This post is a combination of being a mini 'State of the Forum' and some personal thoughts.
1. Crimson G is an excellent poster in the economy thread. He calmly and intelligently explains his Austrian economic views. But, literally everyone who has replied to him has taken a completely dismissive tone. The underlying message of each post is, "Here's why you're wrong, Crimson G." (Although, certainly, SuperJerk is much worse than At Home.) Conversely, it is clear that Crimson G carefully reads and directly responds to exactly what the other posters write, making his underlying message, "Here's the argument that I'm presenting."
I want to mention two other positive things about Crimson G. First, SuperJerk misspelled "poured" as "poored" in one of his posts. Crimson G quietly corrected the misspelling when he quoted SuperJerk. I'm usually adamant about not changing quotations, but, in this case, it was a gracious gesture. Second, Crimson G initially said that the majority of Americans don't support the stimulus. After Smitty presented a poll, Crimson G publicly conceded that he (Crimson G) had been wrong. It was good to see that he is more concerned with adapting to the truth than being an arrogant know-it-all.
2.
The boldface was added by me to the part where I laughed. There's no need for a 2009 Worst Poster Tournament. SuperJerk is your back-to-back champion.
3. I wish there were more people who shared my interest in Somalia. I appreciate that Smitty and Byron take it seriously, but there's not a lot of discussion. What really interests me about Somalia is that I think it offers a massive treasure chest of lessons to learn about politics, economics, history, law, relationships, and life in general.
4. Who added all of this Willy Aybar garbage to the Sports folder? Yes, we (eventually) found out the story behind it, but it's still stupid. Anyway, the 'Sports Page in the Business Section' thread is potentially the best one in the folder. I'm quite interested in knowing the teams that are going to have to move or contract. I foresee significant contraction in MLB and the NHL.
5. The Food folder would be more interesting if anyone were genuinely interested in nutrition. Vitamin X comes closest, but I think he's pretty much like everyone else. You're all a bunch of zombie addicts. It's funny when people 'go on a diet.' There's a 100% chance that they'll gain the weight back eventually unless they permanently change what they eat.
6. I'm happy that the Literature folder exists. We don't need more people to post there; we need the TSM intellectuals not to be 'above' posting there.
7. Graphics and Testing Grounds is a legitimate folder, but the quality there has been poor since Hotbutter Spoontoaster was banned. To reiterate, there are three purposes of that folder: (1) posting and discussion of images, (2) actual testing of message board features, and (3) parody and satire. The recent parodies have been terrible. "My best friend's grill"? Ugh.
For the TSM suggestion box:
8. I don't think that the General Chat folder has any purpose. All of those threads should be in other folders. Some don't quite fit anywhere, but they could. 'Current Events' is a bit limiting. It could be renamed 'World' or something like that in order to accommodate threads that deal with things like money, travel, or history. No Holds Barred is the meta folder in which TSM talks about itself and its posters, not General Chat.
9. Blogs aren't prominent enough. It would be better if there were a blog folder in the View at Your Own Risk section, and each thread were one poster's blog. Also, only nine people actively blog, including myself. A lot of people don't even know that there are blogs.
10. Finally, I wish there were a feature in which readers could give cumulative "+1" or "-1" ratings to each individual post. I know that this feature is possible, because I've seen it on other forums. It would help posters who are awful realize their awfulness, and good posters would be encouraged to post more because they would know that people appreciate their posts.
"It's like the Miss TSM Tournament, but I make all the rules and do all the voting!"
This time, more than 1,000 girls from all over the world were candidates. I thoroughly vetted hundreds of them in order to narrow it down to this field of 64.
RULES:
1. Girls only. The hottest girls. For the purposes of this tournament, only their looks matter.
2. Age limit of 17+ (Still disqualified: Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez.)
3. The girls shall be famous. 'Fame' is defined as having 5+ pictures turn up on Google Images. (Disqualified: Leelee, local girls.)
4. Voting shall be based on current actual physical form* (Disqualified: Dead porn stars.)
5. Voting between two girls shall be determined by which one I would rather creampie (with no real-life consequences). NO EMOTIONS. NO PERSONALITIES. Only pure lust.
6. Seeding is based on the approximate order of their level of fame. Upsets can and will happen.
7. Brackets shall be broken into four geographic regions: North (European descent), South (Latin America), West (North America), and East (Asia). Each bracket shall contain 16 girls who fit in that region.
* There's new emphasis on this rule this time. I call it the Autumn Reeser Rule, since she's one of many girls who is not nearly as attractive as her best modeling shoot would have you believe. I am judging the girls based on how they look when they go out in public—not how they look when they're retouched beyond the point of humanity in modeling pictures. I tried to use candid pictures, or at least ones that aren't completely over-the-top retouched. I'm not judging only by these pictures, anyway. It's best to watch videos of them.
ROUND 1 (64)
NORTH (Europe)
1. Scarlett Johansson (Denmark)
16. Yolanthe Cabau van Kasbergen (Netherlands) - Let's quickly establish the tone of this tournament. Scarlett isn't as good as those modeling pix indicate.
8. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine) - Aly is just so cute. She looks like a younger Paulina Rubio. Gemma has huge tits but the model shots clean her up too much.
9. Gemma Atkinson (England)
5. Denise Milani (Czech Republic) - I wouldn't pass up on these tits. Dillan is pretty good for someone with no chest.
12. Dillan Lauren (Spain)
4. Keeley Hazell (England) - Fairly decisive here. She gets retouched like crazy, but her face is naturally pretty good as well. And she has other good body parts.
13. Alessia Ventura (Italia)
6. Lucy Pinder (England) - There's something odd about Audrey's face, actually. Lucy is all-around great.
11. Audrey Bitoni (Italia)
3. Mila Kunis (Ukraine)
14. Kayden Kross (Sweden) - Tough pick because neither is that great. I'll take the cute blonde.
7. Miranda Kerr (Wales)
10. Marina Orlova (Russia) - Hotforwords is hot. People think Miranda is cute as a button. It's about fuckin'.
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - Ohhh man. Watch out for Kimmy K in this tournament. Amazing everything.
15. Amanda Harrington (England)
SOUTH (Latin America)
1. Mariah Carey (Venezuela)
16. Melina Pitra (Argentina) - Mariah is still looking good, but not enough to beat this slut.
8. Natália Guimarães (Brazil)
9. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico) - Somaya is unbelievable when she's retouched. Otherwise, she's still pretty good. I expected more from Miss Brazil.
5. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil) - This matchup was winnable, but the adorable Camila just doesn't quite offer enough to pull off the upset.
12. Camila Sodi (Mexico)
4. Adriana Lima (Brazil) - No contest. Adriana never looks bad.
13. Danielle Sobreira (Brazil)
6. Alexis Amore (Peru) - The face isn't perfect, but I'd take her over plain Perroni.
11. Maite Perroni (Mexico)
3. Jessica Alba (Mexico)
14. Belén Rodríguez (Argentina) - Ms. Alba cleans up well and is ok naturally. Ms. Rodríguez is a little sexier overall.
7. Paula DeAnda (Mexico)
10. Rocío Guirao Díaz (Argentina) - Putting Ms. DeAnda in impossible matchups is becoming a running gag. Rocío is fairly impressive.
2. Shakira (Colombia)
15. Mariana Felicio (Brazil) - Shawty Shakira isn't too great really. Mariana is a natural babe.
WEST (North America)
1. Paris Hilton (USA) - That's right, I'd like to cum inside Paris Hilton with no condom on! Jaime looks good in some pix but also is kind of a horse, I guess.
16. Jaime Hammer (USA)
8. Lanny Barby (Canada) - She's very sexy with her raven hair. Sienna is kind of a mess.
9. Sienna West (USA)
5. Katherine McPhee (USA) - Kat is very pretty. Ashlynn is a good model/porn star, but her face isn't naturally great.
12. Ashlynn Brooke (USA)
4. Stacy Keibler (USA) - How the hell did the degenerate wrestling industry employ Stacy for so long? Also, Tawny is one of those girls who looks different in every picture.
13. Tawny Roberts (USA)
6. Shyla Stylez (Canada) - Shyla is too alluring. Leelee would beat Teagan.
11. Teagan Presley (USA)
3. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - It's a shame that this matchup happened in round one. Yes, I really put my emotions aside and judged that Ashley is better looking. Amber's face is a little off. Obama is a mack daddy!
14. Amber Lee Ettinger (USA)
7. JoJo (Native American)
10. Raven Riley (Native American) - Native American battle! JoJo is a cute girl who deserves to be here. (What a dumbass for turning down the Hannah Montana role, though.) Raven might be the best porn star in the tournament. Gorgeous girl.
2. Elisha Cuthbert (Canada)
15. Sarah Vandella (USA) - We've all seen Elisha's fabulously pale modeling shots, in which she is phenomenal. But, in reality, she is a rather unremarkable girl. Ms. Vandella is a good-looking blonde.
EAST (Asia)
1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines) - This matchup was pretty close. Vanessa is really adorable though.
16. Dilshad Vadsaria (Pakistan)
8. Aylar Lie (Persia)
9. Ayesha Takia (India) - The East region is much improved this season. Nobody plays to win more than Indian girls do.
5. Kaylani Lei (Singapore)
12. Aarti Chhabria (India) - Aarti is not quite as good as this pic indicates, but if Kaylani is the best Singapore can do, then I don't plan to visit Singapore.
4. Brenda Song (Thailand) - Brenda is a classic Southeast Asian babe. Puja is undeserving of being Miss India.
13. Puja Gupta (India)
6. Ahyoomee (South Korea)
11. Ursula Mayes (South Korea) - Ahyoomee is cute with her crazy eyes. But I'd definitely rather fuck Ursula. Total hottie.
3. Sunny Leone (India) - Hwang is just a cute little model. Sunny demolishes her in sexiness.
14. Hwang Mi Hee (South Korea)
7. Ramiele Malubay (Philippines) - When she dolls up with hair and makeup, she is good enough to win this rather dull matchup.
10. Maria Ozawa (Japan)
2. Koda Kumi (Japan) - Koda at her best is among the best Japan has to offer. Antara is a little too thick for me.
15. Antara Biswas (India)
ROUND 2 (32)
NORTH (Europe)
16. Yolanthe Cabau van Kasbergen (Netherlands)
8. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine) - I imagine fucking her and thinking it feels good.
5. Denise Milani (Czech Republic)
4. Keeley Hazell (England) - Titty wars. Keeley has a better face.
6. Lucy Pinder (England) - Superior face and body. Pretty easy choice.
14. Kayden Kross (Sweden)
10. Marina Orlova (Russia)
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - Ok, let's not get carried away by a few amazing Kim pictures. Still, Marina isn't going to beat her.
SOUTH (Latin America)
16. Melina Pitra (Argentina) - Argentina is a powerhouse. I don't like that Somaya's looks change in different pix.
9. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico)
5. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil)
4. Adriana Lima (Brazil) - Adriana is far more gorgeous. It's not close.
6. Alexis Amore (Peru)
14. Belén Rodríguez (Argentina) - I want to plow it pretty hard.
10. Rocío Guirao Díaz (Argentina) - Mariana doesn't have any real speciality. I can't let her keep going.
15. Mariana Felicio (Brazil)
WEST (North America)
1. Paris Hilton (USA)
8. Lanny Barby (Canada) - One of the most difficult aspects of this tournament is determining how attractive Lanny truly is. I really considered Paris here.
5. Katherine McPhee (USA)
4. Stacy Keibler (USA) - Kat is quality, I just think I'd be happier fucking Stacy's super-tight pussy.
6. Shyla Stylez (Canada)
3. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - I can't deny Shyla's sex appeal. But, her face is a failure.
10. Raven Riley (Native American) - I like Sarah a lot. Raven is something special.
15. Sarah Vandella (USA)
EAST (Asia)
1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)
9. Ayesha Takia (India) - None of the #1 seeds made it out of the round of 32. Ayesha is really pretty.
12. Aarti Chhabria (India) - I'm a bit underwhelmed by both of them, actually. Aarti gets me going more.
4. Brenda Song (Thailand)
11. Ursula Mayes (South Korea)
3. Sunny Leone (India) - On the contrary, this matchup is phenomenal. I hate to see either one go out. I'll tell you now that this matchup easily could have been the East region final. It's also an extraordinarily difficult decision. I just feel it more with Sunny.
7. Ramiele Malubay (Philippines)
2. Koda Kumi (Japan) - Ramiele needs a particular look in order to work. Koda is more flexible.
ROUND 3 (Sweet 16)
NORTH (Europe)
8. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine) - There's no question that Keeley has the better body. People overlook how ordinary her face is. Aly brings me joy.
4. Keeley Hazell (England)
6. Lucy Pinder (England) - Keepin' it real here. Kim's face is flawed. Lucy doesn't have bad days.
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia)
SOUTH (Latin America)
16. Melina Pitra (Argentina) - She is a deadly combo of being both a cute and a sexy girl, and it's not just in the retouched pics.
4. Adriana Lima (Brazil)
14. Belén Rodríguez (Argentina)
10. Rocío Guirao Díaz (Argentina) - Both of these Argentine babes bring the goods. It's a really tough decision. Ultimately, Rocío offers more sex appeal.
WEST (North America)
8. Lanny Barby (Canada)
4. Stacy Keibler (USA) - Once again, when a girl never looks bad, you have to stick with her.
3. Ashley Tisdale (USA)
10. Raven Riley (Native American) - End of the road, sweetheart. Ashley's looks change too much. Raven at her worst still looks good.
EAST (Asia)
9. Ayesha Takia (India) - India is steamrolling through Asia. Ayesha continues to impress. She has no major flaws.
12. Aarti Chhabria (India)
3. Sunny Leone (India) - Koda gets blowed out here. She maxed out in the Cutie Honey video. Sunny ensures complete Indian domination in the East.
2. Koda Kumi (Japan)
ROUND 4 (Elite 8)
NORTH (Europe)
8. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine)
6. Lucy Pinder (England) - I'm happy with this Elite 8. All tough decisions. Lucy's tits destroy Aly's, but I was still considering Aly very carefully here. Eventually, I decided Aly's minorly imperfect face costs her against Lucy's total package.
SOUTH (Latin America)
16. Melina Pitra (Argentina) - At first, I thought Melina was all retouch. But, when she dolls up, she really is that amazing. I had a strong first impression of Rocío, but she's a bit too plain.
10. Rocío Guirao Díaz (Argentina)
WEST (North America)
4. Stacy Keibler (USA)
10. Raven Riley (Native American) - It's good that these girls don't have bad days. Stacy, however, does have ordinary days. Raven looks the same all the time: sexy.
