King Cucaracha

Do you honestly believe that? And do you honestly think there's even a remote chance of it happening? Let's grab that quote again... I've re-read that three times and the jist of it seems to be, the Rumble winner gets the champion of one brand and the winner of the EC gets the champion of the OTHER brand. I count two brands mentioned there. They didn't say 'the champions who aren't chosen', they just said champion. They didn't say 'available title shots', they just said shot. I could be reading too much into it, but it sounds from that like RAW is one brand and SD/ECW is the other brand, with a World Title and a WWE Title... and the EuroCW Title, well, who cares. They'll probably use the ECW Title in the skits where the Rumble winner decides who to face, but I'd be stunned if there was any possibility of them choosing the ECW Title. I mean, seriously, why waste your time? If Miz and Morrison can get title shots, in theory why should anyone above them in the pecking order need to win the Rumble to get a shot?

Yep, show will postponed at least a day. Anyone who can write an extra match earns a cookie. At the moment, we've got a four-match show, two of which coming from guys who let's be fair write matches by the braille method and will therefore likely be a week or two late as it is (I think we both know who we are ). So, yeah.

Oh yeah, missed this earlier. Yes, Foley tends to come back mostly when he's got a book to shill. So what? His body can only withstand having one or two real matches per year, so what's wrong with saving them until they'll do him some good? Plus, they usually do someone else some good too. Or are you forgetting him putting over Orton, Edge, Cena, and Umaga? The only time where a Mick comeback didn't go well was on that one Cyber Sunday against Carlito, and he was double-fucked from the start by the "fans" voting for him to wrestle as Mankind, and the fact that he was working Carlito. I'm not saying I agree with it (him putting Cena over at Vengeance for example, not that it meant a lot because of the half-hearted build, but there was no need for him to do that if he didn't want to). I'm just saying some might argue the point. I'm still one of the few Foley fans on the board, apparantly. Those three title reigns combined had a grand total of, what, 50 days? He didn't get one full month on top as the Champion. Yes he was a main-eventer and yes he'll be considered a true legend, but will he ever be mentioned in the same breath and considered on the same level as the likes of Rock, Austin, Flair, HHH, Hogan, Undertaker, Bret etc. in kayfabe terms? Maybe, maybe not. I'm sure most would consider him on the rung below, purely because he was never the face of the company for any meaningful amount of time. Hell, each of his title runs were transitional. A legend, yes, but a legitimate megastar, I don't know.

The whole finish to that PPV was more than just Hunter beating Austin. It was Hunter laying out Vince, laying out Rock, and beating Austin all in one night. That was putting Hunter over as strong in one night as they possibly could. Except, besides the fact Hunter didn't win clean, all the ending really did was set up the foundations for the (prospective) main-event at the Survivor Series. The last thought on most people's minds wouldn't have been "woah, Triple H just took out The Rattlesnake, he's the real deal". It would have been "oh man, Austin's gonna be pissed, I can't wait to see what he does to The Rock to pay him back". He was the afterthought, as World Champion. Hey, sounds familiar... Anyway, I went over the Old School Questions Thread and got the story from somewhere in there. I always assumed there was some sort of issue, partly because as above, Austin still didn't put HHH over in their one on one, really. Even so, my point stands, HHH obviously realised the way to get to the top from somewhere. Whether it was Austin, orShawn, or Taker, or Hogan, or the Kliq incident, or being turned into the Ultimate Warrior's bitch... whatever.

If you're talking about Austin supposedly refusing to put HHH over, that wasn't the case. I thought that was at least part of it. I know there were other extenuating circumstances. But, it still amounted to the same thing. Could Austin not have dropped the title to HHH the next night if he was being put over, instead of Mankind taking the belt as an interim, making everyone involved look bad?

Rock I'll give you. It's not neccessarily an issue of 'burying' people though. It's more an issue of people picking and choosing who they help out and who they don't, and I don't think Rocky ever discriminated over who he put over (everybody from Brock and Mankind to Hurricane and Mark Henry). You could also argue that Rock was never in a really high political position within the company and, like Cena, lived and died on crowd reactions rather than relationships behind the scenes. But, I dunno. I think there'd be plenty of people who'd argue with you over Foley, at least in recent years, just for him coming back to try and boost his book sales. Whether you'd class him as a geniune mega-star is debatable. His selflessness didn't exactly help his career. Flair was mostly selfless but made decisions to profit himself at times. Funk... yeah, I'd say Funk is up there. But, again, his selflessness didn't make him one of the genuine superstars in the business. That's the thing. Do you blame HHH for 'playing the game', or do you blame Austin for passing on the lesson with the issue surrounding Summerslam '99. Or do you blame Hogan for passing the lesson on to Austin by burying him in WCW? Or do you blame Michaels for passing the message on during the D-X days? Do you blame Taker, who I'm sure learnt his trade from The Hulkster too? Do you blame whoever Hogan learnt to play the political game from in his early days? Most of the worst offenders in the 'politix' game have been victims of it in the past. Brock. Angle. Savage. Jarrett. Coincidence? I think not. Guys see that it works and they take advantage. It's not a good thing, but it's something that's not going to change any time soon.

