JHawk

Cornette about The Samoan Savage: "This guy is so ugly he has to ambush breakfast!" Mankind: "I'd like to congratulate Al Snow on signing his new endorsement deal with La-Z-Boy. And that's unusual, because Al doesn't usually sell chairs." Roddy Piper at WrestleMania 2: "If Mr. T can knock me out, I will not only quit professional boxing; I will quite professional wrestling, I will quit Tiddly Winks. I will quit dating girls! [putting an arm around Bob Orton Jr.] I'd stick with you though."

The hour or so from Wrestlepalooza 97 from the beginning of Raven-Dreamer until Taz wins the TV title. The single best hour of sports entertainment ever.

A couple from Jim Cornette: "I've been working out. I've done push-ups, I've done sit-ups, I've done chin-ups, I threw up twice but I'm OK now..." "They call Dusty's sister Federal Express because everytime she goes out on a date, she absolutely positively has to be there overnight."

Big Show: "Why is it he gets the title shot and I don't?" RVD: "Because you're a tool?" Big Show: "I'm seven feet tall. I'm 500 pounds. I am a giant." RVD: "OK. You're a giant tool." Not in the old school time frame, but all I could think of off the top of my head.

Moving to general wrestling since it's not within the five year rule. And no, nobody remembers the particulars. Mostly, it was Tenay being a dick to the faces, but it never actually went anyplace.

The announcers were actually at ringside at WrestleMania I, The Wrestling Classic, and WrestleMania 2 (at least the Chicago and LA portions).

Honestly, it's pretty slow for the most part with a bad finish. Save for some good psychology and a hot counter sequence, it's nothing special. Still among Rude's best WWF matches though.

Has anybody considered that if this box set is legit, the replica belt might be one of those cheesy $12 plastic and foam replicas rather than one of the expensive $300 replicas?

The funny thing was the fact that a match that was guaranteed to go 36 minutes only went about 33 minutes from bell to bell. And they thought they needed the bench press thing to kill time.

How exactly are win shares determined, Al? Especially when it comes to pitching where there are so many other intangibles affecting a pitcher's W/L record that don't necessarily have anything to do with how the pitcher performs?

SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (8/5/2004)

I'm interested to know where that info came from. I did find a few instances - VERY few - of a Ken Wayne who was around in 92 and 93. Lost a squash to Nailz and appeared on a joint card with USWA. I pretty sure that's a different Ken Wayne, as he got a pretty decent push in the USWA as one half of the Nightmares with Danny Davis (not the WWF referee), IIRC.

I've seen what may be the two strangest inside the park home runs in baseball history tonight. I never thought I'd see an inside the park HR hit off the windshield of a car drawing.

Based on what I've seen, Joe vs. Punk at World Title Classic, hands down. But who knows? Something I haven't seen coulda topped it by now.

