Things you learn from the movies...

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

 

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

 

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

 

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

 

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

 

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

 

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

 

8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

 

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

 

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

 

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

 

12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

 

13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

 

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

 

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

 

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

 

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

 

18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

 

19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

 

20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

 

21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

 

22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

 

23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

 

24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

 

25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

 

26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

 

Credit: Ehacked.com

[Guest Fook]

27. When viewing a 3-D image on a computer, you can rotate it simply by rapidly pressing random keys.

[Highland 0]

Sad. Cliched, and true.

[2GOLD 0]

28. No many how many times a dead person will not go down from a shot to the chest, the supposedly well trained soldiers will continue to shoot them in the chest until they are killed by the zombie.

[Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20]

- Keep the snake in it's cage aka NO SEX when a serial killer is on the loose. In horror movies, the young couple have sex, the young couple dies.

 

Better to live a virgin, then not live at all.

[eiker_ir 0]

30.- if a deadly invincible killer is trying to kill you, and you get to shoot him and he falls, instead of keep shooting him, you first gotta check if him to see if he's dead.......and of course he isn't.

[razazteca 0]

31. Most kung fu masters are superheroes and have the ability to fly.

[Placebo Effect 0]

32. If the heroine manages to, say, knock out her assailant with a pipe, she will run away (knowing full well that he'll eventually wake up) instead of breaking everyone of his orbital bones while he's down.

[Guest Fook]

33. If the hero is shot by the villain, it will always be in the leg or arm, never in a vital body part.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

34. A Serial Killer suffers from brain damage when attempting to kill the final person alive.

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

35. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

36. If you are dying, the bitch who left you a half hour earlier will come back.

[Exslade ZX 0]

32. If the heroine manages to, say, knock out her assailant with a pipe, she will run away (knowing full well that he'll eventually wake up) instead of breaking everyone of his orbital bones while he's down.

30.- if a deadly invincible killer is trying to kill you, and you get to shoot him and he falls, instead of keep shooting him, you first gotta check if him to see if he's dead.......and of course he isn't.

Heh...it's funny these two are like kind of complete oppisites, yet the same. But it looks as if 32 is saying...you should do 30...which is fairly stupid. The smart thing is to run..rather then walking up to the killer and getting your balls cut off or something.

[Guest JumpinJackFlash]

A person can walk in an open field and noone will be able to see him until the camera sees him.

[razazteca 0]

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

Actually escaping the German or Russian prison is easy..........just steal the uniform and walk out the front entrence.

[Guest JumpinJackFlash]

When a team has to do certain things and follow certain guidelines to accomplish a mission, the cool people(If it's international, it's the Americans) don't follow the rules and do a bunch of cool things. They usually contain loads of action.

[Guest Fook]

39. The rogue cop who defies the chief's order will ultimately be right and will receive recognition for his intuition, courage, and/or bravery.

[Exslade ZX 0]

When a team has to do certain things and follow certain guidelines to accomplish a mission, the cool people(If it's international, it's the Americans) don't follow the rules and do a bunch of cool things. They usually contain loads of action.

Which usually result in them being killed. (If horror)

[Placebo Effect 0]

32.  If the heroine manages to, say, knock out her assailant with a pipe, she will run away (knowing full well that he'll eventually wake up) instead of breaking everyone of his orbital bones while he's down.

30.- if a deadly invincible killer is trying to kill you, and you get to shoot him and he falls, instead of keep shooting him, you first gotta check if him to see if he's dead.......and of course he isn't.

Heh...it's funny these two are like kind of complete oppisites, yet the same. But it looks as if 32 is saying...you should do 30...which is fairly stupid. The smart thing is to run..rather then walking up to the killer and getting your balls cut off or something.

No checking.

 

Just bashing/shooting/stabbing.

[Guest Urine Sane]

Even though it's their job, and they can punch heads off of well trained boxers, serial killers can't kill teenage girls, they are too good of fighters I guess.

[razazteca 0]

If you dont set goals you'll never get disappointed.

[RepoMan 0]

A simple punch to the head is capable of knocking nearly any one out.

