RavishingRickRudo

1799 - Angel sires Penn (http://www.buffy-vs-angel.com/angel_tran_11.shtml)

1765 - Followed by Holtz, Darla and Angel take refuge in a barn in France before their cover is blown. - didn't darla screw over Angelus here?

My last post, btw, 150 points. I have something to add to the timeline, I just don't know what...

Edited. And No, that doesn't worry me at all

Of course.

It means when she walks, she swings her hips, thus making her bottom appear more curvy. Biologically speaking, this indicates fertility and I -as a male- am naturally attracted to her and as such, want to fuck her brains out.

She has ~THE WALK~

Yeah, but she's so foxy.

There's a Ken Shamrock Hightlight reel floating around out there that is better.

But using guns with stuble after fucking Lilah-dressed-up-as-Fred does. Denial is natural, but you can't live in it forever.

Did Old School Wes whip out Double Guns and a Shotgun? No? Then there's no way Old School Wes could be better than Badass Wes. The best thing you can do now is move on and cope. I think there's some brochures and pamphlets around here somewhere... maybe you could call the toll-free phone number... how about the website ? www.you'rewrong.that'sok.youcanstillchangeandnotsuck.com/justkidding/youcantchange/youjusthavetoDEALWITHIT/html I'm glad to help.

Can we ban her?

The quote is from the star trek episode that had the exact same premise, Mole.

"It's for your own good, Moley. Wipe away the words before they destroy you."

*hands title over to NY Untouchable*

Yeah, but it's too ghetto IMO - that's me though, I'm more for old school bad jokes. Like... "I wonder if he'd call that, finger-lickin good..."

Mines much worse than yours. Had you said, "I wonder if it was a nice cluck", then you'd have a case.

Having sex with a hen? That's fucking fowl, man.

