Ask The Dictator!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

BPP calls the Maximum Proconsul

 

Aight, thanks for the update, now that I UNDERSTAND what's going on

 

I'll be in Africa with Diablo, starting Wednesday, seeing if they'll give us money

 

Yeah, i know its like pumping a dry well, but hell, every dry well has a little drop of water in it

 

 

Do I still get to move my headquarters to atlanta?

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Oh, moving your personal residence and such there isn't a problem. All Ministries stay in Washington though, sorry. We have big plans for Washington, architecturally.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

Aight, fine...I'm making a branch office there...

 

Anything else i need to be focusing on there mighty one in Africa? Shall I rabble-rouse a bit?

 

Oh, El Psycho Diablo, I need your weekly Intelligence report from you by 7pm Tuesday night for my report

 

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Um, no. Here's an idea: Get on the good side of Nigeria. We could use a nice oil treaty from your diplomacy and Commander Anglesault's economic savvy.

 

Why the hell hasn't he posted here since he was accepted, anyway?

 

And where is our Secretary of Justice? I PMed him asking where he was, and got no response, despite him being logged in and present on the board.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

BPP sends an ultra-secret notice about the Secretary of Justice

 

Check, your, super-secret private messages sir.

[Guest The Superstar]

Superstar sends a telegram to the State Offices in Washington.

 

 

"Hello from beautiful Chile! As I said in my list of goals, I wanted to use 10% of state funds to help keep the western part of South American safe and secure. I am currently in the capital, Santiago, giving speeches to these fine people about the benefits of this act. They are unanimously behind the State of America, which comes to the surprise of no one, as we do own the country. Anyways, I have to catch an 8:00 AM flight tomorrow morning for Lima, Peru, where I'll do some more campaigning for this fund. Hope all is well in Washington!"

 

 

---The Superstar, Master of the Treasury

[Guest The Hollywood Fashion Plate]

Slickster sends a message via carrier pigeon to the State Offices in Washington.

 

"Greetings from sunny Nogent-le-Rotrou, France! As I write this message to you from the courtyard of a 14th-century castle, I am busy aligning SOA security forces to protect our new SOA 'homelands' in Europe. Our SOA EuroDefense forces merge former European militaries, INTERPOL and Scotland Yard workers in order to better ensure the safety of our new citizens on the majestic European continent. I have established EuroDefense bases in Paris, London, Madrid, and Berlin in order to maintain stability.

 

Also, I have instituted new rules governing security at sporting events. From now on, no fan will be allowed to wear a mask or facepaint at any sporting event. And now if you'll excuse me, I have some water that I need to spit while I blare some Motorhead. Why? Because I'm INTENSE~!

 

Slickster-- Overlord of INTENSE~! Homeland Security

[Guest justsoyouknow]

My sincerest apologies, this board doesn't refresh for some reason, so I just figured there was no board activity. I have returned to carry out the duties bestowed to me by the Maximum Proconsul....

 

First order of business:

As far as the Australian problem goes, all of the tourists must be arrested, I'm told. I have a plan as far as this goes. Before the break of dawn, the highest ranking officers of the Nessun Dorma shall vandalize the White House, with the cooperation of the Proconsul of course, with pro-Australian, anti-SoA sentiments. I will then hold a press conference letting the world know that we have suspects in mind, and, as the most powerful nation in the wold, we will not stand for any type of unrest. I shall decree that the Maximum Proconsul has instructed me to carry out an operation to find those responsible for these heinous actions. We will declare these people to be radicals who are attempting to bring about the downfall of the State. We wll then arrest any and all Australians currently in the country, insisting they are all part of a Neo-Terrorist group that was in possession of a nuclear device. We can claim that the Nessun Dorma discovered this plot and have disarmed the device, with all Australians in custody. We will then claim to release them on their own accord, but in all actuality, we will keep them in the Orangutan pit (minus the ape, of course).

 

Second Order of Business:

As far as the reorganization of the Nessun Dorma goes, have no complaints about the current situation. The Nessun Dorma shall continue to be the hired hitmen of the State by night, as well as the domestic police force by day. Of course, they will only be shown in a positive light. I welcome all newcomers who will be under my control, I can either be your best friend or your worst enemy...your choice.

 

Third Order of Business:

ATTN: Minister of War Supataft

 

With the impending invasion of Australia set to occur, I reccomend that we insist that the leaders of the Neo-Terrorist group mentioned above are currently residing in the Outback, we know exactly where they are, and it would be in their best interess to let us remove them from the country. We will then move all armed forces to the outback claiming to be searching for these terrorists, but in all actuallity, we will only be using it as a center of operation for our soldiers. Once we are inside the country, we can send some of the special agents that Minister Supataft contols around the city disguised as citizens. They will then proceed to plant explosive devices all around the country in undisclosed locations, so when the Australians attempt to fight back, we can threaten them with total devestation unless they surrender unconditionally. Once the surrender has been ordered, the residents will be relocated (read: imprisoned).

