THE BAD BLOOD 2003 HANGOUT REPORT

[Guest Pegasus Kid]

BAD BLOOD 2003 HANGOUT REPORT

 

You know, I wasn’t sure if I was even going to do one of these things this time around. You see I suffered a terrible loss a few days after Backlash. I dear friend was lost after giving and giving and giving. My good friend Mr. Descrambler finally stopped working. Well… actually I’m sure it still works but my cable provider changed their signal so now the box can’t read the signal and I’m SOL as it concerns getting PPV in the comfort of my own home. As such, I had to round up the troops and head over to the local sports bar for our WWE fix.

 

For those of you wondering when I’m going to make another contribution to the site, I’ll be posting a review of New Japan’s annual Wrestling World 2003 event within the next couple of days so keep an eye out.

 

The Wrestling Observer was a FUCKING BEAST this week! TWENTY FOUR PAGES! If anyone was ever looking for a reason to subscribe to WON, last week’s issue is as good a reason as any. The first half of Blassie’s obituary along with the AWESOME piece on the WWF vs Crockett/Turner War totally make the issue worth going after.

 

Scott has sadly gone back to school for another four months. His hilarious insights and awesome jokes will surely be missed. We’ve got a solid group tonight as mainstays Mark, Felix and Dave return while Ryan (who now has to come out due to his descrambler no longer working) and Melissa join us. G-Rome was supposed to show up but he elected to see “The Matrix: Reloaded” in IMAX (lucky bastard) instead.

 

This review is brought to you by overpriced chicken wings and water with a slight twist of lemon.

 

OREO COOKIES vs MACK &CHEESE

Dave immediately wants to know why everyone doesn’t wear a facemask like that. “Come on, you’d never have to suffer another bruise again.” PIMP THAT SHIT! Anyway, we get a good laugh over how Nowinski got the shit beat out of him by Dreamer and yet no one sees Dreamer anymore. Logical comments in the booking meeting? ARE YOU NUTS?! Mark takes the time to bring up “Down With The Brown” and our focus completely switches away from the match as we come up with various people who are obviously down with the brown, captained by “sympathizer” Pat Patterson. Felix bitches and moans about Buh Buh’s offense for most of this thing. Mark gets in a good zinger on The Wazzup Drop with “there’s nothing that says I’m a homo like willingly jumping seven feet head first into another guys crotch.” Amen to that. There was no 3D so you can guess who won. *

 

The burping contest FUCKING SUCKED! Nothing is more campy that overdubbed burping sounds on two guys who look completely lost waiting for the next sound byte. They could have at least used sound bytes from Simpsons where the belch is recognizeable.

 

IS HE STILL FUCKING HER? Vs I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP

OK this match FUCKING RULED based on one thing and one thing alone. STEINER FALLS ON HIS FACE! OH MY GOD! GREATEST… MOMENT… EVER! He tried a Double Ax Handle from the apron to the floor and FALLS ON HIS FACE! I FUCKING LOVE IT! GET ME A VIDEO CLIP NOW! Uh… who gives a fuck about the rest of this shit? STEINER FALLS ON HIS FACE! We’ll go *1/2 because Test doesn’t suck as bad as people say he does.

 

SUCKAAAAAA vs HOST OF THE PEEP SHOW (Intercontinental Title)

I really wish I hadn’t read all those reports about WWE changing their minds about putting the title on Booker. Poor guy just can’t catch a break. HE SHOULD BE DOWN WITH THE BROWN! Anyway, Mark and I debate whether or not Christian has the single worst moveset in the history of wrestling. Everyone starts marveling at Mark’s new Blue Jays Cap except Dave and I who get to see the FUCKING SICK reverse neck break deal Christian pulled. As Dave said “that couldn’t have been done right.” Felix and I take the time to trade chicken wings (He got “Jerk” and I got “Extreme Heat” like a FUCKING MAN) and I hear I missed out on a sweet Axe Kick on the apron. Everyone starts debating whether putting the US Title back into the mix is a good idea and by the end we figure as long as Matt Hardy… Version 1 gets the belt forever then it’s all good. Mark thinks that Christian should have dropped the IC Belt and put in a Heavyweight Title picture to complete “The Title Spectrum” as he’d have held every WWE title including Light Heavyweight (which most people don’t have) at some point in time. Some people will hate the ending of this match but we all thought it was FUCKING BRILLIANT! Christian is SOOOOO FUCKING GOOD and despite the fact I hate his matches, I love his antics so it balances out. **1/2

 

Oh man… I PISSED MYSELF LAUGHING at the pie eating contest. MAE FUCKING YOUNG! BRONCO BUST THAT SHIT DOWN! I nearly fell off my chair when I fell back laughing. AWESOME! Dave questions whether Austin is truly a good guy and I’m forced to ask “How can you NOT be a face without assaulting an 80 year old woman?”

