Tony149

JANUARY 29, 2006 ANGLEPALOOZA At our backstage interview position, a wrinkled OAOAST banner, is Jesse Ventura. VENTURA Oh, am I glad to have been a good boy this year. What utter brutality we've just seen. And speaking of boy, or should I say Boiz...? The Sk8ter Boiz enter the picture in unbutton t-shirts, flaunting that skin and RAWKING~! Their extreme makeover now giving them confidence in front of the camera. THE MARV What's happenin', Body? VENTURA (flabbergasted) Wow! You know, at one time if you woulda told me you had friends, I'd had thought you were talking about each other. But I gotta admit, in every sense of the word macho, you guys look great. I can see you've been sayin' your prayers and takin' your vitamins. HELL MEL Heh. Well, Jess, it was actually a strict regiment of fitness videos by our very own Krista Isadora Duncan and NRG power drinks. Who knew putting the PSP down for a few hours and popping in a fitness video for pregnant women in the DVD player would result in crunch abs in 30 days. Our abs look almost as good as Tony Brannigan's. VENTURA Let's not get carried away now. You look great, no doubt about it, but nobody's abdominals can match those of Tony Brannigan. But let's talk about the second annual Anderson Cup. I know you're one of the teams who have given notice to the OAOAST -- you want in. HELL MEL That's right, Jesse. As you said, the Anderson Cup is coming back for a second tour of duty beginning January 5th. Like last year, there will be 2 conferences in honor of two of the finest tag teams in OAOAST history -- the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference and the Los Infernales Conference -- but with 8 additional teams. It will be a single-elimination tournament involving 16 teams over the span of 7 weeks on HeldDOWN, with the finals taking place at the OAOAST's February big event and the winner going on to face whomever the World Tag Team Champions are at AngleMania V. Needless to say, it's a huge opportunity to compete at the biggest show of the year for the richest prize in tag team wrestling...the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship. VENTURA That's what I was gonna say. What a huge opportunity. I mean, conceivably, we could see a cinderella story with the 8th ranked team in the Anderson Cup advancing all the way to the finals and winning the darn thing. I know the brackets are still be finalized, but, come on, tell me--tell Jesse "The Body" you wouldn't love a top 3 ranking? THE MARV Heh. Truthfully, as much as we'd love that, it's not really expected. It's no secret the Sk8ter Boiz fell hard off the top of the ladder, in more ways than one, when we lost the tag team titles. We were just happy... HELL MEL And scared. THE MARV (CONT'D) ...and scared...to hold the tag titles as long as we did. Now that we've had a taste of what it feels like to be at the top, we know what it takes to climb back up that ladder. Lady luck was riding high on us last time, this time it'll be sheer will. Mrs. Nerdly's little canucks are back and better than ever. And we're gonna kick ass, turn heads and get head. Because we RAWK~! it that way now. RAWK~! hand signal. “Cut this crap right now!” Two muscular gentlemen arrive on the scene to interject themselves in this interview. They both wear jeans and near matching black track jackets. The only difference is that one has Biff written on the back in orange letters. While the other reads Flex is blue letters. BIFF Jesse “The Body” Ventura. And what a body it is. Where's our woah? Where's our you guys look great? Where's your multiple orgasms over who how how we are? Where's the love for NRG? I understand, man. Our majestic physiques leave you speechless. Stay that way, because we don't wanna hear a peep out of you. Got me? Good. FLEX (Pointing to the twins) So is this what passes for sexy in the OAOAST? Two scrawny, undersized twerps, who couldn't beat up an old lady with a bad cough. And do I hear you girls cheering them? I know the good majority of you screwed up goth chicks in the audience are unbelievably ugly, and certified butter faces, who'd need every paper bag at Food Lion to make you look doable. But have some self respect! Raise your standards a bit! These two are so ugly, when they look in the mirror their reflection runs and hides. Ladies, these aren't men. These aren't even boys. These are little one hundred twenty pound freaks. (He points to himself) FLEX This, my friends, this is a man. Flex Pose! Domination! Flex does his “domination” pose, drawing a chorus of boos. Biff claps. MEL And I thought we had bad gimmicks. FLEX You're gonna kick ass, turn heads and get head, huh? BIFF You forgot to mention the part where NRG lays you out dead. Biff Pose! Supremacy! Biff does his “supremacy” pose. FLEX Additionally you neglected to include the part where you give the hooker thirty dollars before you get head. Because it is the Christmas season and I am in a giving mood I'll give you an explanation of why we're mad at you, before we pummel the life out of you while you shit yourself out of fear. You attribute your new appearance to two sources, Krista Isadora Duncan and NRG power drinks. That's cool. If you want to show love to a second rate Denise Austin aspiring to be a fifth rate Jane Fonda, like Krista, that's fine. You can say K-I-D all you want, but you will keep N-R-G off your lips. My partner and myself have worked too god damn hard on NRG, to have the image of the company we built from the sweat on our brows and the blood in our body be dragged through the mud by two piss ant Young and Modern coverboys. NRG is a revolution of the mind, the body and the soul. Pretty boys like yourself don't belong. If you ever think of putting NRG on your lips again, then seal those lips like a zip lock. Because next time we show up, we'll be doing a lot less talking... BIFF And a lot more beating! MEL HULK ANGRY! HULK SMASH! HULK GET FUNNY FEELING IN PANTS WHEN HE SEE TAG TEAM PARTNER IN SHOWER! Deep breaths, man. What's with the hating and the popping, dude? Shouldn't you be happy were nice enough to give you no-name roid monkeys some props on TV? BIFF (grabbing Mel by shirt) Do I look happy, maggot? Is this the face of someone who's happy? Do I got a happy face, kid? Tell me! Is this a happy face? Tell me! MARV It's an ugly face, that's for sure. Sk8er Boi pose! RAWK! The Boiz do the the crane kung fu pose, which pops the crowd. Of course it leaves NRG infuriated. The massive duo level Marv with a double clothesline! Enraged, Mel springs into action, peppering Biff with torrid left hooks! The size and numbers advantage makes Mel's assault a short one, as Flex clubs him in the back with his tree trunk sized arm! Nodding to each other with smirks on their faces, NRG wrap their hands around Mel's throat. We can hear throngs of teenage girls in the stands imploring the heathens to let their hero go. NRG does not grant their impassioned requests, and instead brutally slams Mel back first into the wall! The Sk8er Boi slumps to the floor, slipping into a deep blackness, leaving a long crack in the plaster behind him. Before further injury can come to him or his sibling, a group of concerned officials come to break up the lopsided brawl. FLEX (tossing packets of NRG's protein shake mix onto the boiz) Have some samples, kids. VENTURA It's outta control back here. Back to you at Sofa Central. COLE Okay, coming up next on this 27 match card, we have the OAOAST Women's Championship on the line. And you know it's gonna be a long-ass show when there's three women's division matches. This one's been brewing for some time, back to when Jenny Adams was the OAOAST Women's Champion. Into her title reign, a bounty was placed on the head of Adams, which eventually Brodie Lewis collected. Jenny was injured, Brodie was suspended and the title was vacated. That allowed Ashley Street to win the vacated title. However, her speaking out earned a bounty on HER head too, from the women who was now identified as simply 'The Benefactor'. CABOOSE OOOOooooOOOoooOOoOOoOOoOOoOoOoOOoooooo!!! Mysterious. COLE Indeed. So far, Ashley has fought off all attempts to collect the bounties on her head. We saw The Benefactor compete in the Torneo Cibernetica last month, but as yet, we've not seen this woman in singles action in the OAOAST. COACH That we know of. COLE Good point. So, anyway, by winning the Cibernetica and in the process pinning The Benefactor, Ashley won the right not to defend her title at all until 2006 but she decided to waive that in order to challenge The Benefactor to a singles match. Tonight, the rules are simple. If The Benefactor wins, she is the new World Women's Champion. If Ashley wins, then The Benefactor must unmask and expose herself... COACH WOO-HOOO!!!~!1!~~1! COLE ...her identity, that is... COACH Aww dang. COLE ...in the middle of the ring, by unmasking. It's Title vs. Mask, tonight! "ANY WAY YOU WANT IT! THAT'S THE WAY YOU NEED IT! ANY WAY YOU WANT IT!" Suddenly, "Any Way You Want It" by Rise Against hits and the crowd rise up to their feet for the arrival of the Women's Champion! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with the OAOAST World Women's Championship on the line and it is Mask for Title! Introducing first, hailing from Evansville, Indiana and weighing one hundred, fifty nine pounds. Tonight, she hopes to force the mysterious Benefactor out of hiding and reveal the identity of the woman who has put the bounty on her head. She is the reigning and defending OAOAST Women's Champion... she is AASSSSHHHLLEEEEEEYYYY... SSSSSSTTRRRREEEEEEEEETT!!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" The fired up Champion jogs to the ring, tagging the hands of the fans down the ramp before she enters the ring. Away goes the title, as Ashley is ready to go right away. But she's going to have to wait apparantly. COLE Ashley looks rightfully fired up for this one. And I'm sure she's got a lot of the women's locker room routing her on tonight, not least Jenny Adams, who was The Benefactor's original target. CABOOSE But The Benefactor's probably got just as many routing her on. Infact, she's probably got quite a few on stand-by to come and help out for a few extra dollar signs, should things not go her way. COLE That wouldn't surprise me at all. Ashley continues to wait in the ring, growing noticeably impatient. All the crowd is waiting too and start up an "ASH - LEY" chant to fill the time, until eventually music starts up. Music which just serves to rile Ashley up even more, "Diamonds From Sierra Leone" by Kanye West. " THEY WON'T LEAVE IN THE NIGHT, I HAVE NO FEAR THAT THEY MIGHT." *DUN* *DUNNA DUN* "DIAMONDS ARE, FOREVER" "Throw 'ya diamonds in the sky " (Un)Fortunately, there's no Prince Nana. But there is The Benefactor, walking through the entrance with a mean look showing under her metallic blue mask. The mask is big enough to cover up The Benefactor's face completely. Infact, the eyeholes and mouthhole of the mask are perforated rather than open, to further mask her face and identity. BUFFER And, her opponent. Weight, Unknown! Height, Unknown! Tonight, she places her identity on the line in order to attempt to disposess her opponent of the Women's Championship, a feat which her money has so far been unable to buy. Ladies and gentlemen, she is the challenger tonight... the woman, known only as... TTHHHHEEE BBEEEEEEENNEEFFFFAAAACCTTOOOOORRRRRRRRR!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The masked Benefactor reaches the end of the ramp, but suddenly she's sent scampering backwards, as Ashley leaves the ring. The Benefactor backs up, trying to beg off. But Ashley is advancing all the way down the ramp. And eventually, she catches up to the Benefactor, grabbing her by the mask and asking the crowd if they want to see an early unmasking! Her playing to the crowd buys The Benefactor time to escape though, crawling through Ashley's legs and running to the ring. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds as The Benefactor falls to her knees in the ring, pleading for mercy from Ashley as she re-enters the squared circle. Ashley has none of it though, pulling her masked opponent up and SLAMMING a forearm into her jaw! And a second! The Benefactor staggers back against the ropes, still groggily trying to reason with the Champion. She gets another forearm for her trouble though, before being whipped to the ropes. Back shoots The Benefactor...right into a fourth forearm, knocking her clean off her feet! The Benefactor, with whatever awareness she has left, quickly rolls for ringside. Ashley is in hot pursuit though. COLE And now, The Benefactor is FINALLY getting what's coming to her! And surprise surprise, she's not putting up much of a fight, now she has no money to hide behind! CABOOSE Come on Cole, have a heart. We don't even know if this Benefactor's a trained wrestler or not! COLE Judging from her perfomance in the Torneo Cibernetica, she knows enough to be put into a match and not need automatic sympathy from me and you. Grabbing The Benefactor on the outside, Ashley sends her face-first into the guardrail! The fans cheer Ashley on, while The Benefactor slumps herself over the railings and into the crowd, trying to crawl away into the people. A masked woman dressed all in blue kinda stands out though, so her attempts to hide are a little pointless. Ashley catches her up and sends her sprawling across some chairs with a hard right hand! Ashley then drags The Benefactor back up, moving the fans out of the way before whipping The Benefactor back towards ringside...REVERSED...AND ASHLEY CRASHES UP AND OVER THE STEEL BARRICADE!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Ashley tumbles over and lands with a dull splat on the ringside mats. Bringing a smile to The Benefactor's face for the first time in the match. COLE Ooh, Ashley landed hard. What a break this could be for The Benefactor! COACH It could be a LOT of breaks for Ashley. Like, bones and stuff. Climbing back over to ringside, The Benefactor pulls Ashley off the floor and dumps her back into the ring. The Benefactor rolls in after and wastes no time in trying to end the match as she cradles Ashley up into a pin... 1... 2... Kickout. The Benefactor pulls Ashley back up by the hair and throws her head-first into the top turnbuckle. She then goes to work with a series of quick kicks across the side and stomach, working the Champion over. All Ashley can do is try in vain to cover up, before The Benefactor eventually relents and pulls Ashley out of the corner. Ducking the head, The Benefactor sets Ashley up for a Northern Lights Suplex. A block from Ashley stops that though. And another block. So The Benefactor charges Ashley back into the corner, before pulling her out and this time getting the Northern Lights off... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE The Benefactor is wasting no time or motion now that she's in control. She wants to get this match over with as soon as she possibly can. Up scrambles The Benefactor again, desperate to beat Ashley to her feet. Quickly she goes over to the corner and scales to the middle rope, calling Ashley in. Ashley pulls herself up favouring her ribs which allows The Benefactor to measure Ashley...for a right hand, directly to the temple. Back stumbles Ashley, but she doesn't go down. The Benefactor slams a hard knee into her gut though, doubling Ashley over and allowing her to go back to the middle rope for a second, measured right hand to the head. But, Ashley isn't going down. ASHLEY C'MOOOOOOOOOOOONN!!!! COACH Wuh-oh! The Benefactor begs off again, as Ashley begins to fight some adrenaline. Only, she's not as scared as she makes out. A boot cuts Ashley off, followed by a quick hop to the middle rope and another right hand to the hea...CAUGHT! Ashley catches The Benefactor on the way down this time, to a pop from the crowd, before throwing her overhead with a Release Belly To Belly Suplex!! The Benefactor, despite not being a scrawny little girl from the looks of things, goes soaring across the ring and doesn't move after impact. Pulling herself up, Ashley sees this and leaves the ring, heading to the top! COLE Look at this! The Champ, heading upstairs...this is a rare tactic from Ashley, she's not reknowned as a high-flier. Slowly Ashley ascends to the top, her side still giving her some discomfort. Gritting her teeth through the pain, Ashley does make it to the top though. The Benefactor is still laid out in the centre of the ring, just about close enough for Ashley to come off with a Diving Headbutt... ...WHICH MISSES! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The Benefactor rolled out of the way, right at the very last second! CABOOSE I think she was playing possum a little Cole. That's the advantage of wearing a mask in that ring, your opponent can't read you facial expressions properly. And the way The Benefactor's mask is set-up, you can't even tell if her eyes are shut shut or fake shut. COLE That's a valid point. The Benefactor seems relatively okay all of a sudden now. Okay enough to point to her temple, indicating just how smart she is. Grabbing Ashley by the hair, The Benefactor pulls the Champion up and notices where Ashley is favouring, going right to the ribs with a succession of quick knees. The wind is driven out of the Champion, before an irish whip sends her crashing into the turnbuckles. Following in, The Benefactor drives some double knees (~!) into the chest, leaving Ashley slumped in the corner. Obviously not wanting to give any clues away, The Benefactor doesn't say anything, but signals with her finger that she's going to do 'one more'...and does, further driving the air out of the Champion's lungs! Ashley falls to her knees, slumping over the middle rope and gasping for some much needed air. But that allows The Benefactor to sneak up behind and drape a leg over the back of the head, choking Ashley out on the rope! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." The Benefactor breaks, restraining herself from yelling at the referee to back off. COLE Milking the count for every second...that's a veteran move from this Benefactor. CABOOSE Not neccessarily. It's smart, sure, but it doesn't mean she's a 'veteran'. The Benefactor is in control now, as she executes a simple back suplex on Ashley and quickly hooks a leg for a pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Still no words, but The Benefactor is clearly getting frustrated with the referee. Climbing to her feet, the next thing on The Benefactor's mind seems to be some sort of charge as she crouches in the corner and encourages the Champion to her feet. Ashley slowly does make her way back up and The Benefactor encourages her around before sprinting in, catching Ashley with a spear and floating over into a Northern Lights bridge with her momentum... 1... 2... NOOOOO!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That was the move that The Benefactor put away Jenny Adams with in the Torneo Cibernetica last month! And look at her...mask or no mask, you can tell The Benefactor is completely shocked that Ashley kicked out! CABOOSE I don't blame her! She landed that spear, perfectly, just like she did to Adams. And the flash pin straight afterwards...I'm shocked it didn't win the match! All hiding of emotions is out of the window now as The Benefactor stomps around the ring, hands on her head, kicking the bottom rope in her frustration. "ASH - LEY!" "ASH - LEY!" "ASH - LEY!" "ASH - LEY!" Turning back to Ashley, The Benefactor gives the signal that this time, it's definately 'ovah!'. The crowd's support is willing Ashley up to her knees, getting the adrenaline flowing. Ashley's face is contorted now as she tries to fire herself up. Not realising that The Benefactor is waiting behind her, ready to hit another 'Southern Lights Spear' as it's known in some circles. Around turns Ashley, fists clenched...just as The Benefactor charges...straight into a PUNT, catching her first in the collarbone!! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ashley saw it coming! And now, it may be time for a little FIGHTING SPIRIT~! Reeling back around, The Benefactor is ready to strike. But Ashley beats her to the punch, connecting with a forearm to the BUTT of the jaw! A forearm! Forearm! Straight right hand! Another straight right! And a clothesline, knocking The Benefactor down! Ashley is on the offensive in a big way now and The Benefactor is reeling. An irish whip sends The Benefactor into the ropes and back into a HIGH Backbody Drop, almost putting her up into the lights! The Benefactor comes down to earth with a thud and goes back to her original strategy...beg off and pray for mercy. Which didn't work then and it's not going to work now. *SMACK!* Ashley lands a stiff kick to the chest! *SMACK!* And a second! *SMACK!* And a third, to complete the Low Ki style series! The Benefactor falls backwards, stretching out her achilles muscles in the process, which Ashley makes even more painful by following up with a big legdrop! The Benefactor unfolds her legs and tries to roll herself out of the ring to safety. Ashley catches her on the apron though, pulling the masked female up and leaving The Benefactor hanging with a make you weep, make you cry, stalling vertical suplex of DOOM~! Twelve, thirteen, fourteen seconds pass, before Ashley finally drops The Benefactor down! And immediately, she rolls back up and slaps her shin, giving the signal for some Shining I Hate Your Face action! The Benefactor gingerly begins to climb back up, reaching one knee, at which point Ashley runs across the ring... ...and knocks VALERIE off the apron with a forearm!! COLE Wait a minute...what the hell are they doing out here!?! CABOOSE I told you Cole! Money talks! COLE The Minnesota Angels have stormed the ring hoping to save The Benefactor...but there goes Constance as well! Both Angels have been knocked off the ramp to the floor now, but that's allowed The Benefactor to start rummaging around in her boot. Unbeknownest to the referee and Ashley, The Benefactor has some sort of foreign object. Valerie climbs back to the apron and grabs the referee's attention, as well as Ashley's. Meanwhile, The Benefactor sneaks up on Ashley, placing a hand on her shoulder and wheeling her around...POWDER IN THE EYES!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE NOOO! Powder! The mysterious white powder, right to the eyes! Who knows what sort of damaging chemical that could have been! COACH Probably Coke. She's rich dont'cha know. COLE ... Ashley blindly staggers around the ring, throwing phantom fists wildly at the air. Wafting away as much of the cloud as possible, The Benefactor then sets Ashley up for a DDT. Valerie jumps to the floor, right on cue, just as The Benefactor runs up the ropes and launches off with a Tornado DDT...NO! ASHLEY THROWS THE BENEFACTOR OFF! The Benefactor bounces hard stomach first off the canvas, the wind knocked out of her. And as she settles on one knee, Ashley charges...SHINING I HATE YOUR FACE...MISSES!! Ashley couldn't see and fluffs the kick! Groans go up from Ashley's fans, who thought that was it. Instead, The Benefactor is up and measuring Ashley now, hopping up onto the Champion's shoulders and setting herself for a moment, ready for a hurricanrana...which is countered, into a BRUTAL Powerbomb!! The Benefactor's body lurches off the canvas and with a little help from Ashley, she ends up on her front. Stepping over a leg, the still vision impaired Champion manages to apply an Indian Deathlock...and then bridges back, hooking The Benefactor's head and pulling back with a Bridging Muta Lock!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Vision or no vision, Ashley has The Benefactor all tied up with nowhere to go! She MUST submit, surely! "TAP!" "TAP!" "TAP!" "TAP!" "TAP!" The Benefactor is in trouble, stuck in the middle of the ring, a LOOONG way from the ropes! Luckily for her though, The Minnesota Angels are on her side and have a plan. Constance leaps to the apron to distract the referee, while Valerie rushes up the turnbuckles to the top rope. Steadying herself, Valerie then launches off the top, landing a double axehandle to the gut of Ashley, which breaks her bridge and in the process the hold! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE This is ridiculous! It's three on one! Having broken the hold up, Valerie now looks to put some finishing touches to Ashley. A boot to the gut sets up a double underhook. Valerie then pauses to mock the crowd, while The Benefactor climbs to her feet in front of Valerie, telling her to finish Ashley off. But Ashley blocks! And again. Before countering with a backdrop...CAUSING VALERIE'S HEEL TO SMACK THE BENEFACTOR IN THE FACE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE MISCUE! COACH It's all falling apart! Constance sees this as enters the ring past the referee, charging Ashley...who avoids her, causing Constance to tumble out through the ropes and to the floor! Valerie is out on the floor. Constance is out on the floor. And The Benefactor is up, to one knee...SHINING I HATE YOUR FACE!! ASHLEY CONNECTS!! COVER... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE YES! YES! SHE GOT IT! ASHLEY WINS!! The crowd go wild, as Ashley's arm is raised in victory...but she doesn't care about that. All she cares about is her prize. Namely, the unmasking of The Benefactor! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...your winner of the match and STILL the OAOAST WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION... AAASSSHHLLEEEYYY SSSSTTRRRREEEEETT!! And, by virtue of her victory, The Benefactor must now UNMASK in the centre of the ring!! The Benefactor, having just begun to recover, looks out in horror at Michael Buffer before shaking her head like a mad woman. The referee and Ashley are closing in and now, it's unmasking time. All The Benefactor can do is retreat into a corner. But it's inevitable now... ...but suddenly, The Minnesota Angels attack!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Valerie and Constance pounce on Ashley from behind, which buys enough time for The Benefactor to slither out of the ring and run for the curtains! COLE Damnit, no! She's getting away! Somebody stop her! The Benefactor is now smiling from ear to ear as she turns back to the ring at the head of the ramp, waving goodbye to Ashley, before turning around...to find THE CANNON KID and JENNY ADAMS blocking her path!! The Benefactor stops frozen and begs for mercy, but Cannon Kid and Jenny grab a handful of mask each and begin to drag The Benefactor back to the ring! The Benefactor can't struggle, or else her mask will be ripped clean off. So she ends up getting dragged and thrown back into the ring. Valerie and Constance are waiting though and Valerie lands a hard shot to Jenny, knocking her off the ramp and to the floor! The Cannon Kid lands a shoulder to Constance though, before springboarding to the top and into the ring...but Valerie moves...*SMACK!* SUPERKICK FROM THE BENEFACTOR!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE This isn't supposed to happen! CABOOSE Well, it is, so shut up and enjoy the floor show would ya? Boos fill the air from the cheated crowd, as The Benefactor starts to direct traffic. Valerie reaches down and grabs Cannon Kid up into a Wheelbarrow, while Constance climbs to the top. Running thumbs across throat, Constance then comes off with a Double Stomp to the back of Cannon Kid's head!! HALO KILLER!! Cannon is KOed, but The Benefactor is feeling vengeful now and isn't done yet, as she signals she wants The Minnesota Angels to give Ashley a Halo Killer as well! The Angels gleefully start to oblige, but Jenny Adams is up top. Valerie goes to cut her off. Jenny lands safely though, with a front facelock...TOLEDO DESTROYER (DDT Canadian Destroyer)!! Over rushes Constance, right into a boot, facelock, TOLEDO DESTROYER!! The Minnesota Angels have been disposed of and now The Benefactor tries to run...but Jenny grabs her and pulls her back into the ring! Ashley is up and now The Benefactor is trapped between both Jenny and Ashley, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE HERE WE GO!! CABOOSE This is it...this should be interesting. I've got $20 riding on this being Jessica Alba. COACH If you wanted to waste money, why didn't you just buy some stock in the company? The crowd are on tenderhooks as The Benefactor makes one last, desperate attempt to get away. Ashley nonchalantly trips her up though and applies a double chickenwing, pinning The Benefactor's arms behind her back. And that allows Jenny Adams, the woman The Benefactor first targetted, to reach forward and grab the mask! Cue dramatic pause, before Jenny tugs at the mask... COACH IT'S... COLE IT'S... CABOOSE IT'S... OFF COMES THE MASK... COLE OH MY GOD!! IS THAT... ...IT'S CRYSTAL!!!!!!! COACH MAH BABY GUUUUUUURRRRRRRLLLLLLL~!~! COLE CRYSTAL!?! CRYSTAL!?! CABOOSE No way! Jenny and Ashley are so shocked that they collectively let Crystal go, allowing her to roll from the ring. The former World Heavyweight Champion of the entire OAOAST covers up her face with her arms as best possible, but it's all worthless now, because everyone has seen it. Plain and clear. CRYSTAL was The Benefactor. Running away as fast as possible, Crystal disappears through the curtains, leaving two very shocked women in the ring, surrounded by thousands of shocked fans. COLE Thi...this...this doesn't make sense. Why? Why was Crystal behind all of this? Jenny Adams idolised Crystal and you're telling me that Crystal put a bounty on her head!?! CABOOSE I don't get it either. But, I guess if you don't like answers, don't ask questions. COLE What does that mean? CABOOSE Oh, I don't know. I could have SWORE it was Jessica Alba! In the ring, Ashley still can't believe what she's seen. Beside her, Jenny Adams is almost in tears as she continues to cling to the mask in her hand, staring in disbelief up the rampway. Ashley consoles Jenny before the two start to help The Cannon Kid back up.