Exactly. But, how many legit main eventers didn't/haven't? It's just the way of the business.

Patty's match is also doubtful. On a similar note, please send any non GCF things to me as I'll be posting the show. I may ask that we extend to Monday so I can try and cover the 2 (hopefully, Tony and EWC, get writing guys) non-matches. Obv, if anyone else can throw in something quick, that'd be great too.

Two words. Elevated ramp. Just so you know.

I'm thankful that I managed to get my match done within 'reasonable' time. How about you?

^ Exactly. She's the General Manager and can make whatever matches Edge needs or wants. Of course she's 'his type'.

Might as well postpone for a day then, it'll give me some extra time on the six-man and seeing as it's going to be a 2-3 match show anyway...

See, now you're just contradicting yourself.

If the Shooting Starr Press didn't make the cut, I'm gonna be pissed.

Since when did Wrestlezone.com become the go-to for insider wrestling news? Anyone who's read a wrestling board in their life could have come up with that 'article' verbatum, so long as HHH came off as the bad guy and it involved Jericho 'having heat'. They just threw the same old story as always together with a few internet insider buzzwords.

Well, seeing as I didn't post in the other thread, I don't think it neccessarily has to be the case that EMTs and ambulances should be on stand-by at every wrestling show going. That's a little unrealistic. But surely the vast majority of promotions can do better than a table as a makeshift stretcher. Even if it's just the case that there's someone with *some* knowledge of first-aid techniques sitting somewhere within easy reach of the ring (I mean, this show was at the Alhambra, there's always a table less than feet away from the ring) during the show, that'd be better than nothing at all. It's possible they had that but Quack was already on hand, I don't know. But still. And I don't think it comes down to just the promotions neccessarily. How many shows run at the Alhambra a month? A one-time expenditure between whomever (regular promoters of the building, the building owners, etc.) for something remotely resembling a stretcher wouldn't be THAT much, surely? This is just one, larger example obviously. But there's ways to make things a little safer for the wrestlers without going into the deep red for it, surely.

*slap forehead* Crap, coulda sworn I'd put the CAE stats up. Uh, anyway, they're up now. My bad.

Seriously relieved to hear he's okay. That move's always scared me. From the sounds of it, Quack, Mitch and co. handled the situation impecably too by calling off the main-event. Apparantly, there may be something set up over at CHIKARAFans by way of a fund to help pay Lince's medical fees, there's been talk of it already. That's one of the bits that troubled me though. It kinda highlights what was being said in the thread in General Wrestling that JINGUS posted, about the Athletic Commission and wanting to have medical personel on hand at all times during a show. The fact they had to move him out on a table and also the fact that it was apparantly left to Mike to tend to Lince is pretty off. Obviously Mike's been around for a long time and presumably knew just what to do in the situation to calm Lince down, but not every wrestling show in the US is going to have that kind of guy there and have it luckily right next to the ring when it happened.

Personally, the best finishers and by extension submission holds are ones that are credible. So, I'd add Ken Shamrock's Ankle Lock to the list. As far as best looking, I always like the inverted texas cloverleaf. x10 for the "make MsChif kick herself in the back of the head" variation for any SHIMMER fans.

Going back a bit, I don't care about a new finisher so long as he comes back with some new catchphrases or insults. I don't think the word 'Assclown' was funny at any point during the 5 or so years (it seemed a lot longer) that he used it. His heel run at the end of his last WWE tenure, he was great. But every face run before then was just the same old Jericho, same old material. A lot to hope for I know, but hopefully they just let him be himself, or at least as much as WWE will allow nowadays. Last I saw of him was that YouTube clip where he was 'interviewing' Delirious at some indy show, he was great there. But that was without the infamous run-sheet, so...

Uh, Alf, Sk8ter Boiz now = Christ Air Express. Just checking.

I believe it's a chap named B-Boy, although he might have changed by now. Traditional Survivor Series Rules Match #1 (or 2) The Entertainers- The Heavenly Rockers and The Beverly Hills Blonds (w/Holly-Wood and Molly Nerdly) VS. The Kings Of Leon- Leon Rodez, "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant and The Lone Star Gunslingers (w/Jade Rodez and Melody Nerdly)

Uh, according to my notes, Salt Lake City, Utah. Although a few weeks ago it changed from Florida to Toronto, Canada without warning so, fuck knows! Six Man Tag Team Match Stephen Joseph Popick, Tha Puerto Rican and Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs. Zack Malibu, Todd Cortez and Bohemoth

We've got more than enough Saved By The Bell jokes at the OTHER place, thank you. So, uhm, wow. Got to be our best show in a year, maybe longer, 9 matches in all (at the moment). Really pleased with the effort this time around. A couple of big returns along the way too which is just as exciting as just having as many matches as we did. Even if I did lose. A card for A2A will be up in due course, whether it be by me or Toxx, still a couple of issues I need to check with him before it'll be a *full* card. But thankfully the waiting around for me is over for another half-month.

