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Chuck Woolery

PROMO: "But We're The Funny Guys!"

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Editor's note: If this is bad, it's because of my caffeine addiction. If it's good, SS and I are creative geniuses.

 

---

 

FIRE IN THE DISCO

 

FIRE IN THE TACO BELL

 

Strobe lights strobe lights strobe lights shine all around and we see Quiz and Show and they be dancing all about like whoa! The Tag Team Champions bump each others' chests and Show does it so powerfully, Quiz stumbles back, right into Charisma Carpenter's breasts!

 

Charisma: Those are my breasts!

 

Quiz: And how!

 

While Quiz continues his deep, moving conversation with Charisma Carpenter, Show begins rugging a cut on the dance floor, waving his arms in the air like he just don't care!

 

DANGER DANGER

 

 

 

HIGH VOLTAGE!

 

WHEN WE TOUCH!

 

WHEN WE KISS!

 

Show drops down on the floor and tries to breakdance, until his pants rip clean down the middle!

 

"I can see his penis!"

 

"That's not a penis, that's an artery!"

 

Meanwhile, Quiz has taken Charisma Carpenter over to the bar, beginning to take shots Everclear!

 

Show gets helped up off the ground by a grungy looking, gothic stoner!

 

Show: OMIGOD IT'S DANTE CRANE. DOUBLE-YOU-TEE-EFF DO YOU WANT FROM ME YOU GOTHIC WHORE. WHERE'S CROW? SURVEY SAYS I'M GOING TO BUST A HOLE IN HIS UPPER THIGH AND FISH OUT HIS LARGE INTESTINE, FINAL ANSWER!!

 

"..."

 

Show: Oh, don't play that with me! You take your sorry ass out of this club or I'll PowerBOMB you down onto the multicolored flash panels!

 

Meanwhile, at the bar!

 

Quiz: .......and so I SAID! "Youuuuu ig'nANT FOOL! go BACK to AUSSSSSTRALIA!"

 

"..."

 

Quiz downs another shot, continuing. "An so he wasssh all "YO BOOYAH!" an' I wassh all "Whasshu talkin bout Va'ai... Vaning... Va'igggy... whassh his name?"

 

"Va'aiga?"

 

"Sshhha, thass it. 'Ey, SHOW!"

 

Show stumbles over to the bar, nearly tripping over his own feet. "Yeah, Quiz?"

 

"Tell dis girl abou' tha' Aussstralian bisch while I go drink summore o'dat Everrclearr."

 

IT WOULD BE AWESOME!

 

IF WE COULD DANCE!

 

"Well, Ms. Carpenter, you see, my small friend here..."

 

"I'm nosssmall, I'm big boned!"

 

"Whatever... anyway, he has a problem with this large fellow by the name of Va'aiga..."

 

"WHADDA FUCK!"

 

"...excuse me?"

 

"Whadda FUCK is this?"

 

Show looks up at where Quiz is looking, to a television screen showing Ejiro darting away from Frost's door like a tiny Mexican mouse. Show looks back at his partner. "I believe it's an Ejiro Fasaki promo."

 

"That wassh rhetorical, ass..."

 

Show rolls his eyes. "So anyway, Quiz and I have an issue with this Va'aiga fella, and his partner Dace Night. You see, they want our fabulous prizes..."

 

"What are da tag titless!"

 

"...yes, the tag titles. They want the tag titles, but we want to keep the tag titles, see?"

 

Ms. Carpenter nods. Show continues, "So, what we want to do, in short, is defeat Dace Night and Va'aiga, both emotionally and physi..."

 

*CRASH!*

 

*fizzle, POP!*

 

Show and Charisma both look up, to see the smoking television set, now broken! They both look over at Quiz, red-faced and irate.

 

"THOSE FUCKERS!"

 

"...what are you talking about, Quiz?"

 

"I wass gointa repaint dere car!"

 

"...huh?"

 

"Ejiro an Judge... they painned SpongeBob on Dace's car... dat wass MY IDEA!... I wass gonna put a pissure of Mark Summerssh on there..."

 

Show turns back to Ms. Carpenter. "So then there's these other two guys who want our belts... Dante Crane and Crow... well, they're really gothic and stuff, right? And they're all angry at the world and RAR KILL... and survey says they might be the #1 contenders to our titles too... so we don't know if we're going to fight..."

 

"DEFEAT!"

 

"...uh, we don't know if we're going to defeat Dante Crane and Crow or Dace Night and Va'aiga..."

 

"Why don' we jusss kill them all?"

 

"Uh... because that's illegal!"

 

"Shut the fuck up... lemme talk to the feeeeemale... hey baby... survey sayss I'm your number one ansser...."

 

Show grabs Quiz, who makes a move at Charisma Carpenter. "I'm sorry, he's a bit Edwinized..."

 

"It's okay, really. I'm used to this by now."

 

"Right... so anyway, yeah. We have to defend at Genesis 4 in a couple weeks... we polled a hundred people, they all want us to be tag champs... but when we're in the ring, and we're fighting them, I don't know who's going to lose a turn, us or them..."

 

"THE TRIBE HASSPOKEN!"

 

"Christ..."

 

Show turns around, to see Quiz on top of a Dante Crane-looking goth, punching away at his head. "You're nottgonna fuck with ME... I'm the cenner motherfuckin' SWEAR..."

 

Show grabs Quiz, holding him in a fireman's carry as he walks towards the exit. "Jeez, dude, it's center square... your pronunciation really goes when you're drunk."

 

"Survey says I'mma kill that muzzafucka... whezzer he lies it or not..."

 

"Calm down, dude... save your aggression for Kibagami..."

 

Show walks out, Quiz on his shoulders as inside the club, the party keeps on going...

 

STOP!

 

CONTINUE!

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Guest Goodear

Editor's note: If this is bad, it's because of my caffeine addiction. If it's good, SS and I are creative geniuses.

 

A little from column A, a little from column B.

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Although I am sure that this will stand out on it's own one day as a good promo for a chuckle or two... It doesn't compare to Ejiro's. I wouldn't normally compare the two like that, but you kind of did that on your own.

 

Still, it's got some good moments if you don't look at it that way, and I'm glad to see you doing some promoing for Quiz & Show. Sort of anyway...

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Although I am sure that this will stand out on it's own one day as a good promo for a chuckle or two... It doesn't compare to Ejiro's. I wouldn't normally compare the two like that, but you kind of did that on your own.

Ah, thanks Johnny. I don't even come close to Ejiro's promo here... although I shouldn't have likened the two, because in reality they're not much alike. Aside from the whole "That-asshole-stole-my-gimmick" thing that inspired the promo, of course.

 

What I was aiming for (and hopefully succeeded at) was painting Show in a more serious light, while showcasing the over-the-top zaniness that is Quiz, although I think that may have gotten lost in the big words and blurred text. Fuck me, I'm sick, I swear.

 

Back to the match.

 

- CW

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Guest Suicide King

::sticks a finger in, licks it::

 

hmm...

 

Needs a touch more zany, and less salt.

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It's bad. It seems like you're just pissed at Ejiro for writing a funny promo and you want to whip out your cock to prove it's bigger than his. It doesn't make any sense and is stupid. It does nothing to get you guys, the other guys or any coming matches over.

 

What I think would be neat, is if you guys would stage mock game shows that make fun of your opponents. Like Quiz and Show are sitting in the winner's circle of $25,000 Pyramid and running the board like:

 

Quiz: "Toothless, smells funny, costs a nickel."

 

Show: "Ejiro's mom!"

Ding!

 

Quiz: "I swear this will only take five minutes and then we'll go to Chuck E. Cheese after."

 

Show: "What Ejiro tells girl scouts!"

 

Ding!

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