*crowd goes CRAZY* COLE And it's time for the Christmas Deathmatch, Alf looking to regain the Heartland title that he lost at World Without End, to Chris Stevens! COACH And keep in mind, this is Alf's second match tonight as well, Cole! Christmas music plays as various OAOAST agents bring out "presents", followed by a seven-foot high cactus wrapped in barbed wire, little christmas lights covering each barb. An agent climbs a ladder, also wrapped in similar barbed wire, and places a star on top of the tree. The star is comprised of steel spikes, as you would see on the Road Warriors' shoulder pads. COACH Don't you just love the holiday season, Cole? The camera then cuts backstage to show several very extravagant decorations, as well. COLE No disqualifications, obviously, and you can bet these two are going to make their way back here, as well. The ring ropes and posts are wrapped in Christmas lights, as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits and Alf makes his way down to an enormous pop. BUFFER The following contest is a Christmas Deathmatch, for the OAOAST Heartland championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger...weighing in at 245 pounds, himself, a former OAOAST Heartland champion, as well as a former Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf is wearing a Foley-style flannel, only it's red and green as opposed to Foley's red and black. wheeling a big gray plastic cart, as would normally be used for taking out the trash at work. Alf gets into the ring with his hands on his knees. *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! Chris Stevens makes his way through the curtain, to boos, sitting in a motorized sleigh driven by an OAOAST official. The sleigh has two large wheels in front of it with fake reindeers on the sides of them. BUFFER His opponent...weighing in at 220 pounds...he represents Stevens/Heyross Incorporated, and is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion...CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Stevens slides into the ring, and goes after Alf from behind, but Alf sees him coming and traps him in the corner with right hands! *DING DING DING* Alf pulls Stevens out to the rope, whips him in, and delivers a HUGE backdrop! COLE BIG backdrop, Stevens was up in the lights on that one! Alf with a clothesline! Then another! A third sends Stevens over the top to the floor! COACH And Alf looks to be feeling very little, if any, effects of having already been in a match tonight! Alf follows Stevens out to the floor, where Stevens catches him coming with a knee to the gut. Stevens then sets up a suplex, but Alf blocks. He then blocks a second time, before giving Stevens a suplex of his own! Alf then grabs a strand of Christmas lights from underneath the ring, and begins choking Stevens with them! Alf picks up Stevens using the lights, and throws him into the steel steps! Alf then tosses Stevens back into the ring, then walks over to the tree and grabs a present shaped like a picture frame. As Alf turns around, however, he has the present dropkicked into his face! Alf turns onto his stomach and grabs his face, and Stevens unwraps the present to reveal a cookie sheet! Something else falls out onto the mat, and Stevens picks it up, and it's wax paper from the sheet with thumbtacks glued to it! The tacks completely cover the paper, and Stevens wraps it around his forearm. Stevens begins hammering on the back of Alf with the forearm which is covered in tacks! COLE And an interesting find in that gift wrapping, that cookie sheet, by Chris Stevens. COACH Well, what were you expecting, Cole, Rick Krispie Treats? COLE I'm sure Alf would have preferred some of them, as he's being hammered with those tacks! Look at the forearms from Stevens! Stevens then sits on the back of Alf, and digs the forearm into his face! Stevens then rakes at the forehead before letting Alf fall to the mat. COACH And there you see the result, Alf already cut open here by Chris Stevens! Stevens ascends the top rope, as Alf struggles for the cookie sheet. Stevens takes time to pose on the top rope, then dives off, right into a shot from the cookie sheet by Alf! Alf gets up and takes Stevens down by the legs, setting him up for a slingshot! COACH Oh NO, not the tree. NOT THE TREE! Alf slingshots Stevens right into the cactus-tree in the corner! Stevens comes out holding his hands out and looking at himself, before falling to the mat in pain! Alf picks Stevens up and plants him with a T-Bone suplex, then sets him up in the middle of the ring on his stomach. Alf grabs the ladder used to put the star up and sets it in between the corner and the cactus-tree. Alf then begins to climb the ladder. COACH Oh no, what's he going to do here now? Alf stands atop the ladder, then slowly moves one foot onto the cactus-tree, before riding it down surfboard-style onto the BACK of Chris Stevens! COLE Cactus across the BACK of Chris Stevens! Alf covers... 1.... 2........... Kickout! Alf sets the tree back up, then takes Stevens down by the legs again! COACH Oh come on, not again! Stevens struggles, so Alf drops his legs and comes across with an elbowdrop! He then picks up the legs again, but instead of a slingshot, Alf locks in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Sharpshooter applied! Look at Stevens' face! Stevens is right in the middle of the ring, but eventually manages to turn the hold around so that his face is facing the cactus-tree. Stevens pulls himself towards it, and pulls at the base of it, causing it to come down and hit Alf right in the head! Alf is obviously forced to break the hold and is down on the mat. Stevens grabs the star off the top of the tree, and digs into the already opened forehead of Alf with the spikes! He then goes and grabs another present, which is shaped like a road sign, and upon unwrapping it in fact is the diamond-shaped "stoplight ahead" sign. COACH And you can bet Chris isn't taking that as a signal to stop the abuse! Chris lays the cactus-tree across the back of Alf, then climbs the top rope with the sign. Stevens positions the sign in front of him, and comes off the top flying on the sign, and splashing the cactus-tree into Alf! COLE Wow, that could be it right there! Stevens crawls over and covers... 1... 2......... Alf gets a shoulder up! COLE But no! Alf still hanging in there! Stevens picks up Alf, and sets up a suplex on the cactus-tree! However, Alf blocks, and after a second block, suplexes Stevens right over the top rope to the floor! Alf takes a few needed seconds to rest, then goes to the outside for the tub he brought to the ring. Alf pulls out a giant candy cane, which looks to be as tall as himself! COACH Uh oh...I don't think Alf's thinking about snacktime, either, Cole! Alf rolls back into the ring with the cane, and waits on Stevens to get up on the outside. When he does, Alf hooks him around the neck with the cane and pulls up, attempting to choke Stevens out! After a few seconds of trying, Alf lets Stevens drop to the floor and follows him out, grabbing the curl and breaking the huge cane over his back! Alf then picks up Stevens and lays him in the sleigh, and tosses the driver from the front and gets in himself. Alf then turns the sleigh on and the tires squeal as he drives backstage. COACH Where's he taking him now? Alf drives through the curtains and cuts a sharp left turn, nearly sideswiping the GPX, who were standing backstage talking to Christian Wright and Bohemoth. Alf brings the carriage to a screeching halt, and Stevens rakes the eyes of Alf and makes a run for it. There's a meet Santa area in the background where Alf parks, and Santa can be seen talking to little kids. Alf looks around for Stevens, and finds him hiding inside a giant blowup snow globe holding a 2 X 4. COLE How the hell did Stevens get in there? The camera pans to show Alf looking at Stevens inside the globe, and also shows Santa still talking to kids a few feet behind him. Suddenly, Santa throws the kid to the ground and bashes Alf with his bag of presents! Santa takes off the hat and fake beard to reveal JUMBO~! COLE I can't believe that! Stevens exits the globe through a zipper entrance in the back as Jay Richards walks onto the scene as well, reluctantly, in an elf costume. RICHARDS Did I HAVE to wear this damn thing? STEVENS Hey, it worked, didn't it? Jumbo holds Alf back as Stevens approaches him with the 2 X 4. Alf kicks Stevens in the gut, then gives a low blow to Jumbo! Thunderkid arrives on the scene and brawls with Jay Richards, as Alf gives Stevens a clothesline, then lures Jumbo back to the globe. Alf nails Jumbo in the head with the 2 X 4, knocking him out backwards through the zipper entrance, then Alf sips it shut. TK tosses a staple gun to Alf, which he uses to staple shut the entrance, trapping Jumbo inside! COLE And Jumbo unconscious trapped in that snow globe now! COACH I hope that thing's not airtight! All four men brawl towards a huge tank which appears to be filled with egg nog. Stevens climbs to the top of the tank, and Alf gives chase. They slug it out near the edge, and Richards rams TK into the side of the tank and follows them up. Richards gets to the top, where Stevens has Alf in a sleeperhold. Richards approaches, and Alf ducks, taking Stevens down with him, and causing him to backdrop Richards into the egg nog tank! COLE Oh, my! Into the egg nog goes Jay Richards! COACH Oh, gross! Imagine what Jay Richards must smell like after this! Alf and Stevens slug it out some more before, out of nowhere, Stevens takes Alf off the side of the tub and hits a DIAMOND CUTTER~!!! into a tub of christmas tree balls about six feet below! COLE OH MY GOD!!! Both men down and out after that Diamond Cutter into those christmas tree ornaments, that had to have been a good ten-foot drop! Both men lay in the ornaments for about 20 seconds, then Stevens struggles out and drags Alf out onto his shoulders. He lays Alf in the sleigh, and starts the drive back to the ring. COACH Remember, it's anything goes, but it's not Falls Count Anywhere, the pin still has to be in the ring! Stevens parks the sleigh at ringside, and rolls Alf back into the ring. Stevens slides in, and covers... 1.... 2................. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!! Alf JUST gets a shoulder up! COLE Alf will not be denied here tonight! COACH How does he keep coming, Cole? Stevens picks up Alf and delivers a back suplex onto the road sign, then goes for another present. He opens it up to reveal a bat bag. However, the bat inside of the bag just happens to be wrapped in barbed wire! Alf gets to his knees, and Stevens clotheslines him back to the mat with the bat! Alf spots a stocking in the corner, and reaches for it as Stevens taunts the crowd. Stevens walks back towards Alf with the bat over his head, and Alf swings with the stocking, nailing Stevens in the midsection! As Stevens is doubled over, Alf pulls himself to his feet, then backs into the ropes, comes back and swings upwards with the stocking, knocking Stevens flat on his back as lumps of coal fly all over the ring! Alf then goes up top... COLE Here it is! Alf's gonna pull it off! Alf leaps off the top for the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 But Stevens raises the bat up, and Alf lands on it face-first! COACH Let's give Chris Stevens credit now, great prescence of mind, GREAT counter! Stevens slowly rolls over onto Alf... 1.... 2.............. NO!!!!!!!! Alf gets a shoulder up again! Both men lay on the mat, but Stevens pulls himself over to another present, unwrapping it to reveal two glass panels! Stevens pulls himself to his feet and waits on Alf to get up, then takes a big swing with the panels, which Alf ducks and hits an overhead belly-to-belly! Alf rolls to the outside to his tub, and pulls out a door wreath comprised ENTIRELY of barbed-wire! Alf rolls back into the ring and hammers Stevens in the back with the wreath, then waits on him to get up, and hits him straight in the forehead with it! Stevens is out of it, and Alf lays his arms over his chest Undertaker pin-style, then places the wreath on him. Alf sets up the ladder. COACH He's not done YET??? Alf climbs the ladder, getting to the very top step, and comes off with a legdrop onto the wreath and Stevens! COLE That's GOTTA do it! 1... 2................ NO!!!!!!!!!! Stevens gets a shoulder up! COLE This is INCREDIBLE on the part of both of these tremendous competitors! Alf rolls Stevens over onto his stomach, then attempts to pick him up. Stevens still has the wreath, however, and rams it up between the legs of Alf! Alf falls backwards to the mat, and Stevens grabs the panels again. He sets up one in the corner on the bottom rope, and one on the second rope. He then goes to the outside and grabs a table, setting it on the top rope. Stevens picks up Alf, and trash talks him, then whips him into the corner. Alf manages, however, to do a cross-body, landing right on the table and rolling over the ropes, catching himself on the apron. Alf then goes back to the top again, but Stevens pushes his legs out from under him, crotching him. Stevens then climbs to the apron and goes to the top behind Alf. COLE What the hell is Stevens going for here? COACH I dunno, Cole, perhaps another Diamond Cutter... Stevens hooks Alf in dragon sleeper position. COACH Oh no, it may be an Ace Crusher right through that table and those panels! Alf throws forearms up at Stevens, loosening the grip, then grabs Stevens around the chest and flips him over, managing to stand up on the top rope! COACH No way... Alf drops STRAIGHT DOWN with a SUPER TOMBSTONE through the table and the glass panels! COLE ... The crowd is ballistic as Alf stands on his knees for a second, then simply falls forward onto Stevens... 1... 2............. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* COLE THAT'S IT! ALF REGAINS THE TITLE!!! Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon plays as the referee drapes the belt over Alf and points at him while raising his hand in the air. BUFFER The winner of the match...and NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OAOAST Heartland champion... AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOGG!!!!! COLE Folks, what an unbelievable spectacle we've just witnessed. I really don't know how else to put it, other than that word, unbelievable. These men both put their bodies, and possibly even their lives on the line, and while Chris Stevens may have lost the belt, I saw something in Chris Stevens that I don't think I've ever seen before. But Alfdogg was the better man tonight, and as a result adds another championship to his lengthy resume, he is now a TWO-TIME Heartland champion!

We return to the arena with Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura, no longer wearing Santa hat, standing at the entranceway, below the neon Climax structure. VENTURA What about AngleMania V, Schiavone? An event so big the months of March and April are fighting over it! SCHIAVONE AngleMania by far the biggest night in our sport. But what a night we've had so far, Jesse. Foshi kicked the night off with a big win over Rikjin Massamoto in his OAOAST debut. We've also seen the crowning of the first ever OAOAST 6-Man tag champions in Team Heyross and Brock Ausstin. The Parka retained his X-Title... VENTURA In a draw. SCHIAVONE (CONT'D) (nodding) ...in a draw verus Jamie O'Hara. Chicks Over Dicks defeated The GPX...and just moments ago, the Heavenly Rockers successfully kicked started their revenge tour, defeating the South Central Militia. What has surprised you, if anything, thus far? VENTURA It's gotta C.O.D. defeating The GPX in what I consider to be a big upset. Krista and Alix haven't teamed together in recent months as often as The GPX. I thought that would play a much larger factor in the match. But, hey, C.O.D. are former tag team champions of the world, so they know how to get it done. SCHIAVONE 6 bouts still to come, 4 of which are championship matches. Rapid fire, Jesse. Your comments on the following title matches. The Christmas Deathmatch for the Heartland Title? VENTURA By the time it's all said and gone, they'll probably both be the color of my jacket. It's gonna be brutal. The champion Chris Stevens has the advantage going in because Alf's already had to wrestle once tonight. One thing's for sure: both men will be in a lot of pain tonight and the next few days to come. SCHIAVONE I was going to ask you about the suit. It looks like one of your outfits from "The Running Man". Anyway, it's going to be title vs. mask. Women's Champion Ashley Street vs. The Benefactor. If Ashley wins, we must find out who's behind the mask. VENTURA Ashley needs to quit whining. Of course you're gonna be a target when your a champion. It one of the pitfalls of being a champion. Great wrestler, but I'll put my money on The Benefactor. SCHIAVOEN The World Tag Team Title match -- the New New Midnight Express vs. The Usual Suspects? VENTURA I'm predicting new tag team champions. Until they hit a speed bump last month in the form of the Sooner Bruisers, the New New Midnight Express were on a roll. Leon Rodez is going in banged up and Zack Malibu... well, Zack tends to go into business for himself more often than not. SCHIAVONE I thought you liked that in a man? VENTURA I do. But I'll never forgive Malibu for costing Black T, my favorite tag team, the tag titles when his mind went elsewhere when The Original Elite were the tag team champions of the world. SCHIAVONE Speaking of Black T, coming up next is a grudge match involving the team of Christian Wright and Bohemoth and Black T. VENTURA Wright and Bo are gonna have their work cut out for them. After watching his Dallas Cowboys lose earlier today... SCHIAVONE At the hands of my Washington Redskins, thank you very much. VENTURA (CONT'D) ...Tony Brannigan is in a foul mood. And Dan Black is simply one of the finest wrestlers in the world today. Look for Black T to use their experience to frustrate the young Upstarts. SCHIAVONE With that, it's time to start buttin' heads once again. Take it away Michael Buffer! Cue: "Slither" The arena is already booing as the lights drop and a spotlight falls on the top of the stage. Into appears Christian Wright. BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall with a thirty minute time limit. Introducing team number one, first, from Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing 233 pounds, he is the Moral High ground and the HIYAH World Heavyweight Champion - the Natural, Christian WRRRRRRRIGHT! His tag team partner, from Greenville, Carolina, at 284 pounds, the monster BO-HE-MOTH! Wright walks down to the ring, in his signature black robe, while Bohemoth follows a few steps behind, flexing his impressive physique. Bo gets ahead of Wright to jump onto the apron and push open the ropes for his friend to enter. Wright climbs a turnbuckle, where the spotlight falls upon him again, and pulls down his hood, staring out intently at the crowd to more boos. Eventually he jumps back down to the mat and removes his robe, handing it to senior senior referee Clem Buzzlefoxer, the 82 year old with the eyes and reactions of an 81 year old. The lights go back up, and we cue "Quiet" BUFFER And their opponents! Black smoke spreads across the entrance, swirling and rising into the hot air. Through it step two figures. BUFFER First, from London, England, at 237lbs, the Ice Heart, Daaaaaaan BLLLLLACK! His tag team partner, from Hollywood, California, at 283lbs, Tony BRRRRRRRRRRRRANIGAN! This is what many consider the greatest tag team of all time, the mighty BLACK TEEEEEEEEEEEE! Black, ready to go in ring gear, debuting new grey tights with black trim and boots, and Brannigan in a silver Flair-esque robe, walk confidently down to the ring to a good reaction from the sold out crowd, which of course they refuse to acknowledge. COLE Black and Brannigan teaming again for the first time in some while. Both have been involved in singles rivalries this year, with Brannigan capturing the World Title and Black in an intense blood feud with Zack Malibu. Will they be rusty and can Wright and Bohemoth take advantage? COACH I think they can. Wright and Bo are hungry, like all the Upstarts. Black T really has nothing left to prove. It's time they step aside for a new generation of teams. COLE Well, we've seen the singles matches between these four men, including a brutal empty arena match taped last week. Black and Wright may well still be feeling the effects of that bout. Dan and Tony roll climb into the ring and immediately claim the centre, forcing the Upstarts to back down to the corner. Tony removes his robe to a big cheer from the female section of the audience, as Black rolls his shoulders and glares at Wright. Ref Clem brings the four men together so check them over for international objects. They get the all clear, and its going to be Black and Wright to go first, their bigger partners making their way to the ring apron. *DING DING* Black looks ready to go into a lock up, but Wright just comes straight in with a hard slap to the face! Wright grabs the stunned Black and executes a quick body slam, and then goes for his figure four leglock immediately! Black scrambles backwards on his arms and grabs the bottom rope. COLE Interesting start from Wright! He worked over Black's left leg pretty severely during that empty arena match, and he must believe there's an injury there to exploit. Christian backs away and allows Dan up to his feet. This time they do lock up, and Black forces Wright into an empty corner, where Clem counts the break. Both men decide not to break cleanly, and both go for an eye rake, blinding each other! Wright and Black swing and miss for each other, raising laughs from the fans, until CW flails close enough to his corner to tag Bohemoth. The massive superstar climbs over the top rope and nearly decapitates Black with a vicious clothesline, causing the laughs to change to gasps. COACH What power from Bo! CABOOSE You have to respect that kind of strength. I wonder where Christian would be without him. Black staggers to his feet, right into Bo's clutches, and the big man hoists Dan into the air in a gorilla press, before dropping him down chest first onto the top rope! Bo walks around the fallen Black, grinning casually, before bringing Black up. Wright yells at Bohemoth "Leg! Go for the leg!" Bohemoth looks a little confused, and grabs Black's leg, and then does nothing. Then he punches it a few times. Black shakes his head clear and drags his leg free, and then catches Bo with a couple of quick European uppercuts, a flurry of forearms and a dropkick that sends Bo back into the Black T corner. CABOOSE I don't think Wright will be telling Bo to work a body part again any time soon. He doesn't have the technical knowledge to apply holds like that. He needs to stick to just hurting the opposition any way he can. Black tags Tony, and the two members of Black T grab Bo and lift him up and over with a double team suplex. Brannigan goes for the cover but the former HIYAH world champ shoves him off at one. Tony rolls Bo up and hits him with forearm shots and then goes to whip him off the ropes, but Bohemoth reverses it and sends Brannigan flying to the cables. Tony bounces back and tries to shoulder block Bo unsuccessfully. Bo swings at Tony, who ducks under the blow and kicks Bohemoth in the gut. Tony grabs Bo for a DDT attempt, but Bohemoth shows his immense power, lifting the not-light Brannigan up out of the DDT and planting him with the Bo and Arrow! (Falcon Arrow) COACH Great counter from Bo! Who said he couldn't wrestle technically! CABOOSE He stood up and dropped Brannigan on his face. Impressive strength, sure, but not exactly Olympic style wrestling. Bo grabs Tony up by his hair and drives his knee up into Brannigan's face! With Wright applauding, Bo scoops the former Heavyweight Champion up onto his shoulder, looking for a running power slam, but Dan Black ducks into the ring and grabs Tony's gold boots, pulling him down to the mat out of Bo's grasp. Bo turns angrily, and Tony and Dan grab him, trying for their 3B finisher (Combined Rock Bottom/Spinebuster) but Bo shoves them both off! Referee Clem gets Black out of the ring, and with this distraction Bo throws Brannigan into his teams corner, where Wright chokes him from the apron while Bo throws shots into the gut. Dan sees this and tries to get across to help his team mate. CABOOSE *Sigh* Why does wrestling in a tag team automatically make you an idiot? Get out of the ring and just tell Clem to turn round, Black! You cretin! COACH Steady, Caboose, some people might get the idea you don't want the Upstarts to win this. CABOOSE You're getting pretty cocky lately, Jonathon. I think you should stick to the lame gay jokes at Mikey's expense. COACH Well, you said cocky. Cock-y. Get it? Silence greats Coach's witticism, as Clem at last gets Black out of the ring, whereupon Wright drops his choke of Tony. Bohemoth tags in his friend and mentor, and holds Tony's arms behind his back for Wright to get a kick into Brannigan's sculpted abs. Wright with a fireman's carry take over and then applies a side headlock to a sitting Brannigan. Tony immediately rises up to his feet, lifts Wright up and plants him with a back suplex, showing that he brings the power for his team. Brannigan covers - ONE! TWO! And a comfortable kick out from Wright. Tony brings CW up and sets him for an Attitude Adjustment piledriver, but Wright fights him off and pushes Brannigan away. Tony runs in with a swing that Christian dodges, grabbing his arm and bringing him down with a back slide pin: ONE! TWO! TH - Tony kicks out and rolls to his feet. Wright and Brannigan exchange punches, each getting warnings from the veteran official, which they ignore. Tony gains the upper hand and lifts Wright up, hitting him with an inverted atomic drop, and then grabs his head and slams into the nearest turnbuckle. With a handful of hair Brannigan repeats the blow, and then locks on a full-nelson - full nelson slam, right into the Black T corner! Brannigan tags Dan, who climbs to the top rope - diving headbutt to Wright! Cover! ONE! TWO! THREE - No, Bohemoth breaks it up! Bo drags Black off Wright and sets him for a powerbomb! Tony tries to save his partner, but again ref Clem stops him. Bohemoth lifts Black high into the air and plants him with vicious intent into the canvas! Bo puts Wright on top for the cover, as Clem turns: ONE! TWO! THREE! No! Tony breaks it up! Bo comes back in and slugs it out with Brannigan. Tony gains the upper hand, whipping Bo to the ropes and nailing him with the Out of Body Experience spinebuster! Big pop from the crowd, and a cover! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING DING* COACH Hey, wait a minute! That's not right! And indeed it isn't, as Clem has no realised. He shakes his head at Buffer and yells something in his old man voice. BUFFER Referee Buzzlefoxer has ruled that neither Brannigan nor Behemoth were the legal men, therefore the match MUST CONTINUE! CABOOSE What an idiot. Why is Clem still employed? COLE He works for beer money. Tony looks furious, but exits the ring. Bo rolls out, leaving us with Wright and Black, slowly recovering. Wright is up first and catches Dan with a forearm as he rises, and then hits a quick snap suplex. CW then goes for the figure four again, but Dan kicks him off as he does the spin. Black up and drills Wright with a big European uppercut, and then double underhooks Wright's arms, flipping him up and over with a Butterfly suplex. Dan is slow getting over to Wright, still feeling the effects of Bohemoth's powerbomb, and Wright is up to one knee. Dan applies a headlock, but Wright throws elbows to drive him off, and then quick as lightning grabs Black's left leg and executes a Dragon screw take over! Black yells in pain and clutches his knee as Christian smiles thinly in triumph. Wright puts Dan's left leg on to the bottom rope side on. He then climbs out onto the apron and uses the top rope to spring himself back in with an elbow drop to the exposed leg! Christian drags Black in to the middle of the ring and applies a single leg crab, piling on the pressure. Dan tries to move across to his corner on his arms, but Wright sits down on Dan's back, increasing the pain on his leg and immobilising Black. COLE We could have a submission right here! Tony comes in, runs the ropes and delivers a big boot to Wright's face! COLE Or we could not! Clem gets Brannigan out as Black limps to his feet. He goes for the tag, but Wright groggily trips him up and tries to go back to the crab, but Dan rolls over and grabs the bottom rope before CW can apply it. Wright ignores Clem, grabs Dan legs and just pulls him off the ropes, high into the air so that Dan hits hard on the mat! Wright with an Oklahoma Roll! ONE! TWO! THR - Dan kicks out! Christian brings Black over and tags in Bo, as Tony Brannigan starts to slap the top turnbuckle, rousing a clap-a-long from the fans as they encourage Black. Bo picks Dan up in a bear hug position and runs him all the way across the ring, driving Dan back first into the turnbuckles. Dan winces but has little time to recover, as Bohemoth quickly lifts him up onto his shoulder and before Brannigan can intervene delivers that big running powerslam, driving Black into the mat at high velocity! Cover! ONE! TWO! THREE! No- Tony breaks it up with a boot to Bo's back. Bohemoth brings Dan up and whips him to the ropes, but Black grabs the top cable to halt his momentum. Bo charges at Dan but Black pulls the top rope down and Bo tumbles over to the floor. COLE A smart move from Black, now he can make the tag to his partner. CABOOSE Black T have great ring knowledge. You saw some inexperience in Bohemoth there as he charged in blindly. Dan comes off the ropes unsteadily and moves to tag Tony - but Christian comes in with an elbow to the back of Black's head to halt his progress. Wright grabs Black around the neck and plants him hard with an inverted DDT! Referee Clem quickly moves to get Wright out of the ring. Tony Brannigan, meanwhile, drops down to the floor and grabs a hold of Bohemoth, who's picking himself up after his fall. Tony whips Bo into the guard rail, and then into the side of the ring. Brannigan rolls Bo back in, where Black jumps on top for a cover: ONE! TWO! Bo throws Dan off him and sits up! Black tries to turn and tag Brannigan as he gets back onto the apron, but Bo grabs his leg and trips him down to the mat. The big man drops an elbow across Dan's back, and then drags him into his teams corner, where he tags Wright - but Black suddenly fires, knocking Wright to the mat with a forearm as he comes in, and hitting Bo with a flurry of hard chops. Black grabs Wright by the neck as he rises, and slams in into Bo's gut! Full nelson on Wright and release Dragon suplex flips Wright over to land on his face! Black rolls over and makes the tag - no! Bohemoth drags him away again - LOW BLOW by Black to Bo, and he finally tags Tony! Brannigan in and body slams the groaning Bohemoth, and then drags him back up for a Rude Awakening neckbreaker! Cover! But Clem calls off the pin - Christian Wright is the legal man! COLE He's learning! Brannigan covers Wright instead! ONE! TWO! Kick out! Tony brings Wright up and sets him for the Attitude Adjustment piledriver, but Wright fights hard and back drops Brannigan to escape! Dan Black has climbed to the top rope - and Wright runs at him, leaping up with a high drop kick to Black's left leg! Dan falls down onto the buckle, and Wright climbs up after him, drawing Black up again - grabs the leg - Dragon screw off the top turnbuckle! Black slams hard into the mat! Wright quickly locks on the figure four! Dan screams in pain! COACH Tap out Black! Don't make Wright break your leg! But Clem is counting the break, because Black isn't legal and has to get out of the ring! Christian Wright is furiously wrenching on the hold, and won't let go when Clem reaches five! Clem is on the verge of calling for the DQ when Tony Brannigan breaks it up. Black rolls away and out of the ring, clutching his left leg and swearing. Brannigan is stomping Wright when Bo grabs him from behind in a bearhug! Wright rolls up to his feet and takes a step back - superkick to Tony - but he ducks and Bo eats the boot! The bestial Bohemoth rolls out of the ring as Wright looks shocked! He turns - into an Out of Body Experience! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match are Tony Brannigan and Dan Black - BLLLLLACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Brannigan allows our elderly referee to raise his arm, before heading out of the ring to check on Dan Black, who gets to his feet with a limp. Black T make their way to the back to cheers from the crowd. COLE Black T pulls off another victory! COACH Only because of that inept referee. He should have had control of the match, then Wright would never had kicked Bohemoth. COLE That was certainly an unfortunate incident, but teams can't afford to make those kind of mistakes against Black T. This win has to put them in line for a shot at the tag titles, but almost more importantly, its another victory for the Originals.

(COMMERICAL) Plug for the lastest edition of OAOAST Dirt Sheet. The official publication of the OAOAST. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest at Climax is the CAPITAL PUNISHMENT match! The rules are as follow: two leather belts will be positioned in their respective corners of each team to be used at their own discretion. Coming to the ring at this time, accompanied by the foxiest honey in South Central L.A....from South Central Los Angeles, at a combined weight of 535 pounds...the SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA! No fanfare for the SCM, as usual. Along with Shyanne, they walk straight toward the ring, seemingly unfazed by the hostile atomsphere around them. Looking like the lost female member of Demolition in a tight black shirt and bra with silver studs, Shyanne sits on the middle rope and holds the top one up for her team to enter. Marcellus and Vincent smirk after causing ring announcer Michael Buffer to wince just by taking one giant step towards them. COLE What a match-up this should be, ladies and gentlemen. By executive order made a Capital Punishment match minutes prior to going live on the air. After what has gone done in the past between these two teams, the most recent being this past Thursday night on HeldDOWN~!, I wouldn't look for too many headlocks or waistlock takedowns. COACH Neither would I if I was told you'd be allowed to use a weapon. CABOOSE I don't expect this match to go on long. Look for both teams to come strong early. COACH Back to our other Michael, Michael Buffer. The lights in the arena beginning flickering as "G's & Soilders" hits, sending the crowd into frenzy as multi-color spotlights fall on the entranceway for the arrival of the Heavenly Rockers. BUFFER And their opponents in this Capital Punishment match. Hailing from Sin City, weighing a total of 425 pounds, the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, THE HEAVENLYYYYY RRRRROOOOOOOCKERRRRRRSSSSSS! COACH What bias from Michael Buffer. He gives the Heavenly Rockers a larger than life introduction while just mouthing off the South Central Militia like they were nobodies. Did you notice how he announced both teams? COLE Yes. And he did a fine job. The spectacle that normally is the Heavenly Rockers' entrance is heavily tone down. In fact, they waste no time heading to the ring, sprinting down the ramp as they remove their sunglasses and leather jackets, before leaping over the top rope and connecting with a pair of FLYING CLOTHESLINES that wipe out the SCM! COLE The bell is rung and we're off and fighting. The Heavenly Rockers wasting no time getting the action underway! * DING DING DING * All 4 men now are their feet, they begin slugging it out in front of a hot crowd. Vincent Santana rakes Synth in the eyes and throws him over the top rope to floor. Vincent steps out onto the ring apron and braces himself. As he firmly plants his feet on the apron and leaps off, Synth grabs a CUP OF BEER from a ringside fan and throws it in Santana's face, blinding him. In the ring, Logan goes under a clothesline and sends One-Eye over the top rope with one of his one. Logan climbs up the turnbuckles... COLE Mann taking a huge risk early. If he misses this things could be over before they started. ...and nails Moe with a DOUBLE-AXEHANDLE SMASH off the top rope to the arena floor! Across the way, Vincent staggers around, wiping his eyes. Synth places his right on Santana's left shoulder and spins him around, popping him in the face with a right hand. Shyanne lurks behind Synth and digs the FINGERNAILS into the back, raking them down the Synthmeister's back. Gritting his teeth and clinching his together, Synth glances over at Shyanne with his back bright red. COLE Uh-oh. COACH Run, girl, run! And run she does. Shyanne rounds the corner, looking over her shoulder to keep tab on Synth, and shrieks in fright as she runs into Logan. Mann points at the valet of the South Central Militia, backing her up while saying things to her you wouldn't dare tell your mother. Shyanne slowly back tracks...only to bump into Synth. SHYANNE The crowd wants to see Shyanne get her. Caught between the Heavenly Rockers, she dives into the ring for safety. Synth and Logan follow him in, grabbing her by the skit as she tries exiting. The fans rise and roar as the Heavenly Rockers set Shyanne up for Percussion. COACH They wouldn't dare. They wouldn't dare! COLE Oh, my! Shyanne in real big trouble now. Though I somehow get the impression this isn't the first time she's been sandwhich by two men. CABOOSE That's a woman, Cole. No man should ever hit a woman. COLE I agree. But I've said it many times before, that's no woman. COACH Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a cold-hearted bitch, right? COLE Exactly. COACH If she has tits and ass, then's she a woman. Provided she's a naturally born woman, of course. COLE That answered my next question. CABOOSE Me, too. To the disappoint of the fans, Marcellus and Vincent save Shyanne from the clutches of Synth and Logan, hitting them from behind. The SCM rock the Heavenly Rockers against the ropes with right hands, then fire them across the ring. Synth and Logan somersault through a double clothesline and nail the SCM on the rebound with a double dropkick, sending Moe to the outside. Synth and Logan pop back to their feet and hit the ropes. Each man has their own idea as to what they want to do next. Synth takes out One-Eye with a SUICIDE DIVE while Logan's clothesline attempt goes awry when he's backdropped over the top rope. Luckily for him, he manages to land safely on the ring apron. Not knowing Logan is right behind him, Santana takes it easy, using the time he believes he has to catch a breather. His face is overcome with shock when he's grabbed from behind and thrown to the mat. Vincent has no time to protect himself from Mann's slingshot legdrop. Logan doesn't even bothering going for the cover, choosing to go right for the LEATHER BELT draped over the steel that connects the turnbuckle to the ringpost in his corner. COLE Time to go to the woodshed. COACH Racist! * WHAP * * WHAP * * WHAP * Vincent writhers in pain as Logan whips him with the leather belt. Taking it like a man, Vincent gets up and tackles Logan to the mat. Santana peppers Mann with rights, all while Logan does his best to keep the belt away from Santana. It doesn't take long for Vincent to get it, though. Following a knee to the jaw, Vincent gains posession of the belt and takes Logan to the shed, whipping him across the stomach. Mann covers up to the best of his ability as Santana begins targeting the head! Logan gets back up and stumbles around the ring, doing his best to protect himself as much as possible from Santana's relentless attack. Mann BAILS outside. COACH James E. was right. The Heavenly Rockers ARE scared of the South Central Militia. Look at Logan run away. He's a coward. On the contrary. Logan suckers Vincent near the ropes to pull him out of the ring and ram him face-first into the guardrail. Logan picks the belt up. * WHAP * * WHAP * * WHAP * Vincent rolls back into the ring and tags Marcellus, who, twirling the leather belt taken from his corner post, dares Logan to step back in. Although he's also armed with a belt, Logan knows Moe is waiting to attack him the second any part of him enters the ring. So he, too, makes the decision to tag out. COACH Chicken. Chicken! CABOOSE Actually a very smart move on Logan's part. Both teams beginning to engage in a human game of chess, if you will. Logan tosses Synth the leather belt upon entry. Eached armed with a belt, Synth and Marcellus have a stare-down wild west style. They circle around the ring, twirling their belts as they approach mid-ring. * WHAP * Moe gets in the first shot on Synth. * WHAP * Synth retaliates with a shot of his own, which Moe shrugs off by SPITING in Synth's face... * WHAP * ...and giving him another good lick that Synth sells like he just saw his sister naked...and liked it! Synth goes on rock star hotel rampage, jumping into Moe's arms and wailing away on him with his fists and the belt. Moe kicks Synth away and takes a powder. The SCM show the world even high school dropouts are smart, baiting Synth near the ropes the same way Logan did to them earlier in the match. But Synth telegraphs it by swinging over the top rope as Moe goes for the feet and crashes onto him with a PLANCHA! The Synthmeister avoids a sucker punch from Shyanne and SMACKS that ass with the leather belt. Shyanne scuttles away, rubbing her BUTT cheeks as Synth rolls Moe back into the ring. One-Eye catches Synth coming in with a kick to the mid-section. He fires the Synthmeister to the ropes, missing a clothesline and getting decked by a spinning back elbow on the rebound. Synth lifts him off the canvas and slams him in the center of the ring. Synth off the middle turnbuckle with a FLYING ELBOW DROP! ONE... TW-- KICKOUT! COLE What action we've seen thus far. As a tag is made by the Heavenly Rockers. It didn't take long for both teams to start using the leather belts, an item they can legally use as they see fit. The Heavenly Rockers level Marcellus with a pair of spinning back elbows. Both rockers then ascend to the top. Double-axehandle smash to the head by Logan. Moe staggers right into a MISSLE DROPKICK from Synth. Vincent Santana steps into the ring to prevent Logan from making the cover. Mann notices him coming in and meets him with a left hand. He backs Santana against the ropes, GOUGING his eyes as he waits for Synth to come over. The Heavenly Rockers whip Santana to the ropes. Baaaaack bodydrop. Synth clotheslines Santana out of the ring. He spins around Hebner on the way out, while Logan nails Wallace with a running elbow square in the eyes. Mann hits the near side to pick up momentum for an elbow drop but has his foot yanked by Shyanne. Logan keeps his footing but has some choice words for the foxiest honey in South Central L.A., placing a foot out on the ring apron to keep her at bay. COACH That pretty woman isn't doing anything wrong? She saw a piece of trash in the ring and tried sweeping it out with her hand. Logan got in her way. CABOOSE What a pretty face does to a man. The SCM take advantage of the situation, specifically Vincent, who pulls up on the middle rope, crotching Mann. Logan falls out onto the apron. COLE Ouch. COACH Logan's social life will be on hold for the next couple of nights. Logan rolls off the apron onto the arena floor to buy himself some time. Unfortunately for him, it isn't long, as the SCM follow him out while Shyanne hops on the apron to distract the referee. Brushed up against the OAOAST ring skit, Logan can only cover up as Moe and Vincent viciously kick him in the ribs. They scoope Mann up and drop him carelessly on the guardrail throat-first. Synth rushes over with the belt and begins whipping the SCM feverishly, the sound of the leather meeting flesh echoing through the arena. Earl Hebner goes from a beautiful sight to a nasty one outside. He wraps his arms around Synth, ordering him to return to his corner. Vincent tries getting in a cheap shot, causing Hebner to turn his attention to him, allowing Synth to throw Michael Buffer's CHAIR in his face! COLE It's chaotic out here! COACH Disqualification! That's a DQ, right? Right?! COLE Well...uh... COACH Don't tell me you don't know? You don't know?! COLE I mean, the stipulation was a last-minute ruling. I didn't have the time to go and look over the rules. Steadfast, Hebner demands everyone to return to their corners. Moe casually lifts Logan up and throws him back into the ring. One-Eye calls for the boot in the corner, which Vincent puts up. Face-first goes Logan. Vincent reaches over the top rope and headbutts Mann, before accepting the tag from his partner. Vincent, along with Moe, whip Logan to the ropes and knock him off his feet with a double diving shoulder block. Santana scoopes Mann up and slams him down to the mat, following up with a legdrop. CABOOSE It's become somewhat of a running gag for wrestlers and fans alike to poke fun of the legdrop because of a past World Champion, but let me tell you, that move hurts. If you don't think so, try dropping a 5 pound weight on your chest. Then imagine what it feels like having a 270-plus pound man fall on you. COACH That doesn't sound very pleasant. COLE The cover! ONE... TW-- KICKOUT! Vincent baits Synth into the ring to distract the referee from the illegal double-teaming we're about to witness. With the belt in his hand, Moe helps whip Logan to the ropes. He and Vincent each grab an end of the belt and hold it up as Mann returns on the rebound, clotheslining him with the belt. The SCM drop a series of elbows and knees onto the vocal chords of the Heavenly Rockers lead vocalist. COLE My God! They're targeting the throat! They're trying to end Logan's singing career. COACH What an early Christmas present that would be. Have you heard that man -- no pun intended -- sing? It sounds like a cat coughing up a hairball. COLE I think Logan has a fine voice. As a matter of fact, I was recently given the lastest Heavenly Rockers Christmas album as a gift. It features a deut with none other than Ashlee Simpson. CABOOSE So much for artistic ability. COACH Yeah. The key there is that it was given to you. Earl sees what's going on behind him and orders Moe out of the ring. One-Eye steps back in with the leather belt after being tagged by Vincent. He uses the belt as a makeshift noose to CHOKE Logan, drawing the wrath of the referee. Moe takes a swing at Hebner, narrowly missing as Earl takes a dive. Marcellus then balls up the fist and drives it straight into the forehead of Logan in succession. The SCM laugh as Mann slumps against Moe's legs, the belt still wrapped around his neck. Moe brings Logan up by the belt and swings him to the ropes, taking him over with a power-- NO! PERCUSSION! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Oh, yeah! Percussion! Percussion! Percussion! Logan countered the powerslam into Percussion. He hit the DDT out of nowhere. CABOOSE Amazing. If the Heavenly Rockers are able to prevail tonight, we'll look back at this moment as the turning point. The South Central Militia seemingly had everything at hand, but they became too cocky. Now they may be in for the fight of their lives. Mann inches towards his corner, where Synth awaits with his hand stretched over the top rope. Moe makes a last-ditch attempt to prevent the tag but is unsuccessful. TAG MADE. "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Synth nails Moe with a right hand. He avoids a clothesline from Vincent and knocks him off his feet with a leg lariat. En fuego, the Synthmeister goes up to the top. FLYING CLOTHESLINE. Santana kicked in the gut. Facebuster. Synth pumpels One-Eye into the corner with stinging right hands. He climbs onto the middle rope and hammers Wallace. ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... FIVE... He dives back and takes Santana down with a FLYING FOREARM, of all things! Vincent also eats right hands. As he rises back to his feet, Synth is nailed from behind by a charging clothesline from Moe. The SCM shake off the cobwebs as they prepare for their double-team finisher, Jailbreak. COLE Oh, man. If they hit this, it's over. Nobody has gotten up after a Jailbreak. Marcellus and Vincent fire Synth to the ropes. Santana hits the near side...and is sent flying through the ropes by a running double-axhandle smash by Logan! But it wasn't just ordinary axehandle smash. They were wrapped with the leather belt! Synth leapfrogs over the spear. He nails Moe on the rebound with a kick to the mid-section. Logan joins Synth in placing Wallace in a double front-facelock. DOUBLE PERCUSSION! Synth covers! Logan whips the top rope to keep Shyanne off the apron as Earl Hebner counts... ONE...... TWO...... THREE! * DING DING DING DING * COACH Cornette is gonna be pissed! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match... the HEAVENLYYYYYY RRRROOOOOCKERRRRRSSSSS! The crowd is still buzzing from the 3 count. Their music blaring, Logan and Synth embrace, both looking directly into the camera positioned in the corner and saying, "For Holly." COLE That's what it is all about right there. Payback for their friend, Holly-Wood. I'm sure she's watching with a smile on her face from her home in the Hollywood Hills. Two down and two to go. What a fight. The screen fades into darkness. A heavy rock riff plays in the background as a voice-over reads: THE ONE & ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD... TRUMP PLAZA... COMING SPRING 2006

