Angel_Grace_Blue 0 Report post Posted March 8, 2006 Might want to read this first: After hours ---- CLICKITY-CLICK-CLACK-CLACKITY-CLICKITY-CLICK-CLICK-CLACK The insanely loud sound of someone typing on a keyboard in the presence of a camera breaks the relative quiet of The Net Sack, a San Francisco internet cafe, which has killed the accent mark, and never wishes it be seen again. Jimmy the Doom, disguised with a hooded plaid suit jacket and shiny gold genie pants (Or MC Hammer pants if you wish), is seated at a corner table, most likely putting off until the last possible moment of going to San Quentin. Perhaps if he weren't six-five, he'd be getting his face punched, but, then again, this is an internet cafe. Anyway, Doom is once again surfing on over to the SWF forums, and is back at the 'Jimmy the Doom' thread. DJ_Doom writes: 'You know, even if that "Bollywood" Santosh Jeevan guy is gay, I kind of agree with him. Jimmy the Doom is a good wrestler. He's good at karate, and I like that Jimmy Plex he does.' Apparently, Jimmy has signed up, and has already been here, trying to defend himself. Flesher_Plex writes: 'You're joking, right? Jimmy is a gay retard! So what if he can kick people, or that he's tough? Wait, I know what's going on. "Bollywood" signed up with this name, and is trying to make it look like other people agree with him.' "Bollywood" Santosh Jeevan writes: 'Fuck you, Doom, I'm not gay! I don't even want to try and defend you or Jimmy the Doom, man. Fucking asshole.' ToxxixSox writes: 'LOL! This Doom guy is as stupid as his namesake.' SacredsDeadWife writes: 'I don't know, that whole 'straight-bread' thing is funny. I mean, those stupid straight-edge idiots annoy the shit out of me, so it's good to see someone making fun of them.' Flesher_Plex writes: 'Okay, he's done one thing that doesn't totally suck balls, but it's still not great. I agree, though, those straight-edge gay-buckets are retarded. Real men smoke and drink.' Three_of_Clubs writes: 'Actually, Flesher, real men also put stuff on their bread, too.' Doom halfway closes his laptop to dig in his jacket pocket and pull out a pack of cigarettes. Jimmy shakes one out, and promptly pops it into his mouth. He chews it briefly, apparently rehydrating the tobacco, and then swallows. The Doomtopian reaches down on the floor and brings up a bottle of Midnight Hobo wine stuffed in a hollow loaf of sourdough rather than the standard paper sack. Thankfully, Jimmy takes a pull, rather than...honestly, who knows what he might have done. He ate a cigarette! After his refreshments, he resumes going through past posts. DJ_Doom writes: 'What? I really think that Jimmy the Doom is straight-bread, and it's not a joke. And "Bollywod", everyone else was saying you were gay, so I thought you were.' "Bollywood" Santosh Jeevan writes: 'You can't be serious. Even a fucking moron, which you seem to be, would know that Flesher_Plex, that asshole, only said I was gay as an insult.' DJ_Doom writes: 'Look, I said I was sorry. I am new to the internets, so I didn't know what they were saying wasn't true. You guys have to admit, though, that Doom isn't all bad, since he's in the semi-finals of the Lethal Lottery.' JayJayJay writes: 'Are you kidding? Manson is the reason they won all of the matches! Doom lost to a fuckin' octopus!' ToxxixSox writes: 'Actually, Doom beat Jay Hawke when Manson and Griffon left in the middle.' Flesher_Plex writes: 'All that means is Doom can get hit with a belt shot and not go down completely.' DJ_Doom writes: 'I don't know, guys. Hawke is a good wrestler, too. He's kept that title for a long time. Oh, and it's An Octopus, JayJayJay.' ToxxixSox writes: 'Good wrestler? He cheats whenever he's getting beaten so he gets to keep the belt!' DJ_Doom writes: 'I thought this was supposed to be about Jimmy the Doom. After learning about it from him, I've gone straight-bread, too.' InsaneLuchasaurus writes: 'Wait, what? This loser is still up for discussion? I think Flesher_Plex said it best, Jimmy the Doom sucks.' DJ_Doom writes: 'No way! Jimmy the Doom is cool, man! He'll kick you in the face really hard. Straight fucking bread, man!' ~FactorBomb writes: 'Uh, no. No more about Jimmy the God damn Doom. He sucks, end of story. Thread closed.' With that thread closed, Jimmy heads over to a new one, created by himself, called Jimmy the Doom rules!. DJ_Doom writes: 'I don't know why, but the other one was closed, so I'm making this thread. I don't know why you guys don't like Jimmy. He's a good wrestler!' CuteThroat writes: 'Dude, stop now. Nobody but you, and maybe "Bollywood" can tolerate this guy. He just rubs people the wrong way.' ~FactorBomb writes: 'Too late. He's outta here.' Jimmy tries to add a reply in defense of himself, but finds the following message: You have been banned by the sexy