Metal Ed

I see that Owen Hart is awaiting authorization. I ain't got no authority here no more, but I don't figger we need no zombies here. Especially not no zombies got a axe to grind.

Hey, y'all remember that one feller what posted as a cat? That was pretty stupid. I know what Im talking about too cause I done had one of them gimmicks while back. I was posting as this feller called Cowlick who what liked talking about havin sex with animals and such. I thought it was pretty bitchin but them pricks up in Curnt Events thought their damn "Election 2004" thread was some kind of scared cow or something cause it done got banned. So I figger ain't no gimmick worth a damn an if i see one post in the music folder, skulls is fittin to be cracked.

I herd the news baby. All about your disease. Yeah, you may have all you want baby. But I gots something you need. Oh, yeah! AIN'T TALKING BOUT LOVE! MY LOVE IS ROTTEN TO THE CORE! AIN'T TALKING BOUT LOVE! JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE! YEAH< BEFORE. You know your semi good looking. And on the streets again. Oh, yea you think you're really cooking baby. You better find yourself a friend. My friend. AIN'T TALKING BOUT LOVE! MY LOVE IS ROTTEN TO THE CORE! AIN'T TALKING BOUT LOVE! Just like I told you b4. B4. B4. Uh-b4. I been to the edge. I stood and looked down. You know I lost alot of friends there baby. I got no time to mess around. So if you wnat it got to BLEED FOR IT BABY. Yeah, you got to got to BLEED FOR IT BABY. Mmm, you got to got to BLEED BABY. HEYYY, you got to got to bleed baby! AIN'T TALKING BOUT LOVE! DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT LOVE! NO NEED TO TALK ABOUT LOVE! AIN'T TRYING TO TALK ABOUT LOVE~!

GWAR gets me to banging my head pretty good. My buddy Matt told me that they kill people at their conserts. They like ter 'em apart and shit and feed 'em to the World Maggot. I think that's pretty bitchin. I don't know how they get away with that shit. Do them people sign like a contract or something? Cuz I remember Whitesnake did a show and killed a bunch of people and they ain't get nothing but shit for it. Metal Ed ain't no kinda genieus or nothing, but I know a double standard when I sees one.

Yeah, I just wanted to complain because that bitch Marney done ruined that "Campain 2008" thread. I went and announced that I was running right there in that thread and she done told me that I couldn't never do it. She thought my forrieegnj policy was righteous ("bomb all them fuckers") but she dissmised my ecomonic plan like I ain't never even said nothing. I figger if I'm president, I should get one of them Lambergeeni's and some Maiden tapes and then the rest should tickle down, but she got all up in that shit. I think you should ban her. She ain't even hot or nothin.

How long do you figger chicken wings are good for? Cuz I just ate some that aint more than a week old an i got the shits like noone's busness. They was good too. I guess every rose has its thorn.

What's rockin, dudes? Been a long time since I hollered at yall. Lotta shits happened to Metal Ed since I swore off all this message board bullshit on 9/11 so i guess i could fill yall in. I got one of them big dogs, like in that move "Betoven." But i named him Yngvie and hes got like huge fucking dog balls. He's pretty bitchin. I done gave up on gettin my ged so im tryin to climb the ladder or some shit at my job at the garbage dump. i got promted to asistent manger the other day. these new dudes at the dump dont no nothing bout metal. they was rased on rap metal and shit and i fell sorry for em. dont mean i wont crack a skull if they try to play that shit when Metal Ed is working but i feel sorry for em. i got a bunch them beers that change color when they cold. yall ever see anything like that? thats some crazy shit! check out my myspace page, dudes. keep rockin that good rock!

Dont knock gimmiks, cus that stuffs harder then it looks. I had a giimik one time, a dude by the name of cowlick. the joke was that cowlick was fuckin all these animals and everytime someone mentioned an animal cowlick would get all excited. problem was that animals aint mentioned here as much as you might figger. i started this thread "gone to the zoo" as cowlick and done got banned not to long after. i shove that in the chocolate socket a couple months later and im probly a board hero. just goes to showa ya.

