chirs3

"Look, I'm sorry, okay." Landon Maddix sighs, as from across the Cucaracha International dressing room, the International Champion Jay Hawke continues to glare at him, arms still folded. "How was I to know they wouldn't carry the real belts with them? I mean, seriously. Who in their right mind steals the World Tag Team Titles and then wears plastic replicas when they're in public?" "They don't." Hawke sighs. "Except when they're confronted with the world's most obvious heist attempt." Trying to find an excuse or possibly an arguement to the negative, Maddix sighs and concedes. Instead, he just throws up his arms in defeat and sits down. Glancing over his shoulder, JJ Johnson notices Maddix looking decidedly glum and motions to Hawke accusingly. Causing Hawke to sigh. "So what do we do now?" "Well...we go to Plan B, obviously!" smiles Maddix, instantly perking up. Again, Hawke doesn't seem too convinced, but he plays along anyway just to keep his running buddy happy. "I've got it all figured out. See, TKO aren't going to wear the belts in public now. We know that. We've scared them...a little. So, instead of going after them in public, we need to be a little sneakier. A little more cunning. We need to really go for a heist...and I know just where! If the belts aren't with TKO, then I'm pretty sure the belts are going to be hidden somewhere in TKO's dressing room." "My God, he's a genius." mumbles Hawke under his breath, so as not to be heard. Meanwhile, Maddix stands up, rubbing his hands with glee as he begins to get a feel for this scheming stuff. "So, all we need to do is get TKO out and get in, find the belts and Voíla!, the belts are ours!" Leaning over, JJ whispers something in Jay's ear. "Hmm...you're right. Landon, they'll have already thought of that. There'll be a trap, or somebody waiting for us. We can't risk that. Look, the way I see it, we need to use damage limitation tactics. You guys could have walked right into a TKO trap last week. This week, it's almost a given. So, instead of one of us risking our asses to get the belts, we need to find someone to act as a decoy, to get the belts. Someone expendable. That way, if it backfires, we're not going to end up paying for it. So, we find someone dumb enough to play the decoy, then send him in first. We then get out before being castrated or whatever it is these Japanese types do to people stealing their pro..." Maddix coughs, interrupting Jay. "Sorry...people stealing OUR property." "Thank you." "And while our friend deals with TKO, you and me can go start the car. That way, JJ, you can worry about your match tonight in peace." "Brilliant!" smiles Maddix. "Beats what I had planned." "Which was?" "Well, I was just gonna mess some stuff up. You know, spray paint on the walls, dead fish behind the radiator, pizzas outside the door. Carnie Pride and all that." Hawke looks blankly at Maddix. "Before your time." Maddix replies offhand. "So, this plan sounds good in theory...but there's one problem. Where are we going to find someone so dumb, so stupid and with so much misguided loyalty that they'll do this for us?" "Oh, don't worry...I've got someone in mind..."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF FAMILY FRIENDLY LOCKDOWN! LIVE, WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 26th, LIVE FROM THE FARGO DOME IN FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA! (5PM PST, 8PM EST; check local listings) *** Family Friendly Rules are in effect! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- THE MAIN EVENT El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. Todd Cortez (non-title) --> Magnifico has a bad habit of showing up during matches he's not supposed to show up during. We figure if we give him a high caliber opponent, he might be too preoccupied to muck up other people's matches, especially on a Family Friendly show. Rules: Standard singles match. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP - SUBMISSION MATCH JJ Johnson © vs. Akira "The Divine Wind" Kaibatsu --> Not to be outdone by Jay Hawke, JJ Johnson is also willing to defend his title against all comers. Tonight, he defends against the fast improving upstart, Akira Kaibatsu! Rules: First man to score a submission victory wins. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wildchild vs. TORU Takahara --> Why? Because it's going to be an awesome match, that's why! Rules: Standard singles match, with Cruiserweight Addenda. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. Manson --> Spike Jenkins in a slump? Say it ain't so! Well, I can't really do that. Manson, on the other hand, scored a win over Haffy a few shows ago - the beginning of a turnaround? We'll see... Rules: Standard singles match. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Marcus Ward vs. ??????????? --> QUESTION MARK MAN! WHOOOOO-HOOOOO! Is it a newbie? Is it a returning vet? Or is he something else entirely?! QMM, you know who you are. Please send your stats to Ward ASAP! Double time! Rules: Standard singles match. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Opening Bout Haffy vs. Bill Fillmaff --> Haffy has won half of all SWF match he's ever had. Bill Flimflam has lost every single SWF match he's ever had. Tonight, both of these men fight to stave off the dreaded First Losing Streak! I was tempted to put Fliffram against Candace, but this is Family Friendly - we can't really have violence against women, even if she would totally own him up down and sideways. That'll have to wait for Smarkdown, I suppose. tongue.gif Rules: Standard singles match. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Well, overall, I'm gonna have to chalk this up as a disappointment. Many of the Colossi battles are cool. So that's nice. But then again, many of them are not. Many of them are great ideas ruined by typical pattern-based boss gameplay. What's great about the first few Colossi (particularly #5) is that how the fight goes depends entirely on your skill - if you play sloppily, you will fall off. If you play smart and carefully, you can take the thing down without ever falling off. Later bosses, however, resort to the typical videogame "do something three times" pattern. For example, Plus, they recycle music, which is just unforgivable. In a game that's basically just 16 boss fights, would it be too much to ask that each have his own music? And, as previously stated, the graphics are ass. Thumbs up for artistic vision, but really, this is like doing the Sistine Chapel in crayon. The tech side just isn't up to snuff. And on top of all that, the actual land mass is much smaller than the developers claim. Supposedly it's 52 squares of 600x600 feet, but a good number of those are either all water (oceans at the edge of the map) or are just plain unreachable (top left corner of the map), or are covered in mountains you can't climb or explore in any way. Not that it would matter, since exploration has yielded fruit trees and nothing else. There are plenty of areas I'd love to check out, but they're either blocked by invisible walls (the structure in the first Colossi area), or just entirely unreachable (every mountain in the game). Lots of potential in this game, but very little of it reached. It's worth a rental, but not much else.

Done. I see where I messed up - I booked TORU, but accidentally looked up KOJI's weight when checking to see if he was Cruiser-ready. They're both 4-letters, both all caps... come on, it was an easy mistake to make.

Blargh. Another mistake. Sorry, Toxx. See kids? This is why you should take your time when booking cards. EDIT: And yet another, apparently, with Jimmy. Sigh. *commits ritual suicide*

D'oh. Sorry about that, Manson. For some reason, I'd thought his debut was his only match. Which is odd, since I booked your match against him. Anywho, fixed. One of these days, I will make a card devoid of stupid mistakes. I swear it!

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF FAMILY FRIENDLY LOCKDOWN! LIVE, WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 26th, LIVE FROM THE FARGO DOME IN FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA! (5PM PST, 8PM EST; check local listings) *** Family Friendly Rules are in effect! Matches due to markers by 10:00 PM, Eastern Standard Time. Send all materials (promos, marked matches, booking requests, etc.) to Chuck Woolery. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- THE MAIN EVENT El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. Todd Cortez (non-title) --> Magnifico has a bad habit of showing up during matches he's not supposed to show up during. We figure if we give him a high caliber opponent, he might be too preoccupied to muck up other people's matches, especially on a Family Friendly show. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 6000 Send to: Chuck Woolery -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP - SUBMISSION MATCH JJ Johnson © vs. Akira "The Divine Wind" Kaibatsu --> Not to be outdone by Jay Hawke, JJ Johnson is also willing to defend his title against all comers. Tonight, he defends against the fast improving upstart, Akira Kaibatsu! Rules: First man to score a submission victory wins. Word Limit: 6000 Send to: Chuck Woolery -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Wildchild vs. TORU Takahara --> Why? Because it's going to be an awesome match, that's why! Rules: Standard singles match, with Cruiserweight Addenda. Word Limit: 5500 Send to: chirs3 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. Manson --> Spike Jenkins in a slump? Say it ain't so! Well, I can't really do that. Manson, on the other hand, scored a win over Haffy a few shows ago - the beginning of a turnaround? We'll see... Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 4500 Send to: janusd -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Marcus Ward vs. ??????????? --> QUESTION MARK MAN! WHOOOOO-HOOOOO! Is it a newbie? Is it a returning vet? Or is he something else entirely?! QMM, you know who you are. Please send your stats to Ward ASAP! Double time! Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 4500 Send to: JJ Johnson -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Opening Bout Haffy vs. Bill Fillmaff --> Haffy has won half of all SWF match he's ever had. Bill Flimflam has lost every single SWF match he's ever had. Tonight, both of these men fight to stave off the dreaded First Losing Streak! I was tempted to put Fliffram against Candace, but this is Family Friendly - we can't really have violence against women, even if she would totally own him up down and sideways. That'll have to wait for Smarkdown, I suppose. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 4000 Send to: Justice -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Opening Promo: Free! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Plus: Minus! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So, I got this yesterday. Most of the boss fights are super and epic and wonderful and yay, but holy hell this game looks like ass. It's noticeably uglier than the demo (which was from E3 - good luck figuring out how that happened), there are animation twitches and glitches galore, and more jaggy lines than I've seen in any game ever. It's like the developers had the sudden urge to stab people in the eyes, but couldn't find any sharp objects nearby so they just made their game do it instead.

This just in: Penny Arcade picks up the slack.

Don't worry Manson, I won't be giving him any matches to mark that involve his character, directly or indirectly. I just needed an extra marker, and he volunteered.

Reviews are starting to come in now (see 'em here). Average is about 90%. Most of the complaints center around framrerate drops when fighting the Colossi and a sometimes futzy camera. The camera thing has been a problem in every game for the past million years or so, so I'm pretty much used to that, and the framerate drop can't be worse than the demo (which isn't that bad anyway), so if that's the worst of it, it's pretty much in the clear.

You can never have enough stuff pinned, Landon. Ever.

Amen to that. GoW's creatures can't compare to the Colossi.

Blargh. I am full of the mistakes this week. It's Monday. And yeah, TKO's little Champion symbols are just for fun.

I've been looking forward to this since it was first announced. Looks absolutely stunning. Note - it's 16 Colossi, not 12. I can't wait to see what kind of final boss a game full of bosses will have.

Upon further review, I am an idiot. I could've dived into Mike's account last night and gotten your match, but for some reason I'll never understand, I thought I had given him Akira v. Ward, so I was just sitting here waiting for yours to show up. So, 'Drea, your match has been edited into the show (in a rather lazy fashion), and in order to make it up to you, I will grant you a single wish.

Franz Ferdinand-The more famous version is the lame musical group, but the one referred to by 'Drea is the Archduke of one of those Scandinavian countries. If my memory serves me correctly, Poland. Ferdinand was assassinated by a man from nearby Serbia, whose name escapes me, which set off World War I. Vlade Divac (Vlah-day Dee-vox)-A professional basketball player, most recently of the Los Angeles Lakers, and whose home country is Serbia. I merely implied that it was not an at the time Serbian, but Vlade Divac, travelling back in time to assassinate the Archduke. And that it would make a bitchin' TV show. *head explodes*

Eep. That's no good, no good at all. I've still got nadda from your marker, so I figured DNS. My sincerestestest apologies. With sugar on top.

Am I the only one who doesn't get anything that you guys are saying?

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN! LIVE, MONDAY, OCTOBER 17th, FROM THE FIVE SEASONS CENTER IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA! (5PM PST, 8PM EST; check local listings) Matches due to markers by 10:00 PM, Eastern Standard Time. Send all materials (promos, marked matches, booking requests, etc.) to Chuck Woolery. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Main Event (non-title) El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. Jimmy the Doom --> It was true with Zyon and JJ Johnson, and now it's true for Jimmy the Doom - if you miss your plane, you get put in the main event with El Luchadore Magnifico. Let this be a lesson to all of you oversleepers and lollygaggers. Don't miss your flights. EDIT: Please note that the above description is a total lie. Jimmy is awesome when it comes to catching planes. That's why he gets this match as a reward. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 5500 Send to: Chuck Woolery -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH JJ Johnson © vs. KOJI Kitano © --> TKO are becoming a dominant force in the tag division, and they're no slouches in the singles department either. JJ Johnson is due for a Cruiser defense, and KOJI is just looking for another piece of gold. Rules: Standard, with Cruiserweight addenda (no throwing opponents over the top rope, outside count is 20, yadda yadda yadda). Word Limit: 5000 Send to: janusd -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Bruce Blank © vs. TORU Takahara © --> TKO are the number one contenders for the Tag Team Titles. This does not sit well with The Nightmare Express. Then again, the fact that KOJI and TORU lack singles titles does not sit well with them either. Tonight, Hardcore meets Tag...core... in a non-title match that still has quite a bit on the line... Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 4500 Send to: chirs3 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Opening Bout Haffy vs. Manson --> The unstoppable force (Metal) meets the immovable object (Mansonosity). Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 4000 Send to: JJ Johnson -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Opening Promo: Free! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Plus: I dunno... maybe some Bill Flimfaff, or whatever the hell his name is. And hopefully some other people too - there were lots of requests to remain unbooked this week (hence the dinky card), but I'm sure those people can churn out a promo or two.

