Rawknight 0 Report post Posted April 20, 2004 OK The story is this. I really couldn't be arsed to write a heel vs heel match,so I thought I'd writie a comedy match. I couldn't stretch it past 2K without my head exploding so with about 2 hours to go I gave up cos I knew Toxxie was showing (If he wasn't a straight edger I'd buy him a pint on friday for that) However what we have here is Me in So high concept it's low concept mode. And you woulnd't get THIS form the Maori... Oh yeah Said ISN'T a comedy character, but like Jinesi Shinzaki he's totally capable of wokring a comedy match... just because. Comet: OK Robert, we have an interesting match coming up now as the relative newcomer Toxxic faces a man with even less experience than him, making his full SWF debut – The mysterious Senegalese Frenchman Said. Riley: With Chris Card Managerial Services in his corner, Said looks like one of the must hit propects in this federation. Toxxic however came out of nowhere to dominate opponents federation wide! Thumping bass beats and samples fill the arena as the theme from La Haine – “La 25ème Image” by Iam and Daddy Nuttea starts up, and red, gold and green lights flare, lighting up the entranceway and ring in the pan-African colours. “C'est la 25ème image et elle s'inspire de vos carnages C'est la 25ème image, choisis bien ton personage…” Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for ONE fall, introducing first and making his official SWF debut… Weighing in at 225lbs, accompanied by Chris Card Managerial Services… from The Planet Mars… SYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED Images of social waste and deprivation fill the SmarkTron, showing the poverty, crime and depression as it affects the immigrant communities in southern France, cut with Said chilling with his homies back in the Bainlieux and shots of the rap collective IAM rapping. As Akhenaton starts the first verse up, Said enters through the gate and bounds, shuffles, dances and leaps his way down to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and posing in the center of the ring. Behind Said, the ever sneering muscular form of Chris Card and the shapely gothic figure of Natasha take their own separate slow walks to the ring. Comet: I wonder who the money behind Chris Card actually is. Comet: Probably someone with evil intent. I mean who would choose CHRISTOPHER CARD but someone who wanted a job done… Riley: Right? Comet: …with no moral scruples. The heavy guitars of Lostprophets’ “We Still Kill The Old Way” kicks in, and the words “Prepare To Be Proved Wrong” flash up one after another on the Smarktron, jagged white letters on a black background. The picture then cuts to footage of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome, the landing timed to coincide with... GO! ...two red pyros going off either side of the entrance way and the Smarktron showing a close up of Toxxic’s face smiling his distinctive lopsided grin, a shot that cuts to further clips of the Toxxic Shock’s matches. Funyon: And from Nottingham in the United Kingdom... Accompanied by Jet… Weighing in at 218lbs, the Straight Edge Sensation… TOOOOOOOOOXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!!! As the main riff hammers out through the speakers Toxxic comes out towards the squared circle, shirt hanging open, visibly worked up for the match and accompanied by Jet. He stops a short distance from the ring, cracking his neck and talking to himself before rushing it, scaling a ringpost and making the Straight Edge symbol to the crowd. “So here we go again, another time but it feels the same, got sick of waiting here Set sail on concrete waves, no survivors left to say too late for the living dead...” Jet and Natasha eye each other up suspiciously as referee Anthony Michael Hall checks both men for weapons (and is vaguely surprised that neither is carrying any). Card and Natasha talk strategy in Said’s corner while Jet leans back against Toxxic’s. Referee Hall orders seconds out and Toxxic and Said walks to the center of the ring, eyeing each other up carefully. Comet: OK this should be an interesting matchup. Toxxic has proven that though he never breaks the rules, his evangelism in clean living, the moral values to which maybe we should all espouse a little, he’s not the most popular with the fans at the best of times. Riley: Whereas Said is hanging around with Chris Card and Natasha, neither famous for their adherence to ANY moral code at all. And good for them. Cagily Toxxic and Said circle round each other. Toxxic offers a lock up but Said refuses by moonwalking backwards, swiveling his hips, snapping his fingers and throwing his head back, sending his dreadlocks flailing and falling back precisely into place. Said smiles as a