Storm Comments

[Guest D. Lucretia]

Holy Shit! I won!

[janusd 0]

Congrats on the win, Austin~!

 

Zenon's not a happy camper and later in the show we got bone-chilling confirmation in the form of one Nathaniel "Silent" Kibagami! Woooooo! Silent's back! Of course, he lost to Clark and probably wants to murder the entire population of a random third-world country because of it.

 

The House of Todd manage to sneak one over Flesher and Annie!

 

Danny beats Grappler!

 

I continue my ridiculous iron-clad takedown streak by defeating Toxxic in the strap match to get the ICTV title! Double champeen, baby! Woooooo!

 

Discuss the show. \m/

[Guest Fire and Knives]

Let’s take a page out of Danny’s book for this one, shall we?

 

Kibagami vs. Clark

 

The attempt at dramatizing the beginning of the match flat-out sucks; most of the description is either cliche or completely irrelevant to the match.

 

“This aerial display suddenly degenerates into a battle of style versus form as the picturesque style of Alan Clark's leap into the air meets head on with the smooth form of the bottom of Kibagami's right foot. Alas, form easily triumphs, sending style crashing down like a heap of bricks in the shape of a disfigured mannequin.”

 

Next time you want to say something close to ‘springboard dropkick’ or maybe ‘kicks him in the head’, try using the words ‘springboard dropkick’ or ‘kicks him in the head’. Drama is only appropriate in certain places and at certain times; overkill like this only serves to devalue your writing unless you’ve spent eighteen months or so building to said dramatic writing.

 

The crowd going silent is totally inappropriate, seeing as Kibagami and Clark have had all of one match against each other and there is absolutely no history between the two that would inspire this kind of awe-struck reaction. Regardless of how over Kibagami is, he is still fallible, as evidenced by his many losses; the crowd wouldn’t fall into a hush because he kicked a cruiserweight one time.

 

“This is one of those moments that could play out in a movie. The drama is astounding, it’s so powerful it’s just giving me goosebumps.”

 

Spelling it out for the reader doesn’t make it acceptable, either.

 

Why Kibagami no-sells Clark’s early strikes is beyond me; the stats I sent you and the gist of the entrance promo and the fact that Mark let him back in the fed and the drug-related retirement angle I ran and the fact that I’m not using the Silent aspect of the character seemed enough explanation to me. Perhaps I should send you a postcard next time.

 

Oh, you used the Silent name two paragraphs down. I guess that makes it okay, then. I don’t understand why Riley is rooting for Kibagami three minutes after his gigantic nostalgia face pop. The brief attempt at spot-fu wrestling that leads up to the Fall From Grace tease is needlessly back and forth, and Kibagami going for his finisher this early when he has three or four signature moves that can put Clark away is equally masturbatory. I’m sure the neckbreaker counter would be very pretty if you had the vocabulary to describe it properly; “variated saving grace of a neckbreaker” would be stupid even if “variated” was a real word. Trying more unnecessarily dramatic prose in the middle of a rollup attempt is stupid. I would try and find a nicer word, but it’s really, really stupid.

 

“His anger seems to burn a little too brightly, as burn marks later turn up in pictures from this moment of the match...”

 

I would like to take this time to apologize to Thoth for ever thinking the phrase “bluer than blue” was stupid.

 

There’s no reason to repeat the missed lariat; the superkick would’ve been fine after one of them. Kibagami is not Kurt Angle. He can transition with other things. Beginning the leg psych is flat-out retarded; the futility of attacking Kibagami’s legs is almost as much a part of SWF canon as his bad neck. Avoiding the Fall From Grace (as if it should be a bigger concern than the Demonstar, since he’s apparently Silent in this match) could be much better accomplished by working the arms, or perhaps the back. The back that more than half of Clark’s moveset is tailored to – or did he switch to one of his ‘multiple personalities’ and you just forgot to tell the reader?

 

Kibagami can no-sell strikes, but he’s hobbling after basic knee work on the steps? A dropkick suddenly “sends a tidal wave of pain coursing up and down Kibagami’s body”? Next time you change your mind mid-match, do it towards the end so it’s not so painfully obvious. Clark smiling at Kibagami’s pain and slapping him is not only completely ridiculous considering their respective positions in the fed (you even acknowledge this yourself with the legend commentary), but it runs directly counter to the face pops you give Clark moments before and after. If Randy Orton had less charisma, poorer ring psychology, and piped-in heat, this is how he would wrestle.

 

“Alan holds his neck as he gets back to his feet, causing the announcers to begin to speculate the problem.”

 

Why point out that the announcers are speculating about it when you are actually writing the dialogue where they speculate one line down? This screams “I’m inflating my word count!” and adds approximately nothing to the match. A regular DDT and the Dragon DDT are not enough for anybody’s neck to be ‘like liquid’; if you wanted dueling limb work, you should’ve started it in the beginning of the match, where it would’ve made sense. As it is, the dragon sleeper doesn’t deserve the three paragraphs you give it, and it certainly wouldn’t have had everyone in the back enthralled as to whether or not Clark will break it.

 

The finish of this match is worse than a flash pin when Z is marking. Why in the name of all that is good and holy in this world would Kibagami’s knee buckle after the absolutely minimal leg work Clark did after Kibagami no-sold several of his strikes? I scrolled back through the match twice because I was convinced that I had missed something and nobody would try and write a believable submission finish involving Kibagami’s legs after putting over his currently downplayed no-selling in the beginning of the match and doing next to no work on the two limbs Kibagami has that are actually strong, but you did. For whatever reason, you did. If you wanted to create a sense of drama and history, maybe you should’ve played off the back-related submission Clark got in August instead of pulling things out of your ass.