May 31, 2004 Signings: Heels: Shane Douglas OSW Superstar Challenge (June 5, 2004) live from the Irish McNeill Boys Club in Shreveport, LA :00-:01 Opening by Gordon Solie, discussing the Tag Team Title main event. :01-04 Interview: Gordon Solie talks to the debuting Shane Douglas, who immediately places a $50,000 bounty on the head of Ted DiBiase. :04-:11 One fall with a 10-minute time limit: Shane Douglas vs. Spanky Spanky has the advantage in the early going, as he keeps Douglas off-balance with a combination of high-flying and counter wrestling. Douglas finally gains the advantage by ducking a clothesline by a charging Spanky and catching him with a Hotshot on the rebound. Douglas focuses the rest of his attack on Spanky's neck before finishing Spanky off with the Pittsburgh Plunge in 3:33. **1/4 :11-:13 COMMERCIAL BREAK :13-:16 Interview: Gordon Solie attempts to interview The Sheik through his manager, Eddie "The Brain" Creatchman. Creatchman claims that no man can beat The Sheik, and names Mark Lewin specifically. :16-:22 One fall with a 10-minute time limit: The Sheik (w/Eddie "The Brain" Creatchman) vs. "Nature Boy" Buddy Landell Before the match can even get started, Danny Basham makes his way to ringside. The Sheik attacks from behind and whips Landell into the ropes, and Basham pulls the top rope down, sending Landell crashing to the arena floor. This makes Landell easy pickings for The Sheik, who dominates before pinning Landell with a gutwrench suplex at 3:21. -1/2* :22-:24 COMMERCIAL BREAK :24-:35 One fall to curfew for the OSW World Tag Team Championship: Ted DiBiase/Johnny Valentine vs. The Wild Samoans (champions--w/Capt. Lou Albano) Before the match, Solie points out there are several standby matches if they're needed. It starts off the complete opposite of their previous meeting last week, as it's the Samoans with the extended advantage in the early going, double teaming Valentine and getting a series of near falls. Sika misses a clothesline and gets taken down with a forearm by Valentine, and there's the hot tag to DiBiase. In comes DiBiase to clear out both Samoans, getting a near fall on Afa with a powerslam. A tag to Valentine, and all four men brawl in the ring. Capt. Lou Albano hops up on the apron, and DiBiase pulls Albano into the ring just as Valentine hits Afa with the brain buster elbow. Referee Jack Hal makes the three count at 7:49...but looks up as he hits three and sees DiBiase pounding away at Albano. DiBiase and Valentine celebrate, thinking they've won the titles, but Hal awards the decision to the challengers by DQ due to Albano being in the ring. * Valentine gets upset at the decision and yells...not at the referee, but at DiBiase. :35-:37 COMMERCIAL BREAK :37-:49 One fall to curfew: Matt Hardy vs. "The Man of a Thousand Masks" Mil Mascaras Hardy gets a quick near fall in with a sitout power bomb. The match winds up being pretty even throughout, with Hardy getting a slight majority of near falls by mat wrestling Mascaras and avoiding Mascaras' lucha libre style. Hardy takes the advantage with an inverted DDT, then hits a Side Effect for 2. He goes for the Twist of Fate, but Mascaras shoves him off, staggers him with a chop, and then takes Hardy down with a flying headbutt for the pin at 10:15. ***1/2 :49-:51 COMMERCIAL BREAK :51-:55 One fall to curfew: Air Paris vs. Ron Simmons Simmons uses his football background to keep Paris completely at bay with a series of football tackles, but he goes for one too many and hits his head on the middle turnbuckle. A staggering Simmons then walks right into a Paris superkick that earns Paris the pin at 2:31. *1/4 :55-:57 Interview: Gordon Solie attempts to interview Ted DiBiase about what happened with him and Valentine earlier, and as he tries to explain that Valentine is upset because DiBiase brought Albano into the ring, Air Paris interrupts from in the ring saying he took out AJ Styles...and he'll take DiBiase out right now and collect the bounty. DiBiase hits the ring... :57-1:00 Air Paris vs. Ted DiBiase Paris jumps DiBiase as he enters the ring and tries to keep him down with a long series of kicks and punches. He staggers DiBiase with a leg lariat and charges off the ropes...right into a powerslam by DiBiase that gets the pin in 1:59. ** DiBiase celebrates, but Shane Douglas comes toward the ring and begins to badmouth DiBiase as the show ends.

We have come here tonight to celebrate Laz's 6000th post... Um...on second thought, who wants to celebrate the 6000th post from Laz? We should celebrate the only thing people come to roasts for. Booze and hot women. Right, Quagmire? "Oh yeah? Does this look like a Q?"

