SWF Smarkdown Card 7-24-2006

[chirs3]

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The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents...

SWF Smarkdown!
Live, Monday, July 24th, from Jurassic Park!
(6pm PST, 10pm EST; check local listings)
(Send all promos/marked matches to chirs3)



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MAIN EVENT: INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP ELIMINATION FOUR-WAY
"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu vs. "Iron" Mike Cross vs. Bruce Blank
-> This is the brawl to end it all. The four competitors won their respective qualifying matches, and the winner of this one walks out the International Champion! Will Spike Jenkins pay for his cockiness and suffer the finishers he subjected Amy Stephens to? Will Akira Kaibatsu harness the divine wind north of the ring? Will Iron Mike show his steel will? Will Wayne Blank somehow manage to win it all? Only time will tell.
Rules: Two men in, two men out, tag rules. Elimination style. Disqualifications and count-outs are in full effect.
Word Limit: 6000
Send to: chirs3

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TAG TEAM TERROR
Kerry Staunton and Scott Rageheart vs. The Axis (Trent Hawk and Ciro Vitale)
-> Staunton and Rageheart suffered a tough defeat to the Tag Team Champions about a week ago, while the Axis is still finding its niche. This one should be good, and the winners, as always, are likely to be rewarded.
Rules: Standard. Mind the tag ropes!
Word Limit: 4500
Send to: Ace309

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SINGLES MATCH OF APPARENT IMPORT
Grendel vs. Mike Van Siclen
Special Guest Commentators: Tom Flesher and Grendel's Mask On A Styrofoam Head
-> Grendel and Tom Flesher are on a collision course for the upcoming pay-per-view. Tom will be providing his usual level of rapier wit, while Grendel's Mask On A Styrofoam Head will be calling the action with him. Why Mike Van Siclen? Since when does MVS need an excuse to rage through the ring?
Rules: Standard.
Word Limit: 4500
Send to: Evolution

-=-=-=-=-

OPENING BOUT
Nemesis vs. Ced Ordonez
-> After Janus knocked Nemesis' lights out in Raccoon City, he's been itching for some pay-

... what?

Oh, wrong Nemesis. This one's a newbie, it looks like. Awesome!
Rules: Standard.
Word Limit: 4000
Send to: chirs3

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SPECIAL ATTRACTION
An Octopus vs. A Velociraptor

-> The SWF's main attraction, An Octopus, takes on hometown hero A Velociraptor in a battle of wits!
Rules: Standard.
Word Limit: 3000
Send to: chirs3

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Opening Promo: Unclaimed.

-=-=-=-=-

NOTES: The ring will be constructed in the middle of an open plain, with fencing surrounding it. Fans will be airlifted into the closed-off area. Treat them nicely: they won a contest. (Yes, that'll do.) The security of the fencing is at the discretion of the writer.

Match-lite card, as we're one show shy of the Pay Per View, and that means promo-age! But, as always, if you reeeeeeeeally want a match, just clear it with your opponent and let me know.

Anyone who wants to write for An Octopus or A Velociraptor, feel free. Edited July 21, 2006 by chirs3

[Bruce Blank]

Ah damn we're being upstaged by the opening match

 

Short but sweet this week

[Smartly Pretty]

I demand Akirasaurus be special guest commentators on the opening match.

[JJ Johnson]

We should've had this in the fuckin' Land of the Lost, man.

 

Marshall, Will and Holly! On a routine expedition! Met the GREEEEAAAATEESTT EARTHQUAAAAKEE EVER KNOOOOWNN! High up on the rapids, it struck their tiny raft! AAAHHH!! And plunged them down a thousand feet beloooooowww!

 

To the LAAAAAAAND OF THE LOOOOOOOSTT!!! (Lost-lost-lost!)

 

RARR!!

[JHawk]

I can honestly say that if we had done this from Land of the Lost, I would have officially gone back on the inactive list.

 

Just because of that post.

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

Not a Kroft fan?

[JJ Johnson]

Velociraptor asked me to post these for him, you guys.

 

Wrestlers Name: A Velociraptor

Real Name: Deinonychus (Velociraptor is just a gimmick)

Height: 4'11"

Weight: 190 pounds

Hometown: Mongolia

Age: 70,000,000

Face/Heel: High-flying cocky heel

Stable: The Pack, with 3-6 other velociraptors.