 

THE RICK MARTEL MODELING AGENCY vs BUN FIYA (World Tag Team Titles)

Kane Fire Theorum is in effect as he set off his pyro at the start of the match, thus condemning his team to the rank of “Job Squad.” La Resistance FUCKING OWN IT and they go that extra mile with a great anti-american promo (jabbing at Bush AND giving praise to France President? Wow, way to get yourself shot). “You know you’re in trouble when the world’s biggest spot machine has to carry two rookies and a flaming bag of shit to something good.” Dave and I pay almost no attention to the match as we think back to the good old days of ECW where Van Dam would take all the credit for the success of his team with Sabu. Mark and Felix start going on about the great time they had at the only ECW show to ever come up to Canada (which I missed because I’m a BIG PUSSY and wouldn’t take time off work) including a great story about Van Dam’s entrance taking upwards of 20 minutes and the crowd never losing interest. Felix tries to slam The Sandman for taking too long but Dave and I both figure his beer spitting and general drunkenness made his entrance worth while. Well this was a whole lot of crap. La Resistance have the greatest robes ever but they’re a long way from being great. Mark and I both agree that its worth suffering through this stuff now because in a few years they’ll be great just like Stratus (remember when she was just the girl HHH shoved his cock into just as Stephanie walks in the door?) and you can look back upon these matches and see how far they’ve come. RVD sets up for the Tope and four of us say “DON’T STEINER THE PLANCHA!” AHAHAHAHA! STEINER FELL ON HIS FACE! Kane’s a pussy, RVD = High Spine On The Pine. *1/2

 

HIGHLIGHT REEL vs PIIIIIIPED CROOOOOOWD

Dave and I have a long talk about whether Jericho’s jacket makes him look great or assures him a spot as one of the stupidest looking people to ever get on television. Mark and I yap about how Jericho is undefeated against Goldberg as we reminisce about all the times he went over variants of Goldberg in WCW. Dave and I have a talk about how FUCKING STUPID Goldberg looks when he does all those kicks and punches for his intro but the pyro is always late. Anyway, Goldberg is a FUCKING BEAST going into that railing and gets DA HARDWAY JUICE! Felix and I end up yapping about whether or not you’re a pussy for tapping out to a Wakigatame (Fujiwara Arm Bar). We both figure that you’re only a real man if you tap out to the Juji Gatame, all other arm submissions are pussyfoot stuff. Anyway, Jericho bumps enough for three men. Goldberg sells the arm like a champ and Jericho’s offense is varied every so slightly to work over the injured arm. The Lionsault was FUCKING SICK and I’d be surprised if Goldberg didn’t get a concussion from that one. Mark asks whether Goldberg studied Snapping Turtle Kung Fu as he’s always opening his mouth at random while staring at the camera. This match was far better than I would have thought and whoever put it together deserves an award. They made Goldberg look like a monster early, Jericho got in TONS of offense (and carried the match well) and Goldberg got to hit his big stuff at the end. ***

 

EVOLUTION OF LEATHER vs IF HE’S NOT GAY, THEN GAY’S NOT GAY

Everyone was dreading this match except for me. I bring up the GREATNESS that was Michaels vs HHH from SummerSlam and Michaels vs Jericho from Wrestlemania but Felix won’t hear it. He’s all “the Jericho match wasn’t that good” and I’m like “How would you know? YOU WERE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THE WAR!” That’s actually true and one thing at Wrestlemania that really PISSED ME OFF as me, Ashley and Melissa were watching Jericho vs Michaels attentively while Ryan, Felix and Mark yapped on… and on… AND FUCKING ON… about the stupid war. Anyway, this started out well enough with the mind games. Mark, Melissa and I start yapping about designers in Milan using samples of Flair’s skin to see how they can refine the leather making process and lose track of it for a while. We come back just as Flair slaps on The Figure Four and Felix bitches about how Flair should only be using that move at the end of the match. Michaels takes over and we get our first HOLY FUCK moment as Michaels hits the FUCKING INSANE Plancha through the table. FLAIR… IS… FUCKED! Dave’s comment sums it up pretty well; “I could be wrong, but I don’t think Flair’s supposed to be screaming like a little girl.” That was a NASTY looking cut in the back of his head. The double Mule Kick was AWESOME and while most will bitch about the ending, I thought it was a great way to put Flair over while putting heat on Orton at the same time. ***1/2

 

Singing contest? OH FUCK NO! www.takingapissbreak.com

 