COLE It's time for what Serena Blackmore swears will be a purely technical bout, as she's going to raise her stock in the OAOAST against "Floggin'" Molly Matthews. COACH Blackmore stole an open contract meant for Pantera Combatienta in a revenge match for Pantera's embarrassment of Molly's compatriot, El Chica Generico, then signed it in an extreme effort to get her face on TV after not being in the mix for the beginning of the Women's Division re-start. COLE The story is simple: Serena wants to beat Molly in the center of the ring to prove that she is just as good, if not better, than any of the female grapplers currently on HeldDOWN~!. Let's go to the ring! (Serena's already in the ring) BUFFER From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and weighing in at 156 pounds...Serena BlackMOOOOOORE! "Rebels of the Sacred Heart" starts up, and out runs "Floggin'" Molly Matthews! She runs down the aisle to applause, slapping hands with the fans, then slides into the ring. BUFFER Her opponent...from Boston, Massachusetts and weighing in at 139 pounds...FLOGGIN' Mollllly MAAAATHEWS! COLE I'm going with Molly here...Serena's been to Japan, but Molly, week in and week out, has been competiting with the toughest women on the planet and gaining an attribute you can't gain any other way, and that's experience. ::BELL RINGS:: Serena immediately walks to mid-ring and sticks her hand out for a handshake. Molly is reluctant at first to shake it, but ends up doing so. Both competitors circle around the ring, then engage in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Serena, the larger of the two, is able to power Molly into a corner. Serena gives Molly a clean break, reaches back to slap her...but extends her hand for a handshake instead. Molly looks at the referee in a confused manner, he shrugs, and Molly accepts the handshake. Both wrestlers come out of the corner, and go right back to the collar-and-elbow tie-up. This time, Molly is able to get under Serena and force her into the adjacent corner. Molly gives Serena a clean break...and playfully slaps her in the face. COLE So far, nothing really heated.... Molly backs up and they go right back into a collar-and-elbow lock-up. Serena manuvers that into a headlock. Molly shoves her off of the ropes, and Serena runs back to send Molly down with a shoulderblock. Serena comes off of the ropes again, leaps over a Molly dropdown, then goes under a Molly leapfrog, before finally running into a drop toe hold. Molly cradles Serena into a Gedoh Clutch (Camel clutch roll-forward pin)... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena rolls outside the ring, as Molly gives her a sarcastic thumbs-up. Serena pouts for a second, then regains her composure and rolls back into the ring. Serena and Molly go in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up...but Serena gives Molly a knee to the mid-section aggressively! A few fans boo, as Serena sends Molly off with an Irish whip. But, Serena telegraphs a back body drop too soon, so Molly floats over Serena into a schoolgirl... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena backs up, looks like she's about ready to get upset...but calms back down. Molly comes back up to her feet, and they go back into the collar-and-elbow tie-up. This time, Molly is the one who's able to procure a headlock. Serena manuevers to squeeze her head out of the hold, then go right into a waistlock. Serena only uses this hold for a second, choosing to instead to turn Molly around, send her down with a single-leg takedown, and apply a standing ankle twist, standing on the other ankle to keep her from causing a break-up of the hold. However, Molly's still not in nearly enough trouble to be able to pull her ankle out from underneath Serena's foot. Molly then turns herself completely over to try a reversal, but Serena performs a legdrop onto Molly's leg that she still has ahold of, and then vices Molly's shin, rolling over and doing push-ups to apply pressure. COLE This is actually a hold that many wrestlers of yesteryear would apply after a drop toe hold, as it's easy to float into out of that. Molly's finally able to turn around and bend just enough that she can reach Serena's legs, and literally breaks the hold with her bare hands. Molly then crawls back to the ropes to avoid the hold again. Serena gets up and gives Molly enough time to rise to her feet. Both competitors go right back to the collar and elbow tie-up. Serena basically pulls out of the lock-up and goes for Molly's legs. But, Molly stays stationary, then hooks Serena and brings her over with a Oklahoma Roll... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH That's the third nearfall in practically no time for Molly! Right when Serena kicks out, Molly turns her over and into a grounded front facelock. Serena slowly comes up to all fours, then tries a quick roll-over to escape the hold...but Molly keeps her grip and rolls Serena back onto her stomach with the hold. Molly slowly pulls Serena up to her feet, thinking that she has full control of the hold. However, Serena has just enough control to force Molly backwards into the ropes, forcing a break. Molly lets go without a problem, but Serena gives her a playful slap to the face back, from earlier. Molly then forcefully works her way back to the collar-and-elbow tie-up...so forceful that both wrestlers fall through the ropes! They roll off of the apron and continue the lock-up struggle on the floor! COLE All of the sportsmanship and "not feuding" might be boiling over! COACH I guess the referee thinks this won't get out of hand...he isn't even counting! The two keep struggling for an advantage on the ringside floor before Serena forces Molly back into the guardrail! Molly drops her guard long enough for Serena to go for a chop...but Molly ducks it! Serena gets trapped between Molly and the rail, and gets chopped hard! Molly grabs Serena's arm and goes for an Irish whip...but Serena reverses it, and sends Molly into the guardrail on the other side! Molly crumbles down in a seated position, as Serena stomps over and chokes Molly with her boot! Serena pulls Molly back up to her feet and tosses her back into the ring. COLE This is getting ugly. Serena slides in and pulls Molly up to a bent position, then delivers a stiff forearm to her back. Blackmore whips Molly off to the ropes, then goes for a hiptoss that gets blocked. Molly then tries to go for a hiptoss of her own, but Serena reverses into a courting hold (armbar high up under the shoulder). Molly responds by leaping up to a horizontal position, with her legs wrapped around Serena's head, and bringing her over with an old-school headscissors takedown. Molly tries to keep the headscissors applied on the ground, but Serena escapes by sneaking a stomach punch in, behind the referee's back. COACH Sure, Serena wanted to "play clean"... Blackmore applies an armbar and pulls Molly to her feet with it. Serena converts to a wristlock, to which Molly attempts a somersault roll to escape. But, Serena drops down to her stomach during the roll and keeps Molly from completing the escape with a hammerlock, to which Serena pulls her opponent up to her feet with. Serena stays in control, as she cranks down on the arm hold and targets the left arm. Molly can't do any neat, twisty reversal, so she leaps on Serena's back and goes for a crucifix pin... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Molly grabs a front facelock on Serena, as both rise to their feet. Serena struggles in the hold, then gains enough control to lift Molly up...then toss her over the top rope, grabbing ahold of her left arm and dropping it over the top rope as Molly fell! Serena keeps ahold of Molly's arm and lets Molly hang by it, over the arena floor, forcing Molly's own weight to punish her arm! Molly screams in pain...then Serena dropkicks Molly's arm, letting go of it and letting Molly fall to the floor! COACH Serena's just punishing Molly. Serena climbs to the floor, as the referee counts...Serena lifts Molly up, hammerlocks the arm behind Molly's back, then slams her down onto her arm on the floor! The referee's up to three, and Serena tosses Molly back into the ring. Serena rolls back in and tries to keep Molly grounded with a reverse hammerlock. But, Molly is able to move to a seated position, then bridge up to her feet as she stays, suffering in the hold. To respond, Serena pulls Molly over to the ropes, keeps ahold of the arm as she goes to the apron, then hammerlocks the arm around the middle rope as she re-enters the ring underneath the middle rope! COLE Serena's been studying her Dragon Gate tapes! COACH Dragon WHAT? Serena keeps ahold of the arm with one hand, and repeatedly delivers palm thrusts to the arm with the other hand! The fans boo, as the referee does a rope break countdown.. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! ...Serena lets go, but pulls Molly up to her feet, then applies another top wristlock (hammerlock), and brings her over with an inverted armdrag out of that position. Serena yanks Molly into a seated position and applies a reverse hammerlock behind her back. Molly starts slowly stomping her foot on the mat, getting a rhythm for the crowd to clap along to in the corner. The crowd gets a clap going to support Molly, who's slowly, but surely making her way up to her feet. But, before she can even get up to one knee fully, Serena aggressively yanks her back down onto her stomach and applies a bridging hammerlock! COLE Blackmore's like a shark on blood with that left arm! But, Serena made a mistake: she applied the hold too closely to the ropes, as Molly is able to slightly scoot over and get a rope break with her foot. Blackmore breaks the hold, then quickly grabs onto Molly's arm again before she can crawl away. Serena lays the arm out, and connects with an elbow drop right on the front of Molly's elbow. Serena stays kneeling and applies an armbar. Molly suffers in the hold for what ends up being around fifteen seconds, with faint chants of "MOLLY!" supporting her. Eventually, Molly is able to roll her legs back, hooking her ankles around Serena's head and rolling her forward into a victory cradle... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH One thing I've noticed is, even though Serena's dominated the bout so far, Molly's gotten all of the near-falls. Serena gets up quicker than Molly and punts her in the kidneys while she's down on all fours. Serena grabs Molly's arm, puts it between her legs, and drives it down into the mat, almost like an Unprettier to the elbow. Blackmore pulls Molly up by the wrist and twists on the wrist, then pulls Molly into a short-arm kitchen sink knee. Serena hammerlocks Molly's arm behind her back, grabs the arm with her hand on the opposite side, then lifts Molly up for a suplex and basically hits a snap jackhammer, landing in a pinning position on impact, right on Molly's arm! The pin! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena yells at the referee about counting slow, but he won't listen. Blackmore pulls Molly up to her feet and performs a side backbreaker. Serena doesn't shove Molly off of her knee, instead focusing on trying to hook her for a camel clutch instead. But, Molly fights off as best she can, with repeated elbows and jerky movements. Molly escapes Serena and runs off, bouncing off of the ropes. But, Molly runs right into a headbutt to the stomach from Blackmore, killing the little momentum that Molly could have built up. Serena grabs the arm and drives Molly down to the mat with a single-arm DDT. Blackmore flips Molly onto her stomach and applies a grounded hammerlock (with the elbow sticking straight up), holds it down, and delivers repeated stiff kicks to the side of the arm and elbow! COLE Geez Louise! A group of front row fans yell something inaudible at Serena, causing her to tell them to "shut up and sit down". Blackmore pulls Molly, who's holding her arm in pain, back up to her feet and basically wraps the hurt arm around Molly's stomach, then lifts and drops Molly with a gutbuster to the arm. Serena keeps Molly over her knee, grabs the outward, targetted arm, and applies an armbar that almost resembles an abdominal stretch. Molly yells in pain, and twice denies to the referee that she gives up. Finally, Molly starts to fight out of the hold with repeated elbows to Serena's stomach. COACH This is coming almost a repetitive sight in this bout. Molly connects with one elbow after another to Serena's stomach. Finally, Molly is able to force Serena to break the hold. Molly takes a second to take a break, then tries getting up to run off of the ropes...and gets yanked back down by the hair, with her skull snapping right off of Serena's bent knee! The crowd boos, as Serena gives them the big "Up Yours!". Serena lays Molly down onto her stomach and goes for the AT Lock, an over-the-leg armbar submission made famous by Milano Collection AT. But, Molly pops up to a bent position quickly, before Serena can apply it. Molly feeds off of the crowd's cheers, as she's able to force Serena to let go of her arm as she lifts Serena on her shoulders...Alabama Slam! The crowd is loud! COLE Molly Matthews: showin' da GUNS~! Molly stumbles around on her feet, holding her arm and trying to shake off her confusion from the attack thus far. Molly slowly pulls Serena up, but Serena forearms Molly in the stomach, grabs ahold of the arm, and comes back up with a wristlock attempt, which Molly blocks by leaping onto Serena's shoulders and bringing her over with a victory roll! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Molly catches Serena on the way up and sends her off to the corner! Molly charges at Serena and nails the Psicosis Bump (basically a vertical version of the back senton, in the corner)! Molly kips up, feeding off of the crowd's energy, and brings a stumbling Blackmore over and down with a hurricanrana into a cradle! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena broke the pin with her leg being cradled by Molly's weakened arm. Molly shakes off her arm, then gets up and comes off of the ropes. Serena gets up, as Molly goes for a flying headscissors! But, Serena has enough strength left to hold Molly in place, in tombstone position. Blackmore powers Molly up over her shoulder, hammerlocks the hurt arm over Molly's back, then busts out a big Oklahoma Stampede (Davey Boy Smith Powerslam into the corner, then regular DBS Slam)! Serena goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena quickly and angrily pulls Molly up, looking like she wants to finish the job as quick as possible. She puts Molly in powerbomb position, straitjackets Molly's arms, then lifts her up and drives her down on her arms and face with a Straitjacket Dominator! Serena doesn't immediately go for the cover, choosing to step back and telegraph something. She allows Molly time to slowly climb up to one knee..then goes for her signature Shining Enziguri, only aiming for Molly's shoulder! Molly ducks a bullet (and a leg), as she drops down to the ground before the kick connects! Serena comes up to all fours, holding her stomach from the impact of the fall, and Molly rolls backwards over Serena's back, hooking both of her arms and rolling her sideways into a crucifix (ala Alex Shelley)! The crowd counts with the referee! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The audience isn't given time to sigh, as Molly wraps her legs around Serena's mid-section (as Serena lays on her stomach), then rolls her over into a sunset cradle! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both wrestlers come back up, with Molly clutching her arm to her stomach. Serena throws a clothesline, but Molly ducks it and brings Serena over with a backslide! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena again kicks out on the side of Molly's bad arm. Blackmore rolls to her feet as Molly's still on her knees, and straight-up kicks Molly in the face! CROWD "OOOOOOH!" Serena pulls Molly up, chicken wings the arm behind Molly's back, then drives her down into the mat with her big STO! Serena goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena pushes her hair out of her face, showing a face of frustration. She pulls Molly up and hooks her in a double chicken wing. Molly struggles to pull her arms out, but can't...so she leaps upward, pushing off of the top rope right in front of her to maybe flip out of the hold...but ends up giving Serena the right position to spike her right on top of her skull with a release Tiger suplex! CROWD OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! COLE I agree with them! The momentum of the toss basically rolls Molly enough to allow her to be back up on one knee, but in a total daze. Serena turns around, charges forward...Shining Enziguri to the shoulder! Molly goes down, and Serena dives right on her, going into a Fujiwara armbar! The crowd starts up... "MOLLY!" "MOLLY!" "MOLLY!" Molly struggles as much as she can, but can't seem to move any closer to the ropes! Molly can't seem to find any way to reverse the hold! She reaches out for one last try...and gets nothing! She used up all of her energy, and she looks to be passed out! The referee checks her arm to see if she's knocked out.. The arm is up...and down! The arm is up...and down! COLE This could be it! The arm is up... AND STAYS UP! The crowd roars, as Molly's face comes up from the mat, and Molly looks to have gotten her second wind! Serena's shaking her head in panic and disapproval, as Molly slowly pushes off of the mat with her free arm! "MOLLY!" "MOLLY!" "MOLLY!" Molly's up to her knees, but her arm's still being punished! She still cannot escape the hold! Molly comes up to her feet completely, and starts repeatedly forearming Serena in the side of her head! Stiff forearm after stiff forearm! Nine forearms are just enough to daze Serena enough to let go of the hold! Molly shakes her arm off, then nails a beautiful standing dropkick to Serena's face! Both competitors come up, a little slower than they would have before, and Serena goes for a kick...but Molly catches the foot and shoves Serena to the mat! Molly grabs Serena's other leg and puts her in the Alligator Clutch (folding press)! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Molly gets right back up, and pulls Serena up...but Serena delivers a stiff chop to back Molly off! Molly comes back with a chop of her own! Back and forth, the two competitors come at each other in a battle of knife-edge chops! Serena chops! Molly chops! Serena chops! Molly chops! Molly picks up the speed of her chops and alternates between back-hand and over-hand chops! One after another, Molly's mounting a full comeback with the chops, and the crowd's loving it! Molly then comes off of the ropes, but Serena ducks a clothesline! Both turn around, and Serena stiffs Molly with a kick to the gut. Blackmore then tries lifting Molly for her finishing Air Raid Crash...but Molly gets out with a series of knees to Serena's head! COACH Wow, Molly could fully come back from the depths of losing and steal this one back! Molly lands on her feet, then goes up to the top rope! Molly launches off...but Serena moves out of the way of Molly's moonsault. Molly lands on her feet, but Serena does a go-behind and rolls her back into an O'Connor Roll... ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Serena doesn't waste time throwing a fit, choosing to pull Molly right up and go to hook Molly's head for the Sweet Serenity (front guillotine choke w/ bodyscissors)...but Molly headbutts her way out! Serena holds her stomach in pain, but seems to be going down into her gear for something. Molly comes off of the ropes, as Serena raises her hands...and BLASTS Molly in the face with what looks like a pair of brass knuckles wrapped around her fist! COLE COME ON! Serena covers her fist with her other hand and quickly shoves the knux down her tights, getting rid of them before the referee can prove they were there! Molly's out cold! Serena climbs on top of her and applies the Sweet Serenity, with a Kimura (reverse keylock, ala Daniel Puder) added on! The referee, in disbelief, checks Molly and sees that she's out cold. He starts the hand-raise check... The arm is up...and down! The arm is up...and down! The arm is up... AND IT'S DOWN! :::BELL RINGS::: BUFFER Your winner of the contest via submission...Serena BLLLLLAAAAACKMORE! Serena allows the referee to raise her hand, then rolls out of the ring and quickly walks backwards up the ramp, with her arms in the air! COLE Blackmore kept stressing on Thursday how she wanted a "clean wrestling match", and then she pulls this crap! COACH It ain't right, but it isn't exactly the first time that a wrestler's lied to another one, then stolen a win! COLE True...but Molly Matthews is out cold in mid-ring from a shot with brass knuckles! That's not a "pure wrestling" hold like the ones Serena kept swearing she wanted to display! COACH As officials come to check on Molly's condition, Serena Blackmore, by hook or crook, is STILL your winner and has assuringly moved up in the Women's Division quite a bit with that victory!