SWF World Championship Toxxic © VS. Jay Hawke “Fans, we’ve had a blast of an evening so far,” Mak Francis says, “but we’ve still got the biggest match of the night yet to come! ‘The Dean of Professional Wrestling’ Jay Hawke steps up for a shot at the World Title, but only time will tell whether it’ll be third time lucky for one of the SWF’s most experienced competitors!” “Mak, I’m feeling Jay Hawke’s chances tonight,” the Suicide King says, “sure, he got taken out by Va’aiga last show… but Hawke had no idea Va’aiga was coming back, he had no time to prepare, and he lost quick to a virtually knock-out shot. Toxxic went through a gruelling Tag Title defence against Wild & Dangerous. If Hawke got his head back together after the morale knock of his loss, and I believe there are few better at the psychological game than Jay Hawke, he could step up and take that belt tonight.” It’s at this point that the synth-heavy opening of ‘Learning To Fly’ by Pink Floyd starts to ring out around the Gill Coliseum, leading to a predictable response from the assembled fans. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The lights dim down and a spotlight shines down on the entranceway. For a few long moments nothing happens, but then a robed figure makes his way out, face composed, gaze steady, head back and concentrating on the ring. “The Dean looks in good shape and ready to go,” The Franchise comments as Hawke starts to make his way towards the squared circle, apparently oblivious to or at least ignoring the jeers of the nearby fans. “We need to bear in mind that Jay Hawke has been in this business for over ten years since he debuted in the High Octane Wrestling Federation in 1996; that’s an edge of experience that has served him well in the past.” “Toxxic’s been wrestling half that time,” King agrees, “but although he has the youth advantage the beauty of Jay Hawke’s style is that it isn’t one that focuses on his own quickness. He can take down and ground the fastest cruiserweight, and he’ll still be able to do that when he’s forty.” “Which isn’t to say that Hawke is slow,” Mak points out as the Dean starts to mount the steps towards the ring, “he can still go aerial if he needs to, and I’ve got to say that if any opponent is going to require someone to bring out every trick they have, it’s likely to be Toxxic.” Hawke removes his robe, folds it and then hands it to the timekeeper before stepping in through the ropes and climbing to the second buckle where he raises both arms in the air to the general disapproval of the crowd. One fan in the front row holds up a ‘HAWKE FEARS THE LARIAT!’ sign, which gets a glower from the Dean… and then every light in the arena hits full. The Smarktron whites out. “COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YER ‘ARD ENOUGH!” “COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YER ‘ARD ENOUGH!” The raucous, rolling chant is immediately followed by the oozing baseline of ‘The Gush’ by Raging Speedhorn that sleazes its way out of the PA speakers as the Smarktron starts to fade down towards black. As it does so jagged white letters flash up a familiar slogan, one word at a time: ‘PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG…’ Three chords ring out; the Smarktron shows Toxxic being knocked off the top buckle to the floor with a springboard enzuigiri by Nathaniel Kibagami; Toxxic being taken off the top buckle with a super Mark Of The Beast by Gabriel Drake; Toxxic being chokeslammed out of the Clusterfuck by Janus. Then a shot of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Stephens Shock Syndrome, starting to strobe and intercut with an image of the Englishman’s lopsidedly-grinning face, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the moment the song kicks into full gear and the- *BOOOM!* -explosion of red pyro that announces the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger! And through the flame and smoke… “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” …red-and-black trenchcoat flapping around him and a Revolution Zero T-shirt on… “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” …Tag Title in his right hand, Stables Title in his left and World Title wrapped around his waist… “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” …comes the only five-time World Champion in SWF history. “You might not like him, but you do have to respect him,” Mak Francis says as Toxxic, in complete contrast to Jay Hawke, meanders down the entrance way taking time to interact with the fans. Most of them flip him off, but this just seems to amuse the World Champion. “he and Revolution Zero have the federation in something of a death grip right now and Toxxic’s still on his winning roll. He found a way past Tracey Bruner prior to Genesis, he beat Johnny Dangerous at Genesis and then he and Austin Sly were able to defeat Wild & Dangerous at All Hallows to retain their Tag Titles. However, you’ve got to think that just like this time last year, sooner or later the strain of all those responsibilities will catch up with him. Although,” The Franchise adds, “it’s hardly like the Stables Titles count for anything.” “Revolution Zero defeated the Midnight Carnival for those belts,” King insists, “it’s not Toxxic’s fault if you can’t handle that.” “Since when did a Carnival consist of one person?” Mak protests, “Raynor isn’t that entertaining!” “Word to that.” Toxxic rolls in under the bottom rope and then hands his assorted titles over to Matthew Kivell before stripping his trenchcoat off and dumping it over the ropes, then removing his T-shirt and hurling it into the crowd where two girls in heavy eyeliner fight for it surreptitiously. “That’s going on Ebay,” King comments. Funyon steps forward as Toxxic gives a cheeky wave to Jay Hawke, who just regards the straight-edger intently. The tuxedo’d ring announcer raises his mic and begins to declaim: “Ladies and gentlemen, the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation is proud to present our MAIN EVENT of the evening…” “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit, and is for the SWF World Heavyweight Title,” Funyon booms, “introducing first, in the corner to my right, the challenger; he hails from the Hall Of Fame city of Cleveland, Ohio and weighed in tonight at 215lbs, this is ‘The Dean Of Professional Wrestling’ JAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY… HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKE!!