WrestlingDeacon

I didn't thik King was so stalky. That looks like Greg Valentine on the Buddy Rose Blow Away diet. Do the Eel! Wait....there's already a Honky Tonk Man avatar isn't there? You could do Frost, but really he's dead to me now.

And he turned heel on DUSTY RHODES in Florida by costing him a match against Harley Race.

I don't think this is sad at all and the people who are saying that are missing the point entirely. I am happy with the job that King did as Commish. During the last few months when I was active and getting very fed up with the way Frost was getting booked, I felt that King was the only person I could talk to and he was always very helpful and positive with my requests. I am now very happy that King has decided to step down at a point before he was personally at that point of no return with his association with the SWF. The SWF will be much better off with fresh leadership and new viewpoints than with a worn out and tired King. Know that I am here for anything ever needed. And if you guys want to inject fun, the Memphis Eel is always available for any on air ceremonial role. Aren't you guys getting tired of writing Riley anyway?

and he feuded with GREG VALENTINE. Boy did I mark out for the Hammer Jammer shin guard.

I wanted to post the half a match I wrote to prove that I did have intentions of writing and sending something in. I would really appreciate it if you at least check out the toward the end where the Memphis Eel comes in and tell me how you think he came off. The camera pans a wide shot of the jam-packed to capacity crowd at the Gund Arena. Fans wave their signs and scream to be heard over the roar of Flaw’s “Only the Strong.” The picture fades in transition to the ringside commentator’s table. “We are mere moments away from the reason you purchased this pay-per-view from your cable subscriber,” the always overformal Cyclone Comet states flatly. “After our two exciting, hard fought opening matches it is now time for the Clusterfuck itself.” “I love hearing you swear,” Bobby Riley laughs. “It’s so fucking unnatural coming from your lips.” “I did not choose the name of the match,” Comet reminds “however, I certainly endorse the hard fought effort that will need to be put forth by the individual who takes victory here tonight. Would you care to go over the rules for the fans at home, Citizen Riley?” “No,” Riley blows on his knuckles and closely examines one of his cuticles. Comet narrows his steely eyes and stares a hole through his commentating partner. “Okay, okay,” Riley pleads with both hands up. “I was just messing with you.” The scene switches to a far shot of the empty ring, much like before a boxing match, and the rules appear written on the screen as Riley goes over them. “Here’s the deal. Two men start off. Every two minutes another wrestler enters the ring. A man is eliminated when he’s goes over the top rope, either by his own power or that of another, and has both feet touch the floor. That person must then promptly return to the locker room area. When only three competitors are left after all 20 have entered, the match will turn into your standard triple thread encounter. Disqualifications and count outs will not be in effect and the only way to win is to pin one of the other two left or make them submit.” The image shifts to a closer shot of the ring as last minute preparation are made. Comet’s voice chimes in on voice over. “Keeping the peace around the ring will be four top SWF referees.” The names appear at the bottom of the screen as Comet lists them. “They are Sexton Harcastle, Anthony Michael Hall, Ced Ordonez and Eddy Long. Overseeing all the action from the base of the ramp is senior referee Matthew Kivell.” The camera flicks over to Kivell who spies the electronic eye and thumbs his nose at the camera with a wink to the viewers at home. The ring bell sounds three times to quiet the crowd and ring announcer Funyon steps front and center with a microphone in hand. “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get ready to FUCK!!!” Funyon sweeps his arm grandly around the auditorium as the throng goes nuts. Suddenly, all goes dark and strobe lights pulse throughout the arena to the beats of Linkin Park’s “Don’t Stay.” The fans jeer and hiss as they realize whose music that is and the sound only amplifies when that person emerges from the rear. The strobes cut out and the entrance ramp is bathed in blue. A figure walks backwards down the slope with his arms out to the side. Halfway to the ring, the arms swing widely and the figure pivots at the waist to herald a remarkable… BOOM! A huge blast of white fireworks lights up the back of the stage and the smoke filters down the ramp and across the expanse of the Gund. The grappler finish his spin and saunters toward the ring with the boos ringing like music in his ears. “Entering the Clusterfuck at number one, he is the King of Nightmares from Tampa, Florida. Tipping the scales at 280 pounds, he is MICHAEL CRAAAAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEENNNN!” Craven leaps to the ring apron and enters between the ropes. He shoots a quick look at Funyon before jumping up to the top turnbuckle of the nearest corner. He spreads his arms out wide to the side and continues to relish in the hatred of the fans, showing no effect the task that lay before him must be playing on his mind. Comet: “Citizen Craven wound up being the first entrant due to getting himself on the bad side of Commissioner Stevens.” Riley: “And no one wants to offend our dearly beloved and handsome commissioner.” Comet: “If I had the ability to detect it, I would almost say that I heard sarcasm in your voice.” Craven jumps down as the lights return to full. He leans into the near ropes and stretches out. “And entering at number two…” Funyon starts. He is cut off by “Ready to Die” by Andrew W.K. and the fans let out with a mixed chorus of cheers and jeers. The camera cuts to Michael Craven looking at Funyon and then gesturing toward the backstage area with a “c’mon gimme a break” look. A spurt of white pyro shoots up from the left side of the stage, then the right, then dead in the middle. From the blinding light a tall and tone man emerges. Funyon picks up where he left off “…from Harrison Illinois at a weight of 231 pounds. He is The Spectacle, MIKE…VAN…SIC…LEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!” Comet: “We knew that Craven was going to be number one and Charlie Matthews will be entering last due to his win over Dace Night on the last Smarkdown, but we have no idea when people will enter in between. Citizen Van Siclen is now known to be the second man in and Craven looks none too pleased.” Riley: “Pshaw! It doesn’t matter who walks through that curtain. Michael Craven just has to keep focused and pace himself and he has this.” Comet: “And for Van Siclen?” Riley: “Get tossed early, and catch the end of the Super Bowl. Go Panthers! Ah, hell, I don’t care.” Van Siclen pulls himself to the ring apron with a hand on the second rope and steps through the strands. He hops to the nearest turnbuckle, much like Craven did, and lifts his arms above his head. The fans scream, more out of rooting against Craven than for the other Mike. Like a flash, Craven flies into view with a forearm to Van Siclen’s lower back! He crumples forward and grips the ring post tight in an attempt to keep his balance. Craven pushes on his rear in an attempt to toss him sprawling to the thin mats below. DING DING DING Comet: “Michael Craven smartly wastes no time in jumping MVS before the bell, but he is determinedly holding on.” Van Siclen kicks his left leg back and catches Craven just enough in the chest to send him tripping away. MVS spins around and jumps off the second rope with his hands balled over his head for a double axehandle. Craven stutter steps back a pace and falls to his rear. Van Siclen holds his arms out to the sides and looks to the crowd for approval. They cheer and