Sly 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2005 "I remember back in the 80s... life was grand..." Everything gets soft and a little blurry, as if it's a flash back... or a waterbed has burst... "I was on top of the world, both literally and figuratively. I was a high roller. People knew me by name, and it struck both admiration and fear in their hearts. Why, to be a super villain was to be a star." A super villain? Yeah... "There were book deals, guest appearances on stage and screen, talk show hosts clamored to get me on their shows. Letterman even let me do a Top Ten List." ... "Top Ten Reasons why being a Super Villain isn't all it's cracked up to be..." a young David Letterman says with a grin. "Number Three!" "Your tights ride up even in mid-air!" *Canned laughter.* We catch a glimpse of who is presumably our narrator. A hulk of a man dressed in a business suit, he looks like he could play linebacker for the Chicago Bears.. and the Dallas Cowboys... and the New York Giants, and still not be tired. (he's ripped, I tell you!) His dark hair comes flowing down from the sides and the back of his head. Covering his face is a crimson mask that covers from slightly above his eyes to down to the tip of his nose and around his face. The only thing showing is his mouth, which is turned up in a smile... all-be-it a little sinister. ... "Everyone wanted a piece of me. I was the next big thing, moving up in the world! Champagne wishes, caviar dreams! A deluxe apartment on the upper east side! A healthy coke addiction... but hey, it was the 80s! Everyone did it. Besides, I'm not on trial here! Damnable flashbacks..." ... "And your name is?" Our narrator appears again, this time sitting at a table with a stack of papers in front of him. He's in full uniform now. A red skull is centered on the chest of his spandex black shirt, a red cape hanging behind him, and his full mask on again. All though we can't see it, lets also assume that he's wearing a silver belt and black spandex pants. Good? Good. "My name is Heff. I'm here to apply for the position of 'Evil Assistant' that I found in the help wanted section." A scrawny man with a lisp replies. "I'm not quite sure what that implies, but standing here in front of you... I can honestly say that I'd do whatever it takes to serve under you. I mean... I assume that's what this position is?" "The position is open to mercenaries who have experience with chemicals, espionage, mechanics, killing, and delicious baking. Do you meet these requirements?" "Yes." "References?" "Um..." Heff thinks. "I was one of the lab assistants to Colossus when overthrew the government of Portugal for three days and six nights." "You're hired!" ... "Heff was the first of many assistants I would hire that summer. Things were no doubt on the rise... then, the depression hit. Not an overall depression... but just a depression for super-people, heroes and villains alike. There was no spark anymore. Everyone was retiring, and there was no fresh blood to take their place. The few of us that held on... well... we had to find work elsewhere." ... A quick shot of our narrator dressed in full attire plus a bright orange vest and a stop sign. He walks out into traffic and holds out his hand before signaling for a trail of kids to cross in front of him. The last one in line stops besides him and looks up and smiles before puking on his shoe. Our narrator frowns, the sulks off to the side of the screen. ... "I was too embarrassed to even call myself a super villain anymore. I considered suicide, but given my insurmountable amount of power, I decided that I would probably be to strong to allow myself to kill myself and would probably end up simply kicking my own ass and then drawing a dick on my own forehead. Woe is the unemployed... ... "... now here I sit. A child of the 80s locked in a new millennium. Brokenhearted and stranded." "I told you that it creeps me out when you talked to yourself Crims. I wish you would stop." Heff, aged and sitting in front of a TV beckons. "And I told you not to call me Crims, damnit!" Our narrator, aged and fattened, yet still in the same spandex suit as ever responds from the other room. "And turn that TV down! I'm trying to plan our conquest of Croatia!" "This Sunday live from both London and Las Vegas, SWF Ground Zero! Featuring appearances by all of today's top stars plus stars of the past including Bobby Riley, Cyclone Comet, Sui...." "Wait, what? Turn that back up, damnit!" The fat super villain hoists himself out of his chair and lumbers into the room beside Heff. "Did you hear that? Cyclone Comet! A superhero! I've found my calling! Heff, pack our things! We leave at sunrise for London!" "Have you forgot where we are? We're in Kiev! The Ukraine! We don't have any money, or even a car to drive to London in! We'll never make it by Sunday!" "You're right..." "You know what that means?" "Ready the harness system! I shall carry you on my back, and we'll leave tonight! I shall find this Cyclone Comet if it means the death of me... for I am... THE CRIMSON SKULL!!!!!" .... oh brother... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Angel_Grace_Blue 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2005 This is infinitely spectacular. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
the.weej 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2005 Oh mah stars and garters. This is going to kick ass. -Z Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toxxic 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2005 Sly is certifiably awesome. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ace309 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2005 You're making me wet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Crowe 0 Report post Posted August 6, 2005 I'm in love with this promo and character. Austin = Owns Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
