A different take on WrestleMania

[Promoter 0]

Guys, I stole this from another website's forum, but damn if it wasn't interesting.

 

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The sledgehammer

 

So here's the thing, really. I don't much care how much money the WWE makes. If anything, it seems McMahon is good enough at crunching numbers that it should never really matter to the average fan how profitable things are in the industry. The concern should just be that it stays in business, and like I said, it seems he's good enough at the number crunching that this would never be a problem.

 

Hell, when the dude starts making too much money, he just tends to blow it on football franchises, bodybuilding pay-per-views, b-grade action movies, and maybe a tanning session or two anyway. Point being I don't like to cheer for the money. It's not my job. I'm not a shareholder.

 

Right, so I just felt the need to get that out of the way because for some reason, it seems like too many conversations about wrestling devolve into the money thing and I could ultimately care less. I've been watching since I was 12. That was when the first Mania happened and all the kids at school were running around doing high knees, body slams, and leg drops to each other in the halls for fun. Everybody knew it was fake. The old fuddy duddy pre-baby boom teachers would grumble that "it's all fake" and we'd be like, yeah, so... what's your point.

 

I remember the first time I really got met with the whole "why do you watch this shit" question. My best friend was over a few years back, 2002, and he hit me with it. I said, "watch this," because the Triple H-Steph renewal of the vows thing was being staged at that moment. He watched the whole thing. "Pedigree" I laughed, a few seconds before he drove his wife's face into the floor to a roar of approval from the crowd. He kept turning his head from the screen, laughing, looking back, laughing some more. "I've never seen anything like that," he laughed afterward. Now he knew why I watched this shit.

 

OK... ranting around in circles here but I have a point. I don't give a shit about the money, first of all. As long as the show is on. There really is nothing else like this. Also, I've started to question how much McMahon himself cares about the money. I mean... there's the myth among fans that if we cheer or boo a certain way McMahon will have to listen because we're the ones that pay him to stay in business. This is true to a certain extent, but for the most part, he's always just kind of done what he wanted to do anyway and turned his mental power toward finding a way to make whatever he was doing marketable enough to keep going. That's the grapefruits thing. The fact it's turned his little family business into a publicly traded mini media empire is fucking astounding, and more than enough reason to give the dude his due.

 

I guess what I'm saying is I don't understand the mass amounts of criticism that get heaved at him. That's the main point of this whole post, but I'm trying to work my way to a lucid state with the thought.

 

See, I'm gonna say something so outlandish here most of you will feel compelled to throw insults my way. That's fine. My hope is one or two people will want to have a good conversation about the subject and we can just ignore the sophomores. Here it is...

 

Vince McMahon is our era's William Shakespeare.

 

Now to set the stage, I've slept in gutters, roomed with psychopaths, got drunk with ceo's, jumped off cliffs, lived in churches, had sex with angels, and along the way I've managed to study a bit of academic intelligence also. One of the things I've learned is that there was once a dude named Shakespeare who ran a little theater company in England. He specialized in churning out lowest common denominator plays that the majority of his culture considered crass, low brow, colloquial shit. Mainstream critics of his day wouldn't give him much thought. He was for the common man. Some hack who stole his material from working class mythology of the time.

 

Make matters worse, turns out there wasn't even one guy doing the whole thing. All those plays written by William Shakespeare were nothing more than plays written under the cooperation of William Shakespeare's little working class theater company. Hell, some of the actors probably even came up with their own shit to say. It was a whole lot of 15th century British slang, which is why uppities get scholarships to study the man's genius these days.

 

Imagine it'll be the same thing in a few hundred years when they start trying to figure out what guys like Guerro and Flair and Cena, much less Warrior and Triple H and Hogan were saying in their promos. A whole forgotten language immortalized in the theatrics of this century's crass, low brow, colloquial shit for the common man that gets snubbed by mainstream critics if considered at all in the first place. Fuck 'em, I say. They get paid to watch TV and talk about it, and they think they're better than anybody else? Fuck 'em because I work for a living and wrestling speaks to me, speaks my language, tells my stories, and entertains the shit out of me.

 

I've been in fights, gotten fired from jobs, watched friends fall, had chicks slap me across the face, and while it's thankfully not a daily practice of mine to get hit in the head with a steel chair, anybody who's been in that office with corporate america the day they tell you your services are no longer needed knows exactly what it must feel like to get hit in the head with a steel chair, thrown off the top of a cage through a table, or pummeled by some evil rich fuck with a sledgehammer.

 

That's my point, basically. Wrestling might be fake as a sport, over the top as entertainment, but it's the most real thing I've found on TV, not that I watch a lot of TV, but comparing it to yuppified melodramatic crap like Lost or Invasion or ER... you get the point. Hopefully.