he growls with a fire in his gut. Riley: “Don’t play to the humanoids, Mike. You want to get guys out as fast as you can and control the pace as much as you can early on before the ring fills up.” MVS reaches down to bring Craven up by the sides of his head. The former Pokemon freak and now just plain freak, makes his knees and fires a quick right hand to the stomach. Craven swings his arm low as he stands. He raises it with gaining velocity and smashes a crushing forearm to the forehead. It is now MVS’s turn to slump dazed to the mat. Craven cockily turns to the crowd and receives more blaring hatred for his troubles. Comet: “The High Power Forearm Smash. That will scramble your brains and your eggs right there.” Riley: “Scramble your brains and your eggs? You been watching Jim Ross tapes again?” Craven yanks the dazed Van Siclen to his feet by his long black hair. He points to the ropes to raise the fan ire anew and runs for them with MVS in tow. Craven hurls him over the strands, but Mike snaps too just in time to put on the brakes a bit and grab the top cord. He awkwardly falls to the apron. Comet: “Mike Van Siclen saved himself there, but he’s not out of danger from elimination yet.” Craven skids across the turf with a baseball slide aimed for his prone opponent. MVS scurries up the ring edge and under the bottom rope. Craven hits nothing but air and lands upright on the floor. Hardcastle and Hall immediately converge on him to motion him back into the ring. Riley: “Listen to some of these stupid yokels cheering. He went under the bottom rope Einstenes! He’s not eliminated.” Still shaking off the effects of the forearm smash, MVS comes over to meet Craven as he takes the apron. He lowers his shoulder and drives it between the ropes into Mike’s gut. Michael grabs the top rope firmly and uses it to slingshot himself up and over! He takes MVS’s waist as he goes by and drags him down with him. Comet: “Michael Craven has proven on many occasions that he has dizzying agility and aerial skills for such a big man and does so again with that sunset flip from the apron.” Craven quickly breaks the hold, knowing a pinfall does him no good, and both men race to their feet. Craven tries to catch his foe off guard with a quick thrust kick. Van Siclen senses it on instinct more than anything and snatches the ankle to whip him over to the mat. Comet: “Nice counter by Van Siclen. It looks like he’s going for some sort of leghold to slow things dow…no!” Craven jabs his beefy leg forward and MVS stumbles into the upper right ringer corner. He winces from taking the buckle in the back while Craven springs up. He charges into the corner with a raised knee to the stomach. Michael wraps his arm around his opponent’s head as he doubles over from the blow and grabs his tights with his other hand. He pulls MVS out of the corner and then lifts him off the ground. He holds him vertically for a few moments before kicking back and slamming Van Siclen down. Comet: “Craven with a suplex out of the corner as he looks to take control.” Riley: “Control him out of the ring, don’t do anything fancy.” The plea doesn’t reach Craven’s ears, as he can’t resist the opportunity to hit Van Siclen with one of his pet moves while the focus is still solely on him in the match. He jerks Mike up and dips his shoulder to take him on his back in a fireman’s carry position. Comet: “Craven is looking to finish Van Siclen off with one of his own special tweakings of the F5.” Riley: “He better do it fast, because the clock is ticking down. Get that punk out of there.” Craven shakes his left shoulder and goes to swing MVS around into position. Van Siclen throws all of his weight to the side and rides the momentum past where Craven wants him. He fights to get his arm over Craven’s neck and snakes his legs from one side of the man’s body to the other. Mike shifts his weight again, this time throwing it all backwards to cram Craven’s skull into the canvas! Comet: “What a stunning reversal into the tornado DDT! Mike Van Siclen was playing opossum and it might pay off. Now it’s his turn to point to the ropes and escort our first gentleman out.” The crowd pops for MVS palming the back of Craven’s head like a basketball and running him at the ropes. Like with Mike before, Michael’s eyes go wide as he senses elimination near and tries to put on the breaks. He grabs the top rope with his right hand while wrapping his left arm behind Van Siclen’s back. The two men topple over the strands and crash to the apron in a human heap. They kick and punch at each other as they attempt to untangle themselves and get back into the ring. The referees rush over to make sure no one spills to the floor. The fans’ eyes turn to the backstage curtain and countdown with the clock on the Smarktron. 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! The siren sounds to herald the playing of “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” by Prong. A bald headed man with a thick, scraggly beard and tattoos up and down his arms arrives from the back with a fist held firmly in the air. Comet: “It’s Manson! Manson is the first former SJL’er to join the fray tonight.” Riley: “For those of you living in a hole, like maybe Saddam Hussein’s a fan, I don’t know, the Smarks Wrestling Federation’s former Junior League has been consolidated with the association proper and now all the big boys play together.” Comet: “They certainly come bigger than Manson, but I don’t know if they come scarier.” A smattering of boos greets Manson as he reaches the ringside area. Only the real hardcore fans know who all the SJL guys are, but they all hope to be known once this night is over. Craven and Van Siclen have slid back into the ring and are making their feet as Manson slides in under the bottom rope. He locks his eyes on Craven and quickly glides to his feet already churning his legs at a full run. He stretches his arm out, sailing over Van Siclen’s still lowered head and plows it into Craven! He goes down and the fans roar! Manson keeps moving, knowing it’s not so easy to get started anymore after he stops, to bounce into the far ropes. He sprints back across the ring to catch the now fully standing MVS across the chest with a clothesline as well! He goes down and the fans boo, having sided with the tweener Van Siclen in the early going. Comet: “Manson hung around the SJL for years as Mafia before deciding to go under his real name.” Riley: “Actually, his real name is Hitler, but his parents changed it to something less evil.” Comet: “Despite your attempts at humor Citizen Riley, it’s been a long road for Manson, but he’s already making the most of his grand opportunity.” Manson reaches down to take MVS with one hand on his shoulder and the other between his legs. He lifts the man in a great show of strength and spins him around. He angles the right shoulder toward the turf and jackhammers him down for a shoulder breaker! The crowd yells to signal Craven making his feet. He trips dazed into Manson, who scoops him up and flips him around. BAM! Comet: “A second shoulder breaker and Manson is handling both men with ease.” Manson drops a knee to Craven’s chest and mounts him to fire a series of elbows to the face. Van Siclen makes it to all fours and crawls near the pair. He springs up from his base to tackle Manson around the chest. They fly off of Craven and grapple on the mat, trading punches in close quarters. Riley: “I never followed the SJL much, because I had better things to do like eat Cheetoes and watch porn, but this Manson is impressing me right off the bat. He’s just kicking ass and automatically pissed off.” Michael Craven recovers from his beat down and dives headlong into the fracas. All three violently roll around on the mat, sneaking in a kick or punch where they can. Finally, they all break off and make their feet. Manson breaks the momentary truce with a stiff Yakuza kick out of nowhere! He catches Craven right on the button and he