Warrior to sue somethingawful.com

[CBright7831 0]

Apparently these emails were exchanged between the Director of Communications of Ultimate Creations and the webmaster of somethingawful.com. This is what Rich had to say on his forum.

 

FROM: Chris Lewis [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

CC: [email protected]

 

As Director of Communications for Ultimate Creations, Inc. - which owns all rights associated with the wrestling character Ultimate Warrior - part of my job is to address any violations of Ultimate Creations' intellectual property rights associated with the character. Consider this email as your fair notice that we consider your site to be in violation of those rights.

 

A current posting on your site refers to the Ultimate Warrior as a "racist" - a statement that is not true, and is clearly libelous.

 

Furthermore, Ultimate Creations, Inc. has never authorized you or anyone affiliated with your website to use the image or likeness of Ultimate Warrior.

 

If the offending portion of your post is not removed by 9 AM on Monday, April 11, 2005, we will be forced to take appropriate legal action to address the libel and unauthorized use of the Ultimate Warrior likeness. We also expect an apology for your outrageous accusations against Warrior.

 

Sincerely,

Chris Lewis

Director of Communications

Ultimate Creations, Inc.

 

Since I recieved the email this morning, right after I woke up, I didn't have enough creative juice to throw in some Leonard Crabs action, so I just replied with the following:

 

Dear Chris Lewis, Director of Communications for Ultimate Creations, Inc.,

 

Since I assumed your client, Mr. Ultimate Warrior, fell off the face of the Earth sometime after his stunning career in the WWF, I had to do an Internet search and determine exact what your client, Senor Warrior, was up to these days. I naturally expected to read a lengthy series of news snippets with titles such as "FORMER WRESTLER SPEAKS OUT AGAINST TOOTH DECAY" or "PREVIOUS WWF SUPERSTAR CLAIMS VICTORY OVER HALITOSIS," but instead I discovered he is a very animated, lively conservative activist!

 

I read his article about something happening at the University of Connecticut, and believe your zealous pursuit of legal action goes against Dr. Warrior's own wishes. For example, he writes:

 

"It’s funny how you could find the words to distance yourselves from the truths I was unafraid to tell, but could not find any words - not one - to tell about the indecent, moronic, and uncivil acts of those who were present who literally threaten the sanity and lawfulness of this world. Every single word you wrote and each silent implication you made said nothing less than that you were unoffended and OK with your opponents' exercise of their First Amendment rights, but offended by mine simply because I put them down bluntly and without political correctness."

 

This exactly describes what is occurring here. People are using their First Amendment rights "to tell about the indecent, moronic, and uncivil acts of those who were present." Your issue here arises because your label of who the uncivil folks were differs from theirs. You are attempting to squash their First Amendment rights under the guise of yet another liberal lawsuit, claiming "oh free speech is a-okay just as long as it doesn't offend me personally!"

 

So which side is your spokesperson for? Free speech or censorship? You guys sound an awful lot like a liberal operation to me, whining and threatening lawsuits when your precious "free speech" offends you. You guys, of all people, should be able to realize that.

 

If King Warrior would like a free forums account to defend himself against the opinions of others, tell me to email me with what details he'd like and I'll give him one. But hell, I'm not going to remove anything or apologize for folks using their god-given right to express their own opinions, and you can set whatever deadline on whatever date you like, but you're not going to scare me with your whiny liberal tactics.

 

- Rich

 

I thought it would be awesome to give THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR a free forums account and let him suplex you faggots all over the place here. But I guess Chris Lewis, Director of Communications for Ultimate Creations, Inc., didn't agree!

 

FROM: Chris Lewis [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

CC: [email protected]

 

Dear Mr. Kyanka,

 

It's sad to see that your judgment is as poor as the quality of your site.

 

You see, it is our position that you are taking the liberal position - claiming First Amendment protection for something that clearly goes beyond the scope of protected speech as envisioned by the Founding Fathers. The First Amendment should not and cannot be construed to defend violation of others' intellectual property rights or to libel them (which is the case here) or to offend others' sense of morality (which is the case with pornography, etc.). Your attack is so malicious and baseless that it is wholly without merit. Even when these violations come from someone as relatively inconsequential and unsuccessful as yourself, they must be addressed properly.

 

I am not going to debate conservativism versus liberalism with you. I have put you on notice that you are libelling my client, and you have responded in a fashion that is evidence that you have received that notice and do not intend to comply with our simple requests. I was, however, somewhat amused by your offer of a forum to Warrior - like if he's going to make a public statement, it would be to you? Right.

 

You've expressed your thoughts clearly. Just remember now - we gave you a fair chance to resolve this amicably.

 

Sincerely,

Chris Lewis

Director of Communications

Ultimate Creations, Inc.