(in Andrew's Storyteller Voice) "Pre-vee-ose-ly on Re-construct-ing Xand-iare" Xander: Yeah, we were pretty close when I was younger. It was kinda odd how he left the store to me though - we kinda grew apart. Rebecca: That's the same way with me and my brother - Jonathon. Xander: Jonathon? Your brothers name was Jonathon? And he lived in Sunnydale? Rebecca: Yeah, do you know him? Xander: Was he a short lil guy, high pitched voice, his name was Jonathon and he lived in Sun..... um... did I mention he was short? Rebecca: Yeah, that's him. You know him? Xander: ... Erurheheh... I think I went to school with him.... Rebecca: So you know where he is? Xander: .... Rebecca: Do you? Xander: ..... No. I haven't seen him since High School. Sorry. Rebecca: Oh... it's just... my mother is really worried about him... he got kindof strange there after high school and just disappeared... Xander: Well... if I hear anything... I have friends in California... I'll let you know... Rebecca: Thanks... I'm Rebecca by the way. Xander: I'm Xander. Rebecca: See you around Xander. I might just need your help sometime... Xander: See you Rebecca, I hope you don't... need my help... cause tha would mean... something would be... broken... *pause* *crowd laughs* Rebecca: Yeah, see ya. Xander: Later... wait... no... I need to think of a clever saying now that I own this Hardware Store... gimmie a sec... *pause* Xander: Ok, got it! "and remember, just because the name is Harris Hardware, doesn't mean we don't make it easy." Huh? Huh? Rebecca: See you later Harris... *Rebecca walks out* *Xander takes a moment of reflection* *The Dark Figure is now down the stairs and looking at Xander.* *Xander takes his pricing gun and continues marking prices down* Xander: I wonder if I could get a pricing crossbow... *crowd laughs* *Xander turns around and bumps into the Dark figure: he yells and the dark figure falls down* Xander: A bringer! The first is back! NO! *starts shooting the pricing gun* *crowd laughs* Xander: Blast! Stupid gun. *runs and picks up Axe* Xander: He swings it and completely misses the dark figure and the axe gets stuck in the ground* Xander: Blast! Stupid depth perception! *crowd laughs* *Xander picks the dark figure up and is ready to punch him when the dark figure takes off its good and reveals itself as Andrew* Andrew: NO NO NO NO NO! Xander! Xander: Andrew?! Andrew: Yes, it's me... don't.. don't punch me... my nose bleeds easily. *crowd laughs* Xander: Andrew, what are you doing here?! Andrew: You mean here in New York, or "here" in some sort of metaphysical, philosophical question.... cause I don't really know an answer for either. *crowd laughs* Xander: Wha? New York. What are you doing here? Andrew: Why are you mad at me? I thought you'd be happy to see me. Xander: Sorry... I got kind of rattled there... I am happy to see you... I just thought, with all the slayers... and in Rome... Andrew: Yeah, well, that was going really good until... Anya showed up. Xander: Anya? Anya's alive??! Andrew: ... sssorta. Xander: Where, where is she?? Andrew: Um, that's a lil harder to answer. Xander: Andrew, get straight with me or I will punch you -. Andrew: - She's me. Xander: Whosawhatsitnow? Andrew: At least, I think she is.. I dunno, it's all very confusing, I don't know where to stop. Xander: Well, start at the beginning... seems like the logical place.. Andrew: Well, ok... Anya died... saving my life. Xander: Yeah, this I know. Maybe you should start at the beginning of whatever this is happened to you. Andrew: Well, then a week or two ago I was partying it up with some ladies when all of a sudden I changed. I, I don't know what happened but all of a sudden everything went blank and I woke up the next day in the forest with some Euros in one hand and dead bunnies in another. I went to Mr. Giles and he couldn't explain it.. then it happened again while he was there and he said that Anya was back and she wanted to see you and thats all she would say. I didn't know what to do, I tried to just ignore it, but I kept getting this feeling to come and see you so... here I am and... *morphs into Anya* *Xander jumps back and screams* Anya: I just had to see you and whoa what am I doing in this cloak? Xander: Anya?! Anya: Xander! *They hug* Xander: You, you, you died. *they pull apart* Anya: Sorta. Xander: And you're back, now. Anya: Yeah. Xander: Um.. any explanation? Anya: ... I didn't want to leave so soon. Xander: Oh... you can do that? Pick and choose and stuff? Anya: Um... I dunno, it's a lil foggy on the details... but I got to come back... Xander: In Andrews body? Anya: Yep, lil nerd owed me one. Xander: This is very confusing. *Anya sighs* Anya: You know how I saved Andrews life? Well, when I died - and since I died heroically and whatnot saving the world against the first evil - they gave me a choice. I could come back or stay there... where ever there was... it kinda smelled like shrimp... but anyways, I chose to come back because I hardly earned enough money. See, there's no money after you die, so... I came back. And since I saved Andrews life, until they find a suitable vessel for me to permenantly meld into, I get to share this thing, cloak and all... Xander: Doesn't Andrew get a say in all of this? Anya: No. See, he's still gotta pay off killin that lil buddy of his, so this is part of his repayment plan... Xander: And you can come and go whenever you want? Anya: Not really. It's a matter of will power. If I want to become human bad enough, I get the body. If he does, he gets it. That's why I'm here and he's not. I had to see you Xander. You'd be the only one who would understand..

It's brilliant. Cause when Xander and Anya get romanic, Xander will wake up the next day and ANDREW will be next to him NAKED. OOOOH the funny.

*The show picks up with Xander in the Hardware Store putting prices on various things* Xander: Puttin Prices on things, prices on things, prices on things. And.. somethin, somethin, somethin, is what I sings... Hey *He picks up a small glass ball* Xander: EYE think EYE know the perfect place for this. Heh Heh. *looks around for someone to laugh* *the store is empty* *he sighs* Well, it's better than fighting demons... if not less exciting. *A bell rings signifying someone has entered the store* Xander: Oooh, a Custy. *crowd laughs* *In walks Rebecca Levinson (Nichole Deboer)* Xander: Uh, can I help you with anything? Rebecca: Yes. *pause* Xander: ... What can I help you with? Rebecca: Oh! Yes. I'm looking for a screw. *crowd laughs* *Xander looks with a puzzled face, wondering whether or not to touch that.* Xander: Hmm, I dunno if I can legally help you with that... you a cop? *Rebecca realizes the implication of what she said* Rebecca: My door, it's hinges fell off and I need some screws to put it back in place. Xander: Well, I can help you with that. This being a Hardware Store where there are probably plenty of screws lying around and I being the Hardware Store guy who should know where they are... uh... I have no idea where they are, I'm kinda new at this... Rebecca: They're right there. *She points behind him* *crowd laughs* Xander: Oh! Yes! There. There they are. There are the screws. The screws, they are there. Am I good or what? Rebecca: A regular Bob Villa. Xander: Who? Rebecca: Forget it, how much do I owe ya? Xander: Seeing as how I don't exactly know where the cash register is at the moment or how to use it, it's on the house... no pun intended. Rebecca: Well, thanks. Xander: No problem. Rebecca: Now all I have to do is figure out how to get that door fixed. Xander: I could help you with that if you'd like. I may not be that good at sellin, but I'm really good at fixin... the speakin, I'm workin on. *crowd laughs* Rebecca: I.. I don't want to bother you... Xander: It's no problem. I've fixed many-a-door in my time. I lived in Sunnydale and, let's just say it was a door kickin down kinda town. Rebecca: You're from Sunnydale? California?? Xander: Well, it's not quite there anymore, but yeah. Rebecca: My brother lives in Sunnydale! Or used to... I guess... haven't heard from him in 2 years. Man, that was odd, the whole town blowing up... do you know anything about it? Xander: Umm... I was... uh... No. No clue. Just packed up and moved here... this is actually my uncles store, he died. Rebecca: Oh, I'm sorry. Xander: Yeah, we were pretty close when I was younger. It was kinda odd how he left the store to me though - we kinda grew apart. Rebecca: That's the same way with me and my brother - Jonathon.