Last time you punched somebody: About two weeks ago. A co-worker who wouldn't stop harassing another co-worker despite said other co-worker telling him to back off. Last time you ate meat: 10 minutes ago Last time you got arrested: Never have. Last person you sent an e-mail to: My friend John Last regret: Not asking a girl out. No doubt in my mind she'd have said no, but I still should've done it. Last time you wore a suit: Probably my friend's wedding two years ago Last country you visited: Canada (Toronto) Last injury you suffered: Paper cut. Last family outing: A Cleveland Indians game about two weeks ago. Last item you put on your credit card: I don't remember because I don't use them anymore. Last beer you drank: Corona Extra Last movie you watched in full: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story Last time you lied: A few days ago when I denied an attraction to a co-worker. Last meal you ate: A McDonald's double cheeseburger (to go) and an iced tea. Last time you laughed: Last night talking to a friend of mine Last video game you played: ESPN NFL 2K5 for PS2 Last album you listened to: "License to Chill" by Jimmy Buffett Last time you said 'I'm sorry': Last night at work Last sport you watched: Raw last night. Yes, it counts. Last time you said 'This is the last time': Don't remember

Who was once managed by Theodore R. Long, be'lee dat.

Orndorff also fired Heenan on TV during the course of his turn, leading to Heenan putting a $25,000 on Orndorff's head. And yes, Orndorff fired Heenan to cement his second face turn in 1987 as well.

May 24, 2004 The injuries Nikolai Volkoff suffered at the hands of Kurt Von Hess this past Saturday will keep Volkoff out of action for an undisclosed period of time. The Basham Brothers' contracts are up for renewal. Doug Basham will not re-sign but will work the next show. Danny Basham has agreed to a five month extension. OSW Superstar Challenge (May 29, 2004) live from the Omni in Atlanta, GA :00-:01 Gordon Solie informs us that the Georgia State Athletic Commission has waived the curfew to allow the two title matches to come to a conclusion. :01-:10 One fall with a 10-minute time limit: The Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua) vs. America's Most Wanted Chris Harris levels Doug Basham with a running forearm smash just seconds after the bell for a near fall. After a chain wrestling sequence, both men tag out. James Storm hits Danny Basham with a power bomb, and powerslam, and a flying legdrop, each for two counts. An inverted swinging DDT gets another near fall, but Storm ducks his head too soon after a whip and gets taken down with a swinging neckbreaker. The Bashams each take turns working over Storm and double teaming whenever they get the opening. Storm comes back with an elbow after a whip and tags in Harris, and it's all Harris as he works over both Bashams before pinning Doug with the Catatonic in 6:14. **1/4 :10-:12 COMMERCIAL BREAK :12-:26 One fall with a 15-minute time limit: Air Paris vs. Spanky Set up after Paris shoved Spanky for no apparent reason last week. Words cannot describe the high-flying action involved in this one. Simply a terrific mix of high flying and scientific wrestling throughout the entire contest. No formula to this one. One man gets some offense in, makes a mistake, and the other man takes over with neither man getting more than a few moves in at a time. Spanky gets the pin with Sliced Bread #2 to finish a highly entertaining match at 11:03. ***1/2 Postmatch, Spanky offers a handshake, but Paris spits in his face and walks away. :26-:27 Gordon Solie attempts to interview