The cameras pan over the 14.000+ filled to capacity James H. Hilton Coliseum as SWF Lockdown returns from it’s final commercial break as it is time for the main event. The fans are on their feet, showing off the latest SWF Merchandise and holding up signs such as: “Spike me Hollywood” and “I’m glad I’m not at Smackdown” And of course who can forget “Bruce needs a bath!” All the lights in the arena turn up to intensity 11 while the Smarktron goes totally white Then… *SCREEEEE!!* The sound of a needle killing a record leads into. *BAM!!* “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Spike Jenkins walks out, hood up over his head as the fans jump to their feet and cheer for the #1 contender. Hollywood drops to one knee and then raises his arms into the “X” symbol while still on the ramp. “Here he comes, the #1 contender to El Luchador Magnifico’s title” Pete comments “That just means he’s first in line to lose Pete, that’s all” King replies Spike gets back up and begins to walk towards the ring as Funyon gets into his groove. “Introducing first, from Hollywood California” YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! “Weighing in at 220 pounds, here is “Hollywood” SPIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE JENKINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSS!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!! “Yeah we all want his head on a spike” King spits out annoyed by the very pro-Jenkins crowd tonight. “This is the guy that beat Tom Flesher, he ran him out of SWF! You bet the fans are behind him” Pete says over the roar of the crowd. Spike rolls under the bottom rope and into the center of the ring, where he once again gets up on one knee and gives the “Straight Edge” symbol to the crowd. “Now let’s get it straight Brain Clogger! Tom is on vacation that’s all. Spike didn’t chase him anywhere he doesn’t want to be!” King says angrily over Pete’s claims. “Vacation or not, he’s not here and I’m happy” Pete replies. “I just wish Bruce was allowed to bring some pepper spray then we’d soon be rid of Spike.” King remarks taking a pot shot at the upset loss on Storm. The crowd turns decidedly hostile as “Don’t ask me no questions” kicks in to herald the entrance of the SWF Hardcore champion. As the music plays Bruce’s entrance video plays on the Smarktron with highlights of his matches in SWF. Once in a while a red X appears over the screen, for those shots deemed “Not family friendly” “Jesh they try to neuter everything those bas-” King begins “EBALL FANS!!” Pete cuts him off “Dang baseball fans try to neuter everything! Pete says with a nervous smile “Pete – you do know that a lot of our fans are baseball fans right? You just insulted them” King says with a smirk “Oh fuck!” Pete exclaims, slapping a hand over his mouth just a split second after he said it. Funyon puts the microphone to his mouth again and launches into another intro “And his opponent from the “Dirty Tornado Trailer Park” in Alabama weighing in at 295 pounds, the SWF Hardcore Champion – BRUUUUUUUUUCEEEE BLANK!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Bruce steps through the curtains as Skynyrd tells people to not ask them any questions so that they won’t tell them lies. Bruce has the Hardcore title around his waist which still has blood on it. He doesn’t look like he has washed lately and he doesn’t seem to care. Bruce holds up an open beer in one hand and the rest of the six pack dangling from the other as he walks towards the ring. WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “He can’t drink beer on Lockdown!” Pete says desperately trying to distract everyone from his own screw up. “The rules doesn’t state that Pete! He can have a drink if he stays on his best behaviour” King replies wishing that he had a beer himself. Bruce walks up the steps and then enters the ring between the top and middle rope. His forehead displays clear signs of the brutal match on Storm where several scars that have yet to properly heal stand out against the pale skin. Bruce just looks at Spike while he scratches his hairy chest with his right hand drinking beer with his left hand. Referee Nick Soapdish instructs both competitors to shake hands. Bruce quickly lifts left arm, scratches the smelly nasty pit with his right hand and then holds it out for Spike to shake. Spike hesitates to shake Bruce’s hand – in fact he hesitates to get too close to Bruce since he reeks. Bruce just shrugs his shoulders, then he grabs one of the beers and holds it out, offering it to Spike Jenkins. “Doesn’t he know Spike is Straight Edge??” Pete asks offended on behalf of all Straight Edgers (which he’s not) “Straight Edge is just another way of saying “can’t hold his liquor” Pete” King says. Spike stares at Bruce, if he’s pissed off he’s not showing it, instead he just looks at Bruce and the beer in his hand. Then Spike turns to the crowd, smiles and slides his hand down the front of his trunks. “Oh my god you can’t do that on Lockdown Spike!!” King says as Spike pulls something out of his tights. Spike holds up a latex surgical glove and then puts it on his right hand with a smirk before offering Bruce a handshake. SPIKE!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!! Jenkins smiles as he outwitted Bruce’s gross out plan. Blank reluctantly reaches out and shakes Spike’s hand as the bell rings. He immediately pulls Spike towards him and goes for a short arm clothesline, but Spike is alert and quickly ducks under the massive arm much to the delight of the crowd. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! “Spike did not get caught by Bruce’s sneak attack, you can tell he’s studied his opponent and is prepared for him” Pete says. “Yeah but studying him and actually having to be in the ring with him are two different things. Bruce is a bull! He’s a heifer in the ring that you don’t just throw around” King replies. Bruce turns around to attack Spike once more but as the big man faces Hollywood, Spike comes off the ropes, arm out and lands a Lariat straight across Bruce’s chest *THUD!* “Bruce didn’t go down!!” King cries out as Bruce shakes off the impact of the lariat from the much smaller man. “Spike was NOT expecting that King, he was hoping to gain the advantage” Pete says as Spike looks a little shocked that the lariat had next to no effect on Bruce. “You gotta factor in that Bruce is like 80 pounds heavier and much more muscular – Spike has got to come up with a different game plan if he is to have any hope of winning tonight.” King adds. They tie up in a collar and elbow but the massive Bruce quickly pushes Spike into the corner. Bruce makes a motion to break the hold but instead brings his right arm down with a clubbing forearm that hits nothing but turnbuckle. Spike ducks under the massive arm and then lands a spin kick to Bruce’s back that knocks him forward into the turnbuckles. “You know I’ve head Spike talk about how Magnifico is the past of SWF and that he himself is the present” Pete says as the crowd begins to chant for Hollywood. “That could mean that Bruce Blank is the future of SWF though” King replies. “There is a scary thought” is all Pete can think to say. Bruce rushes into the opposite corner hoping to catch Spike but the smaller, quicker cruiserweight ducks out of the way and fires off a quick drop kick to the big man. Bruce staggers backwards, but it’s not enough to knock him off so Spike gets a head of steam and runs at Bruce for another attempt at the lariat. “BACKDROP!!” Pete yells out as Spike Jenkins is propelled up into the air by Bruce’s power. The impact shakes the ring as Bruce just watches and smiles while Spike hits the canvas hard. Bruce tries to grab hold of Spike but instead Hollywood rolls out onto the floor to get away from the monster. Bruce tries to get to the side where Spike is but Nick Soapdish blocks his way, reminding him of the family friendly rules. Spike climbs up the ropes as Bruce is momentarily distracted and then leaps off for a flying cross body BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bruce caught the smaller man in mid air, showing just how powerful he is by shifting the 220 pounder up and over his head into a gorilla press. Bruce doesn’t get to finish the move as Spike wiggles out of it, drops down in a sunset flip motion behind Bruce and tries to pull the big man off his feet. Bruce reaches down, grabs Spike behind the head with his left arm and then lands a clubbing right arm straight to the face. “Man Spike cannot take too many of those shots or he’s mincemeat Pete” King points out. “You know this is a classic miss-match, power against speed.” Pete says digging for a cliché. “Yeah but you know what they say – a good big man will beat a good little man any time of the day” King replies “But is Bruce a good man? That still remains to be seen” Pete speculates out loud as Spike rolls out of the way of a leg drop and quickly lands kick to the chest of the already seated Bruce. Spike runs at Bruce ready to kick him in the head, but at the last moment he stops and instead ends up dropping a knee to Bruce’s shoulder. “Why did he change his mind?” Pete asks, since King is no mind reader he has no immediate answer. Bruce gets up on his knees, blocks an attempted running knee and pushes Spike backwards off him so he can get back to a vertical base. Spike bounces off the ropes, ducks under a clothesline attempt by Bruce, then ducks under a Big Boot attempt. Bruce turns around and is quickly hit in the chest by a spinning kick from Spike but once again he’s not able to knock the big man off his feet. “You know the only time he’s been able to put Bruce on the ground was when Bruce missed that leg drop. I’m not sure he’s got what it takes to chop this tree down Pete” King says with confidence. “Oh he’ll get it done, Spike isn’t about to give up.” Is all Pete says. Bruce grabs Spike by the hand and whips him into the corner, then follows up with a clothesline that hits nothing but air as Spike ducks and rolls out of the way of the big man’s path of destruction. Spike quickly leaps up on the second rope and starts to throw punches as the side of Bruce’s jaw ONE!! TWO!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! THREE!! FOUR!! The crowd counts along but at five they’re cut off as Bruce reaches up and pushes Spike off him backwards sending him flying half way across the ring flipping over onto his stomach from the force of the push. Bruce grabs Spike by the hair, then he picks Spike up for what looks like a very crude attempt at the Torture Rack, but Bruce is holding onto the shoulder instead of the chin like he is supposed to. WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “What on god’s green earth is he doing? Is that supposed to be a torture rack” Pete says. “Nope” King replies as Spike quickly flips out of it onto the top rope behind Bruce’s back “it was apparently supposed to be a launching pad” King says trying to cover up for Bruce’s mistake Bruce turns around to see Spike Jenkins come flying off the top rope landing on Bruce’s shoulders with a headscissor trying to Huracanrana Bruce down. Bruce blocks it, much to the dismay of the crowd, and then tries to haul Spike up in a power bomb position. Spike quickly adjusts his body and starts to punch away at the side of Bruce’s face once more laying in the right fists. Bruce staggers backwards a step and then drops to the ground with Spike sitting on his chest YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! “He finally managed to knock Bruce down!! This could be it king” Pete says as Spike hooks a leg ONE!! “Just cause he’s down doesn’t mean he’s out Pete” King replies as he crosses all the fingers he can hoping that he’s right about Bruce not being out of the match yet. TWO!!! But that’s all she wrote as Bruce powers out of the pin attempt. Just because he’s been knocked down doesn’t mean he’s ready to roll over and play dead. Bruce gets up only to be knocked off his feet once more as Spike Jenkins takes him down with a Soccer tackle “If that had been a chop block this could have been all over” King says with the awe and reverence a move like the Chop Block of Doom deserves. “That’s the first thing you’ve said tonight that I can agree with.” Pete replies. Bruce rolls out of the ring and onto the floor where he paces back and forth looking angry, roaring like a bear as he kicks the ring steps and yells something at a fan. “Bruce has not been able to wrestle his style here tonight King” Pete says as they watch a frustrated Bruce on the floor. “I got to give Spike credit, he’s not let Bruce control the match, once you do it’s over. But don’t count Bruce out yet, it’s early days.” King remarks. Bruce is already breathing quite heavily, he wasn’t build for the fast pace Spike is using tonight and he’s paying the price for it. Bruce grabs the ring bell and then gets up on the apron with it looking like he’s about to attack Spike BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! “He may just decide to throw it all out the window and go Hardcore right here, right now” King says as Bruce stands there on the apron, steel bell in hand looking straight at Spike Jenkins. “He could be heavily fined or even fire if he uses the ring bell on Spike” Pete points out to those 3 at home that had not already grasped that. Finally Bruce just drops the bell and then steps through the ropes into the ring. Spike runs at Bruce hoping to use his speed to catch the big guy off guard, but instead he’s stopped dead in his tracks as Bruce quickly raises his hand, extends two fingers and pokes Spike in the eyes. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “He can’t do that! That’s not within the rules King – he should be disqualified and suspended right now” Pete says angrily. “The rules just state he cannot try to intentionally injure someone, Spike will be fine!” King says in a “don’t be a pussy” tone. That’s all the opening Bruce needs as he throws Spike into the corner and then follows up with a huge clothesline right to the chest of Spike Jenkins. The impact staggers Spike as he appears to be out cold on his feet, but that doesn’t stop Bruce from picking up the much smaller guy and heaving him half way across the ring in a powered up version of a body slam “Did you see the distance he got on Spike?” King says in a very impressed tone. “It’s no secret that Bruce has the power advantage tonight, hell he has the power advantage in 95% of the matches he’s in” Pete replies. Bruce is quick to pull Spike to his feet and whip him into the ropes. Bruce waits for Hollywood to rebound and then he quickly picks him up, spins around and drives him into the canvas with an old school spine tingling power slam. Bruce flexes his huge arms and chest as he grins at the crowd’s reaction WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! WHITEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRASH!! “Bruce has made himself very, very unpopular in just a few short weeks King” Pete tries to say over the chants of the crowd. “Typical fan reaction. The guy is just doing what he has to do to win and the fans hate it. They don’t want to cheer winners cause they’re all such big losers” King replies. Bruce bends over to pick Spike up once more, but Jenkins reaches up, grabs Bruce by his jeans and pulls the big man forward sending him throat first onto the second rope. Spike gets up, leaps over the top rope and lands a leg drop across Bruce’s back as he lands on the apron. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! “And the momentum has turned JUST LIKE THAT!” Pete says as Spike slides under the top rope back into the ring. “It can swing right back to Bruce’s advantage just as quick Pete, don’t you worry” King replies. Spike uses the second rope to give him a bit more height as he leaps up in the air and then brings his foot down hard on Bruce’s left shoulder. After two more rope-assisted kicks Spike wrings Bruce’s left arm behind his back into a hammerlock and then starts to put pressure on it. “A lot of people would probably be tempted to go for Bruce’s legs, but Spike is playing it smart tonight. He sees the bandage on it, he knows it’s not fully recovered from the 4 way Hardcore match on Storm” King says showing his brilliant insights into the mat game. “And a one armed monster isn’t nearly as dangerous as a two armed monster either King” Pete contributes. Spike gets up, making sure to keep the hammerlock in place. Then he squeezes one foot in by the elbow joint of the hammerlock and quickly lets his whole body drop backwards twisting Bruce’s arm even more. “You know I just noticed that Spike is still wearing that surgical glove on his right hand” Pete says just to hear his own voice. “Wow that’s clearly significant at this stage of the match isn’t it Longdoggy?” King says with sarcasm dripping from his voice. Spike drags Bruce back to his feet, then he fires off a quick palm thrust to Bruce’s jaw, staggering the big man. Spike runs at the ropes, bounces off and puts all his force into a lariat that strikes Bruce clean on the chest. *WHUD!!