moderator: FactorBomb. Sexy moderator FactorBomb's reason: Fucking douchetard won't shut the fuck up about fucking Jimmy the fucking Doom. Fuck. Sexy moderator FactorBomb has banned you for eternity. Have a good day, and if not, fuck off and die. Doom looks up from the screen and snaps off a piece of stale pita. The Doomtopian drags the sharp flatbread across his forearm, the news of being banned from a delightful message boarding experience, leaving him with nobody, not even the possibly not gay "Bollywood" Santosh Jeevan, his only supporter, simply too much for him at this moment. What's up man! Hey yo what's up! Yeah what's goin' on here. Sick an' tired of five-oh runnin' up on the block here. You know what I'm sayin'? Yo Snow, they came around here lookin' for you the other day. Word? Word! Bust it! Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Police a comin for me now dey blow down me door, Breakin' de bar troo, troo my window, So dey put me in de back de car at de station, From that point on me reach my destination, Where the destination reachin, outta east detention, where the Looked down me pants, look up me bottom, so Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Bigger dem are they think dem have more power, Dep on de phone me say dat one hour, Me for want to use a once an' now me call me lover, Lover who me callin an' a one Tammy, An' me love 'er in my heart down to my belly, Yes a Daddy me Snow me I feel cool an' deadly, As the one MC Shan an' a one Dadda Snow, Together we-a love 'em is a Tor-Na-Do, so Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Listen for me, you better listen for me now. Listen for me, you better listen for me now. When me rockin' the microphone me rock on steady, Yes a Daddy me Snow me are de article dan. But in a in an' a out de dance em Aye say where you come from a, People em say ya come from Jamaica, But me born an' raised in the ghetto that I want yas to know, Pure black people mon is all I mon know. Yeah me shoes a an tear up an' now me toes is a show a Where me a born in are de one Toronto, so Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I"ll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I"ll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Come with a nice young lady. Intelligent, Yes she gentle-ly are-ee. Everywhere me go, me never lef her at all-ee. It's a Daddy Snow me are de rum dance man a Rom-ancin' a dancin' in a in a nation-a. You never know say Daddy me Snow me are de Boom Shakata. Me never lay-a down flat in dat one cardboard box a This a Daddy me Snow me I'll go reachin' at de top, so... Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Why worry? Why worry? Em worry Em worry. Me sittin' 'round cool with my dibbie dibbie girl, Police knock my door, Lick up my pal, Rough me up an' I can't do a thing Pick up my line, when my telephone ring. Take me to the station, Black up my hands. Trail me down, 'cuz I'm hangin' with the Snowman, What I'm gonna do, I'm backed an' I'm trapped, Slap me in the face an' took all o' my gap. They have no clues an' they wanna get warmer, But Shan won't turn Informer! Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Informer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blame, A licky Boom Boom Down. Detective mon a says a did a me Snow me stab somewhere down the lane, A licky Boom Boom Down. Deedley dum Deedley Deedley Dum Dem Worry Em worry Em worry Em worry. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Smartly Pretty 0 Report post Posted March 8, 2006 You are awesome and I am a tiny insignificant worm. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Angel_Grace_Blue 0 Report post Posted March 8, 2006 Actually, no, I'm not, as I fucked up 'hours', and didn't give the JJ guy the obviously better name of KickboxingMime or something similar. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
the.weej 0 Report post Posted March 8, 2006 Through the amazing powers of moderation, I've corrected your snafu, 'Drea. Anything contains the lyrics of "Informer" can't possibly be bad. -Z Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Angel_Grace_Blue 0 Report post Posted March 8, 2006 Through the amazing powers of moderation, I've corrected your snafu, 'Drea. Anything contains the lyrics of "Informer" can't possibly be bad. -Z Word? Word! Bust it! It was kind of difficult to find the damn lyrics, as some had MC Shan saying "jiggy, jiggy girl", Snow saying "Why would he?" instead of "Why worry?", and then a few sites just put question marks after some lines. "Together we-a love 'em as a Tor-Na-Do (?)" Shit, you guys don't know what he said either? I was thinking of trying to transcribe it myself, but most of it would end up being "Ma-mu-uh um-ah-eh". Oh, yeah. Thanks for the fix, Zedzilla. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
