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swan

101 Rules of Being Hardcore

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1) Be tough at all times.

2) Never cheer after a show, only clap.

3) Be open minded in a "punch people" kind of way

4) Only the good hardcore bands have names that are sentences with bad

grammar. Boy Hits Car, Boy Sets Fire, Skycamefalling, Boy Sets Car-fire.

5) Ankles are tough so bring your socks down into your shoes so we can see

them.

6) Tattoos are tough especially when they are on your calves. See Rule 5 on

how to see said tattoo more clearly.

7) Wear your hoody in the mosh pit because sweating like a wild pig makes

you look tough.

8) Don't admit you listen to heavy metal.

9) (Exception to rule Only admit you listen to heavy metal if you think it

is ironic and you wear 80's cheese metal shirts.

10) Be a non-conformist, just like all your friends.

11) Practice hardcore dancing in front of your mirror and then try them out

the next time Atreyu comes to town.

12) A hardcore band is only original if you call it something-core. Example

Screamcore, emocore, Screamocore, mathcore, or Medio-core.

13) Remember, it's fun to punch and kick kung fu style.

14) Keep it in the do-jo.

15) Real hardcore fans are called kids.

16) Complain how hardcore bands are playing with metal bands at all costs!

17) Have your own zine, website, production company or be in a band. Claim

you are friends with the singer from Shai Hulud.

18) Tell people you work in the music industry.

19) More Ankles people!

20) Embrace everybody in the scene except for those people who are not you.

21) Refer to bands as old school or new school then act tough again.

22) Pretend that you get Dillinger Escape plan.

23) Shop at second hand stores and then go buy expensive shoes.

24) Beat people up and then go to bible study class.

25) Smoking and drinking and having sex before marriage is too trendy. Real

hardcore tough guys abstain.

26) Whatever you do, don't let the singer on stage ever sing in the mic.

Make sure you grab it from him and sing in it yourself, after all, you do a

better job singing then him. It's a wonder they didn't put you on the album.

27) Start your own hardcore band.

28) Have your logo resemble some random 80's product for nostalgia.

29) Talk about the scene any chance you get. Say as many obscure hardcore

bands from NJ as possible.

30) If you are shy start an emo band so you don't have to look at the

audience.

31) People who know more bands than you are better than you.

32) Add the Letter X before and after important words. XhardcorekidX

Xmoshf*ckX

33) Never say "Did you hear the new Strung Out?" Unless you are attempting

to be funny in which case stop it because hardcore kids are tough not funny.

34) It's merch not Merchandise.

35) Hardcore girls must wear head bands at all times.

36) Stretch your ears out to look more intimidating.

37) The bigger you stretch you ears out the more hardcore you are.

38) Your ear should be stretched out enough to accommodate a block of wood,

a hubcap or a penis.

39) People in the front row are best used as a ladder/staircase to reach

your goal... steal the mic away from the singer.

40) When people ask you if you like a band always say "I only like the old

stuff" or "I haven't really gotten into the new stuff."

41) Buy all of that bands merch.

42) Wear your new merch at the next hardcore show.

43) Repeat steps 41 and 42

44) If you have to wear glasses make sure they are thick, black framed ones.

45) Don't tell anybody but make sure you try on your new vintage clothes and

stud belt before heading out to see Poison the well.

46) Never admit you don't like Hatebreed and go see them live 12 times a

year.

47) Complain that they are playing with Slayer but don't admit you actually

like Slayer.

48) Complain at all costs.

49) Tag team hardcore dancing is cool

50) Real hardcore kids are really struggling photographers.

51) You don't go to hardcore concerts, you go to hardcore shows. BIG

difference.

52) Name your hardcore dance moves things like "The mother f*ck" or "kick

that guys ass move" or better yet... stay home and cry.

53) Protect your body from swinging limbs by sacrificing your two arms.

54) Scream about love.

55) All age venues are important so you are not tempted to drink.

56) Claim you know a guy who knows a guy whose best friend was standing next

to the guy who got his ass kicked during Converge. Bash the hardcore scene

and then go see The Get Up Kids.

57) Anytime somebody mentions a band always say you know somebody in the

band.

58) Wear your pins with honour! Shai Hulud, American Nightmare, Minor Threat

and the purple heart of valour.

59) Velcro shoes are cool.

60) Don't admit that you have a crush on the singer from Walls of Jericho.

If somebody asks, say you respect her as a musician only.

61) Your band name should contain one of the following words: Blood, Murder,

Kill, Victim and butterfly.

62) Print your band name as if it was on a bad printing press. Actual

graphics are for posers.

63) Sleep on a portrait painted prettier then everyone.

64) 100 bands from around the world to play in your city. All of them are

the world's best hardcore bands. Every label represented, every hardcore

genre present. The venue is the best all-ages venue in the world. Tickets

are $1.00. It is your job to go around saying the festival should be free.

65) Record producers must make sure to pump the mid because mid is tough.

66) Re-issue your demos after every album.

67) When the band starts playing everybody join hands and make a big circle

so we can watch the big kids play.

68) Crying on stage makes you a professional.

69) Complain some more.

70) Album covers must be made at home on Photoshop by your good friend.

71) If you are from New York NEVER smile in a promo pic. In fact always try

to cross your arms and look into the camera as if you are going to beat up

whom ever is looking.

72) If you are from New Jersey NEVER smile in a promo pic either. In fact

try to look like you just lost your girl friend to the hardcore band from

New York.