goes flying into the far corner like a Matrix extra. MVS pivots on his right leg while swinging the left around for a spinning wheel kick on Manson. Manson stumbles into the ropes off the blow and trips off into a facelock. Van Siclen shimmies to the left then comes all the way around to the right. He twists Manson’s head up and around to rest on his shoulder and then plummets to the mat. Comet: “Swinging neckbreaker finally takes Manson off the offensive.” Riley: “If I’m Craven, I hang back and let these two duke it out then pickup the piece before the next man enters.” MVS pulls Manson up with a waistlock and spins him to be head down to the canvas. He sits straight down, nailing the crown of Manson’s skull into the mat! Comet: “Van Slaminator!” Riley: “Look out!” The camera pulls back just in time to see Michael Craven launching himself from the lower left turnbuckle. His body is ramrod straight and his arms are out to the side. Despite their hatred, the fans pop for the spectacle of The King of Nightmares descending from the sky for a flying headbutt! Riley: “Welcome to the big leagues, kiddo.” Manson and Craven both bounce into the air from impact. Craven shakes his ringing head as he makes his feet. He takes Manson’s right arm while Van Siclen snatches the left. They drag the grappler to his feet, out cold, and whip him for the near ropes. He twists to takes the strands in the back. As he goes to spring off, MVS and Craven blast tandem superkicks to Manson’s hairy chin. A hell of a momentum reverser, the burly wrestler reels head over heels past the top rope and crashes to the floor with a wet thud! *************** MANSON Entered: 3rd Exited: 1st Eliminations: None Eliminated by: Mike Van Siclen and Michael Craven *************** Comet: “The Clusterfuck is known to make strange bedfellows and did so there with Mike Van Siclen and Michael Craven uniting to take out the SJL’s Manson.” Riley: “He came on strong and looked great, but he just isn’t able to stand toe to toe with the more seasoned SJL superstars yet.” The camera focuses on the referees helping the stunned Manson to his feet. One can see Craven surprising MVS with a back elbow at the top of the screen. The fan counting can be heard again and camera two switches on to stare at the backstage curtain. 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Comet: “Here’s a man who won’t have Manson’s problems! It’s DACE NIGHT!” The fans go bonkers for the first true face in the match. Night sails down the ramp, almost beating the white pyro going off in bursts down its length. Nightrage’s “Hero” thunders down to hype the rising fan fervor even more. Manson is seen leaving to the side of the ramp as Night reaches the ringside area. He slides in under the bottom rope and to his feet. The camera focuses on the ring again to find MVS down off of the back elbow and Craven spinning around to meet Night. Riley: “Losing that match to Grappler on Smarkdown really drove Night down the roster didn’t it?” Craven telegraphs a standing clothesline and Night ducks under it to come up behind him with a half nelson. He bends his knees and slings Craven over his body and down on his head with a half nelson suplex. Comet: “Regardless, I think Dace Night is the guy with the right type of ring smarts and wrestling ability to hang in there and win this from so low a number.” Night drops a couple standing knee drops to Craven’s head. He spies MVS making his feet and breaks off to snag him by the wrist. Van Siclen is whipped into the far ropes and comes off at a dead run. Night bends over for a backdrop near the opposite cords, hoping to eliminate MVS right off. However, it’s too much ground for Van Siclen to cover without regaining his bearings and he sails into Dace with a rising knee to the mouth! Riley: “Did you just use ‘smarts’ and ‘Dace Night’ in the same sentence?” Night is knocked upright from the shot and lies with his back across the ropes. Mike plows a stiff clothesline into his chest and Night flips over the ropes. The crowd gasps! The Master of Horrorcore lands on his feet like a cat! MVS looks a bit shocked and Night shakes his scarred head for a determined ‘no.’ Van Siclen goes to push Dace in the chest. Night sneaks his right leg under the bottom cord and hooks the toe of his boot around Mike’s ankle. He jerks hard for a back heel trip. Comet: “MVS is upended, allowing Citizen Night to reenter the squared circle. Here comes Craven!” The heel charges Night and he nonchalantly sidesteps him while putting a hand on his back. He gives him an extra shove and Craven goes flying. He bangs onto the outside apron and gets tangled in the ropes. The mass in attendance encourages Night to finish the job, but he’s cut off by MVS. Comet: “Van Siclen and Night meet in an elbow and collar tie up. Craven reenters and hangs back.” Riley: “Maybe they’ll work the same strategy on Night that they did on Manson. This time with Craven’s backstabbing working!” MVS and Night jockey for position. Almost evenly matched in size, neither can claim an advantage. Craven watches the pair with a smirk and cockily ascends the turnbuckles to the top rope. Riley: “I don’t think Craven cares who comes out on top. He’s going to lower the boom on one of them.” Craven perches and observes. The two titans continue to struggle. Finally, MVS quickly jaunts to the right and comes out of the lockup with both hands on Night’s left wrist. He goes to whip him into the lower left corner, but Night reverses! Van Siclen runs chest first into the corner. The ring shakes and Craven crotches himself while Mike bounces out into the waiting clutches of Dace. Riley: “Yeah, I don’t think Craven was expecting THAT outcome.” Night fires back with a German suplex. Van Siclen crunches onto the base of his neck and slumps to his side. The fans scream in joy for Michael’s testicular discomfort. He howls and puts both hands over his privates, yet still has the presence of mind to fall forward into the ring. Night stands and observes both of his fallen prey. He goes to Craven and drops a knee to soften him up a bit more. He tugs him into a standing head scissors and double underhooks the arms. Comet: “Dace Night is going for the Tiger Driver. Will he try to toss him out or add insult to injury first?” Night flips Craven up and around against his chest. He twists 180 to face the downed MVS. He throws Michael forward for a release powerbomb and lets gravity do the rest. Craven lands on top of Van Siclen and both men yelp from impact. Riley: “Looks like insult and injury first.” Night hunches with his elbows on his knees. He measures the pair, waiting for them to stand. They lurch to their feet, heads hung low and swiveling loose on their necks. Night approaches confidently and takes them under an arm apiece in a facelock. He kicks his legs out and uses his legendary strength to muscle the duo down to the mat. Comet: “Always the innovator, Dace Night keeps both men rocked with a double DDT.” Riley: “The buzzer is ready to go off again. Let’s see if Dace gets some help or an ass whipping.” Night stands and hears the fans count down. He waves to the back and mouths “come on,” ready for whomever might be next. 