Greatest wrestling quotes ever?

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

Though not actually said by a wrestler, I would have to go with this immortal line from WCW.com's Nash bio:

 

"Kevin Nash may have only three moves, but they all hurt."

 

GOLD. No, platinum.

 

What are your choices?

[CanadianChris 0]

"Win if you can, lose if you must, but always CHEAT." -- Jesse Ventura

 

Or, the one in my sig.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

"Its not cheating if you don't get caught!" -- Jesse Ventura, WM IV

 

"Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past the expiration date. Now THAT is Extreme!" - Kurt Angle (talking about the Hardyz)

 

"He has the body of a god. Unfortunately, it's Buddha." - Jerry "The King" Lawler on Paul Heyman (Judgment Day, 5/19/02)

 

Mick Foley (in response to Edge and Christian's complaint that, as 2 time tag champions, they should have their own locker room): "Listen guys, I happen to be a three time former WWF Champion and a hardcore legend and I never had my own dressing room."

Edge: "Mick, you never changed your clothes."

Mick: "That's a good point."

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

Another great one:

 

When Kurt Angle was feuding with the Big Show, he encounters Bossman backstage.

 

ANGLE: Hey, you don't like the Big Show, right?

 

BOSSMAN: I pulled his daddy out of his grave and dragged him across the cemetary at high speed!

 

ANGLE: Riiiiight....

 

And from good ol' J.R.:

 

"Farooq, handlin' the Big Johnson!"

 

"The Rock just jerked Helmsley off... the top rope!"

 

"Chyna just gave Al Snow Head!"

 

"Folks, I would like to apologize for the language used by Stone Cold Steve Austin..."

 

(later that night)

 

"Bah Satan's soul, may Triple H burn in hell! That sonofabitch! That no-good, God-damned sonafabitch!"

 

From Austin (face)'s feud with Angle (heel):

 

"Folks, I know there is no way Kurt Angle could beat Stone Cold cleanly, one on one."

 

From Austin (heel)'s feud with Angle (face):

 

"Folks, I know there is no way Stone Cold could beat Kurt Angle cleanly, one on one."

[The Czech Republic 0]

If he really said it and it was not in fact a dream, it would have to be when Dusty Rhodes spontaneously said "Well exuuuuuuse me, Mr. Umphus!" Did this really happen or am I just imagining such a thing? I think someone brought it up here.

[Guest two_tuff_toddy]

I have no idea when this was said other than it was on an episode of Nitro. My friend burnt it onto a CD so I could hear it and it might well be the dumbest thing I have ever heard in wrestling.

 

"Look at this venue here. This place is apropos. And that don't mean your diggin' around in the dirt with farm implements baby."

Steve "Mongo" McMichael

 

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???

[JHawk 0]

Bobby Heenan to Bob Uecker: "I understand you got 7,000 votes for the Hall of Fame. You'd have had a lot more, but you ran out of stamps."

 

Jim Cornette: "Rick Steiner's so stupid he stayed up all night studying for a urine test."

 

Ric Flair on Baby Doll: "She can wear her clothes, she can wear his clothes, she can Haystacks Calhoun's clothes, and she has the nerve to call herself a beautiful woman."

 

Jim Cornette, training for a match with Baby Doll: "I've been working out. I've done push-ups, I've done sit ups, I've done chinups, I threw up twice but I'm OK now..."

[Guest Mad the Swine]

Early 2000 Nitro

 

Mean Gene mentions that Terry Funk is bringing in someone that hates Flair more than Funk does.

 

Flair: "What'd he do, fly in my ex-wife?"

[JHawk 0]

[On one of the Survivor Series Showdowns, Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan discuss Rick Martel turning on Tito Santana]

Gorilla: "I suppose you think Benedict Arnold was right as well."

Bobby: "He did what he had to do, I think."

 

Randy Savage to Bret Hart on SNME: "You're entering the Danger Zone--east of the Pacific Ocean; west of London, England; south of Mars; and north of Hell, yeah!"

