Guest Incandenza Report post Posted June 24, 2002 For some reason, red came out as brown on this world map, but we could spin that color screwup somehow. Forget spinning. Something must be done about that color screwup before we go public with the sign. How are we are going to instill fear in our enemies and inspiriation in our adoring masses with a map the color of shit? I suppose I could appear in some PSAs and put over the brownness of it with my striking good looks and charming personality...but I know this is not my decision to make. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 I tried going back and fixing it, no go. I could try another color period, not nessecarily red. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest massivHEDtrauma Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Blah. Your Czar of Propaganda is back from Jamaica and ready and rarin' ta go! Uhm, yes. So anyways, at the convention, expect me to announce a new head reporter for PNNN news Yay, whoohoo!!! (puts on a little party hat)! Hee hee! I...I must apologize, the wacky tobaccy must have gone to my head a bit more than I thought. All will surely be well before the convention though. Anyways, yes. NEW REPORTER!!! And trust me...he kicks mucho assno. I must remember not to smoke myself retarded in the future. Mmm, I'm hungry... (goes off to search for a bag of Funyons) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted June 24, 2002 From The Desk Of Supreme General Flyboy Of Protection: Dear my fellow State members, It saddens me that I haven't been letting the updates flow you as you and I would like. Things get hetic in when protection Mr. Kotzen, and when I'm not protection our own Kozten, then I'm thinking of ways to protect him, damnit! We were almost wiped out by a HEINOUS act, but the States live on. We are bigger and stronger than ever. Nothing's going to stop us. And nothing is going to stop me from protect Mr. Kotzenjunge. *places many 9 MMs on the desk* Nothing. That is all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjudge--Blue looks better than brown, I'll give you that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Here we go, the definitive, final, this-is-the-best-that-the-damn-colors-will-allow-me-to-make it, version. That khaki color means good relations. Green means their ass is grass soon. I also made Washington more obvious. This is going to be my signature picture for sure now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 I just realized what a great propaganda move it was to make the map of our holdings my signature picture. Now everyone will be bombarded with the image of our might and have no choice but join us!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjudge, Maybe all Abbey Party members should have the map in their sig, or at least the red-and-white logo in their avatar. What does everyone else think? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 I wanted to suggest that long ago, because then it would really make us look fearsome, but if the HHHaters do it, why can't we? We're cooler and control much more money, land, and people than them! I wholeheartedly endorse such a move. You like the improvements at least? That brown did have to go, you were right. Oh, the only person not allowed to change their avatar is the First Lady. To have our sinister logo with First Lady doesn't look or sound right. Besides, I happen to like seeing her smiling face. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted June 24, 2002 But, what if you don't technically work for the states? Like me, I work for... er myself. Flyboy's Protection Agency, but... hey, I'm not against it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 No, you're the head of the Praetorian Guard, a State agency that is the equivalent of the Secret Service. You DO work for the State. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 There is a girl I know in California, who has given me the perfect example of how easy it will be to control people. I sent her a copy of our little map, very proud of it. She asked what it was, and I told her, and told her that Australia was green because their ass was grass for perpetrating 6/19. She asked what 6/19 was... and it starts: (I am The Whole F'n Show, this was over MSN messenger) CRYSTAL says: Well...... I'm ignorant obviously because I haven't a clue what you're talking about The Whole F'n Show says: 3/4 of the State's documents and work were lost on 6/19. The Whole F'n Show says: With no one to blame, we decided on Australia. The Whole F'n Show says: So expect a story soon(after Tuesday) about the beginning of the invasion of Australia by the State of America. CRYSTAL says: Well that's not right... just because we do not know who did it doesn't mean it's justified