EAST (Asia)
9. Ayesha Takia (India)
3. Sunny Leone (India) - Ayesha had a good run. She can't compete with Sunny, though. The difference in sexiness is apparent.
ROUND 5 (Final 4)
NORTH (Europe) vs. SOUTH (Latin America)
6. Lucy Pinder (England)
16. Melina Pitra (Argentina) - It was a really tough choice again. Lucy is extremely pretty. But, without the tits, she's similar to Stacy Keibler in her ordinariness. Melina is sort of like what Ashley Tisdale would be as a supermodel.
WEST (North America) vs. EAST (Asia)
10. Raven Riley (Native American)
3. Sunny Leone (India) - Raven is competitive here. She just doesn't have the goods that Sunny does.
ROUND 6 (Championship)
WORLD CUP
16. Melina Pitra (Argentina)
3. Sunny Leone (India) - Argentina vs. India is my ideal final matchup. We also have blonde vs. raven hair. Take a look at Melina's best look and
. Both are marvelous. But, with Melina, I have a little bit of doubt. With Sunny, I have no doubt. India plays to win. Her prize is that she replaces Ashley Tisdale as my desktop background.
Miss Cromartie Tournament III will drop soon after Selena, Demi, and Miley are eligible.
I am holding my own worst poster tournament. Read that description again. Worst. Poster. Not the poster whom I hate the most. Not the poster who is the most sexist or racist. We're talking about the quality of the content of their posts: intelligence, creativity, correctness, and tone. They are judged based on all of their posts, not just the examples I offer. The eight seeds are
1. MarvinisaLunatic
2. Shooter in a Wedding Dress
3. SuperJerk
4. gary floyd
5. Matt Young
6. kkktookmybabyaway
7. NYU
8. Slayer.
QUARTER-FINALS
1. MarvinisaLunatic vs. 8. Slayer
Typical MarvinisaLunatic post:
Marvin is so dumb that he thought Igor Panarin was ripping off Glenn Beck when Glenn Beck was talking Igor Panarin's prediction.
Typical Slayer post:
Quintessential Slayer, right there.
Winner: MarvinisaLunatic.
4. gary floyd vs. 5. Matt Young
Typical gary floyd post:
"In fact, nobody likes it when you post. Just stop posting. Nobody will miss you."
Typical Matt Young post:
That post has to be the unintentional comedy post of the year.
Winner: Matt Young.
3. SuperJerk vs. 6. kkktookmybabyaway
Typical SuperJerk posts:
You called yourself "fucking awesome" before the primaries started. Romney outperformed Huckabee.
Again, you're trying to show off and get compliments about how 'right' you are. Your map had Obama winning Louisiana and West Virginia while losing New Mexico and Colorado. It was laughable.
Typical kkktookmybabyaway post:
You're a whiny fuckhead who actually changes quoted text to read 'Osama' instead of 'Obama.' I personally hate you.
Winner: SuperJerk.
2. Shooter in a Wedding Dress vs. 7. NYU
Typical Shooter in a Wedding Dress post:
"Ugh, shut up."
Typical NYU post:
He's got that New York attitude. One time, when I was on Wikipedia, I read an edit summary and thought to myself, "That guy sounds like he's from New York." I clicked on his username and saw that, yes, he was from New York.
Winner: NYU.
SEMI-FINALS
1. MarvinisaLunatic vs. 5. Matt Young
Typical MarvinisaLunatic post:
Either you go anyway (the ideal), or you make sure that you can schedule it for another night. Dumb.
Typical Matt Young post:
He was a bit stressed at the time of this post.
Winner: MarvinisaLunatic.
3. SuperJerk vs. 7. NYU
Typical SuperJerk post:
This line was the tipping point in that 'hot for teacher' thread.
Typical NYU post:
A complete misunderstanding of the situation. A volunteer made an error, and this picture refutes the "from afar" nonsense. (We know that he cares about Muslims because he really is one, right kkk?)
Winner: SuperJerk
CHAMPIONSHIP
1. MarvinisaLunatic vs. 3. SuperJerk
Typical MarvinisaLunatic post:
Pathetic and self-defeating.
Typical SuperJerk posts:
In an attempt to make yourself look cool, you derailed the most intellectual thread in the Current Events folder instead of contributing intelligently to it.
Winner and Champion: SuperJerk. He has it all: unthoughtful, an undeserved sense of superiority, the "ugh, shut up" factor, unoriginal, partisan, unfunny, and pathetic. Congratulations!
Bonus: ratings.
1. MarvinisaLunatic 1/10
2. Shooter in a Wedding Dress 3/10
3. SuperJerk 1/10
4. gary floyd 4/10
5. Matt Young 2/10
6. kkktookmybabyaway 4/10
7. NYU 3/10
8. Slayer 3/10
Don't worry, Miss Cromartie Tournament II will be early in 2009.
Now, the first annual Cromarties:
Best Posters of 2008:
10. Draft thread participants
9. Well-dressed posters (must wear a tie)
8. Posters who are above everything
7. Misandrists
6. Sexual incompetents
5. Barack Obama supporters
4. Funny posters
3. Elitists
2. Intellectuals
1. Posters who cite sources
Best of Love, Sex, and Dating for 2008:
10. Still being friends
9. Pornography actresses
8. Going to "da club" or a party
7. Meeting a potential mate online
6. Flirting (preferably shameful flirting)
5. Dating
4. Miley Cyrus
3. Making out (necking)
2. Love
1. Sex
Best of Graphics & Testing Grounds for 2008:
10. PSD
9. PGF
8. JIF
7. BMP
6. PCX
5. TIFF
4. TGA
3. JPEG
2. GIF
1. PNG
Best of Food for 2008:
10. Pure fat
9. Vegetables
8. Vegetables that are actually fruits
7. Pure sugar
6. Whatever I can find on this God-damned island
5. Oils
4. Bird eggs
3. Fruits
2. Raw animals, live
1. Raw animals, dead
It's like the Miss TSM Tournament, but I make all the rules and do all the voting!
RULES:
1. Girls only. The hottest girls. For the purposes of this tournament, only their looks matter.
2. Age limit of 17+ (Disqualified: Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez.)
3. The girls shall be famous. 'Fame' is defined as having 5+ pictures turn up on Google Images. (Disqualified: Leena, local girls.)
4. Voting shall be based on current physical form (Disqualified: Dead porn stars.)
5. Voting between two girls shall be determined by which one I would rather creampie (while considering all possible real-life consequences).
6. Seeding is simply the order in which I added the girls to the tournament. Upsets can and will happen.
("And the seventh thing, I like the most that you dooooo...")
7. Brackets shall be broken into four geographic regions: North (Europe), South (Latin America), West (North America), and East (Asia). Each bracket shall contain 16 girls who fit in that region.
ROUND 1 (64)
NORTH (Europe)
1. Scarlett Johansson (Denmark)
16. Monica Bellucci (Italy)
8. Angelina Jolie (Slovakia)
9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic)
5. Lucy Pinder (England)
12. Olga Kurylenko (Ukraine)
4. Audrey Bitoni (Italy)
13. Layla El (England) - Difficult decision.
3. Eliza Dushku (Albania)
14. Mila Kunis (Ukraine)
6. Petra Nemcova (Czech Republic) - Czech girls are babes.
11. Ashley Robbins (Czech Republic)
7. Lacey Chabert (France)
10. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine)
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia)
15. Alyssa Milano (Italy)
SOUTH (Latin America)
1. Mariah Carey (Venezuela)
16. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico) - Super upset alert! Mariah looks great, but Somaya is insane.
8. Roselyn Sanchez (Puerto Rico)
9. Christina Milian (Cuba)
5. Eva Avila (Peru)
12. Jessica Alba (Mexico)
4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - Hottest 37-year-old ever.
13. Sienna West (Mexico(?))
3. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil)
14. Jenaveve Jolie (Mexico)
6. Shakira (Colombia) - More of a good girlfriend.
11. Alexis Amore (Peru)
7. Eva Longoria (Mexico)
10. Nina Mercedez (Mexico) - Here's a possible George Mason.
2. Adriana Lima (Brazil)
15. Paula DeAnda (Mexico) - Would have beaten quite a few other people.
WEST (North America)
1. Ashley Tisdale (USA)
16. Morgan Webb (Canada)
8. Katherine McPhee (USA)
9. Paris Hilton (USA)
5. Elisha Cuthbert (Canada)
12. Pandora Dreams (Native American) - Tough draw.
4. Kelly Kelly (USA)
13. Lindy Slinger (USA) - She's a Tisdale clone!
3. Tiffani Amber Thiessen (USA) - Back in the day, she'd have final four potential.
14. Hilary Duff (USA)
6. Kristy Lee Cook (USA)
11. Julie Dubela (USA) - Love the attitude.
7. Lanny Barbie (Canada) - It's amazing that she does porn.
10. Brenna Gethers (USA)
2. Shyla Stylez (Canada)
15. JoJo (Native American)
EAST (Asia)
1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)
16. Satomi Yoshida (Japan)
8. Moon Bloodgood (South Korea) - She gives those sexy looks.
9. Kaylani Lei (Singapore)
5. Koda Kumi (Japan) - Wins the coincidental Cutie Honey battle.
12. Eriko Sato (Japan)
4. Brenda Song (Laos) - Not an instant decision.
13. Leah Dizon (China)
3. Miranda Kerr (Australia)
14. Sayaka Ando (Japan)
6. Miwa Oshiro (Japan)
11. Natsuki Iijima (Japan) - Minor upset.
7. Aishwarya Rai (India)
10. Tera Patrick (Thailand) - Damn, India vs. Thailand. Both rock.
2. Reon Kadena (Japan)
15. Chisato Morishita (Japan)
ROUND 2 (32)
NORTH (Europe)
1. Scarlett Johansson (Denmark)
9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic) - Hail to the Czechs.
5. Lucy Pinder (England) - Tits only get you so far.
13. Layla El (England)
3. Eliza Dushku (Albania) - Too girlfriendy.
6. Petra Nemcova (Czech Republic)
10. Alyson Michalka (Ukraine)
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - You know you're hot when you beat a Disney girl.
SOUTH (Latin America)
16. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico) - So hot.
8. Roselyn Sanchez (Puerto Rico)
5. Eva Avila (Peru)
4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico)
3. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil)
11. Alexis Amore (Peru)
10. Nina Mercedez (Mexico)
2. Adriana Lima (Brazil) - This matchup happened too early. I want inside them both.
WEST (North America)
1. Ashley Tisdale (USA)
8. Katherine McPhee (USA)
5. Elisha Cuthbert (Canada) - You know you're hot when you beat a Tisdale clone.
13. Lindy Slinger (USA)
3. Tiffani Amber Thiessen (USA)
6. Kristy Lee Cook (USA)
7. Lanny Barbie (Canada) - I'd rather creampie Lanny.
2. Shyla Stylez (Canada) - But I'd rather fuck Shyla because of her sexual ability.
EAST (Asia)
1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)
8. Moon Bloodgood (South Korea)
5. Koda Kumi (Japan)
4. Brenda Song (Laos)
3. Miranda Kerr (Australia)
11. Natsuki Iijima (Japan)
10. Tera Patrick (Thailand)
2. Reon Kadena (Japan) - Chalk.
ROUND 3 (Sweet 16)
NORTH (Europe)
9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic)
13. Layla El (England)
6. Petra Nemcova (Czech Republic)
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - Too gorgeous to allow the all-Czech battle.
SOUTH (Latin America)
16. Somaya Reece (Puerto Rico)
4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - Fuck, what a matchup.
3. Alessandra Ambrosio (Brazil)
2. Adriana Lima (Brazil) - Look at her eyes, holy shit.
WEST (North America)
1. Ashley Tisdale (USA)
5. Elisha Cuthbert (Canada) - I considered having her actually beat Tisdale, but no.
3. Tiffani Amber Thiessen (USA)
7. Lanny Barbie (Canada) - I'm surprised she's still going. Cuthbert crushes her.
EAST (Asia)
1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)
4. Brenda Song (Laos) - Would have won a few years ago.
3. Miranda Kerr (Australia)
2. Reon Kadena (Japan) - No one has really challenged her.
ROUND 4 (Elite 8)
NORTH (Europe)
9. Veronica Zemanova (Czech Republic)
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia) - Practically a toss-up.
SOUTH (Latin America)
4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - A sexiness that transcends time.
2. Adriana Lima (Brazil)
WEST (North America)
1. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - No contest.
7. Lanny Barbie (Canada)
EAST (Asia)
1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines) - It's almost not fair to put her in Asia.
2. Reon Kadena (Japan)
ROUND 5 (Final 4)
NORTH (Europe) vs. SOUTH (Latin America)
2. Kim Kardashian (Armenia)
4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico) - She's less curvy but still definitely sexier.
WEST (North America) vs. EAST (Asia)
1. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - Hudgens was better in High School Musical 1 but not anymore.
1. Vanessa Hudgens (Philippines)
ROUND 6 (Championship)
WORLD CUP
4. Paulina Rubio (Mexico)
1. Ashley Tisdale (USA) - She's simply invincible right now.
My most-trusted adviser informs me that this topic would fail in the Sports folder. Ergo, it will be relegated to the blog.
Xavier Cromartie, volleyball player
Positives
A fantastic defender... Outstanding reflexes... Gives 100% effort... Tremendously competitive... Smart player... Understands defensive positioning and angles... Good footwork... Anticipates where the ball will go... Sacrifices his body for saves... Has excellent stamina... Very fast and agile... Can get to almost any ball... Makes saves in unorthodox situations and positions... Fearless against incoming attacks... Reliable passer... Dangerous server... Plays well under pressure... Has won at the small-college level... Distributes the ball well... Good back-setter... Almost never gives up the opponent's winning point... No injury history... Studies and is willing to make changes... Recognizes when his teammates need him to take control of the game... Experienced... Has fairly good timing... Won't quit... Knows obscure rules and takes advantage of them... Confident... Has a biological advantage because of his nutritional knowledge... Lots of upside.
Negatives
Needs to improve vertical jump... Upper body is still a work-in-progress... Effective but inconsistent blocker... Tends to make unnecessarily risky serves... Gets frustrated by mistakes... Needs to control spikes better... Favors the amazing play to the safe play too often... Not familiar with all formations... Sets have room for improvement... Does not always communicate... Has some trouble with pancake saves... May be distracted by female players' uniforms.
Notes
A prototypical libero... A southpaw.
