Spicy McHaggis 0 Report post Posted March 24, 2004 I'm getting into writing poetry and wondered if there were others that wanted to post their poems and get feedback... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper 0 Report post Posted March 24, 2004 Ahh, what the mutherfuck...I'm game. Lets gets to the postin. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spicy McHaggis 0 Report post Posted March 25, 2004 I'll break out the love poem later... instead here's one inspired by my grandpa: My Trees My trees sit just outside my picture window. They are my constant, my link to God's nature, Greeting me as I wake to the break of day, Sending me to sleep when the sun goes away. From their beauty, my eyes will never avert The calming vision that forever will show. The tree is my own personal picture frame. Our roots, setting the stage for those who follow, With rings, marking trial and tribulation Helpless to dry this soul of jubilation. Our branches, shelter of the fragile below, With greenery, vibrant life that won't be tamed. Changing gloomy shadow to relaxing shade, they please. I will never forget their wonderful sight, my trees. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper 0 Report post Posted March 26, 2004 I'm not punking out Spicy...I'll have time to post tonight. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spicy McHaggis 0 Report post Posted March 27, 2004 Any time, Rip. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Angel_Grace_Blue 0 Report post Posted March 27, 2004 I was quite bored one day, so I figured, "Why not write a haiku?" Granted, it's not quite in the traditional style of love of nature and whatnot, it's got the core element of a 5-7-5 syllable count. Here goes. Would you please tell me, Were you touched by an angel, Or by an uncle? Sadly, I doubt it'll get published. I've written many more, which have gotten mixed reviews, and I might post some later. Or not! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper 0 Report post Posted April 1, 2004 This is long so I will split it in two parts, and will explain what it was about at the end. Lie to Me Tell me you love me Let them be the truest wprds you have ever spoken Let them be warm and from your heart and mind Let them form a bond never to be broken Let the survive the good, bad, happy and sad times. Look at me Let it be a look of acceptance of all of my faults my past present and future mess ups and mistakes let them be the eyes of joy..eyes that know I have taken to heart all you taught about Life, Love, Joy, and pain...and what making our love last will take. Talk to me Your eyes...um..Your eyes are like a picture, which we know speaks 1000 words. And your face can speak in volumes...wheter curled in fits of anger, jubilation, or when times are bleek. But your words will validate everything I think...or make my thoughts seem abusurb... I could wrong from the 1000 words or the volumes your face speaks. But nothing soothes my soul more than when you...well..when you speak. They also say that silence speaks volumes...but silence doesn't have the sweetest voice like..sweet like...um...nevermind...just.. Touch Me No..its not what you think. Not every touch is meant to be the spark of physical passion. I need you to touch me so that I know that you are there. So that I know I did not create you in my mind...some image of perfection that could never be real. You are too perfect for owrds. Too perfect for HIM. To perfect for even me. Did I create you in my mind? I need you to hold me when you are happy...in your moments of happines and sorrow...or just hold me because you can. Let it be more than a touch of physical attraction...touch me because you need to know that I am real. Hopefully I have treated you with so much love. So perfectly that you have to touch me to see if I am real. I have treated you too good to be true. To good to be...be...let it..... Let me stay in my dreams See I can ask for any or everything from you. To let this be true...to let that be so. But in reality I know that it isn't real. I never has been...never will be. But let me dream at least. Let me have those few seconds of confusion. Those few seconds where reality is suspended and I can truely beleve that I could ever be touched, looked upon, spoken to and loved the way I want. Let me...just let me... Let me be AWAKE I can't. I can't do it. They are dangerous you know? The dreams. That world where everything is how I want it. You making me happy and me making you feel everlasting joy. Its dangers and damaging because it make sreal life that much more to bear. Lonliness is hard enough without apparations of joy constantly reminding me of what life could be with you. How my life could be if you weren't so...so shallow. I can treat you better than him...I am so muchg better than him. Why can't you see that? It's the dreams that make me feel so much more alone. They make me feel like I have lost something that I have never had...you... Don't...don't touch me.. Do you think I am so pathetic that I need your touch despite your feelings...or lack of them...behind it? Well...I might be, but its too much. I'll just keep wanting it to be more than what it is...more than just a by chance happening and not the need to feel my flesh. I am flesh you know. Am I even flesh to you? Am I even a man or just comfort in skin for you. and opposing viewpoint in a warm body. Do I matter to you or am I just convienance with a soul? With each touch the moments of confusion grow longer and longer and I start to believe. I start to believe more and more that maybe there is a chance when we both forget the truth. But it will never happen. I will never be good enough in your eyes. How can I not be good enough for YOU. