CM Funk's Once a Day *IN DEPTH* Match Review

[SamoaRowe 0]

Oooh, oooh, tribute to Nathan Jones!!!

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Nathan Jones tribute!

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One fall- Undertaker and Nathan Jones vs. Big Show and A-Train

Date/Place- Seattle, Wash.- 3/30/03

Ref- Brian Hebner

Commentators- Michael Cole and Tazz

 

Big Show and A-Train dislike Undertaker. They wish to break his WrestleMania streak. Enter Nathan Jones, former criminal who was hired by WWE. In his debut, he screwed up his big entrance, not ONCE, but TWICE. Thank God for Nathan that SmackDown is taped. Anyways, Nathan Jones sucks and he was supposed to team up with Undertaker for this match. But he was laid out by Big Show, A-Train, and Little Guido. So it's basically a handicap match.

 

Character Related Info: Big Show has been a bad ass monster ever since heading to SmackDown. A-Train's back hair is more over than him. And Undertaker's the bad ass biker dude. Go Americana. Hooray. Heels- A-Train/Show, Face- Undertaker

 

What this match is most known for: Nathan Jones DOESN'T BLOW IT! OMG!

 

The Match: Undertaker gets a Limp Bizkit intro. Pretty cool entrance.

 

A-Train stares down Taker from out of the ring, but Taker sees Big Show coming and lowers the top rope so Show tumbles over. A-Train tries a kick which is blocked, and gets a chokeslam. Already?

 

Pin #1 (by Undertaker)- 1-2-Big Show pulls Taker off. That's not gonna do much, twelve seconds in.

 

Taker hits a punch to the head on Show on the outside, and Train and Show discuss things on the outside. Show pushes Taker into the corner, but Taker battles back with punches. Show tosses him into the other corner, but he battles out of it, taking down A-Train and Show. Jeez. A-Train is tagged in, and tries an irish whip which is reversed, but he takes down Taker anyways. He leapfrogs Undertaker's body, and bounces off the ropes but Taker hip tosses him. Undertaker works on the arm and goes "Old School". What was the move called when it wasn't "Old School"? I forget, but I know I've heard it. Big Show distracts Taker. Baldo Bomb. No pin? WTF? Taker is rolled over to Show, who picks him up and rams him into both the ringpost and the barricade. A "Shave Your Back" chant is some of the only heat heard all night. Undertaker is finally tossed back in by Show. Taker gets slingshotted throat first into the ropes.

 

Pin #2 (by 'Train)- 1-2-shoulder up.

 

Choke that gets a four. Tag to Big Show, who works on the knee. Show punches Taker, but Taker punches back and tries an irish whip, which is reversed, Taker gets the elbow out of the corner and knocks Train off the apron. Uh oh, Chokeslam. No, wait, Fujiwara armbar! OMG MMA TAKER~~!!! ..but Train breaks it up. Undertaker elbows Train and gets him in a cross armbreaker, but Big Show legdrops Taker across the face! Oh, man! The two kick at him and Train is sent back outside. Show waits for Taker to get up and headbutts him three times and then locks him in a abdominal stretch. The crowd starts to get behind Taker, but A-Train holds on to Show's hand for leverage. Taker is knocked down and Train is tagged. He kicks at Taker, and locks him in the abdominal stretch, too! What the hell was the point of that? Undertaker starts to battle out with punches where he gets one of his own. Oh, feel the drama. Train gets out and tries a clothesline, but gets a back suplex. Both men are down and Taker starts to get up. Undertaker bounces off the ropes but Show knees him, and he walks into a clothesline. These people will never learn- DON'T BOUNCE OFF THE ROPES WHEN A BIG SWEATY HOSS IS STANDING THERE READY TO KNEE YOU IN THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SPINE.

 

Pin #3 (by Train)- 1-2-shoulder up.

 

A-Train starts yelling "Come on, Big Dog!" Odd. Slap to Taker's face, and then gives him three right hands. Undertaker and Train trade right hands, but Taker battles back and gets the most hands in. Whip into the ropes, but Undertaker gets that lovely DDT of his.

 

Pin #4 (by Taker)- 1-2- Big Show breaks it up.

 

Taker gets up and beats up Big Show. Undertaker gets both in the corner, and then splashes them both at least five times. Taker tries a chokeslam on Show, but A-Train charges and gets a boot. Taker whipped into the ropes, but he flies through the air with a forearm. Taker gets up and looks for a pin, but gets bicycle kicked. Chokeslam on Undertaker by Show. Waitaminute, here comes everyone's favourite, Nathan Jones! Show tries a clothesline, but takes the BEST SPIN KICK EVER. Yes. A-Train pins back inside the ring.

 

Pin #5 (by Train)- 1-2-kickout.

 

Train picks Taker up as Jones watches on the outside. Jones gets back in the ring, where he lets A-Train run into his foot. Nice gentleman, that Jones. He turns around for an Undertaker Tombstone.

 

Pin #6 (by Taker)- 1-2-3.

 

Winner: The Undertaker

 

The two celebrate.

 

What resulted out of this: Big Show went on to get a title shot at Lesnar, and lost. Undertaker went on to a feud with John Cena, and then was buried..literally. Now he's coming back this Sunday, at WrestleMania XX. A-Train's back hair decided to play politics against Triple H, and A-Train was buried as a result..and forced to shave his back. And Nathan Jones was taken off TV, only to return and spaz out. He's still lost somewhere overseas.

 

My review: Ugh. OMG MMA TAKER and some pointless, yet hilarious abdominal stretching is all there is to see. I guess it's just good for another point on Taker's WM record, and nothing more. *1/4

 

 

 

We'll never forget you, Nathan Jones. Never. As hard as we try.

 

 

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding..

Di--

 

Nathan Jones doesn't deserve a ten bell salute.

 

That is all.

 

TOMORROW-

 

In Honor of the Triple Threat Title Match-

***** MATCHES! (and one not so good one)

 

Benoit vs. Angle- RR 03

OR

Michaels vs. Razor- Ladder Match- WM X

OR

Triple H vs. Undertaker- WM X7

 

I'll post RR '92 on Saturday if this gets more than two votes. If not, Sunday, bitches.

[SamoaRowe 0]

LoL, nice review.

 

How about the ladder match from WM X next?

 

And no luck getting La Parka for my WWF in my ewr diary, so I'm afraid I don't get to choose otherwise

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Should be up at 5:00.

 

IF YOU READ, VOTE PLEASE.

 

It's encouraging to see that people actually click on this thread, so please vote.

 

WE NEED A TIE BREAKER, PEOPLE. Benoit vs. Angle or Michaels vs. The Bad Guy?

Edited March 12, 2004 by CM Funk

[The Amazing Rando 0]

Benoit vs. Angle - RR03

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Well, it wasn't up at 5:00. But, I will update this with both Benoit/Angle and (HOPEFULLY) the RR '92 I owe you, tomorrow.

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WWE Undisputed Title- Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Date/Place- Boston, Mass.- 1/17/03

Ref- Mike Chioda

Commentators- Michael Cole and Tazz

Kurt Angle defeated Big Show at Armageddon to win the WWE Title, and then turned heel, aligning with Paul Heyman. He hired a team of henchmen, known as Team Angle. Meanwhile, Chris Benoit defeated the Big Show to become the number one contender for this match. Angle got F-5ed into the ringpost and now wears a kneebrace. The announcers play it off as him overselling the injury.

 

Character Related Info: Kurt Angle's the heel slimeball, Benoit is the best technical wrestler in North America.

 

What this match is most known for: Being the 2003 WWE MOTY.

 

The Match: Team Angle is ejected from the start after trying to keep Benoit away from Kurt.

 

Angle bickers with the ref and the match is on. Headlock to start on Angle, but Benoit is whipped into the ropes, where he gets a shoulder knockdown. Benoit tries a sharpshooter, but Angle rolls out quickly. Angle takes his time getting back in the ring, and they grapple. Benoit reapplies the headlock, and is bounced off the ropes. Angle tries a hiptoss but is blocked. Angle tries for a (Anglelock?) but Benoit jumps up and kicks Angle in the chest. Benoit is whipped into the ropes again, and Angle applies a sleeper. Benoit armdrags out and Angle is dragon screwed. Chris Benoit tries a sharpshooter but doesn't get all of it, and Angle makes it to the ropes. Benoit is tossed shoulder-first through the ropes and to the post. Angle clubs Benoit on the spine several times, and then suplexes him.

 

Pin #1 (by Angle)- 1-2-kickout.

 

Angle picks Benoit up and punches him several times in the corner. Benoit chops out four times and then gets him into the corner, where he gives him some punches. Benoit tried to whip him into the other corner, but Angle reverses, Benoit kicks him, and Angle is clotheslined to the back of the neck! Ouch. Benoit whips Angle into the ropes and Angle takes a knee to the midsection.