I'm not an expert on college basketball. But, I am good at mathematical reasoning and analysis. I decided it would be a good idea to study the stats of the previous NCAA champions, going back to 2000. I noticed that all of the championship teams dominate in particular stats, and other stats don't seem to matter much. Last season, two teams exactly matched the championship model that I formulated: Florida and Kansas. So, here's how the 2008 teams fare.
Teams that exactly match the championship model:
1. Kansas.
Teams that almost match the championship model:
2. North Carolina
3. Memphis
4. Xavier.
Teams that only somewhat match the championship model:
5. Georgetown
6. UCLA
7. Duke
8. Gonzaga
9. Wisconsin
10. Tennessee
11. Texas.
Everyone else falls in the category 'teams that barely resemble the championship model,' or worse.
In conclusion, I'm taking Kansas. Teams 2–4 have a decent shot at winning, and teams 5–11 are possible but unlikely.
I'll make a new entry for this mock, since I doubt much will change between now and early April.
This mock is what I think will actually happen—not what I think should happen.
Last updated on 9 March 2008.
1. Miami Dolphins: DE Chris Long — Chris Long still appears to be the target, for now. I continue to doubt anyone who mentions Matt Ryan. Ellis is still possible, and Gholston is also in consideration now.
2. St. Louis Rams: DT Glenn Dorsey — I'm going back to Dorsey on this one. He fits better than Ellis. Orlando Pace is still around, and so Jake Long isn't the #1 priority. We'll see how the legs check out.
3. Atlanta Falcons: QB Matt Ryan — Turner takes out McFadden. If Dorsey fell, he'd be possible. But, I think the Falcons really want him. Come on, they have Redman and Shockley at QB.
4. Oakland Raiders: DE Vernon Gholston — They just paid Tommy Kelly a bunch of money to play DT. After Gholston's tremendous workout, I don't think they can resist his athleticism.
5. Kansas City Chiefs: OT Jake Long — Greatest need and best player available. They get Long or Clady.
6. New York Jets: RB Darren McFadden — "'Our goal was to give us flexibility in the draft,' Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum told The Post yesterday." Translation: "We didn't want to get crushed for taking McFadden when we had other needs." With Gholston gone, and Ellis no longer filling a need, McFadden makes sense.
7. New England Patriots (via SF): OT Ryan Clady — I remain convinced that this pick will not be a CB. The Patriots take talent over need. But, they just happen to need a better right tackle.
8. Baltimore Ravens: OT Chris Williams — I have nothing to change regarding what I said last time: The Ravens will be extremely irritated by the Patriots' selection, because the Ravens are dedicated to rebuilding their offensive line now that Jonathan Ogden is all but done. They will not take Brian Brohm.
9. Cincinnati Bengals: DT Sedrick Ellis — The draft goddess shines upon the wise, Obama-supporting people of Cincinnati.
10. New Orleans Saints: CB Leodis McKelvin — The question here is RB or CB. In regard to their RB position, I think they are going to cut McAllister, but it's because they really like Pierre Thomas and not because they're clearing the way to draft a new one. Randall Gay is a good nickel CB, but they need a franchise CB. McKelvin is the best one in the draft.
11. Buffalo Leelees: WR Malcolm Kelly — They got everything but a WR in free agency! (And, obviously, no TE is worth this spot.)
12. Denver Broncos: LB Keith Rivers — With Balmer and DeSean Jackson still on the board, this pick is tough. But, I don't think they can be serious about starting Niko Koutouvides at MLB. They have to want a stud there so they can feel good about keeping DJ Williams at WLB. Also, I think Shanny is pissed that he couldn't get Patrick Willis last year.
13. Carolina Panthers: OT Jeff Otah — I'm not convinced that LaBrandon Toefield is the big bonecruncher they want to complement DeAngelo, but I think they'll hold off on RB until round 2 or 3. (This way of thinking almost destroyed me last year.) They definitely want an OT.
14. Chicago Bears: RB Rashard Mendenhall — Haw-haw! The Czechago Bears desperately want to rebuild their o-line, but the 4 good OTs are gone! Word is that Benson mentally retired from the NFL the day he got drafted.
15. Detroit Lions: LB Dan Connor — Mildly surprising. They don't need CB anymore because of Leigh Bodden and Brian Kelly. They want an OT and won't get one. They signed a new DT. They need a long-term MLB.
16. Arizona Cardinals: RB Jonathan Stewart — RB of the future. Share the load with Edge this year, then kick Edge out the door.
17. Minnesota Vikings: DE Derrick Harvey — They signed a WR and S. They are targeting Harvey if he's still there.
18. Houston Texans: CB Mike Jenkins — They are still looking at CB, OT, and RB. Dunta is going on the PUP. OT and RB are gone, and Jenkins is definitely worth taking here, so it's pretty straightforward.
19. Philadelphia Eagles: WR Limas Sweed — They still need a big receiver. Sweed is 6'4 and fast. I can't see them going any other direction.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: QB Brian Brohm — It seems very likely that he will last this long. Brian Griese is not the future. This deal is too sweet to pass on.
21. Washington Redskins: DE Phillip Merling — Nothing new to say here. They already have a light, fast WR. Balmer is possible.
22. Dallas Cowboys (via CLE): RB Felix Jones — Julius is gone. But, they don't trust their powerful and courageous RB from the University of Minnesota to carry it all. They want a speedster.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers: OG Branden Albert — Since Faneca left, I think every mock draft on earth has Albert here.
24. Tennessee Titans: WR DeSean Jackson — They need something more than Vince's legs, LenWhale, and an old TE on offense. They really need to keep Haynesworth motivated.
25. Seattle Seahawks: CB Aqib Talib — Clearly they know that they won't be getting one of the 4 good RBs, and so they signed Julius. Talib is a good value here, otherwise they'd look at OT or TE.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars: DT Kentwan Balmer — Their run defense wasn't particularly good last season, and the Leelees have Stroud now. They signed 2 WRs, and so DT is looking like the right choice. Good deal here, too.
27. San Diego Chargers: CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie — Florence is gone. Do it! Double Cromarties!! Wonder Twin powers, activate!!
28. Dallas Cowboys: WR Devin Thomas — Another guy who can add more pop to the offense.
29. San Francisco 49ers (via IND): WR Early Doucet — Bruce and DJax are way past their primes. They need a young WR, and they seem to like Doucet.
30. Green Bay Packers: CB Antoine Cason — No need for post-Favre panic. Develop a young CB at nickel.
31. New York Giants: FS Kenny Phillips — Come on, Sammy Knight isn't the answer.
I proved last year that I'm the best mock drafter in the world. Here's my post-Combine, pre-Free Agency mock. It will be wrong of course. There's not enough info out there yet. But it's a fun exercise.
This mock is what I think will actually happen, not what I think should happen.
Last updated on 27 Feb.
1. Miami Dolphins: DE Chris Long — Realistically, it's between Long and Sedrick Ellis. I think they'll go with the more talented and versatile player rather than try to force the need at DT.
2. St. Louis Rams: DT Sedrick Ellis — Evidently, the thinking within the Rams is that the o-line will return from injuries and be good again this year. They will likely take a DT and move Carriker back to DE. They like Dorsey, but I think they'll be concerned enough about injuries that they'll want to play it safe with Ellis, who may be a better DT than Dorsey anyway.
3. Atlanta Falcons: QB Matt Ryan — It's either him or McFadden. McFadden ran a 4.33. So what? We all knew he was fast. He's not the number one running back on every team's board. After the Michael Vick ordeal, how could they take a guy who might be the next Vick or Pacman? He's already the next Travis Henry.
4. Oakland Raiders: DT Glenn Dorsey — They are going to be rebuilding their o- and d-lines through the draft, and so I doubt they take McFadden. They were the worst run defense last season, and so they'd love Dorsey, despite the long-term tibia concerns. The only question is whether they want to let Jake Long fall to a division opponent.
5. Kansas City Chiefs: OT Jake Long — Perfect scenario for the Chiefs: they dropped to the lowest possible spot, but they still get the guy they'd pick with the overall #1 selection. Nothing to debate here. The only guy who made him look silly in college was...
6. New York Jets: DE Vernon Gholston — I've been noticing a few signs here and there that this guy is the one they're really targeting. They could certainly use a ferocious pass rusher. I think they'll do the Vilma-for-Rogers trade to fix their DT spot. Gholston had a great Combine. Also, they most certainly want to prevent the Patriots from taking him.
7. New England Patriots (via SF): OT Ryan Clady — I think the Patriots will take the best player on the board who's not named McFadden. Clady isn't far behind Jake Long. They could use a better OT than Nick Kaczur. They can find another CB to fit into their system later. If they did pick a CB here, I think it would be Leodis McKelvin.
8. Baltimore Ravens: OT Chris Williams — The Ravens will be extremely irritated by the Patriots' selection, because the Ravens are dedicated to rebuilding their offensive line now that Jonathan Ogden is all but done. They will not take Brian Brohm.
9. Cincinnati Bengals: RB Rashard Mendenhall — Remember when the Colts picked Edge over Ricky? It'll be like that moment. The Bengals cannot take another 'character issues' guy, but, with the top guys at DE and OT gone, they'll want a RB. Mendenhall is fast and powerful, but Kenny Watson can retain his 3rd down role for now.
10. New Orleans Saints: RB Darren McFadden — I think the Saints will sign Asante Samuel. Although they need a LB, they'll decide that the possibility of McFadden and Bush together is impossible to pass up. McAllister is heading out the door.
11. Buffalo Leelees: DT Kentwan Balmer — I'm guessing they'll get a big WR in free agency. Again, LB would be an upgrade over DiGiorgio (and Ellison), but I think they'd rather have a DT, and Balmer is good enough to take here.
12. Denver Broncos: LB Keith Rivers — First, I think they'll trade Javon Walker and sign a free agent WR. With Balmer gone (or a DT acquired in FA). they target LB, because they want DJ Williams outside. Rivers is more athletic than Dan Connor and has the ability to play inside.
13. Carolina Panthers: RB Jonathan Stewart — QB isn't an urgent need as long as Delhomme's rehab is on schedule. I think they are really disappointed that their running game wasn't better last season. They dumped Foster, but it doesn't mean that DeAngelo is going to get to be the workhorse. Stewart can start and knock some bodies around so that Williams can come in and hit some home runs.
14. Chicago Bears: OT Jeff Otah — Well, shit, all the OTs and RBs are gone already! Otah is a slight reach, especially now that he ran slowly at the Combine, but they need to rebuild the o-line immediately. And they know it.
15. Detroit Lions: CB Leodis McKelvin — All of the CBs are still on the board! And so they take McKelvin, who is the best CB overall and fills a big need. They'd like an OT, though. They'd rather have Chris Williams.
16. Arizona Cardinals: CB Mike Jenkins — Since the big three RBs are gone, they go with CB. It fills a need and is also the best player available.
17. Minnesota Vikings: DE Derrick Harvey — I've already written this one. This team's greatest need is a pass rusher. On defense, they ranked 2nd against the run, but 23rd against the pass.[1] Even worse, they were 28th in adjusted sack rate.[2] (Although, it was an improvement from being 31st in 2006.)[3] The Vikings' sack leaders (Kenechi Udezi, Ray Edwards, and SLB Ben Leber) each had only 5 sacks—good for a tie for 54th place in the NFL.[4] Udezi, who is the most talented DE on the team, has leukemia,[5] and so he is unlikely to play this season, if ever again. Harvey "should make an immediate impact rushing the passer."[6]
18. Houston Texans: CB Aqib Talib — They are looking at CB, OT, and RB. They have no CBs since Dunta is still injured. Talib is a very good CB and showed that he's good enough as a pure athlete. Again, with the CBs sliding because OTs and RBs went, this pick is easy.
19. Philadelphia Eagles: WR Malcolm Kelly — Here's a big #1 WR. Reggie Brown is a #2, and Kevin Curtis is a slot receiver. I don't know why I never have much to say about the Eagles.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: QB Brian Brohm — Well, if he falls into their lap, they'd probably take him. They have Luke McCown backing up a 38-year-old QB.
21. Washington Redskins: DE Phillip Merling — They need a guy who can get pressure and sacks. He's a good pass rusher.
22. Dallas Cowboys (via CLE): RB Felix Jones — The other Arkansas RB replaces Julius Jones, even though he had a disappointing 40 time at the Combine.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers: OG Branden Albert — They have to replace Alan Faneca, and Albert has been moving up the boards. They'll take whoever they can get to fix their o-line.
24. Tennessee Titans: WR Limas Sweed — WR is clearly the biggest need, and so they might as well pick someone who will work well with Young. The other WRs are fading, also.
25. Seattle Seahawks: RB Chris Johnson — The fastest guy at the Combine. They're happy that they didn't have to trade up to get him.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars: DT Pat Sims — Their run defense wasn't particularly good last season. I won't forget that season opener against the Titans. 282 rushing yards?!?! Sims is a big boy like the Jags want.
27. San Diego Chargers: CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie — I know I'm dreaming here, but can you imagine the awesomeness of DOUBLE CROMARTIES? I mean, why wouldn't they want to put Antonio on the #1 guy, and DRC on the slot receiver while readying him to be their #2 CB? Jammer and Florence are nothing special.
28. Dallas Cowboys: DE/OLB Quentin Groves — Very athletic guy who fits with the 3-4.
29. San Francisco 49ers (via IND): WR DeSean Jackson — Shaun Hill is good. He needs more than Gore and V. Davis around him. Since Davis is a big target, they can afford to have a tiny guy out there.
30. Green Bay Packers: CB Antoine Cason — Woodson and Harris are in their 30s. They could maybe take a LB or TE.
31. New England Patriots: You fucked up! You fucked up!
32. New York Giants: LB Dan Connor — I doubt he really lasts this long. The Giants would love to take him, even though they'd have to move him to OLB until Pierce moves on.
AFC
3. San Diego def. 6. Tennessee 17-7
5. Jacksonville def. 4. Pittsburgh 20-13
1. New England def. 5. Jacksonville 31-24
2. Indianapolis def. 3. San Diego 30-10
1. New England def. 2. Indianapolis 21-20
NFC
3. Seattle def. 6. Washington 19-13
4. Tampa Bay def. 5. NY Giants 27-9
1. Dallas def. 4. Tampa Bay 16-13
2. Green Bay def. 3. Seattle 23-13
2. Green Bay def. 1. Dallas 38-24
SUPER BOWL XLII
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 42
GREEN BAY PACKERS 21
I resign from TSMass.
So, despite that horrible 3-week stretch of 5-13, I finished 34-26, or 56.7%. I'll try it again next football season.