 

To which I replied:

 

Dear Mr. Director of Communications,

 

I look forward to your exciting lawsuit! I simply cannot wait to read the next exciting, action-filled update by Mr. Warrior detailing how the Internet is a vast liberal plot to destroy humanity and make the entire Earth blow up like a gigantic cake crammed full of homosexuals and foreigners. Both of you remind me how all political extremities, both far left and far right, embrace the exact same rhetoric. God bless America, the land of the lawsuit and the home of the offended. May you and your bicycle streamer-wearing boss both enjoy a successful libel / slander / intellectual copyright / insane washed up "pro" wrestler lawsuit against me. I have but one request: can "Mean" Gene Okerlund be present in the court when your boss testifies against me?

 

Sincerely,

Richard Kyanka

Director of Communications and Busting Folding Chairs Over Suckers' Heads

Something Awful Creations, Inc.

 

I guess it's just a matter of time before we're now sued by THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR and CHRIS LEWIS, DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS, ULTIMATE CREATIONS, INC., so maybe if everybody hurries up and starts talking about how awesome Mr. Warrior is and how we agree with his views, we'll be saved! Hurry up folks, the fate of this site depends on it!!!

[JoeDirt 0]

Hilarious.

[CBright7831 0]

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthrea...hreadid=1524081

[Guest Trivia247]

There is but one way to put things to right...

 

 

RAP BATTLE!

 

the Ultimate Warrior vs the Rest of the United States of America

[Guest JMA]

Oh man, this is so beautiful. Warrior is just so damn unintentionally hilarious that I can't wait to see what he does next.

 

Maybe he'll threaten to have G. Gordon Liddy strangle us with piano wire next.

[Guest ajnin1]

In my journalism law class I remember there were five or six elements to proving libel, and two of them were that it had to be false and it actually had to damage the reputation of the person the accusation was leveled at. I don't think calling the warrior a racist does either, especially since he did tell a student up a uconn to go put a towel around his head.

[Precious Roy 0]

Wait, so Warrior is suing Something Awful for something someone, unaffiliated with the site, said on the FORUM!??!

 

Look out Smartmarks, if Warrior catches wind of what we say about him here we're ALL fucked!

[edotherocket 0]

Jobber of the Week and The Mike SC vs The Ultimate Warrior?

[Guest PlatinumBoy]

I'm just surprised I saw that much text from SomethingAwful without a single gay joke, masterbation joke, or "Let's insult our site and our stupid fans who pay money for the boards!" joke.

[Guest Fook]

Wait, so Warrior is suing Something Awful for something someone, unaffiliated with the site, said on the FORUM!??!

 

Look out Smartmarks, if Warrior catches wind of what we say about him here we're ALL fucked!

Not if we use the spoiler tags!

 

Warrior is a racist piece of shit

[JoeDirt 0]

Holy crap, check this out:

 

FROM: Chris Lewis [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

CC: [email protected]

 

Richard,

I'm pretty sure that after reading this, you're going to realize that you're only getting yourself deeper in trouble.  I've already tracked down quite a bit of information about you.

 

For example, your address:

PO Box 997

Lees Summit, MO 64063

 

Did you know that for only $1 someone can go to the post office, fill out a simple form, and find out the street address of the individual who rented the box?

 

I also know that your wife's name is Megan, and that you two were married on February 13, 2005.  I've also tracked down a street address and telephone number for "another" Richard Kyanka. I actually called this telephone number.  This was either you or your father.  A terrible shame that you don't have the balls to claim your own name, little man.  Speaking of little man, I've also managed to track down a couple of pictures of you, which I've attached to this email.  You should really spend less time typing away at your computer and a little more time in the gym.  Those arms of yours look like spaghetti.  And those rosy-red cheeks of yours are quite manly, as well.  Bottom line - if you're going to talk tough, you need to be prepared to back that up.  To use the old (but in this case, appropriate) cliche, you're letting your mouth write checks that your body can't possibly cash.

 

Listen - this isn't going to turn out the way you want it to, Richard.  Given that you attended Vanderbilt University, you're ostensibly a smart fellow.  By now, I'm sure that you're aware of the fact that you're in the wrong by permitting outright libel against Warrior on your website.  I'm also sure that you realize that you've only made matters worse for yourself by passing along my email address to your minions so they can harass or threaten me.  How cowardly of you to bring in others when you simply lack the fortitude to stand up for yourself!  At this point, I've already tracked down two of the emails from your fans - one from Truman State University and one from Sonoma State University.  I've had long talks with the IT supervisors at each school.  The young men that YOU brought into what could have otherwise been a simple and civil disagreement are now facing disciplinary actions - including suspension from their respective universities - because they were foolish enough to bite on your plea to have your little followers harass or threaten me.  I'm sure you're going to swear up and down that you had nothing to do with this escalation.  Yet, this is one situation in which you're not going to be able to escape responsibility for your actions.