 

If there's anything else I missed, just let me know. If you desperately need to reach me and I'm not answering PMs, you can always reach me at...

SN: HypocrisyIsFun

[Guest Incandenza]

And now if you'll excuse me, I have some water that I need to spit while I blare some Motorhead. Why? Because I'm INTENSE~!

 

Even if it involves worthy derision, I would like to ask all of my Abbey Party members to please keep the Triple H references to a minimum. HHHate causes me stress, which plays hell with my skin, which just can't happen due to my position within the State.

 

By the way, one and all, my beloved Monica and I have had a spat, and she packed her bags and flew back to her adopted home of France. She apparently was under the belief that I only cared about her for her fabulously big breasts and gorgeous ass, just because I kept attempting anal penetration and grabbing at her bosoms while she wanted to talk about her "feelings." What a silly woman; I loved her dearly.

 

In addition to that unfortunate situation, Kate is still shooting her movie, and can't make it out for tomorrow's convention, therefore I now will not be able to go to the convention with either of the two women who mean more to me than anyone else in this world outside of the Party and myself. As you can see, being the World's Most Handsome Man is not always easy.

 

Oh well, life goes on. I hear Angelina Jolie is splitting from that loathsome ruffian (though fine actor) Billy Bob Thornton, so maybe I will give her a call. I know I can convince her to accompany me to the glorious event that is Our Meeting. While there, I will make plans for her to have that hideous "Billy Bob" tatoo removed from her arm, and she will fight off the urge to ravish me right then and there. Patience, my pet, patience....

 

EDIT: And justsoyouknow, as for arresting any and all Austrailians, do go easy on that Kylie Minogue. She and I shared a week of steamy sex a couple of years ago, and she's such a doll.

[Guest Kinetic]

Nevermind.

[Guest AP Newswire]

Assistant Proconsul Involved In Car Accident

Female companion killed; luminary flees the scene

 

Washington, D.C.-- Mere days after returning from his Italian vacation, Assistant Proconsul Kinetic was involved in a one-car accident outside of Washington D.C. Saturday night. The accident--which occured when the Assistant Proconsul's vehicle plunged head-first into the Potomac River--claimed the life of one woman. The physical well-being of the Assistant Proconsul is currently unknown.

 

The Assistant Pronconsul and his female companion, reported to be longtime mob boss Jimmy "The Fist" Allesandro's wife Cecilia Allesandro, had just left the unveiling of the latest statue erected in the luminary's honor when the accident occured. Preliminary reports indicate that Allesando, who had no prior ties to the Assistant Proconsul, was killed on impact. A heavily-reinforced airbag is credited with saving the life of Kinetic, who managed to pry his way from the twisted wreckage and swim to safety.

 

Eye witnesses report then seeing the Assistant Proconsul flee the scene on foot, allegedly at a high rate of speed. The same eye witnesses claim to have seen Kinetic then purchase a new outfit prior to entering a local strip club. He is believed to have spent approximately 45 minutes in this establishment, at which point he departed for "Starlight Cinemas," a pornographic movie theater. It is unknown as of press time what film the Assistant Proconsul viewed while there.

 

Neither Assistant Proconsul Kinetic nor any member of the State of America has been available for comment. The Abbey Party's convention is still scheduled for Tuesday, at which point the Assistant Proconsul is expected to speak for the first time since the fatal accident.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

For Official Release

 

The Office of the Lord of Foreign Policy, one day before the Convention, has placed Commandant AngleSault under house arrest, pending an investigation!

 

Big Poppa Popick: At approximately 10 am Eastern Standard Time, my offices in Atlanta received noticed from our operatives in Austrailia that there was a highly placed informant secretly leaking information about the State of America and its miltary prepardness.

 

We have had this thought for sometime now, as many of our most valuable ideas are heard whispered in far corners of the world by our operatives.

 

Because the Australians have been so antagonist towards us, anyone with direct involvement in the current affairs between both bodies was placed under surveillance.

 

It is my sad duty to inform the State of America that AngleSault was seen talking with a high-ranking official of the Australian government.

 

No charges have been pressed as of yet, but an official investigation has begun, and Commandant AngleSault will be limited to his residence until further notice.

 

Thank you, and God Bless

 

Stephen Popick,

Lord of Foreign Policy

[Guest J*ingus]

For Official Release

 

Baron of Entertainment Jingus is commissioning the film adaptations of both Kinetic and Anglesault's recent misfortunes. Harrison Ford has already been approached to play the Assistant Proconsul, and preliminary talks are being made with both John Malkovich and Alec Baldwin to find a star to cover the role of Anglesault.

