One And Only Observations About Nothing Thread

[Guest the r-train]

Like Jerry Seinfeld, this thread will be where we can all post observations about everyday things, and then read what others have posted, and post *hilarious* anecdotes and/or insults that have to do with their everyday whatever.

 

I'll start us off.

 

How come I can read a script and know exactly how I want it to sound in my head, but can't make the words come out right at auditions, and then weeks later when I have my two or three lines down perfect, the director always says, "why didn't I give you a bigger part?"

 

If that one's too stupid for you, here's another one. Don't ever try to tell me I don't think about your needs.

 

When hot older girls make those pouty lips, does that mean they're just trying to be funny, or does it mean they're coming on to you? Because that makes me hard. ROCKhard.

 

Discuss.

[eiker_ir 0]

why do i have to put the bag of microwave popcorn in the microwave the way they say. What happens if i put it the other way?

 

oh god what?????

[Zack Malibu 0]

This one'll wind up in NHB in no time flat.

[Guest Retro Rob]

Why is it that some people will want their money back for a dozen eggs after they used 11 of them but one is stuck to the carton?

 

After which I remove the "stuck" egg with no difficulty and they still demand a refund?

 

How come someone will blantantly lie instead of admitting that they picked up the wrong (and more expensive) olive oil?

 

Why is it that when someone attempts to make small talk with you 99.99% of the time it is about how hot or cold or rainy or humid it is? Can these people not think of original topics?

 

Shouldn't parents and grandparents feel strange smacking their children in public to the point where hysterics result?

 

 

Yeah, that all happened during my day at work.

[Guest TUS_02]

What's the deal with airplane food?

[eiker_ir 0]

why do dogs smell other dog's balls when they see them?

[Guest Nightscrawler]

Why do men leave the toilet seat up?

[The Amazing Rando 0]

what's the deal with Eastman...I hate that guy always coming out of the East to do battle with me...

 

 

...he SO needs to get a hobby...

[Nighthawk 0]

Why do girls threaten to kick you in the nuts at the slightest provocation? That's just going to make it worse.

[eiker_ir 0]

what's the deal with alot of superheros wearing the underwear tighs over the pants. I mean is it reaaally necessary?

[Guest HBK16]

Why does every airline give away free peanuts? Where did that originate?

 

 

Something I always wondered.

[Guest Choken One]

Why do People feel the need to look around before they Scratch their ass? Does it make it any different?

 

Why do people always try to move into a corner when adjusting underwear?

 

National State Bank...Isn't that a contradition?

[Ravenbomb 0]

How come when I have a cold, the nostril that's clogged is constantly switching? One minute it's the left one, then it's the right one.

 

How come when you watch an episode of a series you've never heard of, then don't watch the series for a long time, the next time you see it it's the same episode?

 

Why do laptops not have car AC adaptors?

[Guest HBK16]

How come when you watch an episode of a series you've never heard of, then don't watch the series for a long time, the next time you see it it's the same episode?

That always happens to me.

[Nighthawk 0]

How come when you watch an episode of a series you've never heard of, then don't watch the series for a long time, the next time you see it it's the same episode?

That always happens to me.

Every damn time.

 

Why does PBS try to sell you a video of the program you just watched? Anyone who has a vcr would have taped it if they wanted it, and if you don't have a vcr what the hell are you going to do with the tape?

[Guest Choken One]

and why does it cost $21.99 to own a copy of Barney?

[Guest HBK16]

Why does PBS try to sell you a video of the program you just watched? Anyone who has a vcr would have taped it if they wanted it, and if you don't have a vcr what the hell are you going to do with the tape?

That is so, so true.

[Big McLargeHuge 0]

You ever notice that when people recall a telephone conversation, they use that "I'm talking on a telephone" hand gesture? Is it really necessary? Haven't we already established that you were on the phone?

[Guest Choken One]

Or when you say you had sex to your buddies and you have to do that fucking "thrust" movement? Or when you say ya got a blowjob why must you put palm a good 10 inches above your crotch and move it up and down...

 

Are we supposed to infer your cock is 10 inches?

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Are we supposed to infer your cock is 10 inches?

Yes, yes you are.

 

Wait, you wasn't talking about me.

 

 

Why is it that a sign could be in front of a person's face, but they disregard the sign and do whatever they want, and when something goes wrong, the first thing they say is "Why wasn't I told?"

[welshjerichomark 0]

How come when I have a cold, the nostril that's clogged is constantly switching? One minute it's the left one, then it's the right one.

 

I tend to get that a lot.

 

An observation from where i work. Why do old women feel the need to put on posh voices when they talk to shop assistants? It's just stupid.

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Don't you just hate it when you have something you want to say, and then somebody talks before you, and you forget what it was that you was going to say?

[Guest The Old Me]

If the seats on a plane can be used as a floating device, why can' the PLANE be used as one as well?

[Guest Choken One]

Just to add to that

 

From God Himself

 

"If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that shit?"

[Guest college hobo]

Why is it that I can apply for a dozen different jobs with no success while my sister can walk into the first place she applies and get a job just because the last person that place let go threatened to kill the manager?

[Guest The Old Me]

How come my friends who went to college make more money than me?? Wait.....

[eiker_ir 0]

why the fuck some DVDs companies don't let you change audio tracks on the air while watching the movie, they make you stop the movie, go to the audio menu, pick the one you want and restart the movie.

[edotherocket 0]

A black box's durability is credited not just to the material but to its size and shape. A plane-sized black box is not condusive to flying.

[Guest The Old Me]

A black box's durability is credited not just to the material but to its size and shape.  A plane-sized black box is not condusive to flying.

Thanks.....

[Nighthawk 0]

I don't think the black box is even black... so why is it called that?