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! Bruce falls backwards into the ropes, as he bounces back from the ropes Spike quickly brings his right leg up knocking the big man to the ground with a stiff as hell Yakuza kick right to Bruce’s chest. “Man I thought the lariat would have done the trick King, but the ropes saved him” Pete says. “Wasn’t enough though was it?” King replies Spike quickly climbs up on the second turnbuckle on the inside and then leaps off with an elbow drop to Bruce’s lower back. Hollywood follows the elbow drop with a sliding drop kick right to Bruce’s shoulder. “Again he did not go for the face! Why has Spike been avoiding hitting Bruce straight in the face all night?” Pete asks with his trademark confusion. “Oh snap” King snaps his fingers “It’s obvious!! Spike is very aware of the Family Friendly rules of course” King starts to explain. “Huh?” Is all that Pete can think off to say to that. “Bruce was busted open on Storm, the cuts on his forehead have hardly healed, I don’t think Spike wants to risk the match by accidentally busting Bruce open” King says, smiling that he figure out what goes on inside Spike’s head. Spike pulls Bruce up onto his knees, then he strikes a wide martial arts stance and lays a stiff boot into Bruce’s chest *WHAM!* Followed by a second kick *WHAM!* and finishing it off with a stiff right kick right across the left side Bruce’s face landing right on his ear *POW!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! Spike quickly covers the big man ONE!! TWO!!! TH-Shoulder up!! Bruce manages to lift his right shoulder a few inches off the mat. Spike pounds the mat in frustration but doesn’t let up as he grabs Bruce’s left arm, then starts to apply a Crippler Crossface hoping to lead into his “Strong Island Stretch”. Unfortunately for Spike Bruce is too close to the ropes and quickly manages to snatch the bottom rope and cling on to it for dear life. “MAKE HIM BACK OFF REF!!” King shouts at Nick Soapdish. “Funny how you weren’t bothered by that earlier” Pete fires back at him with a smirk. Nick makes Spike back off while Bruce is in the ropes, which the big man uses to catch a breather and haul himself back to his feet. Seconds after Bruce is back on his feet Spike rushes over to him, locks his hands around Bruce’s jaw and quickly drops down snapping Bruce’s neck with the “Phantom Neckbreaker” YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! Spike quickly locks his arms around Bruce’s neck and left arm as the big man is face down on the canvas. Then he kicks his legs up in the air, as they reach the peak of their lift he tenses his entire body bringing it down in force that’s used to inflict pain on Bruce’s neck and shoulder. “I think Spike has Bruce’s number now, he’s slowed the big man down and he’s methodically taking him apart” Pete comments as Spike keeps the headlock/shoulder vice on. “I’m not so sure he does! Bruce still has plenty of power left in him” King replies as Bruce gets to his knees. Spike still has the front facelock on as Bruce slowly but steadily rises to his feet, but before the big man can lift Spike up and throw him the Hollywood icon releases the hold and throws a quick palm thrust to Bruce’s jaw. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Spike comes off the ropes and leaps at Bruce hoping to either land a cross body block or a flying forearm, but no matter what he’s trying to hit all he actually hits are the ropes as Bruce drops down to the canvas. Spike lands on the top rope with a leg on either side of it, then he bounces backwards into the ring and bumps awkwardly on his neck and back. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!” Bruce gets up, grabs Spike by the hair and then throws him into the corner. Bruce bends over, grabs the middle ropes and then rams his shoulder straight into Spike’s abdomen 3 times while he tries to catch is breath. “Look at Bruce sucking for air, he may have a million dollar body but his gas tank is almost empty” Pete says trying to convince himself that it was true. “Only ALMOST empty, don’t count the big guy out just yet” is all King can say. Bruce grabs Spike by the right hand, then he notices the latex glove on it. A quick yank later and Bruce has pulled the glove off and thrown it to the canvas. Bruce grabs Spike by the throat and tights and then proceeds to lift him up over his head, making sure his right arm supports most of the weight. “DON’T DO IT!! DON’T DO IT!!” Pete screams as Bruce walks towards the ropes obviously wanting to throw Spike over the ropes maybe even into the crowd. “Oh jesh Nick just let them go, these family friendly rules are totally reta…” King stops knowing that Pete is probably going to interrupt him. “I got nothing” is all Pete can say. In the ring Bruce argues with Nick Soapdish about throwing Spike out of the ring but finally just dumps him unceremoniously onto the canvas. Bruce reaches down and grabs Spike by the right foot, then he drops an elbow on the right knee and begins to twist it. Spike screams in pain which just makes Bruce smile even more, then the big man begins to tear away at the bandage and tape Spike always wears around his right knee to protect it from further injury. “That bastard!! Now THAT is against the rules King, there is no other reason to remove his bandage than to try and permanently injure that knee” Pete says in outrage. And it would seem that Nick Soapdish agrees as he quickly makes Bruce break the hold and back off Spike while the referee checks on his condition. Bruce loses his temper and goes on the attack again pushing Soapdish out of the way, but as he pushes the referee out of the way Spike slides through Bruce’s legs and tries to pull him down into a pin attempt. Bruce blocks it by dropping to his knees, sitting on Spike’s chest for his own pin attempt ONE!! He puts his hands on the second rope to gain more leverage in his pin-fall attempt TWO!! HANDS OFF THE ROPE!! Nick Soapdish notices the hands and tells Bruce to break it up, but when Bruce just shakes his hands Nick has no other option than to kick Bruce’s hands away knocking the big man back into a roll up by Spike ONE!! TWO!! THR-NO!! Bruce manages to flip Spike into a pinning position while placing both legs over Spike’s shoulders ONE!! TWO!! THR-NO!! Spike flips his entire body up so that he’s sitting on Bruce’s chest with his legs hooked ONE!! TWO!! THRE-KICKOUT!! Bruce is back on his feet right away, cutting Spike off from an attack by wrapping his arms around the much smaller man and then putting the squeeze on the cruiserweight locking on a powerful Bear hug. “If he can just keep this locked on Spike will have no choice but to tap out Pete! I smell an upset here tonight” King says as they both watch Bruce squeeze Spike’s chest harder and harder. “Don’t count Spike out yet, he’s got a trick of 4 up his sleeve.” Pete replies As if on command Spike pulls out one of his tricks as he brings his hands together behind Bruce’s head slapping his forearms on Bruce’s ears. The impact makes Bruce drop Spike who falls to the canvas trying to catch his breath. “See King? Spike just boxed Bruce’s ears! This ain’t over yet” Pete says. “No one likes a gloater” King replies. Bruce quickly lands a knee to the side of Spike’s before he can get back to his feet. Then the Hardcore champion locks on a side headlock and begins to squeeze his massive arms around Spike’s head in a surprising display of technical wrestling. “What the he…ck? Who taught him that move?” Pete asks, confused over Bruce using an actual WRESTLING move in a match. “Maybe the Mastermind’s influence is starting to rub off?” King suggests. Bruce complains to Nick Soapdish that Spike is pulling his hair, but as Nick goes around to check he can see that it’s clearly not true. The moment the referee is behind him Bruce jabs his left thumb hard into Spike’s windpipe. “HA! Nick Soapdish did not see anything at all!” King says pleased to finally see some good old cheating on the squeaky clean show. Bruce complains about another hair pull, but once again it’s just a ruse to cover Bruce’s cheating ways as he quickly lands another thumb to the throat of Spike. When Bruce complains a third time Spike puts up a hand to block the thumb thrust bringing the crowd to it’s feet… YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa… … and back down as Bruce knees Spike instead to keep the smaller man from gaining any momentum. Bruce whips Spike into the ropes, Bruce ducks as Spike bounces back ready for a backdrop. Bruce throws Spike up high in the air but Hollywood manages to flip his body around and land on his feet like a cat behind Bruce’s back. “Man that was beautiful King!! That’s why he’s such a highly rated competitor” Pete says “He just got lucky Pete, luck isn’t the same as skill” King says as Spike waits for Bruce to turn around. Spike bounces off the ropes and with all his force, weight and momentum he drives a lariat into the chest of Bruce Blank. *WHAM!* SPIKE!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!! “It finally worked” Pete says as he almost jumps to his feet. “Spike finally managed to lariat the hell out of Bruce and knock him down”. “I didn’t think he could do it when he just bounced off Bruce earlier. He’s worn the big man down, you gotta give him credit for that” King contributes. Spike quickly follows up by locking in a reverse front face lock and then as the crowd comes unglued manages to twist Bruce’s body into the “Clean Living” neckbreaker YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! Spike throws his fans a quick “X” symbol as he stands over Bruce’s body, then he sits down on Bruce’s back, pulls Bruce’s head back and wraps his right arm around the throat of the Hardcore champion. A hook of the left arm later and Spike manages to lock Bruce in the “Silver Lining” much to the fans approval. “My god I thought Bruce was too wide shouldered and inflexible to actually have the Dragon clutch applied on him” Pete says marvelling at the feat. “Just cause he got it locked on doesn’t mean Bruce will tap out Drain Clogger!!” King shoots back quickly. Spike pulls back on the Dragon clutch wrenching Bruce’s neck and shoulder sending waves of pain all the way down the big man’s spine. You can see the force Spike exerts by the throbbing veins on his neck and his arms as he is using every ounce of strength he’s got to keep the big man locked in the Silver Lining. “Bruce is trying his best to break it! But with Spike positioned on his lower back he can’t stand up” Pete says as Bruce desperately fights to break free of the Silver Lining. “I’m not sure he can crawl to the ropes either, Spike has the leverage to keep him right where he is” King says with much less enthusiasm than his co-commentator. Bruce raises his free arm, holding it over the canvas contemplating tapping to stop the punishment. After a minute or so Bruce’s free hand drops to the canvas, not as a tap but because Bruce is beginning to pass out from the sleeper hold. Referee Nick Soapdish checks that Bruce isn’t being choked out by the Dragon clutch then he raises Bruce’s free hand in the air and releases it It drops and flops to the canvas totally lifeless. Soapdish lifts it up again and releases it Once more it slaps the mat with no attempt at holding it up. “Spike just let go?? Why in the holy he.. ck would he do that King? He could have won” Pete screams as Spike voluntarily releases the Dragon clutch. “You seem to forget where we are Pete – this is Lockdown, if someone passes out it’s a draw remember?” King points out Pete, the fans in the arena and most of the fans at home realize what Spike HAD to do to instead of risking a draw. Spike bends over and slaps Bruce on the cheeks a few times, quickly bringing him back round from the effects of the sleeper hold. Then he quickly throws all his weight on top of Bruce for a pin attempt ONE!! TWO!! THR-KICKOUT!! Bruce has managed to lift his shoulder at the very last second. Spike looks like he’s read to explode with frustration over not being able to keep Bruce down. Hollywood backs off a few steps, still hobbling a bit from where Bruce worked over his knee, then he runs straight at Bruce, steps on the Trailerpark Superstar’s right knee and executes a beautiful, swift Dangerous Wizard that knocks Bruce Blank down hard. *BLAM!* “How is his head still on his shoulders?? The impact was unbelievable” Pete says. “That was text book right there Pete” King says “Where is he going??” Pete asks as Spike starts to climb the turnbuckles YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! Spike gets up on the top rope, finds his balance as he looks at Bruce who’s still laying in the middle of the ring. Then he leaps off the top rope, using it’s bounce to lift him high in the air while he touches his knees and elbows together in a frog splash motion “IT’S THE RATINGS GRABBER!!” Pete screams as Spike goes for his old SJL finisher in hopes of putting away the big monster *WHAM!!* “Bruce got his knees up!! Holy Moley I think Spike’s spleen is in his throat now!!” King screams as Spike Jenkins just came down abdomen first on Bruce’s knees. Bruce gets to his knees, winded and sucking for air as he slowly gets back to his feet. Bruce staggers and almost falls into the ropes but manages to stay upright. Then he slowly pulls Spike to his feet, locks in an inverted front face lock and then hoists Spike up in the air for the delayed Suplex that always leads into the Blank Bomb “DO IT!! DO IT!!” King chants “Spike wiggled out of it!! How is he even able to stand” Pete says as Spike manages to wiggle out of the suplex position and drop down behind Bruce. Bruce quickly picks up the discarded latex glove, then with his back turned to the referee to block his view Bruce stretches the glove out. “What the hell is he doing” King says, so into the match that he totally forgets the Family Friendly rules *SNAP!-SLAP!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “OH NO HE DID NOT!!” Pete says outraged “He just snapped the glove right in Spike’s eye, that dirty bastard!” Pete continues. “Really? I didn’t see that on my monitor.” King rightly points out that the camera never actually caught what Bruce was doing, although it is pretty obvious from the images of Spike holding his eye in pain. Bruce gathers up all his remaining wind and picks Spike up into a suplex position once more. Then he staggers forward a few steps and drives Spike into the canvas in what can best be described as a cross between the Blank Bomb and the Jackhammer *WHAM!!* Bruce quickly hooks a leg and puts all of his 295 pounds of bodyweight on top of Spike’s shoulders and head. ONE!! “Come on Spike!!” Pete screams TWO!! “I think this one is in the books Pete” King says as the referee brings his arm forward once more THREEE!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The crowd is livid as Bruce Blank stole yet another victory through his underhanded tactics. Not that Bruce really notices right now as he’s laying on his back, spread eagle on the canvas trying to catch his breath after an amazingly gruelling and hard fought victory. “I cannot believe it King” Pete says in disbelief. “Learn to accept it Pete, cause it’s a done deal. Bruce Blank put away Spike Jenkins. It took everything he had in him and then some to do it, but by god he did it” King replies. “There can be no shame in that defeat King” Pete comments “At least there was no pepper spray” King says with a badly hidden snicker Bruce slowly gets to his feet, breathing heavily looking like he just ran a marathon. He leans back against the ropes as the referee raises his hand in the air. Nick then goes over to raise Spike’s hand in the air as well as Bruce steps through the ropes, grabs his Hardcore title and then begins to walk out. Half way up the aisle Bruce pauses with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. “Did you see that” *gasp* “I told you you ain’t seen nothing yet” *spits* “Don’t ever count me out! NEVER!!” Bruce says. Then he stands up and shows the Hardcore title to the camera “Anyone want to take this from me? The line starts right here!” He says as he points to a spot right in front of him. ========================= SWF Lockdown, 10-12-05 A Riot Act Production ‘Raising work rate by typing faster’ =========================