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Hawke raises one arm in defiance of the boos, not taking his eyes from the World Champion. For his part Toxxic cups one black-nailed hand to his ear, grinning at Hawke as the jeers rain down. “And his opponent, standing in the corner to my left,” Funyon continues, “from Nottingham, England, he weighed in tonight at 218lbs; he is the leader of SWF Stable Champions Revolution Zero, he is one-half of the SWF Tag Team Champions and he is the REIGNING AND DEFENDING , FIVE-TIME SWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORRRRLLLLLLLLD… this is ‘The Straight-Edge Sensation’… TOXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Hawke raises an eyebrow at his opponent; Toxxic just shrugs and turns around to conduct the crowd, actually waving his arms to incite them to make more noise. “I’m not sure if Toxxic is having fun, taking the piss, or just so egotistical he’s obsessed with having people chant his name, whatever the context,” Francis comments. Funyon ducks out of the ring and Matthew Kivell checks that both men are ready; Hawke signals with a curt nod, while Toxxic stops clowning around and grins at Kivell to show that he’s ready to rock. The SWF’s senior official waves a hand in the direction of the timekeeper… *DING-DING-DING!* “…and we’re underway!” Mak Francis shouts as the bell goes, “it’s Jay Hawke’s third crack at winning the big one in the SWF, it’s Toxxic’s first defence of his record-breaking fifth reign, and it’s taking place right here in the Gill Coliseum!” Both men advance towards each other cautiously. Hawke raises his hands in preparation of a lock-up; Toxxic follows suit… …and gets completely taken out as Hawke launches a right leg roundhouse that pastes the World Champion in the temple and sends him sprawling! “Toxxic’s down! Toxxic’s down!” King shouts as Hawke dives on top of his opponent and starts raining down mounted punches despite Kivell’s warnings about the repeated use of the closed fist. Toxxic tries to cover up and Hawke keeps going leaving Kivell with no option: ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ Hawke pulls back just before the disqualification mark, but as soon as Kivell breaks that count the Dean dives down to apply a double-handed choke! ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ Toxxic’s heels are drumming a staccato rhythm on the canvas as the World Champion tries desperately to breathe; Hawke breaks his hold at the last moment, then rolls off his prone opponent and grabs the Englishman to bring him up towards his feet. “Hawke’s gone in early here with all guns blazing,” Mak calls, “that one roundhouse came totally out of left field and caught the World Champion napping, and now Hawke wants to make sure Toxxic never gets back into his game!” Toxxic is upright, but wheezing and light-headed; Hawke doesn’t intend to let him get his breath back, slipping easily behind the straight-edger and grabbing him around his waist before launching him backwards overhead with a German suplex! *BANG!* Hawke rolls up to his feet, then leaps straight up into the air and comes down with a standing legdrop across Toxxic’s throat before applying a cover and hooking the leg… ONE! TWO!! …but Toxxic kicks out! The Dean snorts and brings the Englishman up by his hair (much to Kivell’s displeasure, not that Hawke cares about that), then trips Toxxic so he ends up with his throat and chest draped across the second ring rope. Hawke then climbs up so that both feet are placed between his opponent’s shoulder blades and hauls up on the top rope, choking Toxxic again! ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ Jay hops lightly off as Kivell approaches the five-count, then kicks Toxxic in the ribs as the Englishman wheezes and tries to catch his breath. Matthew Kivell tries to get in the Dean’s face but Hawke simply turns his back on him and steps out to the apron as Toxxic rolls away across the ring. “King, have you ever seen Toxxic in this much trouble this early?” Mak asks. “No,” the Gambling Man replies honestly, “Hawke clearly had a gameplan; Toxxic would have been expecting him to go for a mat game, but we saw in their last meeting that Toxxic was able to more-or-less hold his own there. Hawke elected to go for a knock-down brawl, and it caught Toxxic off-guard.” “Well, there’s been a small amount of brawling,” Francis grunts, “and a hell of a lot of cheating.” “I prefer to think of it as being innovative with the rules,” King states airily. Toxxic is now starting to get back to his feet in the ring, holding his head and clearly not very well oxygenated; Hawke is on the apron watching him, and as the World Champion starts to turn in a groggy circle the Dean of Professional Wrestling leaps up… …vaults off the top rope… …and nails his opponent with a springboard lariat! *WHACK!