 

Pin #2 (by Benoit)- 1-2-shoulder up.

 

Benoit picks Angle up and chops him in the corner. Angle is whipped into the other corner and gets some knees to the gut. He tries another knee, but it doesn't work, Angle catches him and suplex-drapes him over the top rope. Angle tries to pull Benoit back in, but Benoit drapes his neck over the top. Angle rolls to the ring apron outside the ropes, and they exchange punches.

 

And here's what I see as the turning point of the match- Benoit kicks Angle in the gut..and DDTs him on the ring apron! That's gotta hurt. Angle's nose starts bleeding and Benoit picks him up. Angle's rolled back into the ring and pinned.

 

Pin #3 (by Benoit) 1--2--shoulder up.

 

Benoit leaves Angle on the mat and goes to the top rope. Diving Headbutt is missed as Angle rolls out of the way. Angle takes some time getting up and attepts the Angle Slam. Benoit rolls off and Angle gets locked in the Sharpshooter. Benoit starts screaming and tries to get to the ropes. He inches closer, and closer and gets it. Benoit picks Angle up and hits a backdrop.

 

Pin #4 (by Benoit) 1-2-shoulder up.

 

Benoit tries an irish whip which is reversed, and Benoit is overhead belly-to-bellied. Benoit is thrown out of the ring by Angle. Angle goes to the outside and Benoit is dropped face first onto the guardrail. Benoit is kicked at by Angle, who's leg is starting to hurt. Angle rolls Benoit back in the ring, and picks him up. Benoit is clotheslined, and then pinned.

 

Pin #5 (by Angle) 1-2-shoulder up.

 

Benoit is snapmared to the mat and is rear chinlocked and grapevined. Benoit tries to break the grip, but Angle has him locked in. Benoit starts to get off the mat and then arm drags out of the hold. He bounces off the ropes and takes one of the best overhead belly to bellies I've ever seen. Angle struts and then picks Benoit up. Back suplex.

 

Pin #6 (by Angle) 1-2-shoulder.

 

Benoit is taken back town to the mat and locks him back in the chinlock. Benoit starts to rise and eventually elbows out of it. Benoit is kicked and whipped into the ropes. Angle tries a clothesline, Benoit ducks and both clothesline eachother at the same time. Both men are down and the crowd is starting to get in to this. Both men get up at nine and Benoit gives Angle some right hands and chops. Benoit whips Angle into the ropes and he gets knocked down. It's repeated again and Angle then is back body dropped. Angle takes a huge German Suplex. Benoit repeats and Angle takes another one. Angle switches behind and gives Benoit one. Benoit switches behind and gives him a last one to break the clutch. Benoit gets up and signals for the Headbutt. BENOIT BLOW!!! He gets up on the top and Angle suddenly does a superman and suplexes him off the top. Damn.

 

Pin #7 (by Angle) 1-2-no!

 

Angle gets up and tries for a Angle Slam..Benoit rolls off and Angle charges..Crossface! Will Angle tap? Angle is extremely close to tapping..but he gets the ropes. Benoit picks up his leg..and Anglelocks him! Angle rolls out and locks Benoit in the Anglelock! ..But Benoit hooks the arm and gets him back in the Crossface! Wow! Wait, rollup!

 

Pin #8 (by Angle) 1-2-no.

 

Benoit gets Angle back in the crossface and Angle lowers his hand to tap, Angle rolls through, but Benoit's still got it on. So Angle rises and Angle Slams him!

 

Pin #9 (by Angle)- 1--2----no!

 

Angle gets to his feet and lowers the straps. Anglelock re-applied. Benoit rolls through and Angle flies face first into the second rope. Angle staggers back and Benoit tries a German. Angle rolls behind and tries one of his own but he's rolled up by Benoit!

 

Pin #10 (by Benoit)- 1-2--thr--no! I could have sworn that was three.

 

Angle gets up and charges at Benoit, who ducks and Germans him. Angle switches behind and Germans him. Benoit switches behind him and Angle is overhead release Germaned! Oh my God! He just flipped over Benoit! Benoit goes to the top rope! Why wouldn't he pin! And...Benoit diving headbutts from 3/4 of the way across the ring! Holy shit! He takes a while to pin and..

 

Pin #11 (by Benoit)- 1--2--noooo!

 

Benoit tries the crossface and Angle rolls out! Angle kicks him in the gut and goes for a powerbomb..but instead drapes his face on the top rope. Angle Slam!

 

Pin #12 (by Angle)- 1-2-NO.

 

Huge pop for that and Angle is in disbelief. "Benoit!" chant. Angle picks Benoit up...Crossface! Angle's gotta tap! Angle rolls through! Angle Lock! Benoit tries to get out and it's almost broken..but Angle keeps it in and now Angle's on his feet. Benoit kicks him off twice, but Angle won't let go! Angle has still got it in. Benoit inches near the ropes, but he puts him in the center of the ring! Oh, shit, he grapevines him! Benoit is screaming and wailing, but Angle's still got it in..and Benoit taps!

 

Winner: Kurt Angle

 

Team Angle carries Angle on their shoulders and there's actually a good pop for that.

 

Angle is helped to the back, and there's a WWE Anthology commercial.

 

Back from the commercial, and Benoit is to his feet. Angle's music stops and Benoit gets a standing ovation. Huge cheers for Benoit, who came extremely close to winning the title. If only he had have pinned after the overhead German.

 

What resulted out of this: Kurt Angle went on to drop the title to Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania, before taking three months off for neck surgery, returning, and winning the title back. This Sunday, he will be trying to regain the Undisputed Title against Eddie Guerrero. Chris Benoit is also in a title match this Sunday. After 12 months of bouncing around aimlessly, he won the 2004 Royal Rumble and is battling Triple H and Shawn Michaels for the Heavyweight Title.

 

My review-  Excellent match. Angle's selling isn't the greatest, but Benoit made it look like he was getting murdered, especially when he was in the grapevine Anglelock. Extremely, extremely good match and I have more respect for Benoit than any person in WWE. Tied for my favourite match of all time. *****

 

Expect RR92 in a few hours.

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If you can spot today's SECRET WORD, you get to pick tomorrow's match! The secret word is hidden somewhere in my review. Here's a clue: it's after #5, but before #14. There you have it.

 

The winner gets to pick tomorrow's match out of the following:

Brock vs. Angle- WMXIX

Michaels vs. Ramon- WMX

Brock vs. Undertaker- No Mercy 2002

Michaels vs. Foley- Mind Games

or

Steve Austin vs. The Rock- WMX-7.

 

Happy hunting.

 

1992 Over-the-Top Royal Rumble

Date/Place- Albany, New York- 1/19/92

Ref- None

Commentators- Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan

The Undertaker defeated Hulk Hogan at Survivor Series '91 under some shady circumstances. After Hogan regained the title, Jack Tunney decided to declare the belt vacant. So the man who wins the 1992 Rumble match will be declared the champ. Also, somebody named Ric Flair was making his big debut up north..

 

Character Related Info: All thirty men are after the title and will toss anybody over to get it.

 

What this match is most known for: Ric Flair winning his first WWF title.

 

The Match: Heenan's having a heart attack already even before Finkel finishes naming the rules for this match.

 