Immediately, the scene cuts to the backstage interview area, where Ben Hardy is standing by with Johnny Dangerous. “Johnny Dangerous, what do you have to say for yourself? Why did you hang Wildchild out to dry like that? Why did you walk away from him in such an important match?” “Let me tell you something, little man,” replies Johnny. “All I did to Wildchild is what he had coming, so as far as I’m concerned, he just got what he deserved! You know what? After I saved his life last year, and brought him back to the SWF, we won the Tag Team Titles for a third time, and that was great. It was obvious to me that Wildchild wasn’t the wrestler that he used to be, but that’s okay; he was still good enough for me to carry him. And when we lost the titles, there weren’t any hard feelings; I had done fine without him as a singles wrestler, and I was ready to go back… But Wildchild couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie! He begged me to take him back! He just had to ride on my coattails one last time! But, you know what? I’m sick and tired of his (bleep)!” “How can you say those things about someone that you’ve been so close to for so long?” asks Ben. “You guys were the best of friends!” “Friends aren’t supposed to betray you, Benjamin,” replies Johnny. “First, he goes behind my back by getting himself a title shot against Ejiro Fasaki, when he KNOWS that that’s my belt! And yeah, I put on a good face, and wished him luck in public, because that’s the kind of man that I am! But privately? I was furious! He looked me in my face and told me that he didn’t have any interest in the World Heavyweight Championship, and the first time my back is turned, he goes and gets himself a match against Ejiro! And then, I call him on his bull (bleep), and he STILL lies to me! ‘It’s not about de belt, Johnny,’ he says. ‘I got unfinished business wit’ Fasaki,’ he says… yeah right; as if I’m supposed to believe that! “And then, to add insult to injury,” continues the Barracuda, “what does he do after that, but start hanging around with Ejiro’s sister! He not only lies to my face, but then he practically starts to rub my nose in it! And all that tramp does is poison his mind even further, turn him against me! But even then, being the man that I am, I was willing to deal with it, after we won our fourth Tag Team Championship. But ever since he’s been around her, she’s made him weak, and I’d finally had enough of it! I’ve been carrying around for FAR too long, already!” Johnny begins to walk off, but Ben stops him. “Now just a second, Johnny Dangerous,” he says, “you’re out of line! And I can’t believe that you’d speak so poorly of a young man that you’ve been partners with for so long. I mean, you guys were a team… the BEST team!” Johnny snorts in disgust. “I don’t want to be associated with that chump anymore,” he snarls. “He’s gone soft! He’s a loser! He doesn’t have it anymore! You saw it for yourself out there; his timing was WAY off! “Let me tell you something, Dominic,” growls Johnny, as he turns to look directly into the camera. “You’re lucky that we DID have three years as a team! You’re lucky that, being the man that I am, I took those three years into consideration, and simply walked away, because I could have made things a lot worse for you, Dominic LeCroix! Do yourself a favor and stay out of my way, because I’ve had it with you!” With that, Johnny storms off the set, leaving Ben staring into the camera with a shocked expression. “Well,” says Hardy, “some very heated words from Johnny Dangerous! Let’s send it back up to Pete and the King!” “Wow,” says LDP, as the scene shifts back to the announce table, “that’s unbelievable, King! I can’t believe, first of all, that he’d actually walk out on the Wildchild like that, and second of all, that he said some of the things he just said!” “Well, obviously there was more going on between Wild and Dangerous than even we saw, MacDougal,” replies King. “Things that were going on behind closed doors… and, you know, I get the sense that Johnny wasn’t too crazy about getting back together with Wildchild for a fourth run; I think that he was ready to go it on his own and let their partnership be great for what it was. I think that Wildchild must have been the one pushing for them to get back together after they lost the belts that third time!” “I don’t think that’s what actually happened,” says Pete. “But even supposing it did, you don’t settle your differences in the middle of a match like that, King! Everybody who’s ever laced up a pair of wrestling boots knows that; it’s universally understood!” “MacDougal, there’s no such thing as a universal understanding,” counters King. “Everybody in the SWF, other than the people involved, may THINK that they have an understanding of what’s going on, but that doesn’t mean that the people who are actually involved have the same understanding… and obviously, Johnny Dangerous felt that he had to do what he did, rather than do something that he might have regretted. I mean, let’s face it: walking off on Wildchild is fairly mild compared to what could have happened!” “We’ve just scratched the surface of this confrontation,” says Pete, “which we’ll obviously learn more details on here, in the weeks to come. In the meantime, we’re going to take a short break, and we’ll be right back with our main event, as the reigning Hardcore Champion, Bruce Blank, looks to prove himself worthy of World Title consideration, as he goes one-on-one with the Number One Contender, Spike Jenkins!” FADE OUT

