The Ill One 0 Report post Posted August 2, 2004 Huge sorrys to TBS, Zed, and the fed- I wasn't thinking when I threw up the unfinished match stuff. Sorry. - (Dallas, Texas is jam-packed and well noted tonight as the American Airlines Center is absolutely on fire! Ground Zero comes back to life as the worn torn and bombed arena watches a piece of pyro like a mortar hit the entrance- lighting up the whole arena with an amazing multicolor display! Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley’s voices are heard over the rowdy crowd!) “Welcome back loyal citizens! We are shaking Dallas’ American Airlines Arena while rewriting history with such an eventful pay-per-view!” Comet exclaims. “Even I’m willing to admit it looks like a great night. Toxxic snagging both titles, seeing Flesher in action, Maddix nab the upset, Ace, and the 42nd Street all triumphing over their opponents. Oh God, yes, this is a good night,” Riley says. “Ahem,” The spandex Crusader cuts in. “Don’t you think those opinions are a little biased?” “Truthful, Comet, truthful.” “But now you’re going to see a stipulation and tradition that the SWF prides itself on its creation. It is the beloved Mall Brawl!” Comet hypes. The fans roar in approval. “We’ve taken a good six men who fit perfectly for such a monumental return of the MALL BRAWL! Right near the arena is Northpark Center Mall where we’re going to crash unaware and uninvited!” Comet explains. “We’re not even really sure if this is legal, but hey! What’s the worst that can happen? Holding our show back at Craven’s crib, right?” Riley asks which causes many fans to chuckle at the balding man using slang. “We are ready to see Petey the (Irish) Penguin, Edward James, Ryan Dustin, Austin Sly, Vlad ‘The Corona’ Everheart…” Comet’s voice trails off. Riley pounds the desk like a drum set in a familiar beat that’s just getting butchered. “MY CORONA! M-M-M-MY CORONA!” Comet groans in disbelief. “Pardon me, Robert, because I’m not too updated on pop culture. But wasn't the song 'My Sharona' and not Corona?" Comet asks. “Well, uh…” Riley stutters in embarrassment. “Now Robert, ignorance is not an excuse! Whether something this trivial or something much more horrendous, ignorance isn’t an excuse,” Comet preaches like an after school special. “Just get on with it Cyclone!” Riley barks back in bitterness. “But this also features a mystery man, who even we don’t know yet, but I’ve heard this will shock everybody! How this works is all of our wrestlers will brawl inside the mall. Anything’s game in order to find the balloon where a golden ticket is inside. First to find that wins this portion of the Mall Brawl Saga!” Comet proclaims. “We have over ten crewmen planted over the mall, more than fifteen referees, and we’ve installed our own clever hidden cameras with color and audio everywhere in the mall! Thanks to technology you’ll also be able to see the screen split into fourths or halves if necessary. So you won’t miss a heartbeat of this match! So without further delay…” Comet says and his arm gestures to the gigantic SmarkTron. It glows to life and soon the picture is crystal clear. -- The Northpark Center Mall is crowded as ever as the SWF has made its unknown arrival! Some fans hop into their cars and get to the gigantic mall, complete with three floors and hundreds of stands, shops, art, and attractions! Soon a picture of five SWF wrestlers all huddled around the map kiosk in the center on the first floor. The opponents all cluster in packs where they feel safest- Sly and Edward both having a stare down. Ryan Dustin and Petey the (Irish) Penguin casually point out pubs they could stop at. Meanwhile the masked Vlad Everheart carefully focuses on the map in hope he won’t get lost within the mammoth mall. “That’s great and all, but did the sixth man miss his flight?” Riley jokes as there are only five out of six competitors there. As if that were the cue a familiar song begins to blare at the mall. “Godzilla” by Blue Oyster Cult kicks up and the fans back in the arena nearly wet themselves in excitement! The Boston Strangler comes striding towards the kiosk at his intimidating stature of 6’9” and rather menacing face. He takes off his headphones and puts down his I-Pod before stopping in front of all the men, towering above them. “The Boston Strangler is the mystery man!” Comet has to yell above the fans. “Oh come on!” Petey yelps with his heavy brogue as Strangler just smirked. “Eh, could use more cowbell,” Riley says. “But Robert, this is the SWF legend Strangler!” Comet proclaims. “I got a fever, baby, and the only…” Kivell shoots out a blank, making half the mall dropping in terror of the echoing gunshot, and causing the Mall Brawl to start! DING! DING! DING! There’s a moment of sheer awkwardness where nobody makes a move and cautiously begins to wander off on their separate ways. “Hey! This isn’t a treasure hunt, you guys are supposed to fight!” Riley hisses. -- Everheart mercilessly shoves Cutthroat through the swinging bathroom door with men doing their business leap in panic. “Thankfully I wore my stain resistance khaki pants!” One man sighs with relief as he gives the thumb up sign, cheesy grin, and looking down at the urine that slides right off his pant legs. Everheart barks at Cutthroat, “Where is it?” “I don’t know!” “You said you did in the food court!” Everheart yells in disbelief. “…Uh….” Cutthroat feebly replies and quickly gets thrown onto the tile wall of the bathroom! In an act of pure desperation he grabs a handful of liquid soap from the dispenser and chucks it at Everheart! Which accomplishes nothing but an even more pissed off Vlad! ”Luckily he wore the mask, man, that soap can sting when it gets in your eyes,” Riley comments off hand. Vlad leaps forwards and snatches Cutthroat in his vicious grasp. He turns him upside down in a tombstone position as he inches near the filled, broken urinal! “Uh-oh, somebody call Craven, quick!” Comet jokes. As Cutthroat gets dangerously closed to the urinal he resorts to drastic measures usually never taken. Ripping a page out of Roja Kamien’s book he chomps down into Everheart’s crotch! A collective groan is heard from every male watching as Vlad releases Cutthroat, who hits the ground, then scurries into an empty stall. But the ever persistent Everheart just grits his teeth and stomps to the stall. Cutthroat’s frantic to lock the door and he fumbles, allowing Vlad to swing it open, nearly ripping it right off its hinges! “…How could he rebound so quickly?” Riley asks. “I’m not sure, Robert,” Comet says wondering the same thing. “…Maybe since he’s always lived in cold weather, there’s like, you know… permanent shrinkage?” Riley suggests. “Enough,” Comet scolds. Vlad grabs onto the back of Cutthroat’s neck and thrusts his whole head into the dirty toilet! “How vile, but I guess it does prove that Cutthroat’s a piece of crap!” Comet jokes. “...What’s that? Oh yeah, I can hear the crickets chirping,” Riley’s sarcasm is venomous. “Know…” Comet begins. “You know- that guy didn’t have the courtesy to flush, God, I hate that! Didn’t put the seat down either… but I guess it is just males in the bathroom…” Riley says. “Where is it?” Vlad growls as Cutthroat’s response comes in bubbles that overflow onto the toilet like a witch’s cauldron boiling and bubbling. Soon there’s no response and Vlad’s aware he never gave Cutthroat air. “You know- urine’s sterile. You can drink it,” Riley quips as Cutthroat’s body goes totally limp. Everheart lets go and glances around before walking out, kicking the door shut behind him, and whistling innocently while walking away. -- Petey the (Irish) Penguin and Austin Sly continue to brawl on the step of the escalator, going punch-for-punch. It reaches its final step and the two don’t notice, knocking them both on their rear ends. The two scramble to their feet and collide in a grapple, bumping into random people as they battle their way towards the closest store. Without intending to the two opponents stumble into a store. Once the two realize what store they’re in they both stop fighting and just stare. “Why they’re in ‘THE Teddy Bear’ store! Homage paid to every cute, cuddly bear and even a tour of how bears can be made!” Comet explains. The store is lined with rows and rows of stuffed teddy bears and on the far right hand side is a vat of industrial superglue being stirred, next to it a mountainous pile of fluff and fur, but yet none of that can compare to the center piece. In middle of the store rises a tall, glass Winnie the Pooh statue! He’s sitting down with his glass honey pot in between his spread legs. Both wrestlers glance at each other maliciously before they before to slug it out again! They each inch towards the massive glass tribute and are nailing each other with expert punches. But soon Austin gains advantage and he hooks Petey in a front facelock! Grabbing a hand of a fluff he lifts the Squawker into the air with intent of shattering the beautiful work of glass art! But suddenly salvation is there for the (Irish) Penguin because Adorable Edwin comes sprinting into the store! He leaps out and kicks Sly’s kneecap with expert aim! “Think Petey taught him that trick?” Riley jokes tastelessly on the IRA’s habit to kneecap people. The Squawker (Punk Rocker) is able to free himself and land on his feet, shoving Sly against the glass! It teeters on the brink of falling but remains standing. Austin shoots up a leg and nails Petey square in the jaw! He reels back and smacks against the Care Bears shelf, completely dazed! But Mini-MacPhisto has Petey’s back as he attacks Austin’s shins! He just scoops the Celtic Misfit firmly in his grasp and turns around, tossing him carelessly through the air! Everybody gives a collective gasp in the area as the soaring Adorable Edwin finds himself quickly descending upon the vat of glue! “Maybe it’ll break his fall,” Comet says hopefully. With a huge splatter and yelp the Mini-MacPhisto finds himself engulfed in glue! As if he was a mini-Swamp Thing he slowly rises out of it but Austin’s a step ahead of him! He grabs a hold of an overstuffed teddy bear and smacks it onto his foe- causing him to lose balance and fall into the pile of fluff and fur! Petey the (Irish) Penguin gives a battle squawk from behind and quickly charges! -- Having pissed off the wrong man Petey the (Irish) Penguin finds himself at the mercy of The Boston Strangler. Lifted high into the air with a hand crushing his throat he stares around for somebody to help him. In a panic he thrashes his legs about but Strangler only gets closer to the railing of the second floor, below being a vendor’s stand for the ultimate Lego playhouse. “Man those things are plastic, that’d kill!” Riley says. Yet again a Guardian Angel descends upon Petey in the form of a midget! The furry, slimy, and fluffy Mini-MacPhisto leaps out of the nearby trash can… sinking his teeth right into Strangler’s leg! He can’t help but to grimace and free Petey just in knick of time. Suddenly the pursuing mall security presses forwards. “We’ve got a code red, dog with rabies!” One yells as Edwin turns his head and runs off. “A talented dog- can run on hind legs! Prepare tranquilizer darts! Over!” The security guard clicks off the radio and sprints after Mini-MacPhisto. “Sparky isn’t going anywhere else tonight, oh not if I can help it!” -- Strangler turns around the corner and screeches in halt, staring in disbelief. In middle of the mall stands Pedro the Clown, holding a gigantic cloud of red balloons, refusing them to every little child who asks! The hopeful veteran charges forwards and shoves Pedro over the railing head first, not caring, and instead snagging the balloons! He tugs them down and begins to stomp, bite, and rip every balloon open! Babies and little kids scream, parents watch in horror, and the mall security is quick to respond! “My God,” One says slowly. “WHERE IS IT?” Strangler screams as spit flies from his mouth as he continues his popping spree. “Sir,” One approaches very slowly. “WHERE IS MY GOLDEN TICKET?” The mall security circles around Strangler like a wild beast and everybody slowly draws out their tranquilizer gun. “Yes, we’ve got a Code 35789368905638973, that’s right, this man got bitten earlier. We believe he has rabies,” the man informs the rest of the mall. TBS looks around at the mall security closing in as he begins to get frantic- demolishing every balloon. Finally there’s a sound of compression, a sound of a dart wheezing in the air, and the sound of a 6’9” man thudded against the floor. One last red balloon floats away slowly. “Bag him up, take him outside,” The man says. “This job just never gets easier.” -- -- Austin Sly rips through the crowd with his quick speed while the enraged Celtic Misfits are right behind him! “I guess they don’t take having their Mini-MacPhisto stuffed into a garbage can and thrown down a fleet of stairs!” Comet yells. Then at a good fifty feet away Sean Daly turns around the corner and spots Sly, him too now charging at the cocky Missourian Messiah. In a wave of desperation and panic he tries to get bearings on his surroundings. Then he sees his perfect escape in the store just a few strides away. … At the Scooter Store. He bolts into the store meant to provide challenged elders with easy, electric mobility at the ultimate convenient electric scooter! Petey the (Irish) Penguin waddles with all his speed right behind Sly while the rest of the brigade is close in pursuit! The cameraman isn’t quick enough to capture the pandemonium inside but the noise tells the story. Suddenly Austin is putting the pedal to the metal- racing out of the store with a high-jacked electric scooter! “The chase is on!” Comet cries. Petey the (Irish) Penguin is seen through the store window hopping onto one and revving it up! Suddenly there’s a loud shattering of glass as Petey finds himself barreling through the display window in reverse! He gets snagged on the frame of the store while everybody turns their heads in disbelief. “OH COME ON!” The Irish(penguin) yells as he tries to get himself readjusted without any luck. Like an old villain Sly laughs diabolically as he makes his daring escape! “Don’t worry Petey, we’re here!” Wallace exclaims with the now fur and fluff infested Mini-MacPhisto on his shoulders! “We’ve got your back!” The two charge into the store as employees try to stop them from high-jacking more of their scooters! Wallace plops down onto one as Mini-MacPhisto is desperately trying to reach the pedal on his. “How sly of Sly, brilliant!” Riley cries out. “How unoriginal of you!” Comet blurts back. Wallace stares at all the employees, linked by their arms in protest. He debates how to escape in his head before opening his big, alive blue eyes. He draws a long breath in… “FFFFFFFFFFREEEEEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!” He slams the gas and comes towards the employees before the scooter suddenly collapses under Wallace’s massive weight! Mini-MacPhisto, however, is stand on the gas and barely able to see above the machine. The workers have no choice but to leap out of the way as the pissed off vertically challenged Adorable Edwin speeds his way to escape. “For such a small citizen he has such a big heart. I salute you!” Comet says proudly. But again the Celtic Misfits are foiled as mall security, armed with nets on a long pole, snag Edwin right off the scooter! “Got you, you stupid dog! Sparky isn’t coming out to play anymore, boys!” The hick security guard exclaims as they dump him into a plastic garbage bag. “That’s a very durable kitchen bag,” Riley comments. “Finally got myself a dinner for tonight, no more Hungry Man microwaveable pieces of heart-clogging’ crap!” Another one squeals in excitement. Comet shifts his weight nervously in his chair. He gives a nervous chuckle. “Why our proud sponsor of Hungry Man is more than satisfying!” Finally Petey gets free from the frame and sees Sly having trouble worming his way through the crowd. “Don’t scoot away from me, lad!” Petey shouts as he honks the pathetic horn, clearing the path. “They’re traveling at such breath-taking speeds!” Riley says with total sarcasm. “Now Robert, they must be traveling at least ten miles an hour!” Comet retorts. “This could end in a true disaster!” Suddenly Petey the (Irish) Penguin is at ramming speeds, challenging the very engine of the fine machine. He smashes onto the tail of Sly’s scooter, knocking the groceries bin off from behind! It bounces behind and nails Sean Daly who ends up reeling back clutching his forehead. Daly’s forehead seems to explode open with blood that gushes everywhere. Bystanders yell in terror as Daly’s forehead puts every Quentin Tarantino movie to shame! A massive puddle surrounds the Celtic Misfit who is just staring in disbelief at the fountain of crimson gushing out. “Oh come on, that’s just excessive!” Riley proclaims. Sly can’t make the turn due to congestion and stares right at the store he’s so close to crashing towards! “My God, Petey’s doing a kamikaze attack!” Comet yells. Again the Squawker smashes against the back of Sly’s machine before he suddenly screeches to a halt while Sly is sent flying on a destructive path! “Abandon ship!” Comet screams in terror. “The gas pedal is jammed!” Austin panics. “Well, duh,” Riley says. Seconds away from collision Sly makes an incredibly brave leap for his life, hitting the tile floor and not really rolling much at all. But the scooter proceeds forwards at tracing paper shattering speed! BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! The scooter drives right there the window and into the store’s display case where it suddenly causes an explosion of epic proportions! The fire ball nearly engulfs Sly who’s covered his arms over him in desperation. “HOLY SHIT! That was squawking awesome!” Petey can’t help but to blurt out like a teenager. “Jesus!” Riley cries out. “That’s the most excessive explosion I’ve seen since the last Lethal Weapon movie!” Comet looks over in disgust. “You saw that?” “Well, uh, I like Mel. He’s a sweetheart,” Riley says. Everybody stares as the smoke wisps in the air, triggering emergency water sprinkles in the vicinity to go off. As the smoke fades everyone sighs in relief. “Oh thank Moses it was a Macintosh computer store- otherwise we could’ve been hit with a lot of lawsuits!” Comet says at the empty store that’s now been blown to bits. Petey rolls up to his feet and is distracted by a woman caught in the unfortunate position of wearing a white underneath the sprinklers. “Ah, there’s the gratuitous and totally unnecessary T&A!” Riley says. -- -- “Sir, we have an intrusion at Victoria Secret. Apparently two wrestlers tore the store apart and shattered the desk… then some short dog was dry humping the model’s poster…” The head security guard had worked years at his mall. He was in his fifties, portly, graying hair, and a weathered face. He sighed and clicked the radio off. He’d been working too long and too damn hard to let some wrestlers just turn the mall upside down. “They chose the wrong shift to cause havoc in my mall,” The guard snarls. He snatches his radio. “Junior!” “Yes sir?” “See what these wrestlers are seeking…” “Excuse me, sir?” “Did you hear what I said, son?” “Yes… sir…” “Then don’t question my authority damn it!” He snaps at the inferior security guard and he slowly sits back in his desk. He stares at the security cameras with the wake and newly born chaos due to the SWF’s invasion. “Wrong damn day, bitches,” he spits. Standing up and slinging on a gun holster over his shoulder. “Wrong damn day,” he mutters. -- Edward James and Ryan Dustin are clashing in a vicious battle of strikes as Dustin uses his speed to match James’ awesome power. Bystanders leap out of the way or cheer on as they are shoved by the crowd into the direction of the huge KB Toy Store! “Well the citizens have spoken and Dustin’s always one to deliver,” Comet says. Dustin glances around at the fans who all point towards the store. He shrugs and knees James right in the gut, then grabs a hold of the huge Edward and tosses him into the mouse trap display pyramid! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ghetto Bird Report post Posted August 2, 2004 Camera number four shifts its focus back to commentators Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley, who look up from their notes as they receive their cue: “We’re only one match away from our Main Event, ladies and gentlemen,” gushes Comet. “As Janus prepares to defend his World Heavyweight Championship against the World Cruiserweight Champion and former Heavyweight Champion, Tom Flesher, and perhaps the fastest-rising superstar in the history of the SWF, Toxxic, in a Triple Threat match!” “As you know, Comet, I think that Flesher is going to regain the World Title,” says Riley, “but it’s not going to be easy! Janus and Toxxic are two of the best in the world, but that’s only going to enhance Tom Flesher’s greatness when he emerges victorious!” “But coming up next,” continues Comet, “the World Tag Team Championship is on the line! Todd Cortez, abandoned by his tag team partner, Mike Van Siclen, was forced to defend the World Tag Team Championship a few weeks ago on Storm against Revolution Zero, but Commissioner Alex Zenon gave him the opportunity to choose a partner, which he did in the form of his former adversary, the Masked Man!” “Masked Man has done a good job of filling in for Van Siclen,” adds Riley, “but the Spectacle has recently returned from his vacation, and he intends to reclaim his half of the Tag Team Titles!” “We know that there’s been some tension between Cortez and Van Siclen over the fact that Van Siclen knowingly left for his vacation after he found out about the title defense,” says Comet. “Not only that, but I don’t think that the Masked Man is exactly falling over himself to surrender his share of the gold that he’s helped Todd Cortez to defend!” “Well, Zed may recognize the two of them as the ‘official’ tag team champions, but the Masked Man didn’t have to win that belt. The titles were won by Hollywood Boulevard, and that’s Mike Van Siclen and Todd Cortez!” “I can’t help but wonder whether or not the return of Citizen Van Siclen is going to serve as a factor in this match, Robert,” ponders Comet. “There’s no question that both the Masked Man and the Urban Legend have to have him on their minds, at least to some degree. And, if they’re not completely focused on the task at hand, they could wind up leaving Dallas without any gold at all!” “Well, I don’t think that they have to worry about him doing anything to cost them the match tonight,” Riley states confidently. Mike Van Siclen is very intelligent; he’s not going to cost his team the Tag Team Titles if he can just walk in on Storm and have the Masked Man ousted without breaking a sweat!” Which leaves Comet the perfect segue to say, “Well, Cortez and the Masked Man are definitely going to break a sweat tonight, as they defend the titles against the returning Andrea Montgomery and the mysterious Birdman! You know, Comet, Citizen Montgomery made her return, after an extended absence, just a few weeks ago on Storm, and is already looking to add some tag team gold to her impressive résumé!” “I’ll say this much,” adds Riley, “she and the Birdman have been a much more successful tag team than I expected them to be! I figured that their styles were just too similar for them to make any headway in the tag team division, and between Birdman’s newness, and Drea’s ring rust, I didn’t expect them to win a single match together, yet here they are, about to get a golden opportunity to shock the world on Pay Per View!” “On the contrary, Bobby,” pipes Comet, “there hasn’t been a speck of rust on Andrea since making returning to action!” “Even so,” counters Riley, “they’re going to be on top of their game in order to defeat 42nd Street tonight! They’re still giving up a significant weight and strength advantage to the champions! Andrea and Birdman are going to have to hit and move, and use frequent double-teams if they want to stand a chance, because I don’t think that either one of those two can stand toe-to-toe with either member of 42nd Street!” “Well, this match is going to be won either by the brawling tactics of the Champions, or the high-flying artistry of the challengers,” notes Comet. “Both Todd Cortez and the Masked Man like to roughhouse, and if they want to retain the titles, they’re going to have to pound on the challengers early, use their strength advantage to wear their smaller opponents down, and at least slow them down enough to make it easier to keep up with them!” “Andrea Montgomery and the Birdman have been riding a wave of momentum since joining together as a team,” remarks Bobby, “but I don’t think that momentum is going to be enough get the job done; I think that they’re giving up too much experience!” “I wouldn’t oversell their experience too much, Robert,” replies Comet. “After all, 42nd Street has not been teaming together as a group for much longer than the challengers; I think that the match is going to come down to who’s able to set the pace early, and which team will be the first to isolate one of their opponents!” “Well,” says Riley, “the time for talking is over! One way or another, we’re going to find out who’s the cream of the tag team crop in the SWF here, in just a few minutes!” With that, view shifts to camera number two, which is focused on Funyon in the center of the ring, who is now dressed in a charcoal-colored sharkskin suit, as he lifts the microphone to his lips to introduce the next match: “Ladies and gentlemen,” booms Funyon, “the following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the SWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!” He pauses to allow the raucous Dallas faithful to cheer before continuing. “It is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty-minute time limit!” BOOM! The American Airlines Center goes crazy as the lights dim and the stage erupts into pillars of green pyro streams, with green sparks falling like snowflakes back towards the stage, illuminating the arena in a warm green hue as No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” begins to play: “Take this pink ribbon off my eyes, I'm exposed, And it's no big surprise. Don't you think I know Exactly where I stand? This world is forcing me To hold your hand…” And, as the music begins to pick up in intensity, Andrea Montgomery and the Birdman burst onto the stage! Andrea has ‘dressed up’ for the occasion, donning a black leather jacket over her traditional ‘Wild Cards’ t-shirt, and wearing dark green jump pants, as well as a pair of dark-tinted sunglasses. Birdman has also modified his attire, wearing a costume designed to resemble Britain’s Green Woodpecker, as a means of showing solidarity with his tag team partner, even going so far as to include a bright red and black mask, complete with beak-shaped head accessory! The fans cheer noisily as the challengers dance back and forth across the stage, waving their hands through the air excitedly! “'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me, Don't let me out of your sight. I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite, So don't let me have any rights.” “Introducing first,” says Funyon, “are the challengers! At a total combined weight of three hundred sixty-two pounds, here are the BIIIIIRDMAN, and his partner… AAAAANDREA MONTGOMERY!” “Isn’t that cute,” Riley says mockingly. “Birdman wanted to match with his new buddy… get a clue, Bird-brain! It’s obvious that she still has a thing for Divefire, anyway! I mean, she’s even dressed like him here tonight!” “Don’t be so judgmental,” replies Comet. “She’s just showing a little ‘Wild Card’ pride, that’s all!” Birdman and Drea jog down the ramp, high-fiving the fans surrounding the barricade as they approach ringside. They take a quick ‘victory lap’ around the ring to slap hands with those fans fortunate enough to afford ringside seats to this gala event, and slide underneath the bottom rope, before popping back to their feet and climbing onto opposing turnbuckles. Andrea points to a fan holding up a sign that reads, “WILD CARD PRIDE,” and jumps down to the floor to pose for a picture with him! BIRD-MAN! AN-DRE-A! BIRD-MAN! AN-DRE-A! BIRD-MAN! AN-DRE-A! BIRD-MAN! AN-DRE-A! “The challengers certainly appear confident,” cries Comet, as Drea returns to the ring. “I think that we could be seeing history in the making tonight! In fact, I’m going to go on record and state that Andrea Montgomery and the Birdman will leave the American Airlines Center as the new SWF Tag Team Champions!” Drea removes her sunglasses and jacket, revealing her neon-green arm sleeves, and hands her gear the ring attendant, as Birdman removes his ‘beak’ and ‘wings,’ handing those to the ring attendant as well, as “Just a Girl” fades out. FIRE IN THE DISCO! FIRE IN THE… TACO BELL! FIRE IN THE DISCO! FIRE IN THE… GATES OF HELL! The sound of Electric Six’s “Danger (High Voltage!)” breaks the silence, and blue smoke consumes the stage as the Tag Team Champions make their way out from Gorilla, to a mixed crowd reaction. Cortez has his title strapped around his waist, dressed as usual in baggy blue pants and a gray ‘wifebeater’ t-shirt, clutching his cross in his left hand. The Masked Man, however, has taken a departure from his usual attire, wearing what appears to be a chocolate-brown smoking jacket, and carrying a box in front of him, stacked on top of his ever-present briefcase, as he heads to ringside. “Their opponents,” continues Funyon, “at a total combined weight of four hundred sixty-nine pounds, they are the SWF World Tag Team Champions… the ‘Urban Legend,’ Todd Cortez! The Masked Man! And they hail from… FORTY-SECOND STREEEEET!” “What’s in the box,” Riley wonders aloud. “With the Masked Man,” replies Comet, “there’s just no telling!” The Champions make a direct path for the ring, not bothering to greet or acknowledge any fans along the way. Upon reaching ringside, they climb up the steel stairs to reach the apron, and then step between the ropes to enter the ring, Masked Man taking extra care not to drop his two packages. Upon reaching the ring, Cortez removes his Championship belt from around his waist and holds it aloft as Funyon leaves the ring. “I couldn’t help but notice how 42nd Street came down to the ring very deliberately,” remarks Bobby. “No pomp, no circumstance, aside from the box and that strange getup the Masked Man has on… totally focused on the match at hand!” “As well they should be,” agrees Comet. “Andrea and Birdman will clearly pose the biggest threat to their championship reign that they’ve yet faced as a team!” As Cortez bends down in the corner to pray before the match begins, Sexual Maskosaurus removes his Championship belt, handing it absentmindedly to referee Anthony Michael Hall, and then drops to one knee as he opens up the box that he brought with him to ringside. “Here it is,” says Riley, with entirely too much enthusiasm. “We’re about to find out what’s in the box!” As it turns out, what’s in the box is an inflatable air mattress, and a small motorized air pump. Cortez finishes praying and points reverently up to the sky before turning his attention back towards the ring and joining his opponents’ collective looks of bewilderment as TMM inflates a bed in the center of the ring! “Why is he inflating a bed in the ring, Comet,” questions Riley. “I have no idea, Bobby,” replies Comet, shaking his head. “I think that he may have finally gone off the deep end!” When the bed is finished inflating, Maskosaurus reaches back into the box and pulls out a Red Bull energy drink, which he pours into a champagne flute, also retrieved from the box. “What the hell,” shout Comet and Riley collectively. TMM reaches into the pocket of his smoking jacket as he stands up, and pulls out a pipe, which he places between his lips. He then, to the astonishment of all in the ring, turns his attention towards Andrea Montgomery, proffering the glass towards her and gesturing his head back towards the mattress in, had he not been wearing a mask, would probably be interpreted as a ‘come hither’ look. Cortez lets out an exasperated sigh behind him, as the crowd collectively groans. “By Zeus,” exclaims Comet, “the Masked Man has exhibited some bizarre behavior in the past, but this threatens to go over the line!” For her part, Andrea simply rolls her eyes and turns away from Maskosaurus, holding out her arm with palm extended, as if to say, ‘talk to the hand!’ “It’s nothing but a mind game, Comet,” explains Riley. “The Masked Man is just trying to get under the skin of the challengers; throw them off their games a little bit!” Cortez grasps TMM firmly by the shoulder and leads him back to his corner, grumbling, “Stop embarrassing me,” under his breath, as the referee clears the ring of Masked Man’s props. “Mind games like that are dangerous games to play, indeed,” intones Comet. “If he’s not careful, he’s going to get Citizen Montgomery spun up in a way that he hadn’t intended to!” Once the ring is clear of debris, referee Hall walks to the edge of the ring and hands the Tag Team Championship belts to Funyon, and then signals to the timekeeper to start the match: DING! DING! DING! “Bell’s gone,” says Comet. “And we’re underway! It looks like the Masked Man is going to start the match off against the Birdman!” TMM removes his smoking jacket and tosses it over the top rope and then he and Birdman circle each other before locking up in the center of the ring. Maskosaurus takes first advantage, quickly shifting into a go-behind and lifting Birdman off of his feet, slamming him chest-first into the mat with a waistlock takedown! Birdman gets back to a sitting position and tries to wriggle out of the waistlock, but he can’t break TMM’s grip, eventually scuttling to the safety of the ropes, forcing Hall to begin a five count. “And that’s what the champions are going to want to do,” says Riley approvingly. “Keep Birdman and Drea on the mat; don’t give them a chance to use their speed and agility to their advantage!” Masked Fury releases the waistlock just before Hall can reach a count of five and quickly gets back to his feet, strutting across the ring to a neutral corner and climbs to the second turnbuckle, waving his arms above his head to incite the crowd to cheer, but is instead met with a small smattering of boos. “Masked Man looks like he’s trying to get the crowd on the side of the Tag Team Champions, but these Dallas fans appear to be out in force in support of Drea and the Birdman!” Maskosaurus tilts his head slightly, as if dismayed, and jumps down from the turnbuckle, running across the ring to the other neutral corner and climbs that turnbuckle, hoping to get a better reaction from that side of the arena, but is instead met with jeers: “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! TMM climbs down from the turnbuckle meekly, somewhat distraught over what he perceives as the fans turning on him. Meanwhile, Birdman runs over to the first neutral corner and leaps gracefully to the top turnbuckle, waving his arms above his head and receiving enthusiastic cheers in return. Pleased with the result, Birdman cuts loose with a birdcall, which the crowd happily mimics: Birdman: CAW-CAW! Crowd: CAW-CAW! “I don’t think that there’s any question at this point that the crowd here is firmly behind the challengers,” shouts Comet. Birdman continues to mock Maskosaurus by running across the ring to the other neutral corner, leaping once again to the top turnbuckle and inciting the crowd to cheer, before rewarding them with a birdcall as well: Birdman: CAW-CAW! Crowd: CAW-CAW! Embarrassed and frustrated over what he perceives as the fan’s betrayal of him, Masked Fury runs into the neutral corner to sneak up on Birdy, but the challenger flips backwards off of the turnbuckles and lands on his feet behind TMM. Maskosaurus turns around as the Bird rushes towards him, hammering him in the face with rapid-fire right hands! He forces TMM back into the corner, but the Champion stops his momentum with a kneelift into the midsection! As Birdy is bent over, Masked Man scoops him up and plants him on the canvas with a body slam! Maskosaurus walks over to the edge of the ring as Birdy rolls to his knees and assumes a double biceps pose. “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “YOU’RE SO CHEESY!” CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP! “The Masked Man appears to be seriously distraught over the reaction that he’s receiving from the crowd here in Dallas tonight,” notes Comet. “And who can blame him,” replies Bobby. “He’s tried so hard to endure himself to these people ever since he became one-half of the Tag Team Champions, and look at how quickly they turn on him, just as soon as the new flavor of the month comes around! That’s why I never bothered with pleasing the fans when I was wrestling!” Birdman gets to his feet quickly and catches the Masked Man by surprise, pushing him against the ropes and whipping him across the ring, but TMM easily reverses. Masked Fury raises his arm to deliver a clothesline as the challenger bounces off the ropes, but Birdy deftly evades him ducking underneath as he runs past, and explodes off the ropes as he rebounds a second time… CRACK! … Smashing the Masked Man in the face with a flying forearm! Maskosaurus gets back to his feet quickly and charges after Birdman, but the challenger locks his arm underneath that of TMM and takes him over with a hiptoss! Maskosaurus once again gets to his feet quickly, but Birdy leaps into the air… WHAM! … And sends him crashing back down to the mat with a picture-perfect dropkick! “Birdman manages to pick the tempo up, and as a result, has temporarily taken control of the match,” observes Comet. “I told you, Comet,” agrees Riley, “Cortez and the Masked Man want to keep the challengers down; they don’t even want those two to be upright, because then, they can use their speed to their advantage. The champions want to slow the pace down, make this match as methodical as possible… make the challengers work at their speed!” Birdy pulls the Masked Man to his feet and whips him towards the ropes, but TMM once again reverses easily. Masked Fury lowers his head to deliver a backdrop as Birdman comes off the ropes… CRACK! … But the Bird puts on the brakes in a hurry, trapping the unsuspecting Champion in a front facelock and twisting his body suddenly, dropping Maskosaurus to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker! “Nice counter by the Birdman,” remarks Comet. “And he’s going for the first cover of the match!” ONE! TW— KICKOUT! But the Masked Man still has plenty of fight left in him, and is able to kick out shortly after a one-count. Birdy pulls him to his feet, but TMM stuns him with a thumb to the eye! As Birdman rubs his eyes in pain, Masked Fury scurries over to his corner, and makes the tag to Todd Cortez. “Tag is made,” reports Comet, “and Todd Cortez will see his first action of the night!” The Urban Legend wastes no time, pouncing on the challenger before he has completely recovered his vision, and blasting him in the chest with a stinging palm strike! The force of the blow causes Birdman to double over ever so slightly, which proves to be all the opening that Cortez needs, as he begins to rain clubbing forearm shots to the challenger’s back, which eventually drive him to his knees. “Cortez has come in the ring, and he’s all business,” comments Riley. “He didn’t waste time with any of that preening and strutting that the Masked Man did; he’s totally focused on retaining the Tag Team Titles!” The Urban Legend pulls Birdman back to his feet and grabs him by the wrist, whipping him across the ring. Cortez locks his arm underneath that of the challenger as he bounces off the ropes, and lifts him off the mat to deliver a hiptoss, but Birdy uses his momentum to roll through the attempt, flipping forward out of the hiptoss and down to his feet besides Cortez! He then scoops the Champion up and slams him to the mat! “Tremendous counter to the hiptoss by Birdman,” shouts Comet. Todd scrambles to his feet and rushes towards Birdy, but the challenger leaps into the air and wraps his legs around Cortez’s neck, taking him over with a beautiful rana! Birdman then rolls to his feet and darts to his corner to make the tag to Andrea Montgomery; the fans begin to cheer loudly as she climbs effortlessly to the top rope while Birdman greets the Urban Legend as he’s getting to his feet, only to drop him back onto the mat with a scoop slam! As Birdy is exiting the ring, Drea takes off across the top rope, skidding to about the midway point of the ring, and then pouncing off… SMACK! … Driving a flying kneedrop into the top of Todd’s head! Drea goes for a quick cover, and Hall drops down to deliver the count: ONE! KICKOUT! “Drea and the Birdman become the first team to effectively double-team their opponent tonight,” remarks Comet, “but were only able to hold Cortez for a one-count!” “And that’s smart thinking by Cortez,” adds Riley. “Like I said, he’s not taking this match lightly, and if you can kick out at one, you don’t want to wait around for the two-count!” “Absolutely right,” agrees Comet, as Montgomery pulls Todd to his feet. “You never know what could happen; heck, the referee’s count might be just a hair faster than you were expecting!” “Especially when the referee is Anthony Michael Hall,” quips Riley. “That guy’s a bumbling idiot; you can’t trust him to make an even count!” Drea grabs Cortez by the wrist and attempts to whip him across the ring, but the Urban Legend reverses easily. Montgomery rockets across the ring and Cortez takes off after her, raising his arm to deliver a running clothesline, but the Wild Card quickly ducks underneath, shooting across the ring and diving into a forward roll as she bounces off the ropes a second time, springing suddenly back up before Todd can react… CRACK! … And knocking him backwards with her patented Tuckerman and Roll jawbreaker! Drea grabs Cortez by the hair and pulls him to his feet, leading him over to her corner where she tags her partner back in. She struggles to hold Todd’s arms in place as Birdy ascends to the top turnbuckle, and the Urban Legend breaks free relatively easily, shrugging her off with a BUTT bump… WHACK! … But is unable to move fast enough to block the Birdman, who dives from the top turnbuckle and nails Cortez with a double axe-handle! “Another quick double-team by Drea and the Birdman,” shouts Comet, “as Birdman comes off the top rope with a double axe-handle!” “And perhaps Birdman has decided to take the match a little more seriously,” adds Riley. “You notice that he didn’t come off the top with any of that showmanship he displayed at the start of the match; he got up, did what he had to do, and got back down!” Birdman drops down to his knees and applies a lateral press, as he waits for Hall to get into position to count: ONE! TW— KICKOUT! Cortez kicks out of Birdman’s premature pin attempt and tries to get to his feet, but Birdman is there first, and grabs him by the wrist, whipping him towards a neutral corner, only to have it reversed by the Urban Legend. Birdy slams back-first into the corner, prompting Todd to charge in after him to deliver a splash, but the challenger dives back out of the corner! Cortez slams chest-first into the turnbuckles and staggers back towards the center of the ring, as Birdman bounces off the ropes… WHAM! … Snaring Cortez in a side headlock as he flies by and planting him face-first into the mat with a bulldog! Cortez rolls over onto his back, and the crowd erupts as they see Birdman spring to his feet. “Bulldog headlock, out of the corner,” exclaims Comet, who eyes widen as he notices Birdman gesture towards the top rope, and give the sign for the Bird Dropping. “And he’s going to try and end this right now! He’s going for the Bird Dropping!” “And I think that this is premature,” warns Riley, as Birdman steps out onto the apron. “It’s too early in the match to go for a move like this!” Birdman turns to face the crowd while standing on the apron, and gets them amped up with another birdcall: Birdman: CAW-CAW! Crowd: CAW-CAW! “Well,” replies Comet, “early or not, if he hits this, we’ve got new Tag Team Champions! Nobody’s gotten up from the Bird Dropping yet!” The Masked Man takes a step into the ring, and Andrea rushes in to intercept, but the referee’s attention is focused on the challenger’s corner rather than the Champion’s, and he runs over to order Montgomery back to her corner, as Birdman climbs up to the top rope… CHING! … And Maskosaurus uses the referee’s distraction to make the save, running across the apron and knocking Birdman’s legs out from underneath him, crotching him on the top turnbuckle! “And that’s the risk you incur when you try to go for the ‘home run’ too early,” crows Riley, as Birdy falls off the turnbuckles back into the ring. “Birdman tried to go for the big finish, but the Masked Man still had his wits about him, and was able to make the save!” Cortez rolls to his knees and crawls over to his corner, tagging the Masked Man back in before Birdman can recover. Maskosaurus marches over to where Birdy remains laying on the mat and delivers a few vicious stomps to the back of the head! He pulls him up to his feet and backs him into the neutral corner, assaulting him with a series of vicious knife-edge chops: SMACK! WHOO! SMACK! WHOO! SMACK! WHOO! SMACK! WHOO! TMM finally relents from the chopping and pulls Birdman out of the corner, only