 

The touchy-feely happy “Clark gets validated” ending made me cry for all the wrong reasons. Melodramatic prose works only when you use it sparingly. I realize that I said this already, but you seem to be too enamored of the concept all of a sudden to pay any attention to what you’re writing, so I think it bears repeating.

 

I’ll just go ahead and post mine in a minute.

 

K.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

I see your points.

 

Honestly, my original plan was to work around a countout ending. When I got the PM about that little pre-match 'promo', it gave me 5K to work with (instead of the 3.5K or so that I was planning (with the rest for entrances and all of that), so I didn't want to build for 5000 words and end with a countout. I wasn't really trying to write to win. I was more trying to write to see if I could actually write in that kind of style.

 

Apparently I can't, but you can talk to King about it. I wasn't very optimistic about getting a win, but since i've been on such a downturn lately, I was more using this more for practice.

 

I'm as shocked as everyone else.

[chirs3 0]

Apologies for the lateness of Johnny/Aecas. I could swear I sent it in this afternoon, but I didn't. Which is weird, because I know that I did... even though I didn't.

 

... yeaaaa...

 

[Guest Aecas]

Well well well.

 

Very well done to Austin, told ya you could do it didn;t I?

 

Congrats to Johnny as well nice match man.

 

Todd and Maddix beat Flesher and Annie and Clark defeated Kibs. Damn I was really surprised when I read the result of these two, bur they were good matches all around so very well done to the three of ya.

 

Stryke retained which is good for him

 

Janus finally broke Toxxic's winning streak so now he's a double champ. And considering our next match he's most likely to become a single champ again

 

And Danny beat the Grappler! Though I think most people were expecting this one it was a damn fine match out of Danny as always, though I am VERY eager to read what Grappler wrote for this one as well. I can see this match as being very very close.

[Toxxic 0]

OK:

 

Nice promo to start off with, and I'm still not quite sure who this person is who's coming in. It COULD be Tryst - but the reference to "clean" makes me think it could be Crow, and the reference to only Edwin makes me think it could even be Kibs... hell, I don't know enough history.

 

Austin vs Jake: Good match, decent psychology to working on the shoulder even if it never went anywhere - but then again sometimes you have to abandon one line of attack if it's not working. The REF BUMP~ made an appearance, and Sly came over well as a sneaky cheating heel. Only on criticism - the big long blocks of text were slightly daunting to read - perhaps try breaking them up into smaller paragraphs?

 

Johnny vs Aecas: some good commentary moments especially (and that's not a slur on the match - I love reading other people do Comet and Riley). A good match, although perhaps a little to focused on Johnny as the Face In Peril when Aecas is just as big a face and can take a hell of a lot more damage. But still, big pops to Johnny - in WWE-land this would have earned you a tag title shot...

 

Stryke vs Edward James: Eddy at least has an excuse for no-showing this time, it being cranial damage... good match, but I wish just once that a triple impact match wouldn't be stacked against one person. Sacred/Spike had the "Roll The Joint" as the signature move, this had a powerbomb - why is it that the match that wins always has one of the other person's sig moves as the move in question?

 

Dace vs IL: And Dace's squash wins the match. Gotta love the non-kayfabe comments from Riley and Comet on these occasions.

 

HOLY SHIT! IT IS SILENT!

 

Clark vs Silent: And Clark beats him! What the FUCK!? My only comment.

 

MVS is back! Which is always good.

 

House of Todd beat the Superior Ones! Just like I said. AWESOME match.

 

...And I lose the ICTV Title. Fuck.

 

And Danny beats Grappler - go Deathwish!

[King Cucaracha 0]

Anyone else think Kibs is unhappy at losing?

 

Congrats to Clark...you'd better carry on and beat Johnny.

 

Big congrats to Austin on his opening match win, which for an opening match was particularly impressive. Props to Johnny for his match, and to Stryke for an impressive match despite Flik's forced no-show.

 

Dace's match was...well...odd. That's all I say.

 

Toxxic loses, and everyone's jaws drop. I know mine did. Congrats to Janus who's on a friggin' role suddenly.

 

Danny's match was great, and proves that he's back with a vengeance.

 

 

As for my match...kudos to Todd, and huzzah to myself. One of the few matches I've sent off being pleased with. Hopefully it was enough of a 1980's style tag match to make everyone happy.

[janusd 0]

Toxxic loses, and everyone's jaws drop. I know mine did. Congrats to Janus who's on a friggin' role suddenly.

If this roll carries me through the triple threat on Lockdown, MY freaking jaw will drop. (Y)

 

Oh, and a question for Toxxic, did I get your character right in my match, considering he's a 'rule abiding' heel and the match was no DQ? Oh, and you BETTER be selling that arm next show, beeyotch.

[The Ill One 0]

Yeah I should really stop no-showing... all I did was skim the very last move of Dace's match. Oddly enough I was gonna end my match -that I intended to write- with a backdrop driver from the top turnbuckle through a bundled barbed wire covered and thumbtack filled "light tube table." But ah well. Anyway, good show, big congrats to Janus and Danny.

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Silent...Kibagami... whatever the hell you want yourself to be called...

 

 

Next time you review a match... Use one of mine!!!

 

 

I want to see a good ripping