* “No cheating there, just inch-perfect high-flying impact!” Mak shouts as Hawke connects, then pops back up to his feet. The Dean spreads his arms wide, and to everyone’s surprise a small chant starts up: “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “An ass-kicking always gets some fans,” King comments as Hawke drops to make a cover… ONE! TWO!! …but Toxxic kicks out again. Jay Hawke presses his advantage and brings the World Champion up, then takes the Englishman crashing back down to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker before turning Toxxic over onto his front and pulling him up into a Camel Clutch. The Dean hooks Toxxic’s arms over his legs and pulls back on the hold, determined to weaken his opponent’s neck even if he can’t get the submission. “Hawke’s got Toxxic grounded and under control,” King says, “and if he’s got any sense he’ll keep him there.” Jay Hawke does seem to be intent on keeping the World Champion under control, but Toxxic is showing no signs of giving up in the immediate future as the Englishman grits his teeth and guts it out. Hawke seems reluctant to damage his own momentum given how well he’s been doing so far, so he releases his hold to grab the back of Toxxic’s head, then ram the World Champion’s face into the mat as he stands up and abandons the hold. *BANG!* Matthew Kivell isn’t too pleased due to the whole hair-grabbing issue; Hawke ignores him and starts to pull his groggy opponent back to his feet, then Irish whips him into the ropes. Toxxic rebounds but Hawke doesn’t give the straight-edger any chance to recover, instead snatching him off the mat before twirling him through the air and slamming him down across one knee with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! “Toxxic really needs to get back into this match fast,” Mak comments, “or he could be looking at the wrong end of a whitewashing here.” Hawke stands back up and appeals to the crowd with a rather arrogant pose; support seems rather split: “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “JAY HAWKE SUCKS!” “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “JAY HAWKE SUCKS!” Hawke listens to the warring chants, then turns back to his prone opponent. Big mistake. *whump-CRACK!* He never should have looked away. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Kip-up enzuigiri!” King shouts as Toxxic explodes up off the canvas and lays the challenger out with his devastating surprise move, “that one never gets old!” Quite a few fans have started cheering for the Straight-Edge Sensation now, the kip-up enzuigiri usually garnering a crowd pop in its own right anyway. However, Toxxic isn’t in all that good a condition following Hawke’s early offensive flurry and he isn’t able to follow up on his momentum-changing move that quickly, instead taking a few seconds to catch his breath and hold his neck which doesn’t seem to be agreeing with him. “It’s one of the reasons Toxxic is where he is today,” Mak Francis says, “the ability to turn a match on its head in a split second.” The Straight-Edge Sensation doesn’t want to lose this advantage and grabs hold of Jay Hawke as The Dean starts to push himself back up towards his feet, then Irish whips his opponent towards the turnbuckles. Hawke manages to reverse the momentum however and sends Toxxic in instead, but the Englishman manages to vault to the top rope, then come flying back to take Hawke down with the Role Reversal! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Toxxic doesn’t try another kip-up, wisely just rolling up to his feet instead; Hawke also starts to rise, wanting to regain some momentum, but he turns around into a RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! Toxxic steps backwards, flips a black-nailed v-sign at the Dean… DISCUS CLOTHESLINE! “Damn, he nailed it!” Francis shouts in shock as for once the combination finishes the way Toxxic intends it. “LET’S GO TOX-XIC!” “LET’S GO TOX-XIC!” A couple of high-impact, high-flying moves and a hard-hitting combination has swung a few more people around onto the side of the defending champion (or at least, against the obnoxious Jay Hawke), so the arena has started to buzz a little as Toxxic pulls Hawke up and then delivers a European uppercut that staggers the Dean backwards! The World Champion seems encouraged by this development and winds up for another, but Hawke catches him off-guard by diving down and securing a single-leg takedown that dumps Toxxic to the mat, then transitioning to trap the straight-edger’s right arm with a short-arm scissors! “And now Hawke goes to the mat game,” Francis notes, “Toxxic finally got up to speed and was starting to turn things around, so the challenger has reverted to what he knows best - but not before he did some damage!” However, Jay Hawke isn’t going to have it all his own way. The Dean of Professional Wrestling has got the hold locked on but Toxxic isn’t giving up, and in fact the World Champion is already looking for a way to escape. He starts to roll his weight towards Hawke, hoping to be able to get up and get his feet under him; it takes him a couple of tries but he finally succeeds, then braces his legs and starts trying to lift Hawke bodily up off the mat with his own arm! “I don’t think Jay Hawke had this in mind!” King calls as Hawke’s expression changes to one of alarm as he’s raised up… …and slammed down! *BANG!* “Improvised… well, one-arm powerbomb I guess,” Mak says as Hawke releases his grip involuntarily while Toxxic shakes his arm out and grimaces in pain. However he’s galvanised back into action as Hawke starts to get up; Toxxic has no wish to allow this, and he lands a basement dropkick into the side of the Dean’s head to send him back down to the canvas. With Hawke prone Toxxic gets back up to his feet and quickly backflips, coming down in a standing moonsault that leads to a cover… ONE! TWO!! …but Hawke kicks out just after two. Toxxic wastes no time in bringing his opponent up and wrapping both arms around Hawke’s body before the Dean can get his wind back, then hoisting and dropping him down to the canvas with the Sambo Slam. *WHAM!* Hawke hits hard but Toxxic rises back to his feet, then points to a set of turnbuckles. There’s a small pop from the crowd as the Straight-Edge Sensation jogs over, then vaults up to the top in one fluid motion before instantly jumping back and off to come down with a fistdrop dead centre on Hawke’s head! “I think Toxxic chose the wrong arm there,” Mak comments clinically as the Englishman rolls away holding the limb that Hawke had trapped in the Short Arm Scissors. However, Toxxic has more than one arm and so when he goes back to the turnbuckles to repeat the move he chooses his left fist this time, leading to the same amount of pain for Jay Hawke but considerably less for him. He gets back to his feet again and raises his left fist in the air… ‘One more?’ “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Toxxic heads back to the turnbuckles, leaps to the top once more and comes off to deliver a third inch-perfect fistdrop to Jay Hawke’s head, then as the Dean rolls over onto his front Toxxic laces his own leg around Hawke’s and bridges backwards to grab an inverted rear chinlock, then rolls over onto his front! “Inverted Sickle Hold from Toxxic,” King notes as Hawke flails at the air, “haven’t seen him break this one out in a little while.” Matthew Kivell bends down to see if Jay Hawke wants to give it up, but the Dean of Professional Wrestling is determined that his title challenge won’t end here and he holds on. Toxxic tries to bend Hawke back even further but the hold is not the most stable of positions and when Hawke starts to make a concerted effort he’s gradually… able… to tip… Toxxic… sideways… …and both men land on the mat; Hawke slightly harder, granted, but Toxxic’s hold disappears as they hit. Toxxic is still able to stay on top though, not giving Hawke any time to recover as he gets up and pulls the Dean up off the mat with him, then Irish whips the challenger into the ropes. Hawke rebounds and Toxxic steps to one side and brings one arm up to snare him for a half-nelson facebuster, but Hawke spins around his startled opponent and ends up behind Toxxic with one arm starting to lock upwards into a single chickenwing… “Wing Span!” Mak shouts. …but Toxxic drops and rolls before Hawke can lock the deadly submission hold in, snaring his opponent’s legs as he does so and bringing Jay over with a drop toehold, then transitioning into a leglace as he looks for a back mount. “Regal Stretch!” King shouts in his turn as Toxxic looks to cinch in his favoured STF variation. Jay Hawke has this scouted however and fires two back elbows into Toxxic’s face in quick succession; the Englishman abandons his attempt at securing another submission hold and rolls away, allowing Hawke time to collect himself and get back to his feet while the crowd applauds them both in a semi-enthusiastic manner. Toxxic gets back up as well, but the Dean of Professional Wrestling is actually quicker off the mark and runs to take him down with a leg lariat! “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” Hawke looks to capitalise and pounces upon his down opponent to grab a front facelock before Toxxic can recover, then starts to slowly drag the Englishman up towards a vertical base. Toxxic tries to fight out of it but Hawke is clamping down hard and the straight-edger is unable to escape before Hawke falls backwards and spikes his head into the mat with a DDT. *BANG!* Hawke rolls Toxxic onto his back and makes a cover… ONE! TWO!! …but Toxxic kicks out again! Hawke looks disappointed, and demonstrates his disappointment by wrapping both hands around Toxxic’s windpipe and starting to choke him again! ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ Hawke breaks away at the last moment before disqualification, then takes a second to argue with Matthew Kivell before grabbing Toxxic’s arm and rolling the wheezing Englishman over onto his front to apply a Fujiwara armbar! Toxxic gasps in pain and starts scrabbling across the mat towards the ropes; Hawke tries to hold him back but the World Champion is determined and manages to scramble his way to the bottom rope where he clings as if his life depends upon it. Jay Hawke reluctantly releases the hold and the fact that he doesn’t cling onto it for the maximum time possible seems to throw Toxxic; the Englishman starts to pull himself up without considering his opponent’s devious nature, allowing Hawke to spin him around and take hold of his right arm before falling backwards with a single-arm DDT! “Jay Hawke has definitely targeted that right arm of Toxxic’s now,” Mak comments. “It’ll not only cut down on Toxxic’s offensive capabilities but set him up for the Wing Span,” King shrugs, “works for me.” Jay Hawke has rolled Toxxic over and once more applied the Fujiwara armbar, perhaps looking for a submission directly from the hold rather than as a set up to anything else. However Toxxic has no desire to be caught in it and before Hawke can get it properly locked in he starts scrambling for the ropes again. Hawke isn’t a big enough competitor to halt the Straight-Edge Sensation through body mass alone and Toxxic manages to get to the bottom ropes after a couple more agonising seconds. This time Hawke isn’t so keen to release his hold… ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ …but Kivell eventually ‘persuades’ him. Toxxic starts pulling himself up on the ropes, using his left arm, but Hawke heads straight back to the offensive - however, this time as Jay tries to grab Toxxic’s arm for another single-arm DDT Toxxic dives and rolls, throwing his left arm up between Hawke’s legs and bringing the challenger over into a schoolboy pin! ONE! TWO!! …but Hawke kicks out! Both men roll up to their feet, but this time Toxxic is the first to react as he buries his foot into Hawke’s gut. The Dean doubles over and Toxxic grabs a front facelock with his left arm, then delivers the facebuster/DDT combo known as the Sobering Thought! *CRUNCH-BANG!