 

Right, so one more thing to illustrate my point and then I'm out... the current story that's got smarky smarks all bunching up in the panties is this John Cena vs. Triple H match on a crash course with inevitability this Mania. Think about it... just for a second... this isn't the NWA, or AWA, or even TNA, or ECW. There's no pretense in the WWE that this is a real sport. Vince has always called what he did theater, his wrestlers characters, and his ring a stage. It happens to be a show about a fight, but that's the hook. It's the metaphor we dig. We understand what it's like to be in a fight in life, or we wouldn't bother watching. Wrestling gives us what the old Greek Aristotle talked about when he philosophized on theater and talked about the purging of intense emotions leading to catharsis. Gooey ten cent words and shit.

 

Point is, John Cena is this character, this everyday thug who fights for the people, and now those people have turned on him. OMGZ BUSINESS IS GOING INTO THE SHITTER! Heh. K... Ratings are up. Anyway. They spent the last year feuding him with the two most popular tweeners on the roster in Jericho and Angle. They had to know... I'm just saying they had to know what was going to happen, and where they are now has to be the destination they were going for. Why? Because his name is John Cena for fuck's sake. Hasn't clicked for you yet? Just shorten it up to the initials. Then throw in his hip hop catchphrases like "Word Life" and "The Time is Now" and hopefully you'll see the point of all this without having to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer. I'll point out this. Kids love him.

 

Anyway... the guy they're setting him up for is Triple H. King of Kings. Master manipulator. Plays the Game. Do a little research on what his name means in occult sciences and you'll see how we as fans have been under his evil control for almost a decade now. He's the motherfucking antichrist.

 

The genius of the story is in how they've turned the fans just in time for the climax. At Mania in Chicago, the antichrist will step in the ring with an everyday jabroni, initials JC, loved by kids but turned on by those he's the most like, and the thing is gonna be riotous. The antichrist will probably be heavily cheered, and will probably win the match, and will probably show up on TV the next night with that awesome evil smile on his face and the belt slung over his shoulder while he growls "Look what you just cheered for."

 

Will it make money? Probably, but I don't give a shit. I'm just here to enjoy the ride. That's my point. Not sure what I'm expecting in response... like I said... expecting lame insults clever to the beholder, and hoping for some decent conversation. I've typed more than enough, though.

 

Sorry bout the wind.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

Let's hope WWE doesn't get a hold of this. They might actually turn it into a Jesus vs. The Anti-Christ feud.

[Promoter 0]

Well, John Cena went over the self proclaimed "Wrestling god" at last year's Mania and they brought him over to RAW. The whole Edge thing was a distraction and I bet CENA going the whole year as champ against the King of Kings was the real long term plan. It makes sense, but Cena's heat as a babyface really took a big hit against Kurt Angle. The fans have sided with the wrestling establishment over the common man in some ways. Austin would have done tremondously well with this storyline if it was 1997.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

That was one of the worst things I have ever skimmed through and then stopped reading because it was too fucking retarded and made my brain weep.

[nl5xsk1 0]

RRR, by only skimming the article you missed this golden line:

 

Now to set the stage, I've slept in gutters, roomed with psychopaths, got drunk with ceo's, jumped off cliffs, lived in churches, had sex with angels, and along the way I've managed to study a bit of academic intelligence also.

 

Jebus, it's a shame the guy didn't learn to write something worth reading while doing all that other stuff.

[Boner Kawanger 0]

Yeah, I stopped at "Vince McMahon is our era's William Shakespeare." since I've had 9th grade literature.

[Guest Dam(o)nYankees]

It seemed like a half assed justification for something that can't be justified.

[Promoter 0]

The William Shakespeare thing was hilarious. I bet it was Vince Mcmahon who wrote that under an anonymous moniker. That's where the half-assed justification comes from most likely. They got that good stuff up at Titan Towers I'm sure.

[NYU 0]

I always hate when people say shit like "I'm just here to enjoy the ride", especially in a scenario like this.

 

If a wrestling match consisting of Triple H and John Cena is your idea of an enjoyable ride, you're better off getting hit by a train to see if that's any more thrilling.

[Guest Fook]

His idea of people getting degrees for studying WWE like how some get degrees for studying Shakespeare is outright laughable. Well, even moreso than the rest of this drivel.

[notJames 0]

Yeah, I stopped at "Vince McMahon is our era's William Shakespeare." since I've had 9th grade literature.

 

Ditto. I wonder how many monkeys chained to typewriters it took to write that drivel.

[Guest Dr Stupid]

Hmmm, problem is, that King of Kings is the name of Jesus, not the Anti-Christ, and second, Vince or creative are not that "creative"

[sluggo 0]

Am I the only one that DOESN'T want to see HHH and Cena in the ring? It seems like 2 different eras.