“Fans, welcome back to Lockdown and welcome back to the Hilton Coliseum!” Longdogger Pete says as the live feed comes back. “Coming up next, we have-” “Wait,” Suicide King cuts in, “did you just say Paris Hilton?” “…no.” “Damn. OK, carry on.” “As I was saying,” Pete continues with a sideways glance at the dejected Gambling Man, “coming up next we have a match for the Number One Contendership to the SWF Tag Titles, currently held by Landon Maddix and Jay Hawke! On one side are the former champions, Wild and Dangerous, and facing them will be the two men who currently are in possession of the titles, TKO!” “Now Pete, I can tell from your tone of voice that you still harbour some doubts about TKO’s rights to the titles that they carry,” Suicide King says reproachfully. “Personally I’d rather see them holding the belts that either Wild & Dangerous or Hawke and Maddix; Hawke’s not too bad, but that kid Maddix…” Before King can get any further he is cut off by the beginning of ‘Fuel My Fire’ by the Prodigy blasting out over the PA system, prompting an immediate (and still unexpected) torrent of boos from the fans in attendance. As the strobes flash Johnny Dangerous and Wildchild stride out from the back, deliberately not looking at the crowd. Both men stop for a second to focus themselves; Johnny seems to be performing some breathing exercises while Wildchild jumps up and down a few times to loosen himself up a little more, if that’s possible. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall,” Funyon booms, “and is to decide the Number One Contenders to the SWF World Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 431lbs, they are the longest-reigning SWF Tag Team Champions of AAALLLLLL time… this is WIIIIIIIILLLLLLLD… AAAANNNNNND….. DAAAAAAAANNNNNN-GEEERRRRR-OOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSS!!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “JUST SPLIT UP!” “JUST SPLIT UP!” The roars of the fans seem to wash over Johnny and Wildchild, but as the two men slap each other on the shoulder and begin their walk down to the ring the signs are there; a certain tightness in the facial muscles, a forced over-enthusiasm in the comradely buffets. Where there was once a highly-polished team, greater than the sum of its parts, there is now… something else. “Look at these two,” King snorts as the pair climb into the ring and Johnny starts stretching while Wildchild runs the ropes, “it’s like they don’t know they’re not welcome anymore.” “That hasn’t stopped you from sitting in that seat since New Year,” Pete replies with feeling. Before the Gambling Man can respond the lights in the arena drop and more strobes sweep the crowd, this time in response to the pulsing electronic beat that has started to emerge from the speakers. As they do so the Smarktron starts to flash three letters one after another: T K O The crowd reaction is mixed; some people boo on general principle, others (including the dozen-strong ‘TKO Section’ who have managed to procure seats at ringside) are cheering loudly. So it is to a varied but overall quite loud reaction that two trenchcoated shapes appear at the top of the entrance ramp. “And their opponents,” Funyon continues as the first guitar riff hits, “accompanied to the ring by Chris Card Enterprises; from Saitama Prefecture, Japan, at a combined weight of 483lbs, they are the TORU Takahara and KOJI Kitano… TEEEEEEE… KAAAAYYYYY… OOOOOOHHHHHH!!” The TORU KOJI Organisation makes its way down the entrance ramp with Chris Card and Natasha (each bearing one of the World Tag Team Titles) flanking them; halfway down TORU stops and holds out a hand to halt KOJI in his tracks. The bigger man points to the team waiting for them in the ring, then starts doing a series of improbable and over-exaggerated martial arts poses in a mockery of Johnny Dangerous! Meanwhile KOJI has caught on and begins bouncing around like a lunatic in a passable impression of Wildchild, before both men cease their antics and stab both middle fingers skywards at their opponents! “Fans, I can only apologise for the actions of these two men,” Pete sighs as the camera quickly cuts away from TORU and KOJI in an attempt to shield impressionable younger viewers from the duo’s offensive behaviour. They instead focus on Card and Natasha (the latter more conservatively dressed than usual in a long, flowing black velvet dress), and the Tag Titles that still have masking tape over the name plates, and ‘KOJI’ and ‘TORU’ written in black marker. Card sees the direction of the camera and grins, tapping his belt with his finger to indicate their current ‘owners’. “Why are you apologising?” King asks. “It’s not like the fans in this arena are that bothered by them making fun of Clown Boy and Johnny English!” Sure enough, more laughter than booing greeted the Japanese Duo’s mockery of the former tag champs, and TKO continue their saunter to the ring in a fairly positive atmosphere. Once at the squared circle both men remove their trench coats with the aid of Natasha, then take off their shades and give them into the keeping of Chris Card. TORU then hops up to the ring apron and then vaults over the top rope; this isn’t enough for KOJI Kitano however, and the smaller member of TKO hops up onto the ring ropes, then performs a flashy somersault and land in the ring on his feet! “A little reminder to Wild and Dangerous there,” Pete points out, “that TKO are their match in terms of agility; even TORU Takahara is much quicker than his size would have you believe!” “Well, he can do a Shooting Star Press,” King points out. Referee Ronald ‘Red’ Herrington calls both teams into the middle of the ring where he demands a handshake from both teams. TORU and KOJI reach out promptly, and Wild & Dangerous respond instinctively without thinking about their opponent’s reputations… *BZZZZTTT!* “Hah!” King shouts as the Bahaman Bomber and the Barracuda retreat, wringing their hands. “There’s one born every minute!” Referee Herrington has grabbed TKO’s hands and is inspecting the palms, then pulls off two palm buzzers that he confiscates with severe words. The two Japanese wrestlers manage to imply, even without much comprehension of English, that they cannot be penalised for anything that takes place before the bell… and Wild and Dangerous come steaming back in, looking for payback! Unfortunately Herrington sees them coming and before the former tag champs can land much more than a glancing blow the referee has them both around the waist and is forcing them backwards. Obviously, the two wrestlers could easily overpower the referee, but there are still instincts that prevent them from blatantly defying the referee and they let Herrington shove them back to their corner. Of course, this means that the referee isn’t looking at TKO and TORU creeps up behind him, then- *pfffffffttttttttt!* -blows the Sake mist into Johnny Dangerous’ eyes! *DING-DING-DING!* “T!K!O!” “T!K!O!” Dangerous staggers backwards clawing at his face and Wildchild breaks free of Herrington’s grasp to charge forwards at TORU, but the big man drops to the deck and ducks the leg lariat that the Human Hurricane attempts, allowing KOJI to swing a devastating roundhouse kick to take Wildchild clean out of the air! Herrington ushers the blinded Dangerous out to the apron, then turns around to find KOJI choking the downed Wildchild so he rips the smaller TKO member off his opponent and banishes him to the apron... allowing TORU to take over in denying Wildchild oxygen! “Poetry in motion,” King sighs. “Cheating in action,” Pete responds sharply. Finally KOJI is well and truly on the apron, meaning that Red Herrington can turn around to catch TORU at his devious game. The referee starts to count; ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ To no effect. ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ …and at the last moment TORU takes his hand away, still with a look of wounded innocence. Herrington starts speaking to the Japanese Hammer and Wildchild rolls over onto his front, searching for his tag team partner and some explanation why Johnny didn’t help him out… but Dangerous is still wiping his eyes on the ring apron, and doesn’t look up. Meanwhile, Wildchild’s view is suddenly cut off as TORU drops a knee onto the back of his head, mashing his head into the canvas! “T!K!O!” “T!K!O!” Before Wildchild’s vision has cleared TORU has dragged the smaller man back up to his feet, then scoops the smaller man up and slams him down! Wildchild’s back arches off the canvas, and now Johnny can see again the Barracuda seems concerned about his partner. TORU laughs at him and gives Dangerous the finger, then turns his back on the former World Champion. This goads Johnny into the ring and the Barracuda slips past Herrington to land a double axe-handle on the big man’s back. The attacks staggers TORU and Johnny reaches down to haul Wildchild off the canvas, then the two men share a quick glance and nod. Johnny grabs TORU and whips him into the ropes as Wildchild slaps his knee, then the Barracuda drops to the mat to perform a drop toehold into a Wildchild running kneesmash… but Johnny seems to miscalculate and TORU simply jumps over his legs, then flattens the startled Wildchild with a running kneesmash of his own! “Oops!” King says gleefully, “not quite on the same page, I don’t think!” TORU drops on top of Wildchild and makes the cover… ONE! TW- -but before he can get anywhere, Johnny tries to make up for his error by booting the big man in the head and knocking him off the cover! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “The fans don’t seem too happy with that move on Johnny Dangerous’ part,” Pete comments as Herrington banishes the Barracuda to the apron, to whence he goes grudgingly. Meanwhile TORU has recovered from the boot to the head and pulls Wildchild up again, then whips the Bahaman Bomber into the ropes. Wildchild suddenly leaps to the second ropes and bounces back, curling his body up and launching himself at TORU in the Pinball Attack! *WHUMP!* It hits home… and TORU merely staggers, but does not go over! As Wildchild picks himself up TORU backs into the ropes, then bounces back off and charges at Wildchild… who leaps into the air and nails the onrushing Japanese Hammer with a leg lariat! “Say what you like about Wildchild, but he’s still got the fastest reactions in the SWF!” Pete shouts. Wildchild calls Johnny into the ring, and the two tag team specialists each grab one of Takahara’s arms as they whip him across the ring into the neutral corner. “Hey! How long are you gonna let the two of them stay in the ring like that?” Card roars to Herrington, as Wild and Dangerous whip TORU back across the ring. Wild and Dangerous whip Takahara across the ring a third time, and then back into the opposing corner together, climbing up to the middle ropes as they wait for TORU to stumble back across the ring. They leap simultaneously off the middle ropes to deliver their trademark double-flying shoulderblock, but crash and burn as the nimble Takahara sees them coming and sprawls out against the canvas! TORU scrambles to his feet and races to the ropes as Wild and Dangerous stand back up… WHAM! … And then level the two former champions with a ferocious double lariat! The fans in the TKO section begin to cheer loudly, with others around them joining in as Wild and Dangerous roll out of the ring to collect themselves! TO-RU! TO-RU! TO-RU! TO-RU! “Tremendous counter by TORU Takahara!” praises King. “And it’s obvious that Wild and Dangerous were not prepared for a man of TORU’s size being able to move as well as he does; that’s their second big miscue of the night!” Wildchild and Johnny begin bickering at each other as they get back to their feet, with voices becoming progressively louder, as the fans at ringside egg them on. “Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous appear to be blaming each other for mistiming that double-flying shoulder tackle,” says Pete, “but I’m not so sure that either one of them was really at fault in that circumstance; it’s just that TORU’s a lot faster than they were expecting him to be.” “Well, that’s happens when you’ve had the degree of animosity that Wild and Dangerous have had here in recent weeks,” replies King, as Wildchild and Johnny stand nose-to-nose with each other, their voices climbing steadily. “As contentious as things have been between the two of them lately, it wasn’t going to take much to… and look at this!” “Holy cow! We’ve got a shoving match going on down on the arena floor!” exclaims Pete, as Wildchild and Johnny begin pushing back and forth at each other. “Wild and Dangerous are coming unglued!” “I love it!” crows King. “We’re seeing Wild and Dangerous fall apart right in front of our eyes!” Before the two can come to blows, however, TORU decides to seize a golden opportunity to take advantage, as he reaches through the middle rope to snare Wildchild and Johnny each by the back of the head… CRACK! … And ram their skulls together with a double noggin-knocker! TORU holds onto Wildchild’s hair to keep him from falling down, and then pulls him back into the ring, as KOJI drops down from the apron and races around the ring, scooping Johnny up off the floor before he can regain his bearings, and slamming him face-first into the solid steel stairs! “Wild and Dangerous were probably seconds away from throwing down outside the ring,” says Pete, “before TORU Takahara decided to capitalize on the situation, and use it to his advantage!” “As well he should,” throws in King. “If your opponents leave you an opportunity like that, why wouldn’t you?” TORU delivers a few well-placed stomps to Wildchild’s back, before dragging him over to TKO’s corner. He pulls Wildchild to his feet and leans him up against the turnbuckles, before signaling to Chris Card, who climbs up onto the apron to get Red Herrington’s attention. With the referee occupied, Natasha hands Card’s cane to TORU inside the ring, who then proceeds to jam the tip of the cane into Wildchild’s midsection, while KOJI chokes him with the tag rope from the apron. “And the TKO is doing what they do best,” says King. “Cutting the ring off on Wildchild and beating him to a pulp!” TORU flips the cane out of the ring into Natasha’s waiting hands just as the referee turns back around, and makes the legal tag to KOJI. Takahara whips Wildchild into the ropes and Kitano steps into the ring in time to help his partner nail the rebounding Bahama Bomber with a double back elbow! KOJI rolls Wildchild onto his stomach and delivers a stiff punt kick to the ribs, lifting him up to his knees, before running to the ropes and leaping into the air as he rebounds, crushing Wildchild with a devastating flying neck snap! “Shining Darkness!” shouts LDP, as KOJI steps onto Wildchild’s chest, and delivers a double bicep pose as he applies a cocky pin: ONE! TWO! Wildchild rolls his left shoulder off the canvas just before the three count, and begins to crawl towards his corner as Johnny finally returns to the apron. Before he can get close, though, KOJI grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him back towards the center of the ring. Kitano whips Wildchild into the ropes and lifts him into the air on the rebound with a high back-body drop that sends him sailing over the top rope, but the Human Hurricane grabs onto the ropes to keep from crashing to the floor, and steers himself back to the ring apron. KOJI turns around to check on his opponent and is greeted by a lunging shoulderblock to the midsection! Wildchild grabs onto the top rope and slings his body over the top rope, wrapping his arms around KOJI’s waist as he sails into the ring, and taking him over with a sunset flip! ONE! TWO! But TORU runs in to make the save, planting a boot between Wildchild’s shoulder blades to break up the count! Chris Card distracts the referee as TORU and KOJI pull Wildchild to his feet and whip him into the ropes, lowering their heads as he rebounds in order to lift him into the air with a double back-body drop, but the Bahama Bomber stuns TORU with a kick to the head as he comes off the ropes! He turns towards Kitano and traps him in a ¾-headlock, and then leaps into the air, wrapping his legs around Takahara’s head and locking his ankles behind his neck, all while still maintaining the headlock. Before TORU and KOJI can react, the Human Hurricane shifts his weight forward, taking both members of TKO over with a sensational