacksonville had possession of the ball for how many minutes in the first half – 25? Damn. And they got beat nevertheless. On a Peyton Manning bootleg.
N.Y. Jets at Buffalo. Incorrect.
How many yards rushing and passing did the Bills have over the Jets in this game? [119 yards to 73 and 306 yards to 182.] And they still lost. Figures that I picked them.
Tennessee at Miami. Correct.
Chalk up another point-spread win. And what happened to all that talk during training camp about Daunte Culpepper being unstoppable?
Washington at Houston. Correct.
Boy, what an impressive win. The Redskins should be proud of defeating such an AFC powerhouse. Is Cleveland on their schedule later in the year?
Baltimore at Cleveland. Incorrect.
I guess I could say that due to Cleveland playing the team-that-used-to-be-the-Browns I should have known this game would have been close. But that would have required me to look up past scores, and I’m too lazy for that.
N.Y. Giants at Seattle. Correct.
Poor Emily. He should get his daddy to yell at his receivers for dropping his passes. Actually, I got pissed toward the end when I learned that Seattle let their lead drop to less than 20 points. When you have the chance to lay a beat down on Emily, do so. Please. For the children.
Philadelphia at San Francisco. Correct.
The only thing that surprised me was the lack of McNabb knob-slobbing that took place afterward by Chris Berman and pals.
St. Louis at Arizona. Incorrect.
Two teams I know nothing about (as opposed to the other 30 franchises in the NFL ) playing a game I had no idea who was going to win.
Denver at New England. Incorrect.
Didn’t see the game. Was a bit surprised at the outcome. Denver seems to have the Patriots’ number.
Atlanta at New Orleans. Incorrect.
Hey, props to the Saints for being 3-0. I wonder how much returning to the Superdome really played a factor in this upset win. I might want to pull for this team, but I know that if they get anywhere near the playoffs the sappy media coverage will make me wish for Katrina to make a return to the Deep South.
Overall Score: 7-7. Cumulative Score: 24-22. Hooray for mediocrity +1.
Well the better half gave me one of my Christmas presents last night, and it sure was a surprise. We went to Heinz Hall last night for that evening's performance. For those that don’t know, Heinz Hall is a hoity toity place where NPR listeners and PBS viewers go to partake in all that artsy fartsy crap. So what was on the itinerary for that evening? The symphony? A choir performance? Ballet? Uh-uh.
Carlos f'n Mencia.
Even if you aren’t a fan of Mencia, to sit in a place like Heinz Hall and look around at a crowd that would normally be cleaning the establishment after hours than actually being paying customers was worth the price of admission alone, especially seeing all the senior citizen ushers who had to endure the three hours of foul language, raunchy humor and racial epithets being tossed about like candy. While some may not like Mencia’s humor or Comedy Central “Mind of Mencia” program, I enjoy much of his work, mainly because I’ve thought/voiced similar opinions many times in the past. I remember back in the mid-1990s I was watching a HBO stand-up act with some Mexican comedian, and to this day it was one of my favorite comedy specials of all-time. I never knew the guy’s name, and when I first saw “Mind of Mencia” a while back I began to wonder if this was the guy I saw a decade ago. Sure enough, a couple of months ago I saw this HBO special on Comedy Central and it was indeed Mencia.
I’m not one to go to concerts or events like these because, frankly, I’m a cheap bastard. What’s the point of paying money to see a band play one time when I can buy a CD and listen to the same song numerous times? Now granted there are people who like the concert experience, and if that’s your thing, then good for you. Me, I would rather listen to a song in the comfort of my home while typing on the computer. (I’ve got ACDC’s “If You Want Blood” concert CD playing as I’m currently typing.)
After dinner we were waiting for Heinz Hall’s auditorium doors to open, and let me tell you it was an … interesting … crowd we were standing alongside. It was weird being one of the older people at this place; most ticket holders looked to be college students, although there were a few old-timers scattered throughout. My favorite person was some guy with a hoodie whose back featured a picture of W. and read “Not my President.” Wonderful. Another type of patron that caught my eye were families attending this event with pre-teens. The hell? Oh well, it’s not my problem. However, I have to wonder if these parents knew what they were getting themselves into. Three hours worth of racial and sex humor is deemed quality family time? I can’t believe every family unit was aware of what was going to be presented on stage. In fact, there were a few people in my section who got up and left during the show – I guess the 59th time the word “nigger” or 97th time “fuck” was uttered was too much for them. Prudes.
Although I still know there are several Christmas gifts coming my way (the most recent South Park DVD, for example), this concert was a surprise. Hell, I didn’t even know this comedy tour was coming to Shittsburgh; it’s not like this area has been overrun by Mexicans … yet.
7:15 p.m.
