Tales from the Crypt : The TV Show

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

I was struggling to remember what that other movie was that I found him enjoyable in when I was younger, and it's The Next Karate Kid.

 

Sure, I was younger, hated him and wanted to see him get the shit beaten out of him by a girl, but that pay-off really does rival the Morita/Macchio chemistry.

[Guest Staravenger]

Let's not forgot the crowning jewel of his career: The voice of Donatello in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

Really? I've got to see that again. That's another one that I haven't seen since I was about 8 years old.

 

Keep going - if we run out of career choices to mock him about, we can always make fun of his funny mouth.

[Guest Staravenger]

Uh...hmm. He had a minor part in The 'Burbs with Tom Hanks. He was an annoying neighbor who was buddies with the fat guy and was hitting on the old guys hot wife.

 

Also just found out he returned to do the voice of Donatello in TMNT III.

 

Can't think of anything else with him..that I'd care to remember.

 

OMG! I FINALLY Found the title of a movie I watched a LOT back in the day. Rock and Roll High School Forever. I've been killing myself trying to think of the movie title for years. Now all I have to do is find a video store that has it.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

*Ponders the Feldman legacy*

 

I was going to make fun of him for Teddy Duchamp in Stand By Me, but that was quite a good role in an excellent film.

 

Whoever thought that they'd see him a bank-robber? In a film, at least. Well, you did - Maverick.

 

I just remembered the title of that Tales from the Crypt episode - Bordello of Blood.

[Guest Staravenger]

To show how much I know of Feldman movies (ugh), I think he was also in The Gremlins movie.

 

Let's not forget his fondness of Michael Jackson, even dressing up exactly like him at some awards show.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

Yeah, he was in The Gremlins.

 

You notice how there seems to be a recurring theme with Michael Jackson and burnt-out former child stars?

[Guest Staravenger]

I admit it....I enjoy Corey Feldman movies...I'm gonna go cry in the corner now. But I DO think Corey Haim is one of the worst teen actors ever.

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

Corey's films are interesting. Guiltily entertaining. Maybe not good.

[Black Lushus 0]

Anyone remember the movie with both Coreys in it where Corey Haim fails his driver's test but steals his grandpa's car for the night to take Heather Graham out on a date? I can't remember the name of the movie, but I actually thought it wasn't half bad...

[Guest Bitterness the Star]

That's License to Drive.

 

You're right, it wasn't half-bad. Maybe even good.

[Black Lushus 0]

Oh yeah, can't forget The Lost Boys (classic 80s shit!), another Corey/Corey film and Dream A Little Dream, the one where Corey Feldman switches bodies with Jason Robards, I believe Corey Haim is also in that one...

[LooseCannon25 0]

Oh yeah, can't forget The Lost Boys (classic 80s shit!), another Corey/Corey film and Dream A Little Dream, the one where Corey Feldman switches bodies with Jason Robards, I believe Corey Haim is also in that one...

I actually enjoyed both Dream A Little Dream and License to Drive.... Especially the Lost Boys. Good Stuff

[strummer 0]

Dream a Little Dream is really not that bad of a movie. I loved that movie as a kid. I can't imagine Jason Robards agreeing to do a Corey Feldman movie, but he did, oh and let's not forget Harry Dean Stanton!!

[Guest Astro]

Anyone remember a TFTC episode with a magician who gets murdered in his magic box, when his assistant rigs the springs on the back of the box to not move, and the blades slice the poor dude up?

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

I remember seeing that one. I remember him in the box getting killed.

[Guest netslob]

TFTC used tp be one of my favorite shows...i had a shitload of them on tape.

 

9. A stand up comedian is struggling, and his puppet side kick brash and insulting..... Don Rickles tries to give the comic some tips......he still bombs.....turns out the puppet is just a cover up for a deformed twin brother who is merely growing out of the comic's arm..... The guy finally snaps and slices his demeaning brother off..... The thing tries killing him....and ends up being ground up in a meat grinder.....

 

my favorite. starring Bobcat Goldthwaite as the struggling ventriloquist and Don Rickles as his idol...until he found out just why he was such a great ventriloquist! and Morty fuckin' ruled..."Hey baby, i bet you could suck the varnish off a foot-stool!"

 

Another one I'm trying to remember has to do with a Mortician who ends up having his organs sucked out of him at the end. Thats all I can remember, but I think he also was responsible for one of the lead characters fathers deaths (gave him fucked up medicine for heart attacks or something).

