2/19: Crappy Wedding Gifts Aren't Awesome
6:45 p.m.
Well, that’s not awesome news.Mike Alfonso, better known as Mike Awesome, was found dead on Saturday evening in the Tampa area according to those close to the family. He was 42.
Friends were coming to his home in Tampa to pick him up and go out Saturday night at about 10:30 p.m. and he never answered the door and found him hanging in the home. It is believed the death was due to suicide pending results of the autopsy...
Wait, he hanged himself? Fuck him then.
...He was working as a realtor at Coldwell Banker at the time of his death.
He was a realtor? Oh come on, there are worse things to be in life. I'm sure there are number of other "retired" wrestlers doing much worse.
• So the better half and I got into a bit of a disagreement over Sunday’s shopping at the nearby “Bed Bath & Beyond.” No, we weren’t arguing about soap dishes or any of that other shit. Long story short: We’re going to Ohio for a wedding in March, and we decided to do the wedding registry shopping thing. Now I’m the first person to admit I’m an asshole and there are quite a few screws loose in my view of the world. However, even though I’m an asshole, I’m a loyal asshole. I wanted to get several mid-priced items that they could use, even if they moved away. Mrs. kkk wanted to get a big gift. I said we should go with my route for several reasons. The primary one was that, unlike the kkk household, this couple hasn’t lived in sin all that long, if at all. They would need more household items. Mrs. kkk then bitched about how they wouldn’t think we bought them much. I had to laugh and remind her that she make a fucking inventory of what everyone bought for us at our wedding. I think these two college graduates would take note that we purchased five items ranging in price from $15-25. When it was all said and done, we spent $110 on a cookbook holder thing, a cutting board thing, a spice rack, a shower curtain and an electric can opener. At least the spice rack was on sale.
This of course brought back memories of my wedding gifts and how we got Jewed to the point I was considering changing my name to kkk-stein. Here’s a lesson, people. You may not like gift registries. I understand. You may not think the gifts you’d be getting won’t be personal. After all, a wedding registry is like an adult’s What-I-Want-From-Santa list. If that’s the case, then either give money or a gift card to a major department store. DON’T BUY SOMETHING A COUPLE DOESN’T NEED. Don’t think getting a “picnic set” complete with four plastic glasses and a pitcher that holds less water than its accompanying glasses is a good idea. Also, don’t be a goddamn Jew. Let me give a real-life example involving one of our TSM brethren.
For my wedding, Swift Terror got us a towel set. You know, the big towels you dry yourself off with, the medium-sized ones I never use, and the little wash rags. That’s good. Want to know what’s bad? On of the better half’s relatives WHO JUST BOUGHT ONE FUCKING TOWEL. Although Swift Terror actually paid attention to our registry, I still need to kick his ass because those were the towels that prompted the better half to paint our first-floor bathroom from a perfectly acceptable light blue motif to one that’s shit brown. (If you look through the door's crack, you can see said towels.)
And why did she decided to paint the WHOLE BATHROOM? So the walls would MATCH THE COLOR OF THOSE TOWELS that are for decoration only. Oh, and she wanted to have these stencils up.
Now I don't personally blame Swift Terror for this defiling because I knew the better half wanted to do this. He just provided the ammo. After all, once you get a nice set of towels, you just HAVE to repaint a whole room before hanging them up, right?
So take it from kkk. If you don’t want to buy a decent wedding gift, then don’t go to the wedding. And if you got me calling you a Jew, you know you got problems.
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