Kinetic

It should be noted that poor Reche Caldwell had a fine career at Florida, but will forever be remembered as the bug-eyed scrub who couldn't catch a ball to save his life in the AFC Championship game in early 2007.

Yeahm thats one getttin up there for mmee trooo@! I drinnk rocket fueel and shit dionosaurs fuck u ima merican!

My dick. Too big to fit in no Lifestyles.

I never went to any middle school dances, but I have a mild fondness for songs like No Doubt's "Don't Speak" for having been popular just at the right moment to have meant something to my teenaged heart. All of those Blink-182 songs came out too late. I was already a joyless snob by then.

Bob Barron's name is in shit brown, though. Every time I see him reading a thread, I think "here comes shitty bob_barron." That's something that I only occasionally thought prior to his promotion.

I will never forgive the Ravens for that. Be it hurricane, blizzard, or hairless fan dying of a heart attack in the stands, they deserve everything they have coming to them.

Still. Put some hot sauce on them greens and you good to go, baby.

Here it is: The promise of an "Unborn Child" ringtone and the Pamela Anderson's Tits ad on the site made the experience of looking this up worthwhile for me.

Upon finding out that Avril Lavigne had cribbed the chorus to her "Girlfriend" song from a tune by the Rubinoos, I decided to d/l a best of comp by that band. It's really bad! Like Culture Club meets 10cc meets...Simply Red? Seals and Crofts? Something worse than Culture Club? I don't know. I love shitty pop-rock from the 70s and I can't deal with this. I guess the Rubinoos could be credited with inspiring the song from the am/pm commercial. "hey HEY you YOU I wanna buy a hot dog."

Ever get a sharp stabbing pain in your vas deferens? It's not that it hurts so much as that it just feels...vas different?

The Heartbreakers's L.A.M.F. is pretty awesome. Probably a notch below The Blank Generation and a notch above So Alone w/r/t the work that the principals here did after leaving the New York Dolls and Television, respectively. Speaking of the latter, I've listened to Marquee Moon like five times this week, for whatever reason. It never gets old. Oh, and I guess Dee Dee Ramone was in the Heartbreakers, too. The Ramones are one of those kinda "eh" bands for me. I acknowledge their importance but I don't ever really want to listen to them.

I just like the idea that removing the anatomical penis drawing would qualify as cramping the guy's style. The fuck kinda style is that?

You should have taken him up on it. He got that good green, man, you didn't know? I mean, it almost certainly wasn't a cop, so let's eliminate that possibility. I'm sure you guys would have gone to a more private spot, discussed terms, exchanged drugs/money, and you would have left with a sack full of what was apparently some pretty good green.

Not that anyone's interested, but lemme explain what happened with the Tupperware, just so nobody gets the wrong idea. The stool sample kit they give you at the hospital contains the following: a card on which to smear samples of three (3) different pieces of shit; a stick with which to do the smearing; and three (3) tissues with which to catch the shit before it hits the water. As I touched on in the "OaO TSM Discusses Its Bowel Movements" thread, both how I'm living and my shit is large, so the tissue would collapse under the weight of my man-sized stool. As a result, I had to use a small Tupperware container to catch my turds so that I could poke at them with a stick and smear portions on a card. Not wanting to waste multiple Tupperware containers, I was then forced to wash my shit out of this container and store it (the container, not the shit) in my bedroom, as I really did not want my then-roommate to know what I was doing in the bathroom. After all of this, I mailed this shit-smeared card to the hospital for evaluation and they never got back to me. I guess that means everything checked out? You'd like for them to at least call and say something.

I keep thinking of the "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" infomercial. I'm working hard for my money, see. That's what poor dad did. Rich dad made his money work hard for him. I have no idea how to do that. Where do I even begin? Help me, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" infomercial!

Eh. If it was ever going to happen, it needed to happen last year. There was the symmetry of the Dolphins, who had once posted what was then the only perfect regular season in league history, going winless while their hated division rival New England went undefeated. It also had the added benefit of bringing the Mercury Morrises of the world out of the woodwork, wrestling promo in hand. The Rams or Chiefs going winless is just kind of sad.

You are correct, sir.

Right, they're one inevitable concussion away from Brock Berlin being the starter. Just go ahead and fire Linehan now. They did have Bruce Gradkowski in camp. I remember him being a solid up-and-comer with a bright future, maybe they could bring him back.

So Trent Green is the new starting QB in St. Louis. I guess this is the lesser of the two Missouri teams? I don't know. Stiff competition.

I had a Mexican customer come in the other day wearing a "Cock Fighting" hat. Do you know where I could obtain such an item, Mr. Brujo? Flea market, right?

The timing of his mysterious disappearance seems to coincide with Mr Rant's visit to Atlanta. I'm not saying, I'm just...speculating.

Although that has been the pattern in the brief history of the NFC South, it's presumptuous to say that the Bucs will be one-and-done. They're currently in a three-way tie for 1st place in the division, with one of their two wins coming over that Atlanta juggernaut.

No Bucs-Packers here because of the goddamn Falcons. If the Tampa area wasn't such a tropical scuzzbucket hellhole full of scumbags, I'd move there just to avoid this bullshit.

1. The Bengals. The team is completely dysfunctional, they have no defense, their offensive line can neither run block nor pass protect, their best receiver has the improbable last name of "Ocho Cinco," etc. The Browns, like the Ohio State Buckeyes, just have no heart right now. 2. Maybe. It looks like the Matt Schaub thing might not be working out. They'll probably equal last year's finish and land somewhere in the .500 area. The offensive line still seems to be a concern. 3. No. Atlanta has beaten Detroit and Kansas City. All they've proven is that they're not the worst team in the league. 4. Probably not. Pittsburgh's big weakness is the o-line, which plays right into Baltimore's strengths. If Baltimore can get anything going on offense or force a lot of points off of turnovers, that's a totally winnable game for them. Worst division in the league right there. 5. They didn't have a chance to begin with.