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! “NO-NO-NOTORIOUS!” Riley: “I smell an ass whipping.” The fans jeer “The Notorious” John Duran as he enters to Spineshank’s “Synthetic.” Comet: “These two men are no strangers to each other and they look fired to get it on.” Duran briskly makes it to the ring and enters between the ropes. Night gamely engages him with a lockup as he enters and they struggle into the lower left corner. Night breaks off and holds Duran at bay with a knife edged chop that echoes through the building. Duran winces and clutches his reddening chest. MVS and Craven slowly recover and rekindle their fight from the start by brawling into the opposite corner. Night fires a second chop to the chest, but this one only seems to serve as an eye opener. Duran catches Dace off guard with a poke to the eye. He trades places with the temporarily blinded man and keeps him in check with a knee lift. Riley: “No DQ counts to worry about in the ‘fuck. Those notorious tactics of Duran’s are legal as an armbar. Not that he cares anyway.” Craven is controlling Van Siclen in their battle and looks over his shoulder to see Duran doing the same on Night with a series of rapid-fire knee lifts. The Notorious one feels the eyes on him and catches Craven at the edge of his peripheral vision. He gets the drift and goes to whip Night out of the corner as Craven does the same with Mike on the other end. Nearly perfectly synchronized, MVS and Dace reverse the whips and send Duran and Craven crashing into each other to elicit a pop from the fans. The still fresh Notorious One thinks fast on his feet and wraps his arms behind Michael for a bear hug as they collide. He lifts Craven slightly off the mat and twists him a quarter turn and down for a belly-to-belly suplex. Comet: “An action packed sequence there. This match has been full tilt since the opening bell. Night and MVS come to the center of the ring to choose a dance partner. Dace pairs off with the King of Nightmares and Van Siclen goes toe to toe with John Duran.” Night blisters Craven’s chest with knife-edge chops to force him back against the ropes. Night lays his weight into the man to push him over the ropes. Michael determinedly hangs on and tries to shake Dace off with clubbing forearms to his back. MVS blocks a Duran punch and lands one of his own. He swiftly scoops him up and slings him over his shoulder. He thunders him down for a ring shaking powerslam. Van Siclen leans into the near ropes, lining up an elbow drop. Dace finally gives up on forcing Craven out and whips him for the far cords. Michael skips over Duran’s body just before MVS falls to drop his elbow. John rolls out of the way and to his feet. Craven hops over MVS the second time through. Night times his backdrop a bit better this time and steps forward to meet Michael with lowered back and shoulders to the chest. He bucks like a bronco and sends Craven high into the air! Duran sprints up to Van Siclen and jumps high before lowering a knee drop. The Gulf Coast Hurricane looks like he’s caught in the wind of one as his body fidgets and fights to stop its course. Craven starts coming down just on the other side of the ropes and manages to snag the top cable with both hands. It bows low from the weight. The camera goes to close up and catches the toe of Michael’s right boot grazing the floor. Referee Ordonez watches the feet with an eagle eye. Riley: “That’s only one foot. It has to be both! I explained the rules humanoids, hello!” Craven steels his body and smirks as he regains control and muscles his way back into the ring with the classic skin the cat maneuver. In the meantime, Night has locked back up with Duran while MVS looks to join them. Craven catches him from behind with a forearm and puts him down with a sharp elbow to the top of the head. Duran uses his height advantage to force Night to his knees and breaks off the tie up with a rising knee to the stomach. Craven yanks Van Siclen up by the hair and into an inverted facelock. He drops straight down for an inverted DDT. Duran gets a regular facelock on Night and stands him upright with a hand on his tights. He bends his knees for leverage and hoists the man up. Comet: “Duran goes for the front suplex. No! He hangs him out to dry instead.” Duran drops Night stomach first over the top rope. He sways off balance for a second and John looks to finish the job with a European uppercut. Night’s keen mat sense makes him lean back enough for Duran to whiff on the shot. He rocks forward and comes over the ropes with an awkward, but effective double leg attack. Comet: “Both men down. Craven sets MVS up for the Nightfall Slam as the clock ticks down for entrant number five.” Craven lifts slightly on his full nelson, then throws MVS forward and down, releasing to let him smash to the canvas. He sees the woozy Night trying to stand and goes into him with both arms, driving him into the ropes. Duran crawls over to Van Siclen and mounts him to deliver some hard right hands. No one wants to be the first to take a breather, because they all know how deadly that might be. 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Comet: “It’s former SJL Heavyweight Champion ‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins.” Riley: “Just listen to that crowd…not really caring all that much.” The crowd reaction is light for another unknown SJL commodity. Spike dashes down the ramp at a good clip to Bad Ronald’s “Let’s Begin (Shoot the Shit).” The pretty boy grappler slaps hands with a few people as he goes to endear himself to the front row fans. He slides under the bottom rope and immediately saves Dace Night by pulling Michael Craven off of him. He sends Craven rushing across the ring on a whip. He holds his ground as Michael runs to him. Spike plants the left leg and fires out the right for a superkick that damn near caves in Craven’s face. Comet: “Citizen Jenkins hits The Last Dance right off the bat and that gets a reaction out of this crowd.” Riley: “Meh. Craven’s been in there for at least six hours now. He’s tired and that’s the only way the rookie landed it. We need some Gatorade stat.” Duran steps off of Van Siclen and taps the celebrating Jenkins on the shoulder. His natural reaction is to turn around and he’s flattened by a right hand from Duran. Night picks up MVS from the mat with a front facelock and cracks off a smooth snap suplex. Duran jerks Spike up and completely off his feet by the hair. He pitches him across the ring like a discus and he twirls spread eagle on the mat. Duran bends down to bring Craven up, simply for the pleasure of gripping him by the top of the thighs to spinebuster his ass back down. Riley: “I think Duran showed how much he thinks of the new kid right there.” Comet: “You have to remember Bobby, that nearly all our SWF superstars have spent some time in the SJL. Duran knows full well who Spike Jenkins is and what he’s capable of.” Riley: “Hence him throwing Spike away like a Yinka Dare rookie card.” Night brings MVS up with a front facelock. He puts a hand on his back to steady him and snaps off a DDT. Duran grips the top rope with both hands and rains the knees down on Craven. Spike scampers over on all fours and dives to clip Duran in the other leg. John twists around from the hit to find Jenkins and goes down with an elbow to the back of his neck. Spike remains tenacious and attempts to get his arms around the big man. Duran has no problems getting his arms around Spike’s slighter waist. He flips him up and out to the side as he stands. Duran advances a step and releases. Comet: “Jackknife powerbomb by Duran! Dace Night has very smartly paired off with one man and is wearing him down bit by bit.” Night wrenches MVS to his feet and forces him across the ring a step at a time with chop after chop to the chest. Duran looks down in disgust at Spike and lays the boots to him. Riley: “Here comes Craven and he’s looking to exact some revenge on the Notorious One!” Craven catches Duran from behind with a full nelson, possibly looking for another Nightfall slam. He doesn’t get it locked tight and Duran makes a standing switch. He interlocks his fingers in Craven’s short hair and lifts him up. Craven’s legs go up as he’s raised. Duran pushes him out and throws him down with extreme malice to rock the ring! Comet: “Break point! Duran usually likes to lock in a body scissors here, but that would do him no good. He’s getting Craven back on his feet and doing the right thing by going for the elimination.” Duran brings Michael up by the arm and hooks him for a hiptoss. He slides closer to the left side ropes and flicks Craven over for the floor. Once again, Michael snags the top rope with both hands and holds himself in place. The