#1 is the British Bulldog. #2 is Ted Dibiase. The bell rings and the two men hop in. They trade forearms to start, but Bulldog gets the advantage and tries whipping Dibiase into the turnbuckle. He elbows up and whipps Bulldog in. He chops him in the corner, and then whips him off the ropes. Dibiase clotheslines the Bulldog and kicks at him. Suplex on the Bulldog, and then a gut-wrench suplex. One more suplex on Bulldog and Dibiase says this is it. He tries sending Bulldog over the top, but Smith stays on. Dibiase thinks he's gone, and turns around into a clothesline that sends him over the top. First elimination- Ted Dibiase #3 is Ric Flair accompanied by Mr. Perfect. Heenan freaks out, thinking Flair has no chance. Flair and Bulldog lock up and Bulldog tosses him down. Poke to the eyes and Flair tosses him into the ropes. It's reversed and Flair is press-slammed. Flair kicks Bulldog out of the corner and whips him into the other one, but gets clotheslined. Flair pokes Bulldog in the eyes and then irish whips him. Flair tries a chop, but gets clotheslined. Flair starts begging and pleading, but Bulldog tries tossing him over the top. It doesn't work, and Flair and Bulldog lock up again. Bulldog beats on him in the corner. #4 is Jerry Saggs of the Nasty Boys. He and Flair beat on Bulldog. Saggs holds Bulldog's arms while Flair punches and chops. They chop Bulldog into the other rope and attempt a double clothesline, but Bulldog clotheslines them. Bulldog tries dumping Saggs, but he stays on. Saggs gets on the apron and mocks Bulldog, but he gets dropkicked off while he's not looking. Second elimination is Jerry Saggs. It's back to Bulldog and Flair, and Heenan uses the classic "This isn't fair to Flair!". Flair starts pleading, but almost gets dumped. He gets whiped into the corner by Bulldog and powerslammed. #5 is Haku. Haku stomps the crap out of Davey Boy. He then holds up Bulldog so Flair can chop him. Haku turns on Flair, but Flair gets the upper hand and starts chopping. Haku chases Flair, and Flair rolls under the bottom rope. Haku piledrives Bulldog, but Haku then gets a knee to the face by Flair. Flair goes back to work on Bulldog, but then gets smashed into the turnbuckle for it. He's then headbutted, elbowed and kicked by Haku, and Haku and Bulldog go back to brawling. Third elimination is Haku. #6 is Shawn Michaels. Michaels gets chopped in the corner by Flair, but Michaels gets the advantage, chops at him and then whips him into the ropes. Michaels superkicks Flair and then gets the crap beat out of him by Bulldog. Bulldog tries dumping him over the top, but he holds on and superkicks Smith. Flair tries dumping Michaels over, but it doesn't work and he's punched in the corner. Michaels is whipped into the corner by Bulldog, who then kicks him and Michaels flies crotch first onto the ropes. Flair kicks at Michaels and at Bulldog and Michaels is almost dumped again. #7 is TITO SANTANA! Tito tries dumping Flair straight off the bat, but Flair holds on for dear life. Tito gets punched a lot by Michaels, who then tries dumping him. Bulldog then tries dumping Michaels as Flair backsuplexes Tito. Michaels is almost gone, and then Bulldog takes on Flair. Flair low blows Bulldog while Tito rams Michaels' head into the corner. Bulldog is almost eliminated by Flair, but he makes it. Tito is whipped into the ropes but hits Flair with a forearm. #8 is The Barbarian. Tito mounts Flair in the corner, but turns around to punches from Michaels. Barbarian tries dumping Smith, but it doesn't work. Michaels kicks the crap out of Tito. Both Flair and Barbarian try dumping Bulldog. Michaels stalls and kicks at Tito. Flair rotates and starts working on Tito, who battles back. Tito then works on Barbarian, while Michaels waits on the second turnbuckle. Tito and Michaels lock up and Michaels comes close to being dumped, as does Tito. Barbarian straddles on the top rope. #9 is the Texas Tornado. Michaels punches at Bulldog, who's in the corner. Tornado punches the crap out of Flair, who then walks forward and falls flat on his face. Bulldog slingshots Michaels into the corner and then  clotheslines him. Tito punches at Barbarian while Flair punches at Kerry von Erich. Tito is almost dumped over by The Barbarian, but manages to stay. Tito kicks at Flair. #10 is The Repo Man! Barbarian continues to punch Tito in the corner while Flair and Michaels work on Bulldog. Tornado and Michaels trade punches. Repo Man inserts himself into the fray. Flair keeps trying to dump Bulldog over. Bulldog holds Michaels while Tornado punches him. Tito is almost tossed through the second rope by Flair. Flair then holds Michaels for Barbarian, who chops at him. Flair rakes at Tornado's face. Flair tries sending him through the second rope. #11 is Greg Valentine. He beats the crap out of The Repo Man and then goes to work on Flair. They trade chops in the corner while Flair falls. Bulldog and Valentine go to work on Flair. Repo Man tries sending Valentine over the top. Tito Santana kicks away at the Barbarian while Michaels is almost sent over the top by Bulldog. Tornado kicks away at Michaels and almost dumps him. Face rake on Valentine by Flair. Flair then kicks at The Repo Man while Michaels is almost gone at the hands of Von Erich and Bulldog. #12 is Volkoff. He goes to work on the biggest threat in the match, the Repo Man. Here's today's secret phrase. >>Today's secret phrase is- "That's not fair to Flair!".<< Reply with your answer, and you get to choose tomorrow's match. Repo Man eliminates someone! Fourth elimination is Volkoff. Wow. Valentine locks Flair in the figure four. Von Erich pounds at Barbarian while Bulldog beats on Michaels. #13 is the Big Bossman. Bossman goes right after Flair, and then beats the crap out of Tornado. Repo Man eliminates another person! Fifth elimination is Greg Valentine. Michaels is almost dumped by Bossman. Sixth elimination is The Repo Man. Monsoon says "Flair's getting hammered"! No, silly, that's AFTER the show. Seventh elimination is Bullog..Eighth elimination is Tornado. Flair is on a roll! #14 is Jake the Snake Roberts..wait, that's Hercules. Barbarian boots Bossman while Snake punches at Flair. Flair is press slammed by The Barbarian, and he then tries slamming Flair over the top. Luckily, Flair hangs on while everyone else is dumped over. Ninth and tenth eliminations- Barbarian and an extremely Jake-looking Hercules. RIP. Flair celebrates, thinking he eliminated the Bossman. Bossman gets eye raked and whipped into the ropes, but Bossman gets in a clothesline. Bossman blocks a punch and hits an awesome kick. Bossman is motivated! Yay! Bossman is gone after a fall over the top. Eleventh elimination- Big Bossman. Flair's the only one left in the ring, and.. #15 is..Roddy Piper!

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(cont.)..Piper lays into Flair with right hands, whips him into the other turnbuckle and back bodydrops him. Flair escapes to the outside, where Piper continues to beat the shit out of him. The crowd is going BANANA! Big 10 punches in the corner, but Flair hits the atomic drop. Doesn't work (Piper has no balls), and he pokes him in the eyes and uses a fireman's carry into an airplane spin. Sleeper hold by Piper. Flair is fading fast. #16 is Jake Roberts. Jake lets Roddy continue to lock in the sleeper, and Flair must be out cold. Jake breaks it up soon, and lays into Piper with punches in the corner. Jake chokes him with his boot as Piper starts to get up. Flair and Jake high-five, but Jake clotheslines him. Jake picks up Flair while Piper slowly gets up. Jake goes for a DDT, but Piper clotheslines him. Figure four on Roberts! Piper kicks at both of them to break it up. Piper punches away at Flair, but Jake locks his arms and Flair chops him. Roberts tries to send Piper over the top. #17 is Hacksaw Jim Duggan! He rushes to the ring with his 2x4, but doesn't use it. He hammers away on Ric Flair, and irish whips him into the turnbuckle and clotheslines him. Snake is almost gone, but he gets back in. Flair continues to get beaten on, but then Duggan switches to Roberts. Piper and Hacksaw start beating on eachother, but Flair distracts Piper. Piper headlocks Flair in the corner, but Flair gets out. Atomic drop by Roberts on Hacksaw. All four men are down. Flair first to his feet, and he and Roddy exchange chops. Old school Piper is great. "This isn't Fair to Flair!" #18 is I.R.S. Snake and Roddy brawl on the floor, as Duggan goes after Irwin. IRS pounds on Hacksaw as both Snake and Flair try to take Piper over. Hacksaw saves him. IRS hammers on Duggan and then starts kicking on Piper. He and Flair do a wishbone sort of move on Piper and then focus on Duggan. #19 is Jimmy Snuka. Piper almost sends Flair over, but Snuka goes to work on him. Duggan gives the thumbs up to the fans..and just waits in the corner. Snuka sends Flair into the ropes and elbows him. Duggan then hammers him in the head. Piper almost sends Snake over, but he rolls inside. Snuka chops at IRS, as Piper chops at Flair. Flair must have been chopped at least 15 times. Piper hooks Flair's nose. That thing is huge. #20 is The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer)! IRS headlocks Piper, but Hacksaw and Piper team to almost send him over the top. Taker knocks Snuka over with one punch. Elimination #14 is Jimmy Snuka. Undertaker chokes out Flair and the fans go bananas. Flair is getting the life choked out of him as Hacksaw comes to break it up, but he gets throat thrusted, and then held by IRS for good measure. Snake continues to try and send Piper over, but he gets eye raked and is NEARLY sent over by Piper. Undertaker chokes out both Flair and IRS. #21 is the Macho Man! He runs in to a HUGE pop, but gets choked by Taker. Everyone just stalls for a minute. Duggan punches at Snake, who eventually breaks it up. Macho Man gets hold of Jake the Snake and beats the crap out of him! He double axe-handles him off the top, and then knees him out of the ring! Elimination #15 is Jake Roberts. Undertaker goes under the bottom rope and drags Macho Man back into the ring. Taker throat thrusts Savage. Is that the only move he knows? Savage goes back out to try and beat on Roberts some more, but Taker and Roberts continue to beat on him. Piper just HAMMERS Flair with left and rights, and then puts him on the top rope to try and send him over. Savage gets his face ripped at by Undertaker. Undertaker's face is hilarious when Duggan tries to send him over. Taker gets the upper hand and attempts sending him over. Flair tries low blowing Undertaker, who doesn't really show much emotion. #22 is the Berserker. HUSS! HUSS! Berzerker hammers on Undertaker. Flair continues to try and send Savage over the top. Undertaker chokes the hell out of Piper and rolls his eyes back. Freaky. Savage is almost suplexed over the top by Flair, but he reverses it and suplexes him back in the ring. Piper and Undertaker choke away at Flair, but Piper gets choked by Undertaker. Flair has surpassed Rick Martel's Royal Rumble record. #23 is Virgil. Virgil goes to work on IRS. Berserker starts beating on Virgil, though. Flair tries getting rid of Duggan, but it isn't working. Berserker's arms are locked by Savage, and he gets punched at by Piper. Undertaker chokes Flair who had just eye raked him. Flair is almost being dumped over the top. It's close. Berserker leans Duggan over the top, as Flair goes under the bottom rope. #24 is Iron Sheik. IRS leans Savage over the top, and he almost goes over. Virgil gets attacked by Undertaker. Iron Sheik starts go get dumed over the top, but it doesn't work. Virgil gets low blowed by IRS. Piper is almost dumped by Flair. The camera view is changed. Piper does the ten punch to Flair, but gets approached by Taker. People in the audience actually scream. Piper's almosttaken over by Savage. #25 is Rick Martel. IRS and Sheik hammer on Piper. Martel tries dumping Virgil. I can still hear Berserker. "HUSS! HUSS! HUSS! HUSS!" Martel tries dumping Flair and even tries to firemen's carry him over the top, but IRS breaks it up. Elimination #16 is Iron Sheik.. Flair is almost dumped over by Martel, who chokes at him some more. %90 percent of this match is choking or punching. Berserker punches at Piper, who reverses it. Undertaker chokes at Savage and lifts him up in the air. #26 is Hulk Hogan! Hogan immediately smashes Flair and Undertaker's heads together, but get throat thrusted by Taker. Undertaker smashes Hogan with the help of Beserker. Rick Martel is sent through the second rope. Martel climbs back through the ring as IRS gets his head smashed on to the turnbuckle by Hogan. Elimination #17 is Undertaker..Elimination #18 is Berserker! Hogan's going crazy. Eliminations #19 and #20 are Virgil and Hacksaw Jim Duggan. They follow up Hogan's entrance with..#27 is Skinner. Oh, yay. FLAIR IS GONE! ..No, he holds on. Heenan's gasping for air. Skinner and Roddy beat on eachother while Savage almost is gone. Skinner tries sending over Hogan. Piper is almost gone. Ric Flair is the all-time record holder now. Piper nearly gets sent over, but he makes it. Flair and Piper still beat on eachother. Hogan gets whipped into the corner. #28 is Slaughter. Flair grabs Hogan's leg and dries dragging him over. Elimination #21 is Skinner. Slaughter beats on Flair. Hogan and Piper start tearing at eachother. The Sarge continues to work on Flair, who just won't die. Savage tries sending IRS over the top, but he continues holding on. Martel is almost gone via Huklster, but Slaughter breaks that up. IRIS gets under the bottom rope, as does Savage who is almost sent out by Flair. #29 is Sid Justice. Sid punches away at IRS and kicks him rapidly. IRS is almost sent over by Sid. Heenan begs that they get the camera on Flair. Flair and IRS double team Hogan with punches. How Flair is still moving, I'll never know. Flair snap mares Hogan, but Sid gets Flair by the head and screams at him. Sid was a huge favourite of mine in '96/'97. Flair takes Sid down, but he does a SHAWN MICHAELS STYLE-KIP UP. WOW. #30 is The Warlord..