* Toxxic rolls Hawke over onto his back and makes the cover, but he his hook of the Dean’s leg with his right arm is weak… ONE! TWO!! …and Hawke kicks out! “It looks like Toxxic’s basically wrestling with one arm right now,” Mak notes as the Straight-Edge Sensation sits up holding his right arm, “against Jay Hawke he’d normally be looking for moves where he can lift his opponent and that’ll now be limited, but don’t rule out the role of a fully-functioning arm when it comes to balancing for high-risk moves either!” Toxxic starts to get back up to his feet, but any plans he may have had to follow up on his momentum-change appear to be curtailed as Jay Hawke is starting to rise as well! “The Dean of Professional Wrestling is tough,” Suicide King points out, “and he wants that title. It’ll take more than that to keep him down.” *SMACK!* “Wow King, it’s like he can understand every word you say to him,” Mak Francis deadpans as Toxxic pastes Jay Hawke in the jaw with a Stephenskick to send Hawke collapsing backwards to the mat. With his opponent down again Toxxic seems to think that it’s time to take things up a notch so he heads to the turnbuckles once more, stepping through the ropes this time and starting to climb from the outside. He gets to the top within a couple of seconds, takes a moment to set himself and then somersaults off forwards to land one leg across Hawke’s throat with the Hangover! *BANG!* Toxxic applies the cover again, this time making sure he’s positioned where he can use his left arm to hook Hawke’s leg… ONE! TWO!! TH- -but Hawke kicks out! Toxxic looks annoyed at Matthew Kivell’s count but doesn’t question the cockney referee too hard, instead grabbing Jay Hawke and starting to bring him up towards a vertical base. This is harder with only one working arm, but Toxxic takes a second as Hawke staggers upright to mime cracking open a can and taking a swig before grabbing a front facelock and reaching through to hook his opponent’s left leg from the inside… “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Caffeine Bomb!” Mak shouts. …but Toxxic’s right arm is too painful for him to get the lift, and the attempt quickly fizzles out! The straight-edger backs off holding the offending limb but Hawke has taken the opportunity to recover a bit and advances forwards to fire a kick to the gut, then gutwrench Toxxic up before dropping down to spike his shoulder onto one knee! “Shoulderbreaker from Hawke, and… well, ‘a shark smelling blood’ is kind of a cliché, but I’d say it applies at this juncture,” the Gambling Man observes as Toxxic cries out in pain. “Pick a body part and work on it,” Mak nods, “it’s not the most advanced gameplan in the world, but it’s been effective so many times for so many people over the years, it’s easy to see why it’s still adhered to.” Jay Hawke gets back up from delivering the shoulderbreaker but doesn’t give his opponent any time to recuperate, instead stamping down hard on Toxxic’s upper arm. Kivell gives him a warning but Hawke doesn’t acknowledge the official, instead turning and heading for the turnbuckles. This time it’s Jay Hawke’s turn to step through the ropes and climb towards the top buckle, but instead of a flashy legdrop he elects to come off with a good old-fashioned diving headbutt that targets his opponent’s shoulder… *BANG!* …but unfortunately misses completely as Toxxic rolls away! The Dean starts to struggle up to his feet holding his head but Toxxic is ahead of him, the battered straight-edger holding his injured arm close and waiting for Hawke to get upright… then darting in and taking Hawke up into a Fireman’s carry before reaching up to try and hook the head and leg… “Mk II! He’s going for the Caffeine Bomb Mk II!” Mak shouts, effortlessly pronouncing Roman numerals as Toxxic struggles to get his opponent properly set… …but his weak right arm can’t trap Hawke’s head well enough, and the Dean of Professional Wrestling throws his weight around to slide his head down Toxxic’s back and slip out of the grapple, countering into a sunset flip on his way down and pulling Toxxic over into a pin! ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “THAT WAS THREE!” “TOXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “THAT WAS THREE!” “TOXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “Hawke almost got him there!” Mak shouts as the crowd comes alive, suddenly realising that yes, they’re watching a World Title match and the title nearly changed hands, “I think it was the surprise as much as anything else, but Toxxic almost got pinned!” “You’ve gotta respect Jay Hawke for pulling that counter out!” the Suicide King exclaims, “that was quick thinking under pressure!” Hawke has no intention of being caught in such a position again; he starts firing kicks into Toxxic’s arm, actually getting back to his feet and pursuing the straight-edger around the ring to lay the blows in. Toxxic does his best to protect his limb, but he can do nothing when Hawke lunges to close the distance and start to apply the chickenwing that’s the first stage of the Wing Span… …nothing except reach up with his left arm and grab a ¾ facelock before running for the turnbuckles with Jay in tow! However Hawke counters the Sunny In England by pushing Toxxic firmly in the back and sending him into the turnbuckles chest-first with an impact that blasts the air from his lungs! The Englishman staggers back and Hawke latches both arms around his opponent’s waist in preparation for a German suplex… …but Toxxic has no intention of being caught with more than one of those in a match and jerks his head backwards, cracking it into Hawke’s face with an inverted headbutt! Hawke’s grip loosens and he staggers backwards, allowing Toxxic to turn, grab Jay’s head with his left hand and then sitout into an unorthodox jawbreaker that nonetheless sees Hawke collapse backwards clutching his face! “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” Toxxic shakes his head to clear it, but he presses his attack as Hawke starts to scramble up, woozy but knowing better than to lie down on the mat when the high-flying Toxxic is about. The World Champion looks to send Hawke back to the mat as he latches both arms around his opponent’s chest in preparation for another Sambo Slam, but Hawke fires an elbow down into Toxxic’s right arm and causes