Air Paris, who keeps walking. AJ Styles tries to talk to him, but Paris storms into the back as Styles looks at him dumbfounded. :27-:29 COMMERCIAL BREAK :29-:39 One fall with a one hour time limit for the OSW Tag Team Championship: The Wild Samoans (w/Capt. Lou Albano) vs. Ted DiBiase/Johnny Valentine Afa and Valentine start, with Valentine taking control early. Quick tags by Valentine and DiBiase as they work over Afa in the corner. Afa finally begins to work over DiBiase by brawling with him and gets a powerslam in for 2, but he doesn't go for the tag right away, leaving Gordon Solie to speculate that Sika may have suffered an injury. Afa finally tags out to Sika, but they can't do a successful double team, and DiBiase tags Valentine in. They go right back to doing quick tags to keep Sika off-balance. DiBiase locks Sika in a side headlock, but Sika shoves DiBiase into Valentine, then takes him down with the Samoan Drop for the pin and the titles at 7:07. The crowd is in shock, as the losers had essentially dominated the match up until that point. **1/4 :39-:41 COMMERCIAL BREAK :41-1:16 One fall with a one hour time limit for the OSW World Heavyweight Championship: "The Human Orchid" Gorgeous George vs. "The Phenomenal" AJ Styles Gorgeous George wastes no time in trying to slow the pace down for this contest, as he goes into headlock after headlock to try to keep Styles off his usual gameplan. Styles eventually begins to counter the headlocks into various suplexes in order to gain near falls, so George changes up his gameplan and begins to take shortcuts to gain the advantage. Gorgeous takes Styles down with a spinebuster and covers, but referee James Callas sees him using the ropes for leverage and forces him to break the pin attempt. He argues, and Styles catches him with an inside cradle for 2. Styles picks up the pace and gets near fall after near fall with various moves: Ranas. The Asai moonsault into the inverted DDT. An enzuigiri. A thumb to the eye gives George the advantage again, and he again slows the pace down by reverting back to the headlocks and chokeholds. Styles goes back to suplex counters, but eventually he misses a high cross body and tumbles to the arena floor. At this point, Air Paris comes out to ringside to check on his partner. Styles reenters the ring, but he gets met with a knee to the head by Gorgeous George before getting put into a front facelock. Styles struggles to his feet, then counters it into a swinging neckbreaker. Both men slow to get up as Air Paris cheers AJ Styles on. The challenger is to his feet first and goes for a spinebuster, but Styles counters into a DDT. Styles slowly to his feet, and he takes George down with the Styles Clash... ONE! TWO! THR... ...but just before the three count, Air Paris drapes Gorgeous George's foot over the bottom rope. Callas only sees the foot on the rope, and Styles hasn't seen Paris' involvement, but the crowd is highly upset with Paris, who plays dumb and tells Styles to finish him off. Styles goes up top, presumably for the spiral tap, but George recovers just enough to fall into the ropes and knocks Styles onto the top turnbuckle. Styles falls to the floor. George tries to go to the floor, but James Callas tries to stop him...and the distraction enables Air Paris to ram Styles face-first into the ringpost. Paris spits at an unconscious Styles and walks down the aisle. Callas turns around and counts Styles out at 31:57, but Styles retains the title. ****1/4 Paris stops just outside the entrance to the locker room and yells at Styles, telling him "Never turn your back on me" as we end the show.