to knock him back down with a short-arm clothesline! He jerks Birdy abruptly to his feet and whips him into the ropes, lifting him up in a bearhug as he bounces back… THWACK! … Only to spin around on his heel and fall backwards, slamming Birdman’s throat across the top rope with a wicked Stun Gun! “Beautiful Stun Gun by the Masked Man,” remarks Bobby. TMM gets to his feet and distracts the referee, as Todd Cortez drops down to the arena floor and pulls Birdman’s head underneath the bottom rope, choking him from the outside! “Look at that blatant double-teaming by 42nd Street,” howls Comet. Drea runs into the ring, desperately trying to get the referee to turn around, but only succeeds in causing Hall to escort her back to her corner, and Maskosaurus uses the distraction to grab Birdman by the feet and fall backwards, slamming the challenger’s throat against the bottom rope! “That’s effective tag team wrestling, Comet,” replies Riley. “42nd Street is taking advantage of Drea’s eagerness to enter the ring. That’s the best way to cut the ring in half; if you’ve got an opponent who’s as eager as Montgomery to come into the ring, then you do things to draw her in, which is what 42nd Street just did, because then he’s going to have to chase her back out, and you can do a lot of damage while the referee’s back is turned!” Masked Fury pulls Birdman out into the center of the ring and drops down to apply a lateral press: ONE! TWO! THREE— … But before Hall can strike the mat a third time, Andrea runs into the ring and kicks TMM in the back of the head to break up the count. As Hall admonishes Montgomery, Maskosaurus winds up before hammering Birdman with a series of flashy punches, and then grabs the challenger by the wrist, whipping him into the Champion’s corner, where he reaches over to tag Cortez back in. “There’s a nice quick tag by the champions,” reflects Bobby. “And they’ve done an excellent job of cutting the ring in half; they’ve decided to defer to Andrea’s experience, and isolate Birdman in their corner, which you have to admit is smart thinking!” “No arguments there,” admits Comet. “I may not be a fan of their tactics, but their strategy is most definitely sound tag team wrestling.” Cortez steps into the ring and joins Masked Fury in delivering double-stomps to Birdman in the corner. They then pull him out of the corner and each trap him in a front-facelock, before lifting him up and over with a double-suplex! TMM exits to the apron as Cortez floats over into another pin attempt: ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Andrea runs in to make the save again, kicking Cortez in the top of the head, and forcing the referee to chase her back out once more. As Hall is admonishing her in the corner, Cortez drags Birdman to his feet and pushes him into the Champion’s corner, punching Birdy repeatedly in the midsection as TMM chokes him from outside the ring with the tag rope! The crowd begins shouting in a desperate attempt to get Hall’s attention. “Dammit, ref, turn around,” roars Comet. “Can’t you hear what’s going on across the ring?” “Apparently not,” replies Bobby. “He’s too busy yelling at Montgomery to hear what’s happening behind him.” Finally, Hall turns attention back to the action in the ring, but Cortez simply pulls Birdman out of the corner and drapes his neck across the top rope. He then walks across the ring to taunt Drea. The referee keeps a close eye out on the Champion’s corner to make sure that TMM doesn’t attempt any chicanery, until… SLAP! … Cortez surprises Andrea with a slap across the face. Furious, she runs into the ring to confront him, causing Hall to once again step between them. This time, the Urban Legend stands just behind the referee, continually taunting Drea to keep her trying to get at him, and in the confusion, Maskosaurus binds Birdman in a front-facelock and chokes him out on the top rope! “Somebody’s got to do something about this illegal activity by the Tag Team Champions,” growls Comet. “Hey,” quips Riley, “it’s not illegal unless the referee sees it; if Andrea would just stop trying to come in the ring so much, they wouldn’t even have the opportunity to do anything that’s not on the up and up!” Finally realizing that she was hurting her partner more than helping him, Andrea exits the ring without a fight, and Hall quickly turns his attention back to the champion’s corner, but not before TMM can remove his arm from around Birdman’s throat and walk away from him. Todd pulls nonchalantly on the top rope, causing Birdy to be flung backwards into the ring, and falls on top of him casually to apply a pin: ONE! TWO! THRE— KICKOUT! “Wow,” murmurs Riley. “I’m surprised that Birdman was able to kick out of that after the mugging he took in the corner!” “That’s what happens when you try to make a half-ass cover,” replies Comet. “If Cortez had hooked the leg, he’d probably have won the match!” Todd pulls Birdman to his feet and stands alongside him, lifting him up as if to deliver a sidewalk slam… CRUNCH! … Only to drop Birdy over his outstretched knee with a vicious pendulum backbreaker! Cortez lets Birdman fall to the mat and he stands up, turning to face Drea and shouting, “What do you think of your partner now?” The Wild Card sends an icy glare back his way, but refuses to take the bait, so Cortez simply turns his attention back to his opponent in the ring and drops to his knees, applying another half-hearted lateral press: ONE! TWO! THR— NO! Birdman barely gets the shoulder up! “Another cardinal mistake for a title holder,” says Comet. “He’d better stop underestimating the Birdman’s resolve and hook the leg next time!” “I’ve got to agree, Comet,” concedes Riley. “Even though the champions are in control right now, you don’t want to give a guy like Birdman too many chances to come back, because he has too many moves that he can hit without warning!” Todd pulls Birdman back to his feet and wrenches his arm around, and then steps into the challenger and pops his hips as he snatches Birdy off the mat with a Judo throw. He remains on top of Birdman and goes for the pin once more: ONE! TWO! THR— “Wait just a minute,” barks Comet. “He pulled Birdman up off the mat before the three count; what’s the meaning of that?” “It looks to me like Todd Cortez wants to make a statement to Andrea Montgomery,” replies Bobby. “And he’s going to do it at Birdman’s expense!” “Well, he does so at his own peril, Robert,” warns Comet. “His bravado could very well cost him!” Todd pulls Birdy back to his feet, standing to one side as he grabs him and steps behind the challenger’s leg, pushing him forward as he sweeps the leg to drive him into the mat with an STO! “STO,” shouts Riley happily. “I’m smelling the beginning of the end of this match!” Cortez steps out onto the apron, taunting Drea before climbing up to the top turnbuckle. “Uh-oh,” moans Comet. “Todd Cortez is about to go to the top rope!” “Oh yeah,” chides Riley. “If he hits this, it’s all over!” The Urban Legend leaps off the top turnbuckle, diving back-first to deliver a match-ending Senton splash… CRASH! … But only smacks into the unforgiving plywood underneath the canvas as Birdman rolls towards the corner out of the way! “He missed,” exclaims Comet. “He should have known better than to try something like that against Birdman!” Birdman tries to roll in the direction of his corner, but Cortez is the first to recover, and steps between Birdy and his partner as he pulls the challenger to his feet, beating on him some more with heavy forearms to the back. Todd grabs Birdman by the wrist and whips him across the ring… BANG! … But Birdman leaps into the air as he bounces off the ropes, planting his feet into the Champion’s chest as he locks his hands behind Todd’s neck, before he drops his weight towards the mat, jamming both his knees into the Urban Legend’s chin with his patented double-knee jawbreaker! “Bird-breaker,” shrieks Comet. “That could be a momentum changer!” Birdman crawls over to Cortez and pulls himself to his feet, before getting Todd up as well. He grabs him by the wrist and whips him into the ropes, but the Urban Legend still has enough energy to reverse it. Todd lowers his shoulder as Birdy bounces off the ropes and lifts him into the air with a back-body drop… CRACK! … But the Birdman lands on his feet behind Cortez and springs back into the air as the Urban Legend turns around, blasting him in the face with a Gamengiri! “What a gutsy performance by the Birdman,” gushes Comet. “What a counter! Todd appears to be out cold… But, can Birdman get to the corner?” Birdman rolls onto his stomach and begins the arduous task of crawling towards his corner, where Andrea waits nervously with her arm outstretched. “Birdman’s still got a ways to go,” notes Riley. “That corner’s got to seem a million miles away after the beating he took!” Cortez rolls to his knees and, seeing that Birdman is almost close enough to make the tag, scurries after him to grab his ankle… SWAT! … But, in grabbing onto Birdman’s foot, Todd inadvertently pushes him close enough to his corner to tag in Andrea! The American Airlines Center erupts as the Wild Card leaps over the top rope! Cortez scrambles to his feet and tries to stumble backwards into his own corner, but Drea cuts him off, smashing the Urban Legend in the face with four quick strikes to the face… SMACK! … And then blasting him in the face with a dropsault that sends him stumbling back towards the challenger’s corner! She drops down to cover the Champion, hooking the leg as Hall begins his count: ONE! TWO! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ghetto Bird Report post Posted August 2, 2004 TH— KICKOUT! Cortez proves that he still has plenty of fight left in him, so Drea pulls him to his feet and whips him towards the ropes, but the stronger Cortez is still able to reverse it. Todd lowers his head as Andrea bounces off the ropes, but the Wild Card snares him in a front-facelock as she runs at him, suddenly leaping into the air… WHAM! … And spinning both herself and the Urban Legend around, before driving him face-first into the mat with a jump swinging DDT! “Beautiful DDT by Citizen Montgomery,” exclaims Comet. “She may have knocked him out!” Drea rolls Todd over onto his back and hooks the leg as Hall gets into position to count: ONE! “She’s got the leg hooked,” shouts Comet. “This could be it!” TWO! THREE! NO! The Masked Man runs in at the last possible moment and grabs Andrea by the ankle, pulling her off of his partner to break up the pin! “That was some quick-thinking by the Masked Man,” sighs Riley. “This match may have been over, if not for his timely intervention!” This time, Hall orders Maskosaurus back to his corner, and in confusion, Birdman runs back into the ring to help Andrea whip Todd into the ropes, catching him as he bounces back with a double-back elbow that sends him down to the mat! Birdman quickly retreats back to the apron before the referee turns around, and Andrea makes sure that he sees them make a clean tag. She pulls the Urban Legend to his feet as Birdy climbs up to the top turnbuckle and takes him back down with a snapmare, holding him in place just long enough for Birdman to leap off the top turnbuckle… BANG! … And drill Cortez between the eyes with an elbow smash from the top rope! Birdy immediately pulls him to his feet and whips him into the challengers’ corner as Montgomery returns to the apron. Birdman: CAW-CAW! Crowd: CAW-CAW! “Uh-oh,” moans Comet. “It looks like Birdman has something big planned coming up!” The Bird runs towards his corner, leaping into the air as he approaches his opponent, and running up his body, kicking the Urban Legend in the chest with a Tiger Wall Flip Kick! In the middle of his flip, Birdman also manages to make a spectacular mid-air tag to his partner. “Hummingbird kick,” shouts Comet. “And an amazing tag made to Drea in the middle of his flip!” Andrea climbs to the top turnbuckle and Birdman takes a few steps back to get a running start as Cortez staggers out of the corner. Having made a legal tag, Hall begins admonishing Birdman to leave the ring as soon as possible. “Whatever it is they plan to do,” warns Riley, “They’d better do it before the referee counts to five!” Birdman runs towards the Urban Legend and dives feet-first to send him falling forward with a diving leg tackle, as Andrea simultaneously leaps off the top turnbuckle, planting her knee into the back of Todd’s head… WHAM! … And grinding him face-first into the mat with a Calf Branding! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! “Oh my WORD,” shrieks Comet. “That was some kind of Calf Branding/diving leg tackle combination by the challengers, and Todd Cortez is out cold!” “NO! That’s Tom Flesher’s Ego Trip! That dirty wench stole his move and befouled it!!” Shrieks Riley in anger. Andrea rolls Cortez over onto his back to reveal a broken nose, and a face covered in blood. She hooks the leg as she applies the pin, and the crowd begins to initiate the count for her: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! … FOUR? Andrea looks up to see why the bell hasn’t rung yet, only to discover that the referee is trapped over in the Champion’s corner, distracted by the Masked Man and unaware of the pin attempt. “Damn that Maskosaurus,” grumbles Comet. “Andrea could have pinned Todd Cortez for a ten-count, and he wasn’t going anywhere!” “What a brilliant move by the Masked Man,” counters Riley. “I mean, I agree with you Comet, that there was no way in the world Todd Cortez was going to get up from that, it being a move in the repertoire of Tom Flesher, which makes what the Masked Man did that much more important; there’s no question that he just saved the Tag Titles!” Having reached a point beyond frustration, Andrea rises to her feet and runs over in the direction of TMM, leaping into the air and knocking him off the apron with a running dropkick! The crowd roars its approval as Masked Fury falls to the arena floor. Drea then runs across the ring and tags Birdman back in. Birdy runs to the ropes, and as he bounces off… “Look at the Birdman,” shouts Comet. “He’s doing the Funky Chicken!” “This is no time for him to show off,” admonishes Riley. “If he thinks he can win the match, he needs to go ahead and do it, before Cortez gets a chance to recover!” Birdman dances the Funky Chicken from the edge of the ring all the way over to where the Urban Legend remains unconscious, and suddenly takes a short hop into the air before coming down on top of Todd’s face with a fistdrop! The American Airlines Center goes bananas at Birdy’s display of showmanship! “Well,” says Comet with a chuckle, “I’ve heard of the People’s Elbow before, but what would you call that? A Funky Chicken Fistdrop?” “I call it a waste of energy,” spits Riley. “If he’d have simply covered Todd Cortez, he might be the Tag Team Champion by now!” Birdman pulls Cortez to his feet, trapping him in a front facelock before popping his hips and suddenly jerking the Urban Legend overhead and back to the mat with a snap suplex! The Challenger gets to his feet and steps out onto the ring apron, giving another birdcall before climbing to the top rope: Birdman: CAW-CAW! Crowd: CAW-CAW! “Isn’t this chump going to learn,” mutters Riley. “The last time he was dumb enough to pander to the crowd before going up top, he wound up massaging his nuts on a solid steel turnbuckle!” The Masked Man sees Birdy perched on the top turnbuckle and runs over to knock him down, but reaches the corner just a fraction of a second too late, as the challenger leaps off the top rope… BANG! … And crushes Todd’s skull with a suicide headbutt! “Bird Bomb,” exclaims Comet. “That HAS to be it; Todd’s face can’t TAKE any more punishment!” Birdman applies a lateral press, and Hall drops down to deliver the count: ONE! TWO! THREE— NO! Just before the referee’s hand can strike the canvas a third time, TMM runs into the ring to make the save yet again! “Masked Man breaking up the count again,” notes Comet. “But the challengers have taken firm control of this match; it’s going to take a miracle for the champions to hold on at this point!” As the referee forces TMM back to his corner, Birdman drapes Cortez’s neck across the middle rope, making sure that the ref remains distracted… CRACK! … As Andrea runs across the ring apron and drives a running knee into Todd’s already battered face! “What the hell,” roars Bobby. “What about that, Comet! I notice that you’re conspicuously silent when your favorites are double-teaming illegally!” “Hey, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, Bobbo,” Comet replies sweetly. “If 42nd Street hadn’t been so heinous in their behavior earlier in the match, I might have an ounce of sympathy for them… But, they didn’t, and I don’t!” Birdman pulls Todd off the ropes and whips him into a neutral corner. He lets loose with one more birdcall: Birdman: CAW-CAW! Crowd: CAW-CAW! … Before running towards the corner at top speed and leaping into the air, crushing the Urban Legend against the turnbuckles with a Stinger Splash! The Champion stumbles out of the corner into the waiting arms of the Bird, who immediately traps him in a front-facelock and lifts him into the air, hooking the leg as if for a fisherman’s buster… WHAM! … But drops to his knees instead, crushing Todd’s neck against his shoulder with his patented Mexican Stretch Buster! “Bird Buster,” cries Comet. “That’s GOT to do it!” Birdman floats into a cover as Hall gets into position to count: ONE! TWO! TWO AND A HALF! TWO AND THREE-QUARTERS! TWO AND NINE-TENTHS! THRE— NO! “Masked Man makes the save once again,” Riley says breathlessly. “I shudder to think about what would become of the Tag Team Titles if not for him in this match!” Birdman walks over to his corner and makes the tag to Andrea. The Wild Card gets into the ring and pulls Cortez to his feet. She whips him into the ropes and Cortez, out of sheer muscle memory, reverses. He drops down to the mat as she bounces off the ropes, allowing her to run over the top of him. But, as she rebounds a second time, TMM jams a knee into her back from outside the ring! Cortez pulls himself to his knees as Drea turns around to confront him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt while Hall tries to separate them… WHAM! … And the Urban Legend wraps his arms around the unsuspecting Andrea around the waist, popping his hips as he snatches her off the mat and drops her onto the back of her neck with a desperation backdrop driver! “My word,” groans Comet. “That was a SICK backdrop!” “That’ll buy him a little time,” says Riley, “but he’s going to need a little more than that if they want to retake control of this match.” Despite feeling a stinging pain in her neck, Andrea beats Cortez to his feet and grabs him by the wrist, again whipping him to the ropes, which Cortez again reverses wearily. He lowers his shoulder to lift her with a back-body drop, but she lands gracefully on her feet. But, as she runs towards the ropes… CRACK! … The Masked Man bounds out of the corner and nails her in the side of the head with a perfectly-timed running elbow smash! Drea staggers back towards the center of the ring… WHACK! … And walks directly into a superkick by the Urban Legend! “That’s what I’m talking about,” crows Riley, as Todd crawls meekly towards his corner. “That’s what they get for showing off; they had their chances to put this match away, and they couldn’t do it! Now, they’re going to pay for all that showing off they did!” Cortez reaches up and feebly tags in Maskosaurus, who storms into the ring ready to inflict further damage to Andrea. The Masked Man lifts Andrea to her feet and drives his knee into her stomach thrice before throwing her into the champion’s corner. To prevent her from escaping, Masky places Andrea’s arms behind the top rope and backs up a few paces... SMACK! Only to charge forward, slamming his elbow into her face! The Sexual Maskosaurus, like his extinct ancestors before him, begins kicking Andrea in the stomach, ultimately stomping her while she’s seated on the mat. Anthony Michael Hall places himself between Andrea and Mask, informing TMM to refrain from stomping. Mask backs away innocently, simply stalling for time as Cortez manages to shoo away the little birds flying around his head and pull Andrea to her feet. TMM brushes Hall to the side and charges in again, driving his elbow into Andrea’s head. Masked Man delivers two sharp knees to the gut before he grabs Andrea by the chin, lifting her face up... THWACK! Delivering a humiliating backhanded slap to Andrea’s cheek! Needless to say, the crowd is furious! STUPID JERK-FACE!! CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! STUPID JERK-FACE!! CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! STUPID JERK-FACE!! CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! “Well, Masked Man showing a bit of his old mean streak there, and the fans aren’t too pleased about it. For his sake, I hope it’s just a bit of a slip-up, as I like this kind of Mask. It doesn’t give masked folk a bad name,” Comet says sagely. “I, for one, liked that. A lot! I’m getting a little tired of the way Masked Man has been acting. I mean, when I cared about the fans, I got nowhere, but once I dumped their sorry asses, I was main-eventing. Same might happen with Masked Man.” Riley chimes in. “But I have to point out the level of sophistication and class present in this Dallas crowd. ‘Stupid jerk-face’? Did we bus in a bunch of grade school children?” “Actually” Comet says, reading from an index card, “I think that, as part of our community outreach program, Mrs. Belcourt’s third grade class is, in fact, in attendance tonight!” Masked Man delivers a thunderous headbutt and tags in Todd Cortez, who’s managed to stanch the flow of blood from his nose. Cortez slips a front facelock on Andrea, and with his free arm, rains down several forearms across Andrea’s back before spiking Drea with a DDT. Cortez tosses Drea back into the 42nd Street’s corner, lands several kicks, then spontaneously turns around and charges towards Birdman. Birdman ducks, but Cortez never threw a blow! As Cortez walks back, Birdman gets in the ring, but Hall intervenes before anything happens, leaving Masked Man all alone to slam Andrea’s head against the top turnbuckle. “Brilliant! A phantom blow from Cortez draws Birdman in the ring, leaving The Masked Man able to pound on Andrea!” Riley cheers gleefully. “I will admit that it is great strategy, but I thought Forty-Second Street were above this. I guess I’m wrong,” Comet says, crestfallen. Cortez continues to taunt Birdman, who’s trying to get past Hall and do something to Todd that would end up with a regular person wearing an orange jumpsuit for a few years, despite the fact that Masked Man has ceased his assault