Promo: Character Development and Tension

[Guest bennerisbetter]

Crunk peeled the pale tomatoes off the sandwich. They were pink, not the deep red JL had come to expect from the Submarine Pen. He grumbled silently and pressed the sandwich back together. He brought it up to his mouth-

 

 

BAM!

 

KRACK!

 

The locker room door lurched, then burst off the hinges and crashed to the ground revealing Ghost Machine, quivering with rage.

 

“Whu-” JL dropped his sandwich as his eyes settled on the floppy red 8-inch dildo in Ghost’s left hand. When the sandwich hit the floor, the meat came out.

 

“Whu…what’s wrong?”

 

Ghost thrust the dildo into JL’s face. JL gulped.

 

“Uh…where did you f-find that?”

 

Ghost pulled his hand back and whipped the dildo across JL’s face, knocking his sunglasses to the floor.

 

“What the fuck! What’s wrong?”

 

Ghost raised his right hand, showing to Crunk crumpled up wrapping paper. He threw it in JL’s face, then held up a tag. JL examined it.

 

“To JL, from You-Know-Who….look, Ghost. You have it all wrong…”

 

Ghost advanced on JL and crossed his arms.

 

“N-no…Ghost it…it must be from a female fan…”

 

Ghost wagged his finger.

 

“P-please don’t hurt me…” a lightbulb went on in his head. “….unless you…want to…..” He sensually flicked his tongue, but Ghost simply shook his head. Then drew back his fist and hit JL in the face.

 

PLACK!

 

Blood spurted as JL’s nose broke, showering the wall with blood.

 

“Uh!”

 

Ghost threw another punch, this time burying his fist deep into Crunk’s belly. He doubled over, spattering the floor with blood. Ghost Machine clasped his meaty paws around JL Crunk’s head and threw him head first into the wall.

 

CRACK!

 

“Urghuguhrg….”

 

JL tried to crawl towards the door, but Ghost stomped onto his back, collapsing him.

 

“Please….no….”

 

The robot drew back his foot and kicked JL with full force in the forehead, knocking him unconscious. Not finished, Ghost took the lamp from the table and bashed JL in the head with it until it shattered. Blood trickled gently from JL’s ears.

 

* * *

 

Mr. Bukkake wiped the last crumbs of lunch from his mouth and walked down the hall towards the locker room. He was confused to find the door missing and the lights off. He flicked the switch, and was momentarily stunned to find JL Crunk tied to a bench, bloody, red dildo protruding from his mouth.

[Sly 0]

This is on about the same level as the rest of your work.

 

Take that as you will.

[muzz 0]

I think you would benefit from being a non-robot murdering type person, those are glaring issues I see.

 

Because other than that, you seem to be a fine writer. :/

[Bruce Blank 0]

disturbing visuals at the end

 

I think the problem people have is that it's hard to take a gimmick like "He's a robot" serious - so you should either play it as a comedy gimmick or "tweak it"

 

Maybe play off the fact that he's been forced to submit a few times - so he feels pain.. so he's not really a robot

 

Just some loon that thinks he's a robot - instead of making everyone do the "is he or isn't he a robot"

 

besides isn't he much scarrier if he's revealed as completly divorced from reality and he THINKS he's a robot - I mean PSYCHO!!

 

Give him a psycho vibe instead of a "comedy gimmick" vibe

 

just a suggestion

[Toxxic 0]

Or alternatively he could fuck off and stop being such a tool. That'd work too.

[Toxxic 0]

Sorry, my bad. He could fuck off OR stop being such a tool. If he fucks off I don't care if he remains a tool or not.

[jwpeer 0]

Why so much hostility?

[Toxxic 0]

I have this kind of problem with homophobic racists who write 'humorous' promos about GBH, or indeed murder and belittling one of the worst natural disasters to strike Western Civilisation in the last century.

[jwpeer 0]

I have this kind of problem with homophobic racists who write 'humorous' promos about GBH, or indeed murder and belittling one of the worst natural disasters to strike Western Civilisation in the last century.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Or you could be taking everything he's written far too seriously for a fake wrestling federation? Do you take what the WWE does that seriously?

 

What about a drama on television, that creates insensitive and racially tense situations, is that were you draw the line at being offended?

 

What is the difference between a fake wrestling promo, and say when I write a poem comparing the people I deal with at the welfare office I work at and the people who are stuck in new Orleans creating looting gangs and shooting at rescue vehicles...which one is more offensive, does the medium of writing change the artistic merit?

 

It's fiction. I mean, you already know you don't like his subject matter, why would you even bother to ever read his threads, much less comment. I mean I could contend YOUR response is pretty offensive, as you say 'Western Civilization' as if other civilizations are less significant...you know it DOESN'T offend me, but it could if I wanted to be a asshole about it.

 

 

 

I'm just not getting the same vibe as you are from any of his promos that I've read. I don't know the guy, so I certainly wouldn't be so quick to pronounce him as a racist or a homophobe...perhaps he's a bit insensitive, but who isn't at times?

 

 

 

-

 

MJW

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

I don't think a Ghost Machine promo should inspire such fierce debate. I mean, it's a Ghost Machine promo.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

True, Pretz, but I just want to say this: I took Toxx's "Western Civilization" thing to differentiate between the two hemispheres.

 

BORT!

[jwpeer 0]

True, Pretz, but I just want to say this:  I took Toxx's "Western Civilization" thing to differentiate between the two hemispheres.

 

BORT!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I took it the same way, I was just using it as an example of how some people (not me) would read into it the wrong way.

 

 

Honestly it's not the promo I care about, just how judgemental everyone is about the dude, over a piece of inconsequential fiction

 

 

I mean he's a robot, he doesn't know right from wrong anyway, right?

 

[King Cucaracha 0]

Ghost Machine > Bush.

[jwpeer 0]

Ghost Machine > Bush.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

We can all agree about that.

[Toxxic 0]

I said 'Western Civilisation' because there have been far, far worse disasters in the developing world on a much more regular basis.

 

And yes, a lot of what the WWE does offends me, which is why I watch less and less now.

 

As for Ghost Machine, what REALLY annoys me is that he could probably be a half-decent writer. If only he'd knock the bloody awful gimmick on the head and stop writing these stupid promos. Comedy gimmicks are fine (see Skull, Crimson), as long as they don't try and hide offensiveness in there under the defence of "it's just a joke, don't take it seriously!"

[JJ Johnson 0]

as long as they don't try and hide offensiveness in there under the defence of "it's just a joke, don't take it seriously!"

 

 

For examples of this, see "Terrorism angle, Hassan" and "Wrestling, it's just". It's pretty much the same thing. "The Hassan thing is just wrestling." Does that make it any less offensive? No.

 

 

Although, if you look at it in the context of "A robot with a purple and green mask beats the shit out of his homosexual lover, then shoots a traitorous lieutenant and engages in a Japanese movie-like staredown with short-time fake wrestler/Islamic terrorist/ninja Mohammed Koran, and blows him up", it's really rather silly.

[jwpeer 0]

For examples of this, see "Terrorism angle, Hassan" and "Wrestling, it's just". It's pretty much the same thing. "The Hassan thing is just wrestling." Does that make it any less offensive? No.

 

 

Although, if you look at it in the context of "A robot with a purple and green mask beats the shit out of his homosexual lover, then shoots a traitorous lieutenant and engages in a Japanese movie-like staredown with short-time fake wrestler/Islamic terrorist/ninja Mohammed Koran, and blows him up", it's really rather silly.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I guess I always look at it in that context, because well...his wrestler is a 'robot' That already screams to me "Nothing he says is really even remotely based in reality"