Ask The Dictator!

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Hey Kotzenjunge,

 

Not really sure where I should have posted this, but if the state is ever looking for a celebrity of teen idol status, official prep, or officer of popularity, I'm your man...

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Sorry, but we've already got a Celebrity of the State in Mr. Incadenza. I suppose you could be our Teen Idol to make sure the younger citizens of the State still like us and are willing to submit to our will.

 

You do realize you'll be nothing but our puppet, correct?

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Hmph. Didn't realize you had a Celebrity already. And being a puppet doesn't sound like much fun. Most puppets have someone's hand stuck up their nether regions, and I don't think I'd like that much.

 

Ah well, figured I'd give it a shot. But if you come up with anything Kotzenjunge, always try to consider ol' Zack.

 

Later.

[Guest Incandenza]

Zack Malibu was interested in joining the Party working as a teen idol in some fashion, so why not have him get with the Czar of Propaganda work on things to appeal to the kids? In many ways, it's just as important to establish the Abbey Party's importance among our nation's youth as it is with the adults.

[Guest AP Newswire]

WASHINGTON -- A very impatient and disgruntled populace rose up today in the capital of the State of America. Mounting frustration with the time the war in Australia is taking, as well as apparent mafia-associated corruption, have been taking their toll on the people of the State.

 

This uprising has been planned for some time apparently, but did not have the support of the people until today. Former Chancellor Goodhelmet has nothing to do with the current rebellion, believe it or not. The Supreme General of All Protection, the head of the Praetorian Guard, Flyboy212EAW, was instrumental in getting this rebellion to succeed. Late this afternoon, the Praetorian Guard turned on the Maximum Proconsul during a meeting of the Cabinet. Some Cabinet members joined the insurrection, including the Minister of War, Viceroy of Education, Chief of Intelligence, and Commander of Commerce. Anyone supporting the Maximum Proconsul was immediately shot on the spot. The bodies were dragged from the White House conference room and laid out on the street for the cheering masses to applaud as a scaffold structure was hastily built. The dead Cabinet members' bodies were beaten further, as were the bodies of the Maximum Proconsul and his First Lady in a show of mob brutality not seen since the end of World War II in Italy.

 

News of army unrest and mutinies in Australia was spotty at best, but now the people are finding out that the State was fighting on its heels, barely holding what land it had while getting pounded by an Australian force with resolve and ability not yet seen by the quick victory-spoiled State army. No support from home didn't help the cause either, as the Proconsul was happier giving fake status reports and news stories to the populace. Only the tip of the iceberg of deceit has been uncovered. Incadenza used as a puppet by the State, the Assistant Proconsul hiding in Central Asia from the Italian Mafia, gross abuses of human rights by every Cabinet department, infighting within the Party, the whole incident of 6/19 being a hoax to make up for the State's shoddy paperwork, thousands of State soldiers and millions of foreign soldiers killed in the name of the Abbey Party, forced labor of former Republicans, fleecing of churches for State coffers, humans being used as test subjects in Cuba, and many other atrocities that we can only begin to venture into here were perpetrated by the State.

 

Until the new government can be set up, a state of anarchy exists everywhere within the former State's boundaries. The international community has restored the borders of the country back to pre-State lines of sovereignty and offered to send in stabilizing military forces until a new constitution can be written, or the old one is reinstalled. Such normalcy may take a while, as the former State has been plunged into civil war between those who support the revolution and the State supporters. With their leader dead and hanging in Lafayette Square across from the White House, they really have little chance of winning the fight against the now-battle hardened former State regulars.

 

All Australian prisoners have been released, and Australian civilians who escaped the country to Indonesia are returning to their homes to try and rebuild their lives. A conference is planned to take place in Vienna to discuss the reorganization of the State-ruled world. It may not be as simple as simply reinstalling the old governments, as some undesirable governments from before the State takeover may be snubbed at the conference, causing a rift. The State has left chaos in its wake, ironic since it advocated such ironclad rule and structure. A massive question mark hangs over the fate of the scientific advancements the State made, as well as the rights to the uranium deposits discovered in Antarctica by State scientists.

 

But for now, the populace celebrates for the most part, knowing that the old United States of America will be restored, and the words “with liberty and justice for all” will no longer be a joke.