Week #10 (5-1)
NFL
SWERVE! I hereby resign the office of NFL handicapper. I'm picking the bowl games.
NCAAF
1. Navy +8.5 at Utah. (Utah 35, Navy 32.) Anchors aweigh! My beloved Navy THREW a 58-yard pass in the last minute in order to cover the spread, and then they almost pulled off a marvelous comeback. Good effort, gents. Also, Utah fumbled that ball for a touchback, what the fuck was the replay idiot looking at?
2. Tennessee -3 vs. Wisconsin. (Tennessee 21, Wisconsin 17.) Both teams were dumb in the 4th quarter.
3. Virginia +6 vs. Texas Tech. (Texas Tech 31, Virginia 28.) Early nominee for choke of the year.
4. Georgia -8 vs. Hawaii. (Georgia 41, Hawaii 10.) In order to pick Hawaii here, you'd have to be a Christian who believes in miracles.
5. Virginia Tech -3.5 vs. Kansas. (Kansas 24, Virginia Tech 21.) I don't get it. All I can do is tip my cap to Aqib Talib.
6. Tulsa -4.5 vs. Bowling Green.
Week #9 (2-4)
NFL
1. Tampa Bay -12 vs. Atlanta.
2. Baltimore -3 at Miami.
3. New England -23 vs. NY Jets.
4. Seattle -7 at Carolina.
5. Green Bay -9.5 at St. Louis.
6. Indianapolis -10 at Oakland.
Week #8 (1-5)
NCAAF
NAVY NAVY NAVY ECKEL CAMPBELL RUSH MIDDIES ARMYSUX HAWAII#1
PAUL JOHNSON BETRAYED US
NFL
1. Cleveland -3.5 at NY Jets. Cleveland totally outplayed Arizona last week. AND WON.
2. Tampa Bay -3 at Houston. What's Jewish superstar Sage Rosenfels gonna do?
3. Dallas -11 at Detroit. Looks like the biggest mismatch of the week.
4. Pittsburgh +13 at New England. Belichick didn't go for it on a 4th and goal inside the 5 in the first quarter. I thought he understood the percentages. I still hope for 16-0.
5. St. Louis +7 at Cincinnati. St. Louis does fine against teams that have a weak pass rush.
6. Chicago +3 at Washington. Worst invention ever: cereal crops. Second worst: handguns. (Washington 24, Chicago 16.) Man, I didn't sign up for Todd Collins vs. Brian Griese.
Week #7 (2-4)
NCAAF
UCLA looks tempting (+20, final score USC 24, UCLA 7), but fuck college kids, except the Midshipmen. I love watching the Army/Navy game. (Navy 38, Army 3.) I hope the Boston Belichicks pick up Reggie Campbell. Who needs Brady, Moss, and Welker when you have Campbell and Eckel.
NFL
1. New England -20 at COUGHimore. Good prop bet: Which will be greater, Patriots' number of rushes or Ravens' points? (Both should be somewhere around 3.) (New England 27, Baltimore 24.) The prop bet was a push! Damn, how did Baltimore score so much.
2. Cleveland +1 at Arizona. Edge scares no one. Cards' D lost Adrian Wilson and Eric Green. (Arizona 27, Cleveland 21.) CLEVELAND WON THIS GAME. WINSLOW WAS FORCED OUT.
3. Miami -1 vs. New York Jets. If Miami can handle Thomas Jones and Leon Washington, they should win. (NY Jets 40, Miami 13.) Enjoy your 0-16 season you pieces of shit. Oh yeah, Brady Quinn is way better than John Beck. He fucks Lindy Slinger.
4. Denver -3.5 at Oakland. Rush the ball 50 times please. (Oakland 34, Denver 20.) I'll take the blame on this one.
5. Tampa Bay +3.5 at New Orleans. I know Luke McCown might start, but at least he's better than Gradkowski. (Tampa Bay 27, New Orleans 23.) Yeah, definitely better than Gradkowski.
6. New York Giants -1.5 at Chicago. Giants can pound the ball and will shut down Hester. (NY Giants 21, Chicago 16.) Yeah, that's what happened. We still needed some fortune at the end.
Week #6 (4-2)
NCAAF
Fuck dumbass college kids. They are thinking about sex and schoolwork and careers instead of football.
NFL
1. New England -22 vs. Philadelphia. If I were Vegas I would put it at -35. (New England 31, Philadelphia 28.) I penciled them in too quickly. I'll still take them against Baltimore, though. That is an ideal matchup.
2. Seattle -3 at St. Louis. St. Louis still has a horrid o-line. They just haven't faced good defenses lately. (Seattle 24, St. Louis 19.) AGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA
3. Green Bay -3.5 at Detroit. Ryan Grant is expected to play. (Green Bay 37, Detroit 26.) Total domination after the first quarter.
4. Cleveland -3 vs. Houston. Joe Thomas: Offensive Rookie of the Year. (Cleveland 27, Houston 17.) Cleveland's pass defense played pretty well today.
5. Arizona -10 vs. San Francisco. SF's offense really is pathetic. (San Francisco 37, Arizona 31.) This team hadn't scored more than 20 points all year, and they were starting Trent Dilfer. Damn TWO guys in berserker mode (Gore and Willis). If I had known earlier in the week that David Carr was starting for Carolina, I would have taken New Orleans instead. I should wait until Friday or Saturday to pick.
6. Miami +16 at Pittsburgh. Watch out for Teddy Ballgame Jr.! (Pittsburgh 3, Miami 0.) I am intelligent.
Week #5 (5-1)
NCAAF
1. Missouri -7 at Kansas State. Don't look ahead, fellas. (Missouri 49, Kansas State 32.) They dominated!
2. Duke +6 at Notre Dame. Duke might win the game. (Notre Dame 28, Duke 7.) You got blowed out by Notre Dame in the biggest game of your life. Infantile retards.
NFL
1. New England -15.5 at Buffalo. Seems like another 38-7 romp. (New England 56, Buffalo 10.) I enjoyed seeing the Navy man in there (Eckel).
2. Cleveland -2.5 at Baltimore. Cleveland will throw all over Baltimore. (Cleveland 33, Baltimore 30.) Craziest field goal ever!!
3. Green Bay -9.5 vs. Carolina. Please start David Carr. (Green Bay 31, Carolina 17.) GB let them have some cheap TDs.
4. Seattle -5 vs. Chicago. Hello Sexy Rexy. (Seattle 30, Chicago 23.) Hack is a monster.
Week #4 (3-3)
NCAAF
1. Kansas State -7.5 at Nebraska. Nebraska appears to be dead. (Nebraska 73, Kansas State 31.) That's the most improbable result ever.
2. Kentucky -3.5 at Vanderbilt. One of those mysterious lines... (Kentucky 27, Vanderbilt 20.) Who would have bet on Vanderbilt here?
3. Air Force -2.5 at Notre Dame. It was so fun with Navy last week. (Air Force 41, Notre Dame 24.) Thanks again Notre Dame!
NFL
1. Seattle -10 vs. San Francisco. SF is the worst offense WITH Frank Gore. (Seattle 24, San Francisco 0.) This game went exactly as expected.
2. Indianapolis -3.5 at San Diego. SD's ego was shattered. (San Diego 23, Indianapolis 21.) Oh fuck off. 6 INTs? 2 return TDs? 2 missed FGs by Vinatieri? Indy would cover this line 9 out of 10 times.
3. Detroit +1.5 at Arizona. Detroit's D knows how to GET LOW! (Arizona 31, Detroit 21.) 8 carries for -18 yards???
Week #3 (4-2)
NCAAF
1. East Carolina -4.5 at Memphis. ECU isn't terrible and Memphis is. (East Carolina 56, Memphis 40.) Woo.
2. Navy +3.5 at Notre Dame. Navy is tired of ND's power trip. (Navy 46, Notre Dame 44.) YEAH NAVY! GAME OF THE YEAR! (Ok, maybe Appy St./Michigan and Trinity/Millsaps are better.)
3. New Mexico +4 at TCU. LaDainian isn't walking through that door. (TCU 37, New Mexico 0.) Fuck the heck?
NFL
1. San Diego -7 at Minnesota. LaDainian is walking through that door. (Minnesota 35, San Diego 17.) Ah, I should have known that Adrian Peterson would break the single-game rushing record.
2. Tennessee -4 vs. Carolina. It's David Carr. (Tennessee 20, Carolina 7.) Too easy baby.
3. Indianapolis +6.5 vs. New England. PEYTON MANNING FOREVER. (New England 24, Indianapolis 20.) Here's what I wrote to one of my friends on 30 October: "I don't think the Colts will get 'blowed out' (as Emmitt Smith would say). The only major differences between the two are that the Pats pass a bit better, and the Colts run a bit better. Although I've been a Colts fan for about a decade, I'm enjoying the EVIL Patriots run. So, I'll pick the Pats to win, but I don't think they'll cover the 6-point spread."
Week #2 (5-1)
NCAAF
1. Kansas -2 at Texas A&M. I expect Kansas to be 11-0 when they host Missouri. (Kansas 19, Texas A&M 11.) Kansas and their fat coach almost blew it after dominating all game.
2. Boise State -3 at Fresno State. Fresno isn't really that good. (Boise State 34, Fresno State 21.) Nailed it. I am the hammer.
3. New Mexico State +28 at Hawaii. NMSU should have enough offense. (Hawaii 50, New Mexico State 13.) Chase Holbrook is a little bitch. Don't bet on bad teams.
NFL
1. Cleveland -3 at St. Louis. Wow! (Cleveland 27, St. Louis 20.) Don't mess with Derek Anderson.
2. Indianapolis -7 at Carolina. *LoL*. (Indianapolis 31, Carolina 7.) *LoL*. What an insane line.
3. Pittsburgh -3.5 at Cincinnati. Let's try it again. (Pittsburgh 24, Cincinnati 13.) Nothing surprising here.
Week #1 (3-3)
NCAAF
1. South Florida -2.5 at Rutgers. (Rutgers 30, South Florida 27.) Fucking loser Grothe. Watch out ladies, Matt Groethe is a beta male. Don't let him continue his inferior genetic lineage with you. Find a real man. Ugh, dumbass college kids.
2. Auburn +11 at Louisiana State. (Louisiana State 30, Auburn 24.) Yeah, that line was absurd. Nice choke, Auburn.
3. Kansas State +3 at Oklahoma State. (Oklahoma State 41, Kansas State 39.) Hahaha. I thought Kansas State would win.
NFL
1. New England -17 at Miami. (New England 49, Miami 28.) Free money.
2. Pittsburgh -3.5 at Denver. (Denver 31, Pittsburgh 28.) What happened to the Steelers' pass defense?
3. Tampa Bay +2.5 at Detroit. (Detroit 23, Tampa Bay 16.) Bucs had 150 more yards but were -2 in turnovers.
Tactics:
1. Generally, I don't really care about home/away. REFERNCES [sic]: Appalachian St. at Michigan.
2. I don't care at all about streaks or previous seasons. REFERNCES: Navy at Notre Dame.
3. There are no 'magic potions.' REFERNCES: "DeShaun Foster always owns Atlanta."
4. Watch out for 'betrayal' teams. REFERNCES: Arizona, San Diego.
5. Generally, I look for games that have less than 4 point spreads, but one team is definitely better than the other, and/or the matchup is great. REFERNCES: Cleveland.
6. Offensive lines are extremely important, but common people don't understand this concept very well. REFERNCES: Cleveland, St. Louis.
7. Wait for injury reports about playmakers (Albert Haynesworth) and anti-playmakers (David Carr).
8. Don't go the other way just because a line looks too good to be true. REFERNCES: Kentucky -3.5 at Vanderbilt
9. Avoid confusing what you want to happen with what will happen. I tend to want unlikely things to happen.
Every Christmas, I like to give myself a particular present: a fantasy football championship. I play in only two leagues, and so this gift is not easy to get.
A 1-4 start. 48 points in week 5. Time to give up on this league and focus on the other one. Not! Never give up until the very end.
A solid 6-win streak puts me back in contention. But then I lost two more times. Fortunately, the tiebreaker worked out so that all I needed to do in week 14 was win. And I won big, because I am Mr. Clutch. And so, I made it into the playoffs as the 4 seed. Of course that means I have to play against the 1 seed. Manning. Moss. Braylon. Burress. Witten. Dang.
Ha! Despite Westbrook's non-TD run, I won easily! Now for the 2 seed in the championship.
Thank you, Warner and Cotchery. If I had started Driver over Cotchery, I would have lost. Winners adapt.
Winning is a skill.
In this exercise, I'll play the role of an NFL GM. I'll think about the order in which I'd pick positions, and I'll rank the top 5 players I'd take (no old guys).
I. OT
1. Joe Thomas (CLE)
2. Marcus McNeill (SD)
3. Bryant McKinnie (MIN)
4. Matt Light (NE)
5. Jamaal Brown (NO)
II. QB
1. Peyton Manning (IND)
2. Tom Brady (NE)
3. Tony Romo (DAL)
4. Marc Bulger (STL)
5. Carson Palmer (CIN)
III. DT
1. Albert Haynesworth (TEN)
2. Kevin Williams (MIN)
3. Haloti Ngata (BAL)
4. Casey Hampton (PIT)
5. Vince Wilfork (NE)
IV. OG
1. Logan Mankins (NE)
2. Steve Hutchinson (MIN)
3. Shawn Andrews (PHI)
4. Alan Faneca (PIT)
5. Eric Steinbach (CLE)
V. C
1. Jeff Saturday (IND)
2. Samson Satele (MIA)
3. Dan Koppen (NE)
4. Matt Birk (MIN)
5. Shaun O'Hara (NYG)
VI. DE
1. Jared Allen (KC)
2. Osi Umenyiora (NYG)
3. Aaron Kampman (GB)
4. Dwight Freeney (IND)
5. Trent Cole (PHI)
VII. WR
1. Randy Moss (NE)
2. Reggie Wayne (IND)
3. Andre Johnson (HOU)
4. Braylon Edwards (CLE)
5. Marques Colston (NO)
VIII. RB
1. Adrian Peterson (MIN)
2. Michael Turner (SD)
3. Steven Jackson (STL)
4. Ryan Grant (GB)
5. Marshawn Lynch (BUF)
IX. TE
1. Antonio Gates (SD)
2. Kellen Winslow II (CLE)
3. Vernon Davis (SF)
4. Dallas Clark (IND)
5. Jason Witten (DAL)
X. ILB
1. DeMeco Ryans (HOU)
2. Patrick Willis (SF)
3. David Harris (NYJ)
4. Kirk Morrison (OAK)
5. Lofa Tatupu (SEA)
XI. CB
1. Nnamdi Asomugha (OAK)
2. Antonio Cromartie (SD)
3. Leigh Bodden (CLE)
4. Asante Samuel (NE)
5. Marlin Jackson (IND)
XII. OLB
1. Michael Boley (ATL)
2. Lance Briggs (CHI)
3. Julian Peterson (SEA)
4. Ernie Sims (DET)
5. Rocky McIntosh (WAS)
XIII. S
1. Bob Sanders (IND)
2. Troy Polamalu (PIT)
3. Adrian Wilson (ARI)
4. LaRon Landry (WAS)
5. Roman Harper (NO)
XIV. KR
1. Devin Hester (CHI)
2. Ted Ginn Jr. (MIA)
3. Joshua Cribbs (CLE)
4. Terrence McGee (BUF)
5. Leon Washington (NYJ)
XV. FB
1. Kyle Eckel
XVI. K
1. Shayne Graham (CIN)
2. Nick Folk (DAL)
3. Mason Crosby (GB)
4. Stephen Gostkowski (NE)
5. Jeff Reed (PIT)
I would not waste a roster spot on a punter. The kicker can punt.