to blame it on australlia CRYSTAL says: you're serious? CRYSTAL says: how do you know about this? The Whole F'n Show says: Indeed I am. The Whole F'n Show says: Spread the word, the State of America is going to invade Australia on Wednesday. CRYSTAL says: Im not going to say that The Whole F'n Show says: Gee, maybe I know about it because I'm the person to come up with the idea? CRYSTAL says: I doubt that we're going to invade an intire country over something we're not sure about and plus while we are at war with terrorist CRYSTAL says: ? CRYSTAL says: riiight The Whole F'n Show says: You doubt me coming up with the idea? CRYSTAL says: NO CRYSTAL says: I'm sure you did CRYSTAL says: I doubt the US is going to invade australlia The Whole F'n Show says: I never said the United States was going to invade Australia. The Whole F'n Show says: I said the State of America was going to. CRYSTAL says: "The Whole F'n Show says: Spread the word, the State of America is going to invade Australia on Wednesday" The Whole F'n Show says: I sure did say that. CRYSTAL says: yup The Whole F'n Show says: The State of America is going to invade Australia on Wednesday. CRYSTAL says: um ok CRYSTAL says: why would they do that? CRYSTAL says: Seriously they dont know if they even did it CRYSTAL says: people frusterate me The Whole F'n Show says: Why frustration? The Whole F'n Show says: The State of America doesn't need real reasons to do what we please. The Whole F'n Show says: We can use our Ministry of Propaganda to convince the masses we are correct. CRYSTAL says: whatever CRYSTAL says: I just don't think it's justifible The Whole F'n Show says: The State thinks it is, so it must be. CRYSTAL says: Anyways if we really were than they would not tell the public The Whole F'n Show says: The people want some kind of explanation for 6/19, and Australia isn't of any worth to us. CRYSTAL says: so stop trying to pull my leg The Whole F'n Show says: I'm not pulling your leg. The Whole F'n Show says: The State of America is going to invade Australia on Wednesday, the day after the Party Convention. The Whole F'n Show says: It's not like it's a serious deal. The Whole F'n Show says: Our Minister of War has the plan already done. The Whole F'n Show says: We have sent our Lord of Foreign Policy there on a token goodwill trip, so they don't suspect a thing from us. CRYSTAL says: Ah I watch CNN tomorrow than The Whole F'n Show says: And our Commander of Commerce is establishing trade treaties as we speak. CRYSTAL says: wtf CRYSTAL says: spoon The Whole F'n Show says: I think you'd better watch PNNN. CNN was dissolved. CRYSTAL says: dissolved? CRYSTAL says: wtf! The Whole F'n Show says: You know what I mean, gotten rid of, cancelled. The Whole F'n Show says: The State uses PNNN now to get the news to the masses. CRYSTAL says: Really that's why I watched it two damn days ago The Whole F'n Show says: I never said it was done along time ago. The Whole F'n Show says: *a long CRYSTAL says: and I have the CNN channel The Whole F'n Show says: CNN's been gone for about a week or so. The Whole F'n Show says: Oh, it's probably showing 2002 reruns. CRYSTAL says: ok The Whole F'n Show says: Says June 24th, 2:13 AM EST, right? The Whole F'n Show says: They're just showing 2002 reruns. CRYSTAL says: No CRYSTAL says: Im not watching it now The Whole F'n Show says: Ah. CRYSTAL says: My sister is watching some movie The Whole F'n Show says: Well trust me, it's talking about stuff in 2002, stuff in the past. CRYSTAL says: but I know I have the cnn channel CRYSTAL says: ok The Whole F'n Show says: Either way, the State is also going to question or arrest every Australian tourist currently in-country. The Whole F'n Show says: Naturalized residents will be allowed to go about their lives unmolested, but they will have background checks done on them and watched closely. The Whole F'n Show says: The State has things well in hand, believe me. The Whole F'n Show says: Is Assistant Proconsul Kinetic a good King of California? Not being a resident, I wouldn't know. CRYSTAL says: Spoon we do not arrest tourist because of their nationality we didnt do it when 3/11 happened The Whole F'n Show says: Well, we're arresting Australian tourists because of what happened on 6/19. CRYSTAL says: I dont think so The Whole F'n Show says: The State is not a nation to be crossed. CRYSTAL says: it's not how it works CRYSTAL says: well duh CRYSTAL says: anyways The Whole F'n Show says: The invasion is codenamed Operation Dingoslaughter. CRYSTAL says: lets get off of this CRYSTAL says: thats fucked up The Whole F'n Show says: How so? CRYSTAL says: Im part australlan CRYSTAL says: dingosliaughter? CRYSTAL says:fucked up The Whole F'n Show says:Hey, I don't come up with these names, the Ministry of War does. CRYSTAL