[eiker_ir 0]

32.  If the heroine manages to, say, knock out her assailant with a pipe, she will run away (knowing full well that he'll eventually wake up) instead of breaking everyone of his orbital bones while he's down.

30.- if a deadly invincible killer is trying to kill you, and you get to shoot him and he falls, instead of keep shooting him, you first gotta check if him to see if he's dead.......and of course he isn't.

Heh...it's funny these two are like kind of complete oppisites, yet the same. But it looks as if 32 is saying...you should do 30...which is fairly stupid. The smart thing is to run..rather then walking up to the killer and getting your balls cut off or something.

No checking.

 

Just bashing/shooting/stabbing.

 

remember the ending of Jeepers Creepers 2? smartest thing ever done by someone in a horror movie...

[The Amazing Rando 0]

Will Smith is all you need to combat anything that may be a threat to the human race.

[Ravenbomb 0]

I lost count: A beard or glasses is all you need for a disguise

[Kahran Ramsus 0]

I learned lots of fascinating things about history from the movies, like...

 

- William Wallace was the father of Edward III

- Tarleton was killed by Francis Marion at the Battle of the Cowpens

- Marcus Aurelius was murdered by Commodus

- Spartacus was crucified

- the last sumarai was an American

- Bonnie & Clyde were merely misunderstood

- The Japanese sunk modern battleships at Pearl Harbor

- Most wars were won by a single guy, who usually didn't want to be fighting in the first place

[Ravenbomb 0]

- the last sumarai was an American

[DangerousDamon 0]

Common criminals are extremely accurate with guns, while Trained FBI Agents can't shoot for shit(Face/Off)

 

In action movies, main characters never reload.

 

 

Cars ALWAYS explode on impact.

 

 

The good guy is always a one man wrecking crew, mowing down wave after wave of henchmen and they never, EVER have to take cover.(See Commando)

 

 

The bad guy always dies a quick, painless death, while a good guy always dies a slow, agonizing death in their friends arms.

 

 

One badass henchman always knows martial arts, and is harder to kill than the main villian.(See Rapid Fire)

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

53. Whenever a film depicts a 70s rock band, there is at least one set of slow motion frames.

[Guest netslob]

54. when a knife is drawn, it will make a "ching" sound, despite the fact it didn't touch any other metal surface.

 

55. all men in horror movies have a below average IQ. and are borderline sex-addicts.

 

56. serial killers are either certified genius's, or retarded inbreds who live in shacks deep in the woods. there is NO middle-ground.

 

57. Quasimodo wasn't really a tragic character who eventually killed himself, but a happy soul who lived contently with singing stone gargoyles.

 

58. Pocahontas was HOT.

 

59. all Italians are gangsters or are related to gangsters.

 

60. despite speaking good english, a Russian will still make liberal use of the words "nyet" or "comrade"

 

61. Englishmen use the word "bloody" in every other sentence.

 

62. during western shoot-outs, horses never react to the sound of gunfire.

 

63. cartoon owls MUST wear graduation caps AT ALL TIMES.

 

64. when you punch a cartoon alligator, 3 suitcases will land in it's place.

 

65. vampires are basically rapists with long teeth.

 

66. no matter how small a fire is to start with, it will spread over a large area in a matter of seconds. and usually in a circle surrounding the main characters.

 

67. despite the lack of oxygen, explosions in space are possible.

 

68. the hero will always stop a time-bomb from exploding at the last possible SECOND.

 

69. the good-looking guy will always get the girl, no matter how badly he treated her beforehand.

 

70. the best friend of the girl will never get her, despite knowing what a wonderful person she is long before the popular guy did.

 

71. when at a bar, a character will simply order "beer", and the bartender instantly knows what brand to give him.

 

72. the character will always leave the bar with half a glass of beer still there.

 

73. when a guy and girl meet, she instantly hates him. but by more or less stalking her, he eventually wins her over.

 

74. when a character is in bed at night, and hears a noise, it's NEVER "just the house settling".

 

75. Latinos always pepper their English with Spanish words or phrases.

 

76. fat guys are always the funniest people in the movie.

 

77. KFC puts an addictive chemical in it's chicken that makes you crave it fort-nightly.

 

78. Scotland has it's own form of martial arts (but it's only just head-butting and kicking people when their down).