on Andrea. Hall finally persuades Birdman to return to his own corner and Todd turns around, lifting Andrea up. Cortez leads Andrea towards the middle of the ring and whips her to the ropes near her and Birdman’s corner. As she hits the ropes, Andrea reaches out and tags in Birdman, ever so subtlety. Cortez darts forward, one leg cocked back. Montgomery, most likely out of pure instinct, jumps in the air, scissoring Todd’s leg as it explodes forward! Andrea twists to the side, dragging Cortez to the mat. Moments after impact, the legal Birdman leaps from his position on the top turnbuckle, crashing down on top of the Urban Legend with a body splash! “Looks like Todd Cortez was going for a knockout blow with that superkick, but Andrea just managed to counter it with that leg scissors takedown!” Comet exclaims. “And a knockout blow it would have been. Damn meddling kids,” Riley grumbles. Birdman gets to his feet, but Cortez is up soon after. Todd ducks a swipe from Birdman and cinches a rear waistlock. The Urban Legend heaves Birdy up and over, but Birdman lands on his feet. Expecting this outcome, Cortez blindly reaches backwards… CRACK! … And unloads a furious elbow to Birdman’s face, staggering him! Spinning on his heel, Cortez launches a flurry of palm strikes to Birdman’s head before finishing with a spinning wheel kick, dropping the challenger. Cortez latches on to Birdman’s foot and drags him towards the 42nd Street corner. Cortez tags in The Masked Man who promptly takes up where Todd left off. The Masked Fury hoists Birdman to his feet and takes a step back to create space, before winding up similar to a softball pitcher… WHACK! … And knocks Birdy silly with a big uppercut! As Birdman staggers around, Masky slips behind him, puts on a rear waistlock, and heaves him backwards with a beautiful Romanian suplex that will no doubt end up as part of someone’s signature on a message board, barring 42nd Street losing the match. Sexual Maskosaurus rolls Birdman over and cinches in a chinlock. “Great strategy by Forty-Second Street,” concedes Comet. “They’re isolating Birdman and working on his head and neck, which works well since Masked Man’s finisher, the Cautionary Tale of Sexual Maskosaurus, and their tag team finisher, The Party Crasher, both focus on the neck.” “Of course it’s good strategy! Forty-Second Street is a legitimate tag team. They’re smart, and they’ll retain their belts.” Riley says. Struggling with the pain, Birdman feebly reaches out and grabs hold of the middle rope. Before Hall can begin his five count, Masked Man releases the hold and pulls Birdy to his feet. Masked Fury walks him over to the champion’s corner and tags Cortez in. 42nd Street lock on front chanceries… BAM! … And drop to the canvas, drilling Birdman with a double DDT! But, the Champions aren’t done yet, as they roll through it and hit another double DDT! The members of 42nd Street get to their feet and TMM steps through the ropes, but is only outside for a split second before Cortez tags him back in. With another five seconds to work with, Cortez and Masked Fury stand on either side of Birdman and slam him face-first into the mat with a double-legsweep. Cortez rolls under the bottom rope, pulling himself to his feet on the apron, and applauds for himself and his partner. “More double-teaming,” fumes Comet, “and quite frankly, I’m a little tired of this blatant disrespect for the rules!” “You know Comet, I don’t want to have to explain this again, so I’ll just...ugh, forget it,” Riley says, exhausted from defending heelish tactics for such a large event. “Quit arguing, for cripes sake! It’s getting too late in the night to argue with you!” Masked Man pulls Birdman to his feet and cinches in a front facelock. TMM hoists Birdy up into that familiar position holding him up before falling forward, spiking Birdman headfirst on the canvas. Maskosaurus gets to his feet as the crowd seems to completely turn on him, favoring Birdman and Andrea Montgomery. JERK-A-SAUR-US!! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! JERK-A-SAUR-US!! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! JERK-A-SAUR-US!! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! “The Masked Man with The Cautionary Tale of Sexual Maskosaurus and it looks like the crowd has introduced a new species of dinosaur in the process of turning against Masked Fury!” screams Comet. “And now, just as I predicted, Forty-Second Street will retain their tag team titles. Until Mike Van Siclen asks Masked Man to hand over his belt, which he should do if he knows what’s good for him,” Riley mutters in what he hopes is a menacing tone. Masked Man rolls Birdman onto his back and pulls him towards the side of the ring opposite of Andrea Montgomery. Masked Fury applies a basic lateral press and Hall gets down to make the count: ONE! Andrea grabs hold of the top rope, looking straight at Masked Man pinning Birdman and springs up. TWO!! TWO AND ONE-THIRD! Andrea turns around and leaps off. TWO AND TWO-THIRDS!! THREE!! NO!!! Andrea just managed to land on top of Masked Man with an enormous moonsault at the last possible second! “Coast to Coast moonsault from Andrea Montgomery, and this match is still on,” screams Comet, on the verge of hyperventilation. “What an amazing save from Montgomery. Surely a sign that her and Birdman are a true tag team, despite what you say, Bobby!” “Well, uh...that obviously shows how desperate Andrea and Birdman are in this match. I don’t think they will last much longer,” Riley says, flustered that the match isn’t over as predicted. Masked Man gets to his feet and shouts after Andrea, who retreats to the safety of her corner before the referee can say anything. “Maskosaurus upset about Andrea Montgomery breaking up his pin,” growls Riley, “and I don’t blame him!” “He may, in fact, have a legitimate gripe,” agrees Comet, “but he’d better keep his mind on the action in the ring!” The frantic shouts of his partner to focus on the match finally compel Masky to turn around and grab his opponent by the heel. TMM jerks Birdman to his feet, but perplexingly turns back towards the challenger’s corner so that he can continue to badmouth Drea. “Damn it, Mask,” screams Cortez, “turn around!” Maskosaurus finally turns his attention back to his opponent… CRACK! … But not soon enough to avoid an enzugiri by the Birdman! The crowd cheers themselves hoarse as Masky falls to the mat clutching the back of his head! “Beautiful enzugiri by the Birdman,” as the Bird begins to crawl to his corner. “But will he be able to make the tag in time?” TMM gets to his feet before Birdman can safely make it to his corner, and charges after him to score a running kneelift, but Birdy surprises Maskosaurus, as well as perhaps everyone in the American Airlines Center, by grabbing that knee before it reaches his face and tumbling backwards, tripping the unsuspecting Masked Fury forward and onto his stomach as Birdy emerges on his feet behind the Champion, pulling that knee towards him into a beautiful half-crab! “What a tremendous counter,” exclaims Comet. “Birdman rolled through that knee, and reversed it into a half-crab! I didn’t even know he had that in his repertoire!” Rather than try to get the submission, though, Birdman abruptly releases the hold and lunges towards his own corner… SWAT! … Where he makes the tag to Andrea Montgomery! Masky gets to his feet and tries to stumble towards his corner as Andrea steps into the ring, but the Wild Card has other plans, and lands a dropkick to retreating Masked Fury! As TMM gets back to his feet, he catches a spin kick to the face, staggering him! Andrea lands an elbow to his head before heading to the ropes. Off the rebound, Andrea goes into a forward roll, springing up and snaring Masked Man’s head. As Drea is completing the Tuckerman and Roll, Masky manages to wriggle out slightly, thus not taking the full brunt of the jawbreaker, but is slightly dazed anyway. “Tuckerman and Roll,” repeats Comet. “She didn’t get all of that, but enough to leave the Masked Man dazed and confused!” Andrea goes to the ropes again, going into a front handspring and bouncing against them. Andrea flips backwards and snares Masked Man in a three-quarters facelock and continues going up. As she’s nearly vertical, Andrea tries to fall forward, but Masked Man knows the diamond cutter too well and he grabs hold of Andrea’s waist and begins leaning backwards. “The Masked Man stopped the Delta Cutter,” shrieks Comet, “and it looks like he’s going to do something nasty to Andrea’s brain!” “If I were him, I’d change up the hold and bit and for the...that thing I can’t pronounce...the reverse Cautionary Tale thing,” Riley sputters. Masked Man goes against Riley’s advice, which is easy to do when you are unable to hear it, and continues to fall backwards, looking to scramble Andrea’s brain enough to nullify her expensive college-level Spanish, but Andrea fights through it and lands on her feet behind the Masked Fury. TMM reaches behind him, and it’s his turn to latch on a three-quarters facelock on Andrea. Masked Man begins to dart forward, but Andrea, in pure desperation, grabs hold of TMM’s mask and twists it, rendering him blind as his eyeholes are now replaced with opaque fabric! Masked Man releases Andrea and slides his mask back in place, but the distraction serves its purpose, and he turns back around to find himself the recipient of a kick to his stomach! Andrea quickly wraps her leg around the Masked Man’s and hooks both of his arms, intent to finish the match once and for all. Andrea is so intent that she doesn’t even notice Todd Cortez climb to the top turnbuckle and leap off… WHAM! … Nailing her with a flying lariat! “Todd Cortez makes the save after Andrea managed to escape from Masked Man’s Surprise Witness attempt! If she hit the Done and Dusted, I think we would have had new tag champs.” Comet says. “But she didn’t, and there aren’t Comet. Why do you always insist on playing these games of ‘what if...?’” Riley asks. Cortez, frustrated with Masked Man’s hesitation in this critical part of the match, lifts his partner up and walks him towards their corner, where he tags himself in. Cortez rushes in a bit foolhardy and pays for it, as Andrea sends a heel kick to meet Todd’s already battered nose, causing the blood to flow once more! The Urban Legend grimaces in pain, but manages to snare on of Andrea’s legs and trips her. Cortez, still holding Drea’s leg, rolls her on her stomach and releases his hold, only to shift his attention upward and latch on a full nelson, and then lifting the smaller wrestler off the mat… WHAM! … Popping his hips as he tosses her overhead and planting her with a dragon suplex! Similar to the Romanian suplex, Cortez doesn’t release the agile grappler until the move is completely over. Todd leans out and makes a lateral press: ONE! TWO!! TWO AND A HALF!! TWO AND NINETY-NINE ONE HUNDREDTHS!!! THREE!! NO!! Andrea manages the feeblest of kickouts, Hall’s palm hovering just millimeters above the mat! Cortez shakes his head in frustration and decides to tag the Masked Man back in, warning his partner not to hold back as he returns to the apron. TMM walks over to Andrea, lifts her up and sends her backpedaling with a forearm blow. Another forearm causes Andrea to stagger around the ring. Masked Fury sends out a punch, but Andrea staggers backwards in time to avoid it. So intent is the Masked Man on hurting Andrea Montgomery and not disappointing his partner, he doesn’t notice that he is unwittingly allowing Andrea to get closer to her corner. TMM finally darts forward and unleashes a huge punch, but Andrea sits down, one arm outstretched the entire time... SWAT! And it connects with Birdman’s hand, allowing him to enter the ring! “Wonderful fake-out by Andrea! She staggered around, evading The Masked Man’s attacks, heading for Birdman the whole time. Sort of a combination between when the pirate Yellowbeard staggers around the island drunkenly in an attempt to find his buried treasure and that ‘drunken’ style of martial arts!” exclaims Comet. “Drunken martial arts? How do you know about that stuff?” inquires Riley. “I play a lot of Virtua Fighter. That Shun Di guy is hard to beat. And there’s this guy, Wolf Hawkfield, and he does all these wrestling moves! He, like, suplexes people and stuff.” Comet continues to ramble on, “But my favorite is the ninja, Kage Maru, because he wears a mask, just like me. But sometimes his mask gets knocked off so you can see his face, and that’s never happened to me so nobody knows what my face looks like.” Riley sighs sadly at being paired with Cyclone Comet for every single show for so many years and wonders when Zenon’s going to break out those new commentator pairings that were hyped so much on the Internet. Birdman reaches over the top rope and cracks Masky with a stiff punch between the eyes. With the Masked Fury dazed, Birdman hops onto the top turnbuckle and flies off, taking TMM down to the mat. Birdman helps Andrea to exit the ring and turns his attention back to TMM, but that proves to be a mistake as Masky nails Birdman with a right hand! TMM rocks Birdy with another punch, leaving the high-flyer dazed. Maskosaurus slips his arms underneath Birdman’s armpits, walks Birdy out of the corner, lifts him off his feet, and Masked Man dumps Birdman unceremoniously on the mat. “Nice belly to belly suplex by Masked Man. That might shift the momentum in this match back towards the champions.” Comet says. “I don’t believe that the champions ever lost the momentum,” counters Riley. “I think that Masked Man is still a little preoccupied with how the fans have reacted to him tonight, and he’s been hesitant to be as vicious as you need to be in a title defense. But Todd Cortez has always been there to restore his focus, and I think that, when he gets back in the ring, he’s going to put this match away for good!” TMM chooses to continue on the offensive rather than pin Birdman, so he pulls Birdy up, grabs his left arm, wraps it around Birdman’s neck and drops him with the Lineage neckbreaker. TMM gets back to his feet only to drop an elbow across Birdman’s chest. Masked Fury lifts Birdman up by his head, walks him over and tags in Cortez, who scrambles up to the top turnbuckle. TMM takes Birdman near the middle of the ring, but still close enough for Cortez to reach them with a jump from the corner. Maskosaurus cinches in a reverse facelock and drops to one knee, driving Birdman’s back into TMM’s other knee. Masky gets back up and hits a falling neckbreaker, thus completing the Blood Money! He quickly exits the ring and Cortez leaps off the turnbuckle, crashing down on Birdy and staying down for the pin. ONE! TWO!! TWO AND A HALF!! TWO AND FOUR FIFTHS!!! THREE!!! NO!! Andrea breaks up the pin with a brutal dropkick to Todd’s face, causing more blood to spurt out. “Blood Money followed up with a splash from the top rope by Cortez, but Andrea Montgomery manages to break it up with a sick looking dropkick, and Todd is bleeding once again. I don’t think anyone should waste the money in buying Cortez scented candles or incense any time soon.” Comet chuckles at his own wit. “Yes, that dropkick looked painful, but it might be pointless with the amount of damage already inflicted upon Cortez’s face.” Riley says. The Urban Legend uses the bottom of his wifebeater to wipe away the blood and charges towards Montgomery. Hall steps between the two, and tells Andrea to go back to her corner. Cortez shouts at Andrea the entire time she’s walking back to her corner, leaving Birdman time to recover enough to crawl forward and hook Cortez in a roll up! There’s no count, though, as Hall is still focused on making sure Andrea heads back and doesn’t get in the ring until being tagged in. Andrea manages to notice Cortez being pinned and she frantically points past Hall. He turns around warily, sees the pin, and dashes forward to count. ONE! TWO!! NO!! The time Hall spent focused on Drea allows Cortez time enough to kickout. Both men reach their feet at nearly the same time and Cortez lets loose with a palm thrust, but Birdman sidesteps and drops Todd with a drop toehold. Birdman gets to his feet and drops a knee to the back of the Urban Legend’s head, driving his face into the mat! Birdman pulls Cortez to his feet and tags in Andrea. The challengers grab the Urban Legend by his arms and whip him into their corner. Todd bounces out, dazed, as Andrea races to the adjacent set of ropes and Birdman goes back outside the ring. Andrea sneaks up behind the groggy Cortez as she bounces off the ropes, slips on a full nelson, takes a few steps forward... SPLAT!! And plants him with a full nelson bulldog!! “HAMBURGULAR!! Andrea Montgomery just obliterated Todd Cortez’s face with Mayor McCheese’s finisher, and I think this match is finished, unless The Masked Man makes a save!” Comet screams as the crowd bypasses regular popping and explodes! “I tell you what, Comet,” screeches Riley, “I’m almost at the point where I don’t care who wins anymore! This match is prolonging the wait for the main event, and I want to see the man, MY man, Tom Flesher in action already!” Andrea rolls Cortez over and hooks his leg: ONE! Masked Man gets in the ring... TWO!! TWO AND A HALF!!! … Birdman hop on to the top turnbuckle as TMM rushes towards Andrea and Todd… TWO AND NINE TENTHS!!! … Masked is almost close enough to break up the pinfall… TWO AND NINETY-NINE ONE HUNDREDTHS!!! … But Birdman leaps off the turnbuckle, nailing the Sexual Maskosaurus in the shoulder with a missile dropkick that spins him around! THREE!!!! Hall climbs to his feet and calls for the bell, as the fans that didn’t previously explode do so now. DING! DING! DING! “Ladies and gentleman, the winners of this match and NEW tag team champions, AAANDRREEEA MONTGOMERRRY AND THE BIIIIIIRDMAAAAAN!!!!” Funyon booms out over the crowd and “Just a Girl” blaring over the speakers. “They’ve done it! This seemingly thrown-together tag team has captured the titles in amazing fashion!” Comet screams in excitement as Andrea and Birdman celebrate in the ring, tag titles held aloft. “And Mike Van Siclen is going to be pissed! Cortez and Masked Man pretty much gave those titles away. I wouldn’t want to be either member of Forty Second Street right now.” Riley says. As Andrea and Birdman continue their celebration, The Masked Man helps Todd Cortez up and the former champions walk to the current ones, and shake hands in congratulation, Masked Man almost desperate to regain the favor of the crowd. Cortez and the Masked Man raise the hands of the new champions in victory, and the fans approve of this show of sportsmanship, rewarding all four combatants with a standing ovation! The members of 42nd Street exit the ring, allowing Birdman and Andrea to soak in the cheers by themselves. Finally, after “Just a Girl” has nearly played through, Birdy and Drea exit the ring, titles over their shoulders. “What a great match,” exclaims Comet. “These two teams turned out to be very evenly matched! So many close falls and saves from both teams. I think that Forty Second Street more than deserves a rematch. Don’t you, Bobby?” “Hell no!” snaps Riley. “Now that Mike Van Siclen is back, it should be Hollywood Boulevard getting that shot. That is, if Siclen still wants to associate himself with a disgrace such as Todd Cortez. Urban Legend indeed; more like Urban Loser! How could he give up the titles to those chumps? Birdman belongs in a zoo, and Andrea belongs in the kitchen, damn it!” “Well, hopefully you’ll feel better with this next match,” mocks Comet in a singsong voice. “It’s got Tom Flesher!” “Yes! I want Flesher. Me likey Tom! Me likey Tom!” Riley squeals in delight. “Well, first the ring crew has to clean up some of this blood that Cortez forgot to take with him. And then I think we’ve got a promotional package about the World title match, and as would be expected, the tale of the tape.” Comet says with some uncertainty. “What do you mean, you think? Shouldn’t you know what’s coming up next?” Rile demands. “Well, uh, the thing is, I lost one of my cards, and I spilled my Pepsi Max® on the other one, and the ink is all blurry so I can’t read it. But that’s what usually happens, right?” Comet pleads. Once again, Riley sighs, and fights back tears, hoping desperately that Zenon assigns him a new broadcast partner. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ace309 0 Report post Posted August 2, 2004 The fans are on their feet as the pay-per-view telecast resumes, this time for the show’s main event! The signs are there, as always – the usual “Flesher fears Janus,” “Toxxic fears Flesher” and “Janus fears Lithium” are all present in abundance, as is the standard “Toxxic Shock Syndrome” sign that’s taken the fed by storm (featuring a drawing of a tampon with Toxxic’s head pasted over the end). The standard Superior-1 rugby shirts are spread throughout the audience, as are Janus’s old Unholy Trinity cricket jerseys and Toxxic’s soccer shirts. Still, the clearest sign of the fans’ excitement isn’t in what they carry, or what they wear. It’s what they’re shouting, over and over, at the top of their lungs. “START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap* START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap*” “Tonight,” says Bobby Riley, “we’ve got a match that shouldn’t even be taking place!” It’s fairly obvious that Riley is fuming, as his face is red and that vein… you know, that one on his forehead… is standing out much more than usual. “At Ground Zero, Tom Flesher took on Dace Night in a match that was billed as a number-one contenders match. He beat Dace fair in a Canadian Death match, and won the #1 contendership. Then, a week later, what does that bastard Zenon do? He puts Toxxic and Danny Williams in a so-called number-one contenders match! Now, correct me if I’m wrong, Comet, but the ordinal numbers don’t go 1, 1, 3, 4, 5. Not even 1, then 1a. Tom Flesher had his contendership first, and then Toxxic won his. That makes Toxxic NUMBER TWO!” “Be that as it may, Robert,” says Riley’s spandex-clad broadcast partner, “the interim commissioner elected to put Toxxic in this match against Tom Flesher and the current World Champion, Janus. Now, keeping in mind the history between Tom Flesher and Toxxic…” “START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap* START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap*” “These fans are really anxious to get the match underway,” says Riley. “And frankly, I’d be happy to get the thing over with. Despite all the ways that Alex Zenon has tried to screw Tom Flesher, there’s one thing that’s certain. Tom Flesher is walking out of here the champion of both divisions – cruiserweight AND heavyweight!” “Now, without further ado, let’s send this to Funyon!” “START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap* START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap*” “Just give us a chance,” booms Funyon, quieting the crowd as he stands in the center of the ring clad in his black tailcoat. “The following match is your main event! It will continue until one wrestler is defeated twice, with the wrestler securing the second fall over the loser being declared the SWF World Champion!” Funyon pauses to let the crowd pop. After a moment, he continues, “Count-outs and disqualifications will count as losses, but the title cannot change hands except on a pin or a submission. Now, it is my pleasure to announce… challenger number one!” The fans begin to boo, despite the fact that they don’t know which wrestler is coming out. Their questions are answered a few moments later, though. The heavy guitars of Lostprophets’ “We Still Kill The Old Way” kicks in, and the words “Prepare To Be Proved Wrong” flash up one after another on the Smarktron, jagged white letters on a black background. This prompts an even bigger chorus of boos from the crowd, as the picture cuts to footage of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome. The landing is timed to coincide with... ‘GO!’ BOOOM!! ...the blast of red pyro announcing the arrival of the SWF's premier straight-edger! The SmarkTron cuts to a shot of Toxxic's lopsided grin before moving onto other match clips such as hitting the Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas, clips of the all-show brawl with Insane Luchador and dropping Kibagami on his head with the Caffeine Bomb. “Making his way to the ring, accompanied by Jet… he hails from Nottingham, England, and weighs in tonight at 218 pounds… he became the number-one contender to the World Championship by defeating three-time World Champion ‘Deathwish’ Danny Williams… the leader of Revolution Zero, he is the Straight-Edge Sensation, TOXXXXXXXXXXXIC~!!!!!” As the main riff hammers out through the speakers Toxxic comes out towards the squared circle, visibly worked up for the match and accompanied by Jet. He pauses as he walks out from the curtain, pointing to the SmarkTron to draw attention to the latest addition to his entrance video: a slow-motion clip of Caffeine Bombing Tom Flesher for the win in Buffalo, New York! This prompts a loud, if mixed, reaction from the crowd, and Toxxic continues along his way to the ring. He stops a short distance from the steps, cracking his neck and talking to himself before rushing it, scaling a ringpost and making the Straight Edge symbol to the crowd. He takes his shirt off, flinging it to his girlfriend and prompting a cheer from the girls in the crowd. He poses once again before the music fades. Toxxic exits the ring and continues his warm-up as Funyon makes the next announcement. “Challenger number two…” BOOOM!! An explosion of blue pyro and smoke lights up the arena as Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” begins to blare throughout the stadium! As the smoke clears, Tom Flesher steps through the velvet curtain, wearing a warm-up suit made of shiny silver fabric instead of his usual blue. The light reflects off his silver warm-up as he walks down the aisle, followed closely by Allison Onita! Allie wears a royal blue suit with white pinstripes and a white blouse, making sure to dress herself up for the pay-per-view telecast. More importantly, she struts behind her boyfriend wearing his Cruiserweight Championship belt! “Total disregard for that title,” murmurs Comet. “He doesn’t even care enough to wear it himself!” Flesher gradually makes his way up the aisle, moving slowly and deliberately. He keeps his eyes focused on Toxxic, as his warm-up mirrors the regular explosions of royal blue pyro timed to coincide with the symphonic hooks of the epic “Kashmir.” Meanwhile, Toxxic stares with raw, burning hatred at Flesher, the man who attacked him backstage and poured beer down his throat. Some things, Toxxic thinks to himself, aren’t just mind games. Flesher walks up the stairs, totally focused. Allison follows behind, unstrapping the Cruiserweight Championship from her waist. As the music fades, Flesher positions himself in the middle of the ring. With the cool confidence of a boxer going into a title fight, Flesher stays still as he is announced, except for small movements to keep the blood flowing. “Tonight,” says Funyon, “you will witness history. You, the thousands in attendance and the millions who wish you could be, are going to experience one of the greatest feelings in the history of sport. Tonight, you will watch a pretender to the throne be stripped of his crown. You will watch a fellow challenger be totally emasculated. Most importantly, you will see the greatest athlete in the history of our sport once again follow the King’s Road to the top of the mountain for a record third time! Tonight, stand on your seat… crane your neck… and take many, many photos, as this is a night that will go down in history as the third World Championship win for the man who wears the Cruiserweight Title already, ‘the SUPERIOR ONE,’ TOM FLESHERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!” Flesher shakes his shoulders out, bouncing as the fans boo their hearts out. Allison hoists the Cruiserweight Championship high into the air as Flesher continues his warm-up. As the booing subsides, Flesher slows his movements down. Allison holds the Cruiserweight Title over her shoulder as she helps Flesher strip his warm-up suit off, revealing a blue singlet with shining silver panels in the side, instead of the usual black. Flesher continues stretching out on the outside of the ring as Allison straps the title around her waist again. Once again, the arena goes dark. “And finally…” Red lights begin to flash, in synch with an ominous, buzzing alarm. As the alarm continues to buzz out, indistinct red letters flash on the Smarktron, and a bell tolls ominously as the words resolve into... [sTATUS: RELEASED!] The chorus of Fear Factory's "Resurrection" echoes out over the arena, accompanied by a pair of spotlights that swing around the crowd as if searching after a jailbreak. Blue pyrotechnics fountain from the rampsides, causing a rain of azure to sprinkle down. Consumed with memories... That preceded today... Given a chance to bereave... Life that's slipping AWAY! Janus comes stalking through the entranceway to thundering boos, his trenchcoat flapping behind him. He lifts his arms into the air despite the noise from the crowd, and begins stomping down the ramp. As he goes past each pyrotechnic fountain, they go out. “After having defeated three-time SWF World Champion ‘Deathwish’ Danny Williams at Ground Zero, this man was suspended only to return on a tear! The vain attempt to control him has only made him more dangerous! Hailing from Sydney, Australia, and weighing in at a superhuman 360 pounds… he is the SWF Champion of the Wooooooooooooooorld… THE HELL MACHINE, JAAAAAAAAAAANUS!!!!!!” Revive all my fears! Revive wasted tears! Revive void within! Revive once again! When he reaches the bottom of the ramp, the Hell Machine discards his trenchcoat, laying it on the steps and rolling into the ring. He rises to his feet with a grim expression, thrusting his arms into the air. Blue fountains of flame explode from the turnbuckles, and it is this that brings the light back up as the sound of "Resurrection" fades out. Janus stands in his corner, and Flesher and Toxxic both slide into the ring as well. Toxxic cracks his neck again, and Flesher resumes warming up by shaking his limbs out. “START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap* START THE SHOW, ASSHOLES, START THE SHOW! *clap clap*” Finally, senior official Eddy Long calls for the bell! DING DING DING!!!! The fans cheer even louder as the main event of Ground Zero gets underway! Flesher, Toxxic and Janus all stay for a moment in their corners, none of them eager to be the first casualty of the match. Flesher stares coldly at Toxxic, who sneers back in his insufferably arrogant manner. All the while, Janus watches with the undeniable advantage of walking in the champion. “Keep in mind,” says Riley, “that Janus doesn’t have to be involved in any of the falls to lose the World Championship.” Undeniable, indeed. Janus reclines in his corner as Toxxic stalks over to Flesher, steaming with hatred. Flesher backs away, holding his hands up with a cool smirk as if to say, “Easy there, chopper.” “Without a doubt, the biggest rift among these three is between Citizen Flesher and his straight-edge adversary,” says Comet. “Flesher committed an unpardonable sin when he ambushed Toxxic backstage several weeks ago and had the unmitigated temerity to pour beer down the Revolution Zero leader’s throat. You HAVE to believe that Toxxic is looking for revenge.” Flesher tries to back away from Toxxic, but the straight-edger catches him off-guard, sliding into him with a soccer tackle! Flesher spills to the mat, prompting an “OOOH!” from the crowd. Toxxic pops back up to his feet, then dives onto Flesher with a fistdrop! He begins wildly assaulting Flesher, throwing hard punches with a total disregard for Flesher’s safety! His face reddening every second, Toxxic batters Flesher with a barrage of fists! Flesher tries to fight his way out, bridging to shake Toxxic off. No dice. He kicks his legs up in hopes of hitting a boot to the back. Nothing. Finally, Flesher gives up and covers his face with his forearms to try to deflect the blows! The fans cheer Toxxic on as he literally beats Flesher’s face in, throwing his guard away and resuming the beatings! Flesher slides back, trying to assume a judo guard position, but he simply can’t fend off Toxxic’s anger and hatred! He reaches out, grabbing frantically at the ropes as Janus simply sits back and watches! Eddy Long steps in, trying to put himself between the combatants and finally forcing Toxxic off of Flesher! Taamo rolls out of the ring, grimacing in pain and trying to regain his composure! Toxxic leans over the top rope, shouting invective at Tom, who simply turns and leans against the cornerpost while Allison runs up to him to check on his condition. “Where the hell does this kid get off?” fumes Riley. “All Flesher did was have a little fun with him, and he goes and takes it personally.” “Toxxic has every right in the world to be upset with Tom Flesher,” chides Comet. “Tom Flesher took it upon himself to impose his evil tendencies on a man who, despite all other influences, chose to forego the temptation to partake in the alteration of his minds. Flesher gave him no choice and, in fact, mocked his morality. You, Robert, would be just as angry.” “A smart guy like Taamo? I’d thank him for showing me how much fun I could have!” Flesher stays on the outside for a few seconds as the giant rouses from his slumber in the corner. He lumbers over to the ropes and, as Toxxic shouts one last insult at Flesher, Janus grabs him by the shoulder. Effortlessly, he spins the Straight-Edge Sensation around and hits him with a Knuckle Bomb! Toxxic staggers backwards, leaning against the ropes for support as Janus nails him with another sledgehammer-like fist! Toxxic stumbles forward, trying to fight his way out, but goes down to a third Knuckle Bomb! “How do you like that?” Riley chuckles. “All this talk about no drugs, no alcohol, and then Toxxic strolls out here only to end up punch-drunk.” As Toxxic falls, Flesher rolls back into the ring on the other side, avoiding Janus’s tunnel vision. Flesher leans in a corner, smirking as Janus hoists Toxxic off the mat and whips him to the corner like a ragdoll. Janus lifts Toxxic’s left arm up and hammers him with a quick flurry of shots to the body. The Nottingham Brit shudders with each blow before finally slumping down. Janus grabs his arm and whips him across the ring. As Toxxic hits the corner, he grabs both sets of ropes to dull the impact, but Janus charges after him like an angry bull seeking to gore his matador. As he closes in, Toxxic pushes himself off the mat and kicks his legs back, hooking Janus in a headscissors grip! He pushes himself to the side and somersaults over the top rope, diving to the floor and taking Janus with him in a modified Hurricanrana! The two wrestlers collapse to the floor, with Janus taking the brunt of the fall but Toxxic landing hard as well. Flesher sprints over to Eddy Long and shouts, “START COUNTING!” Long raises an eyebrow, but looks down and sees neither wrestler moving. He begins his count. ONE! “What a weasel!” fumes Comet. “Tom Flesher will do nothing short of abusing the rules to try to get ahead!” TWO! “Abusing? Comet, those ARE the rules! Count-outs and disqualifications count against the losers… why WOULDN’T you try to set one strike against both your opponents? That’s smart strategy and solid tactics!” THREE! Toxxic starts to stir, and the unbelievably resilient Janus does as well. Slowly, they begin to get to their feet. FOUR! Toxxic, being closer to the ropes, rolls in under the bottom strand, at which point Flesher immediately drops into him and hits a low dropkick to the head! Toxxic flattens out, and Flesher grabs his hair. He drags him to the center of the ring, focusing only on his stunned opponent as Janus rolls back in to beat the count. He lifts Toxxic’s arm and stiffly boots him in the ribs, watching the straight-edger curl up to try to absorb the blow. Flesher lifts Toxxic to his feet, then drops back. He shoots forward, looking for a double-leg takedown. He telegraphs the move, though, and Toxxic is able to sidestep and spin out! Flesher shoots through and his head pops up as he looks around, confused. Toxxic snags his head in a reverse facelock and drops down, smashing Flesher’s head into his knee! Taamo pops back up and spins around before the Straight-Edger grabs him with a Diamond Cutter and drops to the mat! “FLESHER’S STUCK IN DETOXX~!” shouts Comet, as Toxxic finishes the signature move and Flesher’s eyes roll back into his head. Flesher straightens up and falls back rigidly, landing flat on his back. Toxxic rolls onto him and makes the cover! ONE!! NO!!!!!! Flesher gets a shoulder up, avoiding the first fall. He starts to belly down, his usual course of action. Instead, Toxxic stops him in his tracks with a forearm and slams a fist into his face! Flesher covers up immediately, hoping to avoid any more abuse from the livid Brit. Before Toxxic can commence the assault, though, Janus steps in and slams a boot into his ribs! Toxxic rolls off Flesher, holding his ribcage after the huge attack. Flesher takes the opportunity to roll away and into a corner. As Toxxic limps away, though, Janus catches sight of Flesher trying to play it safe, and reaches down. He grabs Flesher’s face in his enormous hand and pulls him to his feet. As Flesher tries to pull away, Janus slides his hand down and wraps it around Flesher’s neck! He lifts Flesher up with no effort at all and spins around, slamming him to the mat with a chokeslam! The ring shakes as Janus plants Flesher into the canvas! Instead of covering the Superior One, though, the Hell Machine resumes his attack on Toxxic! “Look at that,” says Riley, shaking his head. “Nothing but wasted energy.” “I wouldn’t say that at all, Robert,” says Comet as Flesher lays on the mat. “In the first place, Janus expended little to no energy in lifting Flesher, who’s barely the size of a toy in comparison. In addition, putting Tom Flesher out of action for a few moments will allow Janus to continue attacking Toxxic, in hopes of securing the first fall and perhaps a second quick one to end the match early.” “Now THAT’S an abuse of these rules,” Bobby grouses. “There shouldn’t be any way to rack up pins like that. It’s just wrong and unethical!” Janus approaches Toxxic, only to have the Hot Commodity step forward and try to go toe-to-toe! Fired by his desire to get to Flesher, Toxxic throws a European uppercut into Janus’s chest. The Hell Machine stands perfectly still, his expression totally unchanging as he completely ignores the blow! Toxxic throws another European uppercut, and this time Janus’s expression changes from one of indifference to one of annoyance. He swings his meathook-like hand forward and claps it against Toxxic’s jaw, snapping his head to the side. The Hell Machine shoves Toxxic backwards and cuffs his head again, stunning the fragile aerialist and stepping back to admire his work. “That was pretty stupid,” scoffs Riley. “Toxxic isn’t as big as he thinks, apparently, because no one with half a brain would try to stand up to Janus, especially in a slugfest.” “It’s not stupidity,” corrects Comet. “Rather, Citizen Toxxic is consumed by his desire to get back at Tom Flesher for pouring Red Rooster Ale down his throat in New York City two weeks ago. Frankly, I would be hard-pressed to say that I blame him.” As Janus steps back, though, Tom Flesher slides in behind him. He drops down and hooks the World Champion by his ankle, then spins around to the front. He clips both ankles out from under the gladiator, taking Janus to the mat! He turns toward Toxxic to try to avoid being smacked around any further, but the Straight-Edge Sensation is one step ahead and hammers him in the jaw with a boot! Flesher’s head snaps back and he sits up. Toxxic follows up with another snap kick, this one to Flesher’s right shoulder. Flesher winces in pain, but Toxxic follows up with a flurry of quick kicks to the limb. As he tenderizes Flesher’s arm, Janus rolls away. He gets to his feet and grabs Flesher’s arm, jerking him up. Toxxic spins around, extending Tom’s right arm over his shoulder and snapping it forward! Flesher cries out as Toxxic releases the pressure… then snaps the arm down again! The Superior One screams like a little girl as the series of armwringers continues with a third, a fourth and a fifth! Finally, Toxxic drops to his knees and pulls Flesher forward with an ippon seionage! Flesher hits back-first, and Toxxic covers him! ONE!! NO!!!!!!! Janus steps in and breaks up the fall with a stomp from his tree-trunk leg! He lifts Toxxic to his feet by his head and hammers him with a European uppercut of his own. His red eyes blazing, Janus hammers Toxxic again before grabbing him by the chest. Janus steps back and shoves Toxxic into the corner. This gives Flesher time to roll away and breathe, albeit on his back. “Janus is NOT happy with Tom Flesher,” says Bobby, “but I think he’s even angrier at Toxxic for beating Tom down before he could! Flesher insulted him by tripping him up, and here Toxxic’s trying to horn in on his action!” Toxxic tries to fight his way out of the corner, but a well-placed club forearm to the neck silences him for the moment. With that, Janus turns around and focuses on Flesher. “This will NOT be pretty,” says Comet. Janus sprints forward, unusually agile for a 360-pound freak of nature. He lifts a leg up and, with a thundering crash, lands on Flesher with a huge legdrop! Flesher convulses, not even sure what hit him. “Tom probably thinks that he’s been hit by a bolt of Zeus’s lightning, or by Thor’s legendary mjolnir,” says Comet. “Unfortunately for him, this is much, much worse.” Janus takes his time in rolling off of Flesher, then repositioning himself for a cover. Eddy Long drops down and counts… ONE!!! TWO!!!!! NO!!!!! Toxxic grabs the Australian giant by the hair and pulls him off! Janus turns, only to eat a dropkick to the face! Toxxic backs away, keeping from getting caught in Janus’s grasp. Rather than run away, though, Toxxic sprints toward the ropes. There, he springs onto the middle rope and jumps backwards, hitting the enormous adversary with an asai spinning heel kick! The fans applaud Toxxic’s athleticism, and Jet screams her head off for her man. Flesher, for his part, simply tries to avoid being caught in the crossfire. “Say what you will about the intelligence of such a course of action,” says Comet. “You really must admire the sort of intestinal fortitude required for a man as small as Toxxic to try to stand up to a monster the size of Janus. That modified Role Reversal may have changed the tempo of the match in Toxxic’s favor!” “I WILL say what I will about Toxxic’s intelligence,” spits Riley. “It’s nonexistent! Not only is the man so lacking in self-confidence that he can’t even bring himself to try a controlled substance, but he thinks he can fight with Janus and win! I mean, how dumb can you get?” Janus wobbles a bit, but he catches himself before Toxxic can take him to the mat. The Nottingham native reaches up and slaps him hard across the face sending a loud SMACK!!!! echoing through the arena! Janus’s eyes narrow, and as he scowls, he reaches out and swats Toxxic back into the corner like a fly! Toxxic staggers backwards from the immense force of the blow, and Janus follows it up with a stiff uppercut straight into the straight-edger’s gut! Toxxic doubles over, and Janus simply laughs out loud. “See what I mean?” asks Riley, dripping with satisfaction. Janus grabs Toxxic by the wrist and lifts it over his head, then follows up with a stiff shot to the ribs! Toxxic yells out in pain, and Janus hits another hard body shot. Toxxic’s whole body jumps, and he actually leaves the canvas entirely from the force of the blow! “Look at that power,” says Comet. “With one limb, Janus is hitting with enough force to lift all of Toxxic’s two hundred plus pounds off the mat! One has to wonder why Janus wasn’t an acclaimed heavyweight boxer in his native Australia.” “Maybe it’s… I dunno… because he was locked up in a mental institution?” Riley asks. “That sounds like a good reason to me, bucko.” Janus continues the assault, with Toxxic grimacing more with every shot. Then… WHAM! Janus is slammed forward by a hard, Doc Marten-assisted Yakuza kick between the shoulder blades! Janus rockets forward, slamming into Toxxic! Flesher backs away and, as Janus backs into him, wraps his arms around the Hell Machine’s waist! The Cruiserweight Champion rolls backwards, pulling Janus into a rolling prawn hold! Flesher smirks at the corner-bound Toxxic and grabs a handful of Janus’s waistband, holding the tights for leverage! Eddy Long counts ONE!!!! TWO!!!!!! NO!!!! Janus kicks out, shooting Flesher into the corner and quickly getting to his feet. Flesher avalanches Toxxic as his momentum carries him into the corner. He tries to back away, but Janus sprints into the corner and avalanches both men! Toxxic grimaces, Flesher winces and Janus simply backs away. Flesher staggers out to the side. He takes one step, then takes another, and then flops forward onto his face… with flair~! The crowd, simply put, explodes! Toxxic, meanwhile, slumps in the corner and holds his tender ribs. Janus reaches down for the nearest body – which happens to be Flesher – and hoists him into the air. He