In early August, before preseason started, I nominated a fantasy sleeper (or two) for each team. Let's take a look back and see how I did.
Kansas City Chiefs: Priest Holmes. Well, he's playing now. And he'll probably start this week, but he'll share with Kolby Smith. The correct sleeper pick would have been Dwayne Bowe.
Buffalo Bills: Paul Posluszny. He won the MLB job and played well until he went on IR. Without the injury, this pick would be correct. Otherwise, I guess you'd have to say Trent Edwards.
Houston Texans: Owen Daniels. Pretty good pick, but both André Davis and Kevin Walter would have been better. Watch out for Adimchinobi Echemandu as well.
Atlanta Falcons: Joe Horn. Flat out bad pick here. He's old and done. The winner is clearly OLB Michael Boley. (On offense, it's Roddy White.)
Tennessee Titans: Brandon Jones. Well he sucks, but who else is there? LenWhale wasn't a sleeper. Chris Henry is good enough to win it for this team, I guess.
Minnesota Vikings: Sidney Rice. He has great potential, but he won't actualize it until next year, when a first-round QB is throwing to him. E.J. Henderson is the sleeper champ here.
Washington Redskins: Jason Campbell. He's doing ok. His WRs are terrible and they run all the time. The best sleeper on this team was Rocky McIntosh.
Cleveland Browns: Jerome Harrison. He's a good player who doesn't get enough playing time. But, obviously, the sleeper of the year in all of the NFL was Derek Anderson.
Miami Dolphins: David Martin. Well, he isn't Antonio Gates yet. Maybe next year. This team has lots of good sleepers: Ted Ginn Jr., Jesse Chatman, Cleo Lemon, and John Beck. Right now you have to give it to Chatman.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Maurice Stovall. He doesn't suck, but he isn't producing. Earnest Graham and Barrett Ruud have been the guys here.
New York Giants: Steve Smith the Younger. Nope, he hasn't done anything. Derrick Ward is the clear winner.
Dallas Cowboys: Patrick Crayton. Yeah, you could call him the best sleeper on this team. Jason Witten and DeMarcus Ware aren't really sleepers.
Oakland Raiders: Zach Miller and Michael Bush. Miller has done little. Watch out for Bush next year. Jordan and Rhodes will be gone, and Son of Huggy Bear is a temporary solution. But, Son of Huggy Bear is also the sleeper champion here.
New York Jets: David Harris. I could have said Kellen Clemens or Leon Washington. But, if you've watched Harris in weeks 8 and 9, you know why I put him here. Clear winner.
San Francisco 49ers: Arnaz Battle. He is their best WR, but they are the worst offense in the league. Therefore, Patrick Willis wins.
Arizona Cardinals: Leonard Pope. They don't use him, even though he's a colossus. Kurt Warner or Karlos Dansby get the win here.
Detroit Lions: T.J. Duckett. Now that he's healthy, we'll see him some more as Jones's backup. Shaun McDonald is the best sleeper here.
Seattle Seahawks: D.J. Hackett. Good WR who's finally healthy. Bobby Engram is better.
St. Louis Rams: Brian Leonard. Well, he's the winner on this team, but that isn't saying much.
Green Bay Packers: Donald Lee. Great pick here. He is a starting TE in 12-team leagues. James Jones would be a good choice as well.
Cincinnati Bengals: Kenny Irons. Well, he got hurt, and allowed the other Kenny to step in for the worn down Rudi. Kenny Watson is awesome.
Philadelphia Eagles: Tony Hunt. He hasn't had a chance since preseason. Kevin Curtis is the only choice on this team.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Santonio Holmes. Well, he was kind of obvious. Najeh Davenport or Heath Miller could be considered the winner.
Carolina Panthers: Jeff King. Pretty good pick here. Jon Beason is better, though.
New Orleans Saints: Eric Johnson. He's ok. I'd say David Patten.
Baltimore Ravens: Demetrius Williams. He had a decent start while Clayton was gimpy. This offense is lame. It's either Williams or Quinn Sypniewski.
Chicago Bears: Adrian Peterson the Elder. He's better than Benson in every way, yet they are sticking with Benson. Brian Griese or Greg Olsen wins here.
San Diego Chargers: Michael Turner. Turner isn't used enough. The only other good sleeper here is Antonio Cromartie (WHAT A STUD!!).
Denver Broncos: D.J. Williams. He is doing ok at MLB. Selvin Young or Brandon Marshall are much better sleepers.
Indianapolis Colts: DeDe Dorsey and Freddie Keiaho. Cut and injured, dang. Dallas Clark wins if he counts as a sleeper. Otherwise, Marlin Jackson and Kelvin Hayden.
New England Patriots: Sammy Morris. He rocked before he got hurt. Belichick likes him more than he likes Maroney. (Remember that next season.) Wes Welker is the obvious pick here.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Marcedes Lewis. He's doing ok but is pretty disappointing. David Garrard is the best sleeper choice here.
Just checked out ESPN's power rankings (written on 17 May 2007). Every team, except for the 49ers and Cardinals, is within 5 spots of where they finished last year. They had 8 people get together to make these rankings. And they agreed that the NFL will play out almost exactly as it did last year. Steelers: 13th last year, 13th this year. Rams: 18th last year, 18th this year. Raiders: 32nd last year, 32nd this year. Atrocious. I will attempt a radical approach: I will look at what the teams have done during the offseason, what players have developed or dropped off, and against whom the teams will play this season. (Yes, the records will add up to 256-256.)
32. Kansas City Chiefs. Projected record: 3-13. I think Brodie Croyle will be decent. The problems are that the Chiefs' o-line will be among the worst (it was 17th last year when they had Will Shields) and their defense should be weak against both the run and pass (despite having some well-known players). Fantasy sleeper: Priest Holmes.
31. Buffalo Bills. Projected record: 3-13. They play against a lot of tough defenses this year, and the Bills' defense lost its best players (Nate Clements and London Fletcher). Fantasy sleeper: Paul Posluszny.
30. Houston Texans. Projected record: 4-12. The team didn't improve anywhere except at DT (with Amobi Okoye) and QB (Matt Schaub, who is not an elite QB). Ahman Green is an ok pickup as well. (He's about as good as Ron Dayne but much better than Wali Lundy.) Fantasy sleeper: Owen Daniels.
29. Atlanta Falcons. Projected record: 4-12. Joey Harrington to Joe Horn, baby. But Jerious Norwood is like Reggie Bush with better rushing skills. Fantasy sleeper: Joe Horn.
28. Tennessee Titans. Projected record: 5-11. The team is full of replacement-level players. But they have good coaches, and Vince Young and Keith Bulluck are studs. Fantasy sleeper: Brandon Jones.
27. Minnesota Vikings. Projected record: 5-11. There's almost no way for the rush defense to be as good as it was last year. Stephen Jackson proved in week 17 what a fraud it was. Near the end of the season, look for fans to throw Brad Childress off of the cliff where the I-35W bridge used to be. Fantasy sleeper: Sidney Rice.
26. Washington Redskins. Projected record: 6-10. They added LaRon Landry and London Fletcher. The 'Skins play a few easy teams, and so they should be a little better than last year. Fantasy sleeper: Jason Campbell.
25. Cleveland Browns. Projected record: 6-10. I would like to put them higher, but it's difficult to find teams that are worse, and they play in the toughest division in the NFL. Cleveland has a great CB combo in Leigh Bodden and Eric Wright. They added Joe Thomas, Eric Steinbach, and (maybe) LeCharles Bentley to the o-line, which was among the very worst last year. They're going to pound Jamal Lewis and throw it to Kellen Winslow II. Fantasy sleeper: Jerome Harrison.
24. Miami Dolphins. Projected record: 6-10. Ted Ginn Jr.?? Ronnie Brown, Lorenzo Booker, and David Martin will catch a lot of balls. They got suckered on the Trent Green trade. They already had a better QB—Cleo F. Lemon. Fantasy sleeper: David Martin.
23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Projected record: 6-10. Easy schedule. Adding Jeff Garcia is a big deal (this year), because Chris Simms and Bruce Gradkowski played far below replacement-level last year. They added some much-needed o-linemen. Their defense added Cato June (who can't tackle well) and Gaines Adams (possible bust). But they have Sabby Piscitelli. Fantasy sleeper: Maurice Stovall.
22. New York Giants. Projected record: 6-10. Yes, Tiki Barber was good last year. Because his o-line was good. Brandon Jacobs is a BEHEMOTH!! Why 6-10 then? Because their defense will be awful. Fantasy sleeper: Steve Smith the Younger.
21. Dallas Cowboys. Projected record: 6-10. They play against some good defenses, and so the offense (Tony Romo, especially) should decline. Their pass defense will probably remain terrible. Fantasy sleeper: Patrick Crayton.
20. Oakland Raiders. Projected record: 6-10. I hope this ranking is higher than what all the other power rankings have. First, their pass defense is possibly the scariest in the league. It could be better than even Baltimore's, Jacksonville's, and Chicago's. Do you think coaching makes a difference? Gosh, I do. Last year they went into games with literally 3 running plays. Literally. Aaron Brooks and Andrew Walter got murdered behind a line that wasn't coached to block properly. Josh McCown (the likely starter for now) is a fine replacement-level QB. They have a lot of good players on offense. Fantasy sleeper: Zach Miller and Michael Bush.
19. New York Jets. Projected record: 7-9. Last year was a fluke. They had a ridiculously easy schedule. This year it's pretty difficult. Both the offense and defense are slightly below average. Fantasy sleeper: David Harris.
18. San Francisco 49ers. Projected record: 7-9. I am projecting them to have the same record as last year, even though they are better this year. I know everyone loves (i.e., overrates) them. Nate Clements is one of the best CBs in the league, and Patrick Willis is a stud LB. But, the offensive side lost Norv Turner. I still expect Gore to be great, though. And Vernon Davis will be a freak. Darrell Jackson won't contribute much. Fantasy sleeper: Arnaz Battle.
17. Arizona Cardinals. Projected record: 8-8. They have a great young QB and two superstar WRs, and so they're going to run the ball 450 times. Brilliant! I have them going 8-8 because (a) they have the easiest schedule in the NFL and (b) I like their defense (Alan Branch, Karlos Dansby, Antrel Rolle, and Adrian Wilson). Fantasy sleeper: Leonard Pope.
16. Detroit Lions. Projected record: 8-8. Juggernaut offense. It was very good last year, and now defenses have to double cover Calvin Johnson. Who cares about RBs? They're there to catch passes too, until they get to the goal line, where big T.J. Duckett can pound it in. On defense, their front 7 is ok, but the secondary looks pretty bad without Dre' Bly. Fantasy sleeper: T.J. Duckett.
15. Seattle Seahawks. Projected record: 8-8. They were not good last year, even though they won a playoff game. Their o-line isn't that good aside from Walter Jones. But, the offense should be pretty good anyway. (I'm not drafting Shaun Alexander, though.) Their defense is still weak, particularly the secondary. Fantasy sleeper: D.J. Hackett.
14. St. Louis Rams. Projected record: 9-7. I love you, Rams. As usual, Marc Bulger (the 2nd best QB in the NFL) and Steven Jackson will be crazy, and the defense will be one of the worst in the league. (Adam Carriker should be pretty good, though.) Fantasy sleeper: Brian Leonard.
13. Green Bay Packers. Projected record: 9-7. Their pass defense is, secretly, really good. Either Vernand Morency or Brandon Jackson will be able to run behind that good o-line. Good team. Fantasy sleeper: Donald Lee.
12. Cincinnati Bengals. Projected record: 9-7. They finally have a little easier schedule. But their defense is really bad. Like, near the bottom against both rush and pass. Fantasy sleeper: Kenny Irons.
11. Philadelphia Eagles. Projected record: 10-6. I never have much to say about them, because they're pretty predictable. McNabb throws. Westbrook runs and catches. Top 10 pass defense, top 15 rush defense. Fantasy sleeper: Tony Hunt.
10. Pittsburgh Steelers. Projected record: 10-6. This switch to a wide-open passing system is going to be great. Their defense should be very good; although Mike Tomlin is making them switch to Tampa-2, he's a defensive genius. My man Lawrence Timmons is 'out with a groin.' It's a shame that they play against Jacksonville in week 15 (fantasy playoffs). Fantasy sleeper: Santonio Holmes.
9. Carolina Panthers. Projected record: 10-6. They had a bad o-coordinator last season. They will run DeShaun Foster and DeAngelo Williams often, and Steve Smith will have a HUGE year. Their defense will be pretty good—probably top 10 in both categories. Fantasy sleeper: Jeff King.
8. New Orleans Saints. Projected record: 11-5. I don't see why the offense would regress. You can't 'figure out' Reggie Bush and Marques Colston. They are superior talents. Comparisons of Colston to Michael Clayton are absurd. Look for another big year from Drew Brees and Colston. I can't put them higher, though, because their defense is still pretty pathetic. (I still love Roman Harper, but he's still recovering from the ACL injury.) Fantasy sleeper: Eric Johnson.
7. Baltimore Ravens. Projected record: 11-5. They look pretty good. They lost Adalius Thomas and didn't replace Samari Rolle, but Willis McGahee should have a good season. Ben Grubbs was a good draft pick, and they still have Jonathan Ogden. They actually told Ed Reed they will bench him if he doesn't play within the scheme. Awesome! (I loved Reed until he started sucking.) Fantasy sleeper: Demetrius Williams.