• For the last few weeks, I’ve been on a “Cops” kick. I guess because the white-trash tales regarding the crackwhore sister-in-law and her out-of-control daughter have recently come to a halt, I need to go elsewhere for my fix. I remember years ago this comedian had a bit about someone he knew that watched this show and tried to guess the race of the perp before he or she showed up on television. Sadly, that’s what I’m doing now, and I’m pretty good at it. In fact, I now have to add another twist to this game: if the perp is white, will he (or she!) be wearing a shirt? And if the perp is black, I try to understand at least half of what the crack head/car thief/druggie says during his 15 minutes of fame on television. And just why am I watching this show? About 45 minutes ago I got done viewing an episode where two girls in a trailer park got into a fight. According to the witnesses, one parent watched the scuffle. But when the other kid’s parent came out to see what was going on, Parent 1 (allegedly) threw a beer at Parent 2. As the po-pos were trying to figure out what was going on, they spoke with Parent 2, who admitted to letting her kid punch the other kid, saying, “This is a trailer park. It’s what they do.”
Oh, but it got better. The next segment had two cops pull up to a house where a 7-year-old locked his mom out of their residence. To make matters better, this brat was making faces by the window when the officers were telling him to let his mom back in the house. The cops eventually broke the front door and the kid hid under a bed. Once he was dragged out to the living, he began screaming and crying. He was also in nothing but his underwear.
• For as much as I hate mowing the lawn, there is one thing I despise more. Raking leaves. There is a tree in my backyard that dumps its load every November/December and I have to rake this shit up. Last year I was waiting for this annual ritual to begin, and of course the day in which all the leaves end up on the ground the better half and I were in the midst of a flu bout. Once I got over this sickness, I slept on my back in an odd way and woke up one morning with so much pain I couldn’t bend over. After a week or two when this condition went away it began to constantly rain or snow. I figured I’ll just rake this shit up come spring. It couldn’t be that bad, right? Wrong. Over the last last two days I’ve done four full leaf bags of these dried-up pieces of shit and I got a few good bags left scattered on my property. God only knows what the neighbors think because I’m sure some of my mess went onto their yard. Then again, they really don’t do much in the realm of lawn preservation, so I’m sure any “outrage” directed at me would be just for show. However, it’s the principle of it all, and I do feel like a schmuck about this mishap. Let’s just say lesson learned. I could have cancer with tubes sticking out of every body part and I’ll still rake these leaves once they fall from that damn tree.
• The MLB season hasn't even started yet and I have to listen to this shit already.
OK, time to play “Who is more diverse?” Is it the league with
60 percent of one race
29 percent of another race
8.5 percent of another race, and
2.5 percent of another;
Or is it the league with
77 percent of one race
21 percent of another race, and
2 percent of other races;
Or is it the league with
69 percent of one race, and
31 percent of another race, plus probably a percentage or two of other races.
If you guessed the first sport, you would be selecting Major League Baseball. Sport number two is the NBA, and sport number three is the NFL. So while the PC bitches at ESPN and other national sports media figureheads gnaw on their fingernails trying to figure out how to bring more black people into America’s National Pastime, I’m doing my best to get more of “my people” those valued starting NFL cornerback slots. But I’ll throw MLB a bone on this one. You want more blacks in your game? Promote the fact being able to steal in your contests is a good thing.
11:30 p.m.
• I feel safer already.
• Boy, we folks from the Keystone State are sure getting our tax money's worth. And Fast Eddie wants to raise them even more.
Figures this took place in eastern PA -- this week's snowfall wasn't that bad here. The salt trucks did what they could, but it's not like you can go out and instanly melt away the snow and ice right as it's coming down from the sky. Then again, this whole clusterfuck was pretty damn funny.
• DEVELOPING~!!!
And why exactly am I supposed to care about this?
• Damn, a $2.6 lottery payday only amounted to an $871,000 lump sum after taxes and all that stuff. I can't wait until these people claim bankruptcy.
If I ever won the lottery, I don't know if I'd go with the lump sum or the spread-it-out-over-30-year thing. It would probably depend on how much I'd be getting back. If I won some uber-large jackpot -- you know, those $100+ million Powerballs, I'd probably go with the 30-year deal. Not only would I get more money, but also getting seven figures over multiple years would be a good way to avoid the "lottery curse." If the amount was smaller, say, $2.6 million, I don't know what I'd do -- I'd have to see the 30-year payout. If it's not much more than the $870k, I might have taken the lump sum as well. Then again, I don't play the lottery so it's all a moot point.
9:45 p.m.
• Sonofabitch. I donated $10 for some fundraiser helping homeless animals, and this raffle was to use numbers from yesterday's "Big 4" state lottery. Two of my eight raffle numbers had "3" and "4" matching up, but that's it. Boo-urns.
• He wasn't checking out child porn. He was ... scouting.