CREEPY VOICED OLD MAN In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees, there finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard can you say uhhh na na na na... As the playfully romantic Make her Say picks up to full crescendo, the less then playful and definitely not romantic, Global Party Exchange burst onto the elaborately decorated stage. The heavily aggravated looks they wear on their faces are in stark contrast to the bopping ballad that sings them into war. Clad in matching black cargo pants, and white Upstarts basketball jerseys, the duo stands back to back, arms folded as they're circled by a calvary of boos. COLE GPX hopes to turn their fortunes around tonight, but they face a team that basically never loses in Chicks Over Dicks. As blue and green lights torrent across the not so state of the art Key Arena, GPX proceeds down the entrance ramp. Scotty barks at the jeering crowd, while Johnny focus remains unified on the task ahad. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes! Now making their way to the ring at a combined weight of four hundred, seven pounds...the former, two-time, OAOAST Tag Team Champions. First from Holanta, he is the man they call Jam, Johnny Jax! And his is partner, from Detroit Rock City, he is Big City Scotty Static! Together they form THE GLLOOOOOBBAAAALLL PPAAAARRRRTTYYY EEEEXXXCCHHAAAAANNGGEEEEEEEE! “BOOOOOOOO!” The boys slide into the battle field ready for war. Scotty leans over the ropes and points to Coach, in a show of respect and solidarity. Johnny Jax scales to the top rope, and glares at every member of the audience his eyes can lay their sight on. He rips off his b-ball jersey, which still manages to get a pop from the female fans. COACH GPX is here to end the year just like they started it. Winning. GPX has got this one. COLE I thought you were a Chicks Over Dicks fan, Johnathan. COACH Bro's over ho's, Mikey. The Coach isn't just a nickname it's a way of life. And The Coach has been coaching GPX on how to handle the COD. We've got a great strategy tonight. COLE Oh my. Well, uh, I'm interested to see how good a coach the Coach really is. The opening guitar strands of pop sensation Lindsay Lohan's cover of Edge of Seventeen play, as a gorgeous red pyro fountain springs forth from the stage. It meets with an equally lovely pink pyro waterfall, cascading from the ceiling. As the drum roll of the song kicks up, both the pyrotechnics dissipate, replaced by a booming gold explosion that engulfs the entire stage! Through all the smoke and harsh florescent lights comes Chicks Over Dicks, recipients of a gargantuan pop from the fans. Alix jerks her body back and forth, flinging her arm in the air to the beat of the pop tune. Krista downs a swig of Jim Beam, and slams it onto the steel staging. BUFFER And the opponents...first from Los Angeles, Californ-i-a, she is the 2005 OAOAST Babe of the year, and former tag team champion, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA!! And her partner from Tinseltown, Los Angeles California, she is the author of the New York Times bestseller Soul of a Womyn, and star of the Fit with Kid line of exercise videos. She is...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN. Together they form CHICKS OVER DICKS! Falling under the girls from SoCal's sway, the raucous Washingtonians belt out another pop. Alix wearing a festive Miss Santa outfit, consisting of red velvet halter top and matching hot pants, trots to the ring. Krista, sporting black leather pants and a black tank top, saunters down the ramp. COLE Coach, as a team GPX is well into double digits in the loss column. Individually they're both into double digits in the loss column. COD as team is 20-3 in two years of existence. Alix has a career record of 27-7, and Krista has a career record of 30-3. That is a .900 winning percentage. She has never lost a singles match in her life. She's never been submitted, and she's been pinned once. By Ned Blanchard. GPX sometimes gets pinned twice in one night! She is the closest thing in the OAOAST to being unbeatable. She simply does not lose. I'm a bit biased, but I hope you've thought up a decent gameplan. Krista embodies the double kingdom of strength and beauty, the most beautiful and rarest of all kingdoms. She stands on the apron, one hand gripping the rope, eyes gazing into the roaring crowd, body striking a photogenic pose more gorgeous then any sculptor could desire. Alix is a little less graceful, perkily bouncing across the ring. COLE Let's get this conte.... Scotty and Johnny jump the COD from behind, starting off the contest with a wild donnybrook! Punches are exchanged like baseball cards! GPX uses their brute strength to get the equivalent of a Hornus Wagner rookie card and back the gals to opposite corners. Pummeling them, the boys nod to each other with cruel smirks. They attempt to whip COD into one another, but the duo from SoCal styimes their efforts with reversals! The crowd is electric as Johnny and Scotty come to a NASCAR worthy collision! Johnny sends his smaller ally airborne, pushing him three feet backwards! Ally Cat smacks Jax, who has no idea what's going on, with a beautiful superkick! The dizzying strike staggers him into the black ring ropes, filling him with a blend of frustration and fright. Krista springs forward and furiously clotheslines the despised villain clear out of the ring! “COD! COD! COD!” chant the still standing fans. Static seeks to eliminate COD's effortlessly acquired momentum with a running knee lift to Alix's turned back. Not having a clue as to who hit her, Ally drops to the canvas in pain. Static can do no more damage, as Krissy converges on him with left hooks! The blows contort the flesh on Scotty's face in a most awkward fashion. Static, now sporting a swollen cheek, actually manages to block one of her slower punches with his forearm. He grabs her arm and tries an Irish whip, but KID reverses it with ease. However instead of throwing him to the ropes, she brings him in for a knee to the gut! Spittle falls out of Scott's vulgar mouth as he doubles over in a sheer agony. Alix stands up and gets her revenge, hitting her prone rival with the crowd pleasing Burning Sensation when you urinate (Sunset flip pile driver)! The audience goes nuclear! Alix makes a pin, as the replay of the awesome move plays on a little box on the bottom of the screen! COACH What the hell? This isn't how it was supposed to go! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 Double J pulls his buddy out of the ring at the last second! “BOOOOOO!” go the fans who want to get through this 45 match PPV as quickly as possible. Johnny consoles a battered and bruised Scotty, as a steady surge of catcalls flow freely to the pair. They walk around the ring, both discussing strategy, and each trying to place blame on the other for the poor showing thus far. Back in the battleground, Krista is giving Clem Buzzlefoxer Jr, an earful about GPX's questionable tactics. Unfortunately the official is 63 years old, and can't hear a thing. Alix is slightly more proactive then her friend, and jumps out of the ring to take care of business. She goes in hot pursuit of the two time tag team champions, who look like they've decided to throw in the towel and head backstage. One wild haymaker to Scotty's jaw from Ally cat knocks him right into the steel guardrail and puts a roadblock on his escape route. Alix grabs Johnny by his meticulously gelled hair and drags him all the way back into the ring. COACH Don't with mess the hair, dirty grrl! It takes him a whole hour to get it that spikey! Jam-master Jax stands up, hollering a number of unkind words at the bubbly grappler. Unfortunately the Upstart forgets that her surly partner is located behind him! She gives him the most painful reminder imaginable, a birdged half nelson suplex! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 KICK OUT! BOOOOOO! COACH Gah! Not the strategy, you fools! Johnny stands up fairly quickly, leading an overweight fan wearing a Velvet Revolver t-shirt in the front row to loudly lament the lost art of selling. Jax digs his thumbs into Krista's baby blue eyes, eroding her advantage. Thanks to her newfound blindness, JJ encounters little difficulty in whipping her to the black turnbuckle pads. Problematically she's no longer impersonating Helen Keller when she gets there. As such she counters his body splash by catching his slender body, and tossing it onto her shoulders in a standing fireman's carry! You can read the pleasure in Kris' face at her dominion over Jax. She vaults her victim into the air so high, you'd think he could touch the scoreboard. Izzy drops down onto the her back, where she bends her long legs up to her chest. The horrified look on Jax's face is priceless as he sees what savagery eagerly awaits his landing! Double J crashes down onto Krissy's bare knees, suddenly feeling like he's had half his inner organs rearranged! Scarcely able to take a breath, he rises to his feet to make a tag to a partner who's no where to be seen. His jelly legs are unable to support his 6'1 body for long, and they won't have to, as Krista gets him into a pinning predicament with a victory roll! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 KICK OUT! Krista cusses up a storm, but that may just be because her buzz is wearing off. As the crowd lustily boos the nearfall, A-Town's finest leans against the ropes to catch his breath. KID has the intention of blasting him with a clothesline that will either remove his head from his body, or knock him out the ring and into the third row! She runs the ropes to build up speed, but when she comes back, Jax steps forward, making the clothesline less then useful. Required to improvise, the blonde bombshell hops onto his broad shoulders! The hunky heel smartly counters her possible hurricarana with a high impact sit out powerbomb! A downpour of jeers rains on Jax, but the encouraging clapping from the returning Static, serves as an umbrella. Clem counts the pin, nearly throwing out his back as he drops down to count. 1 2 KICK OUT, WITH AUTHORITY, YOU BITCH MADE ASS MU'FUCKAS! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” Frustrated and exhausted, Johnny dejectedly belly flops onto his stomach. He barely has the energy required to jaw at the fans who are calling him “Johnny Jackass.” Fortunately for the two Upstarts supporters in attendance, he has the energy to make the tag to his partner in crime, Scotty Static. Krista greets his entrance with a stare so cold it could frost every beverage at the concession stands. Dragging behind her a smoldering fuse of rage ready to blow at any moment, Krissy charges him with a clothesline. But Static side steps her, and uses her momentum against her by grabbing the wrist of her unattacking arm and whipping her to the corner! The thirty-four year old hits the turnbuckles stomach first, but looks to be more annoyed then hurt. Big City fails to notice notice this, and runs in on her, seeking to implant her implants into the ringposts with an avalanche! KID swiftly counters by whipping around and driving the bottom of her gold boot into his midsection! COLE Folks, later tonight you can catch Krista's ex, Ned Blanchard go for the tag team titles against Alix's current, Leon Rodez. That one should be very interesting. Krissy grabs the stunned fighter's oddly shapen head in a facelock, hops onto the second pad, then comes flying off with a Tornado DDT! Static avoids a surefire concussion by holding onto to her thin waist and blocking the move! The GPX member seizes control of the fastpaced sequence by quickly lifting her onto the top turnbuckle. Wasting no time, he scales to the top himself, intending on putting a quick end to this opening bout. Unfortunately Krista is slightly unwilling to go along with this plan, and she angrily pelts him in the ribs with several punches. The blows weaken his position, and the bestselling author is able to casually shove him back to the ring floor. Frustrated Scotty lands on his feet, facing away from her. Jax, who sees the always angry woman rising to her full 5'10 frame, frantically implores his partner to turn around and defend himself. Unable to hear over the clangorous roar of the sold out crowd, Scotty looks at Johnny dumbfounded, cupping his ear. He soon finds out what the hell John was deliriously warning him about, as he has a pair of long legs clad in black leather wrapped around his neck. Krista gives an affright JJ the middle finger, then casts his partner down to the deepest level of physical hell with an inhuman inverted hurricarana! COACH (standing up) Use your brains, morons! This wasn't the strategy! CABOOSE Did you just call them morons? Scotty stands up into a pair of rights and lefts coming at him fast and furious like a Paul Walker driven car. A Static knee to the ribs ends the brief but one sided slug fest. Seconds later he grabs the back of his hated rival's head, lowers it down, drags her to ropes, and fiendishly rakes her eyes across the stinging cable. Amidst Krista's pained screams, Buzzlefoxer requests he let her go. Scotty obliges and Kris falls to the mat more concerned with the excruciating burning in her eyes then with bracing herself for the impact. Hurriedly, Scotty scoops her up and sends her across the ring with an Irish Whip. For reasons known only to him, he lowers his head allowing Krista to level him with a jarring knee lift. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Krissy runs the ropes for a Lionsault. Problematically she makes an uncharacteristic mental error by running to the ropes closes t to Johnny J. Unlike Kris, Jax commits no gaffe, and pounces on this golden opportunity. As she begins her ascent, he pulls the third rope down, and she takes a dangersome journey to outside! Fortunately she avoids a horrific reintroduction to the familiar guardrails, by landing perfectly on her feet. Enraged to see her still standing, Jax come screaming off the apron with an axe handle smash! But Krista pulls an enormous counter out of her bag of tricks and uses a super kick to slam him like a battering ram! Johnny flails to the mats like a fish out of water, as the nearby fans heap salt on his wounds with a variety of insults. COACH Dang it! Back to gameplan, you nimrods! Krista leaves Johnny, minus three or four teeth, on the outside. She gets into the ring, only to get split in half by a razor sharp spear from Scotty Static! With Krista writhing in pain, and the crowd showing him nothing but disparagement , Static sits on his knees, hands against his thighs, huffing and puffing like the biggest and baddest of wolves. Scotty puts hands to lips and blows Alix a sarcastic kiss. Disgusted, she does the tried and true six grade technique of catching the kiss and throwing it away. Sufficiently cock blocked, Static turns his attention to the COD member in the ring. Nostrils flaring in anger, he stands her up and promptly pelts her with a flesh searing European uppercut! And another! And another! And a fourth? No! Izzy counters by spinning her body around, placing her back against his, and hooking both his muscular arms, putting him in a backslide set up! Instead of pulling the startled gladiator down into a pin, she whirls in front of the loathsome warrior and rocks his world with a crowd popping step up enziguri! Shockingly the brutal move doesn't even floor him. It just bends him over, leaves him wobbling like a rocking chair with a dazy haze (not daizee haze) settling over him. She grabs Static into a tightly secured facelock, then does further damage to his skull with an implant DDT! Scotty does a delayed sell, where he does a three second head stand, before finally flopping over onto his back. The smark who earlier was complaining over the absence of selling creams himself. Krista floats over into a pin! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 KICK OUT! COACH I feel like I've aged ten years. Is this how Dom Capers feels every Sunday? With a wad of onyx tinted hair in hand, Krista angrily yanks Static to his feet. She gives him an Irish whip to the ropes, making sure to smack him on the back as he goes. With her hand imprint on his backside he rumbles back to her with a shoulder tackle! Despite outweighing her by a solid forty pounds, he barely budges the former fitness model an inch. Scotty's mouth droops into a disgusted frown, as Izzy vibrantly guffaws at his failure. “If at first you don't succeed!” She says. “Try, try, again!” The fans in the front row finish off the old adage. Static takes their ill-meaning advice, and heads to the ropes once more. Leaning forward with his tattooed shoulder, he puts forth another shoulder block! He moves her about half a centimeter. The fans find this downright hilarious, but Scotty is totally irate with his glaring ineptitude. Krista, using her sweetest motherly tone, offers another round of encouragement to her downcast rival. “Third times a charm, dear! You can do it!” Fed-up with her condescending cheer leading, Scotty takes to the ropes once more, intending on knocking her into next yearwith this latest shoulder block. He comes back with a full head of steam, setting her in his chaos hungry sights, only to get turned upside down and inside out with a powerful lariat from Miss California 1999 herself! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Beaming with pride, Krista makes like Sean Carter, and gets that dirt off her shoulder. Why? Cuz ladies is pimps to. A few well placed kicks from her glittery gold boots to Scotty's ribs to turn him onto all fours. KID straddles his back upper back, making the idea of escaping a preposterous one at best. She grabs his arms then awkwardly bends them underneath his baby oil drenched chest, crisscrossing them in a painful fashion. It looks like she's going for a back mounted crossed arm chinlock. However, Krista actually doesn't do a thing. You read that right. All she does is stand up, casually stroll to her corner, and joyfully watch as the brush strokes of her genius paint a comedic masterpiece on the OAOAST canvas. Scotty, curled up into a ball, doesn't seem to realize that he's not in a devastating submission hold and begins to holler in agony. His comically piteous groans reach every last inch of the arena. This elicits an uproarious laughter from the anti GPX crowd, and gets a round of giggles from Alix and Krista. Alix eventually has to bury her head in the turnbuckle, she's laughing so hard. Either that or she stored some coke in there and is doing a line. CABOOSE Coach, do you just hang out with these guys because they make you feel smarter? After thirty of the most humiliating seconds of his life Scotty comes to the painfully obvious conclusion that he's not held in a submission. The Upstart stands up, a kaleidoscope of emotions, ranging from outraged to flat out embarrassed. The audience taunts him with cruel chants of “You're a dumbass” making bloody fury his primary feeling. Setting a homicidal gaze on Krista, he charges her, but she nonchalantly nails him with a forearm to the jaw! The force of her shot spins him around, letting her grab him with an inverted facelock. She vaults him into the air, as if she was attempting her old finisher the Down With Love curtain call. But she shoots him backwards, resting his feet on the top turnbuckle. Johnny, keenly aware of the misdeed set to transpire, is back on the apron hollering for his friend to mount a defense! Krissy pays Johnny no mind, stepping forward and pulling his partner off the ropes! Johnny's blood seethes as Kris sinks to her back, burying Static's face into the unforgiving canvas! As Static struggles to right his rapidly sinking ship, Krista decides to tag in Alix and let her join the fun! “YEAAAAA!” The perky brunette slingshots herself into the fray, welcomed by a round of “ALIX!” chants. She immediately takes up the task of taunting Johnny by jiggling her BUTT like a thick-ass dancer in D4L's Laffy Taffy video. The incredibly aroused viewers at home whip out a box of tissues and a bottle of Jergen's lotion as quickly as possible. But Johnny's reaction is decidedly unfavorable! Enraged, he tries to come through the ropes to mangle loveable Alix. Yet he's inexplicably held up by sixty billion year old Buzzlefoxer Jr. With Johnny trapped by the Jurassic zebra, sly Ally Cat calls for a double team. She grabs hold of both of Scotty's legs, then drops backwards, slingshoting him towards a ready and willing KID. Krista grounds the airborne Static with an ultra stiff STO! She lands on the mat, but Scotty gets impaled on Alix's bare knees to the immense enjoyment of the fans and total revulsion of Jax! Alix throws more fuel onto her fire of brutality by quickly turning Static over into a liontamer! “TAP! TAP! TAP!” COACH Not part of the strategy! Jax, much more worried about the outcome of this contest then his friend's deteriorating condition, overcomes the monumental power of Buzzlefoxer and runs into the squared circle. Alix's grey eyes see him coming a mile away, and she meets him with a right hook! While this harsh blow ensures he'll soon be making a trip to his dentist, Johnny's at least able to snatch the match from the jaws of defeat. The Los Angeles native quickly rids the ring of Jax's presence by clotheslining him over the ropes, getting a great ovation from the fans! Scotty, who's undergone a miraculous recovery, rushes her with the now useless shoulder block. She spins around and blocks his attack with a punch to the face! The 5'5 fighter grabs onto his head like she's about to perform a twisting neckbreaker. From there she places her arm around his neck, moving her body to his side. Luckily he's able to weasel his way out of the hold, and take control of the match with a surprise hammerlock! Startled, Alix is unable to mount a suitable defense, and he pushes her down into a standing head scissors! His arms go around her waist, and mere seconds latter her neck gets pulverized with a piledriver! Thrilled to have some semblance of momentum on his side, Scotty tags in his hot headed wingman, Johnny Jax. “JOHNNY JACKASS! JOHNNY JACKASS!” Jax takes his considerable hatred for Alix out on her upper back, tearing into it with multiple stomps. He roughly hauls her to a standing position then whips her to the ring ropes. Upon her return he launches her into the sky with a flapjack! However Alix is able to turn the tables with a hurricarana, pleasing the fans! Johnny gets up, neck smarting from the violent jerk her hold gave it, and staggers to the corner to catch a time out. Al runs in a circle to build up speed, then darts at her larger antagonist. Distracted by bothersome fans in the front row, he's unable to defend against her running up his hairless chest. She kicks him square in the face, before backflipping off. As he slowly totters out of the corner, Alix hurdles to the third rope. Before he can move too far away, she traps him with an inverted facelock. She blows a kiss to Scotty, who ducks it(!), before gliding off the rope and hitting Johnny with a tornado inverted DDT! COLE I'm sure Leon is cheering somewhere backstage, if he's not preparing for his tag title match. As the crowd roots her on, Alix gets Jax into a camel clutch position, placing his arms around her knees. Oddly enough, the ditzy diva ditches the clutch part, and goes straight into posing. Popping the crowd, Alix gingerly flexes her biceps like she was competing for Mr.Olympia. While she's wasting time with her posing routine, Johnny carefully slips away from her and scales the second turnbuckle behind her! He shoots himself off, wrapping his arm around her head, ensnaring her with a monstrous bulldog! Alix blocks it by shoving him away, landing him on his Air Jordans! Annoyed, the Upstart turns to floor her with a discus punch, but finds himself tagged with a roaring elbow to the kisser! She advances her attack with a knife edge chop that rips at his tanned flesh. Each further chop leaves a livid red mark on his skin. Finally a knee to the gut by Jax eighty-sixes the chop series! After a moment's pause, JJ locks Spezia into a double underhook. The feisty competitor violently thrashes against his firm clamp, while he levies a bombardment of insults Krista's away. His significant strength advantage overpowers her resistance and he effortlessly wallops her with an underhook suplex! Jax covers her, choking her with his forearm, and talking trash to outraged Krista as he does so. 1 2 KICK OUT! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” Johnny allows Alix to stand up on her own, forcing the twenty eight year old to expend her precious energy. He snaps her with forearms, alternating between lefts and right. After the tenth strike the youngster grabs her arm and attempts to sling her to the ropes! She surprises him with a reversal, putting him on the run. Thankfully Scotty has the wherewithal to hop off the apron and grab Johnny's ankle, stopping him from returning to blood thirsty Alix. Ireful over having her attack halted, Alix dashes at Jax with demonic speed. His arm whistles through the air to blast her with a clothesline! Yet she avoids certain devastation by dropping into a baseball slide. Ally wildly careens underneath Johnny's legs, out of the ring and into Scotty Static's youthful face! Caught off guard, he's thumped flat on his hemorrhoided ass! As the fans chant her name, Alix jumps onto the ring apron. She launches herself back into the match with a springboard dropkick to Jax, who had once again gotten into it with Krista! CABOOSE If Johnny hadn't been acting foolish, harassing Krista, he could've seen and countered that move. While Johnny J rolls onto his stomach to protect his back, Alix runs to the corner, springs onto the second turnbuckle and comes crashing down with a Qadarabera (spelled wrong)! Jax gets his knees up! Too horrified for Alix's afflicted welfare to watch, Krista turns away as Alix's jaw meets Johnny's knee in a brutal head on collision! With bold shrieks of pain seeping through her hand that covers her injured mouth, Alix stands up. Unyielding in his assault, Jax pulverizes her with a well timed jaw breaker! So worried for her friend's safety, Krista has her body between the ropes, halfway in the ring, willing to risk disqualification just to aid her. His cobalt eyes staring venomously at Krista, Johnny picks up Alix and nails a second punishing jawbreaker! Sensing that the blonde timebomb is ready to explode, Johnny lights her fuse with a provoking chant of “We Want Krista! We Want Krista!” Anger playing on her face, Krista storms into the ring to level Jax! But Buzzlefoxer holds her up, making an effort to maintain order. This distraction permits Static to sneak in undetected for a round of devious tag teaming. Johnny snap mares Al into a sitting position, while Scotty builds up speed on the ropes. Static rebounds with a sadistic basement dropkick to her face! Alix slumps onto her back, and Johnny drops his 221 pounds on her with a body splash! Krista stares in abject in horror, as the pain spreads through Alix's fragile body like a cancer. “Come on, Krista!” Johnny yells at her, sneering in disgust. “Your partner needs you!” COLE Such awful sportsmanship. Jax grabs Alix by her coffee colored hair and drags her to the ropes nearest his corner. He drapes her throat first over the second cable, shouting back at Krista as he does so. Operating in perfect concert with his buddy, Scotty capitalizes on Alix's glaring vulnerability by dashing along the apron and planting his boot into her skull with a running kick! Spezia slumps back to the mat, volcanic tremors terrorizing her body, an agonized expression disfiguring her pretty face. “Aren't you gonna help her, tough girl?” Scotty shouts at Krista. “You just gonna leave the bitch to get beat!” He accuses, before spitting on Alix's face like true barbarian. “YOU SUCK, STATIC! YOU SUCK!” bleat the fans. COACH I think this might be a uh...variation of our strategy. CABOOSE Your strategy is to goad a bitter alcoholic who hates all people by beating up her only friend in the world? You're gonna get in trooooubbble. This'll be good. Johnny steps on her throat, while feigning politeness as he invites Krista into the ring. Continuing his exhibition of cruelty, he scoops Alix up, and leads the knocked out diva to her corner. Displaying his first act of kindness, he extends her arm out, so that Krista can make the tag. But right before Krissy's hand can slap Alix's, uncompassionate Johnny joyfully jerks her arm away! Cackling manically, he hits Alix with a front Russian leg sweep, spiking her face into the mat. Krista nervously stalks across the ring apron, eyes blazing with rage at a world that would allow her partner to suffer like this. A fresh gout of blood seeps from beneath Alix's hairline, as the distressed fan favorite weakly moans for help from her best friend, tugging at the heartstrings of those in attendance. “Why don't you tag Krista, cutie?” Scotty asks Alix behind a big phony smile. “Go tag Krissy, sweetie! Go on ahead, cutie-pie” He repeats, as Johnny steps on her hands, joyfully grinding his shoes into her knuckles, preventing her from doing anything but crying. “Johnny, why won't she tag her?” Johnny shrugs his shoulders, “I don't know, bro!” COLE He can't tag her, because Johnny's on her damn hands, you motherfucker! Jeuss. I'm sorry, folks. Johnny takes a fistfull of Alix's hair and roughly cranks her neck, eliciting a thunderous bellow from the injured grappler that seems capable of shattering glass. Thrilled to have reduced the normally upbeat Alix to a quivering mound of defenseless flesh, Johnny and his partner share in a cold-blooded laugh. He brings her back to her feet, just so he can deck her with a right cross. Alix lands with a resounding impact, blood shot eyes meeting Krista's own grief stricken orbs, before rolling to the back of her head. A scream escapes her lips as Jax wraps his legs around her neck for a grounded head scissors. The formerly pedestrian hold is now a death grip on her throat, waging a onesided war on the embattled young lady's wellbeing. “Why won't you help her, Krista? Don't you care anymore?” Scott lays on the guilt trip, screaming over the crowd's chanting of Alix's name Buzzlefoxer drops down to his stomach, getting in close to see if she wants to end this excruciating experience. Alix has too much completive pride in her bones to throw in the towel, and kicks her legs forward, barley reaching the ropes for an all important ropebreak. Jax refuses to relinquish the hold, milking it for the five second count afforded him. “We're beating her ass, Krista! And you're just on the apron doing nothing!” Johnny shouts, as he lets go of the hold and tags in Scotty. “I hope you make a better mother then you do a partner! I bet your kid grows up to be a slut just like her Auntie Alix!” COLE This is too much for me to handle. “We can pound on her all night long, Krissy! We don't care about this whore! You do! You're the one we're after!” Scotty informs her, while he belts Alix's chest with an overhand slap. Blood oozes from her chest, as she tumbles to the corner, face masked in tears. Scotty sends an always dangerous yakuza kick to his foe, connecting with a most satisfying crunch. Straining to see through the streams of sweat and tears, Alix sinks to a sitting position. Unrelenting, Static batters her with a dozen boot scrapes, while joining his teammate in a caustic “Let's go Alix” chant! Pressing his size 11 boot against her moist cheek he smugly pushes her to the mat, a pitiful combination of whimpers and howls. The unfeeling Upstart gingerly steps on her throat with his right foot and grounds his left foot into her face, muzzling her heartbreaking cries of despair. “PLEASE DIE, SCOTTY! PLEASE DIE, SCOTTY!” croon the outraged fans. “How good are you at singles wrestling, Krissy? Maybe you can be our valet!” Johnny razzes her,as he receives the tag from chuckling Scotty. Amidst a grating melody of boos, the man known as Jam unhurriedly steps into the bout. Jackson pounds at Alix's back with forearms, as he slowly brings her to her feet. He wildly shoves her between his legs for a standing head scissors. Feeling blackness closing in her, Alix valiantly fights against his hold. But three forearms to the back crush her rebellion and the crowd's moment of faint hope. He drags her into the air, turning her upside down in front of his muscular physique. After a six second delay, he plunges forward, crashing her face against the rock hard canvas, and pressing the entirety of his bodyweight on top of her. A tremble of alarm passes through Krista, as she watches Johnny make a lateral press. 1 2 In the ultimate display of demeaning cruelty Johnny lifts her head up, breaking up his own fall. He stands her up, where she shows some life with an audience popping left jab! The party boy evades the swipe, and punishes her for her resistance with a left cross. A second strike from her is no more productive and returns a severe nose bleed from a Johnny Jax headbutt. Her own head abruptly jerks forward and is introduced to his fist. Her head bounces forwards and backwards again with each passing punch, like a tether ball on a playground. Jax winds up for one massive clothesline, but Alix exhibits admirable competitive spirit, by ducking it and coiling around his waist for a waistlock. But the southern fried star demolishes her cheek with a back elbow more fierce then all his punches combined. Finally he drags her down with a diamond cutter! Just for good measure he picks her up and scores a second one. He attempts a cover, making certain that he's facing despondent Krista. 1 2 “Help me, Krissy! Help me!” He impersonates Alix, speaking in her bubbly voice. COLE I...I...I..can't watch this. How can you do this to a woman? To a human being? Driven by an instinctive imperative to save her partner, Krista finally declares all out war on her tormentor, much to the dismayed crowd's relief. But Johnny again pulls Alix's head up, ending the fall. With the pin exhausted, Buzzlefoxer has to block Krista's now illegal entry into the contest. Krista looks at Clem Jr with feral intensity, thinking about tearing him apart with her bare hands so she can do the same to GPX. “Good job Clemmy! Official of the year, dawg!” Scotty shouts over the fans' booing in the background. Back in the ring, Johnny sucks Alix into a front face lock. But the plucky diva flat out refuses to capitulate! She sends a fist rolling into her foe's side. Hurt, Johnny jumps back and releases the hold after her knuckles catch his ribcage. Extracting a mighty pop from both the audience and Krista alike, Alix hammers him with knife edge chops! Her spirtied advance meets an untimely death, thanks to a rake of the eye from Double J. Johnny backpedals, rubbing the sorest part of his chest. After a seconds pause, he thrusts forward, plowing into her like a runaway truck with a Stan Hansen worthy lariat! After she collapses to the mat he immediately mounts his squalling victim, fists pounding her with such vigorous barbarity he puts her on the verge of blacking out. Alix emits such a depressingly anguished cry that if GPX had any heart within the blackened abyss of their souls, they might actually take pity on her. COLE Coach, if this is your doing, I'm ashamed to know you. COACH Hold the phone, Mikey. I just told them that Krista has a bad temper, and if they get her off her game, she'll do something dumb and get disqualified. This is them taking creative liberties. We never talked about this. Johnny makes the tag back to Scotty, who's been impatiently waiting for another opportunity to inflict further physical havoc on miserable Alix. Mowing her down emotionally with the most cutting of taunts, Static grabs her by the hair and leads her to the center of the ring. The Detroit native shoves Alix down on all fours, forcing Krista to watch as the tears puddle on the mat beneath her. As the torment climbs to it's greatest height, Alix feels more helpless and humiliated. In her twenty nine years never has she suffered under such tortuous misery. She is powerless and totally unable to control herself as she weeps and tries to scream for a savior to come and rescue her. She struggles like a caged animal for release but her maniacal predator's clutch on her hair is indestructible and expert. “Isn't she cute, Krista?” Scotty asks, with obvious sarcasm. “Isn't she just the most adorable thing you've ever seen?” Suddenly Alix feels a burst of blistering white hot pain explode within her body as his forearms begin to maul her face. The scream that they force from her dies as a high pitched bubbling in her throat. Her body, soaked in perspiration, jerks spasmodically underneath the force his remorseless blows, not turning limp until he finally ends his crippling attack. An ocean of anger washes Krista into the battleground. Like soldiers storming the beaches of Normandy on D-Day, Krista storms the ring. Buzzlefoxer becomes the biggest heel in the company when he lays down an unflinching law, demanding she return to her station. Choking down a sob, Krista retreats to her corner. COLE Krista, just knock him out! Who cares if you lose the match? All on her own, Alix rises to face Scotty, unafraid She catches the arrogant stud with a roundhouse kick betraying her feeble condition! Grand cheers emanate from every soul in the stands in response to Alix's inspiring show of defiance. Scotty's temper flares wildly, and he kicks her in the stomach. He pulls her into a double underhook for a tiger driver! But Alix powers out with furious punches to his abdomen! With the fan's chanting her name, she lays into him with the stiffest punches her tiny body can muster. A particularly nasty body shot slams into him with the power of a wrecking ball and doubles him over! She sits her BUTT on his head, and hooks her arm around his. Alix turns around, lifting him upside down, and resting his back against her's. Glaring at Johnny, she drops Scotty right on his dome with a vicious cop killer! “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Krista and everyone who isn't some sort of Jesus hating terrorist who supports a horrible team like GPX, is on hands and knees begging Alix to make the tag. Energy all but drained from her, Al begins the arduous trek to her corner. Static starts to stir and for a moment's time it appears he may cut Alix off at the pass. But, using what little energy she has left, the feisty heroine springs forward and makes the tag to Krista! The crowd erupts with bloodthirty jubilation as they are acutely aware that the devil herself is set to unleash unholy hell on GPX! A festering cauldron of pure hate, Krista jumps into the ring, issuing a full throated roar that sends the crowd into the further frenzy. Johnny, mysteriously unhindered by the ref in his entrance into the ring, has the misfortune of encountering the hellcat first. He attempts an ill advised sunset flip! Izzy doesn't even entertain the thought of going down, instead choosing to go up for a double stomp! Johnny avoids having his brains splattered by rolling onto his stomach, causing her to miss. This merely makes her even madder, and she leaves an imprint of his panic stricken face on the canvas with her second double stomp! “OOOOOOOOHHH!” Scotty blindsides her, flailing his arms like mad, pounding on her with forearms that will only make his eventual drubbing much more harrowing. Krista whirls to face him, and delivers a deep snarl that would give most men nightmares for an eternity. She whips him to the corner, where a hard thud with the turnbuckle sucks the wind out of his laboring lungs. A groggy Static staggers forward right into a face caving superkick so ferocious it propels him back to the corner! “OHHHHHHH!” go the crowd in response to the ghastly strike. COACH Oh shit! John tries to take her by surprise with a waistlock. Using a strength that dwarfs his, Kris shreds apart his grapple. She turns around and busts his lip wide open with a straight hook! A volcano of fury exploding in every which way, she grabs his head, clamps down his tights, then lifts him straight up like a missile, and drops him straight down with an Implant DDT! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” CABOOSE I don't want to say I told you so. But.... COACH Then don't say it, you idiot! Static is back in the fracas, springing forward with a yakuza kick! Krista sidesteps it and quickly locks the errant fighter into a full nelson. Hissing like a panther about to devour it's overmatched meal, she hurls him backwards with a release dragon suplex! The terrified heel goes tumbling and flipping through the air with concussive force! He lands on the mat neck first, momentum carrying him up to his weak knees. Krista spots this, and annihilates his once handsome face with a barbaric shining wizard! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” COACH Oh no, oh no, oh no! John comes back from the dead to score a desperation bridged German Suplex! Clem Jr counts the pin, even though Jax is not the legal man. KICK OUT! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA! COLE Not even a one count! Moving at a frantic pace, JJ brings her to her feet, and fires her to the ropes. She rebounds, but he drops down, requiring her to hop over him. Scotty, now upright and lusting for some form of vengeance, has a standing lariat waiting to put her in her place. But she merely shoves his questing arm down like it belonged to a five year old. He throws up his arms to his face, as if such a comically pathetic defense could save him from the dread he's sown. Krissy latches her arms around his waist, then flings him backwards with a belly to belly suplex! To add injury to injury, Scotty's 197 pounds land squarely on Johnny's back generating a loud cracking of the bones! Johnny lets out a high pitched squeal of terror, as the crowd cries for more punishment from the West Coaster! COLE Go get him, girl! The light in her eyes stoked to full fire, Krista goes after Scotty with vile right hands. Finally detecting an opening in her rapid fire assault, he plants a firm shoulder to her exposed midsection. Grabbing her by the waist he starts to foist her into the air for a spine buster, but she counters with a front guillotine choke! The still standing crowd explodes with an earthshaking roar that could make the deaf hear again. Scotty rages against the hold, realizing that his feral competitor is trying to strangle him outright. Any effort he makes to battle out of her death lock, causes her to tighten her grip. His face turning different shades of blue, Static picks her up and charges to the corner, drilling her backfirst into the padded turnbuckles! Chilling fear grips him as he feels her clutch on his air supply get tighter, and his odds of staying conscious turn dimmer. Spurred on by a desire to simply survive rather then win the match, he hauls her to the canvas with a bridged Northern Lights Suplex! Shards of jagged agony tear into him as Krista kicks her legs back and pulls him up with the guillotine still cinched in! “TAP! TAP! TAP!” With a steady stream of salvia dribbling down his chin, a world turned into a hazy blur, and an utterly terrifying rival who seems willing and able to put an end to his career latched onto him, like a parasite Scotty can no longer bear the intense pain. Thus he furiously taps out, surrendering to Krista! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” screams the audience as Edge of Seventeen restarts. BUFFER Your winner...CHICKS OVER DICKS! CABOOSE Scotty Static tapped out! COACH Is that so? Somehow I must have missed that among the ringing of the bell, and Buffer's announcement, and all the cheering fans. Any more brilliant insights you want to share with me, oh brilliant commentator, oh master orator, oh king of all his broadcast domain? Or would you just like to shut up and go back to being a third wheel? Wanting to pay GPX in full for what they've done Alix, KID lets Scotty free and goes to Johnny. Fortunately, Johnny has the common sense to get the hell out of the ring, before he's signing autographs in the ER. Krista let's him run away, choosing to focus on Alix instead. As gently as possible, Krista helps Alix to her feet, where she receives a touching ovation from the spectators.