presses the Cruiserweight Champion over his head with his arms fully extended and walks, without even breaking a sweat, to the center of the ring. “The power of the Hell Machine, the World Champion, is simply beyond reproach,” says Cyclone Comet. “He has seemingly inexhaustible reserves of energy, and no one in the SWF can compete with it.” Janus stands in the center and bends his elbows, then military presses Flesher back up! He presses Flesher over his head again, again and again… a sixth time, a seventh, simply showing off his superhuman power by lifting the king of the cruiserweight hill above his head over and over again! After the tenth press, Janus throws Flesher up into the air and simply walks out from under him, leaving the former World Champion to crash nearly ten feet to the mat! Flesher hits the ground in a heap, the wind knocked out of him totally. He rolls away, but not without attracting the attention of the World Champion. “Janus isn’t going to let him go that easily,” says Riley, worry tinging his voice. “There hasn’t been a fall yet, and I think Janus wants it to be Tom Flesher!” “You don’t trip up the World Champion when he’s in the middle of a beating,” says Comet, with the air of repeating a long-standing and well-known proverb. “You simply do not.” Janus gazes down at Flesher with a smirk and reaches for him. He gets taken off his feet, though, when Toxxic sprints up to him and hammers him in the temple with a dropkick! The World Champions collapses to one knee, but quickly bounces back up to his feet. It’s too late for him to grab Toxxic, though, as the Hot Commodity is already sprinting at the ropes. Janus charges at him, even as Tom Flesher rolls to the apron to catch his breath. Toxxic leaps onto the middle rope and bounces off, nailing the World Champion in the jaw with a springboard back elbow! The fans cheer the move, despite their anger toward all three of the combatants. Janus, however, doesn’t go down. Toxxic maintains his composure as he quickly rolls away, then springs up and climbs the ropes. As quickly as he moves, Janus simply isn’t able to keep an eye on him as he scales the turnbuckles. As the Thunder from Down Under finally catches up with Toxxic, he sees the high-flying challenger leaping at him! He eats a missile dropkick to the face, staggering backwards but still staying on his feet! The fans boo as Janus regains his footing, but Toxxic is simply moving too fast for the Aussie to catch up with him. “Toxxic’s keeping the pressure on,” says Riley. “He’s trying to keep moving fast enough so that the damage can accumulate and he can pick up the pin. Really, it’s very hit or miss,” he says with a yawn. “Hit or miss? Robert, Toxxic has been doing nothing but hitting! How can you say that? I daresay you’ve been deluded and have lost sight of JUSTICE in ACTION~!” “You wouldn’t say that if it weren’t commercial.” Toxxic sprints to the ropes. He once again mounts the top turnbuckle, but rather than going mondo akimbo, he simply springs off the turnbuckle to avoid taking too much time. He arches back, hitting Janus flush in the chest with a moonsault bodyblock! This time, though, the Hell Machine catches Toxxic! The fans groan, disappointed, as Janus adjusts his grip into a power slam position. He drops to one knee, slamming Toxxic’s tender ribs into his knee! He stands up again, but then drops into a second rib-breaker! Finally, looking like he’s swinging a teddy bear, Janus drops to the mat one more time to complete his triple rib-breaker combination! Toxxic slumps down on the mat, holding his ribcage and looking like he’s in serious pain. Janus, meanwhile, wears a mask of sadism. He looks over to Flesher, who holds his hands up and gestures toward Janus. “Smart man,” says Riley. “Tom Flesher knows two things. First of all, he knows that he’s one up on Toxxic. He’s not just hitting Toxxic now… he’s hitting Spike Jenkins by taking the Cruiserweight Title. He’s picking Revolution Zero apart bit by bit. Second, he knows that he does NOT want to get between Mama Bear Janice and her little Toxxic cub tonight. Janus wants to destroy Toxxic? Why mess with it?” Janus lifts the barely-moving Toxxic off the mat. As Flesher stands in the corner, he watches closely as Janus carefully traps Toxxic’s left arm against his body. The fans boo as he picks Toxxic completely off the mat and grabs him in a trapped-arm bear hug, trying to crush the Brit’s ribcage! “HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CRUSH~!” shouts Comet, shilling the name of the World Champion’s submission finisher. “That arm-capture bear hug has taken out some of the best athletes in the SWF today, and Toxxic’s ribs are so battered already… how can he hold on?” “Ha!” snickers Riley. “What a jerk! Not only is he going to be the first to go, but he’s going faster than Chance Silver went down to Candace last week!” “Keep in mind, Robert, that Toxxic has been the main target of both men’s offense,” says Comet, as Toxxic writhes in pain. “Who can withstand the abuse of the Hell Machine and the Superior One?” Toxxic tries once more to escape… but finally… TAP! TAP! TAP! DING DING DING!!!! The crowd assaults the ring with a chorus of boos as the bell rings, angry that Janus is coming out on top and that Toxxic has given up the ghost so early. “The first fall: Toxxic submits!” announces Funyon. “Janus wins the first fall, Toxxic is charged with the loss!” Janus sneers with pleasure as he shoves the straight-edger away and dumps him to the mat. From there, his face twists into a sadistic mask, and he turns around to see Tom Flesher doing his best to stay out of the way. “You had better believe,” says Comet, “that Janus is more than a bit unhappy with Tom Flesher after that pin attempt, and that Citizen Flesher isn’t going to be able to take much of what Citizen Bailey wants to give to him.” “Oh, he’s probably just jealous that Flesher used the ADF II against Ced Ordonez,” scoffs Riley. “Janus is a little unstable, you know.” “You’re kidding.” Janus steps toward Flesher slowly, his shadow nearly Flesher’s 5’10” frame. Flesher backs away, trying to beg off just as he did at the beginning against Toxxic. Once again, he finds reassurance that begging is not his choice of profession. ** CRACK ** Janus slams a backhand straight into Flesher’s jaw! Tom staggers backwards into the corner, but Janus advances on him! Flesher makes sure to grab the top rope on one side and hook his leg over the bottom rope on the other, as the angry giant grabs him immediately and looks to repeat the first fall by slapping the Hell Crush on Flesher! Flesher holds on for dear life, wincing in pain as Janus squeezes the life out of him! Heee continues assaulting Flesher’s ribs and right shoulder even as Eddy Long shouts and counts, screaming for the Australian Bear to break the hold! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Finally, Janus backs away and throws Flesher forward, nearly impaling him on the cornerpost before his lifeless body slumps to the mat. Allison scampers over, trying to bring her man back into the world as Eddy Long reprimands the World Champion. Janus growls at the official, though, and Long quickly backs away. Janus starts toward Flesher, but looks over to the opposite corner and sees Toxxic nursing his injuries. His eyes gleam as he decides instead to advance on the Nottingham native. “Smart plan of attack,” shills Riley. “He’s going after the man who’s already given up once. Really, the only smart thing to do with Tom Flesher is incapacitate him while he works on Toxxic to try to get the second fall. Attacking Tom Flesher for the fall will only open both guys up for the second fall and add another twenty minutes to the match. Plus, it’ll give Toxxic a chance to pin Flesher.” “You just don’t want to see Tom go out on his back,” Comet yawns. “Yessir, work on Toxxic,” says Riley, ignoring Comet. “Go for that second fall on Toxxic. It’s the only smart thing to do.” Janus grabs the Straight-Edge Sensation and yanks him into a bear hug. Instead of holding him in the Hell Crush again, though, Janus arches back and throws Toxxic to the side with a belly-to-belly suplex! Toxxic crashes to the mat hard on his back, and Janus rolls through on top of him. He stands up, bringing his adversary straight off the mat and into the belly-to-belly again. The Hell Machine once again falls to the side, swinging Toxxic’s limp body with him and slamming him to the canvas. The sickening thud that echoes through the arena when Toxxic lands doesn’t even dissipate before Janus is on his feet again. This time, though, he pauses before suplexing Toxxic… instead of sending him to the side, the World Champion arches backwards and throws his hapless foe over his head and to the mat in a picture-perfect Railgun suplex! Janus rolls to the side, and Flesher quickly ducks down to the floor, avoiding Janus’s blood-red gaze. Satisfied, the Hell Machine stands up and grabs Toxxic by the hair. “Tom Flesher is hiding, essentially,” says Comet. “He wants to avoid being seen by Janus, and so he ducks into the all-concealing shadows. What a brave man!” Comet rolls his eyes. “Zip it or I’ll sew your mouth hole shut,” Riley says. “Tom Flesher is being tactical, that’s all.” “If he’s not more tactical shortly, Janus is going to use his own tactics and win the second fall,” cautions the masked man. Sure enough, as soon as Janus’s back is turned, Flesher climbs back up and rolls onto the apron. He cautiously watches Janus, trying to avoid being seen. “Smart man,” whispers Riley. “You don’t have to whisper,” whispers Comet. “They can’t hear us.” Janus holds Toxxic by the head, then lifts him off the mat at a 45-degree angle. After stalling for a moment, Janus drops to the mat and spikes Toxxic head first onto the mat with an implant DDT! Toxxic bounces off the mat, but quickly falls back onto the canvas before Janus rolls him to his back. The Hell Machine covers Toxxic, smothering him and hooking the leg! Eddy Long counts ONE!!!! TWO!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Tom Flesher sprints in and hammers Janus in the head with a diving elbow! Janus shakes his head, seemingly incredulous of what just happened. He turns around slowly and looks Flesher in the eye. The Superior One’s eyes widen to roughly the size of dinner plates as he backs away, but the Hell Machine grabs him by the shoulders and lifts him straight off the mat! He holds Flesher over his head and shakes him like a parent shaking an infant! “Put him down this instant!” shouts Riley. “Don’t you know that can cause Shaken Baby Syndrome?!” “Is that the best you can do, Robert?” Comet says, before ruminating a second. “Although the analogy of Flesher as an infant and Janus as an angry parent is oddly appealing.” Janus shoves Flesher back into the corner, then comes at him swinging his volleyball-sized fist toward Flesher for a huge backhand. The Superior One ducks! As Janus swings through, Flesher crouches down and drives forward with a low ankle-pick takedown! He tries to lift Janus’s giant calf off the mat, but the World Champion simply stands still. He doesn’t move a muscle, except to sneer at the Superior One’s inability to execute his move. Flesher tries again to execute the leg lever, but Janus stops him in his tracks with a downward-swinging Knuckle Bomb! Flesher flattens out on the mat! “Did you see that?” asks Comet. “A single blow flattens the Cruiserweight Champion to the canvas, and the World Champion remains in total control of the match!” With that, the Hell Machine grabs Flesher around the waist. He lifts his opponent off the mat with a gutwrench grip, then spins him around. Janus switches his grip off, then sits out to complete the falcon arrow! “GUTWRENCH FALCON ARROW!” shouts Riley, obviously in distress. “Dear God, what’s Flesher going to do?!” “Janus is obviously looking to incapacitate his opponent,” says Comet. “Still, the inky black karma that penetrates his soul will doubtless interfere with his ease of victory, and none of the competitors in the match will have it any more easy.” Janus looks down at his limp adversary, then over at the now-standing Toxxic. He lifts Flesher up again into a gorilla press, just as effortlessly as he did earlier in the match! This time, though, Janus is too focused to toy with Flesher. Rather than military press him over and over, Janus simply throws him like a lawn dart at Toxxic! The straight-edger doesn’t have enough time to move, and so the flying Superior One hits him hard! Toxxic quickly shrugs Flesher off, though, and shakes him onto the apron. Flesher grimaces in pain, but tries to get to his feet anyway. His eyes are bleary, but he manages to pull himself up to his feet with the ropes and stagger drunkenly over to the corner. Toxxic, for his part, gets up to his feet to avoid being victimized any further by Janus. The Australian charges at him, but Toxxic ducks his running lariat! He stands erect behind Janus and reaches up to hook the Hell Machine’s head. Then, taking two quick steps, he drops to the mat with a 3.0 neckbreaker that jars Janus’s vertebrae so hard that he rolls away to shake off some of the cobwebs! As Toxxic tries to regain his composure, the Superior One steps in. He hammers the shell-shocked Brit with a palm strike, pausing to shake out the right arm that Toxxic attacked earlier. Then, with the Hot Commodity still dazed, Flesher drives a knee into his stomach. He hooks Toxxic into a front facelock, lifts him off the mat, and then drops him gut-first across the top rope! The Revolution Zero leader yelps in pain as his ribs get slammed against the stiff cable of the top rope. Flesher yanks him back into the ring, though, and grabs him in another front headlock. Out of the corner of his eye, Flesher sees Janus getting to his feet, then crouching down again. As Janus charges toward Flesher, he drops down for a Gore! In desperation, Flesher jumps back, pulling Toxxic into the juggernaut’s path! Janus drives his shoulder into Toxxic’s ribs, sending him to the mat! Flesher backs away, and Janus makes the cover! ONE!!!!! TWO!!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!! NO!!!!! Flesher breaks up the pin with a dropkick to the head that physically pushes Janus off of Toxxic’s body! Janus ignores the impact of the blow and stands up, glaring at Flesher! Flesher backs away as Janus steps over Toxxic. Flesher backs all the way into the corner… but as Janus barrels toward him, Flesher leans back and throws both feet up to hit the Hell Machine in the jaw! Flesher earns a reprieve, sending Janus back a few feet. Still, Janus recovers quickly and comes back after him! Once again, Flesher leans backward and stiffly kicks him in the jaw! This time, Janus backs away. He turns toward the ropes, trying to shake off the impact. Flesher looks out to the crowd… and then decides that this is a risk worth taking. “What the hell is he doing?” asks Riley, as Flesher slowly scales the ropes. Toxxic’s eyes flit open as he does, but the Straight-Edge Sensation closes them again just as quickly to avoid being seen. Flesher perches himself on the top rope, watching Janus carefully. As Janus holds his position, Flesher dives forward and hits him in the back of the head with a flying shotei! Janus staggers forward into the ropes as Flesher backs up to give himself more room. Toxxic lies in wait on the mat, his eyes wide open as he plays possum and Flesher ignores him. Janus slowly begins to turn around, only to see the Cruiserweight Champion charging at him! Flesher builds up steam and cocks his leg up, hammering Janus in the chest with a Yakuza kick! The impact sends Janus backwards, and he topples over the top rope to the floor! The fans cheer as the Australian giant hits the concrete, and Flesher leans against the top rope to catch his breath. “YAKUZA KICK!” bellows Riley. “Flesher hits it and sends Janus to the outside!” “It’s going to take more than that to put Janus out for good,” says Comet. “Janus is more resilient than anyone seems to give him credit for.” “Where have I heard that before, Comet? Hm? Could it have been Frost? He fits the profile perfectly. Big, dumb, musclebound, and people think he’s talented for some reason. Let me tell you something – Janus is no better than Frost, and Toxxic is no better than Bill Hearford. Flesher took them both out and walked up the aisle under his own power. Why do you think tonight’s going to be any different?” “Perhaps because Tom Flesher is obviously not himself lately, and these two are more talented at exploiting his weaknesses than anyone before, Robert. In tandem, it’s doubtless that they’ll be able to put Flesher down for the count, or at least block him from the win.” Janus, however, seems to belie Comet’s statement as he lays on the concrete trying to regain his senses. Flesher smirks at him, seeming to exude an arrogance he had never shown before. Rather than go back to Toxxic for the all-important second fall, he simply relaxes and watches as Janus tries to get to his feet. In the background, Toxxic sees his opening and takes it. He gets off the mat, having recovered enough to take control, and stealthily moves in behind Flesher. As Flesher continues watching the Hell Machine get up, Toxxic reaches around and grabs him by the forehead! Before Flesher even knows what hit him, Toxxic leaps into the air and pulls him back into a cradle with Underkill! “Did you see that?” marvels Comet. “Toxxic has been lying in wait for that very moment for several minutes, and when the opportunity presented itself, he seized it! No matter how young he is, you have to admire that sort of strategy from the challenger!” “That’s a sneak attack, plain and simple! Why do you insist on rewarding those damn foreigners for their sneaky tactics and total lack of ethics?!” Toxxic looks over at Eddy Long, but doesn’t hook the leg for the fall. Instead, he stands up. Not noticing Janus rolling into the ring, Toxxic lifts Flesher to his feet. Then, with the stunned Cruiserweight Champion standing in front of him, Toxxic steps behind and ducks down. As the fans begin to scream, Toxxic hoists Flesher up onto his shoulders and stands erect, in position for the Dangerlust! “Could it be?” yells a hoarse Cyclone Comet, trying to shout over the roaring crowd. “Will we see the Dangerlust again? Will Toxxic get his revenge over Tom Flesher in the most vicious way possible?” Behind Toxxic, Janus springs into action. As the challenger steadies himself for the vertebra-crushing Joker Driver, Janus sprints past him and rebounds off the ropes! Before Toxxic can sit out and spike Flesher head-first to the mat, Janus steps into a discus spin and nearly decapitates him with a rolling lariat! The fans groan with disappointment as Flesher falls to the mat in a de facto electric chair drop, and Toxxic lays motionless on the mat. Obviously injured, even though the intended move wasn’t completed, Flesher rolls to the outside and collapses in a heap at Allison Onita’s feet. “And NOW, this is where the World Champion’s evil tendencies will pay off!” says Comet. “The first fall of the match came at Toxxic’s expense, but no decision has been made since then. Tacitly and tactically, Janus has worn away at Toxxic’s ribs, even allowing Tom Flesher to do his dirty work! Now, we see the inky black fruits of his labor!” “Pfft,” Riley says. “There aren’t any black fruits.” “What about blackberries?” Comet protests. “Purple.” “Well, if there was ever an expert on shades of purple…” Janus grabs the shocked Toxxic by the waist and lifts him off the mat, still showing almost no signs of fatigue. He gutwrenches the challenger into the air and throws him over one shoulder like a child putting on an empty backpack. With the Straight-Edge Sensation hanging over his shoulder in a Canadian backbreaker, Janus squeezes him, prompting a scream from his adversary! Janus’s face twists into a sadistic smile, and he squeezes again! Once again, Toxxic cries out. Janus drops abruptly to one knee, nearly breaking Toxxic in half as he executes the Spinal Division on his helpless victim! Toxxic slumps forward, holding his ribs in a token attempt at alleviating the pain. Janus, though, simply stomps on him one more time… before dragging him to the middle of the ring. “Janus, it seems, is setting up a clean pin directly in the center of the ring,” says Comet. “Perhaps this is an attempt to come off as a perfectly legitimate competitor, but…” “Listen, shut up for a second and watch the match,” says Riley. “He’s heading to the corner, you idiot!” Sure enough, Janus moves to the corner and scales the ropes. A hush falls over the crowd as the 360-pound monster slowly climbs to the bottom turnbuckle, then the middle one. Finally, he perches his giant body on the top rope. He struggles for a moment to keep his balance, but finally stands up as surefooted as a mountain goat. The crowd goes silent with awe. “This Goliath of a man is standing on the top rope,” says Comet quietly. “Without a doubt, if he executes his frog splash, Toxxic is going to be little more than a cruiserweight-shaped dent in the canvas. I believe the appropriate reference would be to Wile E. Coyote.” Janus takes a deep breath before leaping off the turnbuckle and bringing his elbows and knees together at the height of the jump! He soars through the air, showing inhuman agility. Time seems to stop as he falls from the apex of his jump to the mat, extending all seven feet, two inches of his body and hitting the diminutive Toxxic’s tender ribs with a huge frog splash! The crowd cheers for Janus’s physical ability, and even Allison Onita is shown looking shocked by the move. Her waist is bare. “This is it, without a doubt,” says Cyclone Comet. “It would be simply beyond all of Toxxic’s resilience, ability and desire to kick out after that. Toxxic will not be getting up.” As Janus makes the cover, Eddy Long drops down. Janus’s chest heaves, showing the effort he had to go to in order to hit the move and the amount of damage it did to him as well as to his opponent. He hooks Toxxic’s leg, and Eddy Long counts ONE!!!! TWO!