 

Your ego has gotten the better of you, Richard.  I see by reading a bit of your site that you've been threatened before.  However, you're in the big leagues now.  This is serious business.  Warrior fought a five-year legal battle with Titan Sports to secure ownership of his character - and he prevailed.  You're little more than a fly to be swatted to Warrior and myself.  And Richard, when we

swat a fly - we swat the hell out of it.

 

Sincerely,

Chris Lewis

[Special K 0]

Not-so-veiled threats of personal harm go over so well in court.

 

Man, the whole write-up at something awful is hilarious.

[GreatWhiteNope 0]

Man, the whole write-up at something awful is hilarious.

Indeed:

 

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2790

[Carnival 0]

Holy Shit. this Chris guy must be on the same drugs as the warrior.

[Guest JMA]

I REALLY hope Something Awful doesn't let this go; I want to see them drive Warrior into one of his trademark frenzies.

 

I also love their list of certified facts about Warrior.

 

1. Can levitate using latent homosexuality.

2. Is only 11 inches tall and uses camera tricks to make himself look larger. Like when Gandalf was in the hobbit houses.

3. Voted Democrat in every election since Carter.

4. Is secretly half "towelhead".

I had better stop there because things start getting really libelous around #7 (rapes children) and #19 (is addicted to pain killers that he crumbles up and snorts through his eye).

[Gary Floyd 0]

This is the funniest thing I've heard all day. The Warrior doesn't stand a chance, since last I checked, what something awful does is protected by the first ammendment.

 

Anyways, something awful is alot like the movie "Cabin Fever", in the fact that it divides alot of people. Some people get it, others don't. Personally, I get it, and the fact that Warrior does not (then again, has he ever had a fucking clue?) is pure comedy

[Jericholic82 0]

This has got to be the funniest stuff I have ever read. Can you imagaine a judge reading these statements in court? The jury would by LTFAO

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

Hmm, I'd say this Lewis guy is clearly Warrior but you'd be able to tell from the erratic sentence structure and use of made up words.

[Jericholic82 0]

Hmm, I'd say this Lewis guy is clearly Warrior but you'd be able to tell from the erratic sentence structure and use of made up words.

agreed

[Jericholic82 0]

Apparently these emails were exchanged between the

Dear Mr. Director of Communications,

 

IMay you and your bicycle streamer-wearing boss both enjoy a successful libel / slander / intellectual copyright / insane washed up "pro" wrestler lawsuit against me. I have but one request: can "Mean" Gene Okerlund be present in the court when your boss testifies against me?

 

Sincerely,

Richard Kyanka

Director of Communications and Busting Folding Chairs Over Suckers' Heads

Something Awful Creations, Inc.

 

I guess it's just a matter of time before we're now sued by THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR and CHRIS LEWIS, DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS, ULTIMATE CREATIONS, INC., so maybe if everybody hurries up and starts talking about how awesome Mr. Warrior is and how we agree with his views, we'll be saved! Hurry up folks, the fate of this site depends on it!!!

lmao at "bicycle streamer-wearer boss" comment

[genius33 0]

This has got to be the funniest stuff I have ever read. Can you imagaine a judge reading these statements in court? The jury would by LTFAO

when you sue someone you're not tried before a jury silly... this is civil court, not criminal court

[genius33 0]

This is the funniest thing I've heard all day. The Warrior doesn't stand a chance, since last I checked, what something awful does is protected by the first ammendment.

 

Anyways, something awful is alot like the movie "Cabin Fever", in the fact that it divides alot of people. Some people get it, others don't. Personally, I get it, and the fact that Warrior does not (then again, has he ever had a fucking clue?) is pure comedy

nice cabin fever analogy

[iliketurtles 0]

I like how "Chris Lewis" types and talks JUST LIKE WARRIOR.

[Jericholic82 0]

This has got to be the funniest stuff I have ever read. Can you imagaine a judge reading these statements in court?  The jury would by LTFAO

when you sue someone you're not tried before a jury silly... this is civil court, not criminal court

yea I just realized what I said, sorry in my haste to be funny I made a mistake. and I should know as I took a few semseters of criminal justice in college.

 

Actually I hope this case goes on Judge Mathis or Peoples court or somethin, that would be GOLD.

[Guest Hass of Pain]

HAHAHAHA. This is hilarious.

 

When it comes to Warrior moments, for me this is second only to The Warrior's 1990 Arsenio Hall appearance where he comes out and runs seventeen laps through the crowd upturning all of the furniture on the set while Hall looks on in stunned silence, and then Hall asks him if he should call him "Ultimate" or just "Warrior". Warrior explains to Hall that only those who "have made the sacrafice" can call him either, and Arsenio's facial reaction to The Warrior's absurdity is just epic.

[MrRant 0]

Heh

[Gary Floyd 0]

A bit of an update.

 

The boards of Warror Web have been added to somethingawfuls Weekend Web

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2800

 

Damn, there are so many idiots posting on Warrior Web, it's scary.