headlock takeover/headscissor takeover combination! Wildchild pumps his fists as he pops to his feet. “Wildchild with a sensational maneuver to take down both members of TKO,” shouts Pete, “and even gets a few cheers from the fans, for the first time in weeks!” Wildchild excitedly motions to Johnny to join him in the ring as he pulls Kitano to his feet. He whips Kitano across the ring, but KOJI reverses, sending Wildchild into the ropes instead. The Bahama Bomber leaps onto the top rope as he reaches the edge of the ring and curls into a ball as he springs off the ropes… WHAM! … But KOJI ducks out of the way, as Wildchild whizzes past him, blasting Johnny in the jaw and sending him tumbling out of the ring with his patented Pinball attack! “Wow!” shouts King. “Wildchild just hit Johnny Dangerous with that Pinball!” Wildchild rolls to his feet, shocked to discover that he has inadvertently hit his own partner. Holding his head in exasperation, the Caribbean Cruiser slowly turns his attention back towards the ring, only to be knocked off his feet by a devastating spinning roundhouse kick, courtesy of Kitano! “Tremendous speed on the part of KOJI Kitano,” continues King. “He was able to get out of the way of Wildchild, as he was trying to sneak out of here with a cheap ending, and he ends up nailing his partner flush on the jaw with that flying pinball attack!” “King, I’ve got to believe that was an accident,” says LDP, as KOJI crawls over to his corner to make the tag to his partner. “Accident or no, Johnny Dangerous is no help to his team at this point,” replies King. “Wild and Dangerous are in big trouble right now, and here comes TORU Takahara, the power man of TKO!” TORU strides into the ring and immediately pulls Wildchild up off the canvas, lining the Bahaman’s face up with the front of his boot, and scraping the laces over his eyes! TORU immediately follows it up with a series of brutal knees to the face, and finally traps Wildchild’s arms in a double-underhook and lifts him up, twisting him around, and driving the Bahaman’s back into his outstretched thigh with a double-arm backbreaker! “Boy, Johnny Dangerous is in bad shape outside that ring,” notes LDP, observing the look of agony on the Barracuda’s face as he massages his jaw. “Which you ought to expect, MacDougal,” replies King, as TORU makes the quick tag back to KOJI. “That Pinball is one of the more devastating attacks in Wildchild’s arsenal; you take one of those, and you’re going to go down! Let’s not forget that he broke a guy’s neck in the JL with that move!” “Well, that guy was suspended from an apparatus above the ring when he got hit,” counters Pete, as Johnny slams his hands on the apron in frustration, “but the point is made!” KOJI returns to the ring with a cocky grin on his face, and he bats Wildchild’s face around with a few contemptuous kicks. He motions for TORU to hold up his knee from out on the apron, and then pulls Wildchild to his feet, backing him into the ropes and whipping him across the ring… WHAM! … But the Tropical Tumbler reverses, sending KOJI crashing into his own partner’s knee! An exhausted Wildchild collapses to his knees, and he begins the slow crawl towards his corner, where Johnny Dangerous is only now getting back onto the apron. “That was a nice reversal by the Wildchild!” shouts Pete. “That ought to buy him a little time!” “Not enough,” replies King. “He made the mistake of whipping KOJI back into his own corner; and that’s going to allow TORU Takahara to come back into the ring!” Takahara runs in and belts Wildchild with a STIFF punt kick that raises his entire body off the canvas! He pulls Wildchild up to his knees and then pushes back his upper body, measuring him for a battery of brutal right and left hands! “Vicious assault by TORU Takahara!” cries Pete. “He’s laying into Wildchild something fierce!” “And he’s measuring him for those shots, too,” adds King, as TORU pulls Wildchild up to his feet. “He’s applying a maximum amount of force, exactly where he wants it to go!” TORU lifts Wildchild onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position, and then walks around the ring, taking an extended period to pose in front of the TKO section, who collectively bow down before him, as well as taunting the handful of faithful Wild and Dangerous fans remaining at ringside. “TORU looks like he’s enjoying himself, at Wildchild’s expense,” notes LDP. “But he’d better not allow him too much recovery time; this kid has shown tremendous resiliency, and with his speed, you can’t afford to give him time to breathe!” TORU finally strolls in the direction of his corner, making a half-hearted tag to KOJI and directing him to climb up to the top rope as he turns his back to the corner. TORU takes a few more steps towards the center of the ring before suddenly springing off the canvas, flipping backwards to drive Wildchild in to the mat with his patented Blockbuster Slam… … But the Human Hurricane still has enough presence of mind to attempt a counter, flowing seamlessly through the attempt as he rolls the unsuspecting Takahara into a crucifix pin! “Wildchild with a tremendous counter into a crucifix!” exclaims Pete. “But TORU’s no longer the legal man!” “I don’t think that Wildchild noticed the tag!” says King, as Kitano leaps off the top rope, abruptly ending the unaware Bahaman’s would-be pin attempt with a guillotine legdrop! “And you’ve got to appreciate the tag team continuity of TKO, MacDougal! I know that, after three years of slurping Wild and Dangerous, you’ve got to recognize the teamwork that this team utilizes; I mean, they’re like clockwork in that ring!” “King, I’ve never questioned their tag team ability,” replies Pete. “I’m just not a fan of some of their methods!” KOJI takes Wildchild over with a snapmare, and then immediately follows it with a stiff kick to the back of the head! He pulls Wildchild back to his feet and whips him across the ring into a neutral corner, but the Bahama Bomber leaps onto the top turnbuckle as he approaches the corner, and flips backwards into the ring without hesitation to surprise Kitano with a moonsault press! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! “Wildchild going for broke with that moonsault,” says Pete, as KOJI scrambles over to tag his partner, “but he couldn’t hold him down!” KOJI holds onto Wildchild’s ankle to keep him from reaching his corner as TORU comes back into the ring. Takahara capitalizes on Wildchild predicament by delivering an elbow drop into Wildchild’s back! “Wildchild’s taken a hell of a beating in there,” says King, as TORU lifts Wildchild into the air and drives him back down with a vertical suplex. “He’s been in there way too long for a tag match! I don’t care what kind of shape Clown-boy’s in; if he doesn’t tag out…” “He’s in great shape,” interrupts Pete, as Takahara pulls Wildchild to his feet, “I hate to break it to you!” Wildchild once again surprises TORU with his resiliency, blasting him in the face with rapid-fire right hand jabs! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! “Well, I’m not necessarily denying that he is in good shape,” replies King, as TORU kills Wildchild’s momentum with a kneelift to the midsection. “But this is a tag match; he’s still got to make the tag! So far, he’s wrestled two guys for the last three or four minutes!” TORU whips Wildchild across the ring into a neutral corner, but the Bahama Bomber spins around on his heel, and is able to get the leverage to reverse the whip on Takahara, sending him into the corner instead! Wildchild leaps into the air as he charges into the corner, as he looks for a monkey flip … WHAM! … But TORU rushes out of the corner and levels him with a ferocious lariat! TO-RU! TO-RU! TO-RU! TO-RU! “Tremendous lariat by TORU Takahara!” exclaims Pete. “And King, I think that Wildchild is trying to buy Johnny Dangerous some more time, to clear his head a bit; he knows that Johnny’s hurting out on that ring apron!” “Maybe, but he risks losing the match with that strategy,” counters King, as TORU climbs steps out to the ring apron. “At SOME point, Johnny Dangerous is going to HAVE to get back in the ring, or else Wildchild’s history!” “Don’t count out the Wildchild,” retorts LDP. “We’ve seen him have to compete against impossible odds; we saw him basically competing in a handicap match at From the Fire; we saw just a few weeks prior to Genesis in a handicap match!” “Yeah, but those match weren’t against a team that’s been together for as long as TKO has,” replies King. “These guys are just as good as double-teaming as Wild and Dangerous are, and they’re bigger and stronger, too. And don’t forget, they’ve still got Chris Card as the X-Factor outside the ring!” “I can’t remember the last time you said anything nice about Chris Card.” “We’ll, he’s not my favorite person in the world, but he definitely knows how to scout talent,” explains King. Takahara climbs up to the top turnbuckle and waits for Wildchild to get to his feet before diving off the top rope to deliver a flying clothesline! WHAM! … But the Human Hurricane leaps into the air as he’s coming down, and catches TORU in the top of the head with a dropkick! “TORU eats a dropkick coming off the top rope!” shouts Pete. “That’ll buy Wildchild a little more time… and look at Johnny, King; he looks like he might be good to go, now!” “Nah,” replies King. “He’s still shaking his head! There may have been some bone-to-bone contact on that Pinball!” Wildchild and TORU begin crawling back to their respective corners, with Takahara easily reaching first. “Well, Wildchild’s almost to his corner,” says Pete as the Bahama Bomber reaches out towards his corner, “but Johnny doesn’t have that arm extended; he’s still holding onto his jaw… Look at this, King! He’s not tagging; he’s walking away! He’s walking down the apron!” “He must still be in a lot of pain,” replies King, as KOJI begins hammering Wildchild with jumping knee drops to the small of the back. “I mean, it’s obvious that he’s injured, and he isn’t ready to get back in the ring!” BOOOOOOOOOO! Fans begin to boo Johnny Dangerous as KOJI pulls Wildchild back to his feet, only for the Bahama Bomber to stun Kitano with a kick to the midsection, before leaping into the air… WHAM! … And driving him face-first into the canvas with a Caribbean Cutter! Instead of attempting a pin, the weary Wildchild crawls towards his corner once more, desperately reaching towards his partner… … But the Barracuda flips Wildchild the bird and drops off the ring apron! “Look at this!” cries Pete, as Johnny walks around the ring and heads towards the ramp. “What’s he doing now?” “Johnny’s… he’s walking off!” “This doesn’t make any sense to me, King!” says Pete, as fans surrounding the ring barricade begin to throw trash at the retreating Barracuda, who doesn’t even look in the direction of the ring. “It was just an accident; what’s he getting so bent of out shape for?” “Hah!” snorts King, as KOJI stuns Wildchild with a Shining Darkness. “We’ve seen the tension building between Wild and Dangerous for months now; apparently, Johnny decided that Pinball to the face was the last straw!” KOJI looks towards the ring apron, surprised to see Johnny walking up the ramp, but pauses only briefly before he resumes dishing out punishment. “So what does that mean?” asks Pete, as KOJI tags TORU back into the ring. “What that means is that Wildchild is now involved in a handicap match, that’s what it means!” TORU and KOJI pull Wildchild up to his feet, only to drill him with tandem spinning roundhouse kicks! “Johnny Dangerous has deserted his partner here in the Hilton Coliseum!” shouts Pete, as TORU tosses Wildchild face-first into his now-abandoned corner, and practically curb-stomps him against the bottom turnbuckle. “Wildchild is in no-man’s land right now!” Johnny takes one more look back at his now-apparently former partner in the ring, only to shake his head in disgust as he continues up the ramp. Back in the ring, TORU continues stomping away at Wildchild in his own corner, pausing at random intervals to taunt the Caribbean Cruiser in broken English: “Where you partner? Huh? Why you no tag you partner?” “I don’t believe what I’m seeing here!” cries LDP. “These guys were as close as brothers, King!” “Not anymore!” crows King gleefully, as the camera shifts to the Barracuda one last time, just in time to catch his back passing through the curtain beneath the SmarkTron. “There goes Johnny Dangerous!” “He’s half-way to the parking lot by now!” croaks Pete, as TORU pulls Wildchild back towards the center of the ring. “Well, it’s just like they used to say when Presley was performing,” jokes King. “Elvis has left the building? Well, Johnny Dangerous is about to leave the building!” Takahara whips Wildchild into the ropes, scooping him up into the air as he rebounds and spinning him around before driving him down with a tremendous tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! “Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and well executed,” admits Pete. “And let’s be fair, King: there doesn’t appear to have been any collusion between Johnny Dangerous and TKO in this match. You certainly can’t fault them for continuing to go all out; for all they know, this is just some kind of trap by the two former champions!” “Definitely,” agrees King, as TORU tags KOJI back into the ring. “And that means that Wildchild is at the mercy of Chris Card and the TKO… And if I know Card, he ain’t gonna show no mercy!” “Wildchild has been hung out to dry by his partner,” says Pete, as Kitano backs him into a neutral corner. “And KOJI Kitano knows that his team has the upper hand here; and they may be looking to make a name for themselves, and have a little fun, at the expense of the Wildchild!” “Well, anyway you look at it, when you’re talking about the four-time former Tag Team Champions, any time you can come away with a win, it’s GOT to shoot you up the ranks,” adds King. KOJI draws back to deliver a big right hand, but Wildchild beats him to the punch with a right of his own, and then another… and another! “Wow!” exclaims a surprised King. “I can’t believe that Wildchild still has enough left in the tank to fight back at this stage!” “TKO may have underestimated the resilience of the Wildchild!” shouts Pete, as Wildchild whips KOJI across the ring, into the neutral corner. He charges in after him, leaping in midair and spinning around to deliver his patented Blue Crush! CRACK! … But TORU sprints across the ring apron and grabs Kitano by the arm, pulling him out of the corner just as Wildchild is about to make impact, and causing the Bahama Bomber to smash his face into the top turnbuckle! “And there’s the difference, right there,” explains King. “KOJI’s partner TORU was able to make the save, and now Kitano’s able to tag him in! Meanwhile, Clown-boy is all by himself, ever since he plastered Johnny with that vicious pinball attack!” The beating that Wildchild has taken in the match has earned him a small amount of sympathy from some of the fans, but they are powerless to do anything as TORU rubs his thumb across his throat in a slashing motion, earning a loud cheer from the TKO section. “I think it’s over, right here,” says King, as TORU hoists Wildchild onto his shoulders. Chris Card climbs onto the ring apron to distract Red Herrington as KOJI Kitano climbs up onto the top turnbuckle! “Uh-oh, here it comes!” cries LDP. “The TKO Spike!” KOJI leaps from off the top turnbuckle and lands in a seated position on Wildchild’s shoulders, spinning fluidly around to face the same direction before locking his ankles around the Bahaman’s neck as he arches backwards, pitching off of TORU’s shoulders… BANG! … And driving Wildchild headfirst into the canvas with the dreaded TKO Spike! Kitano slides out of the ring as Takahara drops down to apply a lateral press, just as Chris Card allows Herrington to return his focus on the action in the ring: ONE! “Nobody’s gotten up from that!” shouts LDP. TWO! “And neither will the Wildchild!” he finishes. THREE! DING! DING! DING! “Big win for the TKO,” praises King, as “Tribe” begins to play once again. “Here are your winners,” booms Funyon, “and the Number One Contenders to the SWF World Tag Team Championship: TEE… KAY… OOOOOH!” “TKO making short work of Wildchild,” says Pete. “Although it was a valiant effort on his part! Right now, let’s take you backstage to Ben Hardy, whom I believe is standing by with Johnny Dangerous!”

