CheesalaIsGood 0 Report post Posted June 2, 2005 http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0205/jesushair.html Oh yeah. Why Did Jesus Have Long Hair Like a Homo? Dear Paster, Last weak at homeskool, me and my bruther was lookin at some pitchures of Jezus, and we sawed he had reel long hairs on his haid. He looks like my sister, Suzanna Beth. I askded my teachur (momma) if that means Jezus were a gay old BUTT-sniffin' homo like my momma's cousin, "Gay Bobby," cause neither of theys never got marryed. But my momma did'nt no the anser. Can you pleaze tell us? Yours in Criyst Jezus, - Billy-Joe Dear Billy-Joe, God bless you, young man, and thank you for bringing up this important question. I understand it can be difficult when you see all those photographs of Jesus in your Children's Bible and wonder whether you're gazing upon our Beloved Savior, or just some scruffy hustler swishing along in the Wigstock Parade. Add to that Jesus’ effeminate yearnings for such staples of the homosexual agenda as so-called “peace,” “love,” and “compassion,” and it’s perfectly understandable how an good, decent, conservative youngster like yourself would start to out-and-out DESPISE the Lord. Fortunately, there are perfectly rational reasons for why the earliest known photographs of Jesus show him with girlishly elongated hairs. First, what you must understand is that after Jesus accepted himself as Lord and Savior, and became the first Christian - what do you think was the first thing he did? I'll give you a hint - It is a tradition that we here at Landover Baptist carry on to this very day! It is the first thing the Holy Ghost whispers into your ear, the minute you get saved. That's right, Billy-Joe. Jesus got a haircut. The reason you see so many pictures of Jesus with long hair is because those pictures were drawn by unsaved people. Most of them were drawn by hell-bound, pasta-slurping, Mary-worshipping, hell-bound Catholics. Jesus had short hair, Billy-Joe. And He was always clean-shaven for the last three years of His life here on Earth. Can you imagine how painful it must have been for Him to pluck His nose hairs with a wooden tweezers? He did it for you, Billy. He did it because He loves you, not the way a homosexual loves another man, but the way a Father loves his son. And you must follow His example. If the false images of Jesus with long hair are a stumbling block for you, then just tear them out of your Bible. For a more accurate example of what Jesus would look like if He were walking amongst us today, just gaze on the portrait of our Godly President, George W. Bush, hanging in the main sanctuary. If you'd like to have the pictures of Jesus in your Bible replaced with photographs of President Bush, then ask your mother to contact Youth Pastor Geoffrey Weaver. We have printed out several thousand copies of a new children's Bible with the pictures already replaced. God Bless You, - Pastor God bless us all. At least They finally answered my question! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kkktookmybabyaway 0 Report post Posted June 2, 2005 (edited) What part was I supposed to laugh at? And I want to know why all the pictures I see of Jesus is of him being a cracka... Edited June 2, 2005 by kkktookmybabyaway Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper 0 Report post Posted June 2, 2005 (edited) Its funny cause it mocks Christanity. Edited June 2, 2005 by Ripper Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ding Chavez Report post Posted June 2, 2005 (edited) It's stupid because it's completely fake, yet completely accurate in it's portrayal of Baptists. [EDIT]-If you'd like to have the pictures of Jesus in your Bible replaced with photographs of President Bush, then ask your mother to contact Youth Pastor Geoffrey Weaver. We have printed out several thousand copies of a new children's Bible with the pictures already replaced. *shudders* Edited June 2, 2005 by Ding Chavez Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CheesalaIsGood 0 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 Wow. Just wow. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SP-1 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 Ah. Ignorance. All around. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 yet completely accurate in it's portrayal of Baptists. Oh, it is not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SP-1 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 yet completely accurate in it's portrayal of Baptists. Oh, it is not. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Oh, come on, Milky. Stereotypes are the way, unless it's a liberal stereotype. Then that's just not cool. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Henry Spencer 0 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 Stereotypes are awesome. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ding Chavez Report post Posted June 3, 2005 yet completely accurate in it's portrayal of Baptists. Oh, it is not. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> How many Baptists do you have the distinct displeasure of knowing? Myself, unfortunately; I know quite a few. Catholics and Baptists seem to compete endlessly for the right to be called the Napoleon of Christianity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 Oh, I know my fair share. Sure, you get your extremists, but there's decent people everywhere. They're not always as vocal, true, but that's part of why they're decent. This actually sounded more Southern Baptist, to tell the truth. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest mtu Report post Posted June 3, 2005 Typical of liberals to put that site up.. imagine the fuss if it was an anti-gay or anti-muslim site... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper 0 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 'Cause none of those exist. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special K 0 Report post Posted June 3, 2005 Napoleon was the shit. I have got to get me some religion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CheesalaIsGood 0 Report post Posted June 4, 2005 Typical of liberals to put that site up.. imagine the fuss if it was an anti-gay or anti-muslim site... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Oh I'm sure if you looked hard enough you could find them. I wouldn't bother making a fuss about something on the internet. IT'S THE INTERNET! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