wave of screams comes from the women in the audience. Natasha gives a little round of applause of her own. Riley: Said may not be popular with everyone, but busting moves like that makes him popular with the ladies. Back to wrestling position again Said offers Toxxic a lock up, and the Straight Edger… LOOKS AT HIS IMAGINARY WATCH TO REFUSE THE LOCK UP! Crowd: ¡OLÉ! Toxxic offers a lock up and Said feigns to accept and… BODYPOPS LIKE A JOLT OF ELECTRICITY HAS BEEN SHOT ACROSS HIS ARMS B-BOY STYLE! Crowd: ¡OLÉ! Said offers again, but as Toxxic feigns accepting he… POINTS TO A SPOT IN THE DISTANCE AND LOOKS AWAY! Crowd: ¡OLÉ! Toxxic offers again and Said looks again like he’s going to accept but quickly… PULLS HIS HANDS AWAY INTO THE MOTHERF**KIN’ JOHN TRAVOLTA DANCE FROM PULP FICTION!!!!! Crowd: ¡OLÉ! Said offers again and Toxxic... LEANS ON HIS SHOULDER IN A RELAXED FASHION!!!!!!! The pair back off and pull into fighting stances like an Indy wrestling standoff!!!! Riley: May I ask what in the hell is going on? The crowd let out a huge chant of “TOXX-IC! TOXX-IC! TOXX-IC!” so Said responds by rolling out of the ring and feigning like he’s walking away to the back! Some of the smarter fans in the crowd (Including the Unnamed fans in their jet black shirt, same place relative to the ring as they are at every show. Where the Craven Section used to be.) spot what’s going on as the chant dies down and they start a chant for “SY-EED! SY-EED! SY-EED!” Said pulls an uber-stylish Jackie Fargo strut and rolls back into the ring… …AND TOXXIC ROLLS OUT OF THE RING AND STARTS WALKING AWAY!!! The crowd stop the Said chant and start chanting “TOXX-IC! TOXX-IC!” again and TOXXIC pulls off a Jackie Fargo strut… ending in yet another catalogue pose!!! Toxxic rolls back into the ring and the pair do the indy standoff again!!!! Comet: I have NO idea! Toxxic offers a lock up AGAIN but this time Said waves him off… AND POSES LIKE A BODYBUILDER SHOWING OFF HIS CHISELLED SENEGALESE PHYSIQUE! Natasha claps again as the females ooh… so Toxxic counters with THE FULL HOGAN POSE SEQUENCE! THE SKY POINT! THE FLEX! THE CUPPED EAR! The crowd goes insane, Jet jumps into the air and claps wildly for her man as the crowd cheer and.. THE WRESTLERS DROP INTO THE INDY STANDOFF AGAIN!!!!! Riley: Oooooooooooookay…. Annoyed by Jet’s cheering, Natasha walks round the ring and grabs hold of the dreadlocked diva, slinging her roughly into the ring under the bottom rope. Chris Card throws something bundled up into the ring which Said goes to collect as Natasha picks up Jet and BITCHSLAPS HER ACROSS THE FACE! The crowd boo.. so Jet bitchslaps Natasha right back! Now it’s Toxxic’s turn to jump up and down, pantomiming like he’s a cheerleader. Jet takes Natasha down with a hair pull and dives on, taking the full mount position. Natasha counters into the guard using her martial arts training and drags Jet in tight, looking to roll the position! Comet: Ladies and gentlemen we have a…. Natasha gets the counter and rolls Jet over! Jet rolls with the move and the girls roll over again! Said unfurls the object from Card and sits on the bottom rope… READING THE NEWSPAPER TECHNICAL PERFECTION JUST THREW HIM!!!! The girls roll over again, hair pulling and bitch slapping in an overly pantomimed manner… Comet: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!! Referee Hall gets down to mat level to try to separate the girls and… somehow gets caught in the middle of the bundle! It’s a big rolling Referee sandwich as the girls counter and re counter across the ring! Toxxic sneaks across the ring and bounces on the second rope behind Said, trying to glimpse the sports pages, but the Frenchman counters by forward rolling into a kneeling pose, STILL with the paper unfurled! The women finally untangle themselves as referee Hall pops up… COVERED IN TWO SETS OF LIPSTICK PRINTS! Meanwhile Toxxic LEAPS from the ropes and grabs hold of one of the paper’s supplements!!! Said looks up stunned, Toxxic checks the sports results, both men throw their bits of newspaper away and DROP TO ANOTHER INDY STANDOFF!!! Comet: These two wrestlers are laughing it up this evening Riley. Riley: I’m not sure they actually actively dislike each other. I mean why should they? The fans aren’t really fans of either of these two men. That’s hardly a good recipe for dynamite. Maybe the fans paid to see a fight, but these two grapplers are deciding to… well to show off. Damn them. FINALLY the pair take up a test of strength in the middle of the ring and Said muscles Toxxic backwards fast, allowing the young Englishman to show off his flexibility by bridging backwards and taking as little pain of the move as possible. Toxxic slides down and through Said’s legs, prising his hands free of the