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper 0 Report post Posted April 1, 2004 Don't talk to me Because no matter what you can say, I will only hear what I want...and it hurts. Every word you say...in my mind I have a answer, a rebuttal, a reason why you are wrong and why you should be with me...a speech that I have practiced over and over...peices of my very being broken off with every word. And I know your response. I have heard it over and over again. With my words I save you . I have saved you hundreds of times in hundreds of ways, but only with my words. Each time I was a little smarter, each word a little more romantic, and you would believe and I would save you...save you from a life of mediocity...save you from a life with him. But it never is real. You speak to me and...and the speech starts in my head like a trigger, but instead of the hundreads of outcomes that I have envisioned...I will just stand there. I will hear it in my head and feel the pain that comes with my dreams not coming to fuition. I made up the speech..my speech...to save you from pain...free my self of it...but now all it does is burn. Don't speak. Don't make me feel it ever again because I don't think I can take it..don't speak. Don't look at me. You see, in my fantasies you look at me and I can see a look of acceptance, love, attractions. the same passion that I have in my eyes for you . The same passion you have in you eyes at the mention of his name. I can see how you look at me...the disgust...the lack of caring...oh you lie and claim to see no fault in me, but don't...just don't lie to me. Don't corrupt my vision of your perfection with you dishonesty. I can see you wondering "how could anyone ever love HIM? I know I couldn't...could never love something so...so ugly." You know every bit of me...all my heart and all my soul, yet you never have looked at me with the same passion that you do with complete strangers. Don't look at me. Or look away. Or shut your eyes. Then maybe I can pretend that I am...what am I trying to say...adequate...Yeah..adequate enough for you. How an you be so shallow? How can a stranger affect you more in seconds than I have in all these years. Don't Look at me. your stares will only burn holes in my hears. Just the thought of knowing that you will never tell me the words...it kills me. And with one look in your eyes...one look and I can see you never will tell me. Tell me you Love me. Even though you don't mean it. Even though I know you could never truely mean it. i know that you might not be able to force yourself to. I know it is not true, but the words...those words...the ones where I can pretend all my dreams are true. I need them. They are my salvation. I can look past your passionless touch...your repulsed eyes...past your empty words. All I need are those 3 words. The ones where I can pretend to be a man. The kind of man that could make you happy. The can of man that you could reall...the kind of man that you deserve. I watch and listen as you freely tell others the words. SCUM that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as me...I mean...us. You are so much better than them and so am I. Is the thought of me that horrible? Am I so ugly that the thought of me...just the thought of it...so horrible that for a moment you can't pretend to care. you can't give me one moment of joy? Can you ignore the truth...Ignore whats real? For Me? Please...Lie to me. Okay, this ISN"T about me. Everyone always thinks that. I wrote this about a guy who has a BIG crush on his friend and decides to write her a love letter to impress her. As you see, it started off with that cheesy love shit, badly written...that was ON PURPOSE. But as you read through the thing, you can see he goes from hopeless romantic, to obsessed to just plain psychotic with a humoungous ego. The only fault that he finds in the man that she loves is that he is supposedly better than. My goal was to make people feel sympathy for him at first until the end where they just plain wouldn't like the guy. I wrote it as a monoluge...a good audition piece that allows you to show a range of emotions. I like it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 A few that will probably end up on my demo this summer. The Final View Of The Light And so the sun went supernova And the children pleaded for more The air is thin down here while we await the tornado of fire We are suffocating bound and gagged by the blinding flash Earthquake of fear preceeds the quaking of earth suffocating breathe of lives ending and ash On this day the earth went black New day rises but all is still Nothing remains The end of existence And so the sun went supernova and the children pleaded for more the air is thin down here while we await the tornado of fire We are suffocating Bound and gagged we create our final curtain call choking on the lives and pain we leave behind As the sun goes supernova Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 -Over Desolate Fields- Flight over desolate fields Stark blue reflections shine as the night awakens the northern lights Visions of heaven lie frozen and still Compressed under the darkest palette of a failed existance Hierarchy of man forsaken now Gods and kings become one within me Eternal blight of winter To sterilize the world of mortal weakness Flight over desolate fields By nightfall more will fall under the mat of frost The cold winds freeze the bones of the elder ones Now is the time to claim my final victory Flight over desolate fields Purge the world of the weak and the foolish Forevermore I am the only strength I am the final truth Eternally... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 -The Transcending Speed Of The Downfall- At the moment of the fall there is no hope for us Take pride in ourselves for following the wrong path The foolish evocation of retribution as it is known And praise the disorder as thousands multiply Collapse of all logic, descent of the race is perpetual The flame has been snuffed and together they pray Plead with them for forgivness No one will answer it where we have gone In the instant of thought We have sent it away Disappearance of remorse following funeral processions... With no chance to ever retake the world We fall to our knees, give to the earth no tears Turn away with shame in your heart It cannot be stifled, we don't have the ability We don't have the power to open the cell This is the the transcending speed of the downfall We will allow it to evacuate our will No time for reaction, in the instant of this thought It cannot be changed, we don't have the power. We are gone...we don't have the power Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Fire and Knives Report post Posted April 2, 2004 There will be comments on all of these poems here by tomorrow night. K. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 These are awful. Just like the ones in the last "poetry" thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted April 2, 2004 Non-Harmonious Dander Particle Your sinuses fucked by jagged legs of animals you cannot see. Crawling through your mucus, they cum histamines. Secret Government Invisible Flying Cars The shadow passed over us many summers ago, no birds or clouds. Not a single atmospheric obstruction. Poor construction to a sudden conclusion Unknown function bred confusion. Observation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted April 2, 2004 I'll kiss you when I'm done puking You have the prettiest smile. Zantor He's the dark lord Crowley forgot about, He's Lavey's daddy I just made him up. God Bless. Thirty Year Old Resin 30 year old resin, 30 year old resin. We smoked some of it. It tasted like shit. It turned our fingers black. This licks sack. 30 year old resin, 30 year old resin. 30 year old resin, 30 year old resin. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermortal 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 Lost souls, Driven by another. Sail the seas of gore. A gunshot here, Mutilation there, Your War-time art project. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 These are awful. Just like the ones in the last "poetry" thread. My monolouge kicks various sized and shaped ass, thank you very much Missy. Ripper - My own fan if no one else is since 1979 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spicy McHaggis 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 Us We build our spirits on trust With all the love we can send, And on approach of the end Our focus falls upon us. He expects no thought of return For the love he generated. At commencement of the fated, His focus falls upon her. She never reveals on a whim Feelings and pressures of her heart. The moment she gives them a start Her focus falls upon him. We give to life what we must, As we deal with circumstance. But when time gives us a chance, Our focus falls upon us. I grow discouraged but renew, At the sight of your face I rejoice, And brighten at the sound of your voice. My focus falls upon you. You always delight to see The presence in which I give A place that is sensitive. Your focus falls upon me. We build our spirits on trust With all the love we can send, And on approach of the end Our focus falls upon us. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spicy McHaggis 0 Report post Posted April 2, 2004 These are awful. Just like the ones in the last "poetry" thread. Care to share some of your poetry? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
godthedog 0 Report post Posted April 3, 2004 These are awful. Just like the ones in the last "poetry" thread. Care to share some of your poetry? i was wondering the same thing. speaking of the "holier than thou" attitude, i guess i'll contribute something... Why I Am Not a Poet Line breaks Don't interest Me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted April 3, 2004 Mine rely more on delivery.. Especially "I'll kiss you when I'm done puking." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2004 Care to share some of your poetry? i was wondering the same thing Not really. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted April 4, 2004 Care to share some of your poetry? i was wondering the same thing Not really. Who are you to criticize anyone if you're not even willing to share any of your work? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bruiser Chong 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2004 She's MARNEY McGOVERNMENT, DAMMIT~!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2004 Who are you to criticize anyone if you're not even willing to share any of your work? Someone with education, taste, talent, accomplishments, and precisely zero need for self-affirmation from a teenager I'll never meet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spicy McHaggis 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2004 Same here. 'cept I also don't care what criticisms I get from an insecure, lesbian Republican who's too afraid to match up with my kick-ass poetry. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Fire and Knives Report post Posted April 4, 2004 She's also right. With the exception of GOdrea's haiku, "Zantor", and the third verse of Thumbtack's "Downfall" poem. I like "Why I Am Not a Poet" whether it's serious or not, too. I'm interested to hear Marney's take on the Beats. K. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2004 I'm interested to hear Marney's take on the Beats. Ginsberg, Kerouac et al? I loathe them to a "man." Their citation of Blake as an inspiration once almost turned me off him, and I love Blake. Kenneth Rexroth is about the only one commonly (though not entirely accurately) included among them that I can stand. He was practically the only one who respected and loved language, and he was a real artist with it. Comes through in every line. Ginsberg wasn't worthy to lick his shoes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2004 'cept I also don't care what criticisms I get from an insecure, lesbian Republican who's too afraid to match up with my kick-ass poetry If I see any, I'll let 'em know. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Fire and Knives Report post Posted April 4, 2004 I'm interested to hear Marney's take on the Beats. Ginsberg, Kerouac et al? I loathe them to a "man." Their citation of Blake as an inspiration once almost turned me off him, and I love Blake. Kenneth Rexroth is about the only one commonly (though not entirely accurately) included among them that I can stand. He was practically the only one who respected and loved language, and he was a real artist with it. Comes through in every line. Ginsberg wasn't worthy to lick his shoes. I expected as much. Glad to see that somebody else doesn't fawn over everything Ginsberg ever touched and manages to express it in an intelligent fashion without saying 'dude' or 'rad'. I'm not quite as vitrolic as yourself - I do think epics like "Howl" and "Moloch" deserve some respect, and I won't lie and say my own poetry wasn't informed by their subject matter and style at all - but I definitely think the place of the Beats in modern poetry is far from deserved. Are you at all familar with d.a. levy? He's often lumped into the Beats by those that do know him because his style is similar to theirs, but he's usually much more coherent about his Buddhism and his politics than Ginsberg managed to be outside of "America" and "Birdbrain!". You might have a field day reading his early work with concrete poetry; I'd be interested to hear your take on how things (I haven't decided whether or not to call it 'art' just yet) like "The Tibetan Stroboscope" or "Comments on the Acid Landscape" relate to your concept of respect and love for language. K. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