Flair goes underneath the bottom rope, where Hogan suplexes him. Sarge punches at Sid. Sid takes Sarge over. Elimination #22 is Slaughter. Sid chokes at IRS. Flair has been in over an hour. Hogan continues work on Flair. Piper gets IRS by the tie! He's sent over! Elimination #23 is IRS. Hogan and Sid double team Warlord and send him over. Elimination #24 is Warlord. Piper beats on Martel..and Sid tips them over! NO! PIPER! Eliminations #25 and #26 are Roddy Piper and Rick Martel. Damn you to Hell, Sid Justice. Sid almost dumps Savage, but gets knee lifted in the back#27 is Randy Savage. Savage, Hogan and Sid are left. Hogan gets chopped by Flair, but beats on him. Flair takes an ugly bump into the corner. Sid watches Hogan, and tosses him over! Huge pop for that! #28th elimination is Hulk Hogan. Hogan and Sid verbally argue, and Hogan tries dragging Sid over. Flair gets up...and with the help of Hogan, takes Sid over! #29 is Sid Justice! *MARKS OUT*

 

Winner: Ric Flair

 

To quote Heenan, "YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES~!"

 

What resulted out of this: Ric Flair went on to lose the belt to Randy Savage. Hogan fought Justice at WrestleMania, which saw the return of The Ultimate Warrior. Undertaker faced the man he teamed with to work on Savage, Jake the Snake Roberts, while of course, HBK fought Tito Santana. And, the Hulkamania era started to die off.

 

My review-  One of the best Royal Rumbles, only beaten (IMO) by 2004. Not very good as a match, but of course, none of the Royal Rumbles are. It's all about the teamwork, eliminations, entries, and the winner. Everything combines to make a good rumble, and this was proof of that point. Ric Flair is THE MAN, but Roddy Piper needs some props too. He was on a roll the whole Rumble, and his interactions with Flair (plus his huge mega-pop entrance) was great. Great work all around. ****1/4 (or ****1/2, I'm split).

[The Mandarin 0]

(ignore)

[The Mandarin 0]

Alright then. I guess multiple choices is too confusing.

 

TOMORROW (PLEASE, PLEASE, VOTE)

 

Brock vs. Angle- WMXIX

OR

Michaels vs. Razor- WMX

[Guest]

Brock and Angle

[theintensifier 0]

Brock and Angle please!

[SamoaRowe 0]

I'd like to order a Brock vs Angle matchup review.

 

Even with the botched SSP, it's one of my faves

[The Mandarin 0]

Three replies! It must be Christmas!

 

One fall- WWE Undisputed Title- Kurt Angle © vs. Brock Lesnar

Date/Place- Seattle, Wash.- 3/30/03

Ref- Brian Hebner

Commentators- Michael Cole and Tazz

 

Brock Lesnar was the next big thing who was the Undisputed champion, only to have his agent, Paul Heyman, screw him over leaving him to drop the title to Big Show. At the next month's PPV, Brock Lesnar helped Kurt Angle win the WWE Undisputed Title from Big Show. Then, Angle revealed his alliance with Paul Heyman. So Lesnar beat the crap out of him. Again, and again, and again. Then Lesnar won the 2003 Royal Rumble. And these two were set to fight. Oh yeah, and Angle has a broken neck.

 

Character Related Info: Brock's a monster..babyface. ..odd. And Kurt's the heel that the fans love to hate, the gold medalist who's better than you.  Heel- Kurt, Face- Brock

 

What this match is most known for: Making Kidman's SSP look good

 

The Match: Staredown to start. This is the main event. Angle gets in fighting mode, and they circle the mat. They lock up and Brock pushes Angle into two corners. It's broken up, and I am scared like hell for Angle's safety even 1 year after. This is MAT WRESTLING, YO. So Angle hooks him, but Lesnar takes him over and then locks him in an armbar. Fireman's carry takeover by Angle who then locks in the arm, but Lesnar gets up, gets Angle in a headlock takeover which Angle reverses into a headscissors. It's almost a pin, but no. Both stall. Lesnar and Angle get readly to lock up again. Angle tries to catch him first, but Lesnar rolls behind and gets a nice takedown in! Too bad I'm not giving out points for this. Angle gets up with the hook still on him, and rotates behind. Lesnar rotates behind in the German position, and then takes Angle down for a headscissors. Angle pops up and then puts Lesnar in a headlock takeover. He continues to put him in the headlock until Lesnar sends him into the ropes and hits a shoulder knockdown. Bring back the mat wrestling, you bitch. Lesnar taunts and holds his back. They wait to lock up and Angle goes for the leg. Lesnar gets behind him with a waistlock and then takes him down. Angle battles out with a elbow to the face and then charges, but gets an armdrag for it. Butterfly armbar, or so Tazz says. Thank you, Tazz. Lesnar picks him up, but Brock is sent into the ropes. Angle knees Lesnar in the gut, and then hammers him on the back. Angle tries whipping him into the ropes, but gets elbowed for it. And then Angle is propped in the corner and recieves a few rams to the gut. -** FOR WORKING WWE STYLE. Lesnar irish whips Angle into the other corner but gets an elbow. Angle charges but Lesnar turns around and powerslams him hard. Don't die on us, Kurt.

 

Pinfall #1 (by Lesnar)- 1-2-shoulder up.