OSW Superstar Challenge (May 22, 2004) live from the Richmond Coliseum in Richmond, VA :00-:01 Gordon Solie informs us that Johnny Valentine's flight has not arrived, so Ted DiBiase is without a partner for the tournament match tonight. :01-:12 OSW World Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinal Match scheduled for one fall with a 30-minute time limit: The Basham Brothers vs. Ted DiBiase/??? DiBiase appears ready to wrestle by himself when Jack Brisco appears from the back and offers to be DiBiase's partner. Brisco and DiBiase show remarkable teamwork in the early going as they keep Doug Basham in the ring, but Danny hits Brisco with a knee to the back, allowing Doug to get a clothesline on Brisco. The Bashams do some double teaming of their own and use every illegal tactic they can think of to keep control. They have things well in hand until Doug dropkicks Brisco into the wrong corner, allowing DiBiase to tag himself in as Doug celebrates. Unaware of the tag, Doug is met by a flying axhandle by DiBiase that stuns him enough for the pin at 7:58. *3/4 :12-:15 As Gordon Solie speculates what this means for the tournament finals next week, Johnny Valentine storms into the interview area with his gear in hand. He immediately questions what's going on, and as he gets informed, Valentine asks DiBiase why the match wasn't postponed. Brisco immediately tries to smooth things over by telling Valentine he was merely trying to help DiBiase and not take his spot. They argue as we go to break. :15:-17 COMMERCIAL BREAK :17-:18 Gordon Solie informs us that the Championship Committee has indeed announced that Valentine and DiBiase will meet the Samoans next week to crown tag team champions. :18-:30 One fall with a 15-minute time limit: "The Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers vs. Bruno Sammartino Rogers surprises Sammartino early, getting in a waistlock suplex and a dropkick for a couple of quick near falls. Rogers charges, but he runs into a powerslam for 2. It's all Sammartino for several minutes until he charges Rogers in the corner, but misses and hits his shoulder on the middle turnbuckle. That makes the arm the target for the "Nature Boy", and he uses a few different forms of the armbar to weaken Bruno. Sammartino makes the comeback and knocks Rogers to the floor, but when he follows him out, Rogers uses leverage to ram Sammartino's shoulder into the ringpost. Sammartino is able to return to the ring and make a brief comeback, but he can't hold onto the bearhug due to the pain, which allows Rogers to turn it into a belly-to-belly suplex. The cover (and the feet on the ropes for leverage) give Rogers the pin at 9:27. *** :30-:33 Interview: Gordon Solie interviews Nikolai Volkoff, Kurt Von Hess, and manager Al Costello about the tag team division, and an angry Costello yells at Volkoff for losing the tournament match two weeks ago. When Volkoff rightly blames Costello's interference for causing the DQ, Costello fires Volkoff on the spot. Volkoff grabs Costello by the collar, and that enables Von Hess to attack from behind. Von Hess continues the attack, finishing things off with a piledriver on the floor. :33-:35 COMMERCIAL BREAK :35-:47 One fall with a 15-minute time limit: Black Gordman/Gran Goliath vs. Air Raid (Air Paris/OSW World Champion AJ Styles) Air Raid keep their opponents off-balance with terrific double teaming and high flying moves in the early going as Luis Martinez and Spanky make their way to ringside to watch the action. Styles takes Gordman down with an Asai moonsault for a count of two, then hits the power bomb for another near fall. A tag to Goliath, and it's more of the same for him, including a double superkick that nearly allows Paris to finish him off right there. Gordman comes back in, and Paris gets a near fall with a series of dropkicks and a picture-perfect rana. Goliath in from behind, and that brings Styles in for a four-way brawl. Goliath is knocked out of the ring by a Paris dropkick as Styles brawls with Gordman. Paris heads up to the top rope and Gordman goes to suplex Styles. Styles flips over and lands behind Gordman. He tries a German suplex as Paris comes off with a dropkick...but Gordman moves, and the dropkick hits Styles square in the face. Paris looks at Styles, and Gordman rolls up him up from behind and grabs a handful of tights for the pin at 8:30. **1/4 Postmatch, Martinez and Spanky enter the ring to console Air Raid, but Paris shoves Spanky aside and tells him to back off. He leaves the ring in disgust as the other three look on in confusion. :47-:49 COMMERCIAL BREAK :49-:59 One fall to curfew: "The Human Orchid" Gorgeous George vs. Spanky George sees this as a tune-up match for the his title match with AJ Styles next week, but he apparently forgot to tell Spanky that, as Spanky uses sunset flips and roll ups for near falls early. He takes a high risk too early though, missing on a flying bodypress. That gives Gorgeous the chance to slow the pace down, and he works over Spanky with a front facelock. George also chokes and uses the ropes for leverage liberally throughout the contest. A hard bodyslam, and George begins posing for the audience. That turns out to be a mistake, and he turns around and meets a Spanky flying forearm for 2. A leg lariat and a dropkick keep George off-balance, but George ducks a spinning heel kick. As a dazed Spanky gets to his feet, George takes him to the mat with the Rolling Headlock and gets the pin at 6:37. *3/4 :59-1:00 Gordon Solie informs us that we'll have two title matches next week: OSW World Tag Team Title: The Wild Samoans vs. Ted DiBiase/Johnny Valentine OSW World Title: Gorgeous George vs. AJ Styles End of show