COLE Let's send it over to our broadcast colleague Josh Matthews backstage. The camera cuts to the lockerroom. Otaku II is standing by with Josh “J. Math” Matthews. The crowd cheers. Otaku II is pacing back and forth, an angry look on his face. JOSH MATTHEWS Otaku II, tonight at Climax, you will go one-on-one with Vitamin X in the rubber match between you two. And this match will be a No Disqualification Match. What are your thoughts heading into— OTAKU II Josh, the time to talk is over! The crowd cheers. OTAKU II I am sick and tired of Vitamin X ALWAYS trying to KICK MY ASS! This BULLSHIT has gone on far enough! Climax is the name of the pay-per-view, right? Well then, it’s quite appropriate for our match tonight, because it WILL be the climax of our feud. It WILL be the climax of our rivalry. And mark my words Josh, I WILL BE THE ONE WHOSE HANDS ARE RAISED AS THE WINNER! The crowd cheers again. Otaku looks straight into the camera. OTAKU II You know, people think I’m the underdog in tonight’s match. People think that Vitamin X will be the winner since I’m a technical wrestler, and he’s a street fighter. People think that since this match is a No Disqualification Match that means that it will be Vitamin X who walks out of here the winner. But here’s something people don’t know about me. And here’s something VITAMIN X doesn’t know about me. When you get me mad. When you really piss me off. When you pushed my buttons. I don’t sit there and take it. I FIGHT BACK! And unfortunately for Vitamin X, he’s done all of the above, so that means that I will most definitely FIGHT! And by fight, I don’t mean do some technical wrestling. I mean I will be DIRTY! I will be VIOLENT! And I will CRUEL! I will give it my all. I will use everything I can get my hands on. I will, if I must, sacrifice my mind, my body, and my soul in order to beat Vitamin X once and for all. And then, when the bell rings, and the match is over, there will be no doubt who the better man is. There will be no doubt who the superior athlete is. Vitamin X, at the end of our No Disqualification Match, it won’t be YOU that’s standing in the middle of the ring, with his arms raised. Oh no. It’s going to be the man who is the leader of Mad Machine. It’s going to be the man who is one of the best technical wrestlers in the world today. And it’s going to be the man who has not once, but TWICE KICKED YOUR ASS! And that’s me! OTAK— *BAM!* Vitamin X enters the lockerroom and cracks a Kendo Stick over the back of Otaku II! COLE Hey! Vitamin X gets on top of Otaku II, the Kendo Stick still in his left hand. VX is in his street clothes as he taunts Otaku. VITAMIN X YEAH! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? YEAH! Vitamin X punches Otaku II in the face repeatedly with lefts and rights. COLE Stop this! Where’s security? CABOOSE No. Keep it going! The X-Man kicks Otaku II in the stomach. He stands up over the fallen masked wrestler, who is holding his head in pain. VITAMIN X YEAH! BOO-YAH~! THAT’S JUST A PREVIEW OF THE HELL YOU’RE GOING TO EXPERIENCE TONIGHT! JOSH MATTHEWS (O.S.) Somebody get a doctor. VITAMIN X SHUT YOUR MOUTH, JOSH! VX slaps Otaku in the face. VITAMIN X YOU’RE GOING TO EXPERIENCE HELL TONIGHT! YOU GOT THAT? YOU GOT THAT? You’re nothing man! You ain’t nothing! NOTHING!!! BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~! Vitamin X leaves. Otaku II is still lying on the floor holding his head. COLE The NERVE of Vitamin X! Attacking Otaku just before their match tonight! CABOOSE Vitamin X has the right idea. Attack Otaku just before the match, so that he isn’t 100%. COLE X attacked Otaku last Thursday on HeldDOWN~!, and Otaku II STILL was able to fight back! CABOOSE Well, Vitamin X is not a quitter. He’ll keep on trying until he finally gets it right. In this case, he’ll keep on attacking Otaku until Otaku is crippled or dead. COLE They’ll have the chance to settle their rivalry later tonight at Climax when they square off one-on-one in the No Disqualification Match. COACH That should be a good one! * DING DING DING * BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen this next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the X-Division Championship! YEAHHHHHH!!!! "Lose Yourself" by Eminem begins to play and the fans boo as Jamie O'Hara walks out onto the stage in his hoodie and baseball cap. His face is obscured, but his voice isn't as the mics pic up his trash talking as he walks to the ring. O'HARA Yo Parka is gonna get punk'd out tonight! Tha belt is mine beeyotch!! COLE Jamie O'Hara is never at a loss for words. COACH That's right beeeyotch!!! CABOOSE Is Caboose gonna have to choke a bitch? COACH I'll be good. Jamie climbs into the ring and poses on the turnbuckles as he pulls down his hood and tosses his cap to a ring attendant. COLE On this past HeldDOWN O'Hara earned this one on one shot in a very well fought match that he almost won. COACH Yeah, but this time there won't be a third man to break up the count. So I believe my man O'Hara will win this match. CABOOSE I'm afraid to ask why your'e calling him "your man". BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger, from Birmingham, England, weighing in at 170 pounds, he is "The Birmingham Bad Boy" JAMIE O'HARA!!!!!!! BOOOOOO!!!! O'HARA Man shut up! You people wouldn't know real skill if it bit you in your fat asses!! "Lose Yourself" dies down and is replaced by "California Love" causing the fans to cheer. COLE Here comes the champion. COACH No no it's "Da Champ is Here!" CABOOSE Whoa...we don't want trouble from WWE Coach. The El Camino pulls up beside the stage and Parka holds the new design X-Title out the window for all to see. COACH Now that is a snazzy looking belt. CABOOSE Thanks I designed it. COACH No you didn't. Parka revs the engine for a few seconds before turning it off and exiting the car along with Eddy. He slaps hands with the fans along the way before climbing up onto the ramp and walking to the ring. BUFFER Introducing next, accompanied to the ring by Eddy Kalm, from San Diego, California, weighing in at 245 pounds, he is the reigning X-Division Champion....THE PARKA!!!!! He then stops short of stepping through the ropes and takes his mask off to hand to Eddy. However, Jamie runs over and snatches the mask away from Eddy before he can walk away. COLE What is Jamie O'Hara doing? Jamie then puts the mask on and mocks Parka, which causes the fans to boo loudly. COLE What a jerk. COACH It's funny Cole. Parka just smirks as Jamie even does the old La Parka dance. Parka begins to become annoyed and calls Jamie over. PARKA Hey you're wearing it wrong! Let me adjust it for you. Parka grabs him when he comes near and twists the mask around so that Jamie can't see! COACH What's this crap!? Parka is cheating!! Jamie starts wildly throwing punches at the air as Parka ducks back to avoid them. COLE Now that is funny! CABOOSE Coach the match hasn't started so just chill. Parka steps into the ring and yanks the mask off of Jamie, who looks pissed. Parka holds his hands up to say, "I was just messing with you," but Jamie hauls off and slaps him hard across the face. O'HARA No one does that to me man!! COLE Uh oh. CABOOSE Parka just set the tone of this match with his antics. I hope he knows what he's doing. Parka gets in Jamie's face and starts a yelling match, but the ref forces them to back off so he can start the match. *DING DING DING* COLE Finally we can get underway. COACH And now both men are pissed off. CABOOSE Good...maybe we'll get a nice old fashioned ass whoopin'! Both men circle each other with looks that could kill and finally lock up. Parka overpowers Jamie into a corner and then goes to whip him across the ring, but Jamie reverses and sends Parka into the corner. In the blink of an eye Jamie is right behind him and nails Parka with a Corckscrew Wheel Kick. COLE Did you see that!? O'Hara had to have turned over three or four times before making impact! CABOOSE Cole you've seen him wrestle before. COLE I know but it never gets old. Parka is dazed by the high impact so Jamie runs back in and hits a Monkey Flip, but Parka lands on his feet and charges back in. Jamie is quick though and takes Parka over with a Drop Toe Hold. He then actually steps on top of Parka as he runs across the ring and on his way back he performs a standing Swanton before making a cover! COLE What agility! Cover. 1....2....No! Parka kicks out! CABOOSE I don't think Parka was ready for this. COACH I don't think anyone could be ready for this. Parka is up at the same time as Jamie and looks even more pissed. Parka locks up and then goes for a Hip Toss, but Jamie flips through it and lands on his feet before leaping up onto Parka's shoulders for a Hurricanrana. Parka manages to shove Jamie off before he can do the move and Jamie lands on his feet. Parka then goes for a punch, but Jamie ducks. Then Parka goes for a sweep, but Jamie hops over it. Parka then goes for a Spinning Heel Kick, but Jamie does a Matrix backbend to avoid it! YEAHHHHHH!!!! COLE The fans are loving this exchange and so am I. CABOOSE Me too. COACH Me four! COLE ........ CABOOSE ........ Jamie stands back up and Parka fakes a sweep. When Jamie hops up Parka nails him in the gut with a punch and then hooks him for a Brainbuster and hits it! COLE Parka finally outsmarts him. Parka with another cover. 1....2....No!! COACH Jamie's strategy is to make Parka so frustrated he makes a mistake, but so far it's not completely working. Parka then pulls him to his feet and whips him to the ropes. As Jamie comes back Parka hoists him onto his shoulders for a Samoan Drop, but Jamie pulls him down into a Crucifix Pin. 1 2 No!!! COLE Another reversal by O'Hara! COACH Maybe reversal is his middle name? CABOOSE I thought it was danger? This time Jamie is up first and catches a standing Parka with an Armdrag, but Parka cartwheels through it and comes up with a smile on his face. YEAHHHH!!! COLE Whoa! Parka pulling a page out of O'Hara's book. COACH This match is turning into a game of "Can you top this?" CABOOSE This could get good then. Jamie runs towards Parka and leaps into the Wheelbarrow position before pushing off the mat to go for an move, but Parka just plants him face first on the mat! COLE Parka isn't dazed enough to be going for such a grandstanding move. Parka goes for another cover. 1 2 No!!! Jamie kicks out. Parka then pulls Jamie back up and whips him across the ring, but Jamie bounces off the second rope with a Moonsault into a Reverse DDT! He takes a second to shake the cobwebs out before going for a cover. 1 2 No!!! Parka kicks out. COLE I think Jamie rushed into that move without giving himself time to recover and lost a little time in going for a pin. Jamie gets up a few seconds before Parka and climbs to the top rope and waits. As Parka stands Jamie launches off with a Multiple Corkscrew Bodypress for a cover. 1 2 No!! Parka kicks out. COACH This kid is amazing! CABOOSE Easy Coach. Stop drooling. COLE Parka is going to have to ground him if he wants to win. CABOOSE Don't forget Parka can hang with the high flyers if he wants to. Jamie pulls Parka to his feet by the head and nails him with three forearms to the jaw. With Parka properly dazed he nails a Handspring Elbow off the ropes that knocks Parka down. Then without missing a beat Jamie nails a Standing Spiral Tap!! COLE Wow!! COACH I love this guy! CABOOSE ......... COLE Thank you for not reacting to that Caboose. Jamie makes a cover. 1 2 No!!! COLE Pin attempts are coming rapid fire in this match. It's fast paced and the fans are loving it. Parka comes up looking quite dazed and in pain as Jamie sizes him up for his next move. Jamie leaps onto Parka's shoulders for another Hurricanrana attempt, but Parka turns it into a Sitout Powerbomb! COLE I think Parka was playing possum! CABOOSE No I think he was actually dazed. Look at what he's been hit with so far. COLE I mean he could have been acting more dazed than he really was! Parka then goes to the apron and motions to the crowd that he's going to slingshot himself back in. YEAHHHHH!!!! Parka nails the Slingshot Senton and goes for a cover. 1 2 No!!! Jamie kicks out! COLE Too much wasted time! Parka comes up slow and grimacing slightly and then waits in the corner with a smirk on his face as Jamie starts to get up. COLE Could he be going for the Shining Wizard? CABOOSE Parka could break this kid's nose with it like he almost did to Christian Wright a couple of months ago. Now that would make this a great match. COACH You're scaring me. COLE Stop scaring the children Caboose. Jamie gets up to one knee and Parka rushes in, but Jamie catches his leg and Parka falls on his back! Jamie then flips over for a Jacknife Pin! 1 2 3!! No!! Parka kicks out! Parka gets up slower and slower each time and begins to visibly hold his ribs in pain. COLE Parka bruised his ribs on HeldDOWN and it's starting to show. CABOOSE Well be better not let O'Hara see that. Jamie does see it and rushes in with punches to the ribs and gut. Jamie pummels Parka like a boxer. Parka stops the onslaught with a knee to the gut, but he can't capitalize as Jamie quickly nails him with a stiff kick to the ribs. Parka goes down to one knee and Jamie bounces off the ropes with a Shining Wizard of his own! COLE Now O'Hara is stealing from Parka's playbook! COACH Yeah, but did he break his nose!? CABOOSE Don't mock me Coach. Jamie then goes for a cover. 1 2 3!!! No!!! Parka kicks out at the last second. COLE I thought he had him!! Jamie waits for Parka to get up with a grin on his face as he throws his arms out to taunt him. O'HARA Come on boyeee!! As Parka stands Jamie comes in with rapid fire kicks to the ribs on both sides of Parka's body. Parka tries to cover up, but it's no use. Parka finally catches one of Jamie's fast kicks and sweeps the other leg out so that Jamie hits the mat. Parka then rolls him over onto his stomach and locks in a STF on Jamie! YEAHHHHH!!!! COLE This is a smart move. Parka needs to stop the attacks on his ribs so he locks O'Hara into a submission. CABOOSE Yeah, but look at Parka's face. He's in pain even while doing this move! The ref asks if Jamie wants to quit, but he says no. He then kicks his free leg wildly towards the ropes, hoping to hook it across the bottom rope. COACH Reach Jamie reach! Jamie manages to use his flexibility to his advantage as he does stretch his free leg out and touches the bottom rope. The ref calls for a break and Parka immediately lets go as the move was taking a toll on him as well. COLE A normal person without O'Hara's flexibility probably wouldn't have made it to the ropes. COACH Are you calling O'Hara abnormal? COLE No...I was...nevermind. CABOOSE Don't argue with him. Parka takes a few seconds to breathe and rest as Jamie slides to the outside for a breather himself. Some fans taunt Jamie and he trash talks right back, but Parka uses the momentary distraction to dive through the ropes with a Suicide Dive that knocks Jamie right into the guardrail! However, the landing causes Parka to lie on the floor in pain. COLE I don't think that was smart of Parka at all. CABOOSE I might have been after all. Look I think O'Hara busted his lip pretty badly on the guardrail! In fact Jamie did bust his lip and the camera gets a shot of blood trickling down onto his shirt. COACH Dammit Parka is out of control! The ref comes out to check on both men as Parka gets back up and pulls Jamie to his feet. Parka then whips Jamie hard into the guardrail and he actually flips over the top and lands in the crowd!! COLE Oh my God! Parka just sent O'Hara tumbling over the guardrail and right into some fan's lap! Parka starts to get a second wind as he charges over to the guardrail and grabs Jamie by the head to Suplex him back over. Fans scatter to make room as Parka lifts him up, but Jamie fights out and lands behind him. The ref is begging for them to get back in the ring, but Jamie ignores him as he slams Parka head first into the Spanish announce table that is nearby. COLE It's been awhile since a Spanish Announce Table took some damage. CABOOSE Wait...we have Spanish Announcers? COACH Si. Parka stumbles around only to receive a Spinning Heel Kick to the face that knocks him on top of the Spanish announce table. COLE Oh no...now what? Jame then climbs onto the apron, slingshots onto the top rope, and then bounces off with an Inverted 450! But Parka moves and Jamie crashes through the table!!!! COLE, CABOOSE, & COACH HOLY SHIT!!!!!! Neither, Parka, the ref, or the fans can believe what they just saw as Jamie is laid out cold in the wreckage of the Spanish announcer's table. Hugo Savinovich and Tito Santana are knocked out of their chairs and looking as shocked as everyone else. The fans start a "Holy Shit" chant as the ref checks on Jamie. COLE I think the kid is dead. COACH Nooooooo!!! CABOOSE Don't yell in my ear!! Eddy walks around the ring to look at Jamie as Parka leans against the ring post trying to catch his breath. The ref checks on Jamie, whose eyes are glazed over, and says he's going to end the match, but Jamie looks at him and says, "I'll kill you fool!! I'm not dead!!" COLE I can't believe he's awake. CABOOSE I can't believe he still wants to fight. Jamie tries to stand, but he quickly falls back down looking dizzy. Parka pulls him to his feet and slides him into the ring and mercifully goes for a cover. 1 2 3!!! No!!! Jamie actually kicks out!! COLE Whether you like this kid or not he's impressing everyone tonight. COACH Especially me. CABOOSE I'm not one to cheer for Upstarts, mostly because of their leader, but this kid deserves this shot tonight. He's pulling out all the stops. Parka then signals that it's time to end it and goes for the Day of the Dead.....but Jamie, just like on HeldDOWN, breaks free and flips Parka over with a Sunset Flip! 1 2 No!!! Parka kicks out. COLE I don't think O'Hara had the strength left to hold him down! CABOOSE How does he even have the strength left to keep fighting? COACH He's one tough bastard that's how! Parka is up before Jamie, but a well placed kick to Parka's ribs gives Jamie the advantage again. Jamie then whips Parka to the ropes and Spears Parka off his feet. The impact on Parka's ribs causes him to cry out in pain. COLE You can tell that O'Hara has slowed down considerably since going through the table, but he's still picking his attacks wisely. CABOOSE He can still attack Parka's ribs even if he can't fly around as much. Jamie makes a cover. 1 2 No!! Parka kicks out! Both men are up slowly and look exhausted. Parka stumbles around as Jamie sees his opening and leaps towards Parka with a Spinning Wheel Kick, but Parka moves and the kick hits the ref right in the face! COLE Oh no!! COACH Bah I never liked that ref anyway! The ref goes down to the mat as Parka grabs the distracted Jamie from behind and nails a Half Nelson Suplex that folds Jamie up like an accordian! COLE What a move...but there's no ref. CABOOSE I think Parka knows that. He's just buying time to get a breather. Parka lies on the mat catching his breath as the fans cheer and start a "Let's go Parka" chant. Parka watches as Jamie starts to stand and then he goes in for the kill. Parka reaches for Jamie, but Jamie nails him with a Low Blow! BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! COLE Low Blow!!! COACH Yes, but there's no ref!! Jamie then nails Parka with a kick to the ribs that echoes throughout the arena. Parka rolls around on the mat in pain as Jamie goes to the top rope slowly. COLE I can't believe O'Hara is going up top after what happened earlier! Jamie wobbles slightly from fatigue, but when he finally gets his bearings he jumps off with Da Bling Thing (Shooting Star Legdrop) and hits it!! COLE Da Bling Thing!!! O'Hara might have this won!! COACH Cover him!! Jamie is absolutely exhausted and doesn't make a cover right away even though the ref is stirring. COACH The ref is waking up...cover him Jamie!! COLE Could we see a new champ? Finally Jamie makes a cover, but the ref hasn't turned around so he can see it. O'HARA Ref turn yo ass around!! The ref turns over and begins the slowest count ever. 1 2 No!!! Parka kicks out!! COLE Parka kicked out!! COACH Of course he did that was the slowest count ever!! COLE The ref was groggy! CABOOSE Cole I told you don't argue with him. Jamie is livid as he stands up and grabs the ref by his shirt. O'HARA What is yo problem!? My Grandmother can count faster than you and she has arthritis! The ref shoves Jamie off and warns him about putting his hands on him. As Jamie stumbles back Parka is behind him and spins him around. Parka boots him to the gut and goes for a Vertical Suplex. The impact causes Parka pain and he is slow in rolling over and going for another. COLE I don't think Parka should be going for a move that takes so much out of him like this. Parka gets him up for another Suplex and yet again is slow rolling over. CABOOSE That's two...can he do it again? Parka goes for a third one, but he has trouble lifting Jamie. He tries again and this time fights through the pain to hit it. As he lands his feet are kicked up in the air and Jamie thinks quick hooking his leg around Parka's, locking them in a small package-like pinning position. COLE Jamie O'Hara with some quick thinking!! 1 2 3!!! COLE What!? COACH Yes!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* COLE I think we have a new champion!! BOOOOOOO!!!! CABOOSE Wait a minute.....hold on! Jamie gets up and raises his hands into the air as the fans boo. He looks estatic as Buffer brings the X Title to the ring. Jamie snatches it out of his hands and holds it above his head. COLE Jamie O'Hara has won!! CABOOSE I don't think....let's see a replay of that!! Suddenly the ref yanks the X-Title out of Jamie O'Hara's hands and shakes his head. YEAHHHHHH!!!!! O'HARA Man you betta have a good reason for that!!! COLE What's going on?? Jamie takes the title back, but the ref just pulls it away from him again. COLE I think the ref is saying that O'Hara didn't win the match. COACH He pinned Parka's shoulders 1..2..3!!! The ref converses with Michael Buffer for a minute or so while the fans buzz with anticipation. BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen. The ref informs me that BOTH men's shoulders were down!! Therefore this match is ruled...A DRAW!!!! Therefore Parka remains the X-Division Champion!! The ref hands Parka the title as Jamie throws a fit in the ring! O'HARA I got my shoulder up!!! This is bullshit!!! Parka slides out of the ring looking exhausted and in pain and is met by Eddy Kalm who helps him to the back. Inside the ring Jamie feels his busted lip and looks at all the blood on his shirt. There is a fire in his eyes that tells everyone that this is far from over. COLE Fans this was an amazing match, but we didn't have a clear winner. I'm sure this is not over between these two. COACH It better not be! Jamie reluctantly leaves the ring as Parka gets back in the El Camino and drives it back to the back. There is a mixture of cheers for Parka and boos for the end of the match and Jamie. Some even applaud Jamie for his fighting spirit. COLE What a match. (COMMERICAL ON PPV) NRG supplements and power drinks!

JANUARY 29, 2006 A cold, dark voice begins to speak the ungodly hymn over the loud speakers, as smoke begins to cover the entrance way. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD starts up, and Rick Heyross leads out the team of Brock Ausstin & Team Heyross. COLE And we're about to decide the first-ever OAOAST Six-Man tag team champions! BUFFER The following is the final match of the OAOAST Six-Man tag team tournament, the winners of this contest will be the FIRST-EVER OAOAST Six-Man tag team champions! Coming down the aisle, led down by their manager, Rick Heyross...at a total combined weight of 800 pounds...first, the team of CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! And their tag team partner, from Victoria, Minnesota...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! COACH And this team will not only be attempting to win this match and win the Six-Man tag team titles, but they'll be trying to take it out of Alf, who still has the Christmas Deathmatch for the Heartland title later tonight! As the team steps into the ring and gets ready, What's the Difference: Prizefighter Remix hits and Reject and Thunderkid come through the curtains. BUFFER Their opponents...at a total combined weight of 730 pounds...first, introducing the team of THUNDERKID and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!! As TK and Reject walk towards the ring, Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits and Alfdogg follows them out. BUFFER And their tag team partner, former World Heavyweight Champion, ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf meets up with TK and Reject at ringside, and they all slide into the ring together. *DING DING DING* All six men brawl in the ring, with Alf, TK, and Reject getting the better of it. TK clotheslines Moss over the top rope, and Alf takes Benjamin over with a superkick! TK then picks up Reject in a suplex, and Reject takes Brock over with a headscissors! COLE Alf's team on a roll right now, and who knows, Alf could walk out of Climax with two titles tonight! Alf gets onto the apron, as TK and Reject wait on the inside. COACH What's Alf setting up here? TK and Reject pull back on the ropes, and Alf pulls the other way, sending TK and Reject over the ropes onto the opposing team! Alf then gets back into the ring, as TK and Reject slug it out 2-on-3 on the floor. When all five men get to their feet, Alf runs to one side of the ring, then comes back with a TOPE CON HILO~! leaving all six men on the floor! Everyone lays around for a bit, then Alf gets to his feet first and hammers away at Brock Ausstin. Team Heyross brawls with TK & Reject outside the ring, and then Alf rolls inside as Charlie Moss is thrown in by Reject. Charlie Moss is whipped to the ropes and ducks a clothesline, only to be met with a flying back elbow from Alf! Alf picks up Moss and hits a snap suplex! He then drops a knee to the sternum and tags in Reject. Alf gives Moss a bodyslam in the middle of the ring, then Reject slingshots into the ring with a guillotine legdrop! Cover... 1... 2........ Kickout! Reject gives Moss a backbreaker, and follows up with ROLLING THUNDER~! Another cover... 1... 2...... Kickout! Reject puts Moss in a front facelock, then tags in TK, who comes off the top rope with a HUGE forearm to the back! TK backs him into the corner and follows up with boots to the midsection. TK then pulls Moss out of the corner and delivers a gutwrench suplex! Cover... 1... 2...... Kickout! TK goes to pick up Moss, but Moss goes to the eyes and tags in Benjamin. Benjamin goes to the top rope, and hits a missile dropkick! Cover... 1... 2....... Kickout! Benjamin picks up TK, and goes for a suplex. However, TK blocks, then blocks a second time, before giving Benjamin a suplex of his own! TK picks Benjamin up, then whips him to the ropes, catching him with a big PRESS SLAM! COACH Great power shown by TK there, and Quentin Benjamin is hurting right now! TK tags Reject back in, then picks up Moss in a hangman's hold. COACH Oh, no, here it comes... Reject hops in, measures Benjamin, and hits a STIFF roundhouse kick to the midsection! Benjamin rolls on the mat, and Reject picks him up and hits a back suplex! Reject then snaps a leg and tags TK right back in. COLE Fast tags by the team of Alf, TK, and Reject, they're working very well as a team right now, there's only been one tag on the other side! TK traps the right arm of Quentin Benjamin, and hits a belly-to-belly suplex! Cover... 1... 2........ Kickout! TK waits for Benjamin to get up and goes to the ropes, but Moss hits a knee right in the lower back! TK drops to his knees holding the back, and Benjamin kicks him in the face, sending him out to the floor. Benjamin draws Reject into the ring, while Brock Ausstin drops to the floor and throws TK right into the steel steps! Brock then picks the steps up and drops them right on the back of TK! COLE Oh WOW, steel steps slammed right onto the back of Thunderkid! Look at the pain on his face! COACH And Quentin Benjamin has got Reject in the ring, and the referee is distracted, he didn't see any of it! Brock picks TK up in a press slam, and throws him back in over the second rope! COACH Well, we saw a great display of power earlier from TK, but how about THAT for power from Brock Ausstin? I mean, TK is 260 pounds! COLE No doubt about it, perhaps the strongest man in wrestling right now, Brock Ausstin! Benjamin picks up TK and whips him into the ropes, bouncing off of the ropes himself and hitting a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2......... Kickout! COLE Tide has definitely turned in this one, Coach! COACH Absolutely, and I like the strategy of this team, as well! Keeping the big man fresh, Brock Ausstin has yet to legally enter this match! Benjamin whips TK hard into the corner, and catches him coming out with a Frankensteiner! He plays to the crowd, drawing boos, then tags Moss back in. Moss and Benjamin hit the DOUBLE GOOZLE~! and Moss covers as Benjamin gets out of the ring. COACH Come on, ref, get down there! 1.. 2...... Kickout! Moss gives TK a back suplex, then tags in Brock Ausstin. COLE And here comes Brock, first time in the match, legally. Brock picks up TK on his shoulder in a Canadian backbreaker, then drops into a sitdown position! COACH Wow, can you imagine the pain that TK must be experiencing right now? Brock picks up TK and double underhooks him, then lifts him up, holding him in the air, then dropping him on his back. He then tags Moss back in, and Moss hooks TK around the neck and right arm, dropping him with an STO backbreaker! Moss then rolls TK over onto his stomach. COLE Looks like he's setting TK up for that bow & arrow hold! And indeed, Moss puts the knees into the back and rolls TK over, bridging him over them! Moss pulls on the face and feet of TK as he's asked by the referee if he wants to give up. TK is able to get his arms over his head, and places his hands on the mat, attempting to push the hold over and roll to the ropes. After three tries, he finally rolls over onto his stomach on the mat, and gets a hand on the bottom rope. The referee administers a four-count, and Moss breaks the hold. COACH Well, Moss had the hold applied too low, I believe, or TK wouldn't have been able to reach the mat with his hands to push off there. Moss delivers a neckbreaker to TK, then Benjamin goes to the top rope. Moss meets him, and they set up a rocket launcher. COLE Wait a minute, no tag was made here! Moss tosses Benjamin off, but TK lifts the knees up and Benjamin lands on them! COLE And now TK with a chance to make a tag! TK inches over to his corner, but Moss picks him by the foot. TK picks himself up, and hits an enziguri on Moss, then rolls over and makes the tag to Alf! COLE Tag is made, and Alf is in there! Alf jumps in and takes down Benjamin with a clothesline! Alf takes Moss down with a clothesline! Brock jumps in and charges Alf, but Alf backdrops him over the top rope! COLE And Brock Ausstin sent to the floor by Alfdogg! Alf follows Brock out with a plancha, then hammers him with right hands! Alf then slides back into the ring and catches Benjamin with an overhead belly-to-belly! He then grabs Moss, and gives him a T-Bone suplex! Alf with a cover... 1... 2....... NO! Benjamin makes the save! Moss and Benjamin whip Alf into the ropes, but they both put their heads down. Alf kicks Benjamin, then gives Moss a fisherman's suplex! 1...... 2............... NO! Moss kicks out! Alf tags in Reject, and delivers a Northern Lights bomb to Moss! Reject goes to the top rope, and drops a leg! Cover... 1.... 2......... NO!!! Benjamin dives back in for the save! TK comes back into the ring holding his back, and sends Benjamin over the top rope with a clothesline! Brock Ausstin clotheslines Reject from the apron! COLE And Brock Ausstin with a cheap shot from the outside! TK grabs Moss in a side headlock, and Moss blind tags Brock, who stays on the apron. COLE The legal men are Brock Ausstin and Reject... Moss takes down TK, and hooks the MOSSY KNOLL~!!! COLE Moss has it hooked, but neither of these men are legal! Reject springs up and hits the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COLE EULOGY~!!! COACH But Moss isn't legal, either! The referee gets Reject off of Moss, as Brock slowly creeps around the ring. TK picks up Moss, and sets up the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!! But as TK picks up Moss, Reject turns around, and is kicked in the face by the feet of Moss! Reject staggers backwards...into an F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 COACH THERE'S the two legal men! Brock covers... 1..... 2........... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (9:49) COACH THERE IT IS!!! We've got Six-man tag champs! BUFFER The winners of this contest...and NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OAOAST Six-Man Tag Team champions...the team of TEAM HEYROSS, and BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! The new champs celebrate with the belts, then make their way back to the locker room. In the ring, Alf helps Reject to his feet. COLE Well, a little miscommunication between Reject and Thunderk... Reject jerks away from Alf, and shoves TK with one hand, and begins shouting at him! COACH It looks like more than miscommunication right now, Cole! Reject points at his head while shouting at TK, as TK attempts to apologize. Alf comes to the side and attempts to smooth things over, and Reject shoves him to the side and walks back to the dressing room, leaving Alf and TK in the ring. COLE Well, trouble in paradise between the former Deadly Alliance, but Alf's got to get that out of his mind, because later on, it's a Christmas Deathmatch for the Heartland title as he challenges the champion, Chris Stevens! COACH And the first-EVER OAOAST Six-Man tag team champions, Brock Ausstin and Team Heyross!

COLE It's time for one of three big women's bouts on tap for tonight's Pay-Per-View extravaganza, as Julie "The Shark" Sharcor is set to face Ayane Mitsui in a Shark Pit Match! COACH We had to do some deep studying for this one, but a Shark Pit Match is one where the only ways to lose are by submission, knockout, or being thrown out of the ring. COLE This all started when "The Shark" went on a rampage after being eliminated at the Torneo Cibernetica last month, choking out and destroying officials and journeywoman enhancement talent alike... COACH ..all of which caused Mitsui, a fellow ex-shootfighter, to question Sharcor's heart for not being straight-up with her attacks. That led to this challenge, in what's been dubbed as "The Shark Pit", in ode to The Shark's domination of a shootfighting group in Nevada that used these exact same rules for their fights. Also in a ode to them, neither competitor's going to get a fancy entrance...the lights are going to go out, and when they come back on, both competitors will be in the ring. Cole, who do you think has the edge? COLE Well, if Ayane can keep the fight on her feet and use her deadly kicks to her advantage, she has the best chance any person's ever had of beating Sharcor EVER. But, Julie's a big, strong girl and I could see her easily powering Mitsui down to the mat and going for a submission victory. I'm going with the rookie monster. COACH I'll play devil's advocate and say that Ayane's experience, speed, and wits will be the factors that will finally do "The Shark" in. Let's go to the ring! (The lights go off, and thirty seconds later, after dead silence, they come back on with both wrestlers in their corners) BUFFER The following contest is a Shark Pit bout, where the only means of defeat are by tapout, knockout, or being thrown out of the ring and onto the floor! Introducing first...from San Diego, California and weighing in tonight at 196 pounds...the undefeated Julie "The Shark" SHARRRRCOR! (scattered boos from the crowd) BUFFER Her opponent...from Boston, Massachusetts by way of Tokyo, Japan...Ayane MITSUIIIII! COLE Mitsui has the best chance of any of Sharcor's opponents in defeating her thus far, as Mitsui is familiar with the shootfight tactics that the monster brings to the ring... COACH But, Ayane's also giving up nearly 90 pounds and a half-foot of height too. ::BELL RINGS:: Both competitors go mid-ring, and Ayane sticks her hand out, looking for a handshake from Sharcor...and gets pie-face-shoved instead! Ayane stumbles back, then gets right back in "The Shark"'s face! They then go into a sumo waist clinch! Sharcor quickly forces Ayane down with a legsweep, then climbs on top of her and tries holding her down. The Shark gets in a quick elbow shiver to the face, but Ayane is able to roll to her stomach and gets caught in the ropes. Sharcor backs off and gives Ayane room to get herself together. Both competitors go back to fighting stance and circle around mid-ring. Mitsui, out of nowhere, dives down and goes for a single leg takedown! COLE Ayane's getting gutsy and going to try and take the fight to "The Shark"'s playground. Sharcor takes a lower vertical base and stands strong, but Ayane goes to work with elbows to the thigh to try and chop the tree down. Sharcor delivers one stiff forearm to Ayane's back, but Mitsui keeps going to work with the elbows...and Sharcor stumbles backwards into the ropes, forcing a break! COACH Ayane looks to be going for the "Everyone's The Same Size on Their Back" strategy. Ayane gives Sharcor time to get back up, as both wrestlers go back to their fighting stances. Sharcor, looking rather upset, charges at Ayane...but runs right into a forearm to the face! It dazes The Shark enough to give Ayane time to go to work with three stiff kicks to Sharcor's left thigh, then come off of the ropes with a charging kick...but Sharcor catches the foot and sends Ayane down with a back kick footsweep. Ayane tries turning over and gets kicked in the back, then Sharcor lifts Mitsui off of the mat with a waistlock and slams her back down on her face! COLE Ayane's burst of offense proved that she knows she'll only be able to get in bursts of offense against this monster, and that she needs to make them count. Sharcor goes right into a grounded front facelock and begins to deliver stiff knees to Ayane's ear and shoulder. Ayane struggles as hard as she can, and is able to squeeze her head out...but Sharcor charges at her right after she comes onto her knees, and tackles her into a corner! Sharcor breaks clean, then charges right in, back after her...but Ayane moves! Sharcor gets all turnbuckle, as Mitsui shakes herself off and goes to work with roundhouse kicks to the back of The Shark's knee! COACH Even early in the bout, Ayane's gotten in more offense than any competitor that's faced Julie Sharcor has to-date! Sharcor turns around during this sequence and reaches for Ayane...but Mitsui ducks! Mitsui kicks The Shark in the back of the leg again, then connects with a low spinning wheel kick...and Sharcor is stumbling! Ayane gets up and goes crazy with kicks, using both feet, to the leg! Sharcor keeps taking the punishment...but pie-face-shoves Ayane down! Ayane's right back up, and goes right back to work with kicks to the leg! Sharcor gets tired of the punishment and out of nowhere, grabs Mitsui to send her down with a big STO! COLE The Shark slammed that window of opportunity shut! Sharcor gets up and adjusts her kneepad due to her now-hurting leg, then goes down to the mat and applies a double chicken-wing. Ayane tries turning herself around to get a rope break with her foot, so Sharcor pulls Ayane up to her feet with the hold. That gives Ayane the opportunity to start kicking backwards, connecting with Sharcor's softened-up knee. The pain from the kicks gets to be too much, and Sharcor lets go. Ayane then nails a BRUTAL spinning back-hand forearm to The Shark's head! COACH The Shark is rocked! Sharcor is on her feet, but knocked loopy! Ayane kicks Sharcor in the knee twice more, then nails a dropkick to the knee...and The Shark's down to one knee! The crowd rises, as it looks as if Ayane has her chance. Ayane backs up, charges forward, and goes for the Shining Wizard! But, Sharcor pops up, grabs Ayane, and spikes her down with a tackle slam! COLE DAMN! Sharcor pulls Mitsui up in a front facelock, and goes NUTS with rapid-fire knee strikes to Ayane's face! One by one, each stiffer than the last! Sharcor lets go of the front facelock, as Mitsui is now busted open! Sharcor tosses Ayane into a corner and goes crazy, alternating between extremely stiff chops and forearms... CHOP! FOREARM! CHOP! FOREARM! CHOP! FOREARM! CHOP! FOREARM! CHOP! FOREARM! CHOP! FOREARM! CHOP! FOREARM! Sharcor then goes into rapid-fire headbutts, right to the cut! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! Sharcor hooks Ayane by the side, and drops her on her damn skull with a VICIOUS high-angle side suplex! Ayane's down...but is shows signs of life and is trying to get up! Sharcor pulls Mitsui back up and forearms her in the face, then hooks the Asian sensation and drops her on her head again with a BIG T-Bone suplex! Mitsui is down! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! Mitsui's struggling... EIGHT! Mitsui's on one knee, and Sharcor pulls her up! Julie positions Ayane, lifts her, and drives her down to the mat hard with a powerbomb! Sharcor then does an axe stomp down to Mitsui's gut to knock the breath out of her! The referee starts to count again! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! Mitsui's rolling over... EIGHT! She's struggling up... NINE! TE....Ayane's back on one knee! The Shark pulls Ayane up, Sharcor holds Ayane up by the back of the pants, and proceeds to repeatedly stiff Mitsui with repeated lariats! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! Ayane's dazed and on her feet. Sharcor forearms Mitsui in the back of the head, causing Ayane to go down to her knees. Sharcor then comes off of the ropes...RUNNING PUNT TO THE FACE! Ayane's down! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! ::BELL RINGS:: BUFFER Your winner via knockout...Julie "The Shark" SHAAAAAARCOOOR! Mitsui lays unconcious, with the blood from her face soaking into the mat. Sharcor refuses to have her hand raised and just leaves. COLE Sharcor continues her win streak in quick fashion...yet it was her longest bout to date! COACH God bless Ayane Mitsui...she got in a heck of a lot more offense than anyone before on "The Shark", and even had Sharcor in position for her finisher... COLE But in the end, she fell to the immense domination that is "The Shark"! More to come!

