KTID 0 Report post Posted August 11, 2003 Just thought everyone might need a good laugh. Can't remember the website i got it from now. Here goes. ***** "The man who drove Beulah McGullislutty into the mat so hard she didn't know whether to urinate, defacate, or ejaculate, I present to you Buh Buh Ray Dudley." "I am the peeled banana in your fruitbowl of love" "Well, well, well if you got an hour, I've got the power. Joel 'You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat' Gertner" "Joel 'So hot I gotta get in the sauna just to keep cool' Gertner" "At this time we were going to show you clips of Terry Funk but we couldn't dig them up, but even if they did our stations don't encourage us to use black and white footage" Refering to Big Dick Dudley: "Attached to the creature who last night impregnated your mother ..." "Joel 'The man who is so big he can't help from hurtin her' Gertner" "I don't know what I'd too if I woke up in the morning and I wasn't me" "The quintessential muffstuffer - opps, I mean studdmuffin" "Joel 'Just like the Rubix Cube, the more you play with it, the harder it gets' Gertner" "Joel 'Put your lipstick on my dipstick' Gertner" "And you know, now that I've pounded the hype out of Lance Wright, I think it might be time to whip the smiles from Joey Styles" "The quintessential studmuffin, Joel Gertner - remember that name, you'll be screaming it later" "Joel 'Point the direction you want my erection' Gertner" "Joel 'Harder than the tree that hit Sonny Bono' Gertner" "Joel 'Bigger and better than the Titanic, because only 400 women went down on the Titanic' Gertner" "Joel 'I've busted more nuts than a peanut factory' Gertner" "And then there's me - I'm like milk; I do a body good." "The quintessential studmuffin, the man whose wit is more tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy, Joel 'The man whose phone number is on your girlfriend's speed-dial, because she loves the way I sixty-nine her' Gertner" "Squeeze my lemons till the juice runs down my leg" "I'm hotter than a 15 year old girl in a field hockey skirt" From his Prodigy interview: "Well, well, well ... put those floppy disks away here comes the man with the biggest hard drive in professional wrestling ... Joel 'I've got more RAM than you can handle' Gertner" "Ladies and Gentlemen the following matchup scheduled for 1 fall with a 15 minute time limit, and your referee is bald" "And there's me, Joel 'The biggest ladykiller in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson' Gertner." "I am the quintessential studmuffin, Joel 'Delivers more package than UPS' Gertner." "Joel 'I'm like the middle of the litter box...I'm always surrounded by pussy' Gertner" "Ladies and Gentlemen the following matchup scheduled for 1 fall with a 15 minute time limit, and your referee is bald" "Joel 'The girls like to call me Fred Flinstone because they love the way I make their beds rock' Gertner" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Doyo Report post Posted August 11, 2003 If only WWE would bring in Gertner to manage any of their wrestlers who lack the stick skills. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Steviekick 0 Report post Posted August 12, 2003 Agreed. They should stick him with the Miracle Jobber Connection (Cade/Jindrak) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted August 12, 2003 Joel "so big it's hard to keep from hurtin' her" Gertner. You're suppose to only list a few...so that others can reply Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adam 0 Report post Posted August 12, 2003 That man never failed to make me alugh liek hell. I remember the Heatwave 98 quote about Beulah, I laughed my ass off. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MideonMark Report post Posted August 12, 2003 Heres a few more- 'I'm here in Chicago for Anarchy Rulz and some pretty young thing watches at home and drools and I know shes got the skills and I know shes got the tools to give her oral massage to my family jewels' 'Well, well, well, despite what the Florida tourism board has been feeding all of you ignorant people, it is I every females top tourist destination and the man whos crotch is truly the happiest place on earth, the man who makes Minnie Mouses panties wet and the man who just last night helped Daisy Duck fulfill her dreams as she took one for the team and I made her squeal and scream as I filled her full of cream, it is I, the bacon in her eggs, the man for whom shes begs and the face between her legs, the Quintessential and original studmuffin and a Good Lord, have mercy God damn handsome man, Joel 'I shoot out a full condom filla and it tastes like vanilla' Gertner' 'Why go to the movies when you can stay home and see me, the one the ladies call Big Daddy, the one who already slept with the Generals Daughter and the one who truly knows how to Inspect-her Gadget, I am dripping with sarcasm, as your girlfriend is dripping from orgasm, for I am the Quintessential Studmuffin and a goodness gracious, great balls of fire God damn handsome man, Joel 'Whether the ladies are home or here in Daten(sp?), they're watching me and masturbating' Gertner' 'Well, well, well, while Mark McGuire wouldn't have been satisfied with anything less than 70, I'm always happy to be stuck at 69, it is I hotter than Tobasco sauce, but loads easier to swallow, the Quintessential Studmuffin and a God damn handsome man, the man whos got more game than Parker brothers, Joel 'I'm young, I'm hung and I'm skilled wth my tongue' Gertner I'll add more later. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted August 12, 2003 Gertner: "We got pop?! We got pop! Joey, that's the second stupidest thing I've ever heard." Styles: "What's the first, Joel?" Gertner: "TNN's old slogan." Styles: "What was that." Gertner: "TNN, we fuck pigs!" They're more fun when you know them off the top of your head. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DRAWMUH! Report post Posted August 12, 2003 Joel "she was from michigan, right here in battle creek. I've been with a few wild ones in my time but this one was a freak. I thought it'd last 20 minutes but it lasted half a week! and I laid so much damn pipe, I thought she sprung a leak" Gertner Joel "Ladies! Having trouble with too many men? Stick with the quintessential studmuffin, he'll treat you like no other, and after I satisfy you, I'll take on your mother! Gertner (During a Kid Kash vs. EZ Money match (with Julio and Hamrick at Ringside) Styles: This is turning into a 3-1! Gertner: And if Elecktra was here it'd be a 5-1! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted August 12, 2003 Joel "she was from michigan, right here in battle creek. I've been with a few wild ones in my time but this one was a freak. I thought it'd last 20 minutes but it lasted half a week! and I laid so much damn pipe, I thought she sprung a leak" Gertner I was at the Battle Creek show Paul E actually did the ring introductions from backstage. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SteakGrowsOnUecker 0 Report post Posted August 12, 2003 Joel Gertner NEEDS to come to the WWE. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KTID 0 Report post Posted August 13, 2003 Problem is, he couldn't say any of these things on WWE TV. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted August 14, 2003 Yeah, unless he's overly vulgar he just doesn't work. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dmann2000 Report post Posted August 14, 2003 Joel 'Whether the ladies are home or here in Daten(sp?), they're watching me and masturbating' Gertner' Dayton, Dayton OH, must've been from Heatwave 99 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special K 0 Report post Posted August 14, 2003 This was of course right before the brutally explicit Dayton crowd-baiting Buh-Buh promo aired. 'Let's look at some of you people! We've got a faggot in a hawaiin shirt! Some mom who taught her sixteen year old daughter how to suck dick! And this nasty skankasauras who took nine inches of black dick so far up her ass, she didn't know what hit her! (While D-Von makes spasmy humping motions in the corner) Right before he told some guuy in the crowd to take a swing at him, and spit in the aforementioned mom's face. Buh-Buh had some serious balls for that, and it was pretty surreal, 'cause apparently they were saying shit like that at house shows around the country. Of course the PPV company who rated them AV-13 took exception. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MideonMark Report post Posted August 14, 2003 I seem to remember Bubba damn near causing a riot on more than one occasion with some of his comments. Anyway, some more Gertner quotes, smaller ones this time though- 'Just like a rubix cube, the more you play with it, the harder it gets' 'Put your lipstick on my dipstick' 'Theres a monster in my pants and he does a naughty dance' 'The girls like to scream when I'm filling them full of cream' 'I like to make you moan as I give you my bone' 'You'll marvel at my size as I put it between your thighs' 'When I reach their aesophagus, they'll know I'm hung like Mr Snuffalufagus' -can someone explain what hes referring to here, I'm guessing its a well known horse or something. ''If you don't wanna wake up sore, you don't wanna be my whore' 'I like blowjobs from the North, but I love them from the South, so shut up sweetie and put my balls in your mouth' 'I drink vodka, I drink scotch, but your mother drinks from my crotch' 'When they sit down on my pelvis, they'll feel the shit that kill'd Elvis' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KTID 0 Report post Posted August 14, 2003 Completely off topic... My Top 5 Favourite Man United players ever (in order) 5. Peter Schmeichel (The greatest keeper of all time) 4. Mark Hughes (Would run through a brick wall for the team. The best striker of a ball I've ever seen, especially from volleys, overheads or bicycle kicks) 3. Paul Scholes (Doesn't get the praise he deserves. The best all round player in the Premiership at the minute. Awesome, awesome footballer) 2. Eric Cantona (Had he stayed for longer than 5 seasons, he would have been No. 1. The best foreigner in the history of British football) 1. Roy Keane (Has been consistently brilliant for the last 10 years. The best player in the history of the Preimership. Simple as that) I would've had Cantona no.1 and Keane no.2. I wouldn't have had Scholsey in the top 5. I would've included Besty and the Lawman(George Best and Dennis Law). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedHermit 0 Report post Posted August 14, 2003 Here's Snuffaleufagus (of Sesame Street fame), MideonMark: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MideonMark Report post Posted August 15, 2003 Ah ok, I'm not exactly a Sesame Street buff, so I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but having seen that pic, that quote is now even funnier. To RVDMARK of course any list of the greatest Man United players of all time would have to include George Best, Denis Law and Bobby Charlton, but they're a bit before my time(and I'm guessing before your time), the players in my list are the ones I grew up watching, so they're in the list. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KTID 0 Report post Posted August 18, 2003 Oh right, in that case i'd still have Cantona no.1 and Keane no.2, and probably have Giggs no.3, Hughes no.4 and Beckham no.5. PS I dislike Beckham as much as everybody else, but I can't dismiss his ability. He's probably in the top 5 in the world today, and United will miss him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist Report post Posted August 18, 2003 Joel 'Whether the ladies are home or here in Daten(sp?), they're watching me and masturbating' Gertner' Dayton, Dayton OH, must've been from Heatwave 99 It was 98 "Dayton, Ohio.................amazing where some people call home these days" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