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! The crowd bursts into a chorus of boos as Tom Flesher dives onto Janus and cracks him over the head with his Cruiserweight Championship belt! The World Champion grabs his skull and rolls off of Toxxic, caught at his most vulnerable with a blatant use of a foreign object! DING DING DING!!!! “Ladies and gentlemen,” announces Funyon, “the second fall of the match is a disqualification charged against Tom Flesher! Again, Tom Flesher loses the second fall by disqualification!” Flesher shrugs, a facetious “Oops” look on his face. Eddy Long admonishes him for his use of the belt, but Flesher cooperatively throws it to the sideline, where Allison Onita snatches it. She replaces the belt around her waist, clasping it in the back as Flesher pushes his way past Long and mounts the second turnbuckle. Janus stays on his hands and knees, trying to shake off the cobwebs brought on by the belt shot. Flesher looks down at him like a hawk, and carefully measures the distance. Then, after taking a deep breath of his own, he dives off the ropes and hits a surgically-precise diving knee to the back of Janus’s head! Coming from behind, he catches Janus totally by surprise and flattens him with the knee strike! “Modified Ego Trip!” shouts Riley. “Tell me that’s not tactical! Tell me that’s not strategic! Tom Flesher turns the Ego Trip into a diving knee strike and stuns Janus!” Flesher, not without a great deal of effort, rolls the groggy Janus to the outside, where the giant hits the concrete hard. Nonetheless, his eyes flutter open after only a few seconds, and he starts to get to his feet. In the ring, Flesher takes a moment to breathe, having used a great deal of energy just to roll Janus out. He crawls over and drapes his body over Toxxic’s, making sure to hook the motionless Brit’s leg. Eddy Long makes the count… ONE!!!! Janus looks up over the apron and sees the cover. He reaches into the ring, trying to grab Flesher or Toxxic to break up the fall, but simply can’t reach! TWO!!!!! Janus lunges into the ring, desperately grabbing at Flesher to break up the pin! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DING DING DING!!!! “The third fall of the match, a pin against Toxxic… your winner, and NEW SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… TOM FLESHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” The crowd goes crazy, booing Flesher with all they’re worth as he pops up to his knees and realizes what happened. He looks up to the sky, pumping his fists in front of his chest and looking absolutely elated! “Flesher is on cloud nine!” shouts Bobby Riley. “He’s joined the very exclusive club of three-time World Champions, and the even more exclusive double champions club! He’s been there before, but not like this! Tonight, he reigns as king of two mountains!” Janus, however, is NOT happy. As Eddy Long ducks out of the ring to get the World Championship belt, Janus grabs Flesher by the singlet and lifts him to his feet. His blood-red eyes are filled with rage as he hammers Flesher with a Knuckle Bomb that sends Flesher falling backwards and rolling to his stomach! Jet, sensing that her charge might be in trouble if left in the ring much longer, grabs Toxxic by the ankle and assists him in leaving the ring. He shakes his head on the outside, looking confused… clearly, he doesn’t know what’s going on in the ring. Flesher, though, can’t avoid the raging lunatic. Janus grabs him and flings him to the corner, where he crashes into him with a running avalanche. Flesher staggers forward out of the corner, taking one step… then another… and then falling flat on his face! Janus, though, simply steps forward and drops a leg across his neck! DING DING DING DING DING!!!! “The match is over, Terrence!” pleads Comet. “There’s no call for this!” Referees and road agents pour out from the back. They flood the ring, trying to get between Janus and the new World Champion. Janus simply throws them away, though, flinging the comparatively tiny officials to the sidelines to clear an area in the center of the mat. “Oh, in the name of Zeus, no…” murmurs Comet. Janus grabs Flesher by the head and lifts him to his feet in a front facelock. Raging mad, his face almost as red as his eyes, Janus lifts Flesher into the air and holds him upside down. “No, Terrence, NO!!!!!!!!!!” shouts Comet. “DON’T DO IT!!!!” Janus sits out, dropping Flesher straight onto his skill with the Rage Unleashed!!!! The fans scream out their hatred for a man who would attack an opponent after the match and simply slaughter him. Flesher lays in the center of the mat. Before Janus can get up, though, the officials swarm him and, together, manage to subdue him. They pull the angry giant out of the ring and, with the help of security, keep him under some semblance of control as they get him to the back. In the ring, Allison Onita kneels over her man, screaming for an EMT. “GET HELP!!!” she screeches, watching Flesher’s chest moving only shallowly. “HE NEEDS SOME GOD DAMN HELP!” Heavy, they say, is the head that wears the crown. Allison screams as the show fades away… “GET SOME GOD DAMN HELP!!!!” === SWF Ground Zero. August 1, 2004. © Noble Gas Television. All rights reserved. The Smarks Wrestling Federation: “Raising workrate by typing faster.” Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChrisMWaters 0 Report post Posted August 2, 2004 After the video package ends, the sounds of "Bitch" cues up in the arena, and illuminated in all the right places is Kelly Connelly, wearing a shimmering gold evening gown that shows off her curves very well, making her way out to the ring. Funyon: The following contest is a singles match and is for the SWF United States Junior League championship! Introducing first the manager...the self-proclaimed future owner of the SWF...KELLY CONNELLY! "SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!" Comet: And the crowd chanting exactly what they think about Miss Kelly right now, probably deservedly so as well! Riley: Though I'm not one to talk, these people wouldn't know a good woman if she came up and slapped them in the face. Which is what I think Kelly should do right now to the crowd! Kelly looks with disdain at the capacity crowd that is jeering her, but simply shrugs it off as she drapes her long legs between the ring ropes, giving the crowd a good look at her...posterior, as she enters, before grabbing the microphone from Funyon. "All right Fun-bags, you've done your part for my side, now it's time for me to show you how it's done!" Kelly says, shoving him back with one hand. "Well people, here we are on a grand Pay-Per-View stage, and we're here for the soon-to-be Kelly Connelly's SWF Ground Zero! Doesn't have a very nice ring to it?" The crowd's serious negative reaction gets even louder after Kelly cues for them to answer. She simply shakes her head at that reaction. "I should have expected as much from a bunch of filthy, disgusting, toothless Texas Yahoos like you. THANKFULLY, however, I have just the thing to settle down my upset stomach. To counteract the wretchedness of you people, I bring out the most divine looking man in the ENTIRE SWF Roster...the one...the only..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING!" After an explosion of fireworks on the entryway, Max King stands proudly on the stage part, "Superstar" playing over the speakers, tonight wearing gold tights and boots instead of his usual royal blue ones. He forces himself to ignore the boos directed his way, apparently focusing only on Kelly's reaction to him, which is obviously a positive one. Riley: Look at how confident King and Kelly are in this match right now! Both of them wearing gold outfits to the ring, and I believe that is a sign that they are ready for the win! And I'm going with them in this match! King WILL be your new SWF USJL Champion! Comet: Well, King walking with a purpose, and walking proudly towards the ring after his girlfriend announced him to the ring. I don't agree with all the views that Kelly has said about King, but there is no doubt that King is a young star on the rising with a great chance to prove just how great he is tonight. King steps into the ring, giving Kelly a quick pinch on the rear as he enters the ring, then stands proudly in the middle...almost statue-like in his pose, and Kelly behind him to rub his chest as she does... ...but only for so long, as the strobe-light effect pulsates through the arena, "Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck" playing through the speaker systems as the champion makes his way out to the ring, his title belt proudly strapped around his waist. Funyon: And his opponent, from Denver, Colorado...standing 6' tall and weighing in at 230 pounds, he is the SWF United States Junior League Champion...MANSON! Comet: Manson won the title not too long ago, defeating The Masked Man on July 21st on Lockdown in a great match. He got that shot by beating none other than his opponent tonight for that shot! Manson apparently has plans to make it two and zero in matches against King, and to retain his championship! Riley: It's not going to be that easy for Manson. He doesn't have 2 other wrestlers to help him out tonight, he's all by himself tonight in trying to take on "The Icon", and he's got a few disadvantages against him. Comet: That is true...Manson rolling into the ring now...a bit shorter and lighter than King, but I think that Manson may just be a bit more dangerous than King is in the ring. Look at the intensity on Manson's face right now! The camera zooms in on Manson's face as Comet says that, and Manson indeed has a serious, intense look on his face. The camera then cuts over to Max King, who is talking to a now on the ring apron Kelly as he looks back and forth. The referee, in the meantime, holds up the title belt. Comet: And that's what it's all about in this match...the last vestige of the now extinct SJL, one of the great ways to make a name for yourself in this company very quickly. Riley: And that's what King wants to do...he wants to win that belt and get himself set up to be in a mega-star in this company. Both men approach the center of the ring, King taunting Manson a bit and badmouthing him as the two stare each other down. Manson seems to be having none of it, and King shrugs, going to slap Manson across the face, but Manson catches the hand and kicks King right in the gut at the same time! *DING, DING, DING!* Comet: King trying to start the match off unfairly, however Manson was there to scout such an attack! Manson now slugging away at King, knocking him into the ropes, and now blasts him with a right hand over the top rope! Riley: This isn't right! King wasn't ready to start! Restart the match! Comet: If King wasn't ready, he wouldn't have tried to slap Manson across the face! Kelly goes over to King on the outside of the ring as the referee counts, Manson apparently trying to approach King, however the referee tells the champion to stay back and not to get involved with King. King climbs up onto the ring apron, Manson about to approach and attack him, however King leaps back down onto the arena floor when that happens. Comet: King playing a very cautious game right now, after his cheating game plan of a start failed for him at the start...proving the point once again that cheaters never win. Riley: I'll have to hold you to that statement when King wins the title tonight. The referee tells King to get back into the ring while staying in the ring, but King argues with the referee that he's not ready just yet to get back into the ring. Manson, seemingly having enough of King stalling for time, goes out of the ring to pursue. However, when Manson rolls out of the ring, King takes advantage and starts to put the boots to the back area of Manson while he's down on the mat. Riley: See what I was talking about Comet? King is one of the smartest men in wrestling, with one of the smartest women in wrestling! There's no way that he's going to get into a situation where he doesn't have the advantage! Comet: For now I have to agree with you, but this match is just starting out right now. We have a long way to go before the end. King lifts Manson up to his feet now, and goes to set him up for the King Buster early in the match, however Manson manages to use his strength to back King into the corner hard. King is off guard at the moment, and when Manson gets out of the position that he's in, he turns around and nails King HARD into the face with an elbow shot in the corner, followed by dropping a knee right into the face of King when he's down in the corner. The crowd is cheering loudly and proudly as Manson controls the pace of the match. Manson leans in to grab King, however King manages to use a smart and quick move, a drop toe-hold, and drops Manson face first onto the second turnbuckle, followed up by kicking Manson HARD into the solo plexus. King pulls Manson out of the corner, and drops down, now grabbing the neck of Manson and attempts to go for a side-headlock, however Manson rolls with the hold, turning it into a modified version of a side cradle! One! TWO! Kickout by King, who gets up and looks STUNNED that Manson was able to do that. Comet: Manson not letting Max King get a moment of an advantage in this match, and that I think is a smart move by the champion right here: keep your challenger on his toes, and don't let him get the edge. Riley: It won't stay like that for long, look at King protest to the referee about Manson's cheating ways. That's a great idea by King! Manson doesn't let King talk for too long, going right over for an attempted knee to any body part of King, however he gets nothing but air when King steps slightly out of the way, pulling the leg up into the air and allowing Manson to fall on his back hard. King doesn't stop there, attempting to lock up Manson's leg into a submission hold, but Manson manages to trip down King with his free leg. King and Manson both get up on opposite sides of the ring of each other, staring each other down now...the crowd applauding the back and forth nature of this match thus far. Manson grins as he stands up completely, telling King to come and bring it on, and King looks really angry at how Manson is taunting him like that. King charges in wildly to attack, but Manson is ready for such a thing, having apparently planned on it, and catches King, dropping him with a spinebuster onto the mat. Manson goes for the cover... One! TWO! King manages to get a shoulder up just in time. Manson takes no chances, and while King is down on the mat goes to attempt to lock him into an STO. King manages to grab the ropes before the hold is completely put onto him though, and uses his strength to pull himself out of the ring to once again regroup. Comet: It seems to me that thus far in this match, Manson is ahead on points, Riley. Could King have underestimated the champion? Riley: Like I said, King is just waiting for the right moment to strike. You'll see...I hope. King looks up to the ring, and shakes his head, apparently saying "Screw this!" and going to walk out, leaving Kelly confused and Manson angry. Manson, not wanting a cheap victory by count-out, goes to rush after King to get him before he reaches the back. Manson gets within inches of King, and that's apparently exactly what King had planned, as he drives a knee HARD into the groin area of Manson, then tackles the legs of Manson! Riley: SEE! What did I tell you Comet? Manson has just learned exactly what King was planning to do! King is going to win this match because he's WAY smarter than Manson could ever be! Comet: That, and Manson doesn't cheat as much as King would. Riley: Don’t be such a nitpicker. King grabs Manson, ramming him face first into the ring apron before rolling him back into the ring, as well as himself. Taking his time due to his arrogant nature, King eventually reaches in and grabs the leg of Manson while he's down on the mat and starts to stomp away at the knee area of the leg! Manson winces a bit, but still pushes up, trying his best to get back up to his feet, until King grabs the leg once again, twisting it out of a natural position towards Manson's body. At the same time, King pushes his free elbow HARD into the small of Manson's back, further adding to the pain of this hold. Riley: Look at the intelligence factor of King, not only working the known past weakness of Manson, that being the leg, but driving his elbow into the back as well. This is perfect set up for a Compressor later on in the match. Comet: I'll have to agree with you there, but Manson showing a great amount of resilience, not letting this hold just keep him down on the mat! He's actually fighting to get to the ropes... King lets go of the hold when Manson's about to reach the ropes, and goes back to kicking the back of Manson, really wanting to keep him down on the mat as long as he can. However, one stomp manages to miss as Manson rolls out of the way, getting back up to his feet once again and strikes King with an elbow shot that sends the challenger into the corner. Manson grabs King as he comes out of the corner and flings him clear across the ring with an overhead Belly-to-Belly suplex. Manson dives in for the cover! One! TWO! King manages to get a foot on the bottom rope though, and the referee stops his count. Manson pulls King away from the ring ropes, and lifts him up to drop him across his knee with a backbreaker. With King in pain now, Manson goes off the ring to drop SOMETHING on him, but this time Kelly reaches into the ring and grabs the ankle of Manson, tripping him right down to his face. Comet: I was wondering when Kelly was going to stick her nose in this match. Can't King ever win a match without the help of Kelly? Riley: I'll have to tell her this when she gets the company. She'll have your job for that, Comet. Manson, apparently having seen King's match with Vladimir Everheart, slides out of the ring to confront Kelly about getting involved. Kelly backs up nervously, begging off Manson as he approaches her. Kelly tries to get away, but Manson grabs her by her ruby-colored hair, holding her in place. He seems ready to do SOMETHING to her, however King comes out of the ring just in the nick of time, grabbing Manson from behind and drops him with a reverse DDT onto the arena floor. Comet: Apparently, King and Kelly planned to be a distraction here, and now Manson has been caught off guard by the double team effort! Riley: And if Manson was just a little smarter, he wouldn't have fallen for that. But that's why King is so great of an opponent for him. King grabs Manson by his hair with the champion reeling, as Kelly brushes her hair back into the form that it had before Manson had grabbed it. King throws Manson back into the ring, sliding back in, saying as he slides in "NOW we do this my way!" Manson starts to slowly climb up to his feet, his head still a bit scrambled from being dropped onto the floor like he was. King glares angrily down at Manson getting up, and lifts him up into a vertical position, dropping him hard on his head with a piledriver! King goes for his first cover of the match... One! TWO! Somehow Manson BARELY manages to get his shoulder up, but a close up of his face shows that his eyes are a bit glassy looking at this. King hooks a leg this time for his cover... One! TWO! Manson STILL manages to get a shoulder up just in time. King is getting frustrated now at the repeated kick-outs by Manson, and puts a foot right onto the throat of Manson, holding it there before going to get to the top rope. Manson holds his throat a bit in pain, and then is caught off guard as King drops an elbow square into the chest of Manson, causing him to apparently loose his breath! King goes once again for a cover. One! TWO! THREE...NO! Manson STILL manages to get a shoulder up, and now King looks like he's getting frustrated. King picks up Manson once again off the mat, apparently going to slam him down to the ground, however Manson shows he wasn't completely out of his game, managing to roll King up with a small package! One! TWO! King manages to kick-out though, getting back up and driving his elbow HARD into Manson's sternum, a look of rage on his face at being almost defeated like he just was. King puts a knee into the back of Manson while the champion is down on the ground, pulling him in a bow and arrow! Comet: Manson in a dangerous position right now, and it looks like King is finally in control of the match... Riley: Like I TOLD you he would be! Why do you EVER doubt the things I say? King continues to wrench and pull on the body of Manson, stretching him in a position that no human body should normally go through, to the cheering of King's biggest (and maybe only) fan Kelly on the outside of the ring. Manson struggles and squirms like crazy, attempting to get out of this hold by any means necessary, but King has the hold locked in almost perfectly, leaving little to no way for the champion to free himself. Manson doesn't give up though, continuing to fight at struggle...somehow moving not only his own body but also King's towards the ring ropes. King fights hard to pull Manson back to the center of the ring, but Manson is too strong for that, and manages to latch onto the ring ropes with his legs, forcing King to let go of the hold. King, however, doesn't let go of the hold until a four count is laid down. However, it's very apparent that the damage has already been done to Manson, as he's holding his back in pain a bit. The referee gives a stern talking down to King due to his reluctance of breaking the submission hold, however King simply brushes off such protesting as he goes back and pulls Manson back into the middle of the ring. Picking Manson up to his feet, he sets him up once again for a reverse DDT, this time making sure that his knee is out in a perfect position, dropping the back of Manson's head right onto the knee. King once again goes for a cover. One! TWO! But Manson STILL manages to kick out of the pinning predicament. Riley: Damnit Manson, just give it up already! There's no way that you can actually hope to get the victory in this match! King has you beaten down, just forget about being the champion, and give up the match already! Comet: That's not the nature of Manson! Manson will continue to fight as long as he can! He fought so hard for the championship, he's not going to give it up so easily! Manson crawls to the ring ropes as King goes to get back up to his feet, cursing a bit at the continued fighting of Manson. King grabs Manson's legs as Manson holds on to the top rope, and without another thought kicked him right into the lower abdomen region...almost looking like a deliberate low blow. King doesn't just drop Manson though, and kicks him once again, then drops Manson back down to the mat to suffer a bit. "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR CHAMP NOW?" King shouts out to the capacity crowd as Manson writhes in pain in the middle of the ring. The crowd, predictably, boos the heck out of King. King asks for a microphone now, which Kelly is all but happy to give to him while he allows Manson to suffer in the middle of the ring. "Since it's so obvious that I'm very close to winning the match here, I thought that I'd give you people a nice treat. I thought I'd give you a nice song: to the tune of New York, New York!" Comet: Oh no...don't tell me... Riley: YES! Great wrestling AND a great song! What could be better than