6. Chicago Bears. Projected record: 12-4. They didn't lose Lance Briggs, and so they should still be the top defense in the NFC. The offense gains Devin Hester, Garrett Wolfe, and Greg Olsen. Fantasy sleeper: Adrian Peterson the Elder.
5. San Diego Chargers. Projected record: 11-5. First, let me say the following: if Michael Turner were in the 2008 NFL Draft, I would take him ahead of Darren McFadden. If LaDainian Tomlinson were put on I.R. in the preseason, I would select Michael Turner #1 overall in my draft. Now, are you ready for more of Tomlinson and Antonio Gates? They are way ahead of everyone else at their positions. Vincent Jackson is rather overrated this year in fantasy. 7th round is way too early. He's a good WR4 in round 10 if you stocked up on other positions. Anyway, the Chargers' defense is on the way down (although, along with Shawne Merriman and Jamal Williams, Antonio Cromartie is a stud). Last year was their chance at the Super Bowl. They would have OBLITERATED the Colts. But it was Peyton Manning's destiny to win. Fantasy sleeper: Michael Turner.
4. Denver Broncos. Projected record: 12-4. Their CBs are Champ Bailey and Dre' Bly!!! Travis Henry is a very good RB, too. Jay Cutler is a good QB. They keep loading up on d-linemen. They should be really good. Fantasy sleeper: D.J. Williams.
3. Indianapolis Colts. Projected record: 12-4. They made the offense better and the defense worse. Nice. Peyton Manning was the real MVP last season. (And I think Tomlinson is great.) Well, look for more fun, high-scoring games this year. Fantasy sleeper: DeDe Dorsey and Freddie Keiaho.
2. New England Patriots. Projected record: 13-3. Yes, they acquired WRs. They aren't unbeatable, they're just strong (top 10 or 15) in every area. Is their o-line good enough to win the championship? I'm not sure. They like to take away a team's #1 WR, and so a good #2 WR (like Reggie Wayne) gives them trouble. We've seen the Broncos and Dolphins own them. Fantasy sleeper: Sammy Morris.
1. Jacksonville Jaguars. Projected record: 13-3. Am I a crazy person? I don't think so. Rush defense: top 5. Pass defense: top 5. O-line: top 5. They have a new offensive coordinator, and he's a great choice for them. They realized that their WRs pretty much suck (at receiving, not blocking), and so they're going to focus on the RBs and TEs. Lord Byron Leftwich will have a better year, since he's not injured. They also drafted a punter in round 4 in order to fix that problem. If they don't make the playoffs again, fire Jack Del Rio immediately. Fantasy sleeper: Marcedes Lewis.
Playoffs?!
AFC
6. Chargers def. 3. Broncos
5. Colts def. 4. Ravens
1. Jaguars def. 6. Chargers
5. Colts def. 2. Patriots
1. Jaguars def. 5. Colts
NFC
3. Eagles def. 6. Packers
5. Panthers def. 4. Rams
5. Panthers def. 1. Bears
2. Saints def. 3. Eagles
5. Panthers def. 2. Saints
Super Bowl XLII
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS - 13
CAROLINA PANTHERS - 7
I've played ESPN's Draft Forecast game for a few years. In this game, you predict the first 15 draft picks. I usually do very well. In 2005, I was 141st out of 46,000 people. But, only 1st place wins the prize:
Grand Prize: 2007 HUMMER H3 and a Trip for Two (winner plus one guest) to the ESPN Studios in Bristol, CT.
Trip includes a VIP Experience in Bristol CT for winner and (1) guest consisting of round trip coach air transportation from major U.S. gateway airport nearest winner's primary residence in the U.S., 3-night standard double occupancy hotel accommodations, ground transfers to/from the airport.
Approximate ARV: $38,000.
So, let's go over my entry this year. I decided not to project any trades, because afterward I probably would wonder what I was thinking.
1. Oakland - JaMarcus Russell. It was reported that they would take him.
2. Detroit - Calvin Johnson. It didn't matter whether they traded the pick, because CJ would be #2. Some people had Adams here.
3. Cleveland - Joe Thomas. This one ruined many people. Quinn seemed like the pick until Friday. Peterson was also possible.
4. Tampa Bay - Gaines Adams. There really was no other choice here.
5. Arizona - Levi Brown. Since they didn't have to think about Thomas, it was pretty obvious they would take Brown.
6. Washington - LaRon Landry. I knew he was their top choice, but I was worried they might trade down.
7. Minnesota - Adrian Peterson. They wanted Landry, but they were happy to take Peterson.
8. Atlanta - Jamaal Anderson. I was extremely worried about this pick, but I had info that with Landry and Brown gone, they would take him.
9. Miami - Brady Quinn. Total stunner here when they took Ginn. But I figured it wouldn't disrupt the rest of my picks too much.
10. Houston - Amobi Okoye. I was worried here too, because I had very little Texans info, and they were talking trade with Denver. I had to go with what made sense. Revis was possible.
11. San Francisco - Patrick Willis. Easy pick here. Only worry was that Denver would trade to 10 for him, and then SF would take Carriker.
12. Buffalo - Paul Posluszny. A reach that I thought they'd do. They traded up 9 spots in round 2 to get him, showing that the info was right. It was 50/50 between him and Lynch. I figured they'd be happy with a guy like Kenny Irons in round 2.
13. St. Louis - Adam Carriker. Didn't consider anyone else, based on how the picks beforehand went.
14. Carolina - Brandon Meriweather. Another unorthodox choice. The info was that the second safety on their board (after Landry) wasn't Reggie Nelson. The trade to the Jets probably helped me.
15. Pittsburgh - Lawrence Timmons. I made this change just before the draft. I knew right before the pick that I would win if they picked Timmons and lose if they didn't. When I heard Goodell begin to say 'Lawr...', I went crazy.
And the final results came. I won. Team 'never kissed a girl.' 12 out of 15 picks exactly right makes me better than 34,000 other people. I called both of my parents and told them. I had some vacation plans, but I'm canceling them for this Bristol trip. Don't know when it will be, though. Don't know whom I'll take with me on the trip, either.
Bonus: Here is the transcript of my conversation with my boy Tercer throughout the draft.
[Russell pick]
<Tercer> enjoy this moment, russell, this will be your best moment as an NFL qb
<Arc-> 32 points.
<Tercer> yea, i'm perfect so far
<Arc-> a few people in our group aren't ;p
<Tercer> at least they both had CJ #1 and not someone else
<Arc-> there's another page
[Johnson]
<Arc-> cleveland should take adams to muck up the trade
<Arc-> and make tb give them extra picks for him
<Tercer> yea, that would be smart of cleveland (not)
<Arc-> only 26 perfect teams already
<Arc-> #3 pick will separate things
<Tercer> yup
<Tercer> i went on a limb at AD, but how can you turn down a phenomenal RB talent...
<Tercer> check out quinn's g/f.. i think i see dollar signs in her eyes
<Arc-> will she leave him after he gets 9th pick money
<Arc-> am i the only one in our group who has joe thomas here
<Tercer> that would be hilarious if she was next to Joe Thomas if he goes here
[Thomas]
<Tercer> whoops
<Arc->
<Arc-> only one other guy had it
<Arc-> and he has quinn going next
<Tercer> sounds like you're large and in charge
<Arc-> for the moment
<Arc-> could easily fall apart later
<Tercer> they seriously need to make picks last 10 mins
<Arc-> man why is sal talking quinn ;(
<Arc-> i concur
<Tercer> i think TB should take Quinn and create some real QB controversy
<Tercer> its looking like Det will hang onto CJ
<Arc-> they got a million qbs
<Tercer> it was a joke
<Arc-> hehe
<Arc-> don't you think they pull a manning/rivers here
<Tercer> it's very possible... hard to say because we're talking matt millen here
<Arc-> haha
<Tercer> i think det should do it cuz they need picks and they have some reasonable WR talent... they should flip flop 2/4 AND get TB's two 2nd rounders tho
<Arc-> yes
<Tercer> it's leigh steinberg who claims sometimes he has his players fake a phone call to try to get teams to draft them.. do teams really have the espn cast on while they're making their decision?
<Arc-> well they probably have a tv on in their war rooms
[Adams]
<Arc-> look who's the sole #1
<Tercer> is it lonely at the top?
<Arc-> yes
<Arc-> wish i had an asian girl with me
<Tercer>
<Arc-> hope the cards don't screw me by taking peterson or okoye
<Tercer> you're fine w/ levi brown.... he really moved up the charts and works well at RT... unless they trade :]
<Tercer> they list david carr as a key loss for HOU... i disagree
[brown]
<Tercer> man, i should've stuck w/ my first instincts
<Tercer> i'm gittin killed!!
<Arc-> hehe
<Arc-> i'm not so confident about the rest though
<Tercer> man, this is gettin' interesting for the texans, b/c AD has an EXCELLENT chance of falling and the fans will roast the team if they pass him up
<Arc-> skins might go anderson or trade
<Arc-> falcons will take peterson if vikes don't, i believe
<Tercer> no way
<Arc-> they would make him the featured back and use norwood like bush
<Tercer> will minn take quinn?
<Arc-> don't think so.
<Arc-> hope the skins take landry instead of okoye/anderson
<Tercer> i foresee a trade
<Tercer> not sure where or who
<Arc-> someone who wants peterson
<Tercer> quinn's g/f is looking pissed.. she just went from a mercedes to a bmw
<Tercer> quinn's sister should be there in support wearing a half vikings/half dolphins jersey
<Arc-> landry looks happy
<Tercer> it could be a game
<Tercer> Wash should be going for DL help.... they have a good backfield
[Landry]
<Arc-> the streak continues
<Tercer> please continue to fall, fall, fall AD
<Arc-> i think he goes to us
<Tercer> aww naww
<Tercer> take greg olsen instead
<Arc-> haha
<Arc-> i hope atl takes anderson ;o
<Tercer> okoye is starting to fall
<Arc-> only slightly
<Tercer> Leon Hall
[Peterson]
<Tercer> durn
<Tercer> that's a steal for the vikes
<Arc-> i like it.
<Arc-> falcons might ruin me here ;(
<Tercer> yea, you need to run as much as possible to keep your secondary off the field
<Arc-> but i heard if landry and brown were gone the falcons would take anderson
<Tercer> it'll be one of: leon hall, okoye, anderson
<Arc-> haven't they drafted enough CBs lately
<Tercer> i think you're guaranteed to win this bracket... everyone is gonna get screwy on the latter half
<Tercer> you can never have enough CBs
<Arc-> well i think picks 9, 11, 13 are right
<Tercer> it's looking like the den/hou trade should go down
<Arc-> man i hope not
<Arc-> although i heard they like okoye too
<Arc-> but they would trade for willis probably
<Tercer> den wants okoye or willis
<Arc-> quinn's girl looks like ashley tisdale 15 years from now
<Tercer> that's just sick, mayne
[Anderson]
<Tercer>
<Arc-> YES.
<Tercer> and okoye continues to spiral down down down
<Arc-> your texans will ruin my draft probably
<Arc-> come on, take him
<Tercer> will mia just get on w/ it and take brady quinn
[Ginn]
<Tercer> WHAT
<Tercer> as his g/f quietly slinks away ;0
<Arc-> that was my reaction
<Arc-> TED GINN?????????????????????????????
<Arc-> how far does he fall
<Arc-> surprise of the millennium
<Tercer> please please please trade the pick away !!
<Arc-> take okoye
<Arc-> ted ginn.
<Arc-> what the heck.
<Arc-> this is madness!
<Tercer> that's an expensive price tag to take a KR/PR @ 9
<Tercer> [12:32] <Arc-> well i think picks 9, 11, 13 are right
<Tercer> Not so fast!
<Arc-> never on earth would have put ginn there
<Tercer> maybe quinn'll join his bro-in-law in GB
<Arc-> looking forward to picks 12 and 14
<Arc-> hoping they payoff
<Arc-> quinn to kc i think
<Tercer> @ 23?
<Tercer> i think someone moves up 1st
<Tercer> i'm hearing all okoye for the texans, so you can sigh
<Tercer> hou/buffalo working on a trade
[Okoye]
<Tercer> nuts
<Arc-> nice pick.
<Arc-> HOW COULD THE DOLPHINS DO THAT TO ME.
<Tercer> bleck.... they should've gotten that 2nd rounder back
<Arc-> yes kc 23 because who would move up
<Arc-> sh*t i'm ranked #2 overall
<Tercer> 'grats
<Arc-> 2nd place gets the same prize as 50,000th
<Arc-> hope those posluszny and meriweather picks work out
<Tercer>
<Tercer> are you 2nd guessing your tiebreakers
<Tercer> man, the CBs are falling
<Arc-> no i think the tiebreakers are fine because it's CB and S
<Arc-> and there should be 4 safeties and 4 or 5 CBs
[Willis]
<Arc-> i'm #1 overall now
<Arc-> at least tied
<Arc-> don't know where the leaderboard is
<Arc-> but it says 1
<Arc-> if these picks are right i have to win
<Tercer> http://games.espn.go.com/draftforecast/leaderboard
<Tercer> T4
[Lynch]
<Arc-> sh*t i had lynch and switched
<Arc-> ooh the other guys missed too
<Arc-> f*ck i could have won it there though
<Tercer>
<Arc-> thought they'd wait until r2 for rb
<Tercer> i got it right, i think i'm making a comeback
<Arc-> gonna come down to 14 and 15
<Tercer> man, the CBs keep on dropping
<Tercer> i actually think leon hall will be a bust, so it's good that he's being passed on
<Tercer> maybe revis goes first
<Arc-> i had revis at pitt
<Arc-> but wussed out.
<Arc-> gotta be carriker here
<Arc-> then if it's meriweather i gotta win
<Arc-> sh*t some people moved up
<Arc-> ugh. i should have stayed with lynch.
<Arc-> a $38000 mistake.
<Tercer> that's before taxes, if it makes you feel any better
<Tercer> carriker or leon hall?
<Tercer> do you think quinn is crying in the green room?
<Arc-> yes he is.
<Arc-> he expected a $50m contract
[Carriker]
<Tercer> looks like the last 2 will make or break you
<Arc-> yep
<Arc-> didn't pick meriweather on a whim
<Arc-> had some info
<Tercer> brady quinn was smart to not come out last year where he would have gone in the 20s so that he could come out this year and go in the 20s... but at least inflation is working for him!
<Arc-> haha
<Arc-> wouldn't mind quinn here if timmons goes 15
<Arc-> if it results in the W
<Arc-> waiting for the carriker numbers to run
<Tercer> does car go with quinn even tho they have delhomme & carr?? i think they pass
<Arc-> likely a pass but they might say f them
<Arc-> come on meriweather.