[Guest Fook]

Well I don't want to see Triple H OR Cena in the ring. Does that count?

[BUTT 0]

This is so dumb and pretentious it should be on the DVDVR forums. If you want to like WWE, fine, but don't do a half-assed tough guy AJ Benza impression while doing it.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

This is so dumb and pretentious it should be on the DVDVR forums.

 

Line of the Week.

[The Czech Republic 0]

Hmmm, problem is, that King of Kings is the name of Jesus, not the Anti-Christ

I thought he was saying "look at his name" meaning HHH, to correspond to 666, but HHH would be 888. So maybe he has a sinister connection to toll-free phone numbers.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Promoter should be suspended for a good month from the WWE Folder as a warning to those who think posting anything that equates Vince McMahon with William Shakespeare is a good idea.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Holy crap, that's the drugged-up rationalizations you make up that make you artificially optimistic for the duration of the program each given week. The key is to get back to the real world when the show ends.

[CBright7831 0]

Vince McMahon is our era's William Shakespeare.

[iggymcfly 0]

Vince McMahon is our generation's William Shakespeare

 

This argument made a whole lot more sense five years ago. I remember reading an article about basically this same exact concept right after WM X-7 and I kinda bought it. Austin was the tragic hero who became so vain he had to ally himself with what he hated most. The point is that the stories were good enough that you could get drawn in and find tons of depth.

 

Now? The WWE writes cartoons for children. Faces never go up against heels, the main event feuds are laughable, and the top face is an annoying wigger who tries so hard to be cute and funny that it's painful. It seems like every act they make is designed to get cheap heat for the heels, and to force the crowd to like the faces. The art of telling an interesting story is long gone.

 

If Vince McMahon wrote Othello today, the first three acts would all be about Othello's war exploits and what a great general he was. Then, the fourth act would involve Iago insulting Othello's wife and then running away whenever Othello confronted him. Finally, in the fifth act, Othello would kill a heavily armed Iago with his bare hands.

 

You can make up a story for Cena and HHH that has depth, but the real feud's going to involve HHH telling Cena that he doesn't deserve to be champion because he's a "common street thug" like the fans, while Cena says he's proud to be like the fans, and Vince prays that the fans will cheer for it like sheep.

[Guest treecelightning]

I think the interesting question out of all of this is: "Was William Shakespeare the Vince McMahon of his generation?"

 

In other words, is all the subtext and symbolism really there, or have generations of scholars merely infused Shakespeareian literature with meaning it was never meant to possess?

 

If nothing else, this article proves that you can find meaning where it doesn't necessarily exist.

[Promoter 0]

Hmmm, problem is, that King of Kings is the name of Jesus, not the Anti-Christ

I thought he was saying "look at his name" meaning HHH, to correspond to 666, but HHH would be 888. So maybe he has a sinister connection to toll-free phone numbers.

 

I took it to mean John Cena's initials represented Jesus Christ and HHH claiming he was the King of Kings was Satan challenging his position. WM 22 would be armageddon. I'm agreeing a lot with treecelightning though.

[BUTT 0]

Anyone who thinks that the Cena vs HHH match at WM is infused with biblical subtext is a moron and giving way too much credit to the awful writers of WWE. The dude who wrote this would probably hear "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas and say "You know, I've broke bread with presidents, lived in doghouses, played football with Jesus, and drank beer with Satan, but this song is about the motherfuckin' rise and fall of apartheid. Y'all get what you give." Or something really dumb like that. Promoter, I beg you, please do not bring any more of this "XTREME!" gent's views to TheSmartMarks Forums. Please.

[Guest whizzo]

and I could ultimately care less. I've been watching since I was 12. T

 

 

thats the most annoying americanism right there cos IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!

[BUTT 0]

I've never quite understood how if became so widespread that people believe that "I could care less" is the proper statement. Like, I understand how people could make that mistake, but I don't get where it became commonly accepted that it was the right parlance.

[The Czech Republic 0]

I LITERALLY SHIT MY PANTS

[iggymcfly 0]

Well what did you do?

 

What do you mean?

 

About the pants.

 

No no, you don't understand, I literally shit my pants.

 

So what did you do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't even remember who did that comedy routine, but it was a good one anyway.

[The Mandarin 0]

This is so dumb and pretentious it should be on the DVDVR forums.

 

Line of the Week.

 

Yeah, but nowhere in the topic does it talk about "legit shoots", include crude drawings or end with the thread creator's name capitalized. Non-stick forum, fo' sho.

 

CM FUNK.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Hey now.......DEAN is awesome and by far the best part of DVDVR.