the straight-edger to wheel away in pain, then grabs his opponent from behind and secures a standing Dragon Sleeper! “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “Hawke’s got Toxxic locked up in that hold, and if he can just keep it applied we could see a new World Champion tonight!” Mak Francis shouts. Toxxic has other ideas however, and he brings his knee back, up and over to drive it directly into the startled Jay Hawke’s face. Hawke’s grip loosens and Toxxic turns over to place himself into a front facelock before simply powering forward, driving the dazed challenger back into the turnbuckles! “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “All those blows to the head are really taking their toll now on Hawke,” the Gambling Man notes, “I think he’s halfway to dream street Mak!” “You could be right,” The Franchise agrees, “Toxxic’s got his opponent dizzy, can he finish him off before Jay applies something lethal to that right arm?” Toxxic certainly hopes so; he steps out to the ring apron with Jay slumped in the corner, then starts to climb the turnbuckles until he’s behind and above the Dean of Professional Wrestling. Toxxic then secures a (left-armed) reverse headlock and pushes himself out of the corner, taking Hawke around and down with the tornado inverted DDT known as the Final Shine! *BANG!* “He’s got him!” King shouts as Toxxic makes the cover, “this is it!” ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “THAT WAS THREE!” “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “THAT WAS THREE!” “LET’S GO JAY HAWKE!” “Close but no cigar!” Mak calls in defiance of the World Champion’s straight-edge tendencies, “Toxxic thought the same as you King, but Matthew Kivell says no!” “And he got it right, this once!” King replies, “Hawke kicked, it’s true!” Toxxic grimaces in a combination of pain and exhaustion as he focuses on Matthew Kivell’s two fingers being held up before him, then rolls his eyes and starts to pull Jay Hawke back upright again. The Dean is dizzy and uncooperative, surely having only kicked out on instinct, and it takes Toxxic several seconds to coax him upright; once he’s done that he draws an extravagant (and left-armed) thumb across his throat to signal the end, then takes hold of Jay Hawke’s head in a ¾ facelock and sets off for the corner again… …but Hawke manages to twist in a chickenwing on Toxxic’s right arm and the pain halts the champion in his tracks! Hawke reaches around and grabs a crossface… …but before the Wing Span can be locked in Toxxic simply stamps hard on Jay Hawke’s foot! Hawke cries out in pain and his grip loosens, allowing Toxxic to break free; the Straight-Edge Sensation turns and charges his opponent, hoping to put him away, but Hawke recovers in time to bend his knees and take Toxxic up onto his shoulders, then shuffle him around into an Argentine Backbreaker Rack… “BURNING HAMMER!” Mak Francis shouts, not without some trepidation as he spies the set-up for the move that confined him to a wheelchair. Hawke takes a deep breath, takes a firm hold on Toxxic’s head and- *WHAM!* -staggers sideways as a knee slams into the side of his skull. Hawke tries to set himself again, takes a deep- *WHAM!* -he staggers again, tries to set himse- *WHAM!* The third knee slams home and Hawke’s grip relaxes, allowing Toxxic to slip off his opponent’s shoulders and touch down on his feet behind the challenger; Hawke turns around dizzily… …and Toxxic takes him up into a Fireman’s carry. “TOXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Trying to win a match on one arm is hard. “TOXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Trying to win a match on a brain that’s been scrambled is harder. “TOXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Jay Hawke doesn’t try to fight his way out of the Caffeine Bomb Mk II because by this time, he’s just wondering where the floor’s gone. “TOXXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” It’s coming up to meet him. *BANG!!* “CAFFEINE BOMB!” Mak roars as Toxxic swings the Dean off his shoulders and drives him down headfirst into the mat, “that’ll do it!” Toxxic certainly hopes so. He hooks Hawke’s leg with his left arm and leans into the cover… ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! *DING-DING-DING!* “Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner,” Funyon booms as a mixture of cheers and boos ring around the arena and ‘The Gush’ fires up over the PA system, “and STILL~ SWF World Heavyweight Champion… the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’, TOXXXXXXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!” “Toxxic came through!” Mak Francis yells, “he’s successfully defended his title against Jay Hawke!” “It wasn’t easy, but he’s managed it sure enough!” Suicide King puts in, “on another night we could have been looking at Jay Hawke’s first World Title win, Francis.” “We certainly could have been,” The Franchise confirms, “Hawke had a gameplan that he was nearly able to follow through, but Toxxic’s experience at this level told in the end.” Toxxic receives his title belts back from Matthew Kivell, but has to carry them all with his left hand due to his right arm not being good for much. The Straight-Edge Sensation rolls out of the ring and starts to head up the ramp, while Jay Hawke slowly starts to sit up in the middle of the ring. “Folks, thank you for joining us for SWF Class Is In Session,” Mak Francis says, “it’s been a pleasure to have you with us-” “Mak, the DVD won’t be out for a week at least, the only people watching right now are these suckers in the arena.” “-and we hope you can join us for our next event, Ashes 2 Ashes from the Dakota Dome in Vermillion, South Dakota!” The Franchise finishes. “Join us on Sunday 1st December and until then, thanks for watching!” FADE OUT ©2007 British Mafia Productions for the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation ‘Raising Workrate By Typing Faster’