The always busy Ben Hardy looks a little winded and sweaty, almost as if he had to run from one interview segment to the next. He’s in the locker room of the Hardcore champion Bruce Blank and the big man is standing next to him, Hardcore title wrapped around his waist, cowboy hat on his head and a very negative demeanour. “Bruce” Ben begins as he gets the cue from the camera guy “Tonight you face Spike in your first ever main event. How do you feel?” “Feel? If you think I’m nervous then think again! I mean it’s Spike Dudley for crying out loud, hardly a problem” Bruce says. “Erm no it’s not Spike Dudley Bruce, he’s not in SWF” Ben says “You’re facing “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins tonight” “D’oh” is all Bruce says as he realizes that he’s kinda sorta read the fixtures wrong. “Spike Jones, the #1 contender for the world title, the man that has a match with El Luchadore Magnifico at Ashes 2 Ashes” Ben continues in case Bruce didn’t know who Spike Jenkins was. “Oh blah, blah – the “play nice world champion” and ya-da-ya-da his #1 contender. That’s nice, so sweet that the little guys get together and have little bouncy matches because they cannot hang with the monsters.” Bruce says while looking like a bulldog chewing on a wasp. “I reckon that’s why he ran to whomever is in charge and cried to get this clean rules garbage” “Erm Bruce – that’s for the entire show, Family Friendly rules isn’t just for the main event – it’s for all of Lockdown” Ben says a little confused. “I know that! I ain’t a ‘tard! But I also know that Spike would be DEAD if it was a Hardcore environment, I mean look at last week – he lost to KOJI, my god the little oriental rice muncher is about as hardcore as a “My Little Pony” playset.” Bruce says. “But if I got to keep it within the rules so be it – hasn’t really been a problem until now.” “Not a problem?? Are you serious? I think the Family Friendly rules were designed with guys like YOU in mind” Ben says in disbelief. “Really? Well the way Ward explained them to me the rules state that I cannot do anything that’s intended to inflict lasting injure, my goal has to be to win the match and that’s it.” Bruce says “And that’s not a problem with your “style”?” Ben asks “Do you ever pay attention to what goes on in the ring? I do whatever it takes to win, to put someone down for the count. If I was out there trying to injure someone I’d not wait until a bell rings.” “But… are you saying that throwing a handful of salt in the eyes of an opponent is just you trying to win the match? A low blow? Hitting them in the throat with the tip of your boot?” Ben says incredulously “Yup! Now I could use headlocks and single leg take downs but they just take to da’gum long. I prefer my method, get in there – get the job done – get out of there. That’s my philosophy Ben. Now if someone should just accidentally HAPPEN to be knocked out it’s not really my fault is it?” “Well if that happened on Lockdown the match would be declared a draw” Ben says pointing out one of the rules people tend to not remember. It’s obvious from the look on Bruce’s face that he wasn’t aware of that. After a moment he shakes it off and gets back on track. “Hardly seems fair to the bigger guys in this federation you know. I mean little cruisers can’t knock anyone out anyways even if they try, this is bias against the few REAL men in the SWF! Alright so I can’t knock Spike out, FINE! – at the end of the night he’ll be bleeding all over the ring” “Erm Bruce” Ben begins “WHAT?” “Well … eh… Bleeding is against the rules as well. If one guy bleeds then the match is declared a draw” Ben says fearing for his life. “What the hell is this shit? No knock outs, no bleeding, be nice to your opponent is this a wrestling federation or a tea party? What the hell!” Bruce shakes is head and walks off even more pissed off than he was before “Why don’t they just wrap our asses in bubble wrap and give us feathery pillows to gently swing at each other” Bruce grumbles as he walks out of the locker room – presumably to pay the $2000 fine for swearing.

