I'll tell you guys what -- you're sure on the ball. During last week's Steelers/Chargers game, the signal was lost with my Comcast Digital cable service. After a few minutes the signal didn't return. "Eh," I thought, and went upstairs to the television set which has Comcast cable but not Digital cable. So this morning I'm listening to RIGHT-WING RADIO and there's a Direct TV ad that is goofing on Comcast for not being able to broadcast the third quarter of Sunday's game. Great effort, guys. Seriously. I can't imagine the thousands of calls the poor Comcast people received when the game was off the air. I'm positive there were a few service cancellations as a result of this.

8:30 p.m.

• So today the boss was out as was two other full-timers. The new chick who was hired a few weeks ago was going over something with me and made a remark that we were having a three-day weekend. The following conversation took place.

"Huh?"

"We have Monday off."

"No we don't."

"Yes we do. It's in the employee manual."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is." *Shows me her manual that she received upon being hired that says we get MLK day off.*

"The hell?" *Shows her my manual that I received upon being hired that says we don't get MLK day off.*

"Weird."

Ah, office communication. And you want to know the sad thing? I was looking forward to working Monday because the contractor I deal with will be closed, thus giving me a free "catch up" day. But it's all good. It now gives me a chance to get the best view in the house at President Hussein's inauguration.

Brrrr.

Weird. My nipples are hard and I'm really not all that cold.

9:45 p.m.

• Uhhhhhh...

Authorities on Friday arrested a U.S. man on suspicion of threatening to kill President-elect Barack Hussein based on statements he posted on a website about UFOs and aliens, the Justice Department said.

 

Steven Joseph Christopher, in three postings to www.alien-earth.org, said he planned to assassinate Osama in Washington "as a sacrificial lamb," the department said in a statement.

 

"It's really nothing personal about the man. He speaks well ... . But I know it's for the country's own good that I do this," Christopher reportedly wrote.

 

"It's not because I'm racist that I will kill Barack Hussein, it's because I can no longer allow the Jewish parasites to bully their way into making the American people submit to their evil ways."

 

Christopher added that he needed money to get to Washington and that he did not own a gun, the department said.

 

Unprecedented security surrounds Osama, who will be sworn into office on Tuesday and become the nation's first black president.

 

Christopher, who is from Wisconsin but was arrested in Brookhaven, Mississippi, could face up to five years in prison and a $250,000 fine if found guilty.

Did I previously post...

What I meant to post was...

Because our new president is going to sink the battleship of economic ruin and emerge from the oceanic depths with welfare stimulus checks for us all. Up periscope, President Hussein!

That ought to cover me for a while. Like maybe four or five seconds...

...I know, I'll just post some of my favorite Offspring songs.

Aw, fuck.