• My God is the lip-synching for "Monday Night Football" terrible. The players introducing their teammates is so off.
1 p.m.
• Yeah, but we'll ask him the TUFF QUESTIONS!
Good God what a joke. I can only pray that this wacko is just scouting out the best spot in America to let off a nuke. Hey, Ahmad-whatever, there's some primo real estate over in Berkley if you're interested.
• Well, Toyota, expect to get a better market share after this gets played out.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 93: Smues
Much like Sideburnious, Smues is one of those posters I don't talk with much, but he seems like a good enough guy. Hey, he makes fun of Barry Bonds and ESPN, along with Mikey Moore. You can't win me over any more than goofing on those three subjects. Well, maybe you could if you also pimped Gauntlet Legends. My n*gga.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Porter:
• Oh Chirst, there’s a reason I don’t go grocery shopping on Sundays, and I re-discovered why. I think the worst part wasn’t the screaming children but rather the people who shop right after church and they have way too much perfume on. Not even the coffee aisle, with that sweet aroma, was enough to counter this old lady and her scent o’ death. That’s the last time I deviate from my normal routine of going grocery shopping Tuesday after work.
• And while I was out grocery shopping, the better half, her dad and her brother came over to do something to our front yard. (When the better half does any kind of home improvement project, my only rule is to let me know if the property catches on fire and I have leave the hosue; otherwise, I just leave her alone.) Whenever it rains water seeps down into our fruit cellar, resulting in puddles being formed all over the floor in this little room where we mostly store food, cleaning products and cooking devices. It’s not like the basement is going to flood anytime soon, but it’s annoying to have to watch where you step when bringing up food in the pantry upstairs. They dug up the front yard and put in some pipe, which will now send the water that is destined for the basement out onto the street. Honestly, I don’t know what we’d do without Mrs. kkk’s brother. He’s a mechanic by trade, and a mighty good one, too. Not only that, but he’s pretty much everything in a man that I am not. He’s excellent with tools, knows how to fix just about anything under the sun, and goes hunting and boating. In other words, he’s a real man’s man while I am, well, you should know that answer by now.
It’s funny because when I first started dating the better half, her brother didn’t like me for the longest time. I think it took six years or so to finally warm up to me. I don’t fault him; after all, I was fucking his baby sister. He and his wife (who is also quite successful in her professional career) have a nine-year-old son and a seven-year-old daughter, and for some reason they both adore me. Don’t ask why because their parents can’t figure this one out either. While the brother-in-law helps us out with a number of things like the aforementioned drainage system, we try to return the favor, mostly by baby-sitting their kids or helping them move from one house to another. However, there was one instance where I was the hero of the day, and it took place last Christmas. Every December 25 we head on over to the brother-in-law’s place, along with the rest of the immediate family, and celebrate Christmas there. Hey, as long as I don’t have to play host I’ll gladly eat someone else’s food and let them clean up. Well this past holiday, they had some people from out of state over, and they had a son about the same age as my niece-in-law. Turns out all three of them wanted to play Playstation, particularly the Looney Toones Space Race Game a certain uncle bought for them (see my April 22 entry for more information about this story). As my brother-in-law tried to get the game working, he was having an unsuccessful time at it and had his daughter bring me in to remedy the problem. After hitting the green reset button, everything worked fine, and the three kids started jumping up and down in glee saying, “Uncle kkk fixed the Playstation.” As my brother-in-law and I returned to the living room I remarked, “With all the things you build and fix for your kids and us, I get the most praise for turning on their video game system.” He laughed. After all, he may be able to fix a car but I know how to make the Playstation work.
kkk’s Top 103 Posters
Number 18: Bravesfan
There’s not much to say about Bravesfan. Hell, I didn’t even bother doing some fancy intro or anything. I’ve known him for a while at this place. Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad. He’s lived in Hawaii, moved to the Northwest to attend college, and that’s when I stopped keeping score. He still posts under some hippie name, but he’ll always be Bravesfan to me. God, this was a lame entry. Oh well, I still put more effort into it than he did with his most recent foray into the kkk Bowl postseason.
8:30 p.m.
• Well no shit.
Come on, illegals, invade this country. And bring a few towelheads with you. All I ask is that you blow shit up in San Fran, Berkley and Greenwich Village. Oh, and State College, too. Fuck that place.
• And this goddamn chat link at the top of the page is already getting on my nerves. I've mistakenly clicked on in four times today already.
• I might vote for Mike Huckabee in the Republican primary for thisquote alone.
Sadly, with the way Republicans have been acting, voting for someone because they made a Mikey Moore fat joke actually does seem like a good reason.
6 p.m.