<Tercer> trade, you're f-ed
<Tercer> NYJ
<Tercer> take quinn
<Arc-> ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffck
<Arc-> might have a chance if timmons goes 15
<Tercer> or leon hall?
<Tercer> possibly revis
<Arc-> a cb.
<Arc-> i think the jets like revis
<Arc-> waiting for carriker points still
<Tercer> the jets traded 4 for 1? did i hear that right
<Tercer> n/m, i heard it wrong
<Tercer> 1&6 for 1,2&5 not that bad
<Arc-> if it's timmons 15 i win
<Arc-> i think
<Tercer> are you praying not for revis
<Arc-> sh*t
<Arc-> if it's olsen i might not win
<Arc-> doesn't matter which corner
<Tercer> i meant revis at 15
<Arc-> 15 has to be timmons i think
<Arc-> or i lose
<Arc-> no one has either corner going here
<Arc-> one guy gets 16 if it's hall
<Arc-> but doesn't matter if i get 32 for timmons
<Tercer> if you win the hummer, will you trade it for a MINI
<Arc-> i'll probably sell it
<Arc-> but i get a trip to bristol too
<Tercer> will you be the next nightly analyst
<Tercer> you should write your own ESPN commercial and bring it with you
<Arc-> hehe
[Revis]
<Arc-> ok i think i'm safe
<Arc-> that also takes away a potential pitt pick
<Arc-> hey you're #2 in vatech
<Tercer> im 2277 overall
<Arc-> numbers still haven't run
<Tercer> i noticed the name change after you have a chance to win ;0
<Arc-> ok they ran them
<Tercer> so is it timmons or bust for you
<Arc-> yep
<Arc-> no one else has him
<Tercer> better hope hall isn't the pick, or no trade
<Arc-> don't care who it is if it isn't timmons
<Arc-> can't describe my feelings at the moment
[Timmons]
<Tercer> no way
<Arc-> I F*CKING WON
<Arc-> I F*CKING WON
<Arc-> I F*CKING WON
<Tercer> Arc- just won a Hummer
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> TRIP
<Arc-> VACATIOn
<Arc-> HOLY SH*T
<Arc-> HOLY F*CK
<Arc-> HOLY F*CK
<Arc-> going to run the f*ck around
<Arc-> HOLY SH*T
I have other things to do on Thursday/Friday, and so here's my final mock draft.
1. Oakland Raiders - JaMarcus Russell (QB, Louisiana State)
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (trade) - Calvin Johnson (WR, Georgia Tech)
3. Cleveland Browns - Adrian Peterson (RB, Oklahoma)
4. Detroit Lions (trade) - Gaines Adams (DE, Clemson)
5. Arizona Cardinals - Joe Thomas (OT, Wisconsin)
6. Washington Redskins - Amobi Okoye (DT, Louisville)
7. Minnesota Vikings - Brady Quinn (QB, Notre Dame)
8. Atlanta Falcons - LaRon Landry (S, Louisiana State)
9. Miami Dolphins - Levi Brown (OT, Penn State)
10. Houston Texans - Leon Hall (CB, Michigan)
11. San Francisco 49ers - Adam Carriker (DE, Nebraska)
12. Buffalo Bills - Patrick Willis (ILB, Mississippi)
13. St. Louis Rams - Jamaal Anderson (DE, Arkansas)
14. Carolina Panthers - Ted Ginn Jr. (WR/KR, Ohio State)
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Darrelle Revis (CB, Pittsburgh)
16. Green Bay Packers - Marshawn Lynch (RB, California)
17. Jacksonville Jaguars - Reggie Nelson (S, Florida)
18. Cincinnati Bengals - Greg Olsen (TE, Miami of Florida)
19. Tennessee Titans - Robert Meachem (WR, Tennessee)
20. New York Giants - Lawrence Timmons (OLB, Florida State)
21. Denver Broncos - Jarvis Moss (DE, Florida)
22. Dallas Cowboys - Aaron Ross (CB, Texas)
23. Kansas City Chiefs - Dwayne Bowe (WR, Louisiana State)
24. New England Patriots - Michael Griffin (S, Texas)
25. New York Jets - Chris Houston (CB, Arkansas)
26. Philadelphia Eagles - Jon Beason (OLB, Miami of Florida)
27. New Orleans Saints - Paul Posluszny (OLB, Penn State)
28. New England Patriots - David Harris (ILB, Michigan)
29. Baltimore Ravens - Ryan Kalil (C, USC)
30. San Diego Chargers - Sidney Rice (WR, South Carolina)
31. Chicago Bears - Joe Staley (OT, Central Michigan)
32. Indianapolis Colts - Alan Branch (DT, Michigan)
My first mock draft became obsolete about 5 minutes after I finished it. This one accounts for Combine results. The next one will be the day before the draft. And it will probably look a lot different.
1. Oakland Raiders - JaMarcus Russell (QB, Louisiana State)
2. Detroit Lions - Joe Thomas (OT, Wisconsin)
3. Cleveland Browns - Adrian Peterson (RB, Oklahoma)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Calvin Johnson (WR, Georgia Tech)
5. Arizona Cardinals - Gaines Adams (DE, Clemson)
6. Washington Redskins - Jamaal Anderson (DE, Arkansas)
7. Minnesota Vikings - Levi Brown (OT, Penn State)
8. Houston Texans - Alan Branch (DT, Michigan)
9. Miami Dolphins - Brady Quinn (QB, Notre Dame)
10. Atlanta Falcons - LaRon Landry (S, Louisiana State)
11. San Francisco 49ers - Amobi Okoye (DT, Louisville)
12. Buffalo Bills - Leon Hall (CB, Michigan)
13. St. Louis Rams - Adam Carriker (DE, Nebraska)
14. Carolina Panthers - Patrick Willis (ILB, Mississippi)
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Jarvis Moss (DE, Florida)
16. Green Bay Packers - Marshawn Lynch (RB, California)
17. Jacksonville Jaguars - Reggie Nelson (S, Florida)
18. Cincinnati Bengals - Greg Olsen (TE, Miami of Florida)
19. Tennessee Titans - Ted Ginn Jr. (WR/KR, Ohio State)
20. New York Giants - Darrelle Revis (CB, Pittsburgh)
21. Denver Broncos - Charles Johnson (DE, Georgia)
22. Dallas Cowboys - Aaron Ross (CB, Texas)
23. Kansas City Chiefs - Robert Meachem (WR, Tennessee)
24. New England Patriots - Jon Beason (OLB, Miami of Florida)
25. New York Jets - Chris Houston (CB, Arkansas)
26. Philadelphia Eagles - Michael Griffin (S, Texas)
27. New Orleans Saints - Lawrence Timmons (OLB, Florida State)
28. New England Patriots - Dwayne Bowe (WR, Louisiana State)
29. Baltimore Ravens - Ryan Kalil (C, USC)
30. San Diego Chargers - Sidney Rice (WR, South Carolina)
31. Chicago Bears - Tony Ugoh (OT, Arkansas)
32. Indianapolis Colts - Paul Posluszny (OLB, Penn State)
I want to do a pre-Combine mock draft and then do another one on April 27 (the day before the draft).
1. Oakland Raiders - JaMarcus Russell (QB, Louisiana State)
2. Detroit Lions - Brady Quinn (QB, Notre Dame)
3. Cleveland Browns - Joe Thomas (OT, Wisconsin)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Calvin Johnson (WR, Georgia Tech)
5. Arizona Cardinals - Gaines Adams (DE, Clemson)
6. Washington Redskins - Alan Branch (DT, Michigan)
7. Minnesota Vikings - Jamaal Anderson (DE, Arkansas)
8. Houston Texans - Adrian Peterson (RB, Oklahoma)
9. Miami Dolphins - Levi Brown (OT, Penn State)
10. Atlanta Falcons - Reggie Nelson (S, Florida)
11. San Francisco 49ers - Ted Ginn Jr. (WR/KR, Ohio State)
12. Buffalo Bills - Leon Hall (CB, Michigan)
13. St. Louis Rams - Amobi Okoye (DT, Louisville)
14. Carolina Panthers - Patrick Willis (ILB, Mississippi)
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Adam Carriker (DE, Nebraska)
16. Green Bay Packers - Marshawn Lynch (RB, California)
17. Jacksonville Jaguars - LaRon Landry (S, Louisiana State)
18. Cincinnati Bengals - Charles Johnson (DE, Georgia)
19. Tennessee Titans - Dwayne Jarrett (WR, Southern California)
20. New York Giants - Aaron Ross (CB, Texas)
21. Denver Broncos - Jarvis Moss (DE, Florida)
22. Dallas Cowboys - Justin Blalock (G, Texas)
23. Kansas City Chiefs - Dwayne Bowe (WR, Louisiana State)
24. New England Patriots - Paul Posluszny (OLB, Penn State)
25. New York Jets - Darrelle Revis (CB, Pittsburgh)
26. Philadelphia Eagles - Michael Griffin (S, Texas)
27. New Orleans Saints - Lawrence Timmons (OLB, Florida State)
28. New England Patriots - Robert Meachem (WR, Tennessee)
29. Baltimore Ravens - Daymeion Hughes (CB, California)
30. San Diego Chargers - Sidney Rice (WR, South Carolina)
31. Chicago Bears - Tony Ugoh (OT, Arkansas)
32. Indianapolis Colts - Jon Beason (OLB, Miami of Florida)
Everyone has played 8 games now. Let's see whether much has changed in the last 3 weeks.
32. Oakland Raiders (2-6). Previously: 31.
Ok, I'll finally say that they're the worst. Even though it doesn't make sense. They have a legitimately good pass defense and running game (if they ever bother to use RB-Jordan correctly). The run defense isn't great, but it's not as terrible as people think. But they are, by far, the worst pass blocking team in the league. They should be running the ball 30-35 times per game. Projection: 3-13.
31. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGizona Cardinals (1-7). Previously: 21.
They lost to the Raiders, but that was a bad matchup for them. Obviously they are the worst run blocking team. And it's pretty easy to run up the middle on them. They should seriously draft nothing but o- and d-linemen in the '07 draft. Projection: 4-12.
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-6). Previously: 23.
Their run blocking is Cardinal-like. All they have on offense is Galloway's speed. And they don't have a dominant defense anymore. Projection: 4-12.
29. Tennessee Titans (2-6). Previously: 25.
QB-Young is Vick-lite. They aren't going to be an aerial team. When they run well, they have a chance to win. RB-White looks promising. The defense is pretty bad aside from OLB-Bulluck. CB-Pacman should stick to returning kicks. Projection: 3-13.
28. Houston Texans (2-6). Previously: 32.
The running game is improving. RB-Lundy should do pretty well for the rest of the year. The defense still isn't good, but DE-Williams and MLB-Ryans are going to keep getting better. They were atrocious earlier, but it's difficult to be negative about this team right now. Projection: 4-12.
27. San Francisco 49ers (3-5). Previously: 26.
It's amazing that they're 3-5 with the worst defense in the league. It's because the running game is really good. RB-Gore is great, but credit the o-line. QB-Smith is ok. They'd score more if they would throw to WR-Bryant more. Projection: 4-12.
26. Cleveland Browns (2-6). Previously: 29.
Changing o-coordinators definitely helped. But they still can't run at all with RB-Droughns. The o-line is pretty bad, but it's not all their fault. Jerome Harrison would play better. Anyway, TE-Winslow II is still phenomenal. The run defense is bad, and the pass defense is good, especially when CB-Leigh Bodden plays. Projection: 5-11.
25. Buffalo Bills (3-5). Previously: 24.
CB-Terrence McGee is still awful in coverage. The run defense is really bad. QB-Losman is still a loser. But, MLB-Fletcher is outrageously good. And they can run the ball fairly well with either McGahee or A-Train. Projection: 5-11.
24. Detroit Lions (2-6). Previously: 28.
Mad Martz knows how to develop and use offensive players correctly. The defense is very easily thrown on by competent quarterbacks, and they're fairly easily run on. Projection: 6-10.
23. Washington Redskins (3-5). Previously: 22.
They're super inconsistent, yet they've scored 22 points three games in a row. RB-Portis is always good when healthy. The pass defense is dreadful, but maybe starting S-Troy Vincent over Adam Archuleta will help. Projection: 6-10.
22. Miami Dolphins (2-6). Previously: 30.
They finally realized the secret to RB-Ronnie Brown: give him more than 12 carries. They still don't use WR-Chambers in the slot like they should. QB-Harrington still is terrible at throwing deep. QB-Cleo Lemon would be a huge improvement in this offense. The defense has been fine all season, especially against the run. Starting S-Yeremiah Bell is a good move. Projection: 6-10.
21. Green Bay Packers (3-5). Previously: 27.
The running game is really good, entirely because of the o-line. They pass protect well, too. WR-Driver is steady, and WR-Jennings will be great by his third year. The pass defense is not that great, but CB-Al Harris is one of the best in coverage. Projection: 6-10.
20. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-6). Previously: 14.
QB-Ben has been pretty bad. Their pass defense isn't good either. But they can run fairly well and stop the run really well. They're much better than their record indicates. Projection: 7-9.
19. Minnesota Vikings (4-4). Previously: 18.
I'll just paste what I wrote 3 weeks ago. Negatives: Pathetic, cowardly West Coast offense that scores few points. Pass defense is worse than it appears. Positives: Good o-line and run defense. Projection: 7-9.
18. New York Jets (4-4). Previously: 19.
The passing game is still decent and they're finally giving RB-Leon Washington the ball. But they have a horrendous defense against both running and passing. I think they'll somewhat correct it during the bye, though. Projection: 7-9.
17. Cincinnati Bengals (4-4). Previously: 16.
They're getting ready to implode. WR-Ochenta y Cinco is whining. They can still get it done on offense, but the defense is bad all around. They have an ominous schedule, too. Projection: 7-9.
16. Carolina Panthers (4-4). Previously: 10.
They have a perception of not having any weaknesses, but their pass defense is terrible, and they have a mediocre rushing game. WR-Smith and DE-Peppers can't win by themselves. Projection: 7-9.
15. Atlanta Falcons (5-3). Previously: 17.
Lolz at anyone who thought QB-Vick 'turned on the switch.' He's the same guy. His yards per rushing attempt will remain greater than his yards per passing attempt. Anyway, they can't cover WRs at all. CB-DeAngelo Hall is a 'playmaker,' not a coverage guy. Projection: 8-8.