Tha Puerto Rican’s voice is heard over the P.A. system: *You better know your role, boy.* A deep, slow voiced man saids: “LIGHTNING CREW!” Smoke fills the entryway as the opening to “No Chance In Hell” begins playing. After a few seconds, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, and “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing while The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron. *No Chance (No chance) That’s what ya got (Ha, Ha, Yeah) Put up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* A few seconds past, and through the smoke comes the members of The Lightning Crew: Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and the leader of The LC, “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican. Oh, and Stephen Joseph Popick is with them too. PR is wearing his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt around his waist. The crowd boos get louder. PR looks at the crowd with disgust; Mr. Boricua sneers at the crowd and grunts while cracking his knuckles, and Cuban Wall pumps his right fist in the air while looking at the crowd, drawing more boos. PR looks at Popick and Lindsay, then at Boricua and Wall, and orders them to follow him to the ring as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. *But will find their place in line But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it’s a matter of time Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah, yeah, yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (No chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!* *DING DING DING* MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following Six-Man Tag Team Match is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by The First Lady of The Lightning Crew Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez AND the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion Stephen Joseph Popick. At a total combined weight of 805 lbs. The team of Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall, AND the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion. “The Corporate Champion” THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! Chants of “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” fill the arena. PRL and Lindsay look at each other lovingly. Cuban Wall is walking to the ring with his eyes focused solely on it, a serious look on his face. He shadowboxes a little bit. Mr. Boricua continues grunting and snorting. COLE A big matchup coming up at Climax. Each and every man in this match has at one time or another been a member of The Lightning Crew. Tha Puerto Rican is leading the current incarnation of The Lightning Crew into battle against Colombian Heat and his team of ex-Lightning Crew members. CABOOSE Oh boy. This is just the start of what’s going to be a special night. Tha Puerto Rican will lead The Lightning Crew to victory over those three scrubs that were lucky to be apart of The LC. And then, later on tonight, Vitamin X, The X-Man, will go head-to-head against Otaku II in a No Disqualification Match! COLE Certainly a big night for The Lightning Crew. Colombian Heat made his return to the OAOAST 3 weeks ago on HeldDOWN~!, and he has made it crystal clear that he’s coming for Tha Puerto Rican and his 24/7 Title belt. PRL spins his belt plate. He is wearing his Puerto Rican flag facepaint. PRL gets on the ring apron. He sneers at the crowd. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Stephen Joseph Popick hold the ropes open for PRL to enter the ring. Popick and Lindsay enter the ring, and then Mr. Boricua climbs over the top rope to enter. Mr. Boricua yells at the fans as he climbs over the top rope. PRL spins around, soaking in the fans jeers as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK-muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing and chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Cuban Wall stands in the middle of the ring with his arms crossed, a serious expression on his face. Mr. Boricua yells at the fans. COACH This is certainly going to be a different match than the ones PRL usually wrestles. Spanish Fly, John Brickston, and Colombian Heat all know his moveset. They all know what he’s going to do before he does it. PRL was close to Fly and Brickston, but the person he was closet to the most was Colombian Heat, his FORMER best friend. PRL goes on the second turnbuckle and raises his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his head. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises his belt over his head. PRL hits a third turnbuckle and raises his spinner belt with his right arm in the air and “smells the electricity” a’la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth turnbuckle receiving boos. Mr. Boricua poses on another turnbuckle, as does Cuban Wall. CABOOSE What a year Tha Puerto Rican has had. He started off the year defeating Panther in a Steel Cage Match at AngleMania IV. And then, he went on to have, without a doubt, the GREATEST 24/7 Championship reign in OAOAST history. He has held that belt for 9 MONTHS now! A new record! And what a Champion he has been, am I right? COLE Well, you can’t deny that PRL is infact the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history. Now, whether or not he is the single GREATEST 24/7 Champion? Well, that one’s up for debate. CABOOSE What? What are you talking about? What debate? There is no debate. It’s simple as can be. PRL is the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history; therefore he is the GREATEST 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history. It goes together. No questions asked. He’s a greater champion than Panther, greater champion than Hoff, greater champion than Crystal, greater champion than Superstar, greater champion than CWM, greater champion than Zack Malibu. PRL is a greater 24/7 Champion than any of them! And that’s the truth, Ruth! Want proof? Look at how long he’s held the belt. There ya go. COLE Easy there, Caboose. PRL removes his sunglasses and earring. He kisses his custom made spinner 24/7 Champion and hands it over to Lindsay. He then chats with Stephen Joseph. Cuban Wall shadowboxes. Mr. Boricua yells at the fans. CABOOSE I’m telling you. Tha Puerto Rican is the single greatest OAOAST 24/7 Champion of all-time. Bar none. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stand in the center of the ring. They glance at each other, and then do The Lightning Crew Salute drawing loud boos. PRL taunts the fans as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds ends. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez (with PRL’s custom made spinner 24/7 Title belt) and Stephen Joseph Popick leave the ring. PRL, Boricua, and Wall look to the entrance. The crowd buzzes in anticipation, waiting for Colombian Heat to arrive. COLE These fans can’t wait for Colombian Heat to make his entrance! A piano plays a medley, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. COLE Here we go! *BOOM~!!!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat walks out, a cocky smile on his face. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. He points to both sides of the arena. He motions for his partners to come out, and they do. John “Rock Hard” Brickston stands on the left side of Colombian Heat, and Spanish Fly stands on the right side of Heat. Fly and Brickston acknowledge the fans. Brickston lets out a mighty roar. The three ex-LC members start walking down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. BUFFER And their opponents. Coming to the ring at this time. At a total combined weight of 565 lbs. The team of Spanish Fly, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, AND COLOMBIANNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull changes to “Fuel” by Metallica. The Lightning Crew has gone to the outside, and are glaring at their former running buddies. COLE This will be the first time Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John Brickston have teamed up since The Lightning Crew days. PRL has defeated all three men in singles matches before. He defeated John Brickston at Living Anglelously in April AND The Great Angle Bash in June to capture the Italian Title. He defeated Spanish Fly to retain the 24/7 Title at World Without End back in October. And he defeated Colombian Heat at School’s Out: Class Dismissed back in May 2004 in an Empty Arena Match, and it was during that match, that the PRL/Popick alliance was formed. CABOOSE A day that will live in infamy. “Fuel” by Metallica changes to “Krokodilamadurinn” by Quarashi. The three babyfaces enter the ring. Heat hops into the ring. Brickston lets out a mighty roar and raises his hands in the air. Colombian Heat gets on the second rope and does the “WESTSIIIIIIIDE” hand signal with a smile on his face. The crowd cheers. Heat gets on the second turnbuckle and raises his arms in the air. The crowd cheers again. Spanish Fly does the same thing. Brickston raises his arms in the air in the ring. Fly raises his arms in another turnbuckle and then hops off the turnbuckle. “Krokodilamadurinn” continues playing as Heat, Brickston, and Fly stand in the ring discussing strageaty. PRL, Boricua, and Wall discuss strageaty on the outside. CABOOSE Oh boy! I can’t wait for this match to start! The Lightning Crew, the ELITE Lightning Crew are going to show those jabronies that they’re better off without them! Colombian Heat grabs a microphone. COLOMBIAN HEAT Cut the damn music! “Krokodilamadurinn” by Quarashi dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. “HEAT! HEAT! HEAT! HEAT!” chants are heard all over the arena. Heat has a smile on his face as he begins to speak. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! CABOOSE Is he trying to set the world record for the amount of times one person says “Yo”? COLOMBIAN HEAT A’ight. If all of y’all are ready to see me make The Lightning Crew feel the Heat, make some noise up in this BI-AAAAAATCH~!!!! The crowd does indeed make some noise. PRL talks to the camera. PRL I hate him. Colombian Heat puts down the microphone. Heat, Brickston, and Fly stand in the center of the ring. Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston glance at each other…and do The Lightning Crew Salute! The crowd cheers! The Lightning Crew members are pissed on the outside. COLE Could this be their way of trying to psych out The Lightning Crew? By doing The Lightning Crew Salute? CABOOSE They’re MOCKING The Lightning Crew! That’s what they’re doing! Ungrateful bastards. Don’t they realize that if it weren’t for Tha Puerto Rican, they wouldn’t be here tonight! COLE We’re just about ready to start this matchup. The Lightning Crew Explodes! On one side we have three former Lightning Crew members. On the other, we have three current members of The Lightning Crew including the leader himself, Tha Puerto Rican! CABOOSE All right, go get him PRL! Make those three goofs your bitches! The Lightning Crew members high five each other. PRL gets a good luck kiss from Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The three LC members enter the ring. Cuban Wall is ordered to go first. He high fives PRL and Mr. Boricua, then cracks his knuckles. Spanish Fly decides to go first for his team. Cuban Wall cracks his knuckles, happy that he is going to face the smallest member of the babyface team. Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* “The Lightning Crew Explodes!” SIX-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN, CUBAN WALL, & MR. BORICUA (with Stephen Joseph Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT, SPANISH FLY, & JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON Cuban Wall and Spanish Fly circle each other. They lock up. Cuban Wall gains the advantage, punching Fly in the face. He does it a few more times, but then Spanish Fly fights back, firing off a furry of punches that, while daze the big man, are unable to knock him down. He punches him all the way to The Lightning Crew corner. Soon, Wall is able to gain the advantage, and lays in some soupbones all over Spanish Fly’s body. PRL tags Wall on the right shoulder. The referee sees it, so Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. Cuban Wall whips Spanish Fly right into Tha Puerto Rican, who gives him a dropkick! COLE Nice double team move from Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall! PRL hits Fly with some of his shaky leg kicks. Puerto taunts Fly in between kicking him in the head. PRL Irish whips Spanish Fly into the ropes. He puts his head down, and so Spanish Fly grabs him in a facelock and lifts him up, giving Tha Puerto Rican a tornado DDT! COLE Great counter by Spanish Fly! And now the ex-LC guys are in control! CABOOSE It won’t last long. Spanish Fly applies a Fujiwara Arm-Bar on Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Hey. Check this out. A submission move from Spanish Fly! COACH He must have learned this from John Brickston! Spanish Fly continues applying the Fujiwara Arm-Bar on Tha Puerto Rican. Fly grabs Tha Puerto Rican and turns the Arm-Bar into an arm wringer. Fly cinches the hold tight, and then walks over to his corner and makes the tag to John “Rock Hard” Brickston to a pop from the crowd. Brickston takes the arm wringer over from Fly. He laughs at PRL while applying the hold. COLE The former Italian Champion is in control of the current 24/7 Champion. CABOOSE And who did Brickston lose the Italian Title too? You guessed it. Frank Stallone. I mean, Tha Puerto Rican. The 6’6” Brickston lets go of the arm wringer, and starts punching Tha Puerto Rican. He whips PRL into the ropes. Brickston gives Tha Puerto Rican a shoulder breaker! He drops an elbow on PRL’s chest. Brickston whips PRL into a turnbuckle. Tha Puerto Rican reverses, and Brickston hits the turnbuckle back first! Puerto follows that up with a Stinger Splash! “Rock Hard” is still on the turnbuckle, so Tha Puerto Rican chops him across the chest. *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH What’s the world record for the longest “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” in history? The chops have turned Brickston’s chest red. PRL lays the smacketh downth on John “Rock Hard” Brickston with his Rock-style punches to the temple. PRL gets Cuban Wall to join him, and together, the two of them lay the smackdown on John Brickston. Together! COLE Come on, ref! Get control! John Brickston falls to the mat. The Corporate Champ and The Muscle of The Lightning Crew do a beatdown on John Brickston. Referee Mike Chioda orders Cuban Wall to go back to his corner. Wall does so. PRL tags in Mr. Boricua for the first time in this match! COLE Uh-oh. The 6’9” 300 lb. Mr. Boricua is in the ring against the 6’6” 215 lb. John Brickston! Mr. Boricua yells at the crowd. The crowd boos. Mr. Boricua runs over to the Ex-LC corner and punches Colombian Heat! Heat, obviously pissed off, gets into the ring, but is stopped by referee Mike Chioda! While he is being held back, Tha Puerto Rican lays some shots into John Brickston. The crowd boos loudly and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL chokes Brickston on the second rope. Mr. Boricua picks up John Brickston and sends him back to a turnbuckle. Mr. B punches Brickston in the face repeatedly. Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez cheer Mr. Boricua on. Boricua heads to the opposite turnbuckle, and charges forward, squashing John Brickston with an avalanche that knocks him down to the mat! CABOOSE Whoa! Did you see that? How many people have been able to bring Brickston down to the mat? Just how many? COLE No I haven’t. Colombian Heat has yet to be in this match. The crowd starts clapping in unison. Mr. Boricua tells the crowd to shut up. Boricua Irish whips John “Rock Hard” Brickston into the ropes. Brickston reverses. When Boricua bounces off the ropes, Brickston grabs him and gives him a Bossman Slam! COLE Whoa! What a move! What strength from John “Rock Hard” Brickston! John Brickston makes the tag…to Colombian Heat! COLE And here we go! Colombian Heat is in the match, and he is indeed fired up! The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat stares down his former running buddy. Mr. Boricua yells at him, urging him to fight. CABOOSE Yeah! Come on Boricua! Make him suffer! Crush him like a bug! Extinguish the Heat! COLE Colombian Heat is wrestling on his first OAOAST pay-per-view, and he’s starting now! Heat and Boricua get into a staredown. Things get heated (no pun intended) very quickly. Suddenly, Cuban Wall calls out to Mr. Boricua. He tells Boricua to make the tag to him. Mr. Boricua stares at Cuban Wall for a few seconds. Finally PRL grabs Mr. Boricua’s right hand uses it to slap Cuban Wall’s left hand. COLE It seems like Cuban Wall is looking for some revenge after being beaten by Colombian Heat last Thursday on HeldDOWN~! in the First Ever Latino Thug Street Fight! CABOOSE Get him Wall! Get him! Hurt him! Hurt him! Make him bleed! Make him bleed! Colombian Heat stares at Cuban Wall in the center of the ring. CW punches CH in the face. CH fires back with punches of his own. However, Cuban Wall soon fires back with punches of his own. The crowd boos as Wall knocks Heat down with a punch. CW picks up Heat and whips him into the ropes. Wall goes for a clothesline, but Colombian Heat ducks, and punches Wall in the face. He punches him again. And again! Colombian Heat DANCES~! getting a pop, and then knocks Cuban Wall down with a fourth punch! COLE Shake, Rattle, & Roll from Colombian Heat! Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. PRL goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks that too. Heat punches PRL in the face! Again! And Again! And again! Heat DANCES~! And then knocks PRL down to complete the Shake, Rattle, & Roll. CABOOSE Oh this embarrassing! What an embarrassing move to get knocked out by! Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, and does a SHIMMY~! getting another pop. He then does a kneedrop on the forehead of Cuban Wall! CABOOSE Okay, that’s an even more embarrassing move to get hurt by. Colombian Heat makes the tag to Spanish Fly. Colombian Heat grabs Spanish Fly’s right hand and BREAKDANCES~! Spanish Fly starts BREAKDANCING~! as well. The two drop elbows onto the chest of Cuban Wall then get up and strike a B-Boy Stance. The crowd loves it. COLE Colombian Heat is one of the most entertaining superstars in the OAOAST today! CABOOSE Since when? Just then, Mr. Boricua enters the ring and clotheslines Spanish Fly from behind! Fly goes down! COLE Oh my! What a shot! Did you see that? CABOOSE Yeah! COACH What a cheapshot! CABOOSE Yeah! Laid him right out! HA! HA! Mr. Boricua kicks Spanish Fly while he’s down on the mat. Boricua grunts and yells as he picks up Spanish Fly and gives him a backbreaker. Mr. Boricua picks up Fly, and gives him another backbreaker. Mr. B yells and cracks his knuckles. The crowd boos. “LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY!” Mr. Boricua picks up Spanish Fly and scoops him up, bringing him back down to Earth with a bodyslam! Boricua yells and cracks his knuckles. He waits for Spanish Fly to get up. Once Fly has gotten his head off the canvas, Mr. Boricua does a soccer kick to the back of Fly’s head! The crowd groans! COLE Ooh! That had to hurt! CABOOSE Damn straight it did. Mr. Boricua stops to pose. He draws boos. Mr. Boricua yells at the crowd. Boricua picks up Spanish Fly and whips him into the ropes. Boricua follows with a MASSIVE clothesline that twists Spanish Fly inside out! COLE Oh my! I can’t believe Spanish Fly just did that! CABOOSE That was straight out of the Marty Jannety guide to selling. Boricua picks up Spanish Fly again and whips him into the ropes. As Fly bounces off the ropes, Mr. B puts his head down. Spanish Fly does a sunset flip OVER Mr. Boricua, but is unable to bring him down! He keeps trying, but then Mr. Boricua decides to sit on Spanish Fly. However, Spanish Fly moves out of the way, and Mr. Boricua lands on his ass! Spanish Fly then bounces off the ropes. He leaps up, grabs Mr. Boricua by his legs, and gives Mr. Boricua a hurricarana! Fly makes the tag to Colombian Heat. Colombian Heat makes Mr. Boricua feel the Heat, unleashing lefts and rights on him! Heat Irish whips Mr. Boricua into the ropes, and comes back with a spinning wheel kick to the face! COLE Colombian Heat just took down the biggest man of The Lightning Crew! I can’t believe! CH points to the top rope. The crowd cheers as Heat climbs to the top. Heat waits for Mr. Boricua to get up. Once he does, Colombian Heat leaps off the top rope, giving Mr. Boricua a missile dropkick! Afterwards, Colombian Heat sits up, and then does the Spin-A-Roonie! COLE A Spin-A-Roonie from Colombian Heat! CABOOSE Ugh! What a stupid, stupid move! The crowd cheers loudly after the Spin-A-Roonie. Heat stands up and heads to the ropes. He does the “Where The Hood At?” (Rolling Thunder) onto Mr. Boricua! Heat covers Boricua. 1…2….KICKOUT!!! Colombian Heat kicks Mr. Boricua while he’s down. He poses, drawing a pop. Heat picks up Mr. Boricua and whips him into the ropes. Heat puts his head down…and gets pounded. CABOOSE All right! The Lightning Crew has control again! Mr. Boricua switches between punching and yelling. He gives Colombian Heat a CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearm to the back of the neck. Boricua punches Colombian Heat in the face several times. Colombian Heat fires back with punches of his own. Soon, the big man is dazed, so Heat gives Boricua a clothesline. He doesn’t go down. Colombian Heat goes for another clothesline. Boricua still won’t go down. Colombian Heat tries for a third time. Still nothing. Finally, Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, and nails Mr. Boricua with an AJ Styles-like dropkick to the face, knocking him down! CABOOSE Damnit! I was hoping he would break his neck after doing that dropkick! COLE Colombian Heat makes the tag to Spanish Fly! Spanish Fly gets into the ring and attacks Mr. Boricua. He kicks him all over his body, the crowd 100% behind him. Fly Irish whips Mr. Boricua into the ropes. Spanish Fly gives him a drop toehold into the second rope! The crowd starts cheering. Spanish Fly stands up and smiles as he looks to the crowd. COLE Oh no! It could be. It could quite just be! CABOOSE Oh no! Oh no! Not the stupid, stinking 6-1-9! Spanish Fly yells it out. SPANISH FLY 6-1-9! *BAM!* Just then, Tha Puerto Rican delivered a missile dropkick to Spanish Fly from the top rope! CABOOSE Wow, did you see that? A dropkick from the top rope! COACH What a maneuver! Mr. Boricua slaps Tha Puerto Rican on the back to signal the tag. PRL, now the legal man, does some shaky leg kicks on Spanish Fly. The crowd boos loudly. “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican grabs Spanish Fly’s legs and kicks him in the groin. He then does several fistdrops onto Spanish Fly’s head. The “P.R. SUCKS!” chants get even louder. P.R. bounces off the ropes, stops, shakes his shoulders, dusts his right shoulder off, and delivers the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Fly! PRL covers. It gets two. Puerto Rican does some more kicks on Spanish Fly, and then picks him up. PR looks at the crowd in disgust, with a sneer on his face. He punches Fly in the face several times. COLE Hard left hands from the Southpaw from San Juan, Puerto Rico. PR kicks Spanish Fly in the gut. Fly holds the right boot, so PRL responds by doing an enzuguiri, knocking Fly down! PRL drags Spanish Fly over to his corner, and then tags in Mr. Boricua. COLE The Lightning Crew is in control of the man PRL defeated October 30, 2005, at World Without End, Spanish Fly. Colombian Heat gets the crowd to clap in unison. The crowd roots Spanish Fly on as Mr. Boricua delivers an elbowdrop right onto Spanish Fly. CABOOSE He got him! It’s all over! Mr. Boricua covers Spanish Fly. 1… 2…. KICKOUT!!! COLE No! Not yet! There’s still a match! CABOOSE Aw oh poopie! Mr. Boricua is shocked. Referee Mike Chioda keeps telling him it was a two count, but Boricua doesn’t understand, since he’s stupid. Boricua looks to PRL and Cuban Wall like a lost puppy. They tell him to attack. Mr. Boricua then looks at Stephen Joseph and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. They also tell him to attack. Mr. Boricua nods, and then picks up Spanish Fly. He whips Spanish Fly into the ropes, and follows with a flying clothesline! CABOOSE Hey. Big dumb guy can fly, can he? COACH You sounded like Mr. Boricua for a second. CABOOSE Oh. Me sorry. COLE ………. COACH …………. KOAB ... The crowd boos loudly. Mr. Boricua picks up Spanish Fly and makes the tag to “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican. The “P.R. SUCKS!” chants start up again. Mr. Boricua holds Spanish Fly up for Tha Puerto Rican to beat on him. The Corporate Champ lays the smackdown on Spanish Fly’s candy ass. PRL grabs Spanish Fly in a facelock, and then gives him a wheelbarrow suplex. PRL picks Spanish Fly up and whips him into the ropes. Fly reverses. Fly goes for a clothesline. The clothesline misses. PRL grabs Spanish Fly from behind. German Suplex! PRL gets up after the German Suplex, and pounds his chest while yelling, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” The crowd boos. By now, some of PRL’s Puerto Rican flag facepaint has faded away. “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL sneers at the crowd, and then flips them off. The boos increase after that. COLE I seriously doubt that there is anybody in this arena who is a fan of Tha Puerto Rican. CABOOSE Then we’re in an arena full of morons. PRL eggs on the fans that boo him. He points to Spanish Fly and laughs at him. He glares evilly at Colombian Heat. The Corporate Champ stands over Spanish Fly. He picks him up by his mask. Suddenly, Spanish Fly springs up, grabbing PRL into an inside cradle! Referee Mike Chioda counts! 1… 2… 3—THA PUERTO RICAN KICKS OUT!!! COLE That wasn’t it! That wasn’t it! Tha Puerto Rican just kicked out in the nick of time! PRL and Spanish Fly both get right back up. The two men engage in a slugfest. Puerto Rican gains the advantage, driving Fly into the ropes. Puerto whips Spanish Fly into the ropes. SPINNNEEEEEEEEBUUSSSSSSTAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~!!! CABOOSE Here we go, baby! COLE Oh no. Oh God no. The crowd starts cheering loudly. Tha Puerto Rican stands over the fallen Spanish Fly, who lies in the center of the ring. PRL looks at the crowd, and then at The Lightning Crew, who tell him to do it. So, “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican gets ready to deliver The IntenseZone Elbow. PRL removes his right elbow pad, spits on it, does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes. CABOOSE It’s now time for the most electrifying move in professional wrestling, The IntenseZone Elbow! PRL leaps over Spanish Fly, bounces off the opposite ropes, walks over to Spanish Fly, and then drops The IntenseZone Elbow onto Spanish Fly to a face pop! CABOOSE The IntenseZone Elbow hits! The IntenseZone Elbow connects! COLE Tha Puerto Rican has made me hate that move. PRL plays to the crowd, irritating them. He makes the tag to Cuban Wall. Cuban Wall attacks Spanish Fly, pummeling him all across the ring. Wall grabs Fly and applies a facelock on him. Wall squeezes the hold tight, cutting the oxygen from Fly’s brain. COLE With a giant like Cuban Wall having this move on someone the size of Spanish Fly, this really could be considered torture! CABOOSE It is torture, Cole. The Lightning Crew is torturing Spanish Fly. Making him suffer. Why? To teach those three punks a lesson! The crowd starts chanting “LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY! LET’S GO FLY!” Spanish Fly rallies the crowd for support. Fly gets on one knee. He soon gets to a vertical base. He soon escapes, and punches Cuban Wall in the face. However, Cuban Wall punches Fly in the face, and gets control back. Cuban Wall punches Fly again, sending him over to The Lightning Crew corner. PRL holds Spanish Fly, while Cuban Wall makes the tag to Mr. Boricua. As PRL holds Spanish Fly, Mr. Boricua punches Fly all over his body, in between yelling and screaming. PRL lets go, allowing Boricua to place Fly in between his legs, and lift him up, for a piledriver! CABOOSE Good! I hope that move broke Spanish Fly’s neck. Mr. B picks up Fly instead of covering him. Spanish Fly is now fatigued and in pain. Boricua whips him into the ropes. Spanish Fly gets hit with a big boot! Mr. Boricua then bounces off the ropes, and gives Spanish Fly a legdrop! Boricua gets up and starts posing like Hulk Hogan. The crowd boos loudly. COACH I am a reallllllllllllllll Mexican/Fighting the rights of everyman/I am a reallllllllllllllll Mexican/Fight for what’s right/Fight for your lives COLE Mr. Boricua thought for a second he was Hulk Hogan! CABOOSE Hey, let that slide. There comes a point in every wrestling fan’s life when he wants to be like Hulk Hogan. Mr. Boricua just had his moment right now. Mr. Boricua stops posing when he sees Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall asking him for a tag. Mr. Boricua tags in Tha Puerto Rican. Spanish Fly is still lying on the mat in the center of the ring. Because of this, PRL decides to jump onto the top rope. The crowd stands up, sensing what’s going to happen next. And indeed, PRL removes his left elbowpad, throws it to the crowd, does some weird hand signals, and then jumps off the top rope, doing the “Up yours!” hand gesture in mid-air, with the Corporate Elbowdrop which connects on Spanish Fly! COLE This could be it! CABOOSE It is it! PRL covers…and gets a two count. COLE A kickout. I’m impressed. PRL goes back to work, applying a chinlock on Spanish Fly. PR cinches the hold tight. Referee Mike Chioda checks on Spanish Fly to see if he gives up. PRL lets go of the chinlock to tag in Cuban Wall. PRL goes back to the chinlock. Wall kicks Spanish Fly in the stomach while being held in the chinlock. COLE Oh no! That’s not fair! That’s not fair at all! Referee Mike Chioda tells PRL to get out of the ring. Cuban Wall goes back to stomping on Spanish Fly. He does this for a while. Wall picks up Fly and whips him into the ropes. Cuban Wall clutches Fly’s throat with his right hand. CABOOSE The goozle! The crowd starts booing, knowing what’s going to happen next. COLE This isn’t going to end well for Spanish Fly! Cuban Wall gives Spanish Fly a chokeslam! CABOOSE That’s it! It’s all over! There’s nothing anybody can do about it! It’s done! COLE Spanish Fly is out cold from that chokeslam! COACH Here comes the cover! 1…. 2…. 3!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! CABOOSE WHAT? What the? What the hell? COLE I can’t believe it. Spanish Fly kicked out of the chokeslam. I can’t believe it, and neither can Cuban Wall. Cuban Wall is shocked. Popick and Lindsay are pissed off at ringside. Spanish Fly is still out cold from the chokeslam. Colombian Heat gets the crowd to clap in unison to rally Spanish Fly. Cuban Wall looks at the crowd with an angry expression on his face. He points to PRL and then does the slow cutthroat. Cuban Wall drags Spanish Fly over to a turnbuckle. COLE Oh no. What’s Cuban Wall going to do now? CABOOSE Didn’t you see what he just did? Cuban Wall is signaling for the end. This is the finish. Cuban Wall is going to end the match this way! COACH What could be going for on the turnbuckle? COLE I’m not sure. Cuban Wall is not a high flyer. Cuban Wall places Spanish Fly underneath the bottom rope. Cuban Wall then climbs the second rope. COLE My God. He’s not going to do what I think he’s going to do, is he? COACH He’s going for the Banzai Drop! CABOOSE Yes! Go for it, Cuban! Go for it, Wall! Destroy Spanish Fly! Destroy him! DESTROY HIM! Cuban Wall stands on the second turnbuckle. The crowd starts booing. Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face. The Lightning Crew tell him to finish Spanish Fly. Colombian Heat and John “Rock Hard” Brickston have concerned looks on their faces. Spanish Fly is still knocked out. COLE Don’t do it, Wall! Don’t do it! You’ll crush him! CABOOSE That’s the idea, Cole! Cuban Wall has an evil smile on his face as he jumps off the second turnbuckle… …but SPANISH FLY MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!!!… ….and Cuban Wall lands right on his ass, with nothing underneath it but the canvas! COLE He escaped! Spanish Fly escaped the Banzai Drop! Spanish Fly quickly runs over to his corner and tags in Colombian Heat! The crowd pops for the hot tag! Colombian Heat attacks Cuban Wall, unleashing a flurry of punches on The Muscle for The Lightning Crew! He punches Wall all the way over to his corner, where he makes the tag to Tha Puerto Rican! COLE And here we go! Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat are in the ring one-on-one! PRL and Colombian Heat stare at each other for a few seconds. They then start brawling in the ring while the crowd cheers! PR only has the advantage for a millisecond. Colombian Heat is in total control, showing no mercy to the current OAOAST 24/7 Champion. Heat whips PRL into the ropes. He follows with a hurricarana! CH picks up PRL and punches him in the face several times, leading him to a neutral corner. Colombian Heat continues his brutal assault, doing a mixture of punches and chops to PRL! Colombian Heat then unleashes some martial arts kicks all over PRL’s body, culminating in a jumping back kick to PRL’s jaw! The Corporate Champion slumps onto the bottom turnbuckle, in a groggy state. PRL has stars spinning around his head. Meanwhile, Colombian Heat heads to the opposite turnbuckle. He measures up PRL, does the low rider hand gesture, and then rushes forward, delivering a Broncobuster to Tha Puerto Rican! COLE Broncobuster! Colombian Heat just gave his FORMER best friend the Broncobuster! CABOOSE Oh how embarrassing. That was worst than Heat giving The Lightning Crew Salute earlier. Colombian Heat stops to pose. The crowd cheers loudly. Heat climbs the top rope. He waits for PRL to get up. COLOMBIAN HEAT Get up, fool! PRL gets to his knees. He then gets up, albeit slowly, to a vertical base. PRL stumbles around the ring, and into a flying crossbody from Colombian Heat! Heat covers PRL! ONE! TWO!! CUBAN WALL KICKS HEAT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Cuban Wall kicks Colombian Heat while the crowd boos. Wall lays into Colombian Heat as PRL lies on the mat. Wall picks up Heat and gives him the CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms. But then, Colombian Heat fires back! He attacks Cuban Wall with an intensity in him that’s never been seen before! Heat gives Cuban Wall a dropkick, which sends him over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE Did you see that? Colombian Heat just took out Cuban Wall with a dropkick! COACH That dropkick took him over the top rope and to the floor! I had no idea Colombian Heat had that kind of power! COACH I don’t think he knew that either! Mr. Boricua enters the ring. Mr. B goes for a clothesline. Colombian Heat ducks. He punches Mr. Boricua in the face three times. DANCES~! And then hits him with another punch for the Shake, Rattle & Roll. However, Mr. Boricua doesn’t go down. So, Colombian Heat punches him in the face again and again until the monster is dazed and confused. Colombian Heat then bounces off the ropes and does a leg lariat onto Mr. Boricua that takes him closer to the ropes. Heat bounces off the ropes again, and does the leg lariat again, taking Mr. Boricua over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE I can’t believe it! PRL is the only one left in the ring! His two partners have been taken out single-handedly by Colombian Heat! CABOOSE AH! Stop this! Stop this! Somebody stop this! PRL, win this match! Come on and win this match! Colombian Heat skins the cat back into the ring. Colombian Heat does a shimmy in the spirit of Eddie Guerrero’s dance. The crowd is fired up! And so is Colombian Heat! COLE I think it’s time for Tha Puerto Rican to feel the Heat! CABOOSE No, it’s not time for Tha Puerto Rican to feel the Heat! It’s NEVER a time for Tha Puerto Rican to feel the Heat! Never a time! Stephen Joseph Popick gets on the ring apron. So Colombian Heat knocks him out with one punch, earning a HUGE pop from the crowd. CABOOSE THANK YOU COLOMBIAN HEAT! Heat trash talks Popick, who is on the floor on the outside. He flashes the “WESTSIIIIIIIDE” sign. He laughs at Popick. Heat turns around…and walks right into a Latin Slam from Tha Puerto Rican! COLE Latin Slam! Latin Slam from Tha Puerto Rican! CABOOSE THIS IS THE END! PRL covers Colombian Heat. Referee Mike Chioda counts. 1…. 2… 2 ½ 2.99999999999999999999999999999999 3-HEAT KICKS OUT!!! COLE Heat kicked out! Heat kicked out! CABOOSE Come on PRL. There’s still time for you to win this match! There’s still time for you to win! Give him the Corporate Nightmare. Give him the Corporate Smackdown. Give him an IntenseZone Elbow. Just give him something, ANYTHING to win! PRL and Colombian Heat are both getting up. Suddenly, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez gets up on the ring apron. She whistles to Colombian Heat, trying to get his attention. The crowd cheers, as they always do whenever Lindsay Gonzalez does something. Colombian Heat notices Lindsay, and walks up to her. Lindsay smiles at Heat, who smiles back. Lindsay pulls up her green and blue dress, but not enough to show her thong. COLE What’s she doing up there? Lindsay flirts with Colombian Heat. She whispers in his right ear. She runs her hands through Heat’s hair and touches his body. All the while PRL is still getting up. COLE Uh-oh. Colombian Heat better be careful. This looks like a trap. CABOOSE No it’s not. Stop being so paranoid. I think Lindsay is actually interested in Heat, for God knows what reason. COLE Colombian Heat should know this is a trap. He’s seen it before. He’s seen it happen to guys like The Mad Cappa and “Shooter” Jay Darring. Lindsay goes to kiss Heat. But at the last moment, her smile turns into a look of anger, and she SLAPS Colombian Heat—NO!—Colombian Heat blocks the slap…and then KISSES her! CABOOSE What the hell is he doing to Tha Puerto Rican’s woman?!!! COLE He’s kissing her! That’s what he’s doing! CABOOSE That’s Tha Puerto Rican’s woman! He’s violating her! COACH Oh, how I wish I were Colombian Heat right now! Lindsay tries to fight off the kiss, but is unsuccessful. Finally, Colombian Heat lets go, and wipes his lips with a sly smile on his face. The crowd cheers as Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez coughs and gags like she has a hairball stuck in her throat. COLOMBIAN HEAT I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time! Colombian Heat laughs at the kiss, while Lindsay acts like she is going to vomit. Suddenly, Tha Puerto Rican charges towards Heat…but Heat moves out of the way! PRL is about to hit Lindsay, but he stops in his tracks. CABOOSE Thank God. COLE PRL almost had a collision with his girlfriend right there. The crowd boos, wanting to see a collision. PRL smiles at Lindsay, and turns around. Colombian Heat kicks PRL in the stomach and hooks his arms. Heat then spins around, lifting Tha Puerto Rican up high in the air. The crowd starts cheering loudly as Colombian Heat lets PRL (some of his Puerto Rican flag facepaint now faded away) hang in the air, letting the blood rush to his head. COLE He’s got him up! Can he give it to him? Colombian Heat gives “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE!!! (Vertebreaker) COLE The Colombian Necktie connects! Count it ref! 1… 2… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (17:34) COLE Score one for the Ex-LC guys! “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Colombian Heat celebrates his victory over his best friend turned arch-nemesis. The crowd cheers as Spanish Fly and John “Rock Hard” Brickston enter the ring and hug Colombian Heat. PRL is still knocked out from the Colombian Necktie. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is still gagging from Colombian Heat’s kiss. And the rest of The Lightning Crew members and Popick are just getting up. COLE Colombian Heat has just scored a pinfall victory over Tha Puerto Rican! Colombian Heat has just beaten his former best friend! CABOOSE Yeah, but so what? Tha Puerto Rican is STILL the OAOAST 24/7 Champion! So, when you think about it, Colombian Heat didn’t win a damn thing! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COACH But Colombian Heat has just beaten Tha Puerto Rican. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t a title match, and only a Six-Man Tag Team Match. The important thing is Colombian Heat pinned Tha Puerto Rican! CABOOSE Oh, it was a fluke. It won’t ever happen again. Ever. COLE Well— CABOOSE EVER. Colombian Heat, John Brickston, and Spanish Fly all high five each other. They raise each other’s hands in victory. The crowd cheers loudly as the three ex-Lightning Crew members leave the ring, a victory under their belts. Meanwhile, Tha Puerto Rican is still knocked out from the Colombian Necktie. COLE One thing’s for sure, while this pay-per-view is called Climax, this was NOT the climax to this feud. I have a gut feeling that Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat’s feud will continue as we head into the new year. COACH I agree with you, Michael. The only question is: WHEN will Tha Puerto Rican give Colombian Heat a shot at the 24/7 Title? CABOOSE Never would be the correct answer. COLE Why never? Colombian Heat JUST BEAT Tha Puerto Rican! Isn’t that proof enough? CABOOSE That was a fluke win. Colombian Heat was just lucky. It will never happen again. Never. Never. NEVER. NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. COLE Why do I even bother arguing with you? Colombian Heat, John “Rock Hard” Brickston, and Spanish Fly walk up the entrance ramp. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and Stephen Joseph Popick have entered the ring to check on “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican, who is STILL knocked out from the Colombian Necktie. Lindsay is just about done cleaning her mouth from Colombian Heat’s kiss. COLE We’ve still got more Climax to come! Believe it or not, we’re just getting started! We still got the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles to be defended. The X-Division Title will be defended. Black T vs. Christian Wright and Bohemoth. The finals of the tournament to crown the first ever OAOAST Six-Man Tag Team Champions. The Christmas Deathmatch. The Mask vs. Title match. The No Disqualification Match. And of course, the main event, for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title: Stephen Joseph Popick vs. Peter Knight! It’s still to come! Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez check on Tha Puerto Rican as “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull continues playing.