• So I just took 20 minutes off of my life by going to Burger King. Hell, it's no worse than the two hours I lost due to some fagtard getting into an accident on the Parkway East this afternoon. Anyway, I tried one of their new Oreo shake things. It was there, but what gave me a hard-on was the straw it came with. Yes, the straw. Seriously, this thing is f'n HUGE. You don't have to worry about sucking on some plastic hole for 20 minutes in the hopes of getting some dairy delight. This bitch will suck up Oreo chunks like it's no problem. That's all I got.
7 a.m.
• A while back I mentioned the 1997 Pirates team that captured the heart of the city by hanging out at the top of the NL Central for most of the summer. Problem was, this was a sub-.500 team that got knocked off by a much better Astros team that decided to show up late in the season. I always found it funny that this "freak show," as it was dubbed by the Shittsburgh faithful was the most exciting time for baseball in the region since 1992. How sad is that?
Well, here's what's even sadder. The local media is doing a four-part series on this magical summer of '97. I linked the last in this series, and I'm not posting any of this shit. Go find it and read it yourself.
• Oh, no. My state's climate could be more like Alabama's if we don't get our emissions under control.
So says the UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS. Who comes up these names? I want to hear the report from the Right-to-Work State of Don't-Give-a-Fuck Scientists.
• Speaking of commie institutions, here's another one.
Bilked? Here's a wild thought. Maybe if the customers had the money in their accounts they wouldn't be subject to overdraft fees and all that other shit. Jesus Christ, what is so hard about having a little cash cushion in your bank account?
If you don't have enough money to cover a 50-cent candy bar, then you shouldn't be using your debit card in the first place. Actually, I have a funny story regarding this subject. When I was 16, I was at the mall and bought the Geto Boys' "Til' Death Do Us Part." After buying this album, I wanted a Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger from the food court. I needed to take some money out of the ATM. I couldn't. There wasn't enough in my account to make the minimum $10 cash withdrawl. It was right then that I said to myself, "WTF, I don't even have enough for a 99-cent cheeseburger?!" (Actually, I had $8-9, but you get the point.) From that moment I've been the kkk-stein you've all know and love. Of course, if I had a debit card and used that, my 99-cent cheeseburger could have costed $30 with the draft fees, but let's just say I still would have learned my lesson. And besides, I was 16 at the time, and that is the best time to learn these financial survival skills –– not when you're an adult living on your own or trying to raise a family.
I still have that Geto Boys tape, and "Bring it On" still ownz all ur azzes.
10 p.m.
• Earlier today I went clothes shopping at Kohl's.The last time I bought more than one article of clothing at a time was several years ago, so I don’t do this often. However, I think I may start stopping in more often after having paid a visit to the clearance rack. I wanted to get a new interview outfit (or two), and I did at a great discount. I don’t consider myself a finicky shopper, but when it comes to clothes I really don’t like going anywhere else but Kohl’s or Sears. The brands comfortably fit and are worth the price once a sale starts up. Two dress pants, two belts, two dress shirts and a dress shirt/tie combo – about $115 total with a retail markup savings of $160. I’m sure all this actually cost about $5 to produce, but whatever. Like I said before, it fits and the quality is good.
Afterward, we got a new comforter for Mrs. kkk – at 30 percent off of course ($70 down from $100). She then asks me the question of the week, “Will this comforter be warm enough for you?” Uh, you’re the one that always bitches about being too cold. She then asked what size we should get – the king or queen. Having no clue what size we currently use, she said that the one currently on our be is a king, even though our bed is a queen size. I then opted for the king comforter. Christ, we fight over the covers enough as is – actually, it’s not much of a fight as it is her trying to push/loosen my grip on blankets during the middle of the night. I can’t imagine what carnage a smaller comforter would produce.
5 p.m.
• So yesterday I was driving home on the parkway and this truck was in front of me. The truck had some pipes/wood planks/something tied to the roof. Didn’t look too stable. Because of this I gave the truck some space between us. I was hoping this way in case something flew off at me I’d have enough time to react and get out of the way. Well, the driver behind me did the “OMG WTF” gesture. What is wrong with people. It’s not like I was going 30 mph. I was still going just over the speed limit – there was just a car length or two between me and this truck. I would have been more than happy to let this person go between us, and I would laugh when one of the planks flew threw his windshield and crushed his larynx.
7 a.m.
• So on the drive to work this morning I drove behind this care with the bumper sticker "I miss Clinton." Hey, I give credit where it's due –– it got a laugh out of me. However, I think the laugh was less about that bumper sticker than the new, catchy bumper sticker slogan I had just then thought up in my mind.
"I missed Clinton" with a sniper's scope replacing the dotted i's.
Then again, seeing how this family threatens to sue people that hang their daughter's picture up in a restaurant...
... if I actually produced this kind of ingenius hilarity and you don't read any new entries from me in a while, check for me at Ft. Marcy Park.