fans jeer and the smug King of Nightmares smirks. He yells at the fans and hangs there like he could do it all day. In the ring, MVS tries to shake Night by grabbing his wrist and whipping him for the far ropes. Night easily reverse to send Mike for the ride. MVS turns to take the ropes in the back and collides with something hard…namely Michael Craven hanging off the opposite side! The jolt is enough to break his grasp and he tumbles to the ground in a heap! *************** MICHAEL CRAVEN Entered: 1st Exited: 2nd Eliminated by: Mike Van Siclen Eliminations: Manson *************** Comet: “Citizen Craven’s trademark cock of the walk attitude has cost him here tonight. He thought he had everything under control, but was stricken by the fickle finger of fate.” Riley: “I think maybe you’ve just been reading Jim Ross’s book of clichéd phrases. I’m sure Commissioner Stevens is cackling his fool head off in the back at this turn of events.” MVS slumps against the ropes, smacking into Craven stopping his velocity. He’s been taking a beating at the hands of Dace Night and needs the breather. As pointed out earlier, that’s not a luxury one can take in a match like this. John Duran spins with building force. He crooks his arm and holds it to the side. It jackhammers into Van Siclen’s chest. His ribcage gives and every last breath leaves his tortured body. He blacks out for a second as he feels his body falling back. He comes to on top of Craven on the floor. *************** MIKE VAN SICLEN Entered: 2nd Exited: 3rd Eliminated by: John Duran Eliminations: Manson, Michael Craven *************** Comet: “Just like that two men are gone and we’re down to three.” Riley: “Four.” 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Riley: “Make that four and a half. That dude is bigger than Duran.” Comet: “It’s another former SWF World Champion, Aecas.” Red lights dance across the arena. The camera pulls back to note the name “AECAS” with boiling blood underneath it on the SmarkTron. The seven-foot, 315-pound behemoth from England strides down the ramp with a staff over his head. He looks a bit miffed at not having the luxury of his full entrance, but the fans are speechless at his sight nonetheless. Upon reaching the bottom of the ramp, his thumb flicks an unseen switch and a blade swooshes from the staff. He throws his head back and spits a crimson cloud into the air. The mist clings over him and settles to stain his demonic face. Riley: “This guy’s a fan favorite?” Comet: “You want to tell him he’s not.” MVS and Craven are arguing with the referees over their elimination. Aecas glides by them. He stares at them with his blank white eyes. The pair immediately waves their hands, signaling that all is cool and head for the back. Matthew Kivell asks for the scythe before Aecas enters the rings. He glares at him, then reluctantly hands it over. Riley: “He could have taken that in the ring you know. Imagine the buys on the replay. You don’t get live decapitations in the Super Bowl.” Aecas ascends to the ring apron, only to receive a full on right hand in the chest from John Duran! Comet: “He just took Duran’s hardest shot and stood there like nothing happened.” The fans go ballistic for this turn of events. Aecas looks briefly down at his chest and then stares at Duran with those blank eyes. Unimpressed, Duran spits a thick loogie on Aecas’ massive chest and rears back for another punch. He lets the fist fly…and its caught by Aecas! He squeezes the hand in his giant mitts and flicks Duran down to the mat. He steps over the ropes to enter the ring and waits for Duran to stand. Night and Jenkins were content to watch the entrance of the big man, but now the impetuous Spike tries to catch him off guard. He sprints to the bottom side ropes and leaps to the second strand. He springboards off for a cross body. Aecas plucks him out of the air and holds him across his chest. He flicks Spike over his head without a thought and motions Duran to stand. Night flies in with an elbow to the downed Spike and works him over on the mat. Comet: “Dace Night continues to play his cards smartly and goes after Spike Jenkins in lieu of the two giants.” Duran stands and the pair immediately lockup, but not for long as Aecas uses his prodigious strength and height to toss Duran into the near corner. Aecas stalks in. Duran fires off a kick to the nuts and Aecas bends over wheezing. Riley: “You know what they say. Big hands, big feet, a lot more there to cheapshot.” Duran takes Aecas by the head with both hands. They twist around each other in an awkward dance of the giants for a swinging neckbreaker. Night brings Jenkins up by a waistlock and lifts him up while falling rearwards for a back suplex. John Duran sits up and so does Aecas! The crowd pops and Duran’s eyes go wide and he realizes what’s going on behind him. Night rips Spike up by the hair and forces him to the ropes. They struggle while the other two competitors stand across the ring. Aecas waves the frustrated Duran in and he charges. He catches John with a knee to the stomach. He falls into the seven foot giant. Aecas reaches down to put a hand between his legs and the other on the man’s chest. He hoists the six foot eight, 268-pound grappler high overhead in a guerilla press. Comet: “What an amazing display of strength!” Flashbulbs pops and the sounds of awe fill the arena. Aecas turns toward the ring and takes a few giant steps forward. He brings Duran around and down to be slammed between his legs. The sound is thunderous and the impact nearly sends the still battling Night and Jenkins over the ropes. Riley: “But not of brains. He should have tossed Duran out instead of trying to impress with the Mother F’n Bomb. Eliminations are impressive, not gay shit you made up while stoned.” Spike takes the momentary distraction of Aecas’ big move to catch Night with an elbow to the jaw. He spins around holding his mouth and Spike takes him off his feet with a running bulldog. Aecas lifts Duran to his feet and deftly flips him on his shoulder in a powerslam position. He turns to face the far ropes and runs. Aecas can’t pick up that much speed and Duran has enough to time slip off his back to his feet. He pushes Aecas in the back to send him over the ropes, but he catches himself by the top strand. Jenkins tugs Night up by the wrist and slings him to the near corner. Spike does a backflip and leaps up to catch him with both boots to the face. Comet: “Tidal Wave on Dace Night! And Aecas looks vulnerable for the first time since entering.” Duran locks Aecas in a full nelson and drags from off the ropes. He grits his teeth, bends his knees and snaps back hard to get Aecas up and over his head for a dragon suplex! Both men lay on the canvas winded. Jenkins brings Dace up again by the wrist for a whip. He comes off the ropes and is flipped over on his back by a knee to the midsection. Comet: “We’re ready for the next superstar! Will he set this match on fire like Aecas did!” 