73) Never admit that Emo is Country music lyrics mixed with pop rock riffs

and marketed by 17 year olds trying to make their friend be the next

Dashboard Confessional.

74) American Idol is your worst enemy. (But you voted for Ruben)

75) You can get away with glitter on your face as long as your stretched ear

plugs are clear.

76) f*ck beer, Got breast milk?

77) Bandanas are cool.

78) Bandanas with big X on them are cooler.

79) Bandanas with big X on them were cool last week you poser.

80) Your best friend is a guy named XattackX from Jersey who you chat with

on MSN everyday. He is coming to see you one day. Really.

81) Chunky breakdowns in your songs are original and you should continue to

do them despite every other band doing them which is clearly a rip off of

your band.

82) Judge other bands and always compare them to the socio-cultural effects

of the band Integrity.

83) Look up Socio-cultural in the dictionary and then get offended.

84) Green Day is the real reason you are still alive.

85) Describe your group of friends as "the scene" and then watch bootlegs of

last weeks

86) Obey the laws of the hardcore scene or forever be banished from the

circle.

87) When somebody asks you what is hardcore respond with "I am hardcore"

then punch somebody in the face for looking at you wrong.

88) Keep punching

89) Kick a little too

90) Punch

91) Add a threat about their mother for good measure.

92) Pretend you are won the fight then pickup your dismembered left arm.

93) You are wearing the same thing as the 40-year old gas pump attendant but

for some strange mystical reason you are cooler than he is.

94) Tell everybody that Trustkill Records are too trendy.

95) Did you stop acting tough? I saw you hug that teddy bear.

96) Pierce you tits and tattoo your body.

97) Straight bangs means straight-edge

98) Being vegan means you can't swallow sperm.

99) When in doubt Mock everything

100) Take everything personally.

101) Assume this list is about you

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a) as Slayer said, nope, this wasn't funny in the first place.

 

b) swan, you don't have to read "every freakin' post" ... just remember the ones that have been started more than once and got mocked and criticized each time.

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In that case, it wasn't funny to begin with

 

Defend that, asshole

LOL. OK junior.

 

You know arguing on the net is like the Special Olympics, even if you win, you're still retarded.

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a) as Slayer said, nope, this wasn't funny in the first place.

Who said I posted it as a funny. I thought someone would like it. Looks like TOFFEE-FILLED KANE did, so mission accomplished.

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I never get when people argue back with that statement. People are stupid. You're stupid. Cunt.

Haha.

 

Can I buy ya a beer. We have a common hatred of stupid people like yourself. ;)

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Not flame-baiting, but I never got the reasoning behind someone that's in an internet argument pulling out the "Special Olympics" cliche, either.

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Jesus.......

 

Keep beating that dead horse.

 

Do you guys realize why participation is so low right now (i never remember it like this at the old board)? It's all the whining and bitching done by others. Come on, its a freaking chat board, if you don't like it or have seen it before, move the fuck on. The point of it all was lost long ago.

 

Oh well, I guess now that I've moved into my late 20's, married and all that jazz, some of this nonesense gets old.

 

Carrion folks.................... :headbang:

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Not flame-baiting, but I never got the reasoning behind someone that's in an internet argument pulling out the "Special Olympics" cliche, either.

Since I missed it, please point out the arguement. Thanks chief!!!!

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Jesus.......

 

Keep beating that dead horse.

 

Do you guys realize why participation is so low right now (i never remember it like this at the old board)? It's all the whining and bitching done by others. Come on, its a freaking chat board, if you don't like it or have seen it before, move the fuck on. The point of it all was lost long ago.

 

Oh well, I guess now that I've moved into my late 20's, married and all that jazz, some of this nonesense gets old.

 

Carrion folks.................... :headbang:

burrrrrrrn

 

I like swan. He's stupid and easy to wind up.

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Oh well, I guess now that I've moved into my late 20's, married and all that jazz, some of this nonesense gets old.

So you moved on to getting beaten by your wife

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Not flame-baiting, but I never got the reasoning behind someone that's in an internet argument pulling out the "Special Olympics" cliche, either.

Since I missed it, please point out the arguement. Thanks chief!!!!

I didn't mean you in particular. I meant the cliche in general ... which is normally brought up by people that are in an argument. If I'd meant you in particular, I'd have referenced you by name.

 

Also, drop the "Thanks chief!!!!" bullshit. For someone that's in their "late 20's" and "married and all that jazz" that's a pretty juvenile response, even for a wrestling message board. For what it's worth, I'm past my late 20's and only not married because I realized the girl wasn't the one for me (greatest decision I ever made, but I digress ...)

 

Lastly, and speaking only for myself, I couldn't give a rat's ass about "participation" on the message board. I post what I want to post, all of which is well within the rules & regulations, and don't feel it's my obligation to change my ways just because other people are participating less.

 

Flame-baiter!
Slayer, you bastard, it's crap like that that's hurting the participation level on TSM.

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Also, drop the "Thanks chief!!!!" bullshit.

Well I guess it's hard to see, but I'm taking all this in as one big joke. People are quick to get worked up over nothing, huh?

 

I guess I struck a nerve. I'm dropping it.

 

Later man.

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You're not fooling anyone. You're not taking this as one big joke.

Oh, I'm sitting here with a big grin on my face. I'm waiting for a job I manage to get back from engineering so you all have filled the time quite nicely.

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