I feel like I can't trust no girls on the internet. These chicks are all like "I'm 13 and yer making me horny, Metal Ed" but half the time their some old dude or the feds. Thats how I got on this sex offender registery up here in Wassau. But it don't bother me none. Young chicks dig a dude whats got a criminal record.

I'm glad you asked cuz I got some real strong opinions on this pressin topic. I ain't never been the type to hold back when it comes to booze. Hell, I been arrested a few times and I ain't shy to talk about it. Fucked up thing is, here in Wisconsin they take your shoelaces before they throw you in the drunk tank. I ain't never been able to figger this one out, on account of most of the drunks I've seen in there just fall asleep after a bit. Best I can figger, they don't want you dippin your shoelaces in the commode and snappin some old drunk with it. That'll leave a welt. Anyway, I can't condone drunk driving on account of that one girl on that web site done got linked here looking like the invisible man or some shit. Metal Ed don't want that on his conshunse and neither should none of y'all. Smokers are jokers. Stay in school.

I know a lot of y'all probly expect me to come in here and talk about this show like it's the best thing since "Cops" or that one show where the dude gets hit in the nuts with a frisbee, but I really don't think it's worth a damn. I was really stoked for this shit, too. I saw the commercial when I was watchin wrestling a few weeks back and thought "Damn, dude! That looks like my kinda show!" I mean, it's got all the ingredients: A coupla hard rockin dudes, some good looking chicks, roofing, probly some bitchin music...how could it go wrong? So I got all nice and comfy on my Miller Lite blow-up chair, I put on my beer hat, I pulled out a coupla "Mullets Rule" signs I made just for the occassion, and I got primed for what I figgered was gonna be a viewing experience that would rock like no other. What I got was a gross misrepresintation of me and a lot of other hard rockin' folks like me. I mean, these dudes...they're stupid! Shit, Metal Ed ain't no genius or nothin. I dropped out after 7th grade and didn't never look back and I really only learned to read because Penthouse was gettin so many damn letters in it, but even I look like some damn Harvard pussy compared to these two dudes. Another thing I ain't too happy about is them casting that chick with the big boobies who used to be married to the dude from "Smoky and the Bandit" as those dudes mom. Now, I been around enough Mullets type dudes to know that ain't none of their moms look like that. My buddy Matt's mom got a peg leg and about twelve wooden teeth, fer instance. I ain't even gonna get into her hygiene. So while that shit may make for some interesting storylines and a coupla decent boob shots, it just ain't true to life. What I figger is they got a buncha college boys who ain't never listened to no skull crackin' metal shit in their lives to write this show and they just ran with a buncha preconceeved notions that just ain't true about dudes with mullets. How's some damn Frappucino drinkin' dude who's drivin around in his BMW and probly turning the water off when he brushes his teeth gonna know what it's like to be Metal Ed? I couldn't write no damn TV show about what it's like to wear a Cardigan sweater, and this is pretty much what that's like. So I figger what I'm gonna do is, first thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna drive on up to UPN headquarters and start cracking some damn skulls until they take this shit off the air and replace it with something decent. Like another episode of "The Parkers," fer instance. I think that one big chick's kinda cute.

Happy birthday, dude. Bein 15 was awesome back when I was your age. That was the year when I first got some after that Cinderella concert. You oughta see if they're comin through your town, so you can take a lady to go see em. I ain't met the chick yet who can say no to ya after havin her heart melted by Cinderella. An hour of that'll loosen them britches up real nice.

A fuckass? Man, that's some stupid shit. You're lucky you didn't go to Metal Ed's school. If I'd a said called someone a fuckass, the principal woulda whooped the shit out of me for bein a geek. I saw one dude make the mistake of wearin a Alf t-shirt to school one day. I ain't got too much to say about that situation, cept the food at his funeral was pretty good. Fuckass? I oughta crack yer damn skull.