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Cromartie Worst Poster Tournament

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Xavier Cromartie

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I am holding my own worst poster tournament. Read that description again. Worst. Poster. Not the poster whom I hate the most. Not the poster who is the most sexist or racist. We're talking about the quality of the content of their posts: intelligence, creativity, correctness, and tone. They are judged based on all of their posts, not just the examples I offer. The eight seeds are

 

1. MarvinisaLunatic

2. Shooter in a Wedding Dress

3. SuperJerk

4. gary floyd

5. Matt Young

6. kkktookmybabyaway

7. NYU

8. Slayer.

 

QUARTER-FINALS

 

1. MarvinisaLunatic vs. 8. Slayer

 

Typical MarvinisaLunatic post:

112508map2.jpg

 

coughripoffcough

Marvin is so dumb that he thought Igor Panarin was ripping off Glenn Beck when Glenn Beck was talking Igor Panarin's prediction.

 

Typical Slayer post:

We mocked him for being coming off like a complete idiot
Quintessential Slayer, right there.

 

Winner: MarvinisaLunatic.

 

4. gary floyd vs. 5. Matt Young

 

Typical gary floyd post:

2008-09-30-e13a6dc4b1-1.jpg
"In fact, nobody likes it when you post. Just stop posting. Nobody will miss you."

 

Typical Matt Young post:

I work out harder than just about anyone. I don't talk much, and I guarantee I've made more progress in the 2 years I have been working out than any of the fat pathetic slobs here who are jealous of my physique.

 

And I won't become a woman murderer... But I am going to visit my friend Tim in Huntington this summer, and, if given the opportunity, I'd love to get my hands on Dandy. I swear on my life, he wouldn't be talking shit anymore.

That post has to be the unintentional comedy post of the year.

 

Winner: Matt Young.

 

3. SuperJerk vs. 6. kkktookmybabyaway

 

Typical SuperJerk posts:

If you remove McCain and Guiliani, Huckabee's the frontrunner, not Romney. Huckabee's positions fall in line with what Republican primary voters want to hear, plus he has a great human interest story. He's also a genuinely nice guy, whereas Romney comes off like some slick northeasterner who also happens to support (in their minds) the legalized murder of unborn babies. Who do you really think John C. Biblethumper's going to pull the lever for?
I said that a year ago? I'm fucking awesome.

You called yourself "fucking awesome" before the primaries started. Romney outperformed Huckabee.

 

Anyone remember THIS?

I don't, but I've been posting exclusively at the other board for the past few years. Explain?

I made this map about 3 or months ago and everyone said I was being too pro-Obama, and it'd be a lot closer to 270.

 

I guess we'll see, right?

Again, you're trying to show off and get compliments about how 'right' you are. Your map had Obama winning Louisiana and West Virginia while losing New Mexico and Colorado. It was laughable.

 

Typical kkktookmybabyaway post:

Thanks a lot, Terrorist-Elect Hussein Osama.
You're a whiny fuckhead who actually changes quoted text to read 'Osama' instead of 'Obama.' I personally hate you.

 

Winner: SuperJerk.

 

2. Shooter in a Wedding Dress vs. 7. NYU

 

Typical Shooter in a Wedding Dress post:

Jesus is it that hard to be believe my mother took one look at me when I came out and decided Shooter in a Wedding Dress was a suitable name? I'll understand if it is but let's be open-minded here.

 

If it's easier we can call me El Shooter or Shootereena. Whatever we gotta do to bring down these walls, I feel we can let our love flow in a way that's very different to semen flowing in an orgy of gay sex. In case that's where anyone was going with that, cause I wasn't.

"Ugh, shut up."

 

Typical NYU post:

So Smartly Pretty, should I assume my advice was helpful or just move on?
He's got that New York attitude. One time, when I was on Wikipedia, I read an edit summary and thought to myself, "That guy sounds like he's from New York." I clicked on his username and saw that, yes, he was from New York.

 

Winner: NYU.

 

SEMI-FINALS

 

1. MarvinisaLunatic vs. 5. Matt Young

 

Typical MarvinisaLunatic post:

Out of the blue like 5 minutes ago shes like "you want to come over tonight and watch a movie with me?"

 

Yeah, well I was all but out the door before I realized that I have to get up a 3:30 am to work 4:30am-6pm tomorrow and theres no way I could do that. I told her I had to go to bed early (around 9) and she, and I quote said "oh", and then she said she was going to go take a shower and she logged off.

Either you go anyway (the ideal), or you make sure that you can schedule it for another night. Dumb.

 

Typical Matt Young post:

I still have that picture of my cock on the hard drive. It's just begging to be posted. In every sub-forum on the site.
He was a bit stressed at the time of this post.

 

Winner: MarvinisaLunatic.

 

3. SuperJerk vs. 7. NYU

 

Typical SuperJerk post:

Until I started thinking with my dick, things were great between us.
This line was the tipping point in that 'hot for teacher' thread.

 

Typical NYU post:

Hey Jerk, you failed to acknowledge the significance of Barack's team denying those two Muslim women the chance to sit behind him at his rally.

 

It's okay to mention that his hypocritical stance here may actually *gasp* make him just as much a politician as anybody else is. "Sure, I want change, and yes I want hope, and you better believe I want everybody to come together.....but if you're Muslim, support me from afar."

A complete misunderstanding of the situation. A volunteer made an error, and this picture refutes the "from afar" nonsense. (We know that he cares about Muslims because he really is one, right kkk?)

 

Winner: SuperJerk

 

CHAMPIONSHIP

 

1. MarvinisaLunatic vs. 3. SuperJerk

 

Typical MarvinisaLunatic post:

First of all she's like "I dont drink coffee" and then after we worked out a compromise (she likes tea and knows a place) she was like, "I can only do this on Thursday" which is the day Im leaving so I can catch the Os/Tigers game. Then she was like, how about a movie this weekend and I tell her Im going to Hershey Park...she totally didn't get the concept of going to an amusement park in the fall, and she got mad and said something along the lines of "you must not really want to meet me that bad" and signed off.

 

Shes really nice and all (until this), but theres no way Im blowing off plans I've had for over a month for a girl I've only talked to for a couple weeks. Especially given the inevitability of how it will end right back where I started and me not getting to go to a park this year.

Pathetic and self-defeating.

 

Typical SuperJerk posts:

This is starting to remind me of the old Astroboy thread.

In an attempt to make yourself look cool, you derailed the most intellectual thread in the Current Events folder instead of contributing intelligently to it.

 

Winner and Champion: SuperJerk. He has it all: unthoughtful, an undeserved sense of superiority, the "ugh, shut up" factor, unoriginal, partisan, unfunny, and pathetic. Congratulations!

 

Bonus: ratings.

 

1. MarvinisaLunatic 1/10

2. Shooter in a Wedding Dress 3/10

3. SuperJerk 1/10

4. gary floyd 4/10

5. Matt Young 2/10

6. kkktookmybabyaway 4/10

7. NYU 3/10

8. Slayer 3/10

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The only recent badness I see from him is his insistence that our team had zero chance against the Panthers and his subsequent call for Jake Delhomme to be cut. Someone from Louisville supports Louisville, so what? Cabbageboy isn't bad enough to be in my worst poster tournament.

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Probably half of this board would jerk off to my secret body pic. And then they would tell us how they're "fucking a girl better looking than Leena right now."[1] In the science world, we call this phenomenon "self-reporting bias." And so, I don't think I'll share pics of myself or any of my lady friends. I want people to think of me as my Somali avatar.

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