this? Comet: ANYTHING! King, forcing himself to ignore the boos from the capacity Texas crowd as he begins to sing. "Start spreading the news, I'm winning today... The next champion will be named – Max King, Max King! These wrestling boots, have just stomped away At the pathetic chump in the ring – Manson, Manson! I'll be a champion, that all of you can cheer! Pop open the champagne...open the beer! My past career goals, are so far... GRRK!" King is suddenly interrupted as Manson, having recovered from the attacks of King, grabs him from behind around the waist and drops him hard with a textbook German Suplex! Looking down at the fallen mike, he reaches down and picks it up. "This is a wrestling match, not a God-damn American Idol Contest!" he says before tossing it out of the ring, almost hitting Kelly right in the face with it. Comet: Well now that that's over with it, we can get back to the WRESTLING portion of this USJL Title match! Riley: Bah...Manson has no respect for good singing! Manson lifts King back up off the mat after he finishes his statement, and once King is right back up to a vertical position once again, he whips King into the ropes, and when King bounces off, he drops King's throat right across the top rope with a Stun Gun. King walks and wobbles a bit into the ring. Manson waits for King to get right into the right position, and blasts him with his non-worked over leg with a nicely placed Yakuza Kick right to the jaw! Manson now goes for a cover of his own! One! TWO! King manages to get the shoulder up, apparently hearing Kelly's hands banging the mat to encourage him on. Manson looks around to the capacity crowd, all of whom are on their feet! "MAN-SON! MAN-SON! MAN-SON!" the crowd cheers at the top of their lungs, showing their support for the skills of the current USJL Champion. Manson looks back down to King, and when King is about to push himself back up to his feet, grabs his legs! Comet: Manson holding the legs of King now...I think I know what he's setting up...YES! Manson has Max King locked up in Hybrid Moments, and he's pulling back hard! Riley: NO! FIGHT IT KING! FIGHT OUT! Max King screams out in pain as the submission finisher of the champion is pulled hard, holding him at bay for the moment. Manson seems intense and rage-filled as he pulls back with the submission hold, all intentions on his face saying that he's content to make King submit to this in the middle of the ring. Manson looks back, seeing the hand of King about to tap out...and it does! However...the referee isn't there to see it, as Kelly is on the ring apron at the time, protesting something or another while she's up on the ring apron! Comet: And once again Kelly getting into the ring where she doesn't belong! Max King had given up, Manson should have this match won right now! Riley: But that's the thing, the referee didn't see it, so it's not an official decision! Comet: Manson now noticing Kelly on the ring apron as he lets go of the submission hold...he does NOT look pleased that she had prevented this victory! Kelly continues to protest with the referee now, apparently not noticing as the Denver native starts to approach them both. Manson yells at Kelly, really getting angry with her interference in this match, yelling at her to get back onto the floor and stay out. Kelly, seemingly angry about being told what to do by Manson, goes to slap him across the face, but her arm is caught by Manson and he grins, ready to do something to Kelly...until King dives in, cradling up Manson from behind and holding a handful of tights in the pin! One! TWO! But Manson STILL manages to kick out of the move! King is still struggling to get up, and Manson goes to strike the back area of King like King had done to him in the earlier parts of the match. Manson's elbow shots pound with sickening thuds into the back of the relative rookie, a fury and desire apparent in Manson's eyes that he wants to keep his title no matter how hard he has to fight. King eventually manages to roll away from Manson's assault, holding up his hands in a "time-out" gesture, apparently surprised and taken off guard by the fury of Manson. Comet: Manson has Max King right where he wants him! Manson is so close to getting the victory and retaining the championship that he can almost taste it! Riley: This is horrible! Come on King, fight it! You can take down this freak, just keep fighting! Manson just seems to laugh at the call for a time out by Max King, and kicks him right into the face with a nicely placed Mafia Kick! With King sitting down and prone in the corner, Manson rushes in and drops an elbow right onto the prone challenger. He then picks King back up to his feet, and continues to kick away at the body of King as hard as he can, not letting up at all. Manson steps back a few steps, then rushes in once again, ready to nail King right in the face with a back elbow...but King falls out of the way (whether by choice or by soreness is not really able to seen) and Manson's back hits hard into the corner. King, fighting off the pain that he's feeling, chops the chest of Manson as hard as he can, before lifting the champion to the top rope! Riley: Oh yeah Comet! Get Ready, King is about to win this match with the very same move that he got this match with in the first place! Comet: There's a very good chance that if Max King manages to hit this move perfectly, Manson will not be able to kick out. King lifting Manson up, over the top... Riley: SUPERB PLEX! PERFECTLY EXECUTED! And King is staying on for the cover now! One! TWO! THREE...NO! Manson BARELY manages to get a shoulder up, and Max King is STUNNED! Riley: DAMN! What does it take to keep this guy down! Comet: At this point in time, I'm not even sure if Max King CAN keep Manson down! King has tried everything he can, and Manson is STILL managing to kick out and fight out of these various holds! Riley: There has to be something! Manson starts to squirm a bit as King holds his head in shock and disbelief, a look that is mirrored by Kelly on the outside of the ring, and King gets back up to his feet to start to protest this count with the referee, almost POSITIVE that the count was a three count. Manson continues to recover from the Superb-Plex in the middle of the ring, getting back up to his knees now. King spits at the referee's feet, pissed off because he still thinks that the referee counted slow, and turns around... Comet: CONSEQUENCES! Manson just caught King with Consequences right in the middle of the ring, and King bouncing like a super ball onto his back! Riley: NO! Look out King, Manson's trying to pin you! Manson quickly dives in for the cover, not hooking a leg though... One! TWO! Quickly Kelly rushes over, putting King's foot on the bottom rope just before the three count can be completed. Manson is unaware, and just looks REALLY upset that King managed to somehow survive that move. Riley: YEAH! Give it up for "The Icon", Comet! You talk about how Manson has amazing resilience, but what about the amazing resilience of Max King? Comet: Resilience nothing, Kelly draped King's foot on the bottom rope! Riley: I didn't see Kelly do anything! Comet: You wouldn't. Manson looks to the nearby corner of the ring, smiling now as he sees that King is still apparently down and out in the ring. He starts to approach the corner, and the crowd cheers even more, knowing how rare it is for Manson to go to the top rope for anything. He is a bit slow to get up as he's not used to getting to the top, but once he's there he sizes the prone King up, and leaps off the top rope with a beautiful placed Savage Elbow... ...that nails the ring canvas with full force! Riley: That should teach Manson to try and steal some of Max King's moves! Max King has recently patented that elbow-drop! Comet: You can't patent wrestling moves like that! But nonetheless, both challenger and Champion are down in the ring, both having hit each other with so much from their arsenal...Manson is the first to get back up, but King is getting back up just at the same time! Manson and King turn to face each other, and when they do, King nails Manson right in the jaw with a straight right hand. Manson stumbles a bit, but doesn't fall down, as he returns the favor onto King. This exchange between the two competitors continues just like that for a bit, however Manson's punches seemingly seem to have just a bit more power in them, and King falls into the ropes, holding them to hold himself up. Manson drops to a knee for that minute, panting just a bit, the slugfest taking something out of himself as well, but he manages to get back up to his feet and starts to approach the weary challenger, not about to let him get a recovery. Manson swings for another punch, but King manages to duck under the punch, getting behind Manson... Riley: KING BUSTER! OUT OF NOWHERE! Comet: Could this be it! Max King nailing Manson from out of nowhere with that King Buster, and it looks like he's about to get the victory! King going in for the cover! Riley: This is it! One! TWO! THREE...NO! Riley: THE HELL!? Comet: Manson kicked out of the King Buster! Manson will not say die! Manson is going to fight till his final breath, but he is not going to give up any time soon! Max King seems ready to snap now, slamming the mat repeatedly with his fist in anger, almost POSITIVE that his King Buster would have put Manson away for the much needed three count! King seems to be getting more and more angry by the second, and slides to kick Manson's barely-moving body out of the ring, rolling out of the ring afterwards! Comet: I don't understand the thinking of Max King right now...he can't win the championship on the floor, he has to do it in the ring! Riley: That's not saying that he can't do some more punishment on the arena floor! Comet: Well there is that, but King will have to be careful, as he doesn't want to get disqualified! King, similar to his match with Everheart, grabs the head of Manson on the outside of the ring, and repeatedly starts to slam the face of Manson onto the arena floor. Seemingly not satisfied with just doing that, however, he tells Kelly to take the arena floor mat and pull it back, evil intentions in his eyes as the leggy red-head goes to do just that. King gets back up to his feet, and grabs Manson in a reverse face-lock, moving back to the arena floor! Grabbing the leg of Manson, it's now VERY apparent that he's going to drop Manson onto the arena floor with a King Buster...but Manson somehow senses this, and starts to slug away at the side of King, eventually causing the challenger to loosen his grip enough for Manson to slip his foot down, turn his body over, and flip King onto the floor with a Northern Lights Suplex! He stays on for the pin, apparently not realizing at the moment that he's on the arena floor, and that gives King just the amount of time that he needed to swing a hand right between Manson's legs, causing the champion to fall off to the side and hold himself in pain. King takes this moment to slide himself back into the ring, allowing himself once again some time to recover. Manson goes to get up to his feet, and King holds the referee, who goes over to check on King. Outside of the ring, Kelly slinks over sexily and dangerously to the prone Manson...and when he's in all fours, she swings one of her high heel shoes right between the legs of Manson, adding further pain to him. Comet: So since Manson has been continually fighting off everything that Max King has sent his way, Kelly has decided the only way that King can win the match is by cheating! Really great... Riley: Well it's about time that you realized things the way that they're supposed to... Comet: I was being sarcastic, Riley! Kelly helps Manson up just a bit and uses all of her strength to roll the champion back into the ring, then brushes off her body as she feels grossed out by touching someone like Manson. King quickly dives over to Manson, draping his body over Manson for a pinning predicament! One! TWO! But Manson manages to get a foot onto the bottom rope just in the nick of time (and without Kelly's help)! King rolls off of Manson, breathing a bit hard and looking at the lights, Manson barely moving himself in the same place that he was pinned at, his foot still draped over the bottom rope. King forces himself back onto his feet, glaring down and spitting down on the body of Manson, and grabs him by the arm, pulling him to the center of the ring, and making a thumb across throat gesture! He leans in to put Manson into the Compressor, but Manson has just enough wherewithal to roll King into a Victory Roll! One! TWO! THRE...NO! King rolls a bit forward, now Manson getting pinned by King! One! TWO! NO! Now MANSON rolls with the move, and King is once again being pinned in the center of the ring! One! TWO! This time King just kicks out of the hold, and Manson gets back up, apparently having gotten his second wind now as his body almost shakes in the middle of the ring. King sees this, and goes to go to the safety of the outside of the ring, but Manson doesn't allow him to get TOO far, as he grabs King by the hair, pulling him in, and in a moment that almost seems to take at MOST 2 seconds, spins him around with the Chaosphere! Manson doesn't seem to want to go for the cover this time, knowing what King and Kelly did to him on the outside of the ring, and is not about to let that stand without some type of repercussions! Picking Max King back up to his feet, he lifts King over his head, and drops him HARD with a powerbomb right onto the mat! He flips with the powerbomb into a pinning position! One! TWO! But King manages to roll his shoulder. King tries to roll away from Manson, but Manson will not have any of that, grabbing King once again, looking to the crowd to see if they would like to see King take some more in-ring punishment. Naturally, the fans are VERY approving of such a prospect of Max King taking some more punishment, and they cheer at the top of their lungs! Riley: Manson and this crowd have something in common, they're all sick psychopaths! What did Max King ever do to earn such hatred!? Comet: Do I have to give just ONE example? This crowd wants to see Max King pay, and pay with blood apparently! Manson lifts Max King back up to his feet, and lifts him up to the top rope, King all the way on the top now and wobbling to stay there. Comet: Looks like Manson is planning to Superplex King right off the top rope, similar to what King did just moments ago to Manson! Riley: Oh no he wouldn't! It's bad enough that he already used one of King's moves, now he's trying to copy King's Superb... Comet: No he isn't! He's going to go for the Consequences off the top rope! This could be just the thing that he needs to get the victory! Manson hooks the head of the almost completely out of it King up for the Consequences, climbing up the ropes with him, ready to drop him down! However, when he leaps off the ropes to do the move, Kelly leaps up onto the apron and grabs the leg of King, causing Manson to slip off with the move. Manson recovers with quick reaction time, landing on his feet, however before he can get to Kelly, she's already back down onto the arena floor. Manson doesn't realize that Kelly's actions allowed enough time for King to regain his bearings. Manson backs up to once again try his Top Rope Consequences, but King catches him off guard with a chop right to the throat area! Comet: This doesn't look good for Manson right now, Max King is on the top rope and has him prone... Riley: Comet, I think this is going to be something that we're never going to forget! Manson struggles a bit, fighting for his move...but as he jumps up King manages to catch him at the last second, and grabs his leg! From the top rope all the way down to the ring mat, King drops the champion with a devastating King Buster, the body of the champion flattening out on the mat, completely unconscious! King quickly goes for the cover! One! TWO! THREE!! Riley: YES! FINALLY, JUSTICE IS SERVED! "Superstar" starts to play over the speaker systems now, as Kelly happily dives into the ring, holding the USJL Championship and handing it to King! Funyon: Here is your winner, and the NEW SWF United States Junior League Champion, "THE ICON" MAX...KING! Comet: But once again, if it wasn't for Kelly Connelly's actions in this match, I don't think... Riley: Oh, no one wants to hear your whining and complaining, Comet! The fact of the matter is this: Max King fought a hard fought match against Manson, and while I admit Manson's experience hurt King early, the end result is great...King out-smarts Manson, and wins the USJL Championship! King stands up in the ring, with some help from Kelly, and looks out to the jeering crowd with a wide grin on his face, as he holds up the USJL Championship belt high above his head! King happily pumps the title above his head, apparently getting his second wind after the match is already over, and dip-kisses Kelly right in the middle of the ring as celebration! Comet: Ugh, couldn't they save this for when they're alone? Riley: ...I am SO jealous of Kelly right now! Comet: Well, unfortunately for Manson and his fans, Max King is your new USJL Champion...thanks of course to Kelly Connelly, who just can't seem to keep her nose out of King's matches. Don't go away though, we still have plenty more Pay Per View after this! The camera fades out on Max King and Kelly on the entry-ramp, King holding the championship high as Kelly hold King sexily. *INSERT AD BREAK HERE!* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Angel_Grace_Blue 0 Report post Posted August 3, 2004 Now I know why we lost. The Birdman changed the best part of the match! After Andrea's Coast to Coast moonsault, this should have happened! Disoriented over not having just won the match, The Masked Man gets to his feet and lets Andrea roll Birdman out of the ring and help walk him to their corner. Cortez shouts at Masked Fury to get his head in the match, prompting Masked Man to dead lift the Urban Legend over the top rope. What follows cannot be described in words, but it has the desired effect, as the crowd begins cheering for 42nd Street. “What is this, a GAP commercial? Are they really...” “SWING DANCING! Great jitterbugging Hera, I think Masked Man and Todd Cortez are swing dancing! By Grabthar’s hammer, they’re doing the CHARLESTON!!” Comet marks out completely as 42nd Street perform the difficult dance steps to absolutely no music, making it look even weirder. “Wait! Did you just say ‘By Grabthar’s hammer’? That’s not even mythological! You got that from Galaxy Quest. You’re not even trying any more Comet.” Riley says. Cortez and Masked Man end with a wonderful flourish as Andrea rolls Birdman into the ring, tags herself in, and rolls Birdy back out. Todd heads back to his corner and Andrea steps up to confront Masked Man. Rather than strike out, Masked Man strikes a pose and starts another dance! As one might expect, he’s doing the twist, straight out of Pulp Fiction, but the unexpected aspect of this situation is that Andrea Montgomery is also dancing! Cortez grits his teeth, hoping it’s some kind of trap to lure Andrea into a false sense of security, but if it is a trap, it’s got a long setup. The crowd seems to feel the same way, and show it! THIS IS BOR-ING! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! THIS IS BOR-ING! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! THIS IS BOR-ING! CLAP-CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!! Undaunted by the crowd’s reaction, Andrea and the Maskosaurus continue to dance. “Andrea Montgomery and The Masked Man and brought this match to a grinding halt with this dance competition they’ve got going. I wonder when they’ll finish.” Comet muses, slightly agitated. “I think it’s a trick. Masked Man is going to wait until Andrea leaves an opening and then BAM! Cautionary Tale, one, two, three, match over, champions retain.” Riley says hopefully. Contrary to Robert’s prediction, Masked Man simply continues to dance with Andrea, and the crowd ups their anger. ENOUGH DANCING! WE WANT TO SEE SOME ACTUAL WRESTLING, ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS A PAY PER VIEW MATCH! THERE IS A TIME LIMIT AFTER ALL! ENOUGH DANCING! WE WANT TO SEE SOME ACTUAL WRESTLING, ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS A PAY PER VIEW MATCH! THERE IS A TIME LIMIT AFTER ALL! ENOUGH DANCING! WE WANT TO SEE SOME ACTUAL WRESTLING, ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS A PAY PER VIEW MATCH! THERE IS A TIME LIMIT AFTER ALL! “Wow. That crowd is very organized. I’m surprised that such a statement managed to get picked up by so many people, and continued two more times.” Comet says in awe. “I bet it’s those damn kids you mentioned. I mean, regular wrestling fans would’ve went with ‘This is bull shit!’ or something else equally if not more vulgar.” Riley says, angry at the lack of obscenities. Finally getting the point that the crowd isn’t into the dance-off, Andrea and Masked Man stop their gyrations, and it appears that they’re going to allow each other to catch their breath. Andrea has other plans, though, and lands a dropkick to the doubled over and winded Masked Fury! As TMM gets back to his feet, he catches a spin kick to the face, staggering him. Andrea lands an elbow to his head before heading to the ropes. Off the rebound, Andrea goes into a forward roll, springing up and snaring Masked Man’s head. As Drea is completing the Tuckerman and Roll, Masky manages to wriggle out slightly, thus not taking the full brunt of the jawbreaker, but is slightly dazed anyway. Andrea goes to the ropes again, going into a front handspring and bouncing against them. Andrea flips backwards and snares Masked Man in a three-quarters facelock and continues going up. As she’s nearly vertical, Andrea tries to fall forward, but Masked Man knows the diamond cutter too well and he grabs hold of Andrea’s waist and begins leaning backwards. And that's how it should have been. Oh, and at the end, Comet was supposed to say he spilled his juice box, not Pepsi Max. I haven't read the whole match, but I wonder if anything else was changed....GRRR Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ghetto Bird Report post Posted August 3, 2004 I would like to apologize publically to Drea for not talking to her before removing that portion of the match; it was disrespectful of me to make such a significant edit without at least notifying her. I think that it would be safe to say that I wasn't feeling that particular part of the match, but for me to remove it without discussing it with her or at least having the common courtesy to notify her in advance was out of bounds on my part, and I am sorry. - Bird Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