14. St. Louis Rams (4-4). Previously: 15.
QB-Bulger and RB-Jackson have been insane. And the defense still doesn't stop anyone. Same old Rams. Projection: 9-7.
13. Seattle Seahawks (5-3). Previously: 9.
Lots of injuries. The running game is shockingly bad. The pass defense is bad. But the schedule is so easy. Projection: 10-6.
12. Kansas City (5-3). Previously: 20.
RB-LJ is proving that he was a good raw talent who was coached really well and became the second-best RB in the league. QB-Huard has filled in very well. The run defense is bad. In the secondary, CB-Patrick Surtain is great in coverage, whereas CB-Ty Law is bad. Projection: 9-7.
11. Philadelphia Eagles (4-4). Previously: 6.
They can throw, but they refuse to run. The defense is so-so. Projection: 10-6.
10. Dallas Cowboys (4-4). Previously: 13.
Romo time. Obviously he's better than Bledsoe. Smart people knew that before the change happened. They are good at running and stopping the run. TO is a fancy little football person. It's bizarre that they're only 4-4. Tough schedule, I guess. Projection: 9-7.
9. New Orleans Saints (6-2). Previously: 5.
Marques Colston—he's Randy Moss with a good attitude. They can throw like bonkers, with the best pass protection in the league, but they don't run well, and the defense is still mediocre. Projection: 10-6.
8. New York Giants (6-2). Previously: 11.
The Giants are the best rushing team in the league. And both their run and pass defenses are near the top. They have some injury issues right now, though. Let's stop bloviating about Tiki Barber. Projection: 11-5.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3). Previously: 7.
Obviously the blowout against Houston was just an off day with an injured QB. QB-Garrard won't put up big numbers, but he fits the offense better than Leftwich. Jacksonville has a great running game and an awesome pass defense. Projection: 11-5.
6. Baltimore Ravens (6-2). Previously: 8.
The best rushing defense in the league. The pass defense is good too. They run the ball on offense now, even though RB-Lewis isn't good anymore. QB-McNair and/or Lewis will lose it for them in the playoffs. Projection: 12-4.
5. Denver Broncos (6-2). Previously: 4.
They're pretty good at running, stopping the run, and stopping the pass. They've given up the fewest points. QB-Plummer still isn't good, though. Projection: 11-5.
4. New England Patriots (6-2). Previously: 12.
I guess it doesn't matter that their WRs aren't good, since they have QB-Brady. The pass defense isn't that great, but the run defense is really good. No team adapts better. Projection: 13-3.
3. Chicago Bears (7-1). Previously: 1.
It's time to stop relying on Sexy Rexy so much and reestablish the running game. Step into the throws, young man. The defense is still phenomenal. It's unfortunate that they blew it on turnovers, because they had a legitimate chance to go 16-0. Projection: 14-2.
2. San Diego Chargers (6-2). Previously: 2.
The defense is suddenly only very good instead of awesome, but the offense is a colossus. LT is ridiculous. QB-Rivers is playing nicely, too. Projection: 13-3.
1. Indianapolis Colts (8-0). Previously: 3.
It's absurd that a team with a terrible run defense and mediocre pass defense is the clear cut number one, but it is, because of QB-Manning, WR-Harrison, and WR-Wayne. Manning isn't even close to the second-best QB (Bulger), and Harrison and Wayne are the two best WRs in the league. It's like the 2003 Colts again, but these 3 guys refuse to lose this time (until they play San Diego). Projection: 15-1.
Playoff predictions:
AFC:
3. New England over 6. Jacksonville
5. Denver over 4. Baltimore
1. Indianapolis over 5. Denver
2. San Diego over 3. New England
2. San Diego over 1. Indianapolis
NFC:
6. St. Louis over 3. New Orleans
5. Philadelphia over 4. Seattle
1. Chicago over 6. St. Louis
2. NY Giants over 5. Philadelphia
1. Chicago over 2. NY Giants
Super Bowl XLI
San Diego 20, Chicago 17
Hello, this entry is a normal blog instead of a Recliner of Rage. I'm in the mood to make these rankings, and this blog seems like the best place.
32. Houston Texans (1-4).
Negatives: Can't run. Can't stop the run. Can't stop the pass. Best player (RB-D. Davis) is on IR.
Positives: QB-D. Carr, WR-A. Johnson, and MLB-D. Ryans are long-term answers at those positions.
31. Oakland Raiders (0-5).
Negatives: Utterly disorganized. Awful pass blocking. Bad run defense. No depth at WR.
Positives: They can run the ball when they aren't playing top-3 defenses.
30. Miami Dolphins (1-5).
Negatives: QB-Daunte Culpepper. QB-Joey Harrington. Can't run block. Bad pass defense.
Positives: QB-Cleo Lemon. RB-Ronnie Brown. WR-Chris Chambers. Good run defense.
29. Cleveland Browns (1-4).
Negatives: Terrible run defense. General lack of talent. Best RB (Jerome Harrison) is on the bench.
Positives: Kellen Winslow II is the best TE in football. WR-Braylon Edwards. CB-Leigh Bodden.
28. Detroit Lions (1-5).
Negatives: Atrocious pass defense. Refusal to move WR-Mike Williams to TE. Don't know how to win.
Positives: Mike Martz' offense.
27. Green Bay Packers (1-4).
Negatives: Pass defense.
Positives: WR-Greg Jennings is a future stud.
26. San Francisco 49ers (2-4).
Negatives: Second-worst defense in the NFL.
Positives: Fearsome rushing attack. QB-Alex Smith and WR-Antonio Bryant are talented.
25. Tennessee Titans (1-5).
Negatives: Bad rush and pass defense. QB doesn't throw much.
Positives: They can beat bad run-defense teams with Young, Travis Henry, and LenDale White. ROLB-Keith Bulluck is good.
24. Buffalo Bills (2-4).
Negatives: QB-JP Loserman. Mediocre offensive line. CB-Terrence McGee isn't good in coverage.
Positives: RB-Willis McGahee and WR-Lee Evans. Good LB group.
23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-4).
Negatives: Bad rush defense. Down year for CB-Ronde Barber.
Positives: They are much better with QB-Bruce Gradkowski. Decent talent on offense with which to work.
22. Washington Redskins (2-4).
Negatives: Overpriced 'name' players who don't do much. Different team every week. QB-Mark Brunell.
Positives: RB-Clinton Portis and WR-Santana Moss win games.
21. AAAAAAAAAAGGGGizona Cardinals (1-5).
Negatives: Losers. Run-blocking is probably worse than Houston's. Bad run defense. Rackers' contract with the devil ended.
Positives: Many awesomely talented players: QB-Leinart, RB-James, WR-Boldin, WR-Fitz, TE-Pope, MLB-Hayes, SS-Wilson, CB-Rolle.
20. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3).
Negatives: O-line is ordinary now. Still no WRs. Run defense is bad.
Positives: RB-Johnson is a smart runner. TE-Gonzo is still good.
19. New York Jets (3-3).
Negatives: Terrible run defense. Bad pass defense. Refusal to give RB-Leon Washington most of the carries.
Positives: Good aerial attack with Laveranues and Jerricho.
18. Minnesota Vikings (3-2).
Negatives: Pathetic, cowardly West Coast offense that scores few points. Pass defense is worse than it appears.
Positives: Good o-line and run defense.
17. Atlanta Falcons (3-2).
Negatives: No concept of the forward pass. Can't beat teams that have good run defense. Run defense has been exposed.
Positives: The West Virginia-style rushing offense works against bad rush defenses. CB-DeAngelo Hall is very good.
16. Cincinnati Bengals (3-2).
Positives: Offense still has the talent.
Negatives: Awful run defense. Struggling with injuries/arrests.
15. St. Louis Rams (4-2).
Positives: QB-Marc Bulger and WR-Torry Holt are playing excellently. RB-Steven Jackson is reliable. MLB-Will Witherspoon is a machine.
Negatives: The rest of the defense is bad.
14. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-3).
Positives: Excellent rushing attack and rush defense.
Negatives: Mediocre passing and pass defense.
13. Dallas Cowboys (3-2).
Positives: Great o-line and rushing attack. Great run defense. WR-The Player.
Negatives: QB-Drew Bledsoe. Pass defense.
12. New England Patriots (4-1).
Positives: QB-Tom Brady. Strong running attack (especially Maroney). Good run defense. TE-Ben Watson.
Negatives: Doug Gabriel is their only good WR. Mediocre pass defense.
11. New York Giants (3-2).
Positives: Excellent offense, especially rushing. Very good run defense.
Negatives: Inconsistent passing game. Bad pass defense.
10. Carolina Panthers (4-2).
Positives: WR-STEVE SMITH. DE-Julius Peppers.
Negatives: Pass defense is beatable.
9. Seattle Seahawks (4-1).
Positives: Explosive passing game.
Negatives: Terrible pass defense. Not rushing well.
8. Baltimore Ravens (4-2).
Positives: Outstanding defense, especially against rushing.
Negatives: Offense uses QB-McNair, RB-J. Lewis, WR-Mason whereas it should use QB-Boller, RB-M. Smith, WR-Clayton.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2).
Positives: Balanced—good rushing, passing, rush d, pass d.
Negatives: Not particularly outstanding at anything.
6. Philadelphia Eagles (4-2).
Positives: QB-Donovan McNabb. Good o-line and run defense.
Negatives: Awful pass defense.
5. New Orleans Saints (5-1).
Positives: Terrific offense with the additions of QB-Drew Brees, RB/WR-Reginald Bush, and WR/TE-Marques Colston.
Negatives: Mediocre defense that lost the excellent SS-Roman Harper.
4. Denver Broncos (4-1).
Positives: Great rushing attack and defense.
Negatives: QB-Jake Plummer. Defense is somewhat overrated because they've played bad offenses.
3. Indianapolis Colts (5-0).
Positives: The offense. Good LBs.
Negatives: Atrocious run defense.
2. San Diego Chargers (4-1).
Positives: Awesome rush defense. Awesome rush offense with a 1-2 punch. Awesome TE.
Negatives: Passing offense is still developing, with mediocre WRs. Pass defense can be beaten.
1. Chicago Bears (6-0).
Positives: Absurd defense. Excellent o-line. Strong offense.
Negatives: They are who we thought they were.
Playoff predictions:
AFC:
6. Denver over 3. Baltimore
5. Jacksonville over 4. New England
1. San Diego over 6. Denver
2. Indianapolis over 5. Jacksonville
1. San Diego over 2. Indianapolis
NFC:
3. Philadelphia over 6. NY Giants
5. Carolina over 4. New Orleans
1. Chicago over 5. Carolina
2. Seattle over 3. Philadelphia
1. Chicago over 2. Seattle
Super Bowl XLI
Chicago 23, San Diego 10
Hi there Ortonsault, are you comfortable and angry?
Comfortable and furious, TSM.
Then go ahead and speak for America, Ortonsault.
Ok, here it goes.
Anglesault, who inspired my username, is banned.
The_Amazing_Rando, legendary GTG mutant, is banned.
Carnival doesn't post much nowadays and ignores me on MySpace. ¿Por qué?
And Queen Leena, my bestest friend on TSM, where have you gone?
Bottom line, America? Here are some of the people who have the potential to become one of my new favorites:
Felonies!
DrVenkman
Black Lushus
Art Sandusky
Чэв
Hitman Jebus
Fazzle
starvenger
Hawk 34
The Amazing Rando (real one)
CanadianMuggy
Tekcop
Eddie Winslow
also:
any Randy Orton fan
any Spirit Squad fan
any GTG mutant
any heel
[Today's entry is not from the Recliner of Rage; it is from the Recliner of Rejoicing.]
Hi there Ortonsault, are you comfortable and happy?
Comfortable and gay*, TSM.
Then go ahead and speak for America, Ortonsault.
Ok, here it goes. I've played the last 3 seasons of wwe.com's WWE Fantasy game. Last season, I had the fourth highest overall score in week 5. Therefore, I won a WWE SHOP t-shirt. But, the t-shirt would be chosen by WWE, not me. I doubted whether it would ever arrive.
Today, however, I received a 12x14 package. It was from Stamford, CT. The cost of shipping was $2.31. The return address was stamped on, but my name and address were handwritten. I immediately ripped open the package in order to discover which t-shirt I had received. I was hoping like heck that it was not a stupid John Cena shirt. Of course a Randy Orton shirt would be just dandy, but I wasn't expecting anything.
I pulled out the shirt from its plastic prison and discovered it was... Edge's Rated R Superstar shirt. It's not that bad. A non-fan of WWE wouldn't know that it's about Edge. The front says, "Rated R Superstar," and the back says, "May contain: foul language, excessive violence & strong sexual situations." It has a WM22 logo at the top of the backside instead of the usual WWE logo.
Bottom line, America? I'm not sure what to do with this shirt. It's a good shirt by WWE standards. But if I ever go to another WWE show, I'll probably wear the only shirt I ever bought from WWE: the Kaientai "Evil" shirt. Maybe I'll sell it, but WWE seems to frown on doing that. Maybe I'll give it to a worthy human being. At least it made me optimistic that I'll get my other, better prize eventually (that's Part II).
Footnotes
* cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement; merry
Hi there Ortonsault, are you comfortable and angry?
Comfortable and furious, TSM.
Then go ahead and speak for America, Ortonsault.
Ok, here it goes. Yesterday I watched a second-season (1994) episode of Boy Meets World. In this episode, Cory's mom tells him to be more polite. At school, Cory accidentally bumps into an attractive but 'rebellious' girl, causing her to drop her book. Cory politely picks it up for her.
The girl—'T.K.' (played by Danielle Harris)—is impressed by Cory's kindness. Almost immediately, Cory not only has an excellent conversation on the phone with her, but she sends him very nice gifts—such as a wreath, candy, and steaks. She switches her homeroom class to Cory's (and tries to sit on his lap instead of in her own desk). Additionally, Harley Keiner's bully gang is suddenly very nice to Cory.
At this point, Cory inexplicably tries to breakup with T.K. Harley reveals that T.K. is his little sister, and Cory is in some serious sh*t. Cory is forced to go on the planned date with T.K. On the date, Cory tries to be as unappealing as possible, and he rejects her attempts to makeout with him in the backseat of the car. In the end, Cory avoids a pounding from Harley and, presumably, Cory and T.K. remain 'friends.' (T.K. is never seen again in the series.)
Cory, you b*stard, what the h*ll were you thinking? The first time I saw T.K., I thought, "That girl is going to become a very sexy babe." Topanga just b*tched at him every episode and got p*ssed off when he tried to go beyond kissing. Cory had a dream situation and he threw it away.
Bottom line, America?
