Guest Arnold_OldSchool Report post Posted January 12, 2006 My uterus the lining falls off and dies once a month and tumbles out of the love canal because no egg was fertilized My uterus protects me and it is my woman-ness the essence of not having a penis, is the uterus Oh, uterus you hold a baby in for 9 months ---- My vagina is a rustic cabin howling in the wind the gushing burgundy wine flowing from it only comes once per month I love my vagina, giver of birth taker of life the hair that covers and protects it flows wild and free like a wild garden in a meadow of armpit hair Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SteakGrowsOnUecker 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 You read my mind. Very nice. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 Rip the sacred flesh Sodomize the holy asshole Drink the red blood of the mother of earth Masturbation on the dead body of christ The king of Jews is dead and so are the lies Vomit on the host of Heaven Masturbate on the throne of God Break the seals of angels Drink the sweet blood of Christ Taste the flesh of the priest Sodomize holy nuns The king of Jews is a liar The Heavens will burn Dethrone the son of God God is dead Holyness is gone Purity is gone Prayers are burned Covered in black shit Rape the holy ghost Unclean birth of Jesus Christ Heaven will fall Fuck the church Fuck Christ Fuck the Virgin Fuck the gods of Heaven Fuck the name of Jesus Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special K 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 ^Tries too hard. Hi, my name's Dave Foley, and, uh, something you might not know about me is that .. I have a good attitude towards menstruation. That's right, I'm the guy! The guy with a good attitude towards menstruation! Oh, I know a lot of men are made uncomfortable by this monthly miracle. But not me. No, I embrace it. Embrace it the way the way some men embrace the weekend! Why I anticipate it the way a child anticipates Christmas! Did you know that, uh, in alot of native Indian cultures, menstruating woman were forced to leave the village, lest their *powerful* magic should overwhelm the Shaman? If I were a Shaman, I wouldn't be so competitive. I'd be more open and giving. I'd be a shaman with... a good attitude towards menstruation! 'Cause after all, what is it? a cluster of blood vessels, awaiting a fertilized egg. Providing a safe warm place for that egg to grow. And if a life does not occur, the whole thing is flushed away, and the cycle begins again. Now is that anything to be ashamed of or disgusted by? No, this is the nesting stuff of humanity! That's why the woman I shall love will be able to menstruate as fully and freely as she desires. Even if her monthly flow should build in intensity to a raging rust-colored torrent! An unbridled river of life giving blood flowing from between her legs! An awesome cataract plunging off the edge of our couch. I wouldn't be fazed! No, no, even if coureur de bois would come up stream, battling the rapids, and singing a 'jaunty song'! I would take no offense, rather I would ford across that mighty womanly river, and fetch herbal tea and Pamprin. And then I would mop her brow and admire her fecundity. For I...Have A Good Attitude....Towards MENSTRUATION! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 Wanna know something? I'm a bad doctor. I'm not boasting; I mean, who would? Just stating a fact that I've never really gotten the hang of the whole "healing the sick" thing. And don't interpret this as some sort of false modesty, no, it's not. It's not like I'm weak in some areas. No, I'm homogeneously unqualified to practice medicine in any capacity. I really don't have a clue. And no one could be more shocked than me that I've been allowed to rise to a position of such importance and responsibility. I guess it all started in high school where I was a very bad science student. One day when we were supposed to be dissecting a frog, I accidentally disassembled my desk. Oh, but, you know, I was a popular kid. You know, the other students were always eager to help me out. So you know, during a test whenever I'd get that confused look on my face, which was invariably, well, the cheat notes would just start flying! Even the teachers would start whispering answers, you know, *ahem* mitochondria! But I didn't worry about it. I figured, how far could you coast on charm? Well, pretty far, actually! They just offered me the job of Chief of Surgery. Apparently, I've logged more hours in surgery than any other man my age. Four thousand hours this year alone. What no one seems to have noticed that it was all with the same patient. Oh, I want to show you something. You know what this is? Urine. Another man's urine. I ask for it, and they give it to me. I don't know what to do with it! I've got a fridge full of this stuff. I mean, I suppose I could send it out to the lab, but they'd only send back a lot of test results that I couldn't possibly understand. The only thing I'm actually sorta good at is referrals. You know that thing where doctors send patients to other doctors? Well, I'm the king of referrals. What I do is I call the sick person into my office, and I stare for a long time really seriously at this blank sheet of paper. Then I say, "Hmmm. I'd like you to see someone. He's a specialist in this area." There are specialists who have their whole career based on my referrals. I am the cornerstone of a medical empire. Well, I really should be going. I've gotta tell the family that the patient didn't make it. It's the hardest part of being a doctor...I think. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmuring Beast 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 I thought this said Deep Throat. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Matt Young 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 LOL. Deep Thought= One of the worst posters ever. The fact that he likes the Bulls is a disgrace to those of us who are Ilinois-born Bulls fans. Matt Fact: Matt still has every televised game of the 1995-96 72-10 season on tape. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SteakGrowsOnUecker 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 Hmmm lets see here. I've followed the Bulls since the 89-90 season, and year in and year out I've watched and went to their games. Just a little bit more of a fan then you think Grandmaster B. I've also watched and learned about the history of the team BEFORE that guy named Jordan showed up. Guys like Norm Van Lier, Artis Gilmore, Bob Love, etc. never get the love they should for being a solid team in the early 70's. I'm glad that since you were born in Illinois and followed/recorded their 72-10 season that you are a REAL FAN. I'm nothing but a bandwagoner though since I've watched before and since that season. And I'm talking the absolute worst too, those teams from 1999-2003 were horrible, and I've seen plenty from those teams of the mid 70's through the early 80's too. So continue on insulting my fandom, its really laughable. I once saw you root for both the Cubs and White Sox so I know what type of fan you are. As for being the worst poster ever, yes, I need to try to be more of a douche like you. No thanks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Matt Young 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 I've followed the Bulls since long before 1995, and I never did call you a bandwagon fan. You may be a Bulls fanatic, but that doesn't make you any less of a dickhole. And yes, I like the White Sox and Cubs. I took to the White Sox and favor them, but I was raised in a Cubs-loving family. I like both. So what? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SteakGrowsOnUecker 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 LOL. Deep Thought= One of the worst posters ever. The fact that he likes the Bulls is a disgrace to those of us who are Ilinois-born Bulls fans. To me that implies that you think I'm some sort of fan who just hops along for the ride, and that you are on some sort of higher level being from Illinois. Oh and also shows how much of a twat you are. And liking both the Sox and Cubs is just lame, I don't care about what team your family likes. If you are Sox fan, you aren't a Cubs fan, and that goes both ways. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fuzzy Dunlop 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 LOL. Deep Thought= One of the worst posters ever. The fact that he likes the Bulls is a disgrace to those of us who are Ilinois-born Bulls fans. Matt Fact: Matt still has every televised game of the 1995-96 72-10 season on tape. You're way worse. You're an Illinois-born Packer fan. And you like the Cubs and Sox equally. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special K 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 People arguing about who's the biggest sports fan is just a nerdy as people arguing about comic books or D&D. Guess what? I won't watch the Mariners again until they prove they can be a .500 team! I have better things to do than sit through hundreds of hours of terrible baseball. I guess it's to my credit that I've just stopped watching baseball, though. And Czech and I tried to make this thread so nice, too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Matt Young 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 LOL. Deep Thought= One of the worst posters ever. The fact that he likes the Bulls is a disgrace to those of us who are Ilinois-born Bulls fans. Matt Fact: Matt still has every televised game of the 1995-96 72-10 season on tape. You're way worse. You're an Illinois-born Packer fan. And you like the Cubs and Sox equally. Yeah, I've been a Packers fan since I started watching football. Maybe if the Bears didn't suck, I would have been interested in them. And no, I do not like the Cubs and Sox equally. It's always been the Sox first, then the Cubs. Now let's let Czech and Special K go back to making this thread interesting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 Everyone else is retarded. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmuring Beast 0 Report post Posted January 12, 2006 I thought this said Deep Throat. lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mole 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 LOL. Deep Thought= One of the worst posters ever. The fact that he likes the Bulls is a disgrace to those of us who are Ilinois-born Bulls fans. Matt Fact: Matt still has every televised game of the 1995-96 72-10 season on tape. You're way worse. You're an Illinois-born Packer fan. And you like the Cubs and Sox equally. Yeah, I've been a Packers fan since I started watching football. Maybe if the Bears didn't suck, I would have been interested in them. And no, I do not like the Cubs and Sox equally. It's always been the Sox first, then the Cubs. Now let's let Czech and Special K go back to making this thread interesting. What, do you want a cookie? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 Oh shit, Mole's on the loose! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Matt Young 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 What, do you want a cookie? Do you have the kind with M & M's in them, Craigory? Those are oh so delectable. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Ocean 3 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 One happened when I was a kid, on a camping trip with my uncle. We were just checking out of the camp ground, and I ran inside the office to use the bathroom quickly. The car had been parked along side the office, and when I got back I ran up to the car, opened the door, jumped in the seat and buckled in. I did all this very quickly, and then proceeded to put my head back and close my eyes in order to nap on the way to the next destination. A few moments go by, and I hear nothing and the car isn’t moving. I open my eyes and look around to find that I’ve just jumped into the car (a very similar looking one to my uncle’s) of an Asian family. No one said a word, they just had a very surprised/almost scared look on their face, and I quickly unbuckled and got out of the car. I saw that they lived in British Columbia later (plates). To this day my family still brings it up and makes fun of me with it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special K 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 That's fuckin' hot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mole 0 Report post Posted January 13, 2006 What, do you want a cookie? Do you have the kind with M & M's in them, Craigory? Those are oh so delectable. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW You called me Craigory. Only girls call me Craigory. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
