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UZI Suicide

Jim Ross is one funny bastard

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JR was hysterical during the battle royal at Survivor Series 2001. A bitter sounding Ross quips . . .

 

"There's Diamond Dallas Page, he's got an advantage, he's got nice teeth (DDP gets tossed). And there goes DDP, now he can go floss."

 

Also JR/Heyman going back and forth about whether or not Heyman should jump in the ring and throw Tazz out was classic.

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JR was hysterical during the battle royal at Survivor Series 2001.  A bitter sounding Ross quips . . .

 

"There's Diamond Dallas Page, he's got an advantage, he's got nice teeth (DDP gets tossed). And there goes DDP, now he can go floss."

 

Also JR/Heyman going back and forth about whether or not Heyman should jump in the ring and throw Tazz out was classic.

 

Why was he bitter during that match, might I ask?

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Guest M. Harry Smilac
You gotta love Senile Jim Ross. Remember when he and Heyman got into a heated argument about Austin in the Invasion era. JR got so much pissed off at Heyman that he told him "Kiss my ass !"  since he couldn't find a counter-argument.  I think there was also a time where he damned someone ( probably Austin by God ! )  and yelled at Heyman about it. All he did was looking at the camera and plugging the next Excess.

 

 

 

There was also a good quote that Hyatte postes a few weeks ago :

 

 

11): Buchanon is so damn big. He weighed in today at about 3 and a quarter. It's all muscle!- Ross

 

What size is his head?- Lawler

 

I don't know. I didn't get into that.- Ross

 

(silence as Ross possibly gives Lawler a little ear full off mic)

 

You think it's funny that I prepare for a broadcast?- Ross

 

I just... ha ha... can't imagine...- Lawler

 

What did YOU this afternoon? Go to a MALL?- Ross

 

... eight and three quarters...heh... eight and three inches head... WHO CARES?- Lawler

 

Well, YOU call yourself a King. That's what I'm saying, WHO CARES?- Ross

 

(Ross was clearly in a huff as Lawler tried to change topics)

 

Speaking of heads, what do you think is going through Vince's head right now? What do you think HE's thinking about?- Lawler

 

Something evil. Something sinister..- Ross

 

Why do you keep...- Lawler

 

Something to make the Rock and the Undertaker's life a living HELL.- Ross

 

Why are you so NEGATIVE? What has Vince done to YOU?- Lawler

 

Fired me twice. Anything else you want to go into?- Ross

 

Remember when he invested everyone's pension plans at the racetracks?- Lawler

 

WHAT?- Ross: Raw '98

 

That may be the greatest thing i've heard of Lawler doing on commentary.Sounds alot like something Heenan would do. :D

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Guest Professor X

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog!

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JR was hysterical during the battle royal at Survivor Series 2001.  A bitter sounding Ross quips . . .

 

"There's Diamond Dallas Page, he's got an advantage, he's got nice teeth (DDP gets tossed). And there goes DDP, now he can go floss."

 

Also JR/Heyman going back and forth about whether or not Heyman should jump in the ring and throw Tazz out was classic.

 

Why was he bitter during that match, might I ask?

 

I don't know. Maybe he was more surly, sour, and annoyed than bitter. But he certainly wasn't sweet.

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The post Judgment Day 98 Raw when Paul Bearer reveals that he turned on Kane because he was weak:

 

"BUT HE'S YOUR SON FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU ROTUND DEMON!!!"

 

Hearing him call Heyman a human boil on commentary one night during the Invasion angle had me laughing as well.

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At WM 19 during the HHH-Booker match, Booker goes up to the top rope, and Flair jumps up on the apron. Commentary is silent, then suddenly you hear JR blurt out "FLAIR HAS NO BUSINESS UP THERE DAMMIT!!!" And then silence again.

 

The later, when Lawler is complaining about Austin's steel kneebraces

 

"Well, what the hell would you have made them of, King? Cotton candy?"

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My friends and I have a hard time beliving that JR has the power to damn people to hell. So far nobody has ever ended up there.

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Guest Fook

JR: "...using the steel post like a tag team partner."

Lawler (butting in): "How can a post be a tag team partner? You can't tag a post!"

JR: "Well SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!"

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"Farooq, handlin' the Big Johnson!"

 

Actually, it was "Mark Henry is handling the Big Johnson". Which, considering his "Sexual Chocolate" character later on, is practically forshadowing.

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Guest Greg Valentine

Anybody have any quotes of his commentary of the match when he came back after being set on fire by Kane? Something to the tune of hoping Kane walked on the street after the match and got run over by an 18 wheeler I believe it was. And I think the commentary has been hilarious ever since adding Coach to the booth as its painfully obvious JR just hates having him there and is just trying to contradict everything him and King say.

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