HELLO!!!! "Reconstructing Xander" anyone? I'm so fucking unappreciated here it's not funny. It had a song and everything! ------ Ok, here's the opening to "Reconstructing Xander", as you can imagine, it's a long process, I wrote this during the commercial breaks for WOL as something to do rather than listening to the mind-numbing commercials. So expect the second part next week. Forgive any spelling or grammar mistakes. Cast: Nicholas Brendon: Xander Harris (inherits his Uncles hardware store in New York City, his uncle died of suspicious causes and he wants to find out what caused his death along with starting his own business and finally being on his own... or so he thinks) Nicole DeBoer: Rebecca Levinson (Rebecca is Jonathon’s sister who lives in NY as an assistant to the producer of a Broadway show - she gets saved in the opening eps. by Xander and lives in the neighbourhood) Charles S. Dutton: Eli (Owner of a restaurant across the street from the hardware store. He is suspicious of Xander but was a good friend of Xander’s uncle, Elmer, so he is looking out for him.) Tom Lenk: Andrew (In New York to make a life for himself on the stage. Putting that imagination to work as a playwright) Emma Caulfield: Anya (Shares Andrews body - on second thought, she didn’t want to die and demanded to be sent back to earth, since Andrew owes her one she was able to hitch a ride in his body while the powers-that-be work out the kinks for her new body.) James Marsters: Spike (Spike has nothing to do, so he goes to New York... what more do you want?!) -------------- *Show opens with a shot of “Harris’ Hardware Store”, a two-story building with an old, traditional mystique about it. A car and moving van is parked outside* *In the store Xander Harris (Played by Nicholas Brendon) is talking to a man dressed in a suit.* Guy: Well here you are Mr. Harris, this is all yours including the apartment up stairs. *Guy hands Xander the keys to the store* Xander: Wow, I can’t believe my Great Uncle Elmer left me his hardware store in his Will. Guy: You’ll find that there are many Hardware Stores here in New York City, and that this one is in the strangest and most dangerous part of town. You’re Uncle was a good man, he stayed here for a long time - longer than everyone else - but he died from unknown causes and many around here say it was because of something in this neighbourhood - you be careful Mr. Harris, Xander, you be careful. Xander: Don’t worry about me, I lived in Sunnydale - I think I can handle The Big Apple. *Guy leaves and passes by Willow* *Willow enters room, carrying a picture, Crowd Cheers* Willow: And you know what they say, Big Apples make Big Apple Sauce... *Crowd Laughs* Willow: Where do you want me to put this? Xander: Just put it against the wall over there. *Willow puts picture against the wall* Willow: Boy-o-Boy, this is really happening. You with your Uncles Hardware store in New York City, this is where Batman lives! *Dawn enters, Crowd Boos* Dawn: No, Batman lived in Gotham City, Spider Man lived in New York. Willow: We all know that Gotham City is really New York. Dawn: Hey, I don’t make the rules, I just follow em. *Giles enters, Crowd Cheers* Giles: Please, enough with the Superhero discussions, you’ve been talking about it ever since we left California. My headaches are starting to get headaches. *Crowd laughs* Willow: Sorry Giles, but really, who’da thunk that Buffy would get her own Comic Book and Movie deal? *Buffy enters, Crowd Cheers* Buffy: Blowing up an entire town does get a gal some attention. (Crowd Laughs) And now that I’m not THE slayer anymore, I gotta do something with my time. Besides, I do my own stunts, take that George Clooney. Dawn: Plus the director says she has an “explosive” personality ( Dawn with a smirk on face, Crowd boos, Dawn shrugs) *Buffy puts down chair* Buffy: Ok, I think that’s everything. We gotta head back to California now, Giles has that album to debut... Giles: Oh now, Buffy, no need to rush... Dawn: But you told Buffy in the car that if she didn’t hurry up you’d... Giles: ..Oh what did you say Willow, Wolverine is a homosexual? Willow: Wha? Dawn: How could you say that Willow! Wolverine is soooo hot. He‘s straight, he has the thing for Jean Grey, but she’s dead, so he’s available. Really. Willow: I... I... Giles: You also think that he was really after Cyclops? Well, you and Dawn should talk about this in the car... *Giles pushes Willow and Dawn out the door while Dawn starts to whine* Buffy: You know you just gave yourself another headache, right? Giles (whispering): You know that Gordon Lightfoot will be at my album party? GORDON LIGHTFOOT! Now, say your goodbyes and we’ll be off... *Giles leaves, Buffy and Xander are left in the hardware store* Buffy: So, I guess everything is all here. Xander: Yeah, I guess so. I’m on my own for the first time in my life. Buffy: Are you going to be ok? Xander: Yeah... I think so.. *Buffy hugs Xander then leaves, stops in the door way* Buffy: If you ever need anything, just call... California is a long ways away, but we’re always here for you.. It‘ll just take a while to get here... unless Willow can zap us over... I’ll talk to her about that. Xander: Hey don’t worry about me Buff, I’m the guy who’s supposed to be helping people, you know me, Mr. FixerUpper Guy; Just gimmie a hammer and some nails and some depth perception and I’ll build you a window to salvation. Buffy (laughing): Take care. Xander: You too. *Shot from through a window above the Hardware Store shows Buffy leaving and getting into the car, a figure in a black cloak his seen from behind watching and breathing heavily. Typical quick-to-black ending* *Opening* Sunnydale's gone and he's moving on, to bigger and better things. Without an eye, you know he's the guy, for whatever the future brings. Vampire Fights and Big City Lights, Xander, he's our man He'll fix your door, windows and more He'll do anything he can. Cause he's Reconstructing Xander, There to save the day. Reconstructing Xander, Doin' it the Scooby way. When you're in trouble, when you're it doubt He'll be there to help you out When you're trapt and need to be Freed Reconstructing Xander Reconstructing Xander Reconstructing Xander's who you'll neeeeeeed. *A Who’s the Boss-esque Opening with Xander driving up to the Hardware store, getting out of his car and taking a look at it and smiling “Reconstructing Xander“ in white font on screen* *Clips of Xander fixing peoples doors, windows, floors, ceilings, etc. Selling them hammers, nails, screwdrivers, etc. Always smiling* *Xander is shown nailing something on the wall, turns to the camera and smiles “Starring... Nicholas Brendon”* *Clips of Xander fighting bad guys* *Clips of Andrew getting scared. “With... Tom Lenk” *Clips of Rebecca saving Andrew “Nicole DeBoer”* *Clips of Eli looking on with a dumbfounded-yet-angry sort of look “Charles S. Dutton”* *Clip of Spike “With James Marsters”* *Clip of Anya/Andrew “and Emma Caulfield” *Producer and Created by Credits* *Clip of what Xander was nailing to the wall “Welcome”*

Here's what I'm thinkin... A buddy-cop show, but this is set in the 80's and modelled after all those 80's buddy cop movies (48 Hours, Lethal Weapon, Turner and Hooch, Red Heat, Police Academy to-an-extent etc. etc.). This is just in the formative stages, I don't really have any ideas other than "Buddy Cop Show" and "Set in the 1980's, ripping off movies like.."

LEARN WHO ELSE IS IN THE FIREFLY MOVIE!! The terribly impressive Chiwetel Ejiofor, of “Amistad” and “Dirty Pretty Things” fame, will interact with Mal, Zoe, Book, Kaylee, Jayne, Inara, River, Simon and/or Wash, according to those terribly familiar with the Universal motion picture “Serenity.” “He's very, very cool and plays an unexpected role in things,” notes someone! Note please there are still several other significant roles to be cast for this big-screen sequel to the woefully short-lived TV series "Firefly." Chiwetel Ejiofor

Under my storyline, that angle is covered.