[Youth N Asia 0]

From our Olympic hero

 

"Undertaker, if that is your real name.."

 

"You know... when one speaks your name very fast, it just sounds like just incredible"

[Guest Askewniverse]

(referring to Hogan's Real American theme)

Bobby Heenan: "That's my second favorite theme song."

Gorilla Monsoon: "I'm almost afraid to ask..what's your first?"

Bobby Heenan: "All the rest are tied."

 

Kurt Angle to Funaki, shortly after winning KOTR: "I'm your king, which is the equivalent of your emperor, or head ninja."

 

Steve Austin: "Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!"

 

Bret Hart: "Madison Square Garden...it's not a church, but it's holy ground."

 

Bret Hart: "If you were going to give the United States an enema, you'd stick the hose right here in Pittsburgh!"

[JHawk 0]

The Crusher, after being disqualified before the bell vs. Johnny Valentine: "That's because of the lousy bells they have in this state. They ought to invest in a bell that I can hear!"

 

Larry Zbyszko at Slamboree 93: "Time fears only the pyramids and the legends of professional wrestling."

[caboose 0]

This quote is in someone's sig but I can't remember who...

 

"If the Gods could build me a ladder to the heavens, I'd climb up the ladder and drop a big elbow on the world."

-- Cactus Jack

[Guest Fook]

JR: Back in Oklahoma, Bobby, we called a match like this a slobberknocker!

 

Heenan: I thought that's what they called the waitress at the Tip Top cafe in downtown Tulsa.

[Guest Ray]

Nothing beats Owen Hart's rambling anti-Bret promo:

 

"That's why I kicked your leg from...your leg"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meh, it was something like that....can't recall the exact quote right now.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Bret Hart: "If you were going to give the United States an enema, you'd stick the hose right here in Pittsburgh!"

 

God, I remember that got him an INSANE amount of crowd heat.

 

 

Another one of my favorites is

 

"I can't jump high so I jump off high places." - Mick Foley

[Use Your Illusion 0]

"I can't jump high so I jump off high places." - Mick Foley

THAT is brilliant. Fuck, Foley is God.

 

My fave is from the D-X era of 1997...

 

Triple H (after Chyna had implants): "I bet if Chyna had a nipple for everytime she's been called the breast woman wrestler around here, she'd be a millionare"

 

Yes, back when Triple H was cool.

 

UYI

[Guest Black Tiger]

"Well since Kurt lost his medals

Thrown in a river with large bass

he picked himself up, dusted himself off

and kicked Steve Austin's ass"

 

Bobby Heenan has been making jokes about Brad Armstrong during his match and Tony couldn't keep himself from laughing:

 

Tony: foks I apologize for laughing at this man

Bobby: Don't worry, everyone laughs at Brad Armstrong

 

Kanyon: Who's NOT better than Kanyon

Crowd: EVERYBODY!

Kanyon: I FOOLED YOU! I said who's NOT better than Kanyon?

 

At the very end of the Austin vs Booker T grocery store battle. "PRICE CHECK ON A JACKASS!"

[Use Your Illusion 0]

Bobby Heenan has been making jokes about Brad Armstrong during his match and Tony couldn't keep himself from laughing:

God bless Bobby Heenan.

[Guest Ray]

This deserves posting...all of it:

 

The first thing I want to be done is to get that piece of crap out of my ring. Don’t just get him out of the ring, get him out of the WWF. Cause I proved son, without a shadow of doubt you ain’t got what it takes anymore. You sit there and you sit thump your bible, you say your prayers and it doesn’t get you anywhere. Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16, AUSTIN 3:16 says I just whooped your ass. All he has to do is get him a cheap bottle of Thunderbird, and try to get back some of that courage he had in his prime. As the King of the Ring I’m serving notice to everyone of the WWF superstars, I don’t give a damn what they are, they’re all on the list and that’s Stone Colds list and I’m fixing to start running through all of them. As far as this championship match is concerned, I don’t give a damn whether it’s Davey Boy Smith or Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin’s time has come. And when I get this shot you’re looking at the next WWF champion… and that’s the bottom line....cause Stone Cold said so.