 

Angle staggers up into the corner and gets booted in the gut. Lesnar tries to irish whip him, but Lesnar gets rotated and German suplexed. Lesnar pops up and clotheslines him hard. OH, GOD. STOP. PLEASE. Angle getso ut of the ring and Brock follows him back in. Angle lays into him with boots and punches. Angle punches him once Brock crawls to the corner. He tries an irish whip, but he gets press slammed by Lesnar. Lesnar irish whips him into the corner, but Angle elbows out. GERMAN SUPLEX INTO THE TURNBUCKLE BY ANGLE! Yes! Angle rams his shoulder into Lesnar's chest out on the steel barricade and puts him back in the ring. Angle leans Lesnar over the mat and elbows him from the outside. Back suplex once they're both back in the ring.

 

Pinfall #2 (by Angle)- 1-2-shoulder up.

 

Lesnar staggers into the corner, where Angle boots him pretty low. Angle suplexes him out of the corner.

 

Pinfall #3 (by Angle)- 1-no.

 

Holy crap, a bow and arrow submission! WOW. Looks deadly. Lesnar's face is hideous. I'm sorry Brock, but looking at your face while you were in that submission was horrible. Anyways, Lesnar's starting to fade, but he has enough strength to start ramming Angle in the ribs. Lesnar continues to fade, and Angle changes it to more of a modified camel-clutch. Lesnar's looking to tap, but he starts to get to his feet. Rear chinlock now, and Lesnar gets up with Angle on his back. Angle gets rammed into the corner once, and then twice, and the hold is broken of Lesnar. Lesnar kicks him in the corner, and an irish whip is reversed by him. Lesnar  gets belly-to-bellied out of the corner. Angle taunts. Brock starts using the ropes to get out of the ring. He gets a high knee to the back once, and then the second time is enough to drive him out of the ring. Brock is taken back in the ring, where he hits a Michael Cole specialty Desperation Spinebuster! They take to a 7 count to get up where they both trade knees. Angle gives him a rake to the eyes but Lesnar clotheslines him twice and takes him into the corner where he rams his chest with his shoulder. He whips him into the other turnbuckle but gets elbowed, until Angle walks right into a belly-to-belly suplex! Another one, and then..

 

Pinfall #4 (by Lesnar)- 1-2-NO!

 

Angle staggers up and almost walks into a third, but then gets a german suplex. Takes another one, and then Angle hits the third! He's got him locked in for a fourth, and he hits it! Damn! Lesnar is down and Angle gets up. Angle waits for him to get up and then tries the Angle Slam. Angle doesn't look hurt/tired at all. Jeez. He can't even portray a man with an injured neck correctly, and he IS a man with an injured neck (at this point). Anyways, Angle goes for the Slam, but Lesnar gets out, boots, tries an F-5 but Angle lands right infront of him during the rotation and trips him down and gets in the Angle Lock! Lesnar tries to roll out, but Angle keeps him in a half crab! Very nice. Cole/Tazz sell the ribs of Brock Lesnar. They're not taped, so they can't be hurt! Jeez, is DDP the only man in history who knows how to sell the ribs? Brock gets the ropes and the crowd is pretty much flat. Angle kicks away and then charges, but gets dumped over the ropes. Lesnar stalls, and Angle crawls back in the ring. Angle charges Brock while he lies in the corner, but Angle misses and Lesnar drives his shoulder into the back of Angle. Brock tries an irish whip but gets rotated, and then tries a clothesline. But Angle gets in the back lock..and gets a RELEASE GERMAN THAT FLIPS HIM! Shades of Rumble 2003! Yes!

 

Pinfall #5 (by Angle)- 1-2-NOO!

 

Angle gets up and tries for the Angle Slam. HE HITS IT!

 

Pinfall #6 (by Angle)- 1--2--no! WTF? That should have killed him.

 

Cole sells it as the first time anybody has kicked out of the Angle Slam. HAHAH, Cole, you so crazy. Angle tries AGAIN! But then Brock trips him for an inside cradle.

 

Pinfall #7 (by Lesnar)- 1-2-no.

 

Roll out of the cradle for the F-5! It hits! Lesnar takes 6 seconds to pin and..

 

Pinfall #8 (by Lesnar)- 1--2--2 3/4--NOO!

 

That's the first time somebody's kicked out of the F-5. Lesnar just picks his limp body up, but Angle's playing possum. He locks him in the Angle Lock! Wait..GRAPVINE! Oh, it's done now, homeboy. Lesnar drags HIMSELF, AND KURT and makes it to the ropes. Angle tries to relock him in the hold, but Lesnar kicks him of him. Angle takes time to get up and walks around into a F--small package!

 

Pin #9 (by Angle)- 1--2--no!

 

Angle tries the Slam AGAIN (what's that, #6?) but Lesnar rolls off. F-5! Here comes the cover..and..Lesnar stalls. Wait, what is this? Lesnar stalls and goes to the top rope. What the hell is he thinking. He gets up to the top..and..OH SHIT. HE'S DEAD. HE TRIES FOR A SSP, BUT MISSES IT AND LANDS VERTICALLY. Oh, he's dead. No question. So Angle moves while Lesnar still looks dead.

 

Pin #10- (by Angle)- 1-2-no. Oh, thank God, he's still moving.

 

Yes, Angle "rolled out of the way of the SSP". Angle tries for the Angle Slam AGAIN (by the looks of it), which is more finishers attempted than in ANY OTHER MATCH IN HISTORY, I believe. He gets an F-5.

 

Pin #11- (by Lesnar)- 1-2-3.

 

Winner, and *NEW* Undisputed Champion: Brock Lesnar

 

What resulted out of this: Angle took three months off for neck surgery, but he's had to have more recently which may lead to his retirement. Lesnar dropped the title back to Angle when he returned, who dropped the title to a heel Lesnar, who dropped the title to Eddie Guerrero, who retained his title vs. Angle. All things come full circle. ..'cept for the fact that Lesnar's trying for the NFL now. Word.

 

My review: Very nice mat wrestling to start off with. Just a sidenote, if you turn up the volume, you can VERY clearly hear/see them calling the spots. But anyways, I loved this match. Lesnar sells EVERYTHING. This match could have used more offense by Lesnar, like some damn submission holds. But Lesnar just hits him with kicks and clotheslines, and Angle has the same blank expression on his face the entire time. The whole time, I don't recall any damn grimacing or anything. It was still very, very good and probably the best in their series. ****1/4

 

TOMORROW:

 

A unique twist, as two SmackDown: Here Comes the Pain! matches are up for review.

 

Ten Minute Iron Man Match- Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

OR

Big Show vs. Smaffles, a CAW bear wearing a pimp suit and a top hat (if anybody wishes, I have the CAW instructions for this pimpin' bear)

 

Vote, homeboys.

[theintensifier 0]

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero: 10 minute Ironman.

[Guest]

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero: 10 minute Ironman.

[Brocklock 0]

Show/Smaffles the Wrestling Pimp Bear

[SamoaRowe 0]

Smaffles has my undivided curiosity.

[The Mandarin 0]

Here's the deal: You get both!

 

One fall- Smaffles vs. Big Show

Date/Place- Yo' Mama's House- 3/18/03

Ref- Brian Hebner

Commentators- Nobody

 

Smaffles the Pimpin' Bear is the forgotten Uncle of the Bernstein Bears. Also cousins with the Masturbating Bear and the Charmin Bear, Smaffles the Pimpin' Bear wears a top hat and pimp coat while on his way to the ring. Big Show took it upon himself to get rid of this bear for good, and this match was signed. It's 7'2, 500 pounds vs. 7'4, and a lean, mean, 800 pounds (although he doesn't look it).

 

Character Related Info: Smaffles is loved world-wide for his pimping bear ways. And the Big Show sucks.  Heel- Big Show, Face- Smaffles

 

What this match is most known for: 1300 pounds of HOSS in the ring.

 

The Match: Big Show tosses a right that misses, and Smaffles knees him low. Smaffles connects with right hands, and they trade blows. Bulldog by Smaffles! Smaffles picks Show up, but he hits him in the groin. Smaffles gets chopped over the top and is sent to the outside. Show follows and nails Smaffles in the face. Smaffles and Big Show trade places as Show goes backside and comes back out while Smaffles is getting back in. Once they're both inside the ring, Show tries to lock up but Smaffles decks him in the face. Smaffles just lays into him with right and left hands and knocks his 500 pound ass down. Smaffles hammers on his head while he's on the ground. This is ugly. Smaffles kicks at him. WARRIOR SPLASH~! WTF?!

 

Pin #1 (by Smaffles)- 1-ropebreak.