knuckle locks, and with the pair briefly back to back, Toxxic reaches round and looks for a reverse neckbreaker, Said drops to his knees to prevent himself from being taken down, flipping Toxxic over him with a snapmare, but Toxxic over rotates to land on his feet and snaps off a quick front dropkick to the face of the kneeling Frenchman! Said flies across the ring and takes to his feet again, giving Toxxic a little round of applause. Comet: Toxxic again showing impressive agility here. Riley: He’s a hell of an athlete, that’s for sure Comet. Toxxic charges straight for Said and goes for a waistlock, switching up quickly to a back waistlock. Said tries to fight clear and manages it briefly with a pair of back elbows to Toxxic’s head, but the Straight Edger counters quickly, backing off away from Said’s reach and sending the Frenchman staggering with another snappy dropkick to the back! Said staggers off the ropes and Toxxic blasts a nice big solid left hand into the Frenchman’s face. Said looks rocked by the blow so Toxxic fires in his second move of this combination… the right. Another left. Another right and Said is staggering as Toxxic winds up, like a pitcher on the mound and… SAID RIPS TOXXIC’S HEAD OFF WITH A MASSIVE CLOTHESLINE OF HIS OWN!!!!! Said: BLAU!!! Comet: You think Said was expecting that move coming? Riley: Well duh. Faking being stunned is an OLD SCHOOL rule breaker trick. That’s what you get for being managed by an old school rule breaker like Technical Perfection. Taking a full five seconds to climb slowly to his feet, grinning insanely. The cocky young superstar, the SWF’s hottest young talent Said: JANUS!!! Riley: Janus? What the? Toxxic slowly clambers back to his feet… and gets totally ROCKED as Said sends him staggering across the ring with a mere punch… well not a mere punch.. maybe more of a Comet: KNUCKLE BOMB?!? Toxxic takes a LONG while to get to his feet, far too long than it would take for a normal punch and as Said jukes and jives, Ali-ing it up, Toxxic stand up and lets out a cry of… Toxxic: DANNY!!! …before sending Said FLYING with a massive elbow smash! Said drops to the mat, but Toxxic scoops him up quickly and hits a VICIOUS German Suplex! The crowd pops for that and Jet again bounces around playing cheerleader!! Said stands again, looking a little dazed and Toxxic grabs a firm hold of his arm, flinging the Senegalese Brawler into the ropes… Comet: DANGEROUS GERMAN! Toxxic is channeling Danny Williams! How in the hell can Said top that? …but Toxxic misses a loosely thrown clothesline and Said rebounds with a NOT UNREASONABLY NASTY, PRETTY DAMN VICIOUS, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED FAIRLY EVIL, DAMNIT HE WAS TRAINED BY THE GUY SO YOU IT SHOULD BE EXPECTED THAT HE CAN THROW A DECENT LAAAAAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Toxxic drops to the mat like a stone and flops around with the D-VON DUDLEY OLD SCHOOL DYING HADDOCK SELL… then pops up and the pair do the… wait for it.. INDY STAND OFF!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Suicide King Report post Posted April 21, 2004 Where is the love, people? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ace309 0 Report post Posted April 21, 2004 In teh BUTT. I personally loved this match, but what's to comment on? It had me in stitches, is all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rawknight 0 Report post Posted April 21, 2004 Well.. if i don't get ANY feedback - even just little "wow this was worth reading" I dont't know whether it's worth trying this sort of thing again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dace59 0 Report post Posted April 21, 2004 You know I've already read it and found it halarious. Not a serious match at all, but great comedy...even thouhg you just stole it completely. You did admit that, so no matter. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Goodear Report post Posted April 21, 2004 Totally worth ready, yes indeed. But what it really needed was... INDY STANDOFF! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted April 21, 2004 *adopts indy standoff in respect* What more can I say, except maybe ¡OLÉ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toxxic 0 Report post Posted April 21, 2004 I gave up cos I knew Toxxie was showing (If he wasn't a straight edger I'd buy him a pint on friday for that) How many times? Toxxic is a straight-edger, I am not. OK, so I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. Doesn't make me straight-edge. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rawknight 0 Report post Posted April 22, 2004 I am jYe... 100% jagged edge. And my body may be falling apart, but I'm too pissed or stoned to care Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