TV-14 L,V * DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA * Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS READING~! ROARING is heard in the background as the OAOAST logo fades into a live shot of the sold out Key Arena in Seattle, WA. The camera pans around to give the home viewer a feel of the electric atomsphere in the arena. PYRO! SCHIAVONE (Off-Screen) As we near the end of 2005, the OAOAST is just starting to kick it into high gear as we beginning counting the days to AngleMania V. The camera circles around the arena before settling in on our hosts on the rampway. Unlike his suit and tie colleague, Jesse sports a red blazer with green shirt underneath, wearing a Santa hat. He pumps his fists as the crowd continues to cheer wildly, cueing a "JESSE" chant. On-Screen graphic: Tony Schiavone OAOAST Jesse "The Body" Ventura SCHIAVONE Hi again, everyone. Tony Schiavone along with my co-host-- VENTURA Jesse "The Body" doesn't co-host, little man. You're my co-host. I'm the host. Remember that. As you can see, I'm in the holiday spirit. The Body's been a good boy this year. I don't want you messin' that up for me tonight, Schiavone. SCHIAVONE I'll do my best, Jesse Ventura. The Key Arena has been sound out for months for the OAOAST's final pay-per-view event of 2005. But, Jesse, we start with late breaking news. Moments before we went on the air I was informed OAOAST officials have made tonight's Heavenly Rockers-South Central Militia bout a Capital Punishment match. VENTURA That's right, Tony Schiavone. What that means is, a leather belt will be placed in each teams corner for them to use at any point during the match. After what the SCM did to the Heavenly Rockers Thursday night, whipping them with the belts, it's no surprise OAOAST officials added this stipulation. And you know what the great thing about that is? Neither team filed a grievance. They didn't go crying to the higher ups. They wanna beat the hell outta each other. I love it. SCHIAVONE Let's talk about the card we have lined up for tonight. 6 titles on the line, including the finals to crown the first 6-Man Tag Team Champions in OAOAST history. VENTURA You got Team Heyross and the "Current Big Thing" Brock Ausstin taking on Alfdogg, TK and Reject. Anytime you make to the finals of ANY tournament, it's a helluva accomplishment. Both teams defeated some tough competition along the way, but I'm pickin' Team Heyross and Brock Ausstin. SCHIAVONE Would the fact Charlie Moss is from Minnesota have anything to do with it? VENTURA Maybe. SCHIAVONE Another big match-up here tonight for the World Heavyweight Title, Peter Knight vs. Stephen Joseph. VENTURA Without a doubt, Knight is the toughest opponent Stephen Joseph has had to face yet. Neither man well liked by the public, which means they know what it takes to get it done. It should go down to the wire. SCHIAVONE With that, we send it over to the men who'll call the action. Triple C themselves. Michael Cole, The Coach and Caboose. Great to be with your guys for another exciting night of action. CUT TO: The world renowned SOFA CENTRAL~!, where fans in the background goof around for the camera. Michael Cole OAOAST The Coach OAOAST Caboose COLE Same here. Thanks, Tony and Jesse. Fans, what a great night of action we have in store for you. In addition to the matches Tony and Jesse ran down... COACH You mean we have more! COLE Yes! 3 women's matches, the Lightning Crew explodes in six-man action, and a CHRISTMAS DEATHMATCH for the Heartland Title! CABOOSE All that tonight? COLE Tonight! A MONTAGE airs highlighting the various matches on Climax to the music of "So Cold" by Breaking Benjamin. Crowded streets all cleared away One by One Hollow heroes separate As they run You're so cold Keep your hand in mine Wise men wonder while Strong men die [Chorus] Show me how it end it's alright Show me how defenseless you really are Satisfy an empty inside That's alright, let's give this another try If you find your family, don't you cry In this land of make-believe, dead and dry You're so cold, but you feel alive Lay your hands on me one last time [Chorus x2] It's alright [x9] "Evolution(The Grand Design)" by Symphony X begins blaring just as soon as the montage is done, and with the sound of that song comes the arrival of the returning superstar who is greeted with a hero's welcome from the fans in attendance! COLE It was just a few weeks ago that Foshi returned to action in the OAOAST after quite a long layover, and it was this past week that General Manager Calvin Szechstein offered him a spot on Climax, stating that he was flying in a superstar from the HI-YAH promotion who has received excellent reviews from industry insiders and his peers! CABOOSE Also, Coach, please refrain from the sushi jokes. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your opening match, here at CLIMAX! Approaching the ring at this time, from KYOTO, JAPAN, weighing in tonight at two hundred, seventeen pounds, this issss FOSHI! Foshi walks down the aisle looking stoic, focused. He steps in the ring and looks around before standing by the ropes and posing, looking deep into the camera as a spotlight shines down on him. As he prepares for the contest, his music is cut, and then replaced with the song "Unholy" by the legendary rock group KISS. After several moments, a young Japanese man, well built and clad in black trunks with red "fire" on the sides and red kneepads and boots steps out onto the ramp, his dark hair hanging slightly over his eyes. BUFFER His opponent, from Tokyo, Japan, representing the HI-YAH promotion, he weighs in tonight at two hundred, thirty two pounds, this is RIKJIN MASSAMOTO! Massamoto throws an arm up as he's greeted with a warm welcome. He moves down the ramp and climbs up on the turnbuckles, throwing his arms outward before moonsaulting into the ring! He eyes Foshi, who doesn't look impressed upon the newcomers entrance, and instead gives him a look over as he thinks strategy to himself. As the two men stand across the ring from each other, the ring is suddenly showered with streamers, as fans toss them in respect for the debuting international star, as well as the well-traveled, returning rock star turned wrestler (or is it vice versa). Amidst the show of appreciation, Massamoto and Foshi continue to stare each other down and then come closer, circling the ring as referee Nick Patrick clears the ring of the streamers to get the opening match for Climax underway. CABOOSE Cole, Coachman, this is going to be a hell of a match, so I hope you boys are prepared to follow along closely. COLE I'm ready for sure, 'Boose, and...what the hell!? All of a sudden, a tuxedo clad MIKE TENAY, bowtie and all, hops the railing and comes over to Sofa Central. COLE Professor Mike Tenay!?!? What are you doing here? Tenay, off-mic, asks Cole to hang on a second, then motions for Coachman to hand over his headset. COACH What?! Aw hell no, this is MY payin' gig son, and... Tenay, not wasting any time, DECKS Coachman, knocking him out of his chair! CABOOSE God Bless You Mike Tenay. Tenay fumbles with the headset for a moment, then puts it on, and settles into Coachman's seat. TENAY Michael Cole, Caboose, gentlemen are we good to go for some strong style international action? CABOOSE You mean besides what we just saw out of you? The bell sounds, and Massamoto and Foshi approach each other, and once he's in range, Foshi is struck with a kick to the side of the leg. He flinches and backs off, but Massamoto closes in and connects with a second one, then grabs him in a collar and elbow tie up and brings him towards center ring, taking him over with a side headlock takedown. Massamoto holds Foshi down on the canvas, but the internationally known rock n' wrestling sensation scissors his legs around Rikjin's head, and takes him off. Massamoto comes to his feet and grabs a side headlock on Foshi, but then gets pushed to the ropes, and when he rebounds Foshi swings fast and hard, cracking him across the chest with a knife edge chop! "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" TENAY These fans can Whoo! all they want, but there are no flabby, wrinkled men living off past glory in this match. This is going to be as stiff as you're going to get! Massamoto absorbs the chop, then watches as Foshi hits the ropes . Foshi ducks a back elbow attempt and leaps to the middle rope, twising his body so that he's facing Massamoto and connects with a bodypress...but the Japanese import catches Foshi and puts him on his feet, then DRILLS him with a hard chop to the chest! Foshi covers up, tucking his arms in to block...so Massamoto delivers a roundhouse kick to the right arm to get him to let up, then takes the arm and wrenches it! CABOOSE Nice move by the HI-YAH sensation! Foshi winces, but after staying trapped for a few moments, he counters by taking Massamoto's arm and wrenching it. Rikjin paces the ring, with Foshi keeping the arm locked tight, but when they near the ropes Massamoto jumps up and lands with both legs on the top rope, using the spring action to float backwards to his feet, breaking the hold! He picks Foshi up and scoop slams him, then comes off the ropes with a well-placed kneedrop to the chest...or at least it WOULD have been well-placed if it connected...but it doesn't! Foshi rolled out of the way, and as Massamoto reels, the rock star cradles him in an Oklahoma Roll! ONE! TWO! NO! Massamoto gets a shoulder up, and escapes defeat. Foshi stands up and blasts him with a knee to the side of the face, then lifts him up for a scoop slam, but Massamoto falls behind and grabs a waistlock. He hurls Foshi up and over, but Foshi lands on his feet, and then dives for the legs, taking Rikjin to the mat! Foshi tries to tie up the legs of the visiting superstar, but Massamoto rolls onto his back and kicks Foshi away, then moves to his feet, catching the approaching rock superstar with a scoop slam! Rikjin then pulls Foshi up and delivers a roundhouse kick to the small of the back, which staggers Foshi, enabling Massamoto to trap him in a full nelson! Foshi squirms, and manages to break free. He spins around so that he's face to face with his opponent and locks up with him, pushing him back towards the ropes. Patrick hurries over and calls for the break, and Foshi breaks right away, allowing Rikjin to come off the ropes. Massamoto comes forward and delivers a quick kick to the stomach, then grabs a facelock, but Foshi pushes him away and hits a drop toehold, then gets to his feet and delivers a quick elbow to the back of Massamoto's head! COLE Nice back and forth exchange between the returning and the debuting superstars! Massamoto comes up holding his head, and as he looks up, Foshi hits the ropes and leaps onto his shoulders, snapping him over with a huracanrana! Massamoto rolls out to the apron and pulls himself up, but Foshi delivers a shoulderblock to his midsection and pulls him through the opening between the ropes, then hits the near side and delivers a running knee to the side of Rikjin's head! Foshi then pulls him into the ring and quickly yanks him into the air for a powerbomb, planting Massamoto hard on the canvas and pinning his legs into his chest to keep him on the canvas! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! TENAY Excellent move by Foshi, capitalizing on Massamoto's dazed state and managing to strike with that devestating powerbomb! COLE As devestating as it was, Professor, Massamoto still managed to kick out! Foshi pulls his resilient rival up from the canvas and sends him into the corner, then races towards him from mid-ring and crushes him with a corner clothesline! Rikjin slouches against the ropes, while Foshi moves back to the center of the ring, giving himself room to sprint towards the corner again, this time leaping up and driving both knees into the chest of Rikjin Massamoto! The superstar from the Far East slouches again, but he's pulled up by Foshi, who rests him on the top rope in a seated position. CABOOSE Foshi doesn't look like he's lost a step at all since his last OAOAST run. COLE Well, I'm sure he gets plenty of workouts, what with all the rock groupies and all. CABOOSE Cole, you start turning into Coachman, and we're gonna have words that are unsuitable even for THIS broadcast. COLE Like perpendicular? CABOOSE What? COLE I don't know. TENAY You know, I can stay out here all night if you'd like, you guys might need it. CABOOSE Oh no worries Mike, this is a fairly normal night so far for us. Massamoto sits on the ropes, and Foshi climbs up, trying to pull his opponent off with a superplex, but Rikjin reaches down and grips the top rope, anchoring himself on the top and stopping himself from going over! He pushes Foshi off, but Foshi lands on his feet and runs towards the corner...right into a boot from Massamoto, who then stands himself up on the top rope, and comes off with a tomahawk chop, catching Foshi right between the eyes! TENAY Version of the tomahawk chop that Massamoto calls the Lightning Slice! CABOOSE Lightning Slice? Sounds like a pizza joint on the corner of 1st and 3rd! COLE Yeah, you know I think I've eaten at that joint. CABOOSE Tenay, is that true? Did he really eat at that place? TENAY I don't know if it even IS a real place! CABOOSE Folks at home, you've just witnessed history...there is something Mike Tenay does NOT know about an individual in the wrestling world! Massamoto lets out a yell, then raises his right arm, and as Foshi comes back to his feet, Massamoto races across the ring and blasts him across the back of the head with a hard lariat, sending Foshi down to the mat face first! TENAY Northern Lariat from the Far Easterner... CABOOSE Wait, I need a compass to grasp that one. Massamoto covers, and nods his head with every hit of the mat by Patrick. ONE! TW-KICKOUT! Foshi throws his shoulder up, so Massamoto brings him to his feet, then lifts him up and holds him, running him backfirst into the corner, then turning with Foshi still in his arms and racing across the ring to the opposite corner, smashing him into that one as well! Massamoto then carries him back to the center of the ring, and showing amazing power, presses Foshi above his head before letting him fall, down onto both of his knees with a thunderous gutbuster! TENAY The Stampede Blaster! That's not the Oklahoma Stampede made famous by Dr. Death Steve Williams, oh no. It's a new and improved version ending with a double knee gutbuster drop that has Foshi favoring the ribs! Massamoto takes the ball of humanity known as Foshi and rolls him onto his back, pinning him to the canvas again, and the crowd is warming up to the newcomer, counting along as Patrick counts Foshi down! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE WOW! Foshi survived the Stampede Blaster! TENAY Survival is one thing, but it's definitely taken some time off his endurance! Massamoto is shocked that Foshi didn't stay down for the three, but after surveying the damage, he brings Foshi up to his feet. Seeing that Foshi can barely stand on his own, Massamoto grabs him by the head, hooking an inverted facelock and standing with Foshi trapped while making the cutthroat symbol with his free hand. TENAY Looks like Massamoto is signalling for the Dragon's Breath, an inverted brainbuster that has won him many a match in the HI-YAH promotion! Massamoto tugs on Foshi's waistband to lift, but before he can bring Foshi upside down, the quick thinking rocker swings his body to the side, pulling Massamoto up onto his shoulders...and falls to his side, cracking Rikjin's head against the canvas with a surprise Death Valley Driver that rattles the man from an ocean away! COLE What a counter! Professor, has anyone ever countered the Dragon's Breath before? TENAY Why, no, no they haven't! The crowd roars in its approval of the hard hitting contest, as both superstars lay weary on the canvas. As Nick Patrick counts them both down, the fans begin to stomp and clap, not rallying for anyone in particular, as they just want to see the brutality continue! CABOOSE The crowd is electric right now, and they seem to be quite impressed with Mr. Massamoto. Patrick continues the count, but it's by the count of 7 both men are up and staggering, and begin trading chops with each other, each one followed up by one that is louder and even more cringe worthy! Massamoto then tries to strike with a ROARING ELBOW~!, but Foshi ducks it and hooks the arm, then grabs the waist and tosses Massamoto over on his head with a release Half Nelson Suplex! COLE There's a neckbrace waiting for him backstage, right? Foshi immediately goes to pull Massamoto up, but as he sets up for the brainbuster, Massamoto pushes him away, then delivers a kick to the stomach. He readies Foshi in a standing headscissors and lifts for a powerbomb, but the man from Kyoto falls to his feet, pulling Massamoto's head down with him, and then lifts him into the air before dropping him head first on the canvas! COLE BRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINBUSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Foshi covers quickly and hooks the leg after hitting his trademark move, and Nick Patrick dives to the mat and count Rikjin's shoulders down. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! As soon as the bell is rung, Symphony X is cued, and Nick Patrick helps Foshi to his feet, raising his arm in victory, as the crowd comes to their feet and claps, applauding not only the returning superstar, but the debuting one as well. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen your winner...FOSHI! Foshi circles his fallen foe, then reaches down and helps him up. Massamoto nearly falls back, holding his head in pain. Patrick comes over to break it up, but Foshi doesn't attack, but rather extends his hand, offering respect to the newcomer. TENAY Excellent show of sportsmanship right there! Good job guys, you've done well tonight! Foshi shakes Massamoto's hand and then exits, leaving the import to stand holding his head. Patrick tends to him, but Massamoto waves him off, stating he'll be OK. Rikjin turns to each side of the ring and bows, thanking the fans in his own way, as they continue clapping for him, before finally exiting the ring. COLE What a way to kick off Climax, and we've got plenty more in store for you all tonight. Professor Mike Tenay, we thank you for joining us for that contest, and come back and see us real soon! TENAY Believe me, you guys need all the help you can get in the booth. I just might.

As you wish.

I've just now noticed this. I already designated the opener for Patty. If you two wanna switch openers let me know.

Heavenly Rockers promo, re-aired NRG commerical (gotta keep the NRG name out there, baby), Climax tease. Tony Schiavone stands in the center of the ring with a microphone in his right hand. SCHIAVONE Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome..the HEAVENLY RRRRROCKERSSSSS! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" The fans go BONKERS for the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, who pose atop the stage as "G's & Soliders" plays in the background. So rabid are the fans that, as the Heavenly Rockers slap the outstretched hands of those lined up behind the guardrails on their way to the ring, Carl Winslow saves Synth from being sucked into the crowd by females admirers tugging on the Synthmeister's leather jacket. Synth takes it all in stride, a big :) on his face. COLE :lol: Well, Synth is single and looking. CABOOSE For a one night party. COACH That's exactly how I was received when I arrived at the airport. The Coach was mobbed by French chicks. CABOOSE Is that a good thing or a bad thing? COACH That's what I've been trying to figure out since I got here. Synth puts a :) on Tony Schiavone's face when he puts his sunglasses on him. The Heavenly Rockers each drape an arm over Tony's shoulders as they face the hard camera. SCHIAVONE Gentlemen, coming up this Sunday night live on pay-per-view is perhaps you're toughest challenge to date, as you square off against the South Central Militia. Last week they promised to send you a message. And boy, did they send you a message. Your thoughts heading into Sunday. LOGAN The only thought running through my head, Tony Schiavone, is CARNAGE! Pain and suffering for the men who jumped us in the cage and had their valet--no, bitch!--injure my girl Holly-Wood. The South Central Militia pride themselves on blood, guts, violence and intimidation. They tried to intimidate me and Synth when they jumped us in the cage last summer. It didn't work! They tried intimidating us again last week, dressing the All-American Boys up like us and giving them Percussion. Yeah, we got their message...and we returned it to sender. We aren't intimidated. We aren't shaking in our boots. As a matter of fact, we even more fired up than before. That's right. You see, we told you we came back with two objectives -- to become the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions and revenge. Revenge for Holly-Wood. A man once said "an eye for an eye will make us all blind." I say, what do you think seeing eye dogs are for, man?! Our match Sunday night is much bigger than any ramifications on the World Tag Team Title picture. It's personal. The Heavenly Rockers revenge tour begins Sunday night in Seattle with the South Central Militia, and ends with the New New Midnight Express. If you got a problem with that? Deal with it! SYNTH Ain't no Boogeyman needed to tell you we're comin' to get ya. Ah hope you two jolly ranchers got good health insurance; I know I plan on going to confessional this week, because I'm gonna be committing all kinds of sins Sunday night along with Lo. LOGAN The hell with Sunday night. Let's do it RIGHT NOW! "YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" LOGAN Last week we told them we'd be in town to meet 'em face-to-face, man-to-man. Here we are. Where are they? Where they at?! Logan RIPS the micropohone out of Tony's hands and runs to the corner, leaping onto the middle turnbuckle and pointing to the entranceway. LOGAN Whaddya waitin' for? A stay of execution? There aren't any celebrities here to plead for your life. Like sands through an hourglass, so are the days of your lives! You sealed your fate months ago. Come out and get your asses kicked! COACH Logan's snapped. Snapped! LOGAN (CONT'D) Come on, you p-- "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Logan is interrupted by Jim Cornette and Shyanne. The Heavenly Rockers are none to pleased to see Shyanne caricaturing Holly-Wood by twirling her hair with her fingers, chewing gum, and acting as if she is perpeturally bored while dressed up the way Holly was in her famous poster (see specs thread) -- loose white tank top, blue jeans, and bandana wrapped around her forehead. COLE Cornette has a lot of nerve coming out here. I wonder what he's doing with Shyanne, though. Is he using her as his protector? COACH James E. has balls. Big balls to be entering the same ring as Logan in his current state. I wouldn't want to be near that loose cannon. Shyanne's smokin' hot, that's for sure. Much sexier than Holly-Wood. That girl could use a few burgers. Schiavone approaches the two. CORNETTE You can quote all the soap operas you want, and I'm sure you can since you had all that time to watch every daytime soap with your two-timing girlfriend as you both recovered from one of the many beatings you've received in recent months. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Logan does his best to remain cool, with help from Synth, who holds onto his left arm. CORNETTE (CONT'D) But they say communication is key to a sucessful relationship. So, in that respect, we did you a favor. SCHIAVONE Come on, Cornette. There's no need to go there. CORNETTE I'll go anywhere I want, and I just did. You wanna compare Marcellus and Vincent to a convicted murder? Well, let me tell you something, brother, there won't be any Governator to save you from the beating you're gonna receive courtesy of the South Central Militia Sunday night, just like there isn't going to be anybody to save The Usual Suspects' tag team titles when my Midnight Express defeat them to become the first 3-time World tag team champions in OAOAST history. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" CORNETTE Heh. Sunday night is gonna be a big night for Jim Cornette Enterprises. I'd invite you to the post-show victory celebration but I gotta feeling your gonna be in a bad mood -- and I hear your a couple of nasty drunks. But that's hearsay. Something that isn't hearsay is your fear of the South Central Militia. COLE What?! CORNETTE (CONT'D) You may be able to fool the morons in the crowd...(boo)...but you can't fool me. Heh. Oh, I see it in your eyes. You wanna talk about carnage, let's talk about what the South Central Militia did last week; how they destroyed the All-American Boys, one of the best tag teams competing internationally with great ease. I gotta give you credit, though. It takes a lot of talent to carry on with that charade, much like the Michael Jackson/Lisa Maria Presley marriage back in the day. Especially when you found out Marcellus and Vincent wouldn't be here-- SCHIAVONE What do you mean, they're not here? I know for a fact they were one of the many talent issued plane tickets for Paris. I see Shyanne here. What's going on, Cornette? CORNETTE Not that it's any of your business, Schiavone, but I had the J.C.E. corporate jet fly Marcellus and Vincent to Seattle so they can prepare for their match Sunday night, while these two idiots will have to take a long plane ride back to the States. As for Shyanne...well, the Handsome Hustler likes having her around. And let me tell you, Logan, you punk, Shyanne is more woman than Krista Isadora Duncan and Holly-Wood combine. (tapping tennis racket against Logan's chest) She's younger, sexier, smarter... Logan grabs the racket and throws it down at Cornette's feet. LOGAN I hate to tell you, I'm not as stupid as you think. I know you think my past partying has killed a few braincells, and they probably have, but I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to provoke me, see if you can get under my skin longer enough where I might decided to shove that racket up your ass and get myself suspended for attacking a non-wrestler. I also know the OAOAST wants us to cut back on airing the company's dirty laundry out in the public, but, well... Mr. GM, I'm sorry, I just gotta do this. Hey, Jim, why don't you tell the people a story? You know, that one you told the judge? COACH Judge? CORNETTE (nervous chuckling) I--I don't know what you're talking about. LOGAN (squeezing Corny's left facial cheek) Of course you do, Jimmy. You tried to get a restraining order against me. You had your attorneys working around the clock to find some way to silence me, saying I was a threat to Ned. I am a threat to Ned, but I made it clear I wouldn't go after him...unless he or anyone of you tried something on me first. Then I'd be well within my right to defend myself, of course. So who's really afraid of who, huh? The fans RISE and turn their attention to the right of the screen. CORNETTE (stammering) I... I guess we'll...we'll... just have to wait and see about--about that. And with that, the SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA appear from the crowd and try ambushing the Heavenly Rockers, but Synth and Logan see them entering via the bottom rope. The Heavenly Rockers and South Central Militia send the fans into a frenzy as they exchange fire in the center of the ring. Very evenly matched. That all changes when Jim Cornette WHALLOPS Synth from behind with the TENNIS RACKET. COLE Damn him! It was a set-up. The Pillsbury Doughboy's missing brother fooled us all. He said the South Central Militia were on a private plane to Seattle to prepare for their match Sunday night against the Heavenly Rockers. It was a lie. All a lie. COACH :lol: The Heavenly Rockers fell for the oldest trick in the book. They're not talking so tough now. Marcellus drops to his knees, being pumpeled in the back with clubbering forearm shots from Logan, so that Vincent has a clear shot to level Mann with a clothesline. The crowd is disgusted by the actions of the 4, some going as far as to throw plastic bottles into the ring, which Moe uses to bash Synth over the head with. While the SCM and Shyanne put the boots to the Heavenly Rockers, Jim Cornette removes his BELT and hands it to Moe. Vincent does the same and the SCM proceed to rip the hide off the backs of the Heavenly Rockers, WHIPPING them with the belts. COLE Just like last week. Marcellus and Vincent whipping the Heavenly Rockers like--like... CABOOSE Goverment mules? COLE (CONT'D) ...a red-headed bastard stepchild. OAOAST officials and agents storm past Tony Schiavone, who bailed outside after the SCM entered the ring, and try making their way into the ring, but Cornette and Shyanne do their best to hold off the officials to allow the SCM to get in a few more lashes. When the officials are unable to gain control, teams such as Los Diablos de Fuego and the All-American Boys come to their and the Heavenly Rockers' aid, causing the SCM to exit at their own free will before everybody hits the ring. COLE Look at the carnage the [i]South Central Militia[i] left behind. That's what Synth and Logan have to deal with at Climax. And after tonight, I don't know if they can. We fade away to commerical with a shot of Logan stuggling to pull himself up, bloody welts on his back. [color=#33CC00]N[/color][color=#FF9900]R[/color][color=#CC33CC]G[/color][/b] Having fun playing beach volleyball on a bright sunny day with bikini-clad beauties is JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA, sporting an NRG bandana, OAOAST tie-dye tank top, and orange shorts. VENTURA Here are testimonals about NRG, the fastest selling supplement and nutritional drink in the world! CUT TO: In # 72 jersey, former [b]Chicago [color=#FF9900]Bear[/color][/b] WILLIAM "THE REFRIGRATOR" PERRY, who isn't exactly a poster child for weight loss. On-screen graphic reads: [b]William "The Refrigrator" Perry Pro Football Great [/b] William points meancingly to the camera, snarling. THE FRIDGE There's two things I've loved all my life: food and football. Once my playing career was over I knew I had to drop some pounds to stay healthy. I tried everything except gastric-bypass. It wasn't until I discovered NRG that I was able to control my cravings and still enjoy great food, while giving me the extra energy I need to continue doing the things I love. A clip of the Frig sitting on his couch channel-surfing with a bucket of buffalo wings next to him is inserted. THE FRIDGE And if it weren't for NRG, I would have stuffed my face with so many hotdogs and crushed that Japanese chump and brought the Foot-Eating Title back home. Thanks NRG. GRRRRRRRRRRRR! CUT TO: PARIS HILTON and her pet of the week dancing on top of a table at a nightclub. She stops to look into the camera. On-screen graphic: [b]Paris Hilton Socialite/Reality TV Star/Actress/Singer/Dumb Blonde[/b] PARIS NRG gives me the energy to live life to the fullest. That's hot. * blows kiss * (looks off-camera) Do I get paid now? DIRECTOR (Off-Screen) You sure do, honey. Here you go. The "Handsome Hustler" NED BLANCHARD walks in. PARIS You're hot. NED I know. CUT TO: JASON GIAMBI in an empty ballpark hitting homerun after homerun. The camera zooms up behind him, he looks over his shoulders and directly into the camera. [b]Jason Giambi New York Yankees 1st Baseman/DH[/b] GIAMBI Steroids? No. NRG. He turns back to the mound and slugs another homerun off the automatic pitching machine. VENTURA (Voice-Over) NRG, the fastest selling supplement and nutritional drink in the world! Now available at GNC or your local drugstore. CUT TO: Jesse with Jivin' J.R. on the boardwalk. J.R. I've lost 5 pounds of not only my weight but my, BAH GAWD, intestines as well. I've even dropped 3 bra sizes. J.R. rips open his black longsleeve shirt to reveal a tight bra underneath. J.R. Thank you, NRG! NRG! NR--! * BOOM * Philadelphia Flyers center Peter Forsberg (roller)skates into view and body checks J.R. FORESBERG NRG! William "The Refrigrator" Perry falls on top of J.R. from out of nowhere. THE FRIG GET NRG-GIZED!! [b][color=#33CC00]CLIMAX[/color] Sunday, December 18th LIVE! ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW![/b]

I try not to have back to back tag matches, but I'll go ahead and make your match second.