 

God bless America.

 

(Associated Press of the United States of America)

 

The bodies of the Proconsul-supporting cabinet before being hung upside-down in Lafayette Square. The Maximum Proconsul, shaven bald before his execution, is holding the mace that he recieved from the late Secretary of Justice, justsoyouknow.

 

The beaten and battered corpses of the Maximum Proconsul and the First Lady, amid the bodies of the Cabinet.

[Guest dreamer420]

i'm glad was too baked to even know what was happening.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

So, since I didnt like the Maximum Proconsul, and I'm still in Africa on my goodwill tour, can I get my job back?

Or at least help reconstruct the new government

[Guest J*ingus]

OK, who's abusing the Newswire? Time for a password change methinks.

[Guest Incandenza]

OK, who's abusing the Newswire? Time for a password change methinks.

 

Kotzenjunge did this. He's had his subname changed, as well as removed the State of America pic from his sig. If he wanted to call this off, fine, but I wish he had told us ahead of time. I was working on something for my character, and I'm kind of bummed that it will never see the light of day.

[Guest goodhelmet]

Hey Incadenza,

 

Just abuse the system of a fragile world and become the new leader. A rebuilding state usually needs a charismatic figure to rally behind since the sheep are too helpless to think on thier own. Plus, your dashing looks and personality would make you a sure thing as the new figurehead. Also, make sure you have strong military support or the leader of the army will have you assassinated and take over.

[Guest Incandenza]

Eh, too much responsibility.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

yeah i know, but id help you mr.celebrity, but it looks like this regime is over

[Guest J*ingus]

Wow. Thank god that I was holed up in the Antarctic Embassy at the time, in my private suite with Nicole Kidman and a stack of PS2 games.

[Guest Incandenza]

I guess I'm still alive, as I live in--where else?--Los Angeles. But fuck it; who cares now?

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

From the desk of the just-returned Commandant of the Nessun Dorma:

 

holy shit.

[Guest LesnarLunatic]

I formally declare the state of Missouri to be independent of the United States. This will go on until the old Government and it's functions are restored.

 

Long live the old state!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Umm...no one cares

[Guest Incandenza]

This thing still here? I'd get all nostalgiac over all the good times we had, but a sizable portion of my contributions to this thread were deleted on the terrible, terrible day that was 6/19, so, you know, fuck it.

[Guest DeputyHawk]

BUMP.

 

Why are kotzenjunge's posts no longer showing up on this thread?

[Guest Incandenza]

His posts, much like mine, disappeared after the board switch on 6/19.

[Guest DeputyHawk]

Goddam! I started reading this thread a few weeks back before I went to Paris, and it was entertaining the hell out of me, pretty much the best thread I've ever read on this board. Ah well. Thanks Incandenza. Anyone happen to know if the text is available anywhere else?

[Guest Incandenza]

I just bumped the Abbey Party Convention feedback thread, but now I'm off to find the Abbey Party Convention thread itself.

[Guest Incandenza]

I just bumped the Abbey Party Convention feedback thread, but now I'm off to find the Abbey Party Convention thread itself.

Found it.

[Guest Still Fly]

Can I ask the dictator a question now?

[Guest Flyboy]

That's long over, Still Fly.

 

Long over. *sniff*

[Guest Incandenza]

I just pm'ed Kotz about this shocking development, so if he wants to answer it, he will.

[Guest Still Fly]

That's long over, Still Fly.

 

Long over. *sniff*

Well...uh...then...why is this here....I wanna ask something to the Dictator of the State of America....

[Guest Flyboy]

We were bumping it for old time sakes... but who knows?

 

Kotz might grace you by answering you.

 

Fo sheez.

[Guest Still Fly]

We were bumping it for old time sakes... but who knows?

 

Kotz might grace you by answering you.

 

Fo sheez.

alright... but why did this end anyway? It was funny.

[Guest Incandenza]

We were bumping it for old time sakes... but who knows?

 

Kotz might grace you by answering you.

 

Fo sheez.

alright... but why did this end anyway? It was funny.

Kotz was under the impression that the State of America had run out of gas, but many of us thought it still had another month or so before it got stale.