 

Oh yeah, and please be careful with the Australian film industry workers. Nicole Kidman, Russel Crowe, Kate Winslet, Guy Pearce, Hugo Weaving, and Peter Jackson are all far too valuable to lose.

[Guest Incandenza]

Jingus--Kate Winslet is from the UK. She's safe.

[Guest justsoyouknow]

Oh, I completely agree with preserving the Ausralian actors. In fact, we coud use them to our advantage....Russel Crowe coud have an intervien PNNN where he condemns the actions of the Australians, saying that although he is Australian, he finds them repulsive. Then he can start screaming, "I am not entertained! I am not entertained!" As far as Nicole Kidman goes, she is to be arrested. Terrible actresses who are annoying as all hell must be removed. The rest of the actors may stay.

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

(a message is deposited on BPP's desk, marked top secret, and for him only)

 

Anglesault is not a traitor. He was simply on a mission to establish a trade treaty with Australia. He can be released.

 

-El Psycho Diablo, Chief of Intelligence

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

"And justsoyouknow, as for arresting any and all Austrailians, do go easy on that Kylie Minogue. She and I shared a week of steamy sex a couple of years ago, and she's such a doll."

 

(snarls at Incadenza)

[Guest justsoyouknow]

ATTN: BIG POPPA POPPICK

 

AP Newswire:

NEWFLASH: You don't have the authority to arrest Anglesault. Who's the guy around here who has the power to do that? Oh, that's right, it's me. I believe I already posted my feelings on breach of command. Anglesault has been released as of this post, and reinstated to his position, with the fullest of apologies from the State of America. I sincerely reccomend that you don't let this happen again, BPP.

 

Secretary of Justice

Justsoyouknow

[Guest Incandenza]

Due to BPP's recent actions, perhaps the State should closely monitor its members who also belong to the OAOAST. We cannot have any of their tomfoolery brought in here.

[Guest Anglesault]

Hey, we in the OAOAST don't know the meaning of Tomfoolery!

 

No, really, we don't

[Guest Anglesault]

ATTN: BIG POPPA POPICK

AP Newswire:

NEWFLASH: I am distressed that you would think i am a traitor. After all, I was just doing my Job. You should not jump to cnclusions like that. I will now continue to pretend that I know what I am doing. That is is all

 

Commander of Commerce

Anglesault

[Guest justsoyouknow]

I will now continue to pretend that I know what I am doing

 

 

....Good to see Anglesault has adopted the Party motto.

[Guest J*ingus]

ATTN: JUSTSOYOUKNOW

AP Newswire:

NEWSFLASH: there will be NO arresting of the redheaded goddess Nicole. I, and I alone, have power to decide which actors and actresses are shitty or not. (Come on man, The Others? Eyes Wide Shut? Moulin Rouge? She's one of the best actresses working today.)

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Um, you guys, AP Newswire is an actual POSTING NAME that you all have access to. If you want to use it, go ahead, eesh.

[Guest justsoyouknow]

ATTN: Jingus

 

................I'll arrest whomever I damn well please. If you have a problem with that, you'll have to take it up with the Maximum Proconsul himself. As for your precious "red-haired goddess", she is a horrible actress...and Eyes Wide Shut was an abomination of a film, Moulin Rouge was extremely over-the-top, and in interviews she comes off as a major bitch. Unfortunately, I cannot arrest her for that. I can, however, arrest her for being Australian. Unless she can change that, then she is under arrest.

[Guest J*ingus]

She's actually an American citizen, you know. And why is the cop arguing with the movie critic over what movies were better? Stay off my turf, turkey!

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

If she is an American citizen, then she will remain untouched. If not, in the pokey she goes.

 

Due to the differences in time, our invasion will start at 4:30 PM Tuesday, which is 6:30 PM in Canberra, barely dawn, and dark on the rest of the continent. Our forces are already in New Zealand, and the divisions attacking the west and north coasts are en route to their disembarkation points. Bless New Zealand for hating Australians so much.

 

Our Convention will be used for my glorious announcement of war with Australia at the end, followed by the Delta House-style party.

 

I will update the map daily with our conquests.

[Guest J*ingus]

Hell, even if she's not a US citizen, she'll get a green card for being gainfully employed as my mistress.

[Guest justsoyouknow]

Citizenship can be bought. The keyphrase in my post was "tourists and immigrants". She would fall under the "immigrant" category. And again, I can arrest whomever I damn well please, and that includes you, good sir.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Just remember, I have final say in all mass arrests and prominent arrests.