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Unfamiliar music hits and two shapely ring attendants stand to the side of the entrance stage with sparklers in their hands. The Smarktron flickers to life with famous wrestling images, but somehow they don’t quite look right. The vocals drop in on the song and it’s Elvis singing “A Little Less Conversation.” Riley: “Now you’re going to see how this is done Comet. It’s the Memphis Eel!” The fans boo on instinct and the Eel looks shocked as he struts out from the back. He observes the carnage in the ring and every so slowly shuffles down the ramp. Duran rises with Aecas still down while Spike tries to hurl Night out. Dace stops himself with a hand on the top rope and drills Spike in the nose with a back elbow. Comet: “The Memphis Eel was a special referee for last year’s Clusterfuck and has worked as a road agent behind the scenes for the SJL since.” Riley: “With them closing down, we finally get to see his triumphant return to the ring!” Comet: “If he ever makes it to the ring.” The Eel stops to point a finger at a heckler and yells at him. He hears something from behind and turns to yell at that guy. Matthew Kivell looks down at his watch and encourages the old school and just old grappler to get a move on. Riley: “Hey, the rules state that a wrestler has until the horn sounds for the next entrant to enter the ring before being disqualified. Why not take your time? He’s genius!” Duran makes his feet just as Aecas hits his knees. The Notorious One shows off now by taking Aecas from between the legs. He flips him upside down and yells before plowing his shoulder into the mat. The giant bounces over to his rear and puts a hand to his shoulder. Duran kicks it and drops with a double axehandle to the injured body part. Night goes low to corral Jenkins’ knees for a double leg takedown. He keeps his grip and falls back for a slingshot. He doesn’t have quite enough on it to get Spike up and over. He smacks the ropes and gets entwined with them. The Memphis Eel is nearly at the bottom of the ramp when his head goes up and he looks behind him like he forgot something. He goes to turn around, but Kivell snags him by the butterfly collar and leads him to the ring. The Eel shakes Kivell off and jaws at him. Riley: “You tell him Eel! He should keep his damn dirty hands off of you.” Comet: “I must say that I am perplexed by Citizen Eel’s strategy to win this match.” Duran works a nerve hold on the shoulder, but Aecas easily powers up. Duran goes to a back rake and Aecas cringes from the sharp pain. John turns him around by the arm and hooks a facelock. He cinches the tights and lifts Aecas high into the air. His body tremors from the effort, but he holds him there for moments on end. Jenkins makes it out of the ropes and turns right into a Yakuza kick from Night. He goes down and rolls to the right. Night reacts too fast by dropping an elbow and strikes canvas. Duran falls forward, dropping Aecas face first with ka-blam! Comet: “Gordbuster on Aecas! Both Night and Jenkins are down while the Memphis Eel seems…to be shedding his trinkets and handing them off to Eddy Long.” The Eel makes a show of removing each ring from his fingers. He berates Long each time he hands him a piece of jewelry, telling him that he better not lose it and how it was a personal gift from the King. Kivell rolls his eyes at the ceremony and looks at his watch again. Riley: “You can’t expect him to wrestle with all his rings and stuff on. You have to look good coming to the ring, but you have to be functional inside it.” Duran lifts Aecas by the sides of the head and turns him over. He dips his body and takes the man on his back in a torture rack position. Comet: “Duran is going for the Blunt Force Trauma. I’ll be amazed if he pulls this off on the seven foot monster.” Duran struggles under the pounds awkwardly on his shoulders. Aecas throws his weight back and rolls John right off his feet with a fireman’s carry takedown variation. The fans pop as they jump to their feet. Jenkins and Night are back up as well. Night takes a punch from Hollywood and then levels him with a chop. Duran punches the shoulder he’s been working on as they stand. Aecas winces. Duran puts both hands on the shoulder and forces him to bend over as he drives his knee up into it. He takes the wrist and whips Aecas to the far corner. He takes the turnbuckles in the back hard and slumps, favoring that shoulder. Dace brings Spike up with a facelock and suplexes him. He stomps at the knee to keep him down. Duran growls at the jeering fans and lines up Aecas in his sights. Comet: “I think Duran is going for the spear!” Riley: “Oh my God! It’s incredible! The Eel is about ready to enter the ring!” The Eel makes a showy flare of removing his huge, rose-colored sunglasses. He hands them off to Long and peers up at the clock on the SmarkTron ticking down. In the ring, Duran races toward Aecas, but nobody’s home! He dives out of the way at the last instant! Duran sails through the corner and impales his shoulder on the ring post! 5 4 3 2 1 The Memphis Eel sees the last second tick down and slides under the bottom rope. A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! “Meaning of Life” by Disturbed plays and another giant, angry young man in a slew of them emerges from the back. Jacob Helmsley also walks slowly to the ring, yet with a different connotation than the Eel. This is simply not a man you rush. Riley: “What they hell were they feeding those kids in the JL. Mad cow beef?” The Memphis Eel slides under the bottom rope to the outside and attempts to hide under the ring apron. Ced Ordonez spots him and yells. Long and Hall come over to help out. They all point for him to enter the ring. Comet: “This is ridiculous. The Memphis Eel should be disqualified right now.” Riley: “I’m telling you, it’s strategy. Don’t fight until you have to, hell don’t fight at all. You just call what’s going on in the ring, Comet.” Helmsley enters the ring to find Aecas starting up with Duran still wedged in the corner. Night has Jenkins slung over the ropes, trying to push him over. Spike doggedly hangs onto the middle rope and tries to regain his footing. Jake hangs back and observes with a keen and wicked eye. Duran pushes himself out of the corner and plops down to all fours, totally dazed. Aecas makes a half circle around him and climbs all the way to the top rope. The fans pop as he holds his arms out to the side. Aecas leaps and twists to land with both feet squarely on top of Duran’s head and neck! His face is buried in the mat and his body goes still. Helmsely shakes his head, approving of the creative brutality. Comet: “Aecas hits the M Bison!” Riley: “Did I already use the line about stupid shit people make up while stoned?” Comet: “Yes.” Riley: “Never mind then.” Night continues to work on getting Spike out while the refs work on getting the Eel in. Aecas brings the comatose Duran up into a facelock and lifts him vertically. He staggers to the near ropes and leans over them while releasing Duran! He plummets on a release brainbuster suplex and spikes the ground below! *************** JOHN DURAN Entered: 5th Exited: 4th Eliminated by: Aecas Eliminations: Mike Van Siclen *************** Comet: “John Duran has been eliminated by the sheer power of the SJL rookie!” Duran was dropped on the same side of the floor that the officials and the Memphis Eel were on. The refs immediately rush to check on Duran and the Eel seizes the opportunity to run under the apron and hide…almost. The fans scream for Aecas as he reaches over the ropes with his long arms to snag the Eel by his greased back hair. He lifts him to the apron as he screams like a baby in need of a diaper change. Aecas lets his feet rest on the apron for a moment before slinging him over the ropes and down on his rear. Aecas moves in on him, but Helmsley finally decides to act and blindsides the giant with a forearm to the damaged shoulder. Comet: “Jacob Helmsley proves he was watching in the back and knows just where to attack Aecas to get the drop on him.” The heel scoots away from the pair as Jacob clubs him down with forearm after forearm to the right shoulder blade. The Eel stands and furiously smoothes his hair into place. Not paying attention, he bumps into Dace Night. Night turns and drills him with a chop to the chest out of instinct. The Eel falls, more tripping on the huge heels of his boots than from the chop. Night lets Spike fall to turf and pursues the Eel as he back into the corner. The boy from Memphis puts his hands up and begs for mercy. Comet: “Citizen Eel is nothing, but a coward.” Riley: “Courage only gets you killed. Let’s see them put that on an army recruitment poster.” Jenkins dives in with a knee clip to Night. They tussle on the canvas and role into the Eel. He squeals and puts his hands up like a dainty lady afraid to get dirty and runs away. Riley: “I don’t want to hear it Comet.” Jacob Helmsley feels he’s beaten on the shoulder enough and rips Aecas back up by it. He goes to hip toss him out, but Aecas blocks out the pain and attempts to hip toss Helmsley out. Jake blocks and twists to face Aecas and lands a kick to the gut. He doubles over straight into a facelock. Helmsely falls back in one deft, complete motion for an evenflow DDT! He sits up, paying no attention to the jeering crowd. Helmsley looms over Aecas and proceeds to dig his nails into the flesh of the shoulder. Aecas howls like a beast more than a man. Jacob continues to pour on the pressure. Spike pulls away from Night and stands while keeping him down by a kick to the head. Jenkins takes the top rope with both hands and kicks Dace repeatedly. The Memphis Eel slides in to help out and kicks Dace too. Spike stops and looks at the Eel. The Eel stops and looks at Spike. The Memphis Eel points behind Spike and screams. He turns, sees nothing and comes back around to be punched right in the mouth. The Eel gives on last kick to Dace and runs away again. 