says:no wonder so many ppl hate us CRYSTAL says:were fuckin idiots CRYSTAL says:at times The Whole F'n Show says:Hey, look at the map. Only Asia, Africa, and Australia have avoided our control so far. CRYSTAL says:so we cant control the damn world it will back fire down the line we need enimies it keeps us in check and strong The Whole F'n Show says:Hey, we're leaving Asia alon. The Whole F'n Show says:*alone. The Whole F'n Show says:They're too economically valuable. CRYSTAL says:stop talking about this CRYSTAL says:hell I can always watch the news The Whole F'n Show says:What's the problem with talking about the business of a ficticious fascist State of America? CRYSTAL says:sorry im upset my great grandma died and than a bunch of crap and now ur going on and on about somethign so wrong....... we should just fucking interrogate them not invade why would we do that we could cause a war The Whole F'n Show says:But the idea is that we interrogate them AFTER the invasion, so they don't have a chance to tell the "blokes" back home about what's going on. The Whole F'n Show says:Once again, what's the problem with talking about a ficticious fascist State of America? CRYSTAL says:hmmmm........ lets see CRYSTAL says:cuz I dont want to talk about im not in the mood you shouldnt talk about it and I'll let ya go CRYSTAL says:later The Whole F'n Show says:Maybe I should accentuate a certain word... The Whole F'n Show says:FICTICIOUS State of America. CRYSTAL says:I know but whats the point The Whole F'n Show says:FICTION!!! CRYSTAL says:its fiction The Whole F'n Show says: FAKE!!! The Whole F'n Show says:NOT HAPPENING!111 CRYSTAL says: I know CRYSTAL says:but whats the point of talking about it CRYSTAL says:? CRYSTAL says:thats what im saying CRYSTAL says:and I dont like talking about fake shit CRYSTAL says:especailly when I disagree and im not happy CRYSTAL says:get it????????????/ CRYSTAL says:sorry anyways bye Draw your own conclusions. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest massivHEDtrauma Report post Posted June 24, 2002 And that, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge, is why you are the freaking man! That was PURE GOLD~! Isn't it funny how she feebly tried to cover herself in the end? Why yes, yes it is. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Something I'd like to state, what with giving a whole continent(albeit an icy one) to someone and Scandinavia to another, that is the END of getting territory just by asking for it. It's descending into decadence again, to do things like give out pieces of an empire as favors! I also feel the other Cabinet members resent such rewarding without reasoning, so I am forced by my own principles to take Antarctica from Baron of Entertainment Jingus. Minister of War SupaTaft may keep Scandinavia because he gave a plausible reason(the land of his ancestors). Jingus had a big-ass slab of ice anyway, of no real value, and he got the brief satisfaction of taking over a whole continent with a gun and some fish. Now it is time to give it back to the State. If anyone goes above and beyond the call of duty, they may get a piece of land to rule themselves, nay, WILL get a piece of land to rule themselves. Here's the prize for the Convention: The person with the best speech that does not already lord personally over some land will receive Kingship over the Australian provinces of Victoria and South Australia, containing the cities of Melbourne and Adelaide, as well as the Australian vineyards, the finest in the Southern Hemisphere. This is all pending the invasion, to take place after the invasion. Included in the territory won by the best speaker will be the Australian Capital Territory, and thus the winner will be able to live in the lap of luxury, as it were, in the former Prime Minister's quarters and offices. They will still perform their Cabinet job, it will simply be done from Canberra instead. I will personally judge the best speech myself, and will ignore any attempts by anyone to persuade me to choose their speech. Neat, eh? Oh, that AP Newswire story on our three new Cabinet members will be up tomorrow, as will the news of the whole momentous weekend in the State of America! On a related note, the AP Newswire name is available to all, so if your Ministry has an announcement, use the News to do it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Psycho Diablo Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Out of curiousity.. >_> any open positions left? -Shiro Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Well, we've got the following Ministries and Departments left empty: Ministry of the Interior(environment n' stuff) Ministry of Housing and Urban Development(self-explanatory) Department of Investigation(the State's FBI, directly under control of Ministry of Justice) Ministry of Veteran's Affairs(our burgeoning army gives us a lot of veterans, and they need to be cared for) Ministry of Health and Human Services(also self-explanatory) Department of Intelligence(CIA equivalent) That's all I can think of that hasn't been taken yet. Anglesault and The Superstar took the monetary offices, Commerce and Treasury respectively. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Psycho Diablo Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Could I be the Department of Intelligence? Very secretive, yes.. -Shiro Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 You can't be the whole department. Think of a spiffy title for yourself. You're under the Ministry of Foreign Policy and report to Big Poppa Popick, who can order your department to different parts of the non-State world. Think of a title, include it in your sub-name or signature, and you will be part of the announcement tomorrow on the Newswire of FOUR new Cabinet members in the last two days. The State now has 23 members. We welcome you, El Psycho Diablo, our 23rd member! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest J*ingus Report post Posted June 24, 2002 You took my continent away? ::glares testily at Proconsul:: Well I better at least get a big-ass castle at the South Pole to make up for it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Psycho Diablo Report post Posted June 24, 2002 I knew that. >_< Late, lack of sleep, and all. My mind suffers. I'll take a simple "Chief of Intelligence". Works for me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Look, it was counterproductive to keep the place. You can live in the useless Embassy we have down there if you want. I just realized that I was giving out parts of a freaking planet for no reason whatsoever. We should not take Antarctica anyway, for there are Asian interests down there. Believe it or not, by the 1958 Antarctic Treaty, China gets some of that ice, as does Russia, which is confined to Asia now and is a BIG Chinese ally now that we've started our reign of awesomeness. It's a matter of not pissing people off, no matter how insignificant it may be. Australia also has claims down there, but we're invading them on Wednesday, so it doesn't matter. And buck up, if you make a good speech, you get 4/9 of the population of Australia under your control! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 The State welcomes new Chief of Intelligence El Psycho Diablo! For obvious reasons, as it would compromise his job, he cannot make a statement about what he plans to do in his department. (and with that, I go to sleep) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Big Poppa Popick Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Big Poppa Popick silently curses, the State of America is expanding so fast, he yet again has to change his itenerary, because SoA now owns all of South America... The following is an announcement from the desk of the Lord of Foreign Policy Beginning Wednesday, June 6th... BPP and El Psycho Diablo will visit Austrailia to quell fears of an impending invasion there, working out several arms limitatation and export-subsidy agreements. El Psycho Diablo, the newly hired Chief of Intelligence, will then visit the Phillipines, Japan, and China while BPP will head over to Africa on a "peaekeeping" mission there as well. Also, Big Poppa Popick would like to personally thank the Maximum ProConsul for allowing him to relocate the offices of the Lord of Foreign Policy to the new headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Intimacy Goblin Report post Posted June 24, 2002 From the desk of the Commandant: It appears that my agency, the Nessun Dorma, gets smaller and smaller as our responsibilities are hacked away with the addition of newcomers to the party. When I took over this agency, I assumed it to be a kind of FBI/CIA mix. After the evil act that destroyed most of the thread, I was told to calm down my international activities and stick to domestic affairs, so I assumed that the Nessun Dorma was an FBI type deal. Now with the Maximum Proconsul's announcement that a "Department of Investigation" is open for a leader, my troops have been wondering what in the hell their job as secret police is supposed to mean. We request either a new job description (like making the Nessun Dorma something like INTERPOL, so we can go international again, but stick to police work) of what it is that we do, or a cancelation of the agency and new jobs entirely for the troops that served the state so loyally. Also, I regret to report that I will be unable to attend the convention on Tuesday, as I am leaving at 5:30 in the morning on that day on State business, and will not be back in my office for about ten days. And I pray that the State still has a purpose for me when I return. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Big Poppa Popick Report post Posted June 24, 2002 BPP sends an e-mail to the Maximum Proconsul Dear sir, Given the Nessun Duma's concerns, I propose that we merge them with the Department of Intelligence, creating the Department of International Intelligence and Domestic Survelliance? This, because of its foreign function, would still report directly to my esteemed leadership, but would allow both Diablo and Goblin to work side by side, because we both know that the Australians have people in our midst... Sincerely, BPP Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 The Nessun Dorma is a domestic revenge unit, meant to silence and brutalize enemies of the state within our borders. The Department of Intelligence is our spies and such. It isn't that hard. They aren't the same thing. I'm really wondering if people read what goes on. WE'RE INVADING ON WEDNESDAY MORNING. It would be stupid to go there on the day we invade them to tell them that we aren't going to when the first divisions are already landing in New Zealand, a country which was nice enough to let us use their islands as a launching pad, since they hate Australians. The idea is that at the Convention I declare war on Australia. Getting back to the mixups about what Ministries and Departments do what, was the Gestapo a mix of the FBI and CIA? Hell no! Does our CIA do investigative work? No! Here is how it is: The Chief of Intelligence already has agents within the proposed invasion landing sites, gauging the military strength on the ground, as well as getting into Canberra offices and making sure there is no evidence of their suspicion of us. Department of Intelligence spy planes are also flying over Australia on the hour, taking pictures of every square inch of that island for our use. Oh, and it's a good idea to not announce where our Chief of intelligence is going publicly. He is supposed to be covert after all. Our Lord of Foriegn Policy is in Africa, speaking with the leaders of Egypt, Libya, and several other nations to assuage their fears of us invading their continent also. They have no worries in reality. We'll never invade Africa, because the place is rife with disease and needs to be kept as a massive wildlife reserve. Our Commandant is in New Hampshire with a batallion of Nessun Dorma officers, systematically hunting down each member of a suspected insurgence in the New Hampshire/Vermont/Massachusetts area. Despite the effectiveness of their Agency, it still takes ten days or so for a hundred men to kill a few thousand. I am on the plane from Melbourne still, and we're nearing Los Angeles now. Flyboy is with me, and has been trying to tell me for the last 20 hours that he was not enjoying the concert. I doubt him still. I certainly hopes this clears things up, and if it doesn't, I'm already working on a command/function diagram. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Given the confusion among our recent inductees, I see that now more than ever it is important that the State has its own website. Of course, I know jackshit about running such things, so all I can do is continue to suggest it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SupaTaft Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Wait. I just thought of something. I've always wanted to hit this and here I have an opportunity to do so. I know we have friendly relations with Asia and the Middle East, but this is a necessity. We need to destroy Yemen. Yes Yemen, the most worthless country in the world, the poorest country in the world, the middle-eastern country with absolutely no oil. I've been dreaming of destroying the country for three years now. Trust me, except for a little shaking the neighboring prosporous countries wont even notice its gone. There are about 3000 people in the country... seriously. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Actually, if you want to bestow a title of "Shittiest Country on the Planet" on anyone, it's Mozambique. PCI: $80. Literacy Rate: 35% Life Expectancy: 44 years Hell, their flag has an AK-47 crossed with a sickle! But sorry, we can take Yemen when we go after the Middle East, which isn't even in the planning stages yet. The whole State is concentrating on keeping the Australian invasion under wraps and putting the Convention on. Besides, why destroy a country for being worthless? Worthlessness is relative. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted June 24, 2002 Oh, and I don't know shit about making a website either. I leave it to much more talented folk than I. I never claim to be a technological guru, I'm just an intercontinental potentate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