 

i know this one...it's about four teenagers who are fucking around one day and break into a funeral home. the mortician (played by the guy who plays Lex Luthor's dad on 'Smallville') comes in and they all hide. one of them finds out the mortician and the local pharmacist have a scam going where the pharmacist will poison the percription's of the wealthy people in town, who can afford delux and elaborate funerals, and the mortician cuts him in on the earnings. well, the pharmacist kills one of the kid's (the Asian kid from 'The Goonies and that 'Indiana Jones' movie) rich dad, so they all go back to the funeral home with video camera's to get evidence. he catches them, and one fo the kid's uses some sorta vaccuum that mortician's apparantly use to suck out internal organs on the mortician and he dies. and there's a weird little sub-plot where the mortician is fawning over the body of a recently deseased librarian who rejected him when she was alive. damn good shit.

[Guest Staravenger]

i know this one...it's about four teenagers who are fucking around one day and break into a funeral home. the mortician (played by the guy who plays Lex Luthor's dad on 'Smallville') comes in and they all hide. one of them finds out the mortician and the local pharmacist have a scam going where the pharmacist will poison the percription's of the wealthy people in town, who can afford delux and elaborate funerals, and the mortician cuts him in on the earnings. well, the pharmacist kills one of the kid's (the Asian kid from 'The Goonies and that 'Indiana Jones' movie) rich dad, so they all go back to the funeral home with video camera's to get evidence. he catches them, and one fo the kid's uses some sorta vaccuum that mortician's apparantly use to suck out internal organs on the mortician and he dies. and there's a weird little sub-plot where the mortician is fawning over the body of a recently deseased librarian who rejected him when she was alive. damn good shit.

Thats the one! Also on my favorites list. I didn't realize the Goonies kid was in it.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Okay, here's something y'all need to get:

Bordello of Blood was a TFTC movie. The brothel was filled with vampires, including the queen vampire, and the lead was Dennis Miller as a PI.

 

The movie sucked, by the way. Demon Knight fucking ruled it.

 

Also, tell me if you remember this one:

A child psychologist is called up by a mother (the same woman that played the psychic in the Poltergeist movies) to help her with her troubled daughter. The daughter kills off the psychologist's crew one by one in grisly fashion, and is about to kill him, but then he chokes her out and reveals that she wears a mask to conceal that she's a zombie. The mother used some voodoo practice to bring her back to life, saying that she loved her daughter so much she couldn't just leave her dead.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

A prisoner in a French-Indochina penal colony has a foolproof plan to escape. He collects deadly poisons, and masters the native's blow-gun. He kills the Warden with the blow-gun, and hides in his casket, as it's on a ship on it's way back to France... or so he thinks.

 

Unfortunately the man he killed was a Navy veteran and requested burial at sea, drowning our hero.

[Black Lushus 0]

Can anyone recall the episode with Kirk Douglas and his son Eric and they were father and son in a military unit? I believe Dan Akroyd was also in this one? I don't remember for the life of me what it was about, just that those 3 were in it and it had something to do with an army unit in WW2...

[Guest Staravenger]

All this TFTC talk makes me wish the show was on Sci-Fi or something still. I loved them since I can remember, and they always seemed to end with ironic twists.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

Check it out:

 

Episode Guide!

 

EDIT: Crap how could I have forgotten the Humphrey Bogart episode? That was pure genius!

[Guest Astro]

Three's A Crowd (Originally aired on 5/1/90)

 

 

Starring:

Gavin O'Herlihy, Ruth deSosa and Paul Lieber

An unstable man believes that his wife is having an affair with a family friend during their anniversary getaway on a secluded island. In a drunken rage, the man murders his wife and friend, only to find out that they were sneaking around behind his back to plan a surprise anniversary party, in which the wife was going to reveal that she was carrying his child

 

 

A young runaway girl ends up trapped on the remote farm of a lecherous old man and his abusive, phychotic wife. After taking a bad blow to the head, the young girl falls in love with the couple's scarecrow out in the field. The old man dresses up as the scarecrow in an attempt to get in the girl's pants. The moment is interrupted by the wife who stabs the scarecrow repeatedly with a pitchfork to prove to the girl that it isn't real. She is shocked to find that she's killed her own husband. The young girl kills the wife and escapes from the farm.

(I was trying to remember this one)

 

A sideshow freak with two faces (literally) falls in love with an ancient mummy who wears a priceless necklace around her neck. The freak's keeper wants the neckless, but it carries a curse: whoever tried to remove it is castrated. He doesn't believe it and takes the necklace anyway, and of course ends up without his own family jewels. The freak and the mummy run off together, and turn out to be the parents of none other than the Cryptkeeper himself!