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Riley: “Oh, is it time for the heavy hitters already.” Riley’s sarcastic response is for Xero running through the curtain to Metallica’s “Frantic.” He slides under the bottom rope and quickly to his feet. He surveys the ring and finds the Eel to be the only person on his feet. The heel tries to back off, but Xero catches him around the neck, kicks his feet out and knocks him cold with a DDT! Comet: “Citizen Xero is in and he’s a house of fire!” Riley: “I lost the Xero pool, because he’s still in after three seconds, but I believe I’m in the lead on the Comet clichés pool.” Spike is recovering from the sucker punch with a hand on his jaw. He turns around to find Xero flying at him with a wild leg lariat. Dace pulls himself up by the ropes, tired and beaten up. Xero kips up and slides into Night to take him by the neck. He kicks off the ropes, twists and turns like a top and rips Night off his feet with a tornado DDT. Helmsley stands up from Aecas and goes over to intercept Xero. Comet: “Xero was taking out everything in sight, but Jacob Helmsely puts a stop to it with a big hand around his throat.” Riley: “Someone call the paramedics, I think the Memphis Eel is dead!” The Memphis Eel lies in the upper right ring corner with his hands folded across his chest like a man in a casket, not moving. Helmsley lifts Xero high off the ground. He can feel the man’s Adam’s apple pulse under his hand as he gulps for breath. Aecas turns over to all fours and leaps up from that position to tackle Jake around the knees. Xero slips out of his hand and crumples to the mat. Helmsley goes down with Aecas clawing up his body to take him out. Jake works a foot loose and plows it into the shoulder. Aecas stops and Helmsley grabs the ropes to pull himself free. Xero wobbly stands to find Dace Night and Spike Jenkins waiting on him. The each put a facelock on Xero and hit a double DDT out of spite on the DDT king! Comet: “Xero gets a dose of his own medicine. Night and Jenkins have him up and it looks like they’re going to throw him out. Helmsley is vertical again and stomps that bad shoulder of Aecas.” Riley: “The Eel is worm chow. We will be accepting donations to his grieving family. Just make the checks out to Bobby Riley.” Night and Jenkins push Xero over the ropes, but he hits the apron and rolls back in. They take him by the wrists and whip Xero for the far ropes. The pair bend over for a double backdrop, but Xero pulls up, snakes an arm a piece around their necks and nails a different kind of double DDT. Jacob pulls Aecas up and short arms him into the ropes. He uses the little velocity to get him off his feet. He twists him around and kneels to stick his left knee out. Aecas lands back first across the knee and Jake follows by grinding an elbow into the bad shoulder. Xero darts up and launches himself at Helmsley to catch him in the back with a leg lariat. Xero rolls through the move to land in the ropes with both feet firm. He springs off and twirls to land on the back of the now prone Helmsley with a leg drop. Riley: “Who has been spiking that boy’s Ovaltine? He’s going to get murdered out there. Not that it would make me cry.” The Eel lifts his head slightly and opens one eye. He sees Night and Jenkins starting up and quickly goes back to lying still. Xero pulls Jake up and goes to whip him to the ropes. Helmsely reverses and Xero flies off of his feet into the far strands. He comes off like a shot and is nearly decapitated by a big boot. Spike goes for Jake, but Night catches him by the arm and swings him around to go over the top rope. He strikes the apron and holds onto the bottom rope while Night tries to kick him out from there. Aecas is on his knees and Jake goes to him down with a kick to the shoulder. He catches the boot to earn a pop from the crowd and upends the Calgary native. Spike squeezes away from Dace and scampers across the ring. Aecas sees him coming and hits a clothesline. Helmsley stands up right in Night’s path to cut him off and they go brawling off into the far corner. Comet: “Helmsley and Aecas had a bit of a blood feud going on there for awhile, but they get broken up.” Riley: “I tell you that’s a match I wouldn’t mind seeing and we’re going to see a lot of exciting new match ups now that the SJL guys have been brought up. Geez, I’m not paid enough to say this kind of crap.” Aecas puts Spike on his shoulder and lumbers across the ring. He takes a short hop and jackhammers him down for a powerslam. A recovered Xero dives in with a double axe handle on Aecas as he rises. He seems little effected, but a follow up punch to the bad shoulder sends him reeling. Jacob has his arms around Night in a bear hug. He tries to suplex him out of the corner, but Dace holds his ground and belly to bellies Helmsley over the ropes. He slips slightly, but gains his footing on the apron. Dace turns around and takes a swishing clothesline. He stumbles away and Jake goes up top from the outside. He waits for Night to get into position and then comes off, his body in a tight rotation. He straightens out at the last to send his feet square into Night’s face and both men go flying across the ring. Comet: “Helmsley hits the corkscrew, just in time for out next competitor at number eleven.” 5 4 3 2 1 A-UUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Blue and white pyros light up the stage while “How I Could Just Kill a Man” by Cypress Hill lights up the sound system. Stryke comes through the fire to a chorus of boos. He quickly strides down the ramp with a single minded determinedness flaring from his eyes. Comet: “It’s Stryke! He hasn’t done much in the SWF lately and this match might be his swan song.” Riley: “To toss out a cliché of my own, it’s put up or shut up time for him. He’s sworn to win here tonight or else. I like the guy, but I think or else might be his fate.” Comet: “If he doesn’t win Stryke says he will retire from wrestling forever.” Riley: “Which in wrestling means about three weeks.” From this point here was the plan. The ring would keep loading up until Thugg got in and he would toss everybody, but Dace, Stryke and the Eel. For the rest of the match Thugg and Night would just pitch everybody with Stryke on the brink of elimination a million times and the Eel just lying low and playing the coward. Then when Grappler comes in, he sneaks up behind Dace working on Stryke and dumps both of them. Thugg and Grappler then go at it with the Eel sneaking in cheapshots. I knew that I was going to have Grappler blade off of a double axehandle from the top rope by the Eel. Thugg was going to his finisher on the Eel, then Matthews hits his on Thugg. Thugg barely gets the shoulder up, hulks up, kicks Grappler's ass, hits a chokeslam, then the Eel rolls him up from behind out of nowhere while holding the tights for the pin. Thugg flips out and chases the Eel out through the crowd.