SO… VERY… SLOW vs I’M GOING OVER… AGAIN (World Heavyweight Title – Mick Foley Guest Referee)

Man alive, the WWE production crew can make any steaming pile of shit look like a million dollars with hot virgins who’ll only fuck YOU grinding against it. Anyway, Felix immediately jumps on this match and we all start yapping about the other Hell In A Cells and what it’ll take to make this one memorable. Mark’s response? KANE! AHAHAHAHA! Hey look, Nash can’t blade for his life. Good thing HHH BLEEDS LIKE A FUCKING PIG! HO… LY… SHIT! Dave, Felix and I start bitching about whether The Muta Scale should be renamed The Taker Scale after his match at No Mercy. I figured HHH’s juice job was at least 0.7 Muta. Felix sites the fact there’s no blood on Foley and not enough on the ring for that number. FUCK YOU FELIX! IT’S 0. FUCKING 7! The match really gets rocking when Foley starts interjecting himself and BUMPING LIKE A FUCKING FREAK! FOLEY BLEEEEEEDS! SOOOOOCKOOOOOO! The bar we were at WAS ON FUCKING FIRE! FOLEY MAKES THIS MATCH! HHH gets MAD PROPS for bumping all over the place and bleeding like took Undertaker’s “HIAC & Juicing 101.” The air got let out of the crowd with the ending but we all know that NO ONE kicks out of The Pedigree. This was SOOOOOO much better than I was expecting. This match wouldn’t have been the same without Foley. ***1/4

 

Final Thoughts: Hey, there’s nothing super blowaway but this was still a solid show that I can honestly say I enjoyed. I’m looking for a copy of the show so if anyone wants to send it my way that’d be appreciated. The last three matches totally make it worth going after. I don’t know if I’d recommend buying the show for $35 but if you can find a copy through various online sources or you’re willing to wait for the VHS or DVD release for a $5 rental, you won’t be disappointed. Mildly recommend.

[Bored 0]

I agree Booker T's career would be helped if he would just fuck Pat Patterson in the ass.

[Zetterberg is God 0]

I agree Booker T's career would be helped if he would just fuck Pat Patterson in the ass.

Just look at Sylvain Grenier. Tag Team Champion within 2 months of his debut.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Angle is a big testicle... i love it.

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

I agree Booker T's career would be helped if he would just fuck Pat Patterson in the ass.

Good Fucking God. I don't care if it is true but Jesus, I don't wanna see that on my screen. Although on a related note, was it Virgil that let Pat blow him for his position in the company? Wait, nevermind, no one answer that. Thats just wrong.

[Guest Pegasus Kid]

On a related note, was it Virgil that let Pat blow him for his position in the company? Wait, nevermind, no one answer that. Thats just wrong.

This makes no sense. What benefit would Patterson get from this? Are you sure it wasn't the other way around. It would at least explain why some random guy with barely any wrestling skill got a job as a manager considering he didn't even speak (the job of most managers).

[Guest goodhelmet]

after reading this and dozens of other opinions about this show, you are the only one who seemed to even remotely enjoy it. to each his own i guess.

[EL DANDY~! 0]

STEINER FELL ON HIS FUCKIN FACE!!!!

 

Yeah, that ruled...

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

On a related note, was it Virgil that let Pat blow him for his position in the company? Wait, nevermind, no one answer that. Thats just wrong.

This makes no sense. What benefit would Patterson get from this? Are you sure it wasn't the other way around. It would at least explain why some random guy with barely any wrestling skill got a job as a manager considering he didn't even speak (the job of most managers).

Well I read this in I believe Missy Hyatt's shoot, so obviously take it all with a grain of salt. I personally try to not believe it at all as the thought is too horrible to contemplate.

[Guest subliminal_animal]

Good Fucking God. I don't care if it is true but Jesus, I don't wanna see that on my screen.

Why would they put on TV? Or do you mean just having it typed out on your computer screen? If that's the case, consider it closed, 'cause I got your the answer right here:

 

Grow a stomach, baby.

 

Well I read this in I believe Missy Hyatt's shoot, so obviously take it all with a grain of salt. I personally try to not believe it at all as the thought is too horrible to contemplate.

We've come a long way down ol' Tolerance Road.

 

From scheduling suspected or noted homosexuals for a meeting with heavy sticks and callused fists, to abandoning plans to formulate plans to do so further, lest our minds are swarmed with visions of their twisted pseudo-coitus.

[Adam 0]

Yep, a Bad Blood thread has turned into a 'Who did Pat Patterson fuck' thread. That pretty much tells me that Badd Blood was as crap as I thought.