Sorry for taking this long to answer your request. But Patty already called the opening match.

Let me start by saying PK did a top-notch job with the presentation. Ed hit the nail on the head on what I was going for in the SCM-AAB match. As the guys in GCF know, I've been feeling old school lately. I even suggested we do a OAOAST verison of Saturday Night's Main Event in February or mid-March in place of Zero Hour. Saturday Night SPLATacular or Spectacular. Originally, the match called for the AABs to get in some offense and tease hitting their finisher, but as I was writing it I decided it would work best if the SCM just kicked the shit out of them, to go along with their message to the HRs. Good promo from "Family Man" Zack. I'd mark if Zack trots Candie and the baby out Ricky Steamboat style after the birth. I barely remember Foshi (I hardly remember anything OAOAST related past this year), but it was a good re-introduction. Molly on a tricycle? Hilarious. And good promos. Poor Terry. He still can't shake the Red Rooster gimmick. Well, I guess you can't expect a 5-star classic COD promo every week, but their interaction with The GPX was good, family entertainment. Enjoyed Parka-Brock. Great nearfalls towards the end. The Zack, Candie, PK, Rodez and Alix segment was awesome. From that hilarious pic of the dog, to Rodez opening the door and there being only the water cooler -- they brought the funny. The funny! Both 6-man's were fun to read. Alf's my writer of the year. He did a great job writing Teddy even though he didn't have much to go on besides me telling him to rip-off DiBiase's moveset (because I hadn't written stats yet). And yes, Theodore is largely inspired by Ted DiBiase. Part DiBiase, part Donald Trump, part James Bond (not a spy, but suave), and part Hugh Hefner. That's Teddy. He's a guy Parka could feud with as well. I actually have an idea for that. I'll PM it to you when I have the time to write it out, Parka. Sharcor-Missy Gordon: Now that's a squash. Patty already knows what I thought about the Krista-Boiz segment. Super! Awsome! Rad! All that good shit. Ooh, the colors. Lots of pretty colors. And another Patty O'Green special. The GPX are homophobic? MOTN. Good PR/CH segment, with the brawl and all. As was Guerriero-X. at Hebner having an bottle of tequila in his back pocket. I forgot all 3 got the ax. I think all 3 got the ax. I know the old Hebners did. Oh, uh... the match. Marked for the Beverly Brothers reference. Anthony Brannigan?! The shit's on. Already commented on the ME. Big thumbs up for Calvin's cliffhanger. IMO, this week's edition of The Love Shack got its "Piper hits Snuka with coconut" moment. Easily the most serious -- and best -- of the bunch, and it did it without losing its charm. Match of the Night: Jamie O'Hara vs. Alix Maria Spezia Line of the Night: "Get a DNA test, Zackie, because this chick packs more nuts then Planters." -- Alix Spezia Honorable mention to "But, all hasn't been rosy in the garden of Eaton recently, has it?" -- Leon Rodez

No idea why he sent it to me, but here it is. He requested it be put somewhere in the middle of the show. A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *COME ON!* “What’s My Name?” by DMX starts playing. Seizure inducing lights appear around the entrance. The crowd cheers as the Colombian Heat entrance video plays on the AngleTron. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat steps out onto the entrance stage. The crowd’s cheers get louder. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans, and then walks down the entrance ramp, hyping the crowd up along the way. COLE Last week we saw the return of Colombian Heat, PRL’s FORMER best friend, who had been gone from the OAOAST for over a year. COACH And what a way to return. Colombian Heat took on the entire Lightning Crew after he turned down PRL’s idea of a reunion between them. He has made it clear that he’s coming after Tha Puerto Rican, and hopes to become 24/7 Champion in the process. Colombian Heat enters the ring. He raises his arms in the air again, and then throws up the “WEST SIIIIIIIIIDE” hand signal. He gets on the ring ropes and throws up the “W”, and then poses on the second turnbuckle. CABOOSE Colombian Heat is an ungrateful bastard. PRL gave him an olive branch last week. He WANTED to become Heat’s friend again. And what does Heat do? He shoves him and ATTACKS him! COLE Colombian Heat knew very well that PRL was lying. He saw right through him. CABOOSE PRL’s changed. He’s not the same man he used to be, especially after he joined up with Popick. This is not the same PRL that kicked Colombian Heat out of The Lightning Crew a year ago. COLE Oh yeah right. PRL hasn’t changed at all. His handshake with Popick at November Reign proved that! Heat gets off the turnbuckle and grabs a microphone. The lights go back in the arena as Heat bobs his head to his entrance song. “What’s My Name?” by DMX dies down. The crowd is still cheering, producing a smile on Colombian Heat’s face. COLOMBIAN HEAT Aw yeah! Yo, yo, yo! If all of y’all are ready to feel the Heat, make some noise UP IN THIS BI-AAAAATCH~!!! The crowd cheers. COACH Aw yeah! Fo’ sho! I’m ready to feel the Heat, yo! Word to your mother! CABOOSE Stop it. COACH Okay. HEAT A'ight. So, last week, I returned to the OAOAST, and when I returned, Tha Puerto Rican tried to be nice to me again. He tried to treat me like I was his long lost brother. What PR forgets is that PRL stopped being my “brother from another mother” when he KICKED ME OUT of The Lightning Crew back in the ’04. Ever since then, I haven’t considered PRL a brother, a friend, an acquaintance. None of that. No. PRL. That dude is my ENEMY! And what do you do with your enemies? Dat’s right. You kick their ass from pillar to post! Heat takes a moment to let the fans cheer. HEAT So since PRL is my enemy, and since you are suppose to kick your enemies ass, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I want to kick Tha Puerto Rican’s ass six ways from Sunday! CABOOSE Oh Heat. Like you’re a genius? Give me a break! HEAT And since Tha Puerto Rican happens to be the OAOAST 24/7 Champion, I wouldn’t mind taking that belt away from him! I think I’d look good rocking the 24/7 Title around my waist. Don’t you agree? The crowd cheers in agreement. HEAT Ha Ha! Yeah boy. I’d be the illest 24/7 Champion ever! And don’t fret, yo. Don’t panic. I’d proudly wear the REAL 24/7 Title around my waist! Not that hunk of junk PR calls a title. Plus, I figure wearing that belt would cause all the girlies to come flocking to me! Heh heh. Ya heard me? I’m a P.I.M.P.! You know what I’m saying? CABOOSE No, I don’t know what you’re saying. Speak proper English! HEAT (CONT’D) So, Lightning Kid, Puerto Rican Lightning, Tha Puerto Rican. Whatever you wanna call yourself. I’s know your back there. And I knows these people wanna see you feel the Heat! So, come on there, and get ready to receive the ass kicking of a lifetime! Get out here now! COLE Whoa! Colombian Heat has thrown down the gauntlet! He wants to face Tha Puerto Rican, right here, right now! COACH Tonight? Oh boy. I hope Heat is ready for this! Colombian Heat paces back and forth in the ring. “LIGHTNING CREW!” A lightning bolt hits the entrance. The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. The crowd starts booing loudly. The entrance doors slide open, and through the smoke come The Lightning Crew. The crowds boos get louder. COLE And there they are. The Lightning Crew has come out to back Tha Puerto Rican. COACH How is he going to respond to Heat’s challenge? “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican is wearing a gold chain, an earring on his left ear, a black vest with no shirt, a $500 Rolex watch, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. He is also holding his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt like a purse. He spins the belt plate and then stares at Heat (despite wearing sunglasses). “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down as PRL begins to speak. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN Colombian Heat. You come out here, you run your mouth, wearing your stupid clothes, talking like an idiot, and you have the GALL, the AUDACITY to throw down a punk card to Tha Puerto Rican? Heat nods his head. PUERTO RICAN Well, Tha Puerto Rican says, in the words of Lil’ Kim: SHUT UP, BITCH! The crowd boos. “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” starts up. PRL Now… PRL is interrupted by the “P.R. SUCKS!” chant. PRL London, England, this is not the way you treat The Corporate Champ, so either show me some respect or Know Your Role and SHUT YOUR MOUTHS! The crowd starts jeering even louder! COLE London, England HATES Tha Puerto Rican! CABOOSE I apologized to Tha Puerto Rican for the behavior of my fellow countrymen. PRL Now Colombian Heat, coming back to the OAOAST after I beat your ass was your first mistake. Coming out here and issuing a challenge was mistake #2. The fact that you really think you can go one-on-one with The Corporate Champ proves just how much of an idiot you really are! The Lightning Crew all agree and pose menacily. Well except for Thomas Rodriguez, who is hiding behind Mr. Boricua. PRL Colombian Heat, there are two things you can do when I kick your ass: nothing or like it! I tried to stop the violence and increase the peace last week. I gave you a chance to simply walk away. You didn’t have to become my friend again. I wasn’t asking that. I was asking for you to simply let things slide. To move on. To not make it your life’s mission to hurt me. I was trying to prevent you from taking a Lightning Crew ass kicking. But no. You didn’t want to let things slide. You didn’t want to move on, you bitter jackass! You wanted to act like a jabrony and come after me, attacking me, Tha Puerto Rican! Well, Heat, you made your decision, and now, you’re gonna suffer because of it! So Heat, you want to fight Tha Puerto Rican tonight on The Corporate Show, HeldDOWN~!? Well, I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna walk down the Corporate Ramp. PRL and The Lightning Crew start walking down the entrance ramp. COLE Uh-oh. PRL I’m gonna slide into The Corporate Ring. I’m gonna take off my $500 Rolex watch. (PRL removes his watch.) Remove my $800 Versaci vest. (PRL remove his vest.) And then, I’m gonna proceed to lay the smackdown on your candy ass so hard, you’re going to regret ever stepping foot in an OAOAST ring! The Lightning Crew is about to enter the ring. COLOMBIAN HEAT That’s all well and good P.R. You go ahead and do that. But before you do, I thought I’d let you know that I got me some backup too! Colombian Heat does The Lightning Crew Salute! Suddenly, through the crowd come Spanish Fly and John “Rock Hard” Brickston! The two former Lightning Crew members slide into the ring, and join up with their fellow former Lightning Crew member. COLE John Brickston and Spanish Fly have joined up with Colombian Heat! The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat glances at Fly and Brickston. All three men have smirks on their faces. Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston all do The Lightning Crew Salute at the same time! This enrages Tha Puerto Rican, and he and The Lightning Crew storm the ring and a brawl erupts! COLE The Lightning Crew are fighting each other! COACH We’ve got ourselves a pier six brawl up in here! The crowd goes wild! Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall battle Spanish Fly. Vitamin X brawls with John “Rock Hard” Brickston. Tha Puerto Rican brawls with Colombian Heat. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Thomas Rodriguez try to move out of the way of the brawling. COLE There’s chaos in the ring! 7 men are brawling inside that ring! CABOOSE I can’t tell what’s going on! COACH Me either! Colombian Heat gets the better of PRL. He kicks PRL in the stomach, and turns him around. Heat grabs PRL, and lifts him up for the Colombian Necktie! COLE Here it comes! But before anything can come, Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua attack Colombian Heat! Heat drops PR and gets manhandled by Wall and Boricua. That is until John Brickston attacks both big men! Finally, security and the OAOAST Road Agents run into the ring, breaking up the brawl. The crowd boos. COLE And now security is putting a kibosh on this brawl! The Road Agents and the security guards pull apart The Lightning Crew and Heat, Fly, and Brickston. PRL is held back as he tries to go after Heat. Security, Terry Taylor, and Terry Funk take The Lightning Crew out of the ring. “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Dean Malenko, and some other security guards hold Heat, Spanish Fly, and John Brickston back. CABOOSE Yeah! Hold Colombian Heat back! He’s a thug! He’s a gangsta! Who knows what he can do? COACH Did you see that Colombian Heat was about to give PRL the Colombian Necktie? CABOOSE No I didn’t. You must need glasses. I didn’t see that at all! COLE Coach is right. Colombian Heat was about to give PRL the Colombian Necktie. CABOOSE Why that’s a load of— COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, P! Yo, P! Yo, I just thought of somethin’. I’ma gonna save my title shot until a later date. Because these two brothas over herre still gots some unfinished bizness wit you! So, hows bout in two weeks, at Climax, me, Spanish Fly, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston take you, and two other Lightning Crew members on in a Six-Man Tag Team Match? PRL Tha Puerto Rican accepts! And Heat, get ready, because Tha Puerto Rican’s partners will be the two biggest men in the OAOAST: Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! “No Chance In Hell” starts up again. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall crack their knuckles and grunt. Colombian Heat appears to have been taken aback by PRL’s choice of partners. PRL laughs evilly, as does The Lightning Crew. The crowd boos. COLE An electrifying match has just been added to Climax! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican, Mr. Boricua, and Cuban Wall will take on Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston in a Six-Man Tag Team Match! CABOOSE I look forward to it. With Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall by his side, Tha Puerto Rican will hurt Colombian Heat so bad, he will NEVER challenge for the 24/7 Title! COLE Now Caboose, that isn’t a guarantee. We won’t know the result of that match until Climax, December 18th. CABOOSE Oh I played out the whole match in my mind right now. PRL, Cuban Wall, and Mr. Boricua will crush Heat, Spanish Fly, and John Brickston, breaking every bone in their bodies. The Lightning Crew will take the remains of Heat, Fly, and Brickston and stomp on them until they’re dust. Then they will cover the dust to win, and afterwards, will take brooms and sweep the dust into a garbage can. Time of the match: 3 minutes. COLE Uh…yeah. Anyway, The Lightning Crew explodes December 18th at Climax! Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston stare angrily at The Lightning Crew. Colombian Heat glares a hole into PRL. “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican spins the belt plate on his spinner 24/7 Championship belt, then jaws with Heat. The Lightning Crew all stare at the former LC members and act all menacingly. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds continues playing. (FADE OUT) (COMMERCIALS)

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is set for one fall. Introducing first...from the Land of the Brave and the Home of the Free, the ALL-AMERICAN BOYS! Unlike last week, the All-American Boys are much better received in London, with scattered boos here and there. As "Stars & Stripes Forever" blares over the loud speakers, the All-Americans march down the aisle waving Old Glory. Once in the ring, they salute referee Billy Silverman and Michael Buffer. COLE Interesting match-up here, gentlemen. The All-American Boys vs. the South Central Militia. COACH I have no idea why the All-American Boys demanded this match. Well, I do, but it's gonna be a massacre, fellas. CABOOSE Hate to do it, but I must agree with Coachman. Make no mistake about it, the All-American Boys are a skilled team, but they're going up against a team who cares more about cracking heads than they do applying headlocks. BUFFER Their opponents. Being accompained to the ring by the foxiest honey in South Central L.A., Shyanne...from South Central Los Angeles, weighing a total of 535 pounds, the SOUTH CENTRAL MILITA! The SCM come to the ring with no music or pyro, just sneers on their faces as they sroll by the fans. Their valet and Moe's sister Shyanne is carrying a [b]TRASH BAG[/b]. COLE This is unusual. The SCM and Shyanne are coming out here with a trash bag. COACH Duh! The people can read-- I mean see. They're about to take out the trash, Mikey. COLE After what they said last week, promising to send the Heavenly Rockers a message, OAOAST officials quickly put together a match for Sunday, December 18th, at Climax, featuring the SCM taking on the Heavenly Rockers. Speaking of which, the Heavenly Rockers may have been away last week but they heard the comments made by the SCM. So at this time let's hear these previously recorded comments from Synth and Logan. [b]A small box appears in the bottom left corner of the screen. Inside a recording booth are the Heavenly Rockers, sporting sunglasses and matching Las Vegas Outlaws jerseys from the old XFL.[/b] SYNTH Ho, ho, ho! If it ain't your old friends...the Heavenly Rockers. As you can see, both still rockin' to the beat. The last time moi was seen on TV was at November Reign, where the Synthmeister's arm nearly got broken yet again. Ah ain't one to player-hate, but this heavenly rocker's fixin' to lay a hatin' on the South Central Militia. Tsk, tsk, tsk. The arm is just fine, sisters. Like the jolly red giant himself Santa Claus, Ah know when you are sleeping, Ah know when you're awake. Ah know when you been bad or good, and you've been bad. Very, very bad. But instead of Santa leaving coal in your stockings, he's gonna send the Heavenly Rockers to kick your ass! LOGAN I hope that rat-bastard Cornette is paying you boys well. You saved Simon and Ned, especially Ned, the ass-kicking of a lifetime at November Reign. Now you're pissed because we messed with your business. Let me remind ya that it was YOU that got involved in OUR business. It was YOU who jumped us in the cage, handcuffing us to the steel walls so you can assault MY girl, OUR business partner Holly-Wood. I guess you can call a spade a spade. Well, maybe not. Because it seems as though you have some pent us frustrations towards us, the kind you can't take out -- or [i]in[/i] -- on each other. No, no. It has to be the beat 'em up till he can't take no more kind. I'm down with that. Whaddya 'bout you, player? SYNTH This gamer is ready to blow, baby! LOGAN Let's stop talking about our fantasies and make them into realities. You guys wanna fight? Why wait until Climax. We'll be in town next week. Let's meet face to face and settle what needs to be settled. SYNTH Now deal wit that ya'll muthafuckers! [b]Bye-bye little box in the corner.[/b] COACH Pfft. We know the Heavenly Rockers can talk a big game from the confines of a recording stuido. Doing it face to face is a whole other thing. COLE The action has already started! * DING DING DING * The SCM step through the ropes and charge their opponents, backing them into the corner and pumpeling them with right hands. They throw the man who we'll call All-American Boy #1 out of the ring and bring #2 out of the corner, backing him up against the ropes, and whipping him across the ring. Moe and Vincent hit the near side and knock AAB off his feet with a double-team diving shoulderblock. Santana exits the ring, but not before kicking #2 in the head. One-Eye nails #1 getting back on the apron with a forearm smash, knocking him back down to the arena floor. There, Shyanne picks #1 up and rams him into the ringpost! In the ring, Moe scoopes #2 off the canvas and fires him back to the ropes, taking him up in the air and over with a thunderous powerslam! ONE... TWO... THREE-- NO! Moe, shaking his head with a smirk on his face, lifts the patriotic masked man's head up before referee Billy Silverman's hand hits the mat for a third time. He completely ignores the words being spoken to him by the referee. COLE Come on! He had the match won. As great of a team the All-American Boys are, they're no match for the raw power of the South Central Militia. Billy Silverman should seriously consider stopping this match before it gets out of hand. COACH The SCM clearly sending a message to the Heavenly Rockers. If I'm Synth and Logan, I stay locked up in the studio. I wouldn't want any part of Moe and Vincent. #2 rammed face-first into the boot of Vincent Santana's straddling the top rope. Santana hooks a groggy All-American Boy in a front facelock and takes him up in the air, falling back down with him to complete the vertical suplex. Vincent pops back to his feet and drops the leg across the chest. But instead of going for the cover he picks #2 up and kicks him in the gut, sticking #2's head between his legs and planting him into the canvas with a piledriver! COACH That's it. Whatever chance the All-American Boys had of winning have evaporated. Moe pulls #2 out of the ring and slams him into the ringpost. He steps back in and SPEARS #2 bouncing off the ropes, while Vincent comes off the near side with a FLYING FOREARM SMASH to the head, the double-team maneuver known as JAILBREAK! The cover and the count... ONE... TWO... THREE! * DING DING DING DING * COLE Total domination. The All-American Boys didn't have a chance from the start. BUFFER Here are your winners: the South Central Militia! The match may be officially over, but not to the SCM. Shyanne tosses AAB #1 into the ring. She then opens the trash bag and pulls out a BLONDE WIG, AFRO, and a pair of SUNGLASSES and LEATHER JACKETS. COLE What's the meaning of this? The match is over, damnit! CABOOSE We just found out what the bag was for. COACH Forgot e-mails. Forget IMs. This is the new face of instant messaging. And I, for one, hope the Heavenly Rockers are paying close attention to this. The SCM put the blonde wig, leather jacket and shades on #1. Shyanne enters to hold #1 up for Moe to SPEAR and Vincent to nail in the head with the FLYING FOREARM. COLE Damnit! Not another Jailbreak. Come on, referee! Do you job and put a stop to this. The SCM then put the afro, jacket and shades on #2, hitting him with a DOUBLE DDT afterwards! A clear message to the Heavenly Rockers who use the DDT, which they call Percussion. Moe and Vincent go for their belts, prompting Billy Silverman to step in and put an end to the mayhem. Or so he thinks. Shyanne decks him with a right hand. The SCM proceed to whip the All-American Boys until OAOAST officials rush out from the back. Terry Taylor eats a right to the jaw by Moe as he steps onto the apron. With the officials unable to gain control, Carl Winslow and his security force come in and put a stop to the rampage. The SCM exit the ring, laughing, as security have their nightsticks ready to use. COACH I think the Heavenly Rockers just got their message loud and clear.

Teddy should take the loss. Since I haven't gotten around to creating stats for the character, just rip-off the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase moveset for the time being. As for the finish, whatever you want is fine by me.

I thought you were.

Didn't Sandman9000 and The Superstar get in last year? I tried doing a search in HE but couldn't. I know we took a vote but last year's Angles were rushed. The only criteria is basically how long have you been around. Most of the originals are in.

1) I remember that. The Frankensteiners were originally created with the intention of them being a secondary face team in the tag division, but they sucked so bad at the beginning I decided to make them more of enhancement talent before repackaging them as the Sooner Bruisers. 2) Why do you think I used "shebang"? Come on, tell me the thought of a badass saying that isn't funny? That and I was rushing to finish up the match/promo, something I came up with the day before the show.

Very good opening contest. I particularly enjoyed the action between the Sooners and Team Heyross. Spanish Fly should've jobbed! I happened to like SJ promo. I do agree that the beatings on Caboose and Cole later on came out of nowhere. Good little Parka promo, and solid match against Boricua. Boricua's run-in with PR was interesting. I like the idea of defending the X-Title every week. Fitting considering the old OAOAST TV Title was unified with the X-Title years ago. Some weird shit going on between The Usual Suspects and PK. Liked the slap and the cryptic ending. CW-Krista: Excellent pre-match promo. The match itself was highly entertaining. It didn't take long to figure out who wrote it. Hell, we even had a commerical break mid-match. Didn't think Krista would win. I'm not really sure how to feedback the Alf-Stevens segment, so allow me to use one of my 3 main phrases: Solid. Good PR segment. The return of CH was done well. Another fine 6-Man. Really liked the finish. Solid women's division promos. Now I'm running out of things to say. But it's positive feedback. ME: Bischoff has Kane, Calvin has JINGUS. Good ME. Like Axel's new way of finishing off opponents. Hilarious edition of The Love Shack this week. Alix stole the show. Match of the Night: CW vs. Krista Line(s) of the night: “Pardon my rudeness, Squire Silverman.” Wright begins. “But I must object to your denial of the pivotal three count. I do believe that such an adjudicature, for lack of a better word, was reached in both haste and simple misapprehension. Far be it for me to postulate at such an inoppurt.....”

COLE Here we go with more great action! "Stars & Stripes Forever" begins playing, but instead of the warm reception it customary receives once the music hits in the States, its met with venom by the Spanish crowd. The hostility intensifies as the All-American Boys appear onstage proudly waving Old Glory. Uncle Sam's favorite tag team keep their heads held high as they avoid plastic bottles and other debris thrown at them on their way to the ring. CABOOSE Never have I seen the All-American Boys treated like this before. These men are heroes back home. COLE As they've quickly found out, they're not at home tonight. COACH They must've found out the All-American Boys voted for Bush in the last presidential election. Heh. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Introducing first. From the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BUFFER (CONT'D) ...the ALL-AMERICAN BOYS! All-American Boy # 1 grabs the microphone from Michael Buffer. AAB 1 Show some respect to the United States of America, the greatest country in the world, you European cowards, and rise for the singing of OUR National Anthem. COACH Oh, my God, yes! They're gonna play it heel! CABOOSE John Cena, take note. This is how you handle a hostile crowd. SPLIT-SCREEN: Sofa Central on the left side, live action on the right. COACH Stand up, fellas. Let's show these commies who rules the school. CABOOSE Well, my legs are starting to fall asleep... Triple C stand up. We cut to a wide shot of the ring. All-American Boy # 2 holds Old Glory in an upright position as both AABs place their right hands over their hearts. AAB # 1 (singing) Oh, say can you see... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" AAB # 1 (CONT'D) ...by the dawn's early light, What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright star-- * TING * "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" The crowd cheers as All-American Boy # 1's singing of the "Star-Spangled Banner" is cut off by Henry Mancini's "Pink Panther theme." Cult favorites Los Diablos de Fuego are given a rousing ovation as they dance onto the stage in their bright pink attire, bumping against the guardrails and thus with the fans on their way to the squared circle. BUFFER And their opponents. The sexiest tag team in all of Mexico, Moracca and Mariachi -- LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO! COACH The reaction these fans are giving Los Diablos de Fuego show how morally bankrupt Europe is. And you know what the sad thing is? They're popularity will likely skyrocket now that they're running around with Alix Spezia. One of my sources told me Alix threw a fit in a nightclub she and Los Diablos attended here in Spain because she couldn't pick up a guy. They are all mobbing Moracca and Mariachi. She was too stupid to figure out she wasn't in just any club, but a very [i]special[/i] club, if ya know what I mean. COLE Los Diablos de Fuego have developed quite a bond in recent weeks with Alix Spezia of the duo Chicks Over Dicks. A brother/sister type of relationship, or maybe sister/sister depending on the way you look at it. COACH Heh. When people say they suck, they literally mean they [i]suck[/i]. COLE The last time we saw the 3 of them together, they were assaulted in the parking lot by The GPX. Moracca and Mariachi haven't forgotten about that. They've issued a challenge to Scotty Static and Johnny Jax. OAOAST officials are in the process of getting a contract signed for that match, and what a match it would be. But tonight Los Diablos de Fuego have to worry about the All-American Boys, former KABOOM tag team champions. Moracca leaps from the apron onto the top rope and BACKFLIPS into the ring. He waits in the corner and catches Mariachi coming off the top with a backflip of his own. Now in a tombstone piledriver position, Mariachi shifts his weight back and gets Moracca in a tombstone position. They each counter the other's grip until they've reached their corner. (It may not make sense in writing, but it's sexually suggestive!) COLE, COACH & CABOOSE ... CABOOSE I understand you're very familar with that position, Cole. COACH :lol: COLE What a great matchup this should be, huh, guys? Only the second time we've seen Los Diablos in action. They look for their first win in the OAOAST after losing their match to the Love Doctors at World Without End. A very hard fought match for the HI-YAH International Tag Team Title. There were a number of occasions where it looked like they might pull off the big upset. The AABs stick Old Glory in the corner and slaute her, while Los Diablos remove their sombreros and ponchos. The fans rise to their feet as Nick Patrick flicks his right hand to the timekeeper, signaling for the bell. * DING DING * We quickly find out why the fans rose to their feet as the SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA hit the ring and go after both teams. The crowd cheer Marcellus "One-Eye" Wallace and Vincent Santana when they level the All-American Boys with a pair of clotheslines, but boo when they shove Los Diablos into the corner and unleash a fury of punches and kicks. Like the United States would for a friend in need, the All-American Boys come to the aid of Los Diablos, pulling the SCM off Los Diablos and rocking them with American made right hands. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Hey, come on! We don't need this. COACH The fans don't like the South Central Militia, but they hate the All-American Boys even more. And I always thought Canada was bizzaro-world. COLE The All-American Boys taking to the SCM. Los Diablos return the help from the All-American Boys by fleeing backstage! The AABs whip the SCM to the ropes, as do they. Off the near side come the AABs. Vincent drills one of the AABs with a KICK to the face as the All-American attempted a cross bodyblock! The other AAB doesn't have any better success, missing a clothesline and getting SPEARED by One-Eye on the rebound while Santana nails him with the FLYING FOREARM SMASH to the head! JAILBREAK! One-Eye calls for a mic. COLE Good luck trying, pal. They aren't scheduled for an interview so they won't be getting any mic time. When One-Eye doesn't get a mic, he begins threaten officials ringside. COACH I don't care if they're scheduled or not. I don't like the looks on their faces. Somebody get them a damn mic! Buffer hands One-Eye a mic while keeping his distance. ONE-EYE Synth, Logan -- I hope you pop idol bitches are watchin' because I got a little somethin'-somethin' to say. You're makin' things harder on yourselves. Ya see, me and Vinny, we got a business to run. And with no money is no business. Get what I'm sayin'? We got expensives to pay. Brassknucks, duct tape, blindfolds, the whole shebang. That shit costs money. And money you cost us all right. You cost us a good chunk of change at the pay-per-view. Some might say we got what we deserved for what we did to you at Thanksgiving HeldDOWN~!, we say it messin' with our business. And in our line of work, when you mess with somebody elses business, you send them a little message. One-Eye drops the mic. He and Vincent exit with smirks on their faces. COLE What did he mean by that? COACH I don't know. But if I'm the Heavenly Rockers, I'd watch my back. You never know with guys as brutal as the SCM.