Making a judgment call here, guys. I begrudgingly let the Most Entertaining Match Ever thread stay in Old School, mostly because it was already two or three days old by the time I saw it due to my work schedule. But these types of threads really need to stay in Wrestling Polls and Lists, which is designed for these types of threads. Great topic, but let's keep it where it belongs.

It's also the match where he got the "Canadian Crippler" nickname, so they kind of had to include it.

Most people who know Hodge say that his handshake can still damn near break your hand if you're not ready for it. I'd love to meet the man, but I'd be scared to be respectful enough to shake his hand.

A double update since I actually remembered to work on this after four months. OSW Superstar Challenge (May 15, 2004) Live from the Arena in Baltimore, MD :00-:01 Gordon Solie discusses the previous tag team tournament happenings. :01-:19 Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinal scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit: #3 The Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua) vs. #6 America's Most Wanted Doug Basham and James Storm start, and Doug wastes no time clotheslining Storm to the floor, then ramming Storm's head into the ringpost and busting him open. Back in the ring, and the Bashams take turns double teaming Storm, paying particular attention to the open wound on the Tennessee Cowboy's forehead. A running forearm smash earns Storm a near fall, and he makes the tag to Chris Harris, who cleans house on both Bashams and gets a series of near falls. Harris tags back out to Storm, which proves to be a stupid move, as Storm is weak from the blood loss and once again is double teamed by both Bashams. Storm makes several attempts at the tag, falling just a bit short each time. Another running forearm smash knocks Doug out of the ring, but the Bashams make an illegal switch, and Danny knocks Harris off the apron to prevent the tag at just the right moment. He turns around and walks into a Storm lariat, and that gives Storm enough time to make the much needed hot tag. He works over both Bashams, then isolates Doug. Storm comes in, and they hit the Death Sentence, but as referee Bill Benford gets Storm out of the ring, Danny comes in and takes Harris down with the Brain Damage before getting the pin himself in 14:34. **3/4 :19-21 COMMERCIAL BREAK :21-:24 Gordon Solie introduces Bruno Sammartino to the OSW audience. Sammartino acknowledges that his ultimate goal is to become the OSW World Champion, but first he wants to make sure that the evil in OSW is contained. He makes comments about Buddy Rogers in particular. :24-:26 COMMERCIAL BREAK :26-:37 Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinal scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit: #2 Ted DiBiase/Johnny Valentine vs. #7 Bobo Brazil/Mark Lewin A battle of two fan favorite tag teams, and while each team has contrasting styles, they wrestle a match completely within the rulebook. The entire match consists of Valentine and DiBiase using their wrestling knowledge to keep their opponents grounded, but eventually the power advantage their opponents have keeps them in the match and allows them to regain control. However, the turning point comes when Lewin misses a kneedrop around the five minute mark, and the DiBiase/Valentine team keeps their focus there until Valentine forces Lewin to submit to the figure-four leglock at 7:49. *3/4 Both teams shake hands after the match. :37-:39 COMMERCIAL BREAK :39-:42 Gordon Solie interviews Buddy Rogers, who takes offense to Bruno Sammartino lumping him in with the evil in OSW. Rogers issues a challenge for a "scientific" match for next week's show, and Solie is certain an upstanding man like Bruno will readily accept. :42-:44 COMMERCIAL BREAK :44-:53 One fall to curfew: Johnny Swinger vs. Pedro Morales The in-ring debut for Morales, who has a large Puerto Rican following. Morales uses some very basic moves early on: bodyslams, hiptosses, clotheslines. Morales attempts a back suplex, but Swinger flips over, lands behind Morales, then clotheslines his opponent in the back of the head to take control. Swinger uses some suplexes and DDTs to keep Morales on the defensive, but he wastes a lot of time before going for the cover and can't score pinfalls as a result. Then he goes for a high cross body, but Morales catches him in midair, takes him down with a backbreaker, then locks in a Boston crab. Swinger tries to reach the ropes, but eventually submits at 5:38. **3/4 :53-:55 COMMERCIAL BREAK :55-:58 Gordon Solie interviews AJ Styles. Styles will be defending the OSW World Title in two weeks against Gorgeous George, but before he can get into discussing that match, Air Paris interrupts excitedly. Paris informs Styles that they have a match against Black Gordman and Gran Goliath next week. Paris leaves before Styles can respond, and he stares at him with a dumbfounded look on his face before walking off. :58-1:00 Gordon Solie goes over the lineup for next week: OSW Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinal: The Basham Brothers vs. Ted DiBiase/Johnny Valentine Buddy Rogers vs. Bruno Sammartino Black Gordman/Gran Goliath vs. Air Raid End of show