who replaced HAWK in the Road Warriors

I'm bowing out. I've been staring at empty screen since before 1 p.m. I just have no desire to finish this and as I think about it, that's probably a good thing. If I finish it and lose, then I'll feel like shit and it all for nothing. If I win, I'll have to come back full time until storylines play out, as I told King I would, and that's at least another month. So that's another month of forcing myself to write matches and promos and do other stuff that I simply don't have the time and desire to do. I work full time, I have my column on 411 (which took most of yesterday for me to write), I usually wind up going out a few nights a week, my sister is having a second baby tomorrow and it looks like I'll have my first two weekends in March booked. The reason I left the last time was because of time constraints and that it just wasn't fun for me anymore. I thought writing the CF like this with the Eel in it would be fun for me and it has been until last night. Now I've got the deadline looming and no desire to finish and I feel like shit and I say to myself, "self, you don't have to feel like this you know." And I don't. Tomorrow when the losing match thread goes up, I'll post what I did so people can see that I did write. I'm a little under 10,000 now with Stryke coming in. And if I ever, ever, ever say something about coming back, even if it's a one shot, point me to this post and remind me not to do it.

who was also in the worst HIAC against THE BIG BOSSMAN

9,932 and Stryke just entered. I wanted to get up to Thugg tonight, but I feel beat. I feel confident that I can finish tomorrow in good time and still most of what I want to do. I sense mine won't come out as long as everyone elses, but I spin that into my tight booking and compact writing which will devastate you all. I'm not going to kill myself to finish, but I think I can get something done and in.

as did his good buddy SHAWN MICHAELS.

who will be posing in Playboy with TORRIE WILSON, but the WWE pretends like it hasn't already been announced and tease with women we haven't seen naked yet.

That's about the time the Warrior returned too. In order to squash HHH at Wrestlemania in 13 seconds.

who was originally managed by BROTHER LOVE.

Oh, yeah, looks like I've got Janus beat too. The Eel is justing shooting ducks in a barrel. Quack, duck!

Bubba Ho-Tep is adapted from a book by Joe R. Lansdale. Actually it's a short story that appears in a compedium of tales of the dead Elvis. Some fun reads in that.

6128. I'm pretty pleased with that, although I wanted to be a little farther along.

See that was the concept, but there was no payoff. Like last year with the black white supremacist, that was the concept but the payoff was him getting found out. The skit told a story. The Niggar Family and the racial draft was just a bunch of gags strung together which were funny, but there was no story or no real capper to the whole bit. You had two perfectly good situations setup at the end of the Niggar family skit last night, them having dinner with the Wetbacks and the black couple being in the restaurant with the Niggar kid and his date. But it just kind of ends with no huge joke to go out on or closure to the situations. That's a big failure with a lot of sketch comedy today, they don't understand the concept of telling a story within the skit format. Now, not every sketch needs that. I thought the Samuel L. Jackson beer bit was fine and that's something that's just funny on it's own and if kept short doesn't need to be fleshed. But the main skit of the show needs more meat to it and that's something I felt a lot of the best stuff had last year and is missing this year.

and he was managed by DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE while wrestling down in Florida

Yes, he is a comedy character. I've never written a match with him in it before, but he has shown up in promos and has had bit roles and stuff before. He was actually a special guest referee in TNT's winning CF match last year. Feel free to do whatever you want with the character.

In thinking about the Niggar family skit, I think I've hit upon some problems I've had with the show thus far this year. It wasn't long enough and it didn't go anywhere. They set up the premise, established two situations and then that was it. There was no payoff. And the racial draft skit last week didn't have a payoff either, they just went through the first round and that was it. The stuff last year, especially the blind white supremascist, was a lot more fleshed out.

and Hogan's buddy ED LESLIE had cameos in Mr. Nanny and Santa with Muscles.

You forget that Nash was also the Super Shredder in TMNT 2. You can add TERRY FUNK to the list by having Stallone tossing him through a window in Over the Top.

I'm at 3,997. Slowly but surely, I'm building up. I wish I didn't have this damn movie column to write too. I hate to be going nuts this weekend writing. Although I think having been through this last year has really helped me to know exactly what I need to do this year. And from reading Rando's last post, I know I've got his ass beat. Cryptic, huh?

Savage was actually a candidate to go pro, as was KEVIN NASH in basketball before he blew his knees out. I believe he did play a bit in Europe.

Now that you mention that Krazy Karter, it sits a little better with me. Those specials were not a good representation of him as he is much better live. Some of those specials could be annoying.