 

Smaffles charges at him but Show hits a NICE russian leg sweep. Show picks him up and just CHOPS him. Oh, that was loud. Smaffles fights back! Punches, and double axehandles do the deed. Show punches..HE'S HULKING UP~! Smaffles wags his finger at him and blocks a punch. Smaffles tries a headlock and gets elbowed. Show slaps again. Show and Smaffles trade punches. Smaffles ith a knee to the gut. TEST OF STRENGTH! Smaffles makes him his bitch and puts him in a headlock. Ropebreak. Smaffles whips Show into the ropes and charges at him with a shoulderblock. Whip into the ropes.. BIG BOOT! Headlock on the ground. Smaffles punches Show right in the face and tries a german..Show gets out and powerslams him hard. Show picks him up and chops. Smaffles hammers back and knees him in the groin. Smaffles hammers him on the back and takes the turnbuckle off! He hulks up again and Show is dazed! Side russian legsweep by Smaffles, but Show gets up with a clothesline that puts Smaffles' chest in the yellow. Show tries picking Smaffles up but he breaks free. Show's head and chest is in the yellow! He hulks up AGAIN! Smaffles with a headlock that goes nowhere. They trade kicks, punches and chops until Show puts him in an elevated choke. Oh no! Showstopper chokeslam!

 

Pin #2 (by Big Show)- 1--2--NO!

 

Smaffles is still alive! Whip into the ropes and Smaffles points the finger! Side russian legsweep that puts Show's head in the orange! Backbreaker by Smaffles. He picks Show up and gets chopped! Smaffles' torso is in the orange! Irish whip and a knee to the gut. Show tries picking Smaffles up but gets stopped. Chop by Show and then a headbutt. He picks Smaffles up again and headbutts him again. He tries picking him up again..no dice! Smaffles with a back suplex! Legdrop! He pulls Show to the middle of the ring!

 

Pin #3 (by Smaffles)- 1-NO.

 

It's anybody's game now. Kick to the gut and an irish whip that sends Show to the corner. He charges the corner but gets booted by Show. Abdominal stretch! Show tries picking him up, but Smaffles kicks him off. Boot to the face by Show. Chop that puts Smaffles in the red! No! No! Smaffles fights back! Clothesline! Come on, Smaffles! Big elbow drop! Another one! Headlock applied and he picks Show up for a straight punch to the head! He picks Show up, he elbows out! Final Cut!

 

Pin #4 (by Big Show)- 1--2--(EXIT GAME)

 

Hell naw, this is my game. Smaffles ain't goin' down to some overpaid bitch.

 

One fall, NO DQ- Smaffles vs. Big Show

Date/Place- Yo' Mama's House- 3/18/03

Ref- Brian Hebner

Commentators- Nobody

 

Character Info- SMAFFLES IS ONE PISSED MOFO.

 

What this match is known for: BIG SHOW GETTING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM.

 

The Match:

 

It's on Easy difficulty now, no longer SmackDown! difficulty. Smaffles has five specials to start out with, while Show has none.

 

Smaffles rolls to the outside! He gets a sledgehammer and wraps it around that bitch's melon head! Smaffles whacks him in the ribs repeatedly! Big Show is in the yellow! Big Show goes over the top and Smaffles follows. Smaffles with a chair, now and WALLOPS Show over the head. Smaffles nails him while he's down, and Show gets up. Smashed again over the head, and then Smaffles picks him up and drives his throat onto the chair, again and again and again! Smaffles picks him up..Mandible Claw! Show instantly taps out!

 

Winner: Smaffles

 

What resulted out of this: Smaffles quit the wrestling business and now runs a Waffle House outside of Delaware. Big Show never fully recovered from his injuries.

 

My review: DUD. But at least Smaffles won, that's all that matters.

 

AND

 

Iron Man Match (10:00), NO ROPE BREAKS- Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Date/Place- Smart Mark's Dream World- 3/18/03

Ref- Brian Hebner

Commentators- Nobody

 

Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero are both the shit. That is all.

 

Character Related Info: Well, you obviously know them both.

 

What this match is most known for: Being awesome

 

The Match: Benoit bounces off the ropes. Eddie misses a dropkick. Benoit with a punch. Eddie with a headlock but gets elbowed out. Vice versa. OH MY GOD, ALL THIS ACTION AND IT'S ONLY 9:47! They grapple and Eddie takes a MANLY punch to the face and just crumples over. Benoit picks him up..jumping armbreaker! Benoit with a leg clamp. Eddie doesn't tap. Benoit tries to pick him up, but Eddie rolls out of the way. Chop by Benoit twice..DDT! Very nice. Benoit with the diving headbutt..MISSES! Benoit gets up and takes a knee to the chest. 9:09. Eddie punches and tries a kick,but Benoit spins him around. Benoit tries a kick, Eddie spins HIM around! Benoit with a clothesline, Eddie does an amazing roll out of the way and hits a huuuge elevated dropkick! Eddie with a running senton! Eddie picks him upand they grapple. Benoit breaks it up. Eddie with a series of punches and a dropkick. Benoit gets up and punches him down. Benoit picks him up and rolls behind..flipping german! Benoit picks Eddie up only to get irish whipped into a turnbuckle. Eddie charges, and Benoit reverses a kick. They grapple. Benoit looking for a crossface?! No, Eddie rolls and Benoit locks on an armbar right beside the ropes. Remember, no rope breaks. Eddie's selling the arm and then takes a series of punches to the head. German by Benoit. Another, no, Eddie flips over and tries one of his own. Benoit elbows out, only to get a knee. Benoit with an irish whip reversal. 8:02. Eddie reverses something Benoit was trying, and gets a nice takedown armbar! Benoit chops him and Eddie almost falls out of the ring. Eddie going for a reverse hurricanrana? No, DDT. Eddie with a headscissors, Benoit won't tap. Eddie has it in for a while. Benoit gets up and just crunches his ribs. Benoit with a whip into the corner...CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Will Eddie tap?! ...Will he tap? No, he refuses. Cover!

 

Pin #1 (by Benoit)- 1-shoulder up!

 

6:44 and Eddie is sent into the turnbuckle. Eddie reverses and tries a dropkick only to get a nifty back suplex. SHARPSHOOTER~! No, he won't tap. Eddie's back and head are in the yellow. Eddie gets up and takes him down with a dropkick. Eddie locks the headscissors back on..Benoit says no. Eddie whips Benoit into the ropes. Dropkick. German suplex attempt, Benoit elbows out. Vice versa. Eddie with a knee to the gut and then Benoit with one of his own. Benoit misses a chop and is irish whipped into the turnbuckle. Benoit boots out of the corner, german suplex bridge!

 

Pin #2 (by Benoit)- 1-2-kickout.

 

5:11 left. Eddie is up first and the two pace the ring. Eddie sends him into the ropes and hits a nice dropkick. Surfboard stretch ? Damn. Eddie lifts him up on his shoulders and stretches him. Eddie walks on Benoit's face! Eddie gets up only to have Benoit dump him out of the ring. Benoit follows next. 4:27. Eddie is rolled back inside and then whipped over again! But Eddie holds on to the ringapron, only to be tossed back in. Benoit stands him up..german suplex bridge puts Eddie's head in the yellow!

 

Pin #3 (by Benoit) 1-2--------(huge stall by ref!)--no.

 

Eddie punches Benoit in the face...DDT that gets Eddie a special. Eddie with the cross armbar into a pin thingey he beat Rey with earlier tonight.

 

Pin #4 (by Eddie)- 1--2--no.

 

Eddie picks Benoit up and kicks him in the gut. It's reversed again and Eddie gets kicked in the gut. Series of punches by Benoit and then a HUUUGE chop! First chop of the match! Benoit with a leg clamp. Benoit's dangerously close to a special. Punch that puts Eddie chest first against the turnbucle and Eddie's head in the orange! Eddie's head and torso are in the orange! Tree of woe! Benoit chokes Eddie with his foot. Benoit drags him down and goes up top! Don't do it, idiot, he's too close! Diving headbutt MISSES! I told you. He picks Eddie up, IT'S 3:11. Damn. Still tied at 0-0. Benoit with a suplex and then picks him up. ROLLING GERMANS! 3 of them! Sharpshooter attempt is KICKED OFF. Benoit with a kick to the gut, its all him now but Eddie still has a special. Eddie whips Benoit into a turnbuckle and charges! He almost germans the ref, distracting him! CHEAT TO WIN! Eddie with the monkey flip from the top! Benoit's in the middle of the ring! Go for the Frogsplash! No, Eddie charges with an elbow that misses. 2:35! 2:35! Eddie misses a dropkick and Benoit hammers him in the face. Benoit with a takedown. Benoit with the armbar! 2:15! Will Eddie tap? Benoit picks him up and kicks him in the gut. Irish whip into the turnbuckle. German suplex! Eddie flips over! 1:55 and Eddie is on the offensive! Lasso from El Paso! Will Benoit tap? Will he? 1:37 and Benoit won't tap!