Ring Escort: The Pack

Weapon(s): A 6-inch razor-sharp claw on the middle toe of each foot

Quote:

"EEEEEEEEEEEERRRKK!!!!"

 

Looks: A velociraptor.

 

Ring Entrance: John Williams' "Journey to the Island" plays as a velociraptor comes down the ramp. Then, with the opponent paying attention to that raptor, the real A Velociraptor attacks from the side.

 

Stats:

¯¯¯¯¯

Strength: 2 (Seen his arms? Holy shit, he's like Captain Wimp, but in raptor form.)

Speed: 8 (Cheetah-speed. Still not quite as fast as WC, though.)

Vitality: 5 (Took a T-Rex to kill him, holy shit.)

Charisma: 5 (Top heel of the Jurassic Park Wrestling Federation, and for good reason.)

 

Style: Lots of kicks, having no upper body strength to speak of.

 

Signature moves:

Yakuza Kick

Bite (when the ref isn't looking. Or when he is. Like he cares.)

Springboard Front Dropkick

 

Common moves:

Kicks

Lurk in the shadows

Headbutt

Be distracted by loud noises

Fail to kill small, dorky hacker chick

Fail to kill smaller, dorkier electrocuted kid

Fail to kill Alan Grant

Fail to kill Ellie Sadler

Fail to kill John Hammond

etc.

 

Rare moves:

Kill an important character: Never been used before. Sell it appropriately.

 

Finishers:

1) Slash across the stomach with big motherfuckin' claw. PM ME BEFORE KICKING OUT

 

Notes: A velociraptor.

 

Bio: Marshall, Will and Holly! On a routine expedition! Met the GREEEEAAAATEESTT EARTHQUAAAAKEE EVER KNOOOOWNN! High up on the rapids, it struck their tiny raft! AAAHHH!! And plunged them down a thousand feet beloooooowww!

 

To the LAAAAAAAND OF THE LOOOOOOOSTT!!! (Lost-lost-lost!)

 

RARR!!

 

And then this guy ate them. Don't front.

[JHawk]

Not a Kroft fan?

Maybe if I had access to whatever shit he was smoking when he thought of that show.

[Guest El XL]

Hey guys I'm the writer behind the Nemesis character, Lance.

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

Intersting; I don't know if we've ever truly had a 400+ pound monster heel since I've been here.

[Bruce Blank]

LOL for a second I thought you meant the Velociraptor - but he's a Cruiserweight too

[Toxxic]

Wasn't Thugg over 400?

 

I'll be intrigued to see how Nemesis pans out, anyway.

[JJ Johnson]

WC also wasn't around for Thugg being active, Toxxic.

 

Although he was around for Thugg's ringer Bastion. So Wildchild, you are a damned dirty liar, and for that, I fine you 2 dollars Canadian. I expect my American nickel very soon.

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

Thugg's wrestling weight was 386. While I'll grant you that's damned close, he was never 400+ as an active character. That period leading to the the G-IV angle with Mark and King, he was 400+ pounds, but as a wheelchair-ridden "retired" character.

 

And, by the way, Bastion's wretling weight... was 385. Now, about that nickel...

[Toxxic]

WC also wasn't around for Thugg being active, Toxxic.

 

Although he was around for Thugg's ringer Bastion. So Wildchild, you are a damned dirty liar, and for that, I fine you 2 dollars Canadian. I expect my American nickel very soon.

 

 

Well hey, that's odd, because I'm sure I remember Thugg being active to a degree when I joined, and I remember WC being active when I joined. In fact, I remember Clark taking the CW title off WC, then beating Thugg in their whatever-the-fuck-it-was match at Battleground.

 

So na-na-boo-boo, and I laugh at your currency values as well.

[JJ Johnson]

From the Fire was when Clark beat Thugg by coming off a truck through a car, and I was exaggerating on the money. It's at least a dime.

[Toxxic]

So I got my PPVs mixed up. Doesn't mean you weren't wrong, or that I can't still laugh at your exchange rates.

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

Yeah, I remember no-showing that match...

[janusd]

Huh. Nemesis is big.

[Toxxic]

That he is.

[TheBostonStrangler]

Hamsauce is the only true monster in the history of this federation. A 500-pound Southern redneck back from the IGNJL days. Don't think he ever won, either. Good times.