The Man in Blak

You know, I realize that it's an excruciating loss and, as a fan, you're frustrated nearly beyond words. But don't try to sit here and post pictures of nooses and other instruments of death when you know full well that you would have reached for a ball in the NLCS if you had a chance to grab it. You've got Wood going tomorrow at Wrigley.

But wait, you forgot your disclaimer: "Don't PM me with your argument or I'll have you banned" Ultimately, I'm really flattered. Really. To think of how much time has passed, it's downright amazing that such a bastion of maturity as yourself would pick my name out of thin air at the proverbial drop of Bruiser's hat. I can only hug myself and think fondly of that little place that I must share in your heart. What's really funny about this whole situation isn't the fact that Bruiser's the answer to his own question. The real humor is that, despite plenty of complaints (including one from a guy who was in charge of the web content here) about you blasting people outside of the ballyhooed flaming folder, you're somehow still here while hundreds of other kids who don't have your charm were banned. It must have just gotten lost in the noise of everybody climaxing all at once, waiting in line and salivating at the chance to grope your electric penis. I do appreciate the namedrop, though, and the idea of bitching back and forth with you is quite nostalgic. (I love nostalgia.) But, believe it or not, I've got no insults for someone who holds me with such esteem and I've got better things to do...like watch baseball.

So, what's the call for the bench coach that oversteps his boundaries and "attempts" to physically harm one of the players on the other team, then?

Oh, and bonus points for everybody who's taking the actions of one outrageously retarded groundskeeper and trying to reflect that on the entire franchise.

All this hatred about Pedro head-hunting jokers when Roger Clemens was standing on the mound just cracks me up. If Don Zimmer had charged Bob Gibson, Nolan Ryan, or even Roger Clemens ten years ago, the same exact thing would have happened. Pedro blocked the punch and pulled him down when he just as easily could have punched him in the face or did something FAR worse. There's defending your players and then there's unprofessional conduct, and when your charging the opposing team's starting pitcher like an idiot, you deserve to get thrown down, beloved bench coach icon or not. If Pedro wants to be an idiot and throw at some guy in the head to load the bases for Alfonso Soriano, then let him be an idiot. Don't run across the field looking for trouble. That being said, all of this discussion doesn't happen if Manny Ramirez doesn't wig out about a pitch that was right over the plate.

If this were a movie, and I had plunked down $8 and a couple of hours, I'd probably have no argument for you. With video games (and especially RPGs), however, I think you're obligated to fully pay off the experience, due to the fact that you've been building tension for 40+ hours of gameplay. You can leave some avenues open for a sequel, but you can't just discard resolution for nearly every damn character. If you tried to that even in any other form of entertainment, the viewer would feel absolutely cheated out of their time.

And to milk more money out of a game that should have had some actual plot resolution in the first place. What an absolute piece of shit. I didn't mind playing through the intensely-dumbed down combat system. I didn't mind grinding through one of the most inane and nonsensical plots of all time. What I do mind is that, after hours and hours of investing time into this astoundingly-mediocre game, is that they couldn't even be bothered to resolve said non-sensical plotline. Fuck all this noise about "artistic statements" and "leaving it up to interpretation." I pay $50 and spend 40 hours playing through a game, I expect a payoff, not some nebulous finale that belongs in a bargain bin at Barnes and Noble. The fact that people TO THIS DAY are still desperately struggling to find meaning behind this half-assed imagery shows that they ruined an opportunity to deliver a downright cathartic entertainment experience. I truly hope that anybody else who grabs this disc (which is fine - we're all allowed to have an opinion) merely considers the fact that they're giving money to this company to reward them for poor game design, poor storytelling, and lack of respect for their fans. A DVD? What a fucking "apology", Square. You won't get a damn cent from me. </cameo>

happily retired (but still popping up here and there, for a small fee)

...er, wha? Hoff, are you smoking the wacky tobacky again? </cameo>