 

Pin #5 (by Eddie)- 1---2---NO!

 

Benoit's up! 1:31! Benoit kicks him in the gut but Eddie reverses! Come on Benoit! Get in the crossface! Eddie ounches and then a rollup!

 

Pin #6 (by Eddie)- 1-2-no!

 

This is amazing! 1:11 left! Inverted atomic drop on Benoit! Eddie tries a punch, misses, Benoit with the flipping german~! Benoit's INCHES away from a special! 55 seconds left! COME ON BENOIT! Dropkick to Eddie! German again! HE'S GOT THE SPECIAL! 45 seconds! He runs over to Eddie and elbows him! Armbreaker! Shit, you idiot, get him in the crossface! 38 seconds! Eddie's head is in the red! He picks Eddie up..and Eddie reverses! Kick by Eddie is reversed! Here it comes!

 

HE DOESN'T GO FOR THE SPECIAL! 28 seconds left and HE DOESN'T GO FOR IT! The special logo was flashing and everything! You idiot! German suplex on Eddie! 23 seconds! Put him in the damn crossface! Dropkick misses! Eddie's still down! He's out! He's out!

 

Pin #7 (by Benoit)- 1-NO!

 

This is frigging instense! 14 seconds! KICK! SPECIAL FLASHES AGAIN! BENOIT REFUSES TO PUT HIM IN THE CROSSFACE! Benoit whips him into the turnbuckle! It flashes AGAIN! And he doesn't do it! Idiot! 6--5---GERMAN SUPLEX!--4---3--2--HE DOESN'T PIN!--1--

 

Winner: DRAW

 

What resulted out of this: I'm hyped and pissed at the same time.

 

My review: Oh, shit, that was amazing. Eddie's at least 12 points lower than him in the stat range, but still put up an AMAZING fight. Benoit's torso was orange at the end, while Guerrero was completely red. This match had so many nearfalls, I thought that was it MANY times. Benoit's selling was damn good (even for a computer video game) and matches like this is why I love SmackDown: Here Comes the Pain. ****1/4

 

Well, it was fun, but it's time for some real reviews now.

 

I may do another Benoit/Eddie soon to find the clear winner. That was so frigging amazing. I pressed replay for another one, but didn't recap it. Benoit won 5-0 ()

 

TOMORROW:

 

Mick Foley vs. The Rock- 1-4-99

OR

Mick Foley vs. Undertaker- King of the Ring 1998

 

Vote, please. After getting four of them yesterday, I'm simply as giddy as can be.

[theintensifier 0]

Mankind vs. Rock 1/4/99.

 

Great reviews man. I want to see a rematch of Benoit/Guerrero on Super Star with maybe a longer time limit.

[SamoaRowe 0]

I'd like to see Rock/Foley as well.

[The Mandarin 0]

One fall, No Disqualification- WWF World Heavyweight Title- The Rock © vs. Mankind

Date/Place- Worcester, MA- 1/4/99

Ref- Brian Hebner

Commentators- Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole

 

The Rock sold out to Vince McMahon and The Corporation to win the WWF Title in the Deadly Game tournament. Mankind, Mick Foley was screwed over by Vince in the finals. They had a rematch at the Rock Bottom PPV, and Foley was screwed there, too. He finally gets his rematch tonight. D-X has his back vs. The Corporation tonight.

 

Character Related Info: The Rock is the cocky heel who sold out. Mick Foley is a funloving lunatic who's gone through cells and flaming tables for us. Rock- heel, Foley- face.

 

What this match is most known for: Mick Foley finally wins the big one.

 

The Match: The Rock jumps Mick Foley from behind and beats him with punches until he falls through the ropes. Ken Shamrock looks to go after Mankind, but Rock stops him. It's noted that this match is no DQ. Rock punches some more and tries to slam Foley's face onto an announce table, but Foley reverses and slams his face down. Mick with punches that send Rocky running. Mick bites at the head while Rock leans on the security wall and then grabs him by the head and drags him out to the front of the ring, where he tries an irish whip into the stairs. It's reversed (of course) and Foley goes legs first over the stairs. God, his kneecaps must hurt after all these years. Rock lays in the boots and punches while Foley rests on the security padding. Rock picks up part of the stairs and SLAMS it into his back. Then while one half of the stairs lays on his head, he picks up the other one (how much do those things weigh?) and drops it onto the one laying on his head. Jeez. Heel Rock owns you. Rock picks Foley up. "Rocky sucks!" Rock suplexes Foley on the outside. Then he steals Michael Cole's headset and commentates! YES! I didn't know he got on the headset in this match. Markout time. Rock drinks some water and looks to spit it into his head but Foley decks him in the face and then jumps over the announce table and HAMMERS Rocky. He slams Rock's face onto a chair and gets on the headset! "Mankind's looking real good!" He turns around into a bell shot that DINGS loudly. Oh, shit, that was insane. Rock chokes Mankind with the wires. Rock puts him onto the announce table and climbs up. Rock Bottom! Oh, holy shit. Rock sends him down and Foley CRASHES through the SIDE of the announce table. It's still standing. God, that was sick. Rock picks Foley up and rolls him back into the ring. Rock kicks at Foley's head and then punches. Foley falls.

 

Pin #1 (by Rock)- 1-2-no.

 

Michael Cole gets back on the mic. Shit. Rock chokes Mankind's head on the ropes. Foley gets punched and then side russian legswept.

 

Pin #2 (by Rock)- 1-2-no.

 

Mankind gets his head rammed into the turnbuckle and gets irish whipped. He gets punched and then irish whipped into the other turnbuckle. He charges and Foley elbows him. Foley with an ugly looking takedown. Foley decks Rock in the head and is irish whipped into the ropes. Rock with a WEAK looking elbow. Body slam! CORPORATE ELBOW~! It hits.

 

Pin #3 (by Rock)- 1-2-shoulder up!

 

Foley gets up and is irish whipped again. Rock tries for a back body drop but gets a neckbreaker. Foley is distracted by the Big Bossman. Foley turns around while the ref is distracted..and gets a title shot to the face! Yow. Why was the ref supposedly "distracted", though? It's no DQ.

 

Pin #4 (by Foley)- 1-2-shoulder up!

 

Rock with one more title shot..it misses! Foley drops the belt and there's a Double Arm DDT onto it! Foley climbs over for the cover!

 

Pin #5 (by Rock)- 1-2-shoulder up.

 

Foley gets up..and drags out Mr. Socko! Rock turns around and gets it in the craw. THERE'S A SUSHI X SIGN IN THE CROWD! YES! Mankind gets nailed in the back with a chair..and Billy Gunn goes after him. GLASS SHATTERS~! Holy shit, the crowd goes NUTS. That's the lowdest I've ever heard a crowd through the TV in YEARS. Steve Austin runs down and gets the chair left in the ring and WALLOPS Rocky! Mankind is dragged on top of Steve Austin!

 

Pin #6 (by Mankind)- 1-2-THREE!!

 

Winner and NEW Heavyweight Champion: Mick Foley!

 

Mick Foley is the champ!

 

What resulted out of this: Foley and Rock traded the title back and forth until Rock jobbed it to Austin at WMXV. Foley and Rock would become tag team partners later that year until his retirement.

 

My review: Basic, yet fun match. It wasn't good at all, wrestling wise, but it was damn entertaining. **3/4

 

TOMORROW:

 

THE BIGGEST MATCH REVIEWS YET.

 

Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat- WrestleWar '89

 

OR

 

Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair- I Quit

[SamoaRowe 0]

Flair/Steamboat

[Guest Real F'n Show]

Flair/Steamboat

 

That HCTP stuff inspired me to try something out like that myself. God I love this game. I did Benoit/Angle vs. WGTT, it went like 15 minutes with Angle pinning Shelton with the Angle slam. **** video game match.

[theintensifier 0]

Flair vs. Steamboat.

[The Mandarin 0]

Oh, shit, I forgot about this.

 

Updated tomorrow, for sure.

[The Mandarin 0]

One fall, One Hour Time Limit- NWA Heavyweight Title- Ricky Steamboat © vs. Ric Flair

Date/Place- Nashville, Tenn.- 5/7/89

Ref- Er, uh..

Commentators- Jim Ross and Gordon Solie

 

So basically Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat have been feuding over the title in some of the greatest matches ever seen to man. Yeah.

 

Character Related Info: Ricky Steamboat's the nice guy, while Ric Flair loves to get wasted and gamble. Steamboat- face, Flair- heel

 

What this match is most known for: One of the best matches ever.