(I remember this twisted tale as well)

 

 

 

 

----

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

For Lushus:

#38    Yellow      (Originally aired on 8/28/91)

Starring: Kirk Douglas, Eric Douglas, Dan Aykroyd and Lance Henriksen

 

During WWII, a young military man embarrasses his father the General by being deemed "yellow" for his acts of cowardess during battle.  Sentenced to die because of one of these acts that resulted in the deaths of other soldiers, the man appeals to the General for help. The General tells his son that he will face the firing squad, however, the father will make sure that all of the guns are filled with blanks, the son just has to play dead.  The son faces the firing squad with courage, making his father proud.  However, the General lied, and the son ends up being executed.

 

Here's a few I remember liking:

#46  Showdown  (Originally aired on 8/1/92)

Starring: David Morse, Neil Gray Giuntoli, Roderick Cook and Thomas F. Duffy

 

In the Old West, a gunman kills the sheriff in a showdown.  Afterwords, he finds himself seeing the ghosts of all of the people that he's killed.  By speaking with them, he discovers that after killing the sheriff, he himself was gunned down by the sheriff's men and is also a ghost.  He joins ranks with the other ghosts and becomes a legend.

----------------------

 

#43  What's Cookin'?  (Originally aired on 7/11/92)

Starring: Christopher Reeve, Bess Armstrong, Art LaFleur, Meat Loaf and Judd Nelson

 

Much to the horror of the owner, a drifter turns a run down restaurant into a hit by killing people and cutting the bodies up into steaks.  The owner starts to get used to the idea when the profits start rolling in, but unfortunately the cops are closing in, and the drifter has made the owner of the restaurant look like the murderer.  The owner and his wife decide that the best way to take care of the problem is to put the drifter on the menu.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

Oh yeah, I remember that one.

 

Another one I'm trying to remember has to do with a Mortician who ends up having his organs sucked out of him at the end. Thats all I can remember, but I think he also was responsible for one of the lead characters fathers deaths (gave him fucked up medicine for heart attacks or something).

 

6. A funeral home director steals gold teeth, and is a cheap skate, his nephew comes to live there over the summer and they have issues, the nephew loves basketball is kinda tall....Anyway....during a fight the kid ends up falling down a flight of stairs and dying.... The uncle, tries putting the kid in a casket, but its too small, so the uncle cuts off the kids legs and buries him. The uncle is tormented by his nephew's spirit, who finally shows himself, legless and pissed off....

 

 

Is this the one you are trying to rememeber, Staravenger?

That would be this episode:

 

  #18  Fitting Punishment  (Originally aired on 6/19/90) 

 

  Starring:

Moses Gunn, Jon Clair and Teddy Wilson 

 

  A greedy mortician is forced to take in his nephew when the young man's parents are killed.  After a fit of rage leaves the young man crippled, the mortician kills him to rid himself of the extra expense of having the crippled boy to take care of.  The young man returns from the grave to exact revenge upon his evil uncle. 

[Guest Staravenger]

Finally found the plot of an episode I mentioned earlier...

 

 

#73 The Assassin (Originally aired on 12/7/94)

 

 

Starring:

Shelley Hack, Chelsea Field, Jonathan Banks, Marshall Teague, Corey Feldman and William Sadler

 

A waifish housewife finds her home under siege when three CIA agents show up claiming that her husband is an AWOL assassin for them. They plan on setting a trap for him, and killing him when he gets home. Of course, they have a "no witnesses" policy, and the wife must die too. One by one, the wife outsmarts and kills the assassins, and before killing the third one, she reveals a secret: she is really the AWOL assassin, who had a sex change, and is now posing as a suburban housewife.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

This here is one of my favorites:

 

#58  Two For the Show  (Originally aired on 10/20/93) 

Starring: David Paymer, Vincent Spano and Traci Lords 

 

In a fit of rage, a man murders his adulterous wife and is almost busted by a nosy cop.  The man chops up his wife, puts her in a trunk, and lugs her to the train station, where he plans to put the trunk on a train and send it away.  The cop shows up and they both end up getting on the train.  The cop confides in the man that he is after a drug lord who is on the train, and all of the luggage on the train will be searched.  The man sneaks to the cargo hold, tosses his trunk off the train, and puts his tags on an identical trunk.  When they search the trunk, they find the cop's wife chopped up inside.  The man is then arrested for killing the cop's wife; the cop planned it all along.

[Guest Staravenger]

That one sounds familiar, but I haven't watched the episodes regularly for years. These must've been a piece of cake to write. They all feature simple storylines with ironic twists to end.

 

I'm surprised they didn't do a killer Easter bunny one.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

The one thing about this show is there were so many big name celebrities that came on it. It was fun to see them play such different characters than you're used to them playing.