[Guest BAR]

Not really a 'great' wrestling quote but I found it amusing...

 

"I'm the fucking boss!" Bobby Heenan to Andre at WMVI.

[Guest Black Tiger]

"This is pretty good. When did they start making this?"

Kurt Angle after APA gave him a sip of beer

 

"She didn't use Oriental Ass leaves, she rubbed your ass with the People's Posion Ivy"

The Rock building up the Kiss My Ass match at Summerslam 99

 

"Oh I'm going to take a leak. This guy sucks"

What the fans say when Big Show's music hits

 

"The man beast and the ho beast. We've got the goar and the...."

Chris Jericho on Stephanie and Rhyno

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

Supposedly Christian said this at Fully Loaded, in Dallas:

 

"If JFK had stayed five more minutes in this town, he'd have shot himself!"

 

When Bubba tries to throw someone through a table on Raw, and it doesn't break:

 

"FUCK!"

 

Michael Cole on Smackdown:

 

"Those steel steps must weigh two thousand pounds!"

"And what a way to kick off Smackdown!" (says this EVERY FUCKING SHOW)

[CanadianChris 0]

"Aw, fuck it!" -- Mean Gene

[King Cucaracha 0]

Probably not exact...

 

Steph- Rob, in my experience, once is never enough.

Rob- Yeah, I heard that about you.

 

 

Crowd- WHAT?

Undertaker- Say what if you sleep with your sister...

Crowd- WHAT?

 

 

Lance Storm- "That's about as legit as a three-legged donkey. And we all know that's not legit, because, well, a donkey has four legs!"

 

And also from Storm

"If you want bells and whistles, I suggest you go to the circus."

[Papacita 0]

This one always makes me laugh...HBK and Austin are in the ring for a promo:

 

Austin: What I'm saying is that you should take you little bandana and get outta here before I kick your teeth down your throat.

 

Shawn: So you're telling me...MASTER of the Sweet Chin Music...that you're gonna kick MY teeth...down YOUR throat?!

 

Austin: DAMN RIGHT!

[Guest BAR]

This one always makes me laugh...HBK and Austin are in the ring for a promo:

 

Austin: What I'm saying is that you should take you little bandana and get outta here before I kick your teeth down your throat.

 

Shawn: So you're telling me...MASTER of the Sweet Chin Music...that you're gonna kick MY teeth...down YOUR throat?!

 

Austin: DAMN RIGHT!

Michaels looked so fucking out of it during that interview.

[Guest Black Tiger]

RVD: Steph, don't do me any more favors

Steph: I happen to be very good at doing favors

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Vince: "First of all, calm down."

Undertaker: "I AM CALM!" (Smackdown!, 6/20/02)

 

"Who in the bluest of blue hell is Mark Loyd?" - The Rock (Smackdown!, 7/11/02)

 

"You've proved it time and time again, brother - you can spit some water!" - Rob Van Dam to Triple H (Raw, 9/16/02)

 

"I knew I should've gone with Chutes and Ladders!" - RVD, after trying to give Kane a Christmas present of "Hungry Hungry Hippos" (Raw, 12/23/02)

 

Not exact, but it went something like this and I don't remember the dates either:

 

RVD: Remember Kane, we're undefeatable because you got the Chokeslam and me, I've got the Five Star Frog Splash. And the Rolling Thunder, and the Van Daminator, and the Van Terminator, the Split Legged Moonsault...

 

Kane: Rob...

 

RVD: Oh, did I mention you had the Chokeslam?

 

Another RVD / Kane segment:

 

RVD: What do you mean you can't off your mask? What are you? Spider-Man?

 

[Use Your Illusion 0]

"Aw, fuck it!" -- Mean Gene

I'm sorry, but the thought of a then 40-50 year old bald man saying that out of frustration absolutely KILLS ME.

 

Is there a clip of that available anywhere? I'd fuckin' love to see that.

 

UYI