 

The Match: The match is really put over to start, saying if it does go to one hour, the judges will decide who is the winner. Shit, yo. Both men pace the ring and they lock up. Flair pushes Ricky into the ropes. They lock up again, and Flair gets an arm drag. Flair tells the ref Steamboat pulled his hair. They continue to pace the ring, and they lock up again. Flair puts him in a headlock and is sent into the ropes. Flair gets in a shoulder knockdown and bounces off the ropes again, only to be hiptossed. Arm drag into an armbar. They trade slaps in the corner and Flair falls down. The ref stops him from beating the crap out of Flair. Flair whoo's. They stall, and they lock up again. Flair powers him into the corner and chops twice. Sounds bad. Punch to the jaw, and they trade chops. Ricky gets the most chops in until Flair just DESTROYS him with a chop. They go back and forth and the crowd is damn hot. Flair falls out of the ring after a (broken) back body drop. Flair lays down on the floor and starts to get up. Flair stalls for time. Ricky tries to go after Flair but the ref stops him. Ricky is the only man to ever make Flair submit, supposedly. Flair and Ricky lock up again, and Flair gets him in a headlock. Ricky tries to break it up and there's a overhand test of strength. Flair's getting overpowered and eventually falls. Ricky with an armbar, and then knees the shoulder. Steamboat continues to punish that arm. Flair starts to get up and whines. Flair sends him into the ropes only to get a shoulder knockdown and then an armdrag back into the armbar. Workin' on that arm, yep. Flair gets him up and is put in a hammerlock. Flair trips him with a drop toe hold, but gets put back in the arm bar. Oh, shit, he hooks the arm. Half nelson, sorta, and Flair starts to get up. Flair chops the shit out of him and sends him off the ropes. Steamboat crawls under the legs and puts him in a chicken wing? type maneuver. Flair gets up and pulls Ricky's hair. Flair with a forearm shot to Ricky's head twice. Ricky stumbles out of the corner and gets another one that knocks him down. Flair chops him and puts him in the corner. Flair with a right hand in the corner. Flair works on the head and neck. Ricky battles back with chops. Almost a slap-like chop there. Right back to the armbar. Armbar, and Ricky flips over. Shit. Ricky with a bridge, but stops it. Ricky gets picked up in an airplane spin position and is set on the top turnbuckle. Flair covers up so Ricky can't any top rope maneuvers. Ric slowly backs out but Ricky jumps over the top and axehandles him and dropkicks him over the top. Ricky tries to fly onto him on the outside but the ref stops Steamboat. Ricky pulls the ref out of the way, but the ref comes back to stop Steamboat from attacking. Ric crawls back in the ring. Flair and Ricky look to tie up again once Flair is back in the ring, but Flair kicks. Flair tries sending him over the top, but Ricky gets in an arm drag and then the armbar again. Ricky continues to work on the arm, twisting it. I must say that Jim Ross is amazing on commentary at this point. What happened? They bounce off the ropes and Flair is knocked down. Flair with a high hip toss and Flair gets MEGA heel heat. Why? Flair tries for a big elbow, but gets taken back down with an armdrag and more working on the arm. Flair sends Steamboat into the corner and slumps down. The ref makes Ricky break the hold, almost, but Ric comes back and rams Ricky's ribs with his shoulder. Flair with chops while Ricky leans on the ropes. Ricky gets chopped and then then gets punched and knocked down. Steamboat is leading in points. Flair with chops in the corner, but Steamboat starts to chop back. Flair with an eye rake and a football tackle. Steamboat is sent outside, but he rolls back in and he's PISSED. Chops by Steamboat and then the ten punch in the corner. Irish whip into the other corner, Flair takes it as only he can do. Flair gets punched while he's upside down. Flair with the football tackle, and then sends him over the top rope. Some woman starts pushing Steamboat, trying to send him back in the ring. Hilarious. Ricky starts leaving the ring and then KICKS Ricky RIGHT ON TOP OF THE HEAD. Holy shit, that was vicious. Chop by Flair sends Steamboat over the guardrail. Flair tries to use a chair but the ref stops that. Steamboat is leaned over the guardrail backwards, and then elbowed in the face. The fans love Ricky. Flair rolls back out and they trade chops over the guardrail. Flair runs back into the ring, and Steamboat with a huge hammering blow off the top! Flair Flop of Doom! Flair's face gets rammed onto the mat and Flair is irish whipped into the turnbuckle. Flair slides over and starts running for the other turnbuckle but gets the SHIT chopped out of him. Back into the armbar in the middle of the ring. I think Steamboat drives a few fingers into a pressure point of Flair's arm. Flair just has his arm locked now, and Flair is knocked down by Steamboat. Steamboat bounces off the ropes and tries to dive on Flair, but Flair moves out of the way and Steamboat flies out of the ring. Steamboat is leaned backwards over the top and is elbowed by Flair. Flair chops him and takes him over the top rope. Big knee drop. Steamboat leans on the bottom rope and then uses the top one to get up. Flair drags him while he holds onto the top rope, and drops him. Steamboat keeps getting up only to be chopped. Flair chops him some more while he leans on the second rope. Back suplex by Flair.

 

Pin #1 (by Flair)- 1-2-no.

 

Pin #2 (by Flair)- 1-2-no.

 

Pin #3 (Flair keeps trying to press the arm/shoulder down)- 1-2-no.

 

Pin #4's and 5 are the same. Steamboat keeps getting the shoulder up.

 

Knee drop onto Steamboat's face by Flair. Flair has a hold on Steamboat's hair. Double arm suplex!

 

Pin #6 (by Flair)- 1-2-no.

 

Flair gets up, frustrated. Elbow drop onto Ricky.

 

Pin #7 (by Flair)- 1-2-no. Flair gets a handfull of hair and chops. Ricky is sent into the ropes and almost chopped, but ducks. Flair is almost dived onto, but gets caught and neck draped over the top. Ric tries a pin, but is too close to the ropes. Flair and Steamboat trade chops. They go to the outside, and Flair suplexes Steamboat on the floor. The votes are tabulated, and Steamboat is losing by two points. But it's still 4-2 Steamboat on points. Flair tries another suplex, but Steamboat gets behind him. Steamboat with a rollup!

 

Pin #8 (by Ricky)- 1-2-NO!

 

They immediately get up and Steamboat chops. Flair is sent off the ropes and just TAKES Ricky over the top. That's the fastest I've ever seen Ric move. If there's a double countout, it will go to a judges' decision. Flair catches his breath and Flair goes to the top. Flair, of course, is taken off the top. Will he ever learn! Ricky intimidates Flair and he's starting to scare ME. Chops, and then a ten punch. Flair gets whipped into the other corner, and then a back body drop. Ricky with a dragon pose, and Flair whines. Flair tries a back suplex, and is rolled up again!

 

Pin #9 (by Ricky) 1-2-NO!

 

They get up and trade chops, but Flair eye rakes him. Flair is set onto the top turnbuckle by Steamboat and is chopped. Flair is superplexed over the top rope! JR starts selling Flair's back instead of the arm. Steamboat tries the double chickenwing, but Flair hooks the ropes with his foot. It's broken up and Flair is knocked down. Steamboat goes to the top and comes down with a hammer right onto Flair's head. He goes up again, but Flair bounces off the ropes and knocks him to the outside. Steamboat may have hurt his leg! Oh, shiat, son. They stall and Flair catches his breath. The score's still 4-2. Steamboat is really hurt, and of course, Flair targets the leg . Flair suplexes him back into the ring. REALLY nice vertical suplex. Steamboat continues to hold his leg. Flair picks up the leg and looks to be going for the figure four. Flair tweaks the leg, and then puts him in the Figure Four. Might be over right here. Steamboat's screwed. His shoulders are down!

 

Pin #10 (by Flair)- 1--no.

 

He continues to lock it in.

 

Pin #11 (by Flair)- 1--2--2 3/4--NO.

 

Steamboat is dead. Flair's sitll got it in..but Steamboat gets the ropes. JR says "They're not out here to rock and roll music". Shoot, brotha. Flair puts him in the corner and chops. Flair holds on to Steamboat's leg while he chops back at him, but for everything Steamboat does, he gets hammered in the leg some more. Enziguri! But Steamboat's leg is shit, and he tries a slam. His leg gives way, and

 

Pin #12 (by Flair)- 1-2-3!

 

Winner and NEW NWA Heavyweight Champion: Ric Flair

 

Flair is given the title and then shakes hands with Steamboat. Steamboat limps out of the ring and waves to the fans. Fireworks go off for Flair, and that's all she wrote.

 

What resulted out of this: Flair gets the shit beat out of him by Funk after the match, and they go on to have an I Quit match.

 

My review: Amazing, amazing match. This is my first time watching it, and I knew Flair was going to win, yet was shocked at the ending. Just everything about it was good, and it's obviously an all-time classic, and it's the third match I've ever rated five stars. *****

[The Mandarin 0]

Oh yeah, this thing. Whoops.

 

 

TOMORROW:

 

More HCTP Wrestling!:

 

Submission Match- Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero

 

OR

 

Iron Man- Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle