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Box office murder for hire

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sfaJack

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Soaring gas prices, rising grocery bills, and the mortgage crisis (equally fueled by shady lenders and stupid borrowers). These are things that people often cite when bitching about the DAMN BUSH ECONOMY.

 

But at least it's comforting to know that the murder-for-hire market hasn't been hit with soaring prices yet...

 

Police: Pasadena 10th-grader tried to have girl killed

 

A Sam Rayburn High School student hired an undercover officer posing as a low-priced contract killer to murder a 15-year-old girl who he believed was preventing him from getting back together with a former girlfriend, authorities said.

 

Thomas Moses Ramirez, 17, was arrested in Strawberry Park in Pasadena shortly after he and the detective agreed on the price for the execution: $150 and $15 worth of Xanax, an anti-anxiety drug.

You know, there's probably someone out there that wouldn't mind if I got bumped off. God knows there are some days when sfaJill's bitching makes me think it wouldn't be so bad. But I think I'd be insulted if someone thought it was only worth $150 to have me killed.

 

---------------------------

 

So while wasting some time browsing TSM yesterday, I clicked on mole's not-very-successful summer box office prediction thread. Being a semi-frequent movie-goer (though 75% of the movies we go to are not my choice), I thought I'd go down the list and see if there are any that I'm likely to see.

 

MAY

IronMan - Haven't seen it, but will probably Netflix it at some point. I'm not now and have never been a comic book guy so I rarely have much interest in these movies. It's supposed to be good though.

 

Speed Racer - Haven't seen it, probably won't. I couldn't stand the cartoon when I was young; why would I watch the movie, especially when it sucks like this one apparently does.

 

What Happens in Vegas - It's got Kyle Korver and Cameron Diaz in it and a stupid premise. No thank you.

 

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - This one might be a Netflix rental one day, but I never read the book and, while I liked TLW&W ok, Narnia stuff isn't exactly on my list of "must see."

 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Saw it (90% because sfaJill begged me whined until I agreed to go, 10% morbid curiosity). While the original movies are some of my favorites from my childhood, I'm not an Indy geek or anything. They're just good, fun movies that I've watched probably 25 times in the years since.

 

That said, this is easily the worst Indy movie and I really wish I hadn't spent $9.25 on it.

 

Sex and the City - I'll never see this one. And sfaJill isn't the slightest bit interested in it so I'm in the clear there.

 

JUNE

Kung Fu Panda - I'm never interested in stupid crap like this, but there are rumors that my in-laws want to take the 4-year-old nephew to see this. I'm already rifling through my rolodex of excuses to get out of that one because I know that sfaJill will want to latch onto that little family outing.

 

You Don't Mess With The Zohan - You know what's funny? We saw a trailer for this months ago in the theater and sfaJill said it looked "funny" and stated she wanted to see it when it comes out. A couple of weeks ago, a trailer ran on TV and, after it was over, sfaJill asked "Who would go see that piece of shit?"

 

I laughed. "You said you wanted to see it!"

 

"When?"

 

"We saw a preview at the movies a while back and you said it looked funny."

 

"I did?!"

 

"Yes."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"Wow. I can't imagine what I was thinking."

 

The Incredible Hulk - Didn't they just do a Hulk movie last year or something? Either way, I don't care much (that whole "not a comic guy" thing again) and probably won't watch it.

 

The Happening - Pass. It's M. Night Shyamalan. I thought Sixth Sense was good and Unbreakable was pretty good. After that...not so much.

 

Get Smart - I'm really, really looking forward to this one. I loved Get Smart as a kid, Steve Carell makes me laugh, and Anne Hathaway is one fine piece of ass. Plus, I've seen the trailer(s) several times and laugh each time. Can't wait.

 

The Love Guru - WTF is this, an Indian version of Austin Powers? This is not gonna end well...

 

Wanted - I haven't even heard of this one and know nothing about it. Thus, I am unlikely to see it.

 

Wall-E - I'm sure I'll be watching this one at some point because sfaJill is VERY excited about it. I'm not so much but if it's half as much of an animated Short Circuit as it appears to be, it might be tolerable.

 

JULY

Hancock - Yeah, I'll see it. sfaJill loves Will Smith and keeps asking me when this is coming out, so...yeah.

 

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - Saw a trailer for this one before Indy 4 and my only thought was "This is stupid." So, no, I won't be watching. And didn't the whole concept of "3D" movies die back in the 1950's or so?

 

Hell Boy II: The Golden Army - Nah. Didn't watch the first Hellboy and probably won't see this one either. A trailer for this one ran before Indy 4 as well and I wasn't impressed.

 

The Dark Knight - Yeah, I'll see this one. Batman is the one "comic" that I'll watch any movie of. If nothing else, my one friend (who is a HUGE Batman freak) will drag me to it at least once.

 

Mamma Mia! - Had to look on IMDB for this one. Does it really use ABBA songs to tell the story? Dear God help us all...

 

X-Files: I Want to Believe - Nope. I never watched X-Files. Besides, hasn't it been like 10 years since it was on? Why make a movie about it now?

 

Step Brothers - I'll see this one. I think Will Ferrell is hilarious, though I'm a little apprehensive becasue Blades of Glory and Semi-Pro sucked real bad. John C. Reilly and Ferrell were great in that Nascar movie though; hopefully, that will carry over to this one.

 

AUGUST

The Rocker - Dwight Shrute gets a leading role in a film? I'll watch, but it'll probably be via Netflix.

 

The Mummy: The Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - A Netflix rental all the way. The first couple of Mummy films were ok enough so I'll watch, but I'm not paying for it.

 

Pineapple Express - I've seen three of the "Apatow" movies? Knocked Up (average), Superbad (funny, but overrated), and Forgetting Sarah Marshall (best of the three). This one looks like it could be good, but I think I'll wait for the DVD.

 

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - Why the fuck did this one need a sequel? No thanks.

 

Tropic Thunder - I'll probably see this one eventually. The team of Stiller, Black, and Downey Jr. should make for at least a semi-enjoyable movie.

 

Star Wars: The Clone Wars - Eh. I'm kind of sick of the whole Star Wars thing, personally.

 

House Bunny - After looking this one up on IMDB, I've determined that, while it sounds stupid as hell, I might see it on cable or something one day simply because Anna Faris and Katharine McPhee are in it.

 

Vicky Cristina Barcelona - Never heard of it. A check of IMDB shows that it is something I will probably never see unless Scarlett Johansson gets nekkid or something.

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I think I'd be insulted if someone thought it was only worth $150 to have me killed.

 

Don't forget the $15 in Xanax.

 

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

 

Que?

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I vaguely recall hearing about it. I believe it's an animated movie set between episodes 2 and 3. So basically it's like the series that aired on Cartoon Network, but you have to pay for it.

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I think that's it, more or less. It's definitely animated, and, according to my Star Wars uber-geek friend, it's very similar to the Cartoon Network stuff but not exactly like the Cartoon Network stuff. I'd never heard of it until that preview.

 

I gotta give props to George Lucas though. That crafty bastard has found a way to make another hunderd million off Star Wars.

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The sad thing about the Clone Wars cartoons (I have both volumes) is that the writing is way better than the prequel movies. And I remember thinking how bad-ass Grevious would look in Episode III with four light sabers. Boy was I wrong.

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When the better half first watched one of those toons, she said "That's not Anakin's voice."

 

Me: "Yeah, it's better."

 

She also made a remark about the wolfman Jedi.

 

The Happening - Pass. It's M. Night Shyamalan. I thought Sixth Sense was good and Unbreakable was pretty good. After that...not so much.

 

Oh, man...

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