The crowd is buzzing. They’ve seen high-flying Japanese action. They’ve seen ground-n-pound style. They’ve seen...heavy metal style. Whatever that is. And they’ve seen druids. God bless druids. But now, for the first of two times tonight, they get to see some tag team action. To a sizeable pop, a lively tune begins thumping over the sound system, a song that’ll remain instrumental for Lockdown, due to its expletive-laden lyrics. Well, instrumental except for... “OH NO!” ...the primary two words of the song, Nate Dogg’s voice echoing out over the Hilton Center as sparks begin shooting out of the stage, falling down to Earth just as Todd Cortez makes his way out, Manson following several feet behind the Urban Legend. “The following tag team contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 478 pounds...the team of MANSON AND THE URBAN LEGEND, TOOOODDD CORTEEEEZZZ!!!” shouts Funyon, the announcer’s voice barely audible over the crowd noise... “BOOO! YOU JOBBERS SUCK!” ...but not the Suicide King, who has the benefit of having a microphone even louder than the one the onion-tasting snack treat has, and his opinion is immediately broadcasted to homes everywhere, much to the dismay of his partner. “First off, King, Manson and Cortez aren’t jobbers.” says Pete firmly, before realizing that he’s exposing the business. “...whatever those are. And second, you can’t say ‘suck’ on family-friendly Lockdown, unless, of course, you’re using it as an example of things you can’t say.” This intrigues King. “So I can’t say suck, unless I use it as an example?” the Gambling Man asks, and Pete doesn’t notice the devious grin until it’s too late. “Yes. As long as it’s an example, it’s fine.” confirms the Longdogger. “So, I couldn’t, for example, say ‘Todd Cortez and Manson suck a gigantic donkey di-” And the lights drop out, the opening strains of Pink Floyd’s “Learning to Fly” never sounding so sweet to Pete as a spotlight focuses on the entranceway, where Jay Hawke and JJ Johnson have just emerged, each carrying their respective belts. Well, the ones that they have with them. “And their opponents, at a combined weight of 433 pounds, the SWF Cruiserweight Champion JJ Johnson, the SWF International Champion as well as one half of the SWF World Tag Team Champions, Jay Hawke...CUUUUCCAAARAAAAACHHHAAAA...INTERNACIONAAAAAAAALLLL!” The peaceful tones of “Learning to Fly” are interfered with by the hateful tones of the crowd’s boos, but Johnson and Hawke could care less as Hawke strides up the steps, followed closely by CI’s enforcer. They step through the ropes as one, and Hawke immediately begins disrobing. Johnson, on the other hand, merely stares blankly at the Urban Legend. If he’s aggravated in any way, he doesn’t show it, although that’s not for lack of effort on the part of Cortez, who is raising his arm before letting it fall limply to his side with a mocking grin on his face. Referee Anthony D’Urso orders all four men to shake hands, and they do so before Cortez and Manson go into their corner to discuss who starts the match. Hawke starts to do the same, but a glare from the Canadian gives him the idea that who starts the match isn’t up for discussion. After some deliberation, Team Urbanosity decides that the Urban half of their ridiculous moniker is going to start, and the Hispanic goes face-to-face with the Canadian for the second time in four days as D’Urso signals to the timekeeper’s table to start the match. DING DING DING! The bell rings, and Johnson and Cortez immediately go into a collar-and-elbow tie-up, the two men matching strength for a moment before Johnson breaks the hold and switches around into a rear waistlock, lifting the Urban Legend off of his feet before dropping him down onto his face with an Olympic-style takedown and transitioning over into a front facelock. The hold is locked on tight, but that doesn’t stop the straight-edger from trying to get up, and he manages to force his way up to one knee. Johnson smells trouble, and breaks the hold before diving over Cortez and rolling him up with a sunset flip, but D’Urso doesn’t get time to count as Johnson continues rolling Cortez through onto his stomach before smoothly sliding over and trapping the Urban Legend’s left arm between his legs before applying a side headlock. “Johnson doesn’t seem quite as mad as we thought he’d be, King.” notes Pete as Johnson looks around, Hawke giving a polite golf clap in regards to the solid display of chain wrestling that is currently keeping the Urban Legend grounded. “Well, quite obviously Johnson is showing that Cortez isn’t so great when he’s not allowed to hit people with things. Cortez may be better at the fine art, and I use that term very loosely, of blunt objects, but Johnson is far superior at the fine art of mat wrestling.” explains King. “He’s got that arm trapped, obviously making it harder for Cheech over there to muscle his way out, and if he wanted he could transition this side headlock into a crossface hold and end the match right now.” Cortez attempts to ball himself into a tornado drill-like position to escape the headlock, but Johnson has the left arm firmly trapped, and Todd can do little else than tap his foot on the mat and wait for Johnson to get bored, or Manson to come in and help. Johnson seems perfectly content to keep the hold on until the ref forces him to break it, which he can’t legally do from this position, and Manson is currently jawing with a particularly raucous fan at ringside. However, Johnson obviously isn’t as content as once thought, as he soon switches back to the front facelock, and Cortez is once more able to force himself to a knee. Johnson tries to force him back down, but the Urban Legend muscles the Canadian off of him and into the ropes. Johnson rebounds off of the strands, and Cortez takes that opportunity to stand up and, with surprising speed, latch his hand around Johnson’s throat! The speed catches JJ off guard, and it’s in that moment of uncertainty that Cortez lifts! “URBAN ASSAULT!” cries Pete, the crowd rising as one to see such a big move pulled out so early... ...but sadly, ‘tis not to be, as Johnson manages to plant a foot in Cortez’s ribs and cast himself away from both the chokeslam and the Urban Legend, landing on his feet before stumbling back and smacking the hand of Jay Hawke, bringing the Dean of Professional Wrestling into the ring. The International Champion is quick to take advantage of the doubled-over Cortez, applying a side headlock before transitioning that into a hip-block takeover, rolling Cortez onto his front once on the ground before re-applying the side headlock as the crowd begins to boo once again. Or snore. King, though, is elated. “And that’s TWICE in the last two or three minutes now that we’ve seen Cortez get out-wrestled. And since both of his opponents can keep him on the mat, Hawke moreso than Johnson, we might not even see Manson come into play.” The Heartbreaker pauses. “Sweet!” However, although Jay Hawke or a certain Gambling Man might not be easily bored by side headlocks, the Raging Bull that is Manson certainly is, and seeing no end in sight he steps into the ring and delivers a quick stomp to the back of the Dean, forcing Hawke to loosen the hold just enough for Cortez to slip out and apply a sleeper hold as D’Urso orders Manson back onto the apron. Hawke immediately begins working his way up to his feet, turning his head just enough to get the pressure off of his neck and allowing him to shove Cortez off of him and to the ropes. Cortez bounces back just as Hawke drops down, and the Urban Legend is forced to vault the Dean of Professional Wrestling on his way to the opposite ropes. Hawke pops up just as soon as Cortez sails overhead, and is ready and waiting to catch the Urban Legend with a hip toss. Cortez, however, slides under Hawke’s feet and to the outside, grabbing an ankle on his way out and dropping the Dean onto his face! Jay grabs at his nose as Cortez slides back in and heads for the corner, but the master of the Wing Span has the wherewithal to return the favor by tripping up the master of the Riot Act Plus. Hawke is quick to his feet, and snatches Cortez around both ankles before dragging him to the corner and making the tag to Johnson, who vaults over the ropes and drops a knee right into the Urban Legend’s quadricep! “You know that hurts, King. 219 pounds, focused on one point, just came down on the largest muscle in the human body.” notes Pete. “I agree, it is excellent strategy. Not only is it effective, but it makes it harder for Cortez to hit his Riot Math Flippity Death Thing.” Pete sighs as Cortez reaches back, grabbing at the afflicted area, but Johnson is quick to pull the leg into an upright position before wrapping his own leg around it and dropping back onto the mat. The quadbuster’s effect is apparent immediately, as Cortez groans with pain before trying to roll onto his back to better defend against Johnson’s controlled assault. However, he can’t roll with one leg pinned to the ground, and that’s exactly the position Johnson has him in, standing back up only momentarily before once more dropping with a second quadbuster, then changing tactics a little bit and wrapping his hands under Cortez’s chin. He then attempts to bridge up, but Cortez manages to unlock the Canadian’s hands before the sickle hold can be locked in. Johnson responds by standing and hitting a third quadbuster, then rolling over onto the Urban Legend’s back and locking his other leg with that of Cortez’s, so that he could hit a double quadbuster should he so choose. He doesn’t so choose, however, instead delivering two firm slams to Cortez’s ribs. As is the norm, the straight-edger reaches back, and Johnson secures a firm grip on his wrists before rolling to the side and onto his back, thrusting Cortez into the air in a most unsightly surfboard stretch. With this, Johnson rests for a moment, Hawke shouting instructions at him from the apron that mostly go ignored. Unless Cortez can shift his weight back and force Johnson onto his shoulders, it’s clear sailing from here. Just in case, Johnson rolls forward, so that Cortez is on his knees in the middle of the ring as Johnson sits back, pulling ever harder on the Urban Legend’s arms. An arrogant grin crosses the Canadian’s face, and he lets his head drop back as he beings to play the waiting game. YOU PASSED OUT! And as soon as the head drops back, it snaps up, and the grin that was there mere seconds earlier has vanished. He did NOT just hear that. YOU PASSED OUT! But he did. And what’s worse, it’s beginning to catch on, other sections of the arena beginning to rise as they direct their catcalls at the ring, where Johnson is growing steadily more annoyed. YOU PASSED OUT! YOU PASSED OUT! Johnson immediately releases his grip on Cortez’s wrist, and the Urban Legend snaps forward, his face bouncing off of the mat as the Canadian lets go of his leg grapevines to roll to his feet and crouch down, his eyes locked on Cortez. As soon as the Urban Legend gets to his knees, Johnson is at a dead sprint, crossing the 15 feet to the ropes in record time before bouncing off and throwing his foot at a target... “YAAKUUZAAAAAAA...” WHIFF! SMACK! YEAHHHH!! ...that isn’t there, Cortez ducking under the high speed boot and diving across the ring to tag Manson, who comes in just as Johnson finishes downshifting and launches a Yakuza kick of his own! CRACK! Johnson goes down hard, but much to Manson’s surprise is right back up, and catches the Denver native with several hard rights before launching into a routine all too familiar for those who’re aware of Johnson’s first mentor. LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! Instead of the British v-sign, Johnson unceremoniously and much to the chagrin of his billfold shoves his middle finger into the face of the Stampede, before spinning around... WHAM! ...right into a Manson Burning Lariat! “Shades of Toxxic there from Johnson, including the part at the end where the discus clothesline was largely unsuccessful! Cover by Manson!” quips Pete as the Coloradan does indeed capitalize on his opponent’s newfound prone state. ONE! TWO! But Johnson shoves a shoulder off of the mat, and Manson sits back on his haunches before snatching the Canadian by the hair and dragging him to his feet, where he promptly applies a standing headscissors, and wraps his hands around Johnson’s waist. He tries lifting, but Johnson has a death-grip on the Stampede’s legs, and as most of his UFC opponents will tell you, good luck trying to break a JJ Johnson death-grip. Unlike said opponents, however, Manson is not in a position where such a death-grip could lead to loss of consciousness. He IS, however, in a position to throw several clubby forearms to Johnson’s back until he lets go. BIFF! POW! CLUB! The Denver native wastes no time in getting to the task at hand, and Johnson’s grip slowly loosens until finally, Manson is clear to lift. He does so, and at the apex of his lift, begins to bring Johnson down to the mat with a vicious powerbomb. Johnson has other plans, though, and he leapfrogs himself over the Raging Bull’s head, delivering a flying double-stomp on his way down that shoves the blue-jeans-clad individual into his corner, where Cortez takes advantage and tags himself in, quickly scrambling into the ring and ducking into the same crouched position Johnson was in earlier. Detecting that something is amiss, Johnson quickly turns around, bracing himself for the assault he knows is coming. ...but it doesn’t come. Relieved but confused, Johnson turns back around... ...and into a firm grip around his neck, Cortez skying the Canadian upwards before bringing him down HARD with the... “URBAN ASSAULT! Cortez went for it earlier, to no avail, but this time he caught Johnson by surprise and was able to connect with it!” shouts Pete as Cortez holds his thigh and winces before draping himself over the prone ultimate fighter. ONE! TWO! THR-NO! Johnson quickly turns onto his side, and the match continues. “BIG Urban Assault there, and I thought Cortez had him for a second. But it doesn’t look like Cortez came away scot-free.” Pete murmurs, looking a bit worried as Cortez limps his way to his feet. “Well, no duh, Pete.” says the Heartbreaker. “Just watch the replay.” ========SWF REPLAY OMGWTF========= In slow motion on the screen, Cortez lifts Johnson high, a slight grimace on his face from the effort, but nothing more as he brings Johnson down while sitting out with the maneuever. It is on Johnson’s way down, however, that the Canadian drives his elbow HARD into the Urban Legend’s thigh before his head and spine ricochet off the mat, another victim of the Urban Assault. ========SWF REPLAY OMGWTF======== “Ha! You see that, Pete? Even when Johnson’s losing, he’s winning, which is what I love about him.” gloats King, a smug look on his face. “So, Johnson’s on a five match WINNING streak then?” “You shut your mouth, MacDougal.” Cortez hobbles over to where Johnson is still on his back, bending over to pick him up, only for Johnson to swing a leg up and drive his foot into the face of the Urban Legend, staggering him long enough for Johnson to bunch his legs up under his chin and thrust out, kipping up much to the chagrin of the Iowa crowd. Cortez doesn’t like it much either, and he throws a hard fist that rocks the Canadian. Johnson shakes it off, and responds with a quick stomp to the Urban Legend’s afflicted quad. That isn’t shaken off quite so easily, and Cortez immediately drops any plans of attack in order to tend to the leg. “You see what Johnson has done? All of that leg work is paying off now, and since Cortez can’t even shake off a stomp, how is he supposed to hit that Riot Act Plus?” King’s question is certainly valid, and Pete begins to answer it. The Heartbreaker has no time for the Longdogger’s dawdling, however, and he continues. “That’s right. He can’t. And since he can’t hit the Riot Act Plus, he can’t beat Johnson or Hawke. He’ll have to leave it to Manson, and I wouldn’t trust Manson with a match if you paid me.” smirks King. “Yeah, Cortez can’t win without the Riot Act Plus. That explains how he choked out Johnson on Storm. Okay. Sure, King.” Pete rolls his eyes. And on the words “choked out”, which he apparently said particularly loud, the fans behind him pick up an old chant, and once again Johnson is distracted from the wounded animal that is the Urban Legend. YOU PASSED OUT! YOU PASSED OUT! YOU PASSED OUT! Johnson shoots a death glare past King and Pete, but the fans are largely ignoring him, and the chants continue as Cortez forces himself to his feet once more, throwing a clothesline. Johnson catches it, though, and stares at Cortez for a moment before twisting and bringing the Urban Legend over his shoulder with an ippon seionage. Cortez hits the ground hard and rolls over, and Johnson dives on the leg, grabbing his left foot and starting to twist with a heel hook! YOU PASSED OUT! Cortez immediately shoves himself up on his hands, walking his way towards the ropes, but Johnson isn’t so willing to let him get there and starts to pull him back, standing up so as to get better leverage. Cortez hops his way up onto one foot, hopping up and down as Johnson continues to send burning pain down his leg. He’s quick to roll through, his momentum carrying Johnson through the middle rope and to the apron. Johnson’s quick to scramble back in, and before Cortez can make it to Manson, Johnson’s grabbed the ankle once more, and is once more twisting. Manson comes in, but Hawke rushes in and catches him with a double-leg takedown before rolling with him to the outside of the ring. Cortez starts to roll through, but Johnson drops his leg, much to the confusion of...well, pretty much everyone. The Urban Legend doesn’t let it bother him much, quickly turning around and lashing out with a defensive clothesline, but Johnson ducks that and catches him with a double chickenwing before forcing him down to the mat and bridging over with a Cattle Mutilation! “Well, this is certainly odd. Johnson and Hawke work on Cortez’s leg, and now Johnson locks on an arm-based submission.” Pete muses, and King is equally confused. He’s more irate about it, though. “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU DOING?! DON’T USE ARM SUBMISSIONS ON A GUY WITH A WEAK LEG!” YOU PASSED OUT! But Johnson is a bit smarter than he’s looking at the moment, and he slides his grip down to nearer Cortez’s shoulders before pulling...and pulling...and slowly but surely drawing Todd Cortez’s body more and more vertical, with only his neck to support his weight. The crowd starts to chant louder, hoping to throw the ultimate fighter from his gameplan, but Johnson is intent now. And with Cortez’s legs hanging over his back, Johnson’s plan becomes clear as he quickly drops the arms and reaches up, snatching Cortez’s legs and pulling with... “...the sickest Boston Crab I’ve ever seen!” shouts Pete, affirming the opinions of most of those in attendance, Cortez gritting his teeth and wiggling, trying to escape the torturous hold. Johnson releases the bridge, as it’s unnecessary now, and simply continues to pull on the legs, the Urban Legend still looking for a way out. YOU PASSED OUT! “Cortez can’t last much longer, Pete. If you keep a win-loss record for each wrestler, and I don’t know why you would, notch up an L under his name.” boasts the Gambling Man. YOU PASSED OUT! Cortez’s eyes dart back and forth, and he tries slapping at Johnson’s arms, but that does little more than to help give Johnson more reason to pull harder. D’Urso gets in his face, asking him if he wants to submit. YOU PASSED OUT! And he shakes his head no. YOU PASSED OUT! And he shakes his head no. YOU PASSED OUT! And he shakes his head no. YOU PASSED OUT! And he nods. DING DING DING! Johnson immediately releases the hold, Manson looking up from where he was pounding on Hawke on the outside with his eyes wide as the Funyon snags his microphone, bringing it to his mouth, “Make Me Bad” kicking up over the PA. “Here are your winners, via submission...CUUUUCAARRAACHHAAA...INTERNACIONAAAAALLL!!” YOU PASSED OUT! Manson rolls into the ring just as Johnson rolls out, staggering around the corner with all three of the team’s belts, helping Hawke to his feet as the two walk back to the back. YOU PASSED OUT! The fans continue to chant that annoying chant, but it doesn’t matter that Johnson passed